LOVE:ONE HOPELESS ROMANTIC TO ANOTHER........

Ahh. The air is crisp, Hello, summer. I have to say that I really missed you.and I feel bad for everyone else that I’m not doing anything. The promise of nothing was so alluring that I made no plans on purpose. Whenever anyone says “Are you doing anything fun?” I say, “I’m sleeping in. That’s fun.” It is. After working my butt off , sleeping in and doing nothing is the best present to myself I could have ever gotten (given?). I guess it’s moderately taboo in today’s world to have a day filled with nothing, lest you want to be called a lazy mooch. So here I am, mooching lazily 

Have you ever noticed that people tend to use the phrase “hopeless romantic” a lot? Do they even know what that phrase means? 

This person is in love with love.They believe in fairy tales and love.They’re not to be confused as stalkers or creepy because that’s not what a hopeless romantic is. All hopeless romantics are idealists,the sentimental dreamers,the imaginative and the fanciful when you get to know them.They often live with rose colored glasses on.They make lovelook like an art form with all the romantic things they do for their special someone.

When it comes down to it, that’s probably an accurate representation of what crosses the typical mind when thinking of hopeless romance. Someone who loves love, with “rose colored glasses on.” A hopeless romantic is someone who believes in love as the cause and the cure, in a society that pushes its cold, technological vibe into every aspect of life. They are someone who believes in the perfect love, but for whatever reason, cannot have it. By this simple definition, hopelessness comes from being an idealist, and believing in something so… oldschool. Chivalry, at best. Something that, by every mean, should permeate the world we live in, yet it does not. Why is it so “hopeless” to believe in the honesty of love? Thusfar, we have hopelessness in believing in love. Now that we have that, let’s look at romance.

 Romance isn’t just emotional or physical attraction to another being; romance, real romance is a feeling that transcends any physical sense or connection between beings. It really isn’t about being human at all. Romance is about being and feeling and wanting something greater than yourself. Being so incredibly passionate about something or someone, an idea or perspective, a goal, or a future. It is so important that you will dedicate your entire being to that one thing. For many, romance is finding the absolutely perfect partner- the one person that makes life worth living. For others, it is having a passion that takes a front row seat to most other things. For me, romance is something that has a hidden beauty that I want to expose to the world.  I find romance in empathy and human interactions,  You can’t deny that romance is often paired with , the feeling you get when you thought you were in love for the first time, and that feeling you get when you really do find love. Perfection. And there it is. The reason behind the hopelessness.

Perfection.

That’s it. Striving towards the ideal of perfection is what creates hopelessness in romance. Finding the perfect someone when human beings were made to have flaws.Writing the perfect letter when words so often fall short of true expression. The greatest moments are created when backed by that hopeless romantic mood. When you get that spurt of inspiration that makes you drop what you’re doing and run, not walk, towards that one person or thing or moment. Or. Or not. Or you never do because, like everyone says, you’re a hopeless romantic. Hopeless because what you want is unattainable, or maybe it is and you don’t believe it. We as a society are so incredibly jaded; we constantly believe that dreams are necessary, but completely irrational. We dream to get through the lives that we live, instead of living to create a life out of our dreams.  All of my thoughts, however, have been rolling around in my mind since then, and now I need to put them together in writing.  This is how I, personally, would define a hopeless romantic...

To be a hopeless romantic is to find yourself dreaming always of true love, whether you've found it or are still looking. To be a hopeless romantic is to believe in the joy of companionship and romance, passion and gentleness. Hopeless romantics will give all they have to the one they love. They love deeply, completely, entirely... and dangerously. They will hand their whole heart to whomever they love, and do so willingly and joyfully (if at times with a certain amount of fear). Hopeless romantics do not feel, in any way, hopeless; on the contrary a hopeless romantic has such immense hope that it is impossible for them to escape immense pain when their heart, so willingly offered, is returned in pieces.

What, then, becomes of a hopeless romantic once their heart has been broken, if they are so very apt to believe in true love? Hopeless romantics, though they suffer immense heartbreak, still believe in love. That is their very definition - to always believe in love. Whatever amount of time it takes any given individual to heal from heartbreak, if they are truly a hopeless romantic, they will find solace in their belief that they will, inevitably, find one whom they can love with all their heart, and who will love them in return. A hopeless romantic who does not currently have someone to call their own longs and aches for the joy and excitement and love found in romance. They are not, however, to be confused with one who is desperate. Hopeless romantics are not desperate, not in the least; they do, however, long to find one who can return their love so completely as they offer it.

Hopeless romantics hold dear to their hearts every little gesture of kindness and affection, every sweet and gentle communication of love. To a hopeless romantic, the arms of the one they love are home, and just to be held is heaven. A simple hug is as dear to them as anything. They adore the feeling of their love playing with their hair, holding their hand, whispering in their ear. The one they love can simply nudge their side, look in their eyes for an extra moment, or make them a heart out of a straw wrapper, and it will make their entire day. The brush of a hand on their cheek, or of lips on their forehead, rings true to them as a profession of love - because that is their own intention when they do such gentle things. Any small way they can communicate the love they feel for someone, they want to do. This is not to say that hopeless romantics do not also take immense pleasure in larger expressions of love, but the way they hold the little things dear is what sets them apart from other lovers. For who does not want to buy the one they love an extravagant gift? The distinction, then, is clearly that simple actions and interactions mean just as much to them as anything money can buy. 

And that last sentance, I think, is also profound (as cheesy as it may be). Not all hopeless romantics are open to the world about how hopelessly romantic they are. Many are level-headed individuals in most situations, and yet are inwardly (sometimes even secretly) completely and totally a hopeless romantic.

