Inside the heart of each and every one of us there is a longing to be understood by someone who really cares. When a person is understood, he or she can put up with almost anything in the world.Let these words not only touch your eyes, let it travel through your soul, and let it rest in your heart, as you rest in mine. Before you, I saw the same sea, sky and hills and didn't know you lived and breathed on this sweet planet. But now, having met and loved you, I cannot walk this earth knowing you are where I am not.
Let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return
Saturday, July 7, 2012
POETRY: MY BODY ACHES
My body aches to link with yours again
to sense your wounded soul undress
peel away layers of tension and stress
when you hold me
even scold me
I cannot resist you
I just have to kiss you
and dissolve into those thermal pools
of honesty
you know as eyes
PART 2
I awake in the middle of the night,
Out of my dreams and into reality,
You were there, but also here.
I lie here in bed and stare up at the ceiling,
Your image is burned in my mind,
You are gone, but I still feel you near.
I long for your touch and your gentle caress,
And to just hold you and watch you as you sleep,
I can’t wait to see you again.
Just a few hours ago, we were one,
You and I together, like lovers often are,
Your sent still lingers on my skin.
I run my tongue across my lips, I can still taste you,
Feelings rush through me and I am overcome,
It’s amazing what your kiss can do to my heart.
I suddenly realize how much I miss you,
And how much my heart yearns to be yours,
Even though right now we are apart.
I slowly start to drift off to sleep,
You are my dreams and my reality,
You are my everything.
PART 3
Stirring up my emotions
It lingers in my mind
Rememberance of the moments
all the answers to find
In the depths of my soul
A feeling immensly true
A powerful force which weakens my barriers-
The love i portray for you
I reveal all of the truths
confessing the secrets of me
letting the pain be at ease
with you i am free
You are my other half
fully completing my heart
We are eternally bound together
though at times must be apart
My body and soul yearn for you
I am overcome by fate
I've made the realization
You are my one soul mate
It has stirred up my emotions
Nothing left to do
The words linger on my lips
I am in love with you
to sense your wounded soul undress
peel away layers of tension and stress
when you hold me
even scold me
I cannot resist you
I just have to kiss you
and dissolve into those thermal pools
of honesty
you know as eyes
PART 2
I awake in the middle of the night,
Out of my dreams and into reality,
You were there, but also here.
I lie here in bed and stare up at the ceiling,
Your image is burned in my mind,
You are gone, but I still feel you near.
I long for your touch and your gentle caress,
And to just hold you and watch you as you sleep,
I can’t wait to see you again.
Just a few hours ago, we were one,
You and I together, like lovers often are,
Your sent still lingers on my skin.
I run my tongue across my lips, I can still taste you,
Feelings rush through me and I am overcome,
It’s amazing what your kiss can do to my heart.
I suddenly realize how much I miss you,
And how much my heart yearns to be yours,
Even though right now we are apart.
I slowly start to drift off to sleep,
You are my dreams and my reality,
You are my everything.
PART 3
Stirring up my emotions
It lingers in my mind
Rememberance of the moments
all the answers to find
In the depths of my soul
A feeling immensly true
A powerful force which weakens my barriers-
The love i portray for you
I reveal all of the truths
confessing the secrets of me
letting the pain be at ease
with you i am free
You are my other half
fully completing my heart
We are eternally bound together
though at times must be apart
My body and soul yearn for you
I am overcome by fate
I've made the realization
You are my one soul mate
It has stirred up my emotions
Nothing left to do
The words linger on my lips
I am in love with you
LOVE: THE SOULMATE MYTH
The “soul mate” myth has endured for so long because we want to believe there is someone perfect for us—even though we ourselves have many warts and imperfections. We want to believe in unconditional love and acceptance. We also want to believe in “destiny.” We want the hand of God to bring our "twin" to us. We want to feel overwhelmingly drawn to him or her like a moth to a flame.
We want to feel instant recognition when we first lay eyes on that person. For many folks, it is much easier for them to believe that their life is pre-destined, and that if they only wait long enough, they will find that perfect person. Instead of choosing to use what God gave us—the ability to love and the free will to choose--- we leave our romantic lives up to “fate.” (Something we would never do with our career or other important life needs, by the way). And of course, we learn about! love through the media, and are lead to believe that finding our soul mate is easy. It happens all the time in the movies, right?
At a deeper level, perhaps we want to believe in soul mates because we unconsciously seek a re-connection to our own God or Goddess. Maybe we believe that through a union with another person, that in addition to experiencing physical ecstasy that we will also experience spiritual ecstasy?
If you stop to think about how many times “heaven” is referenced in romantic love songs—you may begin to realize the unconscious connection we often make between romantic love and spirituality. With the soul mate theory to romantic love, you have no conscious choice but to be with that person. In the real world, the choice is yours. Be sure to make it on a conscious level.
What I have learned while on my journey with my Life Mate is that we each have to develop a relationship with God in our own way and then work (it is a true labor of love) at our relationship on a daily basis. My romantic relationship is full of joy and love but also with pain and work. (That is human reality). I now know that human love takes conscious effort, time and thought. And that choosing a Life Mate over seeking a soul mate makes for a much more fulfilling and attainable real-love experience.
We want to feel instant recognition when we first lay eyes on that person. For many folks, it is much easier for them to believe that their life is pre-destined, and that if they only wait long enough, they will find that perfect person. Instead of choosing to use what God gave us—the ability to love and the free will to choose--- we leave our romantic lives up to “fate.” (Something we would never do with our career or other important life needs, by the way). And of course, we learn about! love through the media, and are lead to believe that finding our soul mate is easy. It happens all the time in the movies, right?
At a deeper level, perhaps we want to believe in soul mates because we unconsciously seek a re-connection to our own God or Goddess. Maybe we believe that through a union with another person, that in addition to experiencing physical ecstasy that we will also experience spiritual ecstasy?
If you stop to think about how many times “heaven” is referenced in romantic love songs—you may begin to realize the unconscious connection we often make between romantic love and spirituality. With the soul mate theory to romantic love, you have no conscious choice but to be with that person. In the real world, the choice is yours. Be sure to make it on a conscious level.
What I have learned while on my journey with my Life Mate is that we each have to develop a relationship with God in our own way and then work (it is a true labor of love) at our relationship on a daily basis. My romantic relationship is full of joy and love but also with pain and work. (That is human reality). I now know that human love takes conscious effort, time and thought. And that choosing a Life Mate over seeking a soul mate makes for a much more fulfilling and attainable real-love experience.
LOVE/THOUGHTS: THE CHANCES OF MEETING YOUR SOULMATE
I’ve been thinking recently about soul mates and the chances of finding that soul mate. Why have I been thinking about this? Because This piece is an attempt at quantifying the odds of finding that special somone, and contains some thoughts regarding how to increase those odds further.
Now, the first step is of course believing that your soul mate exists. I know a lot of people don’t believe that everyone has a soul mate, but for the purposes of this article, let’s just ignore them.
The tricky thing about this whole discussion is that the cosmos never bothered to lay down any ground rules regarding soul mates, so we’re unfortunately stuck making a bunch of assumptions. Here are the ones that I’m basing my calculations on:
1. Your soul mate exists, and is currently alive somewhere in the world. I’m not going to waste time calculating the odds of meeting a soul mate who was alive B.C., or will be born around the time the flying car goes mainstream. We’re going to assume that the cosmos was considerate enough to give you a fighting chance after all.
2. Your soul mate is of the preferred sexual orientation. This whole discussion would be pointless otherwise.
3. Your soul mate speaks at least one of the languages that you do. Again, it would be otherwise impossible to connect with your soul mate if you can’t speak a common language.
(NotE: If you disagree with any of the items above, tough luck. I’m not doing your math for you.)
Given those three assumptions, you can compute the maximum number of potential soul mate candidates simply by multiplying the population of your chosen language by the percentage of your preferred sexual orientation. Let’s call this your Personal Soul Mate Index.
For example, my chosen language is English (1.5 billion native and non-native speakers) and my preferred sexual orientation is straight female. The global gender ratio is about 51:49 in favor of men, so I multiply 1.5 billion by 0.49, which would be roughly 735,000,000. I would then reduce that number further by 2% to get my PSMI (which is the alleged gay ratio), leaving me with 720,300,000 straight English-speaking females. If you were a gay male, you would multiply 1.5 billion by 0.51 and then again by 0.02, giving you a much smaller PSMI, at only 15.3 million.
(Note that you could also choose to totally ignore the language part of the equation and simply multiply your sexual orientation by the total global population, which is at 6.7 billion at the time of this writing.)
I’ll give you a moment to compute your own PSMIs.
All good? Great, let’s move on to the fun stuff.
So, the likelihood of me meeting my soulmate is roughly 1 in 720,000,000, and what we’re going to do over the next few paragraphs is work out just how “likely” that is. Let say I am 27-year-old male, and have a life expectancy of 71 years. That means I’ve got a potential for 44 more years of searching for that darned soul mate of mine. Let’s be more granular, and calculate how many days that is:
(365 days * 33 common years) + (366 days * 11 leap years) = 16,071 days to go
Let’s tack on the past 9 years of my life as well, or since I turned 18, i.e., legally capable of having sex with my soul mate should I meet her. (And if that sounds a little crass, I apologize. I’m sure you would simply lose yourself in your soul mate’s eyes forever.)
