LOVE LETTER: FOR YOU MY LOVE

FOR YOU MY LOVE YOU KNOW NOT THE DEPTH OF LOVE I HAVE INSIDE FOR WORDS CAN DEFINE, BUT NOT CAN THEY ALLOW YOU TO FEEL. YET MY LOVEM MY HEART WILL GO ON, MY SOUL WILL LIVE, MY WORDS UNFOLD. I HOLD THE LOVE INSIDE MY SOUL.......THERE IS NO OTHER WAY. FOR I AM NOT ALLOWED TO SHARE. I JUST FOLD MY HANDS, IMAGINE YOU KNOWING, PRAYING THAT ONE MOMENT WILL PASS THAT YOU WILL LOOK DEEPLY INTO MY EYES, AND SEE YOUR SOUL LOOKING BACK AT YOU, BEFORE YOU, YOU WOULD SEE YOURSELF, FOR I HOLD ALL THAT YOU ARE, BUT ONLY WHAT YOU HAVE ALLOWED ME TO SEE. YOUR KISS HAS BEEN ENGRAVED UPON MY LIPS AND YOUR TOUCH ON MY SKIN, AS IF NO ONE HAS EMBRACED ME BEFORE. ONLY YOU MY LOVE, ONLY YOU I LOVE. EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOT OF YOURSELF, YOU HAVE CERTAINLY BEEN THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. IT IS NOT JUST A GIFT, NOR IS IT INSECURITY. IT IS NOT WHAT YOU DO OR WHAT YOU DO NOT DO. IT ISNT EVEN WHAT YOU WISH YOU COULD DO. IT IS YOUR HUMBLE HEART AND YOUR HUMBLE SOUL. YOUR LOSSES, YOUR GAINS, THE FAITH THAT YOU HAVE LOST AND THE TEARS THAT YOU HAVE WEPT. YOUR FEARS, YOUR BELEIFS, YOUR STRENGTH, YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE....YOUR DISTANT EYES. ALL OF YOU MY LOVE, I LOVE. THE BRANCHES OF YOUR BEING, YOUR SORROW, YOUR PAIN. HOW I WISH I COULD BE YOUR MEDICINE TO SOOTH ALL THAT YOU CAN NOT CHANGE. I PRAY FOR YOU MY LOVE, FOR SOLITUDE AND PEACE WITHIN YOURSELF. A PICTURE OF PARADISE TO PONDER, A BREATHE FROM GODS WHISPER AND THE HOPE FOR THE NEXT SUNRISE IN WHICH YOU CAN FEEL THE WARMTH IN YOUR HAIR AND A GLOW ON YOUR FACE. I PRAY FOR A REFLECTION OF MY SOUL FOR YOU TO DREAM OF AND A CLOUD FOR YOU TO REST UPON, FOR SILENCE IN YOUR THOUGHTS, TO BREATHE CLEARLY WITH GODS WHISPER OF HOPE IN YOUR EAR. AN OPEN HEART TO LOVE ONCE AGAIN, EVEN FOR ANOTHER, IF THAT IS TO BE WHAT IS TO BE. I HOPE I HAVE SHARED ALL THAT I AM, EVEN IF IT SI JUST IN THESE WORDS. FOR MY LOVE FO RYOU IS UNMEASURABLE. AND FOREVER AND A DAY, YOU MY LOVE WILL HOLD THE DEEPEST PLACE WITHIN MY HEART. YET THE TRUTH OF WHAT IS HURTS, KNOWING THAT I MAY NEVER BE ABLE TO GIVE YOU ME IN ALL THE WAYS THAT I WISH TO. MOMENTS THAT WE KNEW, THE MANY OF FEW ARE TREASURED INMY HEART. IF ONLY YOU LISTENED TO ALL OF THESE WORDS, YOU STILL KNOW NOT, THE LOVE I HAVE FOR YOU....ALL MY LOVE,

LOVE: THE IDEAL RELATIONSHIP

A relationship is a natural, logical, and harmonious association. This happens when people WANT to be with each other and look forward to sharing goals, time, and activities together. Here are fun and easy ways to a loving Ideal Relationship.
1. Talk. Always in pleasant tones. No shouting or swearing at each other. Speak only positive words with gentleness and kindness. Communicate daily. This is the highest and most caring form of love.
2. Walk together more. Take 30 minutes a day. To exercise, communicate, release emotions, share ideas, goals, and to clear up any misunderstandings. It's okay to hold hands, too!
3. Do new and different activities together. Enjoy a new restaurant, a different dish, a concert, a unique vacation, attend a class together - something exciting both of you can plan and look forward to. Learn together and - you'll be happier.
4. Give each other gifts often. Like a magazine subscription, a special book, a warm bath and massage, flowers, surprise experiences, favorite foods, and the many other special things your mate would enjoy and get excited about.
5. Write love notes. Hide them around the home - in clothing, pockets, in the kitchen drawer and secret places. Send some to his or her working place. Write a passionate love letter. Express your love in writing on exquisite stationery. Attach a gift certificate or a crispy $100 bill. Use your imagination and make it a fun surprise. And do it often!
6. Do not criticize, condemn, or complain! This is a NO-NO. Only praise and acknowledge the goodness in each other. There is no place for negativity in a loving and lasting relationship ever! Your mate will do the right thing as you lead by example.
7. Achieve and maintain your ideal figure. It is a gift to yourself and your mate. A healthy and attractive body also promotes a healthy relationship.
8. Allow your partner to be responsible for his or her life. He or she has the right to determine his or her own reality and destiny. Always respect that choice. Both of you can live your lives in your own way - harmoniously. Treasure each other's differences. Do your very best to make life easier and more fun for your mate.
9. Grow together. At the same speed and direction - by sharing similar ideas and activities. This will bond you together even more while building on fond memories. (People who don't grow together will complete their relationship and move on to lead separate lives. This is why most divorce.)
10. Do not be possessive. Don't act as though you "own" your mate. Support, encourage each other's way of living and individual interests. Be grateful in harmony.
11. Treasure your time together. It could be your last. Look at it this way and you'll always appreciate each other even more. Have NO reason for regrets. Spend time with each other doing all the things you both love to do. Do it now! Tomorrow may not come. So together - plan now for the best in the rest of your lives.
12. It is okay to do whatever pleases both of you. In private, there are no limits what you can do together with each other, as long as both benefit and agree. Whatever other people think of what you do or say is none of your business! So, go ahead experiment and satisfy each other to the limit!

THOUGHTS: LIFE THROUGH MY EYES

Everyone see life in a different way.Life consist of the period when we are born to the period when we die. And all of us during this duration seek to find some meaning for this trip. Why am I here?

 I have search in books in people and in myself for my meaning in life and I haven't found it. I am looking for some knowledge or information that would give me some answer to my question of what is life all about. Are we all here to just suffer and learn? Are we all here to place some part in someone else life? Are we just to be here.

 You could work hard all your life and yet never achieve the things you really wanted to achieve. So many of us take jobs we hate, stay in relationships that are going nowhere. And we feel that we are stuck, there are no other option to take that can get us out. We feel cursed and sad. Many of us are sad and depress on how we turned out. It is a sad thing to realize that your dreams will never come true, it kills something inside of us.

 I am writing this book in a hope to understanding  myself. I am not in good term with myself. In fact, I sometimes hate the person I am. It seem I take things so personal, if something fails in my life I usually blame myself for the situation. I am indeed my worst enemy.

 In my search I have found that their are certain belief that we tell ourselves over and over again about things that make us unhappy. The goal of life is to have as many happy moment we can for the longest period of time. The following are some belief that I had about life in my search for the reason why I was so unhappy. I hope they will bring you some insight to your life as it did for me.



Chapter 1- EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEM

 Where do we beginning? Let us start in the beginning. You and I came about out of a union between a sperm and a egg. These two special cell unites and divides and keep on dividing for the rest of the cells' life. You started off as a period on that sentence you just finished reading. That union made you. Think about it! A small cell that develops into a human being capable of thinking, talking, loving, almost able to do almost anything. Sit outside in a park one day and just watch people. They come in all shape and all color and all different background. Each of them have their own life to deal with.So we all started out the same, so then what happen?
 Life happens. Life is hard. Life is hard for everyone. It does matter who you are, where you are from, or how much money you have. Life hits all of us. I used to believe that I was the only person who has problem. Listen to me. Everyone has problem. Don't be misled and believe that the guy next to who or the beautiful women you see on the street or the rich billionaire you see on television has no problem.
That there life is all roses. Let me tell you a secret--They have problem too, they suffer too, they cry too. Realize that you are not alone. The only people who don't have problems are the people who have died. The reason that you don't see it is that people do hide there problem from other. Everyone has their own problems and they don't want to hear your problems. Try it. Talk about how bad life is and the problem you have and you will see how quickly people will leave you alone.

 The degree of suffering a person has depends upon his or her life. Some people are lucky enough to be born in the United States,into a affluent family,go to the best college and have a head start in life. A large number aren't so lucky. They fell into a third world country, hoping just to find enough food for the day. Life isn't fair. A lot of life depends upon luck, or what some people call destiny.


