POETRY: I BELIEVE IN YOU

Once you were here
Once you were there
Once in awhile,
You were everywhere

You touched my hand
as soft as a dove.
You filled my heart
With tender love.

You showed the world
how sweet it could be.
You showed the world
what God can see.

But most of all,
Your love, once so free.
Can not be taken away...
for it lives within me.


2


They say that love and beauty
rest in the eyes of the beholder.

If this be true
then the tears that fall,
from my eyes,

are tears of beauty
and tears of love,
...for you.


3


Fragments of time
    capturing moments of love
       being lowered down
       only to rise above
      moments and seconds
       passion and bliss
      loving entanglement
       savoring our kiss
      unwilling to let go
     pushing toward the hour
      never under estimate
      love and it's power
       Fragments of time
       our life embraces
      loving so completely
      leaving many traces



4


his is the moment
That we've waited for.
Together we stand
At an open door;
The past behind us
Is already done,
A new life begins
When two become one.

There is bound to be fear
With any new step:
Will I stumble,
Will the promise be kept?
There is one thing
That will see us through
In every situation,
I will believe in you.

A mountain so tall
Is easier to climb
When it is mounted
By two at a time;
No matter how fierce,
A storm cannot part
Or tear asunder
The power of the heart.

Love began
As a tiny seed
And it will provide
Everything we need;
I pledge my love,
I know it is true,
I promise I will always
Believe in you.

THOUGHTS/DATING: WOMAN WHO WRITE ON THEIR PERSONAL AD THAT THEY LOVE TO TRAVEL ARE THE ONES YOU SHOULD KEEP AWAY FROM AND RUN AWAY

One thing I've noticed in the last few years from dating and reading online personal ads is that women have an unquenchable lust for traveling. Almost every ad I read talks about "going to Paris" someday or "I like to travel to Hawaii or the Bahamas at least twice a year". I can't figure out what women get out of traveling. What do I read into that? 'I'm looking for a man that has the $$$ to support my vacation habit.'Don't get me wrong, there are some places I'd like to travel to, perhaps later in life. But I'd like to be a bit wiser and able to appreciate what it is I'm going to see

While I value "saving up " and stuffing every last penny into your 401k so I can die comfortably, a good many people don't. Enjoying their life TODAY is what matters to them the most. I love to vacation--nothing better than going to a sunny, quiet, secluded beach and just vegging out on the sand with a book etc.

I was fortunate enough to travel alot growing up (my parents travel an unreal amount). My least favorite trips were the ones where the days were so structured and had the go-go mentality that at the end of the day you were left exhausted (NYC trip).

The best trips I've had were ones where there was plenty of lounging and vacationing but also had some element of structure/sightseeing to them.

Balance is the key.

Really go take a look and you will notice that all the female profiles in online dating, almost always mentioning traveling. It seems like every other woman loves traveling "so much," "a lot," "more than I like being at home," and just "love to travel."The ones that do not are usually conservative girls who want to stay home and cook and have a family-oriented approach to life. I think there is a theme here from my more general experience, but I'm not sure. I want to suggest that men are generally more conservative in general than women (i.e., less open to new experiences),

It's a type of achievement, like a badge. One girl from a group of friends travels and brags about how open-minded and adventurous she is, and then she becomes the center of attention. So the next girl does it, and then the next one and the next one.

Just look at those pictures they put up -- they are always on top of the Kilimanjaro, besides a penguin in Antarctica, underwater with whales and god know what else. In their books it is far more rewarding, so it seems, then becoming the CEO of a corporation (glass ceiling and all that).

So they put the same travel pictures up on a dating site and this is where the stupidity beings. The are expecting the same 'wow effect' from men, which they don't get. Men are not interested in their 'achievements'. It is not attractive, and to some it can actually be a deal-breaker. If she is having so much fun by being single, wtf is she doing on a dating site?

The bottom line is, men are expected to be stable, own their own homes (a place where she can come back to from her travels). Men are expected to have high social status. In addition to that, they are also expected to travel. Well, good luck with that.

We men don't feel the need to have so many experiences and memories. We don't need as much romance and adventure as you need to fill your life. We don't need to connect with other people as much as you. We don't need to see so many cultures as much as you do. We don't need to listen to so much of their music as you do. You see, your needs are different, so don't come here thinking that men are "lumps of flesh" simply because they don't need as much as you. Maybe you're the one who needs too much of it and us men are simply sick of trying to "please" and keep up with your need to do all these things. Who is to say that simply because men don't want to travel and experience as much as you that we are "lumps". Maybe you're the one that is overdoing it. I'm quite content with my life and where I live and the experiences in my vicinity.Just because I have no desire to seek out more of it in different parts of the world doesn't not make me a lump of flesh.

I'm not saying travelling is bad or make you those thing, I'm saying that when I see people who try to push "I love to travel" so much, they come across,

I see it as either:
"I'm not stable and can't appreciate what I have right here."
"I'm always trying to escape."
"I get easily bored."
"I don't spend the holidays with friends and family, instead I go hide in another country."


"Loving" to travel might seem as if you don't appreciate other things that happen between your travels.There's a difference between "I like to travel even though I don't get to do it a lot" and "I live everywhere but here" and when I see "I love to travel" this, for me, always meant at least once a year or more.

I get vibes from it as someone who has an otherwise boring life and needs to "get away" for excitement, at the first opportunity. In a really weird way, I see myself as potentially competing for time with travel hobby.

Virtually everyone enjoys travelling to a degree, but when you put a huge paragraph extolling how it's your reason to live, it sounds like you're not talking about it the same way as everyone else.

This not only fails to set you apart from half of the women on any dating site, but actually throws you in with them. The negativity comes from the amount of times one is subjected to reading about travel. Guys are usually the ones that have to visit profiles and read and send messages. After hitting up 10+ profiles and seeing that they all like to travel, I get a little sick of hearing about it. (And keep in mind, I'm sure tons of guys actually do more than 10 profiles, and do this EVERY day. It's like seeing that oxygen/food/water nonsense in the things you can't live without section)

The thing I don't understand is how anyone can afford to do this right after college. It just seems like such an unrealistic expectation for somebody to be able to sacrifice weeks of time and thousands of dollars traveling the world

Men watch their savings as women watch their weight to be attractive to the opposite sex. Since women don't really need money to impress dates, they have more to spend on traveling. This and the fact that it's a status thing to be able to afford time and money for vacations. We all know how important it is for women to show off their financial status.

