- How important is it to you to find love? That will be my first question to anyone who is even the slight interested in me.
What, then would you be willing to give up in order to have it?
-Would you be willing to give up your rigid criteria of what this person is supposed to look like?
-How about your need to be right?
-Could you let go of your pessimistic attitude and belief about the opposite sex?
Because letting go absolutely of whatever it is that is standing between you and love is waht is necessary to create an opening for love..Many of us would profess to lose it all----give up our social status and our precious possession, forsake our family and friends, and move halfway around the world, if need be. Yet, ask us to give up our defenses, our habitual thought pattern, or our way of perceiving ourselves and others and suddenly we are full of excuses and all sort of reasons why we must stay the same.
I usually put a mirror to people who contact me. They read my words and believe in it, yet aren't willing to let go of anything at all. Not willing to give up anything for love .... Not their idea of what the person looks like or even to try to just trust a beautiful stranger. Look what happen to my last date...
The truth is, we simply cannot continue to invest our energies in our neuroses, our dramas, our resentments, and our fears and think that we are a space for love. We aren't. Our cup is either full or it's empty. You can't have water and air in the same space at the same time. In order for there to be opening for love, we must first surrender thost things that are blocking it in our lives. And it is here that we are confronted with our profound attachment to those very thing that we whine about the most.
We are standing at the crossroads , and we must make a choice. We can either hold on to the old ways, or we can jump off the clif by letting go of that which is familiar. We are required to surrender those things within ourselves that do not resemble love---not so that we can get something in return, but simply because it is the better choice. And because it is the better choice, it leads to a better life, not necessarily an easier one or one that will deliver what we want on demand.
We have to give up those things that frustate love before we have any evidence that taking that actions will produce the result that we are after. We can't give something up with an attachment to a particular outcome. The universe just won't bargin with us on those terms. Rather, our surrender must be absolute and unconditional:
-I must give up a relationship that doesn't serve me any more, even though I risk being alone for the rest of my life
-I must let go of manipulating others, even though I risk losing the only leverage I believe I have to get what I want.
-I must give up punishing myself, even though my circumstances have no changed, and may never do so.
I have heard so many people tell me that they would rather die than continue living without love in their lives. Yet trying to get them to shake up their routine, forgive someone who has clearly wronged them, or let go of old, outdated ideas about who they are and what is possible in their lives and ....it's like pulling teeth.
Having the willingness to let go absolutely is the one crucial key to transforming our lives. People only change when they reach their pain threshold...or bottom out, which implies that most of us are not willing to let go of our way of doing things until we've completely bankrupted ourselves. Ask yourself, am I so stubborn that I must lose everything, and everybody who comes into my life, before I become willing to change? Am i so set in my ways that I would rather let loveless days, turn into loveless weeks, turn into loveless months, turn into loveless years, before I become flexible enough to try something new?
You must challenge yourself like I have so many times in my writing....by asking...
how willing am I to be inconvenienced?
-to be uncomfortable?
-to be wrong?
-how willing am I to surrender control?
-to follow directions?
-to really risk wehre I might actually fail at something.
Wherever you've answered with a resounding negative, or even hesitated just the slight bit, is probably the exact place that you will need to to in order to expand our opportunities for love.
I'm talking about letting go of resistence...letting go our challenges. We must root out our false belief, and the underlying fear that motivate our behaviors. I do it by saying to myself
-I'm giving up destroying myself in order to try to control the feelings that I've been afraid to feel. I am now willing to feel what I feel and trust that I will be OK.
if you are stuck in a horrible relationship...say to yourself.."I'm giving up being run by fear that if I left go of her or him..I'll forever be alone and lonely. I'm willing to trust that I will find a better, more satisfying relationshp, and that even if i don't, I will be OK as long as I am living with integrity.
If you feel desperate for the fulfillment of love, remember that letting go of everything in its way is the appropriate way to channel desperation. This whole blog is about connecting to spirit so you can do one thing....and that is to surrender. Surrender is no understanding. Whenever that part of you that wants to figure it out, or know why, or know what for kicks in...just kick it out.
What have i released?
-I released my blaming my parents for my life and embrace forgiveness for both of them
-I released my sexual shame and celebrate the beauty of my sexuality
-I released my desire for revenge toward my ex (Melissa) and embrace full responsibility for my part in what happened between us that caused our breakup and appreciate for all that I learned
-I released ( and still doing it) my toxic shame of feeling defective and ugle and embracing my wholeness
-I released my fear of being rejected(working on this also) and embracing the courage I would need to risk being vulnerable with other
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