THOUGHTS; SO MANY THOUGHTS......THERMODYNAMIC MIRCALES

They want me to talk about you again, like you are a photograph that can be reached in arms length. You’re not. You are miles away; buried in the core of the darkest place in my memory. They want me to remember your apple scented white polo shirt when you held my hand that afternoon; begging me to give you a chance. They want to hear your voice again because lately, I’m not sleeping early because there’s comfort from the songs you gave; which intoxicate my insomnia more. They want me to go home but I told them home is no longer you. My heart, my bones, my veins and artery, my head, my soul they missed you again. But I will keep saying no. Because they have to know, you no longer care


PART 2

If you lose interest in someone, tell them.

If you’re not looking for a relationship, tell the person you’re seeing.

If you’re thinking of ghosting someone, tell them.

If you can’t handle meeting up with someone after all, tell them.

If you’re terrible at responding to messages, tell people.

If you prefer talking in person to texting, tell people.

If you’re seeing several people at the same time, tell them.

If you’re looking for sex rather than dating, tell the person you’re seeing.

It is not difficult to be a decent and honest, open, communicative human being. Respect those whom you interact with and have relationships with by telling the truth instead of leading them on or being deceitful.



PART 3

Insecure men don’t like to admit that they need to get better at anything; admitting that we are imperfect creates a cognitive dissonance that resonates within our minds, and irritates the soul. It’s easier to bury the realization, and paper it over with the facade of machismo.

And I am nothing if not an insecure man. Confronting my own insecurities is scary because it clashes with how I want to view myself - and how I want to believe my partner views me. It was only once I truly embraced the idea that I am, and forever will be, a DEEPLY flawed human being that I was ever able to really begin to grow.

For once I embraced that I was imperfect, I became obsessed with doing everything within my power to erase those imperfections. Not instantly, but gradually, by trying to be one percent better every day. I’ll never truly succeed of course, because perfect is an inherently subjective construct, but at least by accepting that I am weak, and flawed, and imperfect, I have allowed myself the freedom to pursue greatness.

As a dominant that freedom to accept that I am all of these things, is how I show my strength





PART 4

There is something deeply comforting about the vastness of space. No matter how big our problems are, no matter how large they seem to us, to the universe we aren’t even blips on its radar. We exist so briefly that for the universe we are a millisecond of a milliseconds worth of existence. Whenever I gaze at the stars and then look back at my greatest problem of the day, suddenly everything seems so very small and so very insignificant. We get a millisecond of a milliseconds worth of life. Why not spend as much of that as we can trying to be happy and doing the things we love instead of making ourselves ache?


PART 5


Sometimes people choose each other out of hunger mistaking it for love. And no matter how much love they try to feed each other, the hunger only grows and grows, until they have nothing left to devour but each other



PART 6

I am done letting you grind my heart to powder to get high on the love I have for you, just to leave again searching for something better. I am not a habit for you to turn to on bad days, I am the healing you so desperately need and cannot see.


PART 7


It’s not me, it’s you. I am not going to sit here and pretend the problem was me when very clearly it was you. You don’t get to treat me like I am nothing but a fire you need to warm your hands by only to douse it out when the time has come to leave. I am not a glass of water for you to drink from and throw the rest into the sink. You don’t get to spread a wildfire in my heart, burn this forest I have tended so carefully to the ground and walk away with a slap on the wrist like “it’s not you, it’s me”. I am better than that, I am the healing you desperately needed but chose not to see. So forgive me for saying what needs to be said here, it was unequivocally, a hundred percent you, not an ounce of this was on me


PART 8

First you count the stars that died to bring you to life by listening to your heartbeat, Then you close your eyes and feel the nebulae moving slowly in your blood, Then you feel the universe brimming through the thoughts in your mind. And slowly you count your eyelashes like they are constellations, as you finally recognise the fabric of your soul under your skin

PART 9

You meet someone as deep as the sea, and just when you spend a lifetime figuring them out, you find out there are still massive lakes to explore that exist under that sea


PART 10

I am teaching myself how to take up space. How to not apologise constantly for the way I live and breathe. How an apology isn’t something I am supposed to say before I speak in a conversation. How  I’m so sorry, isn’t something I have to say before I just allow myself the basic right of speaking about anything.

I am teaching myself that I am allowed to exist on this planet without thinking of myself as a burden. How to not apologise for things that are out of my control. How to understand when people are trying to manipulate me into thinking the worst of myself and most of all how to stop thinking the very worst of myself as I deserve better than that from myself.


I am teaching myself that humans can exist without assuming the very worst about themselves and how the people around them perceive them. How to not apologise when someone bumps into me and I immidiately assume it is my fault. How to not apologise when I ask a question because I think others will think I am stupid. How to love myself for these flawed bits of me no one has ever wanted to love before.


I am teaching myself that all the lies my abusers told me about myself were so very wrong. How I am allowed to make mistakes. How as long as I apologise and amend things, anything is fixable if I still have love in my heart for the other person. How not everything that has ever gone wrong in every relationship is my fault.


I am finally learning how to take up space as a human being. It’s taken a long, long road to get here. And I still have a very long way to go before I am done understanding that it is my job to take up space, that I am not just an afterthought or a secondary character in this gift of life I have been given. That who I am is not an apology, that who I am is not wrong.




PART 11

However difficult you think you are, there is someone out there who will love you.

They will hold your hand through your anxiety. They will be there for you even on your worst, angriest days. They will allow you to grow and evolve in the way you need. And even when you make mistakes, they will take the time to understand you and forgive you.

Love is not a thing that needs to be earned by changing yourself from the person you are. You can better yourself, but never ever think you need to better yourself for anyone other than yourself. Those kind of changes never last.

This is the kind of love you deserve. This is the kind of love you need. No one is too difficult to love when they have love in their hearts to give to others. Please don’t believe whoever told you that you will never find the love you need, not even yourself. Don’t tell yourself that changing who you are will get you the love you need. Because this you, all raw, all broken is still beautiful, is incredibly wonderful to someone.

Believe in yourself. You are not too difficult to love.

And you deserve love. Just like this. Just as you are.




PART 12

To say it was painful is an understatement. To say that you hurt me is an even bigger understatement. The truth is, if you had left a dozen stab wounds on my body, the way you did to my mind and heart, you would be imprisoned but no one ever imprisons anyone for the near-fatal crime of breaking someone’s heart. It took me years to get over you. It took me days to simply pull myself together and lead a normal life. It took so long that the pain began to feel like second nature to me, it began to feel like it was consumption rather than just heartbreak.