16071 + ((365 * 7) + (366 * 2)) = 19,358 days in total
We can express all of this very simply by saying that if I want to meet my soul mate and I am unlucky enough to have had to meet every single person in my entire PSMI before I finally meet her, I would have to see 720,300,000 people over 19,358 days starting when I turned 18. (37,209 people per day, or about half of the people who went to the Eraserheads concert last year.)
Does that sound discouraging? Let’s do some quick math to work out the problem.
I’m sitting at a Starbucks as I write this, and there are easily 30 other people in and around this place with me. I’ll walk back to the office and there are another 60 people there. Later tonight I’ll have dinner at the Fort, and will come into indirect contact with about 100 or so different people. If I were commuting, I’d get on to a train car with 50 other people all mashed up against each other.
Depending on how much you move around, you come in to indirect contact with about 150-200 unique people every day. Possibly even more than that if you really pound the pavement. That means that without drastically changing my lifestyle, I will see about 3,871,600 people over the course of my life or about 0.5% of my PSMI. Expressed in more practical terms, my chances of finding my soul mate at any point in my post-18 life is about 1 in 200. If you play Texas Hold ‘Em, this is roughly the same odds as being dealt pocket aces (220:1). (Interestingly enough, I’ve been dealt pocket aces about half a dozen times at Hold ‘Em that I can remember.)
Is that depressing? Yeah, a little bit. 20 years ago, that would be pretty much all she wrote too. But these days we’re fortunate enough to have a way to connect with thousands more at any given moment, i.e., the internets. I’ve got about 670 people following me on Twitter, about 250 friends on Facebook and have built a handful of little web toys that thousands of people use every day. Your own numbers will be drastically different of course, but the point is that we’re able to cheat the odds by making ourselves really visible online. In fact, if I assume that my soul mate is a straight female who speaks English and has Internet access, my PSMI is reduced even further. There are 1.4 billion people on the Internet, 430.8 million of which speak English, and 206.8 million of which are probably straight females. Now my chances are about 58:1, which in Hold ‘Em terms is roughly the odds that you would get a pair of aces, kings, queens or jacks in your pocket (54.3:1). If all that sounds a little fanciful, it’s really not. I mean seriously, what kind of cosmos would give me a soul mate that didn’t use the Internet? That would just be cruel. (Or for that matter, didn’t subscribe to poker hand probabilities.)
One way to look at the 58:1 ratio is thusly: if I had 58 times to relive my life, I would cross paths with my soul mate once. That sounds incredibly sad, so here’s another way to look at it: if you took 58 other guys with similar soul-mate indices as me, only one of us would find our soul mate. I like the sound of that a little bit more, but I’m not entirely sure it’s the right way to look at the numbers. Anyway.
The trick here really is to make yourself as visible as possible online so as to reach as many people as possible. Joining social networks and generating online content is the new-school equivalent of taking yoga classes or joining photography clubs in order to meet new people, and it’s a lot more cost-effective too. The idea of course is not to stop looking. Just because the odds seem stacked against you, doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. After all, according to the Drake equation, the number of other currently-existing civilizations in our entire galaxy could be as little as 2, and yet we still train our telescopes at the sky every night, waiting.
Now, the first step is of course believing that your soul mate exists. I know a lot of people don’t believe that everyone has a soul mate, but for the purposes of this article, let’s just ignore them.
The tricky thing about this whole discussion is that the cosmos never bothered to lay down any ground rules regarding soul mates, so we’re unfortunately stuck making a bunch of assumptions. Here are the ones that I’m basing my calculations on:
1. Your soul mate exists, and is currently alive somewhere in the world. I’m not going to waste time calculating the odds of meeting a soul mate who was alive B.C., or will be born around the time the flying car goes mainstream. We’re going to assume that the cosmos was considerate enough to give you a fighting chance after all.
2. Your soul mate is of the preferred sexual orientation. This whole discussion would be pointless otherwise.
3. Your soul mate speaks at least one of the languages that you do. Again, it would be otherwise impossible to connect with your soul mate if you can’t speak a common language.
(NotE: If you disagree with any of the items above, tough luck. I’m not doing your math for you.)
Given those three assumptions, you can compute the maximum number of potential soul mate candidates simply by multiplying the population of your chosen language by the percentage of your preferred sexual orientation. Let’s call this your Personal Soul Mate Index.
For example, my chosen language is English (1.5 billion native and non-native speakers) and my preferred sexual orientation is straight female. The global gender ratio is about 51:49 in favor of men, so I multiply 1.5 billion by 0.49, which would be roughly 735,000,000. I would then reduce that number further by 2% to get my PSMI (which is the alleged gay ratio), leaving me with 720,300,000 straight English-speaking females. If you were a gay male, you would multiply 1.5 billion by 0.51 and then again by 0.02, giving you a much smaller PSMI, at only 15.3 million.
(Note that you could also choose to totally ignore the language part of the equation and simply multiply your sexual orientation by the total global population, which is at 6.7 billion at the time of this writing.)
I’ll give you a moment to compute your own PSMIs.
All good? Great, let’s move on to the fun stuff.
So, the likelihood of me meeting my soulmate is roughly 1 in 720,000,000, and what we’re going to do over the next few paragraphs is work out just how “likely” that is. Let say I am 27-year-old male, and have a life expectancy of 71 years. That means I’ve got a potential for 44 more years of searching for that darned soul mate of mine. Let’s be more granular, and calculate how many days that is:
(365 days * 33 common years) + (366 days * 11 leap years) = 16,071 days to go
Let’s tack on the past 9 years of my life as well, or since I turned 18, i.e., legally capable of having sex with my soul mate should I meet her. (And if that sounds a little crass, I apologize. I’m sure you would simply lose yourself in your soul mate’s eyes forever.)
16071 + ((365 * 7) + (366 * 2)) = 19,358 days in total
We can express all of this very simply by saying that if I want to meet my soul mate and I am unlucky enough to have had to meet every single person in my entire PSMI before I finally meet her, I would have to see 720,300,000 people over 19,358 days starting when I turned 18. (37,209 people per day, or about half of the people who went to the Eraserheads concert last year.)
Does that sound discouraging? Let’s do some quick math to work out the problem.
I’m sitting at a Starbucks as I write this, and there are easily 30 other people in and around this place with me. I’ll walk back to the office and there are another 60 people there. Later tonight I’ll have dinner at the Fort, and will come into indirect contact with about 100 or so different people. If I were commuting, I’d get on to a train car with 50 other people all mashed up against each other.
Depending on how much you move around, you come in to indirect contact with about 150-200 unique people every day. Possibly even more than that if you really pound the pavement. That means that without drastically changing my lifestyle, I will see about 3,871,600 people over the course of my life or about 0.5% of my PSMI. Expressed in more practical terms, my chances of finding my soul mate at any point in my post-18 life is about 1 in 200. If you play Texas Hold ‘Em, this is roughly the same odds as being dealt pocket aces (220:1). (Interestingly enough, I’ve been dealt pocket aces about half a dozen times at Hold ‘Em that I can remember.)
Is that depressing? Yeah, a little bit. 20 years ago, that would be pretty much all she wrote too. But these days we’re fortunate enough to have a way to connect with thousands more at any given moment, i.e., the internets. I’ve got about 670 people following me on Twitter, about 250 friends on Facebook and have built a handful of little web toys that thousands of people use every day. Your own numbers will be drastically different of course, but the point is that we’re able to cheat the odds by making ourselves really visible online. In fact, if I assume that my soul mate is a straight female who speaks English and has Internet access, my PSMI is reduced even further. There are 1.4 billion people on the Internet, 430.8 million of which speak English, and 206.8 million of which are probably straight females. Now my chances are about 58:1, which in Hold ‘Em terms is roughly the odds that you would get a pair of aces, kings, queens or jacks in your pocket (54.3:1). If all that sounds a little fanciful, it’s really not. I mean seriously, what kind of cosmos would give me a soul mate that didn’t use the Internet? That would just be cruel. (Or for that matter, didn’t subscribe to poker hand probabilities.)
One way to look at the 58:1 ratio is thusly: if I had 58 times to relive my life, I would cross paths with my soul mate once. That sounds incredibly sad, so here’s another way to look at it: if you took 58 other guys with similar soul-mate indices as me, only one of us would find our soul mate. I like the sound of that a little bit more, but I’m not entirely sure it’s the right way to look at the numbers. Anyway.
The trick here really is to make yourself as visible as possible online so as to reach as many people as possible. Joining social networks and generating online content is the new-school equivalent of taking yoga classes or joining photography clubs in order to meet new people, and it’s a lot more cost-effective too. The idea of course is not to stop looking. Just because the odds seem stacked against you, doesn’t mean it isn’t possible. After all, according to the Drake equation, the number of other currently-existing civilizations in our entire galaxy could be as little as 2, and yet we still train our telescopes at the sky every night, waiting.
LOVE/THOUGHTS: SOMEONE WHO GETS ME
I can’t believe how many times I’ve heard that my soulmate is just someone who “gets” me.
My response is this: do you have to be physically attracted to your soulmate for them to be your soulmate?
