PERSONAL ,,,,FROM YOUR FUTURE BEST FRIEND/HUSBAND/FATHER OF YOUR CHILDREN

Hey, you. I don’t know who you are, whether I’ve met you before or not, and yet, I love you more than anything in this entire world.

For not even having a face or memories to attach this to, I’m weirdly emotional and, somehow, so full of love for you. Whoever you are, wherever you are, you’re somewhere out there becoming the woman that I’ve been waiting my whole life for. And eventually we’re going to meet. Maybe we have met.

I wonder how your heart is right now. I wonder what kind of love you’ve had. I’ve only loved two person at this point, and everything I’ve been through with her has showed me what I want and need. It’s made me endlessly excited to grow in love with you when our time comes. Thank you in advance for giving me great, passionate, healthy love all wrapped up together (with a whole lot of goofiness, of course!). It’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night and talk to you. I tell you about my day and how excited I am to one day be able to look you in the eyes and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you’re it for me. To have a face and memories to attach this to.

I wonder if I’ll fall in love with anyone else before you, but I’m secretly hoping you’ll be the next and last one for me. I guess it won’t matter either way. Once you have me, you’ll have my whole heart, not a bit less. And I know you’ll take good care of it. The best care. Because I would never settle for less than that, and you would never make me.

I don’t know if I have any real fears in this life, but there are obviously things that scare me a little. The only thing that makes me less scared is you. Simply knowing the kind of love we’re going to share and work at together makes everything seem less scary. All the big and little things I want to do and accomplish in my life are so much less daunting when I think of you. And I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

Wow… I am so excited for everything that’s to come. The best things in our lives haven’t even happened yet. How nuts is that?We’re going to get to fall in love and come to know each other’s quirks and various facial expressions and favorite music and movies and memories. Sure, at least one other person will have already come to know a lot of those things about me, and I’m sure it’s the same for you. But, that won’t cheapen it in the slightest. It’ll all take on a new meaning when it’s you and me coming to know these things together.

We’re going to travel and laugh and try new foods and laugh and go to concerts and laugh. (I guess we like to laugh a lot, huh? I can dig it.)

We’ll send each other silly pictures of ourselves that no one else is allowed to see, as well as texts with tons of inside jokes and words from a language we basically made up.

We’ll try to share as much of our childhoods with each other as we can remember, because we want to spend our lives getting to know each other more and more, no matter how close we feel we are.

We’ll sing in the car together and play sports together and make poop jokes a big part of our relationship. (Gotta have those poop jokes.)

We’ll push each other to be better every single day, to pursue our passions and career goals, and we’ll strive to be the best versions of ourselves for our individual selves and each other.

And with all this extra time together, we’ll spend an obnoxious amount of hours exploring each others’ bodies and making love and giggling when we spice things up only to realize some things are just effing weird. But, some spice will definitely be welcomed.

Soon enough, some tiny humans will make it harder for us to sleep (and do other things…hint, hint, wink, wink), and we’ll be stuck between pure joy and wanting to throw said tiny humans out a window (but we won’t do that second thing, obviously).

We’ll make some mistakes, but that won’t stop us from being the best parenting team in the league. (Psst, let’s add some incredible humans to the population, shall we?)

We’ll raise genuinely confident and compassionate children who turn into genuinely confident and compassionate adults that go above and beyond to be good and do good. The kind of adults that stand for and with other human beings and noble causes. The kind of adults that keep the spirit of childhood living on inside of them forever, just like their parents do.

Before we know it, we’ll go from having a full, laughter-filled house to having a not-so-full, but still laughter-filled, house. (Look at us, we’re still laughing! High five, babe!)

At this point we’ll realize that it’s just the two of us again, and time is moving. We’re getting older. But, we’re just as in love as we were before. Probably ten times more in love now. (I can’t help it, watching you be an amazing mother to my children ).

We’ll have some more days to relax than we did before.

