I used to think that women liked it if men seemed soft, weak, and romantic, If there is one thing that turns women off more than anything else, it's a man with a lack of dominance. And an attractive woman can smell a lack of dominance like a shark smells blood. No one is attracted to someone who conveys a sense of being powerless. When it comes to being a man, however, power is not only important, it's everything. ... A woman is never attracted to a man who seems to be ‘equal’ with her. In some major way, he has to be more than her. ... To feel feminine, she must be with a man who is masculine. When a woman is with a guy who is not dominant, she feels like he is just another girl.
I came across an article by Professor I. E. White in which he mentions some studies on human sexuality conducted by Abraham H. Maslow in the 1930s and early ’40s. Maslow interviewed many women and concluded that they fell into three ‘dominance groups’ – high, medium and low.
Colin Wilson, who wrote the book New Pathways in Psychology. Wilson says of the three dominance groups Maslow identified:
The high dominance women were, as you might expect, precisely five per cent of the total. Sexually, they were inclined to promiscuity and experimentation – many had had lesbian experiences or tried sadomasochism. They liked males of even higher dominance, and regarded the male sexual organ as beautiful. Medium dominance women, the largest group, were basically romantics. They liked the kind of men who would take them to restaurants with candlelight and give them flowers. They were looking for Mr Right. They were capable of a certain amount of promiscuity, but it was essentially a second best – what they really wanted was a husband who was a good father and provider. They also wanted him to be slightly more dominant than they were, but not too dominant. Very high dominance males scared them. This group didn't have any strong feelings about the male organ. Low dominance women didn't much like sex. They liked the kind of man who would admire them from a distance for years without daring to say so. They were terrified of high dominance males, and thought the male organ downright ugly. But all three groups needed a male who was more dominant than themselves. One very high dominance woman searched for years for such a male and when she found him she was finally happy. But he wasn't quite dominant enough, and so she used to provoke quarrels that would end with him slapping her about, hurling her on a bed, and raping her. These sexual experiences she found most satisfactory of all.
- Colin Wilson, pages 27-28 in the introduction to The Gates of Janus by Ian Brady
The power to command, the quiet confidence to know for sure that he will prevail, and the daring to go for it and take what he wants. A commanding presence . Faint heart never won fair lady. Fearlessness – or daring or courage even in the face of fear. He who dares, wins. Calm assurance. The absence of any hint of asking for a favour or appealing to pity. Directness. Activeness. Effectiveness. Not hiding behind a flirty exterior never daring to risk being direct.
A quiet confidence is always more appealing to woman than someone who is very obviously confident. The former suggests a comfort with it, the latter suggests the person is trying to hide something unpleasant - like a penchant for bullying. Assured assertiveness - by which I mean the quiet belief that what they ask for will happen if possible. Not being afraid to admit to having weakness, worries, fears - but without letting themselves be overwhelmed by them (most of the time, even the best person feels overwhelmed at times). Not being afraid to have a soft side, and a light-hearted side, not being afraid to have fun, not being afraid to laugh at themselves - taking yourself too seriously is offputting, at least for me. Not being afraid to show an interest in others.
PART 2-SUBMISSIVE/SPIRITUAL: SURRENDER IS: ACCEPTING WHATEVER COMES ONE'S WAY
We wait and wait. We look forward to the time that we will starting living our real lives. We wait for all kinds of hopeful events, ignoring the rich taste of now in favor of teh blanched experience of fantasy. We think that we will finally be happy when we find the perfect lover, or we get rid of the one we have, or when we start a new career, make more money. When you are experiencing suffering--mental suffering--notice that your attention is fixed on an image or a series of thoughts, a story. Notice how the thoughts and images are dependent on a central idea, the idea of somebody---that is me.....and the problem. the suffergin exist in the story...not reality. What is the suffering without the idea of me and the problem.
So we wait in a state of ...if only for the miracle of life that is happening right now. Every moment we are experiencing is rich, no matter how devoid of activity or entertainment. If we are attunded to the depth of our existence, those time could be metaphorically experienced on the surface, there is a powerful force of energy going on beneath. We can feel this powerful perences of life. Back in the deep peace of life's expression in quietude. Every moment that we are aware of this gift of simly being, is well lived.
The experience of beauty is not about how a person, place, or thing looks, it is about how the one who is looking feels. The beauty that we experience in outward manifestation is a direct reflection of the beauty of our internal reality. Have you ever noticed how someone you love or one who has simply been kind to you may suddenly look beautiful even though you might have once considered the same face to be plain? What was it that changed? In spirit...we are not solely dependent on visual stimulation to experience beauty because we recognize that the greatest conduit for the experience of beauty is love. When we love, we see beauty; we speak in beauty; we walk in beauty. In love, we are beauty itself.
Living in grace means accepting whatever comes one's way with thankfulness. People will mistakenly think that they were in some sort of grace because they were bumped into first class or chanced to meet the right person at the right time or any other such lucky occurrence. But true grace is an attitude of acceptance and appreciation for whatever comes our way, the hardship as well as the joys. It is the openheartedness that whisphers okay while everything is falling apart......
whatever happens to you...simpy say to the univsere: THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.
If we could know the day and hour of our death, we might well experience an appreciation of every breath, sight, sound, or touch. And though most of us do not know the exact hour of our death, we can be sure that it will come soon enough. Perhaps at the junture between being and being no more, we will appreciate the gift of life, but why wait until the end to do so? The gift is no less precious now. Why not let our intelligence be wide awake in gratitude and thereby find delight in each day of this priceless existence.
Anxiety began to take hold as I saw in my mind's eye. We paint pictures in imagination and then become frightened by them. We pretend there's something wrong, and we base our unhappiness on the images that exist primarily in our minds. We take for granted our good health, and we start entertaining thought about how much better life would be if we only had that certain person, experience, or thing that is missing. Although it may seem that our pictures of the future are happy ones, there is a flip side to happy fanatasies. Most of the terrible things we worry about never happen and even if they do, are usually not helped by our worrying. Worrying and telling ourselves stories about what is missing is a way of denying our geniune well-being in the present, In addition to the habital mental conditioning that lures us away from present awareness.
We pertend to be less than we are and to be trouble by things that are not actually happening now but might happen in the future or did happen in the past. Our experience of life becomes that of acceptance of whatever is unfolding rather than chasing after things or pushing away what is presenting itself. In other words, our experience of life become that of surrender to what is. In this surrender, there are no lost opportunities. Accepting what already is does not imply passivity or an inability to be committed in life.
When we surrender in this way, we find ourselves just flowing along with life's circumstances. The actual feeling of surrender is sweet in itself, like floating downstream. It doesn't matter whether we are surrendering to the caretaking of a new baby or a dying parent...our internal experience can be that of a force moving through us, handling everything with clarity. Our own desire merged with this flow and we find ourselves say yes. Yes to whatever is.
We know right and wrong in our own hearts. You have to always ask.....Does an action conduce to love and kindness or does it cause pain and suffering. We are reminded of impermanence simply by looking at the night sky. Some of the stars we think we see no longer exist. All that is lfet of them is the light that bounced from them and is now traveling throught space. We will be separated from all that we love ,all that we hold clear. However, even in the sadnes of loss,...we must not clutch too tightly to what loves because it know that it is pointness to do so.
We pertend to be less than we are and to be trouble by things that are not actually happening now but might happen in the future or did happen in the past. Our experience of life becomes that of acceptance of whatever is unfolding rather than chasing after things or pushing away what is presenting itself. In other words, our experience of life become that of surrender to what is. In this surrender, there are no lost opportunities. Accepting what already is does not imply passivity or an inability to be committed in life.
When we surrender in this way, we find ourselves just flowing along with life's circumstances. The actual feeling of surrender is sweet in itself, like floating downstream. It doesn't matter whether we are surrendering to the caretaking of a new baby or a dying parent...our internal experience can be that of a force moving through us, handling everything with clarity. Our own desire merged with this flow and we find ourselves say yes. Yes to whatever is.
We know right and wrong in our own hearts. You have to always ask.....Does an action conduce to love and kindness or does it cause pain and suffering. We are reminded of impermanence simply by looking at the night sky. Some of the stars we think we see no longer exist. All that is lfet of them is the light that bounced from them and is now traveling throught space. We will be separated from all that we love ,all that we hold clear. However, even in the sadnes of loss,...we must not clutch too tightly to what loves because it know that it is pointness to do so.
PART 3-LOVE/SURRENDER: A FEMALE FAN WANT TO SURRENDER TO ME
I got a email today from a fan...that I had to share it.
You write as you make love... passionately, incredibly delicate but still hard and decisive, creative, attentive to the other and always with a touch of magic... an appeal for the body and most of all an echo for the mind. Like the waves of the ocean, sweeping and wetting the beach... rolling back and forth, leaving me to want more and come to you... in surrender.
How can I not surrender to you and let my wildest fantasies run and take over my body, when you call so hard for me in your writing
How can I resist when your skin calls for more caresses and your penis desires attention?
How can I not surrender to taking you inside me inch by inch, to pull you in, and make you mine?
How can I resist to touch you and feel you stir? how can my mouth refrain from delicious licking? How can I not desire to drink your juice?
It is indeed our surrender to each other that allows our bodies to freely express. Butt even more, it is that surrender that allows the mind to roam free and wild, so that the body can be glorified by orgasms, pleasures and the reign of desires...As you say, "our surrender makes the passion feel like never before. Our eyes talk while our lips and bodies remain sealed ..."
I simply want more. More of you, more of us and more of your penis... inside me, of your tongue licking me and your hands rubbing me.... more, more, more. And I cannot wait.
WHO IS THIS WOMAN?
PART 4-SPIRITUAL/ SUBMISSIVE: TO SURRENDER IS TO GO WITH WHAT HAPPENS
We do not create our destiny.....we participate in its unfolding. The fluke or choice or happenstance that uncovers a whole new possibility. The unexpected, unusual, uncanny..and improbable of finding love here. How we meet our soulmate is usually at work in our lives. We inevitably meet just the people who teach us what we need to learn about life, love and ourselves.We bond with person who will show us what we have not worked through from our past and who will help us complete our unfinished emotional business. We may meet just the person who shows us our hidden potential. Someone uncovers an orientation in us in the area of sex or whatever. Over and and over again in life ....we are meeting exactly the people who helps us wake up to what is dormant in ourselves. It can happen on a blind date...in a chance meeting....or someone writing...like myself..where we met now.
Everyone and every event in life's drams is part of the metaphor of our journey in life. Most of us keep meeting partners who show us exactly where our work is. Our wounds are opening into our missing life. Often, the only way to lost a piece of ourselves or of our history comes back to us is thought another person. The unknown is scary....so just the right person and events come along that helps us go there. When this happens to me...i say to myself....If this is happening to me...it can be one of the ingredient of my destiny. The only thing that can get in the way is my own ego, not the events that occurs or the people who bring them.
In addition to our meeting people, we also meet up with exactly the experiences that open or awakens us. It can happen through a book that is life changing, a blog, ..a ad that hurls an unexpected advantage toward us, a loss that makes room for new possibilities, an opportunity that was meant for someone else and came our way, a plan failed and become a boon unhoped for, a rejection by one person followed by an unexpected appreciation by another, something crossing our path that disturbs or profits us, everything falling into places.
To surrender is to go with what wants to happen, not stopping the momentum of that which I cannot change but riding it, jumping on the train just as it come through the track. Trust is always an invaluable companion on the destiny track. Our work is then to capitalize on conscious choice moments that match inner unconscious momentum. We may not know how what is happening right now really fits into our future....it might be the beginning of our happiness or not...we can only trust that in addition to all that we see, there is some other vision that will appear and make it appear as just right for our growth.
There is a special synchronicity in suddenly Yes to an offer or experience that would ordinarily be out of character for us to assent to. We break through an inhibition or fear and suddenly we find ourselves in a new unexplored world that challenges and stretches us. And lo, this new realm accurately reflects our deepest needs and wishes. A whole new chapter opens in our lives because of a chance change. The yes to something that any times before would have received an no within us taking us beyond our limits....this is just a moment. We must trust the universe to be in on our journey to venture beyond the limitations of our controlling ego. Our destiny is to evolve, to be fulfilled, to be self-realized, and to share our unique gifts. It is the spur of the moment in that it spurs us on....and it happen just in time for us to grow..A hidden feeling or truth waited to be awakened by just the right person...like me.
