Saturday, July 7, 2012
THOUGHTS: BEING REJECTED IS A HEARTBREAK
Being rejected by another person can feel like the ultimate heartbreak. Why don’t they want me? Why don’t they love me? Why don’t they approve of me? I can’t answer those questions for you. Each of us needs to do the work of understanding why we so desperately need that person’s approval. Oprah Winfrey said it best, “If you don’t want me, I’m not going to let myself want you to want me.” I know that is easier said than done; however, I have learned from personal experience that wanting someone to approve of me or love me was really about me judging myself. If they don’t love me or approve of me, then I must be unworthy, right? Wrong!
JOURNAL/THOUGHTS: FALSE BELIEF I HAVE
False Belief #1
"I can have control over how people feel about me."
Think for a moment whether or not others have control over how you feel about them. Can someone do everything "right" and be "perfect" in their own eyes, yet you don't enjoy being around them or you don't feel connected with them?
Of course!
Others may influence how you feel about them, but they have no control over how you feel about them. If you are a basically accepting person, then you might like them even if they get angry or withdrawn. If you are generally a judgmental person, then there may be little they can do for you to like them.
Now turn this around regarding how others feel about you. Since you have no control over whether or not another person is accepting or judgmental, it stands to reason that you also have no control over how they feel about you, regardless of how perfectly loving, open, caring, giving, understanding, handsome, beautiful, or rich you are.
False Belief #2
"There is a standard of perfectionism and I can reach it."
I grew up believing that there was a "right" and "perfect" way to be. Then I learned that what I thought was right and perfect was not necessarily what others thought was right and perfect. In fact, it seemed that each person had a completely different understanding of what it means to be perfect!
This was quite distressing to me, as it took away my illusion of control over how people felt about me. At that time many years ago, I was terrified of rejection, so it gave me great comfort to believe that if only I was perfect enough, then I would never be rejected. Without a standard of perfection, what would be my guiding light to feel safe?
False Belief #3
"I am basically flawed and need to strive to cover up my flaws and appear to be better than I am."
As long as I believed that I was basically flawed in some way, I was afraid of rejection. When I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance and see myself through the eyes of truth rather than through the eyes of my parents and others, I was able to see that my soul essence - my core Self - is already perfect, a perfect individualized expression of the Divine.
What was flawed were my beliefs that were programmed into me and needed to be healed.
"I can have control over how people feel about me."
Think for a moment whether or not others have control over how you feel about them. Can someone do everything "right" and be "perfect" in their own eyes, yet you don't enjoy being around them or you don't feel connected with them?
Of course!
Others may influence how you feel about them, but they have no control over how you feel about them. If you are a basically accepting person, then you might like them even if they get angry or withdrawn. If you are generally a judgmental person, then there may be little they can do for you to like them.
Now turn this around regarding how others feel about you. Since you have no control over whether or not another person is accepting or judgmental, it stands to reason that you also have no control over how they feel about you, regardless of how perfectly loving, open, caring, giving, understanding, handsome, beautiful, or rich you are.
False Belief #2
"There is a standard of perfectionism and I can reach it."
I grew up believing that there was a "right" and "perfect" way to be. Then I learned that what I thought was right and perfect was not necessarily what others thought was right and perfect. In fact, it seemed that each person had a completely different understanding of what it means to be perfect!
This was quite distressing to me, as it took away my illusion of control over how people felt about me. At that time many years ago, I was terrified of rejection, so it gave me great comfort to believe that if only I was perfect enough, then I would never be rejected. Without a standard of perfection, what would be my guiding light to feel safe?
False Belief #3
"I am basically flawed and need to strive to cover up my flaws and appear to be better than I am."
As long as I believed that I was basically flawed in some way, I was afraid of rejection. When I learned how to connect with my spiritual Guidance and see myself through the eyes of truth rather than through the eyes of my parents and others, I was able to see that my soul essence - my core Self - is already perfect, a perfect individualized expression of the Divine.
What was flawed were my beliefs that were programmed into me and needed to be healed.
LOVE: REJECTIONS
Rejection attacks the very person that we are. It destroys our self-esteem, and attacks who we are and our purpose in life. This is why it is one of the most common tools the devil will use to destroy a person's life. God never wanted us to feel rejected or abandon. He desires for you to know who you really are, and realize how deeply God loves, accepts, and appreciates you, so that you can live out the fullness of what all God has ordained you to be
A person who has a hard time admitting they are wrong, or receiving constructive criticism has an underlying problem with rejection. How do we know that? Because they are basing their identity, who they are, upon their ability to be right about everything. Stubbornness can also be rooted in rejection as well for this same reason. They have to be right, or else they feel worthless... that's because "who they are" (their identity) is based upon them being right. This also ties in with opinionated personalities, who are always there to tell you all about something, even if they have little or no real understanding to speak from.
Let's say that you are basing your identity on what your mother and father think of you. Now the moment that any hint of disapproval comes from them concerning you, that is going to hurt because they are the source of your identity. Anytime we base our identity on what we think of ourselves, or what others think of us, we are virtually trusting that person with our identity. Not even ourselves are capable of truly determining who we are; only God is qualified for that job. That is why it is absolutely vital for us to understand the person that God has made in us,
A person's age also has a lot to do with their vulnerability to rejection. Children are especially vulnerable to the damage of rejection, because they are still developing their identity and learning about who they are. A lot of damage is done by peers in school. Either your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, you have brown eyes when you should have blue eyes... you name it, and kids will pick on it! Insecure children can be very cruel and damage other children through rejection. Why? Because their own identity is not based on the right things. They do not know who they really are, or who they are called to be, so they go around putting other kids down to make themselves feel better.
You're not going to settle rejection issues fully until you get it down into your spirit that you are accepted, loved, and appreciated by God. od spoke to me one time and said, "How is your heart towards that person who's rejected you? Do you love them as I have commanded you?" Forgiving that person who has rejected us is a vital step in this process. If we want God's help in this healing process, then forgiveness is not an option. Sometimes we even have to forgive God in cases of rejection, such as "Why did God give me this big nose? Or this short body?" I've even struggled with unforgiveness against God because I thought He was just too hard to please
A person who has a hard time admitting they are wrong, or receiving constructive criticism has an underlying problem with rejection. How do we know that? Because they are basing their identity, who they are, upon their ability to be right about everything. Stubbornness can also be rooted in rejection as well for this same reason. They have to be right, or else they feel worthless... that's because "who they are" (their identity) is based upon them being right. This also ties in with opinionated personalities, who are always there to tell you all about something, even if they have little or no real understanding to speak from.
Let's say that you are basing your identity on what your mother and father think of you. Now the moment that any hint of disapproval comes from them concerning you, that is going to hurt because they are the source of your identity. Anytime we base our identity on what we think of ourselves, or what others think of us, we are virtually trusting that person with our identity. Not even ourselves are capable of truly determining who we are; only God is qualified for that job. That is why it is absolutely vital for us to understand the person that God has made in us,
A person's age also has a lot to do with their vulnerability to rejection. Children are especially vulnerable to the damage of rejection, because they are still developing their identity and learning about who they are. A lot of damage is done by peers in school. Either your too short, too tall, too fat, too skinny, you have brown eyes when you should have blue eyes... you name it, and kids will pick on it! Insecure children can be very cruel and damage other children through rejection. Why? Because their own identity is not based on the right things. They do not know who they really are, or who they are called to be, so they go around putting other kids down to make themselves feel better.
