THOUGHTS: THE HUMAN CONDITION

Brad Pitt said on the Charlie Rose show, “Happiness is overrated.” That statement really struck me. For so long I have defined the criteria for a good life as living with the greatest amount of happiness. I think I was wrong.


Number one on the list of “How to live life” is living it. If you decide against an action that you wanted to pursue, you are not living life to the fullest. This has important conditions of course. If you want to beat the hell out of someone for whatever reason and decided against it, that might have been a good idea. Hesitation is the genesis of regret. I’m a pro at hesitation. I think so much about every goddamn, M-F’ng thing that it makes me angry. I’ve been dating a girl very recently that has really started to put some things into perspective about life (and I know she might actually read this, thus that fact has an impact on what I write). The biggest battle in my mind is my mind. The more I feel for this girl the more I have to stop letting my mind tell me to look for absolute clues before I act. I am thinking about the moment as the moment is happening and thus the hesitation. One solution, alcohol. But the solution has side effects; mainly, I’m not in control, although I am certainly more honest in the sense that I will say what I think rather than not say it at all, or not act on it. For me the idea of living life for right now has the most impact when I consider the whole “love and relationship” part of life. So I strive to let go. And here’s an admission that she’ll read sooner or later if I don’t say it, or have said it, already: I don’t know her quite that well yet but I know that she is special to me for her existence, knowledge, and humor that she has already shared with me. OK, just so that I’m not withholding information (which, in some sense, is related to lying), I’ve had more than a few shots of Absolut vodka and I’m feeling particularly euphoric, as I usually do when I’m drinking. Believe it or not, I’m listening to Slipknot right now. To continue with this paragraph’s theme, don’t be afraid to go with it. Some of the greatest and most meaningful moments in my life have been when I have let go. I am confident in myself to realize that I have worried enough about things that when I am able to let go that it is safe enough that the consequences cannot be too bad if they should prove wrong. I mean, I have thought out and worried about enough, probably too much, that when I let go and follow my desire that the resistance I’d feel when not letting go is only due to fear and not stupidity.

“Just kiss the girl.”

Number two on the list of “How to live life” is to take the good with the bad and realize that sometimes “shit happens” and that Brad Pitt had it right. Life is not all about the pursuit of happiness. You will have to deal with painful things. Your life will not work out like you want it to. Providence will not help this. You must know and believe that the suffering is temporary and that life is the grandest thing of all you have. You must understand that there is no meaning to life (for those of you that subscribe to religious ideas, feel free to insert them in place) and that the ultimate understanding of all this is that you are real and your thoughts and emotions are everything that you have. Again, don’t neglect the fact that there are reasonable limits to what is acceptable. Don’t forget that psychopaths have feelings, too, but they are insane. How do I know that something is important to me? Well, the easy ones are things like family and friends, health and security, knowledge and understanding, but these are things that should be assumed for my purposes. The question pertains more to life and experiences in general. I spend time with this girl and I try to remember this principle. “This is a beautiful moment in your life. If you feel something, don’t sit back and intellectualize it.” I’m free to say this because I have intellectualized everything. But what happens? I hesitate. I forget. Then I eventually act and feel the compelling desire to justify my hesitation. It is maddening to me.

Number three, and related to the previous numbers, don’t forget to let go and don’t forget to use good judgment in deciding when letting go will not kill you or make life worse. Delicate balance, I know. Life is no easy task. If you want to feel like life is going somewhere and you are enjoying the trip, don’t waste a minute. Don’t hesitate if you know that you are not acting in response to some internal, psychological fear. When something inside you says, “Don’t talk to her because it is awkward” you must realize that clearly you desire to talk to her and that there are very few things short of death that are worth putting this off for. If you want a better career, you must go after that thing which makes sense to you the most in spite of your fears. If you have project that you care about, do it. Do these things now. Make your life happen because no one else is going to do it for you. Success is a personal thing. You set a goal and conquer it. That is a very gratifying moment.

