We all have imperfect relationships....and my attitude has change dramatically. I now accept and expect imperfection. I expect that my partner and I will fight and then we will make up, make love and that we will fight again. Friction used to make me want to FLEE, I still don't like it but it is what it is, and to expect two opposite personalities, of different genders, to live without clashes is ludicrous. When I decide to promise in my wedding to say: "Until death do us part", it is not some line from a movie,...i will give in to a imperfect relationship..because I love it more than hate it and I commit to this woman with a promise. My friend...if you are looking for the perfect love elsewhere...there is no such thing. Nobody is perfect, so you may as well love the one you're with. I have learn form my past relationship that an intrinsically unhappy, angry person who leave one relationship is going to be a unhappy, angry person in a second and third relationship. Happiness is self-generated. You have to realize that there is nothing better out there because wherever we go se still have ourselves to lug along. People who leave relationships for someone else often end up finding that person carries heavier baggage than the partner they left behind. Without the old, imperfect partner around to blame anymore we find it was our imperfect self that was the cause of our own pains all along. No relationship can fix our woes and finally give us the happiness that has thus eluded us.
No matter how deep our love is to anyone....our partner is still "the other"..someone we may think we know very very very well, but who is always somewhat a stranger. We share neither blood, genes,. I hate when people tell me they can't surrender to me becaue they don't know me. It like getting to know me will some how prevent them from making a mistake....yet...it doesn't These same individual have know people for year...and yet still didn't know them completely.
As my routine goes daily with getting up, showering, dressing, going to work ..seeing patient, coming home, eating dinner, resting. and this cycle start all over gain. We all seek and escape from the grind in the form of love. We are a generation who grew up in a dread of stopping too long in any one place as not to miss the higher-intensity drama we are certain awaits us around the next corner, throught the next door, with the next mate. It's easy to fall for someone who will promise to free you from the chains of the mudane....but these suitor are fairy-tale character that i have written in my stories...wait thill they with stand the reality test of the 24 life cycle.
When I go to the city...i see alot of beautiful woman....and most of them are just that..beautiful. I walk and i have this feeling of contentment that can drift with the clouds on a windy day. I can sense that something is missing, can't put my finger on it. Is this all there is in my life? On some nights, unknown character...most nude woman perform stragne scenes in my dreams...dreams that jolt me awake at 3am in the morning...sweaty and afraid. The fear is not altogether unpleasant, it servs to remind that this life is not fixed, anything could happen, no matter how beneficent our intentions.
You have to lower your expectation. When we expect perfection out of relationships, we are setting ourselves up for disaster. Relationships mean tortuous work and predictable routine...that's what you should expect. A great relationship has little to do with sustained bliss, and everything to do with surrendering to the grind. When you ask yourself...is this all there is? That answer is yes. Pinning for a destiny different from the plot being played out in our own lives is stupid.
William Shakespeare... had no romanticism view of relationship...he recognized it is a difficult state of life, requiring discipline, sexual energy, and great forbearance. To have a exhilarating career and exhilarating romances with a stable of Ms. Wrongs,..who will at the end must surrender to the predictable, the ordinary, to a routine. It's the everydayness that can rip you apart, the deflation that comes from straddling duty and desire.
You want to know what i want....I write about love, commitment and people who are unable to commit...because. I want a relationship that will feel broken time and time again, but always be fixable, not with permanent cement, but with an uncanny will to put the pieces back together. And each time my relationship severs and we succed at repairing it, the relationship emergies in a form that is a little more unbreakable.
It feels like a force that no fight, no matter how nasty and hurtful, can evicerate. My parents who have this type of relationship told me that that their partnerships over time became sturdier, the point jagged surfaces became smooth and soft, and the sheer weight of a shared life is so heavy you have no other choice but to surrender, because the mass cannot be overturned. No on in my other relationship did that. Joanne, Melissa, Maria, Gina,....ect....all of them left. They all made me cry to no end. I was a fantasy lover that gone poof and flawed human was revealed with disgusting habits and crazy side of my personality.
Who among us is not conflicted, some more deeply than others, about what it means to love a partner. The only permanent quality you can expect in relationship is that your response to the partnership will always be changing. You can expect the sting of Cupid's arrow to fade, the ahas to turn into ho-hums at times. And you can expect, when you least expect it, to feel rapturous on a rainy morning.
It's all selfish, really being in love. The more deeply we love another depends on how deeply he or she makes us love ourselve
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