What if he’s bald and noticeably shorter than you? What if she has bad teeth and a laugh that scares off harpies? Can they be your soulmate if they have horrendous hygiene and you find them disgusting?
Have you even looked? Perhaps that urine smelling homeless man that’s old enough to be your father that you pass every day on the way to work is the one person in the whole world who understands you and will accept you completely. You’re never going to find out by giving him the occasional dollar bill as you walk by.
Here’s some bad news for you. If you believe there’s only one soulmate, that one person who’s just perfect for you, given that there’s 6 billion people, is statistically in a different country and most likely married or dead depending on the age. That’s a depressing thought so with Soulmate Syndrome have an additional condition called Destiny Delerium, the belief that the universe will make sure that their paths will cross.
Did you meet your one true love already and didn’t recognize that person as your true love? Maybe, you thought someone was your one true love until the really nasty divorce and now you’re realizing that your soulmate is someone who gets you and someone who doesn’t play World of Warcraft all day and picks up after themselves every once in a while.
Maybe, you won’t meet your one true love until your 70. Fate isn’t time bounded and has a wicked sense of humor.
I don’t know why so many of you choose to hold onto the belief of the one true love. It’s counterproductive because long term relationships have little to do with love. Love doesn’t conquer all. There’s a reason why our divorce rate is 50%. It’s from the belief that love fixes everything and when it doesn’t then you aren’t in love anymore.
For example, many couples break up over infidelity. Infidelity has very little to do with love and more to do with one partner looking outside the relationship to find whatever they think is missing in the current relationship. It’s not as if one person stopped loving the other. It’s about a breakdown in the relationship and differing values. Love has very little to do with maintaining long-term relationships.
I know want a loving, lasting relationship. Great relationships come from similar values, communication, mutual effort and timing. So why do people focus so hard on finding that one person that “gets” them and not the person that picks up after themselves? I’m not saying that those traits are mutually exclusive. I’m just saying that finding someone who picks up after themselves is easier and contributes more to a lasting relationship than someone who understands your soul.
My response is this: do you have to be physically attracted to your soulmate for them to be your soulmate?
What if he’s bald and noticeably shorter than you? What if she has bad teeth and a laugh that scares off harpies? Can they be your soulmate if they have horrendous hygiene and you find them disgusting?
Have you even looked? Perhaps that urine smelling homeless man that’s old enough to be your father that you pass every day on the way to work is the one person in the whole world who understands you and will accept you completely. You’re never going to find out by giving him the occasional dollar bill as you walk by.
Here’s some bad news for you. If you believe there’s only one soulmate, that one person who’s just perfect for you, given that there’s 6 billion people, is statistically in a different country and most likely married or dead depending on the age. That’s a depressing thought so with Soulmate Syndrome have an additional condition called Destiny Delerium, the belief that the universe will make sure that their paths will cross.
Did you meet your one true love already and didn’t recognize that person as your true love? Maybe, you thought someone was your one true love until the really nasty divorce and now you’re realizing that your soulmate is someone who gets you and someone who doesn’t play World of Warcraft all day and picks up after themselves every once in a while.
Maybe, you won’t meet your one true love until your 70. Fate isn’t time bounded and has a wicked sense of humor.
I don’t know why so many of you choose to hold onto the belief of the one true love. It’s counterproductive because long term relationships have little to do with love. Love doesn’t conquer all. There’s a reason why our divorce rate is 50%. It’s from the belief that love fixes everything and when it doesn’t then you aren’t in love anymore.
For example, many couples break up over infidelity. Infidelity has very little to do with love and more to do with one partner looking outside the relationship to find whatever they think is missing in the current relationship. It’s not as if one person stopped loving the other. It’s about a breakdown in the relationship and differing values. Love has very little to do with maintaining long-term relationships.
I know want a loving, lasting relationship. Great relationships come from similar values, communication, mutual effort and timing. So why do people focus so hard on finding that one person that “gets” them and not the person that picks up after themselves? I’m not saying that those traits are mutually exclusive. I’m just saying that finding someone who picks up after themselves is easier and contributes more to a lasting relationship than someone who understands your soul.
LOVE/THOUGHTS: THE SOULMATE THING
If one person in the world was absolutely perfectly matched for you, chances are, they're not going to be in your neighborhood. Thus, the chances of running into your soulmate are slim to none; and even if you did, we have so many surface encounters that it's highly unlikely that we would recognize the person as such. It has to be rare--almost unheard of, even--to find your soulmate. But again, that doesn't mean they aren't out there somewhere.
Some take issue with the idea of a soulmate. It's so idealistic and faith-based due to the rarity of stumbling upon such a person...so how do we know they exist? It's actually highly logical that they do. Think about it this way. We have X amount of personality traits, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. If you think about it mathematically, most people are going to have some of the same traits as you. Some others might match with you better, and a handful are bound to match you frighteningly well. And, for some extremely rare cases, someone can match you across the board.
One thing that holds fairly true for me, however you look at it, is that the world is cruel. well, not precisely cruel... it's just neutral. indifferent. it has no consciousness, the universe does not form things based on any particular considerations... things just happen. there's a considerable amount of chaos in the existences of many things, and subsequently, it's difficult to make claims about some one (or perhaps even multiple) person (people) who really really fit with you.
Then there's the sexuality of the thing. a "soul mate" is rarely considered to be a "friend," it's a *lover*. so, what happens when you have an individual who lacks a sex drive? that's only the tip of the iceberg, besides... all the things that can happen to someone or the conditions a person can get. especially in the cases where you're a one-soulmate'er, the implications... i mean, what about all the people who die as kids?
And... aside from the thing that i just don't really see any reason to believe in it one way or another... that kinda gets to the point of part of my pessimism about soulmates. people who believe in 'em seem to view them as a *positive* thing, but if you think of it, the concept of a soulmate would frequently be *supremely* cruel. masses of people get their lives snuffed out by murder, war, accident, disease so commonly - if everyone has a soulmate, then our souls are being torn apart and snuffed out on a constant basis.
If there is something I'm pretty realistic about, it's love. So I don't believe in this 'soul mates' thing. I never did. But don't get me wrong, I actually think that is good. I don't believe in it, not because I was disappointed about love in the past, but to me, a healthy and great relationship can only work out if the two are involved. It's all about sharing, knowing, accepting (or not), in another words, constructing. At least for me, the idea that something all 'pre-fabricated' (it's just a silly word, I can't think of a better one right now) is right there somewhere waiting for us it's just a fairy tale and pretty unrealistic. I mean, do we really want to find another 'us'? I think many people have the potential to become 'our perfect pair' in a determined stage of our lives. I think all of my ex boyfriends (I didn't have a lot, actually, only 3 serious ones) had something I felt connected with, at that particular time. And I feel connected to my current boyfriend now as well, right now, I think he's my 'perfect match'. I don't want to think about forever, because it's such a long time and if there is something we can't be certain of, it's about future. But I think we are trying our best to construct our lives as we go through this journey.
To me, one of the problems believing in soul mates is that there is a risk you'll wait forever for that person who, to your desires, it's the right one for you, and you will look at every person you meet with judging eyes (you'll be watching if he/she fulfills your personal 'list') and you will also find defects (which, we all have, and a lot of them). And if you go into every relationship looking for the perfect one, and it never seems to appear, you could feel pretty bad about yourself too. I don't really like to read articles about 'soul mates', so I apologize if I'm getting something wrong or approaching the issue superficially, but a perception I have it's that people expect too much from others, and if they don't meet their high expectations, they become frustrated and blame on things like destiny, bad luck, or such. We grew up watching all those unrealistically romantic movies and Disney's princesses cartoons, that some people have a distorted image of love. So you may lose a lot of possibilities to be happy with the person you met. So to me, there is also no such thing as 'love at first sight', only attraction, but we have to make it work if we want to go to another level.
When I meet someone, I know the things I feel naturally atracted to, but I like to keep my mind in a 'blank page' mode, that is, letting things flow and see what happens. Not expecting anything. But of course, there are some things that you have to consider, to me for example, it's that I could accept that my partner is totally different from me, it's actually great to share different experiences and points of view, but in the end, we need to have certain common values (for example, regarding to loyalty, respect, family, trust).
Well, in the end, it's all about beliefs, and everyone knows what's better for them. So I respect people who believe in soul mates too. Maybe they are more spiritual and romantic than me. I must say that belief it's great when it helps you feel motivated, full of energy and love, and when it makes you want to become a better person. Real love does all this wonderful things. But, when it makes you feel frustrated, sad, depressed, that's when it's time to review your beliefs/statements. We can't make something as magnificent as love as a real pain in our lives! You can tell I don't identify at all with that saying: "True love hurts".
Some take issue with the idea of a soulmate. It's so idealistic and faith-based due to the rarity of stumbling upon such a person...so how do we know they exist? It's actually highly logical that they do. Think about it this way. We have X amount of personality traits, hopes, dreams, desires, etc. If you think about it mathematically, most people are going to have some of the same traits as you. Some others might match with you better, and a handful are bound to match you frighteningly well. And, for some extremely rare cases, someone can match you across the board.
One thing that holds fairly true for me, however you look at it, is that the world is cruel. well, not precisely cruel... it's just neutral. indifferent. it has no consciousness, the universe does not form things based on any particular considerations... things just happen. there's a considerable amount of chaos in the existences of many things, and subsequently, it's difficult to make claims about some one (or perhaps even multiple) person (people) who really really fit with you.
