What would you or have you sacrificed in the name of love?
They say God loved the world so much that he sacrificed his only son. That's what you do when you love so much. You sacrifice whatever you have that is precious to you. That is what we know as love. This thing that we have to sacrifice so much for.
People live their whole lives together for the sake of love. Mothers will kill for the love of a child. Some husbands will kill too, in the name of love. Some travel far and wide, searching for their true love. Some say they have searched in dark corners, others say they are like passing ships at night. Some say they can swim across oceans; others just try face book or Skype.
They say one becomes so happy when you have found it. All your worries disappear, because your missing half has been found. The owner of your heart or just the owner of the money on top of your head. It does not matter. They say when you are in love, you will be happy. All the time. Forever and ever.
In the name of love, wars have been fought. Love of man or love of God. It does not matter, something has to be sacrificed. We sacrifice money, time, our hearts, our souls, our careers, our family. It does not matter.
That is the only way we have been taught and we must communicate through the only way we know. Sacrifice.
How many of you saw The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Brad Pitt flick about the guy who ages backwards? The part that really got me was when Benjamin nobly abandoned his wife (played by the otherworldly Cate Blanchett) and child because he knew it would be too hard for them to watch him "grow" into a child and then an infant. It was a purely selfless act that I could relate to.
And real-life examples of romantic selflessness aren't hard to find--I know plenty of people who have moved across the country, quit their dream job or faked an orgasm in the name of love.
How much would you sacrifice for love?
Have you been in a state of desperation before that you were willing to give up anything just so you can have what you need or want? When you were in a bind how often have you said, “what I wouldn’t give for a…” But do we really mean it? Or better yet, would we ever mean it?
Say for instance one of your love one, your parent, husband, sibling, or your child, is terminally ill. You are propositioned that if you give your own life your love one will live a long, healthy, and happy life. Would you do it? I know I would for sure without a thought.
Of course it is very easy to ask and respond to hypothetical scenarios. But for some people, making difficult choices and personal sacrifices is the norm. Some give up their career to care for their children. Some sacrifice their social life to take care of an aging parent. Some leave their homeland so that they can provide a better future for their family. And some give their life for their country.
While a career and life is definitely more valuable than a horse, Shakespeare had illustrated that there’s no limit to what any of us will sacrifice just so we can have what we need. For King Richard, a horse, as trivial as it may seem, is what he needed at that moment and therefore his kingdom is a fitting price to pay because without the horse, his approaching enemies will certainly make sure that he will lose his kingdom.
So in desperation or out of necessity, trivial objects like a horse or a can opener can be a life saver. If these inconsequential things can be that important at any given situation, we should then be mindful of the context of each other’s choices and sacrifices before we pass judgment.
Like Shakespeare, I believe that there’s no limit to what we would sacrifice in order to attain what we desperately need.
There is no compromise in love, there is only sacrifice. While others may say that mutual sacrifice is equivalent to a compromise, that's not without realising that for two lives to come together, some things that make us the individuals we are, have to go. To throw away the things that make up some part of ourselves for something more, that itself is a sacrifice.
Yet that is the inherent nature of it all. Sacrifice is a part of a relationship we cannot do without. Far too few people understand that for relationships are not about satisfying the need of a single person anymore. We often echo in our failed love "what have they done for me?", a testament to a selfishness that shatters a relationship.
Far too few people still, are willing to put their wants aside to do what needs to be done for a future to be built for two. Too often do we take the easy way out to avoid the coming hardship, believing that it's always for the better, never realising it's just convenient for ourselves, never for the other, never for one another. It's a mistake we always make in the hopes that something good will come out of it, but it never does, our desires for the moment blinding us to the heartbreak to come.
So we make that sacrifice. I am where I am. She does what she would do. Each of us stepping outside our comfort zones to an unknown we have to face, ourselves, for the sake of one another. While there was a time when fear would stop us from taking those steps, that time is no more. Even if that fear is still there, even if that journey lies buried in hardship, we will make those sacrifices. For her to never stop smiling. For me to reach for the endless sky.
There is no more compromise. There is only what we're willing to give up for a future we are willing to see happen. After all, such is love. A knife's edge of enduring pain and eternal bliss
From my personal experience....I was in love with my ex, Melissa so much that when we broke up and she began seeking a guy....I was still with her. I let her have me and him. That is love. When you love someone REALLY LOVE AND NOT TALK..which people say all the time ...YOU GIVE THEM WHAT THE WANT. THERE WANTS IS YOUR WANTS.
You can say you love someone, but to me it mostly words. A lot of woman have said they loved me, but never really sacrifice anything for me. They wouldn't give me what I want....what if i wanted a threesome? or golden shower? or sharing them? or even letting me have two relationship at the same time? Most of the time..there is answer is .NO or.."That I am crazy". I am not crazy.
There would be so many times I am on the phone and I wanted to cum and the woman on the other side of phone would be talking about other stuff. I wanted to get off and they wouldn't help me...is that love? I don't know.
If you really want to see if someone really love you...don't watch there words..watch their actions. If they really love me like they said they do..the would let me have what I want...whatever it might be....
-threesome
-golden shower
-brown shower
-culkold
-being in two relationship
It's all about tolerance......
If we are deeply committed to a certain value, how can we be tolerant of a behavior expressing an opposing value?
Can we speak about tolerance in love? Tolerance is a type of compromise in which we accept something that has a certain negative aspect in order to preserve something of greater value.
Can lovers be genuinely tolerant concerning more major issues?
We are likely to sacrifice our significant values and resources only for those with whom we have strong emotional ties. The greater the sacrifice is, the more emotional involvement is needed. So you have to wonder...if someone say they love you....is it all words or do they mean it. We readily make significant personal sacrifices toward our intimates not because we believe in the equality of all human beings-such a belief is sufficient merely for intellectual tolerance-but because we love them very much. For those near and dear to us tolerance is not something required of us; it is an attitude we want to have, and we are emotionally convinced of its value.
In profound love even those aspects that may appear to be negative are not perceived to be significant and often not even negative. Doing something for the beloved, such as going on a trip with her to a place of her choice or listening to her favorite music with her, has nothing to do with tolerance or compromises-it is precisely what the lover wants to do.
Friday, August 17, 2012
THOUGHTS: DRAWN TO OUR DESTINY
Yet we are drawn to our destiny as if to a magnet and while monsters can delay us, they have no power to change our destination. The map to our deliverance is herald in trust and guarded by angels. We will encounter the darkness of a lonely existence but find each other in the light of intense and compassionate understanding. We find that place an unending kiss. Each of us carries ..etched on our heart.....instructions that read...Come home...come home.
THOUGHTS: WHAT WOMAN NEED TO LEARN
I believe that one of the basic mistake that men and woman make in relationship is lack of commitment and sacrifice. It seem like woman are more committed to their careers, their interests..ect. We live in very selfish times. I think a lot of people get into relationship to fulfill their own needs, but I think you should get into a relationship when you're ready to fulfill the needs of your partner. I think that is real love...to want to give to......to make someone else happy.
My job is just a place I go for a couple of hours so I can make money. My home is where I live and love and laugh and so it's very easy for me to make that my number one priority. An unwillingness to give indicates a selfishness that will ruin things both in and out of bed.
I don't think the problem most men have is with a woman being powerful. I think the problem most men have is when that powerful woman doesn't know how to be just his woman
Most woman must realize that it is not submissive to let your man be a man and not expect him to act like your girlfriend. By making him more important then yourself and considering his feeling above your own, it actually works out that you get everything that you could possible want. A real woman is available, emotionally, spiritually and physically for her man. She is selfless, and in doing so...love herself because she has much to offer. Most woman are scared of the vulnerability of losing their independence and come up with a good reason to avoid turning them self over to him....that's the part of her that is hurting and confused from her childhood experience. Most woman thing that giving yourself up to your man and give him whatever you want is a form of prostitution...i beg to differ..prostitution is receiving money for sex. Relationship sex is about love and bonding. Some woman expect to be cherished by a man without that man enjoying the depth of passion that make him feel loved, needed, wanted, adored and ultimately accepted and that happen only through sex. A man need the physical to feel connected emotionally to his woman. Any woman who dismisses that truth about her man will lose her man..even if he doesn't walk out the door until the kids are in college. Woman complain about their husband desire for them all the time...to want to fuck them. Complain? As if being desired were some kind of intrusion or insult. These woman excuse themselves from intimacy because
-they don't like their body
-they are too tired or busy
-bored sexually
-don;t feel like it
-its disgusting that all he want is sex sex sex
A woman might ask..."Am I obligated to have sex and do whatever your parent wants? My answer will always be the same...yes....
If you can't do that...you need to sit down with your man and hold his hand and look straight into his eyes and say...."You are a wonderful and loving man and I'm scared of love because I never had it. Sometimes I push it away only because I'm scared of it and I'm not comfortable. SO please understand that I'm not rejection you....i love you and you're wonderful.