PART 5- SUBMISSION: IT ALL START WITH MY PENIS...
Everything a woman values most in life can be directly attributed to her husband's penis.
I maintain that most women's primary goal in life is to get married, and to a lesser degree, to have a family. I don't care what feminists claim, study after study reveals that, given the option, most women would rather be housewives at home with their kids instead of out getting splinters on the corporate ladder. Most women harbour a desire for marriage and family from a very early age, and often panic when their career ambitions push them into middle age without having achieved these things. This is not sexist, it's reality.
So if marriage and family are among a woman's chief values in life, she owes whatever happiness she finds there, at least in part, to her man. You can't be a wife without a husband, or a mother without a father, and neither of these would be possible if it weren't for a man's sexuality.
A man has to want you before he'll put the shiny ring on your finger and the pretty baby in your lap. He has to fall in love with your beauty, your intelligence, your sexuality. He has to feel that desire for you...where? You guessed it. He has to love your mind, no doubt, but never underestimate how much his body has to want your body. You should feel honoured and flattered every time he presses up against you and lets you feel how much he wants you. He is paying you a compliment; not only do you excite his mind, but you excite his body too, the combination of which is essential for romantic, sexual love.
And as for children...where else do children come from? If you are one of those women who feel that blush of maternal desire, who start weeping at Pampers commercials and start plotting out your ovulation calendar, what exactly is it that's going to give you the baby you want so badly? There's only one way I know of to make a baby. Your husband's penis has the power to give you the beautiful children you've always dreamed of.
Yet many women spend their married lives trying to avoid direct contact with their husbands' manhood. They may enjoy sexual intercourse - in the dark, under the covers, only on Saturdays - but crinkle up their noses at the prospect of getting too close to his cock. That's disgusting, they say to their husbands, not thinking for a moment how insensitive and hurtful that can sound to someone they are supposed to love. Their husbands would never dream of saying such a thing to them.
The simple truth is that most men would be euphoric if the woman they loved simply enjoyed sex with them, didn't criticize or belittle them for their sex drive, and paid more attention to their penis.
Perhaps this sounds a little too simplistic. Men are complicated human beings, after all, with minds and hearts and souls. They don't want to be treated like meat any more than women do, they want to be respected and admired, listened to, caressed, loved, comforted...not reduced to an erect cock.
Oh yeah? Ask him.
They want all of those things and to be reduced to an erect cock. Your erect cock. Men are as romantic and loving as women are, as sweet and tender and sensitive, but they are also potent sexual beings who need to be loved for the very thing that makes them so.
A man's penis is what makes him a man. It gives him the drive and determination that men have, it makes him do the thousand and one little things women find so endearing about men. It makes him strong and courageous, a valiant protector, a fierce defender, a world conqueror and an explorer of brave new worlds. It also makes him gentle when he wants to be. It makes him loving and tender towards the woman who inspires love in him and the children they create together because of it.
If you love your husband's deep voice, or the hair on his chest, or the breadth of his shoulders, if you love the fact that he is attracted to and in love with a woman, with you, and if you cherish the children he's helped you create, be aware that all of these things are due to the one thing that ultimately defines his manhood: his adorable, sexy, wonderful cock.
PART 6-THE SUBMISSIVE CREED FOR MY LOVE
Submissives Creed
I am a submissive woman…
I find pleasure, joy and fulfillment from being submissive to another in a loving relationship
I am not weak, or stupid.
I am a strong woman, with firm views and a clear concept of what I want out of my life.
I do not serve out of shame or weakness, but out of pride and strength.
I look to my loving Master for guidance and protection, for never am I more complete than when He is with me.
I know that He will protect my body, my mind and my soul with His strength and wisdom.
He is everything to me, as I am everything to Him.His touch awakens me and His thoughts free me.
Only in serving Him do I find complete freedom and joy.
His punishments are harsh, but I accept them thankfully, knowing that He has my best interests always foremost in His mind.
If He desires my body for pleasure, I shall joyfully give it to Him, and take pleasure myself from knowing that I have brought Him happiness.
However, the pleasure of the flesh is but one facet of any relationship.
The love, the trust and sharing, the words spoken and felt, those are all parts of this relationship.
My body is His, and if He says I am beautiful, then I am.
No matter what I look like to others, I am beautiful in His eyes, and because of that I hold my head high for who can tell me that my Master is wrong in seeing the beauty in me?
If He says I am His princess, then I am that… regal and graceful.
And if I see laughter at me in the eyes of others, I do not recognize it, for who are they to call my Master wrong?
If He says I am His toy, His slut, His tramp, then I am that… as wanton and dirty as He wants me to be, and if others do not see this, then it is they who are blind, not my Master.
My mind is His, to expand, to explore, to know as only He can.
I have no secrets from Him…for secrets are a thing that would keep me from being perfectly His.
Secrets would put a wall up between my Master and myself…and I do not want walls.
His lessons are not always ones I would seek on my own, but they are lessons He has decided I need, and so I learn from Him.
My soul is His, as bare to His touch as ever my skin could be when I kneel naked at His feet.
Never a moment goes by when I do not feel his presence, be He miles away or standing over me.
If I were to ever displease Him, His displeasure would be a blow to my soul, worse punishment than any lashes could be.
The anguish of my soul that I feel when I disappoint Him is harder to bear than the physical anguish I feel when His belt caresses me with fire.
I spend my days knowing that the energy and thought He puts into our relationship is as much for my benefit as for His, and look forward to each lovingly crafted scene that we do together.
I am His pleasure and His responsibility, and He takes both seriously.
I am a submissive woman. I am proud to call myself that.
My submission is a gift that I do not give lightly, and can only be given to One who can appreciate that gift and return it tenfold.
Only to He who has that strength will i give myself fully, because I am strong and proud.
PART 7- SURRENDER: WHY YOU SHOULD SURRENDER TO ME?
A- WHY YOU SHOULD SURRENDER TO ME?
Why should you surrender to me?
Surrender is meltdown of every rigidity we've ever been committed to, the conscious and unconscious dismantling of how we thought things should be to make up for the way things will, in fact, occur. It means giving up of rigidity of every kind:
-the rigidities of the heart that refuse the heart to be soft and open
-the rigidities of the body that refuse to receive the touch that could heal, the passion that could transform
-the rigidities of the soul that congeal and congest the spirit, causing it to imagine it has a life apart from the body and mind.
It's only when we allow ourselves to float in the great sea of life, giving up all control, trusting it will hold us up, that love will arrive. You must trust on the spiritual level that the forces of the universe will be on your side.Only by letting go will anyone appear. Love doesn't just happen....because in the background of every relationship is a story of intention and opportunity converged in time. There are always a whole set of circumstances, chance occurances over which lovers have no control, which set love in motion. You go online and find me. Love is like a string of pearls, a series of experiences, which strung together one by one
,,,,become the exquisite whole with which you can adorn yourself. Every event or person leads to the next, and whole cannot exist without the parts.
Love is a part of the elaborate, spiralling lineage of people and circumstances that constantly criss-cross our lives. The person who will step into your life to love you has been coming to you from just as far, through just as many terrible and wonderful experiences as you have. When the moment of our convergence arrives, it many seem like I came out of nowhere, but in fact I cam to you from everywhere and you came to me through everything. Surrendering to this truth is trusting in its reality and being willing to wait for its happy occurrence. The love you need now is some profound sense the culmination of all the loves you've already lived, the great ones and the sweet ones, the romantic island interludes, the long, demanding commitments---whether they filled you up or emptied you out.
Whoever your true love turns out to be, you will be asked continually to let go of how you thought that person would be. We may think we can define or even divine our perfect mate, but the universe have another version in store. The person who actually show up to love you reveals the limitation of your thinking and whimsy of the universe as it selects a partner for you in the great dating service in the sky. Your preconceptions stand in your way if you don't bring them to light and have the courage to surrender them. Do any of these sound like you?
-He isn't tall enough
-He isn't rich enough
-He isn't attractive enough
These are relationship-killers darts and you are not open to the possibilities of the relationship that may be coming toward you.
This perfectionistic ideal has beeb reinforced by movies, television, and adverting...all of which encourage us to believe that perfection is possible and that we should get every one of our whims satisfied. Compared to the bronzed Gods and buffed beauties we see on-screen...a regular garden-variety person, who's got warts and flaws but who might be comfortable and comforting in an everyday sort of way, often looks painfully less than acceptable.
I know a woman who broke up with a kind, generous man because he chewed with is mouth open...or didn't open the door for her. Possible true loves have bitten the dust over bigger and lesser perfectionism than these things. And i would tell her..that no matter how reasonable or unreasonable the content of your particular perfectionism may be, if you really do want to fall in love, you'd better be willing to sent out your perfectionistic head trip to the guillotine.
There is this other woman who for each person who come along...she found a reason why he wasn't right for her. He was too short, he didn't have enough money, he didn't dress right, his teeth was crooked. Without her acknowledging it, she allowed in only the kind of relationship---brief, catchy, emotionally shallow---that her life could actually accommodate. She really didn't want a full-time relationship at that point in her life...she didn't have time. Her pickiness was her way to remaining single. Perfectionism is so perfectionistic that it;s perfectly invincible. We all have private, little preferences...but we need to be careful that these don't become manifestations of perfectionism gone wild.
Remember that all your picky, little preferences really don't have anything to do with what love is actually about. The minute real love steps through your door--love that opens your heart, touches your soul, and actually alters your consciousness--you will experience a quality of love so far beyond all your perfectionistic principles that they'll all go out the window in the twinklilng of an eye.
If you find yourself on one hand saying, "Why isn't anybody showing up for me to fall in love with? but on the other hand...you find that you've set up a life where you actually enjoy being alone, then obviously the love you think you desire isn't going to stumble across your path. The truth is that for one reason or another...you're actually creating the aloneness you need right now. The truth is that, if on any level, conscious or unconscious, you've decided you don't want to have a relationship right now, and you will be broadcasting that information and all your possible partners will hear it in one form or another.
I remember this one woman finally became honest with herself with me. She didn't have time for a relationship right now. She was committed to her career and not willing to borrow any time from her work to invest in a emotional exchange with another person. She spent years developing this career, and it's what most fulfilling to her right now...she can only handle a part-time relationship.
Many of us are afraid of moving into the void, which is the only conditions in which love can really come to us. It's so much easier to focus on the love we want to get, rather than on the love we can start giving. I remember a patient of mine who ask me...."Why didn't anybody love me? Why didn't my daugther love me better?...Why didn't my husband love me?....Why hasn't anybody come along to love me now?....On her deathbed,,,she was still soaked with bitterness, unavailable to the love all around her and above her...to her own undelivered love.
What I learn is that you must give your love and instantly the love you need will start coming; toward you, in fact it will have already arrived. You will know you are truly living your life in the breathing, pulsating web of love when you can celebrate its every instance. So whatever small, beautiful moments are given to you----and they are given to you constantly, gratis, for absolutely no reason--whatever the thousand little miracles that sustain you through every moment of your life, take note of them; let them have an impact on you.
Your life isn't a hapless adventure of random circumstances, but rather a soul adventure that's more like a tapestry whose pattern has beauty and meaning. I'm sure you've had experience in your like where you wanted something and couldn't get it...only to find out the delay had been for a reason. The same is true for love. It may look like it will never arrive, but you have to trust that the waiting is for a good reason. That is what I do. Trusting that timing mean that somewhere deep inside you know it will take just as long as it takes, no shorter or longer. The timing is dependent on so many factors---your availability, your awareness, your emotional makeup and your capacity to surrender. All of these must combine to create a relationship that is a true conjunction of both of your need and heart. You can never be sure of the preparation your soul is asking you to complete before love will show its face.
