PERSONAL; TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

Instead of listing the usual boring facts of life (“My friends say that I’m nice and also funny …”) and answering a million compatibility questions...I decided to sent this message to the universe.

To know me is to love me. This cliche is popular for a reason, because most of us, I imagine, believe deep in our hearts that if anyone truly got to know us, they'd truly get to love us - or at least know why we're the way we are. The problem in life, maybe the central problem, is that so few people ever seem to have sufficient curiosity to do the job on us that we know we deserve. To know me is to love me, or at least that’s what I’ve heard. I hesitate to agree with this, at the risk of sounding absurd. To know me is to love me, at least I’d like to believe. I dare to utter these words out loud, to those unwilling to receive?
To know me is to love me, a work in progress indeed. Please don’t judge the humanness,
from which my faults do feed. To know me is to love me, for I’m growing every day. Like a rare and unusual flower, that blossoms in its own special way.



To whom it may concern,

I know you’re out there. And you know you’re out there, too.

I don’t know what you look or sound like, but I do know that you remind me of someone I’ve met before or have seen in a movie or on the subway or at the airport or Yankee Stadium or in my dreams or, come to think of it, perhaps it was on Facebook.

I know that you’re nice and also good. And even though I don’t know what you look like, I can see this nice goodness (or good niceness) in your eyes and in your smile, and I’ve often felt your warm, faraway gaze upon me, particularly when I’m asleep and sometimes in the shower.

The way you look at me is the way that no one has ever looked at me before. It’s like you’re wearing a magical version of those X-ray Specs that used to be featured in Bazooka bubble gum and in the back of comic books, and you can see who I am and who I was and who I will be. And I can also see you in the exact same way. It’s like seeing each other naked without really being naked, although that will come later.

Simply put, we were meant to be.  We are destined to be together and we’ve both known it since we were little children right out of a book by Haruki Murakami or a Wes Anderson movie. I used to tell my mother about you and you grew more beautiful with each telling, and she said that we would find each other someday because that’s the way true love works, and then told me to shut up and go finish my homework. Maybe your mom told you to shut up, too!

You’re amazing, and no similes can do you justice because you’re incomparable, but I’ll give it a shot anyway. You are:

… as smart as lots of books (most of which I’ve read) combined into one big book.

… as sexy as Penélope Cruz applying deodorant first thing in the morning.

… as compassionate as thick, natural wool socks in a blizzard.

… as insightful as a four-year-old who has lived several past lives.

… as fearless as Gandhi, but without all the fasting.

… as kind as the fantasy mother in our daydreams about perfect moms who never tell you to shut up.

… as sweet as candy to my soul, sweet you rock, and sweet you roll (thanks, Dave).

In other words, you are “the one” — although there are hundreds, maybe even thousands like you.

But you are the only one* for me.

You’re either tall, short or medium. You have blonde, brunette, black, red or auburn hair, or maybe you wear a wig. You’re thin, average, . You’re white, black, Asian, Hispanic or other. You’re Jewish, Christian, Catholic, Islamic, Hindu, Buddhist, agnostic or atheist ... anything but Mormon or Scientologist. You’re rich, poor or make a comfortable living. You want children or were once a child yourself.

Most importantly — you love me and I love you.

Sincerely yours,

Me


I love beautiful, confident, and sexy women that are completely comfortable being feminine. Are you drop dead gorgeous, healthy, confident, secure, optimistic, sexually open, flexible, giving, intelligent, honest, outgoing (a social butterfly), fun, great communicator (my life is a drama-free zone), understands men, affectionate, sexy, happy, and very feminine? My ideal woman is between 5′-0″ and 5′-9″ tall, slender, and in great shape with a great body, long and straight brown, black, red, or auburn hair, dark eyes, and clear tan skin. Heath, exercise and a healthy diet are a big part of her life.

I love to laugh, tease, and have fun. I am a very playful, outrageous, silly and strong man. I am very confident and used to getting what I want. I want a woman who is used to the same. What ever you do for a living, its something you absolutely LOVE! A great sense of humor is a must! Maybe you have older brothers who still to this day, mess with you and tease you, and you’re just as playful and sweet back to them.


About me... this I find so hard to write. I mean how can anyone describe themselves on a website. What can I say to make the right one want to choose me? But, I will try.

I am a doctor I love helping people! I want a woman who is just as concerned about the welfare and upliftment of others as I am… and… who will support me in my mission to make the world a better place.

My life is about relieving suffering and pain. To wake up everyday and give a little more and be a little better than I was the day before. My life is about learning and growing and helping others do the same.  I do it because I love it. For playtime… I love being movies.. I love music and read 2 ebooks a week

I love to travel and see the world. Paris, Germany, Costa Rica, Orlando, Delray Beach, The Florida Keys, Tampa-Rocky Point, etc. I have friends that live all over the world and just love spending my time with people who have the same care and concern for making the world a little better than they found it.

I love to eat healthy and exercise regularly. My health comes first. Having great health enables me to live, love, contribute, grow, and experience life’s blessings as they were meant to be experienced. I love cooking good healthy meals for friends and family!

I am a very spiritual person. You won’t find me in a church… unless its on a historical tour lol. I’m not into organized religion. The Lord dwells in our hearts. I can read the bible and any other holy book and make up my own mind. I’m not interested in listening to dogma from unenlightened people trying to tell me how to be enlightened. I’m looking for a very spiritual woman who looks at all spiritual traditions with respect and without judgement. She’s a big LOVER. She lights the room up with her calm and peaceful presence.

A recent book I read is The Course in Miracles. It's a spiritual book that seems to reverse everything I have ever heard in life. I like it because if I love you to begin with, and see you with a loving heart, I will definitely be more compassionate towards you. Nor will I want to judge you.

To approach life with an attitude of love relieves us from judgement. As a result, I am not waiting to decide on how to treat you based on how you treat me. This also puts me in control of myself and my feelings, and I have no excuse to behave or treat you without kindness and love.

Whenever I respond to someone in a way I feel bad about later, that’s what happens. I feel bad and regret I did not handle myself in a better way. Who needs that?! These kind of emotions can also precipitate a relapse.

PERSONAL:IF YOU ARRIVED AT MY BLOG

If you arrived at my profile because: I am one of your matches: Any other reason or I messaged you: You are positively one of the luckiest women in the world. If we are a 0% match, I don't feel like this is a problem because I dated a Nerf football in college and I made it work.

I was born nude, helpless and unable to provide for myself. Not much has changed. Not Really. But I thought it would be fun to say that...I'm smart, loyal and handsome. Not necessarily in that order. I am also a bad spellr. I'm mischievous. I like to get into trouble, but not the kind you can't get out of. I've never gone to jail. I sound like a real catch so far? Huh? Let's keep going. I really don't like to take things seriously, unless the situation calls for it. Otherwise, I love to joke, make fun of people, or be made fun of. I prefer to look at the humorous side of things, otherwise life is sooooooooo boring. I love to find out about people and get to know who they are at their core. I have an appreciation for every one's uniqueness and like to bring that out. I am not very judgmental so people feel comfortable revealing themselves to me. I like to make other people feel special, even if they're not. If I keep going like this, I'm never going to get a date, but on the other hand, if you don't find this funny, we're probably not a match, Which leads me to how handsome and humble I am--two of my finer qualities for sure. I am not your stereotypical GQ model type or what you'll find in most of the clubs in Long Island. I'm not hard on the eyes, but I am more George Clooney than Tom Brady.

