LOVE: WANT TO KNOW WHY I AM NOT SO POSSESSIVE....READ ON

How can I have a truly satisfying relationship with my mate? The simple answer is that our intimate relationship are destroyed by the chronic desire to possess or suppress. This desire to possess is so prevalent that is almost seem congenital. Your relationship with other grow out of your relationship with yourself. The earliest relationship you have with your parents and this relationship determine how your see yourself.

Relationship with mates have a particular importance. If they are good and happy ones, we are strenghtened to cope with the problems of the outside world. If these relationship are bad and unhappy, they will cloud and ruin whatever other kinds of success we might have outside the relationship. 

The fear of loss manifests itself in the desire to possess, which, in the simple sense, is that great destroyer of all intimate relationships. For, you see, to possess you give away your power. Possessive, controlling, or obsession are all the same. When you try to possess the other person, you become dependent upon that person for your love, happiness, and well-being. You forget that God is the source and that you are in control of your own life. This attempt at possession leads you to seek to change the other person because you see him or her as the source and the cause of your unhappiness. He or she resists being changed, and things just get worse.

Our fear tells us that if we let those we love go, if we release them, they will go away. As we begin to possess and act out of fear, the whole relationship changes and comes apart. We don't say what we want to say, we don't act the way we want to act, we don't live the way we want to live. We operate from the mistaken belief that, if we are honest and open, we will somehow lose the other person. Thus our goals are abandoned and we dare not express ourselves. We fear that those we love will abandon us. Sometimes we get so fed up with the situation that we leave, or force those we "love" to leave us. Either way we have created the very thing we feared most: they are gone. Paradoxically, when me move from the Spirit in our relationships, we are always willing to lose the other person because we know that relationship don't end, the just change. 

What we seek in possession is ownership of the person, and when we try to won a person, we often feel we must hang on to them. It's much like hanging on to an old piece of furniture. Even thought we don't like it, even though it doesn't fit our needs, we feel we have too much invested in it to let it go. So we hang on to the relationship long after it has gone completely sour.

I remember my relationship with Melissa. Long after I had become fed up wit hteh relationship, long after the realization that there was no way to save it, I still remained in it. When I became honest with myself, I realized I was hanging on to Melissa because I didn't want another man to have her. That's how stupid possession can become. Our ego works out of fear,and we give our power to the other person. When you've accepted that God within as your source and are truly in full support of yourself and who you are, you stop creating so many suppressive people and are able to deal with them in a constructive manner. When you are in full support of yourself, your mate or other intimate person may express ideas and take actions that are contraty to your ideal; however, she won't succeed in knocking you off center because you will know that she is not the cause of either your happiness or your unhappiness. You can either thank her for sharing, or you can walk out of the room.

So often we are afraid to just acknowledge her ideas or to walk out of the room because we fear that she will leave. As long as we react from the fear of her leaving, the relationship is founded on the avoidance of loss. It's not based on how you can add happiness to the relationship, or on how you can support the other, or even on how you can enhance and express yourself. Instead, you're caught up in how you can prevent the other from leaving.

The true grounds for such a relationship are that we chose to live our lives together and to continue, in that relationship, to expand the knowledge of who we are. We acknowledge that we both come from Spirit and intend to live out of the Spirit. Each must be willing to give up the relationship, if giving it up truly supports that other. That doesn't mean that either one is actually going to leave, but that each is willing to let go. Freedom begets freedom. Both must be willing to acknowledge that they can handle their lives comfortably and successfully without the other. Both must acknowledge that they are in the relationship because they choose to be, because each believes that she is receiving value from the relationship. Each must be willing for the other to express her own personality and uniqueness. Each wants the other to be loved by other people, to be happy in her works...and so on. And most important, each know that God, and not the partner, is the source of good