So, whatever your fears, whatever impatience you carry in your back pocket, whatever your roster of expectations about who and when and how, the universe has a surprise for you....right now. There are only two requirements: one, that you know you want to be loved, and two...that you trust your soul to know when to bring love to you. It will always be perfect; for, when the person you love arrives, that person will be a stitch in the great design, not only of your life, but of both your lives' intersecting.
Being able to recognize the one....doesn't have to do with whether she show up with the right props. It has to do with your capacity for self-awareness as well as your ability to asses another person accurately, but this assessment of yourself and another will take you only so far. For these characteristics exist at the level of personality and we are also spiritual being. At the soul level, the person you fall in love with should reflect and support your values.
It's amazing how people get what they ask for. One of my patients confessed to me that she spent her whole life falling in love with the handsome hunks and after divorcing a hunk and being alone for five years...she finally put on her refrigerator half a dozen pictures of what she called regular good men. She finally realized that she wanted to be loved and that she will be happy being loved my an ordinary man who would love her back....and she did.
Everything you've already been through in life is the preparation for where you are now. All the dramas and traumas with your family, and all your past relationships have been preparing you for the relationship you are seeking now. If you hadn't experienced all that has already happened to you, you wouldn't be the person you are now, nor would you be able to receive love in the specific form in which it will arrive for you. If you hadn't experienced all that has already happened to you, you wouldn't be the person you are now, now would you be able to receive love in the specific form in which it will arrive for you.
Person who will show up to be the love of your life. My partner has been on a long journey of preparation that will eventually lead to you. Viewed in this way, nothing either of you has done is a mistake or a waste of time, everything has served to ready you for the moment of your convergence. Remember--you are being prepared for someone who is also being prepared for you. And when you both arrive in the same place at the same time, that glorious moment will be the culmination of all your preparations.
Love is our soul's true destiny, each of us does contain a portion of this grand capacity to love. Whatever its measure---a crumb or an avalanche, a cipher or a great fortune--we all contain the spark of love that is waiting to be ignited.
Watching a beautiful woman in the streets of New York City who you never looks up to see you staring out the windows, and when you are overwhelmed with your job that hasn't left time for intimacy, if all your friends are married and you feel like the only person in the world who hasn't found "the one", then you may well be in the state of believing that there's never going to be a true love for you. Love doesn't uninvited. The universe will grant you love only to the extent that you are actually prepared for it. I am tired of being that person who is always somehow on the fringe, watching others fall in love, and move into the place of finding your own true love. Unbeknownst to most of us, it is these inner limitation, more than any external circumstance, that stand in our way when we're looking for love.
No one falls in love without. somewhere deep inside believing that a wonderful love is possible for them. You have to believe that somewhere out there is real live person for you. In fact, the person who could be the love of your life could step right up and look you in the eyes, and you could say, excuse me, and head off posthaste in exactly the opposite direction.
The greatest gift of an intimate relationship is that it can give you YOU. It's the opportunity to discover yourself in the presence of the reflecting emotions of another person: in the mirroring of another person's awareness and at times through her frustrating lack of awareness. It is in this intimate human context that you begin to discover what you really do feel, what's important to you, what delights you, what has troubled you always, and what's troubling you now. Personally I love relationship....it is a emotional workout....i never stop growing.
In a way, love teaches me what it is to be a human being, not only thought my own feelings as they are endlessly evoked by my partner, but also through my experience of another person's uniqueness as it is endlessly revealed to me. Love always gives me exactly what I need---nothing more and nothing less. Real love can thrive only where realism is its waltz partner union fomr the day you fall in love until the day death parts you from it. There is no perfect 10 or perfect person. Being realistic about love means understanding that love will always ask the best of you. Trusting in this will give you confidence in the capacity to love to change adn enrich your life----even if it's in ways you never wished for or expected.
If you're willing to take the risk though, love can bring you incredible gifts ...for it did for me...grand feelings,...someone to wake up with in the morning...someone to cuddle up with at night...someone whose sorrows make your heart sad too. It teaches you about life's meaning.....it can raise questions about your destiny
B- SUBMISSIVE: I WILL TEACH HOW TO BE A REAL WOMAN...BY .LETTING ME BE THE MAN
Like most men, my standards for the perfect woman changed as I aged. They started off low at around 16-18 when the perfect woman was basically any girl that had a pulse and would agree to have sex with me (and honestly, I think if push came to shove the pulse would have been optional). That was the sheer quantity stage. I didn’t care if she looked like Monica Bellucci or Monica Seles. The standards changed again in my late 20s when my game really started sharpening, I started making better money and I started to realize I was a prize. That was when I really started demanding more from women in the looks, personality and ambition departments. But after a lot of dating in the big city, you reach the point where I am now and your standards change from a laundry list of superficial features about hair, looks, height, etc. to just one simple overarching feature: respect the male ego, self-esteem and identity. I think more than anything this is the common thread in why a lot of relationships fail. This is more important than anything else to me now, because so few modern women know how to do this anymore, especially after progressive and radical feminism has really done a number on their heads.
I have no problem with women being equal to men. But feminism messed women up by trying to convince them that being equal to men meant being exactly the same as men. And this is wrong. Women can see themselves as equal, but they shouldn’t be seeing themselves as being the same. Women today have been trained to become men with long hair and vaginas. Progress to women has increasingly become getting the corner office, working long hours, going to grad school, racking up sex partners, not learning to cook or do housework and binge drinking on the weekend, while giving up a lot of the things that made them unique and strong as women. And Sex and the City definitely didn’t help things but rather just fueled their delusions. Instead of complementing the male gender, the female of the species now aims to duplicate the male gender, and she’s lost a lot of what made her so special to begin with. But the worst part of modern feminism? It made it so that any attempt to please or cater to a man was automatically seen as a sign of weakness, self-hate or even glorified slavery. If a woman chose to stay at home and be a housewife she was a pariah. Cooking for a man or doing housework became a form of oppressive servitude. Then it reached the point where catering to and building up the male ego became the same as devaluing your worth as a woman.
Feminists still wanted to get married, yet felt if they tried to please men in order to get husbands like their mothers did they’d be selling out their feminist prinicples and turning into their mothers (never that!). Since they didn’t want to “sell out” and go overboard to please men, they came up with a better solution: churn out a new generation of feminized men, indoctrinated by the media and universities to not only never expect to have their male egos and male identities ever catered to, but to think that having a male ego and male identity at all was a source of shame in itself and was evil! We have men out there now screaming about the male patriarchy and women’s issues even louder than most feminists, yet they’d never think to even once consider much less assert their rights as men. Deep down though these men still have the needs and egos of men, yet are trained to feel guilty about having these needs and egos because they’ve been trained to see them as misogynistic or oppressive, and as a result they don’t express them. Or don’t even realize they have these traditional male needs. They just know they are lacking something and don’t know what it is (which is why I think movies like Fight Club and 300 resonate with so many modern men). Is it any wonder that the more “enlightened” our society becomes, the harder it is for people to find life partners and the divorce rate skyrockets through the roof? Some women won’t give men what they want because they feel it’ll compromise their feminist ideas, while other women want to give men what they want but can’t because men have become so emasculated and confused about their male identity they either can’t express what they want or worst-case scenario, don’t even know.
Which is where I come in. Women, I will teach you how to be the perfect woman in a relationship. Not just for me, but for every man. Stop listening to beta males and bitter, delusional feminists. Listen to an actual man and I’ll set you straight.
1. Realize that men view things differently than women, and those differences in view are equally valid and worthy of respect. Don’t try to turn your man into a woman. Don’t try to make him resolve his problems like a woman. Don’t chastise him for not thinking or emoting or talking things to death like you. You don’t have to understand why he sees things so differently than you, but you do have to respect his differences as equally valid. Men are not inclined to talk in circles about every problem until they’re emotionally drained. Respect that. For you it’s cathartic, for us it’s hell. It doesn’t mean we respect the problem less than you do, it just means that what’s a therapeutic method for you is not necessarily one for us.
2. Respect and faith in abilities are more important to a man than love. This is the hardest for a woman to grasp, and it’s an ugly truth, but if you don’t grasp and accept this you’ll always have relationship problems. If men had to choose between feeling (a) loved yet disrespected and inadequate or (b) unloved but respected and competent, a vast majority would choose choice (b). To men, love without feelings of respect and adequacy from their partner is a more hellish fate than receiving no love at all. And if you don’t give them respect and a feeling of competence, they will seek that validation elsewhere. I don’t just mean from other women, although that’s likely. It can be from a hobby that they know they’re good at, it can be at the gym, it can be from sports, it can be from writing in his study, it can be from his male friends that make him feel like he’s a great guy…there are tons of places he may withdraw to to get the validation he feels he lacks from you. Which in turn may cause you to nag him for not paying enough attention to you. Which in turn may just drive him further into his alternative source of validation. And then you get a vicious cycle.
3. Even the men who appear the strongest secretly have a fragile ego. One of the biggest secrets men have is how delicate our egos are. If you publicly build up your man’s ego, whether in front of his friends, family or even total strangers, he will think you’re the most wonderful woman in the world. Yet feminism and the media has given woman some strange mental block about this, as if doing so is some admission of weakness on their part. I call this the Claire Huxtable syndrome. I know it’s blasphemy for an ’80s kid to say this, but I hate the Cosby Show and I really fucking hate Claire Huxtable. Every chance she got, she emasculated Cliff for laughs in front of his parents, his friends and even his own children. And a generation of Americans ate it up and grew up thinking it was hilarious. Try watching several episodes of the Cosby Show now and you’ll see what I’m talking about. Cliff gets up, tells some story from his youth about some accomplishment he was proud of and may exaggerate a little. And almost immediately afterwards here comes Claire to set the record straight, poke holes in Cliff’s ego and embarrass Cliff by letting everyone know “what really happened.” And it ends with everyone in the room laughing at Cliff’s expense. Nowadays we see this dynamic as the norm in the media when marriages are depicted in sitcoms and commercials. It’s always depicted as cute and harmless. Is it any wonder public disrespect of men by their significant others, whether in the form of backhanded compliments or “harmless jokes” or outright chewing out, is practically an epidemic now? Below is a perfect illustration from the show Girlfriends, except instead of making it seem harmless, to the show’s credit it actually shows the devastating effect such behavior has on a man’s self-esteem:
4. Fuck his brains out. Self-explanatory.BE SUBMISSIVE...DO WHAT HE ASK YOU NOW MATTER WHAT...EVEN IF YOU HATE IT
5. If he’s telling you what’s wrong with the relationship, and your bitter manless friends are telling you something different is wrong with the relationship, listen to him over them. Those bitches are manless for a reason. And misery loves company.
6. Respect his ambition. Women tend to be geared more toward security. We as men understand that. Men, however, have a need to conquer. To hunt. To compete. To master things. Modern society doesn’t give us that many avenues to exercise those needs any more except in our careers, which leads to a lot of frustration in the modern man. So unless your man is talking about taking some seriously foolish or dangerous risks, support him in his personal ambitions to the best of your ability, even if you can’t totally understand them. Make him think he can achieve his lofty goals, and let him know you’ll still love and respect him even if he tries and fails. A real man would rather try his best and fail than never try at all.
7. Don’t let your looks go. Call it shallow, but men are programmed by nature to be visual creatures. We can’t help it. Just because you aren’t biologically and culturally programmed to value looks as much as we do doesn’t mean you should dismiss men’s preoccupation with looks as shallow and stupid. This is one of the easiest ways to keep your man happy, yet so many women foolishly underestimate and slack in this area.
8. Being a provider is at the core of a man’s identity, even if you make money too. So be sure to show appreciation for what a man contributes as a provider, and be understanding of a man’s depression when he feels like he comes up short in this area.
And there you have it. My perfect woman. And the perfect woman for a lot of men out there I suspect and let me show you how to be that woman
C- HOW I WANT YOU TO SURRENDER TO ME
I want to know you firstly as a person, someone with a mind, with thoughts, with opinions and with hopes. I want to be proud of you and your achievements, and I want to be warmed by your joy, your happiness and your passion. I want to share hopes and dreams, laughter and tears, light and darkness. At its root, I want our relationship to be fulfilling emotionally and intellectually. Without the ability to be open and honest at this level, we can never hope to be open and honest at a sexual level.