There is more - women are always looking for change and something new - new shoes, new clothes, new restaurants...and the need for variety leads them to see new places. Another thing I have noticed is that the more heartbroken the woman is, the more she travels as a form of escape

The average man has a lot of interests, and since different men tend to have different ones, the total number of distinct male obsessions and hobbies is numbered in millions. All women have pretty much the same interests, and there are scarcely more than a handful of them in total. Why should travel, of all things, be one of those?

I'm guessing that this is a recent development. In the past most travel was dangerous, unpredictable, uncomfortable - the kind that still appeals to a subset of high T adventurous guys. If Richard Burton and Columbus were alive today, they would probably try to cross the world in a canoe or swim across the Bering Strait naked in winter or traverse the Antarctic on foot, all in a shorter amount of time than the current world record holder.

That's not the kind of travel women have ever liked. They're into packaged deals - hotels, fat tour guides, group photos in front of the Eiffel Tower, lying on the beaches of a continent other than their own. This is all very modern.

Some would tell you that to women travel is like jewlery or flowers - they don't like it for itself, they just like seeing men spend money on them through it. And indeed one would expect all the leading experts on jewlery and botany to be men, not women. But what is one to make then of the fact that single women often travel with each other on their own dime?


Travel requires spending money. Women don't need to have money to marry well so they can easily spend it. Men need to watch their money like women watch their weight. Women are spoilt. They want a lot of everything - more fine dining, more expensive cars and in the same line, they want more travel. Since travel requires spending money and time, they also do it for bragging rights. They want to go back to work and their social life with a tan in winter and make a point.

the fact of the matter is traveling is an expensive hobby. Travelling is a very nice thing if used with measure. Therefore when I read or hear that a woman or  even a man stresses it too much my narcissism-alarm bell rings because someone who can't stay too long in one place is someone who can't stay too long in one relationship.Narcissistic people travel and it just happens to be the case that there are more narcissistic women than men.

My experience is that travel addiction is mainly the pursuit of single women who either don't have a partner or don't really want one. Travel in moderation is enriching but on a compulsive level is simply the pursuit of new sensations, a superficial pursuit that replaces needs that are not being met in a mutually enriching and loving relationship.

Travel being on nearly every single female profile you can find on any dating site. I can tell you good some stories from my own half century life. It's heartbreaking for a guy. Who pays for all that travel? Wherever you go, you're there.

My parents emigrated from another country and I speak another language fluently, so I have to laugh when I hear born mono-lingual, mono-cultural women tell me about how they 'connect' with other cultures. Sure, in the most superficial ways I suppose. To me it's nothing new to see a 'new' culture, and traveling itself, airports, line-ups, sub-standard toilets, killer bills, bugs, diseases, thieves, beggars, schmoozers, the prattle of foreign tongues, all become one homogenous expensive bore and hazard.

The bed is here, and so is the kitchen, and good looking guys don't pay. So happy chump hunting to all those worthless bags. Any woman who trades a good man for travel is dead between the legs; just be grateful bros that they make themselves obvious enough; click next and let them all just dry up and shrivel away, or get pregnant from some of their exotic romantic travel humps, looks good on them.

Trouble is, that's all you are going to find on dating sites. A good looking woman on a dating site is a Red Flag. Good hearted women looking for a true best friend-lover and whose greatest joy is just hanging with their guy no matter where doing no matter what, there are some, are scooped long before they get to those sites. That's why there are so many of them on dating sites. No guy wants them.

My best advice, avoid these travel junkies. They have crossed over into the permanent singles women, Sex and the City club. There is no turning back for 99% of them.

Find a women who wants to be with you, and wants to share her life with you. Be there for her. Love her. Care for her. That's all there is to it really.

THOUGHTS: STEVE JOB WASN'T A GREAT PERSON

Steve Jobs by Walter Isaacson, 2011.

I read this book with interest even though, like almost everyone else, I already knew a lot about Jobs. There were some interesting new details on the margins, yes, but Jobs's famous personal magnetism must have been the biggest draw. Even a bore like Walter Isaacson couldn't obscure it all that much. Throughout the book I kept wondering how decent, level-headed people could go to work for Jobs, invest money in his enterprises, trust him during negotiations. Everyone always knew he was a sociopath. Well, why did I keep reading this book? If humans could be very excited by honesty and altruism, the world would be a pretty different place.

Where did Jobs's sociopathy come from? He was very smart - his teachers asked him to skip two grades in school - but he didn't have a single bit of nerdiness in him. His interests and mental power were from the beginning mostly turned towards humans. He had an intuitive understanding of people's weaknesses, boundaries and motivations and a superior ability to manipulate them. And unlike a smart woman, he had all that machismo.

Are all non-nerdy smart people sociopaths? If the average guy was suddenly granted these particular talents by a miracle pill, would he instantly become an asshole? Perhaps. I can think of at least one other contributing factor though. Bill Clinton, the other super-famous, brilliant-but-not-nerdy American sociopath of our day, may well have been as much of a bastard as Jobs, since the identity of his bio-father is disputed.

Obviously, Jobs's manipulative alpha nature benefited him enormously. Did it benefit society? Not technologically. File management and a lot of other PC tasks were always easier to do on a command line than in a GUI. There's less latency, you have more choices, and the learning curve isn't as steep as most imagine. Hardware keyboards are easier to use than software alternatives. The relationship between the quality of an artist's output and the complexity of his tools can't be very strong. The technical innovations that Jobs thrust onto the market earlier than they would have gotten there without him tended to be superficial.

I do think that his overall impact on society was positive, just that it was mostly confined to aesthetics. The original iMac, the Power Mac G4, the iPad 4 on which I'm typing this review and many other Apple products were rays of beauty in our increasingly ugly world. As such they've raised millions of people's moods and consciousnesses.

Of course he didn't bring back any classical forms - he never thought that different. But he did as much within the narrow confines of modernism as anybody I'm aware of. He didn't sketch - that's one of the things I learned from this book. Those who are able to easily push around others rarely enjoy doing anything else. So he just yelled at underlings until they made things that looked good to him. He did unquestionably have a great sense of style though.

When Pixar needed a new headquarters, Jobs became intimately involved in the building's design. He wanted it to have lots of open, public spaces where employees from different departments would be forced to bump into each other. He even pushed for the building to contain only two very large bathrooms for the same reason.

"Creativity comes from spontaneous meetings, from random discussions."

Nope. That's schmoozimg. Creativity comes from men concentrating on difficult problems alone for many hours in total silence.

"You run into someone, you ask what they’re doing, you say ‘Wow,’ and soon you’re cooking up all sorts of ideas.”

This is like a clown decreeing that fishing needs more makeup. He wasn't even curious about how his minions worked, how the stuff he sold came into being.

