Love People, Not Pleasure by Arthur C. Brooks
ABD AL-RAHMAN III was an emir and caliph of Córdoba in 10th-century Spain. He was an absolute ruler who lived in complete luxury. Here’s how he assessed his life:
“I have now reigned above 50 years in victory or peace; beloved by my subjects, dreaded by my enemies, and respected by my allies. Riches and honors, power and pleasure, have waited on my call, nor does any earthly blessing appear to have been wanting to my felicity.”
Fame, riches and pleasure beyond imagination. Sound great? He went on to write:
“I have diligently numbered the days of pure and genuine happiness which have fallen to my lot: They amount to 14.”
Abd al-Rahman’s problem wasn’t happiness, as he believed — it was unhappiness. If that sounds like a distinction without a difference, you probably have the same problem as the great emir. But with a little knowledge, you can avoid the misery that befell him.
What is unhappiness? Your intuition might be that it is simply the opposite of happiness, just as darkness is the absence of light. That is not correct. Happiness and unhappiness are certainly related, but they are not actually opposites. Images of the brain show that parts of the left cerebral cortex are more active than the right when we are experiencing happiness, while the right side becomes more active when we are unhappy.
As strange as it seems, being happier than average does not mean that one can’t also be unhappier than average. One test for both happiness and unhappiness is the Positive Affectivity and Negative Affectivity Schedule test. I took the test myself. I found that, for happiness, I am at the top for people my age, sex, occupation and education group. But I get a pretty high score for unhappiness as well. I am a cheerful melancholic.
So when people say, “I am an unhappy person,” they are really doing sums, whether they realize it or not. They are saying, “My unhappiness is x, my happiness is y, and x > y.” The real questions are why, and what you can do to make y > x.
If you ask an unhappy person why he is unhappy, he’ll almost always blame circumstance. In many cases, of course, this is justified. Some people are oppressed or poor or have physical ailments that make life a chore. Research unsurprisingly suggests that racism causes unhappiness in children, and many academic studies trace a clear link between unhappiness and poverty. Another common source of unhappiness is loneliness, from which about 20 percent of Americans suffer enough to make it a major source of unhappiness in their lives.
THERE are also smaller circumstantial sources of unhappiness. The Princeton psychologist Daniel Kahneman and his colleagues measured the “negative affect” (bad moods) that ordinary daily activities and interactions kick up. They found that the No. 1 unhappiness-provoking event in a typical day is spending time with one’s boss (which, as a boss, made me unhappy to learn).
Circumstances are certainly important. No doubt Abd al-Rahman could point to a few in his life. But paradoxically, a better explanation for his unhappiness may have been his own search for well-being. And the same might go for you.
Have you ever known an alcoholic? They generally drink to relieve craving or anxiety — in other words, to attenuate a source of unhappiness. Yet it is the drink that ultimately prolongs their suffering. The same principle was at work for Abd al-Rahman in his pursuit of fame, wealth and pleasure.
Consider fame. In 2009, researchers from the University of Rochester conducted a study tracking the success of 147 recent graduates in reaching their stated goals after graduation. Some had “intrinsic” goals, such as deep, enduring relationships. Others had “extrinsic” goals, such as achieving reputation or fame. The scholars found that intrinsic goals were associated with happier lives. But the people who pursued extrinsic goals experienced more negative emotions, such as shame and fear. They even suffered more physical maladies.
This is one of the cruelest ironies in life. I work in Washington, right in the middle of intensely public political battles. Bar none, the unhappiest people I have ever met are those most dedicated to their own self-aggrandizement — the pundits, the TV loudmouths, the media know-it-alls. They build themselves up and promote their images, but feel awful most of the time.
That’s the paradox of fame. Just like drugs and alcohol, once you become addicted, you can’t live without it. But you can’t live with it, either. Celebrities have described fame like being “an animal in a cage; a toy in a shop window; a Barbie doll; a public facade; a clay figure; or, that guy on TV,” according to research by the psychologist Donna Rockwell. Yet they can’t give it up.
That impulse to fame by everyday people has generated some astonishing innovations. One is the advent of reality television, in which ordinary people become actors in their day-to-day lives for others to watch. Why? “To be noticed, to be wanted, to be loved, to walk into a place and have others care about what you’re doing, even what you had for lunch that day: that’s what people want, in my opinion,” said one 26-year-old participant in an early hit reality show called “Big Brother.”
And then there’s social media. Today, each of us can build a personal little fan base, thanks to Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and the like. We can broadcast the details of our lives to friends and strangers in an astonishingly efficient way. That’s good for staying in touch with friends, but it also puts a minor form of fame-seeking within each person’s reach. And several studies show that it can make us unhappy.
It makes sense. What do you post to Facebook? Pictures of yourself yelling at your kids, or having a hard time at work? No, you post smiling photos of a hiking trip with friends. You build a fake life — or at least an incomplete one — and share it. Furthermore, you consume almost exclusively the fake lives of your social media “friends.” Unless you are extraordinarily self-aware, how could it not make you feel worse to spend part of your time pretending to be happier than you are, and the other part of your time seeing how much happier others seem to be than you?
Some look for relief from unhappiness in money and material things. This scenario is a little more complicated than fame. The evidence does suggest that money relieves suffering in cases of true material need. (This is a strong argument, in my view, for many safety-net policies for the indigent.) But when money becomes an end in itself, it can bring misery, too.
For decades, psychologists have been compiling a vast literature on the relationships between different aspirations and well-being. Whether they examine young adults or people of all ages, the bulk of the studies point toward the same important conclusion: People who rate materialistic goals like wealth as top personal priorities are significantly likelier to be more anxious, more depressed and more frequent drug users, and even to have more physical ailments than those who set their sights on more intrinsic values.
No one sums up the moral snares of materialism more famously than St. Paul in his First Letter to Timothy: “For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows.” Or as the Dalai Lama pithily suggests, it is better to want what you have than to have what you want.
SO fame and money are out. How about pleasures of the flesh? Take the canonical hedonistic pleasure: lust. From Hollywood to college campuses, many assume that sex is always great, and sexual variety is even better.