I want to know you secondly as a woman, with a woman's desires, a woman's passions, a woman's vulnerability, a woman's need to be held, sheltered and affirmed. I want to know you intimately; your curves, your sensitive places, your melting points, your tenderness. I want to know your love, your care, your affirmation of me. I am a Man, and I seek a special Woman to complete me, a woman who is brave enough to explore herself, and to be open and frank about her desires and needs. I cannot read minds, and neither can I guess at your inner passions.
I want to know you thirdly as a submissive to me. I want to know the pleasure of your willingness, your eagerness, your happiness in kneeling to me. I want to see the light of joy in your eyes as your place yourself before me, seeking my pleasure, and trusting me for yours. I want that submission to be not only in private, in the bedroom, but implicit every moment of every day. I want you to know that your service to me, your giving and openness to me, your desire to please me is the most precious gift I could ever have.
And I want to celebrate that submission physically. I want you to be open to me sexually at all times, even though days may pass before I avail myself of you – the fact that you are always keeping yourself ready and open to me will be a source of arousal for me. I want you to learn to accept, to cherish and to celebrate your sexuality. I want you to take pleasure in masturbating several times a day, though not to orgasm, just so you are always heightened in your own state of arousal. I want you to desire me constantly in every way that a woman could possibly desire a man.
I want you to desire to take me in your mouth, to make me hard, to submit your mouth and throat to my deepest and most penetrating thrusts. I want you to be grateful if I should deign to shed my cum in that place, and for you to eagerly drink it down and tell me how happy you are to do so. I want you to desire that so much that you will always wear red lipstick and makeup to enhance your attractiveness, and to indicate by your manner that you are always willing to serve me in that way.
I want you to desire to receive me in your cunt, to always be free of any clothing that might restrict my access there. My hands, my mouth, my cock, any toys that I may choose are always welcome there. Whether standing, kneeling or lying down. Whether on your front or your back, your cunt is my playground. You will keep it shaved and massage cream into the skin. When you masturbate, you will think of me using you. You will yearn not only for the sensations of sex, but also to submit to my controlling you. You will only cum when I give permission, and you will give that control to me in obedience and in recognition that your own pleasure will increase. .
I want you to desire me, to yearn with a deep ache to be stretched there by my hardness. As my submissive you will always open that hole to me and be grateful that I use that passage. And as my submissive, you will appreciate my desire, my longing, my need to be able to fuck your arse as a matter of course. You will never wear any clothing that hinders my access to you there, and at a word, a sign, a look, you will eagerly proffer that entrance to me. If you are able, you will pull your cheeks apart. If you are able, you will hold my cock against your puckered rosebud. If you are able, you will perform for me by using your fingers to stretch and distend that ring, opening your self to your master for his favourite act. Standing, kneeling or lying down, you will always be eager to welcome me in your bottom, and to groan with happiness if I should be pleased to shed my cum in your rectum.
And when you cum, whenever you feel that climax, whenever I gift you with the sweetness of sexual relief, I want you to call out my name, to thank me.
And at the end, I want you to be happy, to be fulfilled, to be grateful that I am your . I want to be your world, your joy, your own desire and focus. When all is over, and the toys are put away and the passion has cooled on our skin leaving traces of our cum and scent on each other's flesh, then I want again to see your smile, and to hear the pleasure in your voice, to know that there is nowhere else you would want to be but at in my arms.
D--
Most woman have a hard time surrendering. They fight like giants to guarding themselves from intimacy, boxing up their heart in a steel-hard false beliefs:
-I'm unlovable
-Everyone want to exploit me and use me
All it requires is simply the ability to throw yourself forward with all your weight, and the willingness not to mind that it's going to hurt. This is the best advice I know for coping with fear of intimacy. Avoidance and control can't keep our hearts from falling.....why not try throw yourself forward, being willing not to mind that it's going to hurt. If you fall into intimacy without resistance, despite your alarm, either you will fall into love, which is more exquisite still. Do it enough times and you may just lose your fear for falling.
E--THE SUBMISSIVE WOMAN: A SHREW LONGING TO BE TAMED
Surrender means to love without limits. It means to relax your guard so your lover can feel your core--authentic, unhidden, and undefended. Your muscles relax. Your breath becomes full. Your body and heart willingly open to your lover. If you are hurt, then you are hurt, but in any case you practice to remain open and full, like the ocean. Surrender is the doorway to the deepest possible sex. Each purpose, each mission, is meant to be fully lived to the point where it becomes empty, boring, and useless. Then it should be discarded. This is a sign of growth, but you may mistake it for a sign of failure." David Deida
If you are with a man you don't trust, it is only because you prefer unsurrendered love to surrendering wide open in total trust. It feels safe. You are afraid to let go of control--part of you doesn't trust love's command--so you have chosen a man who doesn't demand your surrender with his depth of integrity. If you did trust the command of love, you would only settle for a deep man capable of opening you more deeply than you could instruct him." --From "Dear Lover," a book by David Deida
You thinks and feels hopeless that there's “no one out there,” but really the terror of risking your heart keeps you from acknowledging that any person might be right. Your good intentions cover your fear, and keep you from having to muster up a critical ingredient for finding love: courage. Nobody wants to have her heart broken, so it's sensible to want to protect yourself.
When we surrender, we relinquish inappropriate control and override the fear underneath so we can have the thing we crave the most—intimacy.“I'd rather have two broken arms and two broken legs than have a broken heart again," Most people manage their fear by staying in control. They tried to control who approached them. They tried to control how their dates behaved. They tried to prevent heartbreak by looking for and finding some insurmountable obstacle to compatibility with perfectly good people. They even tried to deny that they wanted to be in relationships in the first place.
By definition, vulnerability makes you feel exposed, and therefore afraid. I understand this particularly well because I, too, was once terrified of vulnerability. My favorite antidote to it was control. I felt safer if I thought I could manipulate the outcome of every situation.
Women who try to protect themselves with control have suffered disappointments in the past. Maybe you've been through a tragic divorce or watched your parents split. Perhaps it was something less dramatic, but also painful, like having your first love break-up with you to go out with another girl. Such hurt prompts women to erroneously believe that we can prevent all future heartache if we manage everything properly.
Of course, it isn't so. First of all, the only thing you get from trying to manage the people around you is the guarantee that you will never find intimacy. Secondly, there are no guarantees against heartache. However, surrendering makes heartache much less likely.
Vulnerability makes us approachable and attractive because it's a gift to the person we're with. It's an unspoken compliment that says, “I trust you to be gentle when I put down my armor. I feel safe with you.” When someone gives me such a gift, my instinct is to be tender so as to reassure her that I understand the honor. Vulnerability will draw me to someone in a way that appearing invincible never could because I identify with the humanity and authenticity. To appear perfect is to keep your defenses up, which means others can't see and love the real you.
Once you have someone's empathy, there's only one way for them to interact with you: with compassion.
Women often protect themselves from disappointment and vulnerability by flaunting their independence. How many times have you thought, "I don't need anybody to take care of me” or “I can handle this?” Strength is attractive, but hard-nosed independence sends a “get away” message to those who want to approach you.
This masculine persona can be effective—and appropriate—in a work environment where forcefulness and toughness get the job done.
But you have another side to you that's soft, tender, vulnerable and receptive. That part of you wants to be taken out for dinner, walked home, asked about, thought of, caressed, and just plain taken care of. It's the part of you that relishes feeling protected and cherished. These are undeniable feminine qualities. Since femininity is what men are fundamentally drawn to, those are the qualities that will attract a man who's right for you. Surrendering means acknowledging that as a woman, you have a feminine mind, body and spirit.
Taking a feminine approach to dating means that when you leave the workplace (or even when you're interacting on a social level in the workplace), you turn off your ambition and bossiness and relax into your feminine grace. You have the power to magnetize men with your manner, your scent, your body and your voice, which will serve you far better than a know-it-all attitude or toughness in the dating arena.
Revealing your feminine qualities allows a man to show his strengths, too. For instance, if you let him treat you, you give him the opportunity to demonstrate his generosity and ability to please you, which makes him feel proud and happy to be with you. If you dismiss his offers in the name of self-sufficiency, you reject him. If you try to one-up him or even the score, you're competing with him like one of the guys, instead of luxuriating in his adoration and affection. Now, he wonders why he should bother trying to do anything for you because he feels superfluous.
Pleasing a woman makes a man feel more masculine and good about himself. Men want to see your soft side so they can show their strength. By being feminine, we allow our man's masculinity to shine.
The word “surrender” is frightening to some because it calls to mind losing a battle or spinelessness. But in interpersonal relationships surrendering is simply acknowledging that sometimes the only thing I can change is my attitude, and that doing so has a profound effect on everything else. Making “surrender” your mantra is much shorter and to the point than saying to yourself, “stop trying to dictate who comes into your life and what he'll be like and when he will call.”
The basic principles of a Surrendered Single are that she:
* Acknowledges her desire to attract and marry a man who's right for her
* Lets go of the idea of a perfect man
* Receives compliments, gifts, help and dates graciously whenever possible
* Takes responsibility for and focuses on her own happiness and fulfillment
* Relinquishes control of the pace of the courtship
* Strives to be vulnerable
When a single woman surrenders she doesn't try to manipulate a man to express his feelings, devotion or commitment because she knows that would render his words meaningless. It creates the same kind of tension and frustration as when you twist someone's arm to do something rather than letting him decide when and how he wants to do it. She refrains from making ultimatums, nagging, criticizing, and correcting the man she is romantically involved with because she knows she can't improve someone else, and that trying will cost her intimacy.
Instead of indulging in negative thinking about men and dating, she knows that there are both pleasures and risks involved in discovering an intimate relationship.
Surrendering doesn't mean that I have stopped thinking for myself or given up my own ambitions. Most woman at work are aggressive, tough and bossy. But they must also recognize that those are not the ingredients for intimacy.
That level of absolute trust needs to develop. Surrendering all he may ask of you, including your money, your body, your home. Or even online, giving up so much that it is truly renders you helpless in your slavery to him. It's easy to be owned if you aren't risking giving up everything. But introduce children into your surrender, or your car and other possessions, the right to steer your career the way you wish... and suddenly, trust isn't that easy to give. Even surrendering your body is difficult.
A man who recognizes the value of trust, and what exactly you are surrendering to him, will understand that. It is necessary to let him know who you really are, and finding out who he really is, so that you know the man you kneel before.
F--WHEN I WANT MY PARTNER TO SURRENDER AND BE SUBMISSIVE...WHAT DOES IT REALLY MEAN?
The most important things to do in the world are to get something to eat, something to drink, and somebody to love you. I am one link in the chain of your destiny. We each have a mental picture of how relationships should start out, and anything that falls short of that makes us nervous. As soon as we fell that anxiety, the urge to control kicks in. One of the way most woman try to contol their man is by telling them that we're hurt when they don't do things their way. Part of being intimate is letting go of your expectation and accepting that his ways isn't wrong or meant to hurt you. You can't program him like a robot, but you don't want a robot anyway. Because he's human, he might do something that disappoints you from time to time..As a single person we are in the habit of running everything in our life, and rightly so. Now that you're becoming part of a twosome, you may feel the temptation to try to run your partner life, too at least some of the time. I know it's difficult to refrain from making helpful suggestion when somebody's else actions are impacting you by making you late, leaving you to do more things. Of course, you would always want to express your feeling in any of those situations, but what you don't want to do is correct,criticize, belittle, or dismiss your partner in an effort to make them more efficient.
What I want in a relationship is total surrender, and that scary a lot of woman off. I want a submissive woman. Most woman assume that I am about submission/domination are totally mistaken. When you surrender....It mean to acknowledging that the only person you can ever change is yourself. Depending on where you work, most woman second nature for them is to take charge, call out order, and correct others. Competence is an attractive quality, but no one want to play the part of underlining while you orchestrate everything. You'll never get to be his partner by acting like the boss. You only will emasculate him. Part of connecting with someone else is admitting that you don't want to do everything yourself, don't have all the answers, and sometimes need help.