And still, as I sit here writing this, I want to say thank you. You were the universe’s present, wisdom in the form of a human, sent to me at just the right time, to tell me how much I need to evolve and grow and become someone who I am proud of. I needed to have my heart broken this badly. I needed to be hurt this much to know how deeply I feel, how much I truly can love. I needed to breathe and feel the pain to this extent. You gave me this and for that I am forever grateful. You have changed me as a human, fundamentally and forever.


So wherever you are, despite the pain you caused me, I hope nothing but the best for you. I want to thank you for the heartbreak. I want to thank you for being a lesson to me in so many ways. I want to thank you for the damage you did to me. Because without that damage I do not think I would be the very best version of me. The me I see and feel today.




PART 13

One day you will find someone who doesn’t look at you and see only the broken pieces. Instead they will see the light that shines through those cracks. They will help you grow flowers within those pieces of you that you assume will never live or breathe or grow again.


One day you will find someone who doesn’t allow you to see only the worst in yourself. Instead they will show you the same reflection in the mirror that you have come to hate so much and show you the flecks of gold that you have constantly missed seeing in your own eyes, the beauty of your soul as it resides inside your face, the softness inside your heart that glows so beautifully through.


One day you will find someone who shows you that everything that scares you can be defeated. They stand by you and hand you the weapons that will defeat your demons, never once trying to fix you, instead giving you the confidence that you can and you will fix yourself. They are the person who will cheer you on the most, never feeling insecure of your successes, instead encouraging you to grow more successful everyday.


One day you will find someone who will aid you to become the best version of yourself. They show you how brave you truly are and give you perspective on the things that have tried to destroy you. They let you fall apart when you need to and help you piece yourself back together again. Their love for you gets you through everything.


One day you will find someone who brings you healing. They take your hand and walk besides you on this path which you think you are completely alone on. They allow you to take in everything around you at your own pace and at your own time. And most importantly they help you to evolve into the person you need to be. They help you become the hero in your own story.


PART 14

The strongest ones, the most confident ones, the ones who look like they have never needed love from anyone but themselves, those are the people that need love the most. You see, they’ve become so good at hiding their hurt, their pain that people simply forget that they too feel just as insecure and vulnerable as everybody else. They’re expected to laugh through their problems because thats what they have always done and the support that they give others is never returned because no one thinks they need it.

They are so used to be everyone else’s rock, everyone else’s crying shoulder, everyone else’s human to turn to, that when it comes to their own pain, they simply bottle it up and put it away. They cry alone, they hurt alone, they never tell anyone about their nightmares or how cruel life is really being because if they do, they’re afraid people will not see them as strong anymore. They are afraid of crumbling in front of anyone else because they do not want to seem weak and broken.

The strongest ones of us need support more than anything in the world because of being strong so very long that when they fall apart, it is not just a human falling to pieces and recovering, it is an avalanche, a volcanic eruption, the amount of pain that you could not imagine possible for a human to hold within themselves. The strongest people, the toughest ones, disguise their tears behind smiles and avert their eyes when in pain once too often.

This is why it is so important to ask “Are you okay?” more than once sometimes, especially from someone who is that strong. This is why it is important to allow our hearts to understand what our minds cannot when we see someone’s smile change, or their eyes show something their demeanor cannot.

The strongest ones of us need support the most. Because when the time comes to rely on someone they don’t know how, they don’t know how to reach out for a hand as they are so used to being the rock for everyone else that hurts.



PART 15

The cruelest thing that someone can do to you is first claim to love you more than anything in the world. That they have never seen anything as exquisite as you. That you are every star in the night sky, you have a love to give sweeter than any they have ever tasted. That they will never leave you, because my goodness, look at what all you have to give, they are content, they are content, they are content. And then one day, out of the blue they do.

The cruelest thing that someone can do to you is lull you into a false sense of security. Convince you that this, this is the forever love you have been looking for. This is the kind of love you needed all this time, the kind of love you have craved and let you get comfortable in it because it will last, it will last, it will last. And then, one day, they wrap all of their love into a bundle and walk away without a second glance back at you.

The cruelest thing someone can do is convince you that you will be enough for them. That there will never be another that makes them feel this way, play with their hair, tease them, make them coffee in the morning just the way they like it, you are a language that has become their mothertongue, and one cannot forget their mothertongue. And then, one day, they forget all about you, like you never existed and you are left with this language in your mouth that no one else speaks.

The cruelest thing someone can do is simply leave without warning after promising you a life together. They take this soft heart of yours and love it until it’s so full only to throw it to the ground and crush it into a million pieces. They take everything you built together and take a hammer to it like it is nothing but a glass house that is meant to be destroyed. This is the cruelest thing that someone can do to you. Disappear without a warning when they swore they would love you.


PART 16

The things that hurt you, that caused you pain do not define you. Nothing that broke you, caused you the most intense damage, deserves the right to define who you are. They are things that happened to you, that evolved you as a person that changed you, but they still do not get the right define your beautiful, brilliant soul which contains a tiny universe as vast as the one you see as endless in the night sky.

What does define you is your survival, your ability to have experienced terrible things and still, found it inside yourself to survive, to have the kind of courage so many would not dream of, to grow wings where yours had been taken and cut down. You are made of beautiful, incredible, impossible things and your trauma does not get to trick you into believing that it is the only thing about you that matters.

The person who you were before damage came for you, that person is long gone and they will not be coming back, but remnants of them remain. Together the damage and the past before it have made you a brand new human, a stronger human, a better human.

You have forged yourself. From the very womb of your sadness, from the womb of your old self, you have come out, borne of heartache and pain. So no. After all that fighting you have done, your trauma does not get to define you, my dear heart.

You are whole despite it. A better, braver, stronger you in every single way.

And believe me, the universe is proud of you, you are fulfilling your purpose here in every single way.



PART 17

I am sorry someone loved you badly, and that they made you feel like you take up more space than you deserve. I am sorry they abandoned you when you need them the most and it has made you believe that love is an awful thing that hurts


PART 18

Ask a woman if size matters, and she will usually say “no”.

However, women who have had sex with a man with a big cock know better. A cock that is larger in girth and length creates a more pleasurable experience for her, if the man it is attached to knows how to use it.

GIven the choice between a large cock and an average cock, a woman will choose a large cock almost every time. Why? Well, here are 4 reasons:

1. Every nerve inside of her pussy is being stimulated at the same time. The vagina has many pressure-sensitive nerve endings that detect sensations of stretching, and these sensors can be finely tuned to detect variations in penis girth. Also, an average-sized cock only stimulates some of these nerve endings as it moves in and out, but a big cock stimulates all of them at the same time. The combination of these 2 can cause a sensory overload, which she loves!