We’ll try to see every movie, watch every show, read every book, and listen to every song that we’ve ever wanted to. It’ll never happen, but we’ll try to take in as much art and entertainment as we possibly can

Sometimes, we’ll lie around and read next to each other in silence for a while, and other times we’ll wrestle like children for a while. These things might even occur back-to-back. (Dang, we’re so versatile!).

Having this time to relax will allow us to sit back and appreciate (even more than we already did) the life we’ve built together and all we’ve accomplished.

Because, hey, we’ll have done real good.

We’ll have taught each other so much and learned so much from each other.

We’ll have elevated each other.

We’ll have remembered what truly matters in life and what doesn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

We’ll have been loyal, faithful, compassionate, and trustworthy.

We’ll have communicated openly and honestly.

We’ll have respected and spoken highly of each other, whether we were in a room together or in completely different locations. Better yet, we’ll have raved about each other, because we just couldn’t help it.

And, of course, we’ll have laughed. A lot.

We’ll have also had our fair share of struggles. We’ll have argued and gotten mad. We’ll have cried and felt intense pain. But the foundation we’ll have built, and been constantly building upon, will always have had our backs.

Because we will have always had each other’s backs.

And for that, I am eternally grateful.

I am so happy to just know, somehow, that our baggage will fit perfectly together, our hearts will fit perfectly together, and our lives will fit perfectly together. With all our flaws and everything.

I can’t wait for my family to be so proud to have you join us, and I can’t wait to be welcomed and loved by your family.

I can’t wait to be able to smile at my friends, say a playful “told ya so,” and point at you in response to why I’ve been so picky about the people I’ve dated all these years.

I can’t wait to say “I do” and kiss your face in a room filled with our favorite people.

I can’t wait to feel like we have the greatest love the universe has ever seen, even if there are others out there loving just as hard as we do.

I can’t wait to spend forever with you, future best friend/wife/mother to my children.

Last but not least… Damn, I can’t wait to love you.

Your Future Best Friend/Husband/Father To Your Children,

THOUGHTS

I am safe no matter what I'm feeling

If you have a billion dollars, and every day you live pissed off and frustrated, the quality of your life is called pissed off and frustrated. But if you have next to nothing, and are grateful for whatever it is you have, you're the richest person that you're going to know. It doesn't matter how much money you've got if you don't have gratitude.

What part of me is being disturbed by this?

Who is it that sees this? Who notices this inner disturbance?

THOUGHTS: SURRENDER TO LIFE

Life rarely unfolds exactly as we want it to. We are not actually in control of life’s events. What has manifests in front of my at any given moment is actually something truly extraordinary—it is the end result of all the forces that have been interacting together for billions of years.Nonetheless, so many of us walk around constantly trying to control and determine what will happen in our lives. No wonder there’s so much tension, anxiety, and fear. It's this puts us in a constant battle of our way versus the way it would be. When we win the battle, we are happy and relaxed; when we don’t, we are disturbed and stressed.

I have decided to surrender to the flow of life’s events and see where it will naturally take me, Letting go of what I want and serving the same forces of reality that managed to create the entire perfection of the universe around me. I had already learned time and again that it didn’t matter if I understood what was happening; it was sufficient to devote myself to the present moment and trust that the flow of life knew what it was doing. I had seen time and again that letting go not only led to amazing results, but it also left me in a state of profound inner peace. I was not in charge; life was in charge, and there was an underlying sense of enthusiasm and excitement about getting to see what was going to happen next.My job is to simply continue surrendering and serving what was put in front of me

If life can manifest the DNA molecule on its own, not to mention create the human brain,tiny seeds grow into giant trees, weather patterns have kept forests across the globe watered for millions of years, and a single fertilized cell grows into a beautiful baby How is it that we feel that we have to control everything on our own?

PERSONAL: I WANT TO MAKE MEMORIES

The only thing we will have when we are old is our memories. And the only thing we will remember when we are old are the ones we loved and the ones who loved us. We won’t remember that car we bought or that raise we got. The only thing we will remember are the moments in life we shared, the hidden moments when we lay in the bottom of a boat in the reeds and rested our head and hand and heart on the breasts of a girl we loved. That’s it. Nothing else matters in this whole, wide world.

