Say it with me now.
As the sun slowly emerges, peeking through the hills and meadow, all that I can see are long shadows being drawn across the ground threatening to erase me from this light. Standing here in this time and space alone, I feel the wind brush across my face, I hear your soul linger as the grass sashays along with the rest of this world. With the light hanging gingerly beyond the sky, for a moment I feel your hands brush against mine, and I see the world before me. Contemplating over the notions of immortality and eternity, I ponder of these ludicrous possibilities and what the ramifications are to our existence. Quietly in this twilight, with you beside my feeble existence, I defy the gods and the heavens above us to ever force our entities apart; for immortality lies before us.
You chide me; you tell me it must be impossible.
It is often ridiculous to even think about the possibility of being a little part of forever, and while it often lies beyond the paradigms of mere mortals such as us, the ideas of eternity is often used within the context of love. It is therefore perhaps inevitable that much of us would eventually lose faith in such a concept as intangible and as unreal as this, for it is beyond our logic and sense to even fathom a divine idea such as this. There is almost no debate that eternity does not exist, people live and die, the things we see and touch are transient, and even celestial objects that we often place beside the notion of immortality such as the stars and the planets are not eternal. With such divinity an impossibility, it is then almost futile that we engage with such a word, for there should not have been such a word if application does not exist, if the only linguistic term that is always used is transcendental. Yet as I use the word if, realize that there is an element of hope in all of us, for there could be immortality if we allow ourselves to reach towards it; if we leap with all the faith within us. So as I stand here beside you, with your thoughts dancing within mine, I present to you nothing more than hope.
You see darling, all I present to you is love.
With the wind once again pulling me just ever so slightly away from you, all I ever do is close my eyes and hold on tightly and nudge myself towards you, for no divine being shall ever dream of taking me away from all that stands before me. We are nothing more than mere mortals, we are transcendental, filled with possibilities that may never be more than that, mere possibilities. Yet like everything else in this beautiful world, we all start with a dream, the very rule and foundation of love, the very thing that binds us together more strongly than anything like it. It becomes painfully apparent that defeating the very idea of being finite is a giant leap, not simply for us and our temporal existences, but for all that exists in this universe. Though cliché and intangible, it must be said then that nothing can ever be deemed as impossible, for nothing is truly worthy of the word impossible. Standing here with you in my arms, all that it would ever take is a little leap of faith and all that it means to be human to defeat all that stands before us, to defy even the eternal entity transcendentality. But as the sun slowly rises and moves across the sky, I see a slight smirk in your face as the cynic within you once again tells me all that I said is nothing more than mere words that hardly hold any ground; nothing more than words, that is what you, my dear, say.
Hush and listen now, I whisper.
And as the sun floats to the afternoon and towards the end of the day, I grab your hand and run alongside the majestic celestial entity. Running across the sky and chasing after god seems almost futile, almost silly, but with your hands tightly clasped in mine, we run. Love, as we know it now, is filled with cynics threatening to root it firmly in reality, and perhaps that is the way things should be; yet it is love that we speak of. The very sinews that binds us together, the essence of creation and dreams; it exists beyond the leagues of us mere mortals and presents to us possibilities that we may never understand. Such an emotion, an entity perhaps, a phenomenon, cannot be understated and dealt with alongside transient notions.
With you beside me, we run.
Perhaps ideas of faith and belief are too intangible to truly grasp, maybe we are all too jaded and cynical to let ourselves be part of these beautiful things; but that is no reason to simply forgo such ideas. As with all entities bound by love, we are all but writers and composers trying to write the perfect, endless song. Though it may be difficult to truly be eternal, remember all that I have said and iterated, know that these thoughts are timeless, keep in mind that it can never be impossible. And as we defy the sun to set, as we make daylight forever, all that we must do is to never cease trying, all I would like to say to you is that I am here now.
So chase this light with me.
Saturday, August 18, 2012
THOUGHT: THE PARADOX OF TIME
Grandfather Paradox :
Time travel is impossible as exemplified by the famous grandfather paradox. Imagine you build a time machine. It is possible for you to travel back in time, meet your grandfather before he produces any children (i.e. your father/mother) and kill him. Thus, you would not have been born and the time machine would not have been built, a paradox.
Perhaps the craziest of the time travel paradoxes was cooked up by Robert Heinlein in his classic short story "All You Zombies."
A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. "Jane" grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically convert "her" to a "him." Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.
Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by fate, "he" becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop's Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the "time travelers corps." Both of them enter a time machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes pregnant.
The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time travelers corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together, becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travelers corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop's Place in 1970.
The question is: Who is Jane's mother, father, grandfather, grand mother, son, daughter, granddaughter, and grandson? The girl, the drifter, and the bartender, of course, are all the same person. These paradoxes can made your head spin, especially if you try to untangle Jane's twisted parentage. If we drawJane's family tree, we find that all the branches are curled inward back on themselves, as in a circle. We come to the astonishing conclusion that she is her own mother and father! She is an entire family tree unto herself.
Imagine you build a time machine. It is possible for you to travel back in time, meet your grandfather before he produces any children (i.e. your father/mother) and kill him. Thus, you would not have been born and the time machine would not have been built, a paradox.
that's not a paradox, that's a fallacy. this whole paradox rests solely along the fact that you would kill your grandfather(which most people probably wouldn't) that goes into like Quantam Physics which is like for every possible choice there is a multitude of different outcomes. so, in theory, the time machines creation never would have been built in most situations, seeing as its impossible to go to the past without affecting the future in some small way(with the exception of becoming invisible)
a great example of this is when homer simpson kept going into the past and affecting things in the past, which in turn resulted in him returning to an altered state in time which was his present.
additionally, as any person who knows the Chaos Theory can tell you, you wouldn't have to kill your grandfather. That's a stupid assumption in the first place. any slight change in the past can have a drastic effect on the future. let's say you just tell your grandfather, "i am your grandson from the future." that could have a limitless amount of possibilities that impact the future depending on his interpretation of your statement and his following action.
the second one, however, was pretty cool
EDIT: and again, the second one would also go into quantam physics. in one dimension, she obviously joined the military but in another dimension she didn't. in other dementions she might not even gone into the bar, or in the direction the bar was in, or possibly commited suicide; and again in other dimentions, lets say that the man stealing the baby was shot by a security officer, what then? an end to the paradox
if you're really interested, the butterfly affect is a great movie in showing how the chaos theory works. and, realistically, the end, in theory, the end would have worked out too(but again, all goes into quantam physics)
we're only experiencing one of many possibilities in many dimentions.
Now we come to the solution of the paradox problem that quantum mechanics predicts, parallel universes. In the quantum universe everything is probabilistic. The occurrence of an event is ruled by the probability of its happening. In quantum mechanics a particle has no definite position, energy, momentum or time. The Heisenberg Uncertainty principle, and , tells us that we can only measure these quantities within a certain accuracy and beyond that accuracy they are uncertain. This is not simply a technological issue of measurement but the actual nature of the universe. Beyond a certain point the universe is in a state of mixed probabilities. This is what the universe is like. Down to a limit we cannot look and the universe remains uncertain. There is an interpretation of this that says that all things that are possible to occur will occur in separate universes. These parallel universes would exist alongside each other in hyperspace with the universes of similar probability closer to each other. The universes very close to one another would differ by very little and those farther away by much more. There would be a constant creation of these universes as time progressed. The universes could connect to one another via wormholes or Kerr tunnels. As we have seen the wormhole and black hole solutions connect to regions of spacetime that are not necessarily in our own universe.
Now let us look at one of our paradoxical time travel situations and see how parallel universes save the day. Let us return to the Kennedy assassination. Again I have found a time machine and decide to go back in time and stop the assassination from occurring. Once again I am successful in stopping it. Now I would like to return to my own time and witness the changes that have occurred. But I have just created a parallel universe. One which was identical to my own up until the moment that I arrived in the past. Until that moment the universes were one. But in my universe there was no me in 1963, so the act of placing myself in that time has already created a new universe that will undoubtedly be different. In this new universe I go forward in time, perhaps through special relativistic effects and find a future very different from the one I knew. I might also find another me, the one that was born in this universe in 1973. We would be different people as we have experienced different lives. But what if instead of going forward in time through relativistic effects I simply decided to step back through my wormhole, what would I find? I would find that nothing has changed. Kennedy is still dead and there is no other me, because the past I visited is not in this universe. When I stepped through the wormhole I disappeared from this universe into another. It is easy to see that If I were not careful I could get lost in parallel universes and never find my way back. Consider the scenario where I travel to the future of the new universe and meet my doppleganger. What if I don't like this universe at all, what if saving Kennedy leads to a nuclear war, can I go back to my original universe? No. I am now in another universe and I find a wormhole time machine with my counterpart. We decide to set it for November 22, 1963 and change things once again. But once again we create another parallel universe, this time there are 3 versions of me in 1963 and we all have different agendas.
If parallel universes are real and some advanced society can create a stable wormhole and turn it into a time machine then time travel is certainly possible. The journeys that one could have in time would be quite an experience, to say the least.
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IMAO I don't believe we can travel backwards in time (parallel universe or not).. I do however believe in Einsteins theory that we can in a sense travel forward in time.
ie. If I was in a spacecraft travelling 0.95 the speed of light and travelled to the center of the milky way (well - near it anyway - I wouldn't fly into the super-blackhole) and then returned.. Let's say around 50 years would pass in my perspective.. Millions of years would pass for the people on earth - in fact the planet may no longer exist! (maybe 200 million years - I don't know the exact numbers but you get my drift). That is the only type of time travel that I think is possible only because someone travelling near the speed of light has their internal clock slowed down so immensely.
In the case of time most still think of it as a line but it is much better expressed as a "Ball Of Yarn". That in fact has a beginning but not a set end.
Note: The ball is spinning around and around as time passes.
Now think if i were to go back and say change some thing very small. This small change would not be seen in the future layers of yarn only having an effect on a small part.
But is i were to change some thing big? like to change the out come of WWII witch is possible. Not only would it be shown in a few layers of yarn time but it would have a effect on every layer after that their for mass change and rewriting time its self.
But this is were you must think how small is small enough? in this case, nothing is for every little thing had an effect.
But in the case of over all time travel it is possible and can be done in a safe way. But us being how humans are could not handle it we would not knowing we did rip time or cut a peace of the yarn at the best of luck a new ball would forum or the more likely destroy the ball itself
Time travel is impossible as exemplified by the famous grandfather paradox. Imagine you build a time machine. It is possible for you to travel back in time, meet your grandfather before he produces any children (i.e. your father/mother) and kill him. Thus, you would not have been born and the time machine would not have been built, a paradox.
Perhaps the craziest of the time travel paradoxes was cooked up by Robert Heinlein in his classic short story "All You Zombies."
A baby girl is mysteriously dropped off at an orphanage in Cleveland in 1945. "Jane" grows up lonely and dejected, not knowing who her parents are, until one day in 1963 she is strangely attracted to a drifter. She falls in love with him. But just when things are finally looking up for Jane, a series of disasters strike. First, she becomes pregnant by the drifter, who then disappears. Second, during the complicated delivery, doctors find that Jane has both sets of sex organs, and to save her life, they are forced to surgically convert "her" to a "him." Finally, a mysterious stranger kidnaps her baby from the delivery room.
Reeling from these disasters, rejected by society, scorned by fate, "he" becomes a drunkard and drifter. Not only has Jane lost her parents and her lover, but he has lost his only child as well. Years later, in 1970, he stumbles into a lonely bar, called Pop's Place, and spills out his pathetic story to an elderly bartender. The sympathetic bartender offers the drifter the chance to avenge the stranger who left her pregnant and abandoned, on the condition that he join the "time travelers corps." Both of them enter a time machine, and the bartender drops off the drifter in 1963. The drifter is strangely attracted to a young orphan woman, who subsequently becomes pregnant.
The bartender then goes forward 9 months, kidnaps the baby girl from the hospital, and drops off the baby in an orphanage back in 1945. Then the bartender drops off the thoroughly confused drifter in 1985, to enlist in the time travelers corps. The drifter eventually gets his life together, becomes a respected and elderly member of the time travelers corps, and then disguises himself as a bartender and has his most difficult mission: a date with destiny, meeting a certain drifter at Pop's Place in 1970.
The question is: Who is Jane's mother, father, grandfather, grand mother, son, daughter, granddaughter, and grandson? The girl, the drifter, and the bartender, of course, are all the same person. These paradoxes can made your head spin, especially if you try to untangle Jane's twisted parentage. If we drawJane's family tree, we find that all the branches are curled inward back on themselves, as in a circle. We come to the astonishing conclusion that she is her own mother and father! She is an entire family tree unto herself.
Imagine you build a time machine. It is possible for you to travel back in time, meet your grandfather before he produces any children (i.e. your father/mother) and kill him. Thus, you would not have been born and the time machine would not have been built, a paradox.
that's not a paradox, that's a fallacy. this whole paradox rests solely along the fact that you would kill your grandfather(which most people probably wouldn't) that goes into like Quantam Physics which is like for every possible choice there is a multitude of different outcomes. so, in theory, the time machines creation never would have been built in most situations, seeing as its impossible to go to the past without affecting the future in some small way(with the exception of becoming invisible)
a great example of this is when homer simpson kept going into the past and affecting things in the past, which in turn resulted in him returning to an altered state in time which was his present.
additionally, as any person who knows the Chaos Theory can tell you, you wouldn't have to kill your grandfather. That's a stupid assumption in the first place. any slight change in the past can have a drastic effect on the future. let's say you just tell your grandfather, "i am your grandson from the future." that could have a limitless amount of possibilities that impact the future depending on his interpretation of your statement and his following action.
the second one, however, was pretty cool
EDIT: and again, the second one would also go into quantam physics. in one dimension, she obviously joined the military but in another dimension she didn't. in other dementions she might not even gone into the bar, or in the direction the bar was in, or possibly commited suicide; and again in other dimentions, lets say that the man stealing the baby was shot by a security officer, what then? an end to the paradox
if you're really interested, the butterfly affect is a great movie in showing how the chaos theory works. and, realistically, the end, in theory, the end would have worked out too(but again, all goes into quantam physics)
we're only experiencing one of many possibilities in many dimentions.
Now we come to the solution of the paradox problem that quantum mechanics predicts, parallel universes. In the quantum universe everything is probabilistic. The occurrence of an event is ruled by the probability of its happening. In quantum mechanics a particle has no definite position, energy, momentum or time. The Heisenberg Uncertainty principle, and , tells us that we can only measure these quantities within a certain accuracy and beyond that accuracy they are uncertain. This is not simply a technological issue of measurement but the actual nature of the universe. Beyond a certain point the universe is in a state of mixed probabilities. This is what the universe is like. Down to a limit we cannot look and the universe remains uncertain. There is an interpretation of this that says that all things that are possible to occur will occur in separate universes. These parallel universes would exist alongside each other in hyperspace with the universes of similar probability closer to each other. The universes very close to one another would differ by very little and those farther away by much more. There would be a constant creation of these universes as time progressed. The universes could connect to one another via wormholes or Kerr tunnels. As we have seen the wormhole and black hole solutions connect to regions of spacetime that are not necessarily in our own universe.
Now let us look at one of our paradoxical time travel situations and see how parallel universes save the day. Let us return to the Kennedy assassination. Again I have found a time machine and decide to go back in time and stop the assassination from occurring. Once again I am successful in stopping it. Now I would like to return to my own time and witness the changes that have occurred. But I have just created a parallel universe. One which was identical to my own up until the moment that I arrived in the past. Until that moment the universes were one. But in my universe there was no me in 1963, so the act of placing myself in that time has already created a new universe that will undoubtedly be different. In this new universe I go forward in time, perhaps through special relativistic effects and find a future very different from the one I knew. I might also find another me, the one that was born in this universe in 1973. We would be different people as we have experienced different lives. But what if instead of going forward in time through relativistic effects I simply decided to step back through my wormhole, what would I find? I would find that nothing has changed. Kennedy is still dead and there is no other me, because the past I visited is not in this universe. When I stepped through the wormhole I disappeared from this universe into another. It is easy to see that If I were not careful I could get lost in parallel universes and never find my way back. Consider the scenario where I travel to the future of the new universe and meet my doppleganger. What if I don't like this universe at all, what if saving Kennedy leads to a nuclear war, can I go back to my original universe? No. I am now in another universe and I find a wormhole time machine with my counterpart. We decide to set it for November 22, 1963 and change things once again. But once again we create another parallel universe, this time there are 3 versions of me in 1963 and we all have different agendas.
If parallel universes are real and some advanced society can create a stable wormhole and turn it into a time machine then time travel is certainly possible. The journeys that one could have in time would be quite an experience, to say the least.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
IMAO I don't believe we can travel backwards in time (parallel universe or not).. I do however believe in Einsteins theory that we can in a sense travel forward in time.
ie. If I was in a spacecraft travelling 0.95 the speed of light and travelled to the center of the milky way (well - near it anyway - I wouldn't fly into the super-blackhole) and then returned.. Let's say around 50 years would pass in my perspective.. Millions of years would pass for the people on earth - in fact the planet may no longer exist! (maybe 200 million years - I don't know the exact numbers but you get my drift). That is the only type of time travel that I think is possible only because someone travelling near the speed of light has their internal clock slowed down so immensely.
In the case of time most still think of it as a line but it is much better expressed as a "Ball Of Yarn". That in fact has a beginning but not a set end.
Note: The ball is spinning around and around as time passes.
Now think if i were to go back and say change some thing very small. This small change would not be seen in the future layers of yarn only having an effect on a small part.
But is i were to change some thing big? like to change the out come of WWII witch is possible. Not only would it be shown in a few layers of yarn time but it would have a effect on every layer after that their for mass change and rewriting time its self.
But this is were you must think how small is small enough? in this case, nothing is for every little thing had an effect.
But in the case of over all time travel it is possible and can be done in a safe way. But us being how humans are could not handle it we would not knowing we did rip time or cut a peace of the yarn at the best of luck a new ball would forum or the more likely destroy the ball itself
REVIEW: Quantum Leap final, full alternate ending final episode
Synopsis:
In the final episode of Quantum Leap, Sam leaps into a bar in Cokeburg, Pennsylvania on the date of his birth at the exact time he was born. He drinks a beer and looks in the mirror. He sees his own reflection. This begins a rollercoaster ride of strange occurrences as people from the past appear to him, but with different names. Al the Bartender seems to know everything and may be able to offer some insight to the reason Sam has been leaping in time for the past 5 years. And back in the future, Al and Gooshie are troubled to discover that there is no one in the waiting room. While they feverishly search for a lock on the lost Dr. Beckett, Sam tries to unravel the mysteries of his own life's work, save a pair of miners from a collapsed mine shaft, and finally takes the opportunity to right a major wrong in Al's life.
Sam finds himself in the strangest Leap yet, with a mystery that seems worthy of Sherlock Holmes! Not only does he Leap into himself, it happens right at the exact moment of his birth, and the people that he encounters bear familiar faces from his previous Leaps. To make matters worse, the Project has lost contact with Sam and are forced to search for him in time. Who exactly is the bartender, who seems to know everything about Dr. Beckett? What clue does he hold to Quantum Leaping? Can Sam figure it out, without Al’s help?
Detailed Summary With Spoilers:
Orange light spills through the windows as the blue Quantum light fades from Sam. A floor fan oscellates, blowing cooler air on Sam, who removes his hat and wipes his face and brow from the sweat. It apparently is a very hot and humid day. A old song can be heard playing over a radio.