For me, the key thing in relationship is trust, honesty, and open communication. I will want what's best for you and I would love it if you want what's best for me.

I'm considered by women to be 'manageable'. Many have attempted to tame me, and all have succeeded in a matter of days. I'm like an old baseball glove, beaten down by life with a lingering leathery musk. It's completely coincidental that I cover my body in mink oil daily.

Our perfect date:

I pick you up in my 2002 Mazda Protege. ES edition. As you enter my sensible, fuel-efficient vehicle, you’re enveloped by the erotic perfume of pine air freshener and cool ranch Doritos. Perched in the cup holders are two wineglasses. On the armrest, a box of Franzia Reserve. We clink glasses, toasting the evening ahead: “Isn’t this illegal?” you whisper sensually. “Only if driving under the influence of passion is against the law” I reply sexily. And with that, my 4-door compact sedan slowly accelerates us into the night.

I take you to a fine restaurant. And as we enter the grand lobby of the Cheesecake Factory we’re warmly greeted by the maitre d, Tiffany. They know me here. By the time we get to our impossibly large booth, you’re already enchanted by the restaurant’s stucco elegance. I watch you struggle with the multi-volume menu. The epicurean possibilities have overwhelmed you. So I take control and order for us. All 237 items.

An endless line of former art-history majors and improv enthusiasts forms a processional of Buffalo wings, sliders and Chicken Piccata, all destined for us. After sampling the Tex Mex Egg Rolls and French Toast Napoleon, you rest your fork, defeated. The luxurious presentation of food continues unabated.

Emerging from your food coma, you ask in a low husky voice, “Can you afford to pay for all of this?” Reaching across the faux-marble table, I take your hand in mine, gaze deeply into your sparkling eyes, and charmingly reply: “I forgot my wallet at home. I’m going to need to borrow some money from you. And by some, I mean a lot.” You are speechless.

Initially, I fear that my words of seduction have rocked you into a catatonic state. But then I notice your eyes looking up and to the right. Towards the entrance. Your yearning desire to pay the bill is clear to me. As is your desire to make out with me in the parking lot of this casual, but upscale, chain restaurant. The sexual tension between us is so thick that we could cut it with one of the many steak knives that litter our table.

But instead of paying the bill, you excuse yourself to visit the restroom. You take your purse, jacket and all other personal possessions with you, saying you’ll return shortly. 10 minutes pass. Then 20. I start to worry that you’re not coming back. But then I remember something that puts my fears to rest. Of course you’re coming back. We still need to order dessert.
What I’m doing with my life
What I'm doing with my life: I'm thinking about opening a topless cleaning service for women. I would parade around older women's homes lightly dusting their trinkets. I would wear white gloves and cut off jeans. Nothing else. The old birds would purr as I would wipe my feathers across their china, making subtle eye contact. I would see the sadness in their eyes, longing for the touch of another. Sweat would bead on my face as she bends over to pull up her diabetic socks. After the brief, shameful sex, she would pay me in quarters and ask if I need a ride home.


I’m really good at

I'm really good at filling out dating site information and correctly making lists! I'm good with numbers and would totally do your taxes ;) (that was sexual). Everything I'm good at is nearly worthless. I can hit a fastball, skate backwards and solve differential equations. I can build a computer from scratch but don't ask me why your laptop has a virus (your dad was looking at naked ladies).

The first things people usually notice about me:my ridiculously long eye lashes. Food gets in them a lot. I stare a lot. It's not that I'm rude or have special needs, I'm just interested how some individuals have lived as long as they do.

Favorite books, movies, shows, music, :
I really want to say books are for prisoners. Talented Mr.Ripley. Game of Thrones. LOTR. Crime and Punishment. Sam Harris. Dan Dennett. Kurt Vonnegut. I like my metal loud, my NPR boring and Taylor Swift dead. Pandora is nice, do I look like an arrogant DJ? I want Thai food so spicy it makes my face numb.

But honestly I like to read spiritual books.
Conversation with God by Neal Donald Walsh,
Dr. Wayn Dywer
Dr Deepak
Alan Watts

The Six things I could never do without:
1.) Jebus (correct spelling)
2.) Craigslist missed connections
3.) Coffee.
4.) Interwebs
5.) Pizza over 16 inches across
6.) Legs. I like legs


I spend a lot of time thinking about

Maybe you have loads of responds in your mail box. Maybe you go on lots of dates but always come home disappointed. Or maybe you never go on dates because you believe that all it takes is to meet just one suitable man and that could happen anywhere at any time—there’s no point forcing it. I am sure you have your list of your ultimate Prince Charming! He’s got to be tall, dark, handsome, drive a Porsche and have abs like Matthew McConaughey! He’s got to be super-attractive and we’ll have amazing chemistry and he’ll call you everyday and buy you beautiful gifts!

Unfortunately, ladies, it doesn’t quite work that way. Even Charlotte from Sex and the City learn the hard way.. While the show is fittingly fantastical, the scenario proves a point. Charlotte is happily married to Harry, a balding Jewish lawyer with a flabby butt who speaks with his mouth full. He’s the love of her life and she can’t imagine being with anyone else. But rewind a few years and she was married to Trey, who checked every box on her list He was tall, dark, broodingly handsome, and rich.. But her Prince Charming turned out to be a dud in the sack. And their marriage turned out to be a dud too. No happy ending there. Hence she had to chuck out that list and start all over again with entirely different criteria. Not lower, or ‘settling’—just different.

I had a similar situation. I was married to a woman who had everything on my check list. She was absolutely gorgeous, a physician as well like myself. younger than me...ect. And my marriage didn't go well. I throw out my check list and I am looking for something different. I have an amazing life, but probably a lot like you, I am here hoping to round out my world with an honest, sincere, fun loving person who will share the warmth and companionship of a meaningful relationship. I am looking for my Charlotte.

Its so hard to find any woman now who has a heart, and willing to give up everything for love. Charlotte in the show went so far as to change religions for Harry, converting to Judaism, an act that could be seen as a way of subsuming herself just to please a man. Does that necessarily make her the perfect mother and wife, the dream of every man who’d prefer not to be challenged by a woman? Many of us like to think that “difficult” women are somehow superior to easygoing ones . But even if — or maybe because — Charlotte has sometimes seemed blindly hopeful and optimistic, she’s the show’s most demanding character. Her attitude toward love and sex isn’t as casual as that of the other three, and her expectations are definitely higher — she seems to want more out of life than any of them, a tough bill for any ordinary man to fill.

Of the four women on “Sex and the City,” Charlotte is the one who has historically demanded the impossible out of romance. But instead of being disappointed, she has ended up being happier than she ever could have imagined. That sounds more like the direct opposite of guileless simplicity. Throughout the run of the show, there’s always been something resolutely sensible about Charlotte. She’s like a Jane Austen heroine transplanted to modern Manhattan, coming around to the fact that having a plan is not only useless, it’s plain old boring — not nearly as thrilling as welcoming the surprises that life cooks up for us.

I might be your surprise...if you let me.

I've carefully constructed my profile along psychological principles to weed out women whom most men don't want, and the result has been that I've been meeting some really incredible women who are genuinely attractive, intelligent, confident, and playful. I have this naive hope that maybe I’ll get lucky and meet someone who won’t be a total waste of time; Someone who will turn out to be a person I can really see myself with. I think deep down most of us have that hope.I am on this epic journey of 'Life' and there is something thrilling about having a woman along on this ride with me. You will be my psychic and my partner in crime and all the goodness that flows. My whole life is about living life passion.