 The first truth about life is: EVERYBODY HAS PROBLEM!!!EVERYBODY
               
 There is no perfect life. There is no perfect job. There is no perfect women or man. No one is perfect. Keeping reminding yourself over and over again or this. Don't be influence by T.V., mazingine, or anything related to the media. The media is not really.....the media is a world where everyone is beautiful, very one lives in a huge apartment or house, everybody wear a different clothes everyday, everyone life is exciting....and everything end Happy ever after. The really world is not like that.  Not everyone goes out every night...not every one has a different wardrobe for everyday of the year, and not everyone life is excting.....life is not like a soap opera. You have to wake up and smell the coffee. Accept life for what is it-----NOT PERFECT. Stop denying your problem and wishing them to go away. They will not. Usually Problem will never go away unless you to deal with them. In reality...there are no problem in this life ....problem are are crack in the path of life that gives us a opportunity to change. We are all pleasure and pain seeking animal. We run away from pain and move toward pleasure. If we didn't have problem....how many of would change our behavior.....not a lot. Most of us don't have the disciple to change our behavior internally. We need something external. We need something outside of yourself to punish us to wake us up and move us to a new direction. We are truly like Pavlov dogs.

 The knowledge that everybody has problem should make you feel that you are not alone. The person next to you have problem also. This should make you realize that their is nothing wrong with....it is OK to have problem and it is OK to not be prefect.

 The truth about problem is that the farther in life you go the more problem you have. I know from my own experience. The more repsonablity you have the more problem you will have. This is a direct proportion. The more money you make, the further in the ladder of success you go...you will realize that more people will depend upon you, more thing has to be done, and more problem you will have. There is such a myth out the that the more success you have the less problem you have.....don't believe that. It is not true. If you want to be success, you have to get ready to deal with more responsibility with your new position. You have to deal with problems.



_CHAPTER 2-STOP DEMANDING THAT YOU GET EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT

 One of the first thing we must get used to in this life is the concept that we will not get everything we want we want. You have to stop wishing things were different, stop wanting things to be different, and deal with the hand that was given. This is a easy concept to understand,but a hard concept to follow.

 I really wish that we live in a world that where if you are a good person and live by the rule, that life will treat you fair. Some people believe that since they are so good, then life should be good to them. And that just isn't so. People insist that events and people should treat them fair. Our compassion should be returned with generosity. We get upset and depress and even angry when we don't get our way when things don't go our way. The question to ask is why should it? What make you so special that other people that the world must do what you ask for. Are you God? Nobody gets everything they want out of life...nobody.

 You have to learn and constantly remind yourself that this is the type of world that we live in. Your kindness, goodheartness, and clean living will not be interchange for kindness, sucess, and a problem freed life.

 This is a hard belief to break,because we have been condition by our parent that if we act a certain way or be a certain way....we will be reward with what we desire. This is just not so.

 We all want things to go our way. I wish i had a billion dollars, i wish i was more handsome, i will my body was more build-up, i wish i was more intelligent, i wish i was Bill Gate and have his power and wealth. I wish i could see the world. I could go on and on with my wish list. The wish list is infinite as my imagination is. The question to ask is will i get my way....Will i get everything i every wanted?---The answer is no. Of all the things I want out of life....I will be lucky if i get a small fraction of it.

So...does that meant that i should be angry, i should be depress, and cry out to the world--"This is unfair....I deserve to get everything." How stupid does this sound...who do i think i am God. I am not God. And i must face the fact that in this life....i will not get everything that I want.

I must grow up and stop acting like a baby and get angry or depress when i don't get what i want. Stop believing that it is terrible to not to get everything you want. Stop Demanding life to be a certain way, stop going against the tide of life...but go with it.

 Life is unfair. You can't predict what will happen to you. Accept this. Life usually doesn't go the way you plan it sometime. Out of the blue something can come up that you have no control and can make you hurt. Or the opposite can happen also, something can pop up that can change your whole life for example like falling in love. The only thing that you can do is to do your best.

 It sometime surprise me that many people get upset when life does follow the way they have planned things to happen. Just because you are who you are doesn't mean that things must fall into place for you. That you deserve things to go your way. All you pain and hard work must mean for something. You are not God, and you are not different form everybody else on this planet. Just because you wish or want something, doesn't necessary mean that you should have it right now. Everything in life has a price tag. Nothing, and I mean Nothing comes for free that is worth having. You have to start growing up. There is no mother or father there that when you want something will just come over and give you what you want. We sometimes regress to our childhood behavior and it is not good for us.

 Do you want to know what suffering is? Why people feel so much despair and pain and hopelessness. Suffering comes in when you resist reality. When you resist life. You have a picture or belief in your mind of how life should be and when that collide with reality, you will suffer. You will feel pain. Your girlfriend left you for another man and you want her here. You lost your job and you believe that you not have been fired, that you desire to be working.  All of suffering is due to Denies.

  Life is suffering is one of the first noble truth in the Buddhist religion. There is no getting away from this.A parent may try to protect the child from suffering, but he or she will eventually will deal with suffering and Disappointment. To Deal with life is to deal with suffering.

 There is a more important purpose of suffering. Suffering is here to make us learn about life. Let's face it, most of us are security bond. We hate change. If bad things didn't happen to us we would not change. What I mean about change is that suffering makes us think out our life, our existence, makes us ask ourselves -why is this happening to me? What can I do about it? The pain makes us change in our behavior. The pain makes us see the world differently. the pain makes us question our values. Every turning point in our life is a question of making a decision based upon our values. Should I stay and give this relationship I have a change to really growth or should I take that new job in Boston which will open doors for me in my career later on?

This simple question is a test of our values and it is a painful decision to make because if you accept one you will lose the other. And both items are dear to our hearts. What would you do? Do you value security over love or do you value love over security? Not easy is it. Whatever decision you make it makes a statement about you and it forces you to learn something about yourself.

 All suffering is learning. Things happen to you,suffering happens to you for you to learn something about yourself or others or just life in general. There is meaning in every suffering. You have to look deep and hard for it. Sometimes we don't understand why things happen to us until months later or years later. Think about it, haven't you look back in your life and realize the suffering you experience wasn't so bad and if you didn't go through the circumstance you had to go through, you would be where you are now.

 Th law of change is a law that states nothing ever remain the same. We can take this in a good way or bad way.As human being, we have a bad habit of being comfortable. We pay it save most of your lives. We don't like risk because it takes us pass the safety ozone that we all of us have. People find comfort in their lives, they hate change. Any change is taken as a threat of one inner self. The law of change means nothing ever stays the same.

 The suffering you have now will not last forever. The unemployment you are experience will not last forever. The broken heart you have will heal. Nothing last forever. We must also look at the flip side of this because there are always two side to everything. The happiness you have now will not be the same, something in your life will make it not as happy as it is now. The car you drive, the clothes you were, the life you lead will not be there forever. One of the great equal of life is death. You will not live forever. This statement is so ever important. It means your life here on earth is limited. You only have a limited time to do all the things you ever want to do.  My friends, your time here is short as is mine. A lot of time we forget this, we think we have all the time in the world and we really don't. We don't do the thinks we think we should do because we think that there is always time. don't fool yourself in saying that to yourself. Time is so precious and we will talk about this in later chapter.

 My friend, don't be surprise of failure and suffering. It is surprising how people can't believe that  things happen to them, when things don't go the way you want. Expect disappointment in your life. And you many say to yourself many excuse why failure shouldn't happen to you.

Don't think that you are some special being or that because the things you have gone through in your past give you the right of having a easy life.  Remember rule one--Life is unfair.

 Without this law of change we human being will not grow. Without suffering forcing us to grow, we wouldn't.
Think about it, when thing are going great and everything is going according to plan,would you want to change anything including yourself in a fear that what you any change you make would lead you to the path of failure. When you are happy, you will not force yourself to change because  you have no reason to.

 B.F. Skinner's experiment in operate conditioning  with rats explain that without a pain stimulus or a pleasure stimulus we are not motive in learning anything.  Skinner's experiment, or sometimes called "Skinner's Box consist of the following:

 In this box was a hungry rat. Inside the box was a bar with a food dish beneath ti. every time the rat pulls the bar it get food. The food is used to reinforces the bar-pressing.

 The rats learns that when it is hungry that by pressing in the bar it will get food. But this also work the other way, if for example by pressing the bar it don't get the food but a small electric shock, what do you think the chance are for the rat to learn or associate the bar to pain and then hence keep away from it.

 In operate conditioning, the animal is the one which gives itself a stimuli to reward or punish for the response afterward. In life, it is pleasure or pain that comes upon us that makes us grow and learn and motives us to action.

We anything for two reason. Discomfort ans gratification are our motivating force in our personality. Each of us have different degree of each. We all have different pain threshold and pleasure threshold. It is different for everyone. What may be pleasure for someone may be punishment for another.



_CHAPTER 3-SETTING GOALS

 Things will happen to you that you have no control over. Does that mean that you should just accept things as they are and just suffer? Of course not, If that is to be true that no one would be happy. Are we not the masters of our fate? The answer to that question is a yes & no response. Let me explain.
 I believe in the luck/self-dertimation ratio. This ratio is always changing...never remains the same. Most of the time the ratio is like this:
   70%------self-determination
   30%------luck
 That mean that in a average day...you control about 70% of what happens to you. 30% of the things that happens you have no control at all----it could be bad luck or it could be good luck. Remember this also this ration can change with a drop of a hat. The ration can change to:
   80%-----luck
   20%-----self-determination.
 Beware of the luck factor in your life. recognize it, acknowledge it and thank god for it. Don't focus your mind on just one of these item...recognize both. Know the distinction between planning and luck.

