DATING: DATING IS WATCHING TV

Somewhere in the world of five billion people there lives the best-looking, richest, smartest, funniest, kindest person who would settle for you. But your dreamboat is a needle in a haystack, and you may die single if you insist on waiting for him to show up. Staying single has costs, such as loneliness, childlessness, and playing the dating game with all its awkward drinks and dinners  At some point it pays to set up house with the best person you have found so far.

 

 

If you want something for one night or a fling, it’s easy to meet people. Something more...is harder....because everybody thinks that they can do better. They think they can find someone better looking or who has more money or whatever. The trouble with being perennially dissatisfied and shopping around for a better deal, is that not only does it get far too superficial but you’re just never really in anything to have truly enjoyed it. It’s thinking,

 

Dating is like planning for a vacation. Instead of spending six weeks and ten hours researching flights to Florida to get the perfect redeye, with the shortest layover, at the lowest price, on my favorite airline, I bought a flight within a half hour. No, I didn’t get airline points. Yes, I paid $54 more. But I saved myself TEN HOURS of time and frustration. These are the tradeoffs that smart satisficers are willing to make when they do cost-benefit

analysis.

 

Or a better example would be watching TV. Instead of choosing a show, watching it and engaging in it, you spend the time surfing around on the off chance that there’s something better to watch. It’s like you hate the idea that you might have missed out on viewing something better that would have left you as satisfied as you expect. Next thing the whole evening has gone by and you’ve not really watched anything. Then you think, Ah…I should have watched X…” something that you skipped over earlier and then you end up feeling dissatisfied about not choosing that as well.

 

Have you ever noticed that the same women who harp on being “picky” when it comes to who they date or get into a relationship with, don’t have much of anything to offer that’s worthwhile??? It’s like you said, they want so much, but they don’t have anything to offer to the other person.

 

There are usually two type of woman out there. Woman who are picky and woman who are not. The non picky one will say, “He’s cute, he’s smart, he’s financially stable: I’m keeping him.” The picky ones will say, “He’s not 6’5...He's not Hot enough . I’m dumping him.”

 

Non picky will get happily married. The picky ones hold out for the perfect mate and remain single – or, if they find love, continue their search for “better.

 

Where is the line between carefully searching out what’s best for you and being too darn picky indulging commitment phobia? That is a tough question.

 

I have been divorced for a few years. Instead of comparing my my ex side by side with every woman I’ve ever dated –  – I chose to focus on one thing: how I felt when I was around her.

 

Did I date younger women? Sure. Thinner women? Check. More educated? Yup. Wealthier? Absolutely. Better aligned with my politics and religion? Absolutely. And even though my ex wife fell below my high water mark in all of those categories, I still married her!

 

What’s wrong with me? Did I just settle?

 

For god’s sake, no.

 

I’m telling you that the things I compromised on don’t really matter.

 

I’d dated younger, thinner women – who didn’t make me happy.

 

I’d dated more intellectual, ambitious women – who constantly criticized me and broke up with me.

 

And I hate to tell you but height doesn’t matter in 40 years

 

 

I don't have time for games or BS

 

 

Please, i am not looking for a penpal or text buddy, be ready after a few messages to want to talk over the phone n get to know each other..Please live in queens, nassau or the start of suffolk. thanks

 

 I do not have any kids but i would like to have one. I want someone who has a good job, Responsible, can pay her own bills, has her own place, nice personality, good sense of humor. If you have a car that's a plus. I have all of the above and would love to meet someone on the same level.  I am looking to settle down with someone who can meet me half way

JOURNAL: ATYPICAL MENIERE'S DISEASE.AND THE TREATMENT PLAN

Since a few days when my dad passed away.  I suddenly developed a sensation of fullness in my R ear and ringing. ( low pitched roaring sound).Nothing that preceded it as far as I can tell. No colds or infections or anything. There was no vertigo. I am able to pop my ears, but there is no relief. My hearing doesn't seem to be affected, although the sound of my own voice has a strange echoquality to it on that side of my head. Even my own voice sounds muffled. It's autophony (the loud, echoey hearing yourself speak). It feels like when you go to a concert or when you go on a airplane. I could hear myself talking or hear an echo. Outside noise is amplified and it would make me hear drumming sound in my ear. Insomnia because of ear.

 

I began to develop a real sensitivity to sharp loud noises, crowds, restaurants, dishes clanking, etc. I also noticed that any kind of pressure applied to the ear canal or pushing in the ear canal with my finger resulted in a very odd feeling along with occasional sharp pain deep within the ear I know when it is coming now because i would feel 'flutter' like having an insect in the ear, or give a feeling of drawing the eardrum inwards (which it does!)

 

I have tired:

-Ginkgo biloba, Vit E, warm compression on the ear, sleep on the L ear. Lipo Flavonoid Plus or

lemon Bioflavonoid

-I have placed myself on a low salt diet.

-MRI normal

-Blood work Normal

-Hearing test is normal

-Had two dose of prednisone

 

I  went to 3 ENT and the Dx: Meniere's Disease

 

The last ENT is also a Neurotology is a branch of clinical medicine which studies and treats

 

I was given a  diuretic which helped me for 2 weeks.

 

DDX:

1-cochlear hydrops

 

2-perilymph fistula (PLF) or Tonic Tensor Tympani syndrome or Superior canal dehiscence

PulsatileTensor Tympani syndrome. . A small muscle in the middle ear is attached to the eardrum via the malleus bone. The muscle contracts normally if the face is touched, or air is blown on the eyeball. It seems to be equivalent to the blink reflex for the eye, but now no longer useful as a protective reflex for the ear. The appendix is an example of another body part that has lost its use due to time passing. Nevertheless the muscle often does contract if we are tense and reactive

 

3-Tinnitus is also known as Vascular Tinnitus.