You have only one chance to do this. 80 years if you are lucky, and that is it. Your youth is short, too. “What are you waiting for?”

SPIRITUAL: RELATIONSHIP ARE MIRROR IMAGE OF WHO WE ARE

I have felt that relationships can be more than mirrors. They can also be a milieu through which new habits are formed. Through which new perspectives of self can grow and manifest and evolve. I felt that having a relationship that involved responsibility and the directing of the vision for our relationship would bring out the qualities of mastery in me that are so present in so many ways, but which often fail me in career areas. In relationships I am pretty accomplished about things…but I felt that a certain kind of relationship would make things more solidified in my psyche. I wanted dominance. I wanted that for my personal development through which I would bring further skills of accomplishment into my life.

The thing that was most broken in these situations was that I picked women in the past who weren’t truly available to me. One woman didn’t really want to be my emotional partner. The other wanted it very much, but couldn’t because she wasn’t really free to. Another attempt at it was with someone who would never be home, so she was a ghost on all sorts of levels.

*smiles* Relationships are relationships. The patterns we construct within that context are going to reflect our availability to engage and our skillfulness in engaging open heartedly. The fact that there’s more than one relationship only magnifies the problems if there are any to be magnified.

I found myself surrounded by unavailable women…and I certainly explored all sorts of faces for that unavailability.

One thing I’ve learned about engaging someone emotionally?

They are mirrors. If I see something in that mirror that I don’t like, at least in part, its because I’m staring at myself.

So I saw that not only were they unavailable, but so was I.

What do I want from it? What are my inner boundaries about it? Who matches that criteria for the types of relationships I want. Who matches my ideals for a life?

There’s been alot of ‘I don’t know’s’ in all that inquiry. A few answers have unfolded…and it still leaves me with questions. I’m challenged and its keeping me on my toes. I’m sure there will be more discussion on this topic as the future unfolds for me. Like lots of other things in my life, the important stuff eventually finds its way here. But this is an opening discussion with myself.

SPIRITUAL: IT HARD TO FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE IN THE SAME FREQUENCY AS ME

We live in a universe that is all energy. Everything vibrates and the frequency of those vibrations determines how everything appears, including our body, which sense our thoughts and has energy components that can be measured. Our physical universe and everything in it is a vibrating machine. The act of creation itself, bringing non being into being, is a vibrational frequency. There's a invisible energy field from which everything originates

Note that the strenght of nonphysical energy is flowing everywhere. It's in you, but it's also in every tree, every flower, every bug, every planet and in everything that you want to attract to your life. The nonphysical energy is pure positive oneness, which only your thoughts can disconnect from or misaligned with. It flows everywhere at once and it;s always creating, always loving and always animating life.

The Law of attraction. If you think about what's missing or what you disliked about your life..the universe will offer experience that match what you're thinking. More of what was missing and what you disliked will continue to flow into your life in the form of disease.

Two frequencies that are alike are attracted to each other and those that are unlike don't even recognize each other. Now, in order to receive what's being transmitted, frequencies of thought have to match up. Thoughts energy is picked up by a receiver tuned to the same frequency, so if my energy is transmitting at 95.1 FM, tuning in to 610 AM isn't going to bring us together.It is impossible to pick up anyone energy being transmitting if you stay maligned and don't change frequencies to tune to it. You can't access this well-being when you vibrate to a different frequency.

For example...I need someone to live up to my expectations and to love me in the way I want to be loved in order to be happy is an example of misaligned thoughts. You need to submit to me ...to my frequency for us to be one. Every time you have a thought that extends to a conversation with me or others...about what is missing, what shortage you have ,your bad luck, what always have been, how other don't understand you, and so forth....you're practing a misaligned mentality. Remember...you mission is to shift into the action state of realigning.