2. She feels a big cock in places deep inside of her. An average cock can only go so deep inside of her, which is usually enough. However, the vagina can accept a much longer cock when she is extremely turned on, and a larger cock reaches places that she is not normally used to feeling.

3. She finds a man with a big cock more attractive than a man with an average or small cock. Knowing that a man with a big cock wants to have sex with her is a turn on for her. She likes that she beats out other women who want to have sex with him.

4. She can orgasm faster and multiple times because the girth stretches her labia and pulls her clitoris closer to her vagina, thus rubbing against his cock with every stroke,



PART 19

What if we could depend on ourselves?
Took responsibility for our actions?

Imagine if we stopped blaming world for our own inadequate efforts.
for not understanding, or being interested

Imagine…

What if we broke from the pattern
We could break from our relationship with pain

Instead of suffering…

We could quit glorifying the anguish, Identifying with it

Quit the perpetual reopening of wounds in need of healing
Instead of scars, and resentment, we could have beauty, and kindness

Meaning…

What if we maintained our wellness,
instead of maintaining the image?

The idea that we are broken,
that we can not fix this.

what if, there were no missing pieces,
and we had everything we needed?

Imagine…


PART 20

Thermodynamic miracles... events with odds against so astronomical they're effectively impossible, like oxygen spontaneously becoming gold. I long to observe such a thing.
And yet, in each human coupling, a thousand million sperm vie for a single egg. Multiply those odds by countless generations, against the odds of your ancestors being alive; meeting; siring this precise son; that exact daughter... Until your mother loves a man she has every reason to hate, and of that union, of the thousand million children competing for fertilization, it was you, only you, that emerged. To distill so specific a form from that chaos of improbability, like turning air to gold... that is the crowning unlikelihood. The thermodynamic miracle.

But...if me, my birth, if that's a thermodynamic miracle... I mean, you could say that about anybody in the world!.

Yes. Anybody in the world. ..But the world is so full of people, so crowded with these miracles that they become commonplace and we forget... I forget. We gaze continually at the world and it grows dull in our perceptions. Yet seen from the another's vantage point. As if new, it may still take our breath away.

FAN: A FAN WRITES TO ME ABOUT HOW MY STORIES MADE HER OPEN MINDED

I didn't know if I should share this post. A fan send it to me recently. She likes reading my sex stories. The stories were just fantasy about cuckolding. She told me those stories made her open minded and was open to the idea. I was shocked. I



Prior to meeting “D”, (my husband) I was a serial monogamist.  I had been cheated on in my previous marriage, and yet I managed to remain faithful even in a bad situation.  I had it in my head that love meant being with one person and one person only…forever.  As it turns out, my new man had desires that would make me question my thoughts and views on this stuff.  

Throughout my life, I’ve always been “that girl” who wouldn’t sleep with a guy unless I thought the relationship was going somewhere.  In order to get sexually turned on, I had to have an emotional connection with someone.  When “D” and I began discussing his desires and fantasies, I did my best to try and change my thoughts and feeling toward sex in general…I thought that I had to somehow become okay with meeting a guy online, going to a hotel room or picking him up at a bar and getting down to business.  This terrified me.  I wanted to make my man happy - I had an incredible drive and desire to make all of his fantasies come true by being the girl he had always wanted - and yet I was riddled with fear and worry over how I could make this happen.  

I read your stories...  and it turned me on. Now, I like “cock” as much as the next girl (maybe more), but I like that cock to be attached to someone who I am attracted to both mentally and physically, otherwise it just doesn’t work for me.  I knew this about myself, but I was also trying to deny it.

So, how was I going to make this whole lifestyle work with the way that I felt about sex?  I wasn’t the type of girl to just go out and give a random stranger a blowjob, or meet a guy  and set up a sex date without even knowing more than his first name - it works for some women, but just not for me.  I was convinced that I needed to either change my views and just “bite the bullet” or I wasn’t cut out for this stuff at all.  Still, I WAS open minded.  I wanted to make my man happy and to turn him on in insane ways.  I was okay with the idea of it, but it had to somehow be on my terms.  I knew that I had it in me somewhere…  

The answer was out there, I just had to find it.  I can’t change who I am to fit into a mold or be something that I’m not - I would never get the personal benefit or any type of gratification from the lifestyle.  I realized that for the Hotwife lifestyle to work for me, I had to look for “playmates” who were willing to put in more than 3 hours on a Saturday night.  I needed to find “playmates” who were okay with getting to know me a little bit before jumping into bed.  I also needed the comfort of a “playmate” who was willing to be a little more romantic and a little less “lets fuck”.   Luckily, there is something out there for everyone in this world, and it’s not impossible (or even that difficult) to find “playmates” who are willing to be “that guy”.  

Yesterday I had a fantastic afternoon with a “playmate”.  It was our third time together and it was by far the best time, because some familiarity had been built.  I was able to be more comfortable, and I was able to have multiple incredible orgasms - which would not have been possible if I was dealing with the nerves associated with meeting a random stranger and having a crazy rendezvous.  I felt wanted, taken care of, safe, and ultimately extremely pleasured by a pretty erotic afternoon encounter.  This was possible because it was on my terms and I found a guy who I was able to get comfortable with.  

I’m not saying that all women are like me and need the romance or comfort from their “playmates”.  What I’m saying is that I know there ARE a lot of women who are like me, and believe that they either have to change who they are to fit into this lifestyle or they say no to the lifestyle all together because they don’t believe it will work for them.  There are a lot of men out there who would really love to have a Hotwife, but are met with resounding “no’s” simply because their wives don’t see how it’s possible to have an encounter with a “playmate” that isn’t strictly “porno sex”.  

If you are a woman (or love a woman) who is thinking about the Hotwife lifestyle, but feels as though you have to concede who you are as a sexual being in order to make things work, I’m here to tell you that you don’t.  You can do things on your terms because you have the power to choose…and you have the power to orchestrate how your “dates” happen.  Be picky.  Choose a “playmate” who is willing to fill whatever role that you need filled in order to be comfortable and satisfied (because, let’s face it, we all want to be able to have those amazing orgasms, right?) - if you want something more detached and focused on sex, then go out and take it, if you need that little bit of extra care, charm and romance, there are “playmates” out there who are happy to do that for you.  As much as this is your man’s fantasy, it’s also your life…so do things on your terms and he will be happier with things in the end.  A happy Hotwife makes a happy man!      

