Dear Soulmate,
I didn't know what the love was..until I was grasped by your arms one afternoon.I didn't know what the love was...until I was drinking of your lips- an illusion that arrived to stay. I didn't know what the love was...until I looked at myself in the mirror of your eyes, and I discovered I could submerge in your world to appreciate the dawns and the dusks of your soul... and mine. I didn't know what the love was...until I realized I laughed as a lunatic in nights of the full moon, when I got my soul drunk with wine that sprang from your breasts. I didn't know what the love was...until I began to live with you! At times my heart is full of love for you.At times it's full of desire.When you walked into my life you brightened my day, you rolled my threatening clouds away and the ones that stayed, had their silver linings. When you say you love me, my heart just melts like sugar on one's tongue. When you look into my eyes my soul is set on fire so you put it out with your kiss.When you touch me my heart bursts and the feelings I have, I can't contain.When you make love to me a feeling of pleasure tingles through my body. When you love me, I completely love you back.You were the one who woke me from sleep and stole my heart with a love so deep.You grasped me from darkness not a moment too soon. The light in you soul was impossible to avoid:Hate, you banished. Fear, you destroyed. The day I met you the loss of love was quenched. My soul, once so dry, was instantly drenched. Please, you must never forget all that was destined for us... that day we met
As I sit missing you wanting you,....my senses begin to wander.All of a sudden I can smell. Your aromatic scent.I look around, you are not there. With every figure that walks by...They all remind me of you.I blink twice to see that you are not there.The next thing I know....I hear your voice.The beautiful music of your caressing vocalization soothes my soul. I stop for a second only to realize that heavenly sound has gone in that second not only do I realize you may not be there, but the senses I am feeling are not fooling me. I do not smell you, I do not see you, I do not hear you, I am smelling, seeing, and hearing Love.
Friday, January 31, 2014
Thursday, January 30, 2014
THOUGHTS/LOVE: BELIEVE ONLY IN THE THINGS YOU CAN SEE?
Do you believe only in the things you can see? It is the thing not seen that is the most important -- a house is a thing seen, but a home is a thing unseen; a brain can be seen, but a mind is unseen; you can see a mother's face, but not the love behind it; you can see a word, but not an idea. Love, joy, peace, and laughter surround us just like the invisible atmosphere we breathe, but sometimes we lose our faith. Sometimes, we are unaware of the invisible ripple of hope in the outstretched hands. Sometimes we forget the love for things unseen: for the baby in the womb, for the memory that comes at night of a sweet romance, or for the dream of peace
In the song "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", the songwriter Ewan McColl describes that his love for Peggy Seeger was there from the first moment he saw her face. This song goes on to say, "He will love her until the end of time", that is, forever. This sweet song reminds us of Erich Fromm's quote above which states that "love is a decision, a beginning of a promise to love someone forever."
In the song "The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face", the songwriter Ewan McColl describes that his love for Peggy Seeger was there from the first moment he saw her face. This song goes on to say, "He will love her until the end of time", that is, forever. This sweet song reminds us of Erich Fromm's quote above which states that "love is a decision, a beginning of a promise to love someone forever."
Another sweet poem about the other end of the lover's body, is Pablo Neurda's poem called "Your Feet",
JOURNAL/SPIRITUALITY/GETTING TO THE CORE/PERONAL/LOVE: MY SOULMATE JOURNEY....LOOKING BACK
One of my favorite artists, Alex Gray published a book, Sacred Mirrors. In his book he shares his incredible artistic talent. One of his paintings, Psychic Energy System, portrays in great detail this energy field. His paintings bring to life the cosmic physiology. He strips away our coat of flesh and exposes man from the inside. He further captures our ethereal field in great detail on canvas. He illustrates hundreds of circuits of energy that are active at all times. These circuits are invisible to the naked eye.
Imagine your body with fine, thin threads of electrical current extending from you. These currents are so fine they cannot be seen. They extend several feet in every direction. They are like tiny feelers. They connect to a person before we ever engage in conversation. These energy currents are positive and negative forces, responding and rejecting. They reject energy completely different from their own. They respond to similar patterns. These circuits play a very important part in what we attract.
Soulmates are attracted to the ethereal body or the energy patterns of another. This is the initial attraction. The first conscious attraction can be either ethereal or physical. The attraction that lasts is the ethereal.
The soulmate relationship is a marriage of two similar souls or two similar energy patterns. When we are physically attracted to someone, we hope for the opportunity to know that person.
If you are physically attracted to a person more than spiritually, you should get to know the person before making commitments. Beyond physical appearance the soulmate is concerned with the soul.
In Bernard Gunther's book, Energy Ecstasy, he sees man as energy in different degrees of speed, density and intensity. He says man is a series of ever changing energies. The soul or the spirit of the ethereal body is affected by the constant exchanging, interchanging and rearranging of the energy field. The etheric body is constantly changing.
As we change we desire our partner to change. If one or the other partner doesn't grow in the same direction there is a strong chance of changing partners. It is rare to find someone on our own frequency of consciousness that is transforming in exactly the same way.
The soul of man is forever learning. Together soulmates learn life lessons. Soulmates help each other learn to further their soul growth.
When you experience a strong mutual attraction, you may have met a soulmate. Your soulmate is not the physical person in front of you. Your soulmate is their spirit.
Your soul shows itself to you by the people you attract. When you are drawn to someone, their energy will tell you all you need to know about your soul growth. Many clues to your own nature lie in what you attract and repel. You are always attracted to someone that reflects you or your own potential. You are rarely attracted to someone that is nothing like you. You are connected to your soulmate through attraction. Your soulmate has a similar or identical energy pattern causing you to feel a connection in their presence.
When you are connected to your soulmate you influence them and they influence you. You are experiencing the soul's vibration. You may think of this energy as their attitude or personality. Your combined energy is magnetic.
There are certain Universal Laws that can help us understand why we attract certain individuals into our lives. They are;
1. The law of attraction; you can only attract to you those qualities you possess.
2. The law of reflection; the traits you respond to in others, you recognize in yourself.
3. The law of resistance; that which you resist, you draw to you and perpetuate it's influence in your life. You are complete when you have grown to understand these principles and practice them.
Deepak Chopra, best selling author and lecturer, in a interview with Tony Robbins, author of Unlimited Power, tells about a research that was recently done with mice. According to Dr. Chopra, a set of mice were placed in a room and given electrical shocks. They were then removed. Another set of mice were brought in. He said that instantly the new set of mice began to panic. These mice smelled the hormones or pheromones of fear from the other mice. Humans also send off pheromones. He says that pheromones are the hormones of our emotional state. He believes every emotional state has its own hormonal energy that is not confined to the body, but is released by the body. The emotional energy field can now be captured on film. It is done by a method called Kirlian photography. It is fascinating.
Emerson once said, "who you are shouts so loudly in my ears I can not hear what you are saying.
Dick Sutphen is the author of many best-selling books on metaphysical topics. I found his tape series, Predestined Love , interesting. In this series he discusses cases of men and women who discover reincarnation through regressive hypnosis. His clients tell stories that strongly suggest they have returned lifetime after lifetime to be reunited with their soulmate.
He says a soulmate or twin soul is a perfect partner. He feels you share the same vibrational level and a lineage of past lives. He believes soulmates have a relationship which will allow both to fulfill their "dharmic direction" and accomplish their "soul goals."
According to Mr. Sutphen there are different types of soulmates. Some soulmates are supposed to be together forever while other relationships are destined to end. A soulmate relationship is simply a love that is destined. These relationships fit into three categories: Karmic, Dharmic bond and Counterpart companions.
Mr. Sutphen lectures that Karmic companions are two people destined to form a union confronting unlearned lessons from past lives. Usually this relationship is centered around conflict until the lesson is learned. If the relationship cannot be healed, the couple must let go with love. If not, they will meet again in another lifetime.
Relationships started entering my life. One at a time each relationship taught me something. Woen often sensed my insecurity. I attracted woman in my life that were troubled, because I was troubled. I'm sure if we met today it would be different. I am no longer attracted to the women in my past because I am no longer the same person. That was a timewhen I was projecting my need for fulfillment on others. I was unaware I was on a personal path of transformation.
The path to personal transformation can be long and exhausting. I had so much to learn about relationships. I had to learn relationships are excellent tools for the evolution of your own consciousness. I didn’t know needing someone for fulfillment was not love, it was dependence. I learned being single was not a disease and no person was the answer to my life. It took a while, but I eventually realized where you leave each relationship is where you begin the next. The more loving, forgiving and confident you are, the more love, forgiveness and confidence you receive. Karmic companions are our friends. Allow yourself to honor each relationship. Relationships are great teachers, if we choose to learn.
The second soulmate type is Dharmic bond companions. These soulmates share a goal. This relationship is like Karmic companion relationships in that two people come together combining their energy for one task, however when they have succeeded in reaching the common goal, their future depends on how they have structured their relationship. You will have few Dharmic companions. You will always remember dharmic relationships. They will have a more dramatic affect on your life and may remain in your life on non-romantic terms.
Joanne is a dharmic relationship. We came together to learn that we can learn to love. Our romantic relationship ended after three years.
The third soulmate type is the Counterpart companions. These companions experience a loving, supportive relationship in which the couple will comfortably live their life. They will have problems, but most of the problems will be outside their relationship. They harmonize with each other, however, outside influences can challenge them. The relationship will usually last a lifetime.
I have met very few individuals that have a counterpart relationship. These relationships are often referred to as twin souls . These relationships communicate soul to soul through equality. No one is superior or inferior. They communicate honestly, openly and truthfully. The two people are usually evolving at the same rate and frequency. These soulmates do not limit their lives by staying with each other because it is the right thing to do. They stay together because they want to be together. There is mystery surrounding what holds these relationships together.
When I began searching for a soulmate my first questions were; who would this person be and what would this person be like? I envisioned her as kind hearted. She would be skilled to cope with stress and life's pressures. She would love me for all that I am. She would except my past as part of my path without jealousy, judgments or punishment. She would comfort me through all my experiences, good and bad. She would love me unconditionally and without reserve. She would have compassion when I make mistakes and kind when I cry. She would be gentle, passionate, and strong. She would be my lover and my friend. What were the chances of any one person fitting this description? I confess I laughed.
More questions kept coming. Could this person really exist? Believing gave me hope. I could not get her out of my imagination. Unknowingly I was on a mission, determined to find my soulmate.
My search had begun. I would journal in my blog nightly my thoughts, ideas and progress. I could see my soulmate in my mind's eye. She had beautiful dark hair and eyes that sparkled. I fantasized about her. Her touch was magic. She was flawless. She was every man’s dream, and she was mine .
Time passed. My life changed and so did my relationships. With each relationship I grew. I became more adventurous, passionate and wise. I had an expectation that any moment she would arrive. I was looking and was consumed with finding her. I felt attached to her and would speak to her in my mind. I wrote songs and poetry about her. She was my life, my breath, my soul. I meditated, I prayed, I begged God for her. He didn’t come. After a while, I became very discouraged. I began to question the love I was imagining. I was having trouble distinguishing between a sexual experience and a soulmate experience. Time would always tell. Relationship after relationship ended.
When on a search, you seem to encounter others that are on the same search. During that time I had the opportunity to speak with several individuals about their idea of a soulmate. They invariably described someone who would rescue, romance or in some way complete them. Like me, they wanted that perfect person. Men desired physical appearance and a sex goddess while women seemed to desire a hero. One woman even described his soulmate to me down to her toes. Physical beauty and heroism were at the top of the list. Ironically none of these people, including me, had found their imagined soulmate.
What was I missing? Thoughts began flashing through my mind. What would a perfect person want with a person like me? What about me was attractive? How could I change to become more attractive internally as well as externally?
I began studying personal development. I learned egos have no place in a relationship and feelings dictate what we do, say, think and believe. I read you experience love from within not from someone externally. I read the words but I really didn’t understand them. I read that a soulmate’s job is not to fulfill your fantasies, but help you be more loving, giving and gentle. I learned real soulmates don’t let you off the hook, they challenge you to be all you can. We seem to fall into negative habits of repetition that hold us on the surface of what we can achieve and usually don’t live up to our own potential
I began to realize when you actually accept another for who they are, you give them an invitation to change. I found accepting oneself is the creative force of change. I had to change. I needed to examine who I was in order to change. I relaxed into a meditative state and began. I allowed everything positive and negative to come to mind. I quietly listened as thoughts about myself began to surface.
The soul’s deepest desire is to be seen as we are and loved. In my mind I thought of everything. I was determined to accept the things I could not change and change what I could. I wanted to be everything I desired in a soulmate. I wanted to be kind hearted, skilled to cope with life’s pressures and love myself for the entire person I am, past and present. I wanted to be a comfort giver, unconditional lover...etc. I knew like attracts like and I needed the attributes I desired in my soulmate. This realization made me ask the difficult question “which of these have I mastered? Truthful self-examination is difficult and change is not easy. Old habits are hard to kick.