This assumption actually has a name: the “Coolidge Effect,” named after the 30th president of the United States. The story (probably apocryphal) begins with Silent Cal and Mrs. Coolidge touring a poultry farm. The first lady noticed that there were very few roosters, and asked how so many eggs could be fertilized. The farmer told her that the virile roosters did their jobs over and over again each day. “Perhaps you could point that out to Mr. Coolidge,” she told him. The president, hearing the remark, asked whether the rooster serviced the same hen each time. No, the farmer told him — there were many hens for each rooster. “Perhaps you could point that out to Mrs. Coolidge,” said the president.
The president obviously figured these must be happy roosters. And notwithstanding the moral implications, the same principle should work for us. Right?
Wrong. In 2004, two economists looked into whether more sexual variety led to greater well-being. They looked at data from about 16,000 adult Americans who were asked confidentially how many sex partners they had had in the preceding year, and about their happiness. Across men and women alike, the data show that the optimal number of partners is one.
This might seem totally counterintuitive. After all, we are unambiguously driven to accumulate material goods, to seek fame, to look for pleasure. How can it be that these very things can give us unhappiness instead of happiness? There are two explanations, one biological and the other philosophical.
Continue reading the main story
From an evolutionary perspective, it makes sense that we are wired to seek fame, wealth and sexual variety. These things make us more likely to pass on our DNA. Had your cave-man ancestors not acquired some version of these things (a fine reputation for being a great rock sharpener; multiple animal skins), they might not have found enough mating partners to create your lineage.
But here’s where the evolutionary cables have crossed: We assume that things we are attracted to will relieve our suffering and raise our happiness. My brain says, “Get famous.” It also says, “Unhappiness is lousy.” I conflate the two, getting, “Get famous and you’ll be less unhappy.”
But that is Mother Nature’s cruel hoax. She doesn’t really care either way whether you are unhappy — she just wants you to want to pass on your genetic material. If you conflate intergenerational survival with well-being, that’s your problem, not nature’s. And matters are hardly helped by nature’s useful idiots in society, who propagate a popular piece of life-ruining advice: “If it feels good, do it.” Unless you share the same existential goals as protozoa, this is often flat-out wrong.
More philosophically, the problem stems from dissatisfaction — the sense that nothing has full flavor, and we want more. We can’t quite pin down what it is that we seek. Without a great deal of reflection and spiritual hard work, the likely candidates seem to be material things, physical pleasures or favor among friends and strangers.
We look for these things to fill an inner emptiness. They may bring a brief satisfaction, but it never lasts, and it is never enough. And so we crave more. This paradox has a word in Sanskrit: upadana, which refers to the cycle of craving and grasping. As the Dhammapada (the Buddha’s path of wisdom) puts it: “The craving of one given to heedless living grows like a creeper. Like the monkey seeking fruits in the forest, he leaps from life to life... Whoever is overcome by this wretched and sticky craving, his sorrows grow like grass after the rains.”
This search for fame, the lust for material things and the objectification of others — that is, the cycle of grasping and craving — follows a formula that is elegant, simple and deadly:
Love things, use people.
This was Abd al-Rahman’s formula as he sleepwalked through life. It is the worldly snake oil peddled by the culture makers from Hollywood to Madison Avenue. But you know in your heart that it is morally disordered and a likely road to misery. You want to be free of the sticky cravings of unhappiness and find a formula for happiness instead. How? Simply invert the deadly formula and render it virtuous:
Love people, use things.
Easier said than done, I realize. It requires the courage to repudiate pride and the strength to love others — family, friends, colleagues, acquaintances, God and even strangers and enemies. Only deny love to things that actually are objects. The practice that achieves this is charity. Few things are as liberating as giving away to others that which we hold dear.
This also requires a condemnation of materialism. This is manifestly not an argument for any specific economic system. Anyone who has spent time in a socialist country must concede that materialism and selfishness are as bad under collectivism, or worse, as when markets are free. No political ideology is immune to materialism.
Finally, it requires a deep skepticism of our own basic desires. Of course you are driven to seek admiration, splendor and physical license. But giving in to these impulses will bring unhappiness. You have a responsibility to yourself to stay in the battle. The day you declare a truce is the day you become unhappier. Declaring war on these destructive impulses is not about asceticism or Puritanism. It is about being a prudent person who seeks to avoid unnecessary suffering.
Abd al-Rahman never got his happiness sums right. He never knew the right formula. Fortunately, we do.
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Monday, July 21, 2014
LOVE LETTER:DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
Just confide in me your deepest feelings, tell me your fantasies, and they shall all be fulfilled. I will do anything it takes to make you happy because that is the only thing that matters to me anymore. You are perfect in my eyes, and there is absolutely nothing that I would ever change about you. I know that no one can be perfect but you, In my eyes, are as perfect as anyone could be. It leaves me amazed, yet blessed, to have found someone as special as you are.
I'm going to be sitting here waiting; waiting for your phone call and then waiting for the day I will actually see you. A little distance between us is going to drive me crazy, but I know it'll all work out just fine. Till then, I will just be waiting for the day when we will actually be together.
How are you, my dear, are you tired, are you ok? I always ask you lots of questions, not because I just am curious, but because every question comes from inside my heart. We are so far apart from each other, and I try so much to be with you. This is difficult, but nothing on earth can make me lose my true love for you…
...I don't really know when I first started to love you. Maybe it started with sending texts back and forth every day, opening with a "good morning" or ending with a "good night" with a lot of feeling. Then, one day, I found myself loving you and couldn't stop that feeling. Just knowing you more and more each day, and seeing how you understood everything I did, I started to love you more and more. Every time you say "Hi," you brighten my life.
Every night when I close my eyes, thoughts of you fill me with joy. Every morning when I open my eyes, you're the first thought on my mind. I am certain that I am in love with you. I want to hold you, kiss you and to feel your body near me. If you'll be mine, you'll make me the happiest woman in the world. If you turn me away, I don't know if I can take it. But either way, you'll always be the greatest love I've ever had
I remember we talked for hours about anything and everything. I never expected we would say we loved each other even before we met in person. Now don't get me wrong--I believe in love at first sight, but I thought I would be the last person to be bitten by that bug.
For just one look into your eyes makes everything in the world and in my life seem to glow. You make me want to see the sunrise every day, to know it's another day where I could have you by my side. Your touch will forever caress me with tenderness, and your kisses will keep the flame in my heart alive. You stole my heart and made it skip a beat. You have been the highlight of my life ever since then. When I sleep, I dream of you. When I work, we work together. When your heart beats, mine beats with yours. I feel warm all over, and my heart skips a beat whether we're on the phone. I have the same dream we both want, and that is for both of us to fall in love with our best friend.