Alot of woman need to learn to be unselfish...self-centered and focusing on primarily...what's in it for me. That a woman and man complement each other and become one. One of the person who i was in love with...Melissa...couldn't understand it.... I would tell her
" I want my old Melissa back...i don't know who you are. You are the same person whi was with. I seem I am marginalized and relegated to the point of insignificance in your life. For you it seem there is always something more important than being with me. This has been going on for a long time. My hope was that some day things would be different"
Your priorities have been your work..your child..a friends need, some task that has to be finished before bed or whatever...The list goes on and on. All of these noble causes, but it leaves you with having nothing left over for me.
I do have needs and told you this numbeous times. Your response is typically that I am some selfish, unreasonable. and irrational SOB..and then anger that I keep bring this up. You cry about it, but you don't do anything to change. You just want to be angry about it and then act like you are the victim"
My job is just a place I go for a couple of hours so I can make money. My home is where I live and love and laugh and so it's very easy for me to make that my number one priority. An unwillingness to give indicates a selfishness that will ruin things both in and out of bed.
I don't think the problem most men have is with a woman being powerful. I think the problem most men have is when that powerful woman doesn't know how to be just his woman
Most woman must realize that it is not submissive to let your man be a man and not expect him to act like your girlfriend. By making him more important then yourself and considering his feeling above your own, it actually works out that you get everything that you could possible want. A real woman is available, emotionally, spiritually and physically for her man. She is selfless, and in doing so...love herself because she has much to offer. Most woman are scared of the vulnerability of losing their independence and come up with a good reason to avoid turning them self over to him....that's the part of her that is hurting and confused from her childhood experience. Most woman thing that giving yourself up to your man and give him whatever you want is a form of prostitution...i beg to differ..prostitution is receiving money for sex. Relationship sex is about love and bonding. Some woman expect to be cherished by a man without that man enjoying the depth of passion that make him feel loved, needed, wanted, adored and ultimately accepted and that happen only through sex. A man need the physical to feel connected emotionally to his woman. Any woman who dismisses that truth about her man will lose her man..even if he doesn't walk out the door until the kids are in college. Woman complain about their husband desire for them all the time...to want to fuck them. Complain? As if being desired were some kind of intrusion or insult. These woman excuse themselves from intimacy because
-they don't like their body
-they are too tired or busy
-bored sexually
-don;t feel like it
-its disgusting that all he want is sex sex sex
A woman might ask..."Am I obligated to have sex and do whatever your parent wants? My answer will always be the same...yes....
If you can't do that...you need to sit down with your man and hold his hand and look straight into his eyes and say...."You are a wonderful and loving man and I'm scared of love because I never had it. Sometimes I push it away only because I'm scared of it and I'm not comfortable. SO please understand that I'm not rejection you....i love you and you're wonderful.
Alot of woman need to learn to be unselfish...self-centered and focusing on primarily...what's in it for me. That a woman and man complement each other and become one. One of the person who i was in love with...Melissa...couldn't understand it.... I would tell her
" I want my old Melissa back...i don't know who you are. You are the same person whi was with. I seem I am marginalized and relegated to the point of insignificance in your life. For you it seem there is always something more important than being with me. This has been going on for a long time. My hope was that some day things would be different"
Your priorities have been your work..your child..a friends need, some task that has to be finished before bed or whatever...The list goes on and on. All of these noble causes, but it leaves you with having nothing left over for me.
I do have needs and told you this numbeous times. Your response is typically that I am some selfish, unreasonable. and irrational SOB..and then anger that I keep bring this up. You cry about it, but you don't do anything to change. You just want to be angry about it and then act like you are the victim"
THOUGHTS/ SPIRITUAL: WHAT HER BEAUTY DOES TO ME
When I am with a woman...i ask myself...what is she telling me about GOD?
Beauty is essential to God. Beauty is the essence of God. God created the world fill with glory? In what way?...Primarily through beauty. Massive thunder clouds are rolling in, bringing with them the glorious sunsets they magnify. Nature is no primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. The reason a woman want a beauty to unveil, is that God does it as well. God has given us woman ...as his crowning touch of creation. Beauty is the essence of a woman. I want it to be perfectly cleast that I am talking about both a physical beauty and soulful beauty. God gave woman a beautiful form and beautiful spirit. She express beauty in both.
I have wander for hours in galleries and I have never seen one painting of an naked man. When artist have tired to capture the essence of a woman..they have painted her or photograph her or sculpted her at rest.
What does beauty say to me? Think of what it is like to be caught in traffic for hours. and then remember what its like to come into a beautiful place. a garden....or a beach. There is room for your soul. It expands, You can breathe again. You can rest. It is good...all is well. I sit outside on a summer evening and just listen and behold and drink it all in, and my heart begins to quiet and peace begins t o come to my soul. That is what beauty does....ALL SHALL BE WELL>
And that is what it's like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stop holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. I need what beauty speaks. What is say is hard to put into words, but part of its message is that all is well.
Beauty also invites. Recall what it is like to hear a truly beautiful peace of music. It captures you, you want to sit down and just drink it. We buy CD and play it many times. ( This is not visual, showing us that beauty is deeper than looks) Music like this commands your attention, invites you to come more deeply into it. The same is true of a beautiful garden, or a scene in nature. You want to enter it, partake it, feast on it. i don't want to merely to see beauty, though, God know, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words..to be united with beauty I see, to pass into it, to receive it into myself.
The essence of a woman is beauty. She is the incarnation in human form...of a captivating God. All around us God's creation shouts of his beauty and his goodness. The silhouette of lace on a barren tree draped with ice, the rays of sum streaming forth from a billowing cloud, the sound of a brook trickling over smooth stones, the face of a child anticipating the arrival of the ice cream truck all speaks of God's good heart...if we will have but open our eyes. God's beauty is lavished on the world. The beauty of the world is almost the only way by which we can allow God to penetrate us.....beauty captivates the sense in order t obtain permission to pass straight through to the soul.......the soul's inclination to love beauty is the trap God most frequently uses in order to win it.
So the choices a woman makes is not to conjure beauty...but to let her defence down. So the unveiled beauty of a woman entices and invites. The heart of the woman determines what it is she inviting other to...to life or to death.
A woman who makes herself vulnerable and available for intimacy invites others to do the same. She says to the world....through her invitation to relationship...You are wanted here.... I want to know you...come in...share yourself..be enjoyed as I share myself. A woman who is controlling and cautions cannot invite other to rest...to be known. Any man would feel controlled in her presence. It won't feel safe there. A woman who is unveiling her beauty is inviting other to life. She risks vulnerable : exposing her true heart and inviting other to shares there. You see, ultimately, a woman invites us to know God. To experience through her that God is great...that he is tender and kind. That God longs for us....to be know by us and to know us. She invites us to experience that God is good, deep, lovely, alluring and captivating.
For a woman to unveil her beauty..means she is offering her heart....not primarily her works or her usefulness...but by offering her presence...and surrendering. The gift of surrender is a rare and beautiful gift. To come...unguarded, undistracted...and be full present, fully engaged with whoever we aer with at that moments. That woman wants to be near him...to share a meal, take a walk. What a woman offer by surrendering is her heart. She gives something of God. A man needs mercy, a kind word, a smile. Grace at the end of the day, Beauty isn't demanding, instead it speaks from desire. To offer your heart is to offer your desire....instead of your demand
Most woman fear intimacy and then offer strength. The scariest thing for a woman is to offer her beauty into situations where she doesn't know..if it will make any difference. or worse,,,that she will be rejected....for their question would be...am i lovely? and to be rejected is to hear a resounding NO. A woman doesn't want to offer beauty unles she guaranteed that it will be well received....but life offers no guarentees. But what most woman do....is to hide...control do anything but offer submission. They are afraid. They have given way to fear. How much are they motivated by fear...because she believe she isn't beautiful...and believe she is ugly. Most woman love to work....because they know what to do at work...they don't know what to do in their relationship...in love.
But my suggestion is this...you can't wait until you feel safe to love and invite. Of course it's scary to surrender,,,it's vulnerable..it's naked. You need to stop hiding...and dominating, and just trust ...and offer your true self. To possess true love...you must be willing to suffer. Woman who are loving are woman who had their heart enlarged by suffering....by saying YES when the world says... NO. By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they loved in return and by refusing to numb their pain in the myraid of way available. Every woman possess a captivating beauty. Every woman,but for most of them it has been buried, wounded and captive. Unveiling your beauty and submission is the greatest expression of hope. Your beauty and submission does make a difference. Unveiling beauty is the greatest expression of love because it is what the world most needs. If you choose not to hide it ...and choose to offer your heart....you are choosing to love.
How does a woman best love a man? The answer is simple ...with your PY. When she dims the light and put on a silky something that accentuates the loveliness of her body, reveals the beauty of her naked form...yet also leaves something yet to be unveiled. She put on perfume and lipstick and checks her hair. She allures her man. She hopes to arouse him and invite him to come to her and enter her. In an act of stunning vulnerability she takes life's greatest risk---offering her unveiled beauty to him, opening herself up to him in every way.