I have a confession to make. Right here, right now, I'm going to let you in on my dirty little secret. Ready? Here it goes: I hate dating. I really, really do. I would rather sit through ten hours opera music than go on a first, second, or third date. But what I have learned is that the more you hate dating, the more inclined you will be to do what it takes to get it over with and settle down in a healthy, happy, monogamous relationship.

I wish that I lived in Bangladesh or someplace where they have arranged marriages. My parents would just arrange the whole thing, and all I had to do was show up. An arranged marriage means never having to date and sometimes that seems more appealing
On a typical Friday night I am
On a typical Friday night I am: I usually find the worst bar and put on a Miley Cyrus party to get the night started properly. From there I tell the drink drone to keep bringing me whisky until I have the courage to order chicken fingers. 30 minutes of shame. Cigarettes to bring it down. More whisky to wash away the menthol. The most difficult part of Friday night is when you realize it's Tuesday afternoon.

The most private thing I'm willing to admit: Head injuries have limited my memory. What was the question?


You should message me if
You can get past this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3v98CPXNiSk

If you decide to message me, I want to know: What was the most beautiful moment of your day?”

DATING: SEEING THE SAME PEOPLE OVER AND OVER AGAIN

As I wade through the seemingly endless parade of Internet people in search of a partner, perhaps the most eerie, is seeing the same faces over and over on various sites for years, The phenomenon serves as a subtle reminder that we are all still single, breeding a strange familiarity whether we match or not.

Who are all these people, with stories and life histories of their own? I’m not sure. Why are we encountering the same people over and over again? I have a few ideas. Here are some thoughts on why we’re matching with the same people over and over and over again, and how to turn that phenomenon around.

 The moment you decide to scroll through for potential partners, there’s this illusion of options upon options. One date, no matter how good, can hardly live up to all the awesome fun you could be having with a “potentially perfect” match that still awaits you. As if that person even exists

It’s not uncommon to find men and women who are on the hunt for better and better — or to see how good they can get. How do you know? They are loath to commit It’s easy to fall into this trap: swipe, match, move on with your life. Of course, the people you see over and over again could also just be coincidentally unattached at the same times that you are.

PERSONAL: LOOKING FOR MY CHARLOTTE FROM SEX IN THE CITY

Maybe you have loads of responds in your mail box. Maybe you go on lots of dates but always come home disappointed. Or maybe you never go on dates because you believe that all it takes is to meet just one suitable man and that could happen anywhere at any time—there’s no point forcing it. I am sure you have your list of your ultimate Prince Charming! He’s got to be tall, dark, handsome, drive a Porsche and have abs like Matthew McConaughey! He’s got to be super-attractive and we’ll have amazing chemistry and he’ll call you everyday and buy you beautiful gifts!

Unfortunately, ladies, it doesn’t quite work that way. Even Charlotte from Sex and the City learn the hard way.. While the show is fittingly fantastical, the scenario proves a point. Charlotte is happily married to Harry, a balding Jewish lawyer with a flabby butt who speaks with his mouth full. He’s the love of her life and she can’t imagine being with anyone else. But rewind a few years and she was married to Trey, who checked every box on her list He was tall, dark, broodingly handsome, and rich.. But her Prince Charming turned out to be a dud in the sack. And their marriage turned out to be a dud too. No happy ending there. Hence she had to chuck out that list and start all over again with entirely different criteria. Not lower, or ‘settling’—just different. Harry may not have looked or acted the part of a “traditional” Prince Charming, but his unapologetic honesty, self-deprecating humor, and kind heart offered Charlotte a better storybook ending than she could have ever imagined — and she fantasized about that stuff a lot.

I had a similar situation. I was married to a woman who had everything on my click list. She was absolutely gorgeous, a physician as well like myself. younger than me...ect. And my marriage didn't go well. I throw out my check list and I am looking for something different. I have an amazing life, but probably a lot like you, I am here hoping to round out my world with an honest, sincere, fun loving person who will share the warmth and companionship of a meaningful relationship. I am looking for my Charlotte.

In one of the loveliest moments in the show’s history, Charlotte quizzes Harry on why he refuses to marry a shiksa (in other words, her). In the course of the conversation, she explains to him, anxiously and mournfully, that she’s unlikely to be able to bear children. He tells her, without even taking a breath, that he loves her no matter what, and that they can adopt a child — they’ll be just as much of a family that way. His response is so kind and so compassionate that Charlotte recognizes it as fundamentally “Jewish” — in other words, she sees him as the kind of person that she herself would like to be. Of course, she already is that kind of person, but the moment cements them as a solid match, a case of two people reaching out toward the best in each other — the very sort of romantic realism that a good marriage requires.

Its so hard to find any woman now who has a heart, and willing to give up everything for love. Charlotte in the show went so far as to change religions for Harry, converting to Judaism, an act that could be seen as a way of subsuming herself just to please a man. Does that necessarily make her the perfect mother and wife, the dream of every man who’d prefer not to be challenged by a woman? Charlotte is the show’s least-threatening character. Many of us like to think that “difficult” women are somehow superior to easygoing ones (when, in fact, sometimes they’re simply more of a pain in the ass, without necessarily being smarter or more interesting). But even if — or maybe because — Charlotte has sometimes seemed blindly hopeful and optimistic, she’s the show’s most demanding character. Her attitude toward love and sex isn’t as casual as that of the other three, and her expectations are definitely higher — she seems to want more out of life than any of them, a tough bill for any ordinary man to fill.

Of the four women on “Sex and the City,” Charlotte is the one who has historically demanded the impossible out of romance. But instead of being disappointed, she has ended up being happier than she ever could have imagined. That sounds more like the direct opposite of guileless simplicity. Throughout the run of the show, there’s always been something resolutely sensible about Charlotte. She’s like a Jane Austen heroine transplanted to modern Manhattan, coming around to the fact that having a plan is not only useless, it’s plain old boring — not nearly as thrilling as welcoming the surprises that life cooks up for us.

I might be your surprise...if you let me.

PERSONAL: THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LOVE AND CHEMISTRY.

Some people think that true love is just a cliche and nothing of sort exist in this world but I  am here to tell you, true love does exist – whether you find it just in the corner of your neighborhood,or online. It’s not by pure luck for some to experience this.. it comes with confidence, hard work, patience and knowledge as well.

When I look at most woman's profiles, they're all the pretty much the same,-- generous, funny, 'no mind games', they love their job, sensual ... They practically guarantee you'll be on cloud nine. Some of them will only posts an attractive profile photo of themselves that reveals nothing about their inner life. Nothing.  They just want to get 99% of the people to like them, which I think is a  great waste of time. And when everyone is presenting themselves as practically perfect in every way, you're bound to worry you've signed up for a libido-frustrating yawnathon. Personally, I miss the good old days when our parents use to help us get married; now we have to fend for ourselves.

Well anyway, I been watching this new show -“Married At First Sight“.  it about how two people and they meet for the first time on their wedding day. After they get married, they have 6 weeks to live together and make their marriage work before deciding whether or not they want to stay together, or get a divorce. One thing I notice is that the couples who had the most “chemistry” at first sight, were the ones who ended up having the most unhealthy relationship, and getting divorced in the end. In the first episode, you watch them glance at each other and you can see the instant attraction flying off the television screen. One of the women described that initial moment as a “fairy tale” experience. In the past two seasons of the show, 3 out of 4 of the couples who had that instant experience of “love at first sight” ended up filing for a divorce only 6 short weeks after that moment. You know what that tells me? “Love at first sight” – isn’t really love, is it?

