Wealthy Stash $21 Trillion in 'Pirate Banking' System
Posted By: Robert Frank | CNBC Reporter & Editor
There are two banking systems for the wealthy. Private banks. And
"pirate" banks.
"Pirate banks" form a large and fast-growing virtual banking system
that has helped the wealthy hide more than $21 trillion offshore,
according to a new report from the left-leaning Tax Justice Network
USA.
That hidden wealth is costing governments $280 billion a year in lost
tax revenue, the report says.
The report says much of that wealth is held by fewer than 10 million
of the global super-wealthy and is handled by the world's 50 largest
banks. Today's "pirate banking" clients include everyone from
"30-year-old Chinese real-estate speculators and Silicon Valley
software tycoons to Dubai oil sheks, Russian presidents, mineral-rich
African dictators and Mexican drug lords," the report said.
"The 'pirate banking' system now launders, shelters, manages and, if
necessary, re-domiciles the riches of many of the world's worst
villains, as well as the tangible and intangible assets and
liabilities of many of our wealthiest individuals," said the report.
The report was written by James Henry, a former economist for McKinsey & Co.
Of course, determining how much wealth is hidden overseas is an
imprecise science. And many conservative groups contest the estimate.
The problem, says Dan Mitchell, a senior fellow at the Cato Institute,
is that the estimate is based on a series of assumptions aimed at
making people "believe that much of cross-border investing is all
about tax evasion and that all this money should go to government, and
that this would be a good thing." The real problem facing governments,
Mitchell says, is spending not revenues.
The Tax Justice Network used data from the World Bank and
International Monetary Fund, the United Nations, central banks and
national accounts to model capital flows for 139 countries. It
supplemented this with other data on transfer prices and reserve
currencies, along with consulting firm research on offshoring.
All that data-crunching resulted in the estimate that the world's
wealthy have between $21 trillion and $32 trillion stashed offshore,
and that the world's top 50 banks collectively manage more than $12
trillion of that money. Smaller banks, investment banks, insurance
companies, hedge funds and independent money managers oversaw the
rest.
The $21 trillion to $32 trillion estimate does not include real
estate, yachts, thoroughbreds or gold bricks, which could also
increase the number.
The report says that traditional offshore havens like Switzerland and
Singapore hold substantial amounts. But much of the offshore fortune
is held in a "virtual country" – a network of complicated cross-border
entities designed to shelter wealth.
An asset may be "owned by an anonymous offshore company in one
jurisdiction, which is in turn owned by a trust in another
jurisdiction, whose trustees are in yet another jurisdiction," the
report said.
Monday, July 23, 2012
LOVE: I SEEM TO HAVE LOVED YOU IN NUMBERLESS FORMS
I seem to have loved you in numberless forms, numberless times... In life after life, in age after age, forever.
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain, It's ancient tale of being apart or together. As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge, Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time. You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount. At the heart of time, love of one for another. We have played along side millions of lovers, Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting, the distressful tears of farewell, Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life. The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever
My spellbound heart has made and remade the necklace of songs, That you take as a gift, wear round your neck in your many forms, In life after life, in age after age, forever.
Whenever I hear old chronicles of love, it's age old pain, It's ancient tale of being apart or together. As I stare on and on into the past, in the end you emerge, Clad in the light of a pole-star, piercing the darkness of time. You become an image of what is remembered forever.
You and I have floated here on the stream that brings from the fount. At the heart of time, love of one for another. We have played along side millions of lovers, Shared in the same shy sweetness of meeting, the distressful tears of farewell, Old love but in shapes that renew and renew forever.
Today it is heaped at your feet, it has found its end in you The love of all man's days both past and forever:
Universal joy, universal sorrow, universal life. The memories of all loves merging with this one love of ours -
And the songs of every poet past and forever
Sunday, July 22, 2012
COMMITMENT: PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE BEHAVIOR OF THE COMMITMENT PHOBIC
Sometimes when I want more from a relationship that person wants to flee. Some people call this type of person a commitment phobic. However it goes deeper than that. An emotionally distant person will often ACTUALLY want to commit or move closer to a person yet the fear on intimacy frightens them so much that it actually cripples them. Hence the passive aggressive behavior, ambiguous behaivor that’s all to common with this personality type.
The emotionally distant partner will use ANY excuse or tactic they can to create avoidance of either you or the relationship/friendship if the “pressure” gets to be too much. For them “pressure” usually will only have to involve either asking them to do something that involves the giving up more time and feelings than they choose. Or asking them to express their emotions. And last but not least, asking for a deeper commitment from them on all levels. The emotionally distant partner is VERY ambiguous, so trying to pin them down to commit to a date, appointment, meeting, etc. is often met with excuses and distance. This leaves the unsuspecting party hurt and confused. How could we go from having such a great time and talking everyday to them just disappearing? And to add insult to injury the wounded party usually isn’t aware of this trait until they are already emotionally invested in this person. This person has issues of their own and you just happen to be in their path/life.
Dealing with an emotionally distant partner can be torturous if you had started to develop feelings for this person. Nothing is wore than caring for someone AND actually knowing that they have feelings for you, yet they are not capable of showing it. So that brings us to the question “what can I do about it?” ” What can I do if I’m already emotionally tied to someone who is not capable of “giving” more?”
