I have met lots of women over the years and yes they do like who I am. But from my experiences ONLY here, not being negative or anything just speaking from comments made to me, this is what has been said. "You are a fun guy, very easy going. Not boring to talk to. I feel comfortable around you so easily. You seem like a sweet guy. BUT there is no PHYSICAL ATTRACTION" So now I ask this, if you are told this numerous times over the years are you to think awesome I am good looking and the women just don't see it? Or you think maybe they are right, I lack in looks, no attraction. See then it is a case of "You are putting yourself down" yet all I am going by is what has been said to me over the past few years is all.I have no clue why they think this about me, if I knew I would not be single and I would not be asking anyone if Physical Attraction was so important. By far I am not putting myself down, seems if the truth is told and it is not something positive, you are in turn being negative about yourself, yet if i BS and say something positive and then women say "You are lying" gee what is worse someone being truthful about a certain thing or being a liar.I am flattered that you think I am good looking. It is refreshing to hear as no I have not heard that in years. So hey if I have blown it so far then oh well. But all I have been doing is being truthful. I am a great guy to get to know...the problem is many women have judged beforehand and not taken that chance, others have but still in the end use the attraction thing as the cop out. I have learned that on the personals sites you need to lie more and build yourself up to be someone you are not to impress for some reason. Because so many women are let down when they meet guys alot of times. I always thought being honest and not a liar was what was wanted...I guess we will see
I was bitter in the summer because my long years of bad luck finally got to me and hearing the "No physical attraction" for the tenth time just hit a nerve. Now I just go with the flow again. Trying to rebuild my confidence as I was an idiot to let that get hammered. Too many people are in such a rush to date someone, meet them "Ugh he is so plain, next" that is shallow but is the society we live in. I will admit that over the past couple of months I have been hesitant to meet anyone offline because of the last batch over the two years i have tried this online thing have been the same "not physically attractive but a fun and great guy, next" and that has pissed me off after the last one in the fall.Only time someone grows on you in a way and even then most times you will still not be thier type is if you work with someone, hang with some people or person that that person hangs with too. But attraction is the number one element to dating, first impression is "Yes he looks good I will see him again or no he is nothing to look at, no second date"Mind you if you get to a second date, that is where the women will determine if you are dating material as then they will see what kind of person you are.
I know everyone has different likes and dislikes, but also women do know they can find a hot guy who is a terrific guy compared with settling for an average guy who is a terrific guy. Women know this, so that is why I asked this question in the first place. My looks has been the roadblock to being successful in dating. I have sent you my picture with this email, you tell me. Most women have told me outright, my personality is terrific but my looks lack. Mind you it is refreshing and flattering that some on here say otherwise. Now if i had top of the line clothes and drove a fancy car, and had a career title in my job title then sure my luck would not be bad, but then I would attract the wrong type of women. And believe it or not some women I have met said that living in a big city prestige is what women want, so better get with the times. That freaked me out and I thought man, being someone I am not is the way to go? Forget it then, may as well be single. But not all women are the same, just that all women seem to get screwed around and that makes some jaded too
I think more and more people are drawn to others for looks more now than anything else. Takes alot of meetings to come across someone who will look past someone's looks be they are hot babes or average looking. is the society we live in. Finding someone who will think "I will see what he/she is all about" is like finding a diamond in the rough, will take so long and eventually you give up. First impressions matter the most to most people, so makes it harder as many of us back out figuring "I just do not think I will impress him/her"Has happened to me numerous times. I just felt I didn't want the same outcome as the last ones this time around.What was funny to me was the last woman I met in September, we went out for coffee, were talking and laughing etc, then she said 'You know you are such a great guy, I feel very comfortable around you but.." then i cut her off and said "There is no physical attraction..but there are many women out there that would love to meet a guy like you" needless to say she was stunned that I said word for word what she was going to say. She said "I gotta ask you, how did you know that was what I was going to say? and my reply was "Because I think there must be a course that alot of women are taking or have taken because I have heard that exact phrase about 10 times now" Was the truth. And I said no offence, she said I am sorry, you are a great guy. and I said thanks.
