I really miss your voice. There's sweet tones in it....yes, I hear everything like it's music...each having a tone....because of this some have very bad tones and bother my ears. I have such a developed ear that I can hear a needle drop on a floor which then allows my hands to gently pass over the area and actually find the needle.
I think of you every day....each hour, each minute and second that goes by. At times I get wet to think of how your touch will feel, your smell will be when I'm blindfolded before you. It's exhilirating and nervewrecking at the same time....it makes my breathing get out of control which I then have to recapture....it's like a nice feeling. Then my mind wonders to me being blindfolded and just touching you with my fingers each part of your body as I do the piano to feel each key to play various sounds to play a song from the most deep part of my heart rather than reading music. Your body will be like the piano as I just touch you softly, gently and carefully and find each part of your body like hidden treats.
As I played the piano yesterday , my thoughts were all over just thinking of you with my eyes closed. Most people probably thought I was being inspired by God, surely they could not even imagine who.
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER
Today the sun has graced me with its presence and upon my waking, you my love have graced my thoughts. Surrounded by elegant tall grass I am convinced that the wild is beauty. Each blade sways to the song of this wind, validating its very own existence. Perhaps one day I will be a single blade of tall grass, wild and free, dancing to the song of your wind that kisses my being. To be one with nature is to love, and to me...to be one with nature is to be one with you, giving birth to a dissipation of the thousands of miles between us.
If only I was capable of grasping this single moment, keeping it present always, safe in the right palm of my hand, holding the lines of my life. From my palm to my heart you grow to become closer to my being. Never forgetting that which you define yourself to be, and I never altering mind. Together simply, living as that of the single blade of tall grass, wild and free, dancing to the wind's song.
If only I was capable of grasping this single moment, keeping it present always, safe in the right palm of my hand, holding the lines of my life. From my palm to my heart you grow to become closer to my being. Never forgetting that which you define yourself to be, and I never altering mind. Together simply, living as that of the single blade of tall grass, wild and free, dancing to the wind's song.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER
Dearest I love you.
I am on my back – waiting for you to die with the sense of you – the pleasure of you – the sensuousness of you touching the sensuousness of me – all my body – all of me is waiting for you to touch the center of me with the center of you –
…When I feel how your touching my body –getting into my body – has given all of me to you – all of you to me as much as one human being can get into and feel another of another – I wonder if there is any difference in body – and spirit – and soul and mind – aren't they all one and the same thing --
…Its my body that wants you and it seems to be the only thought or desire that I have – it even seems to be my only memory of you – two bodies that have fused – have touched with completeness at both ends making a complete circuit – making them one – a circle that nothing can break – you have given me – the circle of the most painfully intense pleasure –
…Im in such a state that I could write about this all day
I am on my back – waiting for you to die with the sense of you – the pleasure of you – the sensuousness of you touching the sensuousness of me – all my body – all of me is waiting for you to touch the center of me with the center of you –
…When I feel how your touching my body –getting into my body – has given all of me to you – all of you to me as much as one human being can get into and feel another of another – I wonder if there is any difference in body – and spirit – and soul and mind – aren't they all one and the same thing --
…Its my body that wants you and it seems to be the only thought or desire that I have – it even seems to be my only memory of you – two bodies that have fused – have touched with completeness at both ends making a complete circuit – making them one – a circle that nothing can break – you have given me – the circle of the most painfully intense pleasure –
…Im in such a state that I could write about this all day
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER
I feel you close, and I am no longer fearful... I shall be whatever you need, and out of love, fear dissipates, and out of feelings, I become less of me, and more of you so that your happiness is mine. I die to see you smile because your smile is all I need to stay happy, and blessed and I rejoice in the beautiful curves your lips make, learning a hundred meanings of a hundred different ways to smile only you have. If God you may grant that I make my beloved smile every day and longing to be in my arms more an dmore with each passing day.
I never felt so joyfully and surrendering myself to anther one, an daccept that my exsitence depends so much on you to the extent it may extinct without becoming one with that of the person God is telling me to open myself to without any resistance for why should I fear? Love comes from God so what a fool must I have been not to see taht before, and how much time wasted in mortal land when you and me -we belong to a higher level of consciousness because we can be very happy indeed if we overlook our insecurities and questions of if, what, how..and lose each otehr in each other's eyes. You made me let go of myself and I cannot find the right words to tell you that I am finally free-free of worries...Look in my eyes...you will see passion and a sweet love that would kiss your eyelids and your lips all night long without losing focus of your face.. but you will see innocence,and passion... I will look in your eyes forever, and you in mine, thus never again shall we be less than blessed...You are my inspiration, a messenger from God .. and whom I hope will come knocking at my door tomorrow... and as a woman, this messenger is my completion. together we shall redefine love. I have so many things to tell you, beloved,I don't know where to begin.. you may laugh, you may be surprised or questioning such a cahracter as myself.. amazed at opposites that sometimes well combine to make ...me.
I never felt so joyfully and surrendering myself to anther one, an daccept that my exsitence depends so much on you to the extent it may extinct without becoming one with that of the person God is telling me to open myself to without any resistance for why should I fear? Love comes from God so what a fool must I have been not to see taht before, and how much time wasted in mortal land when you and me -we belong to a higher level of consciousness because we can be very happy indeed if we overlook our insecurities and questions of if, what, how..and lose each otehr in each other's eyes. You made me let go of myself and I cannot find the right words to tell you that I am finally free-free of worries...Look in my eyes...you will see passion and a sweet love that would kiss your eyelids and your lips all night long without losing focus of your face.. but you will see innocence,and passion... I will look in your eyes forever, and you in mine, thus never again shall we be less than blessed...You are my inspiration, a messenger from God .. and whom I hope will come knocking at my door tomorrow... and as a woman, this messenger is my completion. together we shall redefine love. I have so many things to tell you, beloved,I don't know where to begin.. you may laugh, you may be surprised or questioning such a cahracter as myself.. amazed at opposites that sometimes well combine to make ...me.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: THIS MOMENT I AM COMPLETE
I have never met a more perfect woman for me…so loyal and true. Such elegance she possesses in everything she does. I love the way her mouth turns up around the edges when she is excited, the way she inhales deeply with such delicacy that her chest slowly raises and falls like the autumn sun in the sky. Her skin, so soft and pure, with a one of a kind glow similar to that of the light surrounding an angel’s halo. Although she lays in slumber her unclouded brown, almond shaped eyes remain permanent in my mind. The way her name rolls of my tongue s a wave right before it crashes to the surface of the sun kissed sand. There is not a more beautiful woman alive, and this I know is true. I always knew that I would find my other half,
I know this is the delicate flower I am destined to be with for eternity, my love, my best friend, my love. Can’t you just imagine her standing on a beach in a simple white dress, as simple as the beauty she holds, cognac brown tresses draping the cream complexion of her perfectly sculpted back? I can, I can see it all, envision every detail…this is my favorite moment of today, laying beside the one I love, watching, and memorizing each attribute that makes her the person she is. Perfect in every way. Perhaps today I will take the day off from work to spend every moment with my love that I possible. To be as one, from dawn to dusk…that is my dream for today. And in this moment I am complete.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: WE ARE FOREVER BOUND TO ONE ANOTHER'S HEART
A desperate cry calls out from my soul to yours. I have missed you so strongly that I ache to hear your voice and to speak with you at length.
You have held my secret whispers close within your heart, and you have never betrayed my trust.
You have always met my heart's needs and deisres with the utmost of care and concern.
I truly have no idea how you do it. How do you continue to love me and to console me, even with all my many faults?
To touch you is indescribable, divine pleasure. To be with you ... completely calms my soul. I can talk with you for hours... about nothing and about anything... and yet, you listen intently and with unflagging concern.
Your eyes completely enthrall me with their gaze of intense passion and their promise of unconditional love.
You're there for me at every unexpected turn. You always care for me; our souls together burn. I cannot breathe but that you breathe for me as well. You are my Heaven that I should never know of Hell. No distance keeps our souls from feeling we're apart, We are forever bound to one another's heart.
Forever yours,
You have held my secret whispers close within your heart, and you have never betrayed my trust.
You have always met my heart's needs and deisres with the utmost of care and concern.
I truly have no idea how you do it. How do you continue to love me and to console me, even with all my many faults?
To touch you is indescribable, divine pleasure. To be with you ... completely calms my soul. I can talk with you for hours... about nothing and about anything... and yet, you listen intently and with unflagging concern.
