Within the furthest reaches of the heart lie those desires whose name one dares not speak. So seductive, so intoxicating, so indulgent. My most private passions burn at the molted core of my begin, luring me to the very height of ecstasy and depths of despair. These are the words of impassioned soul who have transformed a virginal blog into a sanctuary for a restless heart. Each days journal awaits the expression of my own desires-- unedited, undiluted, uninhibited, Abandon yourself. If you dare...like me. These words are my private passions yearning for some form of expression burn within me. This blog is a haven for my most intimate desires to serve as inspiration, to save myself first and help other second. Right now, you and I are meeting in the placeless place. We are in different locations, in two different times. I am writing this at one moment, and you are reading it later. but somehow, in this mysterious now, we met and our own alchemy take place. The mystical poet Hafiz writes: "Between your eyes and this page, I am standing". Do you feel me?
It is important for you to understand how you came to this blog. If you think you came to this blog by chance, you will have missed the enormity of what is happening to you right now. Your soul has brought you to this blog, as it has brought you to every other thing you ever had. A myriad of circumstance were, just this moment, interconnected in a precise way at a precise time in order for you to be gently drawn to the words you find here, and only the intervention of your soul could have produced such events so effortlessly. You have been brought here because the universe understand that you have been quietly calling for me. This blog is for all the people who want answer to love, life and sex. It really Is a miracle that you found this blog, you know. A small miracle, perhaps as miracles goes. I believe your soul drew you to this blog out the same impulse that draws each of us onward. Read what I write, then believe what your hearts tells you is true. For it is the heart where the wisdom lies, and in your heart where your truth dwells, and in your own heart is where we will met.
Please don't confuse what is in your heart with what is in your mind. What is in your mind has been put there by others. What is in your heart is what you carry with you of me. Yet you can close your heart to me, and many have. And many also have closed mind.
Right now I am sitting in my quiet place in my room. The sky is heavy. I write in my blog that the more people I love, the more vulnerable I am.
Vulnerable---the moment we are born we are vulnerable, and a human infant is the most vulnerable of all creatures. The very nature of our being leads us to risk. When i get into relationships..i open myself to the possibility of great joy and great pain and I have know both. Breaking up to me is like a ampuation. But would I be willing to protect myself by having reject relationships? By having rejected love? No...I wouldn't have missed a minute of it, not any of it.
Few of us do great things have the thrill of fame and adulation of movie stars. But many of us experience the high adventure of loving someone and being loved in return. The thrill of being thrilling to someone else is a peak in our lives. Someone has freely and knowingly chose us out of the crowd and given us their love. Someone has been ready literally to spend her life on me.....so far...no one has...but one day..she will. What is more of an ego boosting than that? What is more enhancing of our self-concept!!! To have another human being's heart quicken at the sound of my voice or the touch of my hand. What a satisfying sensation! The only problem is that we damned mortals cannot fly forever. Life is made up of sobs, sniffles, and smiles and sniffles predominating.
To allow someone to weave his or her way into your heart and nestle deep within it, secure in the safety of your love. The heart of your body and your soul are one. It is that one heart that keeps that body you see and the soul that is both within and around the body that beating in unison. The heart hold your soul lover who will remain with you even after your death. Your soul loveship will last forever.
Once someone is embedded deep in your heart as a lover, she or he cannot be dislodged. If that person find the demands of your relationship a burden and rejects or betrays you, you will still hold them in your heart. You will not feel anger at the soul love for the lack of their companionship, sex, only great sadness and heartache. Your heartache will not destroy your love for your lover. It will be a reminder of your promise of never-ending love. The ache will disappear when your soul is finally free of the concern of this world. Then you will understand with the peace that surpassing all understanding, why that person no longer be true to the relationship.
In everyone's life, there is a great need for a soul partner, in his love, you are understood as you are without mask or pretension. The superficial and functional lies and half-truth of acquaintance fall away. You can be as you really are. Love allows understanding to dawn, and understanding is precious. Where you are understood, you are at home. Understanding nourishes belongs. That is why you come to this blog....to be understood. When you really feel understood, you feel free to release your self into the trust and shelter of the other person's soul. Most of you ...will still have problem trusting and letting go. But this recongnition is described in the beautiful line from Pablo Neruda, "You are like nobody since I love you". This art of love disclose the special and sacred identity for the other person. Love is the only light that can truly read the secret signature of the other person's individuality and soul. Love alone is literate in the world of origins. It can decipher and destiny.