Creating memories is the only meaningful goal in life. When faced with two courses of action, two different paths before my eyes, and I have to make a decision, I ask only one question: Which path will give me the best memories? That’s it. What are the best memories I can possibly make? I do not ask which path will offer greater security, or which path will be better off financially, or which path will be approved of by family or friends. I simply ask myself: Which path will give me the best stories when I am old? This is a wonderful guiding principle in my life—the only one I ever need—basing all decisions on creating the best memories I possibly can.

I devoted my life to creating the very best memories I could possibly make—both for me and for those around me. I sacrificed material worth in order to maximize my relationships. My whole being is caught up in this exhilaration of adventure, of living in the wind. Because, why not? What’s the point of making a living if you are not living? What’s the old saying? A ship in the harbor is safe... but then what’s a ship for?

I accept all invitations, if possible. If I am invited, for instance, to a party down the street or to somewhere as far-flung as Istanbul, I am going. How? I have no idea. But that doesn’t matter. I’m going anyway. Isn’t that what I asked for? Most of us, when faced with a new invitation, tend to second-guess our intuition. We get an invitation and we reason it out, try to make sense of it. 

It might seem like I am careless or mindfully drifting, unfocused and without direction. But not so! I am the most focused man I know. I know exactly what I want. I know exactly where I am going. I have no idea how I am going to get there, but I’m sure going anyway. I don’t have time to think about how. All I know is what I want

PERSONAL: WHAT I LEARNED

Here’s what I’ve learned in my life: to truly experience anything, to experience things in their entirety, all the senses must be engaged. A woman is like a fine wine of the rarest vintage. It is not enough to merely glance at the wine in the glass, then toss it back without a care or thought. Instead, one needs to take the time to let the wine relax and breathe, to observe its clarity and complexion, to admire its superb body, to draw in its exquisite bouquet with every breath, savoring it deeply, and then—and only then—should one take that first anticipatory sip, drinking it in slowly, mindfully, attuning the senses to all of its quixotic subtleties, its texture, its nuance… experiencing it... breathing it... living it... fading into it.

This is the secret to living and loving: everything must be experienced on all levels, everything must be explored, every invitation accepted, every experience fully immersed. When we travel to another city, why do we stay on the tourist track? How dreary to see the world this way! Far better to discover the rhythm of the place, to touch the city’s fabric with our hands, to absorb its culture through the pores of our skin. Who, after all, can say they’ve been to Paris when the only thing they remember is the Eiffel Tower?

It is the same with women and it is the same with wine.There are some women you encounter in your life that shake your foundations.Because of women,there are poets and artists in the world.Is not the curve of a woman the greatest creation of a benevolent God? Is not the smile of a woman the greatest source of inspiration on earth? How can one possibly resist the disarray of desire that beauty invokes? How can one devote his life to anything but a study of the poetics of women? It makes no sense to me to strive for anything else.

We always think it is only us. We think that everyone else is confident and funny and dynamic, and we are not. We might be at a party and over there in a corner we spy a clique of guys and girls talking and laughing, pearly teeth a-flashing, all fashionable and chic. The girls—look at them!—are so amazingly pretty and poised, and the guys… the guys are all so confident and cool and relaxed. Oh, how we wish in our heart of hearts that we could be just like them, so free-flowing and easy and beautiful and cool.

What we universally fail to realize is that they are all just as nervous and insecure as we are! Every one of them is in their heads, trying hard not to screw it up. The guys are mentally face-palming themselves, thinking, “Ah... why did I just say that? What a stupid thing to say. What an idiot I am!” And the girls are thinking, “Does he like me? No, he probably likes her. Or... maybe her? Ah, I knew it! I should have worn my other skirt, this one makes me look fat, or my red dress, why didn’t I wear my red dress? And why, oh why, did I eat those stupid onions in the salad? I hope he doesn’t come too close!” And yet... the only thing we can see from our vantage point over here are easy smiles and graceful confidence.

