LOVE/SPIRIT: WHAT I LEARNED ABOUT LOVE

There are some who spend their whole lives seeking love. Sometimes giving, sometimes taking. Sometimes chasing. But often, just waiting. They believe that love is a place that you get to: a destination at the end of a long road. And they can’t wait for that road to end at their destination. They are those hearts moved by the movement of hearts. Those hopeless romantics, the sucker for a love story, or any sincere expression of true devotion. For them, the search is almost a lifelong obsession of sorts. But, this tragic ‘quest’ can have its costs—and its’ gifts.

The path of expectations and the ‘falling in love with love’ is a painful one, but it can bring its own lessons. Lessons about the nature of love, this world, people, and one’s own heart, can pave this often painful path. Most of all, this path can bring its own lessons about the Creator of love.

Those who take this route will often reach the knowledge that the human love they seek was not the destination. Some form of that human love, can be a gift. It can be a means. But the moment you make it the End, you will fall. And you will live your whole life with the wrong focus. You will become willing to sacrifice the Goal for the sake of the means. You will give your life to reaching a ‘destination’ of worldly perfection that does not exist.

And the one who runs after a mirage, never gets there; but keeps running. And so too will you keep running, and be willing to lose sleep, cry, bleed, and sacrifice precious parts of yourself—at times, even your own dignity. But you’ll never reach what you’re looking for in this life, because what you seek isn’t a worldly destination. The type of perfection you seek cannot be found in the material world. It can only be found in God.

That image of human love that you seek is an illusion in the desert of life. So if that is what you seek, you’ll keep chasing. But no matter how close you get to a mirage, you never touch it. You don’t own an image. You can’t hold a creation of your own mind.

Yet, you will give your whole life, still, to reaching this ‘place’. You do this because in the fairy tale, that’s where the story ends. It ends at the finding, the joining, the wedding. It is found at the oneness of two souls. And everyone around you will make you think that your path ends there: at the place where you meet your soul mate, your other half—at the point in the path where you get married. Then and only then, they tell you, will you ever finally be complete. This, of course, is a lie because completion cannot be found in anything other than God.

But the lesson you’ve been taught since the time you were little—from every story, every song, every movie, every ad, every well-meaning auntie—is that you aren’t complete otherwise. And if—God forbid—you are one of the ‘outcasts’ who haven’t gotten married, or have been divorced, you are considered deficient or incomplete in some way.

The lesson you’re taught is that the story ends at the wedding, and then that’s when paradise begins. That’s when you’ll be saved and completed and everything that was once broken will be fixed. The only problem is, that’s not where the story ends. That’s where it begins. That’s where the building starts: the building of a life, the building of your character, the building of , patience, perseverance, and sacrifice. The building of selflessness. The building of love. I learned this lesson from my failed marriage.


But if the person you marry becomes your ultimate focus in life, your struggle has just begun. Now your spouse will become your greatest test. Until you remove that person from the place in your heart that only God should be, it will keep hurting. Ironically, your spouse will become the tool for this painful extraction process, until you learn that there are places in the human heart made only by—and for—God.

Among the other lessons you may learn along this path—after a long road of loss, gain, failure, success, and so many mistakes—is that there are at least 2 types of love. There will be some people you love because of what you get from them: what they give you, the way they make you feel. This is perhaps the majority of love—which is also what makes much of love so unstable. A person’s capacity to give is inconstant and changing. Your response to what you are given is also inconstant and changing. So if you’re chasing a feeling, you’ll always be chasing.  No feeling is ever constant. If love is dependent on this, it too becomes inconstant and changing. And just like everything in this world, the more you chase it, the more it will run away from you.This is they type of relationship I had all my life.

But, once in a while, people enter your life that you love—not for what they give you—but for what they are. The beauty you see in them is a reflection of the Creator, so you love them. Now suddenly it isn’t about what you’re getting, but rather what you can give. This is unselfish love. This second type of love is the most rare. And if it is based in, and not competing with, the love of God, it will also bring about the most joy. To love in any other way is to need, to be dependent, to have expectations—all the ingredients for misery and disappointment. I have only experienced this once with Joanne.

So for all those, who have spent their life seeking, know that purity of any thing is found at the Source. If it is love that you seek, seek it through God. Every other stream, not based in His love, poisons the one who drinks from it. And the drinker will continue to drink, until the poison all but kills him. He will continue to die more and more inside, until he stops and finds the pure Source of water.

Once you begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of God’s beauty, you will learn to love in the right way: for His sake. Everything and everyone you love with be for, through and because of Him. The foundation of such love is God. So what you hold onto will no longer be just an unstable feeling, a fleeting emotion. And what you chase will no longer be just a temporary high. What you hold, what you chase, what you love, will be God: the *only* thing stable and constant. Thereafter, everything else will be through Him. Everything you give or take or love or don’t love, will be by Him. Not by your nafs. It will be for Him. Not for your nafs.

This means you will love what He loves and not love what He does not love. And when you do love, you will give to the creation—not for what you can get in return from them. You will love and you will give, but you will be sufficed from Him. And the one who is sufficed by God, is the richest and most generous of all lovers. Your love will be by Him, for Him, and because of Him. That is the liberation of the self from servitude to any created thing. And that is freedom. That is happiness.

That is love.

LOVE: SOME WOMAN DON'T WANT TO GROW UP

Life's funny. To a kid, time always drags. Suddenly you're fifty. All that's left of your childhood... fits in a rusty little box

Our society is full of lost boys and girls hanging out at the edge of adulthood,someone who refuses to settle down and make commitments, and who would rather go on partying into middle age.If you read the newspapers, all you hear is that young people’s lives have never been as horrible as today — which basically requires historical amnesia, because that is not the case. Recession and economic depressions have happened across the past century. People are scared of thinking of themselves as adults. They cannot see anything good that comes with being an adult; all our cultural values are with youth and the further we move away from that, the more anxious they become. They read books aimed at children and teenagers (such as Harry Potter, Hunger Games and Twilight), the popularity of cartoons such as the Simpsons, and the rise of adults playing computer games, are symptoms of this desire to escape adulthood. People are frightened of what the future might hold and are terrified of taking risks. People now avoid or postpone thinking about making a commitment to others for fear they will get hurt. the decisions on whether to marry or not marry, start a family or not, travel or stay put, stick in your existing job or find a new one can make us overwhelmed, anxious and depressed.

Of course, there is one decision that a woman — even of the Peter Pan variety — cannot put off for ever, and that is whether to have a child. They fool myself into thinking that they don’t have to decide just yet and cling to any headline about women having their children at 41 and 42 as proof that, yes, there is plenty of time. But is there? The obvious truth is that fertility plummets in your 30s and you will wake up one day and regret that you missed the boat on babies altogether. Your fertility has a limited lifespan and you are simply being reckless with chance. If you're over 32 and heartbroken over a breakup with the guy who you hoped would be 'the one' or haven't had a good date in a while or watch your close friends go on to their second or third pregnancy, it will be unbearable your  anticipation of turning 33... 34... 35 and remaining single will create more anxiety than anything else in your life. Once you hit 35, you will realized that despite your dreams (and deep biological and emotional desire to be a mother), You will be still happy for all the other things in my life. Being an aunt ..but you are fooling yourself. People assume you never wanted kids because you don't have any.Is that you want?

LOVE: THE FAMILY MAN (MOVIE)

I'm an unashamed lover of movies as well as books, and I have a special place reserved in my heart for movies that feel that deal destiny and love. What if you had done this instead of that? Our lives turn on the decisions we make every day. Most of those decisions are probably largely inconsequential in the grand scheme of things. But then there are the big ones, the decisions that will shape your life, that will in effect determine who you are. What if you got a do-over on one of those big decisions? Or at least got a glimpse of what your life would have been had you zigged where once you zagged? Jack Campbell is about to get such a glimpse. The Family Man is one of my favorite movie of all time. Nicolas Cage plays Campbell and he's an extremely successful Wall Street executive, a driven career man who thinks of money first, last and always. He's got it all. The swanky Manhattan penthouse, the Ferrari, the supermodel types crawling into his bed. Suffice to say Jack is not a family man. Then one foggy Christmas Eve it's not Santa who comes to say something to Jack but Cash. Who is Cash? Well, we're never entirely sure. An angel of some sort perhaps? Anyhow Cash asks Jack what he needs in life. Jack answers that he has everything he needs. Wrong answer. The next morning, Christmas morning, Jack wakes up in New Jersey. With a wife, two kids, a dog and a job as a tire salesman.

Years earlier Jack had flown off to London for an internship which started him down the path to the gloriously wealthy life he now so thoroughly enjoyed. But by getting on that plane he had left his college sweetheart behind. He chose money, not love. Now all of a sudden he's living the life he would have had if he had gone for love all those many years ago. It's a life of dirty diapers, minivans and bowling. And it's a life Jack desperately wants to escape. But Cash isn't going to let him off the hook that easily. Jack has to learn something about life, about himself. Will he come to embrace his new life as the family man? And if he does, then what? Cash has told Jack this is just a glimpse. A glimpse is a fleeting, temporary thing

Sometimes what seems right at a certain moment years later seems to be the epitome of poor judgment. Often our thinking is clouded and we don't even know it. Hence, years later one might ask: "How could I have done such a thing?" You think you're doing the right thing and later discover that what you did was motivated by pure selfishness, but you did not know that at the time. A man and woman have a relationship, one decides to leave; two lives are changed forever. Like it or not, we are interdependent on each other. What party A does can affect the lives the parties B, C, D, E, etc. Life is a crap shoot; there's no saying how the dice will roll. It's like a roulette wheel that never stops spinning

I will say that the show stealer was the child who played the daughter. Whether it was just her age that allowed her to play it with such innocence, or she has the same acting potential as Haley Joel Osment; she was very convincing. She reminded me of the same innocence that Gabby Hoffman had when she was in "Uncle Buck". 'Nuff said, the movie was heartfelt but Cliche'd