Your eyes completely enthrall me with their gaze of intense passion and their promise of unconditional love.
You're there for me at every unexpected turn. You always care for me; our souls together burn. I cannot breathe but that you breathe for me as well. You are my Heaven that I should never know of Hell. No distance keeps our souls from feeling we're apart, We are forever bound to one another's heart.
Forever yours,
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER: MY LOVE
My Love,
…You see – as I realize you are getting older – I want to take you in my arms like a baby and make it easy for you – take care of you – but I feel you want to stand alone in the wind – the wind blowing your cape and your hair and your little body and I feel too that it is best that way – but I at least want to stand beside you near enough so that you can put out your hand to me if you want to and when you want to – and I want you to feel me there no matter how far away I am in miles –
…-- I kiss you and wish you quiet –
As I go toward this place that was my beginning – I know more and more how much deeper you have gone into me even than my beginning It is as tho I have had nothing else but the feeling of big open spaces –
SPIRTUAL: TRUST THE UNIVERSE
Change is a part of life, particularly if you have chosen to be on a path of spiritual growth. And even for those of us on this challenging yet rewarding path, change is not always as easy as we would like it to be. If you are faced with a more difficult change in your life right now, this article will help you remember to trust the process. To trust life despite outward appearances and the fearful pictures that can come to mind at a time like this.
Being on the path of spiritual growth usually involves taking responsibility for your life and being the creator of your life. What you actually are is the co-creator of your life and that's where trust comes into play. And this is where change can become a more joyful experience.
On your path of spiritual growth, the path of being the creator of your life, I am sure you have at some point chose to create a new, more joyful and fulfilling reality.
To help illustrate what it means to trust the process, let's say this intention is much, much bigger than what you've been experiencing as reality until now.
In other words, lets say this intention is a big CHANGE for you to go from where you are and how you're feeling now, to where you are going and how you'll feel when you are living that new reality.
The Universe picks up on the energy of that desire, it sees the best possible, most fulfilling and pleasing outcome for you and starts lining things up to make it happen.
And when you set a new intention like that, and when you do your part in helping manifest it, such as visualizing, and taking time to focus on the new life you are creating, you are playing your part in this co-creative process. But what you don't see is the other side of the co-creative process. You don't see all the wonderful and amazing things that begin to happen behind the scenes.
Your intention created a preferred direction for your life. It set up an energy and with each alignment with that energy, it is given more power.
The Universe, the powerful organizing force behind creation, begins to orchestrate the fulfillment of your desire. It begins to set up the potentials of all that needs to take place in order for it to become your reality.
The people you need to meet, the book you need to read, the words you need to hear on the TV, the inner transformation that needs to happen... all of this, perfectly orchestrated by the Universe behind the scenes. This is an absolutely incredible process that we only get to see glimpses of now and then as our desires manifest into physical reality.
As you do your part in this co-creative process, all this is happening behind the scenes.
So what does this have to do with change and trust?
Now imagine that you've been focusing on manifesting your desire for some time, the Universe has been naturally playing it's role to the point where now you start to see things happening in your life.
Suddenly situations are turning upside down, what was once your stable foundation appears to be dissolving right before you.
The natural response... fear. "Oh, no! Things are really getting out of control! What is happening to me? Why are such bad things happening?"
This is where trust comes in.
Remember that wonderful, big new intention you set? This is the Universe shifting and changing what needs to change in order for your intention to be your reality.
Say your intention you've been working on is to make lots and lots of money, then you get fired.
Does this mean bad things are happening, nothing is going right? NO!
It means you need to leave your job in order to create this new intention.
The Universe gives you exactly what you need. Always. It is only us that forget that and get into the fear mode. But we don't need to.
If you find yourself in a time of immense change, look back and see what you've been focusing on manifesting.
How might this change you're going through, be bringing you closer to it?
And how about you surrender to the wisdom of the Universe? To surrender control and to choose to trust life, to trust the process you are in.
Remember the Universe is in charge of the "how". These big, crazy changes that can happen are all the Universe moving forward with it's "how".
And you know what? You most likely would not have chosen this how with your logical mind. You say, "I would have done this or that."
But what I've come to learn on this path is that whatever "how" I would have come up with, and whatever situations I would have picked to match my desire, are far, far less fulfilling and joyful, less spectacular and amazing than what the Universe has ever given me.
So why not trust? Trust the Divinity that IS wisdom, that sees the bigger picture of your life and is working for you. This love that is the other half of the co-creative process.
And when you start to see some crazy things happening in your life and change is at your door, you can know what is really going on.
You are being taken to the life you have been dreaming of. You can remember it is your job to be willing to take the actions you're being called to take. Remember that you actually created this and that it is a good thing. Maybe you didn't create the "how", but you chose the desire of your heart. And the Universe lovingly and carefully created the "how" that is in front of you for you to take. Trust life.
Especially on this path of spiritual growth and creating your most fulfilling life. Resisting life will only cause pain and unnecessary stress.
Trust life. Trust the Universe. Know that you can't see it all right now, you don't see the big picture but the Universe does. Trust in this incredible process and these times of change can be truly joyful and ease-filled.
Being on the path of spiritual growth usually involves taking responsibility for your life and being the creator of your life. What you actually are is the co-creator of your life and that's where trust comes into play. And this is where change can become a more joyful experience.
On your path of spiritual growth, the path of being the creator of your life, I am sure you have at some point chose to create a new, more joyful and fulfilling reality.
To help illustrate what it means to trust the process, let's say this intention is much, much bigger than what you've been experiencing as reality until now.
In other words, lets say this intention is a big CHANGE for you to go from where you are and how you're feeling now, to where you are going and how you'll feel when you are living that new reality.
The Universe picks up on the energy of that desire, it sees the best possible, most fulfilling and pleasing outcome for you and starts lining things up to make it happen.
And when you set a new intention like that, and when you do your part in helping manifest it, such as visualizing, and taking time to focus on the new life you are creating, you are playing your part in this co-creative process. But what you don't see is the other side of the co-creative process. You don't see all the wonderful and amazing things that begin to happen behind the scenes.
Your intention created a preferred direction for your life. It set up an energy and with each alignment with that energy, it is given more power.
The Universe, the powerful organizing force behind creation, begins to orchestrate the fulfillment of your desire. It begins to set up the potentials of all that needs to take place in order for it to become your reality.
The people you need to meet, the book you need to read, the words you need to hear on the TV, the inner transformation that needs to happen... all of this, perfectly orchestrated by the Universe behind the scenes. This is an absolutely incredible process that we only get to see glimpses of now and then as our desires manifest into physical reality.
As you do your part in this co-creative process, all this is happening behind the scenes.
So what does this have to do with change and trust?
Now imagine that you've been focusing on manifesting your desire for some time, the Universe has been naturally playing it's role to the point where now you start to see things happening in your life.
Suddenly situations are turning upside down, what was once your stable foundation appears to be dissolving right before you.
The natural response... fear. "Oh, no! Things are really getting out of control! What is happening to me? Why are such bad things happening?"
This is where trust comes in.
Remember that wonderful, big new intention you set? This is the Universe shifting and changing what needs to change in order for your intention to be your reality.
Say your intention you've been working on is to make lots and lots of money, then you get fired.
Does this mean bad things are happening, nothing is going right? NO!
It means you need to leave your job in order to create this new intention.
The Universe gives you exactly what you need. Always. It is only us that forget that and get into the fear mode. But we don't need to.
If you find yourself in a time of immense change, look back and see what you've been focusing on manifesting.
How might this change you're going through, be bringing you closer to it?
And how about you surrender to the wisdom of the Universe? To surrender control and to choose to trust life, to trust the process you are in.
Remember the Universe is in charge of the "how". These big, crazy changes that can happen are all the Universe moving forward with it's "how".
And you know what? You most likely would not have chosen this how with your logical mind. You say, "I would have done this or that."
But what I've come to learn on this path is that whatever "how" I would have come up with, and whatever situations I would have picked to match my desire, are far, far less fulfilling and joyful, less spectacular and amazing than what the Universe has ever given me.
So why not trust? Trust the Divinity that IS wisdom, that sees the bigger picture of your life and is working for you. This love that is the other half of the co-creative process.
And when you start to see some crazy things happening in your life and change is at your door, you can know what is really going on.