Sam looks over and notices a man standing behind the bar, wiping a glass in his hand with a towel. His hair is slicked back and he has a mustache. He has a white apron on over his portly belly, and is looking right at Sam.
Sam walks over and puts his hat on the bar counter. He asks the bartender what he has on tap. The bartender tells him "Schlitz". Sam repeats the name, almost as if inquiring if he heard right. The bartender tells him that he has Iron City, Duquesne or Fort Pitt in bottles.
Sam tells the bartender that Schlitz will be fine, and the bartender asks if Sam wants regular or schooner, holding up the glass that he is wiping first, and then a bigger glass. Sam answers schooner, and the bartender goes over to the tap and fills up the taller glass.
The bartender brings the glass over as Sam digs through his pockets and asks how much he owes. The bartender informs him that it’s 15 cents. He seems kind of surprised, but hands the bartender the change. The bartender takes the money and rings it into a cash register. He deposits the coins into the cash drawer, and then gives the drawer a thrust closed with his belly.
Sam picks up the glass and begins to walk around the bar counter, and notices that the bartender is looking at him as well. As he gets to the center of the bar, he looks over to a mirror which is just behind where all of the bottles are stored, most with spouts commonly used by bartenders when mixing drinks. As Sam gazes into the mirror, he looks absolutely stunned.
The reflection looking back at him, for the first time in five years, is his own!
*****
Sam looks in awe at his reflection while the bartender asks if something's wrong. Sam, still dumbfounded, manages to mutter that it's him in the mirror.
Sam reaches up and touches his hair, noting that he's got a touch of white hair. The bartender tells him that he's just got a little, and suggests that he should look into the mirror more often.
Still examining himself, Sam then realizes that he's got crow's feet around his eyes. The bartender asks when the last time was that he took a really good look at himself. Sam replies that it's been a while, and the bartender replies that if he lets too much time go by, he can lose touch with reality.
The bartender then tells Sam that he's looked into the mirror for years and still thought of himself as skinny, and that it took a picture to wake him up. They walk over and the bartender shows Sam an old photograph. Sam remarks that he just pushed his stomach out to make him look fat. The bartender tells Sam that he didn't, and after a moment of silence, he begins to laugh.
Sam asks if those pictures were all from World War II. The bartender replies that they're all pictures of everyone who served in the war from Cokeburg. Sam then asks about one picture in particular, and the bartender tells him that it's a picture of his brother, Joe, who he visited at Edwards before he shipped out, and Joe is a teacher now.
Sam tells the bartender that's great, and then notes that the bartender doesn't look like he's changed much. The bartender tells Sam that his hair has gone grey. Sam mentions that it isn't so bad since it's been a few years, and then begins to stumble . . . partly with not knowing the year, and partly to try and see if he can learn what year he has Leaped into.
Sam then asks if he has today's paper. The bartender tells him that he's already tossed the Post Gazette, but the press gets there at 6. He suddenly remembered that he may have saved the sports page.
Walking around behind the bar, he pulled out the newspaper, and handed it to Sam, commenting that the Pirates lost . . . again, and should never have traded a player to the Cubs. Sam guesses not, and then looks at the newspaper.
The date is August 8, 1953, and then mentions to the bartender that it was the day he was born. The bartender wishes him a happy birthday. Sam looks over to the clock, which says 12:47pm. He then notes that he was born at 12:30 in Indiana, and it would be 43 minutes from that point, considering for the time zones. The bartender corrects him and explains that it would have been 17 minutes ago, and that time is a little funny there. The town decided not to follow Daylight Savings Time, so they would be on the same time as the midwest.
Sam turned around as he began to realize that he was born roughly the same time that he came through the door.
A person comes through the door that Sam's looking at. He has a long beard, and is wearing a hat. He ignores Sam and walks over to the bar. The bartender pours him a drink, which he promptly guzzles down. He lets out a breath and leaves, and Sam has to fan himself.
The bartender laughs and tells Sam that he should have warned him that Gooshie has the worst breath in Cokesburg. Sam is stunned to hear that name and asks, just to be sure, if that guy's name is really Gooshie. The bartender nods, and Sam tells him that he'll be right back.
Sam walks outside of the bar and looks around at the town. Two kids are nearby, working on their bikes. Sam looks at them, and they stop and look at Sam for a moment. Sam then turns around and looks at the window which says "Al's Place".
Sam goes back inside and walks up to the bar, again asking the bartender if he calls the guy Gooshie. The bartender nods, and then Sam asks if the bartender's name is Al. The bartender then replies, telling him Albert. Sam then wonders if his last name is Calavicci. Al tells him no.
Sam notes that it's kind of funny because he knows a Gooshie, and Gooshie is not a common household name. He also mentions that he notes an Al, but the bartender points out that Al is a pretty common name. Sam sticks with the point, again bringing up the fact that Gooshie isn't, and the Gooshie that he knows has bad breath just like the guy who had left. Al clarifies that halitosis isn't rare, especially among old timers.
Sam conceeds the point, and then notes that the boys outside look familiar. Al mentions that all boys look alike. Sam continues, saying that there's something coincidental about the whole thing, especially with who he is. Al cocks his head and looks at him. Sam asks if it sounds a little strange, to which Al replies just a little.
The door opens and Al points to a new individual entering through the door, who is kind of hunched over and wears a hat. Al asks if he knows anyone named Stawpah, to which Sam says no.
Stawpah points out that Sam is not a miner, and Sam introduces himself saying that he's passing through. Al sets a beer in a bottle down in front of Stawpah. Stawpah mentioned that he was a miner, and the best one in Mariana. He loaded 24 tons a shift. Today, 16 tons seems like a big deal. He mentioned that is bubba could load 16 tons. Al clarifies that bubba means grandmother.
Sam laughs in surprise, but Stawpah asks if Sam thinks that he's lying. Al intervenes, telling Stawpah to let Sam enjoy his beer. He then mentions what might be on Sam's mind . . . wondering how a cripple could load that much coal. Stawpah mentions that he was bigger, and strong like a bull. Sam mentions that he's sure that Stawpah was like that, but Stawpah continues on about how being in the mines soaked and rusted his bones.
Stawpah notes that he's lucky if he'll see 50. Al mentions that he thought it was 40, to which Stawpah replies that he was 40 in March. Al laughs
Another person walks through the door. He walks over to the bar and asks Al for a double shot of whisky and a can of snuff. Sam looks at him in awe and stumbles backward, a memory coming to his mind of Frank LaMotta, speaking Sam when he Leaped into Jimmy LaMotta.
Sam walks over to him and hugs him, calling him Frank. The guy mentions that his name is not Frank, and asks Sam who he is. Sam instinctively spurts out Jimmy, to which Stawpah mentions that his name is Sam. The miner then asks whether his name is Jimmy or Sam, and Sam introduces himself as Sam Beckett. He then asks if the guy's name is Frank, but he replies Tonchi.
Sam asks if he has a younger brother, and Tonchi begins to get defensive. Sam asks if he was born with Downs Syndrome. Tonchi asks what that is, and Sam clarifies. Tonchi accuses Sam of calling his brother stupid. Sam quickly covers, just saying that he was asking if Tonchi had a brother with a mental disability. Stawpah jumps in, remarking that it meant born stupid. Tonchi, still defensive, points out that Pete may be a bit slow, but he isn't stupid.
A whistle interrupts them and Tonchi turns back to the bar, saying he has to go to work. He turns back to Sam and warns him not to talk about his brother. He then turns to Al and asks him to put the drink on his tab. Stawpah then points out that they don't know if he might be with the state liquor control board.
Sam is not sure what Stawpah means, but Al clarifies that it's illegal to run a tab at a bar in Pennsylvania. If the state were to find out, he could lose his liquor license. Stawpah suggests that they check his wallet.
Sam digs through his pockets and eventually pulls out a nylon wallet, ripping open the velcro. Stawpah asks what it is, and Sam explains that it's a new kind of zipper. Tonchi is still looking at Sam, but Sam opens the wallet and looks inside, only to see his New Mexico driver's license with a holographic image of him on there.
Sam then points out that who they are is really none of their business. Stawpah urges Tonchi to take the wallet, and Tonchi steps forward, asking for it sternly. Al tells Tonchi that he's going to be late for work, and he can't have that. Tonchi turns back to the bar, drinks the whisky with one gulp, and then leaves.
Sam pulls out the wallet yet again and looks at the driver's license more closely.
*****
At Project Quantum Leap, Gooshie points out the obvious to Al . . . that there is nobody in the Waiting Room. Al mentions that it's impossible, unless Sam had to Leap into himself. Gooshie informs Al that there is a 99.2% probability. Al is stunned, realizing that Sam is somewhere in time as himself, and asks how Ziggy is going to find him. Gooshie informs Al that they aren't sure that they can.
*****
Al's place is now filled customers, miners who were relaxing and having fun after a long day of work. Sam muses to himself about how it was the day he was born, and instead of nursing as his mother's breast, he was nursing a beer, trying to make sense of the strange Leap. What was even stranger was that the reflection in the mirror was his own, and those at the bar had names and faces familiar to him. He wondered what wrong he was there to put right, and where Al was. He was so desperate for answers that he was looking for them on TV.
Sam looked up at an old fashioned black and white television set, watching an alien landscape as a graphic appeared with the title of the program . . . "Captain Z-Ro". An announcer explained that he was an explorer in time and space.
Another miner also started to watch the program, mentioning that it would be great to travel in time. Sam was startled as he looked at him, another memory flooding into his mind . . . of Captain Galaxy. The person looked just like Mo Stein, who Sam had encountered when he had Leaped into his television sidekick.
Sam asked about Captain Galaxy, but the miner clarified that it was Captain Z-Ro. He then asks if there’s a Captain Galaxy, too. Sam tells him yes, and the miner then rambles that he must be on channel 8, and he doesn’t get it too good when the iodine bounces the signal. Sam asks about this, and he says that the iodine bounces the TV signals. Sam clarifies that it’s the ionosphere which reflects the signals, to which the miner replies "That too."
Sam then asks him if his name is Mo Stein, but he replies that it’s Ziggy. At first, Sam smiles, but then his expression changes as he realizes what the response was. He then asks if his name was Ziggy, to which Ziggy asks if he’s heard of him. Sam notes that he has a friend named Ziggy. Ziggy says that he never knew anyone else with that name and asked what she does. Sam replies that she figures things out. Ziggy seems kind of surprised and asks if she’s a girl, to which Sam tells him yes. Ziggy then remarks that she’s probably not much of a looker, and Sam adds that he’d better not let her hear him say that.
Stawpah comes over and laughs, and Ziggy asks if Stawpah wants him to straighten his back for him. He then admits to Sam that Stawpah makes fun of him because Ziggy failed the written tests and didn’t qualify on the machine gun. He then asks Sam if he’s ever fired a machine gun, to which Sam replies that he isn’t sure.
Ziggy explains that he would remember if he did and provided a technical explanation, complete with sound effects. He also indicated that empty cabbages fly around everywhere. Sam again corrects him with the word cartridges, and Ziggy says "Them too."
*****
At the bar, Stawpah tells Al that Sam isn’t who he is pretending to be. Al asks for clarification, and Stawpah replies that when he figures that out, he’ll know why Sam’s there. Al suggests that maybe Sam’s there for the same reason Stawpah is . . . to have a beer. Stawpah quickly counters that he doesn’t drink beer and Al knows that. Al covers, claiming that he forgot, but Stawpah is quick to point out that Al never forgets anything. Stawpah then asks what would happen around the bar if Al were to forget, to which Al replies that things might go a little . . . ca-ca.
*****
From where he is sitting, Sam overhears the bartender say those words and looks over in shock. Again, his mind flashes back to a memory of Al . . . his Al, saying the exact same thing. Ziggy tells Sam not to let Stawpah get his coat, and that Stawpah forgets that he isn’t in Russia where everyone works for the BVD. Sam again corrects Ziggy with KGB, and both Ziggy and Sam say in unison, "Them too."
Sam gets up and walks over to Al, mentioning that he knows another Al who says ca-ca. Al is quick to point out that it’s a common expression, but Sam notes that it’s not where he comes from. Al reminds him that he’s not where he comes from, and Sam asks if it’s just another coincidence. Al points out that it’s a common expression in Cokeburg where nearly everybody is from the old country.
Sam then suggests that Al knows why he’s there. Al asks if Sam’s watched any of the old Bogart movies. The first rule of good bartending is not to give out information for nothing. Al reaches over and grabs a punchboard, asking if Sam wants to take a chance. It would cost him a nickel, but he could hit the jackpot.
Sam asks what the jackpot is, to which Al says that it’s $10 and the answer to his question. Sam asks if Al means that, and Al says yes. Sam hands Al the nickel and takes the punchboard, using the key to punch out a location. He takes the roll of paper and slowly begins to unravel it while asking why he’s here. Al asks if Sam’s hit the jackpot, but Sam looks at the paper and tells him no. Al then tells Sam that he will have to figure it out for himself.
*****
Al asks Gooshie how long the nano-search to find Sam is going to take, and Gooshie tells him one month. Al practically goes ballistic at the thought, to which Gooshie points out that there is a chance that Ziggy could get a lock in as little as 2 and a half weeks, give or take a day or two. Al sighs and then walks up the ramp to the Imaging Chamber, which closes behind him.
Al puts on his hat and punches a button on the handlink, asking Gooshie if he’s ready. Gooshie answers affirmative, and a swirling vortex of images surrounds Al. He looks at the images, and comments that he knows Sam is out there somewhere, urging Sam to lock onto him.
*****
Laughing can be heard throughout the bar. The miners are still there, some sitting at a table and playing cards. Stawpah is reading a paper, commenting on how Russia now has an H-bomb. Another miner doesn’t see the big deal, but Stawpah asks what if they drop it on Pittsburgh?
Sam, who is standing by the table with the card game, jumps into the conversation and says that the Russians won’t drop the bomb. Stawpah asks Sam how he knows, to which Sam jokes that he’s a spy, and spies know everything. Stawpah is very sarcastic as he joins in on the laughter, saying that it was funny.
Ziggy then points out that if the Russians do drop a bomb, they could hide in the mine until the radiator blows away. Yet another miner corrects Ziggy, telling him radiation, and Ziggy says "That too."
Stawpah mocks him, telling Ziggy that he’s so dumb that he doesn’t even know his own name. Ziggy tells him that it’s Simo Servonovich, and then asks if Stawpah wants him to spell it. Stawpah tells him yes in Russian. Ziggy begins to spell it, getting through only two letters before he stops.
Sam sits down next to one of the miners and notes that Ziggy is just a nickname, to which Ziggy tells him yes. Stawpah laughs that Ziggy can’t spell it. Sam asks how he got it, and one of the miners tells Sam that a donkey threw Ziggy into a steam radiator. Everyone laughs, but Sam is confused.
Another miner explains that they were donkey basketball in the school gym to raise money for the town’s widows. Sam asks if that tore up the gym floor, but Ziggy replied that they wore tennis shoes. The one miner explained that after Ziggy got tossed into the radiator, he zigged and zagged for a week. Ziggy then added that Al called him Ziggy ever since.
The miners continue to joke around, but Sam gets up from his chair and looks over at the bartender, asking if Al does all of the nicknaming around there. The miners then begin to rattle off all of the other nicknames that have been given out.
Stawpah then asks why Sam cares what Al calls them, to which Sam replies that he needs it for his BVD report. Another roar of laughter erupts from the table, but Sam continues with his questions, asking if Al nicknamed Gooshie. Ziggy points out that Al must have, since Al nicknames everybody. Stawpah clarifies that Gooshie had his name since the day he was born, and Al only nicknames dummies like Ziggy.
Sam hangs his head in frustration, and then tells Stawpah that he’s getting tired of him calling Ziggy dummy. Stawpah asks why, to which Sam counters with another question, asking Stawpah what he would think if someone called him a cripple. Stawpah tells Sam that he is a cripple, but Sam doesn’t relent. He asks if physically disabled would be a more humane way to describe his condition. Stawpah claims that it won’t change anything, but Sam points out that it might change attitudes towards Stawpah.
Ziggy then jokes that the only way attitudes about Stawpah would change would be if he shut his mouth. Again, laughter erupts from the table, only to be interrupted by the sound of short blasts from the mine work whistle. Sam asks what it is, and Ziggy tells him that it’s trouble in the mine.
Without further questions, everyone rushes out of the bar, including Sam, as Al looks on in concern . . .
*****
Smoke billows from a pipe in the rolling Pennsylvania countryside. The sound of the whistle seems to echo through the mountains. Men pour out of the elevator shaft leading to the mine, making their way through the smoke and the dust.
A worker falls to his knees in front of another gentleman who has a white shirt on, suspenders, and a hat. The miner says that there was an explosion in Butt 18. The gentleman asks how bad, to which the miner replies that the fire blew itself out, but they lost about 100 feet of tunnel and two men are trapped.
The gentleman asks who they are, and the miner tells him Tonchi and Pete.
Sam is standing nearby and overhears this. As he turns, his face is clearly etched with concern.
*****
As men begin to gather equipment, one of the miners tells the well-dressed gentleman that the bottom of the mine is filling with gas, and they will need to ventilate before sending anyone down for a rescue. One miner suggested that they use air tanks, but the one who collapsed to his knees earlier mentioned that one spark could cause the whole mine to explode.
Ziggy asks about Tonchi and Pete, to which the well-dressed gentleman says that they will have to wait. Sam then jumps into the situation, asking what if they can’t wait, or if they’re injured. The gentleman asks Sam who he is, and Stawpah quickly replies that Sam is the state safety inspector.
The gentleman turns to face Sam and almost looks pale. He asks if Sam is from the Bureau of Mines. Sam ignores his question and asks how long it will take to ventilate the mine. The gentleman exchanges glances with a miner, who answers that it would take 48 hours. One of the miners from the bar is animate, saying that in 48 hours Tonchi and Pete would be dead. The miner who answered the gentleman suggests that Tonchi and Pete could already be dead.
Stawpah points out that they are alive, and when a miner asks, he eerily says that he knows. The gentleman asks if there's a chance if they are alive, and the one miner tells Mr. Collins that there is always a chance, but they would have survived the blast, a cave in, and been lucky enough to have good air in the area where they're trapped.
Another miner points out that good air isn't going to last 48 hours, to which the miner asks Mr. Collins to let the miners dig Tonchi and Pete out. They are willing to risk their lives, but Mr. Collins hedges, saying he is responsible for those lives, and then tries to get Sam to agree with him. The one miner from the bar yells at Mr. Collins, saying that he would relieve him of his responsibility, and Ziggy also chimes in as well.
The miner from the bar then asks who's with him, causing an uproar until Mr. Collins tells Mutta that nobody is going down that shaft until he says so, reminding Mutta that he owns the mine and he isn't about to risk any more lives. Stawpah jumps in and comments that Mr. Collins isn't worried about lives, but catching fire.
Mr. Collins complains that Stawpah has a big mouth, especially when it isn't his neck on the line. Stawpah points out that he's risked his life plenty of times, working in the mines since he was 12. Stawpah then asked Mr. Collins how many times he worked the bottom of the mine.
Without hesitating, Mr. Collins orders that the mine is closed, the cage to be locked, and guards put on the shaft. The one miner who seemed to support Mr. Collins walks away to carry out his orders. Mr. Collins then turns to Sam and assumes that he will be investigating the incident, and offers the use of his office, although he doesn't seem too happy.