This blog contain an astounding record of my life, my thoughts, and my experiences this has become. There is intrinsically a part of me in every word on this blog that I have written, and yet every word on this blog, every idea, every form of expression here – be it fiction or non-fiction – has failed to fully capture who or what I am.
Nobody in this world who truly and fully knows me. That maybe there are a few that come close to understanding a large part of me, but none who know the extent of every aspect of my life.
I would compare myself to a thrilling work of fiction with 2-3 simultaneous plot lines running towards an as-yet-unknown climax that promises to have numerous permutations of endings and conclusions. That every third or fifth line of the novel if read separately, would be in itself a complete story. And that every new page would be like a new twist, and a new direction in the plot of the novel, and that the book in its entirety would be one huge intellectual labyrinth that one will find oneself lost in. That if you looked closely enough, you might find patterns of anagrams that seek to be deciphered, but shield an undercurrent of consistent themes.
I can only imagine that if all these distinct and separated aspects of my life were to be brought together and were forcefully fused into a finite framework of observation, it would reveal itself as being more baffling than the most sophisticated equations in 11-dimensional string theories.
Nobody in this world who truly and fully knows me. That maybe there are a few that come close to understanding a large part of me, but none who know the extent of every aspect of my life.
I would compare myself to a thrilling work of fiction with 2-3 simultaneous plot lines running towards an as-yet-unknown climax that promises to have numerous permutations of endings and conclusions. That every third or fifth line of the novel if read separately, would be in itself a complete story. And that every new page would be like a new twist, and a new direction in the plot of the novel, and that the book in its entirety would be one huge intellectual labyrinth that one will find oneself lost in. That if you looked closely enough, you might find patterns of anagrams that seek to be deciphered, but shield an undercurrent of consistent themes.
I can only imagine that if all these distinct and separated aspects of my life were to be brought together and were forcefully fused into a finite framework of observation, it would reveal itself as being more baffling than the most sophisticated equations in 11-dimensional string theories.
Life is full of uncertainties and wait for no one. Sometimes, its that split second that determines a person's fate. I always believe that we should try and live our life, not being afraid to love. The most ironical thing about life is when, the day you are prepared, the chance may be lost forever.
How many times have we heard people telling us stories like, how in a moment of anger, after saying some hurtful words, they lost the loved one forever? How many times have we heard stories that words of love said at the correct moment resulted in lifetime of happiness?
Time waits for no one. That much I have learnt. Sometimes, when you have to do it, you have to do it.
The irony of life is not when you cannot find true love, but its when love comes knocking, we take too long to open, and when it left, we cry. No use crying over spilt milk. What's even more ironical will be that the love that came knocking is the piece that is going to complement your life, but you let it slip.
Many a times, we never cherish things only until its been lost to us forever, then live a life of regret? Is this how we want your life to be?
Its better to grasp every opportunity and give your best than to shun from it. Yes, opening your heart to the wrong person may bring you more hurt and heartache, but we all have to understand, if things do not work out, at least we know we have tried. What if that was to be the one, but you did not cherish the opportunity? What comes out of it? I wonder.....Regrets?
If you try, at least there is a chance of sucess, but if you do not, failure awaits. Failure after trying is a lesson. Failure for not trying is stupidity. Success after trying is the fruit of your labour. Cherish it.
I sound very philosophical huh. Very optimistic about how life should be? Nah...I guess I just want to live my life as how I see it.
I want to be able to stand up tall after trying but failed, and tell myself and others, at least I have the guts to try, I have nothing against my conscience and I feel that I have done the best I could.
At the very least...I tried.
Inexpressible are works of arts. My soul..there is something in my inner self that need to express. I go within...search for the cause, find the impetus that bids me to write. Does it stretch out its roots in the deepest place of my heart....YES. I pretend sometimes that I am very first man and then write what I see and experience, what I love and lost. I write about sorrows, my wishes, my passing thoughts, my belief in anything beautiful. I try to describe all that with fervent, quiet, and humble sincerty. In order to express yourself, you must use things in your surrounding, the scenes of your dreams, and the subject of your memory. For nothing is insignificant or unimportant. Even I was in prison whose walls would shut out my senses from the outside world, I still have my childhood..this precious wealth, this treasure houses of memories. In creative moments allow you to better understand life. Like I said..no experience is too insignificant---the smallest happening unfolds like destiny. Destiny itself is like a wonderful wide tapestry in which every thread is guided by an unspeakably tender hand, placed beside another thread, and held and carried by a hundred others. One becomes more and more delighted, more grateful, someone clearer and simpler in one's perception. One has a deeper faith in life, is more content, and has somehow gained in self worth.