You are being taken to the life you have been dreaming of. You can remember it is your job to be willing to take the actions you're being called to take. Remember that you actually created this and that it is a good thing. Maybe you didn't create the "how", but you chose the desire of your heart. And the Universe lovingly and carefully created the "how" that is in front of you for you to take. Trust life.
Especially on this path of spiritual growth and creating your most fulfilling life. Resisting life will only cause pain and unnecessary stress.
Trust life. Trust the Universe. Know that you can't see it all right now, you don't see the big picture but the Universe does. Trust in this incredible process and these times of change can be truly joyful and ease-filled.
SPIRITUAL : ENLIGHTMENT AND LOST OF THE EGO DOES
ego death is the best way to embrace the Ultimate experience, the only certainty for humans -> WE WILL ALL DIE
This is one of the opportunities brought by an ego death experience.
When you understand and accept, that one day, you will die, you become better able to live HERE AND NOW.
I guess that you probably already know that one day, you will die. But an intellectual understanding is not the same thing as an emotional understanding, an understanding that comes from your heart, from the inside.
Ego death leads you to such emotional confrontation. It can eventualy help you to understand that you are not only your ego, that there is something deeper than this psychological structure/defense.
For ego death as for biological death, the key word is ACCEPTANCE .
You do not find your soul, it finds you
You do not unravel you soul, it unravels you
You do not experience your soul, it experiences you
You do not express your soul, it expresses itself through you
You do not seek you soul, it seeks you
You do not come to know your soul, it comes to know you
You do not get given a soul, it gets given you
You do not release your soul in death, it releases you
The ego cannot accept this
If you are but the by-product of a multitude that astounds you
And if you acquire this
By your frustration the idea itself
Because so much presses itself
Upon your understanding
That you no longer believe in free will
What complaint have you
Your ego
Your I
Of not knowing nothing else
You're nothing anyway!!
Ego death is not annhilation.
It is emancipation.
You do not cease to exist.
The boundaries that define you cease to exist.
Having no boundaries, 'you' become nothing.
Yet 'nothing' is still apart of 'everything', and thus 'everything' remains.
The experience: There is no You.
The revelation: There is only you.
We are the Universe.
Ego death allows you to experience a state of being free of the attatchments you've used to form your personal identity and use to interpret your experiences. By experiencing ego-loss you are given a glimpse at how significant these attatchments are and how they can effect your life. While the actual experience can be terrifying, retrospective examination of the experience can increase your understanding of who you are and what you value.
That said, not everyone should seek an ego-loss experience. It is very intense and potentially too difficult for some psychonauts to handle with any degree of comfort.
The knowledge that you are not this body and can never die are very encouraging and is joyous.
People who are too entrenched in the material world and the "Game" probably wouldn't enjoy their whole life (ego) dying.
How can money and possessions possibly compare to becoming one with infinite love/experience?
This is one of the opportunities brought by an ego death experience.
When you understand and accept, that one day, you will die, you become better able to live HERE AND NOW.
I guess that you probably already know that one day, you will die. But an intellectual understanding is not the same thing as an emotional understanding, an understanding that comes from your heart, from the inside.
Ego death leads you to such emotional confrontation. It can eventualy help you to understand that you are not only your ego, that there is something deeper than this psychological structure/defense.
For ego death as for biological death, the key word is ACCEPTANCE .
You do not find your soul, it finds you
You do not unravel you soul, it unravels you
You do not experience your soul, it experiences you
You do not express your soul, it expresses itself through you
You do not seek you soul, it seeks you
You do not come to know your soul, it comes to know you
You do not get given a soul, it gets given you
You do not release your soul in death, it releases you
The ego cannot accept this
If you are but the by-product of a multitude that astounds you
And if you acquire this
By your frustration the idea itself
Because so much presses itself
Upon your understanding
That you no longer believe in free will
What complaint have you
Your ego
Your I
Of not knowing nothing else
You're nothing anyway!!
Ego death is not annhilation.
It is emancipation.
You do not cease to exist.
The boundaries that define you cease to exist.
Having no boundaries, 'you' become nothing.
Yet 'nothing' is still apart of 'everything', and thus 'everything' remains.
The experience: There is no You.
The revelation: There is only you.
We are the Universe.
Ego death allows you to experience a state of being free of the attatchments you've used to form your personal identity and use to interpret your experiences. By experiencing ego-loss you are given a glimpse at how significant these attatchments are and how they can effect your life. While the actual experience can be terrifying, retrospective examination of the experience can increase your understanding of who you are and what you value.
That said, not everyone should seek an ego-loss experience. It is very intense and potentially too difficult for some psychonauts to handle with any degree of comfort.
The knowledge that you are not this body and can never die are very encouraging and is joyous.
People who are too entrenched in the material world and the "Game" probably wouldn't enjoy their whole life (ego) dying.
How can money and possessions possibly compare to becoming one with infinite love/experience?
SPIRITUAL: LIFE HAS NOT MEANING BUT WHAT YOU MAKE OF IT
Are you searching for the meaning of life? You might benefit from taking an existentialist viewpoint on your angst filled quest for your great grand purpose in this vast universe. Here is the secret to life, the universe and everything. There is no meaning; there is no purpose. Stop wearing yourself out. Instead of being a meaning seeker, which is ultimately fruitless, unless you are among the deluded who cling to supernatural mythologies to explain away the absurdities of life become a meaning maker.
Be a maker of meaning. You are important and your life has import because you decide it does and you take action to ensure its fulfillment. This is liberating. It should energize you and spurn you on. Are you depressed? That is understandable. If your depression is not clinical or medical then most likely this is just angst. You may benefit from rethinking your priorities. Life has depressing moments. The death of God or a cherished system of belief is as heartbreaking and debilitating as the loss of a loved one. But, as in these cases, your wounds will scab over. You will find the will to move on and get on with life. If not seek a doctor or counselor.
Life is absurd and it is unfair at times. Yet, we still find pleasure and joy in our existence. Just because life is absurd doesn’t mean you need to be a nihilist. You are here and alive. You exist so you might as well make each precious moment count. But, don’t fret time wasted either. Some of the most delightful moments in my life were stolen bits of time that I wasted. Albert Camus believed that suicide was ultimately the only real important philosophical question. Hamlet may have said it best:
To be, or not to be: that is the question: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, Or to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
I decide for existence. I say, “Yes” to my being. I will live a short time in comparison to the countless years I will spend dead. I say, “Yes” to the moment. I say, “Yes” to life now. Perhaps, a time will come that I may choose differently. But, for the moment I say yes. If I were to suffer a debilitating disease such as ALS I may choose suicide in the last months once I have become helplessly entombed in my body. But, for the moment I am healthy and well. Yes, yes and again a resounding yes.
If someone asks you to explain how you can find meaning in a godless universe simply tell them that whether god exists or not life is pretty damn miraculous. The fact that we are occupying adjacent space and having this debate is amazing considering the overwhelming possibility that we shouldn’t be here at all. If God exists then he didn’t have to create us. If it is just the result of the big bang, evolution and natural selection then the odds are also stacked against us in favor of being here. Yet, regardless, here we are. Science may explain it all some day. Perhaps it won’t. Life is miraculous regardless.
The problem with ultimate questions is we try to make sense out of the most mind boggling of questions, why does anything exist at all rather than not exist? For me the notion that God created ex nihlio is as absurd as the possibility that our existence was the result of a series of beneficial, but random events. Yet here we are. The mechanisms of natural selection work fine without introducing God into the equation. In fact they might work even better. But, that is to not say God doesn’t exist. Unfortunately, the arguments for his existence don’t add up. I have always found the Buddha’s advice helpful – “God exists; God does not exist. The problem of your enlightenment is still the same.”
Besides if God exists we have to face up to some pretty alarming truths. Original sin is outrageous. But, so is karma. I know many poor fools who choose to believe in karma because it seems gentler than the notion of being condemned at birth, bound by the death sentence pronounced on a mythological Adam and Eve. Yet, being reborn into a new life, a new body as an amnesiac to suffer the consequences of a previous life’s actions is equally monstrous and absurd. It’s not just, it’s cruel. You don’t rub the dog’s nose when he shits on your carpet after you clean it up. You rub his nose it in it first. Otherwise he has no idea why he is being punished. Besides spiritual punishment is part of a misguided effort to let mythologies solve your problems.
We choose karma because it seems more just than an intelligent God pronouncing eternal judgment. We deem it fair because it is impersonal. But, here is where the Christians have us beat. They have a personal God, who is merciful and loving. All you need to do is confess your sinfulness and all is forgiven. No need to live through countless incarnations hoping one day you may finally learn what you need to so you can jump off the so-called wheel of life. So I say Peee Yooo to Karma as I do to Original Sin.