 

TREATMENT:

 

1-Get those tubes open again. You need to open your Eustachian tubes as often as you can to get air into the middle ear cavity and also allow excess mucus to find it's way out. When you achieve this you will hear and feel them pop or crack (this is good!) You can do this by swallowing hard or falsely yawning, pushing your jaw forward hard. Use the 'Valsalva movement', which is done by pinching your nose and blowing quite hard with your mouth closed, filling your cheeks until both tubes pop open. It can take a while, but keep going. Hold them open for a few seconds, release and then swallow. Do this 4 or 5 times a day at least. You might think this is not working, but keep at it as the ET's need to be retrained to open up again.

 

2- Antiinflamatories.I believe that these drugs can help. A common cause of the ET not working is inflammation in or around the ET's and by reducing this you can help things to get back to normal. It's worth a try, but keep going as it can take days to take effect. Be careful about the maximum period to take these, however complete a full course before stopping unless you need to stop.

 

3-Chew gum . Do this as much as you can and preferably use a menthol gum. The chewing

action will help the tubes to open naturally and the menthol will assist as well. Again, don't just use a packet and think that's rubbish! Keep going for weeks and don't stop until you are sure it is doing nothing which could be sometime.

 

4-Use steam and lots of it. Using steam will help to free up mucus and open the tubes up. Do this as often as you can. If you have access to a steam room, then use this and sit in there for an hour. If you don't like most people go and use a free trial at a health club telling them that you might join and use theirs! Using Olbas Oil with a nasal steamer is very good. A facial sauna machine is a good substitute as this will keep the steam hot for longer than a normal fill inhaler. This is a good one to consider HERE Whilst breathing in, open the ET's by yawning. Using abowl with a towel over your head is OK as well but it cools quite quickly.

 

5-Heatpad . Use a hot water bottle wrapped in a thin towel and hold it tight against your ear as hot as you can stand it. The heat will radiate through to the middle ear and will help to free up that stubborn mucus. Try this for at least 2 weeks.

 

6-Nasal sprays. These can be useful to start to free up the sinuses and ET's. Saline spray is safe and some say quite effective. Others include decongestant and steroid sprays, however take care not to over use these as this can cause a reboundaffect and end up prolonging the problem and not helping it. In other words your tubes get so dry that they will not be allowed to function and more mucus is produced to deal with that problem.

 

7-Sleep upright. Don't lay flat because the fluid will shift into places that will not help. Prop

yourself as high as you can, which will naturally allow the fluid to drain. The problem ear should be upper most in my experience, but please try either way and compare if there is any difference for

you.

 

8-Use a distraction to relieve the tinnitu s (Noise Therapy) If you need to spend the night sat in front of the TV to drop off to sleep then do whatever it takes. Relaxing music through headphones or a pillow speaker can work, as can 'white noise' which can cancel out the ringing or loud hissing sounds often suffered with this. You can download these files or purchase them. Experiment with various tones as some will work and others will not.

 

9-Avoid alcohol and caffeine . These are stimulants and will enhance any tinnitus that you have. The temptation may be to lose yourself with drink. This will not be productive. Now is a good time to try herbal and green teas. Drink other hot fluids such as diluted fruit juices with honey which can act as natural decongestants and help with keeping your body hydrated.

 

10-Excess salt in your diet can aggravate this condition many believe and has been directly linked with tinnitus. I am fairly convinced that excess salt enhances my 'T' although I cant be 100%.

 

11-Oral decongestants you decide? The jury is out on these. Some advice will say use them. My doctor said treatments such as Sudafed are a complete waste of time to deal with this. Yes they may dry up mucus but don't forget that we actually want this stuff to clear by running out, not drying to hard deposits in the ear. This can cause the ear to produce yet more mucus to shift the dried up deposits in what is referred to as a 'rebound affect'. I did use them initially, however I will not the next time if this comes back as I am convinced that prolonged use of these did me more harm than good. Piriton I found very good at drying up the mucus, however this caused my ear to block again and also caused the tinnitus to worsen.

 

12-Nasal irrigation Many will suggest this as being helpful. The Neti Pot is the most popular. I used the SinusRinse system by Neilmed which is easier than a Netipot and did seem to help. I would say for a small outlay it is worth a try, particularly if your sinuses are blocked as well.

 

13-Look after yourself. Eat well and ensure you are getting what you need to stay strong. High dose vitamin C is viewed by many as good to help battle this. Dairy food is thought by many to be one of the biggest causes of excess mucus. Little evidence exists to say that it is that I can find, but for me avoiding this when your body is trying to shift it is probably a sensible sacrifice to make. Certain food groups are thought to be inflammatory which may be triggering this problem. Look at these foods and restrict inflammatory foods. Fresh garlic, ginger and fresh pineapple are excellent natural decongestants. Gentle exercise may help, particularly in the fresh air, but avoid strenuous aerobic activity as again this creates more of the stuff you are trying to shift. Keep well hydrated by drinking you daily consumption.

 

14-Clean Air. I noticed that going out in the fresh air would often help relieve symptoms, so you might conclude that being able to live indoors and particularly sleep with clean air free of dust and other allergens may help you deal with this. I obtained an air purifier Ioniser which I left on before before going to bed and kept running through the night. The air certainly felt fresher and with the added bonus that the fan noise would take my mind off the tinnitus

 

15-Thinkpositive. It is very easy at 3am with no sleep and an ear that feels like it's going to

explode, to feel that the world is ending and that you will be cursed with this forever. You must keep positive and believe in yourself that will eventually go. Virtually all cases of this will clear up, unless you have a rare complication which will not allow this. If you have this for a prolonged period, you must pester your doctor and demand to see a specialist. This is because he/she is the only person to see if there is an underlying cause which needs other measures. Medical interventions are limited to solve this and the exact causes of this illness are still unknown.

 

16-Intra-Tympanic Steroid Injection

So after everything,my doctor gave me a steroid injection in the ear. So far so good. I will keep you up to day

PERSONALS: LIKE BUYING A HOUSE

There are a lot of traits that are important when looking to get into a serious relationship.To me, I usually look at the whole picture. Anyone who is divorced and own a home would understand what I am talking about. 

