JOURNAL: NEW YEARS EVE

Dear God,

This year started with alot of pain and slowly it ended up to be a great year. Changes in my job with new ownership of the clinic I work in. Changes in my love life. Changes with money as well.

Thank you for watching over me. Help me find someone who can truly love me this coming year. Thank you for my health and still having mom, dad and sister.

I want to wish everyone good health and happiness.

-A

POETRY: IN THE SILENCE OF THE NIGHT

I have fears you might be snatched from me
     Before your promise of love can be fulfilled
Before well-conceived thoughts become real
     I fear your love will cease to be
When I gaze in your eyes I read the signs;
     Symbols of sweet romance are clearly there
My mind assures my feelings are true
     Magical reflections of chances I used to have
The nothingness of life, a passing shadow I see
     As fear and shame to oblivion do perish
My mind never played tricks on me;
     Would you promise to stay with me?
How I wish peace could be established in me
     When you tell me your love is true
Assure me to put my mind at rest
     Assurance of love I need from you


2

Grow and glow, dear heart
as radiantly as the scented blossoms
in the basking summer rays.
Share and empathize, dear heart
as miraculously as sweet memories nurture your growth
and mighty as the love
that binds emotions and desires.
Vanquish existing hatred, dear heart
unworthy of divine devotion.
Be zealous and valiant in your touch
calming and gently soothing wounded souls
as zestfully as the shadowy candle flames
that once intrigues the sensuous pleasures


3

Lost from the land of shadows
A ghost lies quietly in my heart
She slowly melts into my blood
While embracing me with my love
Taking away all my fear
Taking away all my tears

I hold her gently with my longing soul
Upon the arrival of every heartbeat
Crossing a flow of breath taking moments

The dark night watches over us
As she leans silently into me
With a kiss to my soul
And a touch of pure passion
The dark night shows us the path
Down the bright stream of stars
To where love would gather us forever
In a great secret garden of heaven
Somewhere heavens away

The light of midnight sparkles in her eyes
leading to the long path of her love
somewhere deep within me



4


A note, a word,
something touching,
a kiss on soft shoulders,
fragile rain falling,
starlit nights,
all memories ready to make.

A voice, a sound,
there's a beating inside my heart,
the soul takes wing
into the sun, burning,
turning my life into
that endless circle.

Can you imagine
my eyes, my lips,
the days and nights
spent tripping over the moon,
destiny waits and calls,
a lifetime swirls overhead.

Ice and fire,
time and not enough time,
exciting things lifting us up,
wings to fly into that mist,
take my hand, take my life,
pick up the puzzle,
put us together,
two lost entities welcoming
and waiting to be
wind blown into legend



5


I give you this token of love.
I bring an eternal sacrifice,
   more precious than diamonds,
   more valuable than silver and gold.
For all you did and always will do,
   for eternity assured in the
   paradise of your embrace,
   I make this covenant of trust,
   a promise of a lifetime.
I remember the wonders,
   how you redeemed my faded hope
   and strengthened my weakened faith.
I cherish those words,
   the message of joy
   that soared my confidence
   to the highest peak.
I appreciate those candid feelings,
   those impressionable looks
   that captivate the mind,
   and transcend every imagination;
   those true emotions that can never be
   uttered in words.
My jewel of hope,
   you're tested, tried and true;
   I'm grateful for the smile
   you put on my face, and the
   love songs you plant on my lips.


6


Years later...
This heart of mine
Still whispers your name
And cherishes memories
Of times long past.

My arms...
Though you be miles gone,
Still ache to hold you.
Drawing you close
Till our hearts become one.

These lips...
Still have the taste
Of yours melding with mine
Trembling in anticipation
When our bodies will wed.

Today...having found you again
I once more feel complete
And my heart soars
At the possibility
That you and I, to each other
              will return.


7

I am in an ever swirling whirlwind of confusion
My mind swims the channels beyond myself
Feeling lost I try to swim for shore
I'm too forgone now to make it back

Standing in the sand
Her eyes pierce my memory
Those emerald blankets that wrap me up
I am safe there
I am safe there
We are safe there

Like a ship I feel I've been blown off course
I'm heading for the rocks
The headwind works against me
I await the beautiful crash

It all comes so quickly
I awaken with her there beside me
Drowning in my contentment
I no longer fear the water

8

I stare into your eyes, seeing my reflection,
But it seems so unreal.
If the eyes are the window to the soul,
How can my image appear?


9

Our love is like birds in the sky
Flying high to unimaginable heights
With winds of joy blowing up our minds
We're heading to the station identification

Our love is like fishes in the ocean
Growing deeper than the mind could conceive
With wings we'll swim to desired destinations
To celebrate eternity with merry dancing

Our love is like candlelight in the dark
Shining bright to lighten up our lives
Deep reasons for love in our eyes
Sparkling with the love from our hearts

Our love is like Romeo and Juliet
Undying love that defies all barriers
Forever we'll remain united as one
And fulfill every desire of our hearts


10

Being with you redefines the meaning of love
Adventure, Romance, Fantasy, Pleasure
Never to end, daring ourselves to keep going
Over and over again, now until forever
Secretly wanting, capturing each others hearts
Only to last for a lifetime

Taking each and every moment, thinking of it as a treasure
Every word that is spoken
Loving, Caring, Tender, True
Demands the love we have for each other
Everlasting love, reminding us of the future
together... foreve


11


When sunlight turns to darkness
When all is calm
When all is quiet
When all is at peace
My Silent night is with you

Thoughts of YOU lying next to me
In the silence of the night
Every breath that you take
I listen to knowing
Each breath that you take
Your soul burns just like mine

Laying down my head upon your chest
Every beat of your heart
Passion of a love burns inside
Beats the same song of love
Just like mine in rhythm
Never missing a beat

Wrapping my arms around you
Touching your skin
Holding you close to me
I snuggle closer and closer
Your warmth I wish to feel

A tear rolls down my cheek
Falling to touch your skin
I wonder if you can feel the love
That just touched your skin

In your dream tonight
Do you know and feel this love?
Do you know what you really mean to me?
My silent night with YOU
Forever and beyond


12

The clock was winding down
The day was at an end
It was time to say good-bye
The sun was gone; the moon was out
And stars filled the sky
We stood there talking, prolonging the moment
Trying to make it last
For each moment we spent apart from each other
Was a moment stolen by the past
I looked at her; she looked at me
And we held each other tight
A farewell hug to show our love
Was comforting in the night
I started to pull back; she whispered, "No"
And held me tighter still
I held her close, and kissed her ear
And my heart began to fill
For the simple act of letting go
Became a chore we couldn't face
In that moment, I knew we'd last forever
Simply because we embraced

LOVE LETTER: I LOVE YOU A MILLION TIMES OVER

Love,

Here's a letter for you, to show how much you mean to me. Probably, all this sounds like the rants and raves of a love-sick lunatic. Well, we both know that's exactly what I am. It isn't easy to put to words what I feel, but here's my best shot.

To me you are everything. When we're together, I couldn't care about anything else. I wonder what I would have done if you didn't love me. What if I never fell in love with you? I'd be missing out on heaven. Just to think of it scares me. How do you do it? How did you make me so incredibly crazy about you? I guess that's a question whose answer neither of us know. Well, whatever it is, now I don't think I'll ever stop falling in love with you. You're just too good to be true. You're the dream I never thought would come true. I never imagined myself here with you, holding hands, loving each other. But now, its harder to imagine not being that way.

I think of you all the time. Your smile is like a breath of fresh mountain air. Your laugh so real. Your eyes are true as the sea meets the sand. Your words make me melt. Your skin is as soft as the evening breeze. Your voice is like blanket over me on a cold night. Every word you say stays with me. You make me laugh out loud, you make me blush uncontrollably, you make me sing in the shower, you make me smile like an idiot, you make me want to do anything and everything to talk to you for a minute more. What will you do next, I wonder. You are the only person I want to be with all the time. I wish it was just you and me, forever. If nothing else stopped us, there would be so much we could say and do. But like friction stops movement, so the world stops us.

But it's more than all these things that everyone can see. I have this feeling that even deep inside, we talk. I guess that sounds really weird, but I don't know. Even if we're really far apart, you're still with me. We're still together over all the distance. I know you're thinking of me, like I am of you. That really comforts me. You know how we stand together and we're not speaking a word? Well those times mean more than just silence. It's just the way you are, like you're listening to me all the time. I feel I don't have to talk all the time for you to know what I mean. Everything about you is like an unsaid story just waiting to unfold itself to me. You must think I'm crazy, but I'll risk that because you know if for anyone, I am crazy about you.

