In spite of our best intention,,I find myself scripting my relationship sometimes. Everyone bring rules into their relationship...like:
-we share all our money
-we never take separate vacations
-the man has to pay for everything
-we should have the same friends
...etc..
I always had a clear picture in my mind of what my life would be once I met up with the "woman of my dream. In the "how we spend our weekends" part of that picture, I would envision me and my partner making love and taking a shower and go out to the bookstore.....i would get my magazine...she would get hers...we then might go get lunch...then go home and then make love....watch a movie on TV and have dinner and make love again. Usually when I met someone this happiness script hit a brick wall..and i would fear that if I and my partner will not make it as a couple if we can't bond during the weekend in the scenario I envisioned.
When we cling to our fantasy scripts we become critical and judgemental of our partner who don't measure up, we become absorbed in fantasies about a non-existent partner who would be more cooperative and we take one foot out of the relationship we're in. Maybe this is my...i desire a submissive woman now.
After waiting so many years to find a loving partner, I couldn't get over the fact that we are not going to live the life I envisioned "Why couldn't we have our weekends together like most couples? I would ask myselllf, clinging to some convoluted fantasy notiong of what "normal" (another fantasy) couples do. My disappointement and frustation generated some very real anger and I held onot this anger for a long time.
I remember once for Valentine that I got my girlfriend a card, a teddy bear and surprise her at work....She was upset that i didn't get her flowers. What i saw that day was how I failed to fulfill my partner's valentine day script.She totally devalued what I did..because it was not the kind of present she expected. I wanted to tell you this because it illustrate of how we can fail to see what is directly in front of us if it isn't the thing our fantasy tells us we should see. WE CAN FAIL THE LOVE IN THE GIFTS WE ARE GIVEN WHEN THOSE GIFT DON'T COME IN THE PACKAGE WE REQUIRE. She could feel my love because I didn't act out on her script...but she never told me how important the flower to her. I am not a mind reader.
We all feel love in different ways ..some of us don't feel love if our partner:
-don't spend on us
-don't call me every hour
-doesnt want to make love to me everyday
-doesn't cook for me
-doesn't take me out ( A BIG ONE WITH WOMAN)
-doesn't compliment me
...ect...
We have to find what the need of our partner are...and DO THEM.
Part of the process of making yourself more available for a partner is freeing yourself from the subtle prison of your scripts...and most of your scripts come from our family pattern. We are prisoner of old relationship footage.Do you see how you are controlled by old family footage? Do you see how these scripts control your life and keep you from being more open and flexible in your partnership? The worse scripts are sexual scripts..because those are the one which cause more problem for men because most woman have these script :
-i don't swallow
-i don't do anal
-i won't be submissive
-i won't be bad
-i won't fuck my partner in the bathroom
-i won't fuck my partner ....ect
You get the picture.
I repeat again. Script destroy relationship. Find the need of what your partner are...be is sexual or emotional and just do it.
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