Stawpah walks toward the cage as the one miner closes the gate, and then walks past it. Sam watches this and follows him, asking Stawpah why he told Mr. Collins why he said that Sam was the Safety Inspector. Stawpah tells him that people like Collins made him a cripple, so he likes to see them sweat.
Sam tries to reason that Stawpah has a lot to be bitter about, but wonders how making Collins sweat is going to help rescue Tonchi and Pete. Stawpah tells Sam that he's right, and then says that he needs to find a way to get Tonchi and Pete out.
Both of them look down cage shaft, which descends to the bottom of the mine. Eerily, Stawpah describes the conditions far below them. The two men are cold, wet and scared, with Pete really scared because he can't see his brother.
Sam points out that they have lamps, but Stawpah tells him that Tonchi put the lamps out because the carbide lamps burn air. Water is already up to Tonchi's belt and rising, and if they don't get them out soon, they won't come out alive. Sam asked Stawpah how he knows all of that, but Stawpah explains that he had been there too many times before.
Sam watches as Stawpah walks away, a new realization coming over him along with a newfound respect. He thought Stawpah was blind to anyone's plight but his own, but Stawpah needed to save Tonchi and Pete just as much as he did.
*****
Sam is looking out the window as Al tells Sam that he's not here to save Tonchi and Pete. Sam turns around and asks how Al knew what he was thinking, but Al tells him that a good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, and part psychic.
Sam follows Al back to the bar and asks to speak to the philosopher part. Al tells him that he will stick to the basics, at which point Sam rattles off "to be or not to be," "I think therefore I am," and that sort of thing. Al answers affirmatively, and Sam asks why he's there.
Al asks Sam why he thinks that he's there, but Sam balks at asking a question with another question, which is psychiatry, and wants to stick with the philosophy. Al tells him that it's good, but Sam again asks why he's there. Al tells him that he's beginning to think that he's there to save Pete and Tonchi, but Sam theorizes that it isn't the reason.
Al confirms this by telling him that it isn't the direct reason why he's there, but Sam asks about indirectly. Al counters this by commenting "Who knows what Don Quixote can accomplish."
Sam shakes his head slightly and again asks Al who he is. Al shrugs and tells him a bartender. Sam quickly points out that he knows everything, but Al counters that only God knows everything.
Sam just looks at Al and his expression changes, but Al laughs, asking Sam if he really thinks that Al is God. Sam notes that Al is not just a bartender. Al admits that, but follows up by saying that he owns the place to. Al then turns to walk behind the bar to serve customers.
Stawpah, at a nearby table, calls Sam over and asks if he wants to help Tonchi and Pete. Sam walks over and notes that it's what he thinks that he's there to do. Stawpah tells Sam that he's there for the same reason, but Sam is somewhat surprised by this. Sam leans on the table, asking what he can do, and Stawpah tells him to be the Safety Inspector.
*****
Miners are gathered in the mine by the shaft, with Sam at the forefront. A guard stands by the cage, reminding everyone that Mr. Collins said taht the mine was closed until it's ventilated. Sam tells the guard that Mr. Collins changed his mind, but the guard points out that Mr. Collins doesn't change his mind.
Sam quickly tells the guard that Mr. Collins does when the head of the Bureau of Mines talks to him. Sam holds up a paper in his hand as he tells the guard that he called his boss in Pittsburgh, and he spoke with Mr. Collins and convinced him to rescind his order.
The guard reaches for the paper and it flies out of Sam's hand and down the shaft. Sam accuses the guard of purposely letting the paper go, although the guard tries to argue otherwise. The miners seem to back Sam, and the guard offers to call Mr. Collins to get everything straightened out. Sam tells him to do just that, and says that the miners will load up while he makes the call.
Other guards gather around and all look at the head guard for guidance. He waves, allowing them to open the gate for the miners to load up. Sam tries to get on, but Stawpah pulls him back telling Sam that he's already done his part. The miners agree, telling Sam that he doesn't need to risk his life. Sam points out that he's a doctor and could help.
Ziggy tells Sam that he couldn't come because they don't have enough resurrectors, while another miner corrects him by saying resuscitators. The car then begins to descend out of view . . .
*****
The swirling vortex of images still surrounds Al, who isn't looking too good. He tells Gooshie that he's getting dizzy, but Gooshie tells him that they've hardly begun and wonders if they could narrow the search.
Al then mutters Sam's birthday, but Gooshie asks about it. Al continues by stating that where ever Sam is, it's his birthday. Gooshie again asks how Al knows this, and Al tells him that it's just a feeling and wants Ziggy to start searching Sam's birthdays.
Gooshie asks which one to start with, and Al tells him his first birthday. Gooshie rattles off the date August 8, 1954, and presses some of the glowing buttons on the control console. Gooshie then advises Al to hang on, but Al asks him what to hang on to.
*****
Stawpah is sitting at a table by the window, drinking a soda out of a bottle. Sam is sitting at the bar, mentioning how if he is Don Quixote, then Al is his Sancho, and there isn't anything Al wouldn't do for Sam. The bartender jumps in and muses that there probably isn't anything that Sam wouldn't do for Al.
Sam agrees with that, but then remembers that there's something that isn't true. There was a time when Al had asked Sam to do something, and he didn't . . . not because he didn't try, but because he wasn't there to save Al's marriage. Sam was there to save the life of an undercover cop.
Tears begin to stream out of Sam's eyes as the bartender summarized that Beth thought Al was dead and married someone else, trying to find a cause. Sam notes that it was because he always played by the rules.
Before Al can say anything, the sound of jubilation can be heard from outside the bar. Stawpah is still sitting at his table and smiles, and Sam also smiles, blinking away the tears. Sam says that they found them.
The miners come into the bar and Sam rushes over, hugging a shorter miner and calling him Jimmy. The miner clarifies that his name is Pete. Tonchi tells Al that the drinks are on him. Ziggy tells Sam that it was a good idea to flake out the mine police, and then drinks a shot of whiskey. Sam tells him that it was actually Stawpah's idea, and turns around to look at Stawpah.
At the table, Stawpah raises his bottle and a broad smile appears upon his face. Suddenly, Stawpah is surrounded by a blue aura of electrical energy and vanishes!
*****
Sam is stunned at what he had witnessed, but the miners in the bar seem to be oblivious as to what just happened. Sam asked where he went, and the miners ask who Sam was talking about. He tells them that it was Stawpah, but Ziggy asks if he means someone named Steve. Sam again clarifies that the name was Stawpah, but Ziggy tells him that Stawpah means Steve in Russian.
Sam points out that he was sitting at a table a moment ago, and again asked where Stawpah went. Sam begins to walk over to the table, and some of the miners follow him as Sam goes on about how Stawpah was right there, turned blue, electricity ran through him, and he disappeared.
Thinking that it’s a joke, Mutta comments that whatever Sam is drinking, he’ll have one. A couple of miners echo that sentiment as they turn back toward the bar. Sam, however, remains transfixed on the table as he begins to figure it out, realizing that what happened to Stawpah was probably what it looked like to Leap. He then exclaims that Stawpah was a Leaper!
A voice interrupts, correcting Sam by telling him that Stawpah was a Ukranian. Standing in the doorway is Gooshie, who enters the bar and walks over to the counter, grabbing a drink and quickly downing it. He tells Sam that he came over on the boat with Stawpah. Sam asks again, just to be sure, if he knew Stawpah. Gooshie explains that he worked the Mariana mine with Stawpah until Gooshie moved to Cokeburg.
Gooshie indicates to Sam that Stawpah was the best loader he had ever seen. Sam reiterates what he had heard earlier – that Stawpah told him that he could load 24 tons in a day. Gooshie quickly points out that nobody could load 24 tons, not even Stawpah, but he came close. He continues by telling Sam that the Mariana mine blew up and Stawpah was the only miner who came out alive, and everyone started looking funny at Stawpah after that because slate stooped him over.
Sam agrees that Stawpah was all stooped over, and then medically clarifies that it wasn’t slate that caused that, but arthritis from loading coal in water. Gooshie is bewildered and asks Sam how he knows Stawpah, and Sam tells him that he had just met him there that very day. Gooshie tells him that Stawpah died in 1933, twenty years prior.
The miners turn back to their drinks and their conversations, leaving Sam to stand there, wondering what is really going on.
*****
The swirling vortex of images continues to surround Al, who doesn’t look that good. He tells Gooshie that he is going to ralph. Gooshie parrots him, turning it into a question, and Al replies with a bunch of slang and colorful euphamisms for vomiting. Gooshie retorts with a technical phrase, and Al replies affirmatively, telling Gooshie that he’s out of there.
Dizzy and off balance, Al stumbles out of the Imaging Chamber and over to the control console. He leans down upon the colorful cubes, using them as a support. Gooshie tells Al that he was about to suggest a break anyways, and then notes that he had scanned all of Sam’s birthdays from 1954 to the end of the 21st century, and wherever Sam was, it wasn’t his birthday. Before he could continue, Gooshie asks if Al had literally meant Sam’s first birthday.
Al looks at Gooshie and asks what he means by that. Almost sheepishly, Gooshie points out that the search was started with Sam’s first birthday, not the actual day that he was born. Al looks dumbfounded , sighs "Oh my God," and turns back to the Imaging Chamber.
*****
Sam is again at the bar, staring at himself in the mirror as Al goes about his business of cleaning glasses. Sam’s voice can be heard as he thinks to himself about how this Leap had taken a quantum twist, and he no longer knew what was real and what was imagined, or if what he imagined was from his mind or someone else’s.
Sam asks Al if he created all of this, but Al shrugs it off and turns to Sam, telling him that he built it, if that is what Sam means. Sam persists, telling Al that it is more than just a bar. Al looks around and tells Sam that there is something special about the place, but Sam doesn’t let up. He continues on about how dead men save miners and then vanish in an aura of blue light, noting that there would be something special about the place.
Al tells Sam that books are full of stories of the dead saving the living, but Sam presses on, asking if Stawpah really was there. Al replies that he remembers Stawpah. Sam asks why the other miners don’t, but Al cryptically responds that it’s the way it is. Sam doesn’t believe that, asking how Stawpah could be with them one moment, gone the next, the miners have no memory of Stawpah, and how he can accept "that’s the way it is" as an explanation. Al retorts, telling Sam that it is sometimes the best explanation.
Sam looks frustrated, and tells Al that it isn’t enough for him. Al counters, telling Sam that he doesn’t think that Sam is ready for more. Sam dares him to try. As Al walks away, the reflection in the mirror shows a person with a clean face. It’s Gooshie, the bearded man sitting beside him. Also, reflected images of Ziggy, Tonchi and Pete cannot be seen.
After Gooshie finishes his shot of liquor, he walks away and Al moves back over, asking Sam if he can accept what he sees as reality. Sam asks him which reality he should accept, and then indicates the miners behind him, and then to the mirror. Al asks him if he’s accepted both, looking at all of those mirrors.
Sam realizes that Al is the one who has been Leaping Sam around through time, but Al denies it. Sam asks what he means, and Al points to Sam’s reflection in the mirror, telling Sam that Sam is the one who has been Leaping himself through time. Sam is in utter denial, telling Al that there is no way he will buy that explanation.
Al moves back over to Sam and asks him why he created Project Quantum Leap. Sam replies that he wanted to travel in time, to which Al asks Sam why he wanted to do so. Sam begins, but stumbles over his words. Al asks if Sam wanted to make the world a better place, to which Sam replies of course. Al continues, asking if Sam wanted to put right what once went wrong, but Sam clarifies that he never intended it to happen one life at a time.
Al comments that Sam is "Mother Teresa", and then asks him if he believes that all he has done is change a few lives. Sam tells him yes, and Al points out, at the risk of over inflating Sam’s ego, that Sam has done much more. Al goes on to explain how the lives he has touched, touched others, and those lives others.
Al notes that Sam has done a lot of good, and could do a lot more. Sam counters, telling Al that he doesn’t want continue, only to go home. Al asks why he hasn’t, but Sam still claims that he doesn’t control his own future, but the bartender does.
Al looks at Sam and tells him that he will only do this for as long as he wants to, and Sam asks if he can Leap home anytime that he wants. Al replies technically yes, and Sam asks him what the catch is. Al explains that Sam has to accept that Sam is the one controlling his own destiny.
*****
The swirling vortex of images surrounds Al as Gooshie’s voice informs him that they’re getting a lock. As the hologram stabilizes, Al looks around and spots Sam Beckett, calling out to him. Sam immediately turns when he hears the familiar voice call his name and calls out Al’s name. Sam gets up and follows Al outside, although Al walks through the window and Sam opens the door.
Al tells Sam that it’s good to see him, and Sam mentions that he thought that Al would never get there. Al asks Sam where they are, and Sam points to the window of the bar, pointing out the name. Al laughs, saying that he had always wanted his own bar.
Sam continues, telling Al that the place is more than a bar, and then mentions that the place is where it all started. Al asks him where what started, and Sam tells him Quantum Leap. Al looks around and tells Sam that they aren’t in New Mexico, but Sam persists, reminding Al about the theory that something or someone grabbed Sam when he had first Leaped. Al is cautious as to where this is leading, and Sam points back into the bar, telling Al that someone inside has been responsible for Leaping Sam around in time.
Al looks through the window and spots the bartender, asking Sam if that is who he had meant, and Sam tells him yes. Sam points out that the bartender wants Sam to believe that he’s the one who has been Leaping himself around through time, but Sam thinks that it’s the bartender. As Sam is revealing this, Al looks to Sam with a look on his face that suggests that he thinks Sam has gone crazy.
Sam continues to explain how the miners all have different names in this Leap, but look like people Sam has encountered before . . . Moe Stein, Frank and Jimmy LaMotta . . . plus other coincidences like the same bad breath between the Gooshie there and the Gooshie at Quantum Leap. Sam is getting worked up over all of this, and Al looks more convinced than ever that Sam is losing it.
Al suggests that they had better get Sam out of there, but Sam tells Al that everything he’s said is the truth. Al is still disbelieving that Sam hasn’t been Leaped around by God, but by some bartender. Sam insists that the guy is more than just a bartender . . . that he could be God, or Fate, or Time, or something else that they hadn’t even thought of.
At this point, Al’s expression suggests that he really thinks that Sam has lost his marbles, and he calls out to Gooshie. Not letting up, Sam asks Al if he turns blue and tingles with electrical energy when he Leaps. Al tells him that he doesn’t know since he goes back into the Imaging Chamber. Sam insists that the same probably happens to him as he had seen it happen to another person, although nobody Leaped back in probably because the guy was dead.
Just hearing the word dead makes Al turn pale, and he tries to get out of the conversation, but Sam still rambles on. He reminds Al about all of the stores of the souls of the dead who have come back to warn the living, wondering if they are all Leapers like Stawpah. Al looks confused, but Sam explains that Stawpah was the name of the guy he was referring to, telling Al that Stawpah means Steve in Russian.
Al tells Sam that he knows what the name means, since he has an uncle named Stawpah. Sam sits down on a bench as he asks if Al’s uncle suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. Al responds, telling Sam that it’s got him twisted up like a pretzel. Sam begins to laugh as the irony of everything has just sunk in, but Al tells Sam that it’s not funny. Sam tells him that it is, but Al asks why. Sam tells Al that he doesn’t know.
Al looks heartbroken and tells Sam to take it easy until he can figure things out with Ziggy. As Al presses a button on the handlink, opening the Imaging Chamber door, he tells Sam that he is going to get Sam out of this, whatever it takes.
The Imaging Chamber door closes just as bartender Al walks through the front door of the bar. Sam looks up at him and chuckles, saying Al’s uncle. Al laughs himself, admitting that he’s always found coincidences to be amusing. He sits down on the bench next to Sam, even though Sam still asks if Al wants him to believe that Sam is Leaping himself.
Al sighs and points out that if he had been a priest, but Sam interrupts indicating that he had been one. Al corrects himself and states that if the priesthood had been Sam’s chosen life, even though the Church would move him from parish to parish, wouldn’t he still have to accept responsibility for the life that he leads. Sam notes that even priests can quit.
Al points out that’s true, but then notes that priests can take sabbaticals, especially before embarking on a difficult new assignment. Sam asks if the Leaps are going to get tougher. Al asks where Sam would like to go, to which Sam tells him that he wants to go home, but he can’t because he’s got a wrong to put right for Al.
Sam turns to Al and asks if he knew. Al smiles and puts his arm around the Leaper, saying "God bless, Sam."
With that, the aura of blue electrical energy surrounds Dr. Beckett and he Leaps . . .
*****
When the light fades, Sam is standing in a darkened room. In the background, "Georgia" by Ray Charles can be heard, although very softly. Sam’s gaze rests upon a young woman with dark hair, dancing with an invisible partner to the music. He whispers out her name . . . Beth.
Beth turns and faces him, startled by the appearance of a stranger in her house. She asks who he is and how he got in. Sam tells Beth that she isn’t going to harm her, but is there to help her and Al. She asks if he’s a friend of Al’s, and he tells her yes, asking if they could sit down.
She seems somewhat hesitant, but agrees to Sam’s request. They move over to the living room, where the light is brighter. As they both sit down, Sam looks at Beth and tells her that he is going to tell her a story. It will have a happy ending, but only if she believes him.
Beth asks about if she doesn’t believe him, but Sam gently swears that she will. Sam explains that, instead of starting at the beginning of the story, he’ll go right to the happy ending. He smiles at her and reveals that Al is alive and is coming home.
Sam smiles as she breaks into tears of joy. The music swells as a black and white picture of a youthful Al can be seen . . . but then his image is suddenly surrounded by the blue aura of electrical energy, just as Sam’s was! Instead of a new Leap, there is nothing but an ominous darkness . . .
*****
As a result of Sam’s revelation, Beth never remarried. She and Al have four daughters, and would celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary in June. Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home . . .
Personal Review:
Mirror Image is an incredibly powerful episode, where Sam has to face the toughest question of all . . . who is really Leaping him around in time. He is so set in his way of thinking that he refuses to see the truth that is in front of his face the entire time, or rather looking back at him from the mirror.
The holes in Sam’s swiss-cheese memory doesn’t seem to be as prominent as in certain episodes, as Sam seems to easily recall names, faces, and events that he has encountered during his various Leaps. Also, like any regular Leap, there are lives to save, and it seems to pain Sam that he cannot play a direct part in the rescue. All he can do is settle for an indirect role and pray for the best.
The scenes at Project Quantum Leap were immensely enjoyable, especially the first images of the interior of the Imaging Chamber, as well as the banter between Al and Gooshie. It’s just a shame that more of the Project and it’s staff could not be shown.
The episode hits a few snags in the road when it starts to get into the heavy-duty coincidences and tries to explain what is going on. For the casual viewer, they will probably become easily confused and lose interest. Die-hard Quantum Leap fans, however, will easily pick up on the underlying message.
Donald Bellisario knew that, when he wrote the episode, there was a chance that the show could be canceled or renewed for another season. That final call was up to the networks, but he cleverly hid some hope into the show itself. Even the hastily created, simple graphics at the end of the episode are a testament to that fact.
He wanted to give viewers a message. No matter what happened, Sam would always be out there, Leaping and putting right what once went wrong in his quest to find a way home.