If you want to see justice seek what is just now. Better yet, make an ethical inventory of yourself and see to it that you act justly. What comes around goes around is a fantasy. Sometimes it seems to be the case. But, sometimes good people suffer and bad people escape discomfort. We harm ourselves psychologically when we allow ourselves to indulge in fantasies of some after life retribution.
We will only pass this way once. There is no viable evidence for heaven, hell or even reincarnation. What is passed to us as evidence is often anecdotal and shaky at best. You will only have this moment once. Make use of it. There are no real correct answers to life, but we can judge if we are a success. Do we love and are we loved in return? Have I helped more than I hurt? Have I made amends when I was wrong? Did I seek to repair what I have damaged? Did another live and run free because of my own being? Then perhaps we might conclude that we lived rightly.
Meaning makers answer their own questions. They face the absurdities and unanswered questions with courage. They adjust their view to fit the facts. But, the meaning seekers make the facts conform to their beliefs, twisting and distorting as much as is necessary. Meaning makers don’t give up in the face of pain even though they may despair. They enjoy the good times even though they know they will not last for ever. Meaning seekers look for someone else to provide answers. They want some god, guru, self help teacher or sacred text to give them the pat answer for every situation. Meaning makers stay open to the moment and allows it to bring what it does. Meaning makers respond; meaning seekers react.
THOUGHTS: NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING A SLUT
Human beings have a natural habit to imagine everyone is like themselves. We like to think what is interesting to us will be interesting to others. What we think others think as well. We often go to such an extent that people who outwardly are not like us are often feared and picked on often and to the extreme.
One of the areas this plays out is when we try to put ourselves in someone else’s place. We often just put who we are and what we believe and think instead of how the other is actually different and why they might do something that very well will be different. Most of us do this on a daily basis without thought and often clueless when this incorrect perception is acted on even when it blows up in our face.
When it comes to the sexes there has been one giant misperception that men have with women on this level which is if a woman like sex too much they are not to be trusted. In other words sluts are bad and only good for casual sex. Why do so many men over the centuries think this way? Because they put themselves in a woman’s shoes and think if I am attractive, sexy, doable, fuckable or whatever the term I can get laid whenever I would want. So how could a woman who has had enough sex to know she really likes it be able to be faithful to me? Let us face it if you asked a guy if tomorrow he was inside the body of Megan Fox the first thing they would do would probably sprint to the nearest lesbian bar.
Another issue men have projecting is because they are visually and physically stimulated on a sexual basis then they think women are the same way even when they intellectually know that is not the case. Men are first attracted to a woman’s physical appearance and then go from there. They then take that and put that back onto a woman but with their skewed philosophy. In other words they want a hot girl that is good in bed and then they want this and that. So again in trying to put themselves in place of a woman over the years many men somehow believe the man that best fucks a woman wins her heart. This obsession of needing to be the best she has had sexually comes from thinking that might be the only way to keep her. This once again plays into the more my wife was isolated the better chance she will not leave me.
So then what does this have to do with porn and isolation and the answer is both of these things are leading many men into insane and idiotic beliefs.
Watch porn and the male ill thought out beliefs are re-enforced. Every porn has pretty much every woman always fucking at the drop of the hat. Most porn has women become horny and insatiable at the look or feel of a big hard cock. Infidelity is also big in porn and even forced infidelity feeds into these beliefs. How many porn scenes see a wife of some guy coerced into having sex and then thirty seconds into the scene they are acting like they are having their greatest sexual encounter ever? In porn most of the women are dressed in sexualized ways and of course getting laid seconds into a scene makes a connection that dressing sexy is trolling for cock. Porn has every woman taking huge cocks up their pussies and asses therefore sluts must be drawn to big cocks and have loose pussies and gaping assholes.
So watch enough porn and the image of a cock crazy slut has no ability to control herself sexually from a guy with a hard dick and promise of a good lay. Now does that make porn bad just because of that, no it does not. But the problem comes from the men who watch porn all the time and then throw into the mix isolation from dating and other social activity.
We as a society have become not only increasingly isolated that many of us rarely interact anymore with people we do not know. For many a lot of their socialization comes off the Internet and this allows people to indulge in the safety of being with people who believe what they believe and prevents exposure to different people, different ideas and different experiences. This has lead to many men now that their only input with women is by watching porn, reading exaggerated, fictitious or one note lacking overall perspective message boards, chat rooms and blogs filled with sex and little else. Real life interaction is with co-workers where we tend to think of them as asexual or hearing about their failed relationships and divorces where of course the gender we hear about the other gender being wrong.
So porn and ever increasing isolation is creating a new group of men who are cut off from meeting and dating actual women and seeing friends in real life date actual women. They are failing to see women in the diversity and the multi-dimensional aspects that they are. All the input they are getting is from the sex things on the Internet and much of their social interaction is with men exactly in the same boots thinking the same thing. That too many women are immoral sluts and cannot control themselves or love a man and be loyal but of course men still crave a loyal woman to be with because getting dumped is always bad and for men lonely and isolated that thought really stings. Because after all they are not losers because they spend most of their free time alone on their computers filled with sex but they are winners waiting for a virtuous woman to recognize how great they are.
So the porn/cyber sex has become for too many men a too high of percentage of input on what one thinks a woman is in modern times. This combined with the ancient and probably forever thought of if they like sex and can get sex they can leave me has lead to much more angrier men towards women which then feeds on itself increasing the odds they stay isolated and lonely.
One of the areas this plays out is when we try to put ourselves in someone else’s place. We often just put who we are and what we believe and think instead of how the other is actually different and why they might do something that very well will be different. Most of us do this on a daily basis without thought and often clueless when this incorrect perception is acted on even when it blows up in our face.
When it comes to the sexes there has been one giant misperception that men have with women on this level which is if a woman like sex too much they are not to be trusted. In other words sluts are bad and only good for casual sex. Why do so many men over the centuries think this way? Because they put themselves in a woman’s shoes and think if I am attractive, sexy, doable, fuckable or whatever the term I can get laid whenever I would want. So how could a woman who has had enough sex to know she really likes it be able to be faithful to me? Let us face it if you asked a guy if tomorrow he was inside the body of Megan Fox the first thing they would do would probably sprint to the nearest lesbian bar.
Another issue men have projecting is because they are visually and physically stimulated on a sexual basis then they think women are the same way even when they intellectually know that is not the case. Men are first attracted to a woman’s physical appearance and then go from there. They then take that and put that back onto a woman but with their skewed philosophy. In other words they want a hot girl that is good in bed and then they want this and that. So again in trying to put themselves in place of a woman over the years many men somehow believe the man that best fucks a woman wins her heart. This obsession of needing to be the best she has had sexually comes from thinking that might be the only way to keep her. This once again plays into the more my wife was isolated the better chance she will not leave me.
So then what does this have to do with porn and isolation and the answer is both of these things are leading many men into insane and idiotic beliefs.
Watch porn and the male ill thought out beliefs are re-enforced. Every porn has pretty much every woman always fucking at the drop of the hat. Most porn has women become horny and insatiable at the look or feel of a big hard cock. Infidelity is also big in porn and even forced infidelity feeds into these beliefs. How many porn scenes see a wife of some guy coerced into having sex and then thirty seconds into the scene they are acting like they are having their greatest sexual encounter ever? In porn most of the women are dressed in sexualized ways and of course getting laid seconds into a scene makes a connection that dressing sexy is trolling for cock. Porn has every woman taking huge cocks up their pussies and asses therefore sluts must be drawn to big cocks and have loose pussies and gaping assholes.
So watch enough porn and the image of a cock crazy slut has no ability to control herself sexually from a guy with a hard dick and promise of a good lay. Now does that make porn bad just because of that, no it does not. But the problem comes from the men who watch porn all the time and then throw into the mix isolation from dating and other social activity.
We as a society have become not only increasingly isolated that many of us rarely interact anymore with people we do not know. For many a lot of their socialization comes off the Internet and this allows people to indulge in the safety of being with people who believe what they believe and prevents exposure to different people, different ideas and different experiences. This has lead to many men now that their only input with women is by watching porn, reading exaggerated, fictitious or one note lacking overall perspective message boards, chat rooms and blogs filled with sex and little else. Real life interaction is with co-workers where we tend to think of them as asexual or hearing about their failed relationships and divorces where of course the gender we hear about the other gender being wrong.