To believe in chemistry is essentially to let emotions take the reins, which ultimately causes confusion more than it makes a way for romance. There's really a big difference between the feelings of love, and the actions of love.  Though we might feel the feeling of attraction those feelings are not love because they don’t display the actions of love. And real love is something we do, not something we feel. What did learn from my divorce? Love isn't a noun, it's action. Love is defined by what a person does, rather than simply by how they feel.

True love is born when two people commit to offer themselves for the sake of the other person.Love at first sight is never complete love, because it’s based on emotion rather than commitment; a feeling, rather than a choice, I want to meet someone who is ready to settle down and have kids. Someone who is done with the games. I want to try something like that show "Married At First Sight" but my show  would be called "Relationship At First Sight". If you and I would to meet,we  would have chosen to be in a relationship with each other for a period of 2.5 month for our love to grow.We will become exclusive, and see each other every weekend if possible. If you are unable to do this..then let's not waste each other time. I hate investing time and emotions...only to meet and you tell me "this won't work".  My deal breaker are the following:  Please be kind, honest, educated, have a job, be of child bearing age, take care of yourself physically, come from a good family and want to have kids.

Me? I think I am a perfect catch. I live in Long island in a house...not too far from my parents.I am very close to my family. I have a great job as a doctor where I heal and elimate suffering everyday. ( I come from a family of doctors)  I am kind, caring and I keep my promises. I go on my trendmill almost everyday. I don't drink, smoke and take drugs.I am a big movie buff. One common thing that film buffs everywhere seem to share is our love of quotes. I read 2 ebooks every week..spiritual books, nonfiction. And when it comes to music...i love everything, but my heart has a special places for 80s music. I love to write, I write poetry, stories...thoughts in my blog. About my looks? Personally,I think I am good looking guy, but since deal with the public and treat over 400 patients a month, I will not be sharing any more pictures., I value my privacy.Another reason is that I have been stalked before in the past.

How will we decide to meet or not? I figure we would talk for a few weeks...to build up an emotional connection..to see if we are in the same page. If we can't even get along on the phone..how will we get along in person...the answer.is ..we won't. We wouldn't be meeting as complete stranger since we would have this amazing conversation to build upon our love. So if you have a problem about sharing your number, you should just stop here. Getting to know someone by e-mail is not that great, to put it mildly. Even a thousand e-mail messages back and forth are not going to change the fact that I am still going to be strangers and that I can still be a weirdo to you when I met or call you. I would much rather  get to know you by hearing your voice. I can tell within minutes talking if we are in the same page or not.

PERSONAL:THE BULLSHIT THE WOMAN THINK AND BELIEVE

 I live a very happy and exciting life, and I’m literally one of the happiest men I know. I’m happy because I’ve purposely structured my life to be happy, in all areas, including my financial life,, my health, I travel a lot, have great friends , close to my family...etc. I’m very goal-oriented and very motivated. My work is very important but it's not everything to me. What I do want is to get married again and have kids. But if your presence can’t ADD value to my Life, your absence will make NO difference. I have no time for BS, foolishness, drama, etc. I also don't have time to email back and forth. I am a stand-up guy who does what he says he’s going to do, is respected, has himself together, and can be counted on by his family to be a man.

After going through a number of relationships and being divorced for few years..., I know that being with a woman is not going to be all hot and fabulous all the time. I am not going to be fooled by nice bodies, batting eyelashes, and coy behavior. But it seem like every woman thinks she is intelligent, successful, beautiful, and, by their own accounts near perfect and blame for their unmarried status squarely in the lap of men: “I’m alone because men are intimidated by me.” I really don’t care about what model, make, and specification of a man you prefer; but if there aren’t a bunch of those guys fitting that specific bill standing around waiting for you, don’t go broadcasting from the mountaintops that there aren’t any good men around, because there are plenty of “good” men around. What gets my goat is the refusal of extremely picky women to acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, one of the biggest reasons they’re alone is because you’ve severely limited your dating pool by skipping over perfectly good guys for less attainable ones.

Listen, I get it..you worked hard to get where you are, and you feel like you need and deserve someone who worked hard in the same way and acquired the same education and status as you did and has similar experiences and goals. But those aren’t the qualities that men tend to prize in a mate. Men look at qualities that draw from a much larger subset—someone who is good-looking, nurturing, kind, smart (enough), stable, noncompetitive, cheerful, fun to be around. When I read these profile and talk to these woman..i hear the same thing over and over again..."Why can't I find a decent guy who likes and adores me and doesn't give me problems or isn't a screwed up alcoholic or cheater?"  WELL, I'LL TELL YOU.  Because you're messed up.  You've found plenty and found reasons to not be "attracted" to him.  You're not attracted because he's not messed up.  So it's on you.  Ever heard of an Imago study?  Google it.  Please.  For your own well being. If you can't find a good man and can't find love You're probably in your own way.  I once heard this quote, "every woman has the exact love life she wants."  I can't tell you how true that is. A man can’t hold a conversation with you, kiss you,hold your hand, call your house, take you out, or pull back the sheets on your bed except with your permission—period. So if you are sleeping with the wrong man..it your fault. I have no sympathy for you..if you wasted years of your life and I don't want to hear your sad story. I am not your therapist. You can’t get the man you want if you got all your garbage—all that baggage from the last guy who did you wrong, an ex you won’t let go of—You simply have no room in your heart. You’ve got to stop looking for all the signs that the new man is going to hurt you, stop holding on to the hurt and anger and resentment. Most woman who respond to my profile..don't want to share their number with me...they want to write here and get to know me...come on.. are we in kindgarden again? Passing notes?  I don't have time to deal with your issues. If you are afraid that I am some stalker or serial killer..then stay away from me.

The worse are those woman who tell you that they are so kind and caring. If a guy is nice to you but rude to the waiter, he is not a nice person. If you can't be nice and kind to stranger...you are  not going to nice to someone you are in a relationship with?  If you build a twenty-foot brick wall with barbed wire at the top around your heart.. I promise you, few men are going to be willing to scale it...including myself. Your presentation, your approach, your energy isn’t welcoming—nothing about you to me is that “I’m available, approachable, and, under the right conditions, ready for love.” Sure you could be screaming it from the tower window through a megaphone a mile away from the fence you built, but he’s not going to hear you because you’re too far away, too high up, and too guarded. Me? I have four-foot fence around your heart— “Not everybody can come and play and dance in my yard.. If you want to act disrespectfully, then go up the street to someone else’s yard.” It is those standards and requirements—the demand that you treat me with respect, the requiring you to call when you say are going to call and and for you to acknowledging that I require commitment from any woman coming into my yard. And if you are constantly busy...it mean you are unavailable for a relationship. Please don't tell me that you make time for things that are important to you. That isBS.

