There are many things that I could say about myself and my assessment will never be the same as someone else's. I want boast about myself as others may do, but that's not to say that I don't find many wonderful attributes within. I enjoy the simple pleasures in life and I find beauty in all things. Everything that appears on this earth is in possession of some form of beauty. Things that may be strange to most, normally are the very thing that gathers all my attention. I enjoy the study of all things, but I solace myself in my own deep thoughts to help me understand myself more completely, that the thoughts of others about me will not affect what's most important and that would be my thoughts of self... My life revolves around the things that I am most passionate about, such as art, music and things that show the depth of others intellect. My first attraction towards anyone is confidence. Everyone should have it, although it's not likely. Spontaneous people I love and couldn't live without the excitement and joy that some people bring.. I am here with every hope to share the best of who I am and freely allow you to come to know me. I believe that it would be the greatest of pleasures to come to know you. My thoughts on dating: My approach to this is not merely to find women that are in search of a single man, but more so to distinguish the many character attributes of beauty that I seek within the frame of ''1'' woman. We all have the believe of what we believe that we should have or want in our lives and chances are if you want it badly enough then you shall have it. Honestly"I have seen the most gorgeous women on this site, like never before found. Quickly "the beauty of most of you, arouse all the male senses. Tell me how deeply has that beauty been displayed, are the elements of beauty that we are finding merely only surface level beauty or are we reaching deeper for the great source of beauty. If you are like myself, you may have dreams of that one that will gather your every attention and captivate the mind to a world of wonder. There are some who have such an allurement of beauty, that it can be beyond understanding. My question is how well has that kind of beauty been cultivated and how can it delight my soul with it's richness. I'm not just speaking of the pleasures of the flesh, but more so towards the enrichment of my mind. There's a beauty that gives strength and increases a man's understanding of the beauty of life and that of love. It's not just the physical realm of attraction that I and many others long for, but the longing is for a deposit of all things that have lacked from other relationship. I want to see what constitutes who you are and what brought you to become the woman of that has presented herself today., I want to know how she arrived at the depths of her beauty to define the caliber of woman she has become over her life span. I want to see the core of her heart and know her passions, that I may share in them as an adventure we can take together. I want to invite her into my joys and my hopes of tomorrows and trust that she will look upon them as if they are her own. I could care less if you have the greatest ass Or if your breast are large or small. Show me you as I am willing to do just the same, I am imperfect and I would assume that you are, but I'm not here to magnify your faults, nor to expose them. I am here with hopes to build a foundation to take on new endeavours for the hope of life with someone. I know that what I have fault after I shall find in time. The heart is encouraged and the mind is free to the exploration of hope and of what both shall find. You are here and even if I stand silent of words, I know that I have found you and the wealth of treasure that you are. When the time shall come that we speak, in confidence we will both say that our territory has been enlarged to the fulfillment of our hearts. I have to add this because I believe that we have every right to also state if we have any preferences that are not out of prejudice, but that are only of physical attractions. Although I find that all women are beautiful, my only dating preference is women of caucasian decent. This is in no ways a shamefulness towards any other ethnicity, but only where my own interest falls. I will determinedly respond to anyone that sends a message if I find that you interest is deeper than a simple hello. Ladies this is a new day and age where you don't have to be shy and I hope that you want. When and if the time comes that we may message each other, please be sincere in you endeavour and make your interest known. Thank you...
I am looking for...
I was asked what's my type of a woman. That's simple to answer first she's smart with intellectual thoughts and conversation. She's confident even when she may be out of her own league, believing in herself that she's the greatest conqueror of all things. She has class and her grace is moving to the soul. She's not given to drama nor does she have any insecurities of her position in the life of her man. With me its never about your outer beauty that's presented before everyone, but about the inner beauty that she's willing to show me. She doesn't have to be the most physically attractive person just as long as she has nice feet with pretty toes.
Saturday, April 19, 2014
PERSONAL: I HATE FOR YOU TO MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO MET ME
I would really hate for you to miss an opportunity to meet a really great guy with a big heart, a great smile and who will make you laugh, a lot. So I am thinking you should probably read the rest of my profile and you should probably e-mail me as soon as possible. Come on, what are you waiting for? Things I am pretty sure about: a smile is worth a million dollars and a giggle and a laugh are priceless. A sense of humor is an absolute requirement. I don't believe in a list of preconceptions because you might miss great people that way. However, between us we would probably have a combination of humor, humility, grace or chivalry, romance, spontaneity, compassion, intrigue, good values, character, and empathy for others. So as we all know, chemistry is essential and while sometimes it is difficult to find, it is definitely worth waiting for and after all, that is what we are all looking for. So, are you interested in meeting someone who loves to have fun (of course you are, who wouldn't be), enjoys great food and wine (after all you have to eat and you will eventually get thirsty), and explore the city with (this is NY and there is so much to see), then I hope we can chat soon. Have a great day and look forward to hearing from you soon.
Welcome fellow window shopper, Allow me to bow as you peruse my wares, I think you’ll find something exotic, attributes not found everywhere. Behold, my dot come billboard, drawn from biological code My persona lit up like **Vegas Lights**, it has to be catchy I’m told! Stroll slowly through my narrative, linger on my smile, Now that we’re alone, am I the man you’ve haven’t met in a while? If you have no pictures, sorry, you’re just not taking this serious, While I’m sure you’re a nice person, I’m just not into 50 shades of mysterious! Now without further adieu, here I am, a person Just like you… Alright world, its time for me to focus your energy and make this match making thang work!.....Well it sounds good in theory at least :) Who am I and what do I want in a person? Wow, that’s like asking the meaning of life! Let me sip on this Big Rock Trad for a moment and reflect on my years on this gargantuan ball of earth and water.....Well, I would consider myself a pretty lucky individual, I have an amazing family (pounds to Mom and Dad, high five to my sisters). My adult years have been a healthy split of working my butt off for a successful career (check) and reaping the rewards of hard work like having a comfortable home to rest my head and having the ability to enjoy my hobbies. I'm a guy’s guy but I have a thoughtful and reflective side. I like BBQs in the summer and snowboarding when the snow fly’s. On the flip side I also like to write poetry and I've actually gone to see the play "Chicago" alone, just because I wanted to see it that bad. I want to have kids with the right partner I'm looking forward to a wonderful family life down the road. What do I want in a woman? Quite simple actually....physical chemistry, physically active, a sense of humor humility, career drive, love of the outdoors, a desire for family, self confident, self sufficient, love of food, ability to cook (or at least try!), knows herself, un-materialistic, realistic....someone who is happy with themselves yet appreciates the amazing life that can unfold when they share theirs with someone special. I hope this helps depict what I'm about and who I'm looking for. I know how busy I am and I bet you are too, so I've taken extra effort with my profile details. If you feel we're a match, hallelujah! What are you waiting for, fire off a message for Pete’s sake! If we're not, however, thanks for checking in and best of luck in your search
Welcome fellow window shopper, Allow me to bow as you peruse my wares, I think you’ll find something exotic, attributes not found everywhere. Behold, my dot come billboard, drawn from biological code My persona lit up like **Vegas Lights**, it has to be catchy I’m told! Stroll slowly through my narrative, linger on my smile, Now that we’re alone, am I the man you’ve haven’t met in a while? If you have no pictures, sorry, you’re just not taking this serious, While I’m sure you’re a nice person, I’m just not into 50 shades of mysterious! Now without further adieu, here I am, a person Just like you… Alright world, its time for me to focus your energy and make this match making thang work!.....Well it sounds good in theory at least :) Who am I and what do I want in a person? Wow, that’s like asking the meaning of life! Let me sip on this Big Rock Trad for a moment and reflect on my years on this gargantuan ball of earth and water.....Well, I would consider myself a pretty lucky individual, I have an amazing family (pounds to Mom and Dad, high five to my sisters). My adult years have been a healthy split of working my butt off for a successful career (check) and reaping the rewards of hard work like having a comfortable home to rest my head and having the ability to enjoy my hobbies. I'm a guy’s guy but I have a thoughtful and reflective side. I like BBQs in the summer and snowboarding when the snow fly’s. On the flip side I also like to write poetry and I've actually gone to see the play "Chicago" alone, just because I wanted to see it that bad. I want to have kids with the right partner I'm looking forward to a wonderful family life down the road. What do I want in a woman? Quite simple actually....physical chemistry, physically active, a sense of humor humility, career drive, love of the outdoors, a desire for family, self confident, self sufficient, love of food, ability to cook (or at least try!), knows herself, un-materialistic, realistic....someone who is happy with themselves yet appreciates the amazing life that can unfold when they share theirs with someone special. I hope this helps depict what I'm about and who I'm looking for. I know how busy I am and I bet you are too, so I've taken extra effort with my profile details. If you feel we're a match, hallelujah! What are you waiting for, fire off a message for Pete’s sake! If we're not, however, thanks for checking in and best of luck in your search
PERSONAL : LOOKING FOR YOU
Hello and thank you for taking the time to check out my profile! I am a well established, honest, hardworking, successful man who is both emotionally and financially stable. I live a relatively care free, worry free, drama free life, it is safe to say life has been very good to me so far! I know who I am and what I want in life! Fitness is very important to me, my diet and exercise help me to maintain a healthy lifestyle! I am a kindhearted, generous, patient, loving man who is looking for someone to be crazy about someone whose company I truly enjoy! I am confident but yet humble. I am honest and direct. I am the kind of person who sees something I am interested in and I go for it! It is who I am, it is ingrained in me, I live my life with no regrets! You know what they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained! Hopefully you pick up on my sense of humor when you read the rest of my profile! Unlike most men I am NOT here to play games, I am NOT "playing the field" looking for random hook-ups, one night stands, or flings! I don't smoke pot, play video games or live in my parents basement! Additionally I am not looking for a sugar momma, I have plenty of my own money Unlike the many rude and inconsiderate people you will encounter, I treat everyone with respect, if you send me an email I will respond back whether I am interested or not, either way I will acknowledge the fact that you reached out to me. I expect that same in return as I don't reach out to just anybody! Keep in mind, you are guaranteed to not meet ANY new people if you don't communicate! Well, what are you waiting for? Shoot me an email! you can ask me anything! I am looking forward to hearing from you! If you like what you see and have read in my profile and you choose to communicate with me, do plan on actually meeting me in person within a reasonable amount of time as the endless emailing and eventual texting back and forth is all just a waste of OUR time if once we meet in person there is no chemistry! I didn't join to play games or build people up just to let them down upon meeting in person! I did join to meet someone for the long haul, I am looking to connect with someone and over time develop a very deep, close relationship!
ARTICLE: Why I'm Resigning After 11 Years as a Teacher BY Pauline Hawkins
Dear Administrators, Superintendent, et al.:
This is my official resignation letter from my English teaching position.
