LOVE: WHAT DOES AN INTEGRATED MAN KNOW THAT OTHERS DON'T?

A IG(integrated) man know the difference between being really nice and being narcissistic between character and charisma. It is always a mistake to be so turned on by a woman's style that you ignore her substance. There are men out there who are attracted to great looking woman with a touch of glamour, sex appeal and charisma and don't notice mere mortals. Woman are the same also. Most woman say they are very picky and critical in their search for Mr. Right. So why does Mr. Right always turn to be Mr. Wrong? The truth is both men and woman are very picky and critical in their search for Mr or Ms Right, they are just not picky and critcal about the right things...Character---that intanglible quality that is reflected in a person's values and the way they treat the world and the person they are involved with. A IG man is never so blinded by the PY that he fails to pay attention to :

-her attitude towards money
-her attitude towards family
-her attitude towards career
-her ablility to share
-her ablility to laugh
-her religious and spirtual belief

Dating is something you do to find out whether or not you want to get involved with a woman

IG MAN KNOWS THAT HE IS NOT SMART IF HE THINKS:

-having a bad relationship is better than being alone
-need a woman to validate his sense worth
-put a hold on his life until he has a committed relationship
-can't find joy in music, movies, shopping, cooking...or anything unless there is a woman to share it
-forgets that having a relationship can create as many problems as it solves
-need a woman to make himself feel special

A IG man has a real home, real work, and real bills, and real way of dealing with them. IG man has the sense to stay away from grand obessions and focuses on woman with whom he can have an easy relationship. In short, he doesn't spend his life trying to prove that oil and water can mix. IG man allow relationships to grow slowly, don't push the development of sexual intimacy. He know that to develop a relationship without relying on brooding love poems, inappropirate gift, lavish entertainment, or soulful confession.The words " I love you" do not roll easily or quickly off the tongue of sincere man. It takes a long time for real love to build.

We all like to think we are a little special, a little different from everyone else. And we are.But sometimes..like Dr. Gover suggest this sense of knowing we are different from everyone else is what makes us believe that its' "going to be different"

Even though you may be the right man, the wrong woman will still be the wrong woman. In all my relationship, I believed that I just havn't met the right woman yet. A part of me believes that if I was good enough, accepting enough, giving enough, I will be rewarded with a love of a woman and that is all not true.

Any woman who doesn't know what she wants...doesn't deserve what she has.

IG man know It's time to end a relationship when:

-she makes your feel bad more often than she makes you feel good.

-your fears of losing her is making you disregard all your realistic needs

-her behavior is chipping away your self-esteem

-you tell her how upset or sad you feel, but she makes no attempt to change what she is doing (i learn this lesson with Melissa)

-she stop trying to please you

-you have a better time remembering the past than you do living the present(another lesson i learn from Melissa) For every hour that we have been together, there has been a bad day during which Melissa has done something to make me feel confused, hurt and lonely. I kept thinking that what has happening is some nightmare or test---that Melissa will wake up and things will go back to the way they were at the beginning. I thought that if i waited long enough, and is a model of virtue and understanding, everything will be okay. I realized that crying is for wedding and funerals, no for Saturday night and if you continue to love someone who is hurting you and eventually you will no longer love yourself.

I was dreaming..always dreaming of a better tommorrow in which the problems would disappear, I think most nice guys would listen to a woman problems,spent long hours trying to sort out the details of their unhappy childhoods. And I saw myself as strong enough to deal with their problems, and hoping that loving them no matter what, working through their problems with them, and trying to get them to change. It didn't make the my partner or even love me more....in fact it made them more resentful.

There is a difference between being caring and being co-dependent. And if you really want to spend your life dealing with other people's problems, you should become a social worker and get paid to do it. A woman's fatal flaws should be a turn off, not a turn-on.

Lets talk about sex...I usually want to have sex with a woman ASAP. This is something I am working on to change. Let's face it, no matter how worldly you are, you still want to know who you are sleeping with, you want to know for sure that she will call you again, you want to know that she's who she say she is, you want to know for sure whether she is married or in another serious relationship, you want to know if she's stable, if she's sincere.

-she is steady and reliable
-has a stable life
-isn't totally intriguing, but is totally dependable
-can comfortably and honestly discuss all the aspect of her life
- a good woman maybe hard to find, but she shouldn't be hard to phone. The woman who can't be reached easily is giving you a message: It is "You can't reach me!!!!!!!!!!" Any woman who is difficult to find is difficult to keep.


If a woman puts your down, she is trying to lower your self-esteem so that you will become more dependent on her

It is never smart to bend yourself into a pretzel trying to accommodate a man. When a man makes himselfs completely available to a woman, changing your schedule to accommodate her, he typically justifies it by saying that no one is forcing him to do it---it is totally a by choice ad what he wants to do. Nonetheless, IG man knows that this is nota smart way to behave. So many of us..including myself made a mistake of altering our lives so that all their choices will reflect waht they perceive to be woman needs, but few woman truly appreciate this behavior. Most of them utimately tend to view it as a statement of expectation, or a demand to behave accordingly.

DEPENDENCY IS A TURN OFF, NOT A TURN ON.

A relationship with a woman whould enrich your life, not define it. If a woman doesn't call you everyday or respond to every single email...in the past i would get anxious. If I didn't konw for sure when I would be seeing her again, I would get nervous. The best way to develop a good relationship is maintain the relationship you already have developed with yourself. A desirable man doesn't rearrange her priorities every time he meet a prospective partner. It is not smart to set up a pattern in a relationship win which she become the God and you a slave.

If you are trying to please a woman by behaving as though you are less than you are:

-you will start to believe that you are less than you are
-you will end up resenting her
-you will stunt your own growth, and you will limit the relationship.

you don't have to prove

-yourself worthy
-that you're smart
-that you are good person
-you are terrific
-that you are funny
-that you are sympathetic
-that you are supportive
....ect....

When a relationship with someone ends...there is a tendency to keep going over the details...every dinner you shared, every movie you watched, every conversation, every witty e-mail, ....i have done it. You worry whether you did something wrong, whether you did everything you could. and this is not healthy.

the only person you are totally compatible with is yourself. No matter how much you love each other, if you are human and have personalities, you are not going to agree about everything---difference are part of life, not immediate grounds for breaking up.