You've changed my life so completely. What would I ever do without you? I don't even want to think about it, and I pray that I never have to. The more I get to know you, the more I want to know, and the more I can't wait for each new day, just to be with you, just to see the smile on your face. Every day I love you more, and every day I realize to a greater extent how much this relationship means to me, how much you mean to me. You are everything to me
I wonder if you know how much I look forward to the simple things we share, like our talk fest over dinner at the end of a long workday. It's a great stress reliever to tell you all the day's events and listen to you analyze why this happened, or why that person behaved the way they did, and then speculate together on how tomorrow will line up. On the weekends, I enjoy relaxing with you and just watching a movie, critiquing every aspect of the production like professional movie critics, making judgments on everything from the casting choices to the quality of the screenplay.
I can't even imagine my life now without all the things we enjoy together--our passionate lovemaking, luxurious bubble baths, and lazy sleep-ins on Sunday morning. Through the days and through the nights, thank you for always being there; I'll always be there for you. I want you to know how much I truly love and appreciate you, Sweetheart. You mean everything to me.
I am forever yours.
I am so grateful that you are in my life. Your tender caring and gentle ways, your strength, and your love for life have influenced every part of who I am, even down to the colors that I like--remember how I used to hate red before you came along? You've encouraged me to do things that I may never have had the courage to try without you--things like scuba diving, rock climbing, even sky diving. You've also helped me to appreciate things that I had always taken slightly for granted to a greater extent--things like the importance of families and patriotism. You've also helped me gain an interest in preserving and enjoying the natural beauty around us.
My beautiful love, you are my sunrise and sunset. You are my world and you have been since the first time I saw you from afar. My heart leaped in my chest and the vision of you made me catch my breath. Your hair was lightly blowing in the breeze, and the sun was bouncing off your face, making your eyes sparkle like stars in the midnight sky. I felt love the first time I looked at you, and my world became a beautiful place to live in. I often ask myself, what in the world would I do without you now? I hope to never find out the answer to that question
I always thought that dreams were just dreams, but you made them all come true and even better, you built new dreams with me! I cannot thank you enough for being more than perfect because you showed me that even all the things that seem wrong are actually opportunities to work at them together and bring us closer together. No matter how far you are and no matter what you do, I always want you to know how much you mean to me, and how much I truly love you and how much I will always be yours forever.
I love you so much and wish I could be there to hug and kiss you all day and all night long, but for now, this love letter will have to be my message. Please know that you are a big part of me and I think of you all the time. I love you, and I've loved you before I was born, because I believe I was made for you, and will be yours for all eternity
Just confide in me your deepest feelings, tell me your fantasies, and they shall all be fulfilled. I will do anything it takes to make you happy because that is the only thing that matters to me anymore. You are perfect in my eyes, and there is absolutely nothing that I would ever change about you. I know that no one can be perfect but you, In my eyes, are as perfect as anyone could be. It leaves me amazed, yet blessed, to have found someone as special as you are.
I'm going to be sitting here waiting; waiting for your phone call and then waiting for the day I will actually see you. A little distance between us is going to drive me crazy, but I know it'll all work out just fine. Till then, I will just be waiting for the day when we will actually be together.
How are you, my dear, are you tired, are you ok? I always ask you lots of questions, not because I just am curious, but because every question comes from inside my heart. We are so far apart from each other, and I try so much to be with you. This is difficult, but nothing on earth can make me lose my true love for you…
...I don't really know when I first started to love you. Maybe it started with sending texts back and forth every day, opening with a "good morning" or ending with a "good night" with a lot of feeling. Then, one day, I found myself loving you and couldn't stop that feeling. Just knowing you more and more each day, and seeing how you understood everything I did, I started to love you more and more. Every time you say "Hi," you brighten my life.
Every night when I close my eyes, thoughts of you fill me with joy. Every morning when I open my eyes, you're the first thought on my mind. I am certain that I am in love with you. I want to hold you, kiss you and to feel your body near me. If you'll be mine, you'll make me the happiest woman in the world. If you turn me away, I don't know if I can take it. But either way, you'll always be the greatest love I've ever had
I remember we talked for hours about anything and everything. I never expected we would say we loved each other even before we met in person. Now don't get me wrong--I believe in love at first sight, but I thought I would be the last person to be bitten by that bug.
For just one look into your eyes makes everything in the world and in my life seem to glow. You make me want to see the sunrise every day, to know it's another day where I could have you by my side. Your touch will forever caress me with tenderness, and your kisses will keep the flame in my heart alive. You stole my heart and made it skip a beat. You have been the highlight of my life ever since then. When I sleep, I dream of you. When I work, we work together. When your heart beats, mine beats with yours. I feel warm all over, and my heart skips a beat whether we're on the phone. I have the same dream we both want, and that is for both of us to fall in love with our best friend.
You've changed my life so completely. What would I ever do without you? I don't even want to think about it, and I pray that I never have to. The more I get to know you, the more I want to know, and the more I can't wait for each new day, just to be with you, just to see the smile on your face. Every day I love you more, and every day I realize to a greater extent how much this relationship means to me, how much you mean to me. You are everything to me
I wonder if you know how much I look forward to the simple things we share, like our talk fest over dinner at the end of a long workday. It's a great stress reliever to tell you all the day's events and listen to you analyze why this happened, or why that person behaved the way they did, and then speculate together on how tomorrow will line up. On the weekends, I enjoy relaxing with you and just watching a movie, critiquing every aspect of the production like professional movie critics, making judgments on everything from the casting choices to the quality of the screenplay.
I can't even imagine my life now without all the things we enjoy together--our passionate lovemaking, luxurious bubble baths, and lazy sleep-ins on Sunday morning. Through the days and through the nights, thank you for always being there; I'll always be there for you. I want you to know how much I truly love and appreciate you, Sweetheart. You mean everything to me.
I am forever yours.
I am so grateful that you are in my life. Your tender caring and gentle ways, your strength, and your love for life have influenced every part of who I am, even down to the colors that I like--remember how I used to hate red before you came along? You've encouraged me to do things that I may never have had the courage to try without you--things like scuba diving, rock climbing, even sky diving. You've also helped me to appreciate things that I had always taken slightly for granted to a greater extent--things like the importance of families and patriotism. You've also helped me gain an interest in preserving and enjoying the natural beauty around us.