I also have to say.I defy any man after seeing this movie to not want to live with Tea Leoni as Kate. I totally communicated with the love story. It is not about career choices, or life choices. It is about living with the person you love, and discover that the sacrifices, the things you planned, like becoming famous, going to Wall Street, and be rich, or powerful, are lifeless, void. The revelation comes with the singing of a love song during a birthday party. Everyone thinks it is corny, until you understand the meaning of it. That two people love each other, and have dedicated their lives to being together. As the French singer Julien Clerc said: "When you are cold, I am the only one who knows". Love is about that solitude of two people in their own universe. Some tough questions are asked, of course. Did you never regret your choice, honey? And the movie does a fantastic job answering those questions. And tall as a King of Men, is the man who walks quietly to his job as a tire salesman, when he knows he has EVERYTHING. So you think it is cruel to be sent to the suburbs after ruling Wall Street, but try to imagine what it is to be sent back to an empty apartment with a view, after sharing one last night with the woman you love, in the quiet peace of your home, with two kids (and a dog). Of course it is a movie, but try to imagine what it means, to run after someone you love, with a crazy story at hand, knowing it is your last chance to make it happen, 13 years later. Try to imagine what it would be like if he/she just turns away and goes (and that YOU KNOW what you are missing). Insane

I am looking for my Kate. I think I have it all, but I don't. If you are here now...I would say the same thing that Nicolas Cage said at the end of the movie: "We have a house in Jersey! We have two kids. Annie and Josh. Annie's not much of a violin player, but she tries real hard. She's a little precocious, but that's only because she says what's on her mind. And when she smiles...And Josh, has your eyes. He doesn't say much,but we know he's smart. He's always got his eyes open. You know,he's always watching us. Sometimes you can look at him and you just know...he's learning something new.It's like witnessing a miracle.The house is a mess,but it's ours.After     more payments,It's going to be ours. And you, you're a nonprofit lawyer.That' s right. You're completely nonprofit.But that doesn't seem to bother you. And we're in love. After 13 years of marriage,we're still unbelievably in love. You won't even let me touch you till I've said it.I sing to you.Not all the time, but definitely on special occasions.And we've... we've dealt with our share of surprises and made a lot of sacrifices, but we stayed together.You see,you're a better person than I am,and it made me a better person to be around you. I don't know. Maybe it was all just a dream. Maybe I went to bed one lonely night in December, and I imagined it all, but...I swear, nothing's ever felt more real. And if you get on that plane right now, I'll disappear forever. I know we could both go on with our lives, and we'd both be fine. But I've seen...what we could be like together. And I choose us.Please, Kate. One cup of coffee. You can always go to Paris. Just... please,not tonight."



Nicolas Cage plays a slick Wall Street powerbroker  who has it all: money, money, money, and power. Jack Campbell's lacking a family, but he doesn't see that as a bad thing. He's also driven, obsessed with improving the company he works for - he even schedules a "crisis meeting" on Christmas Day. This guy's got balls, all right. He's making loot hand over fist, and he's probably on his way to an ulcer or a heart attack before he hits fifty.

On Christmas Eve, he gets a phone message from an ex-girlfriend (Tea Leoni). Years earlier, the two of them had made a decision crucial to their lives - he went to England to intern with a prestigious bank, and she went to one of the finest law schools in the country. This facilitated their breakup, but since Jack's made out rather well in the interim, he pays the call little mind. Then that night, he stops by a convenience store to pick up some egg nog. An irate lottery player (the always reliable and watchable Don Cheadle) pulls a gun on the clerk behind the counter. Jack offers to buy the man's lottery ticket in an effort to calm the situation, and even attempts to rehabilitate the hoodlum. "Cmon," Jack tells him, "everyone needs something." "What do you need?" Cash asks him. Jack considers the point, then replies there's nothing he needs. "Ok," says Cash, "but just remember, you got yourself into this." Hmm.

The next morning, Jack wakes up in bed with the lovely, the delicious, the married-in-real-life-to-Tea Leoni. And he has two kids. And a dog. And whoa! This isn't Jack's life, is it? He doesn't like kids! And here they come, bouncing on the bed he shares with Kate. It's Christmas Day, after all. But Jack's in shock. He panics, grabs the keys to their minivan (Hey! Where's his Porsche?) and dashes off to the city. What's going on?

Seems Cash is some kinda sorta angel or something (it's never really explained), and he's offering Jack a "glimpse" of what his life would have been like if he had stuck with Kate back in the day. Now, those of us who are of a certain age do wonder from time to time what life would have been like if different decisions had been made. Jack's problem is that his wonderment is now his reality. And it's most certainly not the reality he's looking for! The Single Jack is a hedonist who recognizes only responsibilities to his job. The Married Jack pays more attention to his familial responsibilities.

So we have a general fish-out-of-water scenario. Jack knows he's Single Jack, and naturally he has neither knowledge nor memory of life as Married Jack. He doesn't know his friends, his in-laws, his co-workers (he works as a tire salesman!), nothing. He doesn't even know where he lives! Ah yes, mad hijinks ensue. It's like in that Jim Carrey movie The Truman Show - the audience is in on the joke, but the lead character has no idea. See Jack stumble over gettin' jiggy with his wife! See him mumble greetings to friends he doesn't know! See him stand with his mouth agape most of the time, trying in vain to absorb everything.

There is one memorable poignant and heartwarming scene I should mention. He forgets their wedding anniversary. The little girl suggests he take his wife for dinner into the city. They eat, and dance at a high class restaurant, he has planned a plush hotel room with champagne. She asks "What are you sure about?" He looks at this beautiful woman, she is stunning, "All this time I never stopped loving you". I am sure right now, there's nowhere else I would rather be than here with you". She whispers "That's all I wanted to hear" ... and he is of course out of the doghouse.

POETRY: INSIDE YOUR PRECIOUS HEART

I know you've been hurt before
And I see that the pain is still there
Blinding you from all of my love
That your heart just won't fall for.
Fear of your past is no way to live
You have to find a way to trust again
Or how will it end? How will it end?

If you let me
I'll show you true love
The way it's meant to be
If you let me
Inside your precious heart
I'll be yours, exclusively!

So pleased to be a part of you
I often fantasize just us two
And I'm wondering if you do the same
The first time we touched was such a warm embrace
And it won't leave my mind
Girl, what have you done but turned my world upside down.

Why not give love a try?
I can see it in your eyes
I sense you wanting me to come inside, so?

I'll show you the things that you've been yearning for
No matter the time, you won't be ignored
Be the man you've desired and all you adore
Supply all your needs and then give you more

If you let me
I'll show you true love
The way it's meant to be
If you let me
Inside your precious heart
I'll be yours, exclusively!

2

Baby, my love for you
Has grown out-of-control,
So I promise this to you:
My mind, body, and soul.

My mind, so you can come to me
Whenever you're in pain.
I will cry those tears with you;
It will not be in vain.

My body, so I can hold you
Whenever you're in despair,
So when you feel used and torn,
Remember I'll be there.

My soul, so I can always show
That my love for you runs deep,
And those tender words you spoke to me,
In my heart I'll always keep.

So listen to my vow to you,
Take it into your heart.
Always know that I'll always care
When you've been tossed about.

You can run to me,
As long as you know
That I have promised this to you:
My mind, body, and soul.

3

I wanted
   so badly
 to cup your face
   with my hands
 and draw myself
   nearer to you
 to be just an inch away
   from your lovely lips
 to gaze into your eyes
   for just one moment
 and then to cover your lips
   with mine
   for many, many moments


4

I feel the rain falling all around me,
Sitting alone I think of your sweet lips
Lustfully against mine,
Wishing you were here with your arms solidly around me,
I feel damp coldness rush throughout my body.

I look and see a figure, a hand reaches out for me,
I stand to look you in the face,
Could this be?
You embrace me into your warm chest,
I feel absorbed by your body.

As you slowly lean down to kiss me,
It feels like eternity until you lay your lips onto mine,
I feel my eyes twinkle from pure delight
And close them so I can entrance my body and mind
To remember this moment forever.



5


If I had my way, there would be no clocks, watches or calendars;
No places we have to go, or things we have to do -
Just an eternity of weekends and days together.
Time enough to take long looks into those beautiful  eyes,
And walks through the park with you.

Time enough to talk and listen and hold you in a lingering embrace.
If I had my way, there would finally be enough time to love you
The way I want to love you, the way you deserve to be loved -
                                           totally and endlessly..



6

It has been years since the last time I truly loved
                  Years of hardship and sorrow
                  Years of waiting and hoping for that someone
                  who can't possibly be mine

                  I cried once, twice, or thrice
                  Cried and cried like a baby...
                  Cried till my tears could no longer
                  shed my distress
                  Cried still, inside myself, so desperate
                  that she would love me back.

                  Nothing can be done...what more can I do
                  Should I continue this or just give myself
                  a breathing-space?
                  Love dictates to wait but my mind dictates
                  to let go...
                  These two things that must be considered,
                  practically equate to love
                  So, all I did was to let go and be happy
                  for my dear friend
                  Even though my heart bleeds for misery,
                  failure, and despair.

                  Time has passed, life has moved on...
                  My wounds were healed by acceptance, comfort,
                  and contentment
                  Sacrifices have been made...truly hard to do.
                  What more can I wish but for me to overcome
                  these fears?
                  Fear of loving, of trusting and of hoping.
                  Contemplating the past years...
                  has given me the best answer,
                  Real and true...time changes everything.



7

The ocean waves crash softly onto shore
And the sun creeps silently into the sky
And I open my eyes slowly to see you
Right beside me
I softly touch your tender skin 
And as I do comes the whisper of the wind
As it glides softly thru to brace your face
And then climbs thru your hair 
And crawls upon my face
I feel the sensation of your love
As the wind lies down slowly to rest upon my face
And I breath in deeply 
And your love is quickly spread thru my body
Everything freezes but the time
And soon it is night again
And I look into your eyes
To see the stars of the night
Reflected in your eyes
And I kiss your lips
Slowly we fall asleep again
In each other's arms
To again repeat the sense of your love
And as I close my eyes
The wind glides over your mouth and collects
And then brushes past my ears to echo the words
I love you

LOVE: WE MARRY A LIFESTYLE

Love is an important part of our lives, but we're not love's slaves. Most of all we're not love's fool. Love isn't blind and it isn't stupid,

You know sometimes it is so hard for me to give myself permission to leave a relationship. If i was a really good person, I would stay and work at it. Only a bad person would walk out on a partner and all the hopes they'd had for the future.....and I don't want to be a bad person.