The first thing you need to do is recognize the warning signs and traits of this personality type. This will not only help you decide if you need to move forward without the. It will also help you spot this behavior in future mates.
1. They are emotionless when you are showing “deep” emotions.
2. They “clam” up when any type of intimacy is initiated. This person will talk the talk when it comes to relationships/friendships, but they can never seem to walk the walk.
3 They freak out at the mere mention of expressing emotions or spending more time together. Yes they will hang out with you, talk on the phone, even date. Some will even go as far as getting into a relationship but they ultimately aren’t capable of giving back. They show their displeasure by distancing themselves., not answering the phone, or giving you the silent treatment for days, sometimes weeks.
4. They are never there when you REALLY need them. Oh sure they have came through for you on several occasions, even when you have been in a pinch, but this is not the norm. As a matter of fact they will “conveniently” position themselves to always be unavailable/busy. This way they don’t look like the bad guy if they tell you no, or you simply won’t ask them in the first place.
5.The emotionally distant partner can sometimes be a serial cheater, or they are sure to involve themselves with people who are “unavailable” such as someone who is married, in another state, or who works long hours at their job. This way there is ALWAYS an excuse why they can’t give more of themselves. If the person suddenly becomes “available” such as moving to their town, gets a divorce, or takes a vacation from their job. they become distant or disappear altogether.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! NOTHING/NO ONE is worth your peace of and and happiness. People don’t change over night . And it’s not your place nor your job to fix them. Sometimes relationships are like glass, you can cut yourself trying to put the pieces back together. It ‘s better to just walk away.
The emotionally distant partner will use ANY excuse or tactic they can to create avoidance of either you or the relationship/friendship if the “pressure” gets to be too much. For them “pressure” usually will only have to involve either asking them to do something that involves the giving up more time and feelings than they choose. Or asking them to express their emotions. And last but not least, asking for a deeper commitment from them on all levels. The emotionally distant partner is VERY ambiguous, so trying to pin them down to commit to a date, appointment, meeting, etc. is often met with excuses and distance. This leaves the unsuspecting party hurt and confused. How could we go from having such a great time and talking everyday to them just disappearing? And to add insult to injury the wounded party usually isn’t aware of this trait until they are already emotionally invested in this person. This person has issues of their own and you just happen to be in their path/life.
Dealing with an emotionally distant partner can be torturous if you had started to develop feelings for this person. Nothing is wore than caring for someone AND actually knowing that they have feelings for you, yet they are not capable of showing it. So that brings us to the question “what can I do about it?” ” What can I do if I’m already emotionally tied to someone who is not capable of “giving” more?”
The first thing you need to do is recognize the warning signs and traits of this personality type. This will not only help you decide if you need to move forward without the. It will also help you spot this behavior in future mates.
1. They are emotionless when you are showing “deep” emotions.
2. They “clam” up when any type of intimacy is initiated. This person will talk the talk when it comes to relationships/friendships, but they can never seem to walk the walk.
3 They freak out at the mere mention of expressing emotions or spending more time together. Yes they will hang out with you, talk on the phone, even date. Some will even go as far as getting into a relationship but they ultimately aren’t capable of giving back. They show their displeasure by distancing themselves., not answering the phone, or giving you the silent treatment for days, sometimes weeks.
4. They are never there when you REALLY need them. Oh sure they have came through for you on several occasions, even when you have been in a pinch, but this is not the norm. As a matter of fact they will “conveniently” position themselves to always be unavailable/busy. This way they don’t look like the bad guy if they tell you no, or you simply won’t ask them in the first place.
5.The emotionally distant partner can sometimes be a serial cheater, or they are sure to involve themselves with people who are “unavailable” such as someone who is married, in another state, or who works long hours at their job. This way there is ALWAYS an excuse why they can’t give more of themselves. If the person suddenly becomes “available” such as moving to their town, gets a divorce, or takes a vacation from their job. they become distant or disappear altogether.
LOVE YOURSELF FIRST! NOTHING/NO ONE is worth your peace of and and happiness. People don’t change over night . And it’s not your place nor your job to fix them. Sometimes relationships are like glass, you can cut yourself trying to put the pieces back together. It ‘s better to just walk away.
LOVE/DATING: THE PROBLEM WITH SINGLE MOM
Most single mothers don't feel bound by men who are playing surrogate father to their children---offspring that they have sired from someone else. There's always a possibility that the father still will be involved, and if the split was amicable or not, that's something to contend with. At brass tacks, you are still a provider, one in which whatever contributions you make isn't valued enough.
Sex? Many men don't receive the affection they'd like, simply because honey is too exhausted from juggling work, kids, and who knows what else. This includes addictions they are nursing after binging. And usually single moms are in financial stress to even dire straits. They bitch about not having enough CS from their ex-spouse or any at all, yet with their own spending habits usually aren't disciplined, always in debt or having nothing to show for it at the end of the month.
There are compromises that you are going to make that are far more of a price if you had simply dated someone else that was childless. If the kids don't like you or never get attached despite their tolerance of you---you are still not their real father, no matter how bad he was (or how bad SHE paints him, which is fairly common), it still won't last. You will never be completely viewed as an equal partner, but an on-call babysitter. Single moms use their condition as a rationalization to be selfish about the things they do in daily life
Sex? Many men don't receive the affection they'd like, simply because honey is too exhausted from juggling work, kids, and who knows what else. This includes addictions they are nursing after binging. And usually single moms are in financial stress to even dire straits. They bitch about not having enough CS from their ex-spouse or any at all, yet with their own spending habits usually aren't disciplined, always in debt or having nothing to show for it at the end of the month.