And that... that is me. I am a hopeless romantic.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

POETRY: I PICTURED US

You are on my mind constantly
nothing can set my imagination free.
Free of the thoughts of me and you
the thoughts of us making love so true.

I dream wonderful dreams
throughout the night,
of us doing unimaginable things
and doing them so right.

I dream of us making love under the moon
Under the moon so bright and full.
I hope my dreams can come true soon
in my mind nothing at all could be dull.

You are on my mind constantly
nothing can set my imagination free.
Free of the thoughts of me and you
the thoughts of us making love so true.


2


It's late autumn, and winter's chill
is in the air, growing daily.
The tree's remaining leaves will
soon fall and dance ecstatically
before their final rest.
In the sky, the stars and moon
play tag behind the crests
of mountainous clouds, which all too soon
will cover the earth
in a blanket of snow.
Logs snap and pop in the hearth,
the fire burns hot and low.
While laying together, unconcerned,
two hearts beat, two hearts burn.


3


I dreamt of you last night
Holding me
Loving me
Wanting me

I dreamt you said
you loved me
And you meant it

I pictured us
As I wish we could be
Together in a cloud of endless passion
And untouched by heartache or pain

It was just you and me in my dream
It was just my thoughts
My imagination
And all of my heart.


4

leaves await the wind
to give breath to
their rustling voice
and whisper your name
stars wheel and dance
in heavenly court
offering borrowed charm
with light stolen
from your eyes
flowing wine seduces
with your intoxicating embrace
it's sultry taste and color
finding form upon your lips
honeysuckle on the wind
is the memory of your passage
the cleansing summer rain
fallen from your skin
the brilliant warmth
of the afternoon sun
ablaze within my racing heart
when I take your hand


5


The very thought of you
 lifts my spirit and helps me endure through the harsh day.
The very sight of you
 drives me crazy and emotionally insane.
The very scent of you
 takes me to paradise where you and I exist as one.
The very sense of you
 fills the dull and lifeless surroundings with magic and beauty.
The very sound of you
 lights up my little red heart with tenderness and pure delight.
The eye contact we make, unbelievably astonishing!
Embraced by your ambiguous beauty,
Seduced by your nonchalant actions,
Manipulated by your sexual sensuality,
Girl, your entire being makes me want to say,
I love you...


6

Luscious lips please
Kiss me now;
My mouth is craving yours.
Tease me with your tongue when you
Press yourself against me.
Oh, you are biting me now?
Pleasure is in that pain,
Sun is always in your rain,
Freedom in your chains.
Luscious lips please
Kiss me now;
Kiss my heart,
Kiss my soul,
Kiss my world



7

The old familiar
      of
     your
   hand in
     mine,

This is what
     I
   yearn
    for.

The smell of
    you
   on my
  clothes,

This is what
     I
   search
    for.

Feeling of your
  heartbeat
  with my
   cheek,

This is what
     I
   live
    for.




8


I could write about love
I could write about hate
pleasure and pain
or all the desires of my heart
But to combine them all
I'll write of you
How I love you so true
and how I hate being apart
the pleasure of your kisses
and the pain of your tears
how you fulfill all my needs
Everything I wish for
all that I pray will happen
appears before me, coming true
whenever I'm with you
Our lives aren't perfect
and sometimes we say things
that hurt a little too much
but forgivness never ends
and our love grows deeper
and one day when
we can share all we have together
that will be the day
all my dreams come true
when fear disappears
and love resides
When I say I do...
and until then you have my love
and utter devotion
I am here for you always
I'll never let you go
for you have my heart


9

If ever the sun burns out,
                      the moon melts down,
                  and the stars fall from above

                   If ever the world drys out,
                    the grass stops growing, 
                  and the flowers stop blooming 

                 If ever the winds stop blowing, 
                     the clouds stop forming,
                     and the world dries out

               If ever that day shall come when all 
                      these If ever's become
                 and my nightmares become alive
              
               That's the day I'll stop loving you.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

THOUGHTS:WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO

It’s easy to get stuck in life.

In fact, for most of us, it just happens. One day we just realize it.

We get that nagging feeling that “doing this, here, was not what I was meant to be doing.”  We get that nagging feeling that there’s somewhere else we should be. We dream of escaping constantly.

Life has a little bit less zing to it. Happy things don’t get us quite as happy, and sad things – wait, life is sad, we tell ourselves – so we suck it up.

We start telling our friends who are having hard times “Welcome to life. Anything you want has to be attained through struggle and warfare with life.”

“Dreams? Who can afford them.”

“At least I’m paying my bills and I have a place to live.”

“Ehh that’s only possible for a select few people.”

For most of us, we hit that “stuck/fucked” spot right when we get the first secure job. It pays us good enough so that we don’t worry, we get a good enough apartment, then a good enough spouse, then a good enough marriage. And then life is “Eh, good enough” for the rest of our lives.

Fuck good enough.

You can tell l if You’re Stuck

#1 You have less energy and couldn’t care less about anything

The most overwhelming and obvious sign is low energy and a general inability to get motivated.  Everything seems like a struggle.

u just don’t care anymore. 

Everything is too much effort for you, nothing seems to get you super aroused and happy (Usually the only thing that does that is when the person gets a spouse/falls in love, etc. Which is basically their only anchor into sanity).

Underlying the signs and symptoms of depression, dullness, hollowness, don’t-give-a-fuck-ness, there is a serious lack of motivation to do anything.