Then there's the sexuality of the thing. a "soul mate" is rarely considered to be a "friend," it's a *lover*. so, what happens when you have an individual who lacks a sex drive? that's only the tip of the iceberg, besides... all the things that can happen to someone or the conditions a person can get. especially in the cases where you're a one-soulmate'er, the implications... i mean, what about all the people who die as kids?
And... aside from the thing that i just don't really see any reason to believe in it one way or another... that kinda gets to the point of part of my pessimism about soulmates. people who believe in 'em seem to view them as a *positive* thing, but if you think of it, the concept of a soulmate would frequently be *supremely* cruel. masses of people get their lives snuffed out by murder, war, accident, disease so commonly - if everyone has a soulmate, then our souls are being torn apart and snuffed out on a constant basis.
If there is something I'm pretty realistic about, it's love. So I don't believe in this 'soul mates' thing. I never did. But don't get me wrong, I actually think that is good. I don't believe in it, not because I was disappointed about love in the past, but to me, a healthy and great relationship can only work out if the two are involved. It's all about sharing, knowing, accepting (or not), in another words, constructing. At least for me, the idea that something all 'pre-fabricated' (it's just a silly word, I can't think of a better one right now) is right there somewhere waiting for us it's just a fairy tale and pretty unrealistic. I mean, do we really want to find another 'us'? I think many people have the potential to become 'our perfect pair' in a determined stage of our lives. I think all of my ex boyfriends (I didn't have a lot, actually, only 3 serious ones) had something I felt connected with, at that particular time. And I feel connected to my current boyfriend now as well, right now, I think he's my 'perfect match'. I don't want to think about forever, because it's such a long time and if there is something we can't be certain of, it's about future. But I think we are trying our best to construct our lives as we go through this journey.
To me, one of the problems believing in soul mates is that there is a risk you'll wait forever for that person who, to your desires, it's the right one for you, and you will look at every person you meet with judging eyes (you'll be watching if he/she fulfills your personal 'list') and you will also find defects (which, we all have, and a lot of them). And if you go into every relationship looking for the perfect one, and it never seems to appear, you could feel pretty bad about yourself too. I don't really like to read articles about 'soul mates', so I apologize if I'm getting something wrong or approaching the issue superficially, but a perception I have it's that people expect too much from others, and if they don't meet their high expectations, they become frustrated and blame on things like destiny, bad luck, or such. We grew up watching all those unrealistically romantic movies and Disney's princesses cartoons, that some people have a distorted image of love. So you may lose a lot of possibilities to be happy with the person you met. So to me, there is also no such thing as 'love at first sight', only attraction, but we have to make it work if we want to go to another level.
When I meet someone, I know the things I feel naturally atracted to, but I like to keep my mind in a 'blank page' mode, that is, letting things flow and see what happens. Not expecting anything. But of course, there are some things that you have to consider, to me for example, it's that I could accept that my partner is totally different from me, it's actually great to share different experiences and points of view, but in the end, we need to have certain common values (for example, regarding to loyalty, respect, family, trust).
Well, in the end, it's all about beliefs, and everyone knows what's better for them. So I respect people who believe in soul mates too. Maybe they are more spiritual and romantic than me. I must say that belief it's great when it helps you feel motivated, full of energy and love, and when it makes you want to become a better person. Real love does all this wonderful things. But, when it makes you feel frustrated, sad, depressed, that's when it's time to review your beliefs/statements. We can't make something as magnificent as love as a real pain in our lives! You can tell I don't identify at all with that saying: "True love hurts".
SPIRITUAL/LOVE/ PERSONAL: SHE IS MY GODDESS
First, I should say that I'm a determinist. This suggests that everything within the Universe is correlated. While this belief is not favorable to many, it symbolizes to me that my Soulmate is intertwined with everything in existence. In essence, she is my Goddess.
Suffice to say, I do not believe in multiple soulmates (friends, family, your childhood dog) like many others do. I only believe in an absolute.
It is difficult to answer what a Soulmate means to me without sharing my entire belief system. People that know me well, slowly piece together the puzzle pieces I periodically drop from time to time. Even then, most of my thoughts are intentionally locked within myself and are only intended for one specific person. I will confess that I have believed that I was in love with others in the past, but I have still never shared that side. There is only one possible moment where I will open up completely, and that is the day I propose under an aurora filled sky.
Why an aurora?
While I know I'm going on tangents here, this relates to my spiritual beliefs on people emanating energy that we are all subconsciously attuned to. I heard an old wives tale, that if you witness an aurora 'close up', the solar winds of the sun induce a seemingly hallucinogenic state. It is through this that many believe you can actually see the future for a brief moment. This is the time I intend to drop down to a knee, like a Knight swearing an oath, and speak to her of what I truly see in our future together. Tale or not, I will make that future a reality.
I will tell you that everything within the fiber of my being relates to my Soulmate. Every thought, action, or chosen word, is intended to radiate an energy that will resonate with certain types of people. Is it through these people that I most often find loyal friends, but that is not my original intent.
Suffice to say, I do not believe in multiple soulmates (friends, family, your childhood dog) like many others do. I only believe in an absolute.
It is difficult to answer what a Soulmate means to me without sharing my entire belief system. People that know me well, slowly piece together the puzzle pieces I periodically drop from time to time. Even then, most of my thoughts are intentionally locked within myself and are only intended for one specific person. I will confess that I have believed that I was in love with others in the past, but I have still never shared that side. There is only one possible moment where I will open up completely, and that is the day I propose under an aurora filled sky.
Why an aurora?
While I know I'm going on tangents here, this relates to my spiritual beliefs on people emanating energy that we are all subconsciously attuned to. I heard an old wives tale, that if you witness an aurora 'close up', the solar winds of the sun induce a seemingly hallucinogenic state. It is through this that many believe you can actually see the future for a brief moment. This is the time I intend to drop down to a knee, like a Knight swearing an oath, and speak to her of what I truly see in our future together. Tale or not, I will make that future a reality.
I will tell you that everything within the fiber of my being relates to my Soulmate. Every thought, action, or chosen word, is intended to radiate an energy that will resonate with certain types of people. Is it through these people that I most often find loyal friends, but that is not my original intent.
THOUGHTS/LOVE: THE WAY WE WERE REMINDED ME OF US
I was watching "The Way We Were" last night. I had never seen it but you know I'm a sucker for old romantic movies. And like so many things do ... I was reminded of you ... reminded of us and the way we were.
In the movie's final scene Robert Redford sees Barbra Streisand and they embrace. In that moment you can see that he realizes that he was at his best when he was with her, and that no one will ever believe in him or see as much promise in him as she once did. As they part, their past is behind them and realize that all they share now, is a memory of the way they were.
That scene reminds me of the way I feel every time we see each other now. We've both moved forward without the other. We email, text, talk, and keep up with what's going on in each others lives - we're friends again. We come together once a month for dinner or drinks and at the end of each evening out we embrace. And it's always the same we hold each other.
Really just hold on to one another - like neither of us wants to let go. I don't fight it anymore, I used to pull away because it hurt too much but now I just close my eyes and allow myself to be swept away to ... the way we were. It's unspoken yet so lovely. When we part, I don't want to let you go but yet - I know that we no longer fit together ... not the way we used to. So we go our separate ways.
Last night, after watching the movie I was once again reminded that I was at my best when I was with you and I believe you were at your best with me. No one will ever believe in me the way you did or still do.
The memory of what we had has now become my wonder wall ... the place where I can take a break from reality, smile and even laugh about, and spend time with. You’ll continue to be in thoughts, my heart, and my memories. I’m so glad for the way we were. It is unforgettable.
In the movie's final scene Robert Redford sees Barbra Streisand and they embrace. In that moment you can see that he realizes that he was at his best when he was with her, and that no one will ever believe in him or see as much promise in him as she once did. As they part, their past is behind them and realize that all they share now, is a memory of the way they were.
That scene reminds me of the way I feel every time we see each other now. We've both moved forward without the other. We email, text, talk, and keep up with what's going on in each others lives - we're friends again. We come together once a month for dinner or drinks and at the end of each evening out we embrace. And it's always the same we hold each other.
Really just hold on to one another - like neither of us wants to let go. I don't fight it anymore, I used to pull away because it hurt too much but now I just close my eyes and allow myself to be swept away to ... the way we were. It's unspoken yet so lovely. When we part, I don't want to let you go but yet - I know that we no longer fit together ... not the way we used to. So we go our separate ways.
Last night, after watching the movie I was once again reminded that I was at my best when I was with you and I believe you were at your best with me. No one will ever believe in me the way you did or still do.
The memory of what we had has now become my wonder wall ... the place where I can take a break from reality, smile and even laugh about, and spend time with. You’ll continue to be in thoughts, my heart, and my memories. I’m so glad for the way we were. It is unforgettable.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: WHEN WILL I MET YOU, LOVE OF MY LIFE?
When will I meet you, love of my life?...............................Or do I know you already? Will you reveal yourself in my dreams. Or will you elude me only to discover that I failed to turn the corner where you were, or recognize you when you passed my way. I know you as well as I know my own heart. You are sensitive and caring, but confident, elegant but "manly".......... You are someone I trust unquestioningly.