There are compromises that you are going to make that are far more of a price if you had simply dated someone else that was childless. If the kids don't like you or never get attached despite their tolerance of you---you are still not their real father, no matter how bad he was (or how bad SHE paints him, which is fairly common), it still won't last. You will never be completely viewed as an equal partner, but an on-call babysitter. Single moms use their condition as a rationalization to be selfish about the things they do in daily life
THOUGHTS: THE SHAME
Do you ever have the following thoughts over and over: "I am defective", "I am stupid", "I am unlovable" and " I am bad"? The child receiving emotional abuse receives one or more deficiency messages from the shaming parents, such as:
- "You are no good" which tells the child she is bad.
- "You are not good enough" which tells the child she would be acceptable if she would do a little more; however, no matter what the child does, she never receives parental approval.
- "You don't belong" which tells the child that she is not a member of the family because she is different in some unacceptable way.
- "You are not lovable" which tells the child that she is not worthy of being loved and grows up believing no one could ever love her.
- "You should not exist" which tells the child that she is nothing and not worthy of living, and grows up experiencing an inner sense of emptiness.
As a result of these shaming messages, a shame-based person internalizes a negative core belief which states, "I am bad regardless what I do, even if what I do appears good."
Consequently, the shamed-base person reacts to the inner felt defectiveness in a number of dysfunctional ways, such as:
Consequently, the shamed-base person reacts to the inner felt defectiveness in a number of dysfunctional ways, such as:
- Paralysis in which the individual is unable to start or complete a project.
- Escapism in which the individual wants to withdraw from others.
- Perfectionism in which the individual believes she will be acceptable only if she never makes a mistake.
- Criticism in which the individual becomes highly critical of herself and others.
Saturday, July 21, 2012
JOURNAL/LOVE: I DESIRE TO BE LOVED BUT I RESIST IT
I desire to be loved but I resist it. I resist it because the experience of being loved requires surrender. It’s painful. When someone tells me they love me my first response is one of two polar extremes, both of which are forms of refusal. I don’t believe them because the tape plays that if they really knew me they wouldn’t love me . . . so their love for me is based upon ignorance. Or I don’t believe them because I’m confident they love me because of what I’m able to do for them to merit their expression of love . . . so their love for me is based upon my performance.
Either way, I’m refusing the pain of surrender in exchange for the perceived security of control. If I can decide what is and is not lovable about me, I’m in control. If I can do enough to earn your love for me, I’m in control.
The most powerful force on the planet is love. In its purest form (where I’m both known and loved), love is also the most resisted force even while it is the most desired.
Either way, I’m refusing the pain of surrender in exchange for the perceived security of control. If I can decide what is and is not lovable about me, I’m in control. If I can do enough to earn your love for me, I’m in control.
The most powerful force on the planet is love. In its purest form (where I’m both known and loved), love is also the most resisted force even while it is the most desired.
LOVE/DATING: WOMAN WHO THINK THE ARE ATTRACTIVE
Because you are "attractive," and have been able to capture the fleeting attention of men, you imagine that you can just pick through suitors until you find one who seems like a keeper--as if you were in a market picking through the vegetables. In other words, your pretty face is keeping you on the surface of life. And it is not just that men see you only superficially (your face, your body, but not your heart), you see the world in the very same way. Most woman have no particular urgency in loving anyone now, but just want to pick the right apple before they lose their looks and are "shuffled into the undesirable dating pile," from which she no longer will be able to pick and choose, but will have to take whatever comes along. Forgive me, but I consider that you are in the undesirable dating pile right now--regardless of how you look. What good-hearted man would want to date a woman who will be evaluating him as if he were an eggplant? If you wake up and see that in this very moment, while the sands of life are running through the glass, while the blood still courses through our veins, while the bell tolls, is the one and only time when love can be given and received, then you will be desirable regardless of age.
LOVE/DATING: DO PEOPLE REALLY WANT A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
I cannot stand the artificiality of dates and the pressure that they bring for having to make somewhat quick decisions about whether or not to continue pursuing the other person.To me, the ideal situation would involve getting to know someone on the phone. Over a course of time, I could then feel "free" about making a decision to pursue the woman romantically
I am not conceited, but I have to include this point so as to "check" everything--I am selective. Since I am well educated and intelligent, I like to date men who are compatible on these terms while I am also able to find them attractive (to me), ethical, fun, and socially skilled. This is an very difficult combination to find. I just want to be in a happy, committed relationship. I want to love and be loved. I have friends and family but feel very lonely for something deeper.
A committed relationship is a marriage--perhaps not always a legal one, but certainly an emotional and spiritual one. If you avoid marriage because you fear that you may feel differently in 10 or 20 years, then what is "committed" about the relationship? If what you mean by "commitment" is commitment to serial monogamy for as long as it feels good, OK, but in my view that is just a kind of playing at commitment which would be more accurately called "I'll stay with you until something better comes along, or until you lose whatever it is that now attracts me to you."