 

You can look at a picture in an ad or on an app and decide whether someone’s physical appearance is appealing to you, but that’s like buying a house based on a picture from the front yard. Most people want to enjoy how the front of their house looks, but that doesn’t typically break the list of the top ten or fifteen things they’re looking for in a home. How many bedrooms and bathrooms? Have the appliances been updated in the last five or ten years? What kind of shape is the foundation in? The outside may be most important to some people, but they’re probably people who haven’t owned a home before. The inside of a house — space, appliances, interior design — can cover a multitude of sins outside. But no amount of paint and creativity outside can fix serious issues inside.

  

On one hand you could have a spouse who was knock-out gorgeous, but critical and quick to argue or nitpick about anything. On the other hand you could have a spouse who was always kind and quick to forgive, but was just so-so physically. Ask anyone who’s married, and they’ll tell you that kindness and forgiveness are more important to your happiness than physical looks. You won’t be happy with the quarrelsome spouse, no matter how physically attractive they are. Here’s the point: good looks, while nice to have, are the less important trait to me

  

Then there’s the other big problem with looks: they don’t last. Someone who is beautiful today will be a little less beautiful 5 years from now, and less beautiful than that 10 years from now, and so on, until we’re all old men and women. Now, there is a wonderful thing in marriage where your spouse can appear more beautiful to you over time, but objectively speaking, we’re all getting uglier. So if someone’s focused solely on physical beauty, they’ll never stay focused on any one person for long.

 

Don’t believe me? Ask sixty-year-old love birds if they’re still“physically attracted” to each other. Some of them are more attracted to each other than ever, and it’s not because they’re gaining weight, losing their hair, or having more trouble getting around. It’s because their appearance, in the eyes of their beloved, is increasingly filled with a deepening appreciation for the beauty in the other. They see something different in each other’s eyes. The hands are worn, but familiar and safe. The wrinkles are the years of faithfulness and bliss spent together. Their love not only looks beyond the surface, but sees the surface with new eyes. That is exactly what I am looking for.

 

 While beauty is a depreciating asset, most other positive traits—wisdom, patience, commitment, good communication skills, etc.—are things that can improve over time. They make for a better investment, so to speak.

  

The more we learn about someone, the more their appearance is filled, for better or for worse, with new and deeper meaning — with their personality, their convictions, their sense of humor, their faith. The once-stunning girl may lose most of her charm, and the easily overlooked girl may become undeniably beautiful. They each look exactly the same as before, and yet they don’t. You see them, even their physical appearance, differently now. 

 

I am a divorced physician living in Long Island without kids looking for his equal to settle down and start a family (which means having kids). I don't drink, smoke or take drugs. I will not share anymore picture and I am not looking for penpal or text buddy Please be kind, intelligent, have a job and have your act together.

  

What I hope to find: I want someone who has a good job, Responsible,can pay her own bills, has her own place, nice personality, good sense of humor. If you have a car that's a plus. I have all of the above and would love to meet someone on the same level

  

What I'm not looking for: Trading pics is not my thing, neither are the endless email/text chains that lead nowhere. Be ready to want to talk over the phone to get to know each other..Please live in queens, nassau

DATING: THOUGHTS;WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE?

THOUGHTS;WHERE ARE ALL THE GOOD PEOPLE?

 

The good guys, the good women, the good people haven't gone anywhere.

  

It's just sometimes, we think good has a particular look, or feel, or sense of time and....is dressed in gorgeous beauty, looks cool, looks exciting, cute face, those muscles, how he defines you in the world, what friends will think when dating him...we rationalise, we dive, we swim in our own perception, our reality and our reality is truth.

 

 

Even...YES...even...how many followers this person has..how many votes...shared...the high quality photo of a jaw line, great teeth, hair, body....the curves, the lip, the hips, the legs..... You know the things most women and men say doesn't matter but really, their behaviour says...it does ;)

  

Our unconscious mind categerises, filters, labels and Kaboom! Before we know it, we've decided with a little..help.

 

 

So what is your definition of good guys?

 

 And how much of the environment, parents, friends, associates, social circle, disney, hollywood, bollywood, music, magazines, newspapers, billboard, social norms, customs, traditions, what others think and all the stuff in the unconscious is interferring?

 

 

Sometimes what someone says regarding good guys means someone they are attracted to in looks, in style, or in income, job, or feeling, an instinct, a perception, this and that...and not really looking for a good guy. 

 

Somertimes when someone says “good guys” they mean someone who they can walk all over. Some guy who will take on the drama, pathetic mind games and then say they are not compatible because the “good guy” said, “enough is fucking enough.”

 

 

So what is your definitiion of good guys?

  

The social language says one thing but...

  

The primitive survival language says something else.

  

That.. 

 

"No.... because when you do, you get this, and this and his which protects you, spread your genes to best males, increases your status, makes you look good in front of mummy...daddy...friends...community....you also get this and this and this.."

  

Plenty of good guys work voluntary for charity organisations, community work, social work, work for disabilities, youth work and most do so for free because they want to help.

  

No one stopped any woman visiting.

 

 

In fact, many good men in paid jobs too. Smart men. Intelligent men. Clever men. Good men.

 

  

Lots of them are...single.

 

 I will go even further to say, there are thousands after thousands of good men right now and who give....give...give...with their knowledge.

  

Do you see a stampede of women running to them, sending the messages with dating and marriage proposals because these good men giving their time to answer questions, which they won't get paid for?

  

Some who have answered thousands of questions.

  

Go and look on their profie on how many lives they've impacted.

  

When most people ask... 

 

"Where are the good men?"

  

Translated..

  

"Where are the men that I'd be attracted to, turns me on, makes my heart go Boom! Boom! Boom! He needs to look like this, dress like that, be like this, ACCEPT ALL my flaws and pathetic drama, and shit atitude or forget it. Friends need to accept him. I don't want to be embarrassed when walking with him and for all to see. Oh no....must be this and that."

 

  

Got nothing to do with heart, character etc cetre.

  

Many women  saying this... 

 

"I love my boyfriend, he's such a good guy, good man but....I met this guy at work.."

  

The grass isn't greener on the other side. It's on the side we water and nurture.