Sometimes I imagine how I would feel if God said to me that I had permission to leave a relationship if I wanted to. I think I would get a strong sense that it would be all right for me to end my relationship and what is best for me. If God said to me..."Hey whatever you want is okay with me"...would be all that I need to feel it's okay to leave.....

I would leave a lot of relationship....without hesitation or confusion. I think that if you get total relief at the thought of getting total permission to leave doesn't clarify the fact that you're already decided to leave....



There are two type of sex...i believe in

Sex that is superficially and feel good
Sex that produces a real close connection that feel good in every level

What doesn't make sense to me is this....So many woman take their clothes off as part of the physical intimacy, but confessing secrets and showing parts of themselves no one else in the world see is hidden. When you sleep with someone..you should not only be physically naked..but emotionally naked as well...and not only does love mean feeling safe as you get naked, it means relaxing into feeling more safe the more naked you get.


You know..love is not the package you carry around, it's the package you deliver. It's not what you feel inside...and certainly not what you say you feel inside...it's what you can give based on what you feel. So many woman in life toss the word.."I love you" and that is all that was.
You know sometimes..when your partner doesn't give to you..it harder for you to feel you have something to give to your partner....but I think.. even thought your partner's been stingy, and miserable and angry and critical, even thought you keep taking care of your partner and it doesn't seem as though she takes care of you...you're still willing to give without expecting to get anything back...that means when you say..." I LOVE YOU", you're not full of bull, Your feelings are about something real..So in spite of how hurt and deprived you feel, if you are still willing to deliver a concrete expression of love, without expecting anything back ..you know how to love.


Lying is to communication what murder is to life. Both are taking away of what's real and precious.


There is always power struggle in any relationship. Every single decision is a fertile soil for power struggle...because every single decision there's a question of who's going to make it and whose needs are going to prevail.

So there are power issues involved with deciding where you're going to go on your first date, when to make love, what you do when you make love, who's allowed to shout and under what circumstances, where you're to go on your vacation, how much money you're going to save, .....everything is a potential source of power struggle.

No wonder people fight in even the healthiest of relationship...there's a rough balance of power and they're just struggling to have their say.Sometimes couples work this out on the basis of need: whoever cares the most about something..makes the decision...other through some rough sense of balance....(you decided what to watch on TV Thursday and I will on Friday) and other work this out on the basis of knowledge or skill ( whoever's best at something makes decision about it)

And then you met someone like me...I can't share power. ..I do this because I feel incredibly unsafe unless I am holding all the reins of power. I feel unsafe without power...as If i am walking the streets of Manhattan with no clothes on.


If your vision of a relationship is about two people eating out all the time..and traveling and mine isn't..then we have a disagreement about our lifestyle. And if we not only disagree but do so passionately, and if this vision of a relationship is of the essence of what you want to get out of life, and mine is for me, too then this disagreement get at the heart of how each want to live and attacks the heart of our relationship. I will give you an example...let say..you decide that all TV in our house must go, that our marriage must be totally TV free for both of us..and let assume that you mean it. I don't think i can stay..in fact i would say alot of people wouldn't stay...no matter how much we love each other. Alot of people will choose to leave rather than actually spend every day of the rest of their lives without the possibility of watching their favorite shows or veg out in front of the tube. To me  it is so clear...that lifestyle difference is so critical. It's the reason why people end up choosing a lifestyle over their partner...hell..it's what you want from a relationship in the first place....It's never just a person you wanted to be with...You wanted that person combined with the lifestyle you have with that person. When the overall, basic quality of your life is at stake, you need to feel you can give yourself permission to choose the life that feels good to you over the life that doesn't. Thus the guideline is about where happiness and contentment and satisfaction comes from in life. Of course someone you love is extremely important to the way you life, but your life is your life and the person you love is part of your life. If your lifestyle difference is not such a big deal or you can accommodate your difference within your lifestyle, then you don't have a problem.


If you've ever had a dog or cat...you know how on some level, in spite of your knowing that the two of you are from different species, you have a sense of shared bond. You both like a good meal. You both like a comfortable place to curl up. You both like physical affection. You both like to play.You both have the capacity to care about each other, This sense of connection deep down is part of what creates a real bond between you. But when you start moving away from the dog/cat level toward snake, chicken..level of existence..and then toward the clam or worms level of existence at some point the sense of connection disappears.

LOVE LETTER: MY LOVE

my love, 

You told me it was over. One way or another, everything comes to an end. It's all over some day. That's perhaps one of the most fascinating truths we know about the entire universe. The stars die, the galaxies die, the planets die. And people die too. I've never been a believer, but the day I became interested in astronomy, I think I put aside all that was left of my fear of death. I'd realized that in comparison to the universe, a human being, a single human being, me...is infinitely small. Well, I'm not writing this letter to deliver a profound religious or philosophical lecture.  I was just talking to you on the phone. I can still hear the sound of your voice. I imagine you, before my eyes...a beautiful image, a lovely memory I will keep until the end. 

This is the first time I've written to you knowing exactly what to say: I love you, I love you, love you, love you. I want you to know that. I want you to know that I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I want you to know I mean that seriously

POETRY: YOU BECOME ME

I drew many pictures
But couldn't get it perfect
I sat down for hours
To try and reflect

And then one day
An image of you came along
I knew for sure
I didn't do anything wrong

All my life I searched
And had many diversities
Not knowing if its good
Or just perversity

I thought my life sucked
And everything was in despair
But that feeling in my heart leaves
When I see you there

I knew you were my best
And my final work of art
But all you were
Was an image in my heart


2

the first laugh that answered my laugh
tha first eyes that lit up to see mine
and to me, you are the only love
who lasted my lifetime....


3


When I closed my eyes
I found myself
Wandering the empty streets
In my mind-
Not knowing
Which way to turn
Or if there is
Anywhere for me to go.

Wandering down a road
Alone
I came to a door
Not opened before.
A little scared,
Not knowing what was on the other side,
I slowly turned the door knob
And opened the door.

On the other side
I didn't find an empty road
Waiting to be traveled,
I didn't find loneliness
To consume me.
What I found was Much more,
What I found
Was you
Waiting for me to
Open the door.


4

Come sail on this tender spirit
And, deep down in my heart, swim.
For passion holds no lifeless strings
That bind strength within any limit.

Come fly with these feathered wings
And, without blink, make sky the limit.
For when caution you throw to the wind
With purest faith you?ll reach peak.

Come dwell in this sacred place
And, without fear, let new life begin.
For when all thoughts with baits you sink
Cherished dreams will come within reach.

And if this choice, unequivocally, you make
To dwell in this resting place, my heart -
Even though your reality may be brief
Abundance of joy your heart will reap.



5



I love you
not for what
but for why
not for looks
but for personality
not for anyone else
but for you
not for when
but for now
not for sex
but for love
and that is why i love you



6



Remember being a child,
You looked out your window
To see the ground and everything in it
  under a blanket of white?
A big grin formed across your face,
You rushed to get dressed and
  ran outside to play in the snow.

It's like when the sun comes out
  after a spring rain.
The air smells different.
It's clean and fresh and makes
  you want to dance in the puddles.

That's what it's like when you put your arms
  around me and hold me close.
When you gently kiss my forehead
  and then my lips.
That's the feeling I get when you slip
  your hand into mine
And tell me everything will be all right.


7


Traveling through the darkness of life
Your love came to show me the light
It guides my steps through the night
To a place specifically reserved for me

Lovely messages fill up my heart
Assuring me your love is real
Silent voices commune with me
Telling me, you're forever mine

Conspicuous are my thoughts and desire
For unfailing, everlasting, unconditional love
That flows from an ever-faithful heart...
The source of life, the fountain of joy

Many ways I want to express my love
But time and space remain a stumbling block
Nothing else you?ve said and done
Could change my heart from loving you



8

To evaluate the difference between lust and love is my goal
To figure out if there is someone who can stimulate my soul
Lust is wanting something so badly
that your mind makes you think it's real
but when you encounter love, the thought of lust looses its appeal

The constant repitition of, She loves me, she loves me not,"
starts to get old
Wondering if you truly love her is a story untold
You say, "I love you," but is that really true
Can your thought convey what you never knew

The feeling of a sincere look into your eyes,
being mesmerized unable to tell a lie
The feeling of a warm embrace being more than a hug
but an expression of devotion
When the remedy for pain is a simple kiss
instead of just a simple kiss

When the thought of losing her demolishes your spirit
When "I Love You" becomes more than something you say
But a contract between two lovers
allowing your souls to become as one
That's Love
I know it, because I feel it

Every day that we're together, every day that we're apart
It feels like I'm loving you for the first time
It's not just something you think about
It's something you have to know and feel
And I feel like I can love you till my last breath
and even then my last breath will be my testiomony
of love for you all over again



9


Eyes should only be able to see skin deep,
  But why do I feel like your vision can penetrate my soul.
Why does life without you seem constantly less than whole?
  Is it that I inadvertingly offered you the controls to my heart?

What would happen if our lives seperated and you and I fell apart?
  We have known each other for months into years,
And through the power we hold together
  Fought through sorrow and the flow of tears.

It is the future that I categorize as one word: Scary,
  Because you and I, as friends, always seems a little more than ordinary.
You'll be in my mind before I fall asleep,
  As I wonder how you can still see me further than skin deep.

I'll also ponder whether we can make memories
  Which You and I will always want to keep.



10



A dying rose in a yard
becoming thirsty
for a small sip of love.
Wondering when he will
have a taste again.

Will it be today, tommorow
or a week?
It better be soon or he will be dead.
As a drop of water falls
from the sky...
He realizes she loves him.


11


We kissed, once,
that first time.

I felt something of you enter me,
there in that place where dwells
who I truly am.
Something of you, planted itself in my heart.
A small pod? A seed? Maybe.
Something that is you. Certainly.

It then took to earth, my body its soil.
Sprouting, taking root just there.
Nurtured by the warmth
provided by only you now;
freeing me, feeding me.

Growing quickly and strong indeed,
un-expectantly, its tiny roots take over
my system- replace my veins,
circumnavigating me many times over.
This my earth,
piece by piece,
from the inside out. You are so very strong,
taking a firm hold of me, a sapling.
The rains that feed, provide for you there,
are the tears my soul sheds for you.