#2 Everything seems impossible (even small stuff)

When you get stuck, everything is a struggle. Even if you’re off at five, and you usually play video games till midnight, you still complain about going to the gym and lack of time even though you’re getting fatter and fatter.

When you don’t have enough money for something (a vacation, an engagement ring, a new toy, a new car, etc.) you don’t have the mental energy to figure out how to earn it and pay for it. You just complain, you whine about how difficult life is and how you just wish you were earning more money.

This lack of energy and zest is closely tied in with #3

#3 You rationalize mediocre circumstances as being “just the way it is”

What does lack of energy + everything seeming impossible = ?

A chronic cynic.

“This is just the way life is.”

They become a person who has no concept outside of the brutal “realities” of life. Outside of the normal paradigm for most: suffering in a job, deadly commutes, boring leisure time, jack-shit on the weekend, and an average spouse.

When your car breaks down, you lose your job, and your wife divorces you  - all on the same day – these kind of people say stuff like “That’s life.”  It’s like their emotional intelligence has vaporized into thin air.

They are far beyond entertaining silly stuff like “dreams,” “passions,” and other stuff.  Sometimes they entertain the idea of making a big life change like moving abroad, traveling long-term, or quitting their job – but they almost never follow through.

They’ve given up.

#4 Your intuition isn’t working (you don’t feel anything)

Another symptom that you feel stuck is that you’re emotionally semi-dead.

When you ask people like this what they would rather be doing, or where they’d rather be, they just say “Anywhere but here.”

It’s like you’ve numbed yourself to reality to try and cope with it better – higher lows, and lower highs, but more consistency you tell yourself.

But here’s the problem when you’re no longer connecting with your intuition – you end up doing stupid stuff because you think you should, and not because of how it makes you feel. Like trying to increase your earning potential in a job you already hate.

#5 You get pissed off over the smallest, most inconsequential things

To me, this has always been a symptom of being stuck, or feeling trapped in the rat race. You just have to vent. You have to get that angry bitter shit out of you,

Ever met someone who complains about traffic, the new co worker, spilling their coffee, being out of shape, the dog shitting on the rug, some rude person in the coffee line, the weather, etc. etc. every day?

Complaining is the most exciting part of their day – and it’s just about the only attention they get.

There’s one thing about getting stuck though – it’s easy and will happen naturally unless you invest time into not getting stuck.

How to Get Un-Stuck

There’s one important characteristics of getting stuck.

It’s all in your head.

Ever heard stories of kids who are way bigger than their dads but are still getting beaten and abused by them?

Heard stories of genius ghetto kids that stay stuck achieving nothing because their mom called them “lousy pieces of shit that will go nowhere” ?

Know someone who has been bullied their entire lives, and still, as a grown man, won’t stand up for anything?

It’s because our minds have been trained to behave certain ways and believe certain things.

It’s like your momma always said “Stop calling your brother an idiot! Or else one day he’ll think he is one!”

And it’s kinda like that saying “If you think you can and if you think you can’t – you’re right.”

Getting unstuck is all about getting your head right.

#1 Decide you want to be writing a better story

It amazes me how many people love wallowing in their own misery.I always tell them it’s a great way to jumpstart your motivation and get some energy back.

More than one has given me the “Ehhh that sounds like a lot of work, I have an apartment, car, job… mumble…mumble…” response.

In other words, fear. Laziness. Mental laziness more than anything.

Are you honestly willing to put in the effort?  The idea of suffering and slowly dying in a life you hate has got to be worse than the pain of busting your ass to fix it.

#2 Move across the world (seriously)

Some people need a real kick in the groin to get started. And some people need a massive change of scenery, a massive transitional period, to help get them motivated again and excited about life. Scary but true.

Although I’ve previously said that quitting your job to travel won’t solve shit (regarding personal/life issues), there are fewer things that can jumpstart people’s motivation and happiness more.

Many travelers went abroad long-term because 

A) They’re job sucked or they couldn’t find one, or 

B) They just got out of a long-term relationship and needed to get out.
I honestly recommend dropping everything and going – if you’re stuck, sick and tired of everything, and want an adventure.

And no, it’s not irresponsible. No it’s not terrifying.  If you’re in a mediocre life with a mediocre job and a mediocre boyfriend/girlfriend and you’re tired of all of them, what is there to lose? You’ve already lost.


#3 Downsize and kill yo debt (get un-trapped by your stuff)

Unless you have some life and death illness, getting rid of debt should be your #1 priority for anyone that plans on being un-stuck.

The only way to get unstuck..is to work...get a second job..or even a third one...

Which brings us to the last one –

#4 Understand the rat race

You’re stuck in the rat race when you barely make enough to get by.

Making $35k a year and s, a $1000/month apartment, a food leaves just about $2.50 left in your checking account. That’s to buy the bullet and rent the gun.

So for the next 10 or 20 or 40 years we dutifully work our way up to a little more financial security, or in our heads that’s what we tell ourselves. But we get so stuck in paying bills mode we don’t even sit back for two seconds to think of what we really want to do.

You end up like a bunch of my friends who take the highest paying job, every time, and take certifications to increase their earning potential at jobs they already hate.


I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

THOUGHTS: HAVE YOU EVER FELT YOU DID NOT REALLY COME FROM THIS PLANET

Something I have been musing over on and off for many years. Have you ever had times in your life when you look around at all the violence, wars on Earth and felt you did not really come from this planet but from elsewhere? Sure you were physically born on Earth but your spirit, soul whatever does not come from Earth. In fact you have known this since you were a child. And that indeed you had a name of the planet you beleive is real and have a fairly good idea of its culture and so on.


