LOVE: SHALL WE DANCE: WHAT HAPPEN WHEN TWO PEOPLE MET

So one person catch your eye. Conversation ensues, during which it feel like maybe, finally, destiny has brought your beloved. Soon, a full-fledged romance begins. Things are intense, yet also somehow calm. And then, bit and pieces the truth emerges. Your partner has a serious immature streak, hasn't grown up. and in fact hungers for parenting as much as partnership. This revelation is a stunner, since your own romantic history has included far too much caretaking of other and you vowed never to make the same mistake again. The whole thing feels like a giant cosmic trick. You want to run away, hide, and give up on love altogether. But this supposed cosmic trick is actually nothing of the kind. It's not a crisis, a warning. Instead it's just a theme, a dance of dependency, in which you and your partner are perfect matched. Every relationship has at least one main theme. All partner find themselves dancing the same steps over and over to the same disconcerting refrain. For both partners a relationship theme contain the key to greater wholeness. It's as if love is saying: LOOK here This is where you need to heal.

Time and time again you'll find your partner clingy, selfish, and draining. Time and again your partner will find you cold, distant and nagging. The more each of you struggle to repair the other, the more bitterness and resentment will reign. If you're drawn to an overgrown child who needs serious nurturing, it's because there's a part of you crying out for the same. Your opportunity in this relationship is to acquaint yourself with the needy child in you, and to bring that child in from the shadows once and for all. If your partner is drawn to the security of a parental figure, it's because the internal adult has been banished or underdeveloped. Your partner's opportunity in this relationship is to answer every bout of habitual childishness with genuine step toward self-reliance.

There's the pull and push between solitude and togetherness, intellect and emotions, control and abandon. In their description these all seem like pairs of opposites, but in actual relationship no one remains entirely at either extreme. You may take the parental, rather than coming across as all child/parent, may instead seem more like sixty/forty. Because we're all made of many selves, a relationship may contain a number of main themes. They might even overlap or contradict one another. You may prefer solitude when it comes to your free time, for instance, and wrestle with a partner who craves more sharing. Or let look that you're the one overidentifed as the parent, you'd begin by focusing on the aspect of your partner's childishness that upsets you moet. Perhaps, as is common, it's money. Perhaps your partner unintentionally bounces the check, causing the electricity to get turned off of phone get disconnected. At first it may seem as thought you're just frustrated and angry, but if you stay with those feeling they may yield to an underlying fear of chaos and helplessness, of an overall loss of control. Opening to the fear of those experience, and then allowing yourself to actually feel chaotic, helpless and out of control would reveal how long such feeling have been denied. Imagining every nuance of your partner's childishness and feeling them as if they belonged to you, might be the last step in reclaiming all you've disowned.

You can't give or receive love when you're shut down. Conflict arises in a relationship, just like triggering, when you're not getting what you want. The natural respond is to fight for it, or to manipulate the situation to being it about. If your partner makes a hurtful comments, you might make a stand for greater sensitivity. If you partner spends too much time away from home, you might find things around the house that demand attention. To focus immediately on what you want, however is to miss the everything a conflict has to offer. You realize that you've been serious triggered. Tuning to your body, you notice a rapid heartbeat and shortness of breath. these are two of your signature shutdown signs. When there;s a problem with your partner, you focus first and foremost on yourself. In so doing, you flow the blame to responsibility.

Try this experiment. Ask a friend to stand across the room and then approach your slowly. With each step, notice how your body responds. If the distance between the two of you continues to feel safe and comfortable, allow your friend to keep going. But the moment it feel unsafe, and your body rebels, tell your friend to stop. Right then, notice where and how your body give you signals. Personal space is not just physical, it's emotional as well. Emotional space is commonly referred to as boundaries. In relationships these boundaries play a vital role. A healthy sense of boundaries marks a clear distinction between your own inner reality and your partner's. It means that you can love without losing yourself. An unhealthy sense of boundaries means that you and your partners have become over entwined. You may accede to your partner's needs and demands when it's not in your best interest. you may give yourself away. The mistaken is assumed, even if it's unspoken or unconscious that total fusion will heal all their wounds and fix all their flaws. In the process of clutching so urgently at one another, as well as at this impossible dream, they lose all ability to establish a safe distance when necessary. Even the closest relationship dance, if it's healthy is about the interplay of union and separation.

The sun rises. Your eyes flutter open. You loll a while in bed with your partner forever.What you bring into the sexual arena is nothing less than all that you are.