I keep attracting the same type of people. Woman who tell me they are
-ready for serious relationship
-love sex
-live a simply life
-and know how to love
-submissive ..let the man be the man in the relationship
What i get is the total opposite...there got to be reason. My ex was like this, my last girlfriend, the woman who respond to my profile.
Step 1:
You cannot dodge responsibility for how and why your life is the way it is. If you don't like your job, you are accountable. If you are overweight, you are accountable. If you are not happy, you are accountable. if you attract the same type of woman...you are accountable. I am creating the situations I am in and the emotions that flow from those situations.
I can't play the role of victim, or use past events to build excuses. It guarantees me no progress, no healing, and no victory. You will never fix a problem by blaming someone else. Whether the cards you've been dealt are good or bad, you're in charge of yourself now.
Every choice you make " including the thoughts you think " has consequences. When you choose the behavior or thought, you choose the consequences. If you choose to stay with a destructive partner, then you choose the consequences of pain and suffering. If you choose thoughts contaminated with anger and bitterness, then you will create an experience of alienation and hostility. When you start choosing the right behavior and thoughts " which will take a lot of discipline " you'll get the right consequences.
Step 2:
Even the most destructive behaviors have a payoff. If you did not perceive the behavior in question to generate some value to you, you would not do it. If you want to stop behaving in a certain way, you've got to stop "paying yourself off" for doing it.
Find and control the payoffs, because you can't stop a behavior until you recognize what you are gaining from it. Payoffs can be as simple as money gained by going to work to psychological payoffs of acceptance, approval, praise, love or companionship. It is possible that you are feeding off unhealthy, addictive and imprisoning payoffs, such as self-punishment or distorted self-importance.
What payoff am I getting out of these woman:
-Being accepted and not rejected.Be alert to the possibility that your behavior is controlled by fear of rejection. It's easier not to change
-Not being alone
-Sex
But is it worth the suffering that I go through. The lack of control in the relationship. The feeling that I have to give in so they don't leave...or that they will still love me? Am I that love hungry?
Is my need for immediate gratification creates an appetite for a small payoff now rather than a large payoff later.
Step 3:
You cannot change what you do not acknowledge.
I have to get real with myrself about life and everybody in it. I am going to be more truthful about what isn't working in my life and stop making excuses and start making results.
If you're unwilling or unable to identify and consciously acknowledge your negative behaviors, characteristics or life patterns, then you will not change them. (In fact, they will only grow worse and become more entrenched in your life.) You've got to face it to replace it.
Acknowledgment means slapping yourself in the face with the brutal reality, admitting that you are getting payoffs for what you are doing, and giving yourself a no-kidding, bottom-line truthful confrontation. You cannot afford the luxury of lies, denial or defensiveness.
I AM NOT GOING TO GET INVOLVE WITH WOMAN WHO I KNOW FROM THE BEGINNING ARE TELLING THEMSELVES LIES AND TELLING ME LIES.
Step 4:
Life rewards action.
Learn that the world couldn't care less about thoughts without actions. Talk is cheap. It's what you do that determines the script of your life. Translate your insights, understandings and awareness into purposeful, meaningful, constructive actions. They are of no value until then. Measure yourself and others based on results " not intentions or words.
I am going to use my pain to propel me out of the situation I am in and to get to where I want to be. The same pain that burdens me now could be turned to my advantage. It may be the very motivation that I need to change my life.
Step 5:
There is no reality, only perception.
Strategy: Identify the filters through which you view the world. Acknowledge your history without being controlled by it.
I experience this world only through the perceptions that I create. I have the ability to choose how I perceive any event in my life, and I exercise this power of choice in every circumstance, every day of my life. No matter what the situation, I choose my reaction, assigning meaning and value to an event.
If you continue to view the world through a filter created by past events, then you are allowing your past to control and dictate both your present and your future. Filters are made up of fixed beliefs, negative ideas that have become entrenched in your thinking. They are dangerous because if you treat them as fact, you will not seek, receive or process new information, which undermines your plans for change. If you "shake up" your belief system by challenging these views and testing their validity, the freshness of your perspective can be startling.
Step 6:
Life is managed; it is not cured.
You are a life manager, and your objective is to actively manage your life in a way that generates high-quality results. You are your own most important resource for making your life work. Success is a moving target that must be tracked and continually pursued.
