Most people buy the idea that other;s people situation in life, shaggy dog story of terrible experience, failure, or problem are accidents of fate, or bad luck or incredible circumstance out of their control----mean of course that they could od nothing other than what they's done considering what's happen to them. I am here to tell you that you have to observe how these people handle these realities to learn about their strenght, personality, and character.
A woman could be pretty and attractive and have terrible problem. And instead of running to the hills, so many men...including myself think we could fix her. It so silly to think that this terrible feeling of love and companionship that love beats all...is crazy. I am sure if the same woman wasn't so pretty or attractive and suicidal most men wouldn't not see her as a challenge but a loser. Being attractive seem to trun off all circuits of most people brain...this goes for men and woman. Being attractive doesn't mean that goodness or healthy necessarily lies underneath. A pretty face and a great body seem to have the magic to dumb most people.
I use to be one of those nice guys until I realized it is better to be real than being nice. There is a tremendous difference between genuine thoughtfulness and acquiescence in the hope of being wanted and getting some sex.
So many woman are giving up being femaline to try to become a man's best friend so that there is no threatening aspect to the relationship. Men do the same also. They give up their masculinity to be her best friend. Self-de-masculinized men become woman who is a mother replacement and how do you act with your mother? Woman don't have sexual tension with other woman. This goes the same with woman. I see so many woman who act like men...very strong, very aggressive, very man like. It is such a turn off. What man wants to marry another man? I know I don't.
People go to fixer-upper people because it provide less of chance of rejection and more of sense of control. So many of us thing that if we are good enough to people they will change. I am here to tell you they wont'. Your love won't transform no one. You won't have cinderella after the marriage ball.
Like i wrote in my past post. Water and self-esteem raise in the same level. Most people don't feel good in a equal relationship. We go for what we're the most comfortable with---and alot of people are comfortable with someone weaker, dependent, and needy. The person we're comfortable with tells us a lot about ourselves. When you get needy and demanding and overwhelming people you never get any rest.
Most man love weak woman...I don't. I love submissive woman but not weak. Most men can't trust a woman would make the right decision or able to take care of them. In there head, the notion of woman is dangerous. They only way you can get the closeness and sex and semblance of intimacy is from a weak, needy woman who you think can't hurt you because they have no power to do so. What is the ultimate hurt a woman could do to you? Reject you. To paraphase Carolyn Holt, one woman brought you into the world, and another woman has the power to emotionally knock you out of it. When your image of woman is threatening, you will work around your fears to get needs for companionship and sex met by finding the least threatening woman possible.
What i learn from friend (she is the one with POWER-OF-THE-PY) blog, guys want to believe in woman's inherent sweetness, goodness, innocence, and vulnerability, So when you meet a woman with incredible troubles and problems, you assume that the source for the bad stuff is outside her: bad circumstances, bad peope, bad experience, bad luck. WRONG!!!!!!!!!!! You just don't want to see how she contribute to her own life. Most men think they are special and they'll be the only good man in her life. And they wonder like me....if she will reward you with perpetual biss....which means the PY. Perhaps you think she'll turn into your loving mother. Perhaps you think that it;s a small price to pay for sex, and someone to watch your kids. Perhaps you think it really doesn't matter because your work is really your life, and marriage is just something you have to do so that you're not completely lonely or thought to be gay.
Guys have the same fantasies about romantic love that woman have...--just the flip side. Woman dream of being a princess...and men get off on the idea of being a hero. Happily-ever after works only between mature, healthy men and woman, not between heroes and princesses, because they inevitably disappoint each other.
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