I then came upon a book ,Ramtha Intensive Soulmates, Ramtha, a channeled entity states, "there are very few entities who ever find their soulmate, ever." He goes on to say that we have lived many lifetimes without seeing the other side of ourselves. He says that we think we have met this special person and yet in time they disappear from our life. We assume that our soulmate would be everything we desire.
He encourages individual's to examine themselves. How desirable are you? How honorable are you? How much integrity and virtue do you process? He then goes on "Behold! Look at the door! Come forth, soulmate! and you turn around to see, with great anticipation, what your soulmate looks like, what would you do if it was you walking in the door, with all of your hang-ups and limitations."
Finding your Counterpart soulmate takes time. I’ve learned invaluable information while searching. There is no woman out there who is going to save you. Soulmates are rarely what you imagined but exactly what you need. Soulmates come into our life to help us heal. They expose areas we want undiscovered. They help us become more intimate.
The eyes are the windows to the soul. When you look someone deep in the eyes you engage in a rare form of intimacy. Do you long for the day you gaze into your soulmates eyes and experience the sense of being whole. Most people won’t allow intimacy and look away. Soulmates have this intimacy.
In order to experience the soulmate relationship we must look past our intention and what we expect. Soulmates challenge our inconsistencies. They stand by you, not necessarily agree with you.
A soulful relationship offers two difficult challenges. The first is to come to know oneself. The second is to get to know the deep subtle richness of the other.
You may have to enter the confusion of another. This is a way soulmates reveal their souls. You will touch upon issues charged with emotion. Soulmate relationships cause you to dig deep into the stuff of the soul.
A relationship may look like an arrangement of two people getting together but it is more profound. It is the arrangement of a soul recognizing itself in another.
Soulmates are brought together for growth. If you do not work out your issues in each relationship, you will attract another partner with the same soul agenda. We are quick to see other's dysfunction. We deny our own inappropriate behavior and cast blame.
We attract into our life what we express. In truth, the quality of our relationships are products of our own habitual thoughts and actions.
The idea of looking for your soulmate it is an admission that you are separated. With this admission comes the fact that anything separated from it's source has a strong chance of becoming lost. This explains the disconnection we feel when we are not experiencing intimate love.
Real intimacy is when you are emotionally naked before each other. There is always a higher purpose to a soulmate relationship. It is for real intimacy and it is the desire for that intimacy that creates a bond between two souls, they will find a way to join together. The longing to experience intimacy keeps your soulmate alive in the subconscious.
This past summer I fell head over heels in love with a woman from Brooklyn I experienced a weekend of heaven. I felt strongly this person was my twin soul but as it turned out, she literally jerked my feet out from under me. She told me she loved me, made love to me and promised me the world.
We danced together and made plans for our future. She looked directly in my eyes and said, "I've known you before, I don't know where or how, but I know you." I was mesmerized. She was the one and she said all the right things. This relationship lasted during the summer. I was devastated. Obviously this person was a karmic companion and I had something to learn from the experience. She was a liar . I was left to examine how I attracted her. I knew I was not a liar It took some time, but I did come to the realize I lied to myself and was unfaithful responding to my own needs and desires. I was made aware of my need to please others more than the need to please myself. I developed better relationships as I became stronger .
Our egotistic nature likes to show off. We act like we are something we're not. We hide our dysfunction and have difficulty being honest. We fear we are not good enough. We lack confidence in ourselves, yet present ourselves perfect for the person we are pursuing. If you play this way, you will be busted.
We constantly do things that do not promote intimacy. At the same time, we want our soulmate in the purest sense. This dichotomy is why most individuals never find their soulmate.
Relationships are challenges. The path that leads to your soulmate is honesty. Your walls must come down in order to experience such a relationship. As long as you have walls you will not be a true partner.
The way to your soulmate is through self-love. You cannot truly love another when you do not love yourself. Loving yourself is the beginning. Be honest and open. Through your honesty and openness you experience intimacy and find your soulmate.
When you are genuinely ready you will find your twin soul. People claim they are ready but their soulmate hasn't appeared. It is possible to be emotionally, but not spiritually ready or vice versa. Most people claiming they were ready, looking back, realize they were not.
Nature shows us there is nothing in the universe out of rhythm. Our universe is held together by such perfect timing the conscious mind cannot fathom. Your soulmate will show up right on time. Be devoted to your highest good. Desire your soulmate for the right reasons. You and your soulmate may have different interests but your personal development will be compatible.
If you find yourself making excuses for anothers behavior you must question what in your behavior needs corrected. Once your behavior is corrected you will no longer be attracted to poor behavior and you will lovingly leave.
It is not your mission to change your partner. It is your mission to change yourself. The soul always manifests itself. This is your journey of change.
How do you recognize a soulmate relationship?You will recognize your soulmate when you recognize yourself in a person. A soulmate will admire you when you admire yourself and love you when you love yourself. You will recognize your soulmate through your own love and admiration. They will recognize you by the same principles.You will know when you have found your soulmate because you are completely comfortable. You share the same spirit. You experience a profound connection and a rare form of intimacy.
Your soulmate is not a person. It has no body. It is the magnetic patterns that attracts you to a person. As you change you attract a partner with like patterns.
Your inner guidance is always directing, if you listen. When you become the person you desire, you will experience a counterpart relationship. A person does not necessarily have to change partners to experience this soulmate relationship. You could be with your soulmate and not be able to recognize them because you haven’t learned basic skills that connect you to your own love.
The search for the great relationship is the inner search we have to connect with something greater. The connection is with ourselves and our own spiritual quest. We are ultimately seeking a complete union between ourselves and our true nature, the universe or God.
Follow your inner guidance to change. Real love is feeling your own fullness. You will find your soulmate when you have healed from within. Change yourself! You will never know for sure if a person is truly your soulmate as long as you are not true to yourself and to your own soul. When you are, it will be very clear whether the person is your soulmate. Become all you wish in a soulmate. Be patient. You have and will always attract your soulmate.
"Would you be happy to meet you? So prepare yourself, so you will be happy with yourself. Start dealing with the aspects of thine self that you do not like. What you create in yourself you shall find. The soulmate is a mirror, and the mirror reflects itself perfectly. The neurotic reaches for the neurotic, the negative for the negative, and so forth. That is why marriages fail. They have not prepared themselves. Looking for their counterpart, they find it." Ramtha
One of my favorite recording artists, Doug Stone, recorded a song on his 1992, From theHeart, Album. The song, Made for Loving You, was written by Curly Putman and Sonny Throckmorton. The song summarizes my feelings about soulmates. The words are:
Imagine your body with fine, thin threads of electrical current extending from you. These currents are so fine they cannot be seen. They extend several feet in every direction. They are like tiny feelers. They connect to a person before we ever engage in conversation. These energy currents are positive and negative forces, responding and rejecting. They reject energy completely different from their own. They respond to similar patterns. These circuits play a very important part in what we attract.
Soulmates are attracted to the ethereal body or the energy patterns of another. This is the initial attraction. The first conscious attraction can be either ethereal or physical. The attraction that lasts is the ethereal.
The soulmate relationship is a marriage of two similar souls or two similar energy patterns. When we are physically attracted to someone, we hope for the opportunity to know that person.
If you are physically attracted to a person more than spiritually, you should get to know the person before making commitments. Beyond physical appearance the soulmate is concerned with the soul.
In Bernard Gunther's book, Energy Ecstasy, he sees man as energy in different degrees of speed, density and intensity. He says man is a series of ever changing energies. The soul or the spirit of the ethereal body is affected by the constant exchanging, interchanging and rearranging of the energy field. The etheric body is constantly changing.
As we change we desire our partner to change. If one or the other partner doesn't grow in the same direction there is a strong chance of changing partners. It is rare to find someone on our own frequency of consciousness that is transforming in exactly the same way.
The soul of man is forever learning. Together soulmates learn life lessons. Soulmates help each other learn to further their soul growth.
When you experience a strong mutual attraction, you may have met a soulmate. Your soulmate is not the physical person in front of you. Your soulmate is their spirit.
Your soul shows itself to you by the people you attract. When you are drawn to someone, their energy will tell you all you need to know about your soul growth. Many clues to your own nature lie in what you attract and repel. You are always attracted to someone that reflects you or your own potential. You are rarely attracted to someone that is nothing like you. You are connected to your soulmate through attraction. Your soulmate has a similar or identical energy pattern causing you to feel a connection in their presence.
When you are connected to your soulmate you influence them and they influence you. You are experiencing the soul's vibration. You may think of this energy as their attitude or personality. Your combined energy is magnetic.
There are certain Universal Laws that can help us understand why we attract certain individuals into our lives. They are;
1. The law of attraction; you can only attract to you those qualities you possess.
2. The law of reflection; the traits you respond to in others, you recognize in yourself.
3. The law of resistance; that which you resist, you draw to you and perpetuate it's influence in your life. You are complete when you have grown to understand these principles and practice them.
Deepak Chopra, best selling author and lecturer, in a interview with Tony Robbins, author of Unlimited Power, tells about a research that was recently done with mice. According to Dr. Chopra, a set of mice were placed in a room and given electrical shocks. They were then removed. Another set of mice were brought in. He said that instantly the new set of mice began to panic. These mice smelled the hormones or pheromones of fear from the other mice. Humans also send off pheromones. He says that pheromones are the hormones of our emotional state. He believes every emotional state has its own hormonal energy that is not confined to the body, but is released by the body. The emotional energy field can now be captured on film. It is done by a method called Kirlian photography. It is fascinating.
Emerson once said, "who you are shouts so loudly in my ears I can not hear what you are saying.
Dick Sutphen is the author of many best-selling books on metaphysical topics. I found his tape series, Predestined Love , interesting. In this series he discusses cases of men and women who discover reincarnation through regressive hypnosis. His clients tell stories that strongly suggest they have returned lifetime after lifetime to be reunited with their soulmate.
He says a soulmate or twin soul is a perfect partner. He feels you share the same vibrational level and a lineage of past lives. He believes soulmates have a relationship which will allow both to fulfill their "dharmic direction" and accomplish their "soul goals."
According to Mr. Sutphen there are different types of soulmates. Some soulmates are supposed to be together forever while other relationships are destined to end. A soulmate relationship is simply a love that is destined. These relationships fit into three categories: Karmic, Dharmic bond and Counterpart companions.
Mr. Sutphen lectures that Karmic companions are two people destined to form a union confronting unlearned lessons from past lives. Usually this relationship is centered around conflict until the lesson is learned. If the relationship cannot be healed, the couple must let go with love. If not, they will meet again in another lifetime.
Relationships started entering my life. One at a time each relationship taught me something. Woen often sensed my insecurity. I attracted woman in my life that were troubled, because I was troubled. I'm sure if we met today it would be different. I am no longer attracted to the women in my past because I am no longer the same person. That was a timewhen I was projecting my need for fulfillment on others. I was unaware I was on a personal path of transformation.
The path to personal transformation can be long and exhausting. I had so much to learn about relationships. I had to learn relationships are excellent tools for the evolution of your own consciousness. I didn’t know needing someone for fulfillment was not love, it was dependence. I learned being single was not a disease and no person was the answer to my life. It took a while, but I eventually realized where you leave each relationship is where you begin the next. The more loving, forgiving and confident you are, the more love, forgiveness and confidence you receive. Karmic companions are our friends. Allow yourself to honor each relationship. Relationships are great teachers, if we choose to learn.
The second soulmate type is Dharmic bond companions. These soulmates share a goal. This relationship is like Karmic companion relationships in that two people come together combining their energy for one task, however when they have succeeded in reaching the common goal, their future depends on how they have structured their relationship. You will have few Dharmic companions. You will always remember dharmic relationships. They will have a more dramatic affect on your life and may remain in your life on non-romantic terms.
Joanne is a dharmic relationship. We came together to learn that we can learn to love. Our romantic relationship ended after three years.
The third soulmate type is the Counterpart companions. These companions experience a loving, supportive relationship in which the couple will comfortably live their life. They will have problems, but most of the problems will be outside their relationship. They harmonize with each other, however, outside influences can challenge them. The relationship will usually last a lifetime.
I have met very few individuals that have a counterpart relationship. These relationships are often referred to as twin souls . These relationships communicate soul to soul through equality. No one is superior or inferior. They communicate honestly, openly and truthfully. The two people are usually evolving at the same rate and frequency. These soulmates do not limit their lives by staying with each other because it is the right thing to do. They stay together because they want to be together. There is mystery surrounding what holds these relationships together.
When I began searching for a soulmate my first questions were; who would this person be and what would this person be like? I envisioned her as kind hearted. She would be skilled to cope with stress and life's pressures. She would love me for all that I am. She would except my past as part of my path without jealousy, judgments or punishment. She would comfort me through all my experiences, good and bad. She would love me unconditionally and without reserve. She would have compassion when I make mistakes and kind when I cry. She would be gentle, passionate, and strong. She would be my lover and my friend. What were the chances of any one person fitting this description? I confess I laughed.