If that is the sort of intimate life you desire, so be it, but at least understand that there is absolutely nothing "committed" about such a procedure. Commitment, as I understand it, accepts (of course) that everything changes over time, but the couple is committed to going through all those changes--mental, emotional, physical, spiritual--together. I call this "drink the cup--right to the dregs." If that kind of commitment is not present, all that really exists is a kind of business deal: you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Personally speaking, I think that being alone and solitary in life is far less lonely than that kind of conditional so-called "commitment" in which ones lover might walk out as soon as one fell upon hard times, or became somehow disfigured, or ill, or unpopular, or poor. How can that kind of "take care of number one" approach ever really be called "commitment?"
Most bright, educated people who imagines that being able to think and to understand others' ideas means somehow that one is in control of thoughts and behavior (metacognition). I disagree totally with that view. I do not believe that we choose our thoughts; in my experience thoughts simply arise spontaneously from some unknown source, and afterwards we say "I think such and such. But how am "I" different from my thoughts? "I" am my thoughts; there is no thinker separate from them. Once this is seen, one begins to understand that there is nobody in control of anything: all of this "life" is simply unfolding as it does, and "myself" is the witness of it--he or she who is aware of this constant arising--not the doer of any of it. Does anyone really choose anything, or do we instead do what we must--the only thing we could have done--after perhaps agonizing over the idea of having to choose? In other words, perhaps ones "choices" really are much more an expression of ones character--ones destiny if you like that word better than character--and not really subject to conscious manipulation.
All of us humans are limited and wounded by our experiences with parents and other early caregivers, as well as by all our other experiences, and even by genetics. That is the basis for loving another person--one stops trying to make the best possible deal, and instead understands that the shortcomings of one's particular partner are the shortcomings of all of us. We all are deeply injured, and profoundly limited. The child, born in innocence, is not properly received, and the adult pays the price. We all need love, both to give and receive it. This is a human need--not a personal one of yours.
I am not conceited, but I have to include this point so as to "check" everything--I am selective. Since I am well educated and intelligent, I like to date men who are compatible on these terms while I am also able to find them attractive (to me), ethical, fun, and socially skilled. This is an very difficult combination to find. I just want to be in a happy, committed relationship. I want to love and be loved. I have friends and family but feel very lonely for something deeper.
A committed relationship is a marriage--perhaps not always a legal one, but certainly an emotional and spiritual one. If you avoid marriage because you fear that you may feel differently in 10 or 20 years, then what is "committed" about the relationship? If what you mean by "commitment" is commitment to serial monogamy for as long as it feels good, OK, but in my view that is just a kind of playing at commitment which would be more accurately called "I'll stay with you until something better comes along, or until you lose whatever it is that now attracts me to you."
If that is the sort of intimate life you desire, so be it, but at least understand that there is absolutely nothing "committed" about such a procedure. Commitment, as I understand it, accepts (of course) that everything changes over time, but the couple is committed to going through all those changes--mental, emotional, physical, spiritual--together. I call this "drink the cup--right to the dregs." If that kind of commitment is not present, all that really exists is a kind of business deal: you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours. Personally speaking, I think that being alone and solitary in life is far less lonely than that kind of conditional so-called "commitment" in which ones lover might walk out as soon as one fell upon hard times, or became somehow disfigured, or ill, or unpopular, or poor. How can that kind of "take care of number one" approach ever really be called "commitment?"
Most bright, educated people who imagines that being able to think and to understand others' ideas means somehow that one is in control of thoughts and behavior (metacognition). I disagree totally with that view. I do not believe that we choose our thoughts; in my experience thoughts simply arise spontaneously from some unknown source, and afterwards we say "I think such and such. But how am "I" different from my thoughts? "I" am my thoughts; there is no thinker separate from them. Once this is seen, one begins to understand that there is nobody in control of anything: all of this "life" is simply unfolding as it does, and "myself" is the witness of it--he or she who is aware of this constant arising--not the doer of any of it. Does anyone really choose anything, or do we instead do what we must--the only thing we could have done--after perhaps agonizing over the idea of having to choose? In other words, perhaps ones "choices" really are much more an expression of ones character--ones destiny if you like that word better than character--and not really subject to conscious manipulation.
All of us humans are limited and wounded by our experiences with parents and other early caregivers, as well as by all our other experiences, and even by genetics. That is the basis for loving another person--one stops trying to make the best possible deal, and instead understands that the shortcomings of one's particular partner are the shortcomings of all of us. We all are deeply injured, and profoundly limited. The child, born in innocence, is not properly received, and the adult pays the price. We all need love, both to give and receive it. This is a human need--not a personal one of yours.
LOVE/SEX/THOUGHTS: SEX IS LOVE TO A GUY
The reason I'm talking about being submissive is because it can bring more passion, strength and life to a relationship, and awaken the most masculine yet tender character in a man. Submission is almost never about admitting you're 'wrong', 'incapable' or 'weaker' than a man. Being submissive just allows for a man to feel more like a man around you.Most men don't want to be with a woman who doesn't respect a man's opinion, walks all over his ego, criticizes him, blames him, points the finger, demands things that are unreasonable, acts manipulative and deceiving, uses sex to get what she wants, etc.
Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. And, asking him for help. Or asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions. Most men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly.Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question. The masculine energy wants to be trusted.