Men can’t imagine that a beautiful woman could ever be insecure or shy or lonely. “That can’t be right,” they say. “Look how perfect she is! She is gorgeous! Look at her compared to me. How in the world could she possibly be nervous or insecure? It makes no sense whatsoever.” They can’t grasp the notion that sometimes a pretty girl is quiet and only giving one-word answers to their questions because she doesn’t think she has anything interesting to say. Men can’t understand this at all. If I mention this to men, some look at me like I am crazy for even suggesting it, shaking their heads and chuckling, while others will nod in feigned agreement, then go quiet, pondering, looking up and to the right. I keep on saying it. They keep on nodding. But none of them understand it. The concept is too foreign for men, like trying to explain heaven to bears.

PERSONAL: THE PERFECT GIRL IS A MYTH

Every man has a vague notion of the perfect girl, a subconscious image that he carries in his heart from his earliest years to his dying day. She is a symbol of all that he holds dear and cherishes in his soul, a compilation of all the traits that he desires in a woman. She is truth to him, and justice and beauty and love and life. His perfect girl might be sharply drawn in his imagination, well considered, or she might be vague and undefined, nothing more than a diaphanous collection of approximate curves or a preferred color of hair. His perfect girl might resemble a film star or someone he saw in a magazine or a dream conjured up from books he read in his youth. On the other hand, he may have no idea what the image of the perfect girl for him might be, but there is an image resident in his heart all the same. The media, of course, with its smoke and mirrors, does not help. All those carefully constructed women, artfully airbrushed and perfectly posed, leading us astray like the Sirens of old. “There, see? I told you there are perfect women in the world. It says so right here in this magazine.”

The perfect girl is one a man can show off to his friends, the one he can drape over his arm as he enters a room. A man daydreams this scenario all the time, in living color and detail; he can feel the surge of natural confidence and grace that only a woman like this can impart to him, this beauty who is with him and no one else. She is the one that he imagines would make him forget every other woman forever. Over and over again, time after time, we believe we have found “the one.” This is because every woman a man encounters throughout his life—the one he saw in the bookstore, the one dancing so seductively on the stage, the one he saw walking across the street, the one who is going on a date with him tonight—he subconsciously compares to his image of the perfect girl. He squints and scrutinizes, and in his eagerness to convince himself that this new woman is indeed his ideal woman, he blinds himself to everything about her that doesn’t quite match. Then over time, it dawns on him that this latest obsession of his is just a girl, nothing more. A girl with as many faults, fears, and insecurities as his own. She is no longer shiny and new.

When the realization hits that she is just a girl, that she is not what he has made her out to be, that she is not perfect at all, men deal with it in all kinds of different ways. Some men settle, accept their lot, and, rolling their eyes, dejectedly soldier on. They give her nothing of themselves from that day forward. They commute to their tired cubicles with their tired briefcases on their tired feet and return to their tired homes. Every single day. Except weekends, of course, when they mow the lawn and watch the game and fill their time with other things, other things, anything really. Unremarkable in every way. Some men get angry or mean-spirited and take it out on women—through neglect or verbal violence or physical abuse. It’s not her fault, yet he blames her and relentlessly sets out to punish her. Other men just abandon her.

The perfect girl is a myth. We will never find her. It is a search without end. Men have conquered the business world, they are captains of industry, they have interesting friends and fascinating hobbies, they build, they create, they do great and wonderful things. But they feel in their hearts, that they haven’t yet found her. The perfect girl whom we desire so intensely, who would make the world feel whole again, who would make us believe in love again, who would complete us, is forever out of our reach. This is a vision so perfectly formed and so lovely and so complete that no real woman could ever come close to actually being her.

STORY: YOU LIE BACK ON THE BED

Here’s a fantasy I have of you: You lie back on the bed, your skin  against the white sheets, your legs spread wide, the heels of your shoes digging in deep. I kneel down and kiss your entire body, unfolded before me, natural and sublime. Your body and I are lovers, ancient lovers with ancient songs. This fantasy is one of many... oh yes, I have many ways to dream about going down on you, with my voice a vibration on your neck and in your mind, my hair brushing upon your belly, my lips on the inside of your knees, so soft and secret, my breath feathered onto every surface of your skin.