You're not going to settle rejection issues fully until you get it down into your spirit that you are accepted, loved, and appreciated by God. od spoke to me one time and said, "How is your heart towards that person who's rejected you? Do you love them as I have commanded you?" Forgiving that person who has rejected us is a vital step in this process. If we want God's help in this healing process, then forgiveness is not an option. Sometimes we even have to forgive God in cases of rejection, such as "Why did God give me this big nose? Or this short body?" I've even struggled with unforgiveness against God because I thought He was just too hard to please
LOVE, SPIRITUAL, JOURNAL: THE ONE PERSON WHO WILL NEVER REJECT ME...IS GOD
Just because I don’t verbally say “I Love You” doesn’t mean that my love for you is null & void. It just means that I have a hard time telling you how I feel because I’m afraid. I’m afraid that I’ll end up pouring my heart out, my soul out, my everything to you and in return get nothing. I know I’m not supposed to give to receive, but, at the same time, why should I waste my time giving my heart to you and the only place it’s going to end up is in the garbage? Why waste the best seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, and years of my life with someone who would rather be with someone else? I don’t think I’ve ever been afraid of anything more than this— Rejection.
I sit back and think what am I actually afraid of? And then it hits me — I’m afraid because of the past. For so long not only myself but many others have let the past determine our present and future. Is it wrong to judge someone else based on a failed relationship? I see it as just being precautious and protecting my heart. But one thing I’ve realized is, the more precautious and protective I become, the more possible soul mates I am running off. And then I think again, if it’s really my soul mate then no matter how precautious and how protective I am about my heart, we WILL be together… Right? I do believe in love, but I don’t believe in chasing love. Love is something that happens, it can’t be forced. I think that’s what’s been going wrong all these years. Instead of letting love find me and instead of loving myself, I’ve been trying to find love, but actually finding hate, hurt, pain, and dishonesty. All those years, I told people that I was happy in the relationship that I was in, but I wasn’t happy. Silly me, I used to think… at least I have someone who spends time with me, at least I have someone who shows me affection. In actuality, he was just someone who didn’t reject me— and that’s it. I saw someone who didn’t leave me like everyone else in life.
Then one day I sat and thought, I have been afraid of rejection, but there is one person who will NEVER reject me, and His name is God. He loves me when I don’t love myself. He loves me when I look in the mirror and say, “Ughh, why do I look like this?” He loves me in spite of what I’m going thru and whatever challenge I’m facing. But most of all, He accepts me— He accepts me flaws and all. He knows that I’m not perfect and He doesn’t expect me to be. So my whole life I’ve been afraid of rejection, but the ONE person who will never reject me is God. So a couple of days ago, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer be afraid of rejection. I can no longer be scared to try something new because I might fail. I can no longer give up because my first attempt wasn’t successful. I WILL love unconditionally, even if I don’t get love in return. Fear of rejection is just something else that I can add to my past, because it is no longer a part of my present and it will not proceed to my future.
I sit back and think what am I actually afraid of? And then it hits me — I’m afraid because of the past. For so long not only myself but many others have let the past determine our present and future. Is it wrong to judge someone else based on a failed relationship? I see it as just being precautious and protecting my heart. But one thing I’ve realized is, the more precautious and protective I become, the more possible soul mates I am running off. And then I think again, if it’s really my soul mate then no matter how precautious and how protective I am about my heart, we WILL be together… Right? I do believe in love, but I don’t believe in chasing love. Love is something that happens, it can’t be forced. I think that’s what’s been going wrong all these years. Instead of letting love find me and instead of loving myself, I’ve been trying to find love, but actually finding hate, hurt, pain, and dishonesty. All those years, I told people that I was happy in the relationship that I was in, but I wasn’t happy. Silly me, I used to think… at least I have someone who spends time with me, at least I have someone who shows me affection. In actuality, he was just someone who didn’t reject me— and that’s it. I saw someone who didn’t leave me like everyone else in life.
Then one day I sat and thought, I have been afraid of rejection, but there is one person who will NEVER reject me, and His name is God. He loves me when I don’t love myself. He loves me when I look in the mirror and say, “Ughh, why do I look like this?” He loves me in spite of what I’m going thru and whatever challenge I’m facing. But most of all, He accepts me— He accepts me flaws and all. He knows that I’m not perfect and He doesn’t expect me to be. So my whole life I’ve been afraid of rejection, but the ONE person who will never reject me is God. So a couple of days ago, I came to the conclusion that I can no longer be afraid of rejection. I can no longer be scared to try something new because I might fail. I can no longer give up because my first attempt wasn’t successful. I WILL love unconditionally, even if I don’t get love in return. Fear of rejection is just something else that I can add to my past, because it is no longer a part of my present and it will not proceed to my future.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/ LOVE: IN THAT MOMENT, I POSSESSED AND LOST THE WHOLE WORLD
The softness of her hair, the warmth of her embraceThe scent of her perfume, the smile upon her faceThe color of her eyes, the smoothness of her skinThe sound of her laughter, that I will never hear againThe rhythm of her breathing,The kindness of her heart, the love within her soulThe gentlest touch of a woman’s hand, that I will ever knowJust knowing she once loved me, though now we are apartCan chase away all aches and pains, and keep her in my heartMy one regret will always be, until the end of timeThat I’ll be hers forever, but she’s no longer mine
And in that moment I possessed and lost the whole world and everything in it and was left with the feeling and the knowledge, which is love, that no matter how we give ourselves we always end up losing. That to love is to lose, the moment we agree to the bargain. And that, being human, we keep standing there wanting to lose more.
Tonight I will no longer have to dream of you.Mountains will crumble before I am through.I will not return to the emptiness that I knew when we were apart.Our love will mend our broken hearts.We have survived the worst, now there is nothing left to fear.But my mind won't rest until you are near.I've known all along my restlessness could only be cured by you,Please meet me under the stars, I cannot survive unless you do.Tonight I will touch your lips, and breathe you deep.I know every night I must whisper your name in my sleep.You are the only one who can heal my soul,Anything you desire will be yours, please be mine to hold.Under the moon, doves will encircle us as we make love on the beach.From now on I will never be out of your reach.Love me, tempt me, hold me tight.There is no one I'd rather be with more tonight.
And in that moment I possessed and lost the whole world and everything in it and was left with the feeling and the knowledge, which is love, that no matter how we give ourselves we always end up losing. That to love is to lose, the moment we agree to the bargain. And that, being human, we keep standing there wanting to lose more.
Tonight I will no longer have to dream of you.Mountains will crumble before I am through.I will not return to the emptiness that I knew when we were apart.Our love will mend our broken hearts.We have survived the worst, now there is nothing left to fear.But my mind won't rest until you are near.I've known all along my restlessness could only be cured by you,Please meet me under the stars, I cannot survive unless you do.Tonight I will touch your lips, and breathe you deep.I know every night I must whisper your name in my sleep.You are the only one who can heal my soul,Anything you desire will be yours, please be mine to hold.Under the moon, doves will encircle us as we make love on the beach.From now on I will never be out of your reach.Love me, tempt me, hold me tight.There is no one I'd rather be with more tonight.
