LOVE: IF YOU CAN FIND THAT 80% FIT......

When you go into relationships...you have to go in with your eyes wide open. They say that nine out of ten business fail in the first year for two reasons:
-underestimating the commitment it takes
-the capital it requires

With marriage, it's the same think. When you're merging two lives, there's going to be a pretty constant pain of adjustment no matter who well suited you are. You're sharing space, time, energy, and money. You're got in-laws, kids, religion---all of these real-world issues--that you have to consult each other about. And you go. Marriage is not a long date. It's a partnership. Partnership involves give-and-take and sacrifice. 

Many people say that when it comes to marriage, they're seeking nothing less than soulmate. But what is a soulmate? It't just a term someone made up, and with it come some pretty mystical expectations. I've long believed that if you're looking for the perfect partner you're making a big mistake. If you can find 80% percent fit and hope that you'll grow together on the other 20 percent, you'll find happiness a lot quicker. You wait for a 100 percent partner and you're going to be looking a long time, maybe forever. But if you're okay on the core issues--children, careers, division of labor, handing in laws, sex....then you jump in and handle the other things as they come along. 

I believe in the four season rule. You should never marry anybody until you've seen each other miserable sick with the flu. A year.

Physical attraction I think shouldn't play a large role. Men fall in love with their eyes and woman fall in love with their ears. Beauty does hook a guy first, and I think this is genetic--men, we're hunters, watching for movement and color. I think that;s why guys are so fast with the remote control. But physical attraction won't sustain a relationship. What will sustain a relationship is personality: the spirit, the compatiblitiy, the commplementary nature between a man and a woman.

Love requires connection between lover and beloved, and empathy is the quiet miracle by which this connection is forged. When you share other's suffering, you also share their experience of receiving your gift--the gift of being accompanied into grief or anguish rather than bearing it alone.