Have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don't want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! The same goes with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission like a child might – looking up to him as the leader. No masculine man wants to fail at leadership.
To be submissive, a woman has to be ok with being uncertain. She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of 'steel' and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it. Like he is the rock to your 'ocean of emotion'
This is incredibly strong from a woman's part. A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart. But, where does a lack of trust get you really? It gets you a whole world of pain, that's what it does. You walk around, holding yourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer, and not able to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please MORE, as I was saying above about not trusting a man and how this can sometimes push him to betrayal).
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn't mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man's leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow, be real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships. If your man isn't being made to feel like a man around you, he'll be attracted to some other woman who DOES make him feel that way. Trust me.
Sex is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.
The first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man; The visual aspect of submission is also a factor.it indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.
In order to give a man sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it. In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman's heart is not in it, and she's doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.
The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.
The act of sex is a symbol of admiration... Another reason is that the act of sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man's penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn't love him.
Women often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc. Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in having sex They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I'm not condoning casual sex here – I'm referring to those in a
relationship).
There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It's the same in an intimate relationship.
Although you may not always perceive love in giving sex by him he perceives love. This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, It's very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex. And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: 'Why is it all about the sex?!!" It isn't. It's about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration. For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the 'ungentlemanly' side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.
A lot of men are afraid to 'hurt' their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection. This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don't want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It's important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.
Why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don't generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It's hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved. The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn't let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. Woman are much more emotional creatures, and simply don't need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too). The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.
Many men are living with a deep sense of loneliness that is quite foreign to most woman And making love is the purest salve for that loneliness. A man really does feel isolated, even with his wife. But in making love, there is one other person in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged. It is a solace that goes very deep into the heart of a man.Fulfilling sex gives him confidence. What happens in the bedroom really does affect how I feel the next day at the office.Sex is a release of a day-to-day pressures and seems to make everything else better.
A man can't just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex, which is why its lack can be compared to the emotional pain you'd feel if your husband simply stopped talking to you. If you view sex as a purely physical need, it might indeed seem comparable to sleep. But once you realize that your man is actually saying, "This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness," well… that suddenly puts it in a different category. So how might you respond?
First, know that you're responding to a tender heart hiding behind all that testosterone. If responding physically seems out of the question, let your words be heart words—reassuring, affirming, adoring. Do everything in your power—using words and actions your man understands—to keep those pangs of personal rejection from striking the man you love. Leave him in no doubt that you love to love him.
Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man sex, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words). They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to 'hurt' her.
To put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.
Being submissive is also about trusting your man enough to let him show you the way sometimes. And, asking him for help. Or asking him for his opinion, or asking him for solutions. Most men who are in touch with their masculinity at their core would jump at the chance to help a woman with something – really! It makes him feel needed, and useful. Not to mention manly.Give him trust where you know it is deserved, and do it without question. The masculine energy wants to be trusted.
Have you seen men with their little girls/daughters? They don't want to let ANYTHING hurt their little girl! The same goes with their wife or girlfriend, if only she could show a little innocence and submission like a child might – looking up to him as the leader. No masculine man wants to fail at leadership.
To be submissive, a woman has to be ok with being uncertain. She has to let her guard down, peel off the mask and look of 'steel' and be free. Just look to your man as a possible source of strength for you when you might need it. Like he is the rock to your 'ocean of emotion'
This is incredibly strong from a woman's part. A lot of people think that by not trusting people, they are being strong, independent and smart. But, where does a lack of trust get you really? It gets you a whole world of pain, that's what it does. You walk around, holding yourselves back, not able to be free and to let go, and to fully enjoy what life has to offer, and not able to give people a chance to show their better side (often if you trust someone, they want to please MORE, as I was saying above about not trusting a man and how this can sometimes push him to betrayal).
Part of knowing how to be submissive, and knowing that it doesn't mean you are inferior is understanding that by surrendering to a man's leadership and strength at times, you allow your relationship to flow, be real and just be free. Without so much pent up anger and negative association that plagues many modern marriages and relationships. If your man isn't being made to feel like a man around you, he'll be attracted to some other woman who DOES make him feel that way. Trust me.
Sex is one of the ultimate feminine acts of love. Let me explain why below.
The first reason is submission. In order for you to give your man sex, you have to be vulnerable to him, and you have to submit to him. This is one quick way for a man to feel more like a man; The visual aspect of submission is also a factor.it indicates that she is completely submitting to him, and giving him power/letting him dominate.
In order to give a man sex, a woman has to be vulnerable to him. In fact, she has to open to him and be comfortable with being vulnerable to him. Of course, some women engage in sex out of obligation, or feel that they have to in order to please their man, so they do it. In other words, their heart is not in it. If a woman's heart is not in it, and she's doing it on autopilot, then she is not fully vulnerable to him, and the man will sense this, although he will most likely not want to accept that she is doing it out of obligation.
The concept of vulnerability goes hand-in-hand with the idea of trust. The masculine energy/men has a real need to be trusted. And of course, if you are comfortable being fully vulnerable to him, then this indicates that you are trusting of him.