PERSONAL/ LOVE : INSIDE THE HEART OF EACH OF US
Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.Let these words not only touch your eyes, let it travel through your soul, and let it rest in your heart, as you rest in mine. Before you, I saw the same sea, sky and hills and didn't know you lived and breathed on this sweet planet. But now, having met and loved you, I cannot walk this earth knowing you are where I am not.
Let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return
Let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return
POETRY: MY BODY ACHES
My body aches to link with yours again
to sense your wounded soul undress
peel away layers of tension and stress
when you hold me
even scold me
I cannot resist you
I just have to kiss you
and dissolve into those thermal pools
of honesty
you know as eyes
PART 2
I awake in the middle of the night,
Out of my dreams and into reality,
You were there, but also here.
I lie here in bed and stare up at the ceiling,
Your image is burned in my mind,
You are gone, but I still feel you near.
I long for your touch and your gentle caress,
And to just hold you and watch you as you sleep,
I can’t wait to see you again.
Just a few hours ago, we were one,
You and I together, like lovers often are,
Your sent still lingers on my skin.
I run my tongue across my lips, I can still taste you,
Feelings rush through me and I am overcome,
It’s amazing what your kiss can do to my heart.
I suddenly realize how much I miss you,
And how much my heart yearns to be yours,
Even though right now we are apart.
I slowly start to drift off to sleep,
You are my dreams and my reality,
You are my everything.
PART 3
Stirring up my emotions
It lingers in my mind
Rememberance of the moments
all the answers to find
In the depths of my soul
A feeling immensly true
A powerful force which weakens my barriers-
The love i portray for you
I reveal all of the truths
confessing the secrets of me
letting the pain be at ease
with you i am free
You are my other half
fully completing my heart
We are eternally bound together
though at times must be apart
My body and soul yearn for you
I am overcome by fate
I've made the realization
You are my one soul mate
It has stirred up my emotions
Nothing left to do
The words linger on my lips
I am in love with you
to sense your wounded soul undress
peel away layers of tension and stress
when you hold me
even scold me
I cannot resist you
I just have to kiss you
and dissolve into those thermal pools
of honesty
you know as eyes
PART 2
I awake in the middle of the night,
Out of my dreams and into reality,
You were there, but also here.
I lie here in bed and stare up at the ceiling,
Your image is burned in my mind,
You are gone, but I still feel you near.
I long for your touch and your gentle caress,
And to just hold you and watch you as you sleep,
I can’t wait to see you again.
Just a few hours ago, we were one,
You and I together, like lovers often are,
Your sent still lingers on my skin.
I run my tongue across my lips, I can still taste you,
Feelings rush through me and I am overcome,
It’s amazing what your kiss can do to my heart.
I suddenly realize how much I miss you,
And how much my heart yearns to be yours,
Even though right now we are apart.
I slowly start to drift off to sleep,
You are my dreams and my reality,
You are my everything.
PART 3
Stirring up my emotions
It lingers in my mind
Rememberance of the moments
all the answers to find
In the depths of my soul
A feeling immensly true
A powerful force which weakens my barriers-
The love i portray for you
I reveal all of the truths
confessing the secrets of me
letting the pain be at ease
with you i am free
You are my other half
fully completing my heart
We are eternally bound together
though at times must be apart
My body and soul yearn for you
I am overcome by fate
I've made the realization
You are my one soul mate
It has stirred up my emotions
Nothing left to do
The words linger on my lips
I am in love with you
LOVE: THE SOULMATE MYTH
The “soul mate” myth has endured for so long because we want to believe there is someone perfect for us—even though we ourselves have many warts and imperfections. We want to believe in unconditional love and acceptance. We also want to believe in “destiny.” We want the hand of God to bring our "twin" to us. We want to feel overwhelmingly drawn to him or her like a moth to a flame.
We want to feel instant recognition when we first lay eyes on that person. For many folks, it is much easier for them to believe that their life is pre-destined, and that if they only wait long enough, they will find that perfect person. Instead of choosing to use what God gave us—the ability to love and the free will to choose--- we leave our romantic lives up to “fate.” (Something we would never do with our career or other important life needs, by the way). And of course, we learn about! love through the media, and are lead to believe that finding our soul mate is easy. It happens all the time in the movies, right?
At a deeper level, perhaps we want to believe in soul mates because we unconsciously seek a re-connection to our own God or Goddess. Maybe we believe that through a union with another person, that in addition to experiencing physical ecstasy that we will also experience spiritual ecstasy?
If you stop to think about how many times “heaven” is referenced in romantic love songs—you may begin to realize the unconscious connection we often make between romantic love and spirituality. With the soul mate theory to romantic love, you have no conscious choice but to be with that person. In the real world, the choice is yours. Be sure to make it on a conscious level.
What I have learned while on my journey with my Life Mate is that we each have to develop a relationship with God in our own way and then work (it is a true labor of love) at our relationship on a daily basis. My romantic relationship is full of joy and love but also with pain and work. (That is human reality). I now know that human love takes conscious effort, time and thought. And that choosing a Life Mate over seeking a soul mate makes for a much more fulfilling and attainable real-love experience.
We want to feel instant recognition when we first lay eyes on that person. For many folks, it is much easier for them to believe that their life is pre-destined, and that if they only wait long enough, they will find that perfect person. Instead of choosing to use what God gave us—the ability to love and the free will to choose--- we leave our romantic lives up to “fate.” (Something we would never do with our career or other important life needs, by the way). And of course, we learn about! love through the media, and are lead to believe that finding our soul mate is easy. It happens all the time in the movies, right?
At a deeper level, perhaps we want to believe in soul mates because we unconsciously seek a re-connection to our own God or Goddess. Maybe we believe that through a union with another person, that in addition to experiencing physical ecstasy that we will also experience spiritual ecstasy?
If you stop to think about how many times “heaven” is referenced in romantic love songs—you may begin to realize the unconscious connection we often make between romantic love and spirituality. With the soul mate theory to romantic love, you have no conscious choice but to be with that person. In the real world, the choice is yours. Be sure to make it on a conscious level.
What I have learned while on my journey with my Life Mate is that we each have to develop a relationship with God in our own way and then work (it is a true labor of love) at our relationship on a daily basis. My romantic relationship is full of joy and love but also with pain and work. (That is human reality). I now know that human love takes conscious effort, time and thought. And that choosing a Life Mate over seeking a soul mate makes for a much more fulfilling and attainable real-love experience.
LOVE/THOUGHTS: THE CHANCES OF MEETING YOUR SOULMATE
I’ve been thinking recently about soul mates and the chances of finding that soul mate. Why have I been thinking about this? Because This piece is an attempt at quantifying the odds of finding that special somone, and contains some thoughts regarding how to increase those odds further.
Now, the first step is of course believing that your soul mate exists. I know a lot of people don’t believe that everyone has a soul mate, but for the purposes of this article, let’s just ignore them.
The tricky thing about this whole discussion is that the cosmos never bothered to lay down any ground rules regarding soul mates, so we’re unfortunately stuck making a bunch of assumptions. Here are the ones that I’m basing my calculations on:
1. Your soul mate exists, and is currently alive somewhere in the world. I’m not going to waste time calculating the odds of meeting a soul mate who was alive B.C., or will be born around the time the flying car goes mainstream. We’re going to assume that the cosmos was considerate enough to give you a fighting chance after all.