You become me
and now I, you
become one, the same.
That small seed was you, an acorn,
the fruit of you,
and we will become oak,
mighty as one.
Weakness becomes our strength,
in each other,
in the middle our time is marked,
by the rings of our growth.

Only you can now move me.
That wind, your breath,
sways me, to and fro, rocking me gently;
shakes me to my thick;
singing to me, calming me,
soothing me all over;
leaves and branches all in unison, melodic.
I am now surrendered.
I am now at peace.

This is
Why
When
You are away, only you can hurt me.
This absence of you, hurts me;
parts of me begin
to wither, slowly at first.
The extremities turn brown.
Autumn and Winter all at once
from all angles, cold, hungry, I starve,
begin to die, my core, my thick is bruised.

Alone I cannot survive.





12


You're a caramel queen with a little bit of honey.
When I hear from you, I can't help but act funny.
Dreaming of a kiss from your sweet-candied lips.
Your love's got me drunk just from taking a sip.

Now it's time for me to let you know,
I have your love on my mind and I can't let you go.
I dream of you so many times at night.
No other lady could ever treat me so right.

I know you're an angel with bright golden wings,
'cause nothing compares to the joy that your love brings.
If I was king of the world, you would still come first.
I have so much love inside of me I think I may burst.

Even the goddess of love would envy you,
'cause until she met you -- true love she never knew.
But it still rains from the clouds above.
We're a pair, YOU and I, each like a turtle-dove.

I could never love another, no matter the predicament,
all I need to survive is your love and encouragement.
I have so much love for you, more than any other at all,
myself included, while I stumble and fall...

Deeper and deeper in this love that's so pure.
If I'm sick with it -- then it's you who holds the cure.
I'd hold you in my arms and whisper in your ear,
"I LOVE YOU," if I could only hold you near.

I'd give you my mind, my soul and my heart,
so we could be together forever and never part.
I promise you would never shed any tears.
I'd ease your mind and erase all your fears.

You're too beautiful to ever try to explain,
I promise I would never make you sad, mad, or make you complain.
Stolen from the skies are the stars in your eyes.
The love I feel for you I will never disguise.

One kiss and I'll be yours, even more so with two.
I close my eyes and I smile because it's all I can do.
I'd be your hero and you could call me your man,
I'd keep you safe from harm as I'd do all I can...

To please you and hold you when you need it the most,
to be your special "one and only," to brag and to boast.
If I woke up every morning just to see your pretty face,
I'd never ever wish to be in any other place.

I can go on forever letting you know how I feel.
I gotta let you know that I'm keeping it real.
I pray for the day we can both unite.
It would be more than a blessing -- it would be pure delight.

Your words are soft-spoken, yet they're truly felt.
With one tast of your lips I swear my body could melt.
I have you on my mind from dawn until sunset,
then you fill my dreams with things we ain't done yet.

I'll make it up to you sooner or later.
Straight from the heart, I'm a lover not a hater.
I'll never leave you for the world or more,
if anyone ever hurt you then I'd even the score.

Baby girl, you're so beautiful and so fine, wish I could dine
with you underneath candlelight, with roses and wine.
Then, just to hold you close while we're feeling so good,
would make me feel like a superstar in Hollywood.

I'd give you what you want and fulfill your desires,
quenching the thirst of your heart's raging fires.
When I hear you say my name, I get a little hectic inside.
You're my joy, gladness and evey bit of my pride.

Through all the struggles and drama that may pass us by,
all that really matters in the end is just YOU and I.
Walking hand in hand with no worries or cares,
even misery and distress both walk along in pairs.

I know you'll never leave me or stab me in the back,
With you by my side, I swear, there's nothing I lack.
Your love is like a tide coming in from the sea.
I think I've fallen in love... BUT HOW COULD THIS BE?

I've never felt so strongly, or had a lover so sweet.
I'll never forget the day you knocked me off my feet.
This runs deeper than crush, I think I may be obsessed.
I look up to the stars and I know I've been blessed.

You're more precious to me than you'd ever understand.
This love happened in a way we never thought or planned.
When I'm feeling down, I place my wish upon a star,
and since I hold you in my heart, I know you're never far.

You're my sunshine, the very highlight of my day.
You bring a smile to my face and make my fears go away.
I've made you a promise of love that will never fade.
It's amazing how with our hearts and not our hands...
                                       THIS LOVE WAS MADE!


13

thy love to me nothing replaces
dare did i not stop my heart
to listen, my heart speaks the truth.

 i seek for you to hear
the sun rises, yet, my heart's in gloom
come to my aid, heal my wounds.

look down, there you shall see
a lover- laughter only echoes.
show the light, let me rise.

in the darkness i was kept
your call i await, i shall be glad
within your shadows i shall always wait.


14


It was the way you looked at me
as though you'd never seen such beauty
and the way, when we kissed
my lips tingled
and the way, when you touched me
my skin felt ALIVE

It was the way you held me
as the tears started to fall
and the way, when you looked at me
my head swam
and the way, when you loved me
nothing else mattered

It was all this and more
that stole my heart
that took my breath
that made me love you
without a second thought

There will never be another
who compares to you
Destiny and Fate
my life and my dreams
are yours


15



Caught up with you
In this passionate kiss
Hoping it contiues
So I have something to reminisce
Not Concerned with the future
Or thinking of the past
Just Caught up in the hope
That this moment might last
Holding on to time with a precious grip
Scared to let a second slip.



16


I just want to let you know that my love for you
might be too much for you to handle,
so I need to let you know how I feel
before I let you walk away from me forever.

There's nothing I can say to you
to make you feel the same about me,
but all I can do is tell you
how I feel about you.

With hopes that one day you will realize
that I want to be with you forever and always.
I want you in my heart, I want you in my soul,
and I want you in my arms till the day that I die.

I just want to hold you close
like there will be no other day.
You are my world, you are my everything,
you make my world go 'round.

My princess, I'm lost without you,
I don't know what to do anymore.
I feel like I can't go on without you here in my life,
I don't know what to do without you.

I love u so much, I don't know what I would do if you ever left me.

LOVE: WHY YOU ARE ALONE AND CAN'T FIND THE ONE.

About 90% of you who read this won't respond. The 10% who do respond, I would say about 9% are curious seeker..meaning they think they understand what I have written and want the same thing. From my experience they are lying to themselves and me. It funny, because most of the time...they tell me how someone they were with didn't keep their word, or their partner was a workaholic, or the partner wasn't loving enough ...you get the point. And I would tell them that relationship are mirror images of who you are. When I get to talk to them...I realized what they complain about so much about their past partner is exactly what they lack in themselves. So why would I want to met them?

I am looking for that 1% who gets me. Someone who still believe in love...and has child like trust ...who when they read my words, totally understands me and know where I am coming from. A woman who live and breathe words. ....It would be like my words make them feel that perhaps they was not completely alone. They could be honest with me, and I with them. By reading my words, what I wrote, they might be able to see the world as I see it, its colors and textures and sounds, they would feel-- what I felt the way I think, hoped, feel and dream. She would dream what I dream, want what I wanted--and then I realized that truly I just want to be with me. That I am their soul mate that they have been seeking all their life..

And to this one person..i can only say this to you: "I can offer you my life, I can offer you my heart, though I have no idea how many more beats it shall sustain. But I love you enough to hope that you will not care that I am being selfish in trying to make the rest of my life - whatever length - happy, by spending it with you. I want to be married to you, I want it more than I have ever wanted anything else in my life." "That is,if you love me, too.”

*******************

If you are a beautiful woman, single and looking for love, I think I know your story. It goes something like this:

You’ve been single longer than planned. The men you meet – when you actually get to meet someone – are boring, oafs or just plain wrong. You never feel that spark, and you need that spark. You have created a great life for yourself and you’re a good catch. Your friends and family tell you that you’re too picky, but you absolutely will not settle. If Mr. Love You comes along, that will be great, but if he doesn’t you figure you’ll be just fine without him. Am I not right?

But my question is this.....why are you lying to yourself Huh? I know most smart, independent woman…sometime feel lonely, wishing for the deep, real, comforting love and affection of a man. . But you are not okay if he doesn't come along. You want to share your life with a man. You wanted it so much that I you are on this site, but you have to realize that it's you that is creating your dismal results.I hear this from women all the time. I’m tired of meeting losers. All the good ones are gay or taken. All the men I meet are bald, boring, messy, sex-crazed, they are too this, not enough that. And the most common: I just don’t feel a spark with any men I’m meeting.It's all bullshit to me.

Think about this..ok....if you are a half decent looking woman, you get hit upon all the time...even online. Do a search right now on ..on finding a guy who is taller than 5’7″, college educated, non-smoking, occasional drinker, making $75,000+. The search result will give you at least 3,000 guys in a 25 mile radius. If you are dismissing all these guy..its most often about self-protection. I mean, come on.... after all, if every man you meet is unworthy then there is no risk you’ll actually start dating or get in a relationship! Yep, that’s a surefire way to avoid ever being hurt or rejected.

Most of you probably have a list of what you want in a man. It may not be on paper…but you have one. It usually includes things like:honest, funny, good looking and financially stable. Well I got them all. Being a good date and being a good life partner can be very, very different. Many of us, me included, tend to pick based on whether she’s a good date. That has nothing to do with whether she’ll be a good wife. I learn that the hard way with my divorce. I know…you deserve to be picky, right? But picky isn’t a good thing and doesn’t tend to serve us well. There is a distinction between being picky and being discriminating. I was picky when I eliminate someone because of she was thin or not.. I am discriminating when I eliminate someone because she lives in another state.

A lot of woman have tall as must-have. But why? Why do you want him to be tall? How does it make you feel when you’re with a tall guy? Do you feel attractive? Feminine? Safe? Come on.....Now I ask: Is that the only quality a man can have that makes you feel that way? What if he was like me...of incredibly strong character, confident, treats you like gold, is always interested in making you happy, finds you incredibly beautiful and sexy…would he also have to be tall? Does anything I say has open your mind at all? And here’s an important note: there really is no such thing as perfect, ladies. If I had gotten my fantasy,my idea woman would be blond, blue eyes, slim, educated, great family, rich and makes love like a porno star. But I live in the real world. Most woman are broken, not college educated, not slim, don't have any assets to list...ect... but I don't let my fantasy rule me. It like the quote John Cusack said in the movie High Fidelity: "I can see now I never really committed to Laura. I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and... I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments" I don't want to committed to nothingness, I want to commit to a real human being who isn't perfect.

