JOURNAL/LOVE/DATING: THE DATING SCENE ISN'T GOING TO SUCK FOREVER

I am handsome attractive, intelligent, outgoing… and single. In fact, i have been for 2 years- it seemed as though I go on first date after first date and nothing went right. Either the woman wasn’t interested in anything “serious,” or they would just go out and see me as a ATM machine. … and while I  am not against banging out with a hot woman on occasion, I am looking for casual sex anymore. I wanted something more serious, more substantial. Something that had the potential to be long-term. And, frankly, I am tired of long nights at home with only fios.

Nothing worked. Speed-dating was a bust. Online dating didn’t help – the only women interested in me were looking for someone to take the out – and one more night in the bar-scene was going to drive me insane.I feel like I am stuck .Frankly, I am doing everything right… and still getting nowhere. I couldn’t find any reasonable answer for my problem that didn’t involve radically reducing my standards just to find someone to fill the void. I just  the dating scene sucked now, but it wasn’t going to suck forever.

I have begin to realize is that there isn’t an expiration date on romance – some nebulous point in time that, if crossed, makes me unlovable and condemns you to die alone, unmourned and unloved. The constant feeling that time is running out is cultural; The cold hard truth is: sometimes it takes a while to find your emotional feet, as it were. Some people are socially gifted; they have a natural grasp on social dynamics and are able to charm others or find a relationship as easily as ordering a sandwich at Subway. Others have a harder time. 

All of us change and grow over time; I am not the same person as I was in my 20, and the things that we thought and assumed about our futures are often laughably wrong. If you had told my 20-year old self what my life would be like or how many men I’ve dated or slept with in my 30s, he would have laughed in my face. As far I was concerned back then, that I would get by on whatever dregs of a relationship I could scrape together and just learn to live with it. I didn’t start to get the confidence, experience or skill that lead to where I am today. Furthermore, age ultimately has no bearing on the validity of one’s relationship, nor does it indicate some fundamental flaw for having waited for so long . Finding love for the first time in your 40s isn’t any more or less valid than in your teens or 20s; in fact, it can be all the sweeter for finding it after having looked for so long. Many of our early relationships fail because, frankly, we don’t have the maturity or life experience necessary for a long-term commitment; starting a relationship later in life can actually put you in a better position to make it work.