We all know at least one single woman who is looking for Mr. Right. She may even be at the point where she is seeking desperately because she is lonely, all of her friends are getting married and she feels left out, or her biological clock is ticking and she yearns to hear the pitter patter of little feet. Is the reason she is still alone really because all men are dogs, all the good men are taken or the rest are gay or on the DL? Perhaps it’s because she is too picky? If her suitors have to have GQ Magazine looks, a Harvard degree, a BMW, a diversified stock portfolio and a six-figure salary I think it’s pretty safe to assume the answer is yes? We all want an attractive man that can take care of us financially, but some of our demands may be the reasons many women still can’t find a man. I decided to do a potential mate examination of myself and two other eligible females. I examined our assets, past dating experiences and then asked if we are indeed too picky.
First there’s Jalona, age 27. She’s attractive, gainfully employed as an information technology specialist and the owner of a small Internet company, her home and some rental property. She is also very active in her church. Now, Jalona has no problem attracting a man, but they seem to be intimidated by her beauty and success, unfaithful, a hypocrite, consumed with their career, or married. Here is what she had to say when asked if she was too picky.
“Am I picky? Yes, and this is probably the reason I haven't found Mr. Right? Just being honest with myself, in the past a large part of who I chose to date was determined by if they were cute, tall or if they drove a nice car. However, there is a distinct difference between being picky and having standards. We all have standards that we require because we know ourselves and the characteristics a man must possess in order for us to truly be happy. There are several good men out there. We've just been tricked by the enemy (media and our unhappy girlfriends) into thinking that if he isn't a Denzel look-a-like, he's not worth our time. This is often the case with women who are attractive, successful, or who have dated those types of men in the past. People expect us to date a "fine brotha", a "baller" or someone who is just as attractive as we are. The beauty of growing up is realizing that all those superfluous things fade away with time. A person's wonderful personality, good heart and good intentions toward you tend to stay and only get better with time. These days I’m looking for an educated, well-rounded man who respects me. He must also be outgoing, open minded, willing to try anything once and possess a sense of humor.”
Next there’s Tasha. She’ s 36 years old, five-nine and fabulous. In addition to having a successful career as a corporate attorney she volunteers with abused women. In my opinion, she’s every man’s dream: beauty, brains, great sense of humor and wealthy. Her dating journal includes an overly jealous NFL player, a lawyer who attempted to sleep with her friend and then lied about it, and a Fortune 500 business owner who tried to tape her during sex without asking her permission first. She is currently single, but doesn’t mind too much because her job keeps her extremely busy. Tasha’s wish list includes handsome, kind, hard-working, rich, well-rounded, articulate and great in bed. “If you can’t speak the king’s English and rock my universe, don’t even try to speak to me!” she exclaims. He must also enjoy cultural and high society events. Country, ghetto or “50 Cents” in training need not apply. So I asked her, “Why can’t you find a man? Are you too picky?”
“I must admit that I am, but it’s because of the type of life I want. I live a lavish lifestyle filled with the finer things and I need someone who can appreciate and provide that. I want a life comparable to Russell and Kimora Lee Simmons. I realize I’m not getting any younger, and I meet men that fit the description of what I’m looking for in my business dealings all the time. Unfortunately, most of them are looking for a new toy or a subservient woman that will cater to them. I’m a strong black woman that is looking for a serious relationship and I don’t need a man to tell me what to do. I need a man to love me,” says Tasha.
Last, but not least, there’s me. My name is Jae and I am over 25. I think I’m fairly attractive….skinny but attractive. I don’t make a lot of money, so I don’t require my man to make a lot of money. However, I do expect him to currently be doing the same thing I am…planting career seeds, so I can reap the financial harvest later. Most importantly, I am SAVED and I strive daily to act like it. Don’t get me wrong I mess up, but when I do I get back up and try to do better. I don’t think all men are dogs, although I have dated a confused, pathological liar, a fornicating preacher, an immature baller, and a man with some serious insecurity issues. I also dated two men that treated me like God’s gift to the earth, but they just weren’t the one that I’m destined to spend the rest of my life with.
My male suitor must haves are: SAVED, hard-working, goal-oriented, honest, intelligent, good sense of humor, attractive to me with a gorgeous smile, physically fit, gainfully employed and able to hold an intelligent conversation.
Am I too picky? The answer would depend on your thought process. I am looking for a saved man that acts like it and that immediately raises the bar. He has to realize what a jewel having a woman who is actively seeking God truly is. I’ve done the “well he’s a nice guy so maybe I can persuade him to give his life to Christ thing”. It doesn’t work. One of us will be unhappy because the other person wants something he or she isn’t willing to give or give up. He has to be pursuing a relationship with Christ for himself and looking for a woman of virtue. So yeah…..I guess I am picky but for all the right reasons. I’ll stay single until the good Lord sees fit to send my Boaz. (Read the book of Ruth (in the Bible) to find out more about Boaz.)
In conclusion….
Yes, women are picky but when you are looking for someone to share your all with shouldn’t you be? Yes, some women go overboard and if they don’t stop dreaming those women will either end up with someone that doesn’t really make them happy or they will remain alone. Now ladies you must be realistic in your list of demands and make sure you are in line with what you are asking for. You don’t want a broke man with no ambition, so what makes you think a man wants a broke woman who expects a man to pay all her bills? You want a man with high morals, but are you one of those women who will do anything to get a man? A self-examination is always in order.
Brothers complain that women want too much. But there are plenty of us who realize that our prince charming may bear a resemblance to a toad and drive a 1985 Camry. We also realize that we are not perfect and neither are men. Don’t worry fellas a good woman will recognize your potential and she’ll stand by her man. Don’t waste your time on those that don’t. However, I don’t think asking a man to bring a great personality, the ability to treat a woman like a queen and a few dollars to help secure our financial stability is asking too much. As the song goes, “I can do bad by myself. I don’t need no help to starve to deat
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