I'm sad to be leaving a place that has meant so much to me. This was my first teaching job. For eleven years I taught in these classrooms, I walked these halls, and I befriended colleagues, students, and parents alike. This school became part of my family, and I will be forever connected to this community for that reason.
I am grateful for having had the opportunity to serve my community as a teacher. I met the most incredible people here. I am forever changed by my brilliant and compassionate colleagues and the incredible students I've had the pleasure of teaching.
I know I have made a difference in the lives of my students, just as they have irrevocably changed mine. Teaching is the most rewarding job I have ever had. That is why I am sad to leave the profession I love.
Even though I am primarily leaving to be closer to my family, if my family were in Colorado I would not be able to continue teaching here. As a newly single mom, I cannot live in this community on the salary I make as a teacher. With the effects of the pay freeze still lingering and Colorado having one of the lowest yearly teaching salaries in the nation, it has become financially impossible for me to teach in this state.
Along with the salary issue, ethically, I can no longer work in an educational system that is spiraling downwards while it purports to improve the education of our children.
I began my career just as No Child Left Behind (NCLB) was gaining momentum. The difference between my students then and now is unmistakable. Regardless of grades or test scores, my students from five to eleven years ago still had a sense of pride in whom they were and a self-confidence in whom they would become someday. Sadly, that type of student is rare now. Every year I have seen a decline in student morale; every year I have more and more wounded students sitting in my classroom, more and more students participating in self-harm and bullying. These children are lost and in pain.
It is no coincidence that the students I have now coincide with the NCLB movement 12 years ago -- and it's only getting worse with the new legislation around Race to the Top.
I have sweet, incredible, intelligent children sitting in my classroom who are giving up on their lives already. They feel that they only have failure in their futures because they've been told they aren't good enough by a standardized test; they've been told that they can't be successful because they aren't jumping through the right hoops on their educational paths. I have spent so much time trying to reverse those thoughts, trying to help them see that education is not punitive; education is the only way they can improve their lives. But the truth is, the current educational system is punishing them for their inadequacies, rather than helping them discover their unique talents; our educational system is failing our children because it is not meeting their needs.
I can no longer be a part of a system that continues to do the exact opposite of what I am supposed to do as a teacher-I am supposed to help them think for themselves, help them find solutions to problems, help them become productive members of society. Instead, the emphasis on Common Core Standards and high-stakes testing is creating a teach-to-the-test mentality for our teachers and stress and anxiety for our students. Students have increasingly become hesitant to think for themselves because they have been programmed to believe that there is one right answer that they may or may not have been given yet. That is what school has become: A place where teachers must give students "right" answers, so students can prove (on tests riddled with problems, by the way) that teachers have taught students what the standards have deemed to be a proper education.
As unique as my personal situation might be, I know I am not the only teacher feeling this way. Instead of weeding out the "bad" teachers, this evaluation system will continue to frustrate the teachers who are doing everything they can to ensure their students are graduating with the skills necessary to become civic minded individuals. We feel defeated and helpless: If we speak out, we are reprimanded for not being team players; if we do as we are told, we are supporting a broken system.
Since I've worked here, we have always asked the question of every situation: "Is this good for kids?" My answer to this new legislation is, "No. This is absolutely not good for kids." I cannot stand by and watch this happen to our precious children-our future. The irony is I cannot fight for their rights while I am working in the system. Therefore, I will not apply for another teaching job anywhere in this country while our government continues to ruin public education. Instead, I will do my best to be an advocate for change. I will continue to fight for our children's rights for a free and proper education because their very lives depend upon it.
My final plea as a district employee is that the principals and superintendent ask themselves the same questions I have asked myself: "Is this good for kids? Is the state money being spent wisely to keep and attract good teachers? Can the district do a better job of advocating for our children and become leaders in this educational system rather than followers?" With my resignation, I hope to inspire change in the district I have come to love. As Benjamin Franklin once said: "All mankind is divided into three classes: Those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." I want to be someone who moves and makes things happen. Which one do you want to be?
This is my official resignation letter from my English teaching position.
I'm sad to be leaving a place that has meant so much to me. This was my first teaching job. For eleven years I taught in these classrooms, I walked these halls, and I befriended colleagues, students, and parents alike. This school became part of my family, and I will be forever connected to this community for that reason.
I am grateful for having had the opportunity to serve my community as a teacher. I met the most incredible people here. I am forever changed by my brilliant and compassionate colleagues and the incredible students I've had the pleasure of teaching.
I know I have made a difference in the lives of my students, just as they have irrevocably changed mine. Teaching is the most rewarding job I have ever had. That is why I am sad to leave the profession I love.
Even though I am primarily leaving to be closer to my family, if my family were in Colorado I would not be able to continue teaching here. As a newly single mom, I cannot live in this community on the salary I make as a teacher. With the effects of the pay freeze still lingering and Colorado having one of the lowest yearly teaching salaries in the nation, it has become financially impossible for me to teach in this state.
Along with the salary issue, ethically, I can no longer work in an educational system that is spiraling downwards while it purports to improve the education of our children.
I began my career just as No Child Left Behind (NCLB) was gaining momentum. The difference between my students then and now is unmistakable. Regardless of grades or test scores, my students from five to eleven years ago still had a sense of pride in whom they were and a self-confidence in whom they would become someday. Sadly, that type of student is rare now. Every year I have seen a decline in student morale; every year I have more and more wounded students sitting in my classroom, more and more students participating in self-harm and bullying. These children are lost and in pain.
It is no coincidence that the students I have now coincide with the NCLB movement 12 years ago -- and it's only getting worse with the new legislation around Race to the Top.
I have sweet, incredible, intelligent children sitting in my classroom who are giving up on their lives already. They feel that they only have failure in their futures because they've been told they aren't good enough by a standardized test; they've been told that they can't be successful because they aren't jumping through the right hoops on their educational paths. I have spent so much time trying to reverse those thoughts, trying to help them see that education is not punitive; education is the only way they can improve their lives. But the truth is, the current educational system is punishing them for their inadequacies, rather than helping them discover their unique talents; our educational system is failing our children because it is not meeting their needs.
I can no longer be a part of a system that continues to do the exact opposite of what I am supposed to do as a teacher-I am supposed to help them think for themselves, help them find solutions to problems, help them become productive members of society. Instead, the emphasis on Common Core Standards and high-stakes testing is creating a teach-to-the-test mentality for our teachers and stress and anxiety for our students. Students have increasingly become hesitant to think for themselves because they have been programmed to believe that there is one right answer that they may or may not have been given yet. That is what school has become: A place where teachers must give students "right" answers, so students can prove (on tests riddled with problems, by the way) that teachers have taught students what the standards have deemed to be a proper education.
As unique as my personal situation might be, I know I am not the only teacher feeling this way. Instead of weeding out the "bad" teachers, this evaluation system will continue to frustrate the teachers who are doing everything they can to ensure their students are graduating with the skills necessary to become civic minded individuals. We feel defeated and helpless: If we speak out, we are reprimanded for not being team players; if we do as we are told, we are supporting a broken system.
Since I've worked here, we have always asked the question of every situation: "Is this good for kids?" My answer to this new legislation is, "No. This is absolutely not good for kids." I cannot stand by and watch this happen to our precious children-our future. The irony is I cannot fight for their rights while I am working in the system. Therefore, I will not apply for another teaching job anywhere in this country while our government continues to ruin public education. Instead, I will do my best to be an advocate for change. I will continue to fight for our children's rights for a free and proper education because their very lives depend upon it.
My final plea as a district employee is that the principals and superintendent ask themselves the same questions I have asked myself: "Is this good for kids? Is the state money being spent wisely to keep and attract good teachers? Can the district do a better job of advocating for our children and become leaders in this educational system rather than followers?" With my resignation, I hope to inspire change in the district I have come to love. As Benjamin Franklin once said: "All mankind is divided into three classes: Those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move." I want to be someone who moves and makes things happen. Which one do you want to be?
ARTICLE: NY POST- Can you spot a gold digger?
When he first met a beautiful, inquisitive and upbeat doctor during a singles trip, K.G., a 42-year-old Manhattan-based risk consultant for banks, had no idea he was being played. (He asked that only his initials be used for privacy reasons.)
“She masked the ‘take men for what you can get’ mentality so well,” he recalls — at least at first.
“She didn’t carry one of those handbags in the crook of her arm, she wasn’t tipping over with jewelry — all those telltale signs.”
But after a few weeks of dating, red flags began to pop up: She refused to dine at midpriced restaurants, and when she invited him out to a bar to meet her pals, he was expected to pick up the tab for her 14 friends.
Modal Trigger
Matchmaker Janis Spindel
“My girlfriend said, ‘Why don’t you buy drinks for everyone?’”
Over the course of a year of dating, there were extravagant trips to Europe and, for her birthday, he splurged on a Cartier watch.
But when his birthday rolled around five months later, he was treated to a “mediocre” restaurant, sans present.
So when his friends told him that she’d been cheating on him, he decided he’d had enough.
“She just wanted someone to provide for her so she wouldn’t have to work,” he says on reflection. “She was good on paper — attractive, had her career — but she had her own goals.
“I was so depressed with it all,” he adds.
Gold diggers are such a problem in NYC, one woman has set up an agency that proclaims it will weed them out.
Upper East Side matchmaker Janis Spindel founded Club J-Love in 1993 — and since then claims to have 1,008 marriages under her belt. Her specialty? Helping men like K.G. avoid heartbreak — and the loss of hard-earned money — by sussing out a woman’s true motives.
“I can smell a gold digger from a mile away,” says Spindel, who says she rejects about 10 percent of all those vying for a place in her 3,000-member stable of beauties. “It’s why [my clients] come to me — to protect them from bimbettes and gold diggers.”
According to Spindel, gold diggers are a growing problem, now that the city is awash in “more money” — from Wall Street to hedge funds to startups. And so she vets each woman in person, grilling each one with a series of pointed questions aimed at determining whether she’s a perfect 10 — or a 49er in disguise.
Kimberly vs. Amanda
Modal Trigger
LEFT: Kimberly Rich, 33. Profession: physical therapist. What she has to offer: “I think I’m a loving and generous person, have a great career and an independent life.” GOLDIGGER? NO
RIGHT: Amanda Marie, 21. Professional: salon manager. What she has to offer: “I have looks, youth, fun, spontaneity and dedication!” GOLDIGGER? YESPhoto: Helayne Seidman; Brian Zak
“My clients need to know that the women are upscale, professional people and they have a job — they don’t really care what the job is, but they have to have a real job,” says Spindel, whose male clients fork over upward of $50,000 to join her matchmaking service.
