LOVE LETTER/PERSONAL: DEAR SOULMATE...THE WANTING

Dear Soulmate 


The thought of you drives me to you just as much as it drives me away. I miss you terribly. Every part of me aches to hear your voice - to be near you, but I know the re-exposure will be painful. See, once I accustom myself to being away from you, I can make it day to day. But once I let myself give in to you again, I will have to start the process all over. I will have to endure the fresh waves of longing as they crash over me, threatening to pull me under. Then, when I finally make it to the shore, you will call me back into the sea…and I will oblige because no angry waters will ever keep you from me. Nevertheless, that doesn’t stop me from hating this feeling of seemingly never-ending longing.

A lifetime of you is not enough, but it is more than I deserve. Therefore, I never let myself forget the power of your essence, the thrill of your touch nor the heaven in every word you say. So I think you should probably come closer and press your skin against mine. I’ll brush my lips across your ear and whisper, “I love you so much more than anything.” You’ll close your eyes. I’ll listen to the soft rush of your breath, feel your chest rise and fall against my body and I’ll try not to breathe…

I want us to stay like this forever. I want us to be invincible forever - so far above the world…nothing can touch us. We’ll become intertwined, you and I.I love you like stop motion; deliberately and in small increments. Every little bit of you I allow myself comes with a price. I’ve learned I must pace myself with you. I’m easily addicted and you are a poison. Murder has never been this delicious…or voluntary.

I guess I’ll start with your scent. Other than the memory, it is the most prominent reminder of what we have done. I held you closer than anyone would ever guess; the smell of your skin on my skin confirms this. It’s almost teasing me, every whiff makes me shiver with pleasure. I feel a smile creep onto my face and now I’m reliving that moment. My body is remembering every touch. Every line your fingers traced across my skin is permanently burned into my mind.

I love your body. I love even more that it’s all mine; you’re all mine. And I love that you can make me feel this way. I close my eyes and I feel your arms around me, your breath on my lips, your heartbeat pounding against my chest. I taste you on my tongue and I feel you when I am inside of you. The word that comes to mind is bliss. But the pleasure of the memory is short lived. It is now replaced by a dull ache; a beacon leading me to you, telling me the time we spend together is never enough and sooner or later I need to find myself at home in your arms. I know I won’t be sleeping well tonight. My mind is too busy thinking about you for sleep to invite me in….and the wanting comes in waves.