Expressing yours desires is a critical part of having a intimate relationship. Some of us were taught not to say what we want. We were told that we shouldn't be so selfish, that we shouldn't crave so much. But knowing what you want and expressing it plainly are attractive qualities. It shows that we hold ourselves in high regard and know our own heart and mind. Saying what you want is not the same as controlling someone. Expressing your desire isn't the same as exerting control, because it doesn't require anything of anyone else. You're just speaking for yourself. Trying to get what you want by demands, complaints, or expectations, on the other hand is about trying to control.
since your happiness is a high priority to your partner that you're dating, they will weight your desires heavily in their decision making. As a man....It every important for man that the woman they are involve with is happy. It's not today that your every desire will be met, but it does mean that your partner will go out of his or her way to give you what they can.. The point is to recongnize that your partner will take your feeing into account, but only if they know what they are. You got to understand that if you tell your partner to take a nap before he or she eats, or diversify his portfolio...You're gone form being the girlfriend to being the boss. If you are showing him how to iron his shirt or warm him to eat less cholesterol, you're now trying to run his life. Since running two adult lives is too much for one person, attempting it puts you squarely on the road for disaster. What you thought was being helpful him become the kind of person you want him to be....what you are really doing is extinguishing the embers of intimacy. Your subtext of your comments is "You won't do it right less I tell you how" which is neither endearing nor kind. If you decide you simply must try to control him. You are actually deciding to forsake your intimacy. So instead of underhandedly criticizing his choices, remind yourself that he know what he is doing. Keep your suggestion to yourself is that telling hin he's doing something wrong is disrespectful, and disrepect is an enemy to intimacy. The point of being in a relationship is not so someone can prevent your mistakes by warning them, but to support each other though you're still learning. Instead of pointing out his faults, hold a mirror up to his strength.
The man in your life want to know that you will respect his decision, ideas, and taste even if you don't agree with them. That means that you would refrain from criticizing, dismissing, or demeaning him. You won't try to teach him anything, even if you think you know better, because it's a form of control. Instead, you trust that he is smart and capable. The person who's right for you won't need rescusing. Guys don't need a woman to look out for them. Infact, nobody likes to be nagged about being careful....You just reveal that you don't trust him. Pessimism, distrust, and badgering are form of control sure to wear out and dampen passion. This is the time to focus on trusting that he can take care of himself and respect him by honoring the decisions he makes for his life. No man is looking for a mother type...trust me. He gets tired of being treated like a little boy.
Human are fragile, and everybody need positive reinforcement,especially from the person they love the most. Appreciating a man won't make him feel superior or become an egomanic, but it will make him feel more secure in the relationship and in the world, which is a wonderful gift you can give him.
If you stop controlling, criticizing, resucing something happens. You maintain the intimacy and connection you felt when you discover your mutual attraction. That;s because he can continue to spend his energy trying to please you instead of defending himself against you, and you can continue to spend your energy practicing good self-care instead of trying to control him.
There's always some risk in committing to someone else, because you can't control whether they will keep their end of the bargain. If you find yourself wanting reassurance, try to bit your tongue. Keep your eyes and your heart open to their efforts, however subtle, to make you happy. Trust that they want to make you happy and will looks for ways to please you. When you're unhappy about something in a relationship, you may be tempted to instruct, criticize, or correct. Instead, turn inward and ask yourself what it is you're feeling and what you want. That's the important information you'll need to express yourself in a way that is effective, nonthreatening, and dignified.
We all feel vulnerable in a new relationship because we don't know where we stand. What we all want is that person to tell us that they like us, loves us, find us attractive, and want to be with us for the rest of their life. If you find yourself insecure, see if you can find comfort in their action instead of longing for the words.
PART 8-THOUGHTS: BEING SUBMISSIVE FOR YOUR MAN
Submission: (1) the act of submitting, yielding, or surrendering; (2) the quality or condition of being submissive; resignation; obedience; meekness; (3) the act of submitting to the authority or control of another: "Oppression that cannot be overcome does not give rise to revolt but to submission" (Simone Weil); (4) the condition of having submitted to the power of someone else; (5) the condition of being submissive, humble, or compliant.
the whole purpose of all these rules and the desire for a "submissive" woman you know… to provide the male with sexual services when he wants them, and assurances that the vagina he calls his really is under his power and control. He wants to know where his vagina is at all times, who has access to it, and that no one is getting in it but him
A submissive wife is never ever abused in any way. She never has any violence used against her, she is never humiliated or embarrassed by her husband. A submissive wife is not owned by her husband, she in not his toy to do what ever he wants. She is his equal in every way.
There is only one reason a wife is submissive, and the is "because she chooses to be submissive". A husband can not make a wife become submissive. She entirely loves the life and benefits of a submissive woman.
For a woman that is submissive there are clear benefits to her in handing over control to her husband. So what does a submissive wife get in return for her submission? She gets a great deal.
A submissive wife makes her husband responsible for her well being. If he is going to make the decisions he is totally responsible for the outcome. A dominate husband soon learns that he must be very careful and be sure that his decisions truly benefit his wife. If his decision does not benefit her it is up to him to fix matters.
A submissive wife gains peace of mind because her marriage has a great deal of certainty in it. Her husband has told her precisely what is expected of her. She knows that she is doing the right thing all the times. She knows that he will be pleased with her and that all is well. This creates continuous harmony. If at anytime her behavior is not up to the set standard she is corrected then and there and it is the end of the matter. Problems never lay under the surface in a devoted relationship.
Her husband completely trusts her because her behavior is to a high standard at all times. From this trust a submissive wife gains freedom. A submissive wife does not work. Her husband must provide for her all that she needs to have a lifestyle that enables her to pursue her interests. Such interests must be approved by her husband and generally involve activities like tennis, piano lessons, educational courses and of course charity work. A submissive wife has the opportunity to be good on a number of levels.
A devoted relationship is very private. In public a submissive wife is very attentive of her husband. She stays at his side and behaves in quiet feminine way and with perfect manners. Looking from the outside no one can tell she is submissive and she is simply a much loved wife. A husband of a submissive wife is always proud of her because her behavior is perfect. Therefore he always wants her to be around him.
Most important of all she completely captivates her husband and he showers her with devotion. He will love and adore her. He will completely spoil her with his attention. A submissive wife is good person who lives a life of service and in return for her service she is showered with good. A submissive wife has an inner peace and from her serenity she gains a happy life.
To be a truly submissive woman you must live a life of devotion. Being a submissive is a spiritual journey of giving yourself to another without limit or compromise. A submissive has a life of service to those she submits to. Hers is a life of giving devotional love.
A submissive is by her very nature unassertive, quiet and sweet. It is very important that she indentifies with her inner little girl. Hers is a life of purity.
A submissive gives the ultimate gift, herself. She lets go of her life and lives a life of strict obedience. She does this completely selfless act out of her devotion. She gives herself completely with joy and good grace in her heart.
A submissive woman gains an inner wellbeing from knowing that she is good beyond measure. Her heart is light and free because she knows with any doubt that she is a good girl. Her obedience frees her.
There is no doubt in my mind that a submissive woman is a Goddess among women. She is a totally pure being who lives a life of selfless devotion and is given the world in return because she is worshiped by her Master.
PART II
The spiritual crux of romance is the issue of surrender. Am I going through this life alone, or am I waking with my beloved?> Are we in competitors, or are we allies? Are we two parallel tracks, or are we entwined.
What is the goal of relationships?
-is the goal to have a warm body next to us?
-is the goal to create a home together
-is the goal to raise kids
of it the goal to find an enchanted realm of ever-expanding opportunities for growth of who we are and we we can be together, lightening both our inner and outer skies.
What it means to give something from the depth of ourselves, what it means to receive, what it means to make another person feel safe without indulging for our own issues, what it means to bless and support someone else, to avoid the temptation to abandon another, to avoid the temptation to attack another, to learn to be kind and patient even when we're not at all in the mood, and still...in the midst of it all---to not rely on another for either our sustenance or our wholeness.
It blows me away when people say they don't have time for a relationship. And what else is time for? For what other purpose are we living our lives? And can we really be passionate and creative in one area while we suppress our passion and creativity somewhere else? Love is daunting at times as it is compelling. The deeper our fear of the light at the center of ourselves, the deeper our fear of truly loving another. No matter how much a relationship blesses us, no matter how good it feels,and even perhaps at times because it feels so good, this soul medicine, when first offered up, can appear to the mind like a cup of poision.
We are anchored in love. Our ship is sturdy. Our love is to be depended on--not because its form will never change, but because someone else has given us their promise, with their eyes, with their actions, with their words, with their kisses, that this bond is neither small nor unimportant, that this commitment shall in some way last forever and this lifetime shall not be lived alone
PART 9-THOUGHTS-SUBMISSION: THE STORY OF THE LITTLE PRINCE
The story. of.the little prince ...the fox wanted to be tamed by the little prince...you don't want to be tamed...you don't...but only by being tamed...by someone do you mean more to them. The little prince had rose he loved in his planet..
The little prince went away, to look again at the roses.
“You are not at all like my rose,” he said. “As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you, and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox, like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world.”
And the roses were very much embarrassed.
“You are beautiful, but you are empty,” he went on. “One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you– the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become
butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled, or boasted, or ever sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose.
(Excerpt from The Little Prince)
How blessed is that rose that this Little Prince holds dear in his heart. This conversation with the rest of the roses happened after the Little Prince learned from the fox, of how it is being tamed and how it is having tamed someone. The fox taught the Little Prince that, when you are being tamed by someone, that someone becomes very special to you above the rest. Like the Little Prince, he just used to be just one of the common yellow-haired little boys for the fox, until the Little Prince tamed the fox. The fox has established something special with him. So he is just not like the rest of the boys. He is the boy who tamed him. The Little Prince is special and unique for the fox. So when the fox looks at the other little boys… it constantly reminds him of his special friend that tamed him, and the Little Prince in turn to the fox.
The Little Prince used to think that, what he has in his planet was just an ordinary rose, because he saw a lot more similar roses to what he has in his planet. The beauty, the graceful character, the fragrance… all resembles his little rose.
But then he realized with the help of the insight the fox gave him, that although he found hundred replicas of his rose, none can compare to it. Because the rose he has, has tamed him, and he has tamed that rose. That rose, is HIS rose. Funny that he has to traverse far away from his little rose, just to realize and understand this. After he realized that, the Little Prince decided to stop his journey and come back to his planet for his little precious, one and only rose.
This is when I came to understand, that a guy may find all girls the same… but there would be that one single lady who would captivate his heart. There’s that one who can tame her. And that girl will stand out from the rest of the others. And no matter how others would replicate her even if some would surpass her physical beauty, still, and will always, she would be the most special woman he would treasure in his heart.
If you let me tame you, you would be on a pedestal… a cut above the rest. No one can ever replace that place you have
established in my heart. Other girls may borrow my eyes for a while, but not my heart…
To tame and be tamed in the name of Love is such a special and a rare occurrence, especially in today’s westernization, when everything becomes available, when all has become monotonous and has just seemed like the rest… One time, I’ve asked myself, why couldn’t I fall for someone else? Someone interesting would come… someone more beautiful, or smarter, or more ‘fit’ for me as they say in spiritual standards…but I couldn’t get my heart yield for those persons… then I learned the reason why… For, they were not the ones I bare my soul to with, they were not the ones I’ve swallowed my pride for, they were not the ones I’ve shared my deepest secrets with, they were not the ones whom I have let down my walls for… they, were not the ones who tamed me…
But you don't understand this....this whole submission part is about taming. ...but about yielding or paying homage to another person. And this is what i am looking for.....
“Goodbye,” said the fox. “Here is my secret. It’s quite simple: One sees clearly only with the heart. Anything essential is invisible to the eyes. . . . It’s the time that you spent on your rose that makes your rose so important. . . . People have forgotten this truth,” the fox said, “But you mustn’t forget it. You become responsible for what you’ve tamed. You’re responsible for your rose. . . .”
