LOVE: THE GAME OF LIFE

Out of all the potential partners out there, you aren’t compatible with 70% of them. That’s 30% left. From those 30%, those you meet in a random day may not be in the mood, may be out of a shitty relationship, maybe it’s a rainy day, maybe their cat died. That’s about 15% left. Out of those 15%, how many are you going to approach? Out of those 15%, how many are you going to even MEET taking into consideration time and space?

Maybe it’s a limiting belief of mine but I believe quality people are very hard to find. Those whom you are compatible with – even harder. So you have two choices now. You can bitch about it or you can play the game and have fun.

The game is ‘Finding someone who I can maximize happiness with’. It’s about shuffling through people to find someone you can share a great life with. I’m not talking marriage here, I’m just talking a healthy, fun relationship. You don’t get upset about everybody not being your match – you just take it easy and just keep searching. It’s a game, remember? If you adopt this mindset it has the potential to get your rid of a lot of frustrations. Use it!

What is the end goal? Depends on who you’re asking. A lot of guys just want to fuck. Some women want to get married and it doesn’t matter with whom. I believe that if you’re a mature emotional individual, the end goal is finding someone that completes you on ALL levels. Someone you can share great experiences with and you can build a beautiful life together.

Everyone wants a relationship. And no, a relationship doesn’t mean needy, controlling behaviour. It doesn’t have to be an obligation or another ‘to-do’ on your agenda. Everyone wants to love somebody and feel nurtured in an intimate contact, whether you know it or not.

THE BIG TRAP YOU MUST AVOID: the illusion that once you’re in a relationship she/he will make you happy. It’s a terrible attitude. From my experience, if you don’t have a kick-ass life BEFORE entering a relationship you’re screwed. Not only will you suffer, your partner too will suffer and the relationship will end. You must take responsibility for yourself first, then your relationship. Don’t expect a shiny knight to come into your life and end all your problems and live happily ever after.

You MUST love yourself before you can love somebody else. You have to have money before you can lend to someone, right? If not, a pathological relationship will install which will reinforce your limiting beliefs about people and relationships.

A big ‘A-HA!’ moment I had a couple of months ago is that we fall in love with patterns and habits, not with people. Theoretically, everyone deserves our love. What sets them apart is their personality, their habits, their life. Basically, we don’t magically fall in love with someone and think that Cupid stroke us. We love and appreciate certain qualities – that were built or were naturally given. Either way, if you want to attract a better person you have to become a better person.

So, what are you looking for? Besides a pornstar in bed and a gentleman waiting at your door. When you know what you want, you play the game much better. You’re more selective and you’re more rooted. Your confidence goes up because you know you won’t settle for anything. You’re picky now. How does he/she have to be? Loving, understanding, intelligent? Adventurous or maybe more refined and calm? Crazy and full of energy or maybe the more intellectual type? I can’t over-advise this enough. This is one of the MOST IMPORTANT steps you can take to meet someone you want. Getting clear on what you want raises your chances exponentially.

Reality-check: We’re usually attracted to persons that are like us in many ways. So take a look at yourself and you’ll understand better what you’re looking for. Of course, opposites do attract but not total opposites. You’re not gay, are you?

Next step: be PROACTIVE! Let’s take a realistic look at your life (I know, it hurts). If you’re waiting for him/her to come into your life, you’re bound to wait for a very long time. How many new persons come into your current social circles? I thought so. Very few. Out of these, how much chances are there that they may be a match for you? I thought so.

So what’s the solution? BE PROACTIVE! You don’t need the iron balls to go out on the streets and approach. You just need to try new things. Practice your hobbies into a social manner. Go dancing (salsa, tango, etc), go to the gym, go to concerts and so on. Ask yourself: WHERE could I find the person I’m looking for? Quick tip: I don’t think clubs/night bars count. Really now.

The love of your life may stroll besides you and you wouldn’t even know it. You have to be ready. You have to be mentally and emotionally ready and risk rejection and embarrassment. I get a headache when I think about the women I could have been with, amazing women. I just couldn’t get the balls to act like a man, even though they were VERY open. You may find love when you least expect it. You have to be open to it and initiate contact.

A friend said something that blew me up a couple of weeks ago. He said being in a relationship is THE BIGGEST PERSONAL DEVELOPMENT CHALLENGE ever. It hit me so hard because it’s so fucking true. You have to be VERY open and vulnerable. You have to let the other see the real you – with qualities and draw-backs. You have to face a lot of shit that comes out, unconsciously. It’s hard and not a lot of people are willing to do this. But this is where the biggest quantum leaps are. This is where you evolve the most. Quick-tip for men: women are constantly checking your masculinity levels. If they sense you’re becoming weak, unconsciously they’ll test you. I repeat, this is a total unconscious process. They want a real man besides them and they’re treading the water all the time. So when you face an argument first think of yourself – where did I go wrong?

Another big challenge is that you have to face your beliefs. In order to successfully relate to the opposite sex you have to live in a good reality. You have to consider yourself attractive, valuable and pretty overall cool. I believe that every single ‘failure’ I had was because I wasn’t ready – mentally and emotionally. When I became ready, the challenge rose again and I shined. Don’t beat yourself up. Just learn and evolve and things you come your way, eventually. Another great belief is that if it didn’t ‘work out’ with someone, surely she wasn’t a good fit for me. So I saved myself a lot of trouble – effort, time and emotions. So everything’s going my way on the long run.

A relationship is a very organic thing. Don’t think that your partner will act the same in spite of your attitude. I found out that my attitude and behaviour DETERMINED the relationship. Very often, your attitude and behaviour determines your partners behaviour too. Don’t expect them to open up by themselves. Don’t expect them to be confident. Don’t expect them to be understanding. You have to be all of these before they can feel the same.

As for the grand finale, a big recent realization hit me. What we’re looking for is to feel love – the emotion. The problem is we get caught up in the person we love. We lost the purpose of the game. The purpose was to love, NOT TO LOVE A SPECIFIC PERSON. Catching my drift? It doesn’t matter WHO you love – you’re looking for the emotion, not for the emotion for a specific person. This can set you free – you realize you don’t have to (and it’s very advisable not to) get attached and hang on for dear life to a person. Love is the purpose. The partner is just a portal for love. Don’t put extra useless rules to the game.

This can help you very much get over a ending relationship or appreciate even more what you currently have. You realize everything is temporary – even life and love. You get full of gratitude for everything you experienced and feel blessed. In the same time, the game continues. Love is in the air and there’s a whole world out there to love.

These are pretty much the most important things I learned about romantic relationships. I wish I had someone take me by the hand when I was 16 and tell me all these. But guess what? I wouldn’t have been ready anyway.

So, what’s there to do? Get out there and play the game. Enjoy the game. Be playful. It’s a perpetual journey where you learn and evolve. It’s a beautiful and extraordinary opportunity for you to experience the greatest human emotion – love. Don’t fret about feeling inadequate, lonely or unvaluable. That’s bullshit. But it’s part of your journey to get over these limiting beliefs.

I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.