You can always warm my heart and make me smile. I feel I’m the most beautiful woman in the world simply because "You love me." I will make you want to try things, because of my enthusiasm when I describe them. You will excite and stimulate me in ways I never thought possible in all aspects of my life and yet, surprise me every day with how familiar it all seems.
You will make me feel grateful to just be alive and wake up in your arms. Nothing in the world will make me happier than just being with you, whether we are doing something exciting, talking together, or just sitting quietly in each others presence.
Every day with you will be new and challenging, and I will want to live a long time just to drink in what life has to offer with you. I will always be proud, just to be with you, wherever we are. And grateful the rest of the days of my life that we are together, and I got to be a vital part of yours.
I will greet you every day with a smile and a kiss; a smile will come across my face when I think of you. I hope to meet you, but more importantly, I hope you want to meet me.
You can always warm my heart and make me smile. I feel I’m the most beautiful woman in the world simply because "You love me." I will make you want to try things, because of my enthusiasm when I describe them. You will excite and stimulate me in ways I never thought possible in all aspects of my life and yet, surprise me every day with how familiar it all seems.
You will make me feel grateful to just be alive and wake up in your arms. Nothing in the world will make me happier than just being with you, whether we are doing something exciting, talking together, or just sitting quietly in each others presence.
Every day with you will be new and challenging, and I will want to live a long time just to drink in what life has to offer with you. I will always be proud, just to be with you, wherever we are. And grateful the rest of the days of my life that we are together, and I got to be a vital part of yours.
I will greet you every day with a smile and a kiss; a smile will come across my face when I think of you. I hope to meet you, but more importantly, I hope you want to meet me.
Monday, July 2, 2012
THOUGHTS/JOURNAL: I HAVE A VULNERABLE HEART
I have a vulnerable heart.
My heart has been broken, crushed and trampled to millions of pieces so many times that I feel it will never survive another major disaster in life. This scares me all the more considering I may live another 40 years more. Nothing can assure me that from this moment on to the last of my dying breath, my heart will never be broken again. Because of this, I constantly feel fear that any time soon; this heart will have to face another catastrophe again. It pains me to think how can I survive? This is how vulnerable I am at this moment.
Somebody wisely said, to truly love someone means opening your heart to the pain. It is vulnerability. However because of past experiences being terribly hurt tremendously by the person you love, it is normal that you are constantly wary and fearful. It seems you are building an invisible wall in your heart trying to protect it from being hurt again. Every little doubtful situation will cause your heart to pound with distress as you feel yourself being sucked up by bad memories causing you to be very suspicious. The walls surrounding your heart are up a hundred fold to keep it from breaking into pieces again. Because of your obvious distress, your eyes are physically and emotionally dimmed to the point of being temporarily blind; you don't and won't listen to anything sensible because all you feel is the fear that it is going to happen again.
Yes, I can say I have physically and emotionally moved on. Although I have not gone far but I am glad to say I was able to move several feet away from all the ugliness. Yet, being vulnerable makes it truly difficult to continue with the progress especially when your trust has been broken and you have to suffer the crushing of your self esteem. Many times I am frustrated with myself because I know I wasn't like this before. Yet today, I feel I'm back to square one with no more strength to build myself up once more.
In my vulnerability, I realized I cannot do this on my own. While I may not be young anymore and my heart is doubly tired, I feel in my weakness God is my strength. While on my knees in deep prayer with my usual ramblings to Him, He gently reminded me that He is still the in control of my life. It is just like bungee jumping from the top of the Eiffel Tower. I felt myself plunging fast to my impending doom when suddenly a strong and elastic cord on my heel broke my fall. God is my elastic cord. I should trust Him that He will not let go of me.
Human as I am, every time I feel being thrust towards the nightmare, I would ask for assurance not to be hurt once more. Yet, I realized I am putting my trust and faith towards someone who is as human as I am. This is the reason why, I can still feel an impending doom hovering. I felt the only way for me to be shielded from being hurt is to put my heart in a casket—safe from everything and everyone. Yet, I know this is a cowardly way of moving on.
Trust in God ONLY. Yes, this is what I have learned; what I am continually trying to embrace each day of my life. This is the only time vulnerability becomes strength.
My heart has been broken, crushed and trampled to millions of pieces so many times that I feel it will never survive another major disaster in life. This scares me all the more considering I may live another 40 years more. Nothing can assure me that from this moment on to the last of my dying breath, my heart will never be broken again. Because of this, I constantly feel fear that any time soon; this heart will have to face another catastrophe again. It pains me to think how can I survive? This is how vulnerable I am at this moment.
Somebody wisely said, to truly love someone means opening your heart to the pain. It is vulnerability. However because of past experiences being terribly hurt tremendously by the person you love, it is normal that you are constantly wary and fearful. It seems you are building an invisible wall in your heart trying to protect it from being hurt again. Every little doubtful situation will cause your heart to pound with distress as you feel yourself being sucked up by bad memories causing you to be very suspicious. The walls surrounding your heart are up a hundred fold to keep it from breaking into pieces again. Because of your obvious distress, your eyes are physically and emotionally dimmed to the point of being temporarily blind; you don't and won't listen to anything sensible because all you feel is the fear that it is going to happen again.
Yes, I can say I have physically and emotionally moved on. Although I have not gone far but I am glad to say I was able to move several feet away from all the ugliness. Yet, being vulnerable makes it truly difficult to continue with the progress especially when your trust has been broken and you have to suffer the crushing of your self esteem. Many times I am frustrated with myself because I know I wasn't like this before. Yet today, I feel I'm back to square one with no more strength to build myself up once more.
In my vulnerability, I realized I cannot do this on my own. While I may not be young anymore and my heart is doubly tired, I feel in my weakness God is my strength. While on my knees in deep prayer with my usual ramblings to Him, He gently reminded me that He is still the in control of my life. It is just like bungee jumping from the top of the Eiffel Tower. I felt myself plunging fast to my impending doom when suddenly a strong and elastic cord on my heel broke my fall. God is my elastic cord. I should trust Him that He will not let go of me.
Human as I am, every time I feel being thrust towards the nightmare, I would ask for assurance not to be hurt once more. Yet, I realized I am putting my trust and faith towards someone who is as human as I am. This is the reason why, I can still feel an impending doom hovering. I felt the only way for me to be shielded from being hurt is to put my heart in a casket—safe from everything and everyone. Yet, I know this is a cowardly way of moving on.
Trust in God ONLY. Yes, this is what I have learned; what I am continually trying to embrace each day of my life. This is the only time vulnerability becomes strength.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
JOURNAL: BRUSHING YOUR TEETH WITH SOAP by rick michaels
Brushing your teeth with soap
| DR. GIFFORD-JONES
by rick michaels
Do you enjoy paying dental bills? Or having dentists scraping plaque from your teeth? If it's a pleasure, there's no need to read this column. But I've never enjoyed these regular checkups. Now there's a way to retire dentists, prevent cavities, protect gums and rid teeth of plaque, using cheap, ordinary soap.
My first reaction when I read this report was, "Come on, Dr Judd, you must be kidding! Who would ever brush their teeth with soap?" But Dr. Gerald F. Judd is no nut. He's a retired Emeritus Professor of chemistry at Purdue University.
I admire people who have the intestinal fortitude to question well-established theories that may be wrong. Besides, I discovered he and I both believe dentists are wrong on another issue.
Dr. Judd reports that acid destroys enamel and that cavities would vanish if people rinsed acids from their mouths quickly. Tap water is all that's needed to do the job.
He also claims that bacteria cannot damage the tooth's hard outer enamel that is composed of calcium hydroxy phosphate. The proof is that bones and teeth are resistant to earth-bound organisms. After all, we've all seen pictures of skeletons that have been unearthed after hundreds of years with teeth still intact.
But why use soap to clean teeth? Judd says glycerine is present in all toothpastes and it's so sticky that it requires 27 washes to clean it off. This means that teeth remain coated with a film and cannot rebuild enamel. And if they're not clean, adenosine diphosphatase cannot provide phosphate to enamel.
His next point is what I wanted to hear. Brushing with soap destroys bacteria and viruses. No professor at The Harvard Medical School told me about that. Or that brushing with ordinary bar soap not only cleans teeth but also removes hard plaque stuck to the bottom of enamel.
Removing plaque from teeth is vital as it invades gums, separating them from teeth. This sets the stage for gingivitis, poorly anchored teeth and eventually possible loss of teeth. It's shocking that 25% of North Americans over age 43, and 42% of those over 65 years of age, have no teeth!
Dr. Judd also believes that the fluoridation of water and the use of fluoride toothpaste is a useless, dangerous biological poison. He says calcium fluoride seeps into enamel, making it weak and brittle, destroying 83 enzymes along with adenosine diphosphatase.
I couldn't agree more. Look at the warning on fluoride toothpaste. Parents are told to watch children under six years of age while they brush their teeth. To be safe, only a tiny amount of toothpaste is used, and none should be swallowed. That should tell you something! In 1974, a three-year old child had fluoride gel placed on his teeth. The hygienist handed him a glass of water but rather than rising out his mouth, he drank it. A few hours later, he was dead.