The act of sex is a symbol of admiration... Another reason is that the act of sex is a symbol of admiration for the man. Without being rude or unnecessarily graphic, a man's penis is as close to the heart of his manhood as you can get. Men subconsciously or consciously see it as part of what makes them a man. If a woman rejects this part of him, it leads him to think that she is not attracted to him, or that she doesn't love him.
Women often perceive love in different things than what men do (obviously). A woman may perceive love in a man taking the time to listen to her, buy her gifts, take her out, commit to her, protect her, talk to her, put her first, hug her, caress her, call her, write her letters, making the first move, being the rock and the leader in the relationship, complimenting her, etc. Whilst many of these things are important to men too, men also perceive great love in having sex They are not so much talkers like women are, and perceive that a woman loves him if she does have sex with him regularly. (Not always – but I'm not condoning casual sex here – I'm referring to those in a
relationship).
There are many ways to express love. In this respect, men speak a different language of love, and it is no use telling a man you love him, and admire him (which is always fantastic, by the way!) if you will not open up to him sexually. If a man loves a woman, he craves for her to be open to him/accept him, not only sexually, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. The important thing to take out of this point is that by giving your sex, you are giving him love in the way that he understands it and can receive it. In order to truly give to someone, you have to understand how they perceive love, and being taken care of. It's the same in an intimate relationship.
Although you may not always perceive love in giving sex by him he perceives love. This is sometimes very difficult for women to relate to, It's very easy for a woman to consider a man insensitive, sleazy or selfish if he is regularly asking for sex. And, it is often that women exclaim in confusion: 'Why is it all about the sex?!!" It isn't. It's about how men perceive love, acceptance and admiration. For many years now, men have been encouraged to reject the 'ungentlemanly' side of themselves which breaks the rules, and wants to engage in passionate sex with a woman.
A lot of men are afraid to 'hurt' their woman, and fear asking for sex, for fear of rejection. This leads to a painful contradiction for a man. He fears rejection if he asks, yet he feels rejection anyway, when you don't want to have sex with him. To a man, if a woman wants to have sex with him regularly, it means she loves him and is attracted to him. It's important women understand that the masculine energy perceives importance and significance in a woman being very sexually attracted to him.
Why do men perceive so much connection in sex? The reason is because – men don't generally communicate to other men the way women communicate with other women (and men). It's hard for a man to go to his guy friends to talk, to connect and to feel loved. The masculine energy is all about getting things done, moving on to the next challenge, putting an end to things – and letting go. The feminine energy doesn't let go, it holds on. This holding on entails the emotional side of things. Woman are much more emotional creatures, and simply don't need sex to feel regularly connected to other human beings. (Not that men cannot connect with others through talking too). The difference is that men do. This is one of the primary ways in which men can feel connected to, and loved by their woman.
Many men are living with a deep sense of loneliness that is quite foreign to most woman And making love is the purest salve for that loneliness. A man really does feel isolated, even with his wife. But in making love, there is one other person in this world that you can be completely vulnerable with and be totally accepted and non-judged. It is a solace that goes very deep into the heart of a man.Fulfilling sex gives him confidence. What happens in the bedroom really does affect how I feel the next day at the office.Sex is a release of a day-to-day pressures and seems to make everything else better.
A man can't just turn off the physical and emotional importance of sex, which is why its lack can be compared to the emotional pain you'd feel if your husband simply stopped talking to you. If you view sex as a purely physical need, it might indeed seem comparable to sleep. But once you realize that your man is actually saying, "This is essential to my feeling of being loved and desired by you, and is critical to counteract my stress, my fears, and my loneliness," well… that suddenly puts it in a different category. So how might you respond?
First, know that you're responding to a tender heart hiding behind all that testosterone. If responding physically seems out of the question, let your words be heart words—reassuring, affirming, adoring. Do everything in your power—using words and actions your man understands—to keep those pangs of personal rejection from striking the man you love. Leave him in no doubt that you love to love him.
Some women are uncomfortable with the idea of giving their man sex, because they dislike being vulnerable (not that they consciously use these words). They hate being asked for it, and they unfortunately start to make their man feel bad about his need for sex, and because the man loves the woman, he slowly rejects the intensely sexual part of himself in order to feel more loved and accepted by her, and in order not to 'hurt' her.
To put it very simply, if a woman lives mainly in her feminine, and appreciates and chooses to understand rather than reject the masculine energy – she will have no trouble understanding and even appreciating, loving and enjoying the fact that her man gets a lot of his needs met through sex.
Friday, July 20, 2012
THOUGHTS: EACH SECOND
Every second brings a fresh beginning, every hour holds a new promise,every night our dreams can bring hope, and every day is what you choose to make it. So today, choose to be happy. Something wonderful
will happen. believe.
You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved.you've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it. that's the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole
I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are. I understand how very hard hanging on is, and how much courage it takes.
I ask though that you hold onto one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass. The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.
Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting. Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so
much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses. Hold on because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your
journey - a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though. Please hold on.
And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its' warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief. Keep looking forward please. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guide ropes, although when you close your fingers around them, your hands feel empty, they are there. Please trust me, they are there.
When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith, hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on.
will happen. believe.