What “shoulds” are getting in your way of finding the man who will adore you for the rest of your life? What do you believe to be true that is holding you back? I am not telling you that you aren't t deserving of being selective. Like you should just grab the next guy who would have you. I am not telling you start accepting less, sticking around too long and putting up with way too much. You shouldn't accepted disrespect and lack of integrity. If he doesn't treat you as if you are special ..then leave.. You just don’t have to accept bad behavior. You should be Ms. Picky with the “big” stuff. A big thing for me is someone who walks her talk. Anyone can talk big. While anyone can make a mistake or fall short of perfect behavior, someone who repeatedly is rude, inconsiderate and inconsistent...is out of my life

Listen..if you’re still looking for Mr. Right, chances are that the man you want doesn’t exist Let’s start with “looking for Mr. Perfect.”. Don’t get me wrong, it’s important to be clear on what you want in a partner. But reality should play some part of this if you truly want to find a partner. (As opposed to just bullshitting yourself.) If the man you are waiting for must have flat abs, is over 6 foot, makes you laugh, loves to cook, has an executive job, likes to travel, loves your Mother and your cat…you will probably need help. This guy represents an infinitesimal percentage of the population of the world. Add in that you also want him to be mature, stable and grounded… Look for him all you want but this guy just doesn’t exist. Get rid of that vision you’ve carried around since you were 18 or 20 or even 35. Time to revisit and replace your story of a “perfect man” with a grownup version that actually exists and will satisfy you as a grownup woman.

And then there woman who in their profile say they want a long term relationship... want to get married....blah blah blah...but in reality they are looking for a hot guy; not a husband. If you’re still going after hotness and charisma above all, if you’re running for the hills when you don’t have that instant chemistry, I have one thing to say (a la Dr. Phil): How’s that working for ya so far?

Before you get all mad, I agree that the man you connect with has to be attractive to you. But if you’re looking for that guy we talked about above, not only doesn’t he exist, but I suspect not one of those characteristics have anything to do with him being a good life partner. If you’re looking for someone to spend 20+ happy years with – I recommend you look a heck of a lot deeper.

Almost every profile I read ..mention chemisty. Alot of you are convinced that the holy grail is that elusive “chemistry.” Without it, you hardly feels it’s necessary to give a guy any time or attention. Jesus it like you are stuck in your 12-year-old self’s fantasy and guided by feelings and intuition. You still believes that one day your prince will come, you will lock eyes, and BANG…it will happen! You are holding out for the blazing bonfire; and if it doesn’t happen right away, you don't not sticking around. WOW!!!!!!!!!!

I dated for a lot of years and met a ton of women. We’d have a good phone call and then we’d usually meet for coffee. A lot of them seemed to lose interest pretty quickly. I always felt like I was being tested. It was like: “Show me what you got!” And if I didn’t perform in the first 10 minutes, I could tell she would shut down. Like I disappointed her somehow.

Remember Ally McBeal? I loved that show. She was smart, attractive, accomplished, and was always trying to find Mr. I Love You or keep her current Mr. I Love You, but it just never worked.One episode I always remember is this one: She meets this charming lawyer, and he thankfully asks her out. He takes her to a lovely restaurant. At dinner they have stimulating and engaging conversation, sharing big smiles and a few nervous giggles. Ally is falling hard. The love song plays in the background. (You see this guy, la la la la, this guy’s in love with you…)Uh-oh. Here it comes: a spot of bleu cheese dressing on his chin. Oh no! Not that! Ally takes notice. Ally stares. Ally obsesses. All she sees is the freakin’ bleu cheese. In reality it’s a little dot, but as she becomes more obsessed she starts seeing more and more and MORE bleu cheese! And then, poor gorgeous lawyer man is literally bathed in bleu cheese dressing from head to toe.Errrrrrk! Music stops playing. Ally takes on the “Oh crap, not another loser” look. She is done with him. B’bye This is exactly how most woman are......

The last woman I talk to..told me this, "‘I don’t want ordinary love. I want something passionate with someone I truly respect: a soulmate. Unfortunately, I find few men who I’m really attracted to" Crazy crazy crazy. She told me that she just had to find the right person — yet this is where her problems deepened I think.. Instead of looking for a ‘good enough’ man — as her mother or grandmother would have done — she is holding out the promise of the all-singing, all-dancing, perfect partner.As a result, she is searching for an overpowering connection has caused her to choose two types of lovers. There are those who are good on paper but do not yield an immediate ‘chemistry’, so she gives up on them. or there are the ‘bad boys’ who are ‘passionate and deeply emotional’, but deliver brutal and destructive relationships.

You know what i told her..."Instead of intense attraction, could your subconscious have been pumping adrenaline round your body because it was saying, “Run, run, run".HAHAHAHAHA

I understand that I’m not Brad Pitt. But I’m educated, decent looking man ,I have a good job, and I’m damn nice. And I am serious about finding The One. Apparently I was supposed to jump through some hoops to get their attention.

You can probably imagine how it feels when you have to do some song and dance to get attention from someone you’re meeting for the first time. Oh, wait…you don’t have to imagine, do you? You’ve probably felt like this with some of the men you’ve met. It’s like you have a few minutes to pass some test; and if you don’t, he’s essentially done.

Feels crappy, doesn’t it? Here is how dating can go for the Wow-Me Woman: She dates and never meets men she likes. Then, once in avery long while, she meets someone and feels The Chemistry. They have an incredible first date. He could be The One! Then there are two things that can happen: you have a great first date and he never calls her again. In this case you read it apparently you read it wrong. or he instantly starts texting and emailing, and you both jump in...then, relatively soon thereafter, he either disappears or explains that he’s just not ready for a relationship.Am I not getting your life story correct?

If you’re willing to stay with a man who “has everything” but can't commit to marriage, it means you’re willing to accept disappointment , fear, and insecurity rather than the love and devotion you deserve. It’s not just lack of commitment. It’s everything.

The Wrong Guy comes in many forms: he treats you like crap, he won’t make a commitment,or he just doesn’t have the qualities you’re looking for in a lifetime mate. You should blame chemistry. You tend to take it very seriously. So seriously that it often trumps all other data. It’s like once you decide he’s hot and possibly The One, all contrary evidence is invisible or seems irrelevant. Out the window it goes. Look: if you want to just have sex, go for the hot men. But if you want to be adored, challenged, trusted, loved, and humored…learn how to think past that superficiality to find the real good guys .

I am irritated because I am looking for something real and lasting. I feel like I am dating like a grownup, but not getting the same in return. I guess I am looking for the woman who is not just looking for a good date; she is looking for a good husband. Having fun and being with a cute guy was not what lifetime partnership was all about. I needs to know more about you than that you win marathons, have a big career,or like to see adventure movies. I wants to know YOU. Just like you want to know more about me than my job title and golf score.

Do you want to know why married men or gay men like you? Married men like you because they know you! When you are with unavailable men, you are your authentic self. You don’t have those walls up, you aren’t stuck in your head, and you’re not being taken over by your gremlins and insecurities.After all: these guys aren’t available, so there is no need for all that nonsense, right?

When I get to talk to some of the woman who respond to me most of them are cold, defensive, and bordering on aggressive.Their first mission was to make it clear to me that they have a very full life and was doing just fine on their own. They thought it was important for me to “know who they were.” After all, They were independent woman, and They was not going to give up or change anything for any man! If I was the man for them, I would appreciate their strength and the real them; But you know what....there was no kindness ...they came at me with all they got... big personality, sarcastic wit, strong opinions and personal power. If they don't need someone ..then why are they in the site. In truth, it usually a test, and very few men passed. (Nor, did I want to). It was their armor that was a turn off. They would come off like men..they don't need anyone...they don't need anything. Please!!!!

It's the masculine is attracted to feminine. That’s just how it is. So chill, knock off the scary overly controlling stuff and have some fun being a girl. Just like you want a man who is strong, confident, and decisive; he wants a woman who is nurturing, kind, and receptive. It’s nature. Here’s my newsflash: Being feminine doesn’t mean you can’t also be brilliant, opinionated, and self-sufficient. It’s all part of an amazing package

No guy want to compete with his partner.when you’re on relationship…you’re no longer at work…doing those things that make you so effective at the office…does not set a man’s heart aflame. I adore a woman who can take charge and kick ass, but just don’t feel the need to have it proven around me. The thought of you going to the office, being decisive, and taking control can really turn me no but I just don't want it to be my ass that’s getting kicked or that you’re trying to control. Honestly…who wants to be around bossy people? And no one wants to be bossed around themselves. In business, some of us are forced to endure it to climb to the next rung or simply to feed our families. In our personal life, however, no self-respecting person – man or woman – should stick around for it.

To me...finding a partner is like finding a good job: you only need one, but making a bad choice wastes your time and sticks you in an unpleasant situation. To avoid that, means not letting yourself be taken in by the flashy exterior. Granted, when I talk to someone on the phone I don’t know her too well, but what traits (other than her hotness) show potential? But I do ask myself does she seem smart, compassionate, spiritual? Does she care about pleasing me? Does she share important interests or beliefs? If all I can come up with is “she’s beautiful” or “we have chemistry”… I am going to do what Forrest Grump did....Run for the hills! . Bad choices are just around the corner. Notice I didn’t say “Do I feel good when I’m with her.” beautiful + Chemsity means I feel good – especially when she seems to be attracted to me. Yah baby, I feel good.But if she bring the best out of me and I am comfortable being myself with her? Then I am definitely want to talk to her some more and see her.

If you’re embodying joy, compassion and sensuality, telling me how great I am, making me feel like a billion bucks and the conqueror of worlds, you have no competition. I would marry you in a second. In fact....good men will come out of the woodwork to find a goddess like you.