The final episode, "Mirror Image," was intended to have a much different ending. The original ending was written under the assumption that there would be a sixth season. When the series was not renewed, this ending was replaced at the last minute, after much of the post-production work on the episode had already taken place. A "wet copy" of this episode includes the alternate ending and survives through underground video tape trading on the Internet. If you are intersted in obtaining a VHS copy, e-mail Jerry Seward.
In the meantime, you can download it in .avi format.
What follows is the original script for the ending in its entirety. Most of it must have been nixed early on because even the surviving alternate ending cuts out after the picture of Al's family.
the proposed cliffhanger into the 93/94 season
this picks up where Sam tells Beth that Al is coming home...
130A CLOSE ON BETH
She catches her breath and tears flood her eyes as we move to....
131A SILVER FRAMED PHOTO OF YOUNG AL
sitting on the mantle. We hold for a beat and pull back past another photo. This one is of Al, Beth and four older children. our move takes us past other family photos of Beth and Al and their children. We continue until we reveal that we are in....
132A AL’S DEN
in his home at Project Quantum Leap. It is the year 2000 but this room is a classic den with leather and wood and a warm, comfortable look. Our move continues until we find....
133A THE OBSERVER AND BETH
sitting in an overstuffed chair. He's smoking a cigar and staring at a silver framed photo in his hand. She's sitting half on the chair and half on him. Beth's older and her hair is streaked with gray, but she's still a radiant beauty ... especially when she smiles.
OBSERVER
Wherever he's leaped, Sam’s still himself.
BETH
Because no one's in the Waiting Room?
OBSERVER
There's no other explanation.
(beat)
Ziggy’s starting a nanosecond search in the morning but I got a feeling Sam’s leaped beyond his lifetime?
BETH
Into the past or future?
OBSERVER
(firmly)
The future. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
(beat)
He's in the future, way in the future... far beyond his lifetime.
BETH
How’d he get there?
OBSERVER
The bartender sent him.
BETH
The bartender?
OBSERVER
Why not? Anyone who has the power to leap Sam through time can be anyone he wants to be ... a bartender, a train conductor ... a steambath attendant.
Beth takes a second to absorb that, then looks down at Al.
BETH
He’d know where Sam was in the future.
OBSERVER
How do I ask him? As a hologram, he couldn't hear me.
BETH
If he's God, I think he'll hear you.
OBSERVER
Good. But without Sam in that bar, I can't get there.
BETH
You could if you leaped.
134A CLOSER ON BOTH
The Observer looks slowly up to Beth, realizing she's hit on the solution.
OBSERVER
I might not come back.
BETH
You'll come back. Anyone who came back from Vietnam can come back from anywhere.
OBSERVER
Thirty five years and you still amaze me.
He pulls her into his arms and passionately kisses her. Then, he's out of the chair and gone.
135A CLOSE ON BETH
watching him go.
BETH
(to herself)
So do you.
Over her face, we hear the....
ANNOUNCER’S VOICE
Here's the windup and the pitch.
CUT TO
136A INT. AL’S PLACE - NIGHT - CLOSE ON RADIO
The dial glows yellow from this old Philco model set in the backroom of the bar. We hear the crack of a bat and the roar of a crowd as the announcer Rosey Rosewell supplies the color. We pull back from the radio.
ANNOUNCER'S VOICE
It's a long fly ball to left field.
(excited)
Open the window Aunt Minnie, here she comes!
our pull back reveals Ghee standing next to the Philco. The miners at the bar stop their raucous celebration and turn to the radio to hear the crash of broken glass that's Rosey's sound effect for a Pirate home run. The miners cheer as the Rosey continues.
GHEE
Do you believe this!
(beat)
They trade Kiner and now half the team’s hitting home runs.
137A ANGLE ON THE BAR - SFX
Al smiles and slides a draft to Miner Ziggy and then picks up Mutta’s glass to refill it.
MINER ZIGGY
Nobody on the Pirates will ever break as many window canes as Ralph Kiner did.
MUTTA
Panes not canes. Window Panes.
MINER ZIGGY
I said panes.
MUTTA
You said canes.
A blue light materializes next to Miner Ziggy, coalesces with electric, arcing into Al and dissipates. Mutta and Ziggy seem oblivious to Al’s sudden appearance and speak to him as if held been there all along.
MUTTA
(to Observer)
Didn't Ziggy-say canes? Window canes?
OBSERVER
(swiss cheesed)
I don't remember what she said?
MUTTA
She?
OBSERVER
Ziggy.
MINER ZIGGY
You must be a friend of Sam’s.
(explaining to Mutta)
Sam knows a Ziggy who's a woman, an ugly woman.
Ghee joins them.
GHEE
He must have seen you in your dress at the Beer Barrel Reunion.
OBSERVER
You cross-dress?
MINER ZIGGY
Cross-dress?
OBSERVER
Dress like the opposite sex.
GHEE
My Aunt Anna does that.
OBSERVER
Dresses like a man?
GHEE
No, like a woman.
Ghee slaps the bar and, laughing at having put one over on the Observer, moves off with Mutta and Miner Ziggy.
138A FEATURING AL
He wipes the counter in front of the observer who is now slightly isolated from-the miners.
AL
What'll it be?
OBSERVER
Information.
Al shoves the punchboard to him.
AL
Twenty-five cents a punch. Hit the jackpot and I'll answer your question.
OBSERVER
I got to gamble to get info from God?
AL
Who said I was God?
OBSERVER
Sam did. He said you were God or Time or Fate.
AL
(laughs)
Why not an alien while you're at it.
OBSERVER
(stunned)
Oh, my God....
AL
What?
OBSERVER
We didn't think of that!
(realizing)
It makes sense. You could be a higher intelligence from the outer reaches of the universe!
AL
I'm afraid the only alien here is you, Al.
OBSERVER
Why me?
AL
Because you're the only one who doesn't belong here.
OBSERVER
What about Sam?
AL
He's not here anymore ... he's on the job.
OBSERVER
In the future, right?
AL
Right.
OBSERVER
(pissed)
Without me!
AL
I didn't think you were needed.
OBSERVER
(incredulous)
You didn't think I was needed!
(beat)
Who flew the X-2? Me! Who taught him Elvis' moves? Me! Who showed him how to box, shoot pool, draw a six-gun ... kiss the girl!
AL
(amused)
You.
OBSERVER
You're damn right, me!
(quickly adds)
If you're God, excuse the language.
AL
If I'm God, you're excused.
OBSERVER
Sam wouldn't have righted a single wrong if it wasn't for me.
AL
Well....
OBSERVER
Okay. Maybe one or two, but he needs me. And more important... I need him.
139A CLOSER ON BOTH
Al thinks this over for a moment before speaking.
AL
The past has been mere prologue. Where Sam has gone, there is great danger.
OBSERVER
Cut the Star Wars dialogue! Are you going to send me with him or not?
AL
You'd no longer enjoy the safety of a hologram.
OBSERVER
I was kinda hoping that would continue.
AL
You'd be a Leaper, like Sam, with all the inherent risks.
OBSERVER
I still want to join him.
AL
That's all it takes.
OBSERVER
What do you mean?
AL
You just have to want to do it.
Al steps aside and the Observer looks into the mirror.
140A THE OBSERVER’S POV - THE MIRROR
Everything has changed. The bar, the miners, all have leaped far into the future and are space warriors enjoying a night at a space station bar. But the biggest shock of all is the observer ... he's a future version of a blonde bombshell.
141A ON THE OBSERVER
He spins around on the stool to find himself in the space station bar. Ghee, wearing the uniform of space pilot, leans in next to him with a leacherous grin on his face.
GHEE’S VOICE
I've been in a hundred rec bars from here to the Magellic Clouds and believe me, you've got the greatest set of cassabas I've ever targeted.
OBSERVER
Oh, boy.
TO BE CONTINUED
What makes Sam leap?
After numerous attempts to retrieve Sam failed, both he and Al agreed that some unknown force (often referred to as "God, Fate, Time, or Whatever")
God, Fate, Time, or Whatever?
"Remember the first time I leaped, and we all felt that someone or something grabbed me?" -- Sam, in "Mirror Image"
On the newsgroup, rec.arts.sf.tv.quantum-leap, there has been discussion as to what is really the force leaping Sam around. Here, submitted for your approval, are various contributions to the discussion.
Janet posed the original question: "As Sam and Al both say, Sam is leaping around due to God or Fate or Time. Well, which one is it, really?"
Well, all the great philosophers of the group came out of the woodwork to share their ideas. Janet continues her question by examining each possibility individiually:
"(1) God -- this I doubt. Why? Well, assuming God is omnipotent, why would HE (I'll use HE as the pronoun for convenience's sake; I make no claims to know God's gender or even if God has a gender) need a mortal man to do his work? And, more importantly, why would HE want to fix things that had 'once went wrong'? If you're omniscient as well as omnipotent, you don't make errors -- so, the clean-up crew doesn't have to come in later."
Lwaxanna tries to tackle that point: "Well there is this little thing called free will. And the Bible is full of examples of men having to act as God’s instruments."
Janet continues: "The other side of that argument is that QL definitely believes in some degree of divinity."
Boris Zakharin jumps in: "Why could something have "gone wrong"? Well, we meet plenty of evil supernatural forces as well as good. There's "A Portrait for Troiian", the infamous Halloween Episode, and who could forget the evil leapers. You could argue that there is an evil force (devil) which is the opposite of G-d..."
Now we move onto Fate. As Janet says,
"(2)...the main problem I have with this is that fate (or, destiny) has a certain air of inevitability about it. If things are inevitable, then no one can 'put right what once went wrong', etc. I don't think it's fate.
The other side of this argument is that *somehow* Sam ends up in the accelerator chamber in the first episode, leaping on his own although it's not planned by the project..."
Boris adds: "I tend to agree that it is not fate. He went into the Accelerator because he was pressed for proof at the threat of cutting funding. He had no idea (at least conciously) that he will change history himself."
Lwaxanna: "I don't think that we can assume that. This comes back to the question as to what was the original purpose of PQL..."
But that's another discussion altogether. So, moving right along...
"(3) Time -- by process of elimination? ..."
Boris takes a stab at it: "No. Time is not a supernatural being that can determine what will happen. Time is simply a measurement like distance or temperature. Even in Sam's theory, time is compared to a (measurable) string. So, I don't even know why they would include time as a candidate."
Lwaxanna's take: "I assumed that the inclusion of time was a nod to the type of temporal rifts that they run into on Star Trek. The suggestion being that Sam was being buffeted about in some type of time storm which had no intelligence just brute and random force. However I do not in anyway endorse this as a possibility. Sam’s leaps had a clear direction . There was a mind behind it not a temporal hurricane."
Next idea:
"(4) Sam -- He is leaping himself around as suggested by the bartender. If so, then he must be doing it subconciously. On the outside, he builds the project out of [scientific curiousity], but inside, he always hoped he could help people. However, if this is so, he only chooses to leap, not where to leap. He doesn't know most of the people he meets. However, when he leaps to Beth, he remembers his own family, and so, leaps there, so, I guess, when he knows where he wants to leap, [he] leaps there.
Lwaxanna said, "No way sunshine. If Sam’s knowing where he wanted to leap would get him there like clicking his heels and going back to Kansas he would have paid periodic visits to his family or even leaped back to PQL just before he stepped into the Acceleration Chamber. The subconscious leaping is an outside possibility. While Sam did not know most of the leappees most of the incidents involved deaths or some other feature which could well have been reported in the press thus enabling Sam to have read or heard about these people. Is it significant that the very first leap after Genisis took him back to save his relationship with his ex-fiancee. That surely would have been fairly high on Sam’s subconscious agenda."
Upon thinking about it, Janet replies: "...the idea of Sam leaping himself is intriguing because, first, it comports with what the bartender hints at in the series' conclusion, and it does make some sense. Although he may not know where he's going, or realize that he knows, or be affected by the ever-convenient 'Swiss cheese' syndrome, Sam may very well be doing it himself. Perhaps Sam has a moment of clarity as he leaps (the blue light, you know) and engages in self-direction, but then he suddenly forgets that he's done so. After all, he does return to Abigail Fuller twice in 'Trilogy' -- he may not realize he's done it himself, but he does mention something at the start of the third of that series of leaps that he was back because Abigail needed him. She had somehow called him back."
Boris and Lwaxanna eventually conclude that they believe it is God leaping Sam around. This certainly jives with references throughout the show. In the episode, "Honeymoon Express," Al is so sure that it is God leaping Sam around that he even suggests it to the Congressional Subcommittee evaluating Project Quantum Leap's status. And continual references to God, Fate, Time, or Whatever are accompanied by a firm "Him" as they point upward toward Heaven. This is what made me believe it was God...until the last episode.
I eventually suggested that the "Whatever," thrown in at the end of the phrase, "God, Fate, Time, or Whatever," to cover all the bases, was actually the force responsible. Not that I don't believe in God--I surely do. But the impression we get from Al the bartender in "Mirror Image" is that he is clearly not God. When Sam implies that he believes the bartender is God, the bartender laughs incredulously. Not to say that God does not have a hand in it, but primarily, "Mirror Image" leaves me with the impression this bartender seems to be the grand puppet master of Sam's journey through time. Sam himself suggests that the force leaping him might be "something we haven't even thought of." Now, exactly who or what "Whatever" is remains a mystery. But then again, so does most of "Mirror Image."
But I wasn't the only one with my own theory.
Helene "the cave dweller" suggested the following: "I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the possibility that it is actually Ziggy who's controlling the leaping! Think about that in conjunction with the possibility of Sam's subconscious thoughts. You could actually go two ways with this:
1) Sam created Ziggy with the ability to guide the leaps because Sam's desire to help others (esp his family) has guided his actions. He doesn't remember doing it, may not even know he has because he did it subconsciously, but if he did know, he's swiss-cheesed it. In one of the more recent books, I believe (yeah, I know it's not canon, but the point is interesting, esp in this context), Al says something about the fact that he thinks that Sam never completed the retrieval program because subconsciously he didn't want to be retrieved (pre-Donna). This would be on a similar level.
2) Sam did not plan on having Ziggy leap him, but Ziggy, being linked with Sam on a cellular level, knows more about him than he knows about himself.... Ziggy knows and understands what Sam really wants: to help others, and has taken advantage or somehow managed to self-program enough to change the original design and intent.
By having access to heaven only knows what research materials, Ziggy can choose the places to leap Sam by knowing where he's needed. She would know of his personal frustrations with his family history, so those leaps would be the easiest to direct (he had the opportunity to go after Donna awfully soon after beginning his leaps, don't you think?) and 'personal leaps' were unusually commonplace as far as the odds were concerned! Of course, you could then ask, 'then why doesn't Ziggy know more about the situation when Sam gets there i.e. have better info and better odds???', but there are probably a bunch of possibilities to explain this, too. a)He/she's sophisticated, but screwy ; b) he/she doesn't want to ruin Sam's 'fun'; c) he/she can leap him but as soon as he gets there the data changes; d) he/she's afraid that if she knows too much, then Sam or Al will realize that he/she's the one who's doing the leaping; d) he/she is good, but not *that* good ; e) he/she doesn't want to because he/she's enjoying the leaps too much; f)he/she's swiss-cheesed it all, too; etc etc etc"
Certainly very chilling, in a Twilight Zone kind of way (i.e., the computer becomes the master), but not nearly as chilling as where the post ended up leading:
Michele adds the following: "[This] brings up a rather creepy thought. Suppose it *is* Ziggy Leaping Sam around. Suppose that Ziggy has an ego, but a rather poorly developed conscience, and has acquired something of a HAL-syndrome. Suppose Ziggy has turned the tables on Sam, and now the experimenter has become the experiment (and vice versa--remember the mice in "Hitchhiker's Guide")! After all, haven't you ever gotten the impression that the reason Ziggy gets so screwy isn't because s/he's flawed, but because s/he just likes to mess with people's minds? ("Hmmmm....I'm bored today. Let's try printing out the paychecks with extra zeroes and see what all those funny little people will do...") Notice how interested she was in "Leap Back" when she asked Sam why humans died for love? Notice how Ziggy seems to love to delay giving Sam and Al the information they need until the last second? Is it because s/he he doesn't know, or just doesn't want to tell because s/he wants to see how Sam will behave when left to his own devices? Maybe Sam keeps Leaping because Ziggy is curious as to how "his/her human" will react in a particular situation.
This would also make Ziggy more prone (upon Sam and Al's demise), to being converted (or to converting him/herself) into Lothos for the Evil Leaper project--having explored the altruistic side of human nature with Sam and Al, why not explore the dark side with Zooey and Alia? ("Feel the power of the dark side, Ziggy..." Of course! Bill Gates is really her father!)"
This is getting creepy! I don't think we should push the issue any further. We might find out more than we want to know!
In the final episode of Quantum Leap, Sam leaps into a bar in Cokeburg, Pennsylvania on the date of his birth at the exact time he was born. He drinks a beer and looks in the mirror. He sees his own reflection. This begins a rollercoaster ride of strange occurrences as people from the past appear to him, but with different names. Al the Bartender seems to know everything and may be able to offer some insight to the reason Sam has been leaping in time for the past 5 years. And back in the future, Al and Gooshie are troubled to discover that there is no one in the waiting room. While they feverishly search for a lock on the lost Dr. Beckett, Sam tries to unravel the mysteries of his own life's work, save a pair of miners from a collapsed mine shaft, and finally takes the opportunity to right a major wrong in Al's life.
Sam finds himself in the strangest Leap yet, with a mystery that seems worthy of Sherlock Holmes! Not only does he Leap into himself, it happens right at the exact moment of his birth, and the people that he encounters bear familiar faces from his previous Leaps. To make matters worse, the Project has lost contact with Sam and are forced to search for him in time. Who exactly is the bartender, who seems to know everything about Dr. Beckett? What clue does he hold to Quantum Leaping? Can Sam figure it out, without Al’s help?
Detailed Summary With Spoilers:
Orange light spills through the windows as the blue Quantum light fades from Sam. A floor fan oscellates, blowing cooler air on Sam, who removes his hat and wipes his face and brow from the sweat. It apparently is a very hot and humid day. A old song can be heard playing over a radio.
Sam looks over and notices a man standing behind the bar, wiping a glass in his hand with a towel. His hair is slicked back and he has a mustache. He has a white apron on over his portly belly, and is looking right at Sam.
Sam walks over and puts his hat on the bar counter. He asks the bartender what he has on tap. The bartender tells him "Schlitz". Sam repeats the name, almost as if inquiring if he heard right. The bartender tells him that he has Iron City, Duquesne or Fort Pitt in bottles.
Sam tells the bartender that Schlitz will be fine, and the bartender asks if Sam wants regular or schooner, holding up the glass that he is wiping first, and then a bigger glass. Sam answers schooner, and the bartender goes over to the tap and fills up the taller glass.
The bartender brings the glass over as Sam digs through his pockets and asks how much he owes. The bartender informs him that it’s 15 cents. He seems kind of surprised, but hands the bartender the change. The bartender takes the money and rings it into a cash register. He deposits the coins into the cash drawer, and then gives the drawer a thrust closed with his belly.
Sam picks up the glass and begins to walk around the bar counter, and notices that the bartender is looking at him as well. As he gets to the center of the bar, he looks over to a mirror which is just behind where all of the bottles are stored, most with spouts commonly used by bartenders when mixing drinks. As Sam gazes into the mirror, he looks absolutely stunned.
The reflection looking back at him, for the first time in five years, is his own!