LADY LUCKY
 In life situation....luck has an influence in your life that most want to believe. Don't ever be secure with life my friend...don't ever feel comfromatable. The luck factor can make you or break you without warning.
 You have to ignore what you have been taught as a child when things didn't go your way....you ascribes failure as something you did or fail to do. It wasn't all your fault, don't let disappointment get you down and depress. Don't get discourage and believe that there is something wrong with you, there is nothing wrong with you.
 Some of you many believe that their is a black cloud over your head and everything you touch or get near to just fail or that nothing you do ever turn out right. What you are experiencing is a bad luck run. Just like all lucky streak do come to an end, so does bad luck streak. You have to just wait it out. I know it is hard thing to believe. When i finish medical school... i didn't have a job set out once i finished my residency. I was out of work for over one year. I was so mad at myself that i didn't know that the medical field would make just a dramatic transformation from privates practice to HMO facility. I kept saying " Should have known...i should have been prepared" but i wasn't. I blame myself where i should have blamed luck. I got into the medical field at the wrong time in life. Something i had no control off.

 So you see even the best made plan can fail with a little bad luck. The randomness of luck can change your life forever. You are at the mercy of randomness. So the thing to do is to arrange yourself with good luck and avoid the bad.We must first begin with the deficaton of what luck is.

Luck is being at the right place at the right time. The key word is right place and right time. You have to position yourself at the right place. The right place meaning it the place where everything happen. Just like the lottery, you have to be it to win it. You have to be in a atomshperr where a lot to action or things happening. You can expect luck to find you if you stay at home and never go out. Thing don't happen when you just stay home....in fact nothing happen when you just stay home. You have to get involve with the outside world, get involve with committee and parties, any group that is somehow related to what you desire in life. This is important because most of the good luck that occurs to people occur through networking...with contact with other people. This doesn't mean that you have to be their best friend....you have to be a qautiance. Breaks and luck occur through a chain of link in people. You must join the link and let your close links know what you seek in your life. Just think about this....think of all the people who know right now and each of these individual know their own group of friend and the chains gets bigger and bigger. You let your circle of friend know what you want and the will tell their friend and so on and before you know it an event or chance opportunity come out. You must also develop a pleasing personality. Nobody like to help someone who ir rude and arrogant and selfish. Do you know that success is 15% technical skill and 85% personality. So the first rule is

 1-get out and make links
 So now you made your link what next? Cut your losses when bad streak occur. You must realize that streak both bad and good never last long. People had the habit of sticking with something however bad or wrong it because because if they stick with something long enough it will give. I am tell you that this is hogwash. If you are losing in a relationship, business or carreer, then get out of it. One of the hardest thing to do is to desert something you have put your worth,sweat,time and hard work into. But you must your losses. You must admit that you made a mistakes and forget about it and never turn back. But you know what a lot of people do....they stick with a bad hands and believe they are stick with it. Be it a relationship, or a job. They give up and don't see and solution to their bad hand. Leaving behind anything hurt...it will hurt you to the core. But you must let go of thing and events that are holding you down.

So the second rule to luck is:
  2-Cut your loses
 Always give yourself a time limit on thing. If things don't turn out the way you want them....you should pack up your bags and leave. If a good streak of luck doesn't not come your way before the time is up...pack up and go.

 Don't put binder on focus on just one thing...one goal.Do you want to know the truth.....most successful people became successful because they had a open mind. They made their billions based on taking a side road toward their goal. Nobody has a straight path to success because everyone is taking the same road they are taking....Successful people make their own roads....they take risks. Luck comes in many form and disguises and if you only have one focal tunnel vision...you will miss golden opportunity that comes you way

 Rule number three is:
 3-Risks
 You will not get anywhere if you don't risk. You have to go out on a limb to get anywhere in life. Fortune favors the bold. Play it safe and you will always live the life that everyone lives....no excitement or the chance to get ahead. There is no such thing as security in this world. Nothing outside of you can generate any security only you can....Prove it?....then right now just close your eyes and just imagine for a little while all your problem are gone...all your worries are gone...all your fear and anxiety of life is gone. What is it that you feel----you have just felt secure. You just spawn the feeling that you are seeking outside of yourself. You can even do this with the feeling of love.  Close your eyes and just imagine what it would feel to have someone love you... are you going it? Can you feel it? the warmth and safe, protective feeling of a love one. You have created this feeling of security and love even though you may not have a loving person right now or have the money that can end your worries. This prove the old say saying that everything you seek is within you. You generate they feeling of love and sadness, fear or security. This is why successful people are without fear...this is the reason why they generate themselves to act. They realize their is nothing to fear expect fear.

 Don't believe people when they say that the reason they are successful is because of their own doing only. Believe me luck has a lot to do with success. Bill Gates wouldn't be where they are now if first they didn't get the IBM contract, and second his partner-Paul Allen didn't  buy the DOS program from a settle software company that was used in the software for IBM computer.  John D. Rockefeller made his billion based on luck....he invested the little capital that he could save up with a Samuel Andrews into a new business of refining oil. Who knew what oil would be such a big things. And  Thomas John Watson, the man who founded IBM was at the right place at the right time.

 I know that everything that I have written  about luck goes against everything of the Worth Ethic. These are crazy times and they demand crazy action
So when things don't go your way.....don't get down on yourself. Don't get stuck and brag yourself, torment and punish yourself to hell. There is the luck factor in your life which you have no control of. The real problem is that people don't have self-determination. What i mean by that is they don't have a goal that they are working toward.

Goal Setting
 The purpose of goals is to give us a blue-print. The purpose of goals is to make you get up from your ass and start doing. It isn't wise to preplanned all of your life on a piece of paper. A goal should be used as a guide, if something better comes along, you should be ready to relinquish your old plan. Don't get trapped that once you written your goals, you can't change them...they are not written in stone. Don't ever forget the luck/self-dertination ratio. The next half of this chapter we will deal with making goals.

 I would like you to meet two friends of mine, David and John. David is an renounce, famous and wealth pianist, who is very talented. John is another individual who is an unknown, not so rich, but is almost equally talented pianist. The thing that is holding John down, who too should be successful is lack of desire. If you don't have desire..then what will make you get out of your bed and set out to the door. No desire means no action. The lack of action...the lack of desire is the reason why one person takes a path of failure and a person with the same type of ability will take the path of success.

 Sit down with yourself and decide what exactly is it that you want? Two out of hundred people in this society know exactly what they and these two are the one that are successful. If you don't believe me go and ask your friend and most liky they will say" I don't know".

 Most people go through life getting so little out of it. They let events occur to them, not so much by choice, but rather by chance. What I mean by that is they allow life to decide what it wants from them and things can cahge immediately if they decide what they want from life.
 If you don't have a goal, you do not know where you are going. You let situation,environment and events of life to guide you instead of you guiding it. you will merely drift. You will never be in the job or occupation you choose to be.
 You are on your voyage through life. You are on a boat on the stream of life, unless you tell the captain, which is you, where you want to go, you will forever drift. Never going anywhere,always on the same point that you have started. So many people wander aimlessly through life with no goals for themselves. They are drifters who go through the motion of living, never reaching their full potential.
 Decide now what you want from life. Decide now where you want to go. Tomorrow will be yours . But be sure that you will pick a goal that will motivate you. It must aspire you with great desire to achieve.

 In decdieng what your goals are, make sure it is your goal and not your parents, friends, or anyone, except yours. Don't become a lawyer if you don't want to be one, or anything sles at that matter. Because if you choose a gaol that is not what you want, the motivated force will not be there.

 Do what you want. DO something that you love to d. I have seen people who are in the job that their parent wanted them to be, only to find that they are unhappy and didn't like it. Make sure then , it is your goal nad you will save yourself a lot od time and discomfort. To be happy and to successful, do what you will love to do and nothing else beside that.

 

LOVE: TO LOVE IS GOOD

To love is good, too: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks, the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation. For this reason young people, who are beginners in everything, cannot yet know love: they have to learn it. With their whole being, with all their forces, gathered close about their lonely, timid, upward-beating heart, they must learn to love. But learning-time is always a long, secluded time, and so loving, for a long while ahead and far on into life, is--solitude, intensified and deepened loneness for him who loves. Love is at first not anything that means merging, giving over, and uniting with another (for what would a union be of something unclarified and unfinished, still subordinate--?), it is a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself for another's sake, it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things.

Of what is and what was

What are you thinking?

Confusion within my heart

Uncertain if your love for me is true

Is it love or just me wondering?

Tension builds up

Confused with feeling toward you

What did you say?

Forgot again?

Sadness builds up

Accumulated by feelings

Of what is and what was

Can you tell me?

Understand me

I love you without knowing

I care without wondering

Is it too late or is it too early?

What is it?

Friendship or relationship?

Controlling my feelings

Torture by my own thoughts

Unsure of what is true

Is it just a figure of my imagination?