  

But because people like to believe in the..

  

Hmmm...possibilities...fantasies....something better round the corner....the new...the fresh....the new sensation...the on going pursuit or inteference....and this nagging...prodding of the grass is greener.

  

"I am married to a very good man. He's a great father. Very supportive but....I got to know some guy online...and I am in love with him. What do I do?"

 

 Many good men, good women all around us but it seems the good that people look isn't conscious. It's unconscious.

  

They cannot hold onto a good man because good for many women is not good enough for them then bitch about where they are.

  

 

Here are examples below of what happens when women...find good men..

  

Some even got what they wanted but..it's not enough..

 

I am married and have fallen in love with another married man. We can't be together, but can't live without each other. What should we do? 

 

It didn't take long for the next one. Two years...happily married...

 

I am married but I have feelings for someone else. What should I do?

  

Her husband is the absolute best and she couldn't ask for a better husband but she got eyes on her...best friend...

 

I am married but have fallen in love with my best friend. What should I do?

  

She cheated on a long distance relationship because the conversation got boring.

 

How can I tell my boyfriend in a long distance relationship that I started cheating when our conversation started getting boring?

  

Her boyfriends makes her happy, she trusts him. He listens to everything she shares with him but...

 

I met someone; should I break up with my boyfriend?

  

And something different...

 

  

She has a boyfriend...she goes on a course overseas, meets a guy, has a baby and...her boyfriend don't know.

 

While studying abroad for two years in Europe, I got pregnant. The baby is still there with the dad. Should I tell my boyfriend?

 

 

So the question isn't where the good guys or good women have gone. 

 

The question is... 

 

Why aren't you or whoever asks this type of question ..attracting the....good men?

  

Is being a good man....good enough? 

 

Is a good woman....good enough?

 

 

Because the good is out there.

 

 

People get the good but the good isn't so exciting when they got it. The good isn't like the fantasy Hollywood, Bollywood and Romance novels.

 

THOUGHTS: THE AFTERLIFE

 

 

I lost my dad recently and more than ever, I realized how fragile life really is. What is that energy, that power, that consciousness which, when it was in that my dad's body, caused it to think, speak, move, love, feel and create? I have been reading about near death experience recently. In every one of those stories, there is a life review. It's a multifaceted. experiences from three facets—all simultaneously:

 

(1) from your own point of view,

 

(2) from the point of view of whoever was with me, and

 

(3) from the point of view of a witness, or watcher.

 

 

 If you ever hurt someone, you will get to experience the pain you caused. if you ever loved anyone, you will experience that love you gave.

  

 

I learned that life is so, so fragile. I learned that you can know someone for just days and never forget the impression she left on you. I learned that art can be beautiful and sad at the same time. I learned that if someone loves you, she’ll wait for you to love her back. I learned that how much you want something doesn’t determine whether you get it or not, that “no” might not be enough, that life isn’t fair, that my parents can’t save me, that maybe no one can.

  

They all experienced intense love just can’t be described in words. Amazing peace and calmness engulfed them. Part of  the purpose for coming back is to help other people awaken to the simple truth: we are love. This experience of deep love often carries within it an affirmation of unity or oneness between all people or even all things. It doesn’t matter if people nearly died in an auto accident or drug overdose, giving birth, or attempting suicide, they often come back with the profound notion that love and unity are at the very core of life’s meaning. Love is the paramount element of reality.

 

  

There one second — and then flashes right before your eyes the next. At the end of the day, when you strip everything away, all you have are natural experiences, moments and people to enjoy them with. We are not on this planet forever and our lives can end when we least expect it. You were given it in order to enjoy it — and live it to the utmost

  

People die all the time. Life is a lot more fragile than we think. So you should treat others in a way that leaves no regrets. Fairly, and if possible, sincerely

 

  

What is life? What is its purpose? A number of us have been forced by the death of the loved one to investigate these questions. Death forces us to look deeper into the nature and purpose of life. Reexamine our life values and goals: Contact with death awakens us to the fact that someday we too will die. This generates a number of questions. Will we have fulfilled our life purpose? Why have we come here to the earth? Why have we taken this physical body? Is our life part of some greater process? If so, what does it require of us? How can we live our lives more in harmony with that purpose?

 

JOURNAL: WHAT MY SISTER SAID IN THE MEMORIAL OF MY FATHER DEATH

 

I would like to start with a poem. M.D. doesn’t stand for medical doctor, its stands for MY Daddy.

 

My Daddy, M.D.

 

 Whenever daddy signs his name he always writes M.D

 

So people always knew he belonged to me

 

For M.D. Means My Daddy or something just the same

 

And that is why he always puts those letters in his name

 

Some letters in his name are small, But these are not, you see

 

He always makes them big like that, Because he's proud of me.

 

I was also very proud of him.

 

 

 

I was proud of how he came from Iran to live in New York, where he used to call the capital of the world. I was proud of how he made a great life for himself, married to my wonderful caring mom and had 3 children who all became doctors. I was also so proud and happy that for over 15 years he has been retired and had a chance to enjoy every aspect of his life. I am proud that 18 years ago he made the pilgrimage to Mecca.. I was also proud of his confidence, He was always a positive person. He thought he was the smartest and best looking man in the room, and he was.

 

I was proud that even with that strong personality, he was a good man with a good heart. He was down to earth and a nice person who went out of his way to help family, friends and even patients. He loved being a doctor, was hard working, and a perfectionist, he loved to "calac". One of his greatest passions was , and we used to kid around that this was his 4th child. His friends and other classmates were like family for him.