My beautiful love, you are my sunrise and sunset. You are my world and you have been since the first time I saw you from afar. My heart leaped in my chest and the vision of you made me catch my breath. Your hair was lightly blowing in the breeze, and the sun was bouncing off your face, making your eyes sparkle like stars in the midnight sky. I felt love the first time I looked at you, and my world became a beautiful place to live in. I often ask myself, what in the world would I do without you now? I hope to never find out the answer to that question
I always thought that dreams were just dreams, but you made them all come true and even better, you built new dreams with me! I cannot thank you enough for being more than perfect because you showed me that even all the things that seem wrong are actually opportunities to work at them together and bring us closer together. No matter how far you are and no matter what you do, I always want you to know how much you mean to me, and how much I truly love you and how much I will always be yours forever.
I love you so much and wish I could be there to hug and kiss you all day and all night long, but for now, this love letter will have to be my message. Please know that you are a big part of me and I think of you all the time. I love you, and I've loved you before I was born, because I believe I was made for you, and will be yours for all eternity
POETRY: I'LL LOVE YOU THEN AFTER DEATH TOO
Time counts its minutes
Life creates our moments
This day will come unexpectedly
For every one of us.
In the horizon her figure appeared.
It was like a miracle,
The Heavens sending an Angel.
Her beauty made perfect
Vibrant was her presence
Her appearance drowned my thoughts
And when awaken
All is lost.
I wanted so eagerly to feel her heart
It's beat, rhythm, and all it's parts
All this I wanted to gain
But didn't have the strength to open
My precious dream of her
Will always be with me.
Her sacred beauty
Wasn't meant for me
Just like the sea
Darkness is infinity,
For a short time
I was able to see
2
Like a storm,
With want of
thunder;
I wait
quietly
for you...
A raging passion
in the vacuum
of tomorrows...
silenced, contained
swirling to and fro.
Your gift,
for which I yearn
...eludes;
suspending my breath
in a purgatory
of ceaseless
desire...
3
In my mind you are
a purple orchid
Exotic, tender, passionate
and wild
Untouchable, fragrant
bloom of dark desires
Evoking my deepest thoughts
Lost in the dreamy wonder
of an eastern forest
You are there among
the whispering glades
Of soft green bamboo
Delicately embracing the moist
warm air of night
A lover of another world
Of fantasies ethereal,
yet profoundly real
Earthy, yet ether's child
My chocolate sweetness
in distant lands
A darkened flower of
refined passion
My purple orchid
4
When the wind comes swirling a fall palette of oak and paper birch,
And the breath of morning is a soft fog upon your lips,
The blessings of summer linger in your eyes and in your arms.
Then, when the shimmer of Winter's stars
Recast rough fields into pastures of soft blue silk,
I scratch your image on frost-crusted panes
And find you laughing in every icy reflection
And dancing at every hearth.
In Spring you are there in every verdant expectation,
In every budding promise,
There, in every reawaking stream
And in every captive sun drop, gleaming from its dewy prison.
You are there, too, gleefully present,
In the chorus of newborn voices impatiently tuning
For Summer's grand oratorio.
Then
Paced by the keen rhythms of our own desires
At last we dance,
You and I in the full radiance of the High Solstice,
Twirling in the buttery moonlight,
We;
Transformed, immortal, a new constellation gleaming in the night sky,
Twin diamonds set together,
Forever.
5
Her beauty alone my eyes have seen,
My eyes have seen her stunning face,
Her stunning face no artist dreams,
No artist dreams such gentle grace.
Such gentle grace could God create,
Could God create such a wondrous thing,
A wondrous thing that blessed my soul,
My soul now hears the seraphs sing.
The seraphs sing when love exists,
When love exists two hearts will share,
Two hearts will share an eternal love,
An eternal love they'll both declare.
They'll both declare a love for each,
A love for each to last till death,
Till death at last removes the love,
The love that's lost with their final breath.
6
I love you, I loved you & I'll love you everlastingly.
No matter what the world says,
if 100 years I get to live,
loyal I am,
loyal will be,
& when dying I'll confess that I love thee.
I don't forget you for a second, a minute or even an hour,
not while sleeping, nor while awake,
& if in this world I love you,
I'll love you then after death too.
Life creates our moments
This day will come unexpectedly
For every one of us.
In the horizon her figure appeared.
It was like a miracle,
The Heavens sending an Angel.
Her beauty made perfect
Vibrant was her presence
Her appearance drowned my thoughts
And when awaken
All is lost.
I wanted so eagerly to feel her heart
It's beat, rhythm, and all it's parts
All this I wanted to gain
But didn't have the strength to open
My precious dream of her
Will always be with me.
Her sacred beauty
Wasn't meant for me
Just like the sea
Darkness is infinity,
For a short time
I was able to see
2
Like a storm,
With want of
thunder;
I wait
quietly
for you...
A raging passion
in the vacuum
of tomorrows...
silenced, contained
swirling to and fro.
Your gift,
for which I yearn
...eludes;
suspending my breath
in a purgatory
of ceaseless
desire...
3
In my mind you are
a purple orchid
Exotic, tender, passionate
and wild
Untouchable, fragrant
bloom of dark desires
Evoking my deepest thoughts
Lost in the dreamy wonder
of an eastern forest
You are there among
the whispering glades
Of soft green bamboo
Delicately embracing the moist
warm air of night
A lover of another world
Of fantasies ethereal,
yet profoundly real
Earthy, yet ether's child
My chocolate sweetness
in distant lands
A darkened flower of
refined passion
My purple orchid
4
When the wind comes swirling a fall palette of oak and paper birch,
And the breath of morning is a soft fog upon your lips,
The blessings of summer linger in your eyes and in your arms.
Then, when the shimmer of Winter's stars
Recast rough fields into pastures of soft blue silk,
I scratch your image on frost-crusted panes
And find you laughing in every icy reflection
And dancing at every hearth.
In Spring you are there in every verdant expectation,
In every budding promise,
There, in every reawaking stream
And in every captive sun drop, gleaming from its dewy prison.
You are there, too, gleefully present,
In the chorus of newborn voices impatiently tuning
For Summer's grand oratorio.