What if you found someone like me : the one that thinks you are delightful, and beautiful, and brilliant? The one that boasts to his friends about your successes and supports you in all you do? The one that makes you feel safe, gives you permission to soften, and to be the complex woman that you are? Wouldn’t you want him to feel like a billion bucks and the conqueror of worlds? So I ask you: if I can makes you feel that good, then what the begeezes is so infuriating and ugly about being an open, loving, giving woman for toward me? And yes, there is a catch, and an important one: you’re not going to come close to finding someone like me unless you show yourself to be the woman worthy of me.

Albert Einstein once said:“Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Al was so damn smart! Not only was he the king of quantum physics, he got right to the heart of one of the most troubling challenges in male/female relations.It’s one thing to get man to change what he wears, it’s another thing to expect him to change who he is. When you love a man, love him as-is for God sake. He’s just being who he is. You want a man of character, don’t you? and if your man doesn't have character before you met him...he won't after you marry him. And the other problem to me is that most woman are trying to be something they are not ...until they can't and then the real them come out. To your man, it seems the woman he fell in love with is changing before his eyes. You’re not changing really; you’re just finally being your true self. Trust me...In the long run, faking stuff to catch a man makes you both miserable.. this is why my marriage failed.

Have you heard this quote by Anthony Robbins: “If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.” I love this quote.Well, Mr. Robbins said it: as long as you stay the same and keep doing the same things…you will remain in the same situation.I’m going to guess that you’re doing pretty darn well without him. You’re probably happy, and you’ve created a nice life for yourself. But don’t you want spectacular?? That’s what can happen when you find a loving partner to share your already great life with. Expecting that special someone to show up as you repeatedly think, feel, and do the same thing over and over…is just not realistic. Unfortunately, that’s just not the way it is. You have to make it happen; and the only way you can do that is to respond to me.

After you been in so many relationship, you l realize that in any human relationship.......you are ultimately facing yourself. The girl or guy you are talking to is actually a reflection of yourself in a different form. The best practical example I like to give is to look into the pupil of your partner's eye. What can you see? Chances are you see a close reflection of your own self. Read that last sentence again. Think about what I am trying to say. The more you think about it, you will begin to realize the truth about the universe.




PART II

 I never thought this whole process would be so hard. You can guess my chagrin when I refer to marriage as a "process". Growing up on heavy doses of romantic movies, There were dreams of finding someone amid picturesque hills and valleys. Unfortunately, in the frantic bid to establish a career and standing on my own feet, a lot of my dreams have met the Grim Reaper; and one of those is that of meeting someone who will steal my heart away, right under my nose. The truth is, between an excrutiatingly busy career and a non existent social life, it has been impossible to meet someone. That is not to say, I have not tried the dating sites promise to find you the "one", but I think most of them are mirages that serve best to keep my hopes of finding a life partner alive but have so far not given me any tangible results.

I used to think finding love would be an easy thing. Think about it. I am a attractive, good health, well educated.. a doctor, have a house, car, and a great family. A lot of girls would love to marry me. Well, I was so wrong. I had the fatally wrong notion that in the I could snap my fingers and get the girl I want. Anyways, years ago, I gave in to the pressure of my loneiness and got married and realized she never really did love me. I won't ever settle again.

Needless to say, I haven’t really found someone I’m interested in, even after making a whole new commitment to putting myself out there. I always try to find the lesson in everything — the silver lining that will make it all make sense, that will make it all seem part of a grand scheme, or some predetermined fate that I can’t even begin to visualize yet. But really the only thing I’ve become convinced of is……dating can suck. It can honestly, really, really suck. It’s constant disappointment. It’s something being off even if you’re not quite sure what that something is. It’s trying to avoid the wolf underneath the sheep, and to find the sheep that’s hidden by your mesmerization with the wolf. It’s hoping for a someone you’re not entitled to meet just because you’re you. Frankly, it’s so exhausting

But I think it's important to find love. I can't imagine what will replace not doing that, because I've done everything else I've wanted to. I think it's the sense of belonging I hanker after. I finally got to the point where I began to get at least a basic understanding of who I myself am and and the forces that made me what I am, I finally had the experience of meeting someone I loved purely for herself and not through the distorting mirror of my own psyche. For a variety of practical reasons it couldn't last long, but I remember one day in particular when we took a long walk by a river, when I had an overwhelming feeling of completeness, as though I had finally managed to accomplish something Nature had programmed me to do. And I felt very grateful for that experience, in many ways it didn't seem to matter how long it lasted, just to have had that day was everything.

Most people based their internet dating on picture. Most woman see a handsome picture of a guy and they don't know at him at all. They have fallen in love with a pretty face, and an idea. The image of who he is, what he cares about, his flaws and perfections, are nearly entirely made up through their imagination. That alone should be a problem for any rational person. But love isn’t rational – or so I hear. I am not arguing that physical attraction doesn’t matter – it does

The woman who do respond to me...it seem ... want more pictures...want to met up ASAP without even knowing anything about me...the person inside. They don't care about anything else except for chemistry . You either have it or not. And I believe that real love takes time...you can't just know with one meeting, but you shouldn't be wasting peoples' times if your heart is close. Love is a choice. You choose to love someone when you're ready for a mature commitment, you want to build a family, and you want to grow together with someone you're compatible with (intellectually, sexually, spiritually, etc.) You get to a point in life when you want and desire a true, deep, meaningful, monogamous relationship that exceeds superficial fantasies. Deep within all of us (or at least I believe so) is an innate hunger to become entangled physically, emotionally, and spiritually with the one person you have decided to unite with in marriage even when all hell feels like is swirling around you.

I read these profiles...and I see these beautiful woman all pursuing the Don Drapers, They come to Manhattan with dreams of meeting the rich i-banker.They don’t care how smug or self-important he is. They want the man who will help them believe that they are more attractive or engaging than they really are. The problem is that they can’t compete. You message these men on dating sites because you want them to go out with you. You want to be The Chosen one, and when you repeatedly fail, you heap all of the blame and frustration on men. You play a huge part in this and you need to get that. These men? They don’t have to choose you They will sleep with you, but won't marry you. They have more than enough options. Common sense would dictate that you lower your standards. But no. Much like the men who suffer from similar chips on their shoulder, you’re going to continue to go after men way out of your league because you can’t admit that you just aren’t what they are looking for.

Yes, I know. You’re awesome. If people would only give you a chance, etc. Sweetie, nobody owes you a Blue Ribbon just for participating. Everybody doesn’t get a trophy. Only the winners. But do you want to continue to ride that carousel for years on end until you are sitting alone in your apartment and telling everybody how you “chose” to be single or how you rather be alone than in a bad relationship or whatever mantra you repeats endlessly in an attempt to avoid the real reason you are single. Who are you kidding? It is not me...it's yourself.

Most woman really do abandons their standards for really good looking guy.If you want to have standards, have standards. But standards only prevent you from being used and abused if you stick to them consistently. The whole “I refuse to settle” argument is so flimsy and disingenuous.

Every single woman must “settle” in order to end up in a serious relationship If a good looking woman in her 30s and wants to find a smart, funny man, who has a job, and that she personally is attracted to, to have a serious relationship with, why shouldn’t she wait for ridiculous standards like he must make six figures, look like George Clooney, be as funny as Conan O’Brien, blah blah blah.

Someone says “settle” and most woman think it that I am suggesting is to find some schmuck and get him to marry you. It’s not that there is a limited supply of men who want to date you. It’s that there is a limited supply of men who want to commit to you or anybody else. And if they do want to commit, they either are probably going to do it with someone under 30 so they won’t be rushed into settling down and having kids OR they are guys that you have blown off and passed over as you wait for your funny, attractive, educated, employed, charming Mr. Right. Many women have been listening to tales and fables from their friends about that one woman in their office or second cousin or sorority sister from college who found Mr. Right. They are exceptions to the rule. Not the rule.

Men will look at you and have vulgar fantasies about you in bed with them .For a guy to see a woman he is attracted to is to undress and imagine having sex wit her. Their only goal is to make it come true...is that what you want? To be used and thrown away. A means to an end of someone's fantasy?

If there are so many options for you ladies, then where are all the stories of courting and wooing? about some dude who beds you and disappears Why is online dating a billion dollar industry? The days of marriage and commitment being a given or a must have are over. So many woman been saying they didn’t need a man and had plenty of time to find someone that they completely missed the part when men started thinking the exact same way. Men have learned how to use the overage of single woman in the market place to their advantage. Now they’re winning. Now they’re being taken care of by desperate women who would rather support some leech than be alone. Or they’re dating multiple women who, like them, don’t want commitment. Or they’re juggling multiple women who do want commitment and then dumping them and then starting over. There’s a constant supply of single women for them!

Since no one gets EVERYTHING they want in a partner, then by definition, EVERYONE settles. LIke everything else in life, relationships are about tradeoffs. What can I live with in order to get the things I can’t live without.

It’s amazing to me that not only is this a foreign concept for otherwise “mature” adults, but that something that is essentially a truism should spark such incredible rage and emotion in some people. Do you also become outraged that the sky is blue and that the sun sets?

When anyone interprets settle as just taking the first guy that comes along, it indicates her rigidity and failure to understand the give and take in any relationship. It indicates her lack of ability to communicate well. The cold harsh truth is that we are always settling our entire lives. Each of us is one person on a planet of billions. Even insanely wealthy and powerful people have to settle. They still don’t get things exactly their way.

There is no one on this planet that exactly fit our criteria. And our criteria doesn’t even stay the same. No one should compromise on matters of principle, but matters of taste are an entirely different thing.

Consciously or not, you’ve been critically evaluating every guy you’ve dated or had a short-term relationship with. One guy might have a good job, be smart and funny, but are you attracted enough to him? The next guy might be funny and very attractive, but maybe not as ambitious in his work or have a higher degree. The thing is, no matter who you’re with, you’re looking for faults and comparing every man you’re with to a theoretical “better” man. Which is why the word “settle” upsets you so much.

By always looking for the “better” man, you leave yourself open to being played while looking for ways to reject the men that would be good for a long-term relationship.

Instead of critically evaluating every man against your 462-point checklist, try this challenge: with every guy you are attracted to, focus on his good qualities, and actively look for those good qualities. If you can do this consistently, you will invariably find that you’re even more attracted and realize that you’re not “settling,” you’re accepting a person and building them up so that they become the “better” man. You’ll be happier and more likely to find that genuine committed relationship you seem to be looking for.