More questions kept coming. Could this person really exist? Believing gave me hope. I could not get her out of my imagination. Unknowingly I was on a mission, determined to find my soulmate.
My search had begun. I would journal in my blog nightly my thoughts, ideas and progress. I could see my soulmate in my mind's eye. She had beautiful dark hair and eyes that sparkled. I fantasized about her. Her touch was magic. She was flawless. She was every man’s dream, and she was mine .
Time passed. My life changed and so did my relationships. With each relationship I grew. I became more adventurous, passionate and wise. I had an expectation that any moment she would arrive. I was looking and was consumed with finding her. I felt attached to her and would speak to her in my mind. I wrote songs and poetry about her. She was my life, my breath, my soul. I meditated, I prayed, I begged God for her. He didn’t come. After a while, I became very discouraged. I began to question the love I was imagining. I was having trouble distinguishing between a sexual experience and a soulmate experience. Time would always tell. Relationship after relationship ended.
When on a search, you seem to encounter others that are on the same search. During that time I had the opportunity to speak with several individuals about their idea of a soulmate. They invariably described someone who would rescue, romance or in some way complete them. Like me, they wanted that perfect person. Men desired physical appearance and a sex goddess while women seemed to desire a hero. One woman even described his soulmate to me down to her toes. Physical beauty and heroism were at the top of the list. Ironically none of these people, including me, had found their imagined soulmate.
What was I missing? Thoughts began flashing through my mind. What would a perfect person want with a person like me? What about me was attractive? How could I change to become more attractive internally as well as externally?
I began studying personal development. I learned egos have no place in a relationship and feelings dictate what we do, say, think and believe. I read you experience love from within not from someone externally. I read the words but I really didn’t understand them. I read that a soulmate’s job is not to fulfill your fantasies, but help you be more loving, giving and gentle. I learned real soulmates don’t let you off the hook, they challenge you to be all you can. We seem to fall into negative habits of repetition that hold us on the surface of what we can achieve and usually don’t live up to our own potential
I began to realize when you actually accept another for who they are, you give them an invitation to change. I found accepting oneself is the creative force of change. I had to change. I needed to examine who I was in order to change. I relaxed into a meditative state and began. I allowed everything positive and negative to come to mind. I quietly listened as thoughts about myself began to surface.
The soul’s deepest desire is to be seen as we are and loved. In my mind I thought of everything. I was determined to accept the things I could not change and change what I could. I wanted to be everything I desired in a soulmate. I wanted to be kind hearted, skilled to cope with life’s pressures and love myself for the entire person I am, past and present. I wanted to be a comfort giver, unconditional lover...etc. I knew like attracts like and I needed the attributes I desired in my soulmate. This realization made me ask the difficult question “which of these have I mastered? Truthful self-examination is difficult and change is not easy. Old habits are hard to kick.
I then came upon a book ,Ramtha Intensive Soulmates, Ramtha, a channeled entity states, "there are very few entities who ever find their soulmate, ever." He goes on to say that we have lived many lifetimes without seeing the other side of ourselves. He says that we think we have met this special person and yet in time they disappear from our life. We assume that our soulmate would be everything we desire.
He encourages individual's to examine themselves. How desirable are you? How honorable are you? How much integrity and virtue do you process? He then goes on "Behold! Look at the door! Come forth, soulmate! and you turn around to see, with great anticipation, what your soulmate looks like, what would you do if it was you walking in the door, with all of your hang-ups and limitations."
Finding your Counterpart soulmate takes time. I’ve learned invaluable information while searching. There is no woman out there who is going to save you. Soulmates are rarely what you imagined but exactly what you need. Soulmates come into our life to help us heal. They expose areas we want undiscovered. They help us become more intimate.
The eyes are the windows to the soul. When you look someone deep in the eyes you engage in a rare form of intimacy. Do you long for the day you gaze into your soulmates eyes and experience the sense of being whole. Most people won’t allow intimacy and look away. Soulmates have this intimacy.
In order to experience the soulmate relationship we must look past our intention and what we expect. Soulmates challenge our inconsistencies. They stand by you, not necessarily agree with you.
A soulful relationship offers two difficult challenges. The first is to come to know oneself. The second is to get to know the deep subtle richness of the other.
You may have to enter the confusion of another. This is a way soulmates reveal their souls. You will touch upon issues charged with emotion. Soulmate relationships cause you to dig deep into the stuff of the soul.
A relationship may look like an arrangement of two people getting together but it is more profound. It is the arrangement of a soul recognizing itself in another.
Soulmates are brought together for growth. If you do not work out your issues in each relationship, you will attract another partner with the same soul agenda. We are quick to see other's dysfunction. We deny our own inappropriate behavior and cast blame.
We attract into our life what we express. In truth, the quality of our relationships are products of our own habitual thoughts and actions.
The idea of looking for your soulmate it is an admission that you are separated. With this admission comes the fact that anything separated from it's source has a strong chance of becoming lost. This explains the disconnection we feel when we are not experiencing intimate love.
Real intimacy is when you are emotionally naked before each other. There is always a higher purpose to a soulmate relationship. It is for real intimacy and it is the desire for that intimacy that creates a bond between two souls, they will find a way to join together. The longing to experience intimacy keeps your soulmate alive in the subconscious.
This past summer I fell head over heels in love with a woman from Brooklyn I experienced a weekend of heaven. I felt strongly this person was my twin soul but as it turned out, she literally jerked my feet out from under me. She told me she loved me, made love to me and promised me the world.
We danced together and made plans for our future. She looked directly in my eyes and said, "I've known you before, I don't know where or how, but I know you." I was mesmerized. She was the one and she said all the right things. This relationship lasted during the summer. I was devastated. Obviously this person was a karmic companion and I had something to learn from the experience. She was a liar . I was left to examine how I attracted her. I knew I was not a liar It took some time, but I did come to the realize I lied to myself and was unfaithful responding to my own needs and desires. I was made aware of my need to please others more than the need to please myself. I developed better relationships as I became stronger .
Our egotistic nature likes to show off. We act like we are something we're not. We hide our dysfunction and have difficulty being honest. We fear we are not good enough. We lack confidence in ourselves, yet present ourselves perfect for the person we are pursuing. If you play this way, you will be busted.
We constantly do things that do not promote intimacy. At the same time, we want our soulmate in the purest sense. This dichotomy is why most individuals never find their soulmate.
Relationships are challenges. The path that leads to your soulmate is honesty. Your walls must come down in order to experience such a relationship. As long as you have walls you will not be a true partner.
The way to your soulmate is through self-love. You cannot truly love another when you do not love yourself. Loving yourself is the beginning. Be honest and open. Through your honesty and openness you experience intimacy and find your soulmate.
When you are genuinely ready you will find your twin soul. People claim they are ready but their soulmate hasn't appeared. It is possible to be emotionally, but not spiritually ready or vice versa. Most people claiming they were ready, looking back, realize they were not.
Nature shows us there is nothing in the universe out of rhythm. Our universe is held together by such perfect timing the conscious mind cannot fathom. Your soulmate will show up right on time. Be devoted to your highest good. Desire your soulmate for the right reasons. You and your soulmate may have different interests but your personal development will be compatible.
If you find yourself making excuses for anothers behavior you must question what in your behavior needs corrected. Once your behavior is corrected you will no longer be attracted to poor behavior and you will lovingly leave.
It is not your mission to change your partner. It is your mission to change yourself. The soul always manifests itself. This is your journey of change.
How do you recognize a soulmate relationship?You will recognize your soulmate when you recognize yourself in a person. A soulmate will admire you when you admire yourself and love you when you love yourself. You will recognize your soulmate through your own love and admiration. They will recognize you by the same principles.You will know when you have found your soulmate because you are completely comfortable. You share the same spirit. You experience a profound connection and a rare form of intimacy.
Your soulmate is not a person. It has no body. It is the magnetic patterns that attracts you to a person. As you change you attract a partner with like patterns.
Your inner guidance is always directing, if you listen. When you become the person you desire, you will experience a counterpart relationship. A person does not necessarily have to change partners to experience this soulmate relationship. You could be with your soulmate and not be able to recognize them because you haven’t learned basic skills that connect you to your own love.
The search for the great relationship is the inner search we have to connect with something greater. The connection is with ourselves and our own spiritual quest. We are ultimately seeking a complete union between ourselves and our true nature, the universe or God.
Follow your inner guidance to change. Real love is feeling your own fullness. You will find your soulmate when you have healed from within. Change yourself! You will never know for sure if a person is truly your soulmate as long as you are not true to yourself and to your own soul. When you are, it will be very clear whether the person is your soulmate. Become all you wish in a soulmate. Be patient. You have and will always attract your soulmate.
"Would you be happy to meet you? So prepare yourself, so you will be happy with yourself. Start dealing with the aspects of thine self that you do not like. What you create in yourself you shall find. The soulmate is a mirror, and the mirror reflects itself perfectly. The neurotic reaches for the neurotic, the negative for the negative, and so forth. That is why marriages fail. They have not prepared themselves. Looking for their counterpart, they find it." Ramtha
One of my favorite recording artists, Doug Stone, recorded a song on his 1992, From theHeart, Album. The song, Made for Loving You, was written by Curly Putman and Sonny Throckmorton. The song summarizes my feelings about soulmates. The words are:
Everybody sings a different kind of song
All God’s children have somewhere they belong
Oh I’ve heard it said and I know it must be true
We meant to be, I’m made for loving you.
All God’s children have somewhere they belong
Oh I’ve heard it said and I know it must be true
We meant to be, I’m made for loving you.
Everybody had something he must be
Call it fortune or just call it destiny
I have spent my life making my way to you
See the way we fit I’m made for loving you
Like blue skies always seem to go with sunshine
And just as laughter goes along with good times
I have spent my life making my way to you
See the way we fit I’m made for loving you
Soulmates fit together and when something fits you know. Having a soulmate is real. Soulmates are finding each other. I challenge you to find yours!
Call it fortune or just call it destiny
I have spent my life making my way to you
See the way we fit I’m made for loving you
Like blue skies always seem to go with sunshine
And just as laughter goes along with good times
I have spent my life making my way to you
See the way we fit I’m made for loving you
Soulmates fit together and when something fits you know. Having a soulmate is real. Soulmates are finding each other. I challenge you to find yours!
PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: OUR STORY..A THREAD THAT CONNECTS ME TO YOU
Dear Soulmate,
I believe there was a strong, unseen connection that connect me to the one I am suppose to be with.. It’s something I call an invisible thread that connects two people who are destined to meet, regardless of time and place and circumstance. Some people call it the string of fate, others the thread of destiny. It is, I believe which will bring me and my love to the same stretch of internet space in a vast, teeming city—just two people out of eight million, somehow connected, somehow meant to be.
Our story will be a story of a very unlikely love, and of the unexpected ways It will be a story of how two people who lived in the different places— from wildly different worlds—somehow touched each other’s hearts and profoundly changed each other’s lives. It will be a story of letting go—of crippling fears, of expectations and limitations—and being open to the sweet, unplanned blessings of life. I guess you could say it is the story of how two people will learn to live.
And, of course, it is the story of me to met you.. Whatever it is that made you notice my profile is clearly something that cannot be extinguished, no matter how relentless the forces aligned against it. Some may call it spirit. Some may call it heart. Whatever it is, it gave you remarkable strength and courage to answer me.. So here we were, two people with absolutely nothing in common, except, we would eventually discover, a powerful, shared desire—the desire to feel loved.. We won't know how long our journey would last when we set out on it. I am sure we both recognized it was an unusual arrangement, and I know each of us will have to learn to trust the other. But in the end we will wound up meeting and hundreds of times after that. When we met we were just two people with complicated pasts and fragile dreams. But somehow we found each other, and we became husband and wife and that, you will see, made all the difference for us both.May you be open to each threat that comes into your life-the golden ones and the course ones-and may you weave them into a brilliant and beautiful life.
I believe there was a strong, unseen connection that connect me to the one I am suppose to be with.. It’s something I call an invisible thread that connects two people who are destined to meet, regardless of time and place and circumstance. Some people call it the string of fate, others the thread of destiny. It is, I believe which will bring me and my love to the same stretch of internet space in a vast, teeming city—just two people out of eight million, somehow connected, somehow meant to be.
Our story will be a story of a very unlikely love, and of the unexpected ways It will be a story of how two people who lived in the different places— from wildly different worlds—somehow touched each other’s hearts and profoundly changed each other’s lives. It will be a story of letting go—of crippling fears, of expectations and limitations—and being open to the sweet, unplanned blessings of life. I guess you could say it is the story of how two people will learn to live.
And, of course, it is the story of me to met you.. Whatever it is that made you notice my profile is clearly something that cannot be extinguished, no matter how relentless the forces aligned against it. Some may call it spirit. Some may call it heart. Whatever it is, it gave you remarkable strength and courage to answer me.. So here we were, two people with absolutely nothing in common, except, we would eventually discover, a powerful, shared desire—the desire to feel loved.. We won't know how long our journey would last when we set out on it. I am sure we both recognized it was an unusual arrangement, and I know each of us will have to learn to trust the other. But in the end we will wound up meeting and hundreds of times after that. When we met we were just two people with complicated pasts and fragile dreams. But somehow we found each other, and we became husband and wife and that, you will see, made all the difference for us both.May you be open to each threat that comes into your life-the golden ones and the course ones-and may you weave them into a brilliant and beautiful life.
PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: BELOVED WOMAN..YOUR LOVE WAS NEVER WASTED
Your love was never wasted… nor lost…an invisible thread connects all your loved ones… all those you are destined to meet…
Beloved woman… You wonder where is your perfect match… when your twin soul will be showing up…
Your beloved one has been coming to you through every man you´ve loved… through every man you´ve experienced with… each one of them bringing you a piece of him… the qualities and the fears for you to recognize from him… they are all the same man… the man inside yourself… each one of them gifting you with a piece in your puzzle… your own returning to love from your lost self…
Until you come back to your truth… until you can recognize yourself in everyone of those men… he can´t manifest… you keep pushing him away the same way you keep making force to not see your true self…
In the same way when you can recognize yourself in every one of your relations… or even in every part of only one relation… even in the ones that are most difficult as well as they bring you the most hidden pieces from yourself… you will be able to recognize life… love itself in all its manifestations
Beloved woman… You wonder where is your perfect match… when your twin soul will be showing up…
Your beloved one has been coming to you through every man you´ve loved… through every man you´ve experienced with… each one of them bringing you a piece of him… the qualities and the fears for you to recognize from him… they are all the same man… the man inside yourself… each one of them gifting you with a piece in your puzzle… your own returning to love from your lost self…
Until you come back to your truth… until you can recognize yourself in everyone of those men… he can´t manifest… you keep pushing him away the same way you keep making force to not see your true self…
In the same way when you can recognize yourself in every one of your relations… or even in every part of only one relation… even in the ones that are most difficult as well as they bring you the most hidden pieces from yourself… you will be able to recognize life… love itself in all its manifestations
And then you will finally see me as the one for you
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
Loving is the best thing I could ever do to myself. I just can't find any words on the planet to express the love I have for you but there is one thing I know...I'm in love with you. The love I have for you makes me forget that I'm the of challenges of life. Whenever I wake up in the morning, I just look for your photo. I can feel and hear it saying, "good morning, it's a new day." Full of good hope and a fair atmosphere,My love for you is enormous. I'm in love with you. and whoever gave you the name sweetness had a feeling that one day you will grow up and transform my sour life to be sweet as it is today. Sweet like fresh honey that honeybees have produced, just for me.Whenever I eat it, my face is full of smiles and my heart rejoices. The essence of love is on your lips. Spring in the air and flowers bloom .Love so sincere, so luscious fondles and corrupts my soul's affection such an extravagant, bold, devoted, delectable love takes over the galaxy.It's the sparkle of your eyes, or the softness of your hair. It's that something that can't hold me from a stare. My love for you ever longs, only you will do. It's something in you that no one else has but you. Oh, how I?d like to hold your hand. Walk - Run away - Run home again hand in hand in wonderland - in a dream and not letting go of your hand.Only for you have I: Two eyes to see you. Two lips to kiss you.Two hands to touch you. Two arms to hold you.Two feet to walk with you.Two legs to stand beside you and one heart to always love you!
Loving is the best thing I could ever do to myself. I just can't find any words on the planet to express the love I have for you but there is one thing I know...I'm in love with you. The love I have for you makes me forget that I'm the of challenges of life. Whenever I wake up in the morning, I just look for your photo. I can feel and hear it saying, "good morning, it's a new day." Full of good hope and a fair atmosphere,My love for you is enormous. I'm in love with you. and whoever gave you the name sweetness had a feeling that one day you will grow up and transform my sour life to be sweet as it is today. Sweet like fresh honey that honeybees have produced, just for me.Whenever I eat it, my face is full of smiles and my heart rejoices. The essence of love is on your lips. Spring in the air and flowers bloom .Love so sincere, so luscious fondles and corrupts my soul's affection such an extravagant, bold, devoted, delectable love takes over the galaxy.It's the sparkle of your eyes, or the softness of your hair. It's that something that can't hold me from a stare. My love for you ever longs, only you will do. It's something in you that no one else has but you. Oh, how I?d like to hold your hand. Walk - Run away - Run home again hand in hand in wonderland - in a dream and not letting go of your hand.Only for you have I: Two eyes to see you. Two lips to kiss you.Two hands to touch you. Two arms to hold you.Two feet to walk with you.Two legs to stand beside you and one heart to always love you!
Monday, January 27, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE..YOU ARE MY SUNSET
Dear Soulmate
I lay here next to you, and think of all the times we've had. My head is flooded full of memories of the good times and the bad. I smile and put my arms around you and hold you close to me. I close my eyes and wonder what you're dreaming, wonder what you see. I kiss you softly on the cheek and watch you softly sleep in bliss then I lay my head on your chest and think how much i love simply this.I never before saw such a sunset as the one withheld in your eyes. And, as I gaze into this sunset,a peace and comfort within me arise. This sunset is like no other.It is special, from the viewpoint I see. This happens, once a lifetime, I will never see another for, this view of the sunset means a lot to me. I want to be locked into this sunset and never part from the one I love.And, as I'm lost forever in this special sunset. I'm reminded that you are the only one I love. There's nothing quite as beautiful as you. Nothing like your face, like the warmth of your embrace. A kind and gentle soul whose love runs deep and true there's nothing quite as beautiful...as beautiful as you.Seen the hand of nature paint the landscape green. Seen the breath of winter coat the rivers and the streams. Seen life beneath a sea of china blue but there's nothing on this planet quite as beautiful as you. Your being fills my senses and makes my spirit start to climb.When I'm with you my soul can rest. I want to be with you forever more. On this special day.I make a solemn vow. To love you endlessly in the best way I know how. To love you through the days.To love you through the nights. To love you through the wrongs.To love you through the rights.To hold your hand through all,...your laughs, your thoughts, your fears.To have you close to me,
I lay here next to you, and think of all the times we've had. My head is flooded full of memories of the good times and the bad. I smile and put my arms around you and hold you close to me. I close my eyes and wonder what you're dreaming, wonder what you see. I kiss you softly on the cheek and watch you softly sleep in bliss then I lay my head on your chest and think how much i love simply this.I never before saw such a sunset as the one withheld in your eyes. And, as I gaze into this sunset,a peace and comfort within me arise. This sunset is like no other.It is special, from the viewpoint I see. This happens, once a lifetime, I will never see another for, this view of the sunset means a lot to me. I want to be locked into this sunset and never part from the one I love.And, as I'm lost forever in this special sunset. I'm reminded that you are the only one I love. There's nothing quite as beautiful as you. Nothing like your face, like the warmth of your embrace. A kind and gentle soul whose love runs deep and true there's nothing quite as beautiful...as beautiful as you.Seen the hand of nature paint the landscape green. Seen the breath of winter coat the rivers and the streams. Seen life beneath a sea of china blue but there's nothing on this planet quite as beautiful as you. Your being fills my senses and makes my spirit start to climb.When I'm with you my soul can rest. I want to be with you forever more. On this special day.I make a solemn vow. To love you endlessly in the best way I know how. To love you through the days.To love you through the nights. To love you through the wrongs.To love you through the rights.To hold your hand through all,...your laughs, your thoughts, your fears.To have you close to me,
LOVE/ DATING/THOUGHTS/MOVIES: A BRONX TALE..THE DOOR TEST VS SALIVA TEST
I remember watching a movie called "A Bronx Tale," it's 1993 movie about a kid growing up in the rough-and-tumble 1960s Bronx, What I remember the most from that movie is the "door test."
The "door test," explains gangster Sonny (Chazz Palminteri) to the kid as he prepares to go on a first date, is how you determine whether a girl is a keeper. After opening the car door for your date to climb into the passenger seat, Sonny tells the kid, walk around behind the car and peer through the rear windshield to see if she leans over to unlock the driver's side door for you.
"If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad, and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg," Sonny says in the movie. "You dump her and you dump her fast."
I took the "door test" to heart. The simplicity of the "door test," in which a single gesture separates the good eggs from the bad.Power locks, had rendered the "door test" irrelevant.What's a modern-day dater to do?
I went on a search of the contemporary equivalent of the "door test," To me little things that matter most. Manner is always up there..so is kindness to others or concern for less fortunate. If they see an old or handicapped person struggling or something, and they go out of their way to help them out, that would be something that catches my eye. But to me the equivalent to the door test is sharing meals.I like to call it the "saliva test. Once you get over that someone's saliva isn't gross, it becomes more of a 'we' than a 'me,'
The "door test," explains gangster Sonny (Chazz Palminteri) to the kid as he prepares to go on a first date, is how you determine whether a girl is a keeper. After opening the car door for your date to climb into the passenger seat, Sonny tells the kid, walk around behind the car and peer through the rear windshield to see if she leans over to unlock the driver's side door for you.
"If she doesn't reach over and lift up that button so that you can get in, that means she's a selfish broad, and all you're seeing is the tip of the iceberg," Sonny says in the movie. "You dump her and you dump her fast."
I took the "door test" to heart. The simplicity of the "door test," in which a single gesture separates the good eggs from the bad.Power locks, had rendered the "door test" irrelevant.What's a modern-day dater to do?
I went on a search of the contemporary equivalent of the "door test," To me little things that matter most. Manner is always up there..so is kindness to others or concern for less fortunate. If they see an old or handicapped person struggling or something, and they go out of their way to help them out, that would be something that catches my eye. But to me the equivalent to the door test is sharing meals.I like to call it the "saliva test. Once you get over that someone's saliva isn't gross, it becomes more of a 'we' than a 'me,'
Thursday, January 23, 2014
DATING/LOVE: WHAT'S IMPORTANT TO A MAN
Men are driven to compete, face challenges, succeed, and conquer. When a man does something nice or meaningful (such as opening a door, offering to help her with something heavy, or expressing a compliment) and a woman looks him in the eyes, smiles, tilts her head, or uses a soft, fluctuating, and feminine tone in response, she makes him feel like a success and encourages him to sacrifice again. All of these responses are flirting behaviors, but he doesn’t notice this. He just notices that she made the time to make him feel important and appreciated. (Men need to be needed. Men like to be appreciated.)
Women will often say that they express appreciation, but without expressing more emotion and femininity in her response, her appreciation often feels less meaningful. (Men like femininity.) Her tone of voice, soft touch, gentle smile, and encouraging words are part of what men associate with femininity. Granted her shape, physical appearance, and posture add to her femininity, but the combination of her appearance and gentle behaviors is part of what makes her not only look feminine and approachable but also confident and happy. (Men like women who like themselves. Men pursue women who appear to be approachable and available.)
Men need to be needed. A man needs to feel that you trust and respect him enough to depend and rely on him. (Men pursue relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.) But trusting and relying on a man is one of the biggest struggles a woman may have. Women are often taught by society and life to be independent and self-reliant. Additionally, women usually feel great impatience when waiting for a man to do something. It can be easier to just jump in and do it rather than feeling vulnerable and anxious, but it is her willingness to lovingly express her faith and confidence in him that will ultimately ensure his ongoing sacrifice, commitment, investment, and love. (Men love through sacrifice—theirs, not women's.)
Communicating faith and trust in a man is one of the most endearing feminine qualities a woman can express, and it starts at first contact by letting him make small sacrifices such as opening a door, offering to help with something, or expressing a compliment and she accepts each offer warmly and with enthusiasm (which reinforces his desire to spend even more time with her).
Women will often say that they express appreciation, but without expressing more emotion and femininity in her response, her appreciation often feels less meaningful. (Men like femininity.) Her tone of voice, soft touch, gentle smile, and encouraging words are part of what men associate with femininity. Granted her shape, physical appearance, and posture add to her femininity, but the combination of her appearance and gentle behaviors is part of what makes her not only look feminine and approachable but also confident and happy. (Men like women who like themselves. Men pursue women who appear to be approachable and available.)
Men need to be needed. A man needs to feel that you trust and respect him enough to depend and rely on him. (Men pursue relationships that make them feel trusted and respected.) But trusting and relying on a man is one of the biggest struggles a woman may have. Women are often taught by society and life to be independent and self-reliant. Additionally, women usually feel great impatience when waiting for a man to do something. It can be easier to just jump in and do it rather than feeling vulnerable and anxious, but it is her willingness to lovingly express her faith and confidence in him that will ultimately ensure his ongoing sacrifice, commitment, investment, and love. (Men love through sacrifice—theirs, not women's.)
Communicating faith and trust in a man is one of the most endearing feminine qualities a woman can express, and it starts at first contact by letting him make small sacrifices such as opening a door, offering to help with something, or expressing a compliment and she accepts each offer warmly and with enthusiasm (which reinforces his desire to spend even more time with her).