Naturally I was interested in the effects of Jobs's mixed parentage. Some aspects of his personality (verbal bombast, weepy, self-pitying sentimentality, the desire to be worshipped) were 100% Middle Eastern and others (an obsession with quality, an understated, stark, spare visual style) were 100% German. You'd expect people of mixed backgrounds to congregate around the 50/50 line on most traits, but for some reason it rarely works that way.

Group photos of Apple's management team can look like pictures of Saddam's cabinet meetings once you realize that jeans and mock turtlenecks were playing the role of black moustaches. Everyone present felt the need to copy the leader. Phrases like "insanely great" and "make a dent in the Universe" clearly share a sensibility with "the mother of all wars". Yet in the visual sphere he always went for the unadorned, the elegantly understated.

His thought processes were extremely irrational. One only needs rationality (and humility) when dealing with facts and inanimate objects, and he, after all, dealt with people instead. For example, already during the design of the original Macintosh he became dogmatic about rounded edges. You can make a beautiful object with square edges (just look at old books) or sharp edges as easily as with rounded ones. True aesthetics are always much more complex than a choice between three options anyway. Intuitively he knew what was beautiful and what wasn't, but his consciously verbalized ideas about it were illogical.

Another example of this was his genius/bozo (I'm being PG-13) dichotomy in evaluating employees. In the real world talents are distributed as bell curves. You'd think that an erroneously binary view of people's capabilities would severely hurt a manager's effectiveness. But the human world doesn't work logically, so he was able to have great success in it regardless.

This irrationality must be related to the shocking amount of hypocrisy in Jobs's work. In the 1984 commercial he presented Apple as a rebel fighting totalitarian control freaks at IBM. Yet it was he who always fought to take choices away from Apple's customers. You couldn't even open the original Macintosh with a screwdriver. The nerds who liked to modify their systems had to buy IBM compatibles instead. My iPad is glued shut and won't accept a USB drive. I lack access to its file system and it only runs apps approved by Apple. Hackers have justly named programs that remove Apple's software controls "jailbreaks".

Jobs's second most famous commercial introduced his "Think Different" slogan.

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules and they have no respect for the status quo."

And on and on in that barf-inducing vein, while Picasso, Ghandi, MLK, Bob Dylan, etc. appear on the screen. Those guys weren't rebels. They always went with the flow. It's impossible to get that famous while doing anything else, certainly not in art or politics. And of course the "counterculture" was the flow of Jobs's youth. Now, if he cited someone like Evelyn Waugh...

Bono opines on the pages of this book:

"The people who invented the twenty-first century were pot-smoking, sandal-wearing hippies from the West Coast like Steve, because they saw differently. The hierarchical systems of the East Coast, England, Germany and Japan do not encourage this different thinking."

It was deeply satisfying to see someone so full of himself being so hilariously wrong. The PC industry was created by nerds, not hippies. Nerds are the most rules-loving, routines-obsessed, regimented people on Earth. Also some of the most clean-living, if you disregard junk food. Nerds like Woz's father were ultimately gathered in the Bay Area by the Pentagon. Besides nerds, the most rules-loving entities in the known Universe are of course first-world militaries. If the Pentagon decided to invest in Alaska or the East Coast, that's where all those engineers would have settled and that's where the PC industry would have had to be born. And if Jobs grew up in a community obsessed with the aforementioned fishing, his business ventures would have had to revolve around that, since he was born to lead men, not to become an expert in any area of knowledge. Technology can, in principle, exist without hucksterism. But not without technologists.

And why was Jobs so drawn to Indian and faux-Indian gurus? Because they were controlling lots of impressionable minds. They were successful manipulative alphas. It was natural for a guy like him to want to see the masters at work. Same for his obsession with Dylan.

Isaacson devotes a lot of space to Jobs's weird diets. Jobs sometimes ate nothing but one particlar kind of fruit for weeks on end and was a vegetarian for most of his life. There was also lots of fasting and purging. Before Woz came up with the Apple I, Jobs likely saw himself in the future as a patriarch of a hippie commune in the mold of one of his closest friends at Reed College:

"In order to raise some cash one day, Jobs decided to sell his IBM Selectric typewriter. He walked into the room of the student who had offered to buy it only to discover that he was having sex with his girlfriend. Jobs started to leave, but the student invited him to take a seat and wait while they finished. "I thought, 'This is kind of far out," Jobs later recalled. And thus began his relationship with Robert Friedland, one of the few people in Jobs's life who were able to mesmerize him."

You can't have a religion without fasts and weird diets, so I'm guessing that early on Jobs's dieting served to prepare him for that career path. Friedland's commune included an apple orchard where Jobs sometimes worked pruning trees during the period when Apple was founded. The company's name is not unrelated to this. Perhaps unsurprisingly, Friedland later became a billionaire gold miner.

One humanizing aspect of Jobs's story was his love for his home town, Silicon Valley. He considered his California childhood to have been idyllic. That's not entirely how it sounded to me though. This book describes Jobs being bullied by "ethnic gangs" in a school situated in a "bad neighborhood". There was a gang rape there around the time he started attending. He gave an ultimatum to his parents to make them move to a better school district, where they had to buy a more expensive home. There were no bad neighborhoods or gangs, ethnic or otherwise, in my Soviet childhood.

Jobs once did a prank with his school buddies where they changed the codes on their classmates' bike locks. Everyone in my neighborhood had a bike when I was a kid, but no one had ever heard of bike locks. And no bikes were ever stolen.

A couple of random things I didn't know before I read this book:

1) Jobs went out with Chris-Ann Brennan in high school, but they later split up. She reconnected with him right when Apple started taking off. This is also when she became pregnant. Isaacson ignores the gold-digging implications of this entirely, but I bet Jobs didn't. Does this justify his subsequent abandonment of his first child? No. But it's a bit of context.

2) Xerox put out a GUI-based computer in 1981, more than a year after they showed the GUI technology to Jobs, 2 years before the Lisa and 3 years before the Macintosh. It was a failure. It cost $16,595 and sold 30,000 copies. The idea that Jobs simply stumbled upon a ready-to-use unexploited goldmine at PARC is not entirely correct. Without his business sense, marketing, without the numerous improvements to the GUI experience for which he pushed at Apple, this technology was not an automatic winner.

I'll end this review with predictions. It will be fun to read this 20 years from now, even if just to wonder how I could have been so wrong about something so obvious.

I'm guessing that without Jobs Apple will steadily decline. iOS will lose most of its market share to Android. At this point, before either Google Glass or the iWatch have gone on sale, the former seems more exciting than the latter. The phenomenon of other companies coming out with technologies that Apple would have pioneered if Jobs lived on will become a trend. The aesthetics of Apple's products will surely deteriorate. Unless Jobs's son Reed ever heads Apple, the company will from now on be run by hired hands, and those usually care far less than owners, founders or their families. Eventually Apple will be bought by a more successful firm, but its logo and brand may well live on for decades afterwards.