You ask for nothing, but you take everything. My silent offering. You relax into trust, opening, opening some more. Yes, you take all I can give, a selfish in gathering, a perfumed, rushing devouring. I adore the way your body looks to me; I tend to it like an unhurried gardener. I love your scent, your taste, the little noises you make, the feel of your skin against my lips…Oh love! I can’t resist. To aspire to celestial visions, though mortal and blind. You run your fingers through my hair, without intent, until an ancient, original, and primal urge overwhelms you, causing you to push my face down hard. I cannot breathe and yet I breathe. I follow the impulses: your unspoken directions, your implicit requests, your infinite signals of voice and rhythm. I stay right there, right there with you, never hurried but never slow, until your breath wells up within you and escapes in ragged sounds, and I kiss you hard, and you want it even harder, and you wrap your legs tightly around me, with your fingers in my hair, and you embrace me strongly, holding me there upon the wave, and with my eyes softly closed, an indescribable emotion releases from within... and a single tear flows from me and mixes with you...

I take your body now in all of the ways you give it to me. I melt into you, my delectable one, and in the final triumphal throes of this dark night, you draw me down upon your body, down dreamy soft, and sink we two into the earth, for we have seen the light, seen the light. The opus completes..Oh, to sleep, to rest in each other’s arms, till the dawn-chorus of meadowlarks stirs a daydream again

STORY: ONCE UPON A TIME IN A LAND FAR FAR AWAY

 Our problems are with the stories we tell ourselves. We think we are not good enough. A lie! For we are more than good enough.We are all broken in some way. We all have faults and insecurities. We think we have to be cool. But we do not have to be cool. We have to be authentic. Authenticity means to embrace equally all of our strength, power, courage, passion, mistakes, failures, and insecurities. To present that whole self to the world instead of our practiced varnish of cool. Nobody connects because they are cool. They connect because they are real. Real is rare. Our authenticity is the part of us that is led by our heart, our intuition, the part of us that aspires to excellence and to making this world better.

Once upon a time in a land far, far away, there lived a young man who was in love with a beautiful girl, and he was kind to her. His kindness was genuine; he really did care about her and he really did love her. He was good to her: he held doors for her, he complimented her wardrobe, and he noticed and commented on little things, like whenever she changed the style or color of her hair. He offered her rides when she needed them. And of course, he was the one who always paid for things, because he was the guy, after all, and she was the girl, so that just seemed right. And besides, he was nice like that. He discovered early on that she needed a lot of emotional support, that sometimes she just needed to hear that yes,she was pretty and yes, she was smart and yes, she was funny, and he was always there to reassure her that yes,she was all of those things.

His reward for his attention and kindness was a great deal of flirting from her, a lot of hugs, sometimes a kiss, sometimes even on the lips. Not too much, though, you understand, because we don’t want to ruin the friendship, right? Yes, of course I understand, he would say, even though he didn’t, but he was willing to be patient. She would invite him to parties and he would rejoice, even though in his heart he suspected that she just needed a ride and had no one else to ask. He would immediately dismiss this terrible thought, however, for she was always eternally grateful when he would say yes. I knew I could count on you, she would say. Later, when the night was over and she was inebriated and bewildered, staying out far past any reasonable hour, he was always there to drive her home, to get her safely into her house and into her bed. He would tuck her in and stroke her hair and sit beside her for a while, waiting around... for what? An invitation? A thank-you? No... just in case... because, you know, he was nice like that. And when he realized that she was passed out and the moment had passed out and nothing else was going to happen, he would retire to her couch, making do with a too mall blanket, lying awake and wondering what he could have done differently, thoroughly frustrated. But he was the one—surely tomorrow she would realize?—who cared enough to take care of her. Yes, he was nice like that. At other times, he would listen to her for hours as she complained to him about other men, how there were so few nice guys like him, and how he was the only one she could trust, the only one who really understood her. She was always upset at some guy, sometimes to the point of feeling physically ill about it, and he would rub her shoulders or buy her dinner, and even though that’s all she talked about to hear her voice anyway.