PART 10-SUBMISSIVE: THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I WANT A SUBMISSIVE WOMAN
To many men,including myself, woman are the most attractive thing in the world, but also the most frightening thing....because it can make a man weak. Men can't resist true feminine radiance. Most woman if they really shine the power of the PY (pussy), they could have any man wrapped around their little finger....by being very feminine, viritually every man who comes into their sphere will be attracted to them. This is what I do in my relationship. I make a woman feel comfortable in her body...in her sexuality...in her emotions. I make her more sexy. A woman should try to be the goddess to her man....to be the femine dancer of love and to open her leg to him...which will awaken his heart and draws him near. A man chooose to be with a woman as an intimate partner rather than a guy or a anybody else because he want to be intimate with the feminine energy of the universe. He is tired of being strong, and hard...and tough.
You should want to be the person your man what you to be.....in my case...a slut. Not for him...but for you. The person he wants you to be is often the persons that you want to be. By learning to gift your partner with love and PY...you are actually learning to give yourself your highest gift as well.. When I am with a woman...when I am inside her...holding her....it is in that moment her feminine energy make me feel ALIVE TO BE WITH HER. The feminine form of love is a gift that enliven him. When you gift a man with your energy of love and your pussy...he will feel you as his cherished woman...rather than a housemaid .....a business partner...or a mother. He feels you as goddness.
Woman as a whole should be relax in their body, and all the full feminine incarnation of the universe to shine. To honor their feminine, you will attract a man who will honors their feminine as you do. Most woman now I see have alot of masculine energy...their self-dsicipline and organizational abilities are fully developed. They have learned to set goals, follows schedules, and meet deadline These type of woman do not want a man who enters their life with his masculine energy. Melissa...my exgirlfriend was one such person. If you want a man who will not interfere with your life as it is, who will not make loving demands of you as much as offer emotional suport and acceptance, then animate your more controlling, directive, masculine energy. The choice is yours...like I said before...relationships are mirror images. You will always attract a man who puts out energy reciprocal to that which you are putting out, masculine or feminine..
Female energy want love
Male energy want freedom
At the meeting point of surrender, sex and love...there is no difference between these two. There is no difference between freedom and love. Since love is all-encompassing, resisting nothing, it is free. And since real freedom is fearless, with no sense of threatened self, it is completely loving. This is why most woman need commitment to love....and men need to love.
In one of my favorite movie...THE FAMILY MAN...Jack wants to move to the city and take up a new job. Love is the number one priority for his wife...she had the choice to stay in her female energy, giving and receiving love with Jack, and yet not live in the place she wanted to live...because that's secondary to her...to the female energy. She decide to go where Jack want to know and move the kids and leave her job for Jack. Where you live is less important thatn if you share deep love....if you are in your feminine energy. THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I TELL WOMAN I AM SEEKING A SUBMISSIVE WOMAN.
But for most woman now who are more masculine....if forced to choose, freedom is more important than love. She would not move...and if your man feels an ultimatum from you---he has to live where you prefer or else he lose you...then he is going to feel your masculine choice. Your priority is your career, your freedom. This choice is fine also...but prioritizing freedom above love...you are choosing your masculine priority over your feminine priority. This choice will inevitably deploarize the relationship, unless you are with a man who prefers to gift you with feminine, rather than masculine energy.
In the past I usually attract woman who had alot of masculine energy, but now, I am getting better. I understand why I was attracting beautiful woman who had male energy...and now I am stronger...i am more attracted to a woman who is truly a woman...and is happy to be a woman. A woman who has strong masculine energy would attract and be attracted to a man who has weakened masculine energy because his masculine energy would not overpower from her masculine energy.
PART 11-SUBMISSION: CHARITY AND LOVE.
Charity -- giving without restraint, giving of anything, and probably everything, without expecting anything in return. Charity, considered to be a virtue arising out of love. Love for all people. Love for all humankind. Loving all humans like loving God. And like how God loves us all, so are we asked to follow in His example and love everyone else.
This idea of virtue has to be the most adulterated idea of virtue and morality! It makes you more promiscuous than a whore on the streetcorner. Atleast a whore chooses to indiscriminately share his/her body with any loaf on the street and expects something material in return - like money, or food, or whatever else. Thus, this transaction is atleast like that of between equals -- one has something to offer that the other values or wants, and there is an equal exchange of values. None is made to be a parasite, none is made to be a victim -- provided all the parties involved are consenting and voluntary.Whores do not squander their bodies to the service of any undeserving animal with no value to offer. They give of their body only according to the value they earn in return. These values are clearly recognized and agreed to by all parties concerned.
A person who voluntarily sells their body as a commodity and a person who voluntarily gives away their possessions to others have these things in common: both of them are indiscriminate as far as who is the receiver of their values. They do not care which Tom, Dick, or Harry is the beneficiary of their actions. There is no deliberate focus of directing their efforts at anyone specific, except that the receiver is accepting, willing, and in need of those services. The prostitute does not care who they engage in sex with as long as that person is in need of someone to have sex with, and is willing to engage in sex with a prostitute.A charitable person does not care which troll becomes the receiver of their love, time, money, or whatever else, as long as that beggar is in need of those things and is wholly accepting of any morsel thrown at them.Both, the prostitute and the charitable person, does not have any specific focus of value directed at the individual. For them both, the receiver is simply an interchangeable unit of faceless masses – they could be any one Tom, or Dick, or Harry, and it would make no difference to either. Thus, they ascribe NO VALUE to the object of their actions – the beggar or the person looking for sex.
The difference between the prostitute and the charitable person is this: the prostitute demands an equal payment of value to the value they offered. Thus, while the object of their services is of NO value to the prostitute, the commodity (which is their own body or the pleasure of sex) is of VALUE to the whores because they demand an equal compensation of value for the value that they are offering! In other words, the whore is a self-generative producer of value in regards to sex, and values the nature of their commodity enough to not squander it freely and indiscriminately on any mooch that cannot meet the demands of their service.The charitable person, on the other hand, does not even value the services they have to offer. They give out love, time, money, etc. freely and indiscriminately without demanding ANY thing of value in return. Thus, giving off of those things without any hope or expectation of either getting those same values back in return, or receiving some other value in return reveals their own assessment of what they hold as valuable.Their love is not only available to any Tom, Dick or Harry, but is also available at NO cost, at NO price, and at ANY amount whatever. But the “amount” can only mean something significant if there is some value to that amount. In other words, “less love” can only mean something in relation to “more love” IF LOVE ITSELF IS VALUED – like $4 is valued less than $10 if MONEY itself is of value.Thus, giving away of $4 or $10 or $100 or whatever amount of money or time or love without any understanding of the value of each of those units can only mean that the commodity or service is NOT of value to this person. Thus, a charitable person will easily admit to the fact that for them the “MONEY” or “TIME” or “LOVE” is not the higher value, but the act of GIVING AWAY of those things to random beggars is of value. The very notion of “Charity” puts the ACT of giving at a higher pedastal than the things that are being given away. Thus, for the charitable person, the receiver is not of any value to them (any beggar as long as they are begging for something) and the commodity or service is not of value to them (willing to give away anything and everything, indiscriminately). The ACT of giving, therefore, becomes an ACT SO MUCH MORE PROMISCUOUS than the acts committed by a whore! While the whore does NOT value the ACT nor the object, but their own physical self and their generative power to engage in sexual pleasure, they deem themselves WORTHY enough to demand an equal payment for that generative power. The act of sex is not promiscuously available to any begging Tom, Dick or Harry.
If one were to substite “love” for “sex” and examine the behavior of the whore versus the charitable person, one can see how promiscuously indiscriminate “love” is given away by the charitable person, and thereby rendering the value of “love” to meaningless insignificance.A whore will exchange love ONLY in return to equal compensation (presumably, in this example, love in return). Thus, value is maintained and held in this case.A charitable person will give away “love” to whomsoever needs it or demands it. They give away “love” indiscriminately to any faceless beggar without requiring any value in return. For them, if they loved their own mother or if they loved the beggar on the street, it would seem no different.Since they have no discrimination of the object of their love, they could love any Tom, any Dick, any Harry, any Husband, any Mother in all the same way and not know the difference. There is NO FOCUS of deliberate directed value towards any of the objects, and there is NO demand that their husband love them back, or that their mother love them back, or that Tom love them back.For them, love can possibly have NO value because value can only come with a clear discrimination of NON-VALUE. You can only LOVE someONE if you DO NOT love someone else. Loving everyone and anyone is really NOT LOVING AT ALL!The virtue in the act of loving and the value of love itself can only be generated from a deliberate, self-motivated CHOICE of engaging in an act you consider virtuous, using an attribute that you consider valuable, directed towards particular individuals you consider WORTHY of receiving that which you value. Thus, motivation outside of yourself, i.e. “love” motivated by the need of the faceless, unnameable beggar, or the masses of beggars not only renders your “love” worthless but also your act unvirtuous.
In this way, one must understand the true meaning and VALUE of love when one says to another, “I love you”. That admission of love implies identity, motivation, and discrimination. It recognizes the OBJECT of that love as this particular individual. It recognizes the ORIGINATOR and MOTIVATION of that love as one’s OWN self, “I”, and it recognizes the fact that this “love” is focused only at “you” and not “anyone” or “everyone”. Thus it is discriminatory. It is not “I love anyone”, nor is it “I love everyone”.So, when you say, “Mom, I love you”… you don’t say, “Mom, I love you and I love Tom, and Dick, and Harry, and Susy…” nor do you say, “Because I love you Mom and Tom and Dick and Harry and Susy… I’ll do whatever and give whatever because I love giving, I love charity.” Such a kind of love, or “charity” is truly meaningless and worthless. It insults the concept of “true love” that should rightfully be sparing, focused, deliberate, and given in an exchange of value for value.
PART 12-SUBMISSION: HER FIRST SURRENDER
The room with quiet curtains, her hand trembling on the doorknob. Step inside, the world changes. Choose to step inside. Choose.
He waits, just inside. A big, imposing figure, yet the smile is friendly. She hangs for a moment in the balance between yes and no, between her old life and new. She steps inside.
Yes, he nods, in approval. The first step is the hardest. She hugs her arms to herself, shivering. Removes her coat. His eyes travel across her body, the full soft breasts, the exaggerated roundness of her hips, her long solid legs. Take off your shoes, he says. She slips them off with relief. Easy. Wriggles her toes in the room's carpeting. The first surrender.
Now the skirt, he smiles. She loves the way her legs feel under the skirt, breeze blowing up against her body as she walks outside, the freedom of her knees, soft drapes of fabric caressing her thighs as she sits. Loves the way it forms a concealing curtain around the roundness of her belly, the extra curves, no longer smooth, hiding the expanse of her body. Loves the waistband hugging her waist.
The skirt, he says, smiling a little less. She pulls it past her hips, lets it fall to the floor.
Because she knew she would come here ... because she knew he would like it ... she is wearing the black lace. The one-piece garment holds her breasts up firm and high, creates the desired cleavage, makes her chest magnificent. She is proud of her chest, clothed. Not the soft pillows of breasts she cradles while she sleeps. But this created breast, a soft shelf, adorned, which moves with each breath.
Unbidden, she unbuttons the shirt, letting it fall open, revealing the bounty of creamy flesh and rose-patterned lace. His smile is broad again. She can see the hardness begin beneath his robe. She longs to cross the room, lay her head on his chest. But she will follow his timing.
This is his game.
Beautiful, he says, you do not need to be shy with me. She sighs, stands a little straighter. Her eyes are afraid to meet his for more than a moment.
Come here. She leaves her clothing on the floor, steps toward him.
The hand around her waist is surprisingly firm. The other hand cups her chin, raises her eyes to meet his. Look at me, he says, unsmiling. Whatever happens here, it's for both of us, for both our pleasure. But you are mine. Your time is mine. And you will do exactly as I say. Understood?
His sternness at once thrills her and alarms her. What might happen here? Could she escape even if she wanted to, half-dressed, against the will of this man who towers over her, commands her with his velvety voice. She shivers, nods. He tightens his grip slightly, and she relaxes into it.