Thought that you care

Thought that we were meant to be

Only my mind is always wondering

Can you please tell me and end all this torture

You know that I care

You know what to do

Please hold me to end all the curiousity

Of what is and what was

Loving you or hating you

Makes me so unclear

Tell me that you do not care

With all your might

Or tell me that I am just imagining

Of what is and what was

Thoughts of loneliness

Close out to the whole world

Only you have the strength

To open me up

For me to love once again

Dreaming of what is to happen

Knowing what is to continue

Torturing of my mind

Tearing of my heart

Pain in my soul

Of what is and what was

THOUGHTS: COINCIDENCE

Coincidence does not describe luck or mistakes. It describe that which fit together perfectly. You're looking for a vibrational match-up of your imagination and the universal energy. Scan back over the events that led up to you here. How did you get here? Think about it. Where are the destiny dots-those chance intersections of the trajectories of the people and events? If just one of those dots were eliminated, where would you be? I believe ever coincidence is a message, a clue about a particular facet of our lives that requires our attention. The question is will you surrender to it? Surrender requires a leap of faith, a jump into the unknown. Coincidences are messages. They are clues from God urging you to break out of , your familiar patterns of thinking's. They are offering you an opportunity to enter a domain of awareness where you feel loved and cared for by the universe. To talk about coincidences as coded messages from the universe make life sound like a mystery novel. Pay attention, watch for clues...like the coincidences of you reading my words, decipher the meaning and eventually the truth will be revealed. After all, life is the ultimate mystery. What makes life mysterious is the our destiny seems hidden from us, and only at the end of our lives will we be in a positions to look back and see the path we followed. How would if feel if we look back on our lives together...you and me. In retrospect, the narrative of our lives appears perfectly logical. You had to be here right now to read my words, email me, talk to me on the phone and finally met me. We can easily follow the thread of continuity upon which we gathered our life's experience. Even now, at whatever point you are in your life, look back and notice how naturally your life flowed from one milestones to the next, from one place or job to another, from one set of circumstance to an entirely different set. Notice how effortless it all could have been if you had only known where your path was leading. Most people look back and ask What was I so worried about? Why was I so hard on myself? Why didn't I trust. Every decision you make cause something to happen. Sometimes it happens right away. Sometimes it takes a while. Either way, you choose. Even a choice that seems unimportant, like going to the grocery store or not, creates one future and prevents you from experiencing others. If you go to the grocery store, you might meet someone who will become important to you. If you decide not to go, you might gone online and saw an ad that changes your life.(which is mine) The sum total of the universe is conspiring to create your personal destiny....how else can you explain you being here reading my words? If we look at all the disparate incidents in our lives very deeply, they all have a history woven together with a personal destiny. We cannot even imagine the complex forces behind every event that occurs in our lives. There's a conspiracy of coincidences that weaves the web of karma or destiny and creates an individuals personal life---mine or yours. Very often we fall into ruts in our lives, we maintain the same routines and act in the same manner predictably day after day after day. We set our minds on a certain course of action, and simply proceed. How can miracles happen if we march mindlessly, unthinking and unaware, through our lives? Coincidences are like road flares, calling our attention to something important in our lives, glimpse of what goes on beyond everyday distractions. TODAY is one for those days.

LOVE: THE MOMENT WE BEGIN TO SEEK LOVE, LOVE BEINGS TO SEEK US

All of us have had this experience. At some point, we have each said through our tears, “I’m suffering for a love that’s not worth it.” We suffer because we feel we are giving more than we receive. We suffer because our love is going unrecognized. We suffer because we are unable to impose our own rules.
But ultimately there is no good reason for our suffering, for in every love lies the seed of our growth. The more we love, the closer we come to spiritual experience. Those who are truly enlightened, those whose souls are illuminated by love, have been able to overcome all of the inhibitions and preconceptions of their era. They have been able to sing, to laugh, and to pray out loud; they have danced and shared what Saint Paul called “the madness of saintliness.” They have been joyful—because those who love conquer the world and have no fear of loss. True love is an act of total surrender.

Perhaps love makes us old before our time—or young, if youth has passed. But how can I not recall those moments? That is why I write—to try to turn sadness into longing, solitude into remembrance.

All love stories are the same.
You have to take risks, he said. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.
…
Pitiful is the person who is afraid of taking risks. Perhaps this person will never be disappointed or disillusioned; perhaps she wont’ suffer the way people do when they have a dream to follow. But when that person looks back—and at some point everyone looks back—she will hear her heart saying, “What have you done with the miracles that God planted in your days? What have you done with the talents God bestowed on you? You buried yourself in a cave because you were fearful of losing those talents. So this is your heritage: the certainty that you wasted your life.”

Pitiful are the people who must realize this. Because when they are finally able to believe in miracles, their life’s magic moments will have already passed them by.

But love is much like a dam: if you allow a tiny crack to form through which only a trickle of water can pass, that trickle will quickly bring down the whole structure, and soon no one will be able to control the force of the current.

For when those walls come down, then loves takes over, and it no longer matters what is possible or impossible; it doesn’t even matter whether we can keep the loved one at our side. To love is to lose control.

Love is a trap. When it appears, we see only its light, not its shadows.
Ridiculous, I thought to myself. There’s nothing deeper than love. In fairy tales, the princesses kiss the frogs, and the frogs become princes. In real life, the princesses kiss princes, and the princes turn into frogs.
All this was so new to me. Life takes us by surprise and orders us to move toward the unknown—even when we don’t want to and when we think we don’t need to.

 Because I had fought with my heart and defeated it long ago. I was certainly not going to become passionate about something that was impossible. I knew my limits; I knew how much suffering I could bear.

I am just like everyone else who listens to their heart: a person who is enchanted by the mystery of life. Who is open to miracles, who experiences joy and enthusiasm for what they do. It’s just that the Other, afraid of disappointment, kept me from taking action. But there is suffering in life, And there are defeats. No one can avoid them. But it’s better to lose some of the battles in the struggle for your dreams than to be defeated without ever even knowing what you’re fighting for.

Yes, my mind was wandering. I wished I were there with someone who could bring peace to my heart—someone with whom I could spend a little time without being afraid that I would lose her the next day. With that reassurance, the time would pass more slowly. We could be silent for a while because we’d know we had the rest of our lives together for conversation. I wouldn’t have to worry about serious matters, about difficult decisions and hard words.

I began to imagine how I would like to be living right at that moment. I wanted to be happy, curious, joyful—living every moment intensely, drinking the water of life thirstily. Believing again in my dreams. Able to fight for what I wanted.

Loving a woman who loved me.
But love is always new. Regardless of whether we love once, twice, or a dozen times in our life, we always face a brand-new situation. Love can consign us to hell or to paradise, but it always takes us somewhere. We simply have to accept it, because it is what nourishes our existence. If we reject it, we die of hunger, because we lack the courage to stretch out a hand and pluck the fruit from the branches of the tree of life. We have to take love where we find it, even if that means hours, days, weeks of disappointment and sadness.

The moment we begin to seek love, love beings to seek us.

And to save us.

I also knew that from this moment on I was going to experience heaven and hell, joy and pain, dreams and hopelessness; that I would no longer be capable of containing the winds that blew from the hidden corners of my soul. I knew that from this moment on love would be my guide—and that it had waited to lead me ever since childhood, when I had felt love for the first time. The truth is, I had never forgotten love, even when it had deemed me unworthy of fighting for it. But love had been difficult, and I had been reluctant to cross its frontiers.

The mysteries of life fascinated me, and I wanted to understand them better. I looked for signs that would tell me that someone knew something. And finally I discovered what I was looking for: that truth resides where there is faith.

Truth resides where there is faith! I looked around again at the interior of the church—the worn stones, fallen and replaced so many times. What had made human beings so insistent? What had caused them to work so hard at rebuilding this small temple in such a remote spot, hidden in the mountains?

Faith.

If pain must come, may it come quickly. Because I have a life to live, and I need to live it in the best way possible. If he has to make a choice, may he make it now. Then I will either wait for her or forget her.

Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.
Try, I said to myself. All you have to do is open your mouth and have the courage to say things you don’t understand. Try!

Simply having the courage to say senseless things made me euphoric. I was free, with no need to seek or to give explanations for what I was doing. This freedom lifted me to the heavens—where a greater love, one that forgives everything and never allows you to feel abandoned, once again enveloped me.

Love doesn’t ask many questions, because if we stop to think we become fearful. It’s an inexplicable fear; it’s difficult even to describe it. Maybe it’s the fear of being scorned, of not being accepted, or of breaking the spell. It’s ridiculous, but that’s the way it is. That’s why you don’t ask—you act. As you’ve said many times, you have to take risks.

I will not talk to my own darkness anymore, I promised myself, closing the door on the Other. A fall from the third floor hurts as much as a fall from the hundredth.

If I have to fall, may it be from a high place.

Our parents taught us to be careful with glasses and with our bodies. They taught us that the passions of childhood are impossible, that we should not flee from priests, that people cannot perform miracles, and that no one leaves on a journey without knowing where they are going.
Break the glass, please—and free us from all these damned rules, from needing to find an explanation for everything, from doing only what others approve of.
 

I had stood, seized her hair in my hands, and was kissing her.  I clutched at her hair, too, and squeezed her with all my strength, biting her lips and feeling her tongue move in my mouth. This was the kiss I had waited for so long—a kiss born by the rivers of our childhood, when we didn’t yet know what love meant. A kiss that had been suspended in the air as we grew, that had traveled the world in the souvenir of a medal, and that had remained hidden behind piles of books. A kiss that had been lost so many times and now was found. In the moment of that kiss were years of searching, disillusionment, and impossible dreams. I kissed her hard; the few people there in the bar must have been thinking that all they were seeing was just a kiss. They didn’t know that this kiss stood for my whole life—and his life, as well. The life of anyone who has waited, dreamed, and searched for their true path. The moment of that kiss contained every happy moment I had ever lived. 

Why had I done that? I could think of no explanation. Maybe because I had been too lazy to think of other avenues to follow. Maybe because I had been afraid of what others would think. Maybe because it was hard work to be different. Perhaps because a human being is condemned to repeat the steps taken by the previous generation until—and I was thinking of the padre—a certain number of people begin to behave in a different fashion.