It's my contention that the universe not only will, but must provide you with what you conceive of. So if you complain about what's missing from your life--you'll be offered experience that match that energy. You're aligning with frequency that will give you what you think.

The best thing to do is to stay in a state of gratitude. Rather than asking more which implies shortage and there fore creates a vibrational match to more shortage...focus on what you have and how thankful you are for everything that has shown up in your life...including me.

SPIRITUAL: YOU LITERALLY OWN NOTHING AND NO ONE

If you examine your state of happiness in this moment, you'll notice that the fulfillment of some previous ambition didn't create an enduring sense of joy.The problem with listening to ego is that you're always caught in the trap of striving and never arriving., Thus you can never feel complete.

When you have a though that excludes others, you're elected to see yourself as special and therefore deserving of exception favor from your source. The moment you've promoted yourself to this category, you've elevated your self-importance.

You literally own nothing and no one. All that is composed will decompose, all that is yours will leave and become someone else;s. You're not a thing that's solid and permanent, in fact, there's nothing like that in the world you incarnated into. You are real and what's real never changes.

Feel the energy that beats your heart...and then notice it beating the heart of every living creature all at once.

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: TO MY DEAREST LOVE

To my dearest love, 
I write this today to say 
I few word and only a few.

I do love thee 
but words can't explain 
that one special word. 

Nor all the dictionarys
of the world 
can't define the amazing word...

"Love"

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER

As the sun initiates through the birth of its prominent rays, welcoming a dawn new to the ages, so does your love kindle  the elusive vapors of desire and craving, put forth by this  once extinguished soul, in search of a love, for the only cure is to experience its true elegance, beauty, and splendor. To be affiliated with such a divine entity, is to truly be in the presences of heavenly royalty. And as peasants must bow to their mighty majesty, I must conform to their privilege. I yield unto thee. As I drop to one knee, bow my head, and with my outstretched arms, I extend the sword of love, as a humble gift, to keeper of my heart, and the one to which my deepest affections are bestowed. But yet, the greatest honor I could attain this day, is if thou would accept this holy gift, to accept this soul of emotions, and to knight me your prince of love. And that would make my heart soar as the eagle, yet light as a feather. And in this moment, I hear the wind,whisper, your name...

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: MY DEAREST LOVE

My dearest love, 

Words can't express how much I love you.

You are as beautiful as a dove's snow white feather.

Oh, how I want it to be just me and you.

I long for you to be near.

Oh, how I miss your wonderful, loving touch.

Without you, my life feels so bare.

Oh, how I need you, oh, so much.

You bring so much joy to my life.

I want us to make our love last.

We never have to look in our past,

"Because you will always and forever be

that special someone for me."

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: THE PROMISE

My Promise To My Beloved

However vast the distance, I'll come for you; 
Whatever resistance, I'll come for you.

I'll come for you, because I have to
Say my love that I LOVE YOU.
I know that you are waiting for me, 
And I'm longing for you, in my every sinew.
Though odds are high, and evens are few, 
But I promise that I'll come for you.

If mountains fall, and jungles burn, 
Quakes and storms are not a concern.
Typhoons, volcanoes can't stop my way, 
Because I promised to you I would return.
I want to see your smile, as fresh as dew, 
So I promise, dear, that I'll come for you.

Slender thread of hope, I won?t let it break, 
Whatever happens, whatever it does take.
Take my words, I won't let you down.
I?ll come, whatever's at stake.
And here, my eyes are dying to see you, too
And I promise, love, that I'll come for you

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER

Dearest: Your name woke me this morning: I found my lips piping their song before I was well back into my body out of dreams. I wonder if the roguesbabble when my spirit is nesting? Last night I had a dream you were a high tree and I was in it, the wind blowing us both; but I forget the rest,--whatever, it was enough to make me wake happy.

There are dreams that go out like candle-light directly one opens the shutters: they illumine the walls no longer; the daylight is too strong for them. So, now, I can hardly remember anything of my dreams: daylight, with you in it, floods them out.