*****
Sam looks in awe at his reflection while the bartender asks if something's wrong. Sam, still dumbfounded, manages to mutter that it's him in the mirror.
Sam reaches up and touches his hair, noting that he's got a touch of white hair. The bartender tells him that he's just got a little, and suggests that he should look into the mirror more often.
Still examining himself, Sam then realizes that he's got crow's feet around his eyes. The bartender asks when the last time was that he took a really good look at himself. Sam replies that it's been a while, and the bartender replies that if he lets too much time go by, he can lose touch with reality.
The bartender then tells Sam that he's looked into the mirror for years and still thought of himself as skinny, and that it took a picture to wake him up. They walk over and the bartender shows Sam an old photograph. Sam remarks that he just pushed his stomach out to make him look fat. The bartender tells Sam that he didn't, and after a moment of silence, he begins to laugh.
Sam asks if those pictures were all from World War II. The bartender replies that they're all pictures of everyone who served in the war from Cokeburg. Sam then asks about one picture in particular, and the bartender tells him that it's a picture of his brother, Joe, who he visited at Edwards before he shipped out, and Joe is a teacher now.
Sam tells the bartender that's great, and then notes that the bartender doesn't look like he's changed much. The bartender tells Sam that his hair has gone grey. Sam mentions that it isn't so bad since it's been a few years, and then begins to stumble . . . partly with not knowing the year, and partly to try and see if he can learn what year he has Leaped into.
Sam then asks if he has today's paper. The bartender tells him that he's already tossed the Post Gazette, but the press gets there at 6. He suddenly remembered that he may have saved the sports page.
Walking around behind the bar, he pulled out the newspaper, and handed it to Sam, commenting that the Pirates lost . . . again, and should never have traded a player to the Cubs. Sam guesses not, and then looks at the newspaper.
The date is August 8, 1953, and then mentions to the bartender that it was the day he was born. The bartender wishes him a happy birthday. Sam looks over to the clock, which says 12:47pm. He then notes that he was born at 12:30 in Indiana, and it would be 43 minutes from that point, considering for the time zones. The bartender corrects him and explains that it would have been 17 minutes ago, and that time is a little funny there. The town decided not to follow Daylight Savings Time, so they would be on the same time as the midwest.
Sam turned around as he began to realize that he was born roughly the same time that he came through the door.
A person comes through the door that Sam's looking at. He has a long beard, and is wearing a hat. He ignores Sam and walks over to the bar. The bartender pours him a drink, which he promptly guzzles down. He lets out a breath and leaves, and Sam has to fan himself.
The bartender laughs and tells Sam that he should have warned him that Gooshie has the worst breath in Cokesburg. Sam is stunned to hear that name and asks, just to be sure, if that guy's name is really Gooshie. The bartender nods, and Sam tells him that he'll be right back.
Sam walks outside of the bar and looks around at the town. Two kids are nearby, working on their bikes. Sam looks at them, and they stop and look at Sam for a moment. Sam then turns around and looks at the window which says "Al's Place".
Sam goes back inside and walks up to the bar, again asking the bartender if he calls the guy Gooshie. The bartender nods, and then Sam asks if the bartender's name is Al. The bartender then replies, telling him Albert. Sam then wonders if his last name is Calavicci. Al tells him no.
Sam notes that it's kind of funny because he knows a Gooshie, and Gooshie is not a common household name. He also mentions that he notes an Al, but the bartender points out that Al is a pretty common name. Sam sticks with the point, again bringing up the fact that Gooshie isn't, and the Gooshie that he knows has bad breath just like the guy who had left. Al clarifies that halitosis isn't rare, especially among old timers.
Sam conceeds the point, and then notes that the boys outside look familiar. Al mentions that all boys look alike. Sam continues, saying that there's something coincidental about the whole thing, especially with who he is. Al cocks his head and looks at him. Sam asks if it sounds a little strange, to which Al replies just a little.
The door opens and Al points to a new individual entering through the door, who is kind of hunched over and wears a hat. Al asks if he knows anyone named Stawpah, to which Sam says no.
Stawpah points out that Sam is not a miner, and Sam introduces himself saying that he's passing through. Al sets a beer in a bottle down in front of Stawpah. Stawpah mentioned that he was a miner, and the best one in Mariana. He loaded 24 tons a shift. Today, 16 tons seems like a big deal. He mentioned that is bubba could load 16 tons. Al clarifies that bubba means grandmother.
Sam laughs in surprise, but Stawpah asks if Sam thinks that he's lying. Al intervenes, telling Stawpah to let Sam enjoy his beer. He then mentions what might be on Sam's mind . . . wondering how a cripple could load that much coal. Stawpah mentions that he was bigger, and strong like a bull. Sam mentions that he's sure that Stawpah was like that, but Stawpah continues on about how being in the mines soaked and rusted his bones.
Stawpah notes that he's lucky if he'll see 50. Al mentions that he thought it was 40, to which Stawpah replies that he was 40 in March. Al laughs
Another person walks through the door. He walks over to the bar and asks Al for a double shot of whisky and a can of snuff. Sam looks at him in awe and stumbles backward, a memory coming to his mind of Frank LaMotta, speaking Sam when he Leaped into Jimmy LaMotta.
Sam walks over to him and hugs him, calling him Frank. The guy mentions that his name is not Frank, and asks Sam who he is. Sam instinctively spurts out Jimmy, to which Stawpah mentions that his name is Sam. The miner then asks whether his name is Jimmy or Sam, and Sam introduces himself as Sam Beckett. He then asks if the guy's name is Frank, but he replies Tonchi.
Sam asks if he has a younger brother, and Tonchi begins to get defensive. Sam asks if he was born with Downs Syndrome. Tonchi asks what that is, and Sam clarifies. Tonchi accuses Sam of calling his brother stupid. Sam quickly covers, just saying that he was asking if Tonchi had a brother with a mental disability. Stawpah jumps in, remarking that it meant born stupid. Tonchi, still defensive, points out that Pete may be a bit slow, but he isn't stupid.
A whistle interrupts them and Tonchi turns back to the bar, saying he has to go to work. He turns back to Sam and warns him not to talk about his brother. He then turns to Al and asks him to put the drink on his tab. Stawpah then points out that they don't know if he might be with the state liquor control board.
Sam is not sure what Stawpah means, but Al clarifies that it's illegal to run a tab at a bar in Pennsylvania. If the state were to find out, he could lose his liquor license. Stawpah suggests that they check his wallet.
Sam digs through his pockets and eventually pulls out a nylon wallet, ripping open the velcro. Stawpah asks what it is, and Sam explains that it's a new kind of zipper. Tonchi is still looking at Sam, but Sam opens the wallet and looks inside, only to see his New Mexico driver's license with a holographic image of him on there.
Sam then points out that who they are is really none of their business. Stawpah urges Tonchi to take the wallet, and Tonchi steps forward, asking for it sternly. Al tells Tonchi that he's going to be late for work, and he can't have that. Tonchi turns back to the bar, drinks the whisky with one gulp, and then leaves.
Sam pulls out the wallet yet again and looks at the driver's license more closely.
*****
At Project Quantum Leap, Gooshie points out the obvious to Al . . . that there is nobody in the Waiting Room. Al mentions that it's impossible, unless Sam had to Leap into himself. Gooshie informs Al that there is a 99.2% probability. Al is stunned, realizing that Sam is somewhere in time as himself, and asks how Ziggy is going to find him. Gooshie informs Al that they aren't sure that they can.
*****
Al's place is now filled customers, miners who were relaxing and having fun after a long day of work. Sam muses to himself about how it was the day he was born, and instead of nursing as his mother's breast, he was nursing a beer, trying to make sense of the strange Leap. What was even stranger was that the reflection in the mirror was his own, and those at the bar had names and faces familiar to him. He wondered what wrong he was there to put right, and where Al was. He was so desperate for answers that he was looking for them on TV.
Sam looked up at an old fashioned black and white television set, watching an alien landscape as a graphic appeared with the title of the program . . . "Captain Z-Ro". An announcer explained that he was an explorer in time and space.
Another miner also started to watch the program, mentioning that it would be great to travel in time. Sam was startled as he looked at him, another memory flooding into his mind . . . of Captain Galaxy. The person looked just like Mo Stein, who Sam had encountered when he had Leaped into his television sidekick.
Sam asked about Captain Galaxy, but the miner clarified that it was Captain Z-Ro. He then asks if there’s a Captain Galaxy, too. Sam tells him yes, and the miner then rambles that he must be on channel 8, and he doesn’t get it too good when the iodine bounces the signal. Sam asks about this, and he says that the iodine bounces the TV signals. Sam clarifies that it’s the ionosphere which reflects the signals, to which the miner replies "That too."
Sam then asks him if his name is Mo Stein, but he replies that it’s Ziggy. At first, Sam smiles, but then his expression changes as he realizes what the response was. He then asks if his name was Ziggy, to which Ziggy asks if he’s heard of him. Sam notes that he has a friend named Ziggy. Ziggy says that he never knew anyone else with that name and asked what she does. Sam replies that she figures things out. Ziggy seems kind of surprised and asks if she’s a girl, to which Sam tells him yes. Ziggy then remarks that she’s probably not much of a looker, and Sam adds that he’d better not let her hear him say that.
Stawpah comes over and laughs, and Ziggy asks if Stawpah wants him to straighten his back for him. He then admits to Sam that Stawpah makes fun of him because Ziggy failed the written tests and didn’t qualify on the machine gun. He then asks Sam if he’s ever fired a machine gun, to which Sam replies that he isn’t sure.
Ziggy explains that he would remember if he did and provided a technical explanation, complete with sound effects. He also indicated that empty cabbages fly around everywhere. Sam again corrects him with the word cartridges, and Ziggy says "Them too."
*****
At the bar, Stawpah tells Al that Sam isn’t who he is pretending to be. Al asks for clarification, and Stawpah replies that when he figures that out, he’ll know why Sam’s there. Al suggests that maybe Sam’s there for the same reason Stawpah is . . . to have a beer. Stawpah quickly counters that he doesn’t drink beer and Al knows that. Al covers, claiming that he forgot, but Stawpah is quick to point out that Al never forgets anything. Stawpah then asks what would happen around the bar if Al were to forget, to which Al replies that things might go a little . . . ca-ca.
*****
From where he is sitting, Sam overhears the bartender say those words and looks over in shock. Again, his mind flashes back to a memory of Al . . . his Al, saying the exact same thing. Ziggy tells Sam not to let Stawpah get his coat, and that Stawpah forgets that he isn’t in Russia where everyone works for the BVD. Sam again corrects Ziggy with KGB, and both Ziggy and Sam say in unison, "Them too."
Sam gets up and walks over to Al, mentioning that he knows another Al who says ca-ca. Al is quick to point out that it’s a common expression, but Sam notes that it’s not where he comes from. Al reminds him that he’s not where he comes from, and Sam asks if it’s just another coincidence. Al points out that it’s a common expression in Cokeburg where nearly everybody is from the old country.
Sam then suggests that Al knows why he’s there. Al asks if Sam’s watched any of the old Bogart movies. The first rule of good bartending is not to give out information for nothing. Al reaches over and grabs a punchboard, asking if Sam wants to take a chance. It would cost him a nickel, but he could hit the jackpot.
Sam asks what the jackpot is, to which Al says that it’s $10 and the answer to his question. Sam asks if Al means that, and Al says yes. Sam hands Al the nickel and takes the punchboard, using the key to punch out a location. He takes the roll of paper and slowly begins to unravel it while asking why he’s here. Al asks if Sam’s hit the jackpot, but Sam looks at the paper and tells him no. Al then tells Sam that he will have to figure it out for himself.
*****
Al asks Gooshie how long the nano-search to find Sam is going to take, and Gooshie tells him one month. Al practically goes ballistic at the thought, to which Gooshie points out that there is a chance that Ziggy could get a lock in as little as 2 and a half weeks, give or take a day or two. Al sighs and then walks up the ramp to the Imaging Chamber, which closes behind him.
Al puts on his hat and punches a button on the handlink, asking Gooshie if he’s ready. Gooshie answers affirmative, and a swirling vortex of images surrounds Al. He looks at the images, and comments that he knows Sam is out there somewhere, urging Sam to lock onto him.
*****
Laughing can be heard throughout the bar. The miners are still there, some sitting at a table and playing cards. Stawpah is reading a paper, commenting on how Russia now has an H-bomb. Another miner doesn’t see the big deal, but Stawpah asks what if they drop it on Pittsburgh?
Sam, who is standing by the table with the card game, jumps into the conversation and says that the Russians won’t drop the bomb. Stawpah asks Sam how he knows, to which Sam jokes that he’s a spy, and spies know everything. Stawpah is very sarcastic as he joins in on the laughter, saying that it was funny.
Ziggy then points out that if the Russians do drop a bomb, they could hide in the mine until the radiator blows away. Yet another miner corrects Ziggy, telling him radiation, and Ziggy says "That too."
Stawpah mocks him, telling Ziggy that he’s so dumb that he doesn’t even know his own name. Ziggy tells him that it’s Simo Servonovich, and then asks if Stawpah wants him to spell it. Stawpah tells him yes in Russian. Ziggy begins to spell it, getting through only two letters before he stops.
Sam sits down next to one of the miners and notes that Ziggy is just a nickname, to which Ziggy tells him yes. Stawpah laughs that Ziggy can’t spell it. Sam asks how he got it, and one of the miners tells Sam that a donkey threw Ziggy into a steam radiator. Everyone laughs, but Sam is confused.
Another miner explains that they were donkey basketball in the school gym to raise money for the town’s widows. Sam asks if that tore up the gym floor, but Ziggy replied that they wore tennis shoes. The one miner explained that after Ziggy got tossed into the radiator, he zigged and zagged for a week. Ziggy then added that Al called him Ziggy ever since.
The miners continue to joke around, but Sam gets up from his chair and looks over at the bartender, asking if Al does all of the nicknaming around there. The miners then begin to rattle off all of the other nicknames that have been given out.
Stawpah then asks why Sam cares what Al calls them, to which Sam replies that he needs it for his BVD report. Another roar of laughter erupts from the table, but Sam continues with his questions, asking if Al nicknamed Gooshie. Ziggy points out that Al must have, since Al nicknames everybody. Stawpah clarifies that Gooshie had his name since the day he was born, and Al only nicknames dummies like Ziggy.
Sam hangs his head in frustration, and then tells Stawpah that he’s getting tired of him calling Ziggy dummy. Stawpah asks why, to which Sam counters with another question, asking Stawpah what he would think if someone called him a cripple. Stawpah tells Sam that he is a cripple, but Sam doesn’t relent. He asks if physically disabled would be a more humane way to describe his condition. Stawpah claims that it won’t change anything, but Sam points out that it might change attitudes towards Stawpah.
Ziggy then jokes that the only way attitudes about Stawpah would change would be if he shut his mouth. Again, laughter erupts from the table, only to be interrupted by the sound of short blasts from the mine work whistle. Sam asks what it is, and Ziggy tells him that it’s trouble in the mine.
Without further questions, everyone rushes out of the bar, including Sam, as Al looks on in concern . . .
*****
Smoke billows from a pipe in the rolling Pennsylvania countryside. The sound of the whistle seems to echo through the mountains. Men pour out of the elevator shaft leading to the mine, making their way through the smoke and the dust.
A worker falls to his knees in front of another gentleman who has a white shirt on, suspenders, and a hat. The miner says that there was an explosion in Butt 18. The gentleman asks how bad, to which the miner replies that the fire blew itself out, but they lost about 100 feet of tunnel and two men are trapped.
The gentleman asks who they are, and the miner tells him Tonchi and Pete.
Sam is standing nearby and overhears this. As he turns, his face is clearly etched with concern.
*****
As men begin to gather equipment, one of the miners tells the well-dressed gentleman that the bottom of the mine is filling with gas, and they will need to ventilate before sending anyone down for a rescue. One miner suggested that they use air tanks, but the one who collapsed to his knees earlier mentioned that one spark could cause the whole mine to explode.
Ziggy asks about Tonchi and Pete, to which the well-dressed gentleman says that they will have to wait. Sam then jumps into the situation, asking what if they can’t wait, or if they’re injured. The gentleman asks Sam who he is, and Stawpah quickly replies that Sam is the state safety inspector.
The gentleman turns to face Sam and almost looks pale. He asks if Sam is from the Bureau of Mines. Sam ignores his question and asks how long it will take to ventilate the mine. The gentleman exchanges glances with a miner, who answers that it would take 48 hours. One of the miners from the bar is animate, saying that in 48 hours Tonchi and Pete would be dead. The miner who answered the gentleman suggests that Tonchi and Pete could already be dead.
Stawpah points out that they are alive, and when a miner asks, he eerily says that he knows. The gentleman asks if there's a chance if they are alive, and the one miner tells Mr. Collins that there is always a chance, but they would have survived the blast, a cave in, and been lucky enough to have good air in the area where they're trapped.
Another miner points out that good air isn't going to last 48 hours, to which the miner asks Mr. Collins to let the miners dig Tonchi and Pete out. They are willing to risk their lives, but Mr. Collins hedges, saying he is responsible for those lives, and then tries to get Sam to agree with him. The one miner from the bar yells at Mr. Collins, saying that he would relieve him of his responsibility, and Ziggy also chimes in as well.
The miner from the bar then asks who's with him, causing an uproar until Mr. Collins tells Mutta that nobody is going down that shaft until he says so, reminding Mutta that he owns the mine and he isn't about to risk any more lives. Stawpah jumps in and comments that Mr. Collins isn't worried about lives, but catching fire.
Mr. Collins complains that Stawpah has a big mouth, especially when it isn't his neck on the line. Stawpah points out that he's risked his life plenty of times, working in the mines since he was 12. Stawpah then asked Mr. Collins how many times he worked the bottom of the mine.
Without hesitating, Mr. Collins orders that the mine is closed, the cage to be locked, and guards put on the shaft. The one miner who seemed to support Mr. Collins walks away to carry out his orders. Mr. Collins then turns to Sam and assumes that he will be investigating the incident, and offers the use of his office, although he doesn't seem too happy.
Stawpah walks toward the cage as the one miner closes the gate, and then walks past it. Sam watches this and follows him, asking Stawpah why he told Mr. Collins why he said that Sam was the Safety Inspector. Stawpah tells him that people like Collins made him a cripple, so he likes to see them sweat.
Sam tries to reason that Stawpah has a lot to be bitter about, but wonders how making Collins sweat is going to help rescue Tonchi and Pete. Stawpah tells Sam that he's right, and then says that he needs to find a way to get Tonchi and Pete out.
Both of them look down cage shaft, which descends to the bottom of the mine. Eerily, Stawpah describes the conditions far below them. The two men are cold, wet and scared, with Pete really scared because he can't see his brother.
Sam points out that they have lamps, but Stawpah tells him that Tonchi put the lamps out because the carbide lamps burn air. Water is already up to Tonchi's belt and rising, and if they don't get them out soon, they won't come out alive. Sam asked Stawpah how he knows all of that, but Stawpah explains that he had been there too many times before.
Sam watches as Stawpah walks away, a new realization coming over him along with a newfound respect. He thought Stawpah was blind to anyone's plight but his own, but Stawpah needed to save Tonchi and Pete just as much as he did.
*****
Sam is looking out the window as Al tells Sam that he's not here to save Tonchi and Pete. Sam turns around and asks how Al knew what he was thinking, but Al tells him that a good bartender has to be part philosopher, part psychiatrist, and part psychic.