ARTICLE: The GOP’s 1 percent doctrine: Help the rich, and only the rich Corporate tax breaks? No problem. Raise the minimum wage? No dice. David Morris
The GOP’s 1 percent doctrine: Help the rich, and only the rich
Corporate tax breaks? No problem. Raise the minimum wage? No dice.
David Morris
Are Republicans inconsistent when they sometimes support using offsets and indexing and sometimes don’t? Not at all. They’re actually very consistent. When capital comes asking for gifts Republicans act like Santa Claus. When labor is the supplicant they conduct themselves more like Scrooge.
Consider the Republicans’ different approach to the estate tax, the minimum wage and jobless benefits.
When George Bush came to office the federal government taxed the value of estates over $675,000. Congress immediately raised the exemption to $1 million and in 2009 to $3.5 million. In 2010 Congress boosted it again to $5 million and in 2012 indexed the exemption to inflation. This year an individual will pay taxes only for the value of an estate over $5.25 million. A couple will receive an exemption of $10.5 million.
In sum, over 13 years Congress increased the estate tax exemption almost 800 percent and then indexed it to inflation. During that time the cost of living rose by 32 percent.
From 1997 to 2007 Congress refused to raise the minimum wage a penny. Then in 2007 it reluctantly raised it by $2.10 over three years. Since 2009 Congress has again refused to revisit the issue. Today and for the foreseeable future any proposal to index the federal minimum wage is dead on arrival.
In sum, over 16 years full time workers earning the federal minimum wage have seen their income rise by 40 percent, to $15,000. During that time the cost of living rose by 45 percent.
Ten states do automatically increase the minimum wage to keep pace with inflation. But last year Congress all but erased the impact of those increases when it refused to extend the two percent payroll tax reduction. The increased dollars subtracted from workers paychecks almost completely offset the dollars added to paychecks from the indexing of the minimum.
Congress takes the same mean spirited and miserly approach to the long term unemployed. In 2009, as part of its stimulus package, Congress extended jobless benefits to as much as 99 weeks. In 2012 it slashed the maximum to 73 weeks and for all but a dozen of the highest unemployment states, to 63 weeks. This was done even though unemployment remained at the highest levels in a generation and about 43 percent of the nearly 13 million unemployed were out of work for more than six months, double the rate of any other economic downturn since the Great Depression.
The average unemployment benefit is $300 per week.
In 2014 Republicans insist they won’t support an extension of jobless benefits without comparable reductions in spending. GOP leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) insists, “There is no excuse to pass unemployment insurance legislation — without also trying to find the money to pay for it so we’re not adding to a completely unsustainable debt.”
Republicans do not apply the offset principle to deficits created by reducing taxes. “You do need to offset the cost of increased spending and that’s what Republicans object to”, asserts Senator Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-AR). “But you should never have to offset cost of a deliberate decision to reduce tax rates on Americans.”
At the end of 2012 corporate tax breaks that cost the Treasury upwards of $50 billion a year expired. Congress is expected, as it has done many times in the past, to extend the tax breaks and to do so retroactively. No one is talking about the need for offsets.
But even here Republicans demonstrate their consistency. At the end of 2011 the payroll tax reduction expired. Republicans flatly refused to extend it through 2012 without offsetting the loss of revenue. After a protracted battle they reluctantly abandoned their principled effort. As Brian Beutler wrote in TPM the “development represents a dramatic reversal for GOP leaders, who nearly allowed the payroll tax cut to lapse in December in part because of their insistence that the package be financially offset.”
No principle is involved here unless the eagerness to engage in class warfare is a principle. Support for the working class must be offset because it increases the deficit but tax cuts for billionaires, which increase the deficit just as much if not more, do not. The minimum wage should be raised at most every decade and god forbid it should rise automatically with inflation but the estate tax exemption should be raised every year and indexed.
Corporate tax breaks? No problem. Raise the minimum wage? No dice.
David Morris
Are Republicans inconsistent when they sometimes support using offsets and indexing and sometimes don’t? Not at all. They’re actually very consistent. When capital comes asking for gifts Republicans act like Santa Claus. When labor is the supplicant they conduct themselves more like Scrooge.
Consider the Republicans’ different approach to the estate tax, the minimum wage and jobless benefits.
When George Bush came to office the federal government taxed the value of estates over $675,000. Congress immediately raised the exemption to $1 million and in 2009 to $3.5 million. In 2010 Congress boosted it again to $5 million and in 2012 indexed the exemption to inflation. This year an individual will pay taxes only for the value of an estate over $5.25 million. A couple will receive an exemption of $10.5 million.
In sum, over 13 years Congress increased the estate tax exemption almost 800 percent and then indexed it to inflation. During that time the cost of living rose by 32 percent.
From 1997 to 2007 Congress refused to raise the minimum wage a penny. Then in 2007 it reluctantly raised it by $2.10 over three years. Since 2009 Congress has again refused to revisit the issue. Today and for the foreseeable future any proposal to index the federal minimum wage is dead on arrival.
In sum, over 16 years full time workers earning the federal minimum wage have seen their income rise by 40 percent, to $15,000. During that time the cost of living rose by 45 percent.
Ten states do automatically increase the minimum wage to keep pace with inflation. But last year Congress all but erased the impact of those increases when it refused to extend the two percent payroll tax reduction. The increased dollars subtracted from workers paychecks almost completely offset the dollars added to paychecks from the indexing of the minimum.
Congress takes the same mean spirited and miserly approach to the long term unemployed. In 2009, as part of its stimulus package, Congress extended jobless benefits to as much as 99 weeks. In 2012 it slashed the maximum to 73 weeks and for all but a dozen of the highest unemployment states, to 63 weeks. This was done even though unemployment remained at the highest levels in a generation and about 43 percent of the nearly 13 million unemployed were out of work for more than six months, double the rate of any other economic downturn since the Great Depression.
The average unemployment benefit is $300 per week.
In 2014 Republicans insist they won’t support an extension of jobless benefits without comparable reductions in spending. GOP leader Mitch McConnell (R-KY) insists, “There is no excuse to pass unemployment insurance legislation — without also trying to find the money to pay for it so we’re not adding to a completely unsustainable debt.”
Republicans do not apply the offset principle to deficits created by reducing taxes. “You do need to offset the cost of increased spending and that’s what Republicans object to”, asserts Senator Minority Whip Jon Kyl (R-AR). “But you should never have to offset cost of a deliberate decision to reduce tax rates on Americans.”
At the end of 2012 corporate tax breaks that cost the Treasury upwards of $50 billion a year expired. Congress is expected, as it has done many times in the past, to extend the tax breaks and to do so retroactively. No one is talking about the need for offsets.
But even here Republicans demonstrate their consistency. At the end of 2011 the payroll tax reduction expired. Republicans flatly refused to extend it through 2012 without offsetting the loss of revenue. After a protracted battle they reluctantly abandoned their principled effort. As Brian Beutler wrote in TPM the “development represents a dramatic reversal for GOP leaders, who nearly allowed the payroll tax cut to lapse in December in part because of their insistence that the package be financially offset.”
No principle is involved here unless the eagerness to engage in class warfare is a principle. Support for the working class must be offset because it increases the deficit but tax cuts for billionaires, which increase the deficit just as much if not more, do not. The minimum wage should be raised at most every decade and god forbid it should rise automatically with inflation but the estate tax exemption should be raised every year and indexed.
Wednesday, January 22, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE..YOU COMPLETE ME
Dear Soulmate,
Being next to you is where I love to be. It takes away my worries and sets my heart free. When I hold you in my arms nothing can compare. I look into your eyes and I cannot help but stare and, stare I do, at your beautiful face. It makes my heart beat at a truly amazing pace.When I touch your face I begin to shine, It's then that I realize you are mine. It's in your arms I feel no fear. It's in your arms my thoughts are clear. Clear, that in my arms I hold a treasure, a gift from God that I cannot measure. When you go outside and look up at the sky. I want you to count every star and always remember every star you count is an I Love You. I want you to feel my love everywhere you go and I want you to know that I will always have you in my heart. The day we meet again,I want you to hug me, hug me very tight, and never let me go,that way we will never be apart again. So every time you see a star think of me and my love for you, and I will always have you in my heart and in my dreams because that's how much you mean to me.There are moments which I only want to spend with you. There are days when I only want to see you. There are hours when I just want to hug you, but I don't want to spend just one second without you!
How can this be, that you've opened my mind?
My head is in the clouds yet never before
in my life have I thought as clearly as I do now.
How can this be, that you've opened my eyes?
The world has blinded me by all the tears I've cried these past two years.
Yet somehow I know I will only cry tears of joy
from the moment you touched my life and ever after.
How can this be, that you've opened my arms?
They've been so tightly wrapped around me,
shutting all else out and shielding my heart
from the emptiness I've had to endure from the loss I suffer daily.
Yet now they forever remain wide open for every possible moment
to be wrapped around your beauty and embracing the beauty of you.
How can this be, that you've opened my heart?
Two years I've spent building walls and securing the very part of me
that has been through such torture and torment
that goes beyond the vast boundaries of Hell itself to be repaired.
My heart has searched endlessly, never to find a way
until you broke down the walls and tenderly, slowly started to heal
the gashes and wounds with the gentle strength of your love.
How can this be, that you've opened the cold steel door
that has kept my dreams and inspirations locked away for so long?
You've awakened my senses and renewed my passions.
You've brought back to life my hopes and all that inspires me.
You've calmed the raging storms and put my fears to rest.
Now I only dream of all the future will bless us with side by side.
You've not only brought life back into me
but instilled the knowledge these dreams will come true.
How can this be, that you've opened the very being of my life
that makes me all that I am?
You've shown me that I am loved for who I am
and make me want to be the very best that I can be,
not just for you but for myself.
You encourage me to carry out my dreams
and I know that together we will both see each other fulfill
all we ever dreamed we could and so much more.
My life before was always missing this very important piece
and I have found it in you. How can this be, that you complete me?
Being next to you is where I love to be. It takes away my worries and sets my heart free. When I hold you in my arms nothing can compare. I look into your eyes and I cannot help but stare and, stare I do, at your beautiful face. It makes my heart beat at a truly amazing pace.When I touch your face I begin to shine, It's then that I realize you are mine. It's in your arms I feel no fear. It's in your arms my thoughts are clear. Clear, that in my arms I hold a treasure, a gift from God that I cannot measure. When you go outside and look up at the sky. I want you to count every star and always remember every star you count is an I Love You. I want you to feel my love everywhere you go and I want you to know that I will always have you in my heart. The day we meet again,I want you to hug me, hug me very tight, and never let me go,that way we will never be apart again. So every time you see a star think of me and my love for you, and I will always have you in my heart and in my dreams because that's how much you mean to me.There are moments which I only want to spend with you. There are days when I only want to see you. There are hours when I just want to hug you, but I don't want to spend just one second without you!
How can this be, that you've opened my mind?
My head is in the clouds yet never before
in my life have I thought as clearly as I do now.
How can this be, that you've opened my eyes?
The world has blinded me by all the tears I've cried these past two years.
Yet somehow I know I will only cry tears of joy
from the moment you touched my life and ever after.
How can this be, that you've opened my arms?
They've been so tightly wrapped around me,
shutting all else out and shielding my heart
from the emptiness I've had to endure from the loss I suffer daily.
Yet now they forever remain wide open for every possible moment
to be wrapped around your beauty and embracing the beauty of you.
How can this be, that you've opened my heart?
Two years I've spent building walls and securing the very part of me
that has been through such torture and torment
that goes beyond the vast boundaries of Hell itself to be repaired.
My heart has searched endlessly, never to find a way
until you broke down the walls and tenderly, slowly started to heal
the gashes and wounds with the gentle strength of your love.
How can this be, that you've opened the cold steel door
that has kept my dreams and inspirations locked away for so long?
You've awakened my senses and renewed my passions.
You've brought back to life my hopes and all that inspires me.
You've calmed the raging storms and put my fears to rest.
Now I only dream of all the future will bless us with side by side.
You've not only brought life back into me
but instilled the knowledge these dreams will come true.
How can this be, that you've opened the very being of my life
that makes me all that I am?
You've shown me that I am loved for who I am
and make me want to be the very best that I can be,
not just for you but for myself.
You encourage me to carry out my dreams
and I know that together we will both see each other fulfill
all we ever dreamed we could and so much more.
My life before was always missing this very important piece
and I have found it in you. How can this be, that you complete me?