Most of all, you understand. You get the kind of person I am. You accept me for who I am, and who I am not. Not many people are willing to do that. I'm not the easiest person to understand. But you know what? You did it, like all the other magic you did and that makes me entirely dependent on you. You let me talk about things, you listen, you say it's ok. Just you doing that much makes me feel tons better. When you have that kind of effect on a person, they tend to lean on you even more. Now, I need you so much more than I did. I need you, I want you, I love you. I want to pour my heart out to you so that you can mend all my hurt. Maybe I should lay off, and let you be. But your smile, and all this love you're laying on me makes me want to stay longer, each time.

I love you the exact same way you love me, and that made such a difference. I love you so much. I want to stay in your arms till the end. I'll be by your side through thick and thin. I want to wipe away your tears like you have erased all mine. I want to laugh with you. I know each day for us is a gift. For us, the only tomorrow is one where we're more in love than today. The rest of our life is just waiting for us to discover, together.

I love you, a million times over.

LOVE LETTER: WITH LOVING CARESS, ONLY YOURS

I''ll devote my life,

Sometimes through the kaleidoscope I can see were all alone and lying on long grass and you'll sing for me that song which will bring me near to you. Only we will be able to breath in the air, only we will be able to see the rainbow without rain, only we will be able to think of future, only we will be able to hear the baby's cry and it's only we, who will be able choose their lives, just as their dreams.

After sometime, when I'll try to touch your fingers, you will run and hide and we will remain as freak minded for a while. Then the rain will come as it sometimes does. One raindrop will stick on your lip and shall I be permitted to give a gentle blow? Will you close your eyes before we breath closer to each other? This will be the time, we will promise our lives to dedicate to each other. Our soft caress will show us the light and our promises will lead us to the ocean of love.

What's left in the Paradise to see? Each time I'll tell you "I love you, just close your eyes and you'll come here in heaven; while each time you'll whisper I love you, I'll be loosing my ground and touching the sky, but surely will come down to listen to those magical words time after time. Our wishes will come true and dreams will be fulfilled one by one as our souls will share the love inside us. Our promises will be stronger than the blessings of God and that will be our strength to dream of the miracles to create, that we have never dreamt before."


Sweet dreams,

With loving caress, Only Yours,
your Love.

STORY: LET ME TELL YOU HOW I WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL

Let me tell you about how I want to make you feel, and about how I feel. I will listen when you talk, and remember your favourite song of the moment, and how you take your coffee, even if we’re only together for a night. I’ll let the tension build in a way you’ve probably never felt before because you and me? I will take you to a bar and right before we leave I can take your hand, and let you feel just what you’re doing to me. And no one else will notice. I will brush the hair out of your eyes and you will remember romantic comedies you’ve seen where that exact thing happened, and you’d realize it still feels the way you had always imagined it would. And that will be when you realize there is a heat between your thighs. I will talk to you and you will hear all the things you have been waiting to hear, and they will be genuine. And those words will come out of my lips, off my tongue. I’ll kiss you and it will be an epic kiss, the kind that starts painfully slow and the sound of our hearts is like a sound cannon on repeat, and the first touch is salty and sweet: your nerves and your strawberry lipgloss. And I will breathe your name into your mouth and you will inhale my want and I will talk dirty to you. I will tell you what a fucking beautiful woman you are and also how bad I want to taste you.

JOURNAL: MAYBE GOD KNOW BETTER THAN ME

You know how you can sometimes have one of these psychological dreams where your subconscious is trying to tell you something about yourself that you get so upset in the dream that you wake up and can’t get back to sleep until you resolve whatever the conflict is inside of you? Well… I had one of those dreams last night. Elton John once wrote “What do I gotta do to make you want me? What do I gotta do to be heard?” in his song “Sorry Seems to Be the Hardest Word.” I’ve been thinking about THE DREAM that I’ve been wishing for, I can’t help but feel like I should just give up on this dream…the whole “family of my own” dream. Let me explain why… I feel like I am still a child chasing after someone hoping that they will love me, only to realize that the reality is they are not in the picture, nor are you in their picture. You don’t have a life together, you’re both just somewhere in the same movie frame, just not in the same story line where there is a connection between those two characters. It’s when you take a hard look at the whole reality of the picture and you stop hoping for something that never came…you just stop caring anymore. As I sit here writing this, I keep thinking about Paulo Coelho’s “The Fifth Mountain.” It’s the story of Elijah, the prophet. When God and his angels delivered a prophecy to Elijah, they didn’t always turn out how Elijah thought they would…but they did come to complete fruition. Elijah went through so much torment in life, but they were all lessons to be learned later on in life. They were all designed to lead him on his path, to give him the will to be stronger and prepared for the things to come later in life. When God gave him a vision or even a prophecy…everything came true. The question really was, “What does it all mean?” Elijah’s gift had some harsh realities attached to it. He carried the weight of a lot of pain and loss, but God took care of him all throughout his journeys, even when he challenged a Queen and her gods. Elijah doubted God. He doubted him all of the time. He doubted that any of the prophecies would come true…but they did. They just didn’t always turn out the way he thought it would. Even when God shows him things clearly, there’s still hope that maybe, just maybe it will turn out better. It never does. The trick in prophecies is understanding what they truly mean in the grand scheme of things. Maybe because God has his own plans and knows how it all turns out that we shouldn’t try to hope or wrap our heads around what it all means in the end. It would save us from going bat crazy. Why? Because if whatever is supposed to happen, happens…it’ll happen. I’m just not going to hope for anything, because it’s fruitless. Hope is like worrying…there’s no reason to do either.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: LOVE ALWAYS

I saw someone on the movie theater today. She has an uncanny resemblance to you. She sat just a seat in front of me. For the entire movie ever since I’ve noticed her, I couldn’t get my eyes off her, even though what I could catch a glimpse of was only her back. Her shoulders were like yours, her hair had a tinge of brown, seemingly soft and supple like yours; The eyes were pleasing too, like how yours attracted my attention . Although they were beautiful and looked like yours, your eyes and face are probably the best I’ve ever seen. The shape of her face and head were similar to yours too, but still, the word is just ‘similar’ and not ‘identical’. She saw me glancing at her However, who gives a damn? I thought I’ve gotten over you, but at that point of time, I thought I hadn’t. Thinking over, you could be just so yesterday to me; I no longer have a crush on you, but I guess you’ll always be of relevant importance in my heart. Once I saw her, all the locked memories of you came gushing out of the gargantuan metallic box in my heart, which I had secured so tight. Oh do you know how much I miss you? Who knows, that someone I saw… it could be you. Love, You are just standing there, so close to me, breathing the same air. It has been months since I have seen you. Will you always have this devastating effect on me? That your mere presents causes my throat to constrict rendering me speechless. My heart is coming dangerously close to beating itself out of my chest. I feel a blush creeping to my face. I resent that you have this power over me. You haven't even said anything yet. I feel I should say something. I am never this quiet, people will notice. Although, how can they not? The love must shine from my eyes. No disguise can conceal love for long. Especially when you are standing this close to me. Breathing the same air. How long before you figure out who I am? I love you so much and I miss you. I miss the little things you did like calling me Boo Bear or Baby. I miss holding you, kissing you, everything about you. You just don't know what you do to me; every time I hold you I feel complete, every time I kiss you I feel bliss, every time I talk to you it makes my day. But not knowing if I'll ever hold you, look into your eyes and kiss you again scare's the hell out of me. My heart aches at the thought of not being with you. I cherish the time we spent together - every hug, every kiss, walking, talking, holding hands. I cherish you, I love you and I'm so glad I found you. I would give anything just for you to be in my arms again; without you I feel so empty. When I'm with you there is just this feeling, my heart starts to beat faster I just feel so good like I can fly. It's like all the love flows through me. When I hold you, I feel so complete and I love holding you. I want to hold you and tell you everything's going to be okay, I want to comfort you. I know you have been hurt before and so have I and I never want to hurt you. I want to hold you and make the bad feelings go away, yours and mine. I want to hold you and make you feel safe, protected, supported, loved. When I hold you it's like nothing else matters except you and me…I want to take you to a place, where time stops and there's nothing to worry about except you and me - the important things in life. I want to talk more about you and the troubles you're going through so I can help you, even more, I want to be with you so you can forget them and put your mind at ease so you don't stress out about everything. We have all the time in the world to talk or do whatever. I wish I could take you somewhere just you and me so we could relax and be free and forget about all our troubles. So I can treat you like a queen, the way you should always be treated. You are my queen. How can I tell you, you mean more to me than life itself? I love you more than life and each passing day I love you even more. Just loving you has its own rewards, I never want to fight or argue with you, I just want to love you. I just wish you were here right now so I could tell you this. I just keep trying to figure out all the wrongs I've done to you. maybe I didn't say I love you enough, maybe I didn't talk and open up enough, maybe I didn't understand you enough and I just keep coming up with more things that I think I've done wrong to you. If I could, I would turn back time and redo all the wrongs I have done to you and make them right. I just hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for all the things I've done to you and take me back. I should have done a lot of things better now I will do better. Each minute away from you feels like an eternity. I love you so much.I hurt when you hurt, when you're sad I feel it. When you're depressed I'm depressed. I love you so much and I don't like when you're sad, I want you to be happy like you have made me and I'm so glad I found you. I would do anything to see you smile. I wish I could take away all the troubles in your life. But all I can do is comfort you and support you and be here if you need me, but I wish I could do more for you. I love you and I want to help you. Love is not just saying I love you or something to that special person, it's so much more than that. It's helping, supporting, being there for them, standing by their side no matter what happens and doing anything you can for them, forgive and forget whatever mistakes they made and that's what I want to do for you, Babe. I wish I could hold you and comfort you and make you feel comfortable and happy. I can only hope the things I do, say and write bring you happiness like you have given me. You are my heart and if I can do anything to please you, I will. You mean so much to me and I'm lucky to have you. I try to keep everything you send me; I cherish the ground you walk on, I cherish everything about you, and I cherish you. You mean everything to me, you are special to me and you make me so happy and I feel so free when I'm around you. You're always on my mind. I think of you everyday, sometimes when I see something on TV or hear a song, I think of you. I love you and think about you all the time and I worry about you. I always wonder how you feel, how you're doing, what you're doing. Because I know you get depressed and sad and I worry about that. I want to try and help you because I've been there and done that. I've been depressed and I know how it feels, that's why I want to help. I love you and I don't want you to have to go through that alone, you may think you have to go at that alone but that's not true. I'm here to help you, I want to support you and I worry about that. I love you so much and I don't want you to worry or be depressed or be stressed out about something. I want to help you and comfort you; I want to try to make you as happy as you make me. You mean the world to me and I love you so much. All I want to do is hold you and love you and make all your troubles go away, I wish I could have told you this earlier. Love always,

