PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: I LOVE YOU LIKE THE MOON AND THE SUN

I never compared anything to the oceans until I met you. Now seas are everything holding me back. Unsurpassable, boundless; The distance from here to where you are. Ships and souls and the vast blue nothingness that separates us both. Waves and tides and storms; everything that keeps my hands just out of reach of yours. Everything that’s stopping me from whispering hungry fingertips across bare flesh.

This is what I’m thinking as I listen to your voice.

Your laugh is echoing in my ears. I need to be with you. I need to feel your heartbeat against mine. But I am here. I am here and you are there. And there is still too far away…

I don’t want you to ever leave me again. I’m sick of this drowning feeling I get whenever I’m forced to let go of your hand. I know it won’t be long until I see you again, so I’ll pretend that I don’t need you desperately. I’ll pretend that I wasn’t curled up into a ball, listening to your voice, biting my lip and fighting back tears. I’ll pretend I don’t clench my fists to fill the empty spaces between my fingers. I’ll pretend I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you. I don’t miss you. I….I miss you. I miss you so much it’s stifling.

After you kiss me, your scent stays on my skin even after we’ve gone our separate ways. I love it. I close my eyes and I can still feel you. I’m reliving that moment over and over again.

I love you like the moon and the sun.  The way she mocks his light. She hides in his rays, wishing to absorb him into herself.

I love you in a way that is urgent. Like at any moment you will be taken away from me. Like all of this is a dream and soon I will have to wake up because how could something so perfect be allowed to exist? I will be forced to go back to my mundane life and the memory of our love will only exist in whispers and shadows. It will become one of those dreams that are amazing while you have them. You play them over and over again in your mind so as not to forget. But you do anyway. All of a sudden that dream is pushed away into some unexplored corner of your mind, forgotten until you are reminded of it months or even years later. By then it is only a fleeting thought. Most of it is blurry and it’s a strain to remember what the dream was even about.

I’m terrified that one day I will wake up and you won’t be mine anymore. You will be gone and I will be left with only memories. The heat from your skin permanently burned into my fingertips. Gone. Over. Two words I never want to hear pass your lips. I know that I will love you forever. I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Maybe if I believed in soulmates, you would be it for me.

Maybe we’re just kids recklessly in love. We may not know anything about life or growing up but there is one thing I know for sure. You are the love of my life and I never want to leave your side.

I hate this feeling. When I’m away from you, everything is brutal. I miss you. 

I’ve burrowed myself into this corner, The thing about isolation is, it’s lonely. It makes you think about everywhere else you’d rather be. I’d rather be in your arms. But I know that’s near impossible. And I hate that. I keep trying to force the thought of you from my mind, but I can’t. When I miss you, I miss you like a child misses their mother. Sad and alone. All they can do is cry and scream their mother’s name until she comes back home.

That’s how I feel. I feel like curling up into this corner and whispering your name as if that’ll make you appear. I need you. I feel so incomplete without you. I wish I could stay in your arms forever, where it’s warm and safe. I want to bury my face into your chest and never have to worry about anything ever again. You’re my home, baby. You’re my whole world.

I love you,