So, how do you distinguish a well-intentioned woman from the ones who just really, really like talking about your wallet?
Not only should the woman have a job, says Spindel, but a sizable income — six figures is expected. She should also be independent and live alone.
But is it really as simple as that? After all, many well-intentioned women want to align themselves with successful, powerful men, too.
For Robin Kassner, a 30-something CEO of her own firm, Haute PR, her future husband’s wallet, like his heart, can never be too big.
“As a successful woman, I’m looking for someone of my caliber — not some schlump off the street, but someone as successful as me — or more.”
The flaxen-haired vixen is heaving with desire, and has the décolletage-baring dresses to prove it.
“I want to go from a First Avenue princess to a Park Avenue princess,” says the UES singleton, who is unequivocal about her choosy checklist. “I’m looking for a perfect 10 — someone who’s 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank.”
She earns in the top 1 percent, but she’s not interested in a parasite who’s not earning his own keep.
“Some people may call me a gold digger, but I call myself a goal digger — I’m goal-oriented, I have a really nice lifestyle, but I need a husband who can move me into the next tax bracket, together. There’s no shame in my game.”
Experts agree.
“There are definitely some women who are clearly gold diggers — very focused on wanting to live a certain type of life that they don’t think they can accomplish on their own or don’t want to accomplish on their own — and finding these men is the answer,” says Manhattan-based relationship therapist Rachel Sussman.
“There are other women who do have careers and ambition, but they have that fantasy of dating someone who works on Wall Street or makes more money than they do, and [that this] will give them a more interesting life. I wouldn’t necessarily call that girl a gold digger.”
Jess vs. Robin
Modal Trigger
LEFT: Jess Alexus, 22. Profession: student. What she has to offer: “I’m low-key, young and loving life.” GOLDIGGER? YES
RIGHT: Robin Kassner, 30-something. Profession: founder and CEO of Haute PR, a public relations firm. What she has to offer: “I’m blond, buxom, beautiful, intelligent — a career girl. I’m an excellent girlfriend — and I hope one day an excellent wife and mom.” GOLDIGGER? YESPhoto: Anne Wermiel
What is clear is that when it comes to relationships in NYC, money talks.
“When you ask guys their biggest problem dating in the city, they complain that all women just want rich guys. Wealthy guys are guarded and have a wall up, and not-wealthy guys feel they’re getting passed over because they don’t make enough money.”
Sussman even hears gripes from doctors and lawyers lamenting that they don’t rake in enough dough.
According to Sussman, it’s not a woman’s earnings (or lack thereof) that predict “gold digger” status — but rather a sense of entitlement: She never reaches for her wallet and insists on the best of everything.
“There’s a level of financial expectation.”
Male moneybags in NYC have figured out their own determining factors for a gold digger.
“The litmus test is, if you didn’t have money, would your relationship still be the same? Having money might get your foot in the door with a woman, but the test is, if you lost your money, Bernie Madoff-style, would she move on?” says Justin Ross Lee, 31, a socialite who appeared as a potential suitor on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker” last week.
“If a guy can’t answer that, he’s written his own check. The guys who are OK with it understand it’s a transaction — it’s literal tit for tat.”
Amanda Marie, a 21-year-old salon manager who lives in Staten Island, understands such transactions.
Since joining Seeking Arrangement, a dating Web site pairing hot young things with the sugar daddies who spoil them, two years ago, she traded in a cash-poor boyfriend who slaved away in retail for a string of monied men who take her out on the town — treating her to long dinners at Bobby Van’s in the Financial District and a monthly allowance of $4,000.
The relationships are superficial — of one paramour, she notes, “I think he owned his own construction company, but I’m not sure. He never really talked about work” — but such arrangements beat schlepping home on the late-night ferry.
That’s what she did when she dated a guy her own age, but after two years of this, she had had enough.
“He was really poor,” she says. “I loved him and cared about him, but he was struggling like me.
“I always ended up paying for dinners and Christmas presents.”
Of her new lifestyle, she says, “It’s not about using a guy for money, but about having that comfortable feeling. I love generosity — because I’m really generous.”
Lydiane vs. Joie
Modal Trigger
LEFT: Lydiane Interdonato, 32. Profession: guidance counselor. What she has to offer: “I’m educated and articulate. I’m a real person. I’m attractive, and pretty well-rounded too.” GOLDIGGER? NO
RIGHT: Joie Tavernise, 35. Profession: owner of JTav Clinical Skin Care. What she has to offer: “I am driven and passionate in all that I do, compassionate, balanced, fun and strive for all the best life has to offer.” GOLDIGGER? NOPhoto: Helayne Seidman (2)
All of this is little consolation to guys frustrated with today’s money-centric dating culture.
So much so that Michael, a 33-year-old bicoastal bachelor in real estate acquisitions, who asked that his last name be withheld for privacy reasons, hired Spindel six months ago to the tune of $100K.
Since then, he’s been set up with five girls whom he says “you could take home to Mom.” He’s now in a “serious” relationship with one of them.
“I’m very satisfied with her vetting methods,” says Michael. “I value a relationship that promotes family values — and she could figure out and find exactly what I wanted.”
Others aren’t so lucky. Ross Den, a 30-year-old entrepreneur and photographer, has a lot to offer — a job, his own apartment and wheels (including a car and a motorcycle). But he has yet to find success in the brutal NYC dating pool.
“‘Do you live in the city?’ is one of the first questions to come up,” says Den, who lives in geographically undesirable Midwood, Brooklyn.
“For a lot of women, it’s a no-no — they’re used to a certain lifestyle.”
Still, he’s guarded but hopeful he’ll eventually find a wholesome gal.
“I believe there are plenty of genuine, kindhearted women who won’t exchange their souls for monetary gain,” he says. “It’s key to be with someone for who they are versus what they have.”
And if that means wading through materialistic muck, then so be it, says Den. “New York has its own rules in many ways.”
Five ways to spot a gold digger
Matchmaker Janis Spindel asks ladies looking to date her high-end male clients to pen a 2,500-word bio and fill out an extensive questionnaire. Here are her five rules for spotting a gold digger:
1. A woman who is obsessed with dating a successful man — and knowing what his salary is.
2. A lack of a job is a telltale sign a woman is looking for someone to support her. “Women must have [jobs],” says Spindel. “It gives them a sense of confidence, allows them to support themselves and keeps them busy during the day.”
3. She complains about Spindel’s fee of $1,000 for a one-on-one meeting.
4. A woman who makes unreasonable demands: “If they tell me they must date a man with a plane, I say ‘Sayonara.’”
5. A lady who asks the wrong questions: “When they ask me how many homes my client has, they’re inquiring for the wrong reasons.”
“She masked the ‘take men for what you can get’ mentality so well,” he recalls — at least at first.
“She didn’t carry one of those handbags in the crook of her arm, she wasn’t tipping over with jewelry — all those telltale signs.”
But after a few weeks of dating, red flags began to pop up: She refused to dine at midpriced restaurants, and when she invited him out to a bar to meet her pals, he was expected to pick up the tab for her 14 friends.
Modal Trigger
Matchmaker Janis Spindel
“My girlfriend said, ‘Why don’t you buy drinks for everyone?’”
Over the course of a year of dating, there were extravagant trips to Europe and, for her birthday, he splurged on a Cartier watch.
But when his birthday rolled around five months later, he was treated to a “mediocre” restaurant, sans present.
So when his friends told him that she’d been cheating on him, he decided he’d had enough.
“She just wanted someone to provide for her so she wouldn’t have to work,” he says on reflection. “She was good on paper — attractive, had her career — but she had her own goals.
“I was so depressed with it all,” he adds.
Gold diggers are such a problem in NYC, one woman has set up an agency that proclaims it will weed them out.
Upper East Side matchmaker Janis Spindel founded Club J-Love in 1993 — and since then claims to have 1,008 marriages under her belt. Her specialty? Helping men like K.G. avoid heartbreak — and the loss of hard-earned money — by sussing out a woman’s true motives.
“I can smell a gold digger from a mile away,” says Spindel, who says she rejects about 10 percent of all those vying for a place in her 3,000-member stable of beauties. “It’s why [my clients] come to me — to protect them from bimbettes and gold diggers.”
According to Spindel, gold diggers are a growing problem, now that the city is awash in “more money” — from Wall Street to hedge funds to startups. And so she vets each woman in person, grilling each one with a series of pointed questions aimed at determining whether she’s a perfect 10 — or a 49er in disguise.
Kimberly vs. Amanda
Modal Trigger
LEFT: Kimberly Rich, 33. Profession: physical therapist. What she has to offer: “I think I’m a loving and generous person, have a great career and an independent life.” GOLDIGGER? NO
RIGHT: Amanda Marie, 21. Professional: salon manager. What she has to offer: “I have looks, youth, fun, spontaneity and dedication!” GOLDIGGER? YESPhoto: Helayne Seidman; Brian Zak
“My clients need to know that the women are upscale, professional people and they have a job — they don’t really care what the job is, but they have to have a real job,” says Spindel, whose male clients fork over upward of $50,000 to join her matchmaking service.
So, how do you distinguish a well-intentioned woman from the ones who just really, really like talking about your wallet?
Not only should the woman have a job, says Spindel, but a sizable income — six figures is expected. She should also be independent and live alone.
But is it really as simple as that? After all, many well-intentioned women want to align themselves with successful, powerful men, too.
For Robin Kassner, a 30-something CEO of her own firm, Haute PR, her future husband’s wallet, like his heart, can never be too big.
“As a successful woman, I’m looking for someone of my caliber — not some schlump off the street, but someone as successful as me — or more.”
The flaxen-haired vixen is heaving with desire, and has the décolletage-baring dresses to prove it.
“I want to go from a First Avenue princess to a Park Avenue princess,” says the UES singleton, who is unequivocal about her choosy checklist. “I’m looking for a perfect 10 — someone who’s 5 on the looks scale with $5 million in the bank.”
She earns in the top 1 percent, but she’s not interested in a parasite who’s not earning his own keep.
“Some people may call me a gold digger, but I call myself a goal digger — I’m goal-oriented, I have a really nice lifestyle, but I need a husband who can move me into the next tax bracket, together. There’s no shame in my game.”
Experts agree.
“There are definitely some women who are clearly gold diggers — very focused on wanting to live a certain type of life that they don’t think they can accomplish on their own or don’t want to accomplish on their own — and finding these men is the answer,” says Manhattan-based relationship therapist Rachel Sussman.
“There are other women who do have careers and ambition, but they have that fantasy of dating someone who works on Wall Street or makes more money than they do, and [that this] will give them a more interesting life. I wouldn’t necessarily call that girl a gold digger.”