Effective life management means you need to require more of yourself in your grooming, self-control, emotional management, interaction with others, work performance, dealing with fear, and in every other category you can think of. You must approach this task with the most intense commitment, direction and urgency you can muster.
The key to managing your life is to have a strategy. If you have a clear-cut plan, and the courage, commitment and energy to execute that strategy, you can flourish. If you don't have a plan, you'll be a stepping stone for those who do. You can also help yourself as a life manager if you manage your expectations. If you don't require much of yourself, your life will be of poor quality. If you have unrealistic standards, then you are adding to your difficulties.
I AM A GREAT CATCH. AND I NEED A WOMAN WHO SEE THAT IN ME.
-Healthy
-Smart
-Attractive
-Close Family
-Doctor
-Great Job
-Have a House
-Have some money in the bank
-Kind
-Caring
-Spiritual
-Giving
-I don't drink, smoke or drink
-I don't cheat at all
I can hold out. I will exercise more...mediate more..masturbate more, become more spiritual.
Step 7:
We teach people how to treat us.
Rather than complain about, how people treat me...i am going to learn to renegotiate my relationships to have what I want.
You either teach people to treat you with dignity and respect, or you don't. This means you are partly responsible for the mistreatment that you get at the hands of someone else. You shape others' behavior when you teach them what they can get away with and what they cannot.
If the people in your life treat you in an undesirable way, figure out what you are doing to reinforce, elicit or allow that treatment. Identify the payoffs you may be giving someone in response to any negative behavior. For example, when people are aggressive, bossy or controlling " and then get their way " you have rewarded them for unacceptable behavior.
NO MORE WILL I ACCEPT
-Someone who loves sex....but really doesn't. They won't want to do it all the time...experiment....ect...
-Someone who isn't honest with me...(excuse are now unacceptable.... ..like selective amnesia - amnesia about particular events that is very convenient for the person who cannot remember;"why do politicians always develop selective amnesia when questioned about their transgressions?")
-Someone who doesn't give me a straight answer. Why do politicians never give a straight answer? They always avoid the issue by changing the point of the question. They are banned from using the words "yes" or "no" and unless they are able to see a prepared question they will suffer with brain-loss. They are all educated in "window dressing" in order to become "honourable" and at the same time "deceitful". They are strangers to the truth. In never answering the question, politicians can garner support from two sides: where normally it would be polemical. When a politician is forced to give an answer, say on the pro-life issues, he might lose support from one side or the other. Why a politician will not give a straight answer is because they never know the answer they have given will come back and haunt them!
What's so funny is the expect honesty from you but can't give you a straight answer.
-Someone who bully me into doing something I don't want to do.. I will do something because I want to. If she want to go out to dinner or movie, or anything else. I will tell her to plan it ....arrange travel and pay for it. If she can't then she should keep her mouth shut. I will share what I like with her and she will share what she like with me.
-Someone who isn't giving. If I see she is not giving with cards, letters, MP3, making breakfast in bed.,,books...just bring something small or big.. I am not the only one who will keep doing this....I will do it in the beginning,,,,,but if i see I am the only one doing it...i will stop
With my last relationship....I sent her ebooks, MP3, love letters, text her ..call her. take her to places and ate her pussy all the time and made her cum. It can't be one side giving. Yes she cook for me twice..and wrote me before ...but if the giving isn't constant.....it just unfair.
Step 8:
There is power in forgiveness.
Hate, anger and resentment are destructive, eating away at the heart and soul of the person who carries them. They are absolutely incompatible with your own peace, joy and relaxation. Ugly emotions change who you are and contaminate every relationship you have. They can also take a physical toll on your body, including sleep disturbance, headaches, back spasms, and even heart attacks.
Forgiveness sets you free from the bonds of hatred, anger and resentment. The only way to rise above the negatives of a relationship in which you were hurt is to take the moral high ground, and forgive the person who hurt you.
Forgiveness is not about another person who has transgressed against you; it is about you. Forgiveness is about doing whatever it takes to preserve the power to create your own emotional state. It is a gift to yourself and it frees you. You don't have to have the other person's cooperation, and they do not have to be sorry or admit the error of their ways. Do it for yourself.
I FORGIVE MY EX WIFE AND ALL MY EX GIRLFRIEND. TODAY...I WILL HOLD NO MORE ANGRY FOR THEM LYING TO ME...WASTING MY TIME.....PLAYING WITH MY HEART.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
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