Beauty is essential to God. Beauty is the essence of God. God created the world fill with glory? In what way?...Primarily through beauty. Massive thunder clouds are rolling in, bringing with them the glorious sunsets they magnify. Nature is no primarily functional. It is primarily beautiful. The reason a woman want a beauty to unveil, is that God does it as well. God has given us woman ...as his crowning touch of creation. Beauty is the essence of a woman. I want it to be perfectly cleast that I am talking about both a physical beauty and soulful beauty. God gave woman a beautiful form and beautiful spirit. She express beauty in both.
I have wander for hours in galleries and I have never seen one painting of an naked man. When artist have tired to capture the essence of a woman..they have painted her or photograph her or sculpted her at rest.
What does beauty say to me? Think of what it is like to be caught in traffic for hours. and then remember what its like to come into a beautiful place. a garden....or a beach. There is room for your soul. It expands, You can breathe again. You can rest. It is good...all is well. I sit outside on a summer evening and just listen and behold and drink it all in, and my heart begins to quiet and peace begins t o come to my soul. That is what beauty does....ALL SHALL BE WELL>
And that is what it's like to be with a woman at rest, a woman comfortable in her feminine beauty. She is enjoyable to be with. She is lovely. In her presence your heart stop holding its breath. You relax and believe once again that all will be well. I need what beauty speaks. What is say is hard to put into words, but part of its message is that all is well.
Beauty also invites. Recall what it is like to hear a truly beautiful peace of music. It captures you, you want to sit down and just drink it. We buy CD and play it many times. ( This is not visual, showing us that beauty is deeper than looks) Music like this commands your attention, invites you to come more deeply into it. The same is true of a beautiful garden, or a scene in nature. You want to enter it, partake it, feast on it. i don't want to merely to see beauty, though, God know, even that is bounty enough. We want something else which can hardly be put into words..to be united with beauty I see, to pass into it, to receive it into myself.
The essence of a woman is beauty. She is the incarnation in human form...of a captivating God. All around us God's creation shouts of his beauty and his goodness. The silhouette of lace on a barren tree draped with ice, the rays of sum streaming forth from a billowing cloud, the sound of a brook trickling over smooth stones, the face of a child anticipating the arrival of the ice cream truck all speaks of God's good heart...if we will have but open our eyes. God's beauty is lavished on the world. The beauty of the world is almost the only way by which we can allow God to penetrate us.....beauty captivates the sense in order t obtain permission to pass straight through to the soul.......the soul's inclination to love beauty is the trap God most frequently uses in order to win it.
So the choices a woman makes is not to conjure beauty...but to let her defence down. So the unveiled beauty of a woman entices and invites. The heart of the woman determines what it is she inviting other to...to life or to death.
A woman who makes herself vulnerable and available for intimacy invites others to do the same. She says to the world....through her invitation to relationship...You are wanted here.... I want to know you...come in...share yourself..be enjoyed as I share myself. A woman who is controlling and cautions cannot invite other to rest...to be known. Any man would feel controlled in her presence. It won't feel safe there. A woman who is unveiling her beauty is inviting other to life. She risks vulnerable : exposing her true heart and inviting other to shares there. You see, ultimately, a woman invites us to know God. To experience through her that God is great...that he is tender and kind. That God longs for us....to be know by us and to know us. She invites us to experience that God is good, deep, lovely, alluring and captivating.
For a woman to unveil her beauty..means she is offering her heart....not primarily her works or her usefulness...but by offering her presence...and surrendering. The gift of surrender is a rare and beautiful gift. To come...unguarded, undistracted...and be full present, fully engaged with whoever we aer with at that moments. That woman wants to be near him...to share a meal, take a walk. What a woman offer by surrendering is her heart. She gives something of God. A man needs mercy, a kind word, a smile. Grace at the end of the day, Beauty isn't demanding, instead it speaks from desire. To offer your heart is to offer your desire....instead of your demand
Most woman fear intimacy and then offer strength. The scariest thing for a woman is to offer her beauty into situations where she doesn't know..if it will make any difference. or worse,,,that she will be rejected....for their question would be...am i lovely? and to be rejected is to hear a resounding NO. A woman doesn't want to offer beauty unles she guaranteed that it will be well received....but life offers no guarentees. But what most woman do....is to hide...control do anything but offer submission. They are afraid. They have given way to fear. How much are they motivated by fear...because she believe she isn't beautiful...and believe she is ugly. Most woman love to work....because they know what to do at work...they don't know what to do in their relationship...in love.
But my suggestion is this...you can't wait until you feel safe to love and invite. Of course it's scary to surrender,,,it's vulnerable..it's naked. You need to stop hiding...and dominating, and just trust ...and offer your true self. To possess true love...you must be willing to suffer. Woman who are loving are woman who had their heart enlarged by suffering....by saying YES when the world says... NO. By paying the high price of loving truly and honestly without demanding that they loved in return and by refusing to numb their pain in the myraid of way available. Every woman possess a captivating beauty. Every woman,but for most of them it has been buried, wounded and captive. Unveiling your beauty and submission is the greatest expression of hope. Your beauty and submission does make a difference. Unveiling beauty is the greatest expression of love because it is what the world most needs. If you choose not to hide it ...and choose to offer your heart....you are choosing to love.
How does a woman best love a man? The answer is simple ...with your PY. When she dims the light and put on a silky something that accentuates the loveliness of her body, reveals the beauty of her naked form...yet also leaves something yet to be unveiled. She put on perfume and lipstick and checks her hair. She allures her man. She hopes to arouse him and invite him to come to her and enter her. In an act of stunning vulnerability she takes life's greatest risk---offering her unveiled beauty to him, opening herself up to him in every way.
THOUGHTS: HOW TO GET OVER YOUR SHAME
There is an emptiness in you that continually need to be fed. You aren't comfortable trusting your well being to someone one. Most woman hate their vulnerability, They are not inviting, they are guarded. Most of their energy is spent trying to hide their true selves and control the world to have some sense of security. She is woman who know hot to get what she wants...but there is nothing merciful about her, nothing tender, and certainly nothing vulnerable.
She refuses to be vulnerable, and if she cannot secure her relationship, then she kills her heart longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. She become a woman "who doesn't need anyone" but beneath it all, behind it all is a simple truth..woman dominate and control because they fear their vulnerability. That self-protective way of relation to others has nothing to do with real loving and nothing to do with deeply trusting God. It is their gut level response to a dangerous world. Now, this is not to say a woman can't be strong. But I feel their strenght feel more masculine than feminine. There is nothing inviting or alluring, nothing tender or merciful about them.
Personally...even when most woman are dominate and controlling ..the aches still remains. The deep longing of their heart just won't go away.They buy ourselves something nice when we aren't feeling appreciated. They allow themselves more food.They move into fantasy world to find some water for our thirsty heart. But none of these satisfy and they find themselves trying to fill the remaining emptiness with their little indulgences. They daydream their way through life....imagine stuff..picturing themselves as beautiful...pursued.,...
I do the same...Where do I go instead to God when the aches of my heart begins to make itself known?...spending too much money....exercising, too many movies...surfing the Internet....sleeping. I camp my heart in self-doubt, condemning thougths...and even shame because those emotions become familiar and conformable....we are faithlessly indulging rather than allowing our deep aches to draw us to God.
Unfortunately..our indulgences makes us feel better for a while...it seem to work, but really only increase our need to indulge again.This is the nightmare of addiction....it goes beyond drugs. We give our hearts to all sorts of other lovers that demand our attention, demand we indulge again. We taste something that we think is good...our longing cease to ache for a minute, but later we find ourselves empty once more, needing to be filled again and again.
We need not be ashamed that our heart aches, that we need and thirst and hunger for much more. All of our heart aches. All of our heart are at some level unsatisfied and longing. It is our insatiable need for more that drives us to GOD. What we need to see is that our controlling and our hiding ...and our indulging actually serves to separate us from our heart.
I think everyone deep inside know that they are not what they were meant to be and fear that soon it will be known...and we will be abandoned. Life alone to die a death of the heart...the worse nightmare. And down in the depth of our heart...our question remains....unanswered...Am i attractive? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Do you love me.
Take a deep look into the eyes of anyone and behind the smile or the fear, you will find pain. And most people are in more pain than even they realize. Sorrow is not a stranger to any of us, though only a few have learned that it is not our enemy either.
We get these message as children that struck the core of our heart.....message like:
-i wasn't worth your time
-i wasn't worth loving.
Your wounds brought messages with them. They had similar theme....
-You're worthless
-You're too much and not enough
-You're disappointment.
Because they delivered with such pain, they felt true. They pierced our heart and they seemed to be so true. So we accept the message as fact. We embraced it as the verdict on us. The vows we made as children act like a deep-seated agreement with the message of our wounds.