Then the world changes, and we change with it.

But I didn’t want to be that way anymore. Fate had returned to me what had been mine and now offered me the chance to change myself and the world.
Every person on earth has a gift in some, the gift manifests itself spontaneously; others have to work to discover what it is. The path of the Goddess can only be opened through words and miracles. But that’s not the way the world works. It’s going to be very hard—tears, lack of understanding, suffering. “The path isn’t about pain; it’s about the glory of serving Most human beings still cannot trust love.

But how to explain suffering  It’s not explainable. With that kind of suffering, a person feels as if they’re in hell, because there is no nobility, no greatness—only misery. Life existed before we were born and will continue to exist after we leave this world. My eyes filled with tears.It’s the same with love,,,It existed before and will go on forever.

All love stories have much in common. I went through the same thing at one point in my life. But that’s not what I remember. What I remember is that love returned in the form of another woman, new hopes, and new dreams. Write down everything you’re feeling. Take it out of your soul, put it on the paper, and then throw it away. Legend says that the River Piedra is so cold that anything that falls into it—leaves, insects, the feathers of birds—is turned to stone. Maybe if t would be a good idea to turn your suffering into its waters. and I guess this is why i write in my blog...to get this feeling out

The energy of hate will take you nowhere, but the energy of pardon which manifests itself through love will manage to change your life in a positive sense.

LOVE: THE WALLS WE HAVE

There’s a theme I see in a lot of these cases. Walls. Barriers. Rules. Contempt. Criticism. Complaints. They are all used to decrease intimacy across the board. It’s all used to push those who want to be close away. ED issues, major weight issues, hobbies that put distance, health and hygiene, physically pushing away, shifting the goal posts, blaming, not managing addictions, picking fights, physical ailments/pain, depression and other conditions they won’t treat, putting children in the marital bed, having affairs of the heart or mind, body dysmorphia, prioritizing children over the relationship that created them, passive aggression, manipulation, excessive use of **** – they all put up barriers and discourage or eliminate the possibility that someone will love them wholly and fully. They block intimacy all over the place. If you were to really look at their other relationships in life, I think you would see they block intimacy in friendships and family relationships as well. They might even love us as much as they possibly can but it does not begin to meet the needs for intimacy sexually or otherwise.

The hardest part of intimacy is the long term feeling safe enough and choosing to keep coming back to the same person and trusting yourself and them enough to just nestle in vulnerably, physically and emotionally being naked and real. It has to be mutual. When one is pushing away or setting up barriers or saying they are too busy, too tired or hurt too much or seeing you as too demanding, time consuming, having expectations that are too high sexually or otherwise… disconnect begins. When one partner starts to push back and try to regain control because the depth of intimacy is uncomfortable while the other one was happy with it or desired more, then the disconnect grows.

As the one who seems to more often than not be on the desiring end of that intimate expression or the waiting end, I know that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when the intimacy seems to feel different. Less real, less honest and less whole. I know when something feels wrong. The process after that if the other partner won’t re-engage is simply painful and sad. It’s almost predictable for me at this point though.

I’m not only going to have to end up with someone emotionally healthy and mature, but they are going to have to be VERY much so. Off the charts. Anything else results in this dance I never asked to learn. But I have seen the choreographed steps often enough now to know it’s not a rhythm I like. I’ve even been uncomfortably led around the dance floor to this dance a time or five. Some of the men doing the leading I really wanted to be dancing with and I tried to match them without losing my own style. In fact, I really wanted to dance with each of them so much that I probably matched them more than I should have. But the rhythm was just at some point no longer right, back and forth.

FAN: A FAN WHO SUBMIT TO HER HUSBAND

I do submit completely to my husband. I have an awesome marriage. I couldn't't be happier. He loves me and would never ask me to do something that would be wrong or hurt me. On the day I made my wedding vows I surrendered myself to his will. I promised to love, honor and obey him. My marriage is still young and I am still learning the best ways to fulfill my vows. But one thing I have learned is that submission is key to a good marriage.

He is the man of the house and I am his woman. He makes me feel loved, protected and cherished. I know he would do anything for me and I would do anything for him.

I would hate it if he did not allow me to submit to him. I have discovered that my submission makes me feel feminine and complete. I don't know why...maybe its because this is my destiny? This is how its supposed to be?

My marriage is like a beautiful, harmonious dance. He leads and I follow. There is never tension or disharmony. I see so many unhappy women. They scoff at my desire to please my husband. I cook and clean...I keep myself pretty and available for his pleasure. They laugh at me and call me old fashion. But, why am I the happy one and they are the ones who spend our lunches bitching about their men?

What does obeying my husband mean on a daily basis? Well here are a couple examples...

1- I call him and ask if its OK when I want to buy something not usually in the budget. He keeps track of our income and so he knows what we can afford. He usually says yes, but if he says no, he explains why. (And I usually get a surprise present later when we CAN afford it)

2- I ask him when I want to have friends over or go out with my girl friends. He rarely says no. He loves that I ask him...It makes him want to make me happy.

3-He knows he can always have me whenever, wherever. I obey his sexual desires. How horrible, right? I have to have sex all the time! What woman wants to *** more then once a day?? (That was sarcasm in case you didn't catch it LOL)

4-I never argue with him in front of others! (I hate seeing wives being shrewish in public! It emasculates their men) I almost never argue even in private...and If I behave badly, I apologize and usually give him my best blow job with him standing and me kneeling...I like doing this because it helps put me in a submissive mind set and it turns me on a lot!

If I disagree with him I will quietly and privately let him know what my opinion is. If I present my thoughts logically and am respectful of his opinion, he generally takes my opinion into consideration. If he does not...I submit to him and he appreciates me all the more for it.

5-He likes my nails done so I try to keep them manicured and painted. My girlfriends even scoff at this small effort on my part to please...Even though they usually do the same thing anyway. Its as if because my husband asks me to, I now suddenly shouldn't as a matter of principal...I really do not understand this obstinate nature many of my girlfriends have!

So my point is that submitting doesn't make me a slave, It simply creates harmony. I obey him of my own free will and he accepts my gift of submission and never makes unreasonable demands. He knows I would do anything he requests so he is all the more considerate of me. Does that make sense? (even if he did make unreasonable demands I wouldn't't break my rule. It is my chosen lifestyle...complete submission to my husband. I have seen many failed or miserable marriages and a few good ones...The good ones always have a wife who honors and respects her husband and she always submits to some degree. I want a good marriage.)

To sum up my views on how a woman should behave in marriage. Respect, Honor and Obey. Keep the home clean and cook healthy, wholesome food he will enjoy, Keep yourself neat and presentable. You reflect your husbands character and he should always be proud to present you to friends and co-workers. Be available and enthusiastic sexually. Teach your children to respect and obey their father as their protector and provider.

I have a wonderful husband who deserves my submission. And I have noticed that the more respect I show him the harder he works to earn my trust and confidence. What more could I ask for?

Everyday I feel cherished and loved. I feel feminine and I revel in my femininity. I take pride and joy in my husbands masculinity. I submit and I love submitting. I am protected. I am loved. I am perfectly content.





My Opinion:


What you said about creating a safe, loving environment is key to a healthy d/s or taken in hand relationship. Remember that you are taking on a great responsibility. Your stewardship of your wife’s emotional health and well-being requires you to be vigilant, never take your position as the HoH lightly and never be negligent. With power comes responsibility and the more power you have the greater your responsibility is. I think it’s important to demand a certain level of respect while taking your wife's feelings and opinions into consideration. For instance, if you tell her no then tell her why, but not in a way that sounds like you are defending yourself; tell her in a way that conveys confidence in your decision. Gentle and firm is the best way to take control. Anger is your worst enemy. If she can make you angry then she has that much power over you AND she probably secretly despises the anger as a sign of weakness. If you cannot control your own emotions and responses to her actions than how can she trust you to control hers? If your wife is stubborn, brainwashed by today's "feminists," or if you just feel she will not be receptive to the idea of submitting due to a misunderstanding of what it means then I would suggest starting in the bedroom. Take small steps. Be dominating in bed. It will bleed into your everyday life. Most women I have spoken with wanted to “try the submission thing” in the bedroom. They wanted that primal feeling of being “taken” claimed, or marked as their man’s. Then after the novelty of this new game wore off they wanted to take it further. They slowly get further and further into this new, intoxicating world (that is actually far more natural then they realize considering that for thousands of years most women were submissive to their men) and now are living an intirley D/S lifestyle and loving every minute of it (or at least most of the time... nobody’s perfect of course) I think most women want to submit and will do so if given an opportunity. So often, however, our brains get in the way screaming protests involving "evil male dominance" and "losing our true identity” and so on. It's hard to ignore these voices since that rubbish is what woman have been spoon fed since kids. Best advice I can think of is be consistent, be strong, if you mess up admit it to her. Just take control. Tell her yes or no. Tell her what you want and be sure you are clear. If she does not submit then I would suggest straight out telling her you except to be obeyed and there will be consequences for disobedience. Most important; make sure you are the sort of man who deserves the absolute trust that true submission requires. Don’t abuse your powers.

SPIRITUAL: DON'T BE SO SPECIFIC

You've probably heard it said that you should be very specific when it comes to asking the universe for what you want because the universe can't deliver on vague intentions.  This is true, but it is also possible to get TOO specific - and end up creating blockages for yourself.

