You meet him, and there are instant fireworks. You fall into his eyes, and you feel safe in his arms. You cannot believe how easy he is to be with, and the chemistry is off the charts. The soul connection is like no other, and the sex is the best you’ve ever had. This man has to be the one. Finally, you’ve found him, and you thank your lucky stars he’s so amazing.
The relationship takes off like a rocket flying into space, leaving you breathless and floating on cloud nine. You hit it off in every way: physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually. You can’t believe this connection, and you both say it’s magical. You spend all your free time together and still can’t get enough of each other.
It’s meant to be, and you know he’s your soul mate. This is a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence. This relationship is everything you ever wanted and then some. You never believed in love at first sight, but now everything has changed… you know it happens, and your relationship is proof!
The texts are flying fast and furious, and the affirmations of love build by the minute. You’re seeing each other constantly, and the sex keeps getting more amazing. You want to introduce each other to family and friends. You’re both talking about vacations, family holidays, living together, and even marriage. This feels like a fairytale come true.
Until… the bomb drops six weeks into the relationship.
All of a sudden, he’s GONE. Out of the blue, he disappeared. No loving texts. No calls. No word. NOTHING. He professed his love, and now he’s forgotten you. But you can’t forget him.
You’re dumbfounded, stunned, shocked. You feel like a dagger was thrust into your heart. You go from intense sadness and tears one minute to raging anger the next. How DARE he leave you, the one he was going to move mountains to love and cherish? The one he was going to live with, marry, and have children with?
How could he do this to you?
Then the anxiety, guilt, second guessing, and self-criticism start. You ask yourself all the questions: Why did this happen? Did I have sex too soon? Was I pushy? Were there signs? What did I do wrong? Was I duped? Did I fall for a player?
You feel like the biggest fool in the world, and you’re still hurting from losing him. You wonder if you’ll ever have those same feelings again.
And you still wonder what happened, so you can make damn sure it never happens again.
There’s a simple answer… you fell for the timeless deception of chemistry.
You fell for the oldest drug on the planet. This drug is so powerful that more lives have been ruined and more future relationships have been crushed from this simple little lie.
There is a belief that instant chemistry will lead to forever after. Lust isn’t love. Big promises aren’t love. Infatuation isn’t love. Chemistry isn’t love. From your experience how often does amazing off-the-charts chemistry lead to a long-term relationship?
Rarely, and if it does last, it leads to volatile relationships with lots of passion and lots of hurt.
Do you really want that? Nope.
Here’s what happened: the guy rode the roller coaster of chemistry, and then when it started to wear off, he realized for whatever reason he wanted out. Nothing wrong with that, as most relationships don’t last. But instead of seeing you face-to-face and letting you know what he was feeling, his shame at taking you for a ride and not wanting a relationship caused him to flee.
So many woman think that Chemistry is something really important to have on the first date. They are chasing that feeling, they know that feeling, they had that feeling, they been connected to the feeling. So what is it about chemistry? Well it is just a feeling.....it is nothing more than a feeling. Yet we stake everything we have on the possibility of having this chemistry and we judge people instantaneously when we don't feel that thing. even thought we know that intellectually know that having that thing doesn't necessary mean you will have a happy life with that person.
You don’t have to trust me. Just look back on the greatest chemistry you’ve ever felt and think about how those relationships ended. Who was this person who made your heart sing? Are you sitting next to him? NO. I don't know what further evidence you need to support the idea that chemistry is an illusion.All you have to do is look at your life. Look at the people you had great chemistry with and ask yourself where are they now? What do you do when you meet someone who light you up inside but doesn't give you what you need emotionally.
When you think about what is important in life, why not ask our grandparent or people who been through it and have been married for 40 years or more like I did. "Grandma, what is the secret between you and grandpa?" She is not going to say..."He was so HOT" or "My knee got weak around him". Most likely she will say,"Friendship. Compatibility
....trust..values..laughter." That is the stuff we should be looking for. And that is the stuff that so many woman don't look for when they are dating. It's next...next...next....let's see who better around the corner.
I’ve long advocated for putting compatibility first, instead of making chemistry or looks the most important factor in your decision-making. Because, as you know, you can get the hottest, tallest, richest guy in the world and you’ll most likely discover that he’s a selfish narcissist who’s just not that into you. Thus, there is wisdom in compromising on looks and chemistry in order to find the happiness that has eluded you when you exalt “attraction” above all.
I did the same thing for a long time. It really wasn't until I realized that I was sabotaging every relationship that I in because because I thought I would be the one guy on earth who will land that mystical woman. You know that one I am talking about. The supermodel, top chef, road scholar. She is going to be mine. A lot of guys are looking for her as well but the problem is SHE DOESN"T EXIST and if she does exist...she doesn't want ME
What happens ...you get the 10 chemistry ,..but you are left with 4 compabliablity. It not a good formula to build a life partnership with. We make decision on short term input, not long term input. We are like day traders...looking for the next greatest things, instead of asking what is the stock I am going to hold for the next 40 years. The chemical rush you get in a relationship is over in 12-18 months according to experts. What beyond 12-18 months are you left with? If it not going to the rush...because it will go away? If you are driven so much by the rush, the chemistry, you might end up with someone who is emotionally not available, someone who is abusive, someone who is inconsistent to you. Someone who doesn't treat you the way you wanted to be treated. Look at your life Ii am not talking about anything that you don't already know.
So many woman think that they are such great catches because they are beautiful or have a great job and that it will all work out. They feel like they don't have to do anything different. Love doesn't find you because you are great. You actually have to look for it. The problem is when you really really great, nobody is good enough for you. NOT ONLY THAT ....NO ONE IS GOOD ENOUGH TO DATE YOU. You can scroll on any dating site to see how many guy you would be able to date based on your criteria.
What are some of the things that guys must in order to date you? For example. " I am looking for a guy who is financially success to support my lifestyle" I need a guy who make X amount of money. What percent of guys do you think make enough that you will be happy with? Let's say 30%. What percentage of guy are educated. Let's say 40%. What percentage are attractive enough? 2-5 % You might add. " I won't date anyone who is not over 5'10". Just realize that each layer you are putting on there, you are eliminated X amount of the population. If you multiple this number together.....you are left with .001 percent of the men are datable. Do you see a problem with that? Do you understand now why is it so hard to find love? Because we determine that NO ONE is good enough for you by your own standard. We all think we are the expectation to the rule and we are not
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