I am a sapiosexual looking for the same. Sapiosexual as defined by the Urban Dictionary - "One who finds intelligence the most sexually attractive feature." Make me want to crawl inside your head and desperately spend a lifetime figuring out how your mind works. There’s nothing sexier. What I don't get is why does everyone want a "first date" to see if there's "chemistry" anyway? Really? You want chemistry? We will drop a roll of Mentos into a 2 liter bottle of Diet Coke and see what happens. There, you got chemistry A smart woman understand that it's not the spark that makes a relationship, but compassion, kindness, respect, commitment, and having the same value. A lot of people get caught up in the idea of instant attraction. Relationships that form quickly – the “love at first sight” kind – burn out quickly as well. It’s the slow simmer rather than the fast boil, the gradual building of true attraction. Building attraction is a process, and when it works, it’s magic

My approach is this: We would talk for a few weeks...to build up emotional connection..to see if we are in the same page. If we can't even get along on the phone..how will we get along in person...the answer.is ..we won't. I will not meet someone unless it end in a relationship....period. I wouldn't be meeting a complete stranger when we meet because we would have this amazing conversation to build upon our love. If you are unable to do this..then let's not waste each other time. I hate investing time and emotions...only to meet and you tell me "this won't work". I won't be sharing anymore picture because I been stalked before in my past and second, I value my privacy. I see over 500 patients a month. I am average looking guy, if that isn't good enough for you..then move on.

Talking about being good enough. Some of these woman standard are riduclious. The last thing you want him to say when he makes it over your twenty-foot barbwire fence there is, “Damn: You made me climb over all of this and this is all you got?!”  Why demand he have three degrees when, despite your native intelligence, you dropped out of junior college? Why demand he least six feet, four inches, with a nice build and washboard abs when you are not a Victoria Secret Model.  Why expect him to treat you with respect, and be kind and loving and sweet, if on every personality test you take, words like bossy, full of attitude, and aggressive come up. Before you expect all that..look at yourself. The woman I have talked to and met are all like that, their life is a total mess, their family is all broken, they have no direction and yet want the perfect guy? It's  joke. What happen to the being humble, In relationships, many people fail to realize that humility and love go hand-in-hand,or they think that this is an easy thing to do, however, oftentimes don’t apply it to their relationships.Humble women exude this compassion for others, putting others’ happiness before their own.

Why in the world when you know when a man isn't good guy and yet you still give your all, you continue to try to make it work. Why play that game?  Because he's hot? Because you have chemistry and you forget everything else that is wrong him? Why not just weed out, up front, all the men you know are going to do nothing but cause you heartache and disappointment, and wait for the one who is going to do right by you? I think we understand the whole “let’s play hard to get” mentality, but tell me how wasting all of that energy really serves you well? It doesn’t. You  don't think I don't want to be a super model who is rich, famous, kind and caring to have babies with. Of course I do. Every guy does, but I live in the real world..not fantasy. Does that mean I am settling? NO! It means that I am playing smart. This reminds me of a quote from the movie 'High Fidelity'

Rob: I'm tired of the fantasy, because it doesn't really exist. And there are never really any surprises, and it never really... 

Laura: Delivers? 

Rob: I guess it made more sense to commit to nothing, keep my options open. And that's suicide. By tiny, tiny increments.

PERSONAL: IT DOESN'T MATTER IF THE WOMAN IS UGLY ..IF YOU YOU GIVE ME SOME HIGH QUALITY SEX......TRYING TO FIND THE RIGHT ONE

I want to marry someone who is nice to me. Nice includes sex, laughing, cooking a meal, folding the laundry, or doing something  just because you love me. That’s what nice is.If my asking makes you mad,then I am not the one for you. If you ask other guys about the number one thing missing from women in the dating pool today, most will almost certainly tell you this: there is a major shortage of sweet women.  A girl can be hot, sexy, powerful, smart, dynamic, and interesting, but if she’s not sweet, most (not all, most) guys will not really want to marry her.

If you’re selfish, you love being taken care of. Guys might be willing to put up with you (a selfish girl) (and by put up with, I mean fuck you) as long as they think they won’t have to deal with you for life. Most woman day goes like this: you goes to work every day and focuses on performing tasks and accomplishing them in a directed, linear, focused way, you are spending the majority of your waking hours in your Masculine.This has help you get awesome professional life but this exact same qualities will mess up your love life. If you’re talking to a me and you’re trying to be right, you are in your Masculine energy. This is fine if you are at work, but presumably you’re not trying to have sex with anyone at work. With me, you have a different objective—to love. And simply put, arguing doesn’t create love. Arguing is, by definition, focused on differences.I can't tell you how many woman I have talked to you are like this.You need to open yourself up. ..be soft with me. You do not need to protect yourself or defend yourself anymore.To love someone is to accept them as flawed. To marry them is to give them the gift of being loved despite those flaws.

The way most woman behaves with me is so unattractive. And by attractive, I’m not talking about whether they have nice face and figure. What I mean is their energy. Let me give you a  metaphor. A relationship is almost like the set of batteries in, say, a vibrator.(funny..i just thought of this right now) There’s a plus side (Masculine) and a minus side (Feminine). In order for the thing to start buzzing, you have to have the pluses touching the minuses. Two pluses and nothing happens. Two minuses and nothing happens. The different kinds of energy have to be lined up with their opposites if you want the thing to turn on.

If a guy spills his, um, seed on the ground, nothing happens. It’s just a bunch of stuff.. But if he deposits it into some nice, luscious Feminine—well, babies happen. The guy’s genes get to make it into the next generation. The same thing is true in terms of a man’s work, whatever it is that he is trying to bring into the world. With a great relationship, a man plugs into the fertile.Feminine and becomes capable of achieving more than he could accomplish on his own. This is the basic meaning behind the saying “Behind every great man is a great woman" Listen...there will be alot of guys who want to donate their sperm to you..But you need to know is, will that guy send your egg to college? And if a guy hasn’t even bothered to call you or to walk across the room to talk to you, you can be pretty sure the answer to that question is a big fat no.

You know how there are people who are just naturally “good people”—they’re helpful, courteous, thoughtful, gracious, polite, and kind? That is the type of woman I want. I’m not suggesting you turn yourself into some sort of maid or geisha. I’m saying you need to step into the idea that loving someone is about giving something, not getting it. The big secret about marriage: It’s about giving something, not getting it. The other big secret: You will have to go first.You want to give myself wholly to another person. You should either consister adopting a child or having one.As far as I understand, parents must nurture their children and sacrifice everything for them without ever expecting to receive anything in return; not even respect or affection. Inside every husband is a baby man. And when you learn how to love that little guy. Being nice is never a sign of weakness. Being a parent is forced surrendering

There are some woman who actually love drama. If a regular relationship feels boring to you with a little craziness sex on the site. I am not your man.. You’re looking for something more along the lines of Sid and Nancy, but without the murder. Movies, television, and love songs insist that intensity equals love. It doesn’t. It equals chaos. Think of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

If you keep attracting the wrong men..that is your fault. I don't have any sympathy for you. It is you who brought these men into your life—even the bad ones. I’m not saying you consciously chose them. I’m not saying you wanted them to treat you badly. What I am saying is that nothing can change for you until you realize that at some level you have been choosing these men. Your relationship mirror back your deepest, most unconscious beliefs about ourselves. Not to hurt you—though it will feel like that until you wake up from your long, deep slumber—but so that you can have a healing and know who you really are. You delude yourself. So many people I met were very proud of  their tough, take-charge interio and never wished to compromise. It is such a turn off.