Then
Paced by the keen rhythms of our own desires
At last we dance,
You and I in the full radiance of the High Solstice,
Twirling in the buttery moonlight,
We;
Transformed, immortal, a new constellation gleaming in the night sky,
Twin diamonds set together,
Forever.
5
Her beauty alone my eyes have seen,
My eyes have seen her stunning face,
Her stunning face no artist dreams,
No artist dreams such gentle grace.
Such gentle grace could God create,
Could God create such a wondrous thing,
A wondrous thing that blessed my soul,
My soul now hears the seraphs sing.
The seraphs sing when love exists,
When love exists two hearts will share,
Two hearts will share an eternal love,
An eternal love they'll both declare.
They'll both declare a love for each,
A love for each to last till death,
Till death at last removes the love,
The love that's lost with their final breath.
6
I love you, I loved you & I'll love you everlastingly.
No matter what the world says,
if 100 years I get to live,
loyal I am,
loyal will be,
& when dying I'll confess that I love thee.
I don't forget you for a second, a minute or even an hour,
not while sleeping, nor while awake,
& if in this world I love you,
I'll love you then after death too.
Saturday, July 19, 2014
LOVE: YOUR EMBRACE
With extreme passion we made love with great desire
Hands swirling in moments on the bearskin rug, by the fire
Half-eaten strawberries sit by an empty bottle of champagne
Where the two lovers embraced and there we remained
The fire has burned down to a smoldering hot ember
As we made love while staying warm, late in December
Kisses so full of absolute desire and sweet to the taste
We made love at the cabin without any great haste
Slow moving hands moved carefully, in their stride
Moments of passion where heavy breathing could not hide
No rush to be anywhere and nowhere to go
Where kisses were placed gently on your skin in the fire’s glow
Your hands rubbed my shoulders and ran through my dark hair
As I kissed your bear body with skin so soft and so fair
I couldn’t help but stop and watch the light flicker on your face
Trailing kisses down your body without missing a place
Your eyes would close though you desired to watch me instead
As we lay on the fur, naked next to the fire's bed
My hands tugged your hair to pull your head gently back
As I trailed gentle kisses down your neck with great tact
Your nails scratched my shoulder as I gently bit you on the neck
Such a firm yet gentle bite followed by a slow gentle peck
Your hands ran over me dying to touch me more and more
As we lay there softly tantalizing each other on the floor
You pushed my shoulder gently and rolled me to lie down
Then you kissed my neck and started working your way down.
My hands ran through your hair as you kissed my warm chest
There is just something about your kisses that are the best
Your lips rose back up to gently suck on my bottom lip
As your hand started stroking the inside of my smooth hip
There was no doubt what you wanted to find
As you watched me move slowly with you, in perfect time
I felt your leg slide carefully up and across my waist
As you lifted yourself up to look down at my face
You lay down on top of me with a long soulful kiss
Then you gave me something better than I had ever wished
Gently and purposely we came together a little at a time
Until we were completely united with you covering up mine
Moving so slowly to actually feel with each gentle wave
Bodies moving like the ocean on a hot summer day
I pulled you down to kiss me as my hand touched your breast
While your hair tickled my face, I loved you with, all my best
Time would find out that it surely had no given place
When two people are deeply lost in the Lover’s Embrace
Hands swirling in moments on the bearskin rug, by the fire
Half-eaten strawberries sit by an empty bottle of champagne
Where the two lovers embraced and there we remained
The fire has burned down to a smoldering hot ember
As we made love while staying warm, late in December
Kisses so full of absolute desire and sweet to the taste
We made love at the cabin without any great haste
Slow moving hands moved carefully, in their stride
Moments of passion where heavy breathing could not hide
No rush to be anywhere and nowhere to go
Where kisses were placed gently on your skin in the fire’s glow
Your hands rubbed my shoulders and ran through my dark hair
As I kissed your bear body with skin so soft and so fair
I couldn’t help but stop and watch the light flicker on your face
Trailing kisses down your body without missing a place
Your eyes would close though you desired to watch me instead
As we lay on the fur, naked next to the fire's bed
My hands tugged your hair to pull your head gently back
As I trailed gentle kisses down your neck with great tact
Your nails scratched my shoulder as I gently bit you on the neck
Such a firm yet gentle bite followed by a slow gentle peck
Your hands ran over me dying to touch me more and more
As we lay there softly tantalizing each other on the floor
You pushed my shoulder gently and rolled me to lie down
Then you kissed my neck and started working your way down.
My hands ran through your hair as you kissed my warm chest
There is just something about your kisses that are the best
Your lips rose back up to gently suck on my bottom lip
As your hand started stroking the inside of my smooth hip
There was no doubt what you wanted to find
As you watched me move slowly with you, in perfect time
I felt your leg slide carefully up and across my waist
As you lifted yourself up to look down at my face
You lay down on top of me with a long soulful kiss
Then you gave me something better than I had ever wished
Gently and purposely we came together a little at a time
Until we were completely united with you covering up mine
Moving so slowly to actually feel with each gentle wave
Bodies moving like the ocean on a hot summer day
I pulled you down to kiss me as my hand touched your breast
While your hair tickled my face, I loved you with, all my best
Time would find out that it surely had no given place
When two people are deeply lost in the Lover’s Embrace
LOVE LETTER: LET ME RUB YOUR BACK
My Love,
Do you know how much I love you? Do you know what you mean to this heart? What words could, possibly be said to convince you? Although, words are not the convincer of love, action is. This love deep inside belongs to you, for you are everything this heart has ever desired.
You are everything to this man. When I think of you I daydream of us lying quietly, side-by-side, and I think of rubbing my hand gently across your skin as you lie face down and smile a beautiful smile of contentment. Does this soft touch feel good to you?
Strong fingers slowly trail across your shoulders as I gently press my fingers into your muscles, slowly working the pain out of them. Gently, you moan at how good it feels to be, pampered. It is that sound that pleases my soul like a master, petting his dog for doing a good job.
Your arms, neatly tuck away beneath the pillow as I look at your hair and lean over to smell the warm, sweet scent. Then, I slowly pull away and begin working my hand lower, down your back as you hum a contented sigh of pleasure.
“Does that feel good,” I ask in a deep, but warm voice.
“Really good,” You reply, as you adjust yourself for better comfort by moving your back a little.