One thing that I certainly find different about myself to everyone else I know is that I just can't seem to accept how needing money to live is normal. Everyone I know just seems to accept it as normal.

When people say they "need to earn a living", I wonder why we need to earn our right to live. It seems unnatural to me that there are rules preventing us from surviving independantly, which is the only reason we need money.

When people say "I need to work to support myself", I think you're not supporting yourself. You are that domesticated you no longer know how to. So you need to support another entity, and in return they support you.

Most people I know mentally couldn't handle being isolated from other people even for 24 hours, but for some reason I love it and feel excited when I know the time is coming near for me to do it.

I sort of enjoy living in the money system, don't get me wrong. But it just seems so incredibly unnatural to me, and the fact everyone around me doesn't feel the same makes me truly wonder if my soul came from a different place to theirs.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

SPIRITUAL: PRAYING FOR GOD TO HELP FIND THE ONE.

Yes! Your life isn’t a game of connect-the-dots, with “the one” being a dot you hope to reach. I might not have stated this spiritual fact so confidently one years ago, though. At the time, I had been dating someone, and I really thought she was “the one.” The problem was, she told me that she felt we should just be friends. Even though I was happy spending time with her—even if we were “just friends”—I was also frustrated. I couldn’t help but keep praying for us to get back together.

After a week of that kind of prayer, I finally realized I was focused on what I thought I wanted, rather than on asking God what He knew about me and about this relationship. That was a thought-shift! Now, for the first time, I humbly prayed to know what God knew. Rather than obsessing about how to make this person love me, I became filled with a very strong impulse to let go—let go of my definition of how things needed to turn out, let go of my fears of another failed relationship, let go of trying to make something happen.

This uplifting prayer brought such a sense of peace. I felt so sure of the unconditional presence of divine Love. I realized that God’s guidance wasn’t going to fit in that connect-the-dots analogy. Rather, this growing assurance of the omnipotence of Love made it clear that I would never be lost or outside of good. What’s more, I discovered that even as Love is infinite, it’s also specific in its guidance—never leaving us out or giving one-size-fits-all generic answers. With these realizations, all fear about losing “the one” vanished.

The divine guidance I’ve felt every step of the way in this relationship hasn’t been God pulling or pushing me through various options. Instead, the more aware I am of the presence of Love, the more clear it is that I could never lose love—and I love to be with her as we continue to explore this fact together.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: WHY NICE GUYS LIKE ME..PREFER SLUTS AND BAD GIRLS.

Does it seem like men feel kind of entitled to sex? Does it seem like we react to rejection with the maturity of a child being denied a toy?

Well, you have to keep in mind that what we learn as kids is really hard to deprogram as an adult. And what we learned as kids is that we males are each owed, and will eventually be awarded, a beautiful woman.

We were told this by every movie, TV show, novel, comic book, video game and song we encountered. When the Karate Kid wins the tournament, his prize is a trophy and Elisabeth Shue. Neo saves the world and is awarded Trinity. Marty McFly gets his dream girl, John McClane gets his ex-wife back, Keanu “Speed” Reeves gets Sandra Bullock, Shia LaBeouf gets Megan Fox in Transformers, Iron Man gets Pepper Potts, the hero in Avatar gets the hottest Na’vi, Shrek gets Fiona, Bill Murray gets Sigourney Weaver in Ghostbusters, Frodo gets Sam, WALL-E gets EVE … and so on.

Hell, at the end of An Officer and a Gentleman, Richard Gere walks into the lady’s workplace and just carries her out like he’s picking up a suit at the dry cleaner.

And then we have Star Wars, where Luke starts out getting Princess Leia (in The Empire Strikes Back), but then as Han Solo became a fan favorite, George Lucas realized he had to award her to him instead (forcing him to write the “She’s secretly Luke’s sister” thing into Return of the Jedi, even though it meant adding the weird incest vibe to Empire). With Harry Potter, J.K. Rowling played with the convention by having the beautiful girl get awarded to the sidekick character Ron, but she made it a central conflict in the story that Ron is constantly worried that, since Harry is the main character, Hermione will be awarded to him instead.

In each case, the woman has no say in this — compatibility doesn’t matter, prior relationships don’t matter, nothing else factors in. If the hero accomplishes his goals, he is awarded his favorite female. Yes, there will be dialogue that maybe makes it sound like the woman is having doubts, and she will make noises like she is making the decision on her own. But we, as the audience, know that in the end the hero will “get the girl,” just as we know that at the end of the month we’re going to “get our paycheck.” Failure to award either is breaking a societal contract. The girl can say what she wants, but we all know that at the end, she will wind up with the hero, whether she knows it or not.

“Wait right there. I need to go defeat my demons and realize the strength was in me all along.”

And now you see the problem. From birth we’re taught that we’re owed a beautiful girl. We all think of ourselves as the hero of our own story, and we all (whether we admit it or not) think we’re heroes for just getting through our day.

So it’s very frustrating, and I mean frustrating to the point of violence, when we don’t get what we’re owed. A contract has been broken. These women, by exercising their own choices, are denying it to us. It’s why every Nice Guy is shocked to find that buying gifts for a girl and doing her favors won’t win him sex. It’s why we go to “slut” and “whore” as our default insults — we’re not mad that women enjoy sex. We’re mad that women are distributing to other people the sex that they owed us.