Being too specific does not limit the universe; it limits YOU by creating a preconceived notion in your mind.  If your desired object or experience doesn't fit your preconceived notion, you'll block it!

But what if the universe has something even BETTER to send your way?  What if this better thing would make you even happier than what you originally intended to receive?  You don't want to limit yourself that way.  Instead, it's better to remain open to the infinite ways the universe can delight and surprise you!

 

DEFINITELY BE SPECIFIC ABOUT:

The Object or Experience You Want to Attract

This is most often what people mean when they tell you to "be specific" with your intentions.  You want to come up with as many details as you can about the things you want to attract.  For example, if you want to meet your soul mate you could make a detailed list of qualities that you want him or her to have.  "Great sense of humor; kind and compassionate; successful and motivated; respectful and considerate, attractive and fit;" etc.

The Essence or Quality You're After

Once you've gotten clear on exactly what you want, consider WHY you want it.  What essence or quality will this thing give you?  Will you feel more loved, secure, happy, peaceful, connected, abundant, or . . .?  Knowing WHY you want something can help you get even more specific about its features and benefits - which only ensures that you're asking for something that will truly satisfy you!  With every desire or intention, complete this statement:

"I want ______ because I believe it will make me feel ______."

Take your time with this exercise and be sure you're asking for something that will satisfy your true needs and wants.

The Ways it Will Change Your Life

Also be clear about the changes your intentions will create in your life and be sure you're asking for something that will create the changes you want.  For example, if you ask for a partner that is active and successful, consider whether such a partner would be a good match for you.  Are you active and fit too?  Are you successful and motivated too?  Are you the type of person your soul mate would be attracted to?  If your current life circumstances don't correspond with what you're asking for, the arrival of your desires are likely to create conflict instead of happiness.

AVOID BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT:

The Form Your Desire Takes

While it's good to be specific about the qualities and characteristics your desire has, you want to avoid any specifics that would limit the results you can receive.  For example, saying, "I want my soul mate to be 6' 4" tall, have medium-brown hair, light green eyes and a successful career as a motivational speaker" would be somewhat limiting.  What if the universe knows a great guy that almost fits that description - except that his eyes are blue?  Would you turn him away because he has blue eyes?

It's not that you can't give specifics about appearances and other qualities.  You can.  BUT - be sure you have a reason for wanting those specific things if you ask for them.  If you have always been turned off by men with blue eyes, then okay, ask for a guy with green eyes or brown eyes.  Just be willing to wait a bit longer for him if necessary.  ;-)

Another area people tend to do this with is money.  There's nothing wrong with asking for a million dollars if you have a clear reason for wanting that exact sum.  But if you're asking for a million dollars because you want to "feel like you have plenty of money," or so you'll "never be broke again," you could accomplish both of those objectives with other sums of money.  What if the universe wants to send you smaller sums more often, like an extra $50,000 a year for the rest of your life?  Would you refuse it because it's not a million?

Your job is to get clear about the object or experience you want, the essence or quality it will provide for you - and then let the universe decide what form it will take!  This requires releasing control, which isn't always easy to do, but more often than not the universe will choose a form that absolutely thrills and delights you - FAR beyond anything you could have thought up yourself. 

The Way it Comes into Your Life

This is another area where you want to avoid being too rigid.  You may decide that meeting your soul mate is more likely to happen at a singles function, but what if the universe decides to arrange a chance meeting in the produce section of your local supermarket instead?  Worse, what if you feel a nudge to visit the supermarket at that exact moment but decide not to because you're hooked on the idea of falling in love on a dance floor?

Rather than trying to control "how" your desire enters your life, be willing to let the universe handle it for you.    

Once again, this applies to money (and everything else) too!  Saying, "I want to win ten million dollars in the lottery" is like telling the universe, "I just don't believe that a large amount of money could come to me in any other way, so don't send it unless it comes through a lottery win."  The universe will always honor your beliefs, so you'll block the abundance that could be flowing madly into your life in thousands of other ways!

The Timing in Which it Arrives

Finally, as much as we'd like to be in control of WHEN something arrives in our lives, it can often be better to let the universe handle that too.  If you have a specific reason for wanting something by a certain date then okay, ask for it.  However, if your "specific reason" for wanting it by a certain date is that you simply won't feel happy or content without it - you'll be injecting an element of "need" into your intention, and you'll delay its arrival.  Remember, one of the most powerful things you can do to attract your desires is get into the FEELING PLACE of already having them!  Impatience always causes delays!  Simply let go and let the universe work on your behalf, and you'll almost always be pleasantly surprised by the result.

---

LOVE: THE STORY OF LOVE

What would it say about me if I was willing to marry someone who I know is in love with someone else? It would say that I don’t think that I deserve to have the real thing. And that’s not good enough for me—not anymore. I can’t settle for marrying someone who thinks of me as a second choice. Someone who’s on the rebound. Someone who, I’m always wondering if they’re thinking about another man when they’re making love to me. If every time you close your eyes, you’re fantasizing about the other guy. I just don’t think I deserve that. I’m a smart, strong, attractive man,and I deserve to be with a woman who thinks of me as her first choice. I wanna be with a woman who loves me as much as I love her. A woman who only wants me. And if I can’t have that, I would rather be single. I would rather spend the rest of my life alone. And I’ll be happier. Because I’ll know that I didn’t settle for less than I deserve.



Cheek by cheek on our pillows, we promised to love until green mountains fall,and iron floats on the river,and the Yellow River itself runs dry;to love until Orion rises in the day and the north star wanders south. We promised undying love until the sun at midnight burns the sky.

In the loving calm of your arms: “the gesture of the amorous embrace seems to fulfill, for a time, the subject’s dream of total union with the loved being”—Besides intercourse, there is that other embrace, which is a motionless cradling: we are enchanted, bewitched; we are in the realm of sleep, without sleeping; everything is suspended: time, law, prohibition; nothing is exhausted, nothing is wanted; all desires are abolished for they seem definitively fulfilled.

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. You would not believe it; I sat at the table with my family, with my father saying grace, then solemnly passing the bowls of corn, of beans, the heavy platter of turkey and dressing. I filled my plate and lifted my fork to my mouth, but no matter what I put in, it wasn't what I tasted, not the creamed potatoes, not the smooth brown crust of bread. It was you my mouth remembered, the familiar musk of your sex, its smooth heat, its quick fullness. My mind was a reel flashing pictures inside my skull, and there was no detail missing. I sat like a drunk trying to act sober. I chewed and swallowed while in my thoughts I knelt; I gave thanks for you.

My sexuality stems from an emotional connection so someone’s soul. You don’t have to make a gender choice and stick with it. The naked promise in a glance, the electricity in a touch, the delicious heat in a kiss…I would like to watch you sleeping,  I would like to sleep with you, to enter your sleep as its smooth dark wave slides over my head and walk with you through that lucent wavering forest of bluegreen leaves with its watery sun & three moons towards the cave where you must descend, towards your worst fear.  I would like to give you the silver branch, the small white flower, the one word that will protect you from the grief at the center of your dream, from the grief at the center. I would like to follow you up the long stairway again & become the boat that would row you back carefully, a flame in two cupped hands to where your body lies beside me, and you enter it as easily as breathing in I would like to be the air that inhabits you for a moment only. I would like to be that unnoticed & that unnecessary.



Civilized people cannot fully satisfy their sexual instinct without love.Finally the only one I want to caress is you.You watch the changing light across the sky. I watch your eyes.You know, when sex is good, when it’s really, really good, I feel as though I’m disappearing, being pulverized, being fucked into oblivion, so that I’m nothing, just particles of air pollution, debris, smog, particles of soot and skin floating through the air and settling on the city. Nobody makes love. Love either happens or it doesn’t. And if it’s just a euphemism for fucking the arse off someone, then what’s that all about? Why can’t we be more honest, more graphic about our animal urges? Let’s drop all the crap, we thought. We all fuck, we all like it, so why wrap it up in tissue paper and call it making love? Real love always has something hidden—some loss or boredom or tiny hate that we would never tell a soul. Those among you who have been rejected or ignored, you’ll know what I mean. Because when she comes to you at last, though joy may burst in wet seeds inside you, still there’s a bitterness that it took so long. Why did she wait? You can never quite forgive. The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.

Don’t think that I belong to that vulgar race of men who feel disgust after pleasure, and for whom love exists only as lust. No: in me, what rises doesn’t subside so quickly. Moss grows on the castles of my heart as soon as they are built; but it takes some time for them to fall into ruin, if they ever completely do.Talking about the chemical changes that make a body in love shine, or even, for months, immune to illness, you pick a grub from the lawn and let it lie on your palm-glowing like the emerald-burning butt of a cigarette. Love begets love. This torment is my joy. Love is an attempt at penetrating another being, but it can only succeed if the surrender is mutual.

Why…do we so crave romantic love as if it were our destiny—our private, secret, individual fate? As if romantic love, yes let’s be candid and call it sexual love, the real thing, might define us in a way nothing else (our families, our hard-won careers) can define us. The hours I spend with you I look upon as a sort of perfumed garden, a dim twilight, and a fountain singing to it…you and you alone make me feel that I am alive…I kiss your hands and kneel before you…to assure you that my whole mind, all the breadth of my spirit, all my heart exist only to love you. I adore you… So beautiful, so perfect, so made to be cherished, adored, and loved to death and madness. To love is to take the greatest risk of all. It is to give one’s future and one’s happiness into another’s hands. It is to allow oneself to trust without reserve. It is to accept vulnerability. And thus I love you. –Helen Thomson

Erotic love. Deep sexual pleasure. Those sensations you can’t speak of without sounding absurd and so you don’t speak of them at all until at last you cease to experience them and in time you can’t believe that others experience them, you can only react with derision. You’re anesthetized.