I once had a girlfriend who was, how shall I say, interesting-looking. When we first started dating, there were times when I would look at her face and think, “Wait, what?” At first I even thought about breaking it off. Not only was her style completely different from mine—much more conservative—but everything about her physically was not what I was used to. But I stuck with it, in part because she had—seriously—a sparkling personality. She really did. She was one of the kindest, most agreeable people I have ever met. We stayed together for a good amount of time, and somewhere along the line my eye … adjusted. She had a ton of beauty; I just had to look at her differently to see it.Ultimately, loving that not-so-perfectlooking woman made me aware of a whole other level of beauty that, even though we’re no longer together, I can still access and appreciate. Years later, I learned this same lesson the opposite way, from a truly gorgeous woman, Melissa. We stayed together three years, and during that time I discovered that (unfortunately) the effect of beauty is often like any other effect: eventually it wears off. Usually sooner. It’s not that Melissa ceased to be gorgeous—the hordes of other men sniffing around all the time were proof of that. It’s that her beauty ceased to change the way I felt about her. It didn’t make me willing to put up with her bullshit (and she had a ton of bullshit)

I’ve always thought another interpretation of the Beauty and the Beast story is that it doesn’t actually matter if the woman I’m with is ugly or awful—if you give me some high-quality sex, I am going to attach to the woman no matter what. Unfortunate, but apparently true. A hot woman doesn't equal great sex.

There is also the law of attraction. It can mean a lot of things, but in this case it means that your match will always be, well, your match. So if what you are is shallow, then that’s what you’ll attract. No exceptions. Like always attracts like. When I bring more caring—more depth—to my dealings with women, not only do I  begin to see something different in them, but I will begin to see something different in me. It comes down to the energy you are putting out there, which will always, and I mean always, return back exactly what you sent out. It’s like a boomerang. If you send out love, you will get back love.

But so many woman will not settle for anything less than a total catch. They wants a high-earning, tall, ..ect. They won’t say this out loud, but since they  works hard to look good, have a great job, and  feels, at some level, deserving of a guy who will drop as many jaws as she does. They dream of a certain life with a certain kind of man, and they don’t want to give up that dream. The problem is that when they hold out for so long, they end up sailing right past their mid-thirties.They wasted time with foxes. In the animal world, foxes hunt girl chicks and steal their eggs. That’s what they do in the dating world, too. You only have so many eggs, ladies. It effing sucks, but it’s true, and if you want to get married and have kids in that order (not that I’m stuck on the order), you need to take responsibility for this fact ASAP. The difference between “plenty of time” and “OMFG.

A friend of my said to me. recently..'You are a very amazing guy. Just don’t settle.”He didn't mean that I should get everything on a list. What he meant is that I am worth being committed to (which I know) and by someone who really deserves me (which I don’t always know). He meant that I need to take care with me, the way I would take care with something I really valued. It’s a message that I need to take to heart. Because when it seems like a woman is offering me something, I’m often tempted to just take it. Other times I’m tempted to just leave it. Either way, I lose sight of the real question: is this the right thing for me?

When you see a man who has the kind of resources like myself and has his picking of women yet has chosen to be with a woman who is maybe not that spectacular-looking.  I can only tell you that that woman must be a fantastic person who gave him the gift of seeing him beyond what he had to offer materially.Someone who is actually kind and loves him.

ARTICLE: The Bad Behavior of Visionary Leaders By TONY SCHWARTZ NYTIMES

We live in a world that values cruel people







As I was reading Ashlee Vance’s “Elon Musk: Tesla, Space X and the Quest for a Fantastic Future,” I was alternately awed and disheartened, almost exactly the same ambivalence I felt after reading Walter Isaacson’s “Steve Jobs” and Brad Stone’s “The Everything Store: Jeff Bezos and the Age of Amazon.”

The three leaders are arguably the most extraordinary business visionaries of our times. Each of them has introduced unique products that changed – or in Mr. Musk’s case, have huge potential to change – the way we live.

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I was awed by the innovative, courageous, persistent and creative ways all three built their businesses. I also love their products. I own a Mac Pro and an iPhone, and I have been a loyal customer of Apple for 20 years. I buy many books and other products on Amazon, lured by a blend of low prices, ease of purchase and reliably quick delivery. The Tesla X is hands down the best car I have ever driven, and it’s all electric, rechargeable in your garage.

Plainly, I have bought in to what these guys are selling.

What disheartens me is how little care and appreciation any of them give (or in Mr. Jobs’s case, gave) to hard-working and loyal employees, and how unnecessarily cruel and demeaning they could be to the people who helped make their dreams come true.

In fairness, the leaders all have loyal defenders. At Apple, for example, Mr. Jobs’s successors – including Tim Cook, the chief executive, and Jonathan Ive, the chief design officer – have argued that Mr. Jobs matured significantly as a leader in his final years. Mr. Musk and Mr. Bezos have senior leaders who have worked with them for many years. But even an admirer like Mr. Ive remained bewildered by the way Mr. Jobs treated people.

“He’s a very sensitive guy,” Mr. Ive told Mr. Isaacson shortly before Mr. Jobs died in 2011. “That’s one of the things that makes his antisocial behavior, his rudeness, so unconscionable. I can understand why people who are thick-skinned and unfeeling can be rude, but not sensitive people.”

Given the extraordinary success of these men, the obvious question is whether being relentlessly hard on people, and even cruel, may get them to perform better.

Like their biographers, I think the answer is no. Our research at the Energy Project has shown that the more employees feel their needs are being met at work – above all, for respect and appreciation – the better they perform.

As Mr. Isaacson writes of Mr. Jobs: “Nasty was not necessary. It hindered him more than it helped him.”

Similarly, a person who worked with Mr. Musk told Mr. Vance: “He can be so gentle and loyal, and then hard on people when it isn’t necessary.”

At Amazon, Mr. Bezos’s angry outbursts came to be called “nutters.” “He was capable of hyperbole and cruelty in these moments,” Mr. Stone writes, “and over the years delivered some devastating rebukes to employees.”

Why would otherwise brilliant men behave in such destructive ways?

The first answer is that they can. Genius covers a lot of sins. A great product is a great product, and you don’t have to do everything right to be successful. Most customers don’t care how the sausage gets made, as long as it tastes good.

Employees, in turn, are willing to sacrifice a lot to work for a visionary. Much as Mr. Jobs was, Mr. Musk and Mr. Bezos are passionate, inspiring and charismatic leaders.

“Numerous people interviewed for this book decried the work hours, Musk’s blunt style and his sometimes ludicrous expectations,” Mr. Vance wrote. “Yet almost every person – even those who had been fired – still worshiped Musk and talked about him in terms usually reserved for superheroes or deities.

Finally, a certain level of financial success and the resulting power effectively excuse those who achieve it from the ordinary rules of civility and even humanity.

Mr. Jobs drove around without a license on his car, and he regularly parked in spaces reserved for the handicapped. As Mr. Ive said of his attitude, “I think he feels he has a liberty and a license to do that. The normal rules of social engagement, he feels, don’t apply to him.”

Amazon employees collected examples of Mr. Bezos’s most eviscerating put-downs, including, “Are you lazy or just incompetent?” “Why are you wasting my life?” and “I’m sorry, did I take my stupid pills today?”

When Mr. Musk’s loyal executive assistant of 12 years asked for a significant raise, he told her to take a two-week vacation while he thought about it. When she returned, he told her the relationship wasn’t going to work anymore. According to Mr. Vance, they haven’t spoken since.

Abusive as all this sounds, I would argue that most of the bad behavior of these men is fear-based, impulsive and reactive rather than consciously hurtful. It grows not out of a sense of superiority but rather of insecurity.

Some of my data, unfortunately, is my own experience. I spent most of my early adulthood relentlessly seeking to prove my worth and worrying that I would forever fall short. I have spent my recent years far more focused on trying to become a caring and encouraging leader. Even so, I know well the anxious feeling that can arise when a deal is coming undone, a project isn’t gelling or an employee seems to be falling short. I know how frightening it can be to feel out of control.