 

He also had his vices, he loved gambling and playing poker with friends, and loved driving, although his sense of direction wasn't so good. I was also proud of him when 3 years ago when he had a horrible fall at a friends house. With 7 rib fractures he drove 2 hours from New Jersey to our home. As many of you know he suffered many complications intubated 3 times, had a tracheotomy and feeding tube and his condition was extremely unstable and tenuous. But My father was a fighter and his strength and recovery during that time gave me hope that anything in this world was possible…

 

All I can say is that he loved life, and loved living. But that illness did take a toll on his body and soul. And I knew that if he would have another major illness in the future, his recovery would not be guaranteed. During that hospitalization 3 years..one of those long days..he came and whispered to me.. ..When will I go to "heaven"…And I said , it's not your time. God would not let you suffer these 3 months for you not to survive. You will survive and get better, and live a fulfilling life

 

And he did and we went on to go to Florida, 3 Cruises, Countless restaurants...We as a family enjoyed life with him. During this hospitalization he was sick with pneumonia. Eventually that infection took a toll on his heart and the rest of his body.. Again he came as whispered to me . I don’t call you here to fix my bed, and pillow, I want you here to protect me..The truth is If love could have saved him, he would have lived forever..

  

And I answered him,God will protect you.. And God did protect him... He passed away suddenly very quickly and was not in pain.. He lived a full life, full of good times and happiness.. God did not let him suffer and live life in a debilitated way which would have been struggle for someone with a strong personality like him.. Till the very end he was doing what he loved Going to  new year party in march, eating out in restaurants every week, watching movies with the family..Even on the day he passed, he was the BOSS, giving my mom the list to shop for at the supermarket, and discussing with the doctors his medical treatments 15 minutes before he suffered cardiac arrest..

  

 

He died on his own terms...WE WILL MISS YOU AND LOVE YOU ALWAYS..you will always be in our heart..You are in heaven now..

 

Thank you again for coming.

 

DATING: GUYS FIND NICENESS SEXY

DATING: GUYS FIND NICENESS SEXY

 

 

Let me telling you something, “niceness” is a quality that men find sexually attractive in women – a woman who gives a man her undivided attention, makes him a nice meal, and does things for him – he will find her MORE attractive sexually than a woman who ignores him.  I know I do.  If there was one characteristic that is completely underrated, especially in this world, it is the quality of people being nice. Thus, because niceness is a sexual factor from the male perspective, men mistakenly believe it is also a sexual factor from a female perspective.  And it ISN’T.  In fact, women are far more attracted to men who do not desire them overtly, who do not acquiesce to their whims, who display outcome independence. Most woman don't dream of dating a nice guy.

  

I know..it doesn't make sense. It’s not that women don’t want a nice guy – they do.  It’s just that niceness doesn’t factor into what women find sexually attractive – it is a personal quality rather than a sexual one.  In the same way as a man is expected to have a nose, he is expected to be nice.  Thus, if a man is handsome, confident, and successful – he will be considered a great catch.  And if he happens to be nice, it is the icing on the cake.  And if he isn’t nice, most women will (mistakenly) believe he is still a great catch and that they can change him.

  

I am sure there are many women out there who are dying to finally find a man like myself who will be a happy, healthy, stand-up husbands  The thing I am not lose sight of is that being the good guy will not always get you all of the girls, but it will get you the right one who makes you happy

  

Woman all say they like nice, sensitive, communicative, emotionally expressive men, and they may even think themselves that this is what they want, but when it comes to arousal, those qualities are meaningless.  What arouses women is the idea of a strong guy like me. A straight shooter, who has his act together. (a job, a house, a car, saving, a great family and healthy) I have no drama in my life.

  

As a doctor I learned that if you had EVERYTHING taken away from you – what would you be left with? Strip away your looks, your home, your career, your money and you’d be left with everything that’s on the INSIDE. So if you wants to know where you went wrong or if you’ve struggled for years to figure out why you choose the wrong people…Your answer is right here in front of you. .You’ve been investing in the least important qualities.Looks come and go. Jobs come and go. Money comes and goes. What lasts forever is CHARACTER.

 

 Time and time again I talked to woman who date/ live with guys for 5-10 years without proposing. This blows my mind. To me it seem that a lot of woman willfully ignored the guys in their past to be selfish, narcissistic tendencies because of what came with the rest of the package – cute, smart, successful, etc..  There are no shortage of guys out there who make you tingle every time you think of them – but they’re WORTHLESS if they don’t put YOU first.  Don’t get too sucked in by his charm or his wit or his looks or his money……Instead, learn to appreciate the guy who does what he says, who says what he means, who makes it clear that you’re a priority to him. After all, the guy who doesn’t prioritize you now is NEVER going to prioritize you. Because what’s inside never goes away.

 

Don’t be the right girl waiting around for the wrong guy. Be with me. Life is to short to waste time on someone unworthy of your love. Its sad when the right person isn't able to find you because you’re too busy making the wrong person right for you. The truth is that every single day that you're with the wrong person is just another day you're NOT with the me.

 

 

 

 

MY DAD PASSED AWAY

 

My dad passed away almost 2 months ago. He died suddenly  the only people in my life who had passed away that I felt remotely close to were my two grandparents, and uncle While I, of course, cared about all of these men and was incredibly sadden by each of their passings, the loss of a parent digs in much deeper, stings much sharper, and alters your world in unimaginable ways. My experience will be much different from others who have had to endure the same heart wrenching experience, but here are a few things I've learned so far about myself and others from encountering my father's death

  

Grief is not a perfect, linear process. After the first few days of barely sleeping or eating and bursting into tears at the slightest remembrance, I asked myself, "When does this end? When can I feel okay again?" I fooled myself into thinking that if I went through the steps, if I followed the stages, I would come out on the other end as a whole, smiling, fatherless guy. Yes, my dad died, but my future is bright! Instead, everyday is different. Somedays, I'm happy and productive and I think about my dad with a smile on my face. Other days, I wake up from having a dream about my dad and sulk all day. Somedays, I'm moody as hell. Other days, I nearly forget that my father died at all. Somedays, I'm angry that people who  still have their fathers. Other days, I silently cry at my desk at work while I hear a coworker talk to his father on the phone. Yes, I cry less and generally feel better about the whole thing than I did during month 1, but it's not a perfect, logical, point A to point B progression. It comes in waves; sometimes with tsunami-like force, but usually more like the daily tides.