Oh, how are you? Awake? Up? Have you breakfasted? I ask you a thousand things. You are thinking of me, I know: but what are you thinking? I am devoured by curiosity about myself--none at all about you, whom I have all by heart! If I might only know how happy I make you, and just _which_ thing I said yesterday is making you laugh to-day--I could cry with joy over being the person I am.

It is you who make me think so much about myself, trying to find myself out. I used to be most self-possessed, and regarded it as the crowning virtue: and now--your possession of me sweeps it away, and I stand crying to be let into a secret that is no longer mine. Shall I ever know _why_ you love me? It is my religious difficulty; but it never rises into a doubt. You _do_ love me, I know. _Why_, I don't think I ever can know.

You ask me the same question about yourself, and it becomes absurd, because I altogether belong to you. If I hold my breath for a moment wickedly (for I can't do it breathing), and try to look at the world with you out of it, I seem to have fallen over a precipice; or rather, the solid earth has slipped from under my feet, and I am off into vacuum. Then, as I take breath again for fear, my star swims up and clasps me, and shows me your face. O happy star this that I was born under, that moved with me and winked quiet prophecies at me all through my childhood, I not knowing what it meant:--the dear radiant thing naming to me my lover!

As a child, now and then, and for no reason, I used to be sublimely happy: real wings took hold of me. Sometimes a field became fairyland as I walked through it; or a tree poured out a scent that its blossoms never had before or after. I think now that those must have been moments when you too were in like contact with earth,--had your feet in grass which felt a faint ripple of wind, or stood under a lilac in a drench of fragrance that had grown double after rain.

When I asked you about the places of your youth, I had some fear of finding that we might once have met, and that I had not remembered it as the summing up of my happiness in being young. Far off I see something undiscovered waiting us, something I could not have guessed at before--the happiness of being old. Will it not be something like the evening before last when we were sitting together, your hand in mine, and one by one, as the twilight drew about us, the stars came and took up their stations overhead? They seemed to me then to be following out some quiet train of thought in the universal mind: the heavens were remembering the stars back into their places:


You are at my heart, dearest: nothing in the world can be nearer to me than you!

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: YOU ARE MINE..AND NO ONE ELSE

When I hold you like this, I feel your heart against mine... each seeming to be in a race to a paramount of pleasure. I can feel the heat of your body, feel your chest heave as you lift me and bring me down on you... Your mouth is close to mine, and if I choose, I can close my mouth over your shoulder to muffle the sounds of worship as they escape in breathless moans and desperate whimpers. When I hold you this way, You at my mercy - accepting the graciousness I give you in spasmodic, clutching, hungry thrusts. You hold the intimacy of my body literally in the palms of your hands, beckoning me, forcing me, into accepting you in a way that you know will please me... a way that you know will make me quake and shiver and beg you for more. When you hold me this way, I can look in your eyes, inches away from my own, and lose myself in you the way you're losing yourself in me. Your eyes are kind, loving, knowing, and when I see myself in them, I know that you're telling me "You are mine, . Mine and no one else's. And I will give you all you need."

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER

Come down, i say...to the river with me. I want to bathe you in what I know.

And then you will never cry again. you will see where your dreams are only dreams, and we will visit together the land of the awake. I will give you a diamond to wear on your heart, and it will shine in you forever. I will give you a kiss that will stay in your mouth, and the more you speak, the More it will bless.

You will be goddess then, For thousands of years they will proclaim your name. Though out the ages, they will know of you that you lifted me up and when I was dead, and thought my death an unalterable state. You breathed new life into my mind, for only you were sane enough to think that such was possible. In return, I gave my heart to you, and behold, we both now live.

From this point forward there is a new horizon, If any man or any woman ever sink below the line, if they cannot breathe or they cannot reach, they will only have to call our names. And the power of our love will reach to them. We will lift them up and make them on, as you and I are one this night. Cleave to me as I cleave to you. Together we will glue together the broken pieces of the errant world. Forever we will live like this....

