PERSONAL/JOURNAL: WHAT I WANT.....

It’s silly, wanting things.

I want someone to go to bed thinking of me. To wake and send me a good morning text just because he knows it will brighten my day. I want sweet dreams texts too, and conversations that end with “You hang up…no you hang up” because we are so enthralled with the rhythmic measure of each other’s voice it’s hard to say goodbye, even if it is just temporary.

I want a note in the bathroom mirror, I want a who who isn’t afraid to tell her friends about me, who will sneak up on me in the dining hall and wrap me in her arms from behind, just so everyone around us knows that I am her and she is mine.

I want someone who wants to know me better than I know myself. Who makes it her goal to memorize every line in my face, just so I’ll be etched into her memory forever.  Who won’t care if one day I show up in a suit, whilst the next I’m in sweatpants and a baggy  t-shirt. I want someone to whom my physical appearance is only a bonus, an added plus to the handsome radiant man she sees behind the temporary fog of mortality that is a human body.

I want someone who likes cuddling just for the physical contact, who likes her weight against my chest, who likes to feel my heart against her Because knowing that I am there gives her comfort. Who can tell just by hearing my voice, seeing me walk, when I need her most. I want her to give me forehead kisses,  I want her to need to touch me, to reach out and stroke the back of my hand because she just needs the contact between us, to know that I am indeed real.

I want someone who puts thought into every gift, every action.  I want her to write about me, even if she isn’t a writer and the words are a strung together mess of thought and verbose clumsiness. I want her to care enough that she has to inscribe onto paper how she feels. Who will explore the entire world with me because there is nothing he would rather do.

I want someone who searches for adventure, not the adrenaline pumping life-threatening kind (though sprinkles of that would be okay too), but just the adventure and thrill that she can find in everyday life from doing silly everyday things.

I want someone who will take my hand and walk with me along the beach, regardless of the weather. Someone who will dance in the rain, and hold my hand when it thunders. Someone who doesn’t mind my midnight walks to nowhere because she understands that sometimes I just can’t sleep. I want someone who wants to explore the nighttime world with me.

I want goodnight kisses, “well don’t you look beyond adorable” kisses, Eskimo kisses, and random unprompted kisses that occur just because she can press her lips to mine. I want someone with whom I have a secret handshake; which we only pull out in the most dire of circumstances. I want spontaneity, and trying things just because we could, and secret code words, and inside jokes. I want all these childish things that will keep us young together, because when we are together the fingers of time can’t touch us.

I want someone who will rub the space between my shoulders when I have panic attacks. Who massages the place between my forefinger and thumb when she holds my hand. I want someone who will fight for me. Not necessarily physically, but emotionally, who will see that I’m not worth giving up on, that I, like her, am a work in progress and second chances are occasionally needed, and sometimes we’ll hurt each other but in the end we are always able to move past that and grow. To become better for one another because we make each other want to be better.

 I want love. Lasting love that my grandkids will talk about forever, one that they will try to mirror their relationships after because, in our own crazy way, we shared a love story that will resonate through the ages.

I want someone who understands relationships are work and that nothing in life ever comes easy. I want someone who wants me for me.

 And most of all I want someone who wants all of these things, and more, from me; because I want to give them.