I am just too much and hence I try not to be too much, trying to minimize my desire, trying to find someway to be loved without being too much. The vows we make as children are understandable. We shut our heart down. I got the message...i am a disappointment. I made a vow that somewhere in my heart, without knowing what i was doing....I vowed to protect myself by never causing pain...never requiring attention. As a result of the wound i receive growing up..i come be believe that some part of me...maybe every part of me is marred. Shame enters in and makes its crippling home deep within my heart. Shame is what makes us look away, so we avoid eyes contact with anyone. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew me, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe that we do not measure up...
Others seem to master their lives,,,,but shame grips my heart and pin me down...ever ready to point out my failures and judge my worth. I am lacking. I know we are not all that we long to be, all that God longs for us, but instead of coming up and asking God what he thinks of us..shame keeps us pinned down and gasping believing that we deserve to suffocate. If as a child..i didn't seem deemed worthy of love...it is incredibly difficult to believe I was worth loving as a adult. Shame says we are unworthy, broken and beyond repair.
Why am I always trying to improve myself?...Always looking for something to work on. Prayer, exercise...financial responsibility...what makes me search so frustrating is that I don't know what is wrong with me. I simply fear that somehow...i am not enough. Down deep I fear that something terribly wrong with me. If i was the prince..then people would love me. I can't help to believe that if i was different, If i was better, then I would have been loved as I so longed to be. It is me.
I construct a life of safety...i will not be vulnerable and find some place to get a taste of being enjoyed or at least of being needed. We all pretty much handle our brokenness in the same way we mishandle it. It hurts too much to go there...so we shut the door to the room in our heart and throw away the key, but that doesn't not bring healing..not at all..it might bring relief for a while...but never healing.
Part of the reason so many people are so tired is because we spend so much energy trying to keep it together. So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance. A terrible costly way to live your life. Part of this is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. That we will be consumed by our sorrow. It's understandable fear
The best thing we can do it to let God come in and open the door and invite him in to find you in those hurting places. The door is shut from the inside and healing never comes against our will. In order to experience healing, we must give permission to come in to the places we have so long shut to anyone. God is the only one who can knock through the loneliness, our sorrow. He or She knocks through events that feel too close to what happened to us when we were young...a betrayal, a rejection, a word spoken, a relationship lost.
Let the tears come . Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. Let the tears come. It is the only kind thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And feel you will many things...Anger...that's okay. Remorse...of course you feel remorse and regret for so many years...let it all out. Grief is a form of validation..it says the wound mattered. You mattered. That's not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there...the tears of children who is lost and frightened. Okay...now for a hard step....forgiving. We must forgive those who hurt us. The reason is simple. Bitterness and unforgiving set their hooks deep in your hearts, they are chains that hold us captive to the wounds and the message of our heart. Until your forgive, you remain their prisoner.
Our core validation...our primary validation has to come from God. and until it does...until we look to him for the healing of our soul, our relationship area really hurt by looking to each other for something God can give. No matter how much someone pours into your aching soul, it's never enough...no one can fill you. In order to learn to love...you must stop insisting someone to fill you.
If you have two magnets and put their north and south poles together, they attract each other. Same with us. One person has to have the masculine pole and other person have the feminine pole. Like i wrote before....you can't have two captain in a ship. Male energy is self-discipline, direction, aggressive. tough, rough. Female energy is appreciation, trust, softness. Annie in the movie...The Horse Whisperer ...was a dominating, emasuculating woman. She need nothing from her man...She has life under control. She wears the pants in the family. Her message is clear: You are weak and untrustworthy. I am strong. Let me lead and thing will go fine. The effect on a man is not good. When a woman become controlling and not in the least vulnerable...her seductiveness is shut off. In the movie....A Walk In The Clouds...there are two woman in Paul Sutton's life..(played Keanu Reeves) His wife is not an arousing woman. She pressures him...."you are not the man..I want you to be" She is manipulating and demanding. Eventually she has an affair. The Hispanic woman he meets on the bus, however, is alluring. A strong and self-confident woman...she is also soft and inviting. Her message to him...is ....You are amazing man.
She refuses to be vulnerable, and if she cannot secure her relationship, then she kills her heart longing for intimacy so that she will be safe and in control. She become a woman "who doesn't need anyone" but beneath it all, behind it all is a simple truth..woman dominate and control because they fear their vulnerability. That self-protective way of relation to others has nothing to do with real loving and nothing to do with deeply trusting God. It is their gut level response to a dangerous world. Now, this is not to say a woman can't be strong. But I feel their strenght feel more masculine than feminine. There is nothing inviting or alluring, nothing tender or merciful about them.
Personally...even when most woman are dominate and controlling ..the aches still remains. The deep longing of their heart just won't go away.They buy ourselves something nice when we aren't feeling appreciated. They allow themselves more food.They move into fantasy world to find some water for our thirsty heart. But none of these satisfy and they find themselves trying to fill the remaining emptiness with their little indulgences. They daydream their way through life....imagine stuff..picturing themselves as beautiful...pursued.,...
I do the same...Where do I go instead to God when the aches of my heart begins to make itself known?...spending too much money....exercising, too many movies...surfing the Internet....sleeping. I camp my heart in self-doubt, condemning thougths...and even shame because those emotions become familiar and conformable....we are faithlessly indulging rather than allowing our deep aches to draw us to God.
Unfortunately..our indulgences makes us feel better for a while...it seem to work, but really only increase our need to indulge again.This is the nightmare of addiction....it goes beyond drugs. We give our hearts to all sorts of other lovers that demand our attention, demand we indulge again. We taste something that we think is good...our longing cease to ache for a minute, but later we find ourselves empty once more, needing to be filled again and again.
We need not be ashamed that our heart aches, that we need and thirst and hunger for much more. All of our heart aches. All of our heart are at some level unsatisfied and longing. It is our insatiable need for more that drives us to GOD. What we need to see is that our controlling and our hiding ...and our indulging actually serves to separate us from our heart.
I think everyone deep inside know that they are not what they were meant to be and fear that soon it will be known...and we will be abandoned. Life alone to die a death of the heart...the worse nightmare. And down in the depth of our heart...our question remains....unanswered...Am i attractive? Do you see me? Do you want to see me? Do you love me.
Take a deep look into the eyes of anyone and behind the smile or the fear, you will find pain. And most people are in more pain than even they realize. Sorrow is not a stranger to any of us, though only a few have learned that it is not our enemy either.
We get these message as children that struck the core of our heart.....message like:
-i wasn't worth your time
-i wasn't worth loving.
Your wounds brought messages with them. They had similar theme....
-You're worthless
-You're too much and not enough
-You're disappointment.
Because they delivered with such pain, they felt true. They pierced our heart and they seemed to be so true. So we accept the message as fact. We embraced it as the verdict on us. The vows we made as children act like a deep-seated agreement with the message of our wounds.
I am just too much and hence I try not to be too much, trying to minimize my desire, trying to find someway to be loved without being too much. The vows we make as children are understandable. We shut our heart down. I got the message...i am a disappointment. I made a vow that somewhere in my heart, without knowing what i was doing....I vowed to protect myself by never causing pain...never requiring attention. As a result of the wound i receive growing up..i come be believe that some part of me...maybe every part of me is marred. Shame enters in and makes its crippling home deep within my heart. Shame is what makes us look away, so we avoid eyes contact with anyone. Shame is that feeling that haunts us, the sense that if someone really knew me, they would shake their heads in disgust and run away. Shame makes us feel, no, believe that we do not measure up...
Others seem to master their lives,,,,but shame grips my heart and pin me down...ever ready to point out my failures and judge my worth. I am lacking. I know we are not all that we long to be, all that God longs for us, but instead of coming up and asking God what he thinks of us..shame keeps us pinned down and gasping believing that we deserve to suffocate. If as a child..i didn't seem deemed worthy of love...it is incredibly difficult to believe I was worth loving as a adult. Shame says we are unworthy, broken and beyond repair.
Why am I always trying to improve myself?...Always looking for something to work on. Prayer, exercise...financial responsibility...what makes me search so frustrating is that I don't know what is wrong with me. I simply fear that somehow...i am not enough. Down deep I fear that something terribly wrong with me. If i was the prince..then people would love me. I can't help to believe that if i was different, If i was better, then I would have been loved as I so longed to be. It is me.
I construct a life of safety...i will not be vulnerable and find some place to get a taste of being enjoyed or at least of being needed. We all pretty much handle our brokenness in the same way we mishandle it. It hurts too much to go there...so we shut the door to the room in our heart and throw away the key, but that doesn't not bring healing..not at all..it might bring relief for a while...but never healing.
Part of the reason so many people are so tired is because we spend so much energy trying to keep it together. So much energy devoted to suppressing the pain and keeping a good appearance. A terrible costly way to live your life. Part of this is driven by fear that the pain will overwhelm us. That we will be consumed by our sorrow. It's understandable fear
The best thing we can do it to let God come in and open the door and invite him in to find you in those hurting places. The door is shut from the inside and healing never comes against our will. In order to experience healing, we must give permission to come in to the places we have so long shut to anyone. God is the only one who can knock through the loneliness, our sorrow. He or She knocks through events that feel too close to what happened to us when we were young...a betrayal, a rejection, a word spoken, a relationship lost.