Rules that I found out that helped me

Unbreakable Rules:


1. HONESTY…NEVER lie about ANYTHING.


2. COMMUNICATE…Listen to his needs, after all your husband is letting you fuck other men, the least you could do is listen to and fulfill his sexual needs. My husband is a big dominate man but SEXUALLY loves to be told what I’m going to do & how he can’t pleased me, who I want to fuck & little humiliation is in some cases important to the husband ..so guess what ? That’s what I do. 


3. NEVER become attached to a lover. DON’T let it happen EVER…FOR ANY REASON. If you do you’re an IDIOT.

4. If you have solo sex, return to your husband as soon as you’re finished fucking your stud so that he can have his wife, fresh AND NASTY from her encounter. Be a SLUT !


5.ALWAYS RECONNECT with him immediately after sex with someone else. TRAIN him to want to use you. That way he will encourage you to fuck other men for his satisfaction.


6. SHARE the experience with him. This is for the enhancement of your relationship and for mutually exciting sexual experiences….NOT to make other men feel good. Always make sure your hubby feels INVOLVED and SATISFIED and he will put you on a pedistal and let you be the slut you want to be. If husband not present you must video your time with your stud all the times. Ladies, is very important for your husband to feel satisfied make him go crazy for you. Be the nasty slut he wants you to be.

STORY: HER POINT OF VIEW HIS POINT OF VIEW......CREATING A NEW LIFE

When we’re ready I’ll visit my OB/GYN to have my IUD removed, which is easier done during my monthly period. It being the non-hormonal type, when my time to ovulate comes, about two weeks, I’ll be just as fertile as if I never had it.  As my time nears we’ll begin monitoring my cycle with fertility and ovulation tests. A couple of days prior to my ovulation we’ll begin.  He’ll be excited at fulfilling his manly role of impregnating me and have me on my back again and again, fucking me again and again, cumming inside me again and again. We’ll want to assure it’s standing room only for those millions and millions of little tadpoles he’ll be putting in me to await the arrival of my guest of honor.  His magnificent breeding tool shoots his streams into me at a rate of about 10 miles per, a force which pushes some straight through my cervix and into my uterus, giving them a good start on their journey to my tubes.  Each time I’ll remain on my back for a while, allowing the sperm to pool in the deepest part of my pussy to allow my cervix to sip even more up into my uterus.  And those little guys don’t mess around.  They begin their journey further up into me immediately, a journey of 6-7 inches to where they’ll await the arrival of my egg.  The fastest swimmers can be in my fallopian tubes in as little as 30 minutes. The slower ones may take up to 12 hours.


In time, one of my ovaries will release a single egg and it begins the journey to my uterus via one of my fallopian tubes, where hordes of little spermies await to swarm all over it.  The ones who made their way to the wrong tube are left to just swim around with no guest of honor in sight.

My egg releases a chemical signal which the sperm detect.  The sperm homes in on that chemical signal and swarm toward it, attacking my egg in full force.

They attack my egg enmasse, hundreds and hundreds attaching themselves and desperately trying to penetrate the outer shell.  It may take several hours to succeed and ultimately perform the fertilization.

My egg will change instantaneously to prevent any others getting in.  It’s like a protective shield that clamps down at the instant the first sperm is inside.  My egg will have now been fertilized and it will continue its journey down my fallopian tube to my uterus, a journey of 2-3 days, during which time the cells will divide several times.

By the time it reaches my uterus it will be a blob of about 100 cells and will attach itself to my uterine lining.

When that happens, I will officially be pregnant.  In time my tummy will begin to swell with our baby growing in me.


PART 2



Her pussy was so over sensitive when she was ovulating…  She knew she shouldn’t have taken him bare at this time of month, but she ached to feel the sweet sensations of the warm skin of his cock rubbing inside her tingling pussy walls, the soft spongy head of his cock bumping her cervix, feeling him sliding in and out of her fertile pussy with no barriers.

She knew she should tell him to pull out.  She knew she was taking a huge chance and could get pregnant very easily right now.  She knew….but she didn’t care.

She begged him to cum inside her…to flood her fertile womb with his seed…  He started driving into her harder, and she knew it was only a matter of seconds before she would feel him push in deep, filling her with his hot cum, and likely getting her pregnant.

She knew….and she couldn’t wait to feel it.

THOUGHTS: I AM ADDICTED TO YOU

You don’t look for recognition. You don’t care if they know your name. You don’t listen what they say, what they think, and try to make you understand, for you have understood enough to know, you are not here to make yourself a name. You are not alive to hunt down fame, glory, play prestigious games. You know names are words blown in the wind, written words on the beach about to be washed away by oceans of shame. You are here to love, to worship the one, to mold, create a love which lasts in time and space as a echo in the wind of a happiness which stays, remains in hearts and souls of this beautiful earth. So if they ask, what they rarely do, what you mean with being a man, you kiss your woman, shoulder her gently and smile, before you go.

And you hug, feel, swear, and pledge she will be safe, she will always be seen, always be heard, always be home in your arms. You will help, support, empower, enforce. You will convince with confidence, love with strength, adore with force, so there will never be a doubt, never be a concern, no fear, no worry ever present in her heart. You are her man, her shield, her fortress of faith, her rock and knight in stormy nights, her sun and moon in the dark and cold, her everlasting smile, her all-encompassing peace, her word of truth and reassuring pride, that she is loved, taken, claimed and owned by you, her man, for eternity


Take her into your gentle hands. Look at her with your loving eyes. Embrace her with your strong steady arms, and breathe with her along your stalwart faithful heart, and she will feel the rhythm, the enduring strength. She will feel the safety and the defining force, and all she has to do is to allow this kiss, to allow this love, to give you the chance to love her to the fullest, with utmost clarity, with the reigning pride of a man who found his woman. And all she needs to do is to lay back, be kissed, cherished and caressed in your enclosing passion, be cared for, treasured and worshiped within your uncompromising admiration, be happy, lighthearted, playful and joyful, and you will gladly take care of the rest.



i find you
on a day in summer
sun setting down
casting you in gold
and it isn’t our time

you find me
on a wintry night
with an inch of snow
lips numb, skin cold
and it isn’t our time

i find you
at dawn in spring
grass wet with dew
you’ve grown old
and it isn’t our time

you find me
in autumn at dusk
leaves falling around us
my name in stone
and it isn’t our time






I am addicted to you
My heart knows it
A pleasurable yet fatal fix
A craving that will ultimately destroy me
My sanity washed away
My common sense you’ve burnt it
I am addicted to you 
My soul knows it
You are a toxic craving I cannot let go off
I despise myself for being weak
For making promises to let go I never keep
Shame and euphoria own me equally 
I wish I could quit 
Lose this desire for you and your toxic love 
Lost on the brink of despair 
You’ve taken everything and I have smiled while you’ve stolen every good thing that was mine
I am addicted to you and the worst thing is
You know it

PERSONAL: WHY SEEKING THE ANSWER TO LIFE AND EVERYTHING IS WASTE OF TIME.