People like these three visionaries deeply crave control. Each of them was far more likely to act out suddenly and behave poorly when he wasn’t getting exactly what he wanted — when he felt that others were failing to live up to his standards.

All three invested endless hours and energy in building and running their businesses — and far less in anything else, including taking care of the people who worked for them or even understanding what doing so might look like. To a large extent, people were simply a means to an end.

The question raised by the stories of these three men is not whether being tough, harsh and relentlessly demanding gets people to work better. Of course it doesn’t, and certainly not sustainably. Can anyone truly doubt that people are productive in workplaces that help them to be healthier and happier?

The more apt question is how much more these men could have enhanced thousands of people’s lives – and perhaps made them even more successful — if they had invested as much in taking care of them as they did in conceiving great products.

“Try not to become a man of success,” Albert Einstein once said, “but rather a man of value.”

LOVE: MY ATOMS HAVE ALWAYS LOVED YOUR ATOMS

I don't believe in luck. I do believe we've known each other since forever, though.You know how? When the big bang happened, all the atoms in the universe, they were all smashed together into one little dot that exploded outward. So my atoms and your atoms were certainly together then, and, who knows, probably... smashed together several times in the last 13.7 billion years. So my atoms have known your atoms... and they've always known your atoms. My atoms have...always loved your atoms.I don't believe in luck. I do believe we've known each other since forever, though.You know how? When the big bang happened, all the atoms in the universe, they were all smashed together into one little dot that exploded outward. So my atoms and your atoms were certainly together then, and, who knows, probably... smashed together several times in the last 13.7 billion years. So my atoms have known your atoms... and they've always known your atoms.  They must have loved each other, oh, so much.  Those subatomic particles that split, enough to stay so close at hand.So as to become so closely knit.And when they grew to become a cell, Still then, they never strayed too far. In fact, they snuggled with their hope to tell about the love that bound them to make them what they are.Then over the eons, as they finally formed their skeletal frame and stood erect in your beauty's perfect skin.They discovered their substance had a name still driven by a force they could not keep in.And so, they learned to move your hands and eyes and lips and heart, So as to set in motion all their plans to complete their every part. Now, with your embraces of the night, I'm thankful for such a small and simple virtue and the fact that our souls are bound that tight  by so deep a love that will always keep me near you

PERSONAL: I HATE WHEN WOMAN SAY.. "I'M TIRED OF DATING BAD BOYS" THAT IS BULLSHIT

I read this all the time...“I’m tired of dating bad boys, can we try and take things slow?” And the sucker (that’s me) would say, “Absolutely,” with a genuine smile on my face.Each time, it ended the same damn way: Things would go great for the first couple of weeks, we would go out on great dates. I would never rush things, fishing for only a kiss after several dates.

I would be a nice guy, and then the girls would disappear. They would stop answering my calls and replying to my texts. A couple of weeks later, I would run into them, at which point they each told me the same thing. They were seeing someone; they rushed into things, but are now taking it slow.

I was taking them out on romantic dates and courting them, some other guy was the one sleeping with them and satisfying them.And that is when I formed my opinion of what it is girls really want. They want the romantic and chivalrous things, the nice dates and the cute surprises — just not from a nice guy. They want it from someone they can teach to do those things — from the bad boy

I know women are sexual creatures the same way men are; they have needs, and it is only natural that they should want them satisfied by someone with whom they have instant attraction — the other stuff they can work on later.They want someone who will please them in all ways, be the envy of girls everywhere AND open the door and act like a gentleman (the last one is the project).

All of this boils down to one thing: They want a challenge. They want to be the one who not only gets the sexy guy all their friends were swooning over, but they want to be the one who makes him fall in love with them, they want to be the one who turns the bad boy, into their nice guy.

Challenges are kids....I don't have time for that.So here we are, full circle. I’m not a nice guy anymore; I’m tired of being screwed over. I’m tired of waiting to sleep with a girl out of respect only to find out she slept with my buddy the same night I took her out to dinner, I’m tired of making an effort for no reward, I’m tired of being rejected (I don’t care what gender you are, rejection hurts).

But, most of all, I’m tired of listening to you complain about how there are no good men left, when I was right there.So you know what, I’ll stop being a good man; I’ll stop being a nice guy, and maybe then you’ll stop pretending like I don’t exist.

What I’ve learned is that nice guys don’t finish last. No, they get hurt enough or ignored enough and change. They learn the game and adapt, and in the end, there are no nice guys left.They change into something that gets your attention, and is given a chance, something you see as a viable sexual partner. But that isn’t all true because there are still some nice guys hidden out there in the world, you just don’t call them that.

So now that I think about it, I might not be a hopeless romantic anymore, after all. Maybe I have been reformed, maybe I have been cured and my friends will stop calling me “Ted Mosby.” I know I am still a gentleman, but after all, “a gentleman is simply a patient wolf.”

The truth of the matter is this. While this may seem like the ranting of a jaded man, or an overly confident douche, at the end of the day, I’m just another heartbroken person trying to avoid it happening again.

There is this misconception that men don’t have feelings or emotions, that when you flake on a date or break things off out of the blue, that we don’t get hurt. We do. We may not wear our emotions on our sleeves, but we do get hurt. Those things do bother us, and the end result is always the same: a guarded, bitter man with higher walls than a medieval castle.

It took all of this for me to realize that being a hopeless romantic in today’s world is pointless; you have to adapt.You have to accept this modern thing we call dating and love, or the same thing will happen over and over again, like an endless waltz.

The most honest and truthful reason I can give you as to why there are no nice guys left is fear. We were terrified of being alone, and we got so sick of being lonely.

Everyone wants intimate companionship, even nice guys. So to get it, we threw in the towel, we changed and learned — we stopped accepting that nice guys finish last.

Nice guys can’t finish last if there are none left. We know that being a nice guy didn’t entitle us to a great girl, but on those rare occasions when we ignored the timidness of our personalities and made our feelings known, we at least wanted a fair chance. But we never got one, and if we did, it was over before we knew it. “On to the next one!,” you said, as our hearts lay shattered on the floor.

People, especially girls, always say you have to fight!

I’m sorry, I can’t anymore. I’ve got nothing left. When you’ve been broken as many times as I have, it’s a constant fight just to hold yourself together.

It was much easier to change banners and give up on being a nice guy. And nice guys everywhere are realizing that as well; they are hanging up the knight’s armor and donning the bad boy’s leather jacket. If you can’t beat them, join them.

Who knows though? Maybe one day, the genders of our generation will stop thinking that they are each entitled to some mythical perfection that they deserve.

They will stop playing games and hold themselves to a higher standard and respect themselves enough to date people who truly make them happy and loved.

Maybe one day our generation will wake up and say, “I desire a certain kind of love, and I want certain qualities in a partner that will make him/her perfect for me! I don’t care how hot you are, or how sexy you are, that is not enough for me.”

And then what we will see are two souls, fighting for exactly what they want, encountering each other, and knowing, immediately, that they wont play games — that she was meant for him, and he was meant for her, and nothing else matters…

Until then, I guess I will have to hope

PERSONAL: WOMAN WITH LOW INTEREST LEVEL

If your interest level is low, please don't bother contacting me. My time is important and I will not risk going out on dates with women who have no interest in long term relationship that will end in marriage. I have zero-tolerance policy (including matter-of-fact I will call you on your bad behavior, so don't tell me that I am being rude when I am not)

I hate uncertainty...if you see me as an option for you, rather than something you definitely wants to be with ..don't waste my time. Keep dating other men who don't have their act together and don't know what they want. Motivation is the key here. If you are not showing your interested in me from the beginning ...then it just indicate to me that you are not as serious about wanting to be with me. I am not here to chase after you, I have enough woman chasing after me. If I am not your first priority, you are not mine. If you are looking for better prospect who want to marry you..good luck then.