Let the tears come . Get alone, get to your car or your bedroom or the shower and let the tears come. Let the tears come. It is the only kind thing to do for your woundedness. Allow yourself to feel again. And feel you will many things...Anger...that's okay. Remorse...of course you feel remorse and regret for so many years...let it all out. Grief is a form of validation..it says the wound mattered. You mattered. That's not the way life was supposed to go. There are unwept tears down in there...the tears of children who is lost and frightened. Okay...now for a hard step....forgiving. We must forgive those who hurt us. The reason is simple. Bitterness and unforgiving set their hooks deep in your hearts, they are chains that hold us captive to the wounds and the message of our heart. Until your forgive, you remain their prisoner.
Our core validation...our primary validation has to come from God. and until it does...until we look to him for the healing of our soul, our relationship area really hurt by looking to each other for something God can give. No matter how much someone pours into your aching soul, it's never enough...no one can fill you. In order to learn to love...you must stop insisting someone to fill you.
If you have two magnets and put their north and south poles together, they attract each other. Same with us. One person has to have the masculine pole and other person have the feminine pole. Like i wrote before....you can't have two captain in a ship. Male energy is self-discipline, direction, aggressive. tough, rough. Female energy is appreciation, trust, softness. Annie in the movie...The Horse Whisperer ...was a dominating, emasuculating woman. She need nothing from her man...She has life under control. She wears the pants in the family. Her message is clear: You are weak and untrustworthy. I am strong. Let me lead and thing will go fine. The effect on a man is not good. When a woman become controlling and not in the least vulnerable...her seductiveness is shut off. In the movie....A Walk In The Clouds...there are two woman in Paul Sutton's life..(played Keanu Reeves) His wife is not an arousing woman. She pressures him...."you are not the man..I want you to be" She is manipulating and demanding. Eventually she has an affair. The Hispanic woman he meets on the bus, however, is alluring. A strong and self-confident woman...she is also soft and inviting. Her message to him...is ....You are amazing man.
THOUGHTS: THE TRUTH ABOUT CINDERELLA
Woman want to be the heroine and have a hero come for them. When they are young, they want to be precious to someone---especially to daddy. As they grow older the desire matures to longing to be pursued, desired, wanted as a woman....At some core place. maybe deep within, perhaps hidden or buried in a woman heart, every woman wants to be seen, wanted, and pursued..... They want Daniel Lewis to look in their eyes and say ,"No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you".
Woman have a desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who they truly are. They want beauty that can be seen, beauty that can be felt, beauty that affect others, a beauty all their own to unveil.And it's not just the desired for outward beauty, but more---a desire to be captivating in the depths of who a woman is. Cinderella is beautiful, yes, but she is also good. Her outward beauty would be hollow were it not for the beauty of her heart. In the Sound of Music, the Countess has Maria beat in the looks department, and they both know it, But Maria has a rare and beautiful depth of spirit. She ha the capacity to love snowflakes and mean-spirited children.
There is a rumor that the last czar of Russia, Anastasia escaped the assassin who murdered the rest of her family. She was a young girl when her family was executed, and it was said that she was still alive, somewhere out there in the world. Think of all the movies made along its themes, movies like Pretty Woman, and Ever After and A Cinderella Story......why is the notion of a hidden precess so enduring.
Woman have a desire to possess a beauty that is worth pursuing, worth fighting for, a beauty that is core to who they truly are. They want beauty that can be seen, beauty that can be felt, beauty that affect others, a beauty all their own to unveil.And it's not just the desired for outward beauty, but more---a desire to be captivating in the depths of who a woman is. Cinderella is beautiful, yes, but she is also good. Her outward beauty would be hollow were it not for the beauty of her heart. In the Sound of Music, the Countess has Maria beat in the looks department, and they both know it, But Maria has a rare and beautiful depth of spirit. She ha the capacity to love snowflakes and mean-spirited children.
There is a rumor that the last czar of Russia, Anastasia escaped the assassin who murdered the rest of her family. She was a young girl when her family was executed, and it was said that she was still alive, somewhere out there in the world. Think of all the movies made along its themes, movies like Pretty Woman, and Ever After and A Cinderella Story......why is the notion of a hidden precess so enduring.
THOUGHTS: WHAT DO WE LIVE FOR?
There is no ‘problem’ as such in getting excited about the future, but it is a bit like playing a broken record. We’re always getting excited about the future. We’re always looking for that quick fix to make us happy. This is just a short list but there are many more things that we commonly look forward to:
* Sex / Porn
* Holidays
* Meeting Friends
* Fridays
There is nothing wrong with any of these, and nothing wrong with the nature of looking forward to things. I’m sure you all agree that it’s nice to know enjoyable events are coming up in our schedule. The thing is, once this event we’ve been looking forward to is upon us, we’re already on the lookout for the next one; the next high.
This moment, right here, right now, wherever you are, is all that matters. This is itevery single thing you’ve gone through in life, every high, every low and everything in between…it has led you to this moment. Everything that has happened in your life has led to this pointIf you can see that most of your life is spent reminiscing the past or awaiting the future, it’s not too late to change.
* Sex / Porn
* Holidays
* Meeting Friends
* Fridays
There is nothing wrong with any of these, and nothing wrong with the nature of looking forward to things. I’m sure you all agree that it’s nice to know enjoyable events are coming up in our schedule. The thing is, once this event we’ve been looking forward to is upon us, we’re already on the lookout for the next one; the next high.
This moment, right here, right now, wherever you are, is all that matters. This is itevery single thing you’ve gone through in life, every high, every low and everything in between…it has led you to this moment. Everything that has happened in your life has led to this pointIf you can see that most of your life is spent reminiscing the past or awaiting the future, it’s not too late to change.
THOUGHTS
The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are the things you get ashamed of, because words diminish them -- words shrink things that seemed limitless when they were in your head to no more than living size when they're brought out. But it's more than that, isn't it? The most important things lie too close to wherever your secret heart is buried, like landmarks to a treasure your enemies would love to steal away. And you may make revelations that cost you dearly only to have people look at you in a funny way, not understanding what you've said at all, or why you thought it was so important that you almost cried while you were saying it. That's the worst I think. When the secret stays locked within not for a want of a teller but for an ear.
WISDOM OF ISLAM
Words of Wisdom from Prophet Mohammad
Fifty hadiths selected by Dr. Shahid Athar
1.. "Acquire knowledge, it enables its professor to distinguish right from wrong; it lights the way to heaven. It is our friend in the desert, our company in solitude and companion when friendless. It guides us to happiness, it sustains us in misery, it is an ornament amongst friends and an armour against enemies." (widely attributed to the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh))
2.. "A Muslim who plants a tree or sows a field, from which man, birds and animals can eat, is committing an act of charity." (Muslim)
3.. "There is a polish for everything that takes away rust; and the polish for the heart is the remembrance of Allah." (Bukhari)
4.. "What actions are most excellent? To gladden the heart of human beings, to feed the hungry, to help the afflicted, to lighten the sorrow of the sorrowful, and to remove the sufferings of the injured." (Bukhari)
5.. "The most excellent Jihad is that for the conquest of self." (Bukhari)
6.. "If you put your whole trust in Allah, as you ought, He most certainly will satisfy your needs, as He satisfies those of the birds. They come out hungry in the morning, but return full to their nests." (Tirmidhi)
7.. "When Allah created his creatures He wrote above His throne: 'Verily, my Compassion overcomes my wrath." (Bukhari & Muslim)
8.. "Allah will not give mercy to anyone, except those who give mercy to other creatures." (Abdullah b. Amr: Abu Daud & Tirmidhi)
9.. " 'Son, if you are able, keep your heart from morning till night and from night till morning free from malice towards anyone.' Then the Prophet said: 'O my son! This is one of my laws, and he, who loves my laws verily loves me.' " (Bukhari)
10.. "Say what is true, although it may be bitter and displeasing to people." (Baihaqi)
11.. "Kindness is a mark of faith, and whoever is not kind has no faith." (Muslim)
12.. "When you see a person who has been given more than you in money and beauty, look to those, who have been given less." (Muslim)
13.. "If you do not feel ashamed of anything, then you can do whatever you like." (Abu-Masud: Bukhari)
14.. "O Lord, grant me your love, grant me that I love those who love you; grant me, that I might do the deeds that win your love. Make your love dearer to me than the love of myself, my family and wealth." (Tirmidhi)
15.. "It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone. It is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge than to remain silent; but silence is better than idle words." (Bukhari)
16.. "Verily, a man teaching his child manners is better than giving one bushel of grain in alms." (Muslim)
17.. "Whoever is kind, Allah will be kind to him; therefore be kind to man on the earth. He Who is in heaven will show mercy on you."(Abu Daud: Tirmidhi)
18.. "It is difficult for a man laden with riches to climb the steep path, that leads to bliss." (Muslim)
19.. "Once a man, who was passing through a road, found a branch of a tree with torns obstructing it. The man removed the thorns from the way. Allah thanked him and forgave his sins." (Bukhari)
20.. "Who are the learned? Those who practice what they know." (Bukhari)