All my life, I have been seeking knowledge. I wanted to know everything there ever was to know,  I wanted to understand the cosmology of the universe and the secret of all of life.

You will only know everything when you are dead. I have been reading near dead experience books now for a while ...since my dad passed away.

If you were to be given all of this now, and have all of it placed in your finite mind, it would be like trying to soak up the ocean with a sponge. You would burn every connector in your brain. Because you can’t put the Infinite into a finite container. It’s like plugging too many appliances into a single outlet. Sorry. Overload. Fuse blown. Circuit breaker tripped. This is why it might be a waste of time to try to seek answer to life question. It is a total waste of time. Stop seeking and start living.

Just know that when you need to know anything in particular, you can access it. You can reach into the Akashic Records, the Eternality, the All of It. You, and everyone else, can access all the wisdom, all the understanding, all the truth, all the awareness, all the insight you need when you need it, by inviting your mind to go to the level of Soul, which will then

reach into the Allness of Everything and bring back a particular piece of

information as it serves you to have it. And you will know it clearly when you

see it. There will be no problem of recognition.

THOUGHTS: WHAT WAS THINKING ABOUT THIS WEEK

This year I learned that pain is inevitable. Loved ones will be lost whether it be death or simply growing apart.  People will disappoint you and no matter how much you may love them, sometimes you need to walk away for yourself.  It’s commendable to plan for the future and to visualize the things you want in life. Most likely none of it will happen and life will take you on a journey you never planned for.  The number one lesson I have learned this year though is,  No matter how unbearable the pain may be, love conquers everything and it can be found in the most unexpected places. We just have to be willing to invite it in and give it back. To cherish those who continue to love us even when we feel we don’t deserve it. That kind of love is hard to find and it will leave if it is not nourished, especially the love we need for ourselves


The one lesson I’ve learned this year is, sometimes love doesn’t mean everything to someone as much as you thought it might. There is going to be pain in life. Nothing is a written fairy tale, I’ve learned love is a form of abuse….. it consumes every single part of you and when that person decides they don’t want you anymore, they don’t even dare look back twice……. love doesn’t mean anything….. that’s what I learned this year



PART 2

In the chaos of nothingness I fumbled through with my hands wavering around as if trying to push someone or something away, it was a definite struggle in dark silent night that consumed the world. To anyone passing by, it would have appeared that I was having a gruesome nightmare, for my eyes were closed and my hands and legs were trying so hard to get free as if they’d been tied, yet there was no rope that could be seen. To me however, it was all very much real, I was toiling too hard, it was getting difficult to breathe, and I found I couldn’t make any sound. Silence was always appreciated and welcome but not at that moment. An immediate urge to scream took over me and as I strifed, not a single sound came again. I could see my surroundings but what to make of them I had no idea, seemed to be in some sort of an old warehouse, with blocks spread around. Being unable to move my head it was impossible to see how long or big was this place, it could have been underground too for it didn’t have any windows, faint fluorescent lights glinted which could flicker off any instant it seemed. Chaos ensued inside me, or was it outside, it was not easy to comprehend I guess. It was an abyss I was slowly sinking into without any hope of being pulled out it would appear. Catastrophic I guess, a sad tragedy probably.

Too overwhelmed with the surroundings I slumped into a heap, as an ear splitting scream escaped my lips, deafening my own self.



PART 3

You want her to dream, to dwell, to be carefree. You want her safe, warm, striving in timeless beauty. You want her to feel, to widen, to expand in sweet fulfilling lightheartedness. You want her to bloom, to prosper, to fly in fearless imaginations, ravishing longings, deepening wants and expanding desires. You want her to forget, overcome, deny all worries, only sense, crave granted satisfactions. You simply want to bestow paradise upon her, every day, every hour, every second. This is your selfish desire, your narcissistic dream, your egoistic need, your woman surrounded by love and nothing but love, your love inside out.



PART 4

If I could, I’d lightly press my lips to yours, trail kisses down your neck, run my fingers through your hair, let you move your hands freely across my body, till we relinquish all restraint.

But I am too proud to beg, too proud to admit that all these fantasies I feed, I feed alone.

‘Cause if you could, you’d lightly press your lips to hers, not mine, trail kisses down her neck, not mine, run your fingers through her hair, not mine, move your hands freely across her body, not mine.

But you are too proud to beg, too proud to admit that all these fantasies you feed, you feed alone.

When you reach for me, I don’t resist.

If I could, I’d push you away, say “I deserve better!”, instead I pretend not to hear when you whisper her name.

(I am too proud to beg, too proud to admit that all these fantasies I feed, I feed alone.)

We relinquish all restraint, one fantasy chasing another, an endless game of tag.




PART 6

I’ll admit. It’s been a rough couple of months for me.

Again. And again. And again.

I orbited my whole life around you. And regardless of whether it was right or wrong, I existed that way. I felt like it was you who made me exist. I saw beauty in things that caused me pain. I locked myself to you with no intention of letting you go. I became so narrow that I forgot to let you feed yourself first. It led to pain. The key I had fit tightly into my heart wrenched itself out, slowly, day by day, until I was left with a cavern in my chest which screamed how alone I was. You were what my heart always felt but you swiftly tore it away, even worse, when I was already dying. I tried to grasp the sinews of my body, holding them together in the light of fire and blood and tears and darkness of your absence but I do not know. I did but, I don’t know if I ever returned to my body, most nights I can’t fall asleep because of you; I have not yet healed from the shock of losing a friendship I ever needed.

It all happened so fast.

I still need you but hate you.



PART 7

i loved you endlessly, submissively.

you could’ve molded me into whatever you wanted me to be, and i would’ve lost myself, just like that.

just to find you as in love with me as i was in love with you.

but you chose the prettier, softer, less opinionated one, and i still love you, more than i ever would’ve.

i am indebted to you endlessly, submissively

for leaving my identity the fuck alone.




PART 8

Why i even think that people will suddenly come into my life and will want to accept me as i am, mend my pieces and solve my unsolved puzzle. I am broken, my pieces are scattered around like unsolved puzzle and finally when i find one piece to fit and solve the puzzle i start hoping, start hoping that someone will finally lend me a hand and finally my puzzle will be solved, my pieces will finally be whole again but at the end all i am left with is me and my unsolved pieces, scattered far far away from each other



PART 9

I hope we last. I hope we do.