 

 

Life does not stop. While asking myself when the painful grieving process will be over, I also asked myself when I could do normal things again. I thought that I could compartmentalize the grief. If I kept it in its own box, it wouldn't bleed over into the rest of my life and so, when I returned to the rest of my life, it would be exactly the same as it was before. When and only when I stopped crying all.the.time., I could then resume my life. While people are generally sympathetic to your loss, your bills still need to be paid, your friends still want to see you, your bathroom is only getting grosser, and the days keep flying by. If you wait until you feel 100% back to normal, you will sit out the rest of your life. Once I realized that I needed to create a new normal instead of wait for my old normal to return (which it never will), I placed pieces of my life back. I started reading again. I watched a movie. I started introducing my routines back into my life. I allowed myself to date again. Life stops for no one, no matter how much pain you may be in, no matter how much you wished you could stop time so you wouldn't have to live your life without your dad to share it with. Life goes on.

  

You learn who your true friends are. After being woken up by the phone call from my sister  telling me that my dad was having problem breathing,and when we got to the hospital and finding out he passed away.I shouted repeated and pathetic "no," after the uncontrollable crying and shaking, after the shouting of the repeated and pathetic "why," after the dumbstruck silence and emotional exhaustion,

 

  

No one can say anything to make you feel better. My first reaction to people telling me they were sorry for my loss was to say, "It's okay." My second reaction was, "I hope you never experience this." My loss was not okay and almost everyone will have to deal with losing a parent at some point in their lives- what silly things to think. I guess in some weird, backwards way, I was trying to make them feel better for feeling bad. Finally, I came to terms with just replying with a simple thank you. I realized that my friends were at a loss for what to say because they have no idea what it is like to lose a parent. Even hearing stories about your dad or hearing how much he talked about you to other people aren't very comforting because you can't help saying to yourself, "That's nice, but it would be way nicer to have my dad alive and still creating stories and talking up his children." Despite the nonexistence of the right words, someone ignoring the fact that your dad is dead is way worse than them saying something that does not provide comfort. Sharing memories, asking questions, letting the griever grieve allows the parent to live on in the only way he or she can now.

 

  

Mourning hangs on you like a shadow during your day to day movements. You don't have to talk about it or even spill tears to feel it. It's just there and can fill a room if you let it. My father will not be there for many of the milestones, I just don't think anyone can really understand this.

 

 Paperwork and possessions. In the midst of trying to mourn my dad's death, my sisters and I have had to deal with an enormous amount of paperwork. Death is a very messy business. We've had to go through my dad's possessions, trying to decide what to keep, what to toss, what to give away, what to sell. We have to remember to pay his bills on top of our own bills .

 

 

You learn you're not the only one who thinks your dad was awesome. You also learn how much your dad would not shut up about you. Countless strangers have told me, "Your dad loved you very, very much. He was so proud of you." The stories we heard and continue to hear about my dad have confirmed what I've known all along: my dad was one of a kind. He will be missed by many, many people.

JOURNAL: MEMORIAL WE HAD FOR MY DAD

Before I begin I would like to thank all of you for your efforts to be here today, to help us mark my father's passing. Each of you here had your own relationship with my Dad, each of you has your own set of memories. 

 

I can't believe it's been over 40 days since my father passed away. At times it feels like it was yesterday and at other times it feels like it was long ago. While my mind know this, my hearts can’t  accept it.  When someone close to you dies, your world can feel suddenly different and unknown. It’s hard to watch the world keep going on for everyone else when your life has such a hole in it. You still have to work, drive, eat…., but nothing is really the same. Everything else seems so small and so trivial.

  

Not a day passes by without something or someone reminding me of him. Whether it is the empty spot in a chair in the living room or kitchen I  miss him in every way.

 

When I told my medical assistant Rose  about my dad. She also knew my dad and who also lost her own dad 5 years ago. She told me about a quote that helped her. It from  Dr. Seuss. He said “ Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

  

The translation mean:: Don’t cry about death, smile about life. 

 

When we think of someone that isn’t there anymore, you have the choice to remember that person is no longer here, and be sad, or to remember the good times, and be happy. And while it might not be an easy choice, it is a choice,

  

We are here today not to be sad about my dad, but to Celebrate his life.

 

 

To celebrate his gigantic smile and the way he filled any room.

 

To celebrate his passions for food

 

To celebrate his passion for medicine and helping people

 

To celebrate his passion for his family

 

To celebrate his positiveness

 

 

 

I have struggled to find the right words, the right stories that would speak truly of my father...But there are simply too many. He had a rich life… a giving life and life that I admired even to his last breath.

 

My father was more than a Dad to me. He was my best friend. I confided in him with everything and about anything. He loved so many people, places and things, but nothing so much as my mother.

  

What my dad gave to the world was his big, generous personality.  He devoted himself to his friends and family as fully as he did everything else.  

 

  

The world is filled with sons who never heard their father say “I love you,” and who wonder throughout their lives whether they were loved, Not me. The last few years before I would leave my parent’s house. My dad would up from his chair and we would hug and kiss and say “I love you” to each other. 

 

I realized that my father will never truly be gone. He is still here with me in spirit. My father taught me how to love  — he sacrificed his life for our family, and he will live on through me. His legacy will continue through my work, and because of him I will know how to love my family — the way he loved us. He was and always will be my motivation to fight through struggles, work hard, be a fighter, and to always be positive. Death is always a challenge for everyone.  It tells us not to waste time... It tells us to tell each other right now that we love each other. Don’t be sad because my dad is gone , smile because you knew him..

 

My memories have become my heartbeats – which means I am thinking of him all the time just to stay alive.

  

We will miss you and always love you.

 

PERSONAL: OPENING UP TO LOVE

There’s no point looking at any other profile. We’re both looking for the same things in a partner. And, let’s face it, I’m a pretty darn good looking guy. Great catches of the world  like myself are not somehow playing the best game of hide and ghost seek.

