PERSONAL/JOURNAL/DATING: I WANT SOMEONE TO SHARE THINGS WITH

I used to watch my Disney movies until the tapes no longer worked. I would make my mom read my favorite fairy tales over and over, until I knew the stories by heart. Sometimes I think that these books and movies shaped who I am, and made it so that I’ll always be looking for Princess.The first girl I ever fell in love with was the one I thought I would marry. And that seemed special, until we broke up, and I fell in love again, and it felt like she was the one I was going to marry. I realized that I think I’m going to be with every girlfriend forever because I’m incapable of just “casually seeing someone.” In order for me to be with someone, there always has to be hope, and there always has to be a future. Sometimes I see people around me getting married, and you can tell that they’re not really in love, and they’re doing it for other reasons. I don’t know how to tell them that it kills me to see it, that they deserve better, that we should wait for love. I can’t stand hook-up culture. I think the worst thing that ever happened to our society was the devaluing of love that takes time. I’ve never had a one-night stand, but I don’t think that I physically could. I don’t see the point in being with someone that you don’t actually care about — why not just spend the night alone? People think that I’m weird sometimes for being as romantic as I am. They think that I’m old-fashioned or corny, and I don’t know if they realize that’s not an insult. One of my biggest fears in life is getting divorced and it happen Not because it would be messy, or expensive, or embarrassing, but because it would mean that someone I loved that much — someone I invested that much of my life in — went sour, and there was nothing we could do about it. Sometimes I feel embarrassed for prioritizing love and relationships as much as I do, like that makes me less of a modern woman, or I should be doing other things with my life. But I can’t help it, love always feels like the most important part of life, no matter what else is going on. I think when we all get down to it, though, having casual relationships don’t fulfill you in the same way as actual love does. It’s become what’s expected to just have hook ups and “see” each other, so you feel like you can’t ask for more, but it’s not what most people really want.. I still have a dream book of all the things I want to do with the person I love. Sometimes I wonder where our generation is going, and when we are going to change what we’re looking for. We can’t all just be casually dating forever, right?. I am alone now, and it’s not that I’m upset about it, I just can’t stop thinking of all the wonderful things I could be doing and experiencing with someone else. I think that life is so great, it’s too much for just one person. I want someone to share things with. I worry that this makes me weird, or outdated. I hope there is someone out there who wants to share it all with me, and who still believes in love.