Jess vs. Robin
Modal Trigger
LEFT: Jess Alexus, 22. Profession: student. What she has to offer: “I’m low-key, young and loving life.” GOLDIGGER? YES
RIGHT: Robin Kassner, 30-something. Profession: founder and CEO of Haute PR, a public relations firm. What she has to offer: “I’m blond, buxom, beautiful, intelligent — a career girl. I’m an excellent girlfriend — and I hope one day an excellent wife and mom.” GOLDIGGER? YESPhoto: Anne Wermiel
What is clear is that when it comes to relationships in NYC, money talks.
“When you ask guys their biggest problem dating in the city, they complain that all women just want rich guys. Wealthy guys are guarded and have a wall up, and not-wealthy guys feel they’re getting passed over because they don’t make enough money.”
Sussman even hears gripes from doctors and lawyers lamenting that they don’t rake in enough dough.
According to Sussman, it’s not a woman’s earnings (or lack thereof) that predict “gold digger” status — but rather a sense of entitlement: She never reaches for her wallet and insists on the best of everything.
“There’s a level of financial expectation.”
Male moneybags in NYC have figured out their own determining factors for a gold digger.
“The litmus test is, if you didn’t have money, would your relationship still be the same? Having money might get your foot in the door with a woman, but the test is, if you lost your money, Bernie Madoff-style, would she move on?” says Justin Ross Lee, 31, a socialite who appeared as a potential suitor on Bravo’s “The Millionaire Matchmaker” last week.
“If a guy can’t answer that, he’s written his own check. The guys who are OK with it understand it’s a transaction — it’s literal tit for tat.”
Amanda Marie, a 21-year-old salon manager who lives in Staten Island, understands such transactions.
Since joining Seeking Arrangement, a dating Web site pairing hot young things with the sugar daddies who spoil them, two years ago, she traded in a cash-poor boyfriend who slaved away in retail for a string of monied men who take her out on the town — treating her to long dinners at Bobby Van’s in the Financial District and a monthly allowance of $4,000.
The relationships are superficial — of one paramour, she notes, “I think he owned his own construction company, but I’m not sure. He never really talked about work” — but such arrangements beat schlepping home on the late-night ferry.
That’s what she did when she dated a guy her own age, but after two years of this, she had had enough.
“He was really poor,” she says. “I loved him and cared about him, but he was struggling like me.
“I always ended up paying for dinners and Christmas presents.”
Of her new lifestyle, she says, “It’s not about using a guy for money, but about having that comfortable feeling. I love generosity — because I’m really generous.”
Lydiane vs. Joie
Modal Trigger
LEFT: Lydiane Interdonato, 32. Profession: guidance counselor. What she has to offer: “I’m educated and articulate. I’m a real person. I’m attractive, and pretty well-rounded too.” GOLDIGGER? NO
RIGHT: Joie Tavernise, 35. Profession: owner of JTav Clinical Skin Care. What she has to offer: “I am driven and passionate in all that I do, compassionate, balanced, fun and strive for all the best life has to offer.” GOLDIGGER? NOPhoto: Helayne Seidman (2)
All of this is little consolation to guys frustrated with today’s money-centric dating culture.
So much so that Michael, a 33-year-old bicoastal bachelor in real estate acquisitions, who asked that his last name be withheld for privacy reasons, hired Spindel six months ago to the tune of $100K.
Since then, he’s been set up with five girls whom he says “you could take home to Mom.” He’s now in a “serious” relationship with one of them.
“I’m very satisfied with her vetting methods,” says Michael. “I value a relationship that promotes family values — and she could figure out and find exactly what I wanted.”
Others aren’t so lucky. Ross Den, a 30-year-old entrepreneur and photographer, has a lot to offer — a job, his own apartment and wheels (including a car and a motorcycle). But he has yet to find success in the brutal NYC dating pool.
“‘Do you live in the city?’ is one of the first questions to come up,” says Den, who lives in geographically undesirable Midwood, Brooklyn.
“For a lot of women, it’s a no-no — they’re used to a certain lifestyle.”
Still, he’s guarded but hopeful he’ll eventually find a wholesome gal.
“I believe there are plenty of genuine, kindhearted women who won’t exchange their souls for monetary gain,” he says. “It’s key to be with someone for who they are versus what they have.”
And if that means wading through materialistic muck, then so be it, says Den. “New York has its own rules in many ways.”
Five ways to spot a gold digger
Matchmaker Janis Spindel asks ladies looking to date her high-end male clients to pen a 2,500-word bio and fill out an extensive questionnaire. Here are her five rules for spotting a gold digger:
1. A woman who is obsessed with dating a successful man — and knowing what his salary is.
2. A lack of a job is a telltale sign a woman is looking for someone to support her. “Women must have [jobs],” says Spindel. “It gives them a sense of confidence, allows them to support themselves and keeps them busy during the day.”
3. She complains about Spindel’s fee of $1,000 for a one-on-one meeting.
4. A woman who makes unreasonable demands: “If they tell me they must date a man with a plane, I say ‘Sayonara.’”
5. A lady who asks the wrong questions: “When they ask me how many homes my client has, they’re inquiring for the wrong reasons.”
JOURNAL: TRYING NOT TO GIVE UP
Why am I still open to a new relationship--still in this often difficult and sometimes even painful game?
Do I really need to put up with the potential needs, demands and idiosyncrasies that any woman we find online would put on us, for potentially minimal return on our investment?"
This "online dating" thing is not easy. You need to become adept at reading between the lines. You need to have a sharp ear for what's not said. You need to sift through some "little white lies" and some big ones too...The selection process is harder now than it was at an earlier age, because of the illusions and delusions you have to push through. Give up looking for love, again? Never! I know what intimacy is, and I want it again, in this life, not the next.I wants a loving woman on my arm, in my bed and next to me in the first class or river cruise cabin. Do we want to play it safe, and eventually die in a nursing home, drooling and in diapers, or play big, make love on the high seas, and maybe never have to go down that slippery slope...?
Yes, Virginia, there are many delusional people in this world! But as long as there is hope and goodness and online dating I will keep believing in this particular Santa Claus: the one that will one day deliver another great woman to my door, and have her stay with me right through to the end, in my daily life, in my bed, and always, making me laugh.
It would help if she can cook, since I am hopeless in the kitchen. I nuked a potato in the microwave recently. I didn't know you should only leave it in for about six minutes so I put it in for an hour. I was still clueless, even as the smoke alarm went off. When I opened the microwave door, all I saw sitting here was a tiny black marble. I nuked a potato! Okay, that is not my area of genius. A woman who can laugh at my human failings and foibles will earn my trust and love, and I will do the same for her,
This is a slight generalization, perhaps, but that's how it feels. Whether I've been bright-eyed or gloomy, fat or slender, young(er) or old(er), the ladies have never seemed to love me quite as much as I love them.
That's not to say I haven't spent time with women I've liked or fallen for. I've been more or less surrounded with women since my childhood, having always gotten along more easily and naturally with girls than boys. As you might expect, I've sometimes found myself smitten; a situation considerably more perilous when the person you desire is also your friend. Which is to say, someone with whom you might be wrecking something that's already pretty good.
I have a handful of images frozen in mind of the moments at which I've told people how I truly felt about them. I've become adept at reading the language of rejection: It's most often been the eyes where the answer comes first, while the face stays still. You'd be shocked how easily the thought I really like you as a person but I'm not attracted or interested in dating you can be conveyed with just the flicker of an eyelid.
"Local heterosexual white man dissatisfied with love life." I know, some headlines aren't as grabbing as others. There is at least one way in which I'm not dissatisfied however: my own ability to weather life and love's disappointments, and to never blame the women who reject me in the process.
Perhaps you've heard this story before, of a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who feels miffed by the romantic inattention of a close female friend. But assumptions that the alleged "nice guy" may be making -- feeling aggrieved, maybe even angry, that she couldn't be more open-minded, or see how great a couple they'd be -- fall perilously short of anything describable as "nice."
Vehemently complaining that a woman is dating somebody else instead of you hinges on the assumption that she'd want to date you otherwise. I understand the impulse, even the drive to convince oneself that such a romance could flourish.
And it's true -- friendships can sometimes lead to pretty awesome relationships -- or so I'm told. But if a man is basically complaining that female friends aren't actively seeking to repay their platonic kindness with sex, then let me say, clearly and loudly: that attitude is full of sh*t.
Sometimes, the answer to the question "why don't they love me?" is best given simply: because they don't. The amount of mental exhaustion I've put myself through in dodging this truth is embarrassing in retrospect.
I'd love to end this on a note of some burgeoning optimism. But in truth, I can't. It simply wouldn't feel true to my heart, my state of mind, or my expectations right now.
But I'm buoyed by the knowledge that all things change in time, and that what (or who) waits around the corner could also be a pleasant surprise. It might sound small, but if dime-store optimism is the best I can muster, I'll try to take it, every time. In that way, I'll always be a romantic.
Do I really need to put up with the potential needs, demands and idiosyncrasies that any woman we find online would put on us, for potentially minimal return on our investment?"
This "online dating" thing is not easy. You need to become adept at reading between the lines. You need to have a sharp ear for what's not said. You need to sift through some "little white lies" and some big ones too...The selection process is harder now than it was at an earlier age, because of the illusions and delusions you have to push through. Give up looking for love, again? Never! I know what intimacy is, and I want it again, in this life, not the next.I wants a loving woman on my arm, in my bed and next to me in the first class or river cruise cabin. Do we want to play it safe, and eventually die in a nursing home, drooling and in diapers, or play big, make love on the high seas, and maybe never have to go down that slippery slope...?
Yes, Virginia, there are many delusional people in this world! But as long as there is hope and goodness and online dating I will keep believing in this particular Santa Claus: the one that will one day deliver another great woman to my door, and have her stay with me right through to the end, in my daily life, in my bed, and always, making me laugh.
It would help if she can cook, since I am hopeless in the kitchen. I nuked a potato in the microwave recently. I didn't know you should only leave it in for about six minutes so I put it in for an hour. I was still clueless, even as the smoke alarm went off. When I opened the microwave door, all I saw sitting here was a tiny black marble. I nuked a potato! Okay, that is not my area of genius. A woman who can laugh at my human failings and foibles will earn my trust and love, and I will do the same for her,
This is a slight generalization, perhaps, but that's how it feels. Whether I've been bright-eyed or gloomy, fat or slender, young(er) or old(er), the ladies have never seemed to love me quite as much as I love them.
That's not to say I haven't spent time with women I've liked or fallen for. I've been more or less surrounded with women since my childhood, having always gotten along more easily and naturally with girls than boys. As you might expect, I've sometimes found myself smitten; a situation considerably more perilous when the person you desire is also your friend. Which is to say, someone with whom you might be wrecking something that's already pretty good.