As my hand moves slowly down your back, you feel me kiss you softly on your shoulder with a tiny pucker sound. Then I force myself to pull away as my hand reaches your lower back. The need to look at you is overwhelming. The desire to see you is equally met with the fiery passion I feel at you beautiful form.
Feeling the tension in your lower back, I begin rubbing a little harder to work the muscles out causing a stronger moan to emanate from you. Unable to resist the urge, I sit up so I can rub your upper back with my free hand while getting better advantage on your lower back.
No matter how much my, shoulders begin to burn or my, legs begin to ache. As long as massaging your back feels good to you, I will not stop. I would do anything to make you happy and feel good. This is how I feel and this is how I will spend my life. You are everything to me, and although I may not say it often, I love you.
There are so many ways that I will show you love…So many ways to make you happy and I will never stop trying. You are worth all the pain, all of the trials and all of nights of longing, just to have you with me. You mean the world to me and forever will I love you. We truly are contented lovers.
Always Yours,
Me
Do you know how much I love you? Do you know what you mean to this heart? What words could, possibly be said to convince you? Although, words are not the convincer of love, action is. This love deep inside belongs to you, for you are everything this heart has ever desired.
You are everything to this man. When I think of you I daydream of us lying quietly, side-by-side, and I think of rubbing my hand gently across your skin as you lie face down and smile a beautiful smile of contentment. Does this soft touch feel good to you?
Strong fingers slowly trail across your shoulders as I gently press my fingers into your muscles, slowly working the pain out of them. Gently, you moan at how good it feels to be, pampered. It is that sound that pleases my soul like a master, petting his dog for doing a good job.
Your arms, neatly tuck away beneath the pillow as I look at your hair and lean over to smell the warm, sweet scent. Then, I slowly pull away and begin working my hand lower, down your back as you hum a contented sigh of pleasure.
“Does that feel good,” I ask in a deep, but warm voice.
“Really good,” You reply, as you adjust yourself for better comfort by moving your back a little.
As my hand moves slowly down your back, you feel me kiss you softly on your shoulder with a tiny pucker sound. Then I force myself to pull away as my hand reaches your lower back. The need to look at you is overwhelming. The desire to see you is equally met with the fiery passion I feel at you beautiful form.
Feeling the tension in your lower back, I begin rubbing a little harder to work the muscles out causing a stronger moan to emanate from you. Unable to resist the urge, I sit up so I can rub your upper back with my free hand while getting better advantage on your lower back.
No matter how much my, shoulders begin to burn or my, legs begin to ache. As long as massaging your back feels good to you, I will not stop. I would do anything to make you happy and feel good. This is how I feel and this is how I will spend my life. You are everything to me, and although I may not say it often, I love you.
There are so many ways that I will show you love…So many ways to make you happy and I will never stop trying. You are worth all the pain, all of the trials and all of nights of longing, just to have you with me. You mean the world to me and forever will I love you. We truly are contented lovers.
Always Yours,
Me
JOURNAL : I BROUGHT A CAR TODAY
Thursday, July 17, 2014
POETRY: THE KEY OF MY HEART
your soft tender eyes haunt me,
your gentle seductive voice enchants me
i try to escape that my heart is continually seeking yours.
passion and desire burns deep within my soul for you
it is so intense, i struggle with myself
knowing i should let you go.
i fear you will hurt me
yet, i long to be with you
for you are my heart's desire.
wishing you were here with me
to hold me in your gentle arms
and delicatly kiss my tender lips.
if i fully give myself to you,
you have the power to break me
in ways you're not even aware.
my soul is on fire with an intense deep desire for you,
but as of now, i'm unwilling to allow myself to give in completely
i want to run from you and hide for fear of being hurt.
at the same time, i want you to convince me
you'll stay and love me, and i have nothing to fear
do with me what you will, but don't abandon me.
i have been trying to leave,
but at the same time trying to get your attention
so, you won't let me go.
2
Time in small fragments
Capturing moments of
freedom
Release from capture, in
the forest of amazement
Vivid colors of a floral
cascade
In the hidden valley of
love
Wherein I found my place,
and was happy
Interludes in this haven
of caring
In ecstasy with being
free
Time captured in these
delightful interludes
Here among the undergrowth
of sensuous touching
Embracing the dark green
leaves of a rose
A perfection in pink
dazzling my mind
In the persuasion of a
loving entanglement
Among the flowers of
heavenly blue
Interludes of passion
with you
3
to touch
your naked, blushing,
body,
look into
your beautiful, passionate
eyes
feel the love
in your exploring lips,
to hear you
cry out
in sensual pleasure
to taste
your warm
skin,
and smell
that haunting
scent
that only you
posses,
could make my body
ache and come forever.
i love you.
4
It is impossible to capture in words
the feelings I have for you
They are the strongest feelings
I have ever had about anything
yet when I try to tell you them
or try to write them to you
the words do not even begin to touch
the depths of my feelings
And though I cannot explain the essence
of these phenomenal feelings
I can tell you what I feel when I am with you
When I am with you it is as if
I were a bird flying freely in the clear, blue sky
When I am with you it is as if
I were a flower opening up my petals of life
When I am with you it is as if
I were the waves of the ocean crashing strongly
against the shore
When I am with you it is as if
I were the rainbow after the storm
proudly showing my colors
When I am with you it is as if
everything that is beautiful surrounds us
This is just a very small part of how wonderful I feel
when I am with you
Maybe the word "love" was invented to explain
the deep, all-encompassing feelings I have for you
but somehow it is not strong enough
But since it is the best word there is
let me tell you a thousand times
I love you more than "love"
5
I didn't write you
a love song
recently
Not because I
don't love you
On the contrary
because I love you
more
The words don't give
the message
I want to convey
I didn't write you
a love song
yesterday
Or for many days
gone by
But suddenly the
words came to me
In a jumble of
kisses
And thoughts of
just being
with you
I didn't write you
a love song
Until today
And now I can
write
the melody of dreams
Of soon, being in
an avenue of trees
Arm in arm with
you
Drifting in the misty
morning clouds
of a lover's thoughts
with you
I wrote you a love song
today
And it went like this
-- I have thought
of you, and us
And each time it
grows more
like a dream
The life time of
a wish
Revealed in a
single glance
When eyes met,
lips touched
And we never
looked back
in our dream
I wrote you a love song
today
And suddenly
I was happy
again
6
The holder to the key of my heart
Is you.