SPIRITUAL: YOU HAVE TO ASK THE RIGHT QUESTIONS

I began noticing a disturbing pattern: I frequently asked questions that were inadvertently structured to produce negative answers.

What do I mean by this? Well, for years, I CONSTANTLY asked questions such as:

What the F is wrong with me?
Why does this bad shit keep happening to me?
What do I need to do for this problem to go away?
What’s missing?
Why do I fuck up so much?

WOW!! No wonder I had been so miserable for many years. No wonder these journals made me feel burdened. They were packed with self-cursing questions that I asked over and over again.

Notice that each of the questions above is structured in such a way that it implies something negative exists: there’s something wrong with me; bad shit happens to me; a problem exists; something is missing; I fuck up so much. It’s like a secret command telling your mind, this is how it is.

Not once did it ever dawn on me that the questions I repeatedly asked myself were producing my reality.

Not once did it ever occur to me that my life was “bad” simply because I was asking “bad” questions.

 I made it a priority to begin asking more positive questions. The theory is that the human mind automatically searches for the answer to any question asked of it. By default, questions automatically engage the mind to begin working to find an answer.

So if you ask yourself a question – any question at all – you’re ultimately going to find an answer. Your mind will work tirelessly to find the answer, so it can file the question away as “answered.”

If you ask yourself, “What’s wrong with me?” your brain will begin to search for an answer. You’ll subconsciously begin to collect information that answers the question, which implies that something is wrong with you. Evidence will begin to pop up everywhere that will support the underlying, hidden statement behind the question.

If you ask yourself a question such as, “Why am I so successful?” then your brain will begin searching for an answer to that, too. You’ll find evidence that supports the underlying assumption behind the question: that you are successful.

The second I began asking better questions, my life started to turn around. I’ve been experimenting with positive, goal-oriented afformations for the past several months and have been blown away by some of the great things happening in my life

(As someone who spent most of her life entrenched in negative beliefs, surrounded by people who not only adopted a victim mentality but also encouraged it – this has been HUGE for me.)

Oh, and I can pretty much guarantee you that the majority of people in this world are asking bad questions – that’s why they’re stuck in a rut. Heck, maybe you’ve even asked a few bad questions yourself. I’m convinced now that bad questions are the #1 thing keeping most of humanity stuck in a place where they don’t to be.

If you want to attract more positive things into your world:

A) Start asking better questions.

B) Get rid of all physical objects that produce ANY sort of bad feelings in you. Old photos of exes, old junk someone gave you as a gift that you never really liked, anything that reminds you of something bad from your past – just get rid of it. Throw it away, recycle it, donate it – just get it out of your home. Watch as all kinds of amazing things start coming into your life – because now there’s actually room for them to appear!

If you don’t believe me, just try doing one or both of these things for 30 days. See what happens. If it doesn’t work, what did you lose? A few minutes of your time? If it does work…think of everything you’ll gain.

SPIRITUAL YOU DON'T HAVE CONTROL OF ANYTHING

We feel we’re in control, with plans like this.

But it’s an illusion, as I’ve said before.

We cannot control our lives to this degree, no matter how we try. Things will always come up to spoil the best-laid plans, and the more detailed our plans the more of a guarantee that something will go wrong.

And what happens when the plans go wrong? We are stressed out, because things get out of our control and don’t live up to our expectations. This is one of the greatest sources of stress for most people, actually.

Think about how often your days actually go according to plan, exactly — it’s pretty rare, because we have no way of predicting the future. No matter how hard we try. There’s always an email that will disrupt things, a last-minute meeting, cancellations and postponements, emergencies and fires to put out.

So if plans will almost always go wrong, and when they do we get stressed out, isn’t all the time we spend creating the plans a bit of a waste?

But what’s the alternative? Giving yourself to the moment. This will not work for everyone, I’ll admit: there are those who will have a hard time giving up the illusion of control, and others who are controlled by their bosses or peers and cannot work or live this way.

Still, it’s something worth considering. Here’s how to do it — starting with the don’ts:

Don’t plan. Planning is an attempt to control the world around us, but it’s a futile attempt. Throw out your plans, for now at least until you’ve decided this method isn’t for you. What do you do instead? More on this below. For now, just stop planning.

Don’t worry about the future. Will something bad happen? Are there things coming up that we must anticipate and prepare for? Of course, if there’s a massive hurricane headed your way, you should probably get ready. But otherwise, just realize that the future is unpredictable, and worrying about it is a waste of time. Focus on right now, and you’ll always be able to handle what comes.

Don’t have expectations. If you expect people to act a certain way, or hope that things will turn out a certain way, you’ll always run into problems. Forget about outcomes for now. Go into things without expectations, and they will always turn out perfectly (if a bit messy).

Don’t get annoyed when others act a certain way. Don’t expect people to act any way other than how they actually act. They are exactly the way they should be — even if that’s selfish or weird or aggressive. Those are their problems. Your problem is figuring out how you should act. I’d also advise you to try to understand others — why do they act the way they do?
Don’t overreact. This is a major problem when people plan and things go wrong — they overreact, and get upset and emotional and blow things out of proportion. Stay calm, because if things “go wrong”, they didn’t actually go wrong — they just happened. More on how to react below.

Don’t try to be proactive. This is a common prescription (being proactive) in management and business literature. And while I think the general idea is fine — do something to prevent problems from recurring rather than just fixing them after they happen — one of the problems this creates is always worrying about what might happen. And creating solutions before there are problems — if there never is a problem, you’ve wasted a lot of time creating the solution, and a lot of energy worrying about the future.

And now for the dos:

Do be open. What would it be like to go into each day without a plan, but just to see what happens? A bit scary, because of the lack of security and control, a bit chaotic perhaps, a bit like we’re a piece of driftwood floating in the middle of a churning sea. But in truth, this is what it’s like to go into each day *with* a plan — it’s just that we normally fool ourselves about the amount of control we have. So start the day with no plan, and be open to what emerges in each moment.

Do act, in the moment. Giving yourself to the moment doesn’t mean being passive and just letting life happen. It means acting, but doing what is best at this moment, what you are excited about right now, what needs to be done, in the present.

Do respond appropriately. Life happens, and we must respond. But instead of overreacting, we can respond calmly and appropriately. We can take the action that’s required, fix the problem, do what’s necessary to prevent it from happening again, and move on without it ruining our day.