His lips graze her ear, and she closes her eyes, awaiting his kiss. But he does not kiss. He whispers, right into her ear: I will fuck you. Because I want you, and you are mine. You will lie on the bed, he whispers. I will not tie your hands. You will lie obediently, because I command you to. Held in place by the sheer force of my will.
She walks to the bed with slow, dream-like steps, her eyes downcast, disappointment welling in her chest. No bindings. She had longed to be bound, with soft cords, elastic cords, wrists together, arms raised above her head. Longed for the surrender of offering her wrists to him for the binding, knowing with that symbolic act she forfeited any hope of escape.
He senses her sadness, addresses it at once. You regret this, baby girl? he asks. She shakes her head slowly. He smiles, lifting a cord from a drawer in the table next to the bed. You desire the bindings then? She smiles, and he traces her smile with a loop of velvet cord, then pulls it across her breasts, across the curve of her hip, the front of her thigh, the inside of her thigh, making her tremble as she stands.
On the bed, he says. She sits, and his palm against her heart presses her back. Give them here, he commands. She offers her wrists, feeling the first surge of wetness between her legs. His knowing eyes understand. He raises her arms, encircles her wrists, fastens them to the headboard. Steps back to admire his work, as she rolls slightly from side to side, trying to arrange herself in a comfortable position.
She fears the other devices which may be in that bedside drawer, metal clamps, tiny cuffs, long plastic cocks ... She is curious, but fears their invasion. But he has closed the drawer. Only his body, now naked, feels like a threat.
He approaches with a pillow, and she feels a moment of panic. Suffocation? She is helpless now. One leg kicks out involuntarily. But he slips the pillow beneath her head almost tenderly, brushes the hair away from her face. Rests one hand on her pounding heart. Easy, baby girl, he says. I won't take you anywhere you don't want to go. Traces her lips with one finger.
Easy.
Now this body ... he says, and she winces, turns her head. Self-consciousness makes her blush, turn her face. She wishes it was a better body, a proud body, curves only in the best places, firm and young and desirable. She wishes ...
Look at me, he says. This body is mine. You cannot hide it from me. I will know every sweet, soft inch. You cannot be ashamed before me. Because this is mine. I will enjoy it and appreciate it, and you will open yourself to me. Understand?
She nods, still flush with embarassment. Lovely body, he says, calming her, his hands caressing it. You will enjoy how much I appreciate your body.
He strokes her long legs, and she feels them relax under his touch. My body, he says. Mine. To do with as I please. She nods, the warmth of his hand spreading through her lower half, causing her to throb inside her panties. She wills his hand to travel there, and can tell he senses that. But his hand instead touches the crease of her elbow, the back of her knee, the bottom of the big toe, the front of her throat. She shivers, feels her nipples grow hard. His hand brushes against them, pinches one gently, then more firmly. Pinches the other firmly. Slips one hand beneath the bra and lifts out a breast, kneading it with his hand, his thumb flicking the nipple back and forth, watching it contract into a tiny purple bud. Mine, he says, squeezing the nipple. Mine. The electric feeling travels to that sensitive point between her legs, and she squeezes her legs together.
Good girl, he smiles.
He brings his lips to her soft belly, lets his beard graze across her hip, his tongue leaving a warm, wet trail, dipping momentarily into her navel. Hands cupping and caressing her belly, the soft belly which had made her feel shy, now contracting with shivers of pleasure. She is glad the garment remains in place -- and the instant she thinks it, feels him begin to tug it away, slipping it over her hips, flinging it to one side of the bed. He smiles at her appreciatively. Nothing to hide. Nowhere to hide, little girl. No way to hide from me.
He opens the drawer next to the bed, and she feels the apprehension return. He removes a blindfold. This will make you more comfortable, he chuckles, slipping the elastic band softly around her eyes. She struggles briefly to see around the barrier, underneath it. Then sighs and allows her focus to turn inward. It is comfortable, the warm darkness, the soft pillow, the stretchy bindings around her wrist... .
His hand has grasped her suddenly, hard, between the legs, and she lets out a little cry. Squirms to back away from the squeezing fingers, which clutch her pubic hair into his fist, one knuckle brushing her clit. She feels his beard tickle her ear. This is mine too, mine, he says sternly. You will open yourself to me.
Legs shaking, she tries to spread her knees. Shyness, fear keeps her thighs together. She feels his hands pushing them apart, lifts her head and strains to see. Seeing nothing, her head falls back on the pillow. Her knees sag in surrender. She can hear him laugh.
Yes, like that, angel, he says, stroking her inner thigh tenderly, releasing her hairs. She feels the smooth roundness of his shaved head brush past her thighs, then his warm breath against her. A luxurious feeling, making her sigh catch in her chest. She lifts her hips involuntarily, just an inch. Awaiting his touch. His smooth, firm tongue finds not the target she desires, the trembling eager bud, but instead probes deep within her. Her nipples harden again. She contracts, trying to pull him farther in.
A moan escapes her lips, as the tongue presses deeper, presses upward, until his face is buried, his nose pressing that sensitive spot.
The pleasure washes over her in waves, her hands absentmindedly pulling against her cords, her head tossing side to side, lost in the sensation.
Suddenly the tongue withdraws, sweeping upward, an electric shock of feeling that nearly lifts her from the bed. Then she feels nothing. Can hear him chuckle again, watching her writhe.
She is afraid to speak. Afraid to know what will come next, afraid the pleasure will never return. After a few moments, she wants to call out to him, but suppresses the urge. She hears nothing. Rests, feeling her heart beat in the throbbing between her legs.
Then she feels his finger on her cheek. No, it is not his finger. Hot and smooth, leaving a moist trail of fluid, he traces her face with his hard member, she feels it push gently into her ear, her neck, her hair.
She turns her head, lips parted, hoping to find it with her tongue. He rests the head briefly against her lips, nudging. She forms the wet oval eagerly, beckoning him to slide into her mouth, blindfolded, nodding. He slides in a little way, allows her a few firm sucks. Then pulls away.
He laughs softly at her disappointed moan. You want more of this? he asks. You will have it all. Everywhere.
He presses the head of his hardness into one breast, and thrusts firmly a few times, then pulls it back and forth against the hardened nipple. He pulls the other breast toward him, treats it the same. She shudders as one hand strokes her belly, traveling ever lower, lower, slowly.
Willing his hand again to that most sensitive place, she feels his forearm now press lightly against her, and she raises her hips to meet it.
Where do you want to feel me? he asks. Here? His thumb presses firmly between her legs, and she gasps at the intensity of the sensation. Here? A long finger strokes her. She realizes how wet she has become, how eager. Here? The finger pushes inside her, and is greeted with a spasm, the first shudder of orgasm.
Oh, no, no, he smiles. Not yet, baby girl. The hand pulls away, and the next spasm is soft, fading away to nothing.
You will find release when I say, not before. Understood? She nods frantically, biting her lip. Squeezing her thighs together. He pets her lower leg soothingly, calming her.
All parts of you belong to me, he tells her somberly. His fingers pinch her ear lobe, her ankle, her buttocks. Behind the blindfold, she waits, wondering where she will feel him next. One finger tickles the back of her knee. Then the curve beneath a breast. Then the nape of her neck. She sighs, smiles. But the next pinch, on her nipple, stings a little. Then at her waist, pinching firmly, twisting slightly. Her smile fades.
Her mouth falls open in a gasp as he dips one finger into her wetness, then brushes it against her lips, coating them. Her tongue shyly tastes the slippery, salty liquid. Then he presses his lips full against hers, kissing the moisture away. She moans a dreamy sound, smelling the scent on his breath. With another kiss, he has pulled away.
He dips the finger back between her legs, then slides it suddenly underneath her, and up inside her. The brief pain is followed by tingling, then a comfortable soft feeling. He wiggles the finger, to bring the pain back again. But soon, there is only the pleasant, tingling feeling. She rocks forward a little, rocks back against the finger that impales her, riding it in tiny increments.
His other hand presses two fingers deep into the wetness, slowly, to take advantage of her movements. She rides both intrusions now, raising and lowering her hips a little faster, reveling in the fullness, feeling her orgasm begin to build again.
She moans, longing for him to touch the spot that throbs between her legs, create her release.
She feels him lean in, bringing his tongue again to her, feels him tracing upward from his own hand, now deep within her as she writhes, upward by tiny fractions of an inch, her anticipation building.
She moves her hips more desperately, willing his tongue higher. He sweeps it upward again, circling, and her sharp intake of breath makes him smile. She feels the smile against her trembling. He circles again, and again, allowing the orgasm to build, his hands probing, tongue teasing.
He stops, fingers buried within her. Only when I say, remember? he says. But his voice is kind.
She speaks now. Please. Please what? Please, sir. Please.
In reply, he plunges his fingers deeper, flicks the tip of his tongue across her swollen, craving places. He speaks the word directly inside her.
Yessssssss, he says.
The vibrations push her over the top. He presses his tongue now flat against her, his fingers wiggling, letting her ride atop the orgasm, wave after wave, her hips pumping frantically, sighing ah ah ah ah, nipples contracting again into shivering buds, perspiration wetting her skin.
She loses track of time, loses herself in an orgasm which goes on and on, carrying her into unconsciousness.
She awakens feeling cold. The blindfold is gone, but her hands remain bound. She raises her head, and sees that her ankles are now bound as well, to each corner post of the bed. Sir? she calls. He is sitting in a chair across the room, watching her.
That ... was wonderful, she says. He smiles. He rises and walks to the bed. He has dressed. He sits beside her, smiling.
Untie me please, she asks, straining against her wrist bindings. His smile remains unchanged, but he does not reach for the cords.
You asked for these bindings, you wanted them, remember? he says. She nods. But now I have to go home, sir.
No, you have nowhere to go, baby girl, he replies. And all this -- his hand sweeps along her body -- all this is mine. It stays right here.
Her smile fades and she pulls against an ankle binding. The elastic cords have been replaced by rope, tied firmly.
I don't think that's going to work, he says, chuckling. But ... I do enjoy watching you try.
She twists against the ropes, feeling the pain as her wrist cords dig into the flesh. This was your choice, he reminds her. You chose to come here, to submit to me. And now you are mine.
She closes her eyes tightly. Wills herself to think. Memories of the sensations, the overwhelming sensations, keep nudging other thoughts aside. But she must think.
Was I gentle with you? he asks. She nods slowly. You enjoyed my taking you gently? he asks. She nods again, watching his eyes.
You will enjoy this even more, he says.
Her eyes widen as she watches him pull instruments she has never seen from the bedside drawer, metal clamps, tiny cuffs, long plastic cocks ...
PART 13-SUBMISSION: DR. LAURA--PROPER CARE AND FEEDING OF HUSBANDS
In her most provocative book yet, Dr. Laura urgently reminds women that to take proper care of their husbands is to ensure themselves the happiness and satisfaction they yearn for in marriage. Here's an excerpt of “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands":
Excerpted from “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands” by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Copyright © 2004 by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Published by HarperCollins, Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced without written permission from the publishers
Introduction
"As a man, I can tell you our needs are simple. We want to be fed, we want our kids mothered, and we want lovin'."
-- Vince
"Men are only interested in two things: If I'm not horny, make me a sandwich."
-- John
I am a thirty-seven-year-old man who has seen quite a bit in life, and I can offer this to your search for how to treat a man. We are men, not dumb-dumbs, psychics, or one bit unromantic. We need only clear communication, appreciation, honest love, and respect. This will be repaid by laying the moon and stars at your feet for your pleasure. There is no need to 'work' a man to get what you want. We live to take care of a wife, family, and home. Just remember that we are men, and know that our needs are simple but not to be ignored. A good man is hard to find, not to keep."
-- Dan
"A good man is hard to find, not to keep." That sentence should really make you stop and think. As a radio talk-show host/psychotherapist, I've got to tell you how remarkably true and sad it is that so many women struggle to hold on to some jerk, keep giving an abusive or philandering man yet another chance, have unprotected sex with some guy while barely knowing his last name, agree to shack up and risk making babies with some opportunist or loser, all in a pathetic version of a pursuit for love, but will resent the hell out of treating a decent, hardworking, caring husband with the thoughtfulness, attention, respect, and affection he needs to be content.