You are the only person
That my heart opens to.
If my contact with you
Ever came to an end,
My heart may never
Be opened again.
I knew there was a beautiful princess
For me out there somewhere.
And now that I have found you,
Life without you would be too much to bear.
My heart remains closed and locked
When we're apart.
Because only you... are the true holder
Of the key to my heart.
your gentle seductive voice enchants me
i try to escape that my heart is continually seeking yours.
passion and desire burns deep within my soul for you
it is so intense, i struggle with myself
knowing i should let you go.
i fear you will hurt me
yet, i long to be with you
for you are my heart's desire.
wishing you were here with me
to hold me in your gentle arms
and delicatly kiss my tender lips.
if i fully give myself to you,
you have the power to break me
in ways you're not even aware.
my soul is on fire with an intense deep desire for you,
but as of now, i'm unwilling to allow myself to give in completely
i want to run from you and hide for fear of being hurt.
at the same time, i want you to convince me
you'll stay and love me, and i have nothing to fear
do with me what you will, but don't abandon me.
i have been trying to leave,
but at the same time trying to get your attention
so, you won't let me go.
2
Time in small fragments
Capturing moments of
freedom
Release from capture, in
the forest of amazement
Vivid colors of a floral
cascade
In the hidden valley of
love
Wherein I found my place,
and was happy
Interludes in this haven
of caring
In ecstasy with being
free
Time captured in these
delightful interludes
Here among the undergrowth
of sensuous touching
Embracing the dark green
leaves of a rose
A perfection in pink
dazzling my mind
In the persuasion of a
loving entanglement
Among the flowers of
heavenly blue
Interludes of passion
with you
3
to touch
your naked, blushing,
body,
look into
your beautiful, passionate
eyes
feel the love
in your exploring lips,
to hear you
cry out
in sensual pleasure
to taste
your warm
skin,
and smell
that haunting
scent
that only you
posses,
could make my body
ache and come forever.
i love you.
4
It is impossible to capture in words
the feelings I have for you
They are the strongest feelings
I have ever had about anything
yet when I try to tell you them
or try to write them to you
the words do not even begin to touch
the depths of my feelings
And though I cannot explain the essence
of these phenomenal feelings
I can tell you what I feel when I am with you
When I am with you it is as if
I were a bird flying freely in the clear, blue sky
When I am with you it is as if
I were a flower opening up my petals of life
When I am with you it is as if
I were the waves of the ocean crashing strongly
against the shore
When I am with you it is as if
I were the rainbow after the storm
proudly showing my colors
When I am with you it is as if
everything that is beautiful surrounds us
This is just a very small part of how wonderful I feel
when I am with you
Maybe the word "love" was invented to explain
the deep, all-encompassing feelings I have for you
but somehow it is not strong enough
But since it is the best word there is
let me tell you a thousand times
I love you more than "love"
5
I didn't write you
a love song
recently
Not because I
don't love you
On the contrary
because I love you
more
The words don't give
the message
I want to convey
I didn't write you
a love song
yesterday
Or for many days
gone by
But suddenly the
words came to me
In a jumble of
kisses
And thoughts of
just being
with you
I didn't write you
a love song
Until today
And now I can
write
the melody of dreams
Of soon, being in
an avenue of trees
Arm in arm with
you
Drifting in the misty
morning clouds
of a lover's thoughts
with you
I wrote you a love song
today
And it went like this
-- I have thought
of you, and us
And each time it
grows more
like a dream
The life time of
a wish
Revealed in a
single glance
When eyes met,
lips touched
And we never
looked back
in our dream
I wrote you a love song
today
And suddenly
I was happy
again
6
The holder to the key of my heart
Is you.
You are the only person
That my heart opens to.
If my contact with you
Ever came to an end,
My heart may never
Be opened again.
I knew there was a beautiful princess
For me out there somewhere.
And now that I have found you,
Life without you would be too much to bear.
My heart remains closed and locked
When we're apart.
Because only you... are the true holder
Of the key to my heart.
Wednesday, July 16, 2014
POETRY: UNTIL THE END OF TIME
In my dream I see a girl,
a girl that I haven't seen before,
but the dream I have seem so real...
The way I touched her body,
the smell of her hair,
the sweet taste of her lips.
But when I awaken,
there's no one there except air.
Why, oh, why do I have these dreams?
Is she the one that I will love forever?
The girl I dream of... Is she real, or is she my imagination?
If this girl is real, would she change the world I live in?
Until then, I will dream of her, for the day I will find her
2
I walk along the beach.
I look back, trace my footprints
until I can no longer see them.
I watch the ocean tides coming in,
they splash, create a sense of chill in the air.
I look up, see flocks of seagulls
lulling their tunes to one another,
their world unknown to us.
I hear the laughter and cries of a child calling his mother,
as he dances and frolics around in his new found playground,
no cares in the world.
I stumble, notice an empty can of soda pop lying on the sand,
likely to be left
by someone who spent their time here
in some way... some days ago.
Lifes beauty, its architecture, serene
and peaceful, yet the more I see of it
the less it seems I know.
3
Every night when
I fall asleep,
I see you.
In all your beauty
And grace
That I love.
You are always there.
When our eyes meet,
My heart screams,
"I love you!"
But the words are
Not necessary
We both feel
Each other's love.
My hands tremble
As I caress
Your lovely face.
Words are whispered, then
We embrace.
My heart repeats,
"I love you!"
I wake up
And I cry,
As I realize
It was only a
Simple dream,
And I must continue
Without you...
4
Souls part, oceans collide,
and my mind contemplates
the gift it has been given:
your presence in my essence.
A great feeling is woven inbetween ourselves,
a feeling that can only be defined
in the look that we give each other.
The look, seeing through the eyes of the other,
to the depths of their being.
A connection beyond love,
riding this wave of something indescribable;
just wanting to remain with this person,
until the end of time
5
I miss you now
I miss your pretty face
I miss your sound of laughter
And your caring, loving grace
I miss the kiss, the quick goodbye
The joke, the talk, the eyes
The cuddle, extra hour in bed
The hugs to ease our cries
I`ll never have the night with friends
And a stocking on the stairs
I`ll miss the coming home from work
Collapsing in our chairs.
I know our hands will never hold
As lovers in the park
And bodies laying in our bed
Caressing in the dark
Will just not happen, not this time
I miss you in my dreams
"If only" is light years away
And "No!" no colour schemes!