LOVE: WHAT ARE THE CHANCES OF FINDING YOUR SOULMATE OR THE LOVE OR YOUR LIFE?

I have a patient who is a physicist. So one day..i asked him ....

“How do I find the love of my life?”.

Never ones to shy away from applying math to love (or anything else), the Physicist gave his take on this question

It’s important to note that the question itself is deeply ambiguous. Part of the reason that math is so powerful is because it relies on applying deduction to precise definitions, so when mathematicians get answers, pretty much everyone who understands them can agree they are correct. Even for the insanely complex and specialized proof of the Poincaré conjecture, a consensus about its correctness was reached in just a few years (a short time by the standards of other fields). Hence, in the spirit of mathematical proof, he proceed by trying to formalize our question by developing a precise definition.

Let the “love of your life” be the currently living person who (if you got to know them) would:

1. Fall romantically in love with you for as long as he or she lives.
2. Cause you to fall romantically in love with her or him for as long as you live.
3. Increase your average happiness at least as much as any other person satisfying both (1.) and (2.), if you were to become life partners.

Unfortunately, due to the limitations of the English language, and  a notable lack of happiness measuring devices, we will be forced to sweep under the rug sticky issues such as:

• how, precisely, to define “romantic love”
• what exactly is meant by “happiness” (e.g. how do we compare the happiness generated by a good shoulder rub with the happiness caused by a great conversation? The appropriate conversion rate between different types of happiness, if such a rate even makes sense to talk about, is very problematic to define)
• whether there could be more than one “love of your life” for a given person (my answer: with high probability each person only has one, due to the fact that our definition involves the person who makes you happiest, and total happiness over a long stretch of time can take on a huge variety of distinct numerical values, so it’s unlikely that the two best people for you give you precisely the same value).

In any event, I am sad to report that when applying the above definition for “the love of your life”, finding “the one” is essentially impossible. I strongly urge you not to try it. The probability that you meet the single person that would make you happiest of all is extremely small. There are about 7 billion people on earth, and (let’s say) more than a billion within a reasonable dating age range of you. That implies that there are at least 500 million people of the appropriate gender (a bit more if you are bisexual). Even if it is the case that you are rather narrow minded, and just 1 in 200 people are culturally similar enough to you for you to even consider a romantic relationship (e.g. you are a Baptist American, who would only ever be willing to date another Baptist American), that still leaves at least 2.5 million people to search through. To meet just half of those people (and therefore have anywhere close to a 50% chance of meeting the “love of your life”) you would have to be meeting, on average, more than 40 potential mates each day over a period of 80 years.
In practice, maybe you could do a bit better by being selective about who you meet (for example, concentrating your efforts on those places where you would suspect “the one” would hang out). But even so, you’re (non-literally) screwed, as the odds of meeting this person are negligible. In fact, the only way that you could have a decent chance of meeting that person is if you had such stringent dating criteria that you would be unhappy with anyone that fell outside of a small, easy to locate group. Unfortunately, while this strategy is great for maximizing the chances of finding the “love of your life”, it is terrible for maximizing your happiness (official mathematician advice: don’t go join a cult where you are not permitted to date non-cult members, on punishment of eternal damnation).
So if trying to find the “love of your life” is a bad idea, what should a person do? Well, when mathematicians don’t like what they can derive from one starting point, they often can just alter their problem or definitions a little (you should feel bad for those poor physicists who are limited by what actually exists. We mathematicians frolic in the realm of pure ideas!).
Looking for love shouldn’t be about finding the best person. As we’ve seen, that is usually close to impossible, and even when possible, a bad idea. It is much smarter to view the search for love as an attempt to maximize your total lifetime romantic happiness over the rest of your life. This viewpoint leads to a very different optimal strategy than one would use to try to find the single best person. The total romantic happiness maximizing approach implies working to increase the moment to moment satisfaction you feel due to your romantic life, added up (or if time is continuous, integrated) over all of your remaining moments.
From now on, we will refer to a person employing such a romantic happiness maximizing strategy as a “Romaximizer”, and will kick the mathematics into high gear, introducing the Romaximizer equation:

where

• L is the number of years you have left to live
• H is the average amount of happiness per relationship year (that is, per year of time spent in relationships) that you will derive from your future relationships
• T is the average number of years that you will spend in each future relationship
• P is the average number of new people that you will meet per year
• F is the fraction of the people that you will meet that you will find sufficiently physically and personally attractive to consider dating
• D is the fraction of those people you will want a relationship with who will actually be willing to have a relationship with you
• M is the fraction of those people that you will find sufficiently attractive to consider dating that you will decide to try to actually begin a romantic relationship with

The Romaximizer equation is only an approximation, and hence the reason the equation uses  ”” rather than ““, but it should be plenty accurate for our purposes (for those interested, I’ve included the proof of the equation at the bottom of this article). An important thing to note about it is that increasing the value of any one of the variables will increase Total Romantic Happiness, so long as all of the other variables are simultaneously left unchanged. Hence, all else being equal, L, H, T, P, F, D and M are things that we should try to increase (though as we’ll see, some of them involve tradeoffs where increasing one variable decreases another). This formula leads us directly to a variety of specific strategies for improving our total romantic happiness, which I will now discuss in detail.

1. Increase L, the number of years you have left to live. It is of course the case that the longer you live, the more potential time for romantic companionship you will have. Dying young is an especially bad strategy for the Romaximizer. Fortunately, there are plenty of simple (though not necessarily easy) things we can do to promote long life. According to statistics, out of all deaths in the United States in 2007, about 25% were caused by diseases of the heart (staying within a healthy weight range, exercising, and not smoking cigarettes is believed to reduce this risk), 23% were caused by malignant cancerous tumors (maintaining a healthy weight, avoiding cigarettes, and avoiding excessive drinking are believed to help), 5.6% were attributable to cerebrovascular diseases which can lead to strokes (high blood pressure is a culprit, and smoking and obesity appear to be risk factors), 5.3% were caused by chronic lower respiratory diseases (you guessed it, smoking is implicated yet again), 5.1% were due to accidents (an easy way to reduce this risk is to always wear your seatbelt, since if you break it down further, about 1.5 % are due to car accidents), 2.2% were due to Influenza or Pneumonia (remember to get your flu shot if you’re a member of an at risk group), and 1.4% were due to suicide (if you feel depressed on a regular basis, get yourself to  psychiatrist right away, before it gets any worse). With health, there will always be luck involved, but there fortunately are a number of steps we can take to significantly improve our odds.
   