Do accept. Accept what happens. It might not be what you considered ideal, but it’s what life has given you, what has resulted from your actions in an unpredicatable world. Accept it, respond, act, move on. Don’t get caught up in things not going your way, but accept that’s what has happened.

Again, this way of living won’t be for everybody. Some don’t have the freedom to live this way, and others just won’t give up control. Some will think this is a passive way of living, but it really isn’t: it’s just a way of living in the moment without being caught up in the future (or the past) so much.

And when we live in the moment, we’re really living life to the fullest. This is the gift of the present.

VIDEO.:SMALLVILLE ...I LOVE THIS SONG

Kim Taylor - Baby I Need You

POETRY: UNTIL THERE WAS YOU

Until there was you
I walked the earth alone
No hand to hold in mine
My heart was all my own

Until there was you
True love was just a dream
Dreams of wonder and tears
Dreams of hope and fears

Until there was you
My life had no direction
A road of uncertainty
But now we have a journey
Together you and me

So I thank my lucky stars
And God from the heavens above
For my heart and soul could never
Feel the impact of true love
Until there was you . . .


2

I wanna look in her eyes
and watch a passionate story unfold

I wanna hold her hand
and walk through the park

I wanna caress her legs
and find her spot

I wanna tickle her spine
with my tongue

I wanna massage her neck
and set the tone

I wanna make love to her
all night and day

I wanna be with her each
and everyday

I wanna say wait...the kids are up
again

I want us to last until the end


3

Some say eyes are the windows to the soul
You can see someone's entire past with just one look
I guess you can say you see them as a whole
Or in other words read them like a book

Some say there's such thing as love at first sight
You can glance at someone once and fall in love
I think love must be gained with a fight
And when you win it you will soar like a dove

But when I look into your eyes
Not only do I see the past
I see the future with it's bright firey skies
Symbolizing love that will surely last


4

without you in my life where would I be
lost in the storms of life like a ship battered at sea
my life would have no meaning, and my heart would be an empty void
with no happy, joyous, memories that you and I have enjoyed

without you in my life time would always seem still
never laughing or smiling, just my empty heart that couldn't be filled
the love we share each day together is more valuable to me than gold
I pray each day it'll grow warmer and never grow stale and cold

without you in my life I don't know what I would do
that's why I've put my thoughts and feelings into this poem for you
by the time you get done reading this I hope you will see
that you are, always have been, and always will be, the only one for me



5

Here I am...
   In front of you
Behind you,
   Inside you.
Here I am...
   Touching you
Feeling you,
   Loving you.
Here I am...
   Needing you
Wanting you,
   Knowing you.
Here I am...
   There you are
We are one!



6

When I gaze into your eyes,
Tomorrow is all I see.
I wish you could know, my love,
Just what you mean to me.

To hold you in the darkness,
And watch you next to me
To kiss your gentle lips,
Is heaven, girl, to me.

We hold hands when in public,
I beam with such delight
For, it's your tenderness and beauty
That makes my heart take flight.

You came into my life,
So unexpectedly,
Words can't ever express
Just what you mean to me.

Poetry doesn't say it,
Music can't even touch,
The endless love inside of me,
That wants your gentle touch.

Don't ever leave me, darling,
I don't know what I would do
Because, my darling baby,
I am so in love with you


7

My love I've never seen...
Addicted to my every dream
Refusing to let you go. 
I thought you should know
All I do is think of you!

Ease my inner broken soul,
Let your soul take control
It's you that makes it all better.
Adoring your sweet voice, 
Babe your my one and only choice.
Empress of my skies
Tell me there's no lies;
Hooked on your glittering brown eyes.

Help me from this awful pain
Empty without your loving care.
Nervous by your feeling's said,
Always running through my head.
Never forget that I once bled...
Damn the tears that are being shed,
Envying your cozy, warm touch
won't you just tell me where I'm led?

ARTICLE: NYTIMES>>Concentrated Markets Take Big Toll on Economy

Nobody believes AT&T’s $48 billion shot at buying DirecTV will be the last attempt by the nation’s communications leviathans to get even bigger. Verizon will inevitably try to bulk up in response to Comcast’s $45 billion grab for Time Warner Cable. Sprint, the No. 3 wireless carrier, is lusting for No. 4 T-Mobile.

Each of these deals, of course, is justified by the drive to compete. Yet three decades after the United States dismembered its telecom monopoly, the melee of mergers is reshaping the backbone of the information age — including telephone, cable television and broadband Internet — into an oligopoly where competitors are in short supply.

“They say they have to become larger because the other one is becoming larger,” said Eli Noam of Columbia University, who directs its Institute for Tele-Information. “What is the limiting principle?”

Indeed. And it isn’t just the distributors: “Content” providers like Amazon, Google and Facebook dominate their markets as well.

The question could be asked even more broadly. Four airlines — United, Delta, American and Southwest — serve 71 percent of domestic air traffic in the United States, according to Severin Borenstein of the University of California, Berkeley. From 1980 to 2009 the share of the top four fluctuated around 55 percent.

In agribusiness, Monsanto has a legal monopoly over key genetic traits of most of the soybeans and corn planted by farmers across the United States. The top five banks in the United States hold nearly halfof its banking assets, up from less than 30 percent in 2000.

So what is the concentration of so many markets doing to the American economy?

“I’m fairly convinced that things have gotten worse,” said Joseph E. Stiglitz, the Nobel-winning economist, who teaches at Columbia University. Technology companies have “been extraordinarily innovative in creating monopolistic innovations.” But, at the same time, policy has aided market concentration. “There are various ways,” Professor Stiglitz added, “that we undermine competition through rules and regulations.”

The excess profits companies can extract from their customers when they face little or no competition — known to economists as “rents” — may be deepening income inequality, Professor Stiglitz and others have argued. The evidence shows up in fatter corporate bottom lines and a rising share of national income that goes to profits.

“In a competitive economy, the real return to capital would be much smaller,” Professor Stiglitz said. Concentration in the financial sector might have something to do with the fact that finance and insurance amass 15 percent of corporate America’s pretax profits, employing 5 percent of its private sector workers.

Consider health care, a sector that accounts for nearly one-fifth of the American economy. Hospital systems have been growing at breakneck speed, gobbling up independents and taking over physician practices.

In 1992, the average metropolitan area was served by the equivalent of four rival hospital systems of equal size, according to estimates by Martin S. Gaynor, currently chief economist at the Federal Trade Commission. By 2006, the number was down to three, and 250 of the nation’s 332 metropolitan areas had highly concentrated hospital markets by the standards of the F.T.C.