Sam follows Al back to the bar and asks to speak to the philosopher part. Al tells him that he will stick to the basics, at which point Sam rattles off "to be or not to be," "I think therefore I am," and that sort of thing. Al answers affirmatively, and Sam asks why he's there.
Al asks Sam why he thinks that he's there, but Sam balks at asking a question with another question, which is psychiatry, and wants to stick with the philosophy. Al tells him that it's good, but Sam again asks why he's there. Al tells him that he's beginning to think that he's there to save Pete and Tonchi, but Sam theorizes that it isn't the reason.
Al confirms this by telling him that it isn't the direct reason why he's there, but Sam asks about indirectly. Al counters this by commenting "Who knows what Don Quixote can accomplish."
Sam shakes his head slightly and again asks Al who he is. Al shrugs and tells him a bartender. Sam quickly points out that he knows everything, but Al counters that only God knows everything.
Sam just looks at Al and his expression changes, but Al laughs, asking Sam if he really thinks that Al is God. Sam notes that Al is not just a bartender. Al admits that, but follows up by saying that he owns the place to. Al then turns to walk behind the bar to serve customers.
Stawpah, at a nearby table, calls Sam over and asks if he wants to help Tonchi and Pete. Sam walks over and notes that it's what he thinks that he's there to do. Stawpah tells Sam that he's there for the same reason, but Sam is somewhat surprised by this. Sam leans on the table, asking what he can do, and Stawpah tells him to be the Safety Inspector.
*****
Miners are gathered in the mine by the shaft, with Sam at the forefront. A guard stands by the cage, reminding everyone that Mr. Collins said taht the mine was closed until it's ventilated. Sam tells the guard that Mr. Collins changed his mind, but the guard points out that Mr. Collins doesn't change his mind.
Sam quickly tells the guard that Mr. Collins does when the head of the Bureau of Mines talks to him. Sam holds up a paper in his hand as he tells the guard that he called his boss in Pittsburgh, and he spoke with Mr. Collins and convinced him to rescind his order.
The guard reaches for the paper and it flies out of Sam's hand and down the shaft. Sam accuses the guard of purposely letting the paper go, although the guard tries to argue otherwise. The miners seem to back Sam, and the guard offers to call Mr. Collins to get everything straightened out. Sam tells him to do just that, and says that the miners will load up while he makes the call.
Other guards gather around and all look at the head guard for guidance. He waves, allowing them to open the gate for the miners to load up. Sam tries to get on, but Stawpah pulls him back telling Sam that he's already done his part. The miners agree, telling Sam that he doesn't need to risk his life. Sam points out that he's a doctor and could help.
Ziggy tells Sam that he couldn't come because they don't have enough resurrectors, while another miner corrects him by saying resuscitators. The car then begins to descend out of view . . .
*****
The swirling vortex of images still surrounds Al, who isn't looking too good. He tells Gooshie that he's getting dizzy, but Gooshie tells him that they've hardly begun and wonders if they could narrow the search.
Al then mutters Sam's birthday, but Gooshie asks about it. Al continues by stating that where ever Sam is, it's his birthday. Gooshie again asks how Al knows this, and Al tells him that it's just a feeling and wants Ziggy to start searching Sam's birthdays.
Gooshie asks which one to start with, and Al tells him his first birthday. Gooshie rattles off the date August 8, 1954, and presses some of the glowing buttons on the control console. Gooshie then advises Al to hang on, but Al asks him what to hang on to.
*****
Stawpah is sitting at a table by the window, drinking a soda out of a bottle. Sam is sitting at the bar, mentioning how if he is Don Quixote, then Al is his Sancho, and there isn't anything Al wouldn't do for Sam. The bartender jumps in and muses that there probably isn't anything that Sam wouldn't do for Al.
Sam agrees with that, but then remembers that there's something that isn't true. There was a time when Al had asked Sam to do something, and he didn't . . . not because he didn't try, but because he wasn't there to save Al's marriage. Sam was there to save the life of an undercover cop.
Tears begin to stream out of Sam's eyes as the bartender summarized that Beth thought Al was dead and married someone else, trying to find a cause. Sam notes that it was because he always played by the rules.
Before Al can say anything, the sound of jubilation can be heard from outside the bar. Stawpah is still sitting at his table and smiles, and Sam also smiles, blinking away the tears. Sam says that they found them.
The miners come into the bar and Sam rushes over, hugging a shorter miner and calling him Jimmy. The miner clarifies that his name is Pete. Tonchi tells Al that the drinks are on him. Ziggy tells Sam that it was a good idea to flake out the mine police, and then drinks a shot of whiskey. Sam tells him that it was actually Stawpah's idea, and turns around to look at Stawpah.
At the table, Stawpah raises his bottle and a broad smile appears upon his face. Suddenly, Stawpah is surrounded by a blue aura of electrical energy and vanishes!
*****
Sam is stunned at what he had witnessed, but the miners in the bar seem to be oblivious as to what just happened. Sam asked where he went, and the miners ask who Sam was talking about. He tells them that it was Stawpah, but Ziggy asks if he means someone named Steve. Sam again clarifies that the name was Stawpah, but Ziggy tells him that Stawpah means Steve in Russian.
Sam points out that he was sitting at a table a moment ago, and again asked where Stawpah went. Sam begins to walk over to the table, and some of the miners follow him as Sam goes on about how Stawpah was right there, turned blue, electricity ran through him, and he disappeared.
Thinking that it’s a joke, Mutta comments that whatever Sam is drinking, he’ll have one. A couple of miners echo that sentiment as they turn back toward the bar. Sam, however, remains transfixed on the table as he begins to figure it out, realizing that what happened to Stawpah was probably what it looked like to Leap. He then exclaims that Stawpah was a Leaper!
A voice interrupts, correcting Sam by telling him that Stawpah was a Ukranian. Standing in the doorway is Gooshie, who enters the bar and walks over to the counter, grabbing a drink and quickly downing it. He tells Sam that he came over on the boat with Stawpah. Sam asks again, just to be sure, if he knew Stawpah. Gooshie explains that he worked the Mariana mine with Stawpah until Gooshie moved to Cokeburg.
Gooshie indicates to Sam that Stawpah was the best loader he had ever seen. Sam reiterates what he had heard earlier – that Stawpah told him that he could load 24 tons in a day. Gooshie quickly points out that nobody could load 24 tons, not even Stawpah, but he came close. He continues by telling Sam that the Mariana mine blew up and Stawpah was the only miner who came out alive, and everyone started looking funny at Stawpah after that because slate stooped him over.
Sam agrees that Stawpah was all stooped over, and then medically clarifies that it wasn’t slate that caused that, but arthritis from loading coal in water. Gooshie is bewildered and asks Sam how he knows Stawpah, and Sam tells him that he had just met him there that very day. Gooshie tells him that Stawpah died in 1933, twenty years prior.
The miners turn back to their drinks and their conversations, leaving Sam to stand there, wondering what is really going on.
*****
The swirling vortex of images continues to surround Al, who doesn’t look that good. He tells Gooshie that he is going to ralph. Gooshie parrots him, turning it into a question, and Al replies with a bunch of slang and colorful euphamisms for vomiting. Gooshie retorts with a technical phrase, and Al replies affirmatively, telling Gooshie that he’s out of there.
Dizzy and off balance, Al stumbles out of the Imaging Chamber and over to the control console. He leans down upon the colorful cubes, using them as a support. Gooshie tells Al that he was about to suggest a break anyways, and then notes that he had scanned all of Sam’s birthdays from 1954 to the end of the 21st century, and wherever Sam was, it wasn’t his birthday. Before he could continue, Gooshie asks if Al had literally meant Sam’s first birthday.
Al looks at Gooshie and asks what he means by that. Almost sheepishly, Gooshie points out that the search was started with Sam’s first birthday, not the actual day that he was born. Al looks dumbfounded , sighs "Oh my God," and turns back to the Imaging Chamber.
*****
Sam is again at the bar, staring at himself in the mirror as Al goes about his business of cleaning glasses. Sam’s voice can be heard as he thinks to himself about how this Leap had taken a quantum twist, and he no longer knew what was real and what was imagined, or if what he imagined was from his mind or someone else’s.
Sam asks Al if he created all of this, but Al shrugs it off and turns to Sam, telling him that he built it, if that is what Sam means. Sam persists, telling Al that it is more than just a bar. Al looks around and tells Sam that there is something special about the place, but Sam doesn’t let up. He continues on about how dead men save miners and then vanish in an aura of blue light, noting that there would be something special about the place.
Al tells Sam that books are full of stories of the dead saving the living, but Sam presses on, asking if Stawpah really was there. Al replies that he remembers Stawpah. Sam asks why the other miners don’t, but Al cryptically responds that it’s the way it is. Sam doesn’t believe that, asking how Stawpah could be with them one moment, gone the next, the miners have no memory of Stawpah, and how he can accept "that’s the way it is" as an explanation. Al retorts, telling Sam that it is sometimes the best explanation.
Sam looks frustrated, and tells Al that it isn’t enough for him. Al counters, telling Sam that he doesn’t think that Sam is ready for more. Sam dares him to try. As Al walks away, the reflection in the mirror shows a person with a clean face. It’s Gooshie, the bearded man sitting beside him. Also, reflected images of Ziggy, Tonchi and Pete cannot be seen.
After Gooshie finishes his shot of liquor, he walks away and Al moves back over, asking Sam if he can accept what he sees as reality. Sam asks him which reality he should accept, and then indicates the miners behind him, and then to the mirror. Al asks him if he’s accepted both, looking at all of those mirrors.
Sam realizes that Al is the one who has been Leaping Sam around through time, but Al denies it. Sam asks what he means, and Al points to Sam’s reflection in the mirror, telling Sam that Sam is the one who has been Leaping himself through time. Sam is in utter denial, telling Al that there is no way he will buy that explanation.
Al moves back over to Sam and asks him why he created Project Quantum Leap. Sam replies that he wanted to travel in time, to which Al asks Sam why he wanted to do so. Sam begins, but stumbles over his words. Al asks if Sam wanted to make the world a better place, to which Sam replies of course. Al continues, asking if Sam wanted to put right what once went wrong, but Sam clarifies that he never intended it to happen one life at a time.
Al comments that Sam is "Mother Teresa", and then asks him if he believes that all he has done is change a few lives. Sam tells him yes, and Al points out, at the risk of over inflating Sam’s ego, that Sam has done much more. Al goes on to explain how the lives he has touched, touched others, and those lives others.
Al notes that Sam has done a lot of good, and could do a lot more. Sam counters, telling Al that he doesn’t want continue, only to go home. Al asks why he hasn’t, but Sam still claims that he doesn’t control his own future, but the bartender does.
Al looks at Sam and tells him that he will only do this for as long as he wants to, and Sam asks if he can Leap home anytime that he wants. Al replies technically yes, and Sam asks him what the catch is. Al explains that Sam has to accept that Sam is the one controlling his own destiny.
*****
The swirling vortex of images surrounds Al as Gooshie’s voice informs him that they’re getting a lock. As the hologram stabilizes, Al looks around and spots Sam Beckett, calling out to him. Sam immediately turns when he hears the familiar voice call his name and calls out Al’s name. Sam gets up and follows Al outside, although Al walks through the window and Sam opens the door.
Al tells Sam that it’s good to see him, and Sam mentions that he thought that Al would never get there. Al asks Sam where they are, and Sam points to the window of the bar, pointing out the name. Al laughs, saying that he had always wanted his own bar.
Sam continues, telling Al that the place is more than a bar, and then mentions that the place is where it all started. Al asks him where what started, and Sam tells him Quantum Leap. Al looks around and tells Sam that they aren’t in New Mexico, but Sam persists, reminding Al about the theory that something or someone grabbed Sam when he had first Leaped. Al is cautious as to where this is leading, and Sam points back into the bar, telling Al that someone inside has been responsible for Leaping Sam around in time.
Al looks through the window and spots the bartender, asking Sam if that is who he had meant, and Sam tells him yes. Sam points out that the bartender wants Sam to believe that he’s the one who has been Leaping himself around through time, but Sam thinks that it’s the bartender. As Sam is revealing this, Al looks to Sam with a look on his face that suggests that he thinks Sam has gone crazy.
Sam continues to explain how the miners all have different names in this Leap, but look like people Sam has encountered before . . . Moe Stein, Frank and Jimmy LaMotta . . . plus other coincidences like the same bad breath between the Gooshie there and the Gooshie at Quantum Leap. Sam is getting worked up over all of this, and Al looks more convinced than ever that Sam is losing it.
Al suggests that they had better get Sam out of there, but Sam tells Al that everything he’s said is the truth. Al is still disbelieving that Sam hasn’t been Leaped around by God, but by some bartender. Sam insists that the guy is more than just a bartender . . . that he could be God, or Fate, or Time, or something else that they hadn’t even thought of.
At this point, Al’s expression suggests that he really thinks that Sam has lost his marbles, and he calls out to Gooshie. Not letting up, Sam asks Al if he turns blue and tingles with electrical energy when he Leaps. Al tells him that he doesn’t know since he goes back into the Imaging Chamber. Sam insists that the same probably happens to him as he had seen it happen to another person, although nobody Leaped back in probably because the guy was dead.
Just hearing the word dead makes Al turn pale, and he tries to get out of the conversation, but Sam still rambles on. He reminds Al about all of the stores of the souls of the dead who have come back to warn the living, wondering if they are all Leapers like Stawpah. Al looks confused, but Sam explains that Stawpah was the name of the guy he was referring to, telling Al that Stawpah means Steve in Russian.
Al tells Sam that he knows what the name means, since he has an uncle named Stawpah. Sam sits down on a bench as he asks if Al’s uncle suffers from rheumatoid arthritis. Al responds, telling Sam that it’s got him twisted up like a pretzel. Sam begins to laugh as the irony of everything has just sunk in, but Al tells Sam that it’s not funny. Sam tells him that it is, but Al asks why. Sam tells Al that he doesn’t know.
Al looks heartbroken and tells Sam to take it easy until he can figure things out with Ziggy. As Al presses a button on the handlink, opening the Imaging Chamber door, he tells Sam that he is going to get Sam out of this, whatever it takes.
The Imaging Chamber door closes just as bartender Al walks through the front door of the bar. Sam looks up at him and chuckles, saying Al’s uncle. Al laughs himself, admitting that he’s always found coincidences to be amusing. He sits down on the bench next to Sam, even though Sam still asks if Al wants him to believe that Sam is Leaping himself.
Al sighs and points out that if he had been a priest, but Sam interrupts indicating that he had been one. Al corrects himself and states that if the priesthood had been Sam’s chosen life, even though the Church would move him from parish to parish, wouldn’t he still have to accept responsibility for the life that he leads. Sam notes that even priests can quit.
Al points out that’s true, but then notes that priests can take sabbaticals, especially before embarking on a difficult new assignment. Sam asks if the Leaps are going to get tougher. Al asks where Sam would like to go, to which Sam tells him that he wants to go home, but he can’t because he’s got a wrong to put right for Al.
Sam turns to Al and asks if he knew. Al smiles and puts his arm around the Leaper, saying "God bless, Sam."
With that, the aura of blue electrical energy surrounds Dr. Beckett and he Leaps . . .
*****
When the light fades, Sam is standing in a darkened room. In the background, "Georgia" by Ray Charles can be heard, although very softly. Sam’s gaze rests upon a young woman with dark hair, dancing with an invisible partner to the music. He whispers out her name . . . Beth.
Beth turns and faces him, startled by the appearance of a stranger in her house. She asks who he is and how he got in. Sam tells Beth that she isn’t going to harm her, but is there to help her and Al. She asks if he’s a friend of Al’s, and he tells her yes, asking if they could sit down.
She seems somewhat hesitant, but agrees to Sam’s request. They move over to the living room, where the light is brighter. As they both sit down, Sam looks at Beth and tells her that he is going to tell her a story. It will have a happy ending, but only if she believes him.
Beth asks about if she doesn’t believe him, but Sam gently swears that she will. Sam explains that, instead of starting at the beginning of the story, he’ll go right to the happy ending. He smiles at her and reveals that Al is alive and is coming home.
Sam smiles as she breaks into tears of joy. The music swells as a black and white picture of a youthful Al can be seen . . . but then his image is suddenly surrounded by the blue aura of electrical energy, just as Sam’s was! Instead of a new Leap, there is nothing but an ominous darkness . . .
*****
As a result of Sam’s revelation, Beth never remarried. She and Al have four daughters, and would celebrate their 39th wedding anniversary in June. Dr. Sam Beckett never returned home . . .
Personal Review:
Mirror Image is an incredibly powerful episode, where Sam has to face the toughest question of all . . . who is really Leaping him around in time. He is so set in his way of thinking that he refuses to see the truth that is in front of his face the entire time, or rather looking back at him from the mirror.
The holes in Sam’s swiss-cheese memory doesn’t seem to be as prominent as in certain episodes, as Sam seems to easily recall names, faces, and events that he has encountered during his various Leaps. Also, like any regular Leap, there are lives to save, and it seems to pain Sam that he cannot play a direct part in the rescue. All he can do is settle for an indirect role and pray for the best.
The scenes at Project Quantum Leap were immensely enjoyable, especially the first images of the interior of the Imaging Chamber, as well as the banter between Al and Gooshie. It’s just a shame that more of the Project and it’s staff could not be shown.
The episode hits a few snags in the road when it starts to get into the heavy-duty coincidences and tries to explain what is going on. For the casual viewer, they will probably become easily confused and lose interest. Die-hard Quantum Leap fans, however, will easily pick up on the underlying message.
Donald Bellisario knew that, when he wrote the episode, there was a chance that the show could be canceled or renewed for another season. That final call was up to the networks, but he cleverly hid some hope into the show itself. Even the hastily created, simple graphics at the end of the episode are a testament to that fact.
He wanted to give viewers a message. No matter what happened, Sam would always be out there, Leaping and putting right what once went wrong in his quest to find a way home.
The final episode, "Mirror Image," was intended to have a much different ending. The original ending was written under the assumption that there would be a sixth season. When the series was not renewed, this ending was replaced at the last minute, after much of the post-production work on the episode had already taken place. A "wet copy" of this episode includes the alternate ending and survives through underground video tape trading on the Internet. If you are intersted in obtaining a VHS copy, e-mail Jerry Seward.
In the meantime, you can download it in .avi format.
What follows is the original script for the ending in its entirety. Most of it must have been nixed early on because even the surviving alternate ending cuts out after the picture of Al's family.
the proposed cliffhanger into the 93/94 season
this picks up where Sam tells Beth that Al is coming home...
130A CLOSE ON BETH
She catches her breath and tears flood her eyes as we move to....
131A SILVER FRAMED PHOTO OF YOUNG AL
sitting on the mantle. We hold for a beat and pull back past another photo. This one is of Al, Beth and four older children. our move takes us past other family photos of Beth and Al and their children. We continue until we reveal that we are in....
132A AL’S DEN
in his home at Project Quantum Leap. It is the year 2000 but this room is a classic den with leather and wood and a warm, comfortable look. Our move continues until we find....
133A THE OBSERVER AND BETH
sitting in an overstuffed chair. He's smoking a cigar and staring at a silver framed photo in his hand. She's sitting half on the chair and half on him. Beth's older and her hair is streaked with gray, but she's still a radiant beauty ... especially when she smiles.