2. Your soul mate is of the preferred sexual orientation. This whole discussion would be pointless otherwise.
3. Your soul mate speaks at least one of the languages that you do. Again, it would be otherwise impossible to connect with your soul mate if you can’t speak a common language.
(NotE: If you disagree with any of the items above, tough luck. I’m not doing your math for you.)
Given those three assumptions, you can compute the maximum number of potential soul mate candidates simply by multiplying the population of your chosen language by the percentage of your preferred sexual orientation. Let’s call this your Personal Soul Mate Index.
For example, my chosen language is English (1.5 billion native and non-native speakers) and my preferred sexual orientation is straight female. The global gender ratio is about 51:49 in favor of men, so I multiply 1.5 billion by 0.49, which would be roughly 735,000,000. I would then reduce that number further by 2% to get my PSMI (which is the alleged gay ratio), leaving me with 720,300,000 straight English-speaking females. If you were a gay male, you would multiply 1.5 billion by 0.51 and then again by 0.02, giving you a much smaller PSMI, at only 15.3 million.
(Note that you could also choose to totally ignore the language part of the equation and simply multiply your sexual orientation by the total global population, which is at 6.7 billion at the time of this writing.)
I’ll give you a moment to compute your own PSMIs.
All good? Great, let’s move on to the fun stuff.
So, the likelihood of me meeting my soulmate is roughly 1 in 720,000,000, and what we’re going to do over the next few paragraphs is work out just how “likely” that is. Let say I am 27-year-old male, and have a life expectancy of 71 years. That means I’ve got a potential for 44 more years of searching for that darned soul mate of mine. Let’s be more granular, and calculate how many days that is:
(365 days * 33 common years) + (366 days * 11 leap years) = 16,071 days to go
Let’s tack on the past 9 years of my life as well, or since I turned 18, i.e., legally capable of having sex with my soul mate should I meet her. (And if that sounds a little crass, I apologize. I’m sure you would simply lose yourself in your soul mate’s eyes forever.)
16071 + ((365 * 7) + (366 * 2)) = 19,358 days in total
We can express all of this very simply by saying that if I want to meet my soul mate and I am unlucky enough to have had to meet every single person in my entire PSMI before I finally meet her, I would have to see 720,300,000 people over 19,358 days starting when I turned 18. (37,209 people per day, or about half of the people who went to the Eraserheads concert last year.)
Does that sound discouraging? Let’s do some quick math to work out the problem.
I’m sitting at a Starbucks as I write this, and there are easily 30 other people in and around this place with me. I’ll walk back to the office and there are another 60 people there. Later tonight I’ll have dinner at the Fort, and will come into indirect contact with about 100 or so different people. If I were commuting, I’d get on to a train car with 50 other people all mashed up against each other.
Depending on how much you move around, you come in to indirect contact with about 150-200 unique people every day. Possibly even more than that if you really pound the pavement. That means that without drastically changing my lifestyle, I will see about 3,871,600 people over the course of my life or about 0.5% of my PSMI. Expressed in more practical terms, my chances of finding my soul mate at any point in my post-18 life is about 1 in 200. If you play Texas Hold ‘Em, this is roughly the same odds as being dealt pocket aces (220:1). (Interestingly enough, I’ve been dealt pocket aces about half a dozen times at Hold ‘Em that I can remember.)
Is that depressing? Yeah, a little bit. 20 years ago, that would be pretty much all she wrote too. But these days we’re fortunate enough to have a way to connect with thousands more at any given moment, i.e., the internets. I’ve got about 670 people following me on Twitter, about 250 friends on Facebook and have built a handful of little web toys that thousands of people use every day. Your own numbers will be drastically different of course, but the point is that we’re able to cheat the odds by making ourselves really visible online. In fact, if I assume that my soul mate is a straight female who speaks English and has Internet access, my PSMI is reduced even further. There are 1.4 billion people on the Internet, 430.8 million of which speak English, and 206.8 million of which are probably straight females. Now my chances are about 58:1, which in Hold ‘Em terms is roughly the odds that you would get a pair of aces, kings, queens or jacks in your pocket (54.3:1). If all that sounds a little fanciful, it’s really not. I mean seriously, what kind of cosmos would give me a soul mate that didn’t use the Internet? That would just be cruel. (Or for that matter, didn’t subscribe to poker hand probabilities.)
One way to look at the 58:1 ratio is thusly: if I had 58 times to relive my life, I would cross paths with my soul mate once. That sounds incredibly sad, so here’s another way to look at it: if you took 58 other guys with similar soul-mate indices as me, only one of us would find our soul mate. I like the sound of that a little bit more, but I’m not entirely sure it’s the right way to look at the numbers. Anyway.
The trick here really is to make yourself as visible as possible online so as to reach as many people as possible. Joining social networks and generating online content is the new-school equivalent of taking yoga classes or joining photography clubs in order to meet new people, and it’s a lot more cost-effective too. The idea of course is not to stop looking. Just because the odds seem stacked against you, doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. After all, according to the Drake equation, the number of other currently-existing civilizations in our entire galaxy could be as little as 2, and yet we still train our telescopes at the sky every night, waiting.
Now, the first step is of course believing that your soul mate exists. I know a lot of people don’t believe that everyone has a soul mate, but for the purposes of this article, let’s just ignore them.
The tricky thing about this whole discussion is that the cosmos never bothered to lay down any ground rules regarding soul mates, so we’re unfortunately stuck making a bunch of assumptions. Here are the ones that I’m basing my calculations on:
1. Your soul mate exists, and is currently alive somewhere in the world. I’m not going to waste time calculating the odds of meeting a soul mate who was alive B.C., or will be born around the time the flying car goes mainstream. We’re going to assume that the cosmos was considerate enough to give you a fighting chance after all.
2. Your soul mate is of the preferred sexual orientation. This whole discussion would be pointless otherwise.
3. Your soul mate speaks at least one of the languages that you do. Again, it would be otherwise impossible to connect with your soul mate if you can’t speak a common language.
(NotE: If you disagree with any of the items above, tough luck. I’m not doing your math for you.)
Given those three assumptions, you can compute the maximum number of potential soul mate candidates simply by multiplying the population of your chosen language by the percentage of your preferred sexual orientation. Let’s call this your Personal Soul Mate Index.
For example, my chosen language is English (1.5 billion native and non-native speakers) and my preferred sexual orientation is straight female. The global gender ratio is about 51:49 in favor of men, so I multiply 1.5 billion by 0.49, which would be roughly 735,000,000. I would then reduce that number further by 2% to get my PSMI (which is the alleged gay ratio), leaving me with 720,300,000 straight English-speaking females. If you were a gay male, you would multiply 1.5 billion by 0.51 and then again by 0.02, giving you a much smaller PSMI, at only 15.3 million.
(Note that you could also choose to totally ignore the language part of the equation and simply multiply your sexual orientation by the total global population, which is at 6.7 billion at the time of this writing.)
I’ll give you a moment to compute your own PSMIs.
All good? Great, let’s move on to the fun stuff.