So porn and ever increasing isolation is creating a new group of men who are cut off from meeting and dating actual women and seeing friends in real life date actual women. They are failing to see women in the diversity and the multi-dimensional aspects that they are. All the input they are getting is from the sex things on the Internet and much of their social interaction is with men exactly in the same boots thinking the same thing. That too many women are immoral sluts and cannot control themselves or love a man and be loyal but of course men still crave a loyal woman to be with because getting dumped is always bad and for men lonely and isolated that thought really stings. Because after all they are not losers because they spend most of their free time alone on their computers filled with sex but they are winners waiting for a virtuous woman to recognize how great they are.
So the porn/cyber sex has become for too many men a too high of percentage of input on what one thinks a woman is in modern times. This combined with the ancient and probably forever thought of if they like sex and can get sex they can leave me has lead to much more angrier men towards women which then feeds on itself increasing the odds they stay isolated and lonely.
THOUGHT: TRUE SOULMATE IS A MIRROR, THE PERSON WHO SHOWS YOU EVERYTHING THAT'S HOLDING YOU BACK
People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake.
THOUGHTS: WHEN SOMEONE DOESN'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE
Have you ever heard the heartbreaking words? ( I love you, but I dont think I am IN Love with you anymore.) These were the most painful, life changeing words I have ever heard in my life! These are the words you usually hear before your mate leaves you, or before you get divorced ,the words pierce through your very soul when they are uttered to you, they mean your partner
dosnt find you attractive anymore, they also mean I dont trust you, I dont admire you, I dont respect you, I dont get excited by you, OR DO THEY?????????????????? Does anyone ever really fall out of love???
The answer may surprise you, but it is no. Then why do so many relationships fail? Well When people first date, or even the first so many years of a marriage they have what I like to call (butterflies) These butterflies tell them that whoa I really like this person, this is new its exciting, I better hold on to this person so they really put in alot of effort and energy into
the relationship. At this stage of the relationship it is very easy to give of yourself because you dont want to loose this wonderful person you have found , they can do no wrong in your eyes. Usually in this stage your intimacy and communication level is extremely high, sex is very
frequent.......Sound familiar? The next stage of the relationship everything isnt as exciting....why because the butterflies are gone yes their gone! Stress of life has set in, kids, bills, no time, work and it becomes harder to give to the relationship because to some it becomes just another demand. So instead of focusing on these wonderful qualities you once saw , you start focusing on everything you dont like , you start noticing all the negative things, the dissapointments build and you become dissattisfied, dissallusion sets in, you start thinking if my mate could only be like this or have a job like so and so, or maybe if they would just stop picking their nose so much......etc.. This is the stage where the person thinks if they just change the things they dont like about you ,they would love you more....so they go to work trying to change you and that
becomes their job!
Yes, it becomes their fulltime job to try and make you better! They will spend tons of energy trying to change the things they dont like about you and in the process they will find more things that they need to change about you because they are now focusing all the energy they have on all the negatives. So in the process they become unhappy , they are now getting so frustrated they cant even enjoy life because they are in a constant state of anxiety because they are living with someone that is so imperfect, they actully come to a point where they think they are superior to you (and the people you know) at this stage intimacy is becoming less and less, less enthusiasm for communicating and having sex, alot of things you use to do are no more, Does any of this ring a bell????? The last stage they start to question themselves , god if I am so unhappy with everything my mate is doing I must not love them anymore? How can I be in love them if I dislike so many things about them? why dont I want to have sex with them anymore? Usually by this time communication about anything intimate becomes just an argument and sex has prettty much stopped. Now here comes the turning point, heres where they decide to change somthing else because they realize they arnt going to be able to change you, so they decide to move out or get divorced and now you come in and here those devastating , heart breaking words. I love you but, I am not in love with you anymore.
Is this really the case, did they stop loving you ?No, what happens is they just replaced the good feelings they had for you with a lot of negative ones because they forgot why they fell in love with you in the first place. Usually by the time they have realized that they were really still in love with you it is to late! People who do this obviously have some problems, if you are the one questioning your love for someone I suggest you get help in dealing with your problems before you destroy your relationship and loose the one you love, remember if you fell in love with them once , the feelings are still their they are just barried beneath some junk. You can dig up those feelings again its just going to take some work.
dosnt find you attractive anymore, they also mean I dont trust you, I dont admire you, I dont respect you, I dont get excited by you, OR DO THEY?????????????????? Does anyone ever really fall out of love???
The answer may surprise you, but it is no. Then why do so many relationships fail? Well When people first date, or even the first so many years of a marriage they have what I like to call (butterflies) These butterflies tell them that whoa I really like this person, this is new its exciting, I better hold on to this person so they really put in alot of effort and energy into
the relationship. At this stage of the relationship it is very easy to give of yourself because you dont want to loose this wonderful person you have found , they can do no wrong in your eyes. Usually in this stage your intimacy and communication level is extremely high, sex is very
frequent.......Sound familiar? The next stage of the relationship everything isnt as exciting....why because the butterflies are gone yes their gone! Stress of life has set in, kids, bills, no time, work and it becomes harder to give to the relationship because to some it becomes just another demand. So instead of focusing on these wonderful qualities you once saw , you start focusing on everything you dont like , you start noticing all the negative things, the dissapointments build and you become dissattisfied, dissallusion sets in, you start thinking if my mate could only be like this or have a job like so and so, or maybe if they would just stop picking their nose so much......etc.. This is the stage where the person thinks if they just change the things they dont like about you ,they would love you more....so they go to work trying to change you and that
becomes their job!
Yes, it becomes their fulltime job to try and make you better! They will spend tons of energy trying to change the things they dont like about you and in the process they will find more things that they need to change about you because they are now focusing all the energy they have on all the negatives. So in the process they become unhappy , they are now getting so frustrated they cant even enjoy life because they are in a constant state of anxiety because they are living with someone that is so imperfect, they actully come to a point where they think they are superior to you (and the people you know) at this stage intimacy is becoming less and less, less enthusiasm for communicating and having sex, alot of things you use to do are no more, Does any of this ring a bell????? The last stage they start to question themselves , god if I am so unhappy with everything my mate is doing I must not love them anymore? How can I be in love them if I dislike so many things about them? why dont I want to have sex with them anymore? Usually by this time communication about anything intimate becomes just an argument and sex has prettty much stopped. Now here comes the turning point, heres where they decide to change somthing else because they realize they arnt going to be able to change you, so they decide to move out or get divorced and now you come in and here those devastating , heart breaking words. I love you but, I am not in love with you anymore.
Is this really the case, did they stop loving you ?No, what happens is they just replaced the good feelings they had for you with a lot of negative ones because they forgot why they fell in love with you in the first place. Usually by the time they have realized that they were really still in love with you it is to late! People who do this obviously have some problems, if you are the one questioning your love for someone I suggest you get help in dealing with your problems before you destroy your relationship and loose the one you love, remember if you fell in love with them once , the feelings are still their they are just barried beneath some junk. You can dig up those feelings again its just going to take some work.
THOUGHTS: THE WAY SHE SMELLS
What is the thing that lingers after the fling is flung, after the love is done?
The visual memory is undependable. My mind’s photos of her are flashes, warm snapshots, overexposed, sun and candle-lit – a smile, a turn of her head – I lose detail, it’s all in close-up.
The sound of her voice – an echo, a laugh, the tone, the snap of her t’s and p’s at the end of some sentences…but it doesn’t warm me.
What is the thing that lingers, when I lie in bed? What brings her back to me in all my melancholy?
Smell. Her smell.
What is the smell of the one you love?
What is the smell of the one I loved so recently, that’s stuck in my throat, in the soft, sticky membranes of my memory…clothes, skin, hair, mouth, under the arms, between the legs...
Her skin… _cinnamon, mace, nutmeg, oranges, cloves, cherry wood_ … and human. Whatever animal is our musk, that too.
I thought all of the smells were her, and I was disappointed to learn, slowly and then all at once, that it was in some part due to the liquid and semi-solids she coated herself with, the grossly sweeter tones she added from vulgar bottles, sticky chemical mango and mineral oil, and I wanted them all gone.
I never wanted to taste them again in my mouth, or in the air striking my pallate, striking my memory.
