DATING: WOMAN WITH EMOTIONAL ISSUES

Over my years of dating, my over how may first dates, my ten ex girlfriends and my countless Internet conversations, I have learned some things about dating.  Looking back, the variety in the women that I have met amazes me.

Some of the things that have occurred to me make me believe on a fundamental level that there should be certain foundational dating rules that everyone should follow.  Now, I’m not talking about the wait 72 hours to call her after she gives you her number foolishness. I mean fundamental rules that will help both people have a happy, healthier and more successful time of it.

Awhile ago, I went on a date with a girl who we will call…. uhmmm….yeah. I have no idea what her name was.  Let’s go with, Brandi. Brandi and I met on Eharmony and spoke a number of times online over the course of a few weeks. As we spoke, I became progressively more excited about our upcoming date. Beyond being surprised at how much we seemed to have in common, her pictures made her look quite cute.  Of course, dating site pictures have betrayed me in the past, but I try to give them the benefit of the doubt.   Fool me once, shame on them.  Fool me 30 times, shame on them.

Example: “Well, since my photo I have gained 100 pounds, stopped the laser hair treatment for my beard, switched from contacts to glasses, shaved my hair super short, and pierced four parts of my face.  But other than that, I look totally the same!”

She was extremely flirty with me, making me think that she really liked me. Frankly, who doesn’t like being flirted with? I became very optimistic for this first date.

At the start of the first date, I immediately realized my huge mistake.  I didn’t bring a big enough car. You see, I drive a BMW X3, and there was nowhere near enough room for all of the baggage she wanted to bring on our date. Of course, I am not talking about just any old baggage, but your and my favorite, our old friend, emotional baggage.

Good things about the date: I was right. We had a ton in common. She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever been out with, and dinner was a lot of fun.

Bad Stuff: She did not disclose certain information, issues, and baggage before the first date, and I had no idea what I was getting into.

 I left the date completely confused by her mixed signals and eccentric personality type. I spent the next two days thinking about it way more than I actually should have.  I have a very active mind, and it doesn’t need much of an excuse to over-analyze.

Finally, I called her.  We spoke about the date, and I basically pressured her into being honest with me.  Women that I date often have a difficulty with honesty.  That is when I found out the previous information and that she was not interested. Instead of being upset, I was actually relieved. I realized that, while she was extremely attractive to me, she was not at all right for me and needed to get her shizzle in gear before she could date anyone.

This is when I created My First Rule of Dating.

Rule 1: The Baggage Limit – A person is only allowed one carry on and one checked bag on a first date. If they bring any more baggage than that, then there is no room for their date’s baggage. This will always create bad times for both parties.

This rule does need a bit more explanation though. Why do I specify first date? Well, depending on the type of relationship, more room for baggage might become available as the date continues.So you are probably asking yourself now, “What do I do with the baggage that I can’t bring with me on the date?” I am so glad that you asked.  Here are your standard types of baggage.

Carry on and Checked Bag – These are the two items of baggage that you can bring with you on your first date. These should be issues that you cannot hide and if someone wishes to continue to date you they need to get past right away. It is possible that these bags won’t be open on the first date, but they are there waiting to come up in the initial dating process.  Examples of things that should be disclosed on the first date are presence of children, current legally binding relationships such as marriage, smoking or obsessive drug habits, or if you have the opposite genitalia of the gender you specified you are.

Left at Home Bag – You can leave a certain amount of baggage at home and bring it on subsequent dates. That way, some of your baggage can be worked out during the dating process as you get to know each other. Examples of this kind of baggage include: family issues, medical problems that might come up, crazy diet you might be on, obsession with cats, or perhaps a collection of decorative plates.

Shipped Bag – You can also ship some of your baggage to a certain time in the relationship. There are certain things that you will need to work out, but you know that you won’t have to work them out until a certain point in the relationship. Maybe you ship it care of: first time we have sex. Or maybe care of: first time they meet my parents. Examples include: daddy issues, bankruptcy issues, parents are crazy racists, Dad is an avid gun collector, or maybe a paralyzing fear of monkeys.

Storage – It is possible to lock away some of your baggage until extremely later in life. Possibly when you get married, or even later on than that. This baggage doesn’t need to be unpacked right away and can wait until the opportune time.  Often, stored bags are ones that you yourself are not completely aware of.  Examples include: Issues with having children, predisposition to health problems, unfortunate loss of a family member, or perhaps you are secretly a Cylon and aren’t aware of yourself.

Bury it in the Backyard – Some baggage that we carry with us through life will never be truly dealt with and may never come up. It’s just part of who we are and how we tick. This baggage is buried in the backyard. Maybe someday you will want to dig it up, but for the most part, you just have to not really worry about it. Examples include: self esteem issues, self image paranoia, or extreme fear of hippopotamuses.

Note: If at any time you have more baggage than can fit in your home, then you should cut down on baggage before attempting to date anyone. Unfortunately, people usually do not understand how much baggage they truly have.

Okay, so back to my example. On our date, she brought a lot of baggage with her and all of it was “Type 1″ baggage. There was no way that we could get to know each other or make any type of real connection because she was too busy dealing with her own shizzle.