21.. "Allah has revealed to me, that you must be humble. No one should boast over one another, and no one should oppress another." (Iyad b. Hinar al-Mujashi: Muslim)
22.. "Who is the most favoured of Allah? He, from whom the greatest good comes to His creatures." (Bukhari)
23.. "A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity." (Muslim)
24.. "A Muslim who meets with others and shares their burdens is better than one who lives a life of seclusion and contemplation." (Muslim)
25.. "Serve Allah, as you would if you could see Him; although you cannot see Him, He can see you. (Umar: Muslim)
26.. "Allah does not look at your appearance or your possessions; but He looks at your heart and your deeds." (Abu Huraira: Muslim)
27.. "The best richness is the richness of the soul." (at the field ofTabuk, Syria, Rajab 9 A.H.: Bukhari)
28.. "Keep yourselves far from envy; because it eats up and takes away good actions, like a fire eats up and burns wood." (Abu Daud)
29.. "Much silence and a good disposition, there are no two things better than these." (Bukhari)
30.. "Verily, Allah is mild and is fond of mildness, and He gives to the mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim)
31.. "Whoever loves to meet Allah, Allah loves to meet him." (Bukhari)
32.. "Once the Prophet was asked:'Tell us, which action is dearest to Allah?' He answered:'To say your prayer at its proper time.' Again he was asked: 'What comes next?' Mohammed said: 'To show kindness to parents.' 'Then what?' he was asked, 'To strive for the cause of Allah!' " (Ibn Masad: Bukhari)
33.. "When two persons are together, two of them must no whisper to each other, without letting the third hear; because it would hurt him." (Bukhari & Muslim)
34.. "Verily, it is one of the respects to Allah to honor an old man." (Bukhari)
35.. "All Muslims are like a foundation, each strengthening the other; in such a way they do support each other." (Abu Musa: Bukhari & Muslim)
36.. "Strive always to excel in virtue and truth." (Bukhari)
37.. "You will not enter paradise until you have faith; and you will not complete your faith till you love one another." (Muslim)
38.. "He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please his father and mother." (Bukhari & Muslim)
39.. "I am leaving two things among you, and if you cling to them firmly you will never go astray; one is the Book of Allah and the other is my way of life." (Farewell Pilgrimage: Muatta)
40.. "Allah is One and likes Unity." (Muslim)
41.. "The best of alms is that, which the right hand gives and the left hand knows not of." (Bukhari)
42.. "The perfect Muslim is not a perfect Muslim, who eats till he is full and leaves his neighbors hungry." (Ibn Abbas: Baihaqi)
43.. "He is not of us who is not affectionate to the little ones, and does not respect the old; and he is not of us, who does not order which is lawful, and prohibits that which is unlawful." (Ibn Abbas: Tirmidhi)
44.. "No man is a true believer unless he desires for his brother that, what he desires for himself." (Abu Hamza Anas: Bukhari & Muslim)
45.. "To strive for the cause of Allah from daybreak to noon and sunset is better than the goods and enjoyment of the whole worldly life." (Bukhari)
46.. "Be not like the hypocrite who, when he talks, tells lies; when he gives a promise, he breaks it; and when he is trusted, he proves dishonest." (Bukhari & Muslim)
47.. "The proof of a Muslim's sincerity is, that he pays no heed to that, which is not his business." (Abu Hureira: Tirmidhi)
48.. "Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind." (Muslims & Bukhari)
49.. "Conduct yourself in this world, as if you are here to stay forever; prepare for eternity as if you have to die tomorrow." (Bukhari)
50.. "The worldly comforts are not for me. I am like a traveller, who takes a rest under a tree in the shade and then goes on his way." (Tirmidhi)
Fifty hadiths selected by Dr. Shahid Athar
1.. "Acquire knowledge, it enables its professor to distinguish right from wrong; it lights the way to heaven. It is our friend in the desert, our company in solitude and companion when friendless. It guides us to happiness, it sustains us in misery, it is an ornament amongst friends and an armour against enemies." (widely attributed to the Prophet Mohammed (pbuh))
2.. "A Muslim who plants a tree or sows a field, from which man, birds and animals can eat, is committing an act of charity." (Muslim)
3.. "There is a polish for everything that takes away rust; and the polish for the heart is the remembrance of Allah." (Bukhari)
4.. "What actions are most excellent? To gladden the heart of human beings, to feed the hungry, to help the afflicted, to lighten the sorrow of the sorrowful, and to remove the sufferings of the injured." (Bukhari)
5.. "The most excellent Jihad is that for the conquest of self." (Bukhari)
6.. "If you put your whole trust in Allah, as you ought, He most certainly will satisfy your needs, as He satisfies those of the birds. They come out hungry in the morning, but return full to their nests." (Tirmidhi)
7.. "When Allah created his creatures He wrote above His throne: 'Verily, my Compassion overcomes my wrath." (Bukhari & Muslim)
8.. "Allah will not give mercy to anyone, except those who give mercy to other creatures." (Abdullah b. Amr: Abu Daud & Tirmidhi)
9.. " 'Son, if you are able, keep your heart from morning till night and from night till morning free from malice towards anyone.' Then the Prophet said: 'O my son! This is one of my laws, and he, who loves my laws verily loves me.' " (Bukhari)
10.. "Say what is true, although it may be bitter and displeasing to people." (Baihaqi)
11.. "Kindness is a mark of faith, and whoever is not kind has no faith." (Muslim)
12.. "When you see a person who has been given more than you in money and beauty, look to those, who have been given less." (Muslim)
13.. "If you do not feel ashamed of anything, then you can do whatever you like." (Abu-Masud: Bukhari)
14.. "O Lord, grant me your love, grant me that I love those who love you; grant me, that I might do the deeds that win your love. Make your love dearer to me than the love of myself, my family and wealth." (Tirmidhi)
15.. "It is better to sit alone than in company with the bad; and it is better still to sit with the good than alone. It is better to speak to a seeker of knowledge than to remain silent; but silence is better than idle words." (Bukhari)
16.. "Verily, a man teaching his child manners is better than giving one bushel of grain in alms." (Muslim)
17.. "Whoever is kind, Allah will be kind to him; therefore be kind to man on the earth. He Who is in heaven will show mercy on you."(Abu Daud: Tirmidhi)
18.. "It is difficult for a man laden with riches to climb the steep path, that leads to bliss." (Muslim)
19.. "Once a man, who was passing through a road, found a branch of a tree with torns obstructing it. The man removed the thorns from the way. Allah thanked him and forgave his sins." (Bukhari)
20.. "Who are the learned? Those who practice what they know." (Bukhari)
21.. "Allah has revealed to me, that you must be humble. No one should boast over one another, and no one should oppress another." (Iyad b. Hinar al-Mujashi: Muslim)
22.. "Who is the most favoured of Allah? He, from whom the greatest good comes to His creatures." (Bukhari)
23.. "A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity." (Muslim)
24.. "A Muslim who meets with others and shares their burdens is better than one who lives a life of seclusion and contemplation." (Muslim)
25.. "Serve Allah, as you would if you could see Him; although you cannot see Him, He can see you. (Umar: Muslim)
26.. "Allah does not look at your appearance or your possessions; but He looks at your heart and your deeds." (Abu Huraira: Muslim)
27.. "The best richness is the richness of the soul." (at the field ofTabuk, Syria, Rajab 9 A.H.: Bukhari)
28.. "Keep yourselves far from envy; because it eats up and takes away good actions, like a fire eats up and burns wood." (Abu Daud)
29.. "Much silence and a good disposition, there are no two things better than these." (Bukhari)
30.. "Verily, Allah is mild and is fond of mildness, and He gives to the mild what He does not give to the harsh." (Muslim)
31.. "Whoever loves to meet Allah, Allah loves to meet him." (Bukhari)
32.. "Once the Prophet was asked:'Tell us, which action is dearest to Allah?' He answered:'To say your prayer at its proper time.' Again he was asked: 'What comes next?' Mohammed said: 'To show kindness to parents.' 'Then what?' he was asked, 'To strive for the cause of Allah!' " (Ibn Masad: Bukhari)
33.. "When two persons are together, two of them must no whisper to each other, without letting the third hear; because it would hurt him." (Bukhari & Muslim)
34.. "Verily, it is one of the respects to Allah to honor an old man." (Bukhari)
35.. "All Muslims are like a foundation, each strengthening the other; in such a way they do support each other." (Abu Musa: Bukhari & Muslim)
36.. "Strive always to excel in virtue and truth." (Bukhari)
37.. "You will not enter paradise until you have faith; and you will not complete your faith till you love one another." (Muslim)
38.. "He, who wishes to enter paradise at the best gate, must please his father and mother." (Bukhari & Muslim)
39.. "I am leaving two things among you, and if you cling to them firmly you will never go astray; one is the Book of Allah and the other is my way of life." (Farewell Pilgrimage: Muatta)
40.. "Allah is One and likes Unity." (Muslim)
41.. "The best of alms is that, which the right hand gives and the left hand knows not of." (Bukhari)
42.. "The perfect Muslim is not a perfect Muslim, who eats till he is full and leaves his neighbors hungry." (Ibn Abbas: Baihaqi)
43.. "He is not of us who is not affectionate to the little ones, and does not respect the old; and he is not of us, who does not order which is lawful, and prohibits that which is unlawful." (Ibn Abbas: Tirmidhi)
44.. "No man is a true believer unless he desires for his brother that, what he desires for himself." (Abu Hamza Anas: Bukhari & Muslim)
45.. "To strive for the cause of Allah from daybreak to noon and sunset is better than the goods and enjoyment of the whole worldly life." (Bukhari)
46.. "Be not like the hypocrite who, when he talks, tells lies; when he gives a promise, he breaks it; and when he is trusted, he proves dishonest." (Bukhari & Muslim)
47.. "The proof of a Muslim's sincerity is, that he pays no heed to that, which is not his business." (Abu Hureira: Tirmidhi)
48.. "Do you know what is better than charity and fasting and prayer? It is keeping peace and good relations between people, as quarrels and bad feelings destroy mankind." (Muslims & Bukhari)
49.. "Conduct yourself in this world, as if you are here to stay forever; prepare for eternity as if you have to die tomorrow." (Bukhari)
50.. "The worldly comforts are not for me. I am like a traveller, who takes a rest under a tree in the shade and then goes on his way." (Tirmidhi)
THE WORLD AS I SEE IT An Essay By Einstein
The World As I See It"
An Essay By Einstein (http://www.aip.org/history/
"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...
