LOVE/THOUGHT/JOURNAL: WHY SO MAN WOMAN CAN'T FIND THE RIGHT GUY

One has to be skeptical of the beautiful, intelligent, fully capable woman who simply says that she can’t find a good man anywhere. I know a couple of woman who are well-balanced and who also appreciate the idea of respecting men in the same way they would like to be respected, have no trouble finding suitable mates. Sorry to break this to you, but the only constant variable in your relationships is a person called YOU. I think that if you have trouble finding a good man its because you have become enchanted with the dream-like alpha male: the guy who fits every single portion of the checklist (height, income, education, toe nail length, swag, etc.), but who may not be available for a monogamous, long-term relationship. What many women seem to forget is that there are some men who always have room for another woman on the roster. If you’re wasting all your time with the lying, cheating, super dog, you might miss out on the chance to be with the man who will love you forever and father all of your children. He may not come in the same package, and by comparing the two without considering the differences in what each of them offers, you may be passing up on your opportunity.

I have heard many woman talk about how they can't find a good man. The truth is, they are not looking in the right places and they are not being true to themselves. A relationship is a "give and take" situation. You have to think about what you are willing to give and what you want out of a relationship to make it work. As much as I hate to say it.... a lot of times what you see is what you get. This is true with guys and women. If you are looking for a woman who will love you, be loyal, and stand by you through thick and thin, then continue reading.

So, if you are wondering "where are all the good men?" - think about all the things you may have said or done to any man you've dated. Chances are, you had a good man, but good isn't good enough. It seems to me that women just want a "perfect" man. You show me a perfect woman, and I'll show you Jesus. Here's a secret about men: love a man unconditionally and he will happily worship the ground you walk on See how that works? It's not easy, but nobody ever said love is easy.. You'll get what you're looking for, and most men will be what you want them to be if you treat them right.

One of the most important qualities for me is her level of intelligence.Finding someone with a similar level of education or intellect ensures you will always have something to talk about and you will not be frustrated with a partner who does not care about or understand topics that you find important. If the relationship is going to last, the woman and man both need to have something to say.

I had a debate with my friend-girl one day about her odds of success versus mine. At the time, I assumed we had the same odds of initially meeting a good man/woman. If 10 random men approached you, how many of them would be, at minimum, boyfriend material? it is rarely above 50% it is my understanding there are more women than men on Earth and in most major cities

A lot of women "not all" (because i have met many that aren't) are looking for that guy that "has it all" in their eyes". So it is not true that men do not like to get married. In my opinion, what is happening is that we have become more picky now since technology allows us to search from a larger pool of candidates (so we keep looking for that perfect match, that truly doesn't exist) and two, despite the advances in technology, there is no perfect system yet that can bring two people on this planet who are made for each other


I hear a lot of women (and sometimes, even myself) complain about not being able to find a guy that measures up to their “high standards”. Sometimes I have to ask what they consider standards, because some of these so-called standards are just ridiculous.

Take for instance a friend of mine who I love dearly, but has some of the most bizarre “standards” I’ve seen. I’m not going to say her standards are ridiculously high, because they’re not. I’ve seen her turn down nice, good looking, respectable, guys and go for better looking guys who happen to be assholes that treat her like crap. If her standards were at all high, she wouldn’t for one minute accept how some of the guys she has dated act.

it occurred to me that most of the women I talk to list certain heights as “requirements”. He can’t be shorter than 6′. He has to be at least 2″ taller than me when I have heels on.

REALLY!? Really? Really.

C’mon, let’s think about this for a second:

Since when has a person’s height had ANYTHING to do with the things that matter? Like if he’ll treat you well, make you laugh, have good conversations with you or even give you great sex!? Give me a one good reason, ladies, that being short has anything do with that without putting your own insecurities out there.




Heres an example. Lets say im only attracted based on my standards to 3% of the population. i dont even notice the other 97% despite there being plenty of good women in that 97%, albeit missing certain qualities here and there. But since im so focused on that small percent the chances are slim to none of me scoring a mate from that "worthy" market. There is pleny of good mates FOR both sides. The question is when do we re-evaluate our standards to focus on must needs instead of wants+needs.