I have a handful of images frozen in mind of the moments at which I've told people how I truly felt about them. I've become adept at reading the language of rejection: It's most often been the eyes where the answer comes first, while the face stays still. You'd be shocked how easily the thought I really like you as a person but I'm not attracted or interested in dating you can be conveyed with just the flicker of an eyelid.
"Local heterosexual white man dissatisfied with love life." I know, some headlines aren't as grabbing as others. There is at least one way in which I'm not dissatisfied however: my own ability to weather life and love's disappointments, and to never blame the women who reject me in the process.
Perhaps you've heard this story before, of a self-proclaimed "nice guy" who feels miffed by the romantic inattention of a close female friend. But assumptions that the alleged "nice guy" may be making -- feeling aggrieved, maybe even angry, that she couldn't be more open-minded, or see how great a couple they'd be -- fall perilously short of anything describable as "nice."
Vehemently complaining that a woman is dating somebody else instead of you hinges on the assumption that she'd want to date you otherwise. I understand the impulse, even the drive to convince oneself that such a romance could flourish.
And it's true -- friendships can sometimes lead to pretty awesome relationships -- or so I'm told. But if a man is basically complaining that female friends aren't actively seeking to repay their platonic kindness with sex, then let me say, clearly and loudly: that attitude is full of sh*t.
Sometimes, the answer to the question "why don't they love me?" is best given simply: because they don't. The amount of mental exhaustion I've put myself through in dodging this truth is embarrassing in retrospect.
I'd love to end this on a note of some burgeoning optimism. But in truth, I can't. It simply wouldn't feel true to my heart, my state of mind, or my expectations right now.
But I'm buoyed by the knowledge that all things change in time, and that what (or who) waits around the corner could also be a pleasant surprise. It might sound small, but if dime-store optimism is the best I can muster, I'll try to take it, every time. In that way, I'll always be a romantic.
DATING: I DON'T HAVE THE ANSWER
We tell ourselves things and repeat them until we believe them. You know. I am trapped. My life is over. I am unlovable. I have become invisible.
I suppose that if I told myself the opposite with the same tenacity I would eventually believe it too. Your life is just beginning. Anything is possible. Inside you is everything you need.
After my divorce...it as the first time in more a couple of years that I am living alone again.. And I was pondering where exactly one goes from here.
But how does one go about doing that ? How could I meet people I wouldn't normally come across? How could I gain access into different walks of life?
The answer came to me suddenly. I swallowed. Online dating.
Up until now I had regarded online dating with disdain. I felt it zapped romance out of the equation, extracted serendipity and left you with something clinical and contrived and similar to a work interview.
Not to mention, I had not dated for over 8 years.
Right. So online dating would be the way to stop doing what I had always done, which might, if one follows logic, give me a shot at a different result.
On with it, then.
To keep things simple, I decided to focus on a single site and picked OK Cupid.
I found myself struggling with the most fundamental parts of the questionnaire, such as the ability to distinguish what I liked versus what “we” liked. It occurred to me that defining myself to strangers would be an effective exercise in reconstituting who I was.
After a few days of tentative practice and a slow “waiting to be discovered” approach, I arrived at a notion that took precedence over the hard to get frame of mind I had grown up with. If I waited for people to notice my profile and contact me, the universe of those I could choose from would shrink considerably. I much preferred picking from anyone I wanted, even if it meant risking sometimes not getting a reply.
Another realization: My end game wasn’t finding love. What I yearned for was a new life, a fresh perspective. My criteria would have to change accordingly. Instead of asking myself "Is this person wife material?" I would remind myself to ask "would going out with her be interesting? Fun? Would I learn something?"
I met someone new every day for about a month. Because I was so fed up with being in a state of emotional paralysis. Because I knew that somewhere out there was a world too rich to warrant the delusion that I was finished. But mostly because I quickly learned that everyone was interesting, and that everyone had something to teach me.
I read a girl's profile which sounded less like she was looking for a date, more like she was trying to find religion. "Reach out" she wrote "if you think you have answers". Over tea I told her I had recently learned how futile it was to plan. “We can’t predict what we want, as it assumes we’re not going to change. The future has so many variables we can’t see that the most accurate way to live our life is to go by what would make us happy right now.”
She sat there looking at me. She then told me she had survived a terminal cancer diagnosis 8 years before, and had found out a couple of days ago that it was back. "I don't want chemo again" she said. "What should I do?" I stood and put my arms around her and we held each other there, in the middle of a café, two strangers who had the answers to nothing.
I suppose that if I told myself the opposite with the same tenacity I would eventually believe it too. Your life is just beginning. Anything is possible. Inside you is everything you need.
After my divorce...it as the first time in more a couple of years that I am living alone again.. And I was pondering where exactly one goes from here.
But how does one go about doing that ? How could I meet people I wouldn't normally come across? How could I gain access into different walks of life?
The answer came to me suddenly. I swallowed. Online dating.
Up until now I had regarded online dating with disdain. I felt it zapped romance out of the equation, extracted serendipity and left you with something clinical and contrived and similar to a work interview.
Not to mention, I had not dated for over 8 years.
Right. So online dating would be the way to stop doing what I had always done, which might, if one follows logic, give me a shot at a different result.
On with it, then.
To keep things simple, I decided to focus on a single site and picked OK Cupid.
I found myself struggling with the most fundamental parts of the questionnaire, such as the ability to distinguish what I liked versus what “we” liked. It occurred to me that defining myself to strangers would be an effective exercise in reconstituting who I was.
After a few days of tentative practice and a slow “waiting to be discovered” approach, I arrived at a notion that took precedence over the hard to get frame of mind I had grown up with. If I waited for people to notice my profile and contact me, the universe of those I could choose from would shrink considerably. I much preferred picking from anyone I wanted, even if it meant risking sometimes not getting a reply.
Another realization: My end game wasn’t finding love. What I yearned for was a new life, a fresh perspective. My criteria would have to change accordingly. Instead of asking myself "Is this person wife material?" I would remind myself to ask "would going out with her be interesting? Fun? Would I learn something?"
I met someone new every day for about a month. Because I was so fed up with being in a state of emotional paralysis. Because I knew that somewhere out there was a world too rich to warrant the delusion that I was finished. But mostly because I quickly learned that everyone was interesting, and that everyone had something to teach me.
I read a girl's profile which sounded less like she was looking for a date, more like she was trying to find religion. "Reach out" she wrote "if you think you have answers". Over tea I told her I had recently learned how futile it was to plan. “We can’t predict what we want, as it assumes we’re not going to change. The future has so many variables we can’t see that the most accurate way to live our life is to go by what would make us happy right now.”
She sat there looking at me. She then told me she had survived a terminal cancer diagnosis 8 years before, and had found out a couple of days ago that it was back. "I don't want chemo again" she said. "What should I do?" I stood and put my arms around her and we held each other there, in the middle of a café, two strangers who had the answers to nothing.
DATING: THERE ARE SOME GOOD POINT WITH ONLINE DATING
Online dating from a woman’s perspective in a guys head is this. .... women have it made. They have the choice of the litter. All they have to do is get online every day, sitting on their princess throne and file through the dozens or more profiles of men who have messaged them throughout the day. They then flippantly toss out all of those well thought out, carefully crafted messages from most of those poor schmucks, and then they log onto their Facebook accounts to complain to their girlfriends that there are no “good men” left in the world.
I get a lot of profile “views”, but no messages. Maybe they don’t like my pictures, or maybe I’m not being as nice as I feel I am in my messages. Part of me thinks that they’re just so overwhelmed with messages from so many guys that they just pick the few that strike them as the “best” and just ignore the rest. Women’s choice is what it’s all about I guess.
Guys get accused a lot of being superficial and basing everything on looks, but I can’t help thinking that most of these women just file quickly through a guy’s photos and then fly right on to the next one without actually getting to know what the guy is like. It’s so frustrating, because you know, I think a lot of really nice guys out there could make for amazing boyfriends who would treat these lonely, single women like they deserve to be treated. Instead, you know, I think a lot of them are still hung up on hunting for the bad boys, the smooth-talkers. I don’t know what more a nice guy can do, but I do know it would be nice if some of these women would at least give us a chance to show what we have to offer.
Because you start to focus more on that beautiful smile and you forget about important things – like someone’s beliefs, requirements and way of spending free time. I got myself countless times into very sh**ty situations where I forget what’s important to me and I went after looks. I only ended up hurting myself and wasting time for something that was bad from the beginning – I just couldn’t see it. Horrible, I prefer “cold and shallow” text. Maybe it’s not that romantic but at least I will not waste my time because from the very beginning both sides will know fundamental things about eachother, like wanting or not wanting children / getting married, religion. On a classic first date you can’t go to restaurant and ask that person “Hey, you seem like a great person but before we start I’d like to ask… do you want to get married soon? Cause you know, I don’t plan on doing that …” cause that’s even for my egoistic mind hillariously wrong thing to do. But on a dating site? You look at someone’s profile and you get these informations instantly.
My point is not about being shallow and calculating. But still, there ARE things that you cannot overcome in relationship and there’s no way to choose something “in-between”. I know and fully understand that relationship is based on compromise. Still, you can’t force yourself to do some things. With dating websites you see these things instantly (marriage, children, plans about future, religion). With classic dating you may romantically fall in love (which yeah, is damn good feeling) but in the end you may hurt yourself more than you think.
I get a lot of profile “views”, but no messages. Maybe they don’t like my pictures, or maybe I’m not being as nice as I feel I am in my messages. Part of me thinks that they’re just so overwhelmed with messages from so many guys that they just pick the few that strike them as the “best” and just ignore the rest. Women’s choice is what it’s all about I guess.
Guys get accused a lot of being superficial and basing everything on looks, but I can’t help thinking that most of these women just file quickly through a guy’s photos and then fly right on to the next one without actually getting to know what the guy is like. It’s so frustrating, because you know, I think a lot of really nice guys out there could make for amazing boyfriends who would treat these lonely, single women like they deserve to be treated. Instead, you know, I think a lot of them are still hung up on hunting for the bad boys, the smooth-talkers. I don’t know what more a nice guy can do, but I do know it would be nice if some of these women would at least give us a chance to show what we have to offer.
Because you start to focus more on that beautiful smile and you forget about important things – like someone’s beliefs, requirements and way of spending free time. I got myself countless times into very sh**ty situations where I forget what’s important to me and I went after looks. I only ended up hurting myself and wasting time for something that was bad from the beginning – I just couldn’t see it. Horrible, I prefer “cold and shallow” text. Maybe it’s not that romantic but at least I will not waste my time because from the very beginning both sides will know fundamental things about eachother, like wanting or not wanting children / getting married, religion. On a classic first date you can’t go to restaurant and ask that person “Hey, you seem like a great person but before we start I’d like to ask… do you want to get married soon? Cause you know, I don’t plan on doing that …” cause that’s even for my egoistic mind hillariously wrong thing to do. But on a dating site? You look at someone’s profile and you get these informations instantly.