2. Increase H, the average amount of romantic happiness per year spent in future relationships. One simple approach to raising this variable is to increase your pickiness with respect to those traits that really make a big difference to your happiness in a relationship. So long as your beliefs about what in a mate makes you sustainably happy are fairly accurate, greater selectivity should increase the average quality of your relationships. Unfortunately, there is a tradeoff here, as this will decrease M, the fraction of people who you are attracted to that you ultimately decide to enter into a relationship with (and as we know, decreasing any of our variables tends to reduce total romantic happiness). We get a simple rule of thumb for deciding whether increasing H is worth the amount you’d have to decrease M by noting that when the product of variables T P F D M is significantly bigger than 1 (which basically means that you get into relationships easily with little gap between them and they last for a substantial time), then the Romaximizer equation simplifies to (a value of more than 6 for T P F D M will make the approximation accurate to within about 15%). That means that under those conditions, if you can increase H by becoming more picky (i.e. by decreasing M) then you should do so since there is little cost as seen in the simplification of the equation. There are other strategies for increasing H, of course. For instance, if you have had a number of relationships in the past, you could try making a list of problems that arose in them, and a corresponding list of things that you could have done to help prevent or fix those problems. Review these strategies a few times before getting into a new relationship, so that you are primed to use them the next time around!
3. Increase T, the average number of years that you spend in each romantic relationship. Like H, the variable T can be increased by being more picky about who you enter into a relationship with (i.e. by decreasing M). The Romaximizer equation immediately shows us the tradeoff between T and M: as long as we are increasing the product T M, our total romantic happiness will be improving. That means that if you think you can increase the average length of your relationships by 40% by being 20% more selective regarding who you start a relationship with (so causing T to increase by the multiple 1.4 causes M to decrease by the multiple 1-0.2 = 0.8), then the product T M will increase by 1.4*0.8 = 1.12 > 1, so your total romantic happiness will be improved. It’s worth noting that often H and T come into conflict. When your happiness is falling in a relationship, you have the choice of increasing T (staying, even though you aren’t so happy), or trying to find someone else who will make H larger. The right choice for increasing total net happiness is going to depend on how difficult it is for you to find someone else that will make you happier than your current partner. For example, consider a case where your happiness in the relationship has waned substantially, and you have truly exhausted strategies for improving it (and there aren’t religious or children related reasons to stay together). If finding another person who makes you happier is unlikely to take you very long, then a breakup is likely a romantic happiness maximizing strategy.
4. Increase P, the average number of new people you meet per year. There are at least three reasons that trying to meet more people can be a good idea. First, your time between relationships will tend to be lowered since you’ll meet potential mates more often. Second, meeting lots of people can help provide insight into what traits you really value, as you are better able to compare the things you like and don’t like about different people. Third, the more people you meet, the more selective you can afford to be without adding any wasted non-romantic time (i.e. you can afford to decrease M in order to increase H without much cost in terms of increased non-relationship time). For example, if for each person of the appropriate gender and age range that you meet there is a 1 in 100 chance of having romantic interest in them (e.g. suppose that you find 1 in 5 physically attractive, and 1 in 20 of those seemingly compatible enough with you that you’d be willing to date), then for each 100 people you meet there will be about a 37% chance that you don’t have a romantic interest in any of them, and only an 8% chance that you have a romantic interest in three or more of them. On the other hand, if you had met 300 people rather than 100, there would be only about a 5% that you wouldn’t have a romantic interest, and there would be a 58% chance that you would have interest in three or more of them, giving you the flexibility to choose to try to start a relationship with whomever seems the most likely to make you happy, rather than being forced to go with your only reasonably compatible option. The main drawback to meeting more people is that sometimes lots of choices can lead to doubt, indecision, or regret. If you have serious problems with decision making, it’s still good to meet lots of people to minimize your waiting time between relationships, but you may just want to go with the first person you find that you think is substantially likely to bring you significant happiness so as to avoid tough decision making and doubt. It’s worth noting that if you have the goal that during the next three years you will meet the person you will one day marry, and you find less than 1 in 150 people of your desired age range and gender to be sufficiently personally and physically attractive to strongly consider marriage with them, then to have a pretty good chance of achieving your goal you had better be meeting an average of at least two new people of the right gender and age group each week! So you’d better get cracking. There is this potentially very self defeating view out there that love happens when you aren’t looking for it. This has an element of truth in that neediness, desperateness and insecurity are often found to be unattractive. It also has a large element of falsehood, in that if you don’t make a conscious effort to meet lots of people who could be potential mates, then you will be impairing your chances considerably. If you meet zero people you will never find love, I guarantee (except, of course, of the “self” kind). Likewise, if you meet only a small number of people each year, it will be unlikely that you will find love anytime soon. When you go to a party, make that extra effort to speak (for a few minutes, at least) to each and every person that you find potentially attractive. Sign up for online dating, speed dating, and events where singles are likely to be. Ask friends if they know anyone who they think you would like to meet. Your total romantic happiness will thank you for trying these strategies! It is also worth noting that the amount of time you have to wait to find your next relationship will scale based on how many people you meet. So if you start meeting twice as many people of the same quality as you used to, then all else being equal, you will tend to be single for only half as long as usual! Hence, for many people, the simple strategy of substantially boosting the number of people you meet can lead to a big improvement in romantic life!
5. Increase F, the fraction of the people that you meet that you find sufficiently physically and personally attractive to consider dating. While we may not have a great deal of control over who we find attractive, there are still a variety of things we can do to try to increase F. (i) How likely you are to be attracted to a person you meet is going to depend on where you meet that person. Not every place to meet a person is equally good. For example, an intellectual snob shouldn’t be picking up men at WWE matches, and the wicked witch of the west shouldn’t be meeting people at pool parties. The main things to consider are, “how many people am I likely to meet at place X?” and, “what’s the probability that each person I meet at place X will be someone I have a mutual romantic attraction with?” Maximizing romantic happiness isn’t just about meeting a lot of people, but also about meeting them at places where you are more likely to find people that you like. (ii) The physical attractiveness we feel for a person can rise over time as we get used to them, especially if we appreciate his or her personality a lot. So if we meet someone who we don’t quite think meets our physical attractiveness threshold, but who we like a lot and think we would be compatible with, it may well be worth it to get to know them better and explore whether physical attraction could develop (e.g. by becoming friends). Eliminating someone because you don’t find them super good looking on the first date may not be a winning strategy overall. (iii) Sometimes our ideas of who we find attractive and who we think we should find attractive can get somewhat mixed up. If you think that social pressure of some kind is affecting how attracted you are to someone (e.g. your friends don’t think she’s hot, or he’s not part of the cool crowd), then ask yourself how much happiness you are likely to get from pursuing this person, versus how much unhappiness you are likely to have due to violating the social pressure. Another thought experiment that can be fruitful is to ask yourself how much you would enjoy being with the person if nobody else’s opinion mattered and nobody else cared. (iv) Sometimes we make rules for who we consider ourselves to be compatible with that don’t actually have much bearing on what really matters. People will have a list of traits that they feel a person must (or must not) have in order to be boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse worthy. The appropriate question to ask yourself is: “If a person lacks (or has) this trait, how much will it affect my happiness with them overall?” If the answer is “only a small amount”, it should probably be taken off the deal breaker list. By lowering your standards in the less important areas, you can afford to raise them in the more important ones (i.e. those that will more substantially affect your happiness).
6. Increase D, the fraction of those people you would consider dating who would be willing to have a relationship with you. Since D is basically a measure of your desirability, we can apply some classic strategies to increasing it. (i) Get in better shape (this only applies to non-olympic athletes). (ii) Practice projecting confidence in your speech and body language (you can practice this when talking to friends, and get their feedback). (iii) Learn how to dance (if dancing is relevant at places you hang out). (iv) Try different haircuts, and poll people of the attractive gender as to which looks the best on you. (v) If you feel like you don’t have interesting things to say, then start taking in more information (from books, documentaries, blogs, magazines etc.) and spend time learning about things that people enjoy talking about (popular TV shows, local sports teams, etc.). If every day you have almost the same experiences (go to work, do the same job, come home, watch the same TV shows) it won’t be surprising if you don’t have much to talk about. (vi) Take a poll of your friends to find out if people find your glasses attractive, and if they don’t, switch to contacts. (vii) When meeting people, wear only the clothes that make you look especially good (ask a stylish friend for help figuring out what to wear, if necessary). (viii) If you have a unibrow, pluck your eyebrows. (ix) think about what those people you really want to attract care about in a boyfriend or girlfriend, and seek to be more that way. The list of things you can try to make yourself more attractive goes on and on. Some people are resistant to changes like these because they view them as superficial. Yes, many of them are superficial of course, simply by definition, but that doesn’t make them bad. They will make people more attracted to you (including even non-superficial people), which means that you will, on average, be increasing your total romantic happiness!
7. Increase M, the fraction of those people that you are attracted to that you decide you actually want a relationship with. M basically measures how un-selective you are in who you decide to enter into a relationship with, above and beyond your basic attractiveness and compatibility constraints. While increasing M would be good if you could hold all the other variables constant, in practice there is a tradeoff, because becoming less selective means that you are likely to reduce H, the average happiness per year of dating that your future relationships bring you, and you may also reduce T as well, the average number of years per relationship. On the flip side, by making M smaller (and therefore being more selective) you also pay a price, since you will have a longer waiting time between relationships. Hence, you’ll potentially be missing out on extra years of good romance. There is an important idea related to selectivity that has to do with how quickly you become attached to people. Romantic attachments can form before you know the person you are dating well. This is dangerous because these attachments can be difficult and painful to break, even if it turns out that you and the other person are not compatible or even if the other person doesn’t treat you well. You might end up dating such a person for a long time when you could have waited a bit to find someone who is much better for you in the long term. Another related consideration is that when people first meet, they are usually trying to make the best impression that they can, and signal all their best qualities. Since this process of romantic deception is not flawless, and since the motivation to maintain it generally falls with time, information about the flaws your date possesses will inevitably leak out with time. For instance, if during each one of those first hours you spend with someone you are dating there is only a 10% chance that a (not immediately obvious) flaw becomes apparent, you will need to spend about 6.5 hours with that person to have at least a 50% chance of knowing just one of these flaws! If you have met someone who you believe has no flaws, then you simply haven’t spent enough time with them yet. Disciplined casual dating (e.g. not rushing into being serious fast, and not depending on each other or having high expectations for each other early on) can allow you to get to know what the person is really like before you have formed a strong attachment, so that you can make an informed and clear headed decision about whether the person is likely to make you happy. That implies being more selective about who you get into a relationship with, because you will likely be eliminating people that normally you would have become attached to. If you are the sort of person who meets strong romantic interests fairly often (or, who could do so by applying the techniques mentioned above), casual dating can allow you to defer making a decision about someone you’ve met until you become confident that he or she is more compatible with you than other people you are likely to meet soon. If you’re the type of person that finds someone you really like only once every five years, then by all means jump into things right when you find someone, as the most important thing will be to not let them get away. But on the other hand, if a year of casual dating will tend to lead to 6 significant interests for you, deferring your decision for a while about the first potential person you meet (while at the same time getting to know them) can lead to better decisions. After all, without yet knowing anything else about someone new you are interested in, there is a 50% chance that the next romantic interest you have will actually be more compatible with you than that first person is. New information about a person can make this probability rise or fall. The main drawbacks of casual dating of course are that your potential partner may become frustrated that things aren’t moving along more quickly, and even if he or she doesn’t become frustrated, you may lose a little bit of utility by delaying for a while the enjoyment of a higher intensity relationship. These drawbacks need to be weighed against the potential benefits.