You see, love has always been a serious business for me and not some pleasure-seeking fantasy. I have only been in love once. and when you are young, you believe that you will meet many people with whom you'll connect with, but later in life you realize it only happens a few times. It's hasn't been easy for me to be a romantic lately. You start off that way and,after you've been in so many bla relationship. They weren't mean, they cared for me, but...they were no real...connection, or excitement.  You forget about all your delusional ideas, and you just take what comes into your life. And that is exactly what I did... I got married and I felt like I was waiting forever. I remember thinking that it didn't much matter the "Who?" of it all... I mean, that nobody is gonna be everything to...And that ultimately, it's just a simple action of committing yourself.  But, boy I was wrong.  I learned that even being alone it's better than sitting next to someone and feeling lonely. I didn't wanna be one of those people who  was..getting divorced later in life and falling down into tears, admitting that they never really loved their spouse, and they feel that their life has been...sucked up into a vacuum cleaner!

It does matter who you are with.So often in my life I've been with people and shared beautiful moments like travelling or staying up all night and watching the movies, and I knew it was a special moment, but something was always wrong. I wished I'd been with someone else. I knew that what I was feeling - exactly what was so important to me  and they just couldn't understand. That’s the thing about relationships - people are always saying, “I want to know you,I want to know who you are.” But it is so hard for anyone to even know themselves. Who I am is always changing, so how can anyone else share in that?

I always feel this pressure of being a strong and independent icon of being a man, and without making it look my whole life is revolving around some girl. But loving someone, and being loved means so much to me. We always make fun of it and stuff. But isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?

I am not much of a serial dater.  I just don't go out to just date. I want to meet someone and it would mean something. So many people just have an affair, or even entire relationships. they breakup and they forget. They move on like they would have changed brand of cereals. I feel I was never able to forget anyone I've been with because each person had their own specific qualities. You can never replace anyone what is lost is lost. I see in them little details, so specific to each of them, that move me and that I miss and will always miss. You can never replace anyone, because everyone is made of such beautiful, specific details

I am open to meeting someone now. I have a feeling that just maybe, the right person might be reading on the other side of the screen. I believe that there is a great woman out there looking for me.... But I need to know how to find her and show her what a great catch I am. Is love and romance different, or are they same? If we love someone do we need to romance them or vice versa... When do you know that you are attracted to someone? When does this attraction turn into love? Sometimes spending some beautiful moments together is what you remember the most in your entire life lived. How one night changes your entire life and how you end up meeting the most strange but most cherished people in most unexpected circumstances. Is it what they call being open to life?

We will play, we will tease, we will share, we will emote, we will foreplay, we will argue, we will discuss, we will answer, we will tell, we will lie, we will confess, we will desire, we will get, we will give, we will hold, we will leave, we will stay, we will come back, we will keep, we will remember, we will move, we will walk. we will lie, we will journey, we will laugh, we will cherish, we will wander, we will romance. I only learnt one thing - love is survival but romance is living... some people can live their life in love and some only need a little romance to live it... but the best part of two strangers like us meeting up is our conversations.

PERSONAL ,,,,FROM YOUR FUTURE BEST FRIEND/HUSBAND/FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN

Hey, you. I don’t know who you are, whether I’ve met you before or not, and yet, I love you more than anything in this entire world.

For not even having a face or memories to attach this to, I’m weirdly emotional and, somehow, so full of love for you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you’re somewhere out there becoming the woman that I’ve been waiting my whole life for. And eventually we’re going to meet. Maybe we have met.

I wonder how your heart is right now. I wonder what kind of love you’ve had. I’ve only loved two person at this point, and everything I’ve been through with her has showed me what I want and need. It’s made me endlessly excited to grow in love with you when our time comes. Thank you in advance for giving me great, passionate, healthy love all wrapped up together (with a whole lot of goofiness, of course!). It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night and talk to you. I tell you about my day and how excited I am to one day be able to look you in the eyes and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re it for me. To have a face and memories to attach this to.

I wonder if I’ll fall in love with anyone else before you, but I’m secretly hoping you’ll be the next and last one for me. I guess it won’t matter either way. Once you have me, you’ll have my whole heart, not a bit less. And I know you’ll take good care of it. The best care. Because I would never settle for less than that, and you would never make me.

I don’t know if I have any real fears in this life, but there are obviously things that scare me a little. The only thing that makes me less scared is you. Simply knowing the kind of love we’re going to share and work at together makes everything seem less scary. All the big and little things I want to do and accomplish in my life are so much less daunting when I think of you. And I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Wow… I am so excited for everything that’s to come. The best things in our lives haven’t even happened yet. How nuts is that?We’re going to get to fall in love and come to know each other’s quirks and various facial expressions and favorite music and movies and memories. Sure, at least one other person will have already come to know a lot of those things about me, and I’m sure it’s the same for you. But, that won’t cheapen it in the slightest. It’ll all take on a new meaning when it’s you and me coming to know these things together.

We’re going to travel and laugh and try new foods and laugh and go to concerts and laugh. (I guess we like to laugh a lot, huh? I can dig it.)

We’ll send each other silly pictures of ourselves that no one else is allowed to see, as well as texts with tons of inside jokes and words from a language we basically made up.

We’ll try to share as much of our childhoods with each other as we can remember, because we want to spend our lives getting to know each other more and more, no matter how close we feel we are.

We’ll sing in the car together and play sports together and make poop jokes a big part of our relationship. (Gotta have those poop jokes.)

We’ll push each other to be better every single day, to pursue our passions and career goals, and we’ll strive to be the best versions of ourselves for our individual selves and each other.

And with all this extra time together, we’ll spend an obnoxious amount of hours exploring each others’ bodies and making love and giggling when we spice things up only to realize some things are just effing weird. But, some spice will definitely be welcomed.

Soon enough, some tiny humans will make it harder for us to sleep (and do other things…hint, hint, wink, wink), and we’ll be stuck between pure joy and wanting to throw said tiny humans out a window (but we won’t do that second thing, obviously).

We’ll make some mistakes, but that won’t stop us from being the best parenting team in the league. (Psst, let’s add some incredible humans to the population, shall we?)

We’ll raise genuinely confident and compassionate children who turn into genuinely confident and compassionate adults that go above and beyond to be good and do good. The kind of adults that stand for and with other human beings and noble causes. The kind of adults that keep the spirit of childhood living on inside of them forever, just like their parents do.