He secretly couldn’t stand the thought that she had other guys in her life, guys that she slept with, but he tolerated it because he knew she spent far more quality time with him than with them. After all, who did she call to go to movies with when she was bored? Who did she call to take her shopping? Who was the one who waited patiently holding her shopping bags outside countless changing rooms for her? And who did she allow to steal secret glimpses of her body by purposely leaving the changing room curtain slightly open as she changed? That’s right—him, not them!

Yes, it was only a matter of time, only a matter of time. He had seen her at her worst, he had dabbed her tears, he had been there when the world was crushing in on her, when she was depressed or sad or angry, and he had watched her go home with guys who he was sure didn’t care about her at all. And in spite of everything, he still loved and cared for her. For he was nice like that.And years went by... One day, as he reflected upon his long, lonely, and unfruitful relationship with her, he had a sudden idea. He decided he would do something completely different, something so outlandish and adventurous that it would prove to her, once and for all, his undying love for her, and surely launch their magical future together. He had heard about the sea, a long, long distance away, and he decided he would travel to the end of the earth, find the fabled sea, and seek out for her a treasure. He would bring it back home and present it to her as the symbol of his undying devotion. Of course, he realized he could just buy her something online and have it delivered, but part of what he wanted her to notice was his willingness to endure the long and dangerous journey, just for her. Besides, he wanted the treasure to be special.

He thought about it for a long time until, suddenly, he knew! He would seek out and obtain for her an… Exquisite Pearl! Not just any old pearl, you see, but a grand one, one that merited emphasis, capitalization, and italics. Yes! Surely this would impress her so much she would forget all the other men and only want to be with him. After all, who would do such a noble thing? Ah, the more he thought about it, the more he knew he had to go! So one day, without telling anyone, he took up a small bundle of provisions and left in the middle of the night on a journey across the land to the far and distant sea.

The journey was incredibly difficult, far more difficult than he ever could have imagined. There is no way he would have attempted it if he had known how extremely difficult it was going to be. He persisted, however, because of his great love for the beautiful girl back home and how much he wanted to impress her. After many weeks he came upon a treacherous mountain, and he climbed that mountain, clinging perilously to the high rocks for many days, and oh how he missed her. After more weeks he came upon a scorching desert, and he traversed that desert, nearly dying of thirst for many days, and oh how he desired her. After even more weeks he came upon a deep, dangerous, and brooding forest, and he entered that forest, becoming hopelessly lost for many days, and oh how he loved her.

Finally, finally, after all these long days, after all these arduous tribulations, he found himself to be... at the sea! Oh, how immense and expansive, how shimmering and shining, how beautiful and blue! He was broken and battered but somehow the sea restored him, filling him with great energy and strength. He wasted no time seeking out the treasure he had come for. “I have come from far, far away,” he said to some local fishermen, “and I am here now at the sea to seek out a treasure, an... Exquisite Pearl! For the woman I love, you see.” The fishermen looked at him funny, then suggested a few local souvenir shops nearby, which wasn’t exactly what he had in mind, but the fishermen assured him there were no real pearls anywhere around here and hadn’t been for years. So he tried all the shops and after a measure of time, he found a large, porcelain, souvenir pearl.

It wasn’t that great, actually, but it was the best he could find, so declaring it to be the symbol of his undying affection, he bought it and added it to his little bundle. He turned around immediately to leave the sea, to return home to the girl he dearly loved. But something made him pause... to look over his shoulder... to turn around... for some reason, he could not take his eyes off the sea and all its blue immenseness. He lingered there for many days, contemplating the sea.

Finally, after lingering and contemplating much longer than he felt he should, with a curious mixture of sadness and excitement, he turned around and set back out across the land, retracing his path. He battled again through the dark, brooding forest, through the scorching desert, and over the unforgiving mountain fighting the elements every torturous step of the way. And always he thought of his dear, beautiful girl, the love of his life, and how surprised she would be at his sacrifice and his amazing gift. Finally, interminably, he arrived back at his village, battered and bruised. He caught his breath, dusted off his clothes, straightened his tie, and after a deep breath, rushed to her home.