If fluoride toothpaste is the answer to dental decay, why is it that 98% of Europe is fluoride-free? Sweden, Germany, Norway, Holland, Denmark and France stopped using fluoridation 29 years ago. These are not backward, depressed nations.
The sole argument for fluoridation is that it reduces tooth decay. But several studies involving as many as 480,000 children found no beneficial evidence between fluoridated and non-fluoridated communities.
Dr. Hardy Limeback, Professor of Dentistry at the University of Toronto, says children under three should never use fluoridated toothpaste or drink fluoridated water, and mothers should never use Toronto tap water to prepare baby formula.
Will I practice what I've preached in this column? You bet, as I'm curious to know whether I can say goodbye to the dental hygienist who scrapes plaque off my teeth, not to mention the cost. The test will take three months and I'll report the result.
No doubt all hell from the dental profession will descend on me. This doesn't worry me. What does is that my dentist will read this column and keep a big rusty drill handy for my next appointment.
| DR. GIFFORD-JONES
by rick michaels
Do you enjoy paying dental bills? Or having dentists scraping plaque from your teeth? If it's a pleasure, there's no need to read this column. But I've never enjoyed these regular checkups. Now there's a way to retire dentists, prevent cavities, protect gums and rid teeth of plaque, using cheap, ordinary soap.
My first reaction when I read this report was, "Come on, Dr Judd, you must be kidding! Who would ever brush their teeth with soap?" But Dr. Gerald F. Judd is no nut. He's a retired Emeritus Professor of chemistry at Purdue University.
I admire people who have the intestinal fortitude to question well-established theories that may be wrong. Besides, I discovered he and I both believe dentists are wrong on another issue.
Dr. Judd reports that acid destroys enamel and that cavities would vanish if people rinsed acids from their mouths quickly. Tap water is all that's needed to do the job.
He also claims that bacteria cannot damage the tooth's hard outer enamel that is composed of calcium hydroxy phosphate. The proof is that bones and teeth are resistant to earth-bound organisms. After all, we've all seen pictures of skeletons that have been unearthed after hundreds of years with teeth still intact.
But why use soap to clean teeth? Judd says glycerine is present in all toothpastes and it's so sticky that it requires 27 washes to clean it off. This means that teeth remain coated with a film and cannot rebuild enamel. And if they're not clean, adenosine diphosphatase cannot provide phosphate to enamel.
His next point is what I wanted to hear. Brushing with soap destroys bacteria and viruses. No professor at The Harvard Medical School told me about that. Or that brushing with ordinary bar soap not only cleans teeth but also removes hard plaque stuck to the bottom of enamel.
Removing plaque from teeth is vital as it invades gums, separating them from teeth. This sets the stage for gingivitis, poorly anchored teeth and eventually possible loss of teeth. It's shocking that 25% of North Americans over age 43, and 42% of those over 65 years of age, have no teeth!
Dr. Judd also believes that the fluoridation of water and the use of fluoride toothpaste is a useless, dangerous biological poison. He says calcium fluoride seeps into enamel, making it weak and brittle, destroying 83 enzymes along with adenosine diphosphatase.
I couldn't agree more. Look at the warning on fluoride toothpaste. Parents are told to watch children under six years of age while they brush their teeth. To be safe, only a tiny amount of toothpaste is used, and none should be swallowed. That should tell you something! In 1974, a three-year old child had fluoride gel placed on his teeth. The hygienist handed him a glass of water but rather than rising out his mouth, he drank it. A few hours later, he was dead.
If fluoride toothpaste is the answer to dental decay, why is it that 98% of Europe is fluoride-free? Sweden, Germany, Norway, Holland, Denmark and France stopped using fluoridation 29 years ago. These are not backward, depressed nations.
The sole argument for fluoridation is that it reduces tooth decay. But several studies involving as many as 480,000 children found no beneficial evidence between fluoridated and non-fluoridated communities.
Dr. Hardy Limeback, Professor of Dentistry at the University of Toronto, says children under three should never use fluoridated toothpaste or drink fluoridated water, and mothers should never use Toronto tap water to prepare baby formula.
Will I practice what I've preached in this column? You bet, as I'm curious to know whether I can say goodbye to the dental hygienist who scrapes plaque off my teeth, not to mention the cost. The test will take three months and I'll report the result.
No doubt all hell from the dental profession will descend on me. This doesn't worry me. What does is that my dentist will read this column and keep a big rusty drill handy for my next appointment.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
JOURNAL: I'M TIRED
I'm tired of waking up by myself. I roll over and there's plenty of room in my bed; there's no one waiting for me in the kitchen.
I'm tired of eating breakfast alone. I turn on the TV so there's some noise while I make my food. It's not conversation, but it's better than silence.
I'm tired of being a third wheel. Or a fifth wheel. Or a seventh wheel. I act like it doesn't bother me when we're all hanging out, but really, it becomes just another reminder that I'm alone.
I'm tired of people telling me that they don't understand why I'm single. Other people, they say, it's easy to figure out why they're alone. They're mean or angry or have no drive. I'm smart, I'm attractive, I'm successful…I should have girls lining up to date. Or so they say. They can't pick anything out that's wrong with me so I shouldn't really be single.
I'm tired of people saying that they're sure I'll meet someone who's wonderful and smart and more beautiful than all of the girls I've dated before. And then, they promise, I'll be so happy that nothing else will matter.
I'm tired of going to weddings alone and having the bride or groom ask why I didn't bring a date. And then remarking that there won't be many single girls there. And then seating me at the rejects table because I don't "belong" with anyone else.
I'm tired of seeing a musical, a play, or some other event that would be a lot of fun to take a date on. And then just not going.
I'm tired of my parents remarking that by my age they already had two kids. And then remarking that they'd like to have grandchildren before they turn 70.
I'm tired of coming home after work to an empty house. I don't get to discuss the day or ask anyone how their day was.
I'm tired of eating dinner alone, on the floor, in front of the TV. My kitchen table gets no use. There's no need for setting it when it's just me eating there.
I'm tired of unwinding by myself. My couch isn't nearly as comfortable without someone to cuddle with.
I'm tired of going to bed alone. The bed is always exactly as I leftit. My side untucked, the other side tucked. It's clear that only one person has slept there. And only one person will sleep there again tonight.
I'm tired of being single.
I'm tired of eating breakfast alone. I turn on the TV so there's some noise while I make my food. It's not conversation, but it's better than silence.
I'm tired of being a third wheel. Or a fifth wheel. Or a seventh wheel. I act like it doesn't bother me when we're all hanging out, but really, it becomes just another reminder that I'm alone.
I'm tired of people telling me that they don't understand why I'm single. Other people, they say, it's easy to figure out why they're alone. They're mean or angry or have no drive. I'm smart, I'm attractive, I'm successful…I should have girls lining up to date. Or so they say. They can't pick anything out that's wrong with me so I shouldn't really be single.
I'm tired of people saying that they're sure I'll meet someone who's wonderful and smart and more beautiful than all of the girls I've dated before. And then, they promise, I'll be so happy that nothing else will matter.
I'm tired of going to weddings alone and having the bride or groom ask why I didn't bring a date. And then remarking that there won't be many single girls there. And then seating me at the rejects table because I don't "belong" with anyone else.
I'm tired of seeing a musical, a play, or some other event that would be a lot of fun to take a date on. And then just not going.
I'm tired of my parents remarking that by my age they already had two kids. And then remarking that they'd like to have grandchildren before they turn 70.
I'm tired of coming home after work to an empty house. I don't get to discuss the day or ask anyone how their day was.
I'm tired of eating dinner alone, on the floor, in front of the TV. My kitchen table gets no use. There's no need for setting it when it's just me eating there.
I'm tired of unwinding by myself. My couch isn't nearly as comfortable without someone to cuddle with.
I'm tired of going to bed alone. The bed is always exactly as I leftit. My side untucked, the other side tucked. It's clear that only one person has slept there. And only one person will sleep there again tonight.
I'm tired of being single.
Thursday, June 14, 2012
JOURNAL; Why the Rich Recovered and the Rest Didn't Posted By: Robert Frank
Why the Rich Recovered and the Rest Didn't
Posted By: Robert Frank
The latest report from the Federal Reserve tells us that wealth of the
middle class declined by more than a third between 2007 and 2010. The
wealth of the top 10 percent, however, grew by two percent.
These statistics will no doubt fuel partisan politics by some who
argue that the rich have gained at the expense of the rest and that
the system is rigged for the rich.
There is, however, a simpler, economic reason behind the disparity.
The wealthy have a greater proportion of their wealth in stocks and
less of it in homes. Stocks and financial investments have rebounded.
Homes haven't. Or at least, not as much.
The latest Fed data doesn't break down the 2010 portfolios of each
group. That data will come later this month. But we know that in 2009,
the top one percent had only 10 percent of their wealth tied up in
their homes. They had much more of their wealth — 38 percent — in
financial investments, including 9 percent of their wealth in stocks.
(While the survey doesn't break out the performance for the one
percent, the stats for the top 10 percent are likely comparable.)
The middle class and upper-middle class, or those in the 50 to 90
percent range, had more than half of their wealth tied up their home.
They had less than a third of their wealth in financial investments
and only 1.6 percent of their wealth in stocks.
Stocks and many financial investments are now edging closer to their
pre-recession peak. Housing prices, however, remain way below their
peak—by as much as a third or more in some markets.