You have to remember that with love, you're not the only one involved.you've unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palms of another persons hands and said, here. do what you will. mash it into mince meat. or forget i ever handed it to you. as long as you have it. that's the thing about love. it makes us crazy. it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross. because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. it's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. because all the fighting and all the tears and all the uncertainty is worth it. and it's a hell of a lot better, than being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' and feeling whole
I'm sorry that you're hurting so desperately right now. I know how painful the seconds, and minutes, and days can be, how long the nights are. I understand how very hard hanging on is, and how much courage it takes.
I ask though that you hold onto one day at a time. Just one day, and slowly this despair will pass. The feelings you fear you're trapped in will serve their purpose, and then fade away. Difficult to imagine isn't it? Almost impossible to believe when every cell in your body it seems cries out in agony, desperately in need of comfort. When it feels like the only thing in the whole world that can touch your pain and banish it is beyond your grasp. And after all this time, the assurance that you will heal has become an empty, broken promise.
Hold on because it's worth the terrible waiting. Hold on because you are worthy. Hold on because the wisdom that will follow you out of this darkness will be a tremendous gift. Hold on because you have so
much love and joy waiting to be experienced. Hold on because life is precious, even though it can bring terrible losses. Hold on because there is so much that you can't now imagine waiting ahead on your
journey - a destiny that only you can fulfill. Hold on although your exhausted and your grasp is shaky, and you want more than anything to let go sometimes, hold on even though. Please hold on.
And the light, the light at the end of the dark tunnel for so long cannot be seen, although eventually you'll begin to feel its' warmth as you move forward. And forward you must move in order to get through the hell of remembering, of despair, of rage, of grief. Keep looking forward please. Rest if you must, doubt your ability to survive the journey if you have to, but never let go of the guide ropes, although when you close your fingers around them, your hands feel empty, they are there. Please trust me, they are there.
When you're exhausted, when all you have to count on is a weakened, weary faith, hold on. When you think you want to die, hold on until you recognize that it's not death you seek, but for the pain to go away. Hold on, because this darkness will surely fade away. Hold on. Please hold on.
LOVE: HOW CAN I SERVE MY SPOUSE TODAY?
A successful marriage is one that wakes every morning with an attitude of "How can I serve my spouse today?" Because if each spouse is putting the other first - both will get their needs met. Not in a selfish, demanding way but naturally in a I am absolutely in love with you so I want to…. kind of way.
A successful marriage is not self-fish but self-less.
http://w3enroute.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/after-10-years-of-marriage1.pdf
A successful marriage is not self-fish but self-less.
http://w3enroute.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/after-10-years-of-marriage1.pdf
POETRY: THE MOON SHINES EXTREMELY BRIGHT
Is love a plague, which en-sickens many men,
fondling their dreams and breaking their hearts?
Or is love like a sweet breeze which is only obtained
for one short minute, and in one short minute it is gone?
Love is like a comfortable-hot object; at first great,
but in the end its greatness can burn you.
Love is like the frozen tears which cover the ground
in the winter, not leaving anything uncovered, oh how sweet,
yet so cold.
Love is a thorned rose, so beautiful, yet painful as hell.
We have faced the beast but the beast has put humbleness
on our face, this is called love.
What is love?
What is this thing called love?
Is love a divine part of you that is shared
with others, unwillingly?
Or is love the breath cherished each instant,
as if it were your last?
I want to be soaked with love,
I want to be bonded in love,
I want to be choked with and in love.
But I want to be loved,
And in being loved
I want to be lost in love,
Where time is but an object lost and never missed,
In a time which is still, like stars yielding to their creator,
In a time where each blink whispers I love you,
In a silent time, hushed by the perfectness of the scene,
my Utopia,
And in being in love
I want to be lost in love
With the one I love.
Love is the kiss that warms my heart mysteriously,
Love is but a simple word for something so complex,
But when you are lost in love,
Its perplexed complexity is simplified, in due time.
What if this is that thing called love?
2
The moon shines extremely bright
In the beauty of the night.
All that's well and all that's sweet,
Turns off the lights to go to sleep.
But not me, not now, not ever,
Until I find that love that lasts forever.
In the night air I weep
To the dark sky that is deep.
Will I be awake till dawn,
Or will you be my love from this moment on?
3
Swaying through life like the pollen flowing continuously
to the next piece of land to rebirth.
Each carried memory drags my spirit further down.
My heart is ripped and dirty, my thoughts are puzzled
and twisted and to look at my face it appears as a clown.
Play the game or be played,
trust if you must but watch the whisper that's next to your ear.
For this shadow, the simpleton can lead your mind into his truth.
The limbs have been burned
your control has been drawn but where has it gone?
The remaining roots of the past;
the light that still seeps in is pulling me outward,
but where is time?
Time to mend my soul
Time to get back
Time for time inside,
for it is time for control
to cover the hole.
This beautiful one, each leaf, each mark, what they are blinded
by may now see the truth and glamour that lays deep inside me.
For the key is the answer
The lock hidden from the cold,
Will bring me up,
My soul mended,
My dreams reality to face this hidden shadow
and soar to the spinning stars where my mind unwinds.
4
i gathered you from the absence of night.
in thickets of sorrow,
among branches of bile taste
that surrounded your flight.
i melted in your sweetness, your sister sea.
i fathomed the depth of your ocean,
bathed in sea spray,
and i fell inward into your darkening waves.
all at once, from the distance,
i heard the roar of sadness,
rolling along peninsulas
that rested their tired bones around you.
i chiseled your name,
loud and clear, along banks of beaches.
i named you my kingdom,
my mountains- i offered your eyes to see.
i gathered you words, in the daily harvest of pain.
many times, i looked for you
in chains of passing clouds,
memorizing pillows that travailed in my sleeps.
and more than once,
i gathered your face to kiss
as it floated by and disappeared
among the flowering sky.
fondling their dreams and breaking their hearts?
