SPIRITUAL: RELATIONSHIP ARE MIRROR IMAGE OF WHO WE ARE

I have felt that relationships can be more than mirrors. They can also be a milieu through which new habits are formed. Through which new perspectives of self can grow and manifest and evolve. I felt that having a relationship that involved responsibility and the directing of the vision for our relationship would bring out the qualities of mastery in me that are so present in so many ways, but which often fail me in career areas. In relationships I am pretty accomplished about things…but I felt that a certain kind of relationship would make things more solidified in my psyche. I wanted dominance. I wanted that for my personal development through which I would bring further skills of accomplishment into my life.

The thing that was most broken in these situations was that I picked women in the past who weren’t truly available to me. One woman didn’t really want to be my emotional partner. The other wanted it very much, but couldn’t because she wasn’t really free to. Another attempt at it was with someone who would never be home, so she was a ghost on all sorts of levels.

*smiles* Relationships are relationships. The patterns we construct within that context are going to reflect our availability to engage and our skillfulness in engaging open heartedly. The fact that there’s more than one relationship only magnifies the problems if there are any to be magnified.

I found myself surrounded by unavailable women…and I certainly explored all sorts of faces for that unavailability.

One thing I’ve learned about engaging someone emotionally?

They are mirrors. If I see something in that mirror that I don’t like, at least in part, its because I’m staring at myself.

So I saw that not only were they unavailable, but so was I.

What do I want from it? What are my inner boundaries about it? Who matches that criteria for the types of relationships I want. Who matches my ideals for a life?

There’s been alot of ‘I don’t know’s’ in all that inquiry. A few answers have unfolded…and it still leaves me with questions. I’m challenged and its keeping me on my toes. I’m sure there will be more discussion on this topic as the future unfolds for me. Like lots of other things in my life, the important stuff eventually finds its way here. But this is an opening discussion with myself.