Mr. Gaynor counts more than 1,000 hospital system mergers since the mid-1990s, often involving dozens of hospitals. And yet between 1990 and 2007, the commission did not win a single case against a hospital merger.

Consolidation, to be sure, is not always a bad thing. It can create efficiencies where there are economies of scale, such as sharing administrative costs over a broader market. In markets that remain competitive, some of these efficiencies are likely to be passed on to consumers in the form of better service or lower prices.

The dominance of some high-tech firms, like Microsoft in its day or Facebook now, is to some extent inevitable given their low marginal costs — it costs practically nothing to produce an additional unit of software — and network effects, because a social media platform is much more useful to consumers the more people are on it. This will drive users to the dominant player — be it Facebook or Twitter — at the expense of all others.

And the dominant Goliaths might even have a positive effect on innovation: The prospect of being bought out for billions by Google or Facebook is a great incentive for venture capitalists to invest in the kind of garage-level tinkerers who can come up with the new Instagram or Snapchat.

“The tech sector is pretty awesome in delivering value to consumers,” said Carl Shapiro, a former member of President Obama’s Council of Economic Advisers who teaches at the University of California, Berkeley. “Some caution is appropriate before concluding that competition is lacking.”

Yet there are reasons to worry about the nation’s concentrated markets. Start with prices: airline fares started rising in 2009 and are now at their highest since 2002, according to Professor Borenstein’s calculations.

There are broader concerns. We might have better word processors had it not been for the market power of Microsoft Office. There may be better forms of search based on natural language that we may never see because of Google.

“Successful incumbents are often tempted to acquire start-ups that begin to pose a disruptive threat, rather than face them down the road,” Professor Shapiro said. “Such acquisitions can harm competition and hinder innovation, but they are hard for antitrust authorities to challenge.”

At the same time, many economists believe restrictive patent and copyright laws — which grant temporary monopoly rights to inventors over the fruits of their inventions — may be hindering innovation rather than encouraging it, discouraging creators from piggybacking on each other’s breakthroughs.

The ultimate fear is that entrenched dominant companies sap business dynamism. The rate of new businesses entering the economy declined sharply from the late 1970s through 2011, according toresearch published this month by Robert E. Litan of the Brookings Institution and Ian Hathaway of Ennsyte Economics.

It is not clear what caused this slowdown. Mr. Litan says tougher regulation and increasing economies of scale may be the main culprits, weighing against small new entrants. But the pattern also fits a picture of entrenched incumbents erecting walls against new contenders. “I wasn’t expecting this result,” Mr. Litan told me. “I’m still struggling with this puzzling fact.”

What does this portend? As technology makes further inroads into the broader economy — bringing along its intellectual property protections and its dominant companies with their huge economies of scale — the potential risks that market concentration could stymie broader swathes of the economy cannot be discounted.

Take broadband, the enabling platform of the Internet age, which allows young information technology companies to tap the vast troves of information with which to build new services and to cheaply reach large numbers of users.

Broadband companies are not doing badly. Comcast’s earnings were up by a third in the first quarter of the year. AT&T’s were up 11 percent.

And yet, the United States has some of the highest broadband pricesamong industrial nations, according to data compiled by the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development in the fall of 2012, and comparatively slow speeds. The United States was in 16th place among 34 members of the O.E.C.D. in terms of broadband penetration.

Future competition on the Internet “won’t be David versus Goliath,” Professor Noam said. “It will be a battle of Goliaths,” pitting big broadband oligopolies against big, dominant content providers riding on their pipes.

Already the big media companies like Netflix are cutting deals with big dominant platforms like Comcast to get their content to subscribers faster.

The question is, will there be a place in this world for any Davids?

JOURNAL

I was off last week. I did a lot of work. Clean the house. Paperwork to get done. Went to the dentist and got oral surgery, had my trendmill inspected., took my mom to the doctor, threw out a lot of junk that I wasn't using and set up a cruise for the fall. My sister stayed over one night.

I did have a date on Satur. What a waste. She was Italian...very pretty, but boy she was too strong for me. Not kind at all. I knew the night before ...she wasn't right for me...but I met anyway.

Memorial day I was barbecuing in the backyard with my parents and sister.

PERSONAL/DATING: SOMETIMES YOU MEET SOMEONE

Sometimes you meet someone, and it’s so clear so immediately that the two of you, on some level, belong together. As lovers, or as friends, or as family, or as something entirely different. You just work, whether you’re in love or creating things together or foxhole buddies or partners in crime. It’s so clear, right off the bat, that this is what you’re supposed to be doing, that this is what you’re for. You meet these people throughout your life, out of nowhere, under the strangest of circumstances, and they help you make a life. I don’t know if that makes me believe in coincidence, or fate, or sheer blind luck, but. It definitely makes me believe in something.

My point is, there are a lot of people in the world. No one ever sees everything the same way you do; it just doesn’t happen. So when you find one person who gets a couple of things, especially if they’re important ones… you might as well hold on to them. You know? I want someone to fall in love with the way I laugh and the way I smile. I want someone to listen to the ramblings of my inner child.

I just want something beautiful. I wanna look in your eyes. I wanna listen to you sing my favorite song and cry. I wanna reach into your oceans. I wanna calm your sea and your storms. I wanna let you take a hold of this sinking ship and lead me home. I wanna pack up and move with you, and never look behind. I wanna take your hand as we chase down the skyline. I wanna tell you my stories, and wake you up in the middle of the night. I want you to tell me I’m wrong. And I just want you to smile at me when I’m right.


I always thought that there was this one perfect person for everybody in the world, you know, and when you found that person the rest of the world kind of magically faded away, and, you know, the two of you would just be inside this kind of protective bubble, but there is no bubble, I mean if there is you have to make it, I just think life is more than a series of moments, you know,we can make choices, and we can choose to protect the people we love, and that’s what makes us who we are and those are the real memories.

When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self,any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.

The greatest feeling in the world is to be around someone who wants to hold you, wants to kiss your forehead, wants to be around you, wants to call you at night, wants to see you smile. But I think what’s better than that is finding someone who does it all because she wants to see you happy.

It’s not about finding someone who won’t fight with you, or make you sad, or mad. It’s about finding the person who will still be standing there, wiping the tears away, holding you in their arms after a fight, and it’s about finding the one who will never leave, no matter how hard things get.

To be brave is to love someone unconditionally,  without expecting anything in return; to just give.  That takes courage, because we don’t want to fall on  our faces or leave ourselves open to hurt.I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me. Love is knowing all about someone and still wanting to be with them more than any other person. Love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you may be ashamed of. Love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak in the knees when they walk in a room and smile at you.