The reason men might have better options is because initially, we don't have that much criteria. Im convinced the majority of men are looking at women from a sexual perspective first. Thats why we dont have the same laundry list of deal breakers that women do. ONce we get past that and get to know a woman better, then we are pulling out our questionnaires to see whats good.

Men also have the f*ck it factor – we are willing to say f*ck it and deal with certain unpleasing qualities in women if the whole > the sum of their parts. Women won't do the same (not that theres anything wrong with that)

What Im saying is that men see women first for their physical characteristics. If that is appealing to them, then they make sure the major points are covered

1) is she crazy? Will she left eye Lopez (RIP) the crib? Will she stalk me?

2) is her personality agreeable? Does she sound like a dumb box of rocks or is she as interesting as drying paint? is she cool?

3) General BG – Who do I know that knows her? School? Job? Is she lookin for a come-up? etc.

These are major points we can ascertain from a few convos or initial meeting. From there its a go. Over time is where men decide whether it can go past physical or just "attraction" to something realer. I would argue thqat 90% of relationships on a mans side originated from "shes attractive I want her" to "shes GF material"



Do you seriously believe that a man's brain works through some sort of algorithm?

(1) Meet woman
(2) Date woman
(3) Have sex with woman
(4) Have LTR with woman
(5) Make decision about woman
(5a) Is woman hot?
(5b) Is woman hot enough?
(5c) Is woman too hot?
(5d) Does woman have good head on her shoulders?
(5e) Does head on shoulders conflict with hotness?
(5f) Perform cost/benefit analysis
(6) Marry / Don't marry woman.

Some things are rational, some are not. Any relationship is a mix of the two. Rational decisions can be applied in RLs, but attraction itself is not rational.

Yes, a man will want to marry a woman with a good head on her shoulders. He will also want to be attracted to her. But I think you are assuming that attraction is based only on looks. Some of it is to do with her looks. Some of it is to do with her personality. The balance of those things is down to the individual man. There is no single answer. The closest you can get to one is that "Men want good personality + good looks". Like I said, common sense should tell you that.


I don't necessarily think there are less "good" men from which women can select. I think there are less men who want the same kind of committed that the majority of women want. I believe the majority of women want a strong, exclusive relationship w/a man she adores and he adores her back. But it seems that a lot of men don't want this until later in their life. I hate the term "settle down" because it implies that one a person decides to commit to one person that they are some how settling. It seems that a lot of men feel that they have to all their fun as a bachelor. Once they are old, tired and spent they will fully commit to someone. Women seem to view a commitment/marriage like the beginning of a whole new world where they will have a partner to enjoy life with and build together. Men and women just view marriage very different. So it's not so much that there aren't good men. I think it's a shortage of men who don't absolutely dread the idea or marriage or long term committment and think it's something embark on once they've squoze every ounce of fun outta their bachelorhood that they can.





When someone uses that excuse that there aren't any good men or not as many good men, I hear that to mean, she doesn't think she has the quan to get the man she wants and needs more chances. If you are happy with the type of men you attract and that approach you, GREAT! However, if you are not, it seems to me that you might want to make a change of some kind because you are not happy with your results and I doubt applying the same formula to the same problem will ever return a different result…namely, because that doesn't make any damn sense. So the problem, if you can call it a problem, is not a shortage of one gender, changes in gender roles, or anything else. The cause lies solely with the person deciding upon who they feel meets their standards. If you decide all you want is to date an educated man or woman with a good personality, you're dating pool opens up. If your ideal mate has to be no shorter than 6'3" or no taller than 5'3", has good hair, skin the color of cafe au lait, commands $75K+ per year, and has a DD cup or 10 inches, then your options narrow…considerably. Many men who have the qualities that most women would deem "good men," ie men who are: handsome, attractive, sexy, have swag, charming, educated, good job, making good money (close to six figures), out-going, fun-loving, romantic, kind, caring, considerate, etc etc etc Do Not necessarily want a long term, committed relationship, much less marriage.You have to become what you want in most all things in this life. Women don't really understand how much power they have. They have the ability to obtain good men – if they are good women. If every man on earth had to be a "stand up guy" in order to get somewhere (sexually or otherwise) with women the perspective would be very different. Men do a lot for the attention of women. Ideally if the requirements change, so does the market – and therefore the results.