I wanted her, alone. And so she was, after a shower, cinnamon and nutmeg, and orange – that was her ...and girl, and woman, all melangee’, mixed, mistarla insieme...And sometimes vinegar and flesh, and sometimes salt and sea...
It’s the cinnamon and orange that sticks, and wood that smells subtly of cherry blossom…
I’m immediately drunk with it, my cheek pressed against her chest, on one nipple, or between her soft breasts, breathing her heartbeats, pulling the molecules out of her pores, sucking them greedily into my sinuses as they rise from the surface of what is her.
I feel her heart, and more than her heart. It’s a center that glows and blooms, extending through her chest to her back; I have one too, and when I press my chest to hers, I feel it, I feel them both, burst into solar flame.
Call it a chakra, if you want to. What is a chakra? I know it best experientially: An energy center, a blood-flower, a lotus bloom, a place where life coalesces within life, purpose and force within form.
It aligns with the heart, but it is more than the heart. It hurts when she is gone, it pours forth light and heat when she is near.
It is where the arrow of love strikes, where the spear of heartbreak lodges every time. I never know when it will come, except that it comes when we’re finished. I sense it too late as it hurtles through the air, I catch it with my heart, and it bursts through my chest.
The thud throws me back, It tears through me ghastly, sticking out a meter in front and back. I have to turn to get through doorways, to keep the long shaft from catching and wrenching me, but it catches anyway.
Eventually I pull it out, eventually I regain the blood I’ve lost; eventually, I see it differently.
There in her mouth is another chakra, and between her eyes, and on her navel, where I lay may head, breathing in, breathing her in, breathing out, and in again.
Is it vulgar? Or do we just say it is, I suppose, for the sake of not disintegrating a society into the folly and bliss of pure hedonism? We need these moats around our nature, to keep us from all suiciding in some sort of sex-chocolate-drug orgy…we need prohibitions on sex, to keep from going insane.
“Don’t Be Vulgar!” keeps sex talk out of the dining room, and often out of the bedroom, too. But it’s constantly with us, in our heads, pushing in, coloring everything we do, every advertisement, every innocent comment…is there such a thing ...
And below the heart and the navel is that thing most sought, most prized, most desired. Her shining jewel, the second house – what is it called? Her secret resort? No, her favorite resort.
It’s so coy, it makes me blush. We’re not supposed to talk about that, not really. Pussy, cunt, we’re not supposed to use these words. But we can say them, and we do, but only after drinks, after hours, among friends. Then we are allowed to be vulgar, to be honest.
And then, later, alone, ‘My pussy loves you‘, she says. ‘I love the way you make her feel, the way you kiss her, the way you fuck her‘.
There’s no better thing to hear in the whole, wide world.
Like all cities, San Francisco has it’s Bermuda Triangle of Sex (_the strip clubs encircling City Lights, and The Hungry i_). There for 15 or 20 dollars on an off-night you can enter each and any of four houses of female gyration…young women dancing, well, humping the air to the thump thump thump from the wall-mounted speakers.
Among the girls, there is no obvious common denominator. They are each by each, terribly attractive, or wildly graceless, plainly ruined or luxuriously nubile, beyond a young boy’s dreams.
I ask the girls who sit with my friend and myself, ‘Why do you do this job?’
“College – putting myself through college. Don’t really want to talk about it.“ One said.
And another: “I enjoy nudity, I’m comfortable with it, with my body, and it pays sooo well.“
It’s arousing and off-putting at once. It’s honest, understandable and harmless, then embarrassing and pitiable, that men pay to have women, well, it’s not even for sex, but just to be close to them.
But it is what happens, and what has always happened, and what, I imagine, always will happen.
And then one gyrating girl pulls her loosed and liberated bikini bottoms through her labia, like she’s flossing her vagina. It’s somewhere between highly erotic and incredibly, stupidly silly.
One woman, tall, black as can be, was so beautiful to me that I could barely speak sensibly to her. I told her she was gorgeous, but didn’t want to pay for a dance, ‘Sorry‘. But I’m more the cuddling type.
Standing outside a little later, I saw her walking out, giggling with a co-worker, safe for a time under the bouncer’s eagle eyes, and then by the neighborhood’s acceptance of what it is, and what it serves.
Understandable, harmless, embarrassing and pitiable. But I would go back.
This is something we’re not supposed to talk about. There is an underpinning to all of this, and we all know it, we say it as a joke, but we don’t know how true, how deeply true it is.
And it struck me, in my mourning for the girl I’m missing, this unbelievable truth, this most obvious thought ever stated that suddenly made sense. But not just that, it unfolded like a kaleidoscope mirror in infinite depth and left me dumbfounded.
Ready?
Here goes. Prepare to be underwhelmed.
Men like pussy.
I’m sorry, I told you, it’s an obvious thought. But wait. That’s not the end of it.
Men fall in love with pussy, men live and die for pussy. (_And I suppose the inverse is true for gay men – They like dick, fall in love with dick, I have been told by reliable sources_).
‘Well, everybody knows that,’ you say.
But we really don’t. We don’t understand the depth to which it is a fundamental, driving truth in every relationship, and in our species.
Still not there? Let me try again.
For a man, for me, (I have discovered), there are two parts to a woman; there is the human being, and there is the pussy…no, not just the anatomy – I mean the female sexuality in its entirety. And these two elements do not necessarily have anything to do with each other, not for the man, and not for the woman.
A woman’s sexuality can be (_and often is_) at odds with her personality, so can a man’s be with his. But we don’t see the difference when we are attracted. We are simply attracted: to the sexuality, or to the person.
Rarely to both at once, and rarely, or never, in equal measure.
First, the human: the person, the potential friend, or enemy, or colleague, or by-passer, or stander-by, or nothing at all.
The person, the being, the daily nature, the way of communicating. The preferences, dispositions, tolerances, dietary habits, favorite movies, music, sounds, tastes, colors and places.
The human being: the bundling nerves and semi-cooperative structures, drawn together as some grand, crazed experiment in design, an attempt to pile hierarchy within hierarchy, system within system, life within life, impulse within and against impulse… This bizarre and remarkable thing.
And then, bound into this, but separately directed, there is the sexuality.
The feminine. The warm darkness that swallows and absorbs and soothes. That feeds what is dry, that fills what is empty, that slows the rapid-fire neurons, that wraps infirmity in a blanket of stars and eternity…the feminine principle, embodied in a woman’s sexuality.
The girl, who smells of cinnamon and orange, the woman who tastes of sea and salt, the breasts that suckle and nurture, the chest that cushions your hard skull, the navel that wants to be rubbed and kissed, to be filled with life;
The shining jewel, wet and silly, smelly and beautiful and sublime, that draws in the heavens, and breathes out sea and land and all things that live and breathe; that draws you back and back and back.
This sense of pussy, of woman, of feminine. Not person, not ‘hip chick.’ Not feminist, not pro-life, or pro-choice, neo-conservative or hippy-liberal: Not bi-sexual, Christian-Kabalah, yoga-teacher; Not Sanskrit-reading, comic-drawing, libertarian, school-teaching lawyer;
Not pottery-throwing, gun-owning, pro-Israel lesbian Mohammadist;
Web-savvy, stay-at-home international multinationalist ceo;
Homemaking, mud-wrestling volunteer police-woman,
Punk-rock designer to the stars….
Not this sense of female. Not person. Not job. Not doing.
Only being. That thing that is underneath, that very well may oppose her actual personality, (the way a man’s maleness may oppose his enculturated being).
This is what men first fall in love in love with, when they feel the undeniable solar gravity of love. Whether the love is stable, and gives rise to a satisfying relationship, has nothing to do with the attraction.
Stability owes everything to the character and maturity of the people who contain the unbridled forces that are, of their own will, drawing together.
And there’s a trick in there – the Romeo and Juliet problem. You can be elementally correct, but dispositionally (or situationally) incompatible.
But once you’ve committed, chakra to chakra, lingam to yonni, heart to heart, to feel that unbridled pleasure, you’re going to suffer equal pain, if the owners of the attraction are ill-suited to the task of making a relationship work.
What is necessary to make a relationship work? Communication skills, first and foremost. Honesty, resilience, experience, fairness, self-worth, compassion, generosity, boundary.
And willingness, and desire for a relationship.
Is it different for women? What do women love? What do they desire? Fairness, partnership, communication.
But they (and I’m thinking of many girls and women I’ve known as friends) fall into sexual love the same way as men – with the elemental nature. That thing that the Yin or the yonni wants when its owner gives up reason, civility and enculturation:
She wants shoulders, strength, heat, protection from the elements, a strong embrace that sometimes verges on suffocation, on oppressiveness, but does not actually suffocate or oppress.