Yes, the women in these stories are being portrayed as wonderful and beautiful and perfect. But remember, there are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: RESPECT A MAN BY USING YOUR FEMININITY

So what IS respect exactly? Respect from a man (and from other people) happens when you have value to bring to give!

The highest level of respect from a man (a good man) comes when you are an example of a feminine woman who loves herself and loves being in her natural feminine sexual essence. It comes when you represent a fantastic loving mother, wife, girlfriend, sister, friend, lover, daughter, human being, etc. This respect comes because you are embodying who you are at your core (provided you ARE feminine at your core, some women are more masculine).

If you can be an authentic woman, and not try to become more like men, this gives men the freedom to be men and it makes them comfortable being men. It is not often that women can do this. It’s a rare and valuable skill. Plus, it’s all about how you make a man feel around you. If you are building up positive associations in him, and you make him feel more of a man just by being you, he is going to be VERY drawn to you. Men like women who make them feel like men, and who make them feel comfortable with who they are. It’s also great if you can use your femininity to propel your man to greater heights/achievements. This is adding value! To be honest, no-one respects a woman who has little to offer. Or who offers what is readily available. If you do not inspire anyone, or care for anyone beyond yourself, you're not really going to command respect at the highest level. This goes for getting respect from a man OR a woman.

I have stated that respect comes when you can bring value to the other person. A man can respect just ANY woman who brings value to the table,but if you want to be respected more than he respects anyone else; it is the value that you can bring to the table as a woman that will really command his highest level of respect. This is also how you create passion and polarity in your relationship. By being the yin to his yang. A feminine woman and a masculine man who revel in their sexual essence and who love each other are an amazing match! Men can respect women as humans, yet they can also respect women as feminine souls at the same time asrespecting women for all the other things they can bring to the table.

Lots of women out there think that by being 'one of the boys' they will get more love and respect from the men around them. This is not true at all. In fact, men might get confused! How do you interact with a woman who looks like a woman, but actually relates completely to men? Do they treat you like one of their mates, or do they take extra care for you because you're more vulnerable (as feminine women are) and because you're not one of them, but you're a true woman who complements them and appreciates them as men?

All too many women are ready to explain "I don't need a man!" or "I'm self-sufficient and men are useless anyway!". Big mistake. If a man doesn't feel needed by you, he won't feel like your man. Masculine men are stimulated by challenge, and feminine women are stimulated by praise. Respect this difference and learn to LOVE it! Learn to live truly in your feminine core, and get addicted to learning more ways to meet your man's needs, and learn how to make him feel like a man. There's really nothing more pleasurable for a man than to have the feeling of being a man.

How else can you command respect from a man? Take care of him! Do a better job of this than any other woman possibly could. Make yourself indispensable,andlet men be men. Do not try and control a man's whereabouts, or obsessively check up on his whereabouts. Learn to trust him. Men want to be trusted. It shows that you rely on him and them allows him to feel more needed and more like a man. If he wants to play golf or cricket instead of taking you shopping or to a picnic, let him be. Understand that he needs to do these things because he is a man.

Give your man freedom. Men have fought for freedom for many, many years. They want it, and it's your job to understand this, respect it and give him this gift, rather than be thinking constantly of yourself and how you need your needs met. After all, he is not going to want to meet YOUR needs if you are not meeting his and making him feel like a man. All men have the right to feel like men.

To be really frank, if you're the kind of person who is always thinking of themselves, you're never really going to command respect from ANYONE. Let alone a man!

Unfortunately, it is increasingly common for women to emasculate their man in relationships by making men walk on eggshells and start to fear them. The bad thing about a situation like this is that men start to lose hope and confidence, and their sense of freedom. They will then start to let their woman walk all over them, and he will slowly begin to resent her. Anyway, no woman wants a man who lets her walk all over him, truly. No matter how much she wants to control him. Deep inside, we can never really respect a man who lets us walk all over him. We respect a man who is strong, ambitious and masculine.

You can command respect from a man by showing up as who you really are at your core - a truly feminine woman who understands men and understands how to meet his needs at the highest level. If this sounds silly,I say it because most women do not realize that just by being a woman does not mean you are feminine or that you ARE worthy of respect! Just by dressing in nice womanly dresses, loving children and loving animals, or enjoying shopping and talking - does not make you a truly respectable woman. Femininity is real if it shows in your character!

You also need to appreciate and understand masculinity. If we can understand men, and appreciate what they bring to the table, and appreciate men for being men, then this helps to build mutual respect as he respects you for what you bring to the table as well.

"Respect is earned, Love is given" - Anthony Robbins

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

DATING: HOW DATING ONLINE IS FOR GUYS

Guys are simple creatures. We join online dating sites to meet women. A lot of us (the good ones) already know quality people and have plenty of interesting conversations. The problem is that we don't know many or any attractive, interesting single women. For a lot of us it's the only thing our lives seem to be missing.

Guys join a dating site and start searching through profiles. They want to find the most beautiful, most interesting single woman on the site and get her attention. They find her (or 3-5 candidates--you can't put all your eggs in one basket), study her profile, see a lot of common ground, spend an hour composing what they think is the perfect message and hit 'send.'

They never hear back. That's one night down, 3-5 hours spent on composing messages alone, 3-5 women they really wanted to get to know who haven't responded. Maybe the women aren't interested, maybe they're not single, maybe they don't check their deluged dating inbox frequently, maybe the female sex is flaky and undependable, maybe the suitor is undateable, maybe it's a dude posing as a chick to try to steal your awesome first messages, maybe maybe maybe.