My point is not about being shallow and calculating. But still, there ARE things that you cannot overcome in relationship and there’s no way to choose something “in-between”. I know and fully understand that relationship is based on compromise. Still, you can’t force yourself to do some things. With dating websites you see these things instantly (marriage, children, plans about future, religion). With classic dating you may romantically fall in love (which yeah, is damn good feeling) but in the end you may hurt yourself more than you think.
Thursday, April 17, 2014
LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I must be dreaming or living in a fantasy.I tell you now...if you must enter please do so quietly for this dream that I am having is one so wonderful that I do not wish for it to end. So please tread carefully and do not bump my bed in case this dream.Should crumble and fade like a distant memory in my sleep I pray that I may sleep forever In this total state of bliss! Every feeling that I have ever felt for you.Has been full of undying love;and the ongoing dream that you might hold me and get lost in my eyes. Every feeling that my heart had to feel has been felt for you.Each and every one has ached inside of my soul... awaiting the day for you to set me at ease by taking my hand and taking that risk that I would take at any moment because it's a risk that is worth taking. Every feeling that yearns for you has been golden and true...yearning for that everlasting moment that you will kiss my lips and say that you love me.Each and every feeling is praying that you will break down and confess everything to me, the one who has loved you. For oh so long.and I tell you this, These feelings are ready to be expressed To you, the one who has changed everything In my life, and how I feel. Every feeling that is inside of me is waiting for your words and your love.I long for your touch and soft caress, Your gentle kindness, the sweet sound of your voice. Your smile lifts the shadows from my soul, and your presence in my life melts my heart, like the warmth of the sun melts the snow.That night, innocently you kissed my forehead. with one quiet kiss you touched me. Touched inside of me, a place I have long forgotten.Now I hold you there, in that place...my heart.Show me the way to your heart,
that i may within you become a part, for where else among world,can true love be found.Let me lay my head upon your breast,let me in your arms, lie and restonly then can i in peace lie, upon my grave to die. True love must be very strong,for really i care not if i am right or wrong,except that i want cupid's arrows,to wipe away all my sorrows.
I must be dreaming or living in a fantasy.I tell you now...if you must enter please do so quietly for this dream that I am having is one so wonderful that I do not wish for it to end. So please tread carefully and do not bump my bed in case this dream.Should crumble and fade like a distant memory in my sleep I pray that I may sleep forever In this total state of bliss! Every feeling that I have ever felt for you.Has been full of undying love;and the ongoing dream that you might hold me and get lost in my eyes. Every feeling that my heart had to feel has been felt for you.Each and every one has ached inside of my soul... awaiting the day for you to set me at ease by taking my hand and taking that risk that I would take at any moment because it's a risk that is worth taking. Every feeling that yearns for you has been golden and true...yearning for that everlasting moment that you will kiss my lips and say that you love me.Each and every feeling is praying that you will break down and confess everything to me, the one who has loved you. For oh so long.and I tell you this, These feelings are ready to be expressed To you, the one who has changed everything In my life, and how I feel. Every feeling that is inside of me is waiting for your words and your love.I long for your touch and soft caress, Your gentle kindness, the sweet sound of your voice. Your smile lifts the shadows from my soul, and your presence in my life melts my heart, like the warmth of the sun melts the snow.That night, innocently you kissed my forehead. with one quiet kiss you touched me. Touched inside of me, a place I have long forgotten.Now I hold you there, in that place...my heart.Show me the way to your heart,
that i may within you become a part, for where else among world,can true love be found.Let me lay my head upon your breast,let me in your arms, lie and restonly then can i in peace lie, upon my grave to die. True love must be very strong,for really i care not if i am right or wrong,except that i want cupid's arrows,to wipe away all my sorrows.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
JOURNAL:
I got a new pair of glasses this weekend. Now I can see better.
I am beginning to realize that this blog isn't really helping me find the one. I am not going to write on this daily anymore. I might be alone forever. I haven't had a relationship since last summer. Every woman that I met or talk to ...all they ever talk about is "I want a guy who will take me out to dinner, plays, and vacation". I am not against doing that...but in the past most woman never brought up what they wanted. It's all about what I can do for them. I would usually met someone and we decided together what we want to do. I have no problem going out, but when you spend the whole week working and then on the weekend...you have to do work around the house...do laundry, do food shopping, cooking and ects.. You also want to rest and catch up on paper work...TV shows...and get ready for the following week. These woman don't have any money and want someone else to take the tap. Well it's not me.
I am so disappointed and disgusted by the dating scene. Woman who have no education, no money, and not even that hot..expect everything. Woman are just stupid...i am sorry to say that... but they are. I am not saying this because I am angry at them. I worked my whole life to buy a house, have some money in the bank, be healthy, be close to my family and they haven't done anything. Like I said..i might be alone forever and I have to accept that. I might even die alone....so be it.
I used to get so upset when things don't do my way. Now I don't even care anymore. My ego would get in the way. I know that I have to do with the flow of life and just trust God.
I am beginning to realize that this blog isn't really helping me find the one. I am not going to write on this daily anymore. I might be alone forever. I haven't had a relationship since last summer. Every woman that I met or talk to ...all they ever talk about is "I want a guy who will take me out to dinner, plays, and vacation". I am not against doing that...but in the past most woman never brought up what they wanted. It's all about what I can do for them. I would usually met someone and we decided together what we want to do. I have no problem going out, but when you spend the whole week working and then on the weekend...you have to do work around the house...do laundry, do food shopping, cooking and ects.. You also want to rest and catch up on paper work...TV shows...and get ready for the following week. These woman don't have any money and want someone else to take the tap. Well it's not me.
I am so disappointed and disgusted by the dating scene. Woman who have no education, no money, and not even that hot..expect everything. Woman are just stupid...i am sorry to say that... but they are. I am not saying this because I am angry at them. I worked my whole life to buy a house, have some money in the bank, be healthy, be close to my family and they haven't done anything. Like I said..i might be alone forever and I have to accept that. I might even die alone....so be it.
I used to get so upset when things don't do my way. Now I don't even care anymore. My ego would get in the way. I know that I have to do with the flow of life and just trust God.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
ARTICLE: Plutocracy without end: Why the 1 percent always defeats the middle class Thomas Frank
There are more of us than them. But income inequality keeps getting worse -- and there is sadly no end in sight
I’ve been writing about what we politely call “inequality” since the mid-1990s, but one day about ten years ago, when I was traveling the country lecturing about the toxic curlicues of right-wing culture, it dawned on me that maybe I had been getting the entire story wrong. All the economic developments that I spent my days bemoaning—the obscene enrichment of the CEO class, the assault on the regulatory state, the ruination of average people—were very possibly not what I thought they were. When I talked about these things, I assumed they were an outrage, an affront to the affluent nation I still believed we were; once the scales fell from our eyes and Americans figured out what was happening, I argued, we would yell “stop,” bring this age of folly to a close, and get back to middle-class prosperity as usual.
What hit me that day was the possibility that my happy, postwar middle-class world was the exception, and that the plutocracy we were gradually becoming was the norm. Maybe what was happening to us was a colossal reversion to a pre-Rooseveltian mean, and all the trappings of ordinary life that had seemed so solid and so permanent when I was young—the vast suburbs and the anchorman’s reassuring baritone and the nice appliances that filled the houses of the working class—were aberrations made possible by an unusual balance of political forces maintained only by the enormous political efforts of its beneficiaries.
Maybe the gravity of history pulled in the exact opposite direction of what I had always believed. If so, the question was not, “When will we get back to the right order of things,” but rather, “Would we ever stop falling?”
Today, of course, the situation has grown vastly worse. The subject of inequality is discussed everywhere; there are think tanks and academic conferences dedicated to it; it has become socially permissible for polite people to wonder about the obscene gorging of those at the top. Sooner or later the question that everyone asks, upon discovering just how much of what Americans produce goes to the imbeciles in the penthouses and executive suites, is this: How much further can this thing go?
The One Percent have already broken every record for wealth-hogging set by their ancestors, going back to the dawn of record-keeping in 1913. But what if it all just keeps going? How much fatter can the fat cats get before they hit some kind of natural limit? Before the invisible thumb of history presses down on the other side of the scale and restores balance?
________________________________
advertisement
________________________________
That we are very close to such a limit—that the contradictions inherent in the system will automatically be its undoing—is an idea much in the air of late. Not many still subscribe to Marx’s dialectical vision of history, in which inevitable worker immiseration would be followed, also inevitably, by a revolutionary explosion, but there are other inevitabilities that seem equally persuasive today. We hear much, for example, about how inequality contributed to the housing bubble and the financial crisis, how it has brought us an imbalanced economy that cannot survive.
It reminds me of the once-influential theory of inequality advanced by the economist Simon Kuznets, who thought that capitalist societies simply became more egalitarian as they matured—a theory that is carefully debunked by economist Thomas Piketty in his new book, “Capital in the Twenty-First Century.” It also reminds me of the theories of the economist Ravi Batra, who in 1987 predicted a “Great Depression of 1990” because (among other things) inequality would have by then had reached what he believed to be unsustainable levels.
It is an attractive fantasy, this faith that some kind of built-in restraint will stop all this from going too far. Unfortunately, what it reminds me of the most are the similar mechanisms that Democrats like to dream about on those occasions when the Republican Party has won another election. As the triumphant wingers stand athwart the unconscious bodies of their opponents, beating their chests and bellowing for some new and awesomely destructive tax cut, a liberal’s heart turns longingly to such chimera as pendulum theory, or thirty-year-cycle theory, or the theory of the inevitable triumph of the center. Some great force will fix those guys, we mumble. One of these days, they’ll get their comeuppance.
But the cosmic cavalry never shows up. No deus ex machina will arrive to rescue the middle-class society, either. The economic system is always in some sort of crisis or another; somehow it always manages to survive.
One of the ways it manages to survive, in fact, is by working the public into paroxysms of fear at those who proclaim the inevitable destruction of the system. I refer here not only to the Republicans’ routine deploring of “class war,” by which they mean any criticism of plutocracy, but also to the once-influential right-wing radio host Glenn Beck, who in 2009 and 2010 was just about the only one in America who thought to take seriously the obscure French anarchist tract, “The Coming Insurrection.” Night after night in those dark days, Beck would use the book to terrify his vast audience of seniors and goldbugs—anarchy was right around the corner!—and to this day you can still find the tract on the reading lists of 9/12 clubs across the country.