Tuesday, January 21, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DARLING
Darling,
I feel above it all with you on my mind. The sun shines brighter and my happiness lasts longer. And I do not need to wish or dream for all my wishes and dreams stand at my feet as I hold you deep within my soul. I have never wanted anything more than you and I doubt anything more could ever cross my path. My first true joy I felt here, with you.. My words spoken in vain before I spoke them to you. I realize now, every touch was numb until I felt yours. Every kiss empty until I savored yours. You made my dreams islands. You found a way into my heart, through my fortified castle to which there was no entrance until you made one, until you found one, until I met you. Darling, it's you... that gave me light and rolled away my darkness, that gave me love and wiped away my loneliness, that gladdens me and washes away my sadness,that touched me and melted away my sorrow. It's you...whose whispers of joy blow away my mind, whose dreams of life give me the right direction,hose inferno of love burns all my worries whose passion for truth evaporates my doubts. It's only you... who show me true love for my sweet relief, who turn my mourning into dancing for me, who know my weakness and my sweetness, who promise to love me till the end of my life. Darling, it's you, who...in heaven and on earth would never watch me fall, in rain and in sunshine would give me hope, in winter and summer will never let me down and in life and death would always be by my side. How much do I love you? You'll never know,I love you further than numbers will ever go. If I lost my memory...I'd never forget those lovely nights and everything that came with them. And if I had to leave I'd write you every day,and if it was a long distance I'd call you anyway. If I had to give it all up to only be with you, go from power to pauper, then that's just what I'd do. If I was numb I'd still feel your touch, and if it had to be- I'd die for you... that's how much. I LOVE YOU!
I feel above it all with you on my mind. The sun shines brighter and my happiness lasts longer. And I do not need to wish or dream for all my wishes and dreams stand at my feet as I hold you deep within my soul. I have never wanted anything more than you and I doubt anything more could ever cross my path. My first true joy I felt here, with you.. My words spoken in vain before I spoke them to you. I realize now, every touch was numb until I felt yours. Every kiss empty until I savored yours. You made my dreams islands. You found a way into my heart, through my fortified castle to which there was no entrance until you made one, until you found one, until I met you. Darling, it's you... that gave me light and rolled away my darkness, that gave me love and wiped away my loneliness, that gladdens me and washes away my sadness,that touched me and melted away my sorrow. It's you...whose whispers of joy blow away my mind, whose dreams of life give me the right direction,hose inferno of love burns all my worries whose passion for truth evaporates my doubts. It's only you... who show me true love for my sweet relief, who turn my mourning into dancing for me, who know my weakness and my sweetness, who promise to love me till the end of my life. Darling, it's you, who...in heaven and on earth would never watch me fall, in rain and in sunshine would give me hope, in winter and summer will never let me down and in life and death would always be by my side. How much do I love you? You'll never know,I love you further than numbers will ever go. If I lost my memory...I'd never forget those lovely nights and everything that came with them. And if I had to leave I'd write you every day,and if it was a long distance I'd call you anyway. If I had to give it all up to only be with you, go from power to pauper, then that's just what I'd do. If I was numb I'd still feel your touch, and if it had to be- I'd die for you... that's how much. I LOVE YOU!
Monday, January 20, 2014
ARTICLE: FOR THE LOVE OF MONEY BY SAM POLK NY TIMES
For the Love of Money
By SAM POLK
IN my last year on Wall Street my bonus was $3.6 million — and I was angry because it wasn’t big enough. I was 30 years old, had no children to raise, no debts to pay, no philanthropic goal in mind. I wanted more money for exactly the same reason an alcoholic needs another drink: I was addicted.
Eight years earlier, I’d walked onto the trading floor at Credit Suisse First Boston to begin my summer internship. I already knew I wanted to be rich, but when I started out I had a different idea about what wealth meant. I’d come to Wall Street after reading in the book “Liar’s Poker” how Michael Lewis earned a $225,000 bonus after just two years of work on a trading floor. That seemed like a fortune. Every January and February, I think about that time, because these are the months when bonuses are decided and distributed, when fortunes are made.
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I’d learned about the importance of being rich from my dad. He was a modern-day Willy Loman, a salesman with huge dreams that never seemed to materialize. “Imagine what life will be like,” he’d say, “when I make a million dollars.” While he dreamed of selling a screenplay, in reality he sold kitchen cabinets. And not that well. We sometimes lived paycheck to paycheck off my mom’s nurse-practitioner salary.
Dad believed money would solve all his problems. At 22, so did I. When I walked onto that trading floor for the first time and saw the glowing flat-screen TVs, high-tech computer monitors and phone turrets with enough dials, knobs and buttons to make it seem like the cockpit of a fighter plane, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It looked as if the traders were playing a video game inside a spaceship; if you won this video game, you became what I most wanted to be — rich.
IT was a miracle I’d made it to Wall Street at all. While I was competitive and ambitious — a wrestler at Columbia University — I was also a daily drinker and pot smoker and a regular user of cocaine, Ritalin and ecstasy. I had a propensity for self-destruction that had resulted in my getting suspended from Columbia for burglary, arrested twice and fired from an Internet company for fistfighting. I learned about rage from my dad, too. I can still see his red, contorted face as he charged toward me. I’d lied my way into the C.S.F.B. internship by omitting my transgressions from my résumé and was determined not to blow what seemed a final chance. The only thing as important to me as that internship was my girlfriend, a starter on the Columbia volleyball team. But even though I was in love with her, when I got drunk I’d sometimes end up with other women.
Three weeks into my internship she wisely dumped me. I don’t like who you’ve become, she said. I couldn’t blame her, but I was so devastated that I couldn’t get out of bed. In desperation, I called a counselor whom I had reluctantly seen a few times before and asked for help.
She helped me see that I was using alcohol and drugs to blunt the powerlessness I felt as a kid and suggested I give them up. That began some of the hardest months of my life. Without the alcohol and drugs in my system, I felt like my chest had been cracked open, exposing my heart to air. The counselor said that my abuse of drugs and alcohol was a symptom of an underlying problem — a “spiritual malady,” she called it. C.S.F.B. didn’t offer me a full-time job, and I returned, distraught, to Columbia for senior year.
After graduation, I got a job at Bank of America, by the grace of a managing director willing to take a chance on a kid who had called him every day for three weeks. With a year of sobriety under my belt, I was sharp, cleareyed and hard-working. At the end of my first year I was thrilled to receive a $40,000 bonus. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to check my balance before I withdrew money. But a week later, a trader who was only four years my senior got hired away by C.S.F.B. for $900,000. After my initial envious shock — his haul was 22 times the size of my bonus — I grew excited at how much money was available.
Over the next few years I worked like a maniac and began to move up the Wall Street ladder. I became a bond and credit default swap trader, one of the more lucrative roles in the business. Just four years after I started at Bank of America, Citibank offered me a “1.75 by 2” which means $1.75 million per year for two years, and I used it to get a promotion. I started dating a pretty blonde and rented a loft apartment on Bond Street for $6,000 a month.
I felt so important. At 25, I could go to any restaurant in Manhattan — Per Se, Le Bernardin — just by picking up the phone and calling one of my brokers, who ingratiate themselves to traders by entertaining with unlimited expense accounts. I could be second row at the Knicks-Lakers game just by hinting to a broker I might be interested in going. The satisfaction wasn’t just about the money. It was about the power. Because of how smart and successful I was, it was someone else’s job to make me happy.
Still, I was nagged by envy. On a trading desk everyone sits together, from interns to managing directors. When the guy next to you makes $10 million, $1 million or $2 million doesn’t look so sweet. Nonetheless, I was thrilled with my progress.
My counselor didn’t share my elation. She said I might be using money the same way I’d used drugs and alcohol — to make myself feel powerful — and that maybe it would benefit me to stop focusing on accumulating more and instead focus on healing my inner wound. “Inner wound”? I thought that was going a little far and went to work for a hedge fund.
Now, working elbow to elbow with billionaires, I was a giant fireball of greed. I’d think about how my colleagues could buy Micronesia if they wanted to, or become mayor of New York City. They didn’t just have money; they had power — power beyond getting a table at Le Bernardin. Senators came to their offices. They were royalty.
I wanted a billion dollars. It’s staggering to think that in the course of five years, I’d gone from being thrilled at my first bonus — $40,000 — to being disappointed when, my second year at the hedge fund, I was paid “only” $1.5 million.
But in the end, it was actually my absurdly wealthy bosses who helped me see the limitations of unlimited wealth. I was in a meeting with one of them, and a few other traders, and they were talking about the new hedge-fund regulations. Most everyone on Wall Street thought they were a bad idea. “But isn’t it better for the system as a whole?” I asked. The room went quiet, and my boss shot me a withering look. I remember his saying, “I don’t have the brain capacity to think about the system as a whole. All I’m concerned with is how this affects our company.”
I felt as if I’d been punched in the gut. He was afraid of losing money, despite all that he had.
From that moment on, I started to see Wall Street with new eyes. I noticed the vitriol that traders directed at the government for limiting bonuses after the crash. I heard the fury in their voices at the mention of higher taxes. These traders despised anything or anyone that threatened their bonuses. Ever see what a drug addict is like when he’s used up his junk? He’ll do anything — walk 20 miles in the snow, rob a grandma — to get a fix. Wall Street was like that. In the months before bonuses were handed out, the trading floor started to feel like a neighborhood in “The Wire” when the heroin runs out.
I’d always looked enviously at the people who earned more than I did; now, for the first time, I was embarrassed for them, and for me. I made in a single year more than my mom made her whole life. I knew that wasn’t fair; that wasn’t right. Yes, I was sharp, good with numbers. I had marketable talents. But in the end I didn’t really do anything. I was a derivatives trader, and it occurred to me the world would hardly change at all if credit derivatives ceased to exist. Not so nurse practitioners. What had seemed normal now seemed deeply distorted.
I had recently finished Taylor Branch’s three-volume series on the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and the civil rights movement, and the image of the Freedom Riders stepping out of their bus into an infuriated mob had seared itself into my mind. I’d told myself that if I’d been alive in the ‘60s, I would have been on that bus.
But I was lying to myself. There were plenty of injustices out there — rampant poverty, swelling prison populations, a sexual-assault epidemic, an obesity crisis. Not only was I not helping to fix any problems in the world, but I was profiting from them. During the market crash in 2008, I’d made a ton of money by shorting the derivatives of risky companies. As the world crumbled, I profited. I’d seen the crash coming, but instead of trying to help the people it would hurt the most — people who didn’t have a million dollars in the bank — I’d made money off it. I don’t like who you’ve become, my girlfriend had said years earlier. She was right then, and she was still right. Only now, I didn’t like who I’d become either.
Wealth addiction was described by the late sociologist and playwright Philip Slater in a 1980 book, but addiction researchers have paid the concept little attention. Like alcoholics driving drunk, wealth addiction imperils everyone. Wealth addicts are, more than anybody, specifically responsible for the ever widening rift that is tearing apart our once great country. Wealth addicts are responsible for the vast and toxic disparity between the rich and the poor and the annihilation of the middle class. Only a wealth addict would feel justified in receiving $14 million in compensation — including an $8.5 million bonus — as the McDonald’s C.E.O., Don Thompson, did in 2012, while his company then published a brochure for its work force on how to survive on their low wages. Only a wealth addict would earn hundreds of millions as a hedge-fund manager, and then lobby to maintain a tax loophole that gave him a lower tax rate than his secretary.
DESPITE my realizations, it was incredibly difficult to leave. I was terrified of running out of money and of forgoing future bonuses. More than anything, I was afraid that five or 10 years down the road, I’d feel like an idiot for walking away from my one chance to be really important. What made it harder was that people thought I was crazy for thinking about leaving. In 2010, in a final paroxysm of my withering addiction, I demanded $8 million instead of $3.6 million. My bosses said they’d raise my bonus if I agreed to stay several more years. Instead, I walked away.
The first year was really hard. I went through what I can only describe as withdrawal — waking up at nights panicked about running out of money, scouring the headlines to see which of my old co-workers had gotten promoted. Over time it got easier — I started to realize that I had enough money, and if I needed to make more, I could. But my wealth addiction still hasn’t gone completely away. Sometimes I still buy lottery tickets.
In the three years since I left, I’ve married, spoken in jails and juvenile detention centers about getting sober, taught a writing class to girls in the foster system, and started a nonprofit called Groceryships to help poor families struggling with obesity and food addiction. I am much happier. I feel as if I’m making a real contribution. And as time passes, the distortion lessens. I see Wall Street’s mantra — “We’re smarter and work harder than everyone else, so we deserve all this money” — for what it is: the rationalization of addicts. From a distance I can see what I couldn’t see then — that Wall Street is a toxic culture that encourages the grandiosity of people who are desperately trying to feel powerful.
I was lucky. My experience with drugs and alcohol allowed me to recognize my pursuit of wealth as an addiction. The years of work I did with my counselor helped me heal the parts of myself that felt damaged and inadequate, so that I had enough of a core sense of self to walk away.
Dozens of different types of 12-step support groups — including Clutterers Anonymous and On-Line Gamers Anonymous — exist to help addicts of various types, yet there is no Wealth Addicts Anonymous. Why not? Because our culture supports and even lauds the addiction. Look at the magazine covers in any newsstand, plastered with the faces of celebrities and C.E.O.'s; the superrich are our cultural gods. I hope we all confront our part in enabling wealth addicts to exert so much influence over our country.
I generally think that if one is rich and believes they have “enough,” they are not a wealth addict. On Wall Street, in my experience, that sense of “enough” is rare. The money guy doing a job he complains about for yet another year so he can add $2 million to his $20 million bank account seems like an addict.