The other thing I have been seeing is women trying to do things like men. Trust me ladies, you don’t necessarily want to do that. That’s not what the feminist movement fought for. Equality does not mean doing things the same way. Example, I have been looking at online profiles. Its amazing the age ranges I see women seeking in men. Does that slightly overweight 45 year old really think she can get an athletic 38 year old man to commit to her? He may do sex, but commitment, hardly likely. It’s just unrealistic. Men in the over 35 age have too many options. And the younger guys are no help. They are generally never going to give you what you really want.

The bigger problem with settling though, is that people are really not looking in the mirror. They are often asking for a standard that they can’t give. The funnest to me is the 5ft 2in girl asking for a guy over 6 ft.. It’s the 37 year old woman with a kid asking for a man with no kids. It’s the slightly overweight woman that wants a buff guy. It’s the woman with non-negotiables and disclaimers asking for an easy going drama-free guy. It’s the woman going on numerous dates with various guys asking for a one woman man. It’s the woman wanting a guy who will pay her bill, but want no part in paying any man’s bill. And finally, it’s the woman who has few or no potential suitors interested in commitment, demanding that very desirable guy who she knows has endless women throwing themselves at him.

DO YOU SEE WHY I JUST DON'T MET EVERYONE WHO RESPONDS TO ME...OR BETTER YET GO ON A DATE WITH THEM!!!!!

When people self sabotage they are still, as ever, acting in their own interests, the thing to figure out is what interests specifically they might be. I’ve also noticed that as women’s options decrease, the demands get ramped up when they should be reduced. You don't have forever to have kids ladies. By the age of 34 you only have 20% of your eggs left.

I think the best standards to have are about yourself and what this person does in relation to you, rather than some objective, standalone standard. For example, I’d say it’s more important to find someone who (assuming you want it) is able to intellectually challenge you and broaden your horizons than it is to find someone with an Ivy League degree. Likewise, it’d be important to find someone where, with combined incomes, you’d be financially stable and capable of living the kind of life you want to enjoy, rather than them having an X-figure salary just to have one. Like, if the two of you with 5-figure salaries would be able to live comfortable, then why are you trying to find someone in the low-to-mid 6-figures? What’s the point? Likewise, sharing particular tastes in this or that is ultimately meaningless, if the person’s communication style is totally incompatible with yours. I mean, sure, you can talk about how you both love XYZ indie rock band, but if you’re incredibly animated and the other person is incredibly subdued or taciturn, would it be a good fit?

It's true we need to be very careful with who we go out with. That's why, I think dating should be reserved only to those instances where the two person involve are really serious in their belief that probably the other person can be their other-half; that they can see themselves in their mind of minds that they can share their whole life with the other. If they can't find peace in their hearts in their decision to be with this person, then that person is not for them. Absolutely! The sole idea of never been loved again is frightening. Why are people so afraid to share their love with others. Why are there always high expectations of someone. I mean every person is lovable in their own particular way. Nobody has the time to share an empty space in time. Everybody seeks "the instant attraction " which is not only impossible but non-existent in many cases. You don't become "the one" or someone's best friend from a day to another. Things take time, space and patience. Nobody could never imagine why you smile alone in the middle of a long ride on the subway, nobody will ever know why you prefer 2 sugars instead of three in your coffee, or know the routine you have after getting out of the shower or your secret fantasies you get every you ride the train. Small things that make you a whole are slowly discovered and cherish with time. Why are people so skeptical and closed minded? Why can anybody give one a chance. I have not found someone who has the ability to care on the same level that I do. I can't find anyone who is ready and willing to trust openly and completely in order to love completely and to give 100% to one another always. I don't understand why this is such an elusive woman. I guess the key to it all is finding someone who truly wants to be in a relationship and love someone with everything that is in them.

I want to meet someone… with a heart that often feels too big for her chest. Someone who can see the good – the possible — in every part of her life, and especially with me. With us. Someone who captivates me, pulls me close and lets me fly. I want to meet someone who accepts herself and does what she can to understand the world. Someone who likes to read and learn — explore and make mistakes, dream and slow down. Someone who makes me want to be a better me and be part of a better we than she has before. I want to meet someone who knows how to love– who wants love– who may be afraid of it, but tries it anyway. Who knows how important it is. Someone who has goals for herself and plans she will break for the right thing, the right person, the right place – the right time. Someone who is happy with the someone and the something and the somewhere she is.

I want to meet someone who likes the way the world rests on Sundays and how it’s the perfect day to wake up late, make love and eat pancakes. Someone who wants a family just as much as they want an amazing, fulfilling career, and knows you’ll never be able to be perfect at either. I want to meet who has her act together like I do. Someone who wants to try new things but also likes to be a regular at places she can’t and won’t stop going to. Someone who knows how to kiss and knows that love isn’t always enough– but it’s always worth whatever it brings or makes you learn.

I want to meet someone who wants to know what I know, who wants to see the town I grew up in. Who can’t wait to be friends with my sisters and or go on a walk with my mom. Someone who comes from a place I admire and has a laugh I long to hear. Touch I want to feel. I want to meet someone who is strong enough to stand next to me and sweet enough to let me fall into her when I need it. Or even when I don’t, but want it. Someone who remembers the things I say and can hear the things I don’t, someone who will be there today, tomorrow – always. I want to meet someone who wouldn’t want to be anywhere else but here, with me.

I know she is out there... I DO.

She is a living, breathing, actual person with a history that I don’t know. She was born somewhere and she may or may not have moved away from her hometown. She has a freckle in an odd place that’s hidden away under her clothes. She has an ex-boyfriend who broke her heart, a certain way she loves to be kissed, and she may care less if the Jets won or loss. She has a food that she can’t get enough of, a vegetable she isn’t the biggest fan of, and a scar that has a story. Her girlfriends known since elementary school and a teacher who made an impact that lasted past the classroom. She knows every single word to a few songs, has read a book or two that she couldn’t put down, and she has a place she dreams of going, but never has. She may have an affinity for intelligent men who like to write. I haven’t met this woman. but this person, with all of her incredible and messy qualities, is the woman I have faith I will meet, and marry one day. I don’t believe in the idea of a soulmate who makes your “half” a whole, but I do trust there is a single person for everyone, who is suitable (and preferable) for life-long commitment.

While I was picturing her, getting lost in the endless wondering of when (or if) I would meet her or pondering if I could catch a glimpse of her on the next train or bump into her at the next cocktail hour – I had forgotten that a relationship with myself is really the one I needed to be working on.

Really, I knew had a choice: I could get lost in this fantasy character I’ve established in my mind, with blond hair, blue eyes, and perfect, succulent lips who like to have sex all the time than I can dream of (but is insanely humble and talented) – or I could first accept myself, and then accept her, for whoever she is. This doesn’t mean I settled for less than I deserved or lowered my standards, but I realized that instead of writing her letters, I could just go about my life and let whatever is meant to happen, happen.

I still have a ways to go on this journey, but I hadn’t realized how much progress I made until a beautiful stranger locked eyes with me on the subway yesterday and I smiled back, before getting off at my stop – and it occured to me: I haven’t thought about running into Ms. Right in such a long time.

And that was it. I did it. I finally let go of anticipating our encounter or wishing on stars to meet her.

And today, I’m a living, breathing person. I have dozens of stories that she doesn’t know. I’ve been lucky to love some wonderful women, and I’ve learned from the ones who have done me wrong. There are foods that I would never give up,and I admittedly have memorized most Backstreet Boy songs. I have a scar on my left wrist that’ll forever remind me of how i burned my wrist making lunch for a picnic with one of my ex.

Regardless of when she stumbles into my life or what she is really like or what color her eyes are, I am just as important of a character, of a person, as she is. And finally, she isn’t my top concern, my highest priority, or the thing I worry the most about. I don’t dress to impress her, imagine all of the ways I could meet her during the activities before me each morning, or curse the universe for delaying our impending marriage.

Instead, my look, my style, is my own. I look forward to the moments of my day where I’ll do something that’s fulfilling and helps others. And I thank the heavens above for giving me the chance and the drive to devote my passion, my enthusiasm to the most important, most beautiful, and most life-altering relationship I’ll ever experience: the love I have for me, or what I’d like to call myself…Mr. Right.

Some people tell it like you just finally find "the one." And some people say it's just work, you pick someone and they pick you and with a little work and a little luck, it works out. Some people say, "I wasn't ready till now, I had to grow," and some people say, "I was waiting for you my whole life." Romantic love contains within it the idea of knowing, and thus, for some of us, requires a leap of faith. I think you change, and keep changing, all the time. And if you find "the one", it must be that you've changed in some way that has made that possible. You've found someone with whom that particular part of you emerges, the part of you that can imagine one person, forever.

I do believe in the term the "one". The one emphasizes you are the one I choose to dedicate myself to even when I sometimes feel like there could have been another one. Love/marriage exists when we can honestly say, I don't feel like loving you but I choose to because you are the one I choose to love. Maybe we have some instinct the kick in to tell us, this person is the right one. Maybe the instinct comes from life lessons from our parents or some other life lesson from whoever. And when we make that decision based on our heart, mind, and instinct, we open up and hopefully the other person is equally open to the love. We feel somewhat sure that this person is the one, no one can tell us different (if it's not the one, we have to find that out somehow). If it don't work we feel bad about it, lick our wounds, and start over again. If it does work, we act right and hope the other wants to act right too


PART III

I came up with three reasons why I think it’s so difficult to find a good old fashion good woman. I’m referring to the one who cooks, cleans, self driven, respectful, have morals, selfless, trustworthy, genuinely nice, etc.

1. Most of them are all ready taken.

The good women I always seem to come across are always either already involved, married, or even engaged. It seems as though someone is always going to beat you to the punch. It’s like a horse race out there.

2. Most of them have been brainwashed by feminists.

They come with a lot of baggage. Sometimes they are too independent. It seems as though they basically waiting for you to mess up, and it sucks because these are the good women we as men are looking for. They make these horrible assumptions about you which in turn totally change your whole perception about her. I even heard feminists think a lot of men are evil. Oh well, on to the next one we go.