In conclusion, you do have the power to increase your expected total romantic happiness. It is up to you to take steps to live longer, become more selective about who you enter in a relationship with when lots of dating options are available, avoid forming attachments before you know a person well, increase your options by making an effort to meet people (much) more frequently than you are currently meeting them, hang out at places where people you like are more likely to be found, adjust your standards so that you aren’t eliminating dating partners based on criteria that don’t have much bearing on your likely future happiness with them, recognize that attraction can build over time, make that extra effort to talk to every attractive person at each event you go to, and take steps to become more attractive to others.

LOVE: MY EX KEEP CALLING ME BACK...PLEASE

Convenient Pussy is around not because of quality or desire but because it is available. He wanted someone to fck and she was there. He wanted a BJ and she was there. She tried being sexually open and its not filling for her. She has her eyes on the girlfriend title but instead of asking for it, she has decided to play his game and wait for him to come around. She keeps sexing him consistently waiting for him to see her greatness. Convenient pussy is playing by his ever-changing rules. Convenient Pussy doesn't want to accept that he never made a move because he doesn't consider her girlfriend material. Read that last sentence again. Let it marinate. Convenient Pussy isn't always good pussy, its just available pussy. I hear this all the time...all my ex keep calling back...PLEASE!!!! Convenient Pussy is out of touch with reality. She doesn't think she is . Convenient Pussy, She thinks he keeps coming back to her because she has vagtastic vag and boombastic BJs. Why else would he keep coming back? It must be GOOD right? He wouldn't lie just to keep her around, right? Cuz y'know he's a good person. Wrong. Everyone does up things then claims they're a good person. Oh he bought you a few gifts and took you out to Cheesecake Factory on a latenight tip? Y'all gonna be in a relationship soon, right? If you believe that why are you giving him ultimatums saying you will leave if he didn't step up then going back on your word? I call bullshit. Its time for us all to have a moment of truth.If hasn't put a ring on it after 9 months..he never will. I know you are not weak-minded.,stupid. or a loose woman. Most of the women who end up being Convenient Pussy are the educated, classy, shy or naïve women who get jammed up by a ninja w/a smooth mouth.

PUSSY POWER: GOOD PUSSY AND GOOD DICK IS HARD TO FIND

Good pussy is subjective. What is good pussy to one man is mediocre to another. What will whip one man won't make another man break his stride. If you're in a room with a mixed crowd of men and women, the women with good pussy will be surrounded by men. Women with good pussy let it shine thru in every aspect of her life. She walks the good pussy walk.  She speaks with the confidence of a woman who has good pussy. She poses, eats and laughs the secret laugh of women with good pussy. I'm not talking about any regular old missionary loving pussy. I'm not talking about hunch for 5 minutes and doesn't care if you cum poon. I'm talking about the poontang pie thats so sweet and juicy he can't get enough. The kind he goes to work thinking about coming home to. The kind that is odorless, moist and hugs your man meat with the perfect amount of pressure. The kind that makes it her mission to milk you dry and leave you paralyzed. She gets extra points for being a Scorpio.

Good pussy will make you call out of work so y'all can phuck your day away.

You surrender your biweekly paycheck to good pussy.

Good pussy commands loyal dick.

Good pussy will be your muse.

Good pussy wants to see your dreams come true.

You keep your dignity after being whipped by good pussy.

Good pussy makes you hate condoms.

Good pussy has been whore'd UP for the right man.

Good pussy will help you live longer.

Moving on. In a world where men will sleep with any woman willing to lay it low and spread 'em wide, how do you know if your pussy has WHIP appeal? Now we can start the lesson.

Virgins should just take notes. No shade.

Chicks get caught up thinking big numbers and repeat sexcapades translate to good snatch. Noooo silly girls. How can I put this delicately? Just because you've whored out to every Tom with a dick who will penetrate doesn't mean you have good pussy. We live in a world where women have bad pussy. There, I said it. Men enduring a drought will never tell you your pussy is bad. Thats not how the game is played. He will look beyond your loose and dry poon because all he wants is a nut. You can moan all you want honey, it won't make him call you back. I'm not here to teach you kids about HOW a woman gets yankin snatch. Bad pussy exists. Don't test me on this.

Being pussy whipped is nothing to be ashamed about. Read that out loud 10 times and tell every man you know. Single men secretly envy pussy whipped men. I made that up. Pussy whipped men try their damndest to hide being whipped. There are married men who won't admit they're whipped. Ain't that some shit?

A guy who gives his coat to a girl when its chilly is a nice guy. A guy who surrenders his man cave so his woman can turn it into an extra closet is pussy whipped.

How can you tell if a guy is pussywhipped?

1. She Demands Dick When She Wants It. This is not to be confused with convenient pussy. Indeed, it is the opposite. She calls the shots. If she decides she wants you to be at her house after work, she expects you to be there waiting with nary a follow up question asked. Make it nasty.

2. He Does Shit Because SHE Says So. Good pussy will have you breaking your rules just to keep her happy. Once you're pussy whipped you will find yourself quitting the things you love just to spend time with her. You're eating HER favorite snacks and eating at HER favorite restaurants. Before you know it you're sitting on her couch drinking martinis and letting her paint your nails (with clear polish cuz you're a grown ass man) while watching a Sex and the City marathon. Pussywhipped. She pushes your limits because she knows the power of her good pussy. She has you doing things so far out of your character that you KNOW your boys will clown you for letting a chick convince you to do it. It doesn't matter how big you smile, you're pussy whipped and it shows. Way to go breh!