I recently got an email from a hedge-fund trader who said that though he was making millions every year, he felt trapped and empty, but couldn’t summon the courage to leave. I believe there are others out there. Maybe we can form a group and confront our addiction together. And if you identify with what I’ve written, but are reticent to leave, then take a small step in the right direction. Let’s create a fund, where everyone agrees to put, say, 25 percent of their annual bonuses into it, and we’ll use that to help some of the people who actually need the money that we’ve been so rabidly chasing. Together, maybe we can make a real contribution to the world.
By SAM POLK
IN my last year on Wall Street my bonus was $3.6 million — and I was angry because it wasn’t big enough. I was 30 years old, had no children to raise, no debts to pay, no philanthropic goal in mind. I wanted more money for exactly the same reason an alcoholic needs another drink: I was addicted.
Eight years earlier, I’d walked onto the trading floor at Credit Suisse First Boston to begin my summer internship. I already knew I wanted to be rich, but when I started out I had a different idea about what wealth meant. I’d come to Wall Street after reading in the book “Liar’s Poker” how Michael Lewis earned a $225,000 bonus after just two years of work on a trading floor. That seemed like a fortune. Every January and February, I think about that time, because these are the months when bonuses are decided and distributed, when fortunes are made.
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Room for Debate: Why We Like to Watch Rich PeopleJAN. 16, 2014
I’d learned about the importance of being rich from my dad. He was a modern-day Willy Loman, a salesman with huge dreams that never seemed to materialize. “Imagine what life will be like,” he’d say, “when I make a million dollars.” While he dreamed of selling a screenplay, in reality he sold kitchen cabinets. And not that well. We sometimes lived paycheck to paycheck off my mom’s nurse-practitioner salary.
Dad believed money would solve all his problems. At 22, so did I. When I walked onto that trading floor for the first time and saw the glowing flat-screen TVs, high-tech computer monitors and phone turrets with enough dials, knobs and buttons to make it seem like the cockpit of a fighter plane, I knew exactly what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. It looked as if the traders were playing a video game inside a spaceship; if you won this video game, you became what I most wanted to be — rich.
IT was a miracle I’d made it to Wall Street at all. While I was competitive and ambitious — a wrestler at Columbia University — I was also a daily drinker and pot smoker and a regular user of cocaine, Ritalin and ecstasy. I had a propensity for self-destruction that had resulted in my getting suspended from Columbia for burglary, arrested twice and fired from an Internet company for fistfighting. I learned about rage from my dad, too. I can still see his red, contorted face as he charged toward me. I’d lied my way into the C.S.F.B. internship by omitting my transgressions from my résumé and was determined not to blow what seemed a final chance. The only thing as important to me as that internship was my girlfriend, a starter on the Columbia volleyball team. But even though I was in love with her, when I got drunk I’d sometimes end up with other women.
Three weeks into my internship she wisely dumped me. I don’t like who you’ve become, she said. I couldn’t blame her, but I was so devastated that I couldn’t get out of bed. In desperation, I called a counselor whom I had reluctantly seen a few times before and asked for help.
She helped me see that I was using alcohol and drugs to blunt the powerlessness I felt as a kid and suggested I give them up. That began some of the hardest months of my life. Without the alcohol and drugs in my system, I felt like my chest had been cracked open, exposing my heart to air. The counselor said that my abuse of drugs and alcohol was a symptom of an underlying problem — a “spiritual malady,” she called it. C.S.F.B. didn’t offer me a full-time job, and I returned, distraught, to Columbia for senior year.
After graduation, I got a job at Bank of America, by the grace of a managing director willing to take a chance on a kid who had called him every day for three weeks. With a year of sobriety under my belt, I was sharp, cleareyed and hard-working. At the end of my first year I was thrilled to receive a $40,000 bonus. For the first time in my life, I didn’t have to check my balance before I withdrew money. But a week later, a trader who was only four years my senior got hired away by C.S.F.B. for $900,000. After my initial envious shock — his haul was 22 times the size of my bonus — I grew excited at how much money was available.
Over the next few years I worked like a maniac and began to move up the Wall Street ladder. I became a bond and credit default swap trader, one of the more lucrative roles in the business. Just four years after I started at Bank of America, Citibank offered me a “1.75 by 2” which means $1.75 million per year for two years, and I used it to get a promotion. I started dating a pretty blonde and rented a loft apartment on Bond Street for $6,000 a month.
I felt so important. At 25, I could go to any restaurant in Manhattan — Per Se, Le Bernardin — just by picking up the phone and calling one of my brokers, who ingratiate themselves to traders by entertaining with unlimited expense accounts. I could be second row at the Knicks-Lakers game just by hinting to a broker I might be interested in going. The satisfaction wasn’t just about the money. It was about the power. Because of how smart and successful I was, it was someone else’s job to make me happy.
Still, I was nagged by envy. On a trading desk everyone sits together, from interns to managing directors. When the guy next to you makes $10 million, $1 million or $2 million doesn’t look so sweet. Nonetheless, I was thrilled with my progress.
My counselor didn’t share my elation. She said I might be using money the same way I’d used drugs and alcohol — to make myself feel powerful — and that maybe it would benefit me to stop focusing on accumulating more and instead focus on healing my inner wound. “Inner wound”? I thought that was going a little far and went to work for a hedge fund.
Now, working elbow to elbow with billionaires, I was a giant fireball of greed. I’d think about how my colleagues could buy Micronesia if they wanted to, or become mayor of New York City. They didn’t just have money; they had power — power beyond getting a table at Le Bernardin. Senators came to their offices. They were royalty.
I wanted a billion dollars. It’s staggering to think that in the course of five years, I’d gone from being thrilled at my first bonus — $40,000 — to being disappointed when, my second year at the hedge fund, I was paid “only” $1.5 million.
But in the end, it was actually my absurdly wealthy bosses who helped me see the limitations of unlimited wealth. I was in a meeting with one of them, and a few other traders, and they were talking about the new hedge-fund regulations. Most everyone on Wall Street thought they were a bad idea. “But isn’t it better for the system as a whole?” I asked. The room went quiet, and my boss shot me a withering look. I remember his saying, “I don’t have the brain capacity to think about the system as a whole. All I’m concerned with is how this affects our company.”
I felt as if I’d been punched in the gut. He was afraid of losing money, despite all that he had.
From that moment on, I started to see Wall Street with new eyes. I noticed the vitriol that traders directed at the government for limiting bonuses after the crash. I heard the fury in their voices at the mention of higher taxes. These traders despised anything or anyone that threatened their bonuses. Ever see what a drug addict is like when he’s used up his junk? He’ll do anything — walk 20 miles in the snow, rob a grandma — to get a fix. Wall Street was like that. In the months before bonuses were handed out, the trading floor started to feel like a neighborhood in “The Wire” when the heroin runs out.
I’d always looked enviously at the people who earned more than I did; now, for the first time, I was embarrassed for them, and for me. I made in a single year more than my mom made her whole life. I knew that wasn’t fair; that wasn’t right. Yes, I was sharp, good with numbers. I had marketable talents. But in the end I didn’t really do anything. I was a derivatives trader, and it occurred to me the world would hardly change at all if credit derivatives ceased to exist. Not so nurse practitioners. What had seemed normal now seemed deeply distorted.
I had recently finished Taylor Branch’s three-volume series on the Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and the civil rights movement, and the image of the Freedom Riders stepping out of their bus into an infuriated mob had seared itself into my mind. I’d told myself that if I’d been alive in the ‘60s, I would have been on that bus.
But I was lying to myself. There were plenty of injustices out there — rampant poverty, swelling prison populations, a sexual-assault epidemic, an obesity crisis. Not only was I not helping to fix any problems in the world, but I was profiting from them. During the market crash in 2008, I’d made a ton of money by shorting the derivatives of risky companies. As the world crumbled, I profited. I’d seen the crash coming, but instead of trying to help the people it would hurt the most — people who didn’t have a million dollars in the bank — I’d made money off it. I don’t like who you’ve become, my girlfriend had said years earlier. She was right then, and she was still right. Only now, I didn’t like who I’d become either.
Wealth addiction was described by the late sociologist and playwright Philip Slater in a 1980 book, but addiction researchers have paid the concept little attention. Like alcoholics driving drunk, wealth addiction imperils everyone. Wealth addicts are, more than anybody, specifically responsible for the ever widening rift that is tearing apart our once great country. Wealth addicts are responsible for the vast and toxic disparity between the rich and the poor and the annihilation of the middle class. Only a wealth addict would feel justified in receiving $14 million in compensation — including an $8.5 million bonus — as the McDonald’s C.E.O., Don Thompson, did in 2012, while his company then published a brochure for its work force on how to survive on their low wages. Only a wealth addict would earn hundreds of millions as a hedge-fund manager, and then lobby to maintain a tax loophole that gave him a lower tax rate than his secretary.
DESPITE my realizations, it was incredibly difficult to leave. I was terrified of running out of money and of forgoing future bonuses. More than anything, I was afraid that five or 10 years down the road, I’d feel like an idiot for walking away from my one chance to be really important. What made it harder was that people thought I was crazy for thinking about leaving. In 2010, in a final paroxysm of my withering addiction, I demanded $8 million instead of $3.6 million. My bosses said they’d raise my bonus if I agreed to stay several more years. Instead, I walked away.
The first year was really hard. I went through what I can only describe as withdrawal — waking up at nights panicked about running out of money, scouring the headlines to see which of my old co-workers had gotten promoted. Over time it got easier — I started to realize that I had enough money, and if I needed to make more, I could. But my wealth addiction still hasn’t gone completely away. Sometimes I still buy lottery tickets.
In the three years since I left, I’ve married, spoken in jails and juvenile detention centers about getting sober, taught a writing class to girls in the foster system, and started a nonprofit called Groceryships to help poor families struggling with obesity and food addiction. I am much happier. I feel as if I’m making a real contribution. And as time passes, the distortion lessens. I see Wall Street’s mantra — “We’re smarter and work harder than everyone else, so we deserve all this money” — for what it is: the rationalization of addicts. From a distance I can see what I couldn’t see then — that Wall Street is a toxic culture that encourages the grandiosity of people who are desperately trying to feel powerful.
I was lucky. My experience with drugs and alcohol allowed me to recognize my pursuit of wealth as an addiction. The years of work I did with my counselor helped me heal the parts of myself that felt damaged and inadequate, so that I had enough of a core sense of self to walk away.
Dozens of different types of 12-step support groups — including Clutterers Anonymous and On-Line Gamers Anonymous — exist to help addicts of various types, yet there is no Wealth Addicts Anonymous. Why not? Because our culture supports and even lauds the addiction. Look at the magazine covers in any newsstand, plastered with the faces of celebrities and C.E.O.'s; the superrich are our cultural gods. I hope we all confront our part in enabling wealth addicts to exert so much influence over our country.
I generally think that if one is rich and believes they have “enough,” they are not a wealth addict. On Wall Street, in my experience, that sense of “enough” is rare. The money guy doing a job he complains about for yet another year so he can add $2 million to his $20 million bank account seems like an addict.
I recently got an email from a hedge-fund trader who said that though he was making millions every year, he felt trapped and empty, but couldn’t summon the courage to leave. I believe there are others out there. Maybe we can form a group and confront our addiction together. And if you identify with what I’ve written, but are reticent to leave, then take a small step in the right direction. Let’s create a fund, where everyone agrees to put, say, 25 percent of their annual bonuses into it, and we’ll use that to help some of the people who actually need the money that we’ve been so rabidly chasing. Together, maybe we can make a real contribution to the world.
THOUGHTS
A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then leave. A soul mate’s purpose is to shake you up, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light can get in, and make you so desperate and out of control that you have to transform your life
When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman.”
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she maked you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.
When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the best and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are. You’re a hell of a woman.”
You may not be her first, her last, or her only. She loved before she may love again. But if she loves you now, what else matters? She's not perfect, you aren't either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break her heart. So don't hurt her, don't change her, don't analyze and don't expect more than she can give. Smile when she maked you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she's not there.
DATING/LOVE: I ONLY DATE WOMAN WHO ARE INTERESTED IN ME
Life is too short to waste your time on pursuits with no a low return on investment.I only date women who are INTERESTED in me.I don't have women in my life that don't love me. It is not a 'negative attitude'. It is a WEEDING OUT PROCESS. I weed out unsuitable women. What's unsuitable?
LOW interest. Why met her if she doesn't respond back to my text.? Low interest. Why met her if she doesn't ask about me?'. LOW interest. Why met her if she always busy and doesn't have time for me? LOW INTEREST!!!! I have noticed that when a woman is completely into you, she is willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to make your life easy?
Her eyes just light up on seeing you and she greets you with the warmest smile, accompanied by a tight hug or a kiss.She never flakes out or breaks dates. Instead, she always manages to find a way to be with you, regardless of how difficult her circumstances are.She treats you like a king and talks to you with utmost respect.