So, the likelihood of me meeting my soulmate is roughly 1 in 720,000,000, and what we’re going to do over the next few paragraphs is work out just how “likely” that is. Let say I am 27-year-old male, and have a life expectancy of 71 years. That means I’ve got a potential for 44 more years of searching for that darned soul mate of mine. Let’s be more granular, and calculate how many days that is:
(365 days * 33 common years) + (366 days * 11 leap years) = 16,071 days to go
Let’s tack on the past 9 years of my life as well, or since I turned 18, i.e., legally capable of having sex with my soul mate should I meet her. (And if that sounds a little crass, I apologize. I’m sure you would simply lose yourself in your soul mate’s eyes forever.)
16071 + ((365 * 7) + (366 * 2)) = 19,358 days in total
We can express all of this very simply by saying that if I want to meet my soul mate and I am unlucky enough to have had to meet every single person in my entire PSMI before I finally meet her, I would have to see 720,300,000 people over 19,358 days starting when I turned 18. (37,209 people per day, or about half of the people who went to the Eraserheads concert last year.)
Does that sound discouraging? Let’s do some quick math to work out the problem.
I’m sitting at a Starbucks as I write this, and there are easily 30 other people in and around this place with me. I’ll walk back to the office and there are another 60 people there. Later tonight I’ll have dinner at the Fort, and will come into indirect contact with about 100 or so different people. If I were commuting, I’d get on to a train car with 50 other people all mashed up against each other.
Depending on how much you move around, you come in to indirect contact with about 150-200 unique people every day. Possibly even more than that if you really pound the pavement. That means that without drastically changing my lifestyle, I will see about 3,871,600 people over the course of my life or about 0.5% of my PSMI. Expressed in more practical terms, my chances of finding my soul mate at any point in my post-18 life is about 1 in 200. If you play Texas Hold ‘Em, this is roughly the same odds as being dealt pocket aces (220:1). (Interestingly enough, I’ve been dealt pocket aces about half a dozen times at Hold ‘Em that I can remember.)
Is that depressing? Yeah, a little bit. 20 years ago, that would be pretty much all she wrote too. But these days we’re fortunate enough to have a way to connect with thousands more at any given moment, i.e., the internets. I’ve got about 670 people following me on Twitter, about 250 friends on Facebook and have built a handful of little web toys that thousands of people use every day. Your own numbers will be drastically different of course, but the point is that we’re able to cheat the odds by making ourselves really visible online. In fact, if I assume that my soul mate is a straight female who speaks English and has Internet access, my PSMI is reduced even further. There are 1.4 billion people on the Internet, 430.8 million of which speak English, and 206.8 million of which are probably straight females. Now my chances are about 58:1, which in Hold ‘Em terms is roughly the odds that you would get a pair of aces, kings, queens or jacks in your pocket (54.3:1). If all that sounds a little fanciful, it’s really not. I mean seriously, what kind of cosmos would give me a soul mate that didn’t use the Internet? That would just be cruel. (Or for that matter, didn’t subscribe to poker hand probabilities.)
One way to look at the 58:1 ratio is thusly: if I had 58 times to relive my life, I would cross paths with my soul mate once. That sounds incredibly sad, so here’s another way to look at it: if you took 58 other guys with similar soul-mate indices as me, only one of us would find our soul mate. I like the sound of that a little bit more, but I’m not entirely sure it’s the right way to look at the numbers. Anyway.
The trick here really is to make yourself as visible as possible online so as to reach as many people as possible. Joining social networks and generating online content is the new-school equivalent of taking yoga classes or joining photography clubs in order to meet new people, and it’s a lot more cost-effective too. The idea of course is not to stop looking. Just because the odds seem stacked against you, doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. After all, according to the Drake equation, the number of other currently-existing civilizations in our entire galaxy could be as little as 2, and yet we still train our telescopes at the sky every night, waiting.
LOVE/THOUGHTS: SOMEONE WHO GETS ME
I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard that my soulmate is just someone who “gets” me.
My response is this: do you have to be physically attracted to your soulmate for them to be your soulmate?
What if he’s bald and noticeably shorter than you? What if she has bad teeth and a laugh that scares off harpies? Can they be your soulmate if they have horrendous hygiene and you find them disgusting?
Have you even looked? Perhaps that urine smelling homeless man that’s old enough to be your father that you pass every day on the way to work is the one person in the whole world who understands you and will accept you completely. You’re never going to find out by giving him the occasional dollar bill as you walk by.
Here’s some bad news for you. If you believe there’s only one soulmate, that one person who’s just perfect for you, given that there’s 6 billion people, is statistically in a different country and most likely married or dead depending on the age. That’s a depressing thought so with Soulmate Syndrome have an additional condition called Destiny Delerium, the belief that the universe will make sure that their paths will cross.
Did you meet your one true love already and didn’t recognize that person as your true love? Maybe, you thought someone was your one true love until the really nasty divorce and now you’re realizing that your soulmate is someone who gets you and someone who doesn’t play World of Warcraft all day and picks up after themselves every once in a while.
Maybe, you won’t meet your one true love until your 70. Fate isn’t time bounded and has a wicked sense of humor.
I don’t know why so many of you choose to hold onto the belief of the one true love. It’s counterproductive because long term relationships have little to do with love. Love doesn’t conquer all. There’s a reason why our divorce rate is 50%. It’s from the belief that love fixes everything and when it doesn’t then you aren’t in love anymore.
For example, many couples break up over infidelity. Infidelity has very little to do with love and more to do with one partner looking outside the relationship to find whatever they think is missing in the current relationship. It’s not as if one person stopped loving the other. It’s about a breakdown in the relationship and differing values. Love has very little to do with maintaining long-term relationships.
I know want a loving, lasting relationship. Great relationships come from similar values, communication, mutual effort and timing. So why do people focus so hard on finding that one person that “gets” them and not the person that picks up after themselves? I’m not saying that those traits are mutually exclusive. I’m just saying that finding someone who picks up after themselves is easier and contributes more to a lasting relationship than someone who understands your soul.
My response is this: do you have to be physically attracted to your soulmate for them to be your soulmate?
What if he’s bald and noticeably shorter than you? What if she has bad teeth and a laugh that scares off harpies? Can they be your soulmate if they have horrendous hygiene and you find them disgusting?
Have you even looked? Perhaps that urine smelling homeless man that’s old enough to be your father that you pass every day on the way to work is the one person in the whole world who understands you and will accept you completely. You’re never going to find out by giving him the occasional dollar bill as you walk by.
Here’s some bad news for you. If you believe there’s only one soulmate, that one person who’s just perfect for you, given that there’s 6 billion people, is statistically in a different country and most likely married or dead depending on the age. That’s a depressing thought so with Soulmate Syndrome have an additional condition called Destiny Delerium, the belief that the universe will make sure that their paths will cross.
Did you meet your one true love already and didn’t recognize that person as your true love? Maybe, you thought someone was your one true love until the really nasty divorce and now you’re realizing that your soulmate is someone who gets you and someone who doesn’t play World of Warcraft all day and picks up after themselves every once in a while.
Maybe, you won’t meet your one true love until your 70. Fate isn’t time bounded and has a wicked sense of humor.
I don’t know why so many of you choose to hold onto the belief of the one true love. It’s counterproductive because long term relationships have little to do with love. Love doesn’t conquer all. There’s a reason why our divorce rate is 50%. It’s from the belief that love fixes everything and when it doesn’t then you aren’t in love anymore.