It boggles my mind.
What further puts me in boggle overdrive is how seemingly oblivious and insensitive many women are to how destructive they are being to their men and consequently to their marriages. Women will call me asking me if it's alright to go off on extended vacations "without him" when they want some freedom or R&R, or if it's okay to cut him off from sex because they're annoyed about something or just too tired from their busy day, or if they really have to make him a dinner when he gets home from work because it's just too tedious to plan meals, or if it's okay to keep stuff from him (like family or financial issues) because his input is unnecessary, or if they're really obligated to spend time with his family (in-laws or stepkids), or if they really have to show interest in his hobbies when they're bored silly by them, or -- well, you get the idea.
Let me relate the specific call that prompted me to write this book. Annette is thirty-five, her husband is thirty-nine, and they have a one-year-old son. She is a stay-at-home mom who just doesn't enjoy cooking and doesn't feel it's useful to spend a lot of time doing it. She called wondering if that was detrimental or not to her child. Right away I was alerted to her lack of concern about the needs or desires of her husband -- you know, the guy who slays dragons for her and their child every day. In order to really get a feel for this caller, you'll have to imagine the completely hostile and disdainful manner in which she spoke.
Dr. Laura: What do you do for food?
Annette: We eat peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwiches.
Dr. Laura: That's not healthy three times a day.
Annette: No, he's [the child] not eating it three times a day.
Dr. Laura: What do you eat for dinner?
Annette: Well, he's still breast-feeding at one year old.
Dr. Laura: What do the adults in your house eat for dinner?
Annette: My husband might eat beef enchiladas from the freezer, and I might eat cereal or cottage cheese. My husband doesn't much like what I cook.
Dr. Laura: That's not really a balanced, healthy diet. Are you intentionally making awful things that he won't eat or is he some kind of ogre?
Annette: (Sarcastically) No, I'm just not a good cook. [What you can't read is her disdainful, hostile tone.]
Dr. Laura: Okay, Annette, being a better cook is easy to come by. All you do is take a class or get a book of recipes. I wonder if you're intentionally undermining his enjoyment of a home-cooked meal so that you simply don't have to do it. Let me tell you what is detrimental to your child. Dinnertime turns out to be one of the most important functions of a family in terms of a child bonding with parents, their ability to communicate and feel close to their parents -- all of which supports their self-esteem.
The dinner table is a most important aspect of that bonding. That is the routine time when the family sits down, says their prayers, and spends that pleasant time enjoying their meal together and talking. So, if that means you have to do what you don't like, so be it. Or did you plan to teach your son that when he doesn't enjoy something, he doesn't have to do it at all, or he doesn't have to do it right? In which case you are going to have a child growing up to be a monster.
There are a lot of things we all don't enjoy doing, but they are part of the rigor of life and they are a part of our obligations in our various roles. To be people of integrity, we have to follow through whether or not we enjoy something. So, if you are at home, I think it is important for you to make the effort to prepare pleasant dinners because I think that's part of the joy and comfort for your family. Put in the effort. If your husband can eat frozen, prepackaged Mexican food, with all those spices, it means he has a pretty open-minded stomach -- so you must be going far out of your way to mess with him.
I don't understand that hostility, especially from a woman who has a one-year-old child. The ability for you to maintain a safe and nurturing home for that child largely depends on the quality and existence of your marriage. I'd expect you to make more of an effort. Most of the women who complain that they are not getting what they want from their husbands should stop and look at how disrespectful and disdainful they are of them. They should also look at what they put their time and energy into at the expense of him and their marriage. It would be a stunner for them to realize that they try harder to impress strangers than they try to impress the person who is supposed to be the most important to them. As one listener, Gary, says:
"A husband is like a horse. At the end of the day he is usually rode hard and put away sweaty. Like in the movies, if his master drives and beats him, he'll go just so far before bucking and rebelling.
If you love him, if you coax him, he'll drive himself till his heart explodes before he will let down his master. He'll give himself to death for the one he loves.
Which way should women handle a man?"
I have never gotten a complaint from a male listener in twenty-five years on the radio over my assertion that men are very simple creatures. They agree. I have explained time and again on my radio program that men are borne of women and spend the rest of their lives yearning for a woman's acceptance and approval. Unless you've got a man with a frank mental or personality disorder (the exception, not the rule), men admittedly are putty in the hands of a woman they love. Give him direct communication, respect, appreciation, food, and good lovin', and he'll do just about anything you wish -- foolish or not.
With one particular caller, Sandy, I pushed this agenda through to a successful conclusion -- but not without a lot of sweat on my part and resistance on Sandy's part.
Sandy: My husband and I have a horrible relationship.
Dr. Laura: And why is that, I wonder.
Sandy: He says I'm too headstrong... but I think we are both too headstrong for each other.
Dr. Laura: He says you are too headstrong. And what does that mean? Sandy: He always tells me I like to take over situations -- that I like to control situations and that I go around him when we should discuss these things together. I just go ahead and do it myself.
Dr. Laura: So, why do you do that?
Sandy: I don't know.
Dr. Laura: It is destroying your marriage. Why would you continue to do that?
Sandy: But it is stupid things like going to the store and buying something. Why should I consult him in things like that?
Dr. Laura: Well, it doesn't hurt to have a chat or invite him to come along.
Sandy: I just don't see it.
Dr. Laura: Do we have kids in the middle of this?
Sandy: Yeah, we have three kids.
Dr. Laura: That is why we have to make changes -- so that the three kids have a peaceful home. And you can make the changes.
Sandy: We worked on it.
Dr. Laura: No. We didn't work on it. You didn't change.
Sandy: It is just hard.
Dr. Laura: So what, it's hard. This is about the lives of your three children. Don't tell me something is difficult to do when your three kids are depending on it. That should be incredible motivation for you to behave better in your marriage -- to treat your husband better in your marriage.
Sandy: Right.
To help her make some changes, I asked her to make a short list, right then and there while we were on air, of three reasonable things her husband wished she would do differently. She fought this tooth and nail. First, she supposedly didn't know what he'd want, then she complained about him, then she got sarcastic about his needs, then she exaggerated what she'd have to do. Whew! It was tough to get through the resistance to admit that any of his desires or requests were reasonable, much less show any willingness to give him something he wanted.
I explained to her that personal change was difficult, bitching about somebody else was easy. I persisted with my question, offering her the opportunity to make things better for herself and her children. Finally, she relented -- well, sort of -- you can still read the "edginess." Dr. Laura: What are three reasonable things you know would please him if you changed?
Sandy: If I took his opinion on things. If I listen to what he says and do it.
Dr. Laura: Okay. That seems fair for a marriage. What else? Sandy: He would like to see me accept him for the way he is without asking for any more.
Dr. Laura: Generally, I think that means he wants to feel appreciated for what he is and does.
Sandy: Right.
Dr. Laura: And, when you are constantly trying to change him or demand more or different, he reads that as though you don't approve and appreciate what he is offering and who he is. Remember, this is the man you picked. Okay? So he needs more appreciation. And, what is number three?
Sandy: To just let things slide off my back sometimes. He always says I am too perfect.
Dr. Laura: Okay. Be easier going.
Sandy: Right.
Dr. Laura: Here's your assignment. Do this for a few days and call me back. Number one is ask him for his opinion about something. Number two is show him some appreciation. Number three is if it really isn't important, let it pass because nobody likes to be jumped on all the time. Read them back to me please.
Sandy: Ask him his opinion. Show him appreciation. If it isn't real important, let it pass.
She did call back in a few days and was rather surprised that with seemingly small efforts she had helped to improve her husband's mood and behavior and lighten up the atmosphere in the home, all leading to her own peace of mind.
But that is what I keep telling women. Men are simple straight lines. Generally, unlike women, men do not have mercurial moods (like PMS) or hypersensitivity to interpersonal slights (when was the last time you heard a man complain about his father-in-law?). Men usually mean exactly what they say and don't speak in the more indirect style more typical of women. Also, men will typically suffer in silence long, long before they will complain or screech out in pain (isolation and alcohol abuse is where it shows), while women are more likely to use whining and complaining as a form of communication and even entertainment with their girlfriends. Men are simple. They know it. Women have to learn it if they expect to be truly happy with their man.
Kathryn, another of my listeners, confirms this:
"Men really are not as complicated as we think they should be. Men love to hear that their woman is happy and that they are the source of this happiness. Men deserve the same respect you would show a visitor in your home -- even more. Men love to be complimented. They also like to be admired. I always thank my husband for working so hard for us, and I encourage the kids to do so, too. Men are grumpy when they are tired and/or hungry. Anything they say while they are in either one of these states is not to be taken seriously. Men don't like it when women talk about them behind their backs. Men are not your 'daddies,' they are your contemporaries and get stressed and scared about things just like you do. And if you were a real friend, you would help ease their burdens, not add to them. Men have dreams, too, and it doesn't matter if it's logical or not, don't walk all over them.
This doesn't mean that we don't have problems -- everyone does -- but it's a lot easier to work them out with a man who knows you love and respect him."
I have been sadly amazed by the lack of understanding and appreciation so many women demonstrate for those basic facts. A recent caller to my radio program took the cake with her call. She is married for the second time and they both have children from prior marriages. She is working full-time and is involved in all sorts of activities. She called to complain about her "demanding" husband. It seems he was unhappy in his new marriage because his wife, my caller, was not spending time with him in or out of bed. She described an unbelievably hectic daily schedule, remarking that she just had too much on her plate to have time or energy or impulse to be intimate at all, much less physically intimate, with her new husband.
I immediately suggested that she take a cosmic spoon and dump stuff off her plate to make room for her new marriage, for her husband, for their relationship. She immediately came back with, "But shouldn't he just be understanding?" I almost flipped! He should be understanding about being ignored, about being at the bottom of her priority list? I responded, "Why should he agree to be a boarder in his own home, with no effort at all from you for a personal relationship? Why should he be sanguine about that? Why should he be sympathetic to your choice to exclude him from your life?" Her answer, so telling, was, "Ohhh. I didn't see it that way at all." I reiterated that she had to dump much of what was she was voluntarily allowing to hog up her plate and make room for him, or he was going to dump her off his plate, and that I wouldn't blame him much at all.
These calls are not aberrant. They reflect truly typical attitudes of a preponderance of women in today's America. Since Gloria Steinem wrote that "women need men like fish need bicycles," more than a generation of women have foolishly bought that destructive nonsense and have denigrated men, marriage, familial obligation, and motherhood -- all to their own detriment. Normal, healthy women yearn to be in love, married, and raising children with the man of their dreams. However, when their own mothers, much less society, tell them that they don't need men to be happy, or to raise children, and that their own children don't even need a mother raising them (day care will do), it's caused many women to lose the incentive and the ability to treat their personal lives with the love, dedication, sacrifice, compassion, and loyalty that will ultimately bring them happiness and a sense of purpose.
Sonya, a listener, echoes biblical scriptures with her note:
"And at the end of the day... roll over in bed, close your eyes, give him a big hug, and remember that without him, you are only a sorry excuse for a person, but as half of the team, you are invincible." In Genesis God said, "It is not good that man be alone; I will make him a helper corresponding to him. . . . Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and cling to his wife and they shall become one flesh." Contrary to what a good forty years of feminist propaganda has claimed, it is not oppression, subjugation, or abdication of any feminine quality-of-life potential to marry a man, be proud of your bonding, rejoice in your gifts and sacrifices for your marriage and family, and derive pleasure and sustenance from your role as a wife and mother.
Your attitude makes all the difference in the quality of your life. And your understanding of men and what they dearly need will make all the difference in the quality of your marriage.
Kathy wrote:
"I told my husband about the book you are working on and asked him what he thought men want. He said, 'That's simple. Lots of sex and no nagging. What's so hard about that?'"
It's not quite that simple, but Kathy's husband's tongue-in-cheek answer speaks to the truth that women have all the power in the world to determine the behavior of their men. This power is released when women practice the Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands.
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