Unrequited love is: Not openly reciprocated or understood as such by the beloved. The beloved may not be aware of the admirer’s deep and strong romantic affection, or may consciously reject it. Not reciprocated or returned in kind.
If “real love” is an act — a choice — then can’t we choose to love whomever we want? If love is fundamentally selfless in this way, then isn’t the decision to love, regardless of getting love back, still love?
Not exactly. And if their number one “need” regarding you is to “not receive or return your love,” then each time you extend it anyway, you are violating — not satisfying — their wishes. And that’s not love. That’s self-love.
There are two bad sides to unrequited love, but only one is made familiar by our culture — that of the lover, not the rejector. In fact, research suggests that the object of unrequited affection experiences a variety of negative emotions on a par with those of the suitor, including anxiety, frustration and guilt.(Guilt, lol.)
We love stories of unrequited love — because most of us have experienced it, or wish we had someone pining over us — and love being made to feel validated; better; okay. Unrequited love has long been depicted as noble, an unselfish and stoic willingness to accept suffering. The trouble is that it’s not healthy.
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