JOURNAL: BEING NEEDED AND BEING LOVED

I have often ended up with someone who needed me and not who loved me. I want both. I want to need and be needed because we love each other. I am a very visual and tactile and sensual person. I have been deeply, physically attracted to women who were not necessarily attractive to the majority and I have been repulsed by women who most would find irresistibly attractive. I can, do and will surrender when the time is right. I have surrendered to women I was convinced I could trust because ultimately I LONG to trust and love completely and believe that it is possible and it can and will happen for me. But I have been betrayed, so I have learned not to give away my love so easily. Sometimes I am so afraid that I will never find her or that she will never find me. I know that God has placed her somewhere in this world and that her heart feels as empty as mine...but where is she? Is she thinking of me while I am thinking of her? Does her heart, soul, and body yearn for me the way mine yearn for her? I believe in fate and destiny and I know that our paths will cross someday but when? There have been many times in my life when I have thought that there had to be something wrong with me. Why was I alone when everyone else was so happy? But I know now that God was just saving me for someone very special.