For example, many couples break up over infidelity. Infidelity has very little to do with love and more to do with one partner looking outside the relationship to find whatever they think is missing in the current relationship. It’s not as if one person stopped loving the other. It’s about a breakdown in the relationship and differing values. Love has very little to do with maintaining long-term relationships.
I know want a loving, lasting relationship. Great relationships come from similar values, communication, mutual effort and timing. So why do people focus so hard on finding that one person that “gets” them and not the person that picks up after themselves? I’m not saying that those traits are mutually exclusive. I’m just saying that finding someone who picks up after themselves is easier and contributes more to a lasting relationship than someone who understands your soul.
LOVE/THOUGHTS: THE SOULMATE THING
If one person in the world was absolutely perfectly matched for you, chances are, they're not going to be in your neighborhood. Thus, the chances of running into your soulmate are slim to none; and even if you did, we have so many surface encounters that it's highly unlikely that we would recognize the person as such. It has to be rare--almost unheard of, even--to find your soulmate. But again, that doesn't mean they aren't out there somewhere.
Some take issue with the idea of a soulmate. It's so idealistic and faith-based due to the rarity of stumbling upon such a person...so how do we know they exist? It's actually highly logical that they do. Think about it this way. We have X amount of personality traits, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. If you think about it mathematically, most people are going to have some of the same traits as you. Some others might match with you better, and a handful are bound to match you frighteningly well. And, for some extremely rare cases, someone can match you across the board.
One thing that holds fairly true for me, however you look at it, is that the world is cruel. well, not precisely cruel... it's just neutral. indifferent. it has no consciousness, the universe does not form things based on any particular considerations... things just happen. there's a considerable amount of chaos in the existences of many things, and subsequently, it's difficult to make claims about some one (or perhaps even multiple) person (people) who really really fit with you.
Then there's the sexuality of the thing. a "soul mate" is rarely considered to be a "friend," it's a *lover*. so, what happens when you have an individual who lacks a sex drive? that's only the tip of the iceberg, besides... all the things that can happen to someone or the conditions a person can get. especially in the cases where you're a one-soulmate'er, the implications... i mean, what about all the people who die as kids?
And... aside from the thing that i just don't really see any reason to believe in it one way or another... that kinda gets to the point of part of my pessimism about soulmates. people who believe in 'em seem to view them as a *positive* thing, but if you think of it, the concept of a soulmate would frequently be *supremely* cruel. masses of people get their lives snuffed out by murder, war, accident, disease so commonly - if everyone has a soulmate, then our souls are being torn apart and snuffed out on a constant basis.
If there is something I'm pretty realistic about, it's love. So I don't believe in this 'soul mates' thing. I never did. But don't get me wrong, I actually think that is good. I don't believe in it, not because I was disappointed about love in the past, but to me, a healthy and great relationship can only work out if the two are involved. It's all about sharing, knowing, accepting (or not), in another words, constructing. At least for me, the idea that something all 'pre-fabricated' (it's just a silly word, I can't think of a better one right now) is right there somewhere waiting for us it's just a fairy tale and pretty unrealistic. I mean, do we really want to find another 'us'? I think many people have the potential to become 'our perfect pair' in a determined stage of our lives. I think all of my ex boyfriends (I didn't have a lot, actually, only 3 serious ones) had something I felt connected with, at that particular time. And I feel connected to my current boyfriend now as well, right now, I think he's my 'perfect match'. I don't want to think about forever, because it's such a long time and if there is something we can't be certain of, it's about future. But I think we are trying our best to construct our lives as we go through this journey.
To me, one of the problems believing in soul mates is that there is a risk you'll wait forever for that person who, to your desires, it's the right one for you, and you will look at every person you meet with judging eyes (you'll be watching if he/she fulfills your personal 'list') and you will also find defects (which, we all have, and a lot of them). And if you go into every relationship looking for the perfect one, and it never seems to appear, you could feel pretty bad about yourself too. I don't really like to read articles about 'soul mates', so I apologize if I'm getting something wrong or approaching the issue superficially, but a perception I have it's that people expect too much from others, and if they don't meet their high expectations, they become frustrated and blame on things like destiny, bad luck, or such. We grew up watching all those unrealistically romantic movies and Disney's princesses cartoons, that some people have a distorted image of love. So you may lose a lot of possibilities to be happy with the person you met. So to me, there is also no such thing as 'love at first sight', only attraction, but we have to make it work if we want to go to another level.
When I meet someone, I know the things I feel naturally atracted to, but I like to keep my mind in a 'blank page' mode, that is, letting things flow and see what happens. Not expecting anything. But of course, there are some things that you have to consider, to me for example, it's that I could accept that my partner is totally different from me, it's actually great to share different experiences and points of view, but in the end, we need to have certain common values (for example, regarding to loyalty, respect, family, trust).
Well, in the end, it's all about beliefs, and everyone knows what's better for them. So I respect people who believe in soul mates too. Maybe they are more spiritual and romantic than me. I must say that belief it's great when it helps you feel motivated, full of energy and love, and when it makes you want to become a better person. Real love does all this wonderful things. But, when it makes you feel frustrated, sad, depressed, that's when it's time to review your beliefs/statements. We can't make something as magnificent as love as a real pain in our lives! You can tell I don't identify at all with that saying: "True love hurts".
Some take issue with the idea of a soulmate. It's so idealistic and faith-based due to the rarity of stumbling upon such a person...so how do we know they exist? It's actually highly logical that they do. Think about it this way. We have X amount of personality traits, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. If you think about it mathematically, most people are going to have some of the same traits as you. Some others might match with you better, and a handful are bound to match you frighteningly well. And, for some extremely rare cases, someone can match you across the board.
One thing that holds fairly true for me, however you look at it, is that the world is cruel. well, not precisely cruel... it's just neutral. indifferent. it has no consciousness, the universe does not form things based on any particular considerations... things just happen. there's a considerable amount of chaos in the existences of many things, and subsequently, it's difficult to make claims about some one (or perhaps even multiple) person (people) who really really fit with you.
Then there's the sexuality of the thing. a "soul mate" is rarely considered to be a "friend," it's a *lover*. so, what happens when you have an individual who lacks a sex drive? that's only the tip of the iceberg, besides... all the things that can happen to someone or the conditions a person can get. especially in the cases where you're a one-soulmate'er, the implications... i mean, what about all the people who die as kids?
And... aside from the thing that i just don't really see any reason to believe in it one way or another... that kinda gets to the point of part of my pessimism about soulmates. people who believe in 'em seem to view them as a *positive* thing, but if you think of it, the concept of a soulmate would frequently be *supremely* cruel. masses of people get their lives snuffed out by murder, war, accident, disease so commonly - if everyone has a soulmate, then our souls are being torn apart and snuffed out on a constant basis.