Before we know it, we’ll go from having a full, laughter-filled house to having a not-so-full, but still laughter-filled, house. (Look at us, we’re still laughing! High five, babe!)

At this point we’ll realize that it’s just the two of us again, and time is moving. We’re getting older. But, we’re just as in love as we were before. Probably ten times more in love now. (I can’t help it, watching you be an amazing mother to my children ).

We’ll have some more days to relax than we did before.

We’ll try to see every movie, watch every show, read every book, and listen to every song that we’ve ever wanted to. It’ll never happen, but we’ll try to take in as much art and entertainment as we possibly can

Sometimes, we’ll lie around and read next to each other in silence for a while, and other times we’ll wrestle like children for a while. These things might even occur back-to-back. (Dang, we’re so versatile!).

Having this time to relax will allow us to sit back and appreciate (even more than we already did) the life we’ve built together and all we’ve accomplished.

Because, hey, we’ll have done real good.

We’ll have taught each other so much and learned so much from each other.

We’ll have elevated each other.

We’ll have remembered what truly matters in life and what doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

We’ll have been loyal, faithful, compassionate, and trustworthy.

We’ll have communicated openly and honestly.

We’ll have respected and spoken highly of each other, whether we were in a room together or in completely different locations. Better yet, we’ll have raved about each other, because we just couldn’t help it.

And, of course, we’ll have laughed. A lot.

We’ll have also had our fair share of struggles. We’ll have argued and gotten mad. We’ll have cried and felt intense pain. But the foundation we’ll have built, and been constantly building upon, will always have had our backs.

Because we will have always had each other’s backs.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

I am so happy to just know, somehow, that our baggage will fit perfectly together, our hearts will fit perfectly together, and our lives will fit perfectly together. With all our flaws and everything.

I can’t wait for my family to be so proud to have you join us, and I can’t wait to be welcomed and loved by your family.

I can’t wait to be able to smile at my friends, say a playful “told ya so,” and point at you in response to why I’ve been so picky about the people I’ve dated all these years.

I can’t wait to say “I do” and kiss your face in a room filled with our favorite people.

I can’t wait to feel like we have the greatest love the universe has ever seen, even if there are others out there loving just as hard as we do.

I can’t wait to spend forever with you, future best friend/wife/mother to my children.

Last but not least… Damn, I can’t wait to love you.

Your Future Best Friend/Husband/Father To Your Children,

THOUGHTS

I am safe no matter what I'm feeling

If you have a billion dollars, and every day you live pissed off and frustrated, the quality of your life is called pissed off and frustrated. But if you have next to nothing, and are grateful for whatever it is you have, you're the richest person that you're going to know. It doesn't matter how much money you've got if you don't have gratitude.

What part of me is being disturbed by this?

Who is it that sees this? Who notices this inner disturbance?

THOUGHTS: SURRENDER TO LIFE

Life rarely unfolds exactly as we want it to. We are not actually in control of life’s events. What has manifests in front of my at any given moment is actually something truly extraordinary—it is the end result of all the forces that have been interacting together for billions of years.Nonetheless, so many of us walk around constantly trying to control and determine what will happen in our lives. No wonder there’s so much tension, anxiety, and fear. It's this puts us in a constant battle of our way versus the way it would be. When we win the battle, we are happy and relaxed; when we don’t, we are disturbed and stressed.

I have decided to surrender to the flow of life’s events and see where it will naturally take me, Letting go of what I want and serving the same forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection of the universe around me. I had already learned time and again that it didn’t matter if I understood what was happening; it was sufficient to devote myself to the present moment and trust that the flow of life knew what it was doing. I had seen time and again that letting go not only led to amazing results, but it also left me in a state of profound inner peace. I was not in charge; life was in charge, and there was an underlying sense of enthusiasm and excitement about getting to see what was going to happen next.My job is to simply continue surrendering and serving what was put in front of me

If life can manifest the DNA molecule on its own, not to mention create the human brain,tiny seeds grow into giant trees, weather patterns have kept forests across the globe watered for millions of years, and a single fertilized cell grows into a beautiful baby How is it that we feel that we have to control everything on our own?

PERSONAL: I WANT TO MAKE MEMORIES

The only thing we will have when we are old is our memories. And the only thing we will remember when we are old are the ones we loved and the ones who loved us. We won’t remember that car we bought or that raise we got. The only thing we will remember are the moments in life we shared, the hidden moments when we lay in the bottom of a boat in the reeds and rested our head and hand and heart on the breasts of a girl we loved. That’s it. Nothing else matters in this whole, wide world.

Creating memories is the only meaningful goal in life. When faced with two courses of action, two different paths before my eyes, and I have to make a decision, I ask only one question: Which path will give me the best memories? That’s it. What are the best memories I can possibly make? I do not ask which path will offer greater security, or which path will be better off financially, or which path will be approved of by family or friends. I simply ask myself: Which path will give me the best stories when I am old? This is a wonderful guiding principle in my life—the only one I ever need—basing all decisions on creating the best memories I possibly can.

I devoted my life to creating the very best memories I could possibly make—both for me and for those around me. I sacrificed material worth in order to maximize my relationships. My whole being is caught up in this exhilaration of adventure, of living in the wind. Because, why not? What’s the point of making a living if you are not living? What’s the old saying? A ship in the harbor is safe... but then what’s a ship for?

I accept all invitations, if possible. If I am invited, for instance, to a party down the street or to somewhere as far-flung as Istanbul, I am going. How? I have no idea. But that doesn’t matter. I’m going anyway. Isn’t that what I asked for? Most of us, when faced with a new invitation, tend to second-guess our intuition. We get an invitation and we reason it out, try to make sense of it. 

It might seem like I am careless or mindfully drifting, unfocused and without direction. But not so! I am the most focused man I know. I know exactly what I want. I know exactly where I am going. I have no idea how I am going to get there, but I’m sure going anyway. I don’t have time to think about how. All I know is what I want