3 He Checks In. Getting pussy is easy nowadays. I'll be the first one thousandth woman to admit it. Its amazing how easy some women have made it for men to smash. Their standards are so low all you have to do is smile at her and she drops the draws dawg. Rarely do women make a man work for the coochie anymore. Checking in is part of the "work for it" family. Its the first cousin to building trust. Think about it: You're checking in with her to make sure its ok to hang with YOUR friends. If you do so through a text message, you're only mildly whipped. If you, in fact, check-in via a phone call while in the presence of your single friends you are whipped beyond the point of return. Might as well keep your balls on the nightstand.

4. He Stays Home. If you have ever stayed home because you wanted to eat a good home-cooked, you're domestic pussy whipped. The same goes for if you've ever stayed home because you don't want to leave her alone. You're fed good and fucked right so now you don't "feel like" going anywhere. Just put your balls on the nightstand.

Before you go saying "I have never been whipped because none of those things apply to me" stfu for a second. I realize what one man does when he's whipped doesn't apply to another.  All BS aside, you can tell when a woman has her man whipped by how he treats her. He will deny it but all you have to do is watch him. He will go out of his way to keep her. If he loses her he will make a vow to get her back by any means. Ladies, if you find yourself with a pussywhipped man on your hands, embrace it. Take advantage of it for as long as you can. If you're smart you'll whip him all the way into a happy marriage. Allow him to cater to you. Watch and appreciate him but stay on your shit. Pussy whipping ability won't him stay after he has realized all you're good for is giving good pussy and he wants more than that. While a dickmatized woman will make an excuse to stay, a pussywhipped man may still leave if he decides your good pussy is not enough. Such is life.

 PART II GOOD DICK

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As comedian Rob Stapleton so eloquently put it, GOOD Dick can do stuff BAD Dick can't do. Read that again, fellas. Females get caught up tryna figure out if he's hung like a horse. Lookin at hands, feet and limb length tryna figure out whether he's "blessed." Silly girls. Length doesn't mean anything when he doesn't have girth. Size doesn't mean much when he knows how to stroke it. Next thing you know you're blinded by the penis wondering why you keep accepting less than you deserve so you can keep your good dick supply. Don't be confused kids, we're not talking about good sex. Good sex can make you climax. Good dick will fck your whole world up. 


 What is Good Dick?

Good dick can call you at 5am and you will answer like you were wide awake waiting on his phone call. 
Good dick can ask you to make a 3 course meal on a Tuesday afternoon.
Good dick will have you standing in line on Saturday @6am waiting for Yeezy's to drop.
Good dick will inspire you.
Good dick will have you going to work on a Monday morning to a job you hate speaking to every one of the people you don't like.
Good dick makes your life better.
Good dick will have you glowing.
Good dick will have you driving in a rain storm just to spend an hour with him.
Good dick will make you sex your Saturday away.
Good dick will have your boss wondering how you manage to perform well under incredible pressure.
We're not talking about regular ol good sex. We're not even talkin' about the unrivaled good dick and good brain COMBO. . .yet


How can you tell if a man has good dick before you have spread your legs for 'em?

1. He Knows He Has Good dick. A man with good dick knows with every inch of his dick that he's great at laying pipe. Its in the way he walks, talks, dresses, laughs and looks at you. Good dick swag oozes from his pores. He uses that shit as a weapon. Good dick will ask you to take a trip just to get it and not stutter. He will be surprised when you ask "So you want me to travel all the way to (insert city) JUST to see you?" Good dick is rare and he knows it.  Girls wanna keep good dick on tap even if its in another town. Good dick uses his gift to change your mind and will have you losing your train of thought. The only reason he tries half the things he tries is because he knows he has good dick.


2.He Understands his REAL Purpose. He knows he can have all those stale ass qualities women say they're looking for (smart, funny, can take care of her, degree'd up, single, no kids, etc), but he knows what women really need: Good Dick at home. He understands his responsibility. He needs to have her walls trembling. He needs to leave her legs shaking. He knows she won't complain if he tells her where to put her legs. He knows he needs to toss her around and pulvarize the poon. He knows he can get her to jump off the dresser. He's also careful about who he shares his gift of girth with because he's learned the lesson that with great dick comes with great responsibility. He's probably given the pipe to a chick who wasn't mentally stable. That never ends well.

LOVE: CHEAP WITH MONEY, CHEAP WITH LOVE

Cheap with money, cheap with love,' my mother said. She was right. A woman who is cheap is someone who always has the funds to spend on herself, no matter how stupid or trivial the purchase, yet never seems to cough up the dough to either go Dutch with me or treat me once in a blue moon.

Is she just cheap with money, or is she cheap in other ways as well? Is she cheap with time?  Is she cheap with sex? Is she cheap with emotion? When you ask for her to be there for you -- or for her to express herself, how much do you get?

People way of spending money is so different. One person's priorities might be for big-budget expenditures such as exercise equipment and new windows (like myself) ; others are weekends in Paris and more kitchenware. Expenditure such as going to the cinema and out to dinner may appear as  luxury items to one person but necessities to other.It's also possible the two of you simply have different views on what constitutes generosity. People value giving in different ways and all are equally good -- be it spending money, giving compliments, sharing time, being affectionate, etc.. What is critical  to me is that the way you want to receive gifts be compatible with the way a woman wants to give them to you, and vice versa. Maybe she gives in other ways, but not in a way that is meaningful to you.


My parents’ financial ease was derived from their shared attitude about money. They had a joint account and both deposited their wages into it. If my mother wanted new shoes or a new sofa, she simply wrote a cheque for them, no questions asked. If my father wanted to go out with his friends, no problem. They both worked hard, and enjoyed living well. Joanne was my first real adult relationship.She worked in marketing research. she spoiled me with dinner at my favourite restaurant,sex anywhere and even took me on vacation.. I did the same for her, finding the obscure music she liked and buying nice wine for the meals she cooked. We  happily stayed at home watching old movies on television, eating pasta, kissing.

My ex wife was a totally different story. On our first date...since she came to the city to see me..she request that I pay for her parking in the parking lot, I knew I married the wrong woman at our first Christmas together  when I went out and brought her a gift..and she gave me a box full of love notes...and that was it!!!! It wasn't like she was poor and didn't have money...she had money. Hell she gives her parent money every Christmas. I was so hurt that I cried...and the worst part is that she still think that what she did was right. It was at I knew I married the wrong person. The emphasis on money became symbolic of something deeply wrong in our relationship. I couldn’t stay with a woman who would not share her heart fully. She  couldn’t share anything, except her pussy and that wasn’t enough for me. Why did I spend so much time with a woman who never once really cared about me...someone I couldn't trust. To this day, the answer is difficult to discern. I wasn’t desperate for love ...it was chemistry. After that day....and it was a slow build up...but.there are many other things...too much to mention here that just made me realize we were two different people.  We had separate accounts. We have never shared our money. No joint account.

One resounding fact that I have found out is that no matter how high-maintenance and good looking a woman may be, if she "genuinely" likes you she WILL at least attempt to chip in and show that she is not an entitled brat just looking for some guy to fund everything. Listen I know that most woman view how a man spends -- or fails to spend -- his money as a direct reflection of how generous and giving he is as a person, they will assume that this trait applies to all aspects of the man's character, from how open he is with his feelings to how much love he is able to give. This is not to say that women equate love with money; simply that women will be more drawn to a man who is generous both in finances and spirit. Another reason why women don't like cheap men is, quite simply, that it is much harder to have a good time with a cheap man than it is with one who doesn't mind investing in one. Unfortunately, those activities that are the most fun tend to cost a little more. Consider watching wrestling on pay-per-view for a few bucks versus going to see it live; it just can't compare. But all this can all be turned out as well..... No woman has any right to view a man as a meal ticket -- ever.

The thing is this: What makes you think that you, simply by being a woman, are entitled to having everything paid for? That would be like me saying that BECAUSE I'm a man, and I pay for everything, the women I date should be having sex with me when, where, and how I want. Or that a woman should be cleaning and cooking for me when I date her. What are YOU giving back to the men that are expected to cough up their hard earned money just for the opportunity to be in your presence? If I ask a woman out, I never expect her to pay, and I almost always turn her down if she IS classy enough to offer to help out (the only times I accept her offer are when I suspect she is not interested in me). But it sure impresses me when a woman at one point soon into our relationship offers to take ME out or do something nice for me. It honestly makes me want to do that much more for her! Relationships should be give and take, not give and TAKER. And if you DO think that your company at dinner is worth his money, well, have you ever considered that HIS company is worth YOUR money, as well? And that at one point in the relationship, it would be nice (not to mention fair), if YOU occasionally stepped up to the plate? If you make enough money to afford to go to nicer places and events from time to tome that would be outside a man's budget...why not take him also? What happen to a woman who is taught it is better to give than to receive?