It's not that the wealthy was smarter than the rest. In fact, at the
bottom of the recession, the one percent lost more than the rest of
the population on the stock market slide.
But the wealthy had more surplus wealth that wasn't tied up in their
homes. That allowed them to have more money in financial investments.
Put another way, the one percent owns more than 60 percent of the
nation's individually held stocks. When markets go up, they derive
most of the benefit. When houses go down, they feel it the least.
Again, many will argue about the politics behind these differences.
But the fact is that most Americans don't have much wealth beyond
their homes. Those that do have benefited from the recovery in
financial markets—however long that lasts.
Posted By: Robert Frank
The latest report from the Federal Reserve tells us that wealth of the
middle class declined by more than a third between 2007 and 2010. The
wealth of the top 10 percent, however, grew by two percent.
These statistics will no doubt fuel partisan politics by some who
argue that the rich have gained at the expense of the rest and that
the system is rigged for the rich.
There is, however, a simpler, economic reason behind the disparity.
The wealthy have a greater proportion of their wealth in stocks and
less of it in homes. Stocks and financial investments have rebounded.
Homes haven't. Or at least, not as much.
The latest Fed data doesn't break down the 2010 portfolios of each
group. That data will come later this month. But we know that in 2009,
the top one percent had only 10 percent of their wealth tied up in
their homes. They had much more of their wealth — 38 percent — in
financial investments, including 9 percent of their wealth in stocks.
(While the survey doesn't break out the performance for the one
percent, the stats for the top 10 percent are likely comparable.)
The middle class and upper-middle class, or those in the 50 to 90
percent range, had more than half of their wealth tied up their home.
They had less than a third of their wealth in financial investments
and only 1.6 percent of their wealth in stocks.
Stocks and many financial investments are now edging closer to their
pre-recession peak. Housing prices, however, remain way below their
peak—by as much as a third or more in some markets.
It's not that the wealthy was smarter than the rest. In fact, at the
bottom of the recession, the one percent lost more than the rest of
the population on the stock market slide.
But the wealthy had more surplus wealth that wasn't tied up in their
homes. That allowed them to have more money in financial investments.
Put another way, the one percent owns more than 60 percent of the
nation's individually held stocks. When markets go up, they derive
most of the benefit. When houses go down, they feel it the least.
Again, many will argue about the politics behind these differences.
But the fact is that most Americans don't have much wealth beyond
their homes. Those that do have benefited from the recovery in
financial markets—however long that lasts.
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
THOUGHTS
To offer no resistance to life is to be in a state of grace, ease, and lightness. This state is then no longer dependent upon things being in a certain way, good or bad. It seems almost paradoxical, yet when your inner dependency on form is gone, the general conditions of your life, the outer forms, tend to improve greatly.
See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather. To complain is always nonacceptance of what is. It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge. When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation or accept it. All else is madness.
Sunday, June 3, 2012
LOVE/THOUGHT/JOURNAL: WHY SO MAN WOMAN CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT GUY
One has to be skeptical of the beautiful, intelligent, fully capable woman who simply says that she can’t find a good man anywhere. I know a couple of woman who are well-balanced and who also appreciate the idea of respecting men in the same way they would like to be respected, have no trouble finding suitable mates. Sorry to break this to you, but the only constant variable in your relationships is a person called YOU. I think that if you have trouble finding a good man its because you have become enchanted with the dream-like alpha male: the guy who fits every single portion of the checklist (height, income, education, toe nail length, swag, etc.), but who may not be available for a monogamous, long-term relationship. What many women seem to forget is that there are some men who always have room for another woman on the roster. If you’re wasting all your time with the lying, cheating, super dog, you might miss out on the chance to be with the man who will love you forever and father all of your children. He may not come in the same package, and by comparing the two without considering the differences in what each of them offers, you may be passing up on your opportunity.
I have heard many woman talk about how they can't find a good man. The truth is, they are not looking in the right places and they are not being true to themselves. A relationship is a "give and take" situation. You have to think about what you are willing to give and what you want out of a relationship to make it work. As much as I hate to say it.... a lot of times what you see is what you get. This is true with guys and women. If you are looking for a woman who will love you, be loyal, and stand by you through thick and thin, then continue reading.
So, if you are wondering "where are all the good men?" - think about all the things you may have said or done to any man you've dated. Chances are, you had a good man, but good isn't good enough. It seems to me that women just want a "perfect" man. You show me a perfect woman, and I'll show you Jesus. Here's a secret about men: love a man unconditionally and he will happily worship the ground you walk on See how that works? It's not easy, but nobody ever said love is easy.. You'll get what you're looking for, and most men will be what you want them to be if you treat them right.
One of the most important qualities for me is her level of intelligence.Finding someone with a similar level of education or intellect ensures you will always have something to talk about and you will not be frustrated with a partner who does not care about or understand topics that you find important. If the relationship is going to last, the woman and man both need to have something to say.
I had a debate with my friend-girl one day about her odds of success versus mine. At the time, I assumed we had the same odds of initially meeting a good man/woman. If 10 random men approached you, how many of them would be, at minimum, boyfriend material? it is rarely above 50% it is my understanding there are more women than men on Earth and in most major cities
A lot of women "not all" (because i have met many that aren't) are looking for that guy that "has it all" in their eyes". So it is not true that men do not like to get married. In my opinion, what is happening is that we have become more picky now since technology allows us to search from a larger pool of candidates (so we keep looking for that perfect match, that truly doesn't exist) and two, despite the advances in technology, there is no perfect system yet that can bring two people on this planet who are made for each other
I hear a lot of women (and sometimes, even myself) complain about not being able to find a guy that measures up to their “high standards”. Sometimes I have to ask what they consider standards, because some of these so-called standards are just ridiculous.
Take for instance a friend of mine who I love dearly, but has some of the most bizarre “standards” I’ve seen. I’m not going to say her standards are ridiculously high, because they’re not. I’ve seen her turn down nice, good looking, respectable, guys and go for better looking guys who happen to be assholes that treat her like crap. If her standards were at all high, she wouldn’t for one minute accept how some of the guys she has dated act.
it occurred to me that most of the women I talk to list certain heights as “requirements”. He can’t be shorter than 6′. He has to be at least 2″ taller than me when I have heels on.
REALLY!? Really? Really.
C’mon, let’s think about this for a second:
Since when has a person’s height had ANYTHING to do with the things that matter? Like if he’ll treat you well, make you laugh, have good conversations with you or even give you great sex!? Give me a one good reason, ladies, that being short has anything do with that without putting your own insecurities out there.
Heres an example. Lets say im only attracted based on my standards to 3% of the population. i dont even notice the other 97% despite there being plenty of good women in that 97%, albeit missing certain qualities here and there. But since im so focused on that small percent the chances are slim to none of me scoring a mate from that "worthy" market. There is pleny of good mates FOR both sides. The question is when do we re-evaluate our standards to focus on must needs instead of wants+needs.
The reason men might have better options is because initially, we don't have that much criteria. Im convinced the majority of men are looking at women from a sexual perspective first. Thats why we dont have the same laundry list of deal breakers that women do. ONce we get past that and get to know a woman better, then we are pulling out our questionnaires to see whats good.
Men also have the f*ck it factor – we are willing to say f*ck it and deal with certain unpleasing qualities in women if the whole > the sum of their parts. Women won't do the same (not that theres anything wrong with that)
What Im saying is that men see women first for their physical characteristics. If that is appealing to them, then they make sure the major points are covered
1) is she crazy? Will she left eye Lopez (RIP) the crib? Will she stalk me?
2) is her personality agreeable? Does she sound like a dumb box of rocks or is she as interesting as drying paint? is she cool?
3) General BG – Who do I know that knows her? School? Job? Is she lookin for a come-up? etc.
These are major points we can ascertain from a few convos or initial meeting. From there its a go. Over time is where men decide whether it can go past physical or just "attraction" to something realer. I would argue thqat 90% of relationships on a mans side originated from "shes attractive I want her" to "shes GF material"
Do you seriously believe that a man's brain works through some sort of algorithm?
(1) Meet woman
(2) Date woman
(3) Have sex with woman
(4) Have LTR with woman
(5) Make decision about woman
(5a) Is woman hot?
(5b) Is woman hot enough?
(5c) Is woman too hot?
(5d) Does woman have good head on her shoulders?
(5e) Does head on shoulders conflict with hotness?
(5f) Perform cost/benefit analysis
(6) Marry / Don't marry woman.
Some things are rational, some are not. Any relationship is a mix of the two. Rational decisions can be applied in RLs, but attraction itself is not rational.
Yes, a man will want to marry a woman with a good head on her shoulders. He will also want to be attracted to her. But I think you are assuming that attraction is based only on looks. Some of it is to do with her looks. Some of it is to do with her personality. The balance of those things is down to the individual man. There is no single answer. The closest you can get to one is that "Men want good personality + good looks". Like I said, common sense should tell you that.
