I am scared of how much i love you, i am scared because right now i am feeling so many things that i am about to explode. I am terrified that maybe you are lying to me. I am so scared that you don't mean when you say you love me. I am shit scared that you'll leave me for someone else. I am going ou of my mind because, what if you still love her? What if you never loved me?? What if i have become addicted to you and now i just cant let go? And to tell you the truth i dont know what i'm writing because all of this is flowing so fast and violently out of me that i can't make out the words being typed, i am staring at the scree. i've been waiting for you all day. WHERE ARE YOU!??!?!?
I am scared of how much i love you, i am scared of the power you hold over me. I am scared that if you were to leave, i'd die. I'd die. I'm past the point of being able to live without you, but i can't tell you this because i don't want you to feel balckmailed or chained to me. I shit scared that just the thought of you leaving makes me want to cry. I don't think i could survive, and i could stop hating my own heart, i could do it.... for you. Just understand that this is all about my fears it has to do WITH ME, not you. You are perfect.
And all of this is getting so redundant and i don't know why i am writing this when there is a huge posibility that you might come across it. What if i am not good enough for you? What if you sudenly realize that i am not who you want? That i was always nothing? Not even your nothing, but plain nothing? What if you don't want nothing anymore? What if you need something for a change? What if you need someone better, someone more handsome, someone who isn't this pervet like me? SOmeone who isn't slim? Someone who won't love you as desperately as I love you?!? I could stop wanting to kill myself. And why the fuck are tears running down my face as i write this?!?!? It's not as if this is a goodbye its just me expressing my fears because i think you will leave me because i am nothing and you deserve everything, for you are the most amazing human being on this planet. You are art. You... you are my everything, as cliché as it may sound. You are nothing's everything. I am so scared that i can't let you go without dying. I can stop lying, I can stop punching my own face, I can stop hating my own heart, I can do it... Because of you, I can stop wanting to kill myself, I can stop wanting your perfect heart, I can do it... Because of you. I can start listening, I can say Hi, I can feel something good....And none of this makes any fucking sense and all i can do is think about you and everytime i think of you i shiver and I am scared that the only thing i want to do is bleed for you, hurt for you, laugh for you... live for you. I am terrified of how much you mean to me and how everything comes down to you... I love you to much for my own good and i am terrified of how utterly in love i am with you, how i'd do anything you asked me to do.
Iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouilovey
Please...
I am so fucking scared.
No comments:
Post a Comment