But good guys are persistent and ambitious, so they try a few more times. A few more nights (not days, because good guys have day jobs. He's giving up nights and weekends because he believes lasting love is worth sacrificing for). They get similar results. As the guys move further and further down their lists, they start making choices between looks and interesting profiles. Evaluating profiles takes minutes per profile examined (women write a lot!), evaluating photos takes seconds. They send shorter and shorter messages that are less tailored to the unique snowflake that is each precious female member of the online dating community. They're feeling more and more rejected and retaining less enthusiasm and hope for this, what seems to be their last best chance at meeting attractive, interesting single women.

Good guys can keep this up for a while, but they all soon come to realize that they're doing an awful lot of work and getting barely anything for it. That 20-60 minutes per message thing has to go. They look up online dating strategies, they tweak their profiles and they put together template messages that sound great and can be tailored to a few choice details of a cute girl's profile within a minute or two. By this point they're past caring about the profile itself except as a means to increase the odds of hearing back from a cute girl and getting that teensy bit of validation. What started as a quest for a mate and devolved into a failing attempt at forsaking virginity is in ruins as they seek a few kind words from a pretty face to keep the final ashes of hope aglow.

These aren't just the sleaze balls. These are the genuine catches, too. These are the guys with jobs (good jobs), with values (good values), with brains (good brains), with ambitions (noble ambitions) who just want to find a similarly complete woman to share life with. And this is where the story turns tragic: With the dwindling hope of being with the kind of attractive, kind, interesting, ennobling woman before they die, with the dwindling hope of finding a strong wife and mother who will help raise a family which will reproduce again before the man enters the grave, with the dwindling hope of getting laid, married or not, before turning 40, men break.

A broken man is a man who puts aside his values (the ideals he holds to even when against his short- or even long-term best interests). We still have our jobs, we still have our brains, we still have our ambitions, but we start putting aside our values. It doesn't seem like a big deal to save himself for his wife any more. It doesn't seem like a big deal to seek a relationship based on looks alone. It doesn't seem like a big deal to enter a relationship that's only about sex. It doesn't seem like a big deal to go out on a string of one-night-stands. In fact, a string of one-night stands sounds awesome. And maybe the girls don't even have to be that cute. It's just one night, right? And who cares about their feelings? Maybe caring about the girl's feelings are what got this oh-so-awesome and increasingly narcissistic group of guys into their troubles to begin with. Some men are never good men, but a broken good man quickly devolves into just another jerk.

That's what online dating is like for guys--the genuine catches. The jerks have it easy. Of course, there are two online dating strategies that guys can adopt that don't wear down the soul: One is eHarmony, where for all the hype about matching, I think what they really have going on is their Guided Communication process; the other is to send short messages to a lot of pretty faces that don't say much more than "hi." Don't expect a response, but follow up on the few that do get returned back at you.

If you're still reading this, let me refine and clarify what I sent at 2am the other night.

First, I pointed out a line where you come across as a "lousy, stuck-up bitch." I have no idea whether you actually are one. We've never met, so how could I know? It's a caution that you may not be projecting the best version of yourself.

Second, the guys who really are interested in who women are as people--the kinds of guys whose apparent scarcity frustrates you--they'll look at your profile and really question whether they want to get to know someone who self-contrasts against "the hundreds of ... denizens of OkCupid" by being "a genuine, interesting person" and only answers to messages that don't "bore the hell out of" her.

Sadly, that means that guys who do send you interesting enough messages to elicit a response fall into two categories: Guys who really don't care about you as a person but will pretend to in order to score, and guys like me who are annoyed at how common it is for women's profiles to encourage good men to engage in the self-destructive and life-stealing behavior of laboring over introductory messages to strangers.

There's a Jewish saying along the lines of "those who are kind to the cruel will be cruel to the kind." By putting up "disclaimers" and "spikes" to soothe the emotions of the losers who are crying in a corner because you didn't have time to respond to their messages, you're turning off good guys you actually would want to talk to. I suggest you revisit the decision with this in mind.

Finally, 'da club' is da place you go where da music is too loud and all da people maybe try some dancin' wif' da cuties of da opposite sex. If dey're lucky, maybe dey'll even do some bump'n'grind and maybe even have sex in da bafroom. It's basically Hell for 20-somethings who spurn quality suitors out of ignorance of what it's like to date online as a guy. If I haven't bored the hell out of you still, take my last suggestion: Take out the "bore the hell out of me" line, and the next time a guy sends an overly-tailored message without anything you're interested in, take a look at his profile. If he looks nice and if his profile is interesting, respond to his boring-as-hell message. He's the sort of guy who wants to know you as a person. Better yet, he's not broken yet.


I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: WOMAN ARE BECOMING MORE LIKE MEN..

We live in a very strange world, a world where love is cursed by polygamy, sex has lost its value, and women have changed drastically. From once having morals and respect for themselves, girls are running around now with not a bit of dignity.

Sure you can call it generation YOLO and women seizing the moment and just living life and having fun like they like to call it, but it just leaves me hoping I never end up with a daughter. Don’t get me wrong — I’m all about having fun: the quick sex, the quick thrill and the terrible Facebook photos that you get tagged in the next day, but there has to be some sort of a line.

For men, it’s great that these women have decided to become just like us. They’ve taken the male approach to sex and the way we treat the other gender. It is almost like they have become a mirror image of men in our love for a multitude of partners. This is great, because it cuts out a lot of the hard work that men used to have to go through to woo a woman to get what they ultimately want.

Sure women have become independent, which is a great feat and should constantly be encouraged, but that is the positive side of women rising to power in our society. With every pro there happens to be a con, and the con here is that most of these women have completely lost all respect for themselves, and their morals along the way.