The creative experience lies so unbelievably close to the sexuality, close to pain and its pleasure, that both phenomena are the only different forms of the same longing and bliss. This is why so much of my work is related to love and sex. To cope with sexuality is difficult. Yes, but everything assigned to us is a challenge, nearly everything that matters is a challenge, and everything matters. If you would only recognize that and come to the place where you strive on your own to finally gain your very own relationship with sexuality, always keeping aware of your native bent and your personality, your own experience, your childhood, and your strengths, then you need no longer fear losing yourself and become unworthy of your sexuality, your most precious possesion. Physical lust is a senusous experience no different from innocently viewing something, or from feeling of pure delight when a wonderful ripe fruit fills the tongue. it is a glorious infinite experience granted to us, a gift of knowledge from the world, the fullness and radiance of all knowing. it is not bad that we welcome. What is bad is the almost all misuse and waste it. They set it out as lure in dreary places of theif lives and use it as a distraction rather than as a focus of great heights.
In one thought of procreation a thousand forgotten night of love are resurrected and that thought fulfilled in grandeur and sublimity. They who meet in the night to be entwined and sway in passionate lust are performing a serious work. They are gathering "sweets" and depth and power for the song of some future poet, who shall arise and speak of unspeakable bliss. The beg the future to waith to become the present, and they blindly embrace, believing their wish. Even so, they are mistake. The future doesn come, a new human being arises, due to the law of nature.
He who has a pact with aloneness can even now prepare the way for all this that in the future may well be possible for many, and can build with hands less apt to err. Embrace your solitude and love it. Endure the paing it cause and try to sing out with it. To be lonely as one was lonely as a child, while adults were moving about, entangled with things that seemed big and important, because the grownups looked so busy and because one could not understand any of their doings--that muhst be the goal. And when you realize one day that their activities are superfical, that their careers are paralyzed and no longer linked with life, then why not look at the world as a child would see it--out of depth of your own world, out of breath of your own aloneness....that is why i do in my writing. I write because I have to or I'll die
The creative experience lies so unbelievably close to the sexuality, close to pain and its pleasure, that both phenomena are the only different forms of the same longing and bliss. This is why so much of my work is related to love and sex. To cope with sexuality is difficult. Yes, but everything assigned to us is a challenge, nearly everything that matters is a challenge, and everything matters. If you would only recognize that and come to the place where you strive on your own to finally gain your very own relationship with sexuality, always keeping aware of your native bent and your personality, your own experience, your childhood, and your strengths, then you need no longer fear losing yourself and become unworthy of your sexuality, your most precious possesion. Physical lust is a senusous experience no different from innocently viewing something, or from feeling of pure delight when a wonderful ripe fruit fills the tongue. it is a glorious infinite experience granted to us, a gift of knowledge from the world, the fullness and radiance of all knowing. it is not bad that we welcome. What is bad is the almost all misuse and waste it. They set it out as lure in dreary places of theif lives and use it as a distraction rather than as a focus of great heights.
In one thought of procreation a thousand forgotten night of love are resurrected and that thought fulfilled in grandeur and sublimity. They who meet in the night to be entwined and sway in passionate lust are performing a serious work. They are gathering "sweets" and depth and power for the song of some future poet, who shall arise and speak of unspeakable bliss. The beg the future to waith to become the present, and they blindly embrace, believing their wish. Even so, they are mistake. The future doesn come, a new human being arises, due to the law of nature.
He who has a pact with aloneness can even now prepare the way for all this that in the future may well be possible for many, and can build with hands less apt to err. Embrace your solitude and love it. Endure the paing it cause and try to sing out with it. To be lonely as one was lonely as a child, while adults were moving about, entangled with things that seemed big and important, because the grownups looked so busy and because one could not understand any of their doings--that muhst be the goal. And when you realize one day that their activities are superfical, that their careers are paralyzed and no longer linked with life, then why not look at the world as a child would see it--out of depth of your own world, out of breath of your own aloneness....that is why i do in my writing. I write because I have to or I'll die
No comments:
Post a Comment