"I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.
"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude..."
"My political ideal is democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized. It is an irony of fate that I myself have been the recipient of excessive admiration and reverence from my fellow-beings, through no fault, and no merit, of my own. The cause of this may well be the desire, unattainable for many, to understand the few ideas to which I have with my feeble powers attained through ceaseless struggle. I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader. In my opinion, an autocratic system of coercion soon degenerates; force attracts men of low morality... The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling.
"This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature."
An Essay By Einstein (http://www.aip.org/history/
"How strange is the lot of us mortals! Each of us is here for a brief sojourn; for what purpose he knows not, though he sometimes thinks he senses it. But without deeper reflection one knows from daily life that one exists for other people -- first of all for those upon whose smiles and well-being our own happiness is wholly dependent, and then for the many, unknown to us, to whose destinies we are bound by the ties of sympathy. A hundred times every day I remind myself that my inner and outer life are based on the labors of other men, living and dead, and that I must exert myself in order to give in the same measure as I have received and am still receiving...
"I have never looked upon ease and happiness as ends in themselves -- this critical basis I call the ideal of a pigsty. The ideals that have lighted my way, and time after time have given me new courage to face life cheerfully, have been Kindness, Beauty, and Truth. Without the sense of kinship with men of like mind, without the occupation with the objective world, the eternally unattainable in the field of art and scientific endeavors, life would have seemed empty to me. The trite objects of human efforts -- possessions, outward success, luxury -- have always seemed to me contemptible.
"My passionate sense of social justice and social responsibility has always contrasted oddly with my pronounced lack of need for direct contact with other human beings and human communities. I am truly a 'lone traveler' and have never belonged to my country, my home, my friends, or even my immediate family, with my whole heart; in the face of all these ties, I have never lost a sense of distance and a need for solitude..."
"My political ideal is democracy. Let every man be respected as an individual and no man idolized. It is an irony of fate that I myself have been the recipient of excessive admiration and reverence from my fellow-beings, through no fault, and no merit, of my own. The cause of this may well be the desire, unattainable for many, to understand the few ideas to which I have with my feeble powers attained through ceaseless struggle. I am quite aware that for any organization to reach its goals, one man must do the thinking and directing and generally bear the responsibility. But the led must not be coerced, they must be able to choose their leader. In my opinion, an autocratic system of coercion soon degenerates; force attracts men of low morality... The really valuable thing in the pageant of human life seems to me not the political state, but the creative, sentient individual, the personality; it alone creates the noble and the sublime, while the herd as such remains dull in thought and dull in feeling.
"This topic brings me to that worst outcrop of herd life, the military system, which I abhor... This plague-spot of civilization ought to be abolished with all possible speed. Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -- how passionately I hate them!
"The most beautiful experience we can have is the mysterious. It is the fundamental emotion that stands at the cradle of true art and true science. Whoever does not know it and can no longer wonder, no longer marvel, is as good as dead, and his eyes are dimmed. It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion. A knowledge of the existence of something we cannot penetrate, our perceptions of the profoundest reason and the most radiant beauty, which only in their most primitive forms are accessible to our minds: it is this knowledge and this emotion that constitute true religiosity. In this sense, and only this sense, I am a deeply religious man... I am satisfied with the mystery of life's eternity and with a knowledge, a sense, of the marvelous structure of existence -- as well as the humble attempt to understand even a tiny portion of the Reason that manifests itself in nature."
WHEN A IRAN WOMAN ISN'T MARRIED
THIS WAS AN ARTICLE SENT MY A FAN
It is hard enough being a single woman in the 21st Century, living in the West. These days you are expected to be educated, work a 50-hour week, every week, be secure and independent one minute, all insecure and vulnerable the next and look impeccable while doing all of that. Just thinking about it makes me want to go on a very long vacation.
Having said that try being a Persian single woman.
First of all if you are nearing 25 and have not taken the great nuptial leap. People around you start speculating.
"What's wrong with her? We know she is not ugly. Looks are of great value in the Persian nuptial market. You can be a rocket scientist if you don't have the looks, forget about it.
If you are not ugly there must be something else wrong with you. "I bet you she can't have babies." The elaborate stories people come up with to explain your singleness. In this imaginary world of the gossip society one thing is inconceivable, the fact that a woman... any woman could choose to stay single.
A few weeks ago I was enjoying one of those rare Saturday mornings, I was alone in my apartment and didn't have to be anywhere, no papers due, hadn't taken any work home, didn't have to go grocery-shopping, didn't have any family obligations. I had the whole morning to my self. I actually had time to read the paper and drink my cup of coffee while sitting down. As I was enjoying the virtues of being single and untied my phone rang. I answered it not taking my eyes from my paper.
"Hi Sahari!" I heard the familiar voice of one of the few Persian people I actually like.
"Salam Nazy Joon, How are you missy?" Nazanin is my friend; she is beautiful and smart, and always fun to be around. If she wasn't such a good friend I would have hated her guts.
"I am fine," she said somehow not quite confident.
"What's wrong Nazy?" short and to the point. Looked at the clock it was not 11.00 yet.
"Sahari, I volunteered to show a guest from Iran around, but she is driving me mad."
"Oh, Nazanin... " I already knew what she was going to ask and decided to beat her to the punch. "Nazy, no... you can't do this to me..."
"You either come now or you'll be baking cakes with files in them soon! And who will give you advise about your love life while I am in jail? And you know you need it!" She had a point there. "Just, come... we are on the boardwalk in Scheveningen, that's only ten minutes from your place."
"Do I have to dress up?"
"Not, if you promise to leave NOW!"
"I am still in my Pajamas... I'll be there in 20 ... "
"Oh, Sahar you are the greatest!" Nazy said excited and relieved. "I owe you."
"Yes you do, you do realize that the only reason I am doing this is because, I can't bake?" And she had gotten me curious about her mysterious guest. See there weren't many people that could make Nazy put in a call to the troops.
"Yeah whatever, just get here," she said laughingly.
I could do worse than to get a bit of late break fast with Nazy on the boardwalk. I jumped in the shower; put on the oldest raggedy pair of jeans I owned threw on a top and stepped in to my very ugly yet very comfy sandals put my hair up in a hairclip and put on my huge sunglasses and some chapstick and went out the door. I was on the beach in a flash.
As I was walking towards where they were sitting, I noticed Nazanin sitting and staring intensively at her glass of OJ. Like a little girl sent to the corner to contemplate her bad behavior by her kindergarten teacher. Across from her a young woman about our age, wearing a designer dress and Italian leather shoes holding a little black fluffy dog in a doggy-dress which matched her Italian wardrobe, was sitting, Very occupied in what seemed to be a very one-sided conversation.
As she saw me approaching she leaned towards Nazy and loudly whispered in her ear: "Is that your friend?" while eying me like I was something the cat had dragged in. At this point Nazy looked up from her glass and looked my direction, almost delirious like a child that has lost her mom in a large department store and now after hours of searching had finally found her. She jumped up and greeted me with a hug. At this the dog started barking violently, and the lady trying to calm the dog down said something like "FiFi, herss nakhor."
I was determined not to let anything ruin my Saturday. And so I told my self not to judge the book by its cover. Even if she is carrying a huge Chanel bag, that only would be stylish on my grandma, and no one our age could afford. I extended my hand to accompany Nazy's introduction, her handshake was elegant in a sort of duchesse way, she held my hand with her fingers. If she had been a guy I would have sworn he was a wimp.