Many women have told me they cannot be emotionally attracted to a guy. Has to be physical and then the emotional part comes later.That part I never undestood before.If you dress awesome so you sort of improve your looks/appearance, that in turn does impress women. But then even if they do give you a chance for a 2nd date so that you can get to know then, they will be disappointed for the fact not all guys dress and look that way all the time. So that is like bait then, lure her in.And how everyone has different tastes, think different people are attractive, it is geting more common now that women do set the standards on looks/appearance higher because they know they can do that. They have the power to pick and choose and so this in turn helps them weed out the potential losers. But alot of times decent guys get overlooked. Is it fair? Sure it is, women put up with alot of BS from most men so they have to look at men as all the same. Women are not constantly approaching men, is always men approaching women.It is like the guy (or woman) who is hot and wears the latest top clothes and drives that Infiniti car (guy in this case), practically every woman's head will turn. Yet he could be so into himself, but that guy will in fact get all the chances with 3/4 of the women. Why? Because of how he looks. Hands down it gets you farther if you look how the ladies want you to look. Substance is not important as much because a woman is not going to want to wake up beside a guy in the morning and say "Oh he is so sweet" if he ain't anything to look at. Human nature, and is why many guys and girls are single, because they keep trying and hope to get that other person interested. Yes true that people have different tastes, but I do think that the majority of women find the same guys hot and the same guys attractive. Status is what alot also want, and especially if a woman has experienced a guy like that already? She won't want less. Ever noticed that if you are introduced to someone through a friend or meet a co-worker, you are not as much judged on your looks? More who you are. Because of the surroundings. Online is more you look good or you do not
WHAT I SAID:
As I've gotten older I've realized that the rosy image I had of women has been slightly tarnished. I have to agree with alot of what you wrote. I used to think that women were always looking for a great guy, that attractiveness was important but *most* women in my naive mind were looking instead for a steady and supportive mate. Now, for the most part, that is still true, but not to the degree that I believed in my early 20's. Since that time I've realized there is as varied a spectrum of female behaviors as their are for males, the only differences are in the relative amounts of the different behaviours. For example, there is a larger percentage of males in my experience, willingly ready to cheat on their mates than females. Are there females who are the same way, of course, but not percentage wise the same number as for males. Also, experience has shown me that males are more prone to being "whores" than females, this makes sense given the differences in the sexes (not saying it is right just that it makes sense sociologically speaking!) but at the same time there are lots of female "whores" as well. Of course this is just from my experience but it jibes with the experiences of my male acquaintances. I think attractiveness is important to both sides, I think it is more important to males than to females, but females can also hold it as a primary factor. At the same time females are more likely to be persuaded by the charms and character of a man over his looks than a male. You just need to look at various couples in the entertainment industry to clearly see that ugly guys have no problem landing "hot" chicks. In fact with amazing regularity. Rarely do you see the opposite pairing. So I guess over all I"d have to say I have a different view of the situation from you, I must admit though that I have been the subject of both sides of the situation (both being dissed by a "pretty girl" and being the object of a "pretty" girl's desire) and it is interesting what different people feel is important. I've tried to get to know "average" looking girls in my view and have been dissed, but then months later been approached by what I'd consider "hot" girls. Every ones mind has a different combination of self perception and self confidence traits that allows their attitude on looks to range from "makes sense for how she looks" to "why on earth does she think she can do better than him?" This is the story of human sociology, it's best to learn the patterns and adapt because you aren't going to change the rules!The problem is that both men and women tend to think that sitting behind a monitor gives them the power to "demand" only the best.
Someone looks is what you notice first, but in time and getting to the know a person their personality can alter that initial perception. I have seen women who I thought were drop dead gorgeous and then they start talking and you notice that she has an evil twist to her mouth when she smiles. Or the plain woman who is with the gorgeous guy and you don't understand the attraction and then you notice her eyes sparkle when she talks and she is the sweetest most loving person you have ever met. Same works with men, the best looking guys can lose their appeal with a poor attitude and the less then attractive gains appeal with a great personality. Looks without personality is like buying a $5 wading pool at Walmart, it is shallow, fades and grows brittle and useless over time.
There are many above average looking women and men out there, and we do not automatically want them because of their looks or even their personality and style......it takes all of it in the right combination that makes us say I want to know you better, more, get to know you, want you, touch you, and that means sparks to me externally and internally.......and all of that will happen at the first and get nothing but better as we develop a deeper understanding of each other and relationship.
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