But if we don’t, this is how I want you to remember me:

I want you to remember me curled up, listening to the sound of your heartbeat and tracing maps across your skin. Remember me laughing at your jokes, even the stupid ones. Remember me in hysterics for absolutely no reason and in tears because one time you made me so sad neither of us thought I’d recover. Remember me brave, that time you held my hand and I thought I was going to die; remember me scared and gentle and delicate and breakable - only for you though, only for you.

Remember me happy, and all the ridiculous ways I tried to get your attention. Remember the way I was too stubborn to talk to you and how absolutely insane it drove the both of us. Remember all the firsts and how they were so delightful we went back for seconds and thirds and fourths. Remember the songs you couldn’t stop listening to and the childish dreams you allowed yourself about the future. If it’s any consolation I allowed myself to have them too.

If it comes to it I don’t want you to remember the ending.

Remember the beginning. Remember the first time you knew




PART 10

We tear each other apart and call it love. Condemn the hearts that we used to hold in the palms of our hands; call each other selfish, call each other cold. We’re both equally cruel. We know each other too well. I think. Or we don’t know each other at all.

At night, we fall asleep hungry. Our bodies spaced far apart on the bed. Sometimes I feel you breathe beside me and wonder whether the space between your ribs is the same as when we met. Sometimes I miss your arms, draped over my chest, the sound of your quiet inhale exhale as you bury your face in my neck. Sometimes I wonder how we got here.

In the morning you have coffee and I have tea. The war seems quiet. But I know that war is never quiet. I love you. I want to say. Your eyes are like ice. I love you. I want to scream in your face. I love you and it’s killing me because I can see how this is going to end. I loved you. I loved you. I whisper it under my breath. I hope you never forget how much I fucking loved you




PART 11


She wraps her legs around your waist.

She whispers in your ear.

“Stay.”

This is your cue to kiss her. Wrap your fingers in her hair; enclose them around her neck. Hard. Just hard enough to feel her pulse, the quiet beat beat beating.

She won’t always be this vulnerable, this open. Right now her trust is in the palm of your hand.

This is your cue to pull her closer.

Place a gentle thumb on her bottom lip and breathe. “Stay, stay, stay” she says.

Tell her you will. Tell her: “okay




PART 12

I want you to know that -

i. It doesn’t matter that we ended. Life moves on. People forget. Friends become strangers. The ones that you love(d) change.

ii. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love you. I did. In my own convoluted, messy way. I did.

iii. I’m sorry I couldn’t heal the wounds in your chest, I tried. I’m sorry for creating them. I never knew that I was capable of hurting anyone like that until I hurt you.

iv. But… I know that war is never one sided. Sometimes, sometimes I feel like I lost a limb in that battle too.

v. When it comes down to it, I’m grateful for our moments of silence, our moments of peace, interspersed with laughter. I’m grateful for your kindness.

vi. Maybe I’ll never stop writing about you.  

vii. But you should probably stop reading what I write.

viii. The truth is that some nights I still feel unbearable. But I’m getting there, I’m getting there. Most days now, I feel alright.





PART 13

I wish we could hurry up get through this bullshit of being apart and start our lives together. Instead of snuggling your hoodie and laying my head on your pillow with my tears covering it, I wish I was snuggling you with my head on your chest because I sleep so much better with you. Instead of falling asleep on the phone, I wish I was falling asleep to your kisses. Instead of waking up to your text, I wish I was waking up to your perfect little smile. Instead of your tooth brush sitting in the holder in the same spot where you left it, I wish I was yelling at you because you left it out on the counter. Instead of my floor being clean, I wish it was covered with your clothes because you never pick up after yourself. Instead, of eating pizza rolls and having them all to myself, I wish I was able to give you the last one because I know you really want it. Instead of having my whole bathroom to get ready, I wish you were kicking me out and making me use the small mirror so you can use the big one (even though you don’t need it because you are already beautiful without makeup) I wish we were arguing over the remote and who gets to pick what show we watch. Instead of eating whatever I want for dinner, I wish we were taking hours trying to decide what to eat since you always say “i don’t care” Instead of having my bed to myself, I wish I was sharing it with you and falling off the edge since you take up so much space. In stead of being apart I wish I was there or you were here. Instead of being  miles apart I wish we were getting on each other’s nerves from being together so much. I wish I was with you, living our dysfunctional but yet perfect life together



PART 14

Something that makes me happy is listening to Sleeping At Last music and thinking about how in love I am with life and people. It makes me feel like I can fly, lifted above circumstance with no worries left in me. I can’t wait to travel and breathe the air of foreign places and see the faces of people so different from me and still just like me, listening to the sounds of streets I don’t know, the sounds of life and people bustling around almost discordantly but surely sincerely, watching my horizons broaden and feeling the Earth spin around. It’s just wonderful, being passionately in love with living and this world and places I want to go and people I’ve yet to meet. What a beautiful thing it is to be alive

STORY: FILLING YOU UP WITH MY SEED

I’ve met this girl a couple of times around town and from my first glance noticed that her body shape was made for breeding. That fine titty to hip to booty ratio had me sprung. I needed a leeway to get in her pants and finish inside her with one thick load as she might not be up for getting knocked up. I had to know when her most fertile time was too; basically a hit and run.

One day I came across her in the grocery store and brought up how often I saw her there. A little small talk led to a little flirting led to a phone number.

Texts followed by a date or two and finally an invitation to her place. Little did I know whether or not it was one of her ovulating days or if she was on the pill. It was worth a try anyway.

The very first thing we did was Netflix as per usual with this generation. The “chill” part creeped up a little later. I started recording her as she got a little freakier. I knew she was fertile from how kinky she was being now.

We started making out as we moved towards her room. She made her way down on her knees and started sucking my cock with passion. Fully erect and lubricated with her saliva I stood her up and leaned her on the edge of her bed. I made sure when she was sucking my cock that I took a pillow near me and put it around the place where her lower back would be when she leaned on the bed. This would bolster my chances of knocking her up.

I haven’t came for a good month just to make sure I’ve got the chunkiest load yet. As we changed positions a couple of times we ended back in our first one when I came close to finishing.

“Don’t cum inside me, baby, I’m not on the pill, cum on my tummy,” Pfffff yeah like I’m gonna waste my cum outside a girl’s pussy. Don’t think so. I kept quiet, leaned on her and held her tight so I can get a good seal. I think she could get pregnant from the precum alone from how much it leaked out and how many times I bottomed out against her cervix.

Her jelly body and tight hole got me edging up until I dug in deep, feeling the opening edges of her cervix on the tip of my cock and groaned after I lodged chunk after chunk of semen down her uterus.