"Sahar Dastmalchi, nice to meet you."
"Haniye Z., khosh bakhtam."
As we sat down the waiter came to take my order, I asked my companions if they have had breakfast ... and if they minded me ordering food.
"Dastmalchi is an interesting name... of the bazaar Dastmalchis?" she said accusingly, while petting the dog.
I finished ordering some pancakes and coffee. "No" I responded as I had now done millions of times defending the family honor of the sherkate nafti (Iranian National Oil Company) Dastmalchis. Good lord! The dog stopped barking and was now only grinding its teeth at me. It occurred to me that the dog was more in favor of the sherkate naft than he was of the Bazaar.
"Are you from Tehran?" I felt like the new maid being interviewed. She might as well have asked which village I was from? Wait that is exactly what she was asking!
"Not really, I was born in Tehran but we moved a lot when I lived in Iran. I spent most of my childhood in the south."
"Oh, pas shahrestooni hasti?" (So you're from a provincial town?) She said like she finally had me figured out. This reminded me of a theory that a friend from Masjed-I-Soleyman had shared with me years before. He had told me in a quick introduction to the Iranian culture for the European-raised, "People from Tehran seem to think that the Iranian borders don't go beyond Tehran, in fact that's where their world ends. Karaj is already a foreign country, any thing beyond that might as well be Mars."
According to my friend this thinking pattern went so far that if you ever told a Tehrani you were from any where else in Iran, they would pityingly respond "eh, shahrestooni hasty?" I had laughed at him at the time and told him he had too much time on his hand. Remembering this incident I couldn't help laughing at Haniyes response as I looked at Nazy, who was mortified by my behavior.
"Bale, baa ejaaze," as I looked at Haniye again with a huge smile.
Nazy now relieved was smiling at me mischievously. The waiter arrived with some drinks. I thought I could perhaps use the waiter as a diversion. So I tried to change the focus of the conversation, I started asking Nazy about her political activities. Nazy started answering my question.
"Well, I talked with that guy from Amnesty International... "
"I don't understand why people occupy themselves with politics," Haniye said without any concern. Both Nazy and I looked at her flabbergasted
I myself only get worked up if historical sites are at risk, but Nazy a great idealist and activist couldn't compose herself any longer and passionately said, "What don't you understand? Don't you think Iran is worth fighting for?" I could see the fury of hell in Nazy's eyes.
"In politics there are always a few people leading and messing with general publics life." She sounded like a little kid who had overheard grown-up conversations and repeating it to impress her friends.
I needed to intervene before WWIII landed on the Dutch coastline.
"Haniye dear," I tried, "don't you think it's admirable for anybody to fight for what they believe in?" Of course she didn't care about politics; she could buy her way out of any situation.
"Yes," she actually meant NO, "but it ruins the youth," Haniye replied more to Nazy than to me.
Nazy was already turning red in the face...
Sahar you better find something to distract them with. Drastic measures are needed here tap in to your girly side! You should have worn a dress. That would have made it easier. Looking at my hands I saw my unique silver bracelet, which my mom had bought me on a market 13 years ago. "Jewelry!" It came to me as a sign from god! And Haniye was wearing a whopper of a ring on her right hand. It looked expensive too.
"Haniye, that's an interesting ring you are wearing." YES disaster averted
"It's my wedding band." Now I had Haniye's attention. As she turned towards Nazy to finish her argument I interrupted.
"Can I see it?" as I reached out my hand towards her so imprudently demanding her attention while glancing at Nazy. Haniye placed her hand on mine. It was a very nice ring indeed. "How long have you been married?" There I had succeeded in putting an end to the argument before it had gotten underway.
After half an hour of conversation about the best jewelers in Tehran, Haniye's wedding, art, clothes, various other things all with price tags attached and me promising to visit her if I ever was in Tehran, again peace had returned to the Western European coastline. You should work for the UN peace keepingers I told myself.
Nazy left us for just a minute to go to the ladies room, I was forking a new load of pancakes in my mouth, and I was truly enjoying my breakfast on the beach this beautiful sunny Saturday morning. Crediting myself with genius, when I was ambushed.
"Sahar, Khanoom," Haniye started asking me "Are you married?" Where the hell did that come from? Please shoot me now.
Sahar, you idiot. She's Iranian! Of course she's going to ask you that. It's the next logical question after they have figured out either you are from Tehran or not.
"No, I'm not," I said smiling
"Why not?" she asked as serious as a heart attack.
I couldn't tell her the truth that I had managed to dodge that bullet a few times. Where the hell was Nazy? What was keeping her? Just tell the truth and the truth shall set you free, or part of it anyhow.
"Well, I am happy the way things are ... I like my independence, I like the way things are now, my job, my apartment, my education I am the one in control I like that. And why should I get married?"
The look on Haniye's face had completely changed to one of utter disbelief, and then suddenly as if the puzzle had been finally solved.
"Ahan, pas shoma Ahle zendegi nisty!" (So you are not cut out for life, basically you are not marriage material.)
"Excuse me?!" I responded in disbelief, while trying not to choke on my food. Who even says things like that not cut out for life? My grandma in Rasht is more modern than this chick. And what life? Isn't mine a life? Why? Because I'm not married?
"Maybe if I ever met the right guy I will be ahle zendegi! But right now I'm still in college."
"Man kheili ahle zendegiam," (I'm greatly cut out for life) she continued, "I always was."
Nazy came back followed by the waiter asking us if we wanted anything else and how the food was. I know it was barely noon but I needed a drink... so I looked the cute waiter straight in the face, "Can I have a vodka and orange juice?" I paused and then continued, "On a second thought make it a double and hold the juice... do you guys want something?" I asked my companions.
Nazy just shook her head, giving me a worried look.
"Reza doesn't approve of me drinking." Should have asked for a triple.
Now Haniye continued to tell us about the virtues of married life. I occupied myself with my pancakes so not to blab out a response, and only nodded occasionally. Nazy from time to time made polite conversation, asking a question now and then about the little details. She was much better at this than I was anyhow.
Haniye told us her life story right there and then. She had married a man old enough to be her father twice over, when she was only18. The man was insanely rich due to import of German cars to the Middle East. He was educated in the states and had divorced his first wife not long before he had met Haniye. This chick shopped in the best boutiques in Dubai. And spent her holidays any where in the world she wanted. But most of her story was some how about money. You could do worse I guess.
What she told us and what I heard were very different things. She had married this guy in search of a missing father figure. She had sought in him the identity and status that many women raised in our culture search for in affluent older men. I can't say she was unhappy, but I don't know if her definition of happiness was the same as mine.
I was intrigued by a life so different from my own, yet a life that could have been mine had I done a few things differently, had I not broken up with that guy for calling me "doll" or had I said yes to going on a date with the 20-years-older-Californian-
This was close to the Jerry Springer Show as I was ever going to get. So I might as well seize the day.
"So how old is your husband?" Forget what she thinks of me; in fact forget manners all together... I have the upper hand here with or without the vodka.
"He will be 60 in October," she replied
Nazy and I looked over at each other spontaneously. Yes we were both just as dumbfounded as the other.
"60? Really?" I must have heard wrong
"It's very common in Iran!" she felt the need to explain
"How old are you?" Nazy asked
"26," Haniye replied
"Now I have to ask.." I couldn't stop myself if I wanted to: "What do you guys talk about?"
"We, talk about everything." Judging from what I knew of her everything meant, all that is Gucci, Armani and Chanel.
"Do you work?" Nazy asked
"No, I run the house."
"Hold on," I couldn't believe my ears "you don't work, you don't go to school, you don't have kids, so what are you doing all day? Cleaning the house?" Maybe she's a neat freak!
"No, I have people who clean my house, I do have my cats and FiFi here," she said bringing the dog to her face.
"So what do you do all day?" Nazy and I asked simultaneously.
Haniye basically woke up afternoonish. She took all sorts of fashionable classes such as computers and English, and exercise classes for ladies only at the most exclusive clubs... and played rummy with women her husband's age all night. And occasionally she showed up at events where the Rafsanjanis (the Tehrani equivalent of the Hilton Sisters as I understand things) were mentioned to attend. But of course they only bought their way in to society by "partybaazi".
Nazy and I decided that we wanted to party that Saturday night. And as Haniye was there we asked her to join us, just to be polite.
She of course turned down our invitation. We weren't the Rafsanjani girls and our bank accounts weren't at all similar to theirs. Haniye used the famous last words, "I have a life!"
And of course because Nazy and I weren't married, we didn't have a life.
By this time I knew enough of this kid not to respond. I nodded and smiled at her. Trying not to burst out laughing or respond by saying, "of course you do dear!"
Later that Saturday Nazy and I hooked up to go out clubbing... what are two girls to do in the absence of a life but to dress up, go out, dance all night, and raise a toast to "Life" and laugh out loud every time the word came up...
That Sunday Nazy sent me the following text. "Have you found a life yet? J xo N."
I smiled and continued looking at the stack of bills in front of me... perhaps Haniye was right. But for now my rent was over due.
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