They’ve become thirsty for attention, from posting half naked photos on Instagram to having their whole lives exposed on the internet, through the course of hashtags. Then you have drugs, cocaine and molly being predominant, and many women addicted to prescription pills to help their “anxiety.” In short, women have become easy, but they have also become broken — and eventually become undesirable because no one stays hot forever.

Sure we men are to blame for this as well, but that is because we are idiots. It all comes down to perception. Women see us drool over that hot girl that is standing half naked in her default picture or see us go wild when we easily get the number to a hot girl we just met on the street. To a man’s perception this seems “right” because it’s exactly what we want: sex without much effort. But for women from the outside looking in, they think that this is what we want, and it skews their perception.

Good girls gone bad, the city is filled with them to paraphrase the great Jay-Z. The problem is that it’s not just the city, but society as a whole. Men are to blame for this because we encourage such behavior and give these girls the attention they want when they are dressed up like complete retards at EDM shows and when they are in their bikinis on Instagram. But women are also to blame in giving this artificial persona of what men call hot or not.

Sure I’m an asshole that loves to take advantage of women who are willing to bang me without me having to offer too much, but at the same time I am also a gentleman that knows how to treat a lady with respect and compassion just like any other true lady should be treated.

The truth of the matter is that you can’t change women that are already broken, so those are the ones that men use for exactly what we want: sex with no strings attached. Because it’s easy and it’s right in front of us. But at some point in time, through the course of our lives, we are going to grow out of chasing someone that has been with everyone. Sure being a bachelor is fun and all, the stories are great, bragging to our friends is epic, but we are eventually going to want more out of a female than just sex.

That is when we want to settle down, but with a lady who has respect for herself, morals — and there isn’t one guy out there that can have a bad story to tell about her — like the time she had a threesome in a London hostel while studying abroad.

Because of the double standard that is in place between men and women, finding a girl of this nature wasn’t that hard decades ago because women actually held high standards for themselves and demanded men to treat them properly before they gave them what they wanted.

The truth of the matter nowadays is that good girls, as we like to call them, don’t really exist. They are unicorns. You are lucky if you come across one that is actually who she says she is. We sometimes even joke that our future wives are currently in Kindergarten because it is comforting to know that she is currently playing with blocks and not swinging from dick to dick because they sell her a good enough story. And when she’s 18 we’ll snap her right up and she’ll have no exposure to being a slut.

Men are going to want to settle down with a good girl, a girl that is respectable and not someone that has been with everyone — as that is every man’s fear. The older you get, the more you realize that it is a fantasy that doesn’t actually exist. When you actually meet one, you will refuse to admit she’s real anyways.

My question is what happened to a girl impressing us with her intellect and being able to hold a conversation past: do you come here often? Why has it become the standard that women have to impress men by flashing their tits or dressing up half naked? Sure we may seem dumb when we are chasing smuts, but when we do actually want to settle down with a female, she has to meet the standards that we have for a girl with whom we want to settle down.

Through my experiences, as well as the experiences of many other men, it’s hard to come across a good girl or a unicorn. We’re not asking for much here, just a girl that respects herself and is smart to the point where she would understand us.

But then there is the other side of the spectrum, that when we do actually find a unicorn and settle down, our ego gets a bit ahead of ourselves and we find them a bit too boring for our liking, so we decide to cheat. It’s like a double-edged sword. You realize it wasn’t getting the unicorn, but rather attracting something you thought never existed. It always is about the chase and never about the perfection of the woman. And that is the mindset of men in the 21st century.

What we look for is a lady on the street and a freak in the bed, as Ludacris once explained. The problem is that most girls are freaks everywhere, which leaves us with fewer options when trying to settle down. Unicorns are tough to find, and if you do stumble upon one, do everything in your power to hold onto her, as the chase is only fun for so long — and we do have a sense of compassion and companionship we like to share with a partner.

Those are the natural instincts of a man. Ladies, men are not going to respect you if you don’t respect yourselves. It’s that simple.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.

LOVE: THE GAME OF LIFE

Out of all the potential partners out there, you aren’t compatible with 70% of them. That’s 30% left. From those 30%, those you meet in a random day may not be in the mood, may be out of a shitty relationship, maybe it’s a rainy day, maybe their cat died. That’s about 15% left. Out of those 15%, how many are you going to approach? Out of those 15%, how many are you going to even MEET taking into consideration time and space?

Maybe it’s a limiting belief of mine but I believe quality people are very hard to find. Those whom you are compatible with – even harder. So you have two choices now. You can bitch about it or you can play the game and have fun.

The game is ‘Finding someone who I can maximize happiness with’. It’s about shuffling through people to find someone you can share a great life with. I’m not talking marriage here, I’m just talking a healthy, fun relationship. You don’t get upset about everybody not being your match – you just take it easy and just keep searching. It’s a game, remember? If you adopt this mindset it has the potential to get your rid of a lot of frustrations. Use it!

What is the end goal? Depends on who you’re asking. A lot of guys just want to fuck. Some women want to get married and it doesn’t matter with whom. I believe that if you’re a mature emotional individual, the end goal is finding someone that completes you on ALL levels. Someone you can share great experiences with and you can build a beautiful life together.

Everyone wants a relationship. And no, a relationship doesn’t mean needy, controlling behaviour. It doesn’t have to be an obligation or another ‘to-do’ on your agenda. Everyone wants to love somebody and feel nurtured in an intimate contact, whether you know it or not.