The pure and silly laughter
Over others who just don't know
How much we love each other
In warm rain, under clouds, in snow
I miss you only in my thoughts
Because we have no past
We have a present and perhaps?
But nothing allowed to last
But darling, what I can give to you
Is trust and love and care
A hug, a kiss, a hidden smile
A hand run through your hair
Your beauty, love and thoughts for me
Have helped me I can say
But no disruption was the rules
I promised, so that's the way
I miss you precious, each waking hour
Except the times you're near
And on the phone your voice is so
So precious to my ear
I`ll finish now, I've had my say
But what I hope is true ...
Is once we have "one day," then after
I`ll miss you!
a girl that I haven't seen before,
but the dream I have seem so real...
The way I touched her body,
the smell of her hair,
the sweet taste of her lips.
But when I awaken,
there's no one there except air.
Why, oh, why do I have these dreams?
Is she the one that I will love forever?
The girl I dream of... Is she real, or is she my imagination?
If this girl is real, would she change the world I live in?
Until then, I will dream of her, for the day I will find her
2
I walk along the beach.
I look back, trace my footprints
until I can no longer see them.
I watch the ocean tides coming in,
they splash, create a sense of chill in the air.
I look up, see flocks of seagulls
lulling their tunes to one another,
their world unknown to us.
I hear the laughter and cries of a child calling his mother,
as he dances and frolics around in his new found playground,
no cares in the world.
I stumble, notice an empty can of soda pop lying on the sand,
likely to be left
by someone who spent their time here
in some way... some days ago.
Lifes beauty, its architecture, serene
and peaceful, yet the more I see of it
the less it seems I know.
3
Every night when
I fall asleep,
I see you.
In all your beauty
And grace
That I love.
You are always there.
When our eyes meet,
My heart screams,
"I love you!"
But the words are
Not necessary
We both feel
Each other's love.
My hands tremble
As I caress
Your lovely face.
Words are whispered, then
We embrace.
My heart repeats,
"I love you!"
I wake up
And I cry,
As I realize
It was only a
Simple dream,
And I must continue
Without you...
4
Souls part, oceans collide,
and my mind contemplates
the gift it has been given:
your presence in my essence.
A great feeling is woven inbetween ourselves,
a feeling that can only be defined
in the look that we give each other.
The look, seeing through the eyes of the other,
to the depths of their being.
A connection beyond love,
riding this wave of something indescribable;
just wanting to remain with this person,
until the end of time
5
I miss you now
I miss your pretty face
I miss your sound of laughter
And your caring, loving grace
I miss the kiss, the quick goodbye
The joke, the talk, the eyes
The cuddle, extra hour in bed
The hugs to ease our cries
I`ll never have the night with friends
And a stocking on the stairs
I`ll miss the coming home from work
Collapsing in our chairs.
I know our hands will never hold
As lovers in the park
And bodies laying in our bed
Caressing in the dark
Will just not happen, not this time
I miss you in my dreams
"If only" is light years away
And "No!" no colour schemes!
The pure and silly laughter
Over others who just don't know
How much we love each other
In warm rain, under clouds, in snow
I miss you only in my thoughts
Because we have no past
We have a present and perhaps?
But nothing allowed to last
But darling, what I can give to you
Is trust and love and care
A hug, a kiss, a hidden smile
A hand run through your hair
Your beauty, love and thoughts for me
Have helped me I can say
But no disruption was the rules
I promised, so that's the way
I miss you precious, each waking hour
Except the times you're near
And on the phone your voice is so
So precious to my ear
I`ll finish now, I've had my say
But what I hope is true ...
Is once we have "one day," then after
I`ll miss you!
PERSONAL : HIGH FIDELITY AND THE REAL EPIPHANY HERE
I re-watch High Fidelity about once a year, just to see how much I’ve changed. I watched my friends marry off, have kids, buy houses, etc., and I didn’t understand. I kept having bad relationships. I kept going with my gut each time: “Maybe this new girl is the one.” Finally, I had the same epiphany that Rob has around the 100-minute mark in High Fidelity: “I’ve come to the conclusion that my guts have shit for brains.” High Fidelity isn’t really about music, and every time I re-watch the film, I’m reminded. “High fidelity” is just another phrase for commitment, and the peace that comes from letting go of the rest of what doesn’t matter. I’m sure there’s some Buddhism in here somewhere. When you commit to somebody — really, really commit to something real and steady, you can get something that transcends the fantasy (even if piles of shoes accumulate in front of every door and half-full glasses of water collect on every flat surface).You get to come home to that person.
Like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the soul mate myth dissolves into the realization that it is real people, not fantasy creatures, who satisfy our needs and desires. And if I remain stuck in the idea that every potential mate must meet an idealistic standard, I would miss out on real opportunities to meet real people. Imaginary lovers are always better than real ones. It's because we write all the parts. A type is nothing more than familiarity. Whether the familiar sense of comfort comes from the image in your head or the fact that your ex had red hair and green eyes doesn't mean you can't feel equally comfortable with someone with different characteristics. As the familiarity increases, your new "type" develops.
As Rob said in the movie:" I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments" I am going to change my approach from now on..
I do have a great life, a house, a great job..health, my family... it’s all just providing a soundtrack for a pretty good life in high fidelity. but I am ready to share it with someone. That’s the real epiphany here.
Like Santa Claus and the tooth fairy, the soul mate myth dissolves into the realization that it is real people, not fantasy creatures, who satisfy our needs and desires. And if I remain stuck in the idea that every potential mate must meet an idealistic standard, I would miss out on real opportunities to meet real people. Imaginary lovers are always better than real ones. It's because we write all the parts. A type is nothing more than familiarity. Whether the familiar sense of comfort comes from the image in your head or the fact that your ex had red hair and green eyes doesn't mean you can't feel equally comfortable with someone with different characteristics. As the familiarity increases, your new "type" develops.
As Rob said in the movie:" I always had one foot out the door, and that prevented me from doing a lot of things, like thinking about my future and… I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that’s suicide. By tiny, tiny increments" I am going to change my approach from now on..
I do have a great life, a house, a great job..health, my family... it’s all just providing a soundtrack for a pretty good life in high fidelity. but I am ready to share it with someone. That’s the real epiphany here.
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