“Oh my god baby did you just cum inside me? I told you I wasn’t on the pill!” she exclaimed following my half assed apology. She was well pissed and made me get her a plan B pill… little did she know that it was a placebo!

Now we play the waiting game. 5 months passed until she showed up on my doorsteps explaining how she knows that the baby inside her is mine and that she can’t afford an abortion. Well done me. I told her that I would take care of the baby on the condition that I put another one in her. Now I get to fuck her while she’s preggo and breed her with another kid! This time I can cum inside her whenever I want! Man, fucking that body never got boring. She got used to me and we didn’t stop on the second kid since another one is on the way!




PART 2

It’s obvious you and the girls at your table have been discussing me and the boys at mine since a few minutes after you all arrived. We can’t hear you, but at least one of you looks over here every few seconds, and based on the expressions on your faces it seems we might not be doing so well. Eventually, though, when my boys step to the bar for another round, you sidle over from your table and look me in the eye.

“My girlfriends think every guy in this bar is gonna be a porn-damaged bro douchebag,” you say. “Let’s see if they’re right. Tell me the fantasy you keep coming back to.”

“You mean… like a sex fantasy?” I ask. My question alone might provide all the confirmation you need, but your nod tells me all is not yet lost. A flash of instinct tells me to reveal one of my deepest secrets. “I… get really turned on by… making babies,” I say. My secret is not exactly a dark one, but it’s a deep one because it’s not “bro” at all, and who knows what humiliating turns this conversation might take.

“Hmmmmm,” you smile mischievously, raising an eyebrow. “That’s… not what I expected. But…” You squint in doubt. “OK, so… you like telling girls whatever they need to hear, knocking them up, and then disappearing, right?”

I’ve thought about this a lot but never told another person about it. “Well, it’s a sex fantasy, right? So it’s in the moment, but I do want the girl to want it just as much, so…”

“Wait, wait,” you interrupt, “you’re telling me this is… this is a love thing? Oh, come on,” you laugh, “You’re in this bar with a pure heart and sporting all the feels?”

“No, no, it’s not romantic. It’s more of a… primal thing, I guess. It’s like each of us thinks the other… has great… Oh, God, now this sounds totally lame.”

“Not yet,” you say. “You were gonna say ‘genes’ or something, right? Keep going.”

I frown in thought for a bit. “I guess realizing a woman would make healthy, smart babies makes me want her. And then I think about being the man she… chooses to… father those babies. And then I think about the sex being super-hot because we both know why we’re doing it. I don’t know, I’ve never put it into words before, so this probably makes no sense.”

“No, it does make sense… In fact,” you say, leaning in to whisper in my ear, “It’s making me wet.”

•••

Upstairs in your apartment, things move fast. You’re having some trouble getting my jeans all the way off, and I stand and start to pull them inside-out over my feet.

“So,” you say, “I don’t suppose a guy with your… idiosyncrasies carries condoms around.”

“Well, if I had any idea… Yeah.” I chuckle. “I’m not reckless on purpose.” My rigid cock stands out from my body and up a little as I look down at gorgeous you.

“But it does present an interesting situation,” you say.

I feel pre-cum oozing from the tip of my cock and you obviously enjoy the sight of it. “How so?”

There’s your puckish smile again. “I’m not on any birth control. And I’ll ovulate any time now, or maybe I already did. So we get to find out how ‘in the moment’ you are in real life.”

I would have thought it impossible for my cock to get any harder, but I feel it now. Quickly I kneel on the couch between your knees, lean down, and begin lapping at your nipples again. “Oh, God,” you moan, “So good…” I reach between your legs and part your warm folds with my middle finger to find you as slick as I remember from moments ago. You sigh throatily.

I raise my head. “The only thing I need to know,” I say, “is whether… in this moment… you want my bare cock inside you.”

“Yessss,” you breathe immediately.

I shift my hand to my cock and guide it between the swollen lips of your pussy and down to your sopping entrance. I lower my hips slightly to slip my cockhead into you, then begin easing the length of my shaft into your depths slowly, opening you steadily, feeling every millimeter of your vagina grip me. You are even more aroused than I thought; without struggle I bury my cock in you to the hilt, my heavy balls resting against your ass. Your eyes flutter open as I pause.

I want to make sure you know: “I have… a huge load of cum…"

“Mmmmm-hmmm,” you purr, sounding pleased.

“And I’m gonna shoot it all inside you,” I say, “if that’s what you want.”

“Oh, God yes,” you say, “Of course. Of course I do.”

Slowly I withdraw from you until only the tip of my cock parts your pussy lips. It feels almost as good coming out as it did going in. I feel your juices cooling on me before I plunge back inside you, and we both grunt softly as I bottom out. I realize your pussy is so drenched that my balls are already getting wet.

Is there any doubt now? But I want to hear you answer anyway. “Tell me,” I say, “Do you want me to make you pregnant?”

You seem to consider this for a second — or perhaps you are just enjoying it — but finally you whisper “Yes,” sigh, and then, even more quietly, “yes”, nodding with certainty.

I withdraw again a little more quickly and push back into you quicker still, and we both moan our relief, releasing any remnants of uncertainty. I hook my elbows behind your knees and lean forward, tilting your hips back. I pull my cock from within you and thrust more deeply, gazing down into your eyes as I set up a steady rhythm, fucking you with increasing ferocity, my balls slapping your ass.

I can feel orgasmic tension building behind the base of my cock and I feel my rigid prick filled with pre-cum and oozing freely inside you. I thought the load I had for you was big before, but now it feels half again that size, bigger than I’ve ever felt. You haven’t teased me or drawn this out, but my balls ache dully anyway, and I realize I’ll soon flood you with more semen than I’ve ever shot.

Your index and middle fingers expertly massage your clit as I relentlessly pound your engorged, soaking cunt. I hear your breaths quickening and becoming ragged until you cry out in ecstasy as your pussy clutches me so strongly you almost push me out. Fighting my way back inside you feels exquisite…

And then I’m past the point of no return. “Oh, oh God,” I moan, “Oh my…” I frantically throw myself into you as my cock and balls spasm together, pumping sperm-rich semen from deep within me. Each jet of my potent seed fills and passes the full length of my straining shaft, finally spurting freely out into your willing pussy and spattering against your cervix, coating it and pooling beneath it. Millions of my swimmers begin their search for your egg as we both feel my warm cum overflow you, squelching as we continue to fuck.

Finally, as we return to earth, I deliberately squeeze the last few dollops of my cream out into you; I want you to have all I can give. Shuddering gently, you say “Oh… I can feel you… pushing out… Oh, God… the last drops… on purpose… You really mean to do it, don’t you? ”

“In this moment,” I say, “I do.”