What draws a woman and man (the Yin and Yang) together? Yin goes to Yang, Yang to Yin, says the philosopher.
But there are good and bad, better and worse matches. Call it astrology. Call it the Greek elements; Call it the Five Energies of Chinese Medicine – Earth, Fire, Metal, Water, and Wood (_what is wood? It is what grows from earth in the presence of fire, water and metal_).
What makes a sexual match? Whatever overwhelms so much that it must be satisfied. We all know it when it hits. You can ask questions of it: What is it that’s driving me wild? That draws me without repose?
You’ll come up with types, smells, energies. You may quantify them according to your science. Specific pheromones, you may say. Corresponding or opposing lineage. Specific hair and eye colors, smells, vocal ranges, skin colors. Or you may give it to the cosmic consciousness ...
The visual memory is undependable. My mind’s photos of her are flashes, warm snapshots, overexposed, sun and candle-lit – a smile, a turn of her head – I lose detail, it’s all in close-up.
The sound of her voice – an echo, a laugh, the tone, the snap of her t’s and p’s at the end of some sentences…but it doesn’t warm me.
What is the thing that lingers, when I lie in bed? What brings her back to me in all my melancholy?
Smell. Her smell.
What is the smell of the one you love?
What is the smell of the one I loved so recently, that’s stuck in my throat, in the soft, sticky membranes of my memory…clothes, skin, hair, mouth, under the arms, between the legs...
Her skin… _cinnamon, mace, nutmeg, oranges, cloves, cherry wood_ … and human. Whatever animal is our musk, that too.
I thought all of the smells were her, and I was disappointed to learn, slowly and then all at once, that it was in some part due to the liquid and semi-solids she coated herself with, the grossly sweeter tones she added from vulgar bottles, sticky chemical mango and mineral oil, and I wanted them all gone.
I never wanted to taste them again in my mouth, or in the air striking my pallate, striking my memory.
I wanted her, alone. And so she was, after a shower, cinnamon and nutmeg, and orange – that was her ...and girl, and woman, all melangee’, mixed, mistarla insieme...And sometimes vinegar and flesh, and sometimes salt and sea...
It’s the cinnamon and orange that sticks, and wood that smells subtly of cherry blossom…
I’m immediately drunk with it, my cheek pressed against her chest, on one nipple, or between her soft breasts, breathing her heartbeats, pulling the molecules out of her pores, sucking them greedily into my sinuses as they rise from the surface of what is her.
I feel her heart, and more than her heart. It’s a center that glows and blooms, extending through her chest to her back; I have one too, and when I press my chest to hers, I feel it, I feel them both, burst into solar flame.
Call it a chakra, if you want to. What is a chakra? I know it best experientially: An energy center, a blood-flower, a lotus bloom, a place where life coalesces within life, purpose and force within form.
It aligns with the heart, but it is more than the heart. It hurts when she is gone, it pours forth light and heat when she is near.
It is where the arrow of love strikes, where the spear of heartbreak lodges every time. I never know when it will come, except that it comes when we’re finished. I sense it too late as it hurtles through the air, I catch it with my heart, and it bursts through my chest.
The thud throws me back, It tears through me ghastly, sticking out a meter in front and back. I have to turn to get through doorways, to keep the long shaft from catching and wrenching me, but it catches anyway.
Eventually I pull it out, eventually I regain the blood I’ve lost; eventually, I see it differently.
There in her mouth is another chakra, and between her eyes, and on her navel, where I lay may head, breathing in, breathing her in, breathing out, and in again.
Is it vulgar? Or do we just say it is, I suppose, for the sake of not disintegrating a society into the folly and bliss of pure hedonism? We need these moats around our nature, to keep us from all suiciding in some sort of sex-chocolate-drug orgy…we need prohibitions on sex, to keep from going insane.
“Don’t Be Vulgar!” keeps sex talk out of the dining room, and often out of the bedroom, too. But it’s constantly with us, in our heads, pushing in, coloring everything we do, every advertisement, every innocent comment…is there such a thing ...
And below the heart and the navel is that thing most sought, most prized, most desired. Her shining jewel, the second house – what is it called? Her secret resort? No, her favorite resort.
It’s so coy, it makes me blush. We’re not supposed to talk about that, not really. Pussy, cunt, we’re not supposed to use these words. But we can say them, and we do, but only after drinks, after hours, among friends. Then we are allowed to be vulgar, to be honest.
And then, later, alone, ‘My pussy loves you‘, she says. ‘I love the way you make her feel, the way you kiss her, the way you fuck her‘.
There’s no better thing to hear in the whole, wide world.
Like all cities, San Francisco has it’s Bermuda Triangle of Sex (_the strip clubs encircling City Lights, and The Hungry i_). There for 15 or 20 dollars on an off-night you can enter each and any of four houses of female gyration…young women dancing, well, humping the air to the thump thump thump from the wall-mounted speakers.
Among the girls, there is no obvious common denominator. They are each by each, terribly attractive, or wildly graceless, plainly ruined or luxuriously nubile, beyond a young boy’s dreams.
I ask the girls who sit with my friend and myself, ‘Why do you do this job?’
“College – putting myself through college. Don’t really want to talk about it.“ One said.
And another: “I enjoy nudity, I’m comfortable with it, with my body, and it pays sooo well.“
It’s arousing and off-putting at once. It’s honest, understandable and harmless, then embarrassing and pitiable, that men pay to have women, well, it’s not even for sex, but just to be close to them.
But it is what happens, and what has always happened, and what, I imagine, always will happen.
And then one gyrating girl pulls her loosed and liberated bikini bottoms through her labia, like she’s flossing her vagina. It’s somewhere between highly erotic and incredibly, stupidly silly.
One woman, tall, black as can be, was so beautiful to me that I could barely speak sensibly to her. I told her she was gorgeous, but didn’t want to pay for a dance, ‘Sorry‘. But I’m more the cuddling type.
Standing outside a little later, I saw her walking out, giggling with a co-worker, safe for a time under the bouncer’s eagle eyes, and then by the neighborhood’s acceptance of what it is, and what it serves.
Understandable, harmless, embarrassing and pitiable. But I would go back.
This is something we’re not supposed to talk about. There is an underpinning to all of this, and we all know it, we say it as a joke, but we don’t know how true, how deeply true it is.
And it struck me, in my mourning for the girl I’m missing, this unbelievable truth, this most obvious thought ever stated that suddenly made sense. But not just that, it unfolded like a kaleidoscope mirror in infinite depth and left me dumbfounded.
Ready?
Here goes. Prepare to be underwhelmed.
Men like pussy.
I’m sorry, I told you, it’s an obvious thought. But wait. That’s not the end of it.
Men fall in love with pussy, men live and die for pussy. (_And I suppose the inverse is true for gay men – They like dick, fall in love with dick, I have been told by reliable sources_).
‘Well, everybody knows that,’ you say.
But we really don’t. We don’t understand the depth to which it is a fundamental, driving truth in every relationship, and in our species.
Still not there? Let me try again.
For a man, for me, (I have discovered), there are two parts to a woman; there is the human being, and there is the pussy…no, not just the anatomy – I mean the female sexuality in its entirety. And these two elements do not necessarily have anything to do with each other, not for the man, and not for the woman.
A woman’s sexuality can be (_and often is_) at odds with her personality, so can a man’s be with his. But we don’t see the difference when we are attracted. We are simply attracted: to the sexuality, or to the person.
Rarely to both at once, and rarely, or never, in equal measure.
First, the human: the person, the potential friend, or enemy, or colleague, or by-passer, or stander-by, or nothing at all.
The person, the being, the daily nature, the way of communicating. The preferences, dispositions, tolerances, dietary habits, favorite movies, music, sounds, tastes, colors and places.
The human being: the bundling nerves and semi-cooperative structures, drawn together as some grand, crazed experiment in design, an attempt to pile hierarchy within hierarchy, system within system, life within life, impulse within and against impulse… This bizarre and remarkable thing.
And then, bound into this, but separately directed, there is the sexuality.
The feminine. The warm darkness that swallows and absorbs and soothes. That feeds what is dry, that fills what is empty, that slows the rapid-fire neurons, that wraps infirmity in a blanket of stars and eternity…the feminine principle, embodied in a woman’s sexuality.