Or is love like a sweet breeze which is only obtained
for one short minute, and in one short minute it is gone?
Love is like a comfortable-hot object; at first great,
but in the end its greatness can burn you.
Love is like the frozen tears which cover the ground
in the winter, not leaving anything uncovered, oh how sweet,
yet so cold.
Love is a thorned rose, so beautiful, yet painful as hell.
We have faced the beast but the beast has put humbleness
on our face, this is called love.
What is love?
What is this thing called love?
Is love a divine part of you that is shared
with others, unwillingly?
Or is love the breath cherished each instant,
as if it were your last?
I want to be soaked with love,
I want to be bonded in love,
I want to be choked with and in love.
But I want to be loved,
And in being loved
I want to be lost in love,
Where time is but an object lost and never missed,
In a time which is still, like stars yielding to their creator,
In a time where each blink whispers I love you,
In a silent time, hushed by the perfectness of the scene,
my Utopia,
And in being in love
I want to be lost in love
With the one I love.
Love is the kiss that warms my heart mysteriously,
Love is but a simple word for something so complex,
But when you are lost in love,
Its perplexed complexity is simplified, in due time.
What if this is that thing called love?
2
The moon shines extremely bright
In the beauty of the night.
All that's well and all that's sweet,
Turns off the lights to go to sleep.
But not me, not now, not ever,
Until I find that love that lasts forever.
In the night air I weep
To the dark sky that is deep.
Will I be awake till dawn,
Or will you be my love from this moment on?
3
Swaying through life like the pollen flowing continuously
to the next piece of land to rebirth.
Each carried memory drags my spirit further down.
My heart is ripped and dirty, my thoughts are puzzled
and twisted and to look at my face it appears as a clown.
Play the game or be played,
trust if you must but watch the whisper that's next to your ear.
For this shadow, the simpleton can lead your mind into his truth.
The limbs have been burned
your control has been drawn but where has it gone?
The remaining roots of the past;
the light that still seeps in is pulling me outward,
but where is time?
Time to mend my soul
Time to get back
Time for time inside,
for it is time for control
to cover the hole.
This beautiful one, each leaf, each mark, what they are blinded
by may now see the truth and glamour that lays deep inside me.
For the key is the answer
The lock hidden from the cold,
Will bring me up,
My soul mended,
My dreams reality to face this hidden shadow
and soar to the spinning stars where my mind unwinds.
4
i gathered you from the absence of night.
in thickets of sorrow,
among branches of bile taste
that surrounded your flight.
i melted in your sweetness, your sister sea.
i fathomed the depth of your ocean,
bathed in sea spray,
and i fell inward into your darkening waves.
all at once, from the distance,
i heard the roar of sadness,
rolling along peninsulas
that rested their tired bones around you.
i chiseled your name,
loud and clear, along banks of beaches.
i named you my kingdom,
my mountains- i offered your eyes to see.
i gathered you words, in the daily harvest of pain.
many times, i looked for you
in chains of passing clouds,
memorizing pillows that travailed in my sleeps.
and more than once,
i gathered your face to kiss
as it floated by and disappeared
among the flowering sky.
LOVE LETTER/PERSONAL/ LOVE: TO THAT ONE
To That One,
You are cordially invited to my nap.
Location: my bed
Time: right now
My secret wish: that I'll wake up next to you
— This one
You are cordially invited to my nap.
Location: my bed
Time: right now
My secret wish: that I'll wake up next to you
— This one
LOVE/LOVE LETTER/PERSONAL; SOMEWHERE OUT THERE
Somewhere Out There,
I don't know who you are. I don't know where you'll be traveling from when we finally meet. I don't know what you'll look like when you smile. I don't know what your voice will sound like when I'll look over at you in the morning from across the bed.
But I do know this:
When we finally meet, I will make sure that your travel was worthwhile. When I finally see your face, I'll make it my mission to put that smile exactly where it should be. And when we wake up, I'll be there to make the coffee while you make our eggs.
-Patiently Waiting
I don't know who you are. I don't know where you'll be traveling from when we finally meet. I don't know what you'll look like when you smile. I don't know what your voice will sound like when I'll look over at you in the morning from across the bed.
But I do know this:
When we finally meet, I will make sure that your travel was worthwhile. When I finally see your face, I'll make it my mission to put that smile exactly where it should be. And when we wake up, I'll be there to make the coffee while you make our eggs.
-Patiently Waiting
Thursday, July 19, 2012
LOVE/PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER; DEAR WORLD
Dear world,
I like the idea that somewhere, you're hiding my love! sometimes, i imagine that we're doing the same mundane things at the same time...waiting as the time counts down until the day that we finally meet.
that makes the whole world beautiful to me.
thank you
I like the idea that somewhere, you're hiding my love! sometimes, i imagine that we're doing the same mundane things at the same time...waiting as the time counts down until the day that we finally meet.
that makes the whole world beautiful to me.
thank you
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