When their interest is always below my own. I feel like I'm always the one trying to "make it work". Either keeping the conversation flowing, or initiating hanging out.I believe in two concept...The Reality Factor (“Things are the way they are. If you go against reality, reality works against you, resulting in pain.”) and The Bottom Line Factor (“Only a woman’s actions truly reflect her feelings toward you.”) To you Psych majors: a man should only love a woman who loves him first and a lot. Even though Miss Right is beautiful, inside and out, I still ask myself , "Is she going to be part of the crew or part of the cargo?" To you Psych majors again, “Is she high maintenance or low maintenance?”So, what comprises a good female attitude? Integrity, giving, and flexibility.
What does educational level have to do with emotion? What does your degree have to do with the way someone treats you? ZIP,
LOW interest. Why met her if she doesn't respond back to my text.? Low interest. Why met her if she doesn't ask about me?'. LOW interest. Why met her if she always busy and doesn't have time for me? LOW INTEREST!!!! I have noticed that when a woman is completely into you, she is willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to make your life easy?
Her eyes just light up on seeing you and she greets you with the warmest smile, accompanied by a tight hug or a kiss.She never flakes out or breaks dates. Instead, she always manages to find a way to be with you, regardless of how difficult her circumstances are.She treats you like a king and talks to you with utmost respect.
When their interest is always below my own. I feel like I'm always the one trying to "make it work". Either keeping the conversation flowing, or initiating hanging out.I believe in two concept...The Reality Factor (“Things are the way they are. If you go against reality, reality works against you, resulting in pain.”) and The Bottom Line Factor (“Only a woman’s actions truly reflect her feelings toward you.”) To you Psych majors: a man should only love a woman who loves him first and a lot. Even though Miss Right is beautiful, inside and out, I still ask myself , "Is she going to be part of the crew or part of the cargo?" To you Psych majors again, “Is she high maintenance or low maintenance?”So, what comprises a good female attitude? Integrity, giving, and flexibility.
What does educational level have to do with emotion? What does your degree have to do with the way someone treats you? ZIP,
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Friday, January 17, 2014
LOVE/DATING: WOMAN WHO LOVE LOSER >> SHOULD HAVE THIS SAYING TATOO ON TOP OF THEIR PY "NO ROMANCE WITHOUT FINANCE"
With a male world population of 3+ billion, why on earth would any woman ever settle for a deadbeat loser?
To me..settling for a deadbeat loser is like settling for a job you hate. There are way too many people who hate their jobs and keep on doing them, just like there are way too many women who settle for men who treat them poorly. What is it about non-ideal situations which makes us keep carrying on, doing nothing to change?
My theory is that in the beginning, most women don’t know the guy is a deadbeat loser. He probably is reasonably attractive and tells a good story about his current situation and his ambitions. Obviously, he will be on his best behavior during the wooing process. It might take one week, or it might take many months, but until a consummation is made, guys can be very charming! By the time a woman hooks up with the guy, only afterward will she see his true colors.
Her “oh, shit” moment comes at a time after she’s given everything to him. As we are generally all optimists, a woman believes she can salvage the relationship and change him for the better. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tries, she can’t teach a gorilla how to put down the toilet seat, pay for dinner, and write her sweet notes of nothing. It’s too late, and eventually, the relationship fades. In retrospect, every woman who has gone out with a deadbeat loser realizes the case. “I don’t know what I was thinking“, is a phrase that always comes up.
WHAT’S IN THEIR HEADS
They don’t believe they are worthy. Above all else, I believe that the reason why most woman settle for someone suboptimal is because they believe they aren’t deserving of more. This is utterly disappointing and ludicrous. You don’t deserve to be mistreated or taken advantage of ever! You deserve to have someone love you back as much as you love them. Those who ask for promotions get promotions.
They’re afraid to be alone. Life isn’t worth living if there’s nobody special to share it with. I’d rather be a median waged person with a loved one than be a lonely billionaire in the long run. It’s irrational to think that you will die alone given the population of the world today. Every day, we have the opportunity to meet a hundred people if we want to. It just takes initiative.I have to remind myself of this as well.
They think they can teach a dog how to speak. If there are five “must haves” such as humor, compassion, motivation, spontaneous, cultured and he has three out of five, the temptation is to settle. Perhaps over time, you believe he’ll be able to develop the other two must haves and be that ideal guy. You’ll be able to change him for the better, which is hardly ever the case. The problem with this thought process is that he might actually lose one of the three must haves, and then you’re really going to feel bitter for wasting your precious youth on him!
They’re afraid to get hurt. If we never try meeting other people, we will never get rejected. It’s truly disheartening when someone else doesn’t show you the same interest as you’ve shown them. Guys get rejected left and right because for some reason, society has told us we always have to initiate. Rejection doesn’t get that much easier to deal with after a while. Instead, we settle for what we have or just being a lone. That’s sad, because time isn’t on our side. The older women get, the smaller the pool since women refuse to be with men younger than them, whereas it’s everything goes for guys!
They’re losers themselves! Deadbeat women tend to go out with deadbeat men. Society always sees men as losers, and women as misguided. I guess there is equality for all, after all!
“ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE ALWAYS ALREADY TAKEN”
One of the best excuses women tell me for not wanting to be with an attractive guy who has all she wants is that she’s afraid she won’t be able to hang on to him. She’s afraid other women will be all over him, while she’s also afraid as she grows older, he’ll stop wanting to be with her.
This type of reasoning is very hard for men to understand because guys think they might as well be with the hottest and nicest woman possible in her prime, and lose her later than have someone less appealing. Guys also love it when their woman gets all the attention from other guys. I guess it’s because guys ignorantly believe their women will never cheat on them. Of course, we all know women cheat on men as much as men cheat on women.
I’ve heard so many stories from women who have been with guys for years and their main complaint isn’t cheating, or being used, it’s the fact that their men aren’t doing shit with their lives. If a guy fucks you and never calls, you learn and become a wiser person. If a man pops in and out of your life using you, eventually you will smarten up and stop being his victim. But to be crazy in love with a guy who is content being at the bottom will create lifelong problems. He will tell you he loves you, he will marry you, and he will give you kids, but he will also stay at the same pay level, waste money on dumb shit, and blame others for his lack of success until the day he dies. To love a man with no ambition or drive is like having an adult kid who refuses to move out of the basement. Is that really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
The #1 way to prevent falling in Love With A Loser is to recognize what kind of person he is before you become exclusive. If he’s not going to school, I’m talking full time; not taking one class at community to keep his mother off his back, homie should have a J.O.B. No Romance Without Finance should be tatted above your vagina so you never forget this simple yet effective rule.
How are you going to explain to your friends that you can’t go on that cruise because your boyfriend is almost out of the money he won in a car accident 14 years ago? Girls talk about, “I do this for my man, I do that for my man, I’m a good woman“, but what the fuck is your man doing for you besides half eating your coochie and taking you fine dining at McDonalds one a week? It’s not about how much money he is making right now, it’s about him working towards making more in the near the future. Not everyone is going to be rich in life, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay at the bottom. There is always a job available, but most dudes think they are too good to flip burgers or stock shelves. The people who are too good for those jobs are called “college educated” and if you were too lazy to get a higher education or learn a trade, you can’t complain about entry-level positions. “The Economy Bad” is the most bullshit excuse in the world.
Common sense would dictate that we men should strive to have a relationship with a woman with ambition and a career, but that’s rarely the case. We don’t want to fuck shorty because she has a Benz, we want to fuck shorty because of how she looks. It’s the Cinderella effect, men don’t care where you come from, we’re more concerned about how sexy you looked when you walked into that room. The Prince will pass up all of these equally powerful women for a woman who was going nowhere fast because men hunt for trophies, not partners.
To me..settling for a deadbeat loser is like settling for a job you hate. There are way too many people who hate their jobs and keep on doing them, just like there are way too many women who settle for men who treat them poorly. What is it about non-ideal situations which makes us keep carrying on, doing nothing to change?
My theory is that in the beginning, most women don’t know the guy is a deadbeat loser. He probably is reasonably attractive and tells a good story about his current situation and his ambitions. Obviously, he will be on his best behavior during the wooing process. It might take one week, or it might take many months, but until a consummation is made, guys can be very charming! By the time a woman hooks up with the guy, only afterward will she see his true colors.
Her “oh, shit” moment comes at a time after she’s given everything to him. As we are generally all optimists, a woman believes she can salvage the relationship and change him for the better. Unfortunately, no matter how hard she tries, she can’t teach a gorilla how to put down the toilet seat, pay for dinner, and write her sweet notes of nothing. It’s too late, and eventually, the relationship fades. In retrospect, every woman who has gone out with a deadbeat loser realizes the case. “I don’t know what I was thinking“, is a phrase that always comes up.
WHAT’S IN THEIR HEADS
They don’t believe they are worthy. Above all else, I believe that the reason why most woman settle for someone suboptimal is because they believe they aren’t deserving of more. This is utterly disappointing and ludicrous. You don’t deserve to be mistreated or taken advantage of ever! You deserve to have someone love you back as much as you love them. Those who ask for promotions get promotions.
They’re afraid to be alone. Life isn’t worth living if there’s nobody special to share it with. I’d rather be a median waged person with a loved one than be a lonely billionaire in the long run. It’s irrational to think that you will die alone given the population of the world today. Every day, we have the opportunity to meet a hundred people if we want to. It just takes initiative.I have to remind myself of this as well.
They think they can teach a dog how to speak. If there are five “must haves” such as humor, compassion, motivation, spontaneous, cultured and he has three out of five, the temptation is to settle. Perhaps over time, you believe he’ll be able to develop the other two must haves and be that ideal guy. You’ll be able to change him for the better, which is hardly ever the case. The problem with this thought process is that he might actually lose one of the three must haves, and then you’re really going to feel bitter for wasting your precious youth on him!
They’re afraid to get hurt. If we never try meeting other people, we will never get rejected. It’s truly disheartening when someone else doesn’t show you the same interest as you’ve shown them. Guys get rejected left and right because for some reason, society has told us we always have to initiate. Rejection doesn’t get that much easier to deal with after a while. Instead, we settle for what we have or just being a lone. That’s sad, because time isn’t on our side. The older women get, the smaller the pool since women refuse to be with men younger than them, whereas it’s everything goes for guys!
They’re losers themselves! Deadbeat women tend to go out with deadbeat men. Society always sees men as losers, and women as misguided. I guess there is equality for all, after all!
“ALL THE GOOD ONES ARE ALWAYS ALREADY TAKEN”
One of the best excuses women tell me for not wanting to be with an attractive guy who has all she wants is that she’s afraid she won’t be able to hang on to him. She’s afraid other women will be all over him, while she’s also afraid as she grows older, he’ll stop wanting to be with her.
This type of reasoning is very hard for men to understand because guys think they might as well be with the hottest and nicest woman possible in her prime, and lose her later than have someone less appealing. Guys also love it when their woman gets all the attention from other guys. I guess it’s because guys ignorantly believe their women will never cheat on them. Of course, we all know women cheat on men as much as men cheat on women.
I’ve heard so many stories from women who have been with guys for years and their main complaint isn’t cheating, or being used, it’s the fact that their men aren’t doing shit with their lives. If a guy fucks you and never calls, you learn and become a wiser person. If a man pops in and out of your life using you, eventually you will smarten up and stop being his victim. But to be crazy in love with a guy who is content being at the bottom will create lifelong problems. He will tell you he loves you, he will marry you, and he will give you kids, but he will also stay at the same pay level, waste money on dumb shit, and blame others for his lack of success until the day he dies. To love a man with no ambition or drive is like having an adult kid who refuses to move out of the basement. Is that really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with?
The #1 way to prevent falling in Love With A Loser is to recognize what kind of person he is before you become exclusive. If he’s not going to school, I’m talking full time; not taking one class at community to keep his mother off his back, homie should have a J.O.B. No Romance Without Finance should be tatted above your vagina so you never forget this simple yet effective rule.
How are you going to explain to your friends that you can’t go on that cruise because your boyfriend is almost out of the money he won in a car accident 14 years ago? Girls talk about, “I do this for my man, I do that for my man, I’m a good woman“, but what the fuck is your man doing for you besides half eating your coochie and taking you fine dining at McDonalds one a week? It’s not about how much money he is making right now, it’s about him working towards making more in the near the future. Not everyone is going to be rich in life, but that doesn’t mean you have to stay at the bottom. There is always a job available, but most dudes think they are too good to flip burgers or stock shelves. The people who are too good for those jobs are called “college educated” and if you were too lazy to get a higher education or learn a trade, you can’t complain about entry-level positions. “The Economy Bad” is the most bullshit excuse in the world.
Common sense would dictate that we men should strive to have a relationship with a woman with ambition and a career, but that’s rarely the case. We don’t want to fuck shorty because she has a Benz, we want to fuck shorty because of how she looks. It’s the Cinderella effect, men don’t care where you come from, we’re more concerned about how sexy you looked when you walked into that room. The Prince will pass up all of these equally powerful women for a woman who was going nowhere fast because men hunt for trophies, not partners.
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