If there is something I'm pretty realistic about, it's love. So I don't believe in this 'soul mates' thing. I never did. But don't get me wrong, I actually think that is good. I don't believe in it, not because I was disappointed about love in the past, but to me, a healthy and great relationship can only work out if the two are involved. It's all about sharing, knowing, accepting (or not), in another words, constructing. At least for me, the idea that something all 'pre-fabricated' (it's just a silly word, I can't think of a better one right now) is right there somewhere waiting for us it's just a fairy tale and pretty unrealistic. I mean, do we really want to find another 'us'? I think many people have the potential to become 'our perfect pair' in a determined stage of our lives. I think all of my ex boyfriends (I didn't have a lot, actually, only 3 serious ones) had something I felt connected with, at that particular time. And I feel connected to my current boyfriend now as well, right now, I think he's my 'perfect match'. I don't want to think about forever, because it's such a long time and if there is something we can't be certain of, it's about future. But I think we are trying our best to construct our lives as we go through this journey.
To me, one of the problems believing in soul mates is that there is a risk you'll wait forever for that person who, to your desires, it's the right one for you, and you will look at every person you meet with judging eyes (you'll be watching if he/she fulfills your personal 'list') and you will also find defects (which, we all have, and a lot of them). And if you go into every relationship looking for the perfect one, and it never seems to appear, you could feel pretty bad about yourself too. I don't really like to read articles about 'soul mates', so I apologize if I'm getting something wrong or approaching the issue superficially, but a perception I have it's that people expect too much from others, and if they don't meet their high expectations, they become frustrated and blame on things like destiny, bad luck, or such. We grew up watching all those unrealistically romantic movies and Disney's princesses cartoons, that some people have a distorted image of love. So you may lose a lot of possibilities to be happy with the person you met. So to me, there is also no such thing as 'love at first sight', only attraction, but we have to make it work if we want to go to another level.
When I meet someone, I know the things I feel naturally atracted to, but I like to keep my mind in a 'blank page' mode, that is, letting things flow and see what happens. Not expecting anything. But of course, there are some things that you have to consider, to me for example, it's that I could accept that my partner is totally different from me, it's actually great to share different experiences and points of view, but in the end, we need to have certain common values (for example, regarding to loyalty, respect, family, trust).
Well, in the end, it's all about beliefs, and everyone knows what's better for them. So I respect people who believe in soul mates too. Maybe they are more spiritual and romantic than me. I must say that belief it's great when it helps you feel motivated, full of energy and love, and when it makes you want to become a better person. Real love does all this wonderful things. But, when it makes you feel frustrated, sad, depressed, that's when it's time to review your beliefs/statements. We can't make something as magnificent as love as a real pain in our lives! You can tell I don't identify at all with that saying: "True love hurts".
SPIRITUAL/LOVE/ PERSONAL: SHE IS MY GODDESS
First, I should say that I'm a determinist. This suggests that everything within the Universe is correlated. While this belief is not favorable to many, it symbolizes to me that my Soulmate is intertwined with everything in existence. In essence, she is my Goddess.
Suffice to say, I do not believe in multiple soulmates (friends, family, your childhood dog) like many others do. I only believe in an absolute.
It is difficult to answer what a Soulmate means to me without sharing my entire belief system. People that know me well, slowly piece together the puzzle pieces I periodically drop from time to time. Even then, most of my thoughts are intentionally locked within myself and are only intended for one specific person. I will confess that I have believed that I was in love with others in the past, but I have still never shared that side. There is only one possible moment where I will open up completely, and that is the day I propose under an aurora filled sky.
Why an aurora?
While I know I'm going on tangents here, this relates to my spiritual beliefs on people emanating energy that we are all subconsciously attuned to. I heard an old wives tale, that if you witness an aurora 'close up', the solar winds of the sun induce a seemingly hallucinogenic state. It is through this that many believe you can actually see the future for a brief moment. This is the time I intend to drop down to a knee, like a Knight swearing an oath, and speak to her of what I truly see in our future together. Tale or not, I will make that future a reality.
I will tell you that everything within the fiber of my being relates to my Soulmate. Every thought, action, or chosen word, is intended to radiate an energy that will resonate with certain types of people. Is it through these people that I most often find loyal friends, but that is not my original intent.
Suffice to say, I do not believe in multiple soulmates (friends, family, your childhood dog) like many others do. I only believe in an absolute.
It is difficult to answer what a Soulmate means to me without sharing my entire belief system. People that know me well, slowly piece together the puzzle pieces I periodically drop from time to time. Even then, most of my thoughts are intentionally locked within myself and are only intended for one specific person. I will confess that I have believed that I was in love with others in the past, but I have still never shared that side. There is only one possible moment where I will open up completely, and that is the day I propose under an aurora filled sky.
Why an aurora?
While I know I'm going on tangents here, this relates to my spiritual beliefs on people emanating energy that we are all subconsciously attuned to. I heard an old wives tale, that if you witness an aurora 'close up', the solar winds of the sun induce a seemingly hallucinogenic state. It is through this that many believe you can actually see the future for a brief moment. This is the time I intend to drop down to a knee, like a Knight swearing an oath, and speak to her of what I truly see in our future together. Tale or not, I will make that future a reality.
I will tell you that everything within the fiber of my being relates to my Soulmate. Every thought, action, or chosen word, is intended to radiate an energy that will resonate with certain types of people. Is it through these people that I most often find loyal friends, but that is not my original intent.
THOUGHTS/LOVE: THE WAY WE WERE REMINDED ME OF US
I was watching "The Way We Were" last night. I had never seen it but you know I'm a sucker for old romantic movies. And like so many things do ... I was reminded of you ... reminded of us and the way we were.
In the movie's final scene Robert Redford sees Barbra Streisand and they embrace. In that moment you can see that he realizes that he was at his best when he was with her, and that no one will ever believe in him or see as much promise in him as she once did. As they part, their past is behind them and realize that all they share now, is a memory of the way they were.
That scene reminds me of the way I feel every time we see each other now. We've both moved forward without the other. We email, text, talk, and keep up with what's going on in each others lives - we're friends again. We come together once a month for dinner or drinks and at the end of each evening out we embrace. And it's always the same we hold each other.
Really just hold on to one another - like neither of us wants to let go. I don't fight it anymore, I used to pull away because it hurt too much but now I just close my eyes and allow myself to be swept away to ... the way we were. It's unspoken yet so lovely. When we part, I don't want to let you go but yet - I know that we no longer fit together ... not the way we used to. So we go our separate ways.
Last night, after watching the movie I was once again reminded that I was at my best when I was with you and I believe you were at your best with me. No one will ever believe in me the way you did or still do.
The memory of what we had has now become my wonder wall ... the place where I can take a break from reality, smile and even laugh about, and spend time with. You’ll continue to be in thoughts, my heart, and my memories. I’m so glad for the way we were. It is unforgettable.
In the movie's final scene Robert Redford sees Barbra Streisand and they embrace. In that moment you can see that he realizes that he was at his best when he was with her, and that no one will ever believe in him or see as much promise in him as she once did. As they part, their past is behind them and realize that all they share now, is a memory of the way they were.
That scene reminds me of the way I feel every time we see each other now. We've both moved forward without the other. We email, text, talk, and keep up with what's going on in each others lives - we're friends again. We come together once a month for dinner or drinks and at the end of each evening out we embrace. And it's always the same we hold each other.
Really just hold on to one another - like neither of us wants to let go. I don't fight it anymore, I used to pull away because it hurt too much but now I just close my eyes and allow myself to be swept away to ... the way we were. It's unspoken yet so lovely. When we part, I don't want to let you go but yet - I know that we no longer fit together ... not the way we used to. So we go our separate ways.