I don't play games, but most people play a childish form of communication. This is what children do! They say one thing and do another. they throw temper tantrums. they react emotionally to everything. Women with high interest level wont confuse you. When a woman wants to be with you she’ll find a way to be with you. A woman who is into me has no need (and less motivation) to engage in behaviors that would compromise her status with me. I’m a firm believer in the psychological principal that the only way to determine genuine motivation and/or intent is to observe the behavior of an individual. All one need do is compare behavior and the results of it to correlate intent. You don’t need to be psychic to understand women’s covert communication, you need to be observant.

Everything has a price, and if you're willing to pay it, you can do it. If you want to get married and have kids ....you should do what is necessary to make it happen. You will have no one to blame if doesn't happen to you. There is no right person or perfect person out there. As a man, I can have kids in my 70s, you don't. You have until your early 30s before things get hard,,,,trust me I know because I had to go through IVF for two years with my ex wife.

-You can be sure that a girl likes you if she gives you her phone number and tells her that you can get in touch with her anytime. I can't count the number of times that so many woman respond to me without their number...totally ignoring my request after the second time with my response to them. I am not looking for a cyber relationship. I am looking for a real one.

-If I can only reach you through text, and it takes your hours or days or longer to text me. back;you shouldn't even be dating. I am looking for someone who wants to be with me. You respond to my calls/texts quickly.

- You ask question about me and it doesn't seem like I have drag things out of you.

-I am a giver myself and looking for a givers. One definite indicator of how much a woman wants you, lies in how much she is giving you. It does not have to be material things. She can be giving you kisses, hugs, food, comfort, massage or anything. The more she is giving, the more she is in love with you, it’s that simple.

ARTICLE: The Dowdy Patient By DAVID J. HELLERSTEIN

“So who is that dowdy person that always comes at lunchtime?” my officemate asked.

I knew immediately whom he was referring to: Greta, a woman in her 30s who faithfully took her seat in the waiting room at midday every Wednesday and sat stiffly until I opened my office door. With her homely dresses and unstylish hairdo, Greta looked like someone you’d see in a 1950s Good Housekeeping magazine.

“She’s great,” I said. “A really interesting person.”

This was true, but my officemate was right: Greta was not exactly alluring. It wasn’t her looks, which were fine (I’m certainly no Adonis myself); it was her unfashionable dress and grooming. Which was a shame, not because I cared how she looked, but because Greta herself so deeply yearned for a romantic relationship.

A boyfriend, then marriage, and soon after that, kids — that was pretty much all that Greta felt was missing from her otherwise enviable existence, which included Ivy League degrees, a Wall Street career, a downtown loft. There was a lot of back story: She had overcome a difficult upbringing in a small Midwestern town; her mother had died young; her father was strict and domineering. And so on. All of which made her accomplishments that much more impressive.

For more than a year, Greta and I met once and sometimes twice per week for psychotherapy and medication treatment. She suffered from panic attacks, which we found responded to low doses of Klonopin and Lexapro. In therapy, we addressed the frustrations of her office politics, her conflicts with her brothers, her mixture of sadness and relief when her father died. And she got better: She became calmer and more assertive, and formed stronger friendships. Her career thrived.

The only area of her life that didn’t improve was romance. Not that she didn’t go on dates, but they typically were one-off events. There never seemed to be a spark, much less a flame.

One day, after a bit of hemming and hawing — I knew it would be a sensitive topic — I raised the obvious: Had she considered getting a makeover? One of her friends, as Greta herself had told me, had recently seen an “image consultant” who recommended a whole new wardrobe, new hairstyle, different makeup. Could that, I asked, possibly be helpful?

“After all,” I added, “men tend to judge … ”

Greta bristled, and I stopped midsentence.

“You know,” she said, “I look much better when I go on a date. I put on makeup, I dress up. My friends say I look great!”

That shut me up.

For a number of months — in retrospect, far too long — I accepted that explanation. Her friends no doubt were attuned to the actual workings of the dating world, whereas as a married man, I’d been off the market for years. What did I know?

Over time, though, I began to wonder. I couldn’t really imagine that Greta underwent a major transformation on weekends. Plus, her dowdy persona Monday through Friday couldn’t help but decrease the odds of a fortuitous encounter with a future romantic partner during the week.

I’ll be the first to say that looks shouldn’t matter, that we shouldn’t judge people based on superficial criteria. But it’s also true that there are costs to ignoring, or defying, the social realities of the world we live in, and I suspected that Greta was paying those costs.

By objecting so strenuously to my makeover idea, Greta gave me an easy out. She clearly didn’t want to touch that issue. It was her treatment; she was choosing what to focus on. So I let it go. For years.

The real problem was that I didn’t know what to do in this situation. Years of psychotherapy training had given me no guidance in how to deal with the staunchly dowdy patient. Starting early in our training, we psychiatry residents spent innumerable hours addressing issues raised by inappropriately seductive patients. How best to deal with patients who flirt in session, who wear inappropriate attire, who ignore boundaries, who try, whether consciously or not, to lure you away from “therapeutic neutrality”? There were articles, books and lectures that helped us deal with a patient’s “erotic transference” and our own “countertransference reactions.”

But advice about the patient who refuses to be attractive? No.

Maybe a female or gay male therapist would have had an easier time addressing this topic with Greta. But for me, as a straight male working with a straight female patient, every option seemed blocked. Basically, no matter how I tried to put it, I would be saying, “I find you unappealing.”

Which, at least to Greta, would have raised the reasonable question, Why on earth would she want me to find her appealing? The whole thing reeked of grossness. Like it or not, in raising the issue, I could be viewed as endorsing regressive cultural norms, implicitly justifying or defending the regrettable behavior of my gender.

When I eventually tried again to discuss the issue of her appearance, things did indeed play out this way. Greta began to find me slightly creepy. Since previous therapists had never brought up this topic with her, she came to the conclusion that there must be something wrong with me for mentioning it. I don’t think she was right, but I can understand why she thought so.

This story does not end well. After nearly a decade of our work together, Greta remained unhappily single. When she was offered a job transfer to California, she took it and moved away. We did some telephone sessions and I continued to renew her medications until she found a new doctor. And that was it.

Last year, after a long hiatus, Greta came back to town. She made an appointment with me for a review of her medications, which she’d been getting from her primary care doctor and which had become less effective. I felt a bit of anticipation, perhaps hoping that she had been transformed with the help of a new therapist or the mellowing effects of California culture.

Alas, when she came for her appointment, it was clear that little had changed. Greta looked the same: the same Good Housekeeping hair, the same frumpy skirt and too-sensible shoes.

And her life? She filled me in: Her career was fine, she had a circle of new friends. But in terms of relationships? Nothing. After our work together, she had concluded that she just wasn’t meant to have romance. She had resigned herself to solitude.

Every therapist at some point discovers his limitations, be it a type of person he can’t help or an issue he is unable to successfully address. For whatever reason — a poor match of patient and doctor? my own deficiencies as a therapist? the complexities of our society’s gender relations? — the dowdy patient was mine.­