And when he came into her, with an intensification of relief and consummation that was pure peace to him, still she was waiting. She felt herself a little left out. And she knew, partly it was her own fault. She willed herself into this separateness. Now perhaps she was condemned to it. She lay still, feeling his motion within her, his deep-sunk intentness, the sudden quiver of him at the springing of his seed, then the slow-subsiding thrust.and the butting of his haunches seemed ridiculous to her, and the sort of anxiety of his penis to come to its little evacuating crisis seemed farcical. Yes, this was love, this ridiculous bouncing of the buttocks, and the wilting of the poor, insignificant, moist little penis. This was the divine love! After all, the moderns were right when they felt contempt for the performance; for it was a performance. It was quite true, as some poets said, that the God who created man must have had a sinister sense of humor, creating him a reasonable being, yet forcing him to take this ridiculous posture, and driving him with blind craving for this ridiculous performance.

I am crying about the elusive nature of love, the impossibility of ever having someone so completely that he can fill up the hole,  I understand why people sometimes want to kill their lovers, eat their lovers, inhale the ashes of their dead lovers. I understand that this is the only way to possess another person with the kind of desperate longing. Come, let us hide closer to each other,
life lies in all our hearts as in coffins.You! Let us kiss deeply…Between love and madness lies obsession.I prefer an ecstatic orgasm to a lot of angst.Love is a fire. But whether it’s going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell. When you love someone all your saved-up wishes start coming out. To love is to receive a glimpse of heaven. Remember your loves by keeping their spirit alive in you and you will not need sadness. Idolize them only a little. Make peace with their devils, and you will do the same with yours. All will collect dust together.


FALLING IN LOVE IN SIX ACTS

A passion play

(Or what happens when you fall down that long well of passion over a person, a place, a sport, a game, a belief, and your heart goes boom and your mind leaves town.)

Act I: LUST

(I think I love you. Who are you anyway?)

Here it is, the big “wow,” the big “gee,” the big “yesyesyes” you’ve been waiting for. This is where you find something or someone and believe they are better, greater, cuter, wiser, more wonderful than anything you have ever known.

Lust isn’t a sin, it’s a necessity, for with lust as our guide we imagine our bodies moving the way our bodies were meant to move: we can do marathons with our feet, lift pounds with our arms, have stars in our eyes and do a nifty tango. And you think:

I have no need of food, I have no need of sleep, I have no needs other than occasionally chewing a breath mint. You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, probably because you haven’t happened to me yet. Now I can pass into the next Act, so poetically called:

Act II: EUPHORIA

(Or: Oh Yippee, you’re mine.)

You feel funny inside. You feel funny outside. You feel you could do anything and no one would dare laugh at you.

This love, you will treasure. You will not put it in the basement next to your rowing machine, treadmill, and thermal body sweat wrap. And you will not take this love for granted, because this is the biggest sin of all. And you say:

I feel so good, I feel so strong. I feel actually attractive and I could learn to live with that feeling. Oh let us sing and dance and eat brown mushy foods low in fat! Oh joy! Oh rapture!

Oh but what if I’m no good at this? Oh I am no good at this. I am a dingy spek on the wall of humanity and look how badly painted that wall is! I am becoming very, very afraid. That must be because I’m passing into the Third Act, called:

Act III: FEAR

(Also known as: Uh-oh.)

This is where the doubt begins, where the mind comes back from shopping, yells at the heart, binds and gags it to a nice lounge chair and allows guilt, failure, and remembrances of things past to sit in for a nice game of bridge. This is where you fear what you need most. If it’s a person you love, you fear appearing foolish in front of them. If it’s a sport, you fear being foolish in front of many, many people at the same time. And you begin to think:

Oh no. What if I’m wrong? What if this stinks? What if my heart has blinders on, it’s had blinders on before, in fact it had dark heavy patches taped all over it. How can anyone love me if I don’t love myself? I mean, I love myself, there are just parts between the top of my head and the bottom of my feet that could use some improvement. I’m not demeaning myself, I have relatives who do that.

Act IV: DISGUST

(And the strange desire to eat everything in sight, hide in your room, and watch old Gidget movies with friends from high school.)

Now comes that unavoidable time when you say to anyone who will listen: What the heck am I doing, anyway? If it’s a person you love, first you hate only their foulest inadequacies, then you start hating their good points as well. If it’s running you love, you start to hate hills, sidewalks, and bad weather, and soon anything that slightly resembles a bump, concrete, or a small breeze.

I can’t believe I ever said I felt this way, I must have been dreaming! Wait, THIS IS NO DREAM, THIS IS A FILM NOIR MOVIE, and one of those really dark ones, too. I mean, this is love? This is what they tell you about when you’re 11 and naïve? Or 32 and more naïve?

Act V: THE TRUTH

(Love is hard work. And, sometimes, hard work can really hurt.)

Love is a game. If they didn’t tell you before, we will tell you now. Love is a game and if you play you either win, lose, or get ejected before the game is over.

There are no ties.

Maybe you’ll lose and learn some great meaningful answer from it all (Like if it looks too good to be true, it is). It’s easy to love something when you don’t have to work at it. It’s harder when it asks something of you, you just might be afraid to give.

Give it anyway.

The heart is the most resilient muscle. It is also the stupidest. So if this love you’ve found is good to you, hold it, keep it, shout about it. If it isn’t, then maybe you should just become very good friends.

Act VI: THE FINALE

(Also known as the big whopperdoodle, or, the most important part of this whole darn thing.)

So this is love, as demanding and nourishing and difficult as it can be, and as strong and wise as it makes you become.

There is something to be gained from commitment. There are rewards for staying when you would rather leave. And there is something to e said for running up that hill when you would rather slide down it. And so you let love come perch upon your shoulder. And you do not turn it away.

You do the tango.

Just do it.

LOVE: BREAKING UP IS HARD TO DO

When you give someone your whole heart and she doesn’t want it, you cannot take it back. It’s gone forever.There’s nothing quite so humbling as thinking you’re completely over someone, then realizing you’re not even close.I don’t know whether you’re young or not. I sort of hope you’re young and sad. If you’re old and happy, I can imagine that you’ll maybe smile to yourself when you hear me going, She broke my heart. You’ll remember listening to music and eating chocolates in your room, or walking along the Embankment on your own, wrapped up in a winter coat and feeling lonely and brave. But can you remember how with every mouthful of food it felt like you were biting into your own stomach? Can you remember the taste of red wine as it came back up and into the toilet bowl? You can you remember dreaming every night that you were still together, that she was talking to you gently and touching you, so that every morning when you woke up you had to go through it all over again?  Only time can heal your broken heart, just as only time can heal his broken arms and legs. It is a curious sensation: the sort of pain that goes mercifully beyond our powers of feeling. When your heart is broken, your boats are burned: nothing matters any more. It is the end of happiness and the beginning of peace. The worst thing: to give yourself away in exchange for not enough love. A heart can be broken, but it will keep beating just the same I guess when your heart gets broken, you sort of start to see the cracks in everything. –



The heart ruptures, its toxins leach into the groundwater of blood and neurons. The muteness of cells is suddenly disrupted; now they won’t stop chattering, replicating, and I in my sweaty bed, watching the spider cracks hover against the ceiling, ignore those cells as they spin and spin. Doctors become translators, tapping a Morse code on my skin, trying to decipher the language bumping through vessels and bones. Oh, heartbreak—such a fickle thing. Heartbreak is a squatter crouched in my kitchen, its eyes a glittery spark, finger over its mouth, hushing me, hushing,hush.You’ve lost the person you love, and with that your sense of purpose and beauty and joy. So lie there and feel your loss—and in doing so, become part of the cycle, too: afternoon to evening to morning again. Maybe tomorrow you’ll focus more on the sunlight than the horseshit.


Had I known that the heart breaks slowly, dismantling itself into unrecognizable plots of misery, Had I known the heart would leak, slobbering its sap, with a vulgar visibility, into the dressed-up dining rooms of strangers, Had I known that solitude could stifle the breath, loosen the joint, and force the tongue against the palate, Had I known that loneliness could keloid, winding itself around the body in an ominous and beautiful cicatrix, Had I known, yet I would have loved you, your brash and insolent beauty, your heavy comedic face and knowledge of sweet delights, But from a distance. I would have left you whole and wholly for the delectation of those who wanted more and cared less.

Since you walked out on me I’m getting lovelier by the hour. I glow like a corpse in the dark. No one sees how round and sharp my eyes have grown how my carcass looks like a glass urn, how I hold up things in the rags of my hands, the way I can stand through crippled by lust. No, there’s just your cruelty circling my head like a bright rotting halo. You didn’t make me suffer so you needn’t expect my hatred. That would be too splendid and important a gift. You’re not worth anything as precious as a shred of living flesh. I’ve killed your presence within me, easily. I’m cleansed. I’m dancing a festive dance of murder.

The end of love should be a big event. It should involve the hiring of a hall. Why the hell not? It happens to us all. Why should it pass without acknowledgment? Suits should be dry-cleaned, invitations sent. Whatever form it takes—a tiff, a brawl— The end of love should be a big event. It should involve the hiring of a hall. Better than the unquestioning descent Into the trap of silence, than the crawl From visible to hidden, door to wall. Get the announcement made, the money spent. The end of love should be a big event. It should involve the hiring of a hall.