3. Most of them don’t even want a “good” man.

There are so many good women out there looking for the wrong things in a guy and maybe vice versa. But it seems as though women are not attracted to the things that make a “good” man a “good” man. Because of this, we get looked over and ignored making it even more difficult for us to get a good woman.

Women are, completely practical beings and wholly impractical in their dating habits, or should I say expectations? Women won’t date a guy who doesn’t bring anything to the table, and that’s practical, but what they expect their potential mates to bring to the table is completely impractical. You should read the list woman put up there.You can’t have a 6’3, muscled, monied, handsome, Godly, driven, talented, honest, faithful man because only like 3 of those dudes exist who embody all those characteristics, and they’re married. The ones who come close to that and are single don’t want you, they just wanna fuck you, because everyone wants them, so they don’t have to commit. I’m not saying expectations should be lowered, I’m saying the focus should change. And don’t date for potential without drive either, a guy might be the most talented schmuck in the world, but until he decides he wants to make something of his talents you’re wasting your time trying to build him into something he’ll choose not to be.

I’m off topic. Value. Value is placed incorrectly. A lot of beautiful women think because they are beautiful they shouldn’t be asked to bring anything else to the table. Like that makes them a good woman by default. Education and success – ditto. A lot of educated women think they automatically rank as ‘good’ women because their education makes them a catch. Oh, and how about the chick who wakes up and sucks her man’s dick every morning? ….. Okay, we like her, but providing a steady diet of bomb sex doesn’t automatically make you a catch either.

Above all, a good woman like a good man should be judged by their character. Nothing else. The sooner we all realize that the sooner we’ll all have

If you're anything like me, I'm sure you've either heard it, said it, read it or even (momentarily) believed it. Come on, everybody say it with me 'A Good Man Is Hard to Find'.

It has become the watch word of the single woman - explaining why they don't have a man,how they last man was bad and that there is little hope that they will ever find another (good) man. Of course, their reasoning goes, it must be that there is something wrong with all men. It couldn't possibly be me. After all, I am perfect (or close to it). I am intelligent, employed, in school, self-sufficient, spiritual, God-fearing, beautiful, affectionate, you-fill-in-the-blanks, and so on and so on. So, if I don't have (want, need, will never meet) a good man, it must be because there are no more good men. Right?

Wrong.

Let me say for the record, loud and clear, I DON'T BELIEVE IT. I DON'T BELIEVE THAT A GOOD MAN IS HARD TO FIND.

I know there are good men out there because I am one for them and I see them also at my job. ..in the grocery store. Alone. With their children. In business suits. Even here. Why don't I think most single women 'see' these good men? Simply because most of them don't fit their notion of what a good man should look like.

Sometimes you have to let that person grow on you, just like a song you hear for the first time, but you don’t really like it, but the more you hear it you begin singing and dancing to it after a while. I’m a very GOOD man and I know it. Many people have said so, but this is one area in my life that seems to be BLAH BLAH. Women are not like when grandma and my mom were years ago. These women think they are the men in the relationship and I’m too strong of a man to allow myself to be defined as less than a man in that capacity. A man has to be a man at all times no matter how much the woman makes.

The other reason I don't think a good man is hard to find is because most woman definition of 'good' is so darned skewed. They automatically equate it with what we see on the Hallmark or Lifetime cable channels - he will have all the right words, do all the right things, and know exactly how to meet our needs. He will be suave, and debonair and manly, yet sweet. Okay - let's all take a deep breath and just wake up

Not every man knows the right thing to say. Or the right thing to do. Or can tell you the location of the most trendy restaurant. What you want in a man is one who is sincere - one who says what he means, is consistent and faithful and is genuine in all that he says and does.

I swear sometimes I think women only want the bad boy, or wanna-be “thug” guy who has a criminal record, bad credit, emotional issues, or unable to maintain a job. It’s something about fixing a man up that intrigues them. Women want to feel like they were the ones responsible for helping him see the light, get back on his feet, and turn his life around. Despite the fact he got you into debt, ruined your credit, and he caused you to have several nervous breakdowns.

I mean really. Do you women really think it’s going to be lilies in the field, days at the park, and chilling at the beachfront all the time? Men like that only exists in the movies. Filmmakers and screenwriters create these characters as fantasy. But you think these characters are real and they start living in your head, as you are daydreaming about character sweeping you off your feet. Wake up and come back to earth.

If you keep looking for Mr. Do-Me-Bad-Boy, then you will miss out on a plethora of eligible men. He will show up right in front of your eyes but your blinders will prevent you from seeing what’s directly in front of you.

Some women have the gall to ask for love but are not willing to accept it when it shows up. In not being able to receive love when it shows up, you are telling GOD, “Thanks, but no thanks. I do deserve love, but I want it my way.” Listen up , love is knocking at your door. Open your eyes and heart.

It reminds me of Lauryn Hill’s album The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill. During the interlude a few adults are asking the young students in the classroom about love. One of the students, a young women, amply replies “If you never been in love before, then you don’t what it’s like to be loved.”

If you close yourself off from the feeling of being in love then you are missing out on one of God’s greatest gifts.

Look at R&B singer, Beyonce, and rap artist, Jay-Z. Beyonce is one the most beautiful and admired women in the world. Talented, smart, and could probably have any man she wants. Yet, she found love and happiness with someone that many may feel is beneath her standards.

I am not one to judge anyone, nor tell anyone whom they should love, but people fall in love all the time with folks that many would never imagine they would. And I have had my share of women who were less than desirable. After a few talks, they become very attractive. When you come to your less than inebriated senses you can’t believe you are sleeping with her.

But many women are shallow. Think about the average looking-man This man loves the ground you walk on. He worships you and will do anything for you. But because he isn't the best looking guy you tuck him away in the dark closet like an old piece of clothing. Shame, shame, shame.

I remember this R&B song that recording artists Babyface and Pebbles recorded together in 1990 entitled, Love Makes Things Happen. This sing epitomizes the idea of how you never know who you will fall in love with. You have no control over love.

God has brought many men in your life. just like I am now. They have come and gone. Poof! Disappeared. Absent.

I am telling you that you no longer have to let love slip through your fingers and out of your life. Take notice of me and your will see that I am the one you need, someone who is caring, loving, focused, a hard-worker, family-oriented, and spiritually grounded.But you have to be open to receiving me



PART 4

 I am looking for a sort of like first-date-meets-arranged-marriage, I know this has a possibility of scaring people away and that is fine. I’ve never really dated. That’s not the way you find somebody. Anyway, I’m not trying to find somebody. I trust that if I’m meant to be in a relationship, that person will come into my life. The modern-marriage ideal of a finding the perfect, romantic partner isn't realistic in my opinion...if it really worked why is that 60% of all marriage end in divorce. Everyone is looking for chemistry. Many women go for guys  they're attracted to -- not necessarily compatible with. But it's  compatibility that keeps people together over time. When people fall in love, it is generally with a personality and when they get married they have to live with a character and the two may not be same

So the question is..can you falling in love with somebody you've never met'....but a better question is can a blind person fall in love? People believe that love is only legitimate if you’ve seen or been in the presence of the other person. However, they are mistaken..just watch the movies like- "You Got Mail", "Message In A Bottle", and "The Lake House". I am going to open myself more to you..if you are interested. I do have a blog...which has my thoughts..poetry....stories...etc. It is a private journal where I will share what's in my heart and soul for you to read. I will be opening myself whole holly to you.

If you are going to fall in love with me, it’s only fair that you know what you are falling in love with. You are falling in love with my insecurities,You are falling in love with my constant need to feel loved and appreciated, my overactive tear ducts, my Internet obsession, my tendency to be too clingy. You fall in love with my hopes and dreams, and how I’m a hopeless romantic at heart. If you fall in love with me, you fall in love with my self-hate and all my imperfections and my perception that nobody could ever love me. But, you are also falling in love with the way my eyes will smile when I’m with you, the way I’ll text you in the mornings just telling you I hope you have a great day. You’re falling in love with the occasionally humorous and/or thought-provoking things I say, and the way I blush when people ask me about you. But to me, the most important thing will be that you are falling in love with me, is my soul.

Since we are meeting online, I won't know what to expect before I made my way to meet you. I suppose I should consider myself lucky that when you opened your door, you are as beautiful on the outside as you are on the inside because, in all honesty, it will be already too late for me to change my mind. My heart would be in charge by then. And you will always know that when I placed the ring on your finger, it was for who you are is, not who you resembles like. So, if you re a woman who truly understands and accepts these words, and are sincere about wanting to relate and share with a man on all levels, then please write and tell me about yourself, including your passions, interests and life priorities.


  PART 5

“What scares me is that I’m going to ultimately find out that at the end of my life that I’m really not lovable, that I’m not worthy of being loved. That there’s something fundamentally wrong with me…and that I wasn’t wanted in the first place.” – Demi Moore


"There is no shame in my saying that we all want to be loved by someone. As I look back over my life in romance, I don't feel I've ever had that. I have been the only one that was unaware of the fraud in a few of these circumstances blindly. When you get divorced, all the truths that come out, you sit there and you go, What the fuck was I doing? What was I doing believing that this person was invested in this way? Which is a fantastically strong humiliation in the best sense. It can make somebody very bitter and very hard and closed off, but I find it does the opposite to me"  -Sean Penn

Both Sean Penn and Demi Moore both never felt "loved by someone" but it's not for a lack of beautiful people in their life. I only felt loved once and I have been searching for it ever since. I totally relate to their comments. But I also believe that people who believe they are unloved live through their ego more than being conscious that they are spirit. If you believe in ego...you will believe that you are rejected due to being imperfect. You perceives through the lens of fear, rather than love. To believe and feel that you are fundamentally flawed means that you are in rejection of your entire being. It happens when you question the whole value of your presence. You believe that nothing you ever do turns out right. It is likely that as a child, you are not seen for who you are. And so you developed the belief that you are never “good enough”.

“Non self-acceptance puts you in rejection. You believe that you are fundamentally flawed. You are convinced that there is something inherently wrong with or missing in you. You are painfully aware about not feeling whole. Self-rejection happens when you are unable to accept yourself fully and unconditionally. And so you seek to diminish your own value. You feel unworthy.”