I don't necessarily think there are less "good" men from which women can select. I think there are less men who want the same kind of committed that the majority of women want. I believe the majority of women want a strong, exclusive relationship w/a man she adores and he adores her back. But it seems that a lot of men don't want this until later in their life. I hate the term "settle down" because it implies that one a person decides to commit to one person that they are some how settling. It seems that a lot of men feel that they have to all their fun as a bachelor. Once they are old, tired and spent they will fully commit to someone. Women seem to view a commitment/marriage like the beginning of a whole new world where they will have a partner to enjoy life with and build together. Men and women just view marriage very different. So it's not so much that there aren't good men. I think it's a shortage of men who don't absolutely dread the idea or marriage or long term committment and think it's something embark on once they've squoze every ounce of fun outta their bachelorhood that they can.
When someone uses that excuse that there aren't any good men or not as many good men, I hear that to mean, she doesn't think she has the quan to get the man she wants and needs more chances. If you are happy with the type of men you attract and that approach you, GREAT! However, if you are not, it seems to me that you might want to make a change of some kind because you are not happy with your results and I doubt applying the same formula to the same problem will ever return a different result…namely, because that doesn't make any damn sense. So the problem, if you can call it a problem, is not a shortage of one gender, changes in gender roles, or anything else. The cause lies solely with the person deciding upon who they feel meets their standards. If you decide all you want is to date an educated man or woman with a good personality, you're dating pool opens up. If your ideal mate has to be no shorter than 6'3" or no taller than 5'3", has good hair, skin the color of cafe au lait, commands $75K+ per year, and has a DD cup or 10 inches, then your options narrow…considerably. Many men who have the qualities that most women would deem "good men," ie men who are: handsome, attractive, sexy, have swag, charming, educated, good job, making good money (close to six figures), out-going, fun-loving, romantic, kind, caring, considerate, etc etc etc Do Not necessarily want a long term, committed relationship, much less marriage.You have to become what you want in most all things in this life. Women don't really understand how much power they have. They have the ability to obtain good men – if they are good women. If every man on earth had to be a "stand up guy" in order to get somewhere (sexually or otherwise) with women the perspective would be very different. Men do a lot for the attention of women. Ideally if the requirements change, so does the market – and therefore the results.
I have heard many woman talk about how they can't find a good man. The truth is, they are not looking in the right places and they are not being true to themselves. A relationship is a "give and take" situation. You have to think about what you are willing to give and what you want out of a relationship to make it work. As much as I hate to say it.... a lot of times what you see is what you get. This is true with guys and women. If you are looking for a woman who will love you, be loyal, and stand by you through thick and thin, then continue reading.
So, if you are wondering "where are all the good men?" - think about all the things you may have said or done to any man you've dated. Chances are, you had a good man, but good isn't good enough. It seems to me that women just want a "perfect" man. You show me a perfect woman, and I'll show you Jesus. Here's a secret about men: love a man unconditionally and he will happily worship the ground you walk on See how that works? It's not easy, but nobody ever said love is easy.. You'll get what you're looking for, and most men will be what you want them to be if you treat them right.
One of the most important qualities for me is her level of intelligence.Finding someone with a similar level of education or intellect ensures you will always have something to talk about and you will not be frustrated with a partner who does not care about or understand topics that you find important. If the relationship is going to last, the woman and man both need to have something to say.
I had a debate with my friend-girl one day about her odds of success versus mine. At the time, I assumed we had the same odds of initially meeting a good man/woman. If 10 random men approached you, how many of them would be, at minimum, boyfriend material? it is rarely above 50% it is my understanding there are more women than men on Earth and in most major cities
A lot of women "not all" (because i have met many that aren't) are looking for that guy that "has it all" in their eyes". So it is not true that men do not like to get married. In my opinion, what is happening is that we have become more picky now since technology allows us to search from a larger pool of candidates (so we keep looking for that perfect match, that truly doesn't exist) and two, despite the advances in technology, there is no perfect system yet that can bring two people on this planet who are made for each other
I hear a lot of women (and sometimes, even myself) complain about not being able to find a guy that measures up to their “high standards”. Sometimes I have to ask what they consider standards, because some of these so-called standards are just ridiculous.
Take for instance a friend of mine who I love dearly, but has some of the most bizarre “standards” I’ve seen. I’m not going to say her standards are ridiculously high, because they’re not. I’ve seen her turn down nice, good looking, respectable, guys and go for better looking guys who happen to be assholes that treat her like crap. If her standards were at all high, she wouldn’t for one minute accept how some of the guys she has dated act.
it occurred to me that most of the women I talk to list certain heights as “requirements”. He can’t be shorter than 6′. He has to be at least 2″ taller than me when I have heels on.
REALLY!? Really? Really.
C’mon, let’s think about this for a second:
Since when has a person’s height had ANYTHING to do with the things that matter? Like if he’ll treat you well, make you laugh, have good conversations with you or even give you great sex!? Give me a one good reason, ladies, that being short has anything do with that without putting your own insecurities out there.
Heres an example. Lets say im only attracted based on my standards to 3% of the population. i dont even notice the other 97% despite there being plenty of good women in that 97%, albeit missing certain qualities here and there. But since im so focused on that small percent the chances are slim to none of me scoring a mate from that "worthy" market. There is pleny of good mates FOR both sides. The question is when do we re-evaluate our standards to focus on must needs instead of wants+needs.
The reason men might have better options is because initially, we don't have that much criteria. Im convinced the majority of men are looking at women from a sexual perspective first. Thats why we dont have the same laundry list of deal breakers that women do. ONce we get past that and get to know a woman better, then we are pulling out our questionnaires to see whats good.
Men also have the f*ck it factor – we are willing to say f*ck it and deal with certain unpleasing qualities in women if the whole > the sum of their parts. Women won't do the same (not that theres anything wrong with that)
What Im saying is that men see women first for their physical characteristics. If that is appealing to them, then they make sure the major points are covered
1) is she crazy? Will she left eye Lopez (RIP) the crib? Will she stalk me?
2) is her personality agreeable? Does she sound like a dumb box of rocks or is she as interesting as drying paint? is she cool?
3) General BG – Who do I know that knows her? School? Job? Is she lookin for a come-up? etc.
These are major points we can ascertain from a few convos or initial meeting. From there its a go. Over time is where men decide whether it can go past physical or just "attraction" to something realer. I would argue thqat 90% of relationships on a mans side originated from "shes attractive I want her" to "shes GF material"
Do you seriously believe that a man's brain works through some sort of algorithm?
(1) Meet woman
(2) Date woman
(3) Have sex with woman
(4) Have LTR with woman
(5) Make decision about woman
(5a) Is woman hot?
(5b) Is woman hot enough?
(5c) Is woman too hot?
(5d) Does woman have good head on her shoulders?
(5e) Does head on shoulders conflict with hotness?
(5f) Perform cost/benefit analysis
(6) Marry / Don't marry woman.
Some things are rational, some are not. Any relationship is a mix of the two. Rational decisions can be applied in RLs, but attraction itself is not rational.
Yes, a man will want to marry a woman with a good head on her shoulders. He will also want to be attracted to her. But I think you are assuming that attraction is based only on looks. Some of it is to do with her looks. Some of it is to do with her personality. The balance of those things is down to the individual man. There is no single answer. The closest you can get to one is that "Men want good personality + good looks". Like I said, common sense should tell you that.
I don't necessarily think there are less "good" men from which women can select. I think there are less men who want the same kind of committed that the majority of women want. I believe the majority of women want a strong, exclusive relationship w/a man she adores and he adores her back. But it seems that a lot of men don't want this until later in their life. I hate the term "settle down" because it implies that one a person decides to commit to one person that they are some how settling. It seems that a lot of men feel that they have to all their fun as a bachelor. Once they are old, tired and spent they will fully commit to someone. Women seem to view a commitment/marriage like the beginning of a whole new world where they will have a partner to enjoy life with and build together. Men and women just view marriage very different. So it's not so much that there aren't good men. I think it's a shortage of men who don't absolutely dread the idea or marriage or long term committment and think it's something embark on once they've squoze every ounce of fun outta their bachelorhood that they can.
When someone uses that excuse that there aren't any good men or not as many good men, I hear that to mean, she doesn't think she has the quan to get the man she wants and needs more chances. If you are happy with the type of men you attract and that approach you, GREAT! However, if you are not, it seems to me that you might want to make a change of some kind because you are not happy with your results and I doubt applying the same formula to the same problem will ever return a different result…namely, because that doesn't make any damn sense. So the problem, if you can call it a problem, is not a shortage of one gender, changes in gender roles, or anything else. The cause lies solely with the person deciding upon who they feel meets their standards. If you decide all you want is to date an educated man or woman with a good personality, you're dating pool opens up. If your ideal mate has to be no shorter than 6'3" or no taller than 5'3", has good hair, skin the color of cafe au lait, commands $75K+ per year, and has a DD cup or 10 inches, then your options narrow…considerably. Many men who have the qualities that most women would deem "good men," ie men who are: handsome, attractive, sexy, have swag, charming, educated, good job, making good money (close to six figures), out-going, fun-loving, romantic, kind, caring, considerate, etc etc etc Do Not necessarily want a long term, committed relationship, much less marriage.You have to become what you want in most all things in this life. Women don't really understand how much power they have. They have the ability to obtain good men – if they are good women. If every man on earth had to be a "stand up guy" in order to get somewhere (sexually or otherwise) with women the perspective would be very different. Men do a lot for the attention of women. Ideally if the requirements change, so does the market – and therefore the results.
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