Did you love well what very soon you left? Come home and take me in your arms and take away this stomach ache, headache, heartache. Never so full, I never was bereft so utterly. The winter evenings drift dark to the window. Not one work will make you, where you are, turn in your day, or wake from your night toward me. The only gift I got to keep or give is what I’ve cried, floodgates let down to mourning for the dead chances, for the end of being young, for everyone I loved who really died. I drank our one year out in brine instead of honey from the seasons of your tongue.


Scared of something under their touch That will cave in, a skin over brown foam on a bad apple. I cram this thing over the threshold Into the cold and speechless house, Lean against the front door for a moment to breathe in the dark, Then start the slow haul to the kitchen. Steel knives catch the moonlight on white tiles. This dead relationship. Or not yet dead. Or dead and half-eaten, One eye and one flank open, like a sheep under a hedge. Or dead but still farting like the bodies in the trenches, Exploding with their own gas. Hair and nails still growing. It has the pins and needles of returning feeling in a deadness. It is a reptile in my hand, quick and small and cool; The flip of life in a dry, cold bag of loose skin. A pressure without warmth of small claws and horn moving on
my palm. At night it slips slow but purposeful across the floor towards the bed. Next thing it’s looking out of my eyes in the morning—And in the mirror, though my eyes are not my own, My mouth shows surprise that I am still there at all. Oh, a sickness that can make you so ill, Yet doesn’t have the decency to kill you. A mad free-fall that never hits the ground, Never knows even the relief of sudden shock; Just endless medium-rare shock, half-firm, half-bloody all the time. A long, slow learning curve. The overheating that can strip an engine badly, Strain it far worse than a racing rally. The fear that you will slow to a stop Then start a soft, thick, slow-gathering roll backwards. I want something that is familiar but not. To feel in someone else’s pocket for a key While they lean away, laughing, their arms up,Hands in the air covered in grease or dough or paint or clay. I have to carry it around. A weeping mother brings a baby to hospital, Late-night emergency. The tired doctor smooths the hand-made lace back from its face. He sees it was stillborn weeks ago, has been dead for weeks. He looks at her, there is no air in the room… This dead relationship. This dead and sinking ship. Bulbs lie, unplanted, on a plate of dust. Dry and puckered pouches, only slightly mouldy; Embalmed little stomachs but with hairy, twisted fingers, Waiting for something to happen without needing to know what it is.When it happens everything else in the universe can start. This dead relationship. I am this thing’s twin. One of us is dead And we don’t know which, we are so close.


What is the difference between love and obsession? Didn’t both make you stay up all night, wandering the streets, a victim of your own imagination, your own heartbeat? Didn’t you fall into both, headfirst into quicksand? Wasn’t every man in love a fool and every woman a slave? Love was like rain: it turned into ice, or it disappeared. Now you saw it, now you couldn’t find it no matter how hard you might search. Love evaporated; obsession was realer; it hurt, like a pin in your bottom, a stone in your shoe. It didn’t go away in the blink of an eye. A morning phone call filled with regret. A letter that said, Dear you, good-bye from me. Obsession tasted like something familiar. Something you’d known your whole life. It settled and lurked; it stayed with you.


Never offer your heart to someone who eats hearts who find heart meat delicious but not rare who sucks the juices drop by drop and bloody-chinned grins like a God. Never offer your heart to a heart gravy lover. Your stewed, overseasoned heart consumed she will sop up your grief with bread and send it shuttling from side to side in her mouth like bubblegum. If you find yourself
in love with a person who eats hearts these things you must do. Freeze your heart immediately, Let her—next time she examines your chest—find your heart cold flinty and unappetizing. Refrain from kissing lest she in revenge dampen the spark in your soul. Now, sail away to Africa where holy women await you on the shore—long having practiced the art of replacing hearts with God and Song.


Marriage is like fruit you hold in your hand, a peach or a tomato. You hold it in your hand and squeeze it lightly, then squeeze it harder and enjoy it, feeling the elastic resistance as something living, living flesh, a woman’s hip or breast, and you go on squeezing, not hard, for that is not what you want, but harder; you think of the fruit, and it keeps its shape and substance, although you are squeezing; you must hold it in your hand as something good and living which is to be there until the end of life; you lull yourself into the illusion that it will never burst, and at that moment it bursts. A small split in the outer layer of the skin of the fruit appears between your fingers, a few drops of moisture ooze out and the skin of your fingers feels it. Not until then do you squeeze really hard, from disappointment or surprise, or in the lack of restraint of awakening, and if it is young fruit and tenderly cared for, the split can nevertheless be very deep without the fruit losing its shape and firmness, and it other cases it breaks and disintegrates forever into sticky, fragrant, utterly uncontrollable dissolution. That is like marriage.

I stood back and let the ocean cool my feet and felt…nothing. Or maybe it was the end of love that I was feeling, the cool empty place that’s left inside you where all that heat and pain and passion used to be, the slick of wet sand after the tide finally rolls back out.  Love is the rug they pull out from under you. Love is Lucy always lifting the football at the last second so that Charlie Brown falls on his ass. Love is something that every time you believe in it, it goes away. God is closest to those with broken hearts.

Letting go, it’s so hard The way it’s hurting now To get this love untied So tough to stay with this thing ’cos if I follow through I face what I denied I’ll get those hooks out of me And I’ll take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side Kill that fear of emptiness, that loneliness I hide. It must happen to everyone. The last time you make love, you can’t know it will be the last.Why is it that we can’t always recognize the moment that love begins, but we always know when it ends?  I am tired, Beloved, of chafing my heart against the want of you...Love. Let me tell you about love. Either you love more or you love less, and the one who loves more ends up fucked. Love hurts when you break up with someone. It hurts even more when someone breaks up with you but it hurts the most when the person you love has no idea about how you feel.

Why hide your feelings to the one you love? Why love the one who loves another? Why give everything if only pain comes in return? Why wait if there’s nothing to wait for? I guess the answer is love.Ask me why I keep on loving you when it’s clear that you don’t feel the same way for me... the problem is that as much as I can’t force you to love me, I can’t force myself to stop loving you.You were blinded by the flames in me… Maybe I don’t know what love is, but it isn’t this.


He thought that this woman was his savior, that she had come to him at a time in his life when he life demanded completion, an end, a permanent fixing of all that was troubled and shifting and deadly. And yet it was absurd to think this. No person could save another. So he drew back from her and released her. What I want to know is this: If love’s so great, why do you fall into it? You fall into a puddle. You fall into the mud. You fall into the abyss. Sure, love screws everything up. Most stalkers think they’re in love. Mothers who kill their kids talk about how much they love them. Men who beat up their wives, it’s only because they’re so in love. People slowly suffocate each other with love all the time. Love is a weapon we use to hurt the ones we love.Relationships are like a dance, with visible energy racing back and forth between the partners. Some relationships are the slow, dark dance of death. Romantic love is mental illness. But it’s a pleasurable one. It’s a drug. It distorts reality, and that’s the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw. The second you meet someone that you’re going to fall in love with you deliberately become a moron. You do this in order to fall in love, because it would be impossible to fall in love with any human being if you actually saw them for what they are.

The business of love is cruelty which, by our wills, we transform to live together. Love, love, love—all the wretched cant of it, making egotism, lust, masochism, fantasy under a mythology of sentimental postures, a welter of self-induced miseries and joys, blinding and making the essential personalities in the frozen gestures of courtship, in the kissing and the dating and the desire, the compliments and the quarrels which vivify its barrenness.  To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia.Anxiety is love’s greatest killer. It makes one feel as you might when a drowning person holds on to you. You want to save her, but you know she will strangle you in her panic.

In our lives, we hunger for those we cannot touch.  After all, there’s a reason they say that love is a two-edged sword, rather than a two-edged Wiffle bat or a two-edged Fudgsicle, because love is sharp, it pierces…it can also cut, cut deep, wound, kill.Sometimes closeness isn’t there until you’re fucking someone and then you’re lost inside yourself but later you’ll swear you feel her love It was only pain. Since you went the sun refuses to shine The sky joins me in weeping for your absence All our pleasure is gone with you… Silence reigns everywhere… Oh come back! Already the shepherds and their flocks call for you! Come back soon, or it will be winter in May. Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. I cannot speculate on what our cluttered mind will save— sleepy Sundays, or a  nosebleed after love. I know only the dying heart needs the nourishment of memory to live beyond too many winters.


I’m not sure why we cannot shake the old loves from our minds. It must be that we build on memory and make them more than what they were. And is the manufacture just a safe device for closing up the wall? Separated two magnets, swinging, circling, repulsing, attracting, wanting, needing, hurting separated by your vision you unchanging, trying to move toward me through the storm of my ever-changing emotions to leave me to loathe me to ignore me I will deal But what do I do with this love?  I thought how nice it would be to be here with you and then I thought how much better it is to be here with someone who wants to be with me. Once upon a time I was falling in love; now I’m only falling apart…

You’re going to leave me, aren’t you? …you’ve had enough of me, haven’t you? You’re probably so tired of all this crying and all these moods, and I’ve got to tell you, so am I. So am I. Sometimes it seems like my mind has a mind of its own, like I just get hysterical, like it’s something I can’t control at all. And I don’t know what to do, and I feel so sorry for you because you don’t know what to do either. And I’m sure you’re going to leave me now.