By some mischief of fate, we might only fall in love once. You know, that one great love old folks refer to. Many lovers may get into our lives, but there is only one person with that one smile, one kiss, one hug and one moment, that our hearts will never replace. That person, usually but sadly, is the one that got away. That’s why, after all the chips are down, we know, just know, that we’ll never fall in love that way again.

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved – a piece no future lover could ever get, no mater what. That piece holds innocence – the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong.


PART 2


I want an honest relationship with someone who will be afraid losing me.I have a lot of love to give and I want to share it with a partner, who also has a lot of love to give. And we will have children with whom to also share our love.It's important to realize that we attract people at our common level

We all got issues. Nobody in the world is perfect. Wait, let me correct that: no one is perfect until we fall in love with them.I think I read that on a meme on some random person's Instagram, but am sure it was said by some love guru scholar-type person who will forever go uncredited on Twitter. But I digress You see, a year ago I was in love. Head over heels floating on air, smiling for no reason type of love. I thought my girlfriend was perfect. I would have done anything for her, and I was willing to work through any issue that would arise in our relationship. Unfortunately, she didn't feel the same way. So when she walked away, it hurt pretty damn bad! But I still believe in unconditional love.

I want a woman  to love me regardless of the dumb shit I do A woman who doesn't judge me when I get into bar fights. A woman who Just gives me some tender advice and nurses my wounds. A woman who takes down the info for me when I get into a car accident and helps me deal with the paper work. A woman who hands me the can when I spray paint my house.A woman who'll be there for me, even when my heart is tested with a woman from my past. Someone to let me go and be secure enough to swallow her hurt and be there for me when I remember why my past is my past. And as we know, with great love, all things are possible.

SPIRITUAL: LIVING FOR NOW

There is no 'problem' as such in getting excited about the future, but it is a bit like playing a broken record. We're always getting excited about the future. We're always looking for that quick fix to make us happy. I'm writing this on a Saturday night (I have lots of work to do) and I'm already thinking about my parents coming over to my house tomorrow.

Just think about all the quick-fixes for happiness or entertainment we have in our lives that we wait for. This is just a short list but there are many more things that we commonly look forward to:

Sex / Porn
Holidays
Meeting Friends
Fridays
Weddings
Births

There is nothing wrong with any of these, and nothing wrong with the nature of looking forward to things. I'm sure you all agree that it's nice to know enjoyable events are coming up in our schedule. The thing is, once this event we've been looking forward to is upon us, we're already on the lookout for the next one; the next high.

Once the baby is born, we look forward to the Christening or Birthdays
Once it's Friday we can't wait until Saturday to hit the beach


If you look closely at your current life situation, you'll probably be able to relate to the points above. If you're 'lucky,' it's also likely that you have some awesome event that just can't come soon enough. Chances are though – just like the examples above – once it has arrived, your attention won't be there to enjoy it.

I don't think anybody could say this better than Zen Buddhist, Thich Nhat Hanh:

In the United States, I have a close friend named Jim Forest.  When I first met him eight years ago, he was working with the Catholic Peace Fellowship.  Last winter, Jim came to visit.  I usually wash the dishes after we've finished the evening meal, before sitting down and drinking tea with everyone else.  One night, Jim asked if he might do the dishes.  I said, “Go ahead, but if you wash the dishes you must know the way to wash them.” Jim replied, “Come on, you think I don't know how to wash the dishes?” I answered, “There are two ways to wash the dishes.  The first is to wash the dishes in order to have clean dishes and the second is to wash the dishes to wash the dishes.”  Jim was delighted and said, “I choose the second way–to wash the dishes to wash the dishes.”  From then on, Jim knew how to wash the dishes.  I transferred the “responsibility” to him for an entire week.

If while washing dishes, we think only of the cup of tea that awaits us, thus hurrying to get the dishes out of the way as if they were a nuisance, then we are not “washing the dishes to  wash the dishes.”  What's more, we are not alive during the time we are washing the dishes. In fact, we are completely incapable of realizing the miracle of life while standing at the sink. If we can't wash the dishes, the chances are we won't be able to drink our tea either.  While drinking the cup of tea, we will only be thinking of other things, barely aware of the cup in our hands.  Thus we are sucked away into the future and we are incapable of actually living one minute of life.

VIDEO: LOOK AT YOURSELF AFTER WATCHING THIS

LOVE/DATING: RELATIONSHIP JUST DON'T HAPPEN

So many people assume that their relationships just happen to them, with little understanding that it will in fact unfold in direct reflection of their own thoughts and feelings about themselves. You see, we all take a certain amount of ‘baggage’ into our relationships with us in the form of conditioning from our past which creates our beliefs and sense of self-worth if we allow it to. Most of us are blissfully unaware of what these patterns of behaviour are, but they will all be subtly reflected in our behaviour towards our partner.

There are two facts which will help you understand how your relationships unfold; the first is that no one can love you more than you love yourself; the second is that you teach others how to treat you.

Loving Yourself and Putting Yourself First

Many of us continually put our own needs behind those of our partner, whilst secretly harbouring resentment about doing so. This in fact teaches our partner that we do not value ourselves, yet we are so surprised when they begin treating us in the same way. When we learn to love ourselves and fulfil our own needs, then we have an abundance to give and share with others. Remember too, that your partner will always be able to sense and feel your underlying energy or ‘state’, whether you have a smile on your face or not… What lies beneath your surface will show itself in seemingly subtle, yet powerful ways…

It’s vitally important for you to be aware of who you’re taking into the relationship with you. By this, I mean you… Understanding and loving yourself fully is the biggest gift you can give to yourself, to your partner and to your relationship. When you love yourself you take no neediness into the relationship with you. If instead, you make your partner responsible for creating your happiness and fulfilling your needs, a huge burden is placed upon them. Not only that, but you will always be in fear of what may happen if at any time they don’t fulfil those needs. It puts a great strain on both of you… When two partners behave like this it is known as a co-dependency.

Loving yourself brings many wonderful virtues into the partnership with you… Firstly, you enter into the relationship as your true self, without putting on any kind of act or mask to try and be what you think your partner expects you to be. You wouldn’t even entertain being anyone other than your true self, because you’d know without doubt that you are worth loving for who you are. You would also know that being single is far better than being in a fake relationship simply for the sake of it. When we put on this kind of mask, not only is it exhausting to keep up the act, but it builds a great deal of resentment beneath the surface because we feel we can never really be ourselves… ironically! Yet, so many of us do this sub-consciously. You will never feel truly loved for who you are when you’re not being yourself. Many enter into a game of ‘fake love’ by doing and being things that will gain us love and appreciation… Life becomes a game of acting so that we don’t experience rejection or disapproval… How different life would be though, if we didn’t fear either of these things in the first place. Well, this is exactly the essence of why loving yourself is so vital.