Let us not forget that it was thanks to the energetic activity of those 9/12 clubs and the closely aligned Tea Party that the obvious and conventional — and maybe even inevitable — response to the 2008 catastrophe was not the response the public chose. According to an important recent paper by the sociologists Clem Brooks and Jeff Manza, the orthodox poli-sci theory of economic downturn holds that voters “turn away from unregulated markets and demand more government in times of economic downturn and rising unemployment.” But in the downturn of the last few years, people reacted differently: “Rather than the recession stimulating new public demands for governent, Americans gravitated toward lower support for government responsibility for social and economic problems.” And they swept in the Republican Congress of 2010, a result that, according to Brooks and Manza, has much to do with the hyperbolic conservatism of partisan organizations like Fox News.
A second irony, worth noting in passing, is that the right-wing offensive against public pensions, which began as soon as the Republican wave landed, has been carried on under the banner of historical determinism, with everyone agreeing that the rich are going to get their way with the unions and that no alternative exists. (“Detroit pension cuts were inevitable, city consultant testifies,” screams a typical headline on the subject.)
*
None of this is to deny, of course, that concentrated wealth will have certain predictable social effects, in addition to the brutal primary effect of screwing you and yours permanently. Inequality will most definitely bring further corruption of our political system, which will in turn lead to further deregulation and bailouts, which will eventually allow epidemics of fraud and failure. It will definitely bring an aggravated business cycle, with crazy booms and awful busts. We know these things will happen because this is what has happened in our own time. But that doesn’t mean the situation will somehow cease to function as a matter of course, or that leading capitalists will be converted to Keynesianism en masse and start insisting on better oversight of Wall Street.
The ugly fact that we must face is that this thing can go much farther still. Plutocracy shocks us every day with its viciousness, but that doesn’t mean God will strike it down. The middle-class model worked much better for about ninety-nine percent of the population, but that doesn’t make it some kind of dialectic inevitability. You can build a plutocratic model that will stumble along just fine, like it did in the nineteenth century. It requires different things: instead of refrigerators for all, it needs bought legislatures and armies of strikebreakers—plus bailouts for the big banks when they collapse under the weight of their stupid loans, an innovation of our own time. All this may be hurtful, inefficient, and undemocratic, but it won’t dismantle itself all on its own.
That is our job. No one else is going to do it for us.
I’ve been writing about what we politely call “inequality” since the mid-1990s, but one day about ten years ago, when I was traveling the country lecturing about the toxic curlicues of right-wing culture, it dawned on me that maybe I had been getting the entire story wrong. All the economic developments that I spent my days bemoaning—the obscene enrichment of the CEO class, the assault on the regulatory state, the ruination of average people—were very possibly not what I thought they were. When I talked about these things, I assumed they were an outrage, an affront to the affluent nation I still believed we were; once the scales fell from our eyes and Americans figured out what was happening, I argued, we would yell “stop,” bring this age of folly to a close, and get back to middle-class prosperity as usual.
What hit me that day was the possibility that my happy, postwar middle-class world was the exception, and that the plutocracy we were gradually becoming was the norm. Maybe what was happening to us was a colossal reversion to a pre-Rooseveltian mean, and all the trappings of ordinary life that had seemed so solid and so permanent when I was young—the vast suburbs and the anchorman’s reassuring baritone and the nice appliances that filled the houses of the working class—were aberrations made possible by an unusual balance of political forces maintained only by the enormous political efforts of its beneficiaries.
Maybe the gravity of history pulled in the exact opposite direction of what I had always believed. If so, the question was not, “When will we get back to the right order of things,” but rather, “Would we ever stop falling?”
Today, of course, the situation has grown vastly worse. The subject of inequality is discussed everywhere; there are think tanks and academic conferences dedicated to it; it has become socially permissible for polite people to wonder about the obscene gorging of those at the top. Sooner or later the question that everyone asks, upon discovering just how much of what Americans produce goes to the imbeciles in the penthouses and executive suites, is this: How much further can this thing go?
The One Percent have already broken every record for wealth-hogging set by their ancestors, going back to the dawn of record-keeping in 1913. But what if it all just keeps going? How much fatter can the fat cats get before they hit some kind of natural limit? Before the invisible thumb of history presses down on the other side of the scale and restores balance?
________________________________
advertisement
________________________________
That we are very close to such a limit—that the contradictions inherent in the system will automatically be its undoing—is an idea much in the air of late. Not many still subscribe to Marx’s dialectical vision of history, in which inevitable worker immiseration would be followed, also inevitably, by a revolutionary explosion, but there are other inevitabilities that seem equally persuasive today. We hear much, for example, about how inequality contributed to the housing bubble and the financial crisis, how it has brought us an imbalanced economy that cannot survive.
It reminds me of the once-influential theory of inequality advanced by the economist Simon Kuznets, who thought that capitalist societies simply became more egalitarian as they matured—a theory that is carefully debunked by economist Thomas Piketty in his new book, “Capital in the Twenty-First Century.” It also reminds me of the theories of the economist Ravi Batra, who in 1987 predicted a “Great Depression of 1990” because (among other things) inequality would have by then had reached what he believed to be unsustainable levels.
It is an attractive fantasy, this faith that some kind of built-in restraint will stop all this from going too far. Unfortunately, what it reminds me of the most are the similar mechanisms that Democrats like to dream about on those occasions when the Republican Party has won another election. As the triumphant wingers stand athwart the unconscious bodies of their opponents, beating their chests and bellowing for some new and awesomely destructive tax cut, a liberal’s heart turns longingly to such chimera as pendulum theory, or thirty-year-cycle theory, or the theory of the inevitable triumph of the center. Some great force will fix those guys, we mumble. One of these days, they’ll get their comeuppance.
But the cosmic cavalry never shows up. No deus ex machina will arrive to rescue the middle-class society, either. The economic system is always in some sort of crisis or another; somehow it always manages to survive.
One of the ways it manages to survive, in fact, is by working the public into paroxysms of fear at those who proclaim the inevitable destruction of the system. I refer here not only to the Republicans’ routine deploring of “class war,” by which they mean any criticism of plutocracy, but also to the once-influential right-wing radio host Glenn Beck, who in 2009 and 2010 was just about the only one in America who thought to take seriously the obscure French anarchist tract, “The Coming Insurrection.” Night after night in those dark days, Beck would use the book to terrify his vast audience of seniors and goldbugs—anarchy was right around the corner!—and to this day you can still find the tract on the reading lists of 9/12 clubs across the country.
Let us not forget that it was thanks to the energetic activity of those 9/12 clubs and the closely aligned Tea Party that the obvious and conventional — and maybe even inevitable — response to the 2008 catastrophe was not the response the public chose. According to an important recent paper by the sociologists Clem Brooks and Jeff Manza, the orthodox poli-sci theory of economic downturn holds that voters “turn away from unregulated markets and demand more government in times of economic downturn and rising unemployment.” But in the downturn of the last few years, people reacted differently: “Rather than the recession stimulating new public demands for governent, Americans gravitated toward lower support for government responsibility for social and economic problems.” And they swept in the Republican Congress of 2010, a result that, according to Brooks and Manza, has much to do with the hyperbolic conservatism of partisan organizations like Fox News.
A second irony, worth noting in passing, is that the right-wing offensive against public pensions, which began as soon as the Republican wave landed, has been carried on under the banner of historical determinism, with everyone agreeing that the rich are going to get their way with the unions and that no alternative exists. (“Detroit pension cuts were inevitable, city consultant testifies,” screams a typical headline on the subject.)
*
None of this is to deny, of course, that concentrated wealth will have certain predictable social effects, in addition to the brutal primary effect of screwing you and yours permanently. Inequality will most definitely bring further corruption of our political system, which will in turn lead to further deregulation and bailouts, which will eventually allow epidemics of fraud and failure. It will definitely bring an aggravated business cycle, with crazy booms and awful busts. We know these things will happen because this is what has happened in our own time. But that doesn’t mean the situation will somehow cease to function as a matter of course, or that leading capitalists will be converted to Keynesianism en masse and start insisting on better oversight of Wall Street.
The ugly fact that we must face is that this thing can go much farther still. Plutocracy shocks us every day with its viciousness, but that doesn’t mean God will strike it down. The middle-class model worked much better for about ninety-nine percent of the population, but that doesn’t make it some kind of dialectic inevitability. You can build a plutocratic model that will stumble along just fine, like it did in the nineteenth century. It requires different things: instead of refrigerators for all, it needs bought legislatures and armies of strikebreakers—plus bailouts for the big banks when they collapse under the weight of their stupid loans, an innovation of our own time. All this may be hurtful, inefficient, and undemocratic, but it won’t dismantle itself all on its own.
That is our job. No one else is going to do it for us.
ARTICLE: New Study: The Rich are more Unethical by Bud MeyersFollow
It's been said that money is the root of all evil. But does money really make people more likely to lie, cheat and steal? New research released by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences says "yes".
Seven studies using experimental and naturalistic methods, reveal that upper-class individuals behave more unethically than lower-class individuals. In studies 1 and 2, upper-class individuals were more likely to break the law while driving, relative to lower-class individuals. In follow-up laboratory studies, upper-class individuals were also more likely to:
exhibit unethical decision-making tendencies (study 3),
take valued goods from others (study 4),
lie in a negotiation (study 5),
cheat to increase their chances of winning a prize (study 6),
and endorse unethical behavior at work (study 7) than were lower-class individuals.
Mediator and moderator data demonstrated that upper-class individuals’ unethical tendencies are accounted for, in part, by their more favorable attitudes toward greed.
"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms --- greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge --- has marked the upward surge of mankind." ~ Gordon Gekko, 1987
Economics correspondent Paul Solman reports on other new research from the University of California, Berkeley collaborating this, and the impact of wealth on people’s behavior in a new 10-minute video from PBS (posted at YouTube)
This might help explain why some people like Wal-Mart's Christy Walton can rake in $1.2 million a day in unearned income with stock dividends, while at the same time, refusing to pay her employees a living wage in earned hourly income --- costing the taxpayers $6,000 per employee in government entitlements (aka "wage subsidies"). It seems that some of these people just can't help themselves...they're mentally ill!
* Download supporting information at www.pnas.org (PDF) --- "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS) is one of the world's most-cited multidisciplinary scientific serials. Since its establishment in 1914, it continues to publish cutting-edge research reports, commentaries, reviews, perspectives, colloquium papers, and actions of the Academy." (* This was also posted at the www.economicpopulist.org)
Forbes: Why (Some) Psychopaths Make Great CEOs "The incidence of psychopathy among CEOs is about 4 percent, four times what it is in the population at large. They lack the things that make you human: empathy, remorse, loving kindness."