OBSERVER
Wherever he's leaped, Sam’s still himself.
BETH
Because no one's in the Waiting Room?
OBSERVER
There's no other explanation.
(beat)
Ziggy’s starting a nanosecond search in the morning but I got a feeling Sam’s leaped beyond his lifetime?
BETH
Into the past or future?
OBSERVER
(firmly)
The future. Don't ask me how I know, I just do.
(beat)
He's in the future, way in the future... far beyond his lifetime.
BETH
How’d he get there?
OBSERVER
The bartender sent him.
BETH
The bartender?
OBSERVER
Why not? Anyone who has the power to leap Sam through time can be anyone he wants to be ... a bartender, a train conductor ... a steambath attendant.
Beth takes a second to absorb that, then looks down at Al.
BETH
He’d know where Sam was in the future.
OBSERVER
How do I ask him? As a hologram, he couldn't hear me.
BETH
If he's God, I think he'll hear you.
OBSERVER
Good. But without Sam in that bar, I can't get there.
BETH
You could if you leaped.
134A CLOSER ON BOTH
The Observer looks slowly up to Beth, realizing she's hit on the solution.
OBSERVER
I might not come back.
BETH
You'll come back. Anyone who came back from Vietnam can come back from anywhere.
OBSERVER
Thirty five years and you still amaze me.
He pulls her into his arms and passionately kisses her. Then, he's out of the chair and gone.
135A CLOSE ON BETH
watching him go.
BETH
(to herself)
So do you.
Over her face, we hear the....
ANNOUNCER’S VOICE
Here's the windup and the pitch.
CUT TO
136A INT. AL’S PLACE - NIGHT - CLOSE ON RADIO
The dial glows yellow from this old Philco model set in the backroom of the bar. We hear the crack of a bat and the roar of a crowd as the announcer Rosey Rosewell supplies the color. We pull back from the radio.
ANNOUNCER'S VOICE
It's a long fly ball to left field.
(excited)
Open the window Aunt Minnie, here she comes!
our pull back reveals Ghee standing next to the Philco. The miners at the bar stop their raucous celebration and turn to the radio to hear the crash of broken glass that's Rosey's sound effect for a Pirate home run. The miners cheer as the Rosey continues.
GHEE
Do you believe this!
(beat)
They trade Kiner and now half the team’s hitting home runs.
137A ANGLE ON THE BAR - SFX
Al smiles and slides a draft to Miner Ziggy and then picks up Mutta’s glass to refill it.
MINER ZIGGY
Nobody on the Pirates will ever break as many window canes as Ralph Kiner did.
MUTTA
Panes not canes. Window Panes.
MINER ZIGGY
I said panes.
MUTTA
You said canes.
A blue light materializes next to Miner Ziggy, coalesces with electric, arcing into Al and dissipates. Mutta and Ziggy seem oblivious to Al’s sudden appearance and speak to him as if held been there all along.
MUTTA
(to Observer)
Didn't Ziggy-say canes? Window canes?
OBSERVER
(swiss cheesed)
I don't remember what she said?
MUTTA
She?
OBSERVER
Ziggy.
MINER ZIGGY
You must be a friend of Sam’s.
(explaining to Mutta)
Sam knows a Ziggy who's a woman, an ugly woman.
Ghee joins them.
GHEE
He must have seen you in your dress at the Beer Barrel Reunion.
OBSERVER
You cross-dress?
MINER ZIGGY
Cross-dress?
OBSERVER
Dress like the opposite sex.
GHEE
My Aunt Anna does that.
OBSERVER
Dresses like a man?
GHEE
No, like a woman.
Ghee slaps the bar and, laughing at having put one over on the Observer, moves off with Mutta and Miner Ziggy.
138A FEATURING AL
He wipes the counter in front of the observer who is now slightly isolated from-the miners.
AL
What'll it be?
OBSERVER
Information.
Al shoves the punchboard to him.
AL
Twenty-five cents a punch. Hit the jackpot and I'll answer your question.
OBSERVER
I got to gamble to get info from God?
AL
Who said I was God?
OBSERVER
Sam did. He said you were God or Time or Fate.
AL
(laughs)
Why not an alien while you're at it.
OBSERVER
(stunned)
Oh, my God....
AL
What?
OBSERVER
We didn't think of that!
(realizing)
It makes sense. You could be a higher intelligence from the outer reaches of the universe!
AL
I'm afraid the only alien here is you, Al.
OBSERVER
Why me?
AL
Because you're the only one who doesn't belong here.
OBSERVER
What about Sam?
AL
He's not here anymore ... he's on the job.
OBSERVER
In the future, right?
AL
Right.
OBSERVER
(pissed)
Without me!
AL
I didn't think you were needed.
OBSERVER
(incredulous)
You didn't think I was needed!
(beat)
Who flew the X-2? Me! Who taught him Elvis' moves? Me! Who showed him how to box, shoot pool, draw a six-gun ... kiss the girl!
AL
(amused)
You.
OBSERVER
You're damn right, me!
(quickly adds)
If you're God, excuse the language.
AL
If I'm God, you're excused.
OBSERVER
Sam wouldn't have righted a single wrong if it wasn't for me.
AL
Well....
OBSERVER
Okay. Maybe one or two, but he needs me. And more important... I need him.
139A CLOSER ON BOTH
Al thinks this over for a moment before speaking.
AL
The past has been mere prologue. Where Sam has gone, there is great danger.
OBSERVER
Cut the Star Wars dialogue! Are you going to send me with him or not?
AL
You'd no longer enjoy the safety of a hologram.
OBSERVER
I was kinda hoping that would continue.
AL
You'd be a Leaper, like Sam, with all the inherent risks.
OBSERVER
I still want to join him.
AL
That's all it takes.
OBSERVER
What do you mean?
AL
You just have to want to do it.
Al steps aside and the Observer looks into the mirror.
140A THE OBSERVER’S POV - THE MIRROR
Everything has changed. The bar, the miners, all have leaped far into the future and are space warriors enjoying a night at a space station bar. But the biggest shock of all is the observer ... he's a future version of a blonde bombshell.
141A ON THE OBSERVER
He spins around on the stool to find himself in the space station bar. Ghee, wearing the uniform of space pilot, leans in next to him with a leacherous grin on his face.
GHEE’S VOICE
I've been in a hundred rec bars from here to the Magellic Clouds and believe me, you've got the greatest set of cassabas I've ever targeted.
OBSERVER
Oh, boy.
TO BE CONTINUED
What makes Sam leap?
After numerous attempts to retrieve Sam failed, both he and Al agreed that some unknown force (often referred to as "God, Fate, Time, or Whatever")
God, Fate, Time, or Whatever?
"Remember the first time I leaped, and we all felt that someone or something grabbed me?" -- Sam, in "Mirror Image"
On the newsgroup, rec.arts.sf.tv.quantum-leap, there has been discussion as to what is really the force leaping Sam around. Here, submitted for your approval, are various contributions to the discussion.
Janet posed the original question: "As Sam and Al both say, Sam is leaping around due to God or Fate or Time. Well, which one is it, really?"
Well, all the great philosophers of the group came out of the woodwork to share their ideas. Janet continues her question by examining each possibility individiually:
"(1) God -- this I doubt. Why? Well, assuming God is omnipotent, why would HE (I'll use HE as the pronoun for convenience's sake; I make no claims to know God's gender or even if God has a gender) need a mortal man to do his work? And, more importantly, why would HE want to fix things that had 'once went wrong'? If you're omniscient as well as omnipotent, you don't make errors -- so, the clean-up crew doesn't have to come in later."
Lwaxanna tries to tackle that point: "Well there is this little thing called free will. And the Bible is full of examples of men having to act as God’s instruments."
Janet continues: "The other side of that argument is that QL definitely believes in some degree of divinity."
Boris Zakharin jumps in: "Why could something have "gone wrong"? Well, we meet plenty of evil supernatural forces as well as good. There's "A Portrait for Troiian", the infamous Halloween Episode, and who could forget the evil leapers. You could argue that there is an evil force (devil) which is the opposite of G-d..."
Now we move onto Fate. As Janet says,
"(2)...the main problem I have with this is that fate (or, destiny) has a certain air of inevitability about it. If things are inevitable, then no one can 'put right what once went wrong', etc. I don't think it's fate.
The other side of this argument is that *somehow* Sam ends up in the accelerator chamber in the first episode, leaping on his own although it's not planned by the project..."
Boris adds: "I tend to agree that it is not fate. He went into the Accelerator because he was pressed for proof at the threat of cutting funding. He had no idea (at least conciously) that he will change history himself."
Lwaxanna: "I don't think that we can assume that. This comes back to the question as to what was the original purpose of PQL..."
But that's another discussion altogether. So, moving right along...
"(3) Time -- by process of elimination? ..."
Boris takes a stab at it: "No. Time is not a supernatural being that can determine what will happen. Time is simply a measurement like distance or temperature. Even in Sam's theory, time is compared to a (measurable) string. So, I don't even know why they would include time as a candidate."
Lwaxanna's take: "I assumed that the inclusion of time was a nod to the type of temporal rifts that they run into on Star Trek. The suggestion being that Sam was being buffeted about in some type of time storm which had no intelligence just brute and random force. However I do not in anyway endorse this as a possibility. Sam’s leaps had a clear direction . There was a mind behind it not a temporal hurricane."
Next idea:
"(4) Sam -- He is leaping himself around as suggested by the bartender. If so, then he must be doing it subconciously. On the outside, he builds the project out of [scientific curiousity], but inside, he always hoped he could help people. However, if this is so, he only chooses to leap, not where to leap. He doesn't know most of the people he meets. However, when he leaps to Beth, he remembers his own family, and so, leaps there, so, I guess, when he knows where he wants to leap, [he] leaps there.
Lwaxanna said, "No way sunshine. If Sam’s knowing where he wanted to leap would get him there like clicking his heels and going back to Kansas he would have paid periodic visits to his family or even leaped back to PQL just before he stepped into the Acceleration Chamber. The subconscious leaping is an outside possibility. While Sam did not know most of the leappees most of the incidents involved deaths or some other feature which could well have been reported in the press thus enabling Sam to have read or heard about these people. Is it significant that the very first leap after Genisis took him back to save his relationship with his ex-fiancee. That surely would have been fairly high on Sam’s subconscious agenda."
Upon thinking about it, Janet replies: "...the idea of Sam leaping himself is intriguing because, first, it comports with what the bartender hints at in the series' conclusion, and it does make some sense. Although he may not know where he's going, or realize that he knows, or be affected by the ever-convenient 'Swiss cheese' syndrome, Sam may very well be doing it himself. Perhaps Sam has a moment of clarity as he leaps (the blue light, you know) and engages in self-direction, but then he suddenly forgets that he's done so. After all, he does return to Abigail Fuller twice in 'Trilogy' -- he may not realize he's done it himself, but he does mention something at the start of the third of that series of leaps that he was back because Abigail needed him. She had somehow called him back."
Boris and Lwaxanna eventually conclude that they believe it is God leaping Sam around. This certainly jives with references throughout the show. In the episode, "Honeymoon Express," Al is so sure that it is God leaping Sam around that he even suggests it to the Congressional Subcommittee evaluating Project Quantum Leap's status. And continual references to God, Fate, Time, or Whatever are accompanied by a firm "Him" as they point upward toward Heaven. This is what made me believe it was God...until the last episode.
I eventually suggested that the "Whatever," thrown in at the end of the phrase, "God, Fate, Time, or Whatever," to cover all the bases, was actually the force responsible. Not that I don't believe in God--I surely do. But the impression we get from Al the bartender in "Mirror Image" is that he is clearly not God. When Sam implies that he believes the bartender is God, the bartender laughs incredulously. Not to say that God does not have a hand in it, but primarily, "Mirror Image" leaves me with the impression this bartender seems to be the grand puppet master of Sam's journey through time. Sam himself suggests that the force leaping him might be "something we haven't even thought of." Now, exactly who or what "Whatever" is remains a mystery. But then again, so does most of "Mirror Image."
But I wasn't the only one with my own theory.
Helene "the cave dweller" suggested the following: "I'm surprised that no one has mentioned the possibility that it is actually Ziggy who's controlling the leaping! Think about that in conjunction with the possibility of Sam's subconscious thoughts. You could actually go two ways with this:
1) Sam created Ziggy with the ability to guide the leaps because Sam's desire to help others (esp his family) has guided his actions. He doesn't remember doing it, may not even know he has because he did it subconsciously, but if he did know, he's swiss-cheesed it. In one of the more recent books, I believe (yeah, I know it's not canon, but the point is interesting, esp in this context), Al says something about the fact that he thinks that Sam never completed the retrieval program because subconsciously he didn't want to be retrieved (pre-Donna). This would be on a similar level.
2) Sam did not plan on having Ziggy leap him, but Ziggy, being linked with Sam on a cellular level, knows more about him than he knows about himself.... Ziggy knows and understands what Sam really wants: to help others, and has taken advantage or somehow managed to self-program enough to change the original design and intent.
By having access to heaven only knows what research materials, Ziggy can choose the places to leap Sam by knowing where he's needed. She would know of his personal frustrations with his family history, so those leaps would be the easiest to direct (he had the opportunity to go after Donna awfully soon after beginning his leaps, don't you think?) and 'personal leaps' were unusually commonplace as far as the odds were concerned! Of course, you could then ask, 'then why doesn't Ziggy know more about the situation when Sam gets there i.e. have better info and better odds???', but there are probably a bunch of possibilities to explain this, too. a)He/she's sophisticated, but screwy ; b) he/she doesn't want to ruin Sam's 'fun'; c) he/she can leap him but as soon as he gets there the data changes; d) he/she's afraid that if she knows too much, then Sam or Al will realize that he/she's the one who's doing the leaping; d) he/she is good, but not *that* good ; e) he/she doesn't want to because he/she's enjoying the leaps too much; f)he/she's swiss-cheesed it all, too; etc etc etc"
Certainly very chilling, in a Twilight Zone kind of way (i.e., the computer becomes the master), but not nearly as chilling as where the post ended up leading:
Michele adds the following: "[This] brings up a rather creepy thought. Suppose it *is* Ziggy Leaping Sam around. Suppose that Ziggy has an ego, but a rather poorly developed conscience, and has acquired something of a HAL-syndrome. Suppose Ziggy has turned the tables on Sam, and now the experimenter has become the experiment (and vice versa--remember the mice in "Hitchhiker's Guide")! After all, haven't you ever gotten the impression that the reason Ziggy gets so screwy isn't because s/he's flawed, but because s/he just likes to mess with people's minds? ("Hmmmm....I'm bored today. Let's try printing out the paychecks with extra zeroes and see what all those funny little people will do...") Notice how interested she was in "Leap Back" when she asked Sam why humans died for love? Notice how Ziggy seems to love to delay giving Sam and Al the information they need until the last second? Is it because s/he he doesn't know, or just doesn't want to tell because s/he wants to see how Sam will behave when left to his own devices? Maybe Sam keeps Leaping because Ziggy is curious as to how "his/her human" will react in a particular situation.
This would also make Ziggy more prone (upon Sam and Al's demise), to being converted (or to converting him/herself) into Lothos for the Evil Leaper project--having explored the altruistic side of human nature with Sam and Al, why not explore the dark side with Zooey and Alia? ("Feel the power of the dark side, Ziggy..." Of course! Bill Gates is really her father!)"
This is getting creepy! I don't think we should push the issue any further. We might find out more than we want to know!
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER/LOVE LETTER
No one will ever know really how beautiful you are because they will never see you making love because beautiful as you are you will never be a movie star because beautiful as you are you hide so much of what you are which of course is part of what you are the hidden and the hiding and I will try to love you so long and so well we will remain forever only for each other and no one will know really how beautiful you are I see you now I've stopped kissing you now so I can see you now how beautiful you are and then kiss you again.
POETRY: WHAT IS INSIDE OF YOU
kisses of sound wave
trembling the bound of space,
kisses of light waves
bending the shield of time,
kisses of sunrise,
kisses from sunset
not change much,
except a true, a true human heart
dedicated for mankind.
kisses of time
no signs, no dates,
no shadows, no traces,
neither the living nor the dead
in this decaying universe
immune to the impact,
except our pearl identity
except our pearl identity,
ingrown due to good deeds,
gluing with kisses
which spare human griefs.
2
Being with you is so beautiful I can hardly describe it.
Everything else fades away when you kiss me.
In that moment, nothing matters but you.
When I am in your arms,
I feel so secure.
You are my hero.
You do so much for me and
Take care of me in so many ways.
You answer my questions and silence my doubts
Without saying a word.
You accept me just the way I am,
With all my quirks and flaws.
Simply lying next to you makes me feel special.
Everything in me responds to your touch.
You give me so much pleasure -
To my ummm.. you do me just right.
You're so good, I wish I could tell it.
But words don't come close to expressing
The level of ecstasy you bring me to -
Again, and again, and again.
Shakespeare had it right -
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
It seems I never want to let you go.
I try to memorize everything about you -
your scent, your smile, the look in your eyes.
I think you understand because you never rush me.
When you leave, I tell myself you'll be right back.
Then when I'm alone,
I close my eyes,
And you're here
With me once again.
And I can almost lay my head against your chest,
Listen to your heartbeat,
And let the world fade away
As you bend your head to kiss me.
3
of the waves as they crawl
to the shore calm me
but not as much as you
my love
you keep me safe and warm
in a world
only we know and are not
willing to share
there is only so much room
in this world
just enough for you and I
just enough I say with a sigh
for you were heaven sent and
a gift such as this is for only
one person
me....
4
Your eyes, by glancing, seem to kiss my heart.
My scornful lips then take offense as they
Stand substituted, playing not their part,
While eyes and heart's affection have their way.
They plead their case to me and say that smile
Should glide on smile to kiss you properly.
My head compels my pupils all the while
To turn away from what my heart would see,
For fear my heart may too abruptly learn
Your loveliness and give itself away;
But my rebellious eyes refuse to turn,
And thus reveal what my mute heart would say:
Although our lips and hearts may never kiss,
The sight of you is nearly equal bliss
5
kisses of lovers
tender and sweet,
kisses of spring
bring new buds to earth,
summer kisses
warm up the frozen beaches,
fall kisses
paint yellow and orange over trees and grasses, kisses of winter
deepening loneliness.
kisses of sunrise,
kisses from sunset,
not change much
this turbulent world,
except a true, a true human heart
dedicated for humankind.
6
Inside our kiss is magic only we two know.
Outside, someone can watch us in the act,
Like envying a warm fire through a window.
They may guess at the temperature in that house,
But they cannot know with certainty
The heat we generate with our mouths.
Only we share the fire of that endless moment,
Following it up into the clouds,
Out of view, and in the mist of Heaven's reign.
We hold each other rapt, become as one,
Are born again.
7
I miss you when something good happens to me,
because you are the one I want to share it with first.
I miss you when something bad happens,
because you make everything better.
I miss you when I cry,
because you kiss my tears away.
I miss you when I'm laughing,
because you make my laughter grow.
I miss you through all those times,
but I miss you the most,
when I'm lying in bed at night,
thinking about you.
Because before,
I knew, somehow, someway,
you were thinking of me too,
and that's why it is then,
that I miss you the most.
Becasue I'm not so sure you're thinking of me anymore..