It’s hugely important to real-ise, that when two people hide behind a mask, the masks will eventually fall away, revealing two complete strangers. Most people call that initial stage the ‘honeymoon phase’… and then wonder why things are never as exciting as they were in the beginning, or they wonder what they ever saw in their partner and the ideal of the relationship.

When you love yourself, you will be able to gift your partner with a huge amount of freedom. You come into the relationship from a place of unattachment. By this I mean unattached to any outcome – you do not place the burden of “I expect you to be with me for the rest of my life, whether you like it or not!” on your partner… get the picture? This is what attachment looks like… You will not be fearful of them leaving you if they choose to because you’ll know that no matter what happens; you’ll handle everything just perfectly. Such fears often destroy relationships with ‘bad’ energy.

By simply choosing to be together, rather than needing to be together, this allows you to place a huge amount of trust in your partner. By also trusting in yourself to deal with anything, it allows you to ‘give’ yourself to the relationship from a place of vulnerability. The strange thing is, that if your partner senses this kind of vulnerable energy in you and sees it reflected in your behaviour, they are not likely to want to leave you or give you any reason to mistrust them… it’s amazing how it all unfolds. On the other hand, when you attempt to trap your partner through your mistrust of them because you couldn’t handle it if they ever left you… and you continually question them and take away their freedom, they are far more likely to respond with exactly the behaviour you’re most fearful of… by leaving you and/or by ending up in the arms of another…

So are you beginning to understand how we create our relationships…?

Where Is Your Focus?

One of the most magical things about sharing yourself with another is that what you focus on in your partner is what will transpire. If you focus on all the good, you will see more of it. You partner will sense that you are seeing the best in them and their behaviour towards you will reflect that. If on the other hand, you’re focusing on everything your partner does wrong, or are expecting negative behaviour from them, they will also sense this and reflect it straight back to you with exactly what you’re expecting.

One of the most beautiful things you can gift your partner with is a list of all the wonderful things they do for you, letting them know just how much you appreciate them. This creates a beautiful loving bond between you both. Not only that, but it opens your heart to true love lets them know just how valid they are in your life. In doing so, please don’t demand that they reply with a counter-list, because this is not giving from a place of authenticity… this is giving in order to receive, which will also leave you in a fearful energy. So many of us tend to work on a hidden barter system when we give; a great example of this is to ask yourself how you felt the last time you sent your partner a loving text or e-mail and didn’t receive a reply? If you were disappointed by their lack of response, then was your gesture truly authentic, or simply because you needed to hear their reply? Giving with no expectation of how or if they should respond according to your rules is indeed a very loving thing to do.

Another biggie in terms of relationships is to learn never to make assumptions about anything…ever! When your partner says or does something, their patterns of behaviour and ‘model of the world’ won’t necessarily match yours. Whatever the assumption has been made about has been transferred from their beliefs and perception of the world into yours, which will of course be entirely different. But instead of always assuming the best, we tend to make negative assumptions about what’s just happened, then either don’t say a word and resent it, or launch into an argument.

The best way to make assumptions if you must make them and want a loving, committed relationship, is to always make the best possible ones about your partner’s behaviour and intentions. If he or she says something that has hurt you, express your feelings in a loving way immediately and without blame. Andy and I agreed from day one that if either of us said anything which hurt the other, we would say “Ouch” and explain what had hurt us. We were staggered by the number of times we found ourselves saying “Ouch” when in fact, the other meant something entirely different from the way it was perceived and most certainly not intended to hurt. You might be surprised to find that you make far more negative assumptions that you’d ever imagine… Be aware that if these build up without resolution, they will create a huge amount of tension, resentment and animosity between you…

We often feel infatuated during the early stages of a relationship. This is generally the case when we don’t love ourselves fully and feel that burst of love and appreciation from a new partner which takes our ‘love score’ up to a 10 out of 10. These are the times when we usually become the person we think they want us to be, purely to ensure that we keep receiving that burst of love. This is the mask I mentioned earlier, and it can become an addiction. This is also unfortunately very fearful behaviour, because if they don’t provide the love we need in order to feel great about ourselves, we tend to take an emotional dive into the depths of despair. If, on the other hand, you have genuine love for yourself to begin with, then rather than thinking “Thank goodness someone loves me”, you can remain more realistic and evaluate whether that person is indeed right for you. It may seem unromantic… how romantic is a 46% divorce rate, rises sharply second and third time around?


Most people don’t have a clue how differently men and women think, feel and communicate. Women tend to imagine that men think in a very similar way to them… a very mistaken assumption indeed. On the whole, men are more logical, whereas women are more emotional and much of their respective communication will stem from these two different viewpoints. Men focus on one thing at a time, while women can multi-task. While women need to talk to reduce stress, men will want to find a solution to your problems – this often drives women crazy. Simply telling a man that you want him to listen and not provide a solution will appeal to his logical mind and allow the woman to talk… something this simple is sure to reduce arguments and frustration.

Many women aren’t aware that men generally feel emasculated when their woman points out a solution, yet in today’s society, women have high powered jobs, are often the main bread-winner in the house and it can be difficult to know how to maintain the right balance. So you see, learning about the differences between men and women’s thinking, behaviour and methods of communication is a powerful key to learning how to create an ideal relationship…

Another wonderful recipe to creating a fantastic bond between you is to know and understand your and your partner’s ‘love languages’. People give and receive love in one or more of five main ways – words of affirmation, touch, quality time, acts of service and gifts. If you know what your love languages are, then communicate them clearly to your partner so they know what makes you feel loved… then leave space for them to fill that gap without placing demands on them to do so. It’s vital too, to learn what your partner’s languages of love are, so that you in turn can also fulfil their needs and create a beautiful relationship.

I truly believe that a soul-mate relationship is something that is created between two people who share a genuine love, respect and truth with each other. Two people who choose to be committed to being together in a loving, trusting and unattached way, and who implement the key points I’ve mentioned above, will learn to love, respect and admire their differences.

You can become each other’s greatest teacher simply by allowing your partner to be exactly who they are and learning from them, rather than demanding they change to fit in with your model of the world. When we try to fix or change our partner, they will never feel good about themselves in the relationship – how could they, when you keep reminding them how they need to be more like you, because who they are simply isn’t good enough for you…

In essence, real love is created when a relationship becomes stronger, deeper and more fulfilling through time… it doesn’t wear off or become less exciting than it was in the beginning… quite the opposite.

It’s certainly food for thought…