BusinessInsider: 20 Signs You are a Psychopath - After CEOs, lawyers are the second most psychopathic profession in the world.
TIME: Study: 1 in 25 Business Leaders May Be Psychopaths - "Psychopaths, who are characterized by being completely amoral and concerned only with their own power and selfish pleasures, may be over-represented in the business environment."
Forbes: The Top 10 Jobs That Attract Psychopaths - 1. CEO, 2. Lawyer, 3. Media (Television/Radio), 4. Salesperson, 5. Surgeon, 6. Journalist, 7. Police officer, 8. Clergy person 9. Chef and 10. Civil servant
Bud Meyers: STUDY: 10% on Wall Street are Psychopaths - "Studies conducted by forensic psychologist Robert Hare indicate that about 1 percent of the general population can be categorized as psychopathic, but the prevalence rate in the financial services industry is 10 percent."
Seven studies using experimental and naturalistic methods, reveal that upper-class individuals behave more unethically than lower-class individuals. In studies 1 and 2, upper-class individuals were more likely to break the law while driving, relative to lower-class individuals. In follow-up laboratory studies, upper-class individuals were also more likely to:
exhibit unethical decision-making tendencies (study 3),
take valued goods from others (study 4),
lie in a negotiation (study 5),
cheat to increase their chances of winning a prize (study 6),
and endorse unethical behavior at work (study 7) than were lower-class individuals.
Mediator and moderator data demonstrated that upper-class individuals’ unethical tendencies are accounted for, in part, by their more favorable attitudes toward greed.
"Greed, for lack of a better word, is good. Greed is right. Greed works. Greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit. Greed, in all of its forms --- greed for life, for money, for love, knowledge --- has marked the upward surge of mankind." ~ Gordon Gekko, 1987
Economics correspondent Paul Solman reports on other new research from the University of California, Berkeley collaborating this, and the impact of wealth on people’s behavior in a new 10-minute video from PBS (posted at YouTube)
This might help explain why some people like Wal-Mart's Christy Walton can rake in $1.2 million a day in unearned income with stock dividends, while at the same time, refusing to pay her employees a living wage in earned hourly income --- costing the taxpayers $6,000 per employee in government entitlements (aka "wage subsidies"). It seems that some of these people just can't help themselves...they're mentally ill!
* Download supporting information at www.pnas.org (PDF) --- "Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences of the United States of America (PNAS) is one of the world's most-cited multidisciplinary scientific serials. Since its establishment in 1914, it continues to publish cutting-edge research reports, commentaries, reviews, perspectives, colloquium papers, and actions of the Academy." (* This was also posted at the www.economicpopulist.org)
Forbes: Why (Some) Psychopaths Make Great CEOs "The incidence of psychopathy among CEOs is about 4 percent, four times what it is in the population at large. They lack the things that make you human: empathy, remorse, loving kindness."
BusinessInsider: 20 Signs You are a Psychopath - After CEOs, lawyers are the second most psychopathic profession in the world.
TIME: Study: 1 in 25 Business Leaders May Be Psychopaths - "Psychopaths, who are characterized by being completely amoral and concerned only with their own power and selfish pleasures, may be over-represented in the business environment."
Forbes: The Top 10 Jobs That Attract Psychopaths - 1. CEO, 2. Lawyer, 3. Media (Television/Radio), 4. Salesperson, 5. Surgeon, 6. Journalist, 7. Police officer, 8. Clergy person 9. Chef and 10. Civil servant
Bud Meyers: STUDY: 10% on Wall Street are Psychopaths - "Studies conducted by forensic psychologist Robert Hare indicate that about 1 percent of the general population can be categorized as psychopathic, but the prevalence rate in the financial services industry is 10 percent."
SPIRITUAL: WHY THE LAW OF ATTRACTION ISN'T WORKING FOR YOU
Maybe you’re a person who totally believes in what the book says – that like attracts like, and that with positive thinking you can create health, wealth and happiness.
Or maybe you’re one of the people who thinks that the whole thing is a big pile of hooey.
I’m not sure which side you might think I’m on. Personally, I think that the idea of “something for nothing”, or getting things just because you visualize them, is kind of ridiculous.
But at the same time – I DO believe in visualizing the things that you want. And I DO believe that through visualization, you can make the things you want real. You CAN turn your thoughts into things.
That’s sounds like I just said two completely opposite things, doesn’t it?
But I didn’t!
What I’m saying is that all the visualization in the world isn’t going to make something come true until you…
TAKE ACTION
To make it happen!
Here’s why I believe that.
Imagine that you want to lose 25 pounds. So you visualize a thinner you. You visualize yourself wearing cute little sundresses and bikinis, and imagine yourself hiking up mountains or going skiing – things the you(-25lbs) will be able to wear and enjoy that the current you(+25lbs) does not.
But all that visualization isn’t going do any good if you keep eating crappy food and sitting around on your butt in front of the computer.
So what’s the deal with that? Part of the problem is that the whole time you’re visualizing a thinner you, there’s another part of your brain that’s whispering “Yeah, remember the last time you tried to lose weight? Remember how you couldn’t stop thinking about food? Remember how much it hurt to exercise and how you ended up gaining 5lbs? You’re a failure and you’re always going to be fat.”
So simple visualization isn’t going to be enough. You need to start with identifying the beliefs that are stopping you; you need to change your mindset and create thoughts that will help you succeed.
And this is where visualization can work wonders – instead of visualizing “I’m 25 lbs lighter” – start visualizing yourself doing 30 minutes of exercise and feeling good about it. Start visualizing yourself eating healthy meals and enjoying them. Keep tweaking those visualizations until they are things that make you feel really good – and that’s when those visualizations will actually start coming true!
But that’s not the only way that “The Secret” works for you.
You may have heard of the “Red Car syndrome” – where, when you buy a red car, suddenly you start seeing red cars everywhere. Or perhaps you’ve heard of the “Blue Feather manifestation”… where you’re supposed to go about your day with the intention of having a blue feather appear in your life sometime within the next 48 hours.
These things are real – and they are one of the many functions of a part of your brain known as the reticular activating system (RAS). This particular function is called “confirmation bias”. You see, every day in your life, you’re exposed to so many BILLIONS of different stimuli that it’s absolutely impossible to pay attention to all of it. There’s so much information around us all the time, it would drive us crazy if we couldn’t filter most of it out. And that’s what the RAS does – it decides what things you need to pay attention to and what things you can let slide.
And by visualizing, focusing and concentrating on a certain object – like your brand new red car or that blue feather – when one of them passes by in your life, you notice it. It’s not because you “created them with your mind” – what you’ve actually done is created the circumstance in which you were more ready to recognize them when they came around.
Get that? You didn’t CREATE the blue feather, you created a mindset that was more attuned to seeing the blue feather when it passed by.
And this is how visualizations, manifesting and setting intentions can bring us wealth, happiness or love. There’s no magic to it – you aren’t making things appear out of thin air. But through your visualizations, you create a mindset where the path to having those things becomes more clear.
So, what The Secret and the law of attraction really do is get you to focus your attention on the things you truly want – goals that make you feel 100% good! – so that you can spot situations that will help you achieve those goals.
Visualizations help you create a mindset that moves you towards your goal, and manifest your desires.
It’s still YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to take action on those opportunities – and being 100% aligned with your goal helps you follow through.
Or maybe you’re one of the people who thinks that the whole thing is a big pile of hooey.
I’m not sure which side you might think I’m on. Personally, I think that the idea of “something for nothing”, or getting things just because you visualize them, is kind of ridiculous.
But at the same time – I DO believe in visualizing the things that you want. And I DO believe that through visualization, you can make the things you want real. You CAN turn your thoughts into things.
That’s sounds like I just said two completely opposite things, doesn’t it?
But I didn’t!
What I’m saying is that all the visualization in the world isn’t going to make something come true until you…
TAKE ACTION
To make it happen!
Here’s why I believe that.
Imagine that you want to lose 25 pounds. So you visualize a thinner you. You visualize yourself wearing cute little sundresses and bikinis, and imagine yourself hiking up mountains or going skiing – things the you(-25lbs) will be able to wear and enjoy that the current you(+25lbs) does not.
But all that visualization isn’t going do any good if you keep eating crappy food and sitting around on your butt in front of the computer.
So what’s the deal with that? Part of the problem is that the whole time you’re visualizing a thinner you, there’s another part of your brain that’s whispering “Yeah, remember the last time you tried to lose weight? Remember how you couldn’t stop thinking about food? Remember how much it hurt to exercise and how you ended up gaining 5lbs? You’re a failure and you’re always going to be fat.”
So simple visualization isn’t going to be enough. You need to start with identifying the beliefs that are stopping you; you need to change your mindset and create thoughts that will help you succeed.
And this is where visualization can work wonders – instead of visualizing “I’m 25 lbs lighter” – start visualizing yourself doing 30 minutes of exercise and feeling good about it. Start visualizing yourself eating healthy meals and enjoying them. Keep tweaking those visualizations until they are things that make you feel really good – and that’s when those visualizations will actually start coming true!
But that’s not the only way that “The Secret” works for you.
You may have heard of the “Red Car syndrome” – where, when you buy a red car, suddenly you start seeing red cars everywhere. Or perhaps you’ve heard of the “Blue Feather manifestation”… where you’re supposed to go about your day with the intention of having a blue feather appear in your life sometime within the next 48 hours.
These things are real – and they are one of the many functions of a part of your brain known as the reticular activating system (RAS). This particular function is called “confirmation bias”. You see, every day in your life, you’re exposed to so many BILLIONS of different stimuli that it’s absolutely impossible to pay attention to all of it. There’s so much information around us all the time, it would drive us crazy if we couldn’t filter most of it out. And that’s what the RAS does – it decides what things you need to pay attention to and what things you can let slide.
And by visualizing, focusing and concentrating on a certain object – like your brand new red car or that blue feather – when one of them passes by in your life, you notice it. It’s not because you “created them with your mind” – what you’ve actually done is created the circumstance in which you were more ready to recognize them when they came around.
Get that? You didn’t CREATE the blue feather, you created a mindset that was more attuned to seeing the blue feather when it passed by.
And this is how visualizations, manifesting and setting intentions can bring us wealth, happiness or love. There’s no magic to it – you aren’t making things appear out of thin air. But through your visualizations, you create a mindset where the path to having those things becomes more clear.
So, what The Secret and the law of attraction really do is get you to focus your attention on the things you truly want – goals that make you feel 100% good! – so that you can spot situations that will help you achieve those goals.
Visualizations help you create a mindset that moves you towards your goal, and manifest your desires.
It’s still YOUR RESPONSIBILITY to take action on those opportunities – and being 100% aligned with your goal helps you follow through.
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