I am a very generous person, I don't mind invest in the relationship, but I am not going to spend an exorbitant amount of my hard-earned cash wining and dining a woman whom I don't even know very well, I am not going to buy her expensive jewellery and clothing. But I will  make her smile with small, thoughtful tokens of your affection, such as concert tickets and dinner. And after I have been dating exclusively with her for a while,  it's time  for her to show me how important I am to her  and appreciate me, and if that means spending a little more on a nice dinner or weekend getaway, then that would be great. But if she is cheap with her money, she cheap with her emotions as well, and totally incapable of ever letting go and truly loving me

STORY: PUSSY CONTRACT

THIS IS NOT A TRUE STORY ....BUT A FANTASY. I AM NOT MARRIED.

I have a desire was to be dominated. I wrote out a "Pussy Control Contract" for my wife...Sabrina. The Pussy Control Contract gave her the legitimate authority to have sex entirely for her own satisfaction. No more "slam-bam thank you madam" sex for me.

The ability to control my diet appealed to her as well. She was tired of the arguments that ensued whenever she tried to stop me from eating sweets and late night snacks.

She saw that I was giving her a chance to take control. She knew instinctively that what I would need in order to stay in the game was some strict domination, teasing and denial. When I got home, we ordered a Curve chastity cage. When it arrived, we signed the Pussy Control Contract below and locked up my cock with the Curve.

The Pussy Control Contract

Valid from May 15, 2013 through June 6, 2013

1. Parties and Purpose

This is a contract between Alex and Sabrina The purpose of this contract is to allow Sabrina to exercise control over certain limited aspects of Alex's life using her sexual power. (I.e. "Pussy Control") The agreement is limited to the date range above and is also limited to control over Alex's sexual experiences only. This contract will not be valid beyond the date range above unless both parties agree to extend it.

2. Sexual Activities and "Pussy Control"

During the valid period of this contract, Sabrina will have complete control of Alex's cock, including when he can get hard, and when he can come. Sabrina has the right to keep Alex's cock locked up whenever she chooses, with the exception of when Alex is out of town. Alex will be allowed sexual activity only at Sabrina's discretion, but will be given opportunities to earn sexual release if he follows Sabrina's orders . Alex will give Sabrina sexual pleasure in any way she chooses. She may come and be sexually satisfied whenever she wants and may leave Alex without sexual release for as long as she chooses

3. Enforcement

Sabrina has the right to verify that Alex is not getting sexual release in any way without her knowledge and permission, including the use of a restraining device. If  Alex violates the  clause  Sabrina may punish him in any way she sees fit.



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Clarifications

Sabrina should understand that this contract would work best if she exercises moderation with her right of control, and does not take it to the extremes of sexual starvation. She will apply pussy control most effectively if she teases and builds up a certain level of sexual frustration in Alex that will be relieved upon following her prescribed diet. This contract should enhance our sex life, not hurt it. The sexual excitement is more mental than physical. If this contract enhances our sex life, it is more likely to be renewed.

We signed the Pussy Control contract. We bought a chastity device called the "Curve" and I began to wear it. The first time I put it on and  Sabrina ceremoniously clicked the lock shut, my mind underwent a seismic shift and a shudder of fear went through me. Although Sabrina had always owned my penis figuratively, she now literally owned it, physically and mentally. Moreover, I was completely denied my own penis and was totally at her mercy. I was both exhilarated and frightened at the same time. I felt vulnerable, but I had complete trust in her. Little did I realize how effectively Sabrina would use her newfound control over me to enhance our love life.

The first thing she did was sit me down and issue some new rules. Previously, I had a habit of groping her tits, pussy and ass every chance I got. She told me that this usually annoyed her. "Rule Number One", she ordered: "You may only touch my private areas when I give you permission. Understood?" I agreed. Then she pulled off her top and showed me her tities. Instinctively, I leaned in to suck on them but she slapped my face. "Rule Number Two," she continued: "Look but don't touch". I agreed, but I immediately began begging to suck her tities. She informed me that begging would only hurt my chances and postpone my access to her body. "Rule Number Three. No begging unless I tell you to."

I agreed to her rules, but I was afraid I would not see her beautiful sexy parts much after that. I was very wrong. She began to tease me by flashing her tits, pussy and ass at me frequently. She loved knowing that it made my cock tingle even though it could not get hard. This had a powerful effect on me, keeping me mentally horny and always desiring her.

Our first night of sex after the device was locked on was interesting. Sabrina got naked and told me to do the same. Then she removed my cock cage. After lots of kissing and fondling, she let me put it in her. She fucked me wildly and then rolled over on top of me, which meant she was going to come. After she came, she jumped off and waited for my cock to get limp. Then we locked it back up without letting me come.

The next night, she got naked and removed the cock cage again. She told me that I could put the head of my penis between her pussy lips, but I was not to push it in any further or I would have to stop. Then she told me to pump it until I came. I pumped and pumped and eventually came in her pussy. I rolled over on my back. Then she squeezed her pussy closed with her fingers so it would not drip out and she straddled my face. "Open wide", she ordered. I opened my mouth and she spread her pussy lips. Her pussy was glistening with come, which began to drip into my mouth. Then she lowered her pussy to my lips and ordered me to lick it clean. "Get used to it", she admonished, "You will be cleaning me up after sex from now on."

Sex after that got better and better, although not predictable. One night she was watching some light porn and told me to go shave my face. When I returned, she was naked with her legs spread wide. She pointed as her pussy and said: "Eat me, and make me come". I did and she did. . I was denied even a hard on that night.

The next night she told me I was going to be given a chance to come. She stripped naked and unlocked my cock. I got hard in a microsecond. Then she told me that she wanted to watch me masturbate all the way. I was to come on her tits. I straddled her and began to pump. She looked at her watch and said: "You have exactly two minutes to come before I lock you up again". This actually made it more difficult to come. After two minutes, I had not come although I was close. She ordered me to stop and put on the cock cage. I protested that I was too hard to put it on, but she just told me to go ice it down. Then she locked up my cock.

The following night she told me to finish my masturbation. This time there was no time limit. I dragged it out for some enjoyment and then I came all over her tities. I was in heaven. Then she told me to "lick it up". I hesitated and made a squeamish face. She slapped me and said: "You will lick it up immediately and love it". I quickly did as she commanded. She admonished me with, "Don't ever hesitate to follow an order like that again or you will be very sorry". I acknowledged. She told me that my punishment would be to go one day with nothing to eat except one bowl of fruit. Then she reminded me that I signed up for this, kissed me goodnight and told me that she loved me.

One night Sabrina really needed to relax and relieve some stress. She turned on our hot tub and we both got naked. I was grateful when she removed my cock cage, but when she produced a bag of ice I knew I was going to get teased and put away dripping. We made out in the hot tub and then proceeded to the bedroom where candles were burning. She told me to lock up my cock and then give her a massage. I gave her a sensuous massage, rubbing every part of her body down to her toes and fingers. As she was falling asleep, she promised to fuck me in the morning, but only if I did not wake her up before she was ready.

She ordered me to strip and put on Velcro wrist cuffs. Then she tied my arms to the bedposts. She did a sexy strip tease and then took off the cock cage. She kissed me all over and then began sucking my cock. After a while she started pumping it but told me not to come or I would not get even a tease for four days. After a while, I was getting close and blurted out, "I'm going to come!" She immediately let go, dropped a bag of ice on my cock and left the room. After fifteen minutes that seemed like an hour, she returned and began to pump up my shriveled dick. Again I got close to coming and again she let go and iced me down.

This went on and on for several more cycles, each one getting shorter. It got to the point where she would only pump for ten seconds before my cock started to spasm and then she stopped. Every time some pre-come dripped out, she collected it on her finger and made me lick it. Finally, she iced me down and put on the cock cage so I couldn't get hard. Relieved, I thought it was over, but then she continued teasing me by putting her tits, pussy and ass all over my face. Finally she untied me and kissed me to sleep.  That night, she fucked me like as bucking bull and I came in ecstasy.

One morning early on in the contract, I was ready to go to work while she was in the bathroom naked. I asked her if she would unlock the cock cage for one day. She sat back on the counter, spread her legs, and told me to get down on my knees right in front of her pussy. She pulled her pussy lips apart so I could see it in all of its greatest glory. Then she told me to repeat the following words, "This pussy belongs to my key-holder, Sabrina. She controls me with this pussy. I will obey her commands and fulfill her wishes." Then she let me stand up and she removed the cage. "Memorize those words", she said, "You will be repeating them." This has since come to be called the "Pussy Pledge" and she has me recite it from time to time in order to reinforce her control.