PART 3

“Oh god….I can feel you hitting bottom…..so deep….”

“Fuck yeah baby…gonna shoot all my cum right up inside you….”

“N-no….I’m ovulating….”

“Mmmmm……that’s even better….gonna shoot even harder in you now….”

“No….don’t…..oh god your cock…..so good…..n-no….don’t cum in me….you’ll get me pregnant for sure….”

“Mmmmmm….doesn’t that turn you on?   Knowing you could be about to get knocked up RIGHT NOW?”

“Oh god yes…..no….I mean….ooooooohhhhh……”

“You want it so bad don’t you….you want me to shove this big cock right up inside you and spurt every drop of my load in you….”

“Ooooohh…..god yes……”

“You want to feel how hard I get when I cum…..how hard I’m going to cum for you….”

“Ooooh god yes…..”

“You want to feel every scalding hot spurt of my cum squirting up in you….right into your fertile, ovulating cunt…..”

“Oooooohhhh….yes…..want it so bad……”

“You want me to knock you up.”

“Oh god…..oh yes……..ooooooohhhh…..do it!   Shoot your cum in me!   Spray it all inside me and knock me up!!!!”

“Fuck yeah….ghere it cums baby….here it CCCUUUMMMSSSS  RRRRAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

“OH GOD YES!!!! I CAN FEEL IT!  FILL ME UP WITH YOUR HOT CUM!!!!!”




PART 4


Nothing ever felt as comfortable as this,  we have been together a few months now and every minute was a joy.  Today we are just relaxing,  you lay with your head on my chest as we watch crappy movies, chat about anything that comes to mind and just enjoy each other.  We smile a lot, laugh a lot, kiss a lot.

You turn to me and we kiss, then you say something that stops me in my tracks “I want to make you a daddy”.
My jaw drops as you continue “I came off the pill a while back, and now is my fertile time.  If you want what we talked about, this would be the perfect moment”.
I catch my breath,  I honestly feel like my heart will explode through my chest.  How did I get to be this lucky?  This beautiful, perfect girl wants my babies.  A surge of emotion crashes through my body,  so this is what it feels like to reallyfeel.

“Oh I want that, so much” I say as I kiss you again,  the words feeling totally inadequate to express the feelings exploding inside me.

“Come on then stud, it’s time you knocked this little slut up” you say with a laugh.  We kiss, deeply and passionately.  My tongue and yours entwine and the world falls away.  It’s just us and the life we are about to make now.

I kiss your neck and feel you groan with desire.  Your hand slips up the inside of my shirt and the fell of your skin on mine is so intense I think I will explode. I find myself wondering if your touch will ever stop feeling exciting.

I undo your top and bra and your magnificent breasts tumble free. I take one of your erect nipples and flick it with my tongue,  then gently suck on it as you moan.  I look up into your pretty eyes,  "I can’t wait till these are full of milk".  "Oh god yes" is all you can manage in reply.

Slowly, carefully, intensely clothes are removed till it’s just us.  I look down at you,  "I love your body".  Instantly you reply “I love you” and your words crush me with their intensity all I can manage to reply back is “I love you too”.  The words feel strangely inadequate for the intensity of the emotion I feel for this amazing, beautiful, kind, funny, clever, sexy woman I see before me.

You spread your legs wide, your pussy is already dripping so much juice, “I want your babies”.  My cock slides easily inside you, frictionless, just like everything about you.  I brush the hair from your pretty face,  right now I feel like I could die, my life is never going to be more perfect than this.

Your legs wrap round me and we lay still as close as two lovers can get.  I can’t feel where I end and you begin, in fact I can’t feel anything except the intensity of the love between us.  The moment seems to last for ever.

Looking into my eyes you simply say “Now fuck me daddy,  fuck a baby into me, please”.  Your words break the spell and I start to slowly grind inside you. You moan, “Oh god yes”.

We pick up speed as our bodies start a dance as old as mankind. I move from grinding to thrusting and my body overtakes me. I go from the kind gentle man you know so well into an animal intent on breeding his bitch.

I pound you hard trying to drive my baby into you by sheer force of will.  My cockhead slamming into your cervix trying to open you up for my seed.

I reach down and stroke your clit and that tips you over the edge.  Your climax shudders though your body “fuuucck,  I’m coming daddy”.
“cum in me daddy”
“knock me up”
“give me your child”
“I want your fucking baby”

I can’t hold back an longer and I slam deep inside you.  You feel my cock hard against your cervix as it explodes cum deep inside you, into your womb.  

We hold each other tight, tears in our eyes as a new life is made inside you from our pure love.



PART 5


The dawn breaks. In the new light the first thing my eyes find is you. The soft rays accentuating your curves, caressing your skin. As I do now. With my hands you are now awake. We kiss.

Now my mouth moves away from yours. I am nibbling at your ears. Nuzzling at your neck. My fingers wander to your breasts. Circling your nipples, hard with excitement. I move to suckle on them too. Now my hand moves down further, between your legs. And to my delight I find your slit already slick with the wetness of your excitement. Excitement at what we are to do this morning.

For today is the day you ovulate. And we do not want to waste any time

Your hands have been busy too. They caress my balls, rub my penis, and now I am fully engorged. It didn’t take long, but we are ready. I hasten to position myself over you, and plunge between your labia and into the wonders within.

The wet pleasure of your warmth envelops me. It is our first time bare and the sensations are new. They drive me wild. Your legs wrap around me, beckoning me in further. You let out a low moan.

I start to thrust. Breathing becomes shorter, shallower. I can feel your heartbeat quicken, pulsing in your vaginal wall. I’m quivering. The air is electric with the strength and stench of our passion. I’m losing myself completely within you, until with one word you bring me back.

“Faster”, your eyes beg. I nod. It’s all I can manage. I lean back and bring your legs up onto my shoulders. I thrust again. And again.

I’m pushing deeper and faster than ever before. Your moans are coming more louder now. Building to a crescendo. Your breasts bouncing in rhythm. I’m lost, hopelessly lost. Grunting. Straining with every movement. And now your moans are screams.

Your eyes roll back. Your back arches. And now your body is convulsing in ecstasy. It pushes me over the edge. With one final thrust I plunge to the hilt within you.

Once, twice, thrice - I shudder as the power of my orgasm runs through me. Spilling each spurt of semen deeply. With pleasure you feel the warmth of my ejaculate as it spreads within you, pooling around your cervix at the opening to your womb.

Spent, we fold into each other’s arms and doze. Waiting until the new day has fully begun. And waiting for my sperm to reach your egg. Waiting for the beginning of a new life.