THE BIG TRAP YOU MUST AVOID: the illusion that once you’re in a relationship she/he will make you happy. It’s a terrible attitude. From my experience, if you don’t have a kick-ass life BEFORE entering a relationship you’re screwed. Not only will you suffer, your partner too will suffer and the relationship will end. You must take responsibility for yourself first, then your relationship. Don’t expect a shiny knight to come into your life and end all your problems and live happily ever after.

You MUST love yourself before you can love somebody else. You have to have money before you can lend to someone, right? If not, a pathological relationship will install which will reinforce your limiting beliefs about people and relationships.

A big ‘A-HA!’ moment I had a couple of months ago is that we fall in love with patterns and habits, not with people. Theoretically, everyone deserves our love. What sets them apart is their personality, their habits, their life. Basically, we don’t magically fall in love with someone and think that Cupid stroke us. We love and appreciate certain qualities – that were built or were naturally given. Either way, if you want to attract a better person you have to become a better person.

So, what are you looking for? Besides a pornstar in bed and a gentleman waiting at your door. When you know what you want, you play the game much better. You’re more selective and you’re more rooted. Your confidence goes up because you know you won’t settle for anything. You’re picky now. How does he/she have to be? Loving, understanding, intelligent? Adventurous or maybe more refined and calm? Crazy and full of energy or maybe the more intellectual type? I can’t over-advise this enough. This is one of the MOST IMPORTANT steps you can take to meet someone you want. Getting clear on what you want raises your chances exponentially.

Reality-check: We’re usually attracted to persons that are like us in many ways. So take a look at yourself and you’ll understand better what you’re looking for. Of course, opposites do attract but not total opposites. You’re not gay, are you?

Next step: be PROACTIVE! Let’s take a realistic look at your life (I know, it hurts). If you’re waiting for him/her to come into your life, you’re bound to wait for a very long time. How many new persons come into your current social circles? I thought so. Very few. Out of these, how much chances are there that they may be a match for you? I thought so.

So what’s the solution? BE PROACTIVE! You don’t need the iron balls to go out on the streets and approach. You just need to try new things. Practice your hobbies into a social manner. Go dancing (salsa, tango, etc), go to the gym, go to concerts and so on. Ask yourself: WHERE could I find the person I’m looking for? Quick tip: I don’t think clubs/night bars count. Really now.

The love of your life may stroll besides you and you wouldn’t even know it. You have to be ready. You have to be mentally and emotionally ready and risk rejection and embarrassment. I get a headache when I think about the women I could have been with, amazing women. I just couldn’t get the balls to act like a man, even though they were VERY open. You may find love when you least expect it. You have to be open to it and initiate contact.

A friend said something that blew me up a couple of weeks ago. He said being in a relationship is THE BIGGEST PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CHALLENGE ever. It hit me so hard because it’s so fucking true. You have to be VERY open and vulnerable. You have to let the other see the real you – with qualities and draw-backs. You have to face a lot of shit that comes out, unconsciously. It’s hard and not a lot of people are willing to do this. But this is where the biggest quantum leaps are. This is where you evolve the most. Quick-tip for men: women are constantly checking your masculinity levels. If they sense you’re becoming weak, unconsciously they’ll test you. I repeat, this is a total unconscious process. They want a real man besides them and they’re treading the water all the time. So when you face an argument first think of yourself – where did I go wrong?

Another big challenge is that you have to face your beliefs. In order to successfully relate to the opposite sex you have to live in a good reality. You have to consider yourself attractive, valuable and pretty overall cool. I believe that every single ‘failure’ I had was because I wasn’t ready – mentally and emotionally. When I became ready, the challenge rose again and I shined. Don’t beat yourself up. Just learn and evolve and things you come your way, eventually. Another great belief is that if it didn’t ‘work out’ with someone, surely she wasn’t a good fit for me. So I saved myself a lot of trouble – effort, time and emotions. So everything’s going my way on the long run.

A relationship is a very organic thing. Don’t think that your partner will act the same in spite of your attitude. I found out that my attitude and behaviour DETERMINED the relationship. Very often, your attitude and behaviour determines your partners behaviour too. Don’t expect them to open up by themselves. Don’t expect them to be confident. Don’t expect them to be understanding. You have to be all of these before they can feel the same.

As for the grand finale, a big recent realization hit me. What we’re looking for is to feel love – the emotion. The problem is we get caught up in the person we love. We lost the purpose of the game. The purpose was to love, NOT TO LOVE A SPECIFIC PERSON. Catching my drift? It doesn’t matter WHO you love – you’re looking for the emotion, not for the emotion for a specific person. This can set you free – you realize you don’t have to (and it’s very advisable not to) get attached and hang on for dear life to a person. Love is the purpose. The partner is just a portal for love. Don’t put extra useless rules to the game.

This can help you very much get over a ending relationship or appreciate even more what you currently have. You realize everything is temporary – even life and love. You get full of gratitude for everything you experienced and feel blessed. In the same time, the game continues. Love is in the air and there’s a whole world out there to love.

These are pretty much the most important things I learned about romantic relationships. I wish I had someone take me by the hand when I was 16 and tell me all these. But guess what? I wouldn’t have been ready anyway.

So, what’s there to do? Get out there and play the game. Enjoy the game. Be playful. It’s a perpetual journey where you learn and evolve. It’s a beautiful and extraordinary opportunity for you to experience the greatest human emotion – love. Don’t fret about feeling inadequate, lonely or unvaluable. That’s bullshit. But it’s part of your journey to get over these limiting beliefs.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.