Part 2 - (5 months later)

Well, I think my wife has finally figured it out. She has figured out how to get her way and be in control of many aspects of our relationship, just by giving me some of the sexual humiliation that drives me wild for her.

After an initial 3 to 4 weeks of fun chastity play, the Curve was put away and forgotten about, until recently. Five months back, my wife had played the bitchy dominatrix I wanted her to be for a short time, but then we went back to our usual vanilla sex. I think she has been afraid to truly take control using her sexual power. Before we married, we agreed that neither of us should ever use sex as a bargaining tool in the marriage. We both believed that it was unhealthy for a long-term relationship. That was before I developed my craving to be sexually dominated. Although I have explained this to her, I think she has still been hesitant to really use her pussy power to get her way, thinking it would backfire. (I would let her know if it came to that)

A couple weeks ago, to my surprise, she brought up the "device" as she calls it, and asked me to start wearing it again. I was happy that she did this on her own initiative. I had said nothing about it, but deep down I was disappointed when she stopped showing interest four months ago. She put it on me for five days before we had sex. I was on my second period of sexual denial this week when she really stepped up her control.

She was taking a hot bath, and I was massaging her in the tub with the Curve installed. She started in on me slowly at first. "The reason you are naked and I am dressed is so that you will feel vulnerable. I am going to ask you some questions and I expect true answers."  "I consider masturbation to be a form of cheating on your wife. It's not as bad as going with another woman. For that I would divorce you. But you are getting sexual satisfaction without me and I think that's unfair. Don't you think it's unfair?"
"Now let's talk about orgasms", she continued to lay down her law. "All through our marriage you have considered it your prerogative to fuck me and come in me any time you wanted. You don't always get me horny first, so I end up not coming and with a messy pussy full of come. You probably come ten times for each time I get to come, and that's not considering your countless masturbations. Do you think that's fair?" she asked.

"You never complained, so I thought you liked it", I answered.

"I'm going to change the rules starting right now. From now on we will have sex only when I say so. You might have to go several days without an orgasm, or even a hard-on, because I'm going to keep you locked up until I get horny. If you want sex, you better work at getting me in the mood. I'm also going to teach you the value of my pussy. You will understand what a privilege it is to come in my pussy by being teased and denied repeatedly. There will be times when you will be asked to lick me to orgasm but you will not be allowed out of the cock cage. Sometimes I will have you fuck me to orgasm, but you will not be allowed to come, and you will be put back in the cage."

"Oh, yes. Let's talk about that nasty come of yours. If you do get the rare privilege of coming in my pussy, I expect you to have the decency to clean it for me afterwards. OK?" she asked.

"OK", I replied.

"I mean clean it with your tongue!" she explained. "Why should I be subjected to rough paper on my precious pussy, when your soft tongue can do the job?"

"But." I began to protest. "All through our marriage, you have gotten blow jobs and expected me to eat your come. Is that fair? Why should I ever eat your come? Why shouldn't you eat your own come, and prove to me that you love me enough to clean my pussy in the most humiliating way imaginable?"

I couldn't fault her logic. I put up more fuss, trying to protest my way out of the clean up chore, but my protests only brought more blows to my already aching face. Deep down, however, I was conflicted. You see, when I'm horny as hell, the thought for being forced to eat come makes me excited for the humiliation, however, once I do come, the thought of actually eating it is not pleasant. I wanted to please her so much, however, and I also want to learn to like it. Thus, I agreed to the tongue duty.

"Don't worry", she calmed me, knowing exactly what I was thinking. "After you've licked my pussy clean from come several times, you will begin to enjoy it. I know I will, and my enjoyment should give you every reason to be happy. That's how sex is supposed to be. It's a chance to show me how considerate you can be", she laughed, knowing now she had me where she wanted me. "If you are a good little sex slave, I might let you masturbate on my tits, just so I can watch as you lick up your own come. I think I'll enjoy that show!"

"Once you get used to the idea of keeping my pussy clean with your tongue, I'm going to give you the ultimate humiliation. You're going to lick me clean after I pee. I can't wait to feel that. It's a good feeling knowing that my little sex slave loves me so much that he will always be happy to clean my pussy with his tongue."

Finally, she was done with her lecture and ready to demonstrate her newly declared power over me. She pulled up her nightgown and showed me her pussy. I went wild with desire and she knew she had me had driven me over the edge with her humiliating talk. She made me beg to lick it. She had me turn on the video. While she watched some hot lovers fucking, I ate her pussy, still wearing the chastity device. It was driving me crazy, but I said nothing and did my duty. As soon as she got good and horny, but not too far gone, she piled up the pillows in the center of the headboard and had me lay back on them. We removed the cock cage. Then she tied my wrists to the corner posts so I would not be tempted to touch her, or myself. She sank her pussy down on my cock and had me suck her tits. This is how she brings on her orgasm. Before long, she came hard and long. Then she told me to wash my cock and put the Curve back on. I was not going to be allowed to orgasm.

I protested that it was not fair for her to come and not me, but that just drew an incredulous stare. I understood what she meant. Then she came up with a very generous offer. "I owe you one", she said. "What?" I responded, confused. "Let me explain", she continued. "Since I have come, but you have not, you have one emergency merit in the `Bank of Sabrina'. I'm going to tease and deny you tomorrow and the next day and so on. You have one merit in the bank that will become valid after 24 hours from now. At that time, if I have not let you come already and you cannot stand it anymore, you will be allowed to claim your merit, which means you will be allowed come. You will come either by fucking me or by masturbating for me. I will decide how you come, but either way, you will have to eat the come for me."

"Once you use up your merit, we are back to even. From that point on, you will only come when I decide to allow it, now matter how long that takes. The only way to earn another emergency merit is to make me come again without coming yourself, understand?"

My wife and I are having a great sex life and better relationship now that I am wearing the Curve most of the time. She likes the way I behave with her when I am locked up, and I like the way she dishes out sexual humiliation in order to keep me agreeable to the lock-up. She says she wishes I could be so sweet to her without the use of a cock-restraining device; nonetheless, the result is what really matters. It is sort of an even trade. She gets to control me and train me to do her bidding while I get to be dominated and abused. That's fair, right?

How she trains me

My wife really enjoys training me. Here are some of the things she does.

She has a point system that is a bit of a mystery to me. If I do something to please her beyond her expectations, she gives me points, but if I disappoint her, she takes away points. She tells me that each point adds or subtracts a day from the period of penis lock-up. The mystery is in the fact that she never tells me exactly how many days I have left. That's for her to know and me to guess. Nonetheless, the awarding of points, whether added or subtracted, is very effective in training me. Even one day of extra lock-up is very difficult for me to absorb because she keeps me so horny. Keeping me horny makes the training very effective.

She has trained me to go to great lengths to romance her and make her horny before trying to have sex with her. She's one that needs a lot of foreplay if she is going to be able to have an orgasm. I used to just fuck her quickly to please myself, but now she is training me to make sure she has a chance to come. If I don't at least work hard for her orgasm, it is a sure bet that I'll be kept in the Curve longer without coming.

She also has trained me to clean her pussy. I always clean her up after sex these days, and I clean her after she pees whenever she wants me to. She may snap twice for me to follow her into the bathroom when she needs to pee so I can wash her pussy with a warm cloth and dry it. On occasion, she tells me to lick her clean.

Other things she has trained me to do include foot rubs, back rubs, and hot baths where I wash and dry her. I also dry her after her shower.

When she first locks me up for a new chastity period, she has me kneel down and she shows me her pussy while I repeat the pussy pledge: "This pussy belongs to my key-holder, Sabrina. She controls me with this pussy. I will obey her commands and fulfill her wishes."

How she humiliates me

Regular teasing and humiliation is the key to keeping me locked up in the chastity device. Practically speaking, I could refuse to put the Curve on if there was nothing in it for me. However, I crave for domination, especially sexual humiliation, and so she dishes out a little (or a lot) every day.


When we have sex, I try very hard to give her a pleasurable orgasm. She likes it when I lick her to orgasm. She also likes to fuck me with her on top while I suck her tits. In the old days, she would rarely come but I did come every time. That's not the case anymore. If I don't make her come, she usually locks me back up without an orgasm. That way I'll be very motivated to get her in the mood to come next time and to be gentle and loving. If I do come, she expects me to clean her up afterwards. I usually do this with a warm washcloth, but lately, she's been telling me to lick her clean because it is more humiliating.