Last night, after watching the movie I was once again reminded that I was at my best when I was with you and I believe you were at your best with me. No one will ever believe in me the way you did or still do.
The memory of what we had has now become my wonder wall ... the place where I can take a break from reality, smile and even laugh about, and spend time with. You’ll continue to be in thoughts, my heart, and my memories. I’m so glad for the way we were. It is unforgettable.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: WHEN WILL I MET YOU, LOVE OF MY LIFE?
When will I meet you, love of my life?...............................Or do I know you already? Will you reveal yourself in my dreams. Or will you elude me only to discover that I failed to turn the corner where you were, or recognize you when you passed my way. I know you as well as I know my own heart. You are sensitive and caring, but confident, elegant but "manly".......... You are someone I trust unquestioningly.
You can always warm my heart and make me smile. I feel I’m the most beautiful woman in the world simply because "You love me." I will make you want to try things, because of my enthusiasm when I describe them. You will excite and stimulate me in ways I never thought possible in all aspects of my life and yet, surprise me every day with how familiar it all seems.
You will make me feel grateful to just be alive and wake up in your arms. Nothing in the world will make me happier than just being with you, whether we are doing something exciting, talking together, or just sitting quietly in each others presence.
Every day with you will be new and challenging, and I will want to live a long time just to drink in what life has to offer with you. I will always be proud, just to be with you, wherever we are. And grateful the rest of the days of my life that we are together, and I got to be a vital part of yours.
I will greet you every day with a smile and a kiss; a smile will come across my face when I think of you. I hope to meet you, but more importantly, I hope you want to meet me.
You can always warm my heart and make me smile. I feel I’m the most beautiful woman in the world simply because "You love me." I will make you want to try things, because of my enthusiasm when I describe them. You will excite and stimulate me in ways I never thought possible in all aspects of my life and yet, surprise me every day with how familiar it all seems.
You will make me feel grateful to just be alive and wake up in your arms. Nothing in the world will make me happier than just being with you, whether we are doing something exciting, talking together, or just sitting quietly in each others presence.
Every day with you will be new and challenging, and I will want to live a long time just to drink in what life has to offer with you. I will always be proud, just to be with you, wherever we are. And grateful the rest of the days of my life that we are together, and I got to be a vital part of yours.
I will greet you every day with a smile and a kiss; a smile will come across my face when I think of you. I hope to meet you, but more importantly, I hope you want to meet me.
Monday, July 2, 2012
THOUGHTS/JOURNAL: I HAVE A VULNERABLE HEART
I have a vulnerable heart.
My heart has been broken, crushed and trampled to millions of pieces so many times that I feel it will never survive another major disaster in life. This scares me all the more considering I may live another 40 years more. Nothing can assure me that from this moment on to the last of my dying breath, my heart will never be broken again. Because of this, I constantly feel fear that any time soon; this heart will have to face another catastrophe again. It pains me to think how can I survive? This is how vulnerable I am at this moment.
Somebody wisely said, to truly love someone means opening your heart to the pain. It is vulnerability. However because of past experiences being terribly hurt tremendously by the person you love, it is normal that you are constantly wary and fearful. It seems you are building an invisible wall in your heart trying to protect it from being hurt again. Every little doubtful situation will cause your heart to pound with distress as you feel yourself being sucked up by bad memories causing you to be very suspicious. The walls surrounding your heart are up a hundred fold to keep it from breaking into pieces again. Because of your obvious distress, your eyes are physically and emotionally dimmed to the point of being temporarily blind; you don't and won't listen to anything sensible because all you feel is the fear that it is going to happen again.
Yes, I can say I have physically and emotionally moved on. Although I have not gone far but I am glad to say I was able to move several feet away from all the ugliness. Yet, being vulnerable makes it truly difficult to continue with the progress especially when your trust has been broken and you have to suffer the crushing of your self esteem. Many times I am frustrated with myself because I know I wasn't like this before. Yet today, I feel I'm back to square one with no more strength to build myself up once more.
In my vulnerability, I realized I cannot do this on my own. While I may not be young anymore and my heart is doubly tired, I feel in my weakness God is my strength. While on my knees in deep prayer with my usual ramblings to Him, He gently reminded me that He is still the in control of my life. It is just like bungee jumping from the top of the Eiffel Tower. I felt myself plunging fast to my impending doom when suddenly a strong and elastic cord on my heel broke my fall. God is my elastic cord. I should trust Him that He will not let go of me.
Human as I am, every time I feel being thrust towards the nightmare, I would ask for assurance not to be hurt once more. Yet, I realized I am putting my trust and faith towards someone who is as human as I am. This is the reason why, I can still feel an impending doom hovering. I felt the only way for me to be shielded from being hurt is to put my heart in a casket—safe from everything and everyone. Yet, I know this is a cowardly way of moving on.
Trust in God ONLY. Yes, this is what I have learned; what I am continually trying to embrace each day of my life. This is the only time vulnerability becomes strength.
My heart has been broken, crushed and trampled to millions of pieces so many times that I feel it will never survive another major disaster in life. This scares me all the more considering I may live another 40 years more. Nothing can assure me that from this moment on to the last of my dying breath, my heart will never be broken again. Because of this, I constantly feel fear that any time soon; this heart will have to face another catastrophe again. It pains me to think how can I survive? This is how vulnerable I am at this moment.
Somebody wisely said, to truly love someone means opening your heart to the pain. It is vulnerability. However because of past experiences being terribly hurt tremendously by the person you love, it is normal that you are constantly wary and fearful. It seems you are building an invisible wall in your heart trying to protect it from being hurt again. Every little doubtful situation will cause your heart to pound with distress as you feel yourself being sucked up by bad memories causing you to be very suspicious. The walls surrounding your heart are up a hundred fold to keep it from breaking into pieces again. Because of your obvious distress, your eyes are physically and emotionally dimmed to the point of being temporarily blind; you don't and won't listen to anything sensible because all you feel is the fear that it is going to happen again.
Yes, I can say I have physically and emotionally moved on. Although I have not gone far but I am glad to say I was able to move several feet away from all the ugliness. Yet, being vulnerable makes it truly difficult to continue with the progress especially when your trust has been broken and you have to suffer the crushing of your self esteem. Many times I am frustrated with myself because I know I wasn't like this before. Yet today, I feel I'm back to square one with no more strength to build myself up once more.
In my vulnerability, I realized I cannot do this on my own. While I may not be young anymore and my heart is doubly tired, I feel in my weakness God is my strength. While on my knees in deep prayer with my usual ramblings to Him, He gently reminded me that He is still the in control of my life. It is just like bungee jumping from the top of the Eiffel Tower. I felt myself plunging fast to my impending doom when suddenly a strong and elastic cord on my heel broke my fall. God is my elastic cord. I should trust Him that He will not let go of me.
Human as I am, every time I feel being thrust towards the nightmare, I would ask for assurance not to be hurt once more. Yet, I realized I am putting my trust and faith towards someone who is as human as I am. This is the reason why, I can still feel an impending doom hovering. I felt the only way for me to be shielded from being hurt is to put my heart in a casket—safe from everything and everyone. Yet, I know this is a cowardly way of moving on.
Trust in God ONLY. Yes, this is what I have learned; what I am continually trying to embrace each day of my life. This is the only time vulnerability becomes strength.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)