Forever we will live............

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER

I thought about you today. Your face clear in my mind, almost as if you were looking right at me. Your voice was in my ear, almost like you were talking to me. You touch was on my skin, almost like you were holding my close. And I found every second of the day I love you more.

You had me from the moment you said "Hello". You flashed me a smile, your eyes searching to find mine, and my heart completely surrendered to you. The second my eyes found yours, it was like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time, I knew it was love.

Nights we spent talking to each other. About something, about nothing, about everything. Days we spent together. Getting closer, knowing each other more. The first time you kissed my lips, you almost brought me to my knees. With my forehead pressed gently to yours, my hand caressing your cheek, the warmth of our bodies close, and your arms around me, I knew I could spend forever in your arms. That I would spend forever in your arms.

I hate it when we're apart. If I could, I would spend the rest of my days with you. Just to be with you. It seems you're the only thing I think about these days. But in all honesty, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Your face in my mind.
Your touch on my skin.
You voice in my ear.
You love in my heart.

The only thing I could ever say to you is

"I love you."
Love, Your other half

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: OH MY DEAREST

Oh my Dearest....
My days are only good because I'm with you
The world doesn't seem so harsh when I look into your eyes
Gosh and when I have to get out of that car,
so full of memories... I wish I could only stay a little longer

I find myself thinking only of your touch every waking moment
Your hugs and your kisses fill my head
till I can no longer see anything else
When I listen to your beautiful songs
that take me away from everything,
I smile a sad smile

My smile is my love, but all the while the realization
that you're not with me
in that moment it makes me cold all over

The sad and lonely days without your body's warmth..
Oh, how slow they pass...
My mind's numb to every emotion

...Then I step back into that car and time doesn't stop
Doesn't stop for our love
No, not for us

If only time froze
when our skin finally gets relief to be in contact
Once more our naked bodies pressed together...
Your warm hands against the small of my back
Your hot breath on my neck...
I am suffocated by you

If only time froze...
But no, it fast forwards for us and now it's time again
Time to kiss me good night...
The tears begin at the corner of my eyes...
I blow you a kiss and shut the door
As I walk away the wind blows a gap between us
making me cold once more
Then off to bed where not even the blankets can comfort me

When will I have time to take a deep breath of air
before I drown again into my thoughts of sorrow?
When will time slow down for us?

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER

Your love in my heart is more precious than life bound stronger together through troubles and strife my soul is afire with with a burning desire our passionate spirits soaring ever so higher intertwined are our hearts, spirits,and soul it's the purest of love we two could know together forever for all eternity our true love is for the world to see.

My heart and soul they belong to you guard them well and love me true hold them close never let go my love is the truest you'll ever know

Love holds no records of wrong love is both gentle and strong love is life shared between husband and wife love will endure through struggles and strife love it fills our spirits and souls love can conquer sadness woe's loves is for giving and to share love is kindness when two people care

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER

My Dearest... you fascinate me with all your illustrious beauty. I recognize all your splendor when I first noticed your smile that entered into my heart.  Such good times when I'm near you;  you captured my adoring eyes anxious to  experience your love.

I blow you kisses anticipating the taste of your lips.  Ahh, how I admire you and your feminine grace and the  warmth I noticed in your cheeks, blushing with romance  and love's fire.  You release my heart from pain and let me love you... my lady.

I dream of you night and day, vivid pictures of you inmy mind that filters into my spirit. 
I'm enchanted by the loveliness of your face 
and you fascinate my soul.
I long to be held in your arms.

Keep silent, my love, and let me just look at you and
swoon in your moon-glow eyes. 
You are the deliverance of my life; 
all the expressions of your lips 
lift me to glorious skies.

Give me for the rest of my life your sweetness so ravish-
ing as melodies of cooing doves, 
and I love to be loved by you