The girl, who smells of cinnamon and orange, the woman who tastes of sea and salt, the breasts that suckle and nurture, the chest that cushions your hard skull, the navel that wants to be rubbed and kissed, to be filled with life;
The shining jewel, wet and silly, smelly and beautiful and sublime, that draws in the heavens, and breathes out sea and land and all things that live and breathe; that draws you back and back and back.
This sense of pussy, of woman, of feminine. Not person, not ‘hip chick.’ Not feminist, not pro-life, or pro-choice, neo-conservative or hippy-liberal: Not bi-sexual, Christian-Kabalah, yoga-teacher; Not Sanskrit-reading, comic-drawing, libertarian, school-teaching lawyer;
Not pottery-throwing, gun-owning, pro-Israel lesbian Mohammadist;
Web-savvy, stay-at-home international multinationalist ceo;
Homemaking, mud-wrestling volunteer police-woman,
Punk-rock designer to the stars….
Not this sense of female. Not person. Not job. Not doing.
Only being. That thing that is underneath, that very well may oppose her actual personality, (the way a man’s maleness may oppose his enculturated being).
This is what men first fall in love in love with, when they feel the undeniable solar gravity of love. Whether the love is stable, and gives rise to a satisfying relationship, has nothing to do with the attraction.
Stability owes everything to the character and maturity of the people who contain the unbridled forces that are, of their own will, drawing together.
And there’s a trick in there – the Romeo and Juliet problem. You can be elementally correct, but dispositionally (or situationally) incompatible.
But once you’ve committed, chakra to chakra, lingam to yonni, heart to heart, to feel that unbridled pleasure, you’re going to suffer equal pain, if the owners of the attraction are ill-suited to the task of making a relationship work.
What is necessary to make a relationship work? Communication skills, first and foremost. Honesty, resilience, experience, fairness, self-worth, compassion, generosity, boundary.
And willingness, and desire for a relationship.
Is it different for women? What do women love? What do they desire? Fairness, partnership, communication.
But they (and I’m thinking of many girls and women I’ve known as friends) fall into sexual love the same way as men – with the elemental nature. That thing that the Yin or the yonni wants when its owner gives up reason, civility and enculturation:
She wants shoulders, strength, heat, protection from the elements, a strong embrace that sometimes verges on suffocation, on oppressiveness, but does not actually suffocate or oppress.
What draws a woman and man (the Yin and Yang) together? Yin goes to Yang, Yang to Yin, says the philosopher.
But there are good and bad, better and worse matches. Call it astrology. Call it the Greek elements; Call it the Five Energies of Chinese Medicine – Earth, Fire, Metal, Water, and Wood (_what is wood? It is what grows from earth in the presence of fire, water and metal_).
What makes a sexual match? Whatever overwhelms so much that it must be satisfied. We all know it when it hits. You can ask questions of it: What is it that’s driving me wild? That draws me without repose?
You’ll come up with types, smells, energies. You may quantify them according to your science. Specific pheromones, you may say. Corresponding or opposing lineage. Specific hair and eye colors, smells, vocal ranges, skin colors. Or you may give it to the cosmic consciousness ...
In sex, I go for woman who are slutty and submissive
And when you encounter the elements that suit your wanting, your sense of smell, taste and touch, your sense of sense, your uniquely arrayed energies…
When you find that woman, that fecundity, that lotus pushing through mud and blooming ...
When you find it, it’s probably because it found you….and as soon as you give into it, you are done for; you are in the throes of passionate love.
And it does not matter if you like her, or even know her well, because the universe has grabbed ahold of you and you are plugged in, entwined, enraptured with the alpha and omega, the sun and moon of existence.
Once you’ve plugged into it, just try to get away… and get ready to catch that spear ...
So what, after so many years, and how many romantic deaths, what do I know?
I know that if I make love to someone I have that attraction to, I will fall in love, I will have those emotions, whether or not she and I are suited to be any kind of friend to each other. I get attach to the pussy
I know that I fall in love, in this sense, long before I fall in like. I think all men do. And I think women do too (_even the ones who say they don’t_).
I know I like women very much in this sense; that is, I’m drawn to something that women are, or have, and I very much enjoy being around it. And sometimes I like to lose myself in it.
But after these many spear-catches through the chest, I also know that ‘Girlfriend’ is two words.
I know myself and what I need well enough now, to know that “friend” is more important to my actual life than “girl.”
It sounds so obvious, but it was a long time coming. A hard, hard lesson to learn.
Well, good.
When I look at my father, and mother, I understand a great deal of why it was so; but we’ve all got our road to hoe.
I have worshiped many a pussy in my years, and the contradictions are interesting. like being attracted to the pussy even when your mind is not clicking, that’s really the worst, but the magnetism of that one part of the anatomy is amazing.
there’s something about sex, the transfer of energies, after that moment, orgasm , that blissful moment that they can’t take away from us, where the whole universe feels right. indeed many a relationship continued long after it should have expired due to that moment, that resetting of energies.
My experience with women. so many i’d been with had never came during sex, for many their first time was with me (coming not sex), a testament to the needs that go beyond just the physical for the female. obviously being comfortable has to be a priority, women have to put up with so much shit in this society, accepting sexuality is a hard one. like wanting to fuck but having the mind fuck of being thought of a slut if you have sex with too many partners, while a man is considered a stud if he similarly racks up the sackmates.
the yin yang, yes it is powerful, and yes i’ve found women can separate their sexuality more easy then men, i at least. many female friends rarely if ever masturbate which i find insane, being a daily necessity for i (while some have a nice arrangement of gadgets to help the job, still not daily).
And when you encounter the elements that suit your wanting, your sense of smell, taste and touch, your sense of sense, your uniquely arrayed energies…
When you find that woman, that fecundity, that lotus pushing through mud and blooming ...
When you find it, it’s probably because it found you….and as soon as you give into it, you are done for; you are in the throes of passionate love.
And it does not matter if you like her, or even know her well, because the universe has grabbed ahold of you and you are plugged in, entwined, enraptured with the alpha and omega, the sun and moon of existence.
Once you’ve plugged into it, just try to get away… and get ready to catch that spear ...
So what, after so many years, and how many romantic deaths, what do I know?
I know that if I make love to someone I have that attraction to, I will fall in love, I will have those emotions, whether or not she and I are suited to be any kind of friend to each other. I get attach to the pussy
I know that I fall in love, in this sense, long before I fall in like. I think all men do. And I think women do too (_even the ones who say they don’t_).
I know I like women very much in this sense; that is, I’m drawn to something that women are, or have, and I very much enjoy being around it. And sometimes I like to lose myself in it.
But after these many spear-catches through the chest, I also know that ‘Girlfriend’ is two words.
I know myself and what I need well enough now, to know that “friend” is more important to my actual life than “girl.”
It sounds so obvious, but it was a long time coming. A hard, hard lesson to learn.
Well, good.
When I look at my father, and mother, I understand a great deal of why it was so; but we’ve all got our road to hoe.
I have worshiped many a pussy in my years, and the contradictions are interesting. like being attracted to the pussy even when your mind is not clicking, that’s really the worst, but the magnetism of that one part of the anatomy is amazing.
there’s something about sex, the transfer of energies, after that moment, orgasm , that blissful moment that they can’t take away from us, where the whole universe feels right. indeed many a relationship continued long after it should have expired due to that moment, that resetting of energies.
My experience with women. so many i’d been with had never came during sex, for many their first time was with me (coming not sex), a testament to the needs that go beyond just the physical for the female. obviously being comfortable has to be a priority, women have to put up with so much shit in this society, accepting sexuality is a hard one. like wanting to fuck but having the mind fuck of being thought of a slut if you have sex with too many partners, while a man is considered a stud if he similarly racks up the sackmates.
the yin yang, yes it is powerful, and yes i’ve found women can separate their sexuality more easy then men, i at least. many female friends rarely if ever masturbate which i find insane, being a daily necessity for i (while some have a nice arrangement of gadgets to help the job, still not daily).
THOUGHTS: SOULMATE
Some people often wonder if they have found that one true person that is the other part of them. The one true person that makes them complete. They wonder thru there days and nights longing for the answer. The answer is right there they just dont know how to look for there answer to... Have I found the other part of me... Can you say with out adoubt the person you are with makes you feel whole.... can you say that the other person you are with when you are apart you feel like something of you is missing... If you can answer yes to these two simple questions then you have found the other part of you.... Your soulmate
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