8
When Im with you its hard to find words to say
because being in front of you takes my breath away
Looking into your eyes is like looking deep into the sea & all of a sudden Im trying to explore your mind to see if your thinking of me
Being touched by your hands brings a smile upon my face & that is a smile that cant be erased
When Im hugged in your arms its like Im floating in the sky & every moment I share with you makes me feel like I wana fly
The night when I kissed your lips from that moment on I reminised & I dont understand why I feel this way over just one kiss!
9
Having a simple thought ,
holding it deep inside,
never but a thought,
alone for me to hide.
Could she, or could she not love,
the thought was not of this.
The thought was much more simple.
What would it be like, her kiss?
Would her eyes be closed, so light,
as though in sleeping be?
Or would she hold them open,
and have a smile for me?
Could it hold a beating heart still,
forever lost in dream?
Or could it make the soul take flight,
or give life a new enchanting theme?
What are they, two quivering lips,
unassured in their own feel?
Or could they hold a timeless magic,
instantly, and forever real?
10
Come back often and take hold of me,
sensation that I love, come back and take hold of me --
when the body's memory revives
and an old longing again passes through the blood,
when lips and skin remember
and hands feel as though they touch again.
Come back often, take hold of me in the night
when lips and skin remember...
11
I would kiss your lips
to take in your breath and speak
What is inside you
12
A kiss is a whisper of love
That cannot be silenced.
A kiss has the power to heal like a dove,
Or a firey rage of sensuality that will not hence.
Some abuse kisses,
And others cherish them.
Whether you've just hooked up or are Mr. and Mrs.,
You should realize that a kiss will not condemn.
Giving your lover a kiss doesn't make you a whore,
Despite what some may say.
Quite frequently, kisses may serve as your savior.
So cherish your kisses, in any way.
Every kiss!
trembling the bound of space,
kisses of light waves
bending the shield of time,
kisses of sunrise,
kisses from sunset
not change much,
except a true, a true human heart
dedicated for mankind.
kisses of time
no signs, no dates,
no shadows, no traces,
neither the living nor the dead
in this decaying universe
immune to the impact,
except our pearl identity
except our pearl identity,
ingrown due to good deeds,
gluing with kisses
which spare human griefs.
2
Being with you is so beautiful I can hardly describe it.
Everything else fades away when you kiss me.
In that moment, nothing matters but you.
When I am in your arms,
I feel so secure.
You are my hero.
You do so much for me and
Take care of me in so many ways.
You answer my questions and silence my doubts
Without saying a word.
You accept me just the way I am,
With all my quirks and flaws.
Simply lying next to you makes me feel special.
Everything in me responds to your touch.
You give me so much pleasure -
To my ummm.. you do me just right.
You're so good, I wish I could tell it.
But words don't come close to expressing
The level of ecstasy you bring me to -
Again, and again, and again.
Shakespeare had it right -
Parting is such sweet sorrow.
It seems I never want to let you go.
I try to memorize everything about you -
your scent, your smile, the look in your eyes.
I think you understand because you never rush me.
When you leave, I tell myself you'll be right back.
Then when I'm alone,
I close my eyes,
And you're here
With me once again.
And I can almost lay my head against your chest,
Listen to your heartbeat,
And let the world fade away
As you bend your head to kiss me.
3
of the waves as they crawl
to the shore calm me
but not as much as you
my love
you keep me safe and warm
in a world
only we know and are not
willing to share
there is only so much room
in this world
just enough for you and I
just enough I say with a sigh
for you were heaven sent and
a gift such as this is for only
one person
me....
4
Your eyes, by glancing, seem to kiss my heart.
My scornful lips then take offense as they
Stand substituted, playing not their part,
While eyes and heart's affection have their way.
They plead their case to me and say that smile
Should glide on smile to kiss you properly.
My head compels my pupils all the while
To turn away from what my heart would see,
For fear my heart may too abruptly learn
Your loveliness and give itself away;
But my rebellious eyes refuse to turn,
And thus reveal what my mute heart would say:
Although our lips and hearts may never kiss,
The sight of you is nearly equal bliss
5
kisses of lovers
tender and sweet,
kisses of spring
bring new buds to earth,
summer kisses
warm up the frozen beaches,
fall kisses
paint yellow and orange over trees and grasses, kisses of winter
deepening loneliness.
kisses of sunrise,
kisses from sunset,
not change much
this turbulent world,
except a true, a true human heart
dedicated for humankind.
6
Inside our kiss is magic only we two know.
Outside, someone can watch us in the act,
Like envying a warm fire through a window.
They may guess at the temperature in that house,
But they cannot know with certainty
The heat we generate with our mouths.
Only we share the fire of that endless moment,
Following it up into the clouds,
Out of view, and in the mist of Heaven's reign.
We hold each other rapt, become as one,
Are born again.
7
I miss you when something good happens to me,
because you are the one I want to share it with first.
I miss you when something bad happens,
because you make everything better.
I miss you when I cry,
because you kiss my tears away.
I miss you when I'm laughing,
because you make my laughter grow.
I miss you through all those times,
but I miss you the most,
when I'm lying in bed at night,
thinking about you.
Because before,
I knew, somehow, someway,
you were thinking of me too,
and that's why it is then,
that I miss you the most.
Becasue I'm not so sure you're thinking of me anymore..
8
When Im with you its hard to find words to say
because being in front of you takes my breath away
Looking into your eyes is like looking deep into the sea & all of a sudden Im trying to explore your mind to see if your thinking of me
Being touched by your hands brings a smile upon my face & that is a smile that cant be erased
When Im hugged in your arms its like Im floating in the sky & every moment I share with you makes me feel like I wana fly
The night when I kissed your lips from that moment on I reminised & I dont understand why I feel this way over just one kiss!
9
Having a simple thought ,
holding it deep inside,
never but a thought,
alone for me to hide.
Could she, or could she not love,
the thought was not of this.
The thought was much more simple.
What would it be like, her kiss?
Would her eyes be closed, so light,
as though in sleeping be?
Or would she hold them open,
and have a smile for me?
Could it hold a beating heart still,
forever lost in dream?
Or could it make the soul take flight,
or give life a new enchanting theme?
What are they, two quivering lips,
unassured in their own feel?
Or could they hold a timeless magic,
instantly, and forever real?
10
Come back often and take hold of me,
sensation that I love, come back and take hold of me --
when the body's memory revives
and an old longing again passes through the blood,
when lips and skin remember
and hands feel as though they touch again.
Come back often, take hold of me in the night
when lips and skin remember...
11
I would kiss your lips
to take in your breath and speak
What is inside you
12
A kiss is a whisper of love
That cannot be silenced.
A kiss has the power to heal like a dove,
Or a firey rage of sensuality that will not hence.
Some abuse kisses,
And others cherish them.
Whether you've just hooked up or are Mr. and Mrs.,
You should realize that a kiss will not condemn.
Giving your lover a kiss doesn't make you a whore,
Despite what some may say.
Quite frequently, kisses may serve as your savior.
So cherish your kisses, in any way.
Every kiss!
FAN
Since the only answer that you are willing to give me is to take care of your cock.........which I do understand how important that is to you....But, in the sense that you mean my position in life with you is only for that............I take it as....I am less.. just a source of some holes that you can use for your pleasure...(mouth and pussy) with no regards to me being a person with feelings......desires........dreams......who can be hurt deeply.....I take it as.....you do not and have never had respect, love, caring, or value, when you look at me as a fellow human being......I have tried to tell you .........how hopeless I feel......I have tried to tell you....how broken my heart is....I have tried to tell you......but you do not hear me.....you do not want to hear me......
I have all but out right begged, for you to talk to me, you have chosen to ignore it.
I am human, with feeling deep deep feeling, the depth of what I can feel is not describable with words...unless you are one who is sensitive on a emotional level and it translates into your physical being..sensitive enough to actually feel the emotion of others even when you do not want to...........then you do not understand what I mean when I say deep deep feeling. And with that ability comes the capacity to love just as deeply....you heart is open, you know and feel the pain of others, you don't have to wonder on a intellectual level what they feel...you feel it..It may as well be you...who are feeling the pain yourself, that they are experiencing in their heart and souls when they hurt. So you understand heartache from may causes even if you have had no personal experience in that area. And this knowing of how others can be hurt, what they feel, when they hurt, opens your heart, it give you a great capacity to be able to love and have compassion for others, even strangers. I have looked at people and the things that they do and marveled at their beauty, my heart overflowing with love for them, even though they were total strangers to me. This is how deeply I love, this is how deep my compassion goes...and with it, because of it. I alway try to treat and deal with people with the highest intentions for them and myself. I can not say I have not caused another person emotional pain...but it has never been done deliberately..and when I have done so and found out..it caused me heart ache that I had done so. That is one reason I have never treated a man, who was interested in me, and I was not interested in him with anything but a response, that left him feeling good about himself, although I said no. I did not lead him on, or reject him cruelly and there have been many men who were interested and I was not, some who I had not idea of until the approached me directly and I was totally caught off guard. I made sure he walked away feeling good about asking me..taking the lead as the male, being a nice guy, who liked a woman and got the courage to ask her consider being his...When you can feel others pain....when you can feel what your action cause to another, you learn and acquire a deep level of Love and compassion.
So I was careful with myself. I learned how to put a shield up around me, literally to protect myself from the emotion of others. It is not pleasant to be hit unexpectedly by someone else's emotions, it send you into emotional spirals of up and down and you can not alway be consciously on guard and when you are not on guard you think they are your emotions you are feeling.
I understand that there are few people who do this, are capable of experiencing this ability of empathy, or of loving and have that type of compassion. I learned this the hard way in my relationship with men and women in my life on a date to day level and in my romantic reality. I learned to keep my true self to myself, because with the ability also come the capability to know what it is that they really feel for you, what their intentions are. I use to deny what I knew about what others truly feel for me. My love for them caused me to make excuses for them. That doesn't work though. You can't hid from the truth when you are on a spiritual path...it won't let you. The Universe, your Soul it will do whatever is necessary, it will send your world tumbling down when you refuse to see the truth of your life and what is in it that is not good for you, that you are lying to yourself about. Being abandon in my marriage did that for me...it was like a earthquake, with the epicenter as him leaving and the after shocks were the abandonment of family, friends, and church. Have you ever been alone, truly alone Alex? I was at my greatest hour of need with a child to take care of. I had to look at my life and everyone that had been in it with clear vision no excuses and no lies, no hiding of who, and what I was, how different I was and trying to fit in so that I would be accepted and loved by who was in my life, when I did not fit in. I took years to heal myself, I knew I needed healing and running into the arms of another man to cover the pain was not going to do it. I had a daughter to raise as well. I lost hope of ever thinking that someone would have the ability to experience and love as I did and be my life companion, that would accept me as I was, no hiding of my true self, my spiritual path, someone who would allow me to Be, Do, Have, Experience all that I wanted without judgment and with understanding. Along the way, my Soul, and the Universe showed me, I would love again, even if I didn't want to. I stop fighting that part of me although I did not allow a man into my life. I came finally to a point where I am healed. I realized that when I saw you
Then, I thought, trusted and believed, that the Universe had sent me someone who truly had the capacity to love like I love. I read your website and thought this is a soul that has the heart to love like I love, who is looking for his soulmate, and the same capacity of love in her. I thought this is one who will not deliberately hurt me, who would deal with me with truth, integrity, compassion, understanding, acceptance and love. I thought...I will be important to him, he will make time for me, put me first, his intentions for me will be the highest and the best, he will want to see me happy, loved, to accomplish our separate dreams with each other help, and to build and accomplish new dreams and desires together.
I can be myself with him...I don't have to hide who I truly am to protect myself, my heart, my being, I don't have to shield myself...he will not consciously cause me distress and heartache with his actions toward me....I thought...I can share my hopes and dreams, my fears, my growth on a spiritual and physical level as a person with him, I can talk to him about anything, share on a deep level..be truthful in everything with him...and he would do the same with me..not matter what it is...because I would not judge his actions, desires and dreams..the same as he would not me. I thought...he will teach me new things, be my first experience of sexual satisfaction, passion..nothing between us will be something that one can not bring to the other for consideration or discussion when it come to sex and love because we will have commitment and trust between us. I thought I was safe I had learned and grown, I had healed, my capacity to love was even greater despite everything I had experienced. I thought .. the Universe will not send me a person that will deal with me with anything less than I would give to them. My Soul would not do that as well. I thought...if I become afraid because of all I have experienced he will understand and love me anyway.
That answer after a asking you a question from my heart...that sought a true explanation and understanding from you,
My question is WHY?.......I do not understand....I have felt you inner being...the essence of who you are inside, who you truly are...it was one of the most wonderful feelings ,.... the goodness, kindness, love, such wonderful things........So I do not understand when it comes to me.........why you have did all that you have done...and do.........and this bothers me so much.....i know that you said, I was born to take care of you dick and you really believe that....but I am not talking about the sexual aspect between us.......I am talking about the one on one human, personal, caring of how you treat another individual, that has come into you life.....holding the intent of goodness in your actions toward them and for them..where all that you want for yourself...you want for your fellow being...and you do not consciously act in a manner to cause distress from you actions toward them...........from those who have not experienced the spiritual path....I can understand.......from those who have not experienced true heartbreak over and over (you have) I can understand.....But you...your experiences are like mine...in how others have treated you.....so this is what I do not understand....
My capacity for heartache is great because of how deeply I feel, how deeply I love. My heart hurt so much knowing that you never intended what you wrote for me, know that no matter what I say or do, I will not have your time, attention, love like I deserve to be loved.
I have all but out right begged, for you to talk to me, you have chosen to ignore it.
I am human, with feeling deep deep feeling, the depth of what I can feel is not describable with words...unless you are one who is sensitive on a emotional level and it translates into your physical being..sensitive enough to actually feel the emotion of others even when you do not want to...........then you do not understand what I mean when I say deep deep feeling. And with that ability comes the capacity to love just as deeply....you heart is open, you know and feel the pain of others, you don't have to wonder on a intellectual level what they feel...you feel it..It may as well be you...who are feeling the pain yourself, that they are experiencing in their heart and souls when they hurt. So you understand heartache from may causes even if you have had no personal experience in that area. And this knowing of how others can be hurt, what they feel, when they hurt, opens your heart, it give you a great capacity to be able to love and have compassion for others, even strangers. I have looked at people and the things that they do and marveled at their beauty, my heart overflowing with love for them, even though they were total strangers to me. This is how deeply I love, this is how deep my compassion goes...and with it, because of it. I alway try to treat and deal with people with the highest intentions for them and myself. I can not say I have not caused another person emotional pain...but it has never been done deliberately..and when I have done so and found out..it caused me heart ache that I had done so. That is one reason I have never treated a man, who was interested in me, and I was not interested in him with anything but a response, that left him feeling good about himself, although I said no. I did not lead him on, or reject him cruelly and there have been many men who were interested and I was not, some who I had not idea of until the approached me directly and I was totally caught off guard. I made sure he walked away feeling good about asking me..taking the lead as the male, being a nice guy, who liked a woman and got the courage to ask her consider being his...When you can feel others pain....when you can feel what your action cause to another, you learn and acquire a deep level of Love and compassion.
So I was careful with myself. I learned how to put a shield up around me, literally to protect myself from the emotion of others. It is not pleasant to be hit unexpectedly by someone else's emotions, it send you into emotional spirals of up and down and you can not alway be consciously on guard and when you are not on guard you think they are your emotions you are feeling.
I understand that there are few people who do this, are capable of experiencing this ability of empathy, or of loving and have that type of compassion. I learned this the hard way in my relationship with men and women in my life on a date to day level and in my romantic reality. I learned to keep my true self to myself, because with the ability also come the capability to know what it is that they really feel for you, what their intentions are. I use to deny what I knew about what others truly feel for me. My love for them caused me to make excuses for them. That doesn't work though. You can't hid from the truth when you are on a spiritual path...it won't let you. The Universe, your Soul it will do whatever is necessary, it will send your world tumbling down when you refuse to see the truth of your life and what is in it that is not good for you, that you are lying to yourself about. Being abandon in my marriage did that for me...it was like a earthquake, with the epicenter as him leaving and the after shocks were the abandonment of family, friends, and church. Have you ever been alone, truly alone Alex? I was at my greatest hour of need with a child to take care of. I had to look at my life and everyone that had been in it with clear vision no excuses and no lies, no hiding of who, and what I was, how different I was and trying to fit in so that I would be accepted and loved by who was in my life, when I did not fit in. I took years to heal myself, I knew I needed healing and running into the arms of another man to cover the pain was not going to do it. I had a daughter to raise as well. I lost hope of ever thinking that someone would have the ability to experience and love as I did and be my life companion, that would accept me as I was, no hiding of my true self, my spiritual path, someone who would allow me to Be, Do, Have, Experience all that I wanted without judgment and with understanding. Along the way, my Soul, and the Universe showed me, I would love again, even if I didn't want to. I stop fighting that part of me although I did not allow a man into my life. I came finally to a point where I am healed. I realized that when I saw you
Then, I thought, trusted and believed, that the Universe had sent me someone who truly had the capacity to love like I love. I read your website and thought this is a soul that has the heart to love like I love, who is looking for his soulmate, and the same capacity of love in her. I thought this is one who will not deliberately hurt me, who would deal with me with truth, integrity, compassion, understanding, acceptance and love. I thought...I will be important to him, he will make time for me, put me first, his intentions for me will be the highest and the best, he will want to see me happy, loved, to accomplish our separate dreams with each other help, and to build and accomplish new dreams and desires together.
I can be myself with him...I don't have to hide who I truly am to protect myself, my heart, my being, I don't have to shield myself...he will not consciously cause me distress and heartache with his actions toward me....I thought...I can share my hopes and dreams, my fears, my growth on a spiritual and physical level as a person with him, I can talk to him about anything, share on a deep level..be truthful in everything with him...and he would do the same with me..not matter what it is...because I would not judge his actions, desires and dreams..the same as he would not me. I thought...he will teach me new things, be my first experience of sexual satisfaction, passion..nothing between us will be something that one can not bring to the other for consideration or discussion when it come to sex and love because we will have commitment and trust between us. I thought I was safe I had learned and grown, I had healed, my capacity to love was even greater despite everything I had experienced. I thought .. the Universe will not send me a person that will deal with me with anything less than I would give to them. My Soul would not do that as well. I thought...if I become afraid because of all I have experienced he will understand and love me anyway.
That answer after a asking you a question from my heart...that sought a true explanation and understanding from you,
My question is WHY?.......I do not understand....I have felt you inner being...the essence of who you are inside, who you truly are...it was one of the most wonderful feelings ,.... the goodness, kindness, love, such wonderful things........So I do not understand when it comes to me.........why you have did all that you have done...and do.........and this bothers me so much.....i know that you said, I was born to take care of you dick and you really believe that....but I am not talking about the sexual aspect between us.......I am talking about the one on one human, personal, caring of how you treat another individual, that has come into you life.....holding the intent of goodness in your actions toward them and for them..where all that you want for yourself...you want for your fellow being...and you do not consciously act in a manner to cause distress from you actions toward them...........from those who have not experienced the spiritual path....I can understand.......from those who have not experienced true heartbreak over and over (you have) I can understand.....But you...your experiences are like mine...in how others have treated you.....so this is what I do not understand....
My capacity for heartache is great because of how deeply I feel, how deeply I love. My heart hurt so much knowing that you never intended what you wrote for me, know that no matter what I say or do, I will not have your time, attention, love like I deserve to be loved.
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