She was, of course, thoroughly surprised to see him, for he had been gone for such a very long time, and even more thoroughly surprised when, sitting at her feet, he recounted all the details of his remarkable adventure. He told her of all the hardships he had endured just for her. He told her about the mountain and he told her about the desert and he told her about the forest and he told her about the sea. Mostly, he told her about the sea.

And then, with the greatest flourish he could muster, he stood up tall before her, opened his little bundle, and presented to her with both hands the... Exquisite Pearl! The beautiful girl was astonished and she began to weep and fell into his arms. She proclaimed right then and there that from now on, she would love no other man but him. No one has ever sacrificed so much for me! she cried. Besides, the other men are just a bunch of jerks anyway, especially the guy she met a few weeks ago. Oh and by the way, I have to go see him again tonight. I think he is just using me for sex, you see, and I want to go clear that up, to tell him that he can’t just use me like that. You understand, right? But not to worry because I finally know what I want and I will call you tomorrow for sure. Or maybe the next day. But sometime this week for sure, and thank you so much for the gift, it’s the thought that counts, right? You’re so cute. And she showered him again with kisses and hugs and fondness. But something was different... something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. For as she was showering him with all those kisses and all those hugs and all those promises and proclamations, he found himself looking over her shoulder and out the window toward the distant horizon. She smiled at him and he thought of the mountain. She held his hand and he thought of the desert. She hugged him close and he thought of the forest. She kissed his cheek and he thought of the sea. Most of all... he thought of the sea... he thought of the sea. And he placed the “pearl” in her hand and walked away.

PERSONAL: WATER LILIES BY MONET

We have been sitting here for a long time, contemplating. A single room with a single bench, centered, equidistant from every wall. This entire room is devoted to only one thing, and that one thing is right there on the wall in front of us. Right there. There is nothing else here but this bench and that one thing. ‘Water Lilies’ by Monet, before us in this room, before us in this stillness, before us in our contemplation. A triptych as large as, and larger than, this room that contains it.

Who were you, Claude Monet? What were you trying to capture in life? What were you trying to steal? What were you trying to possess? You never really managed to capture it, did you? And oh, you tried. You spent the last half of your life painting the same bridge over and over again, at different times of the day, different angles, different seasons. Over and over again. The same bridge. And as you aged and your eyesight worsened, your paintings became more blurry, more diffuse, more, well... impressionistic, one might say. Same bridge, a little bit harder to make it out, but there it was... the same old bridge that you always painted.

We say nothing, sitting here, holding hands. Me and my lovely girl. What are you thinking in this space, my lovely girl? What is Claude Monet saying to you? What do you think he desired the most? And for that matter, what do you desire the most? A relationship? With me? A life-long love affair? Ah, my lovely girl.. We enter into the same relationships over and over again. We think this one will be different, but it’s just the same old bridge we’ve always painted. We repeat our patterns, the same scene over and over again, losing clarity and insight as time goes on, each new relationship less carefully painted. Because we are slowly losing our ability to see. Earlier today we encountered Vermeer, the 16th century Dutch master who painted clear scenes of ordinary people in ordinary clothes doing ordinary things. Sublime images, haunting and beautiful. Vermeer tried to capture light. In fact, maybe the only thing he really painted was light, and not the subjects you see in his paintings. He painted the light. Only the light. He didn’t see a table, he saw a table that reflected light. To him, the light was supreme, the only really interesting element, the most important theme of the picture. If there was no light, nothing else in the picture would make any sense or even exist. Without the light, the wonderful light, nothing else mattered. Oh, my lovely girl... to paint our relationship like Vermeer... to capture the light... and only the light.

PERSONAL: WHAT IS THE PLAN OF THE UNIVERSE?

What is the plan of the universe? There are moments in time, infinite moments, when God looks down upon you and says, here you go, this is for you, today it is all for you, yes you, six billion on the planet but today is your day, this moment is your moment, when all of life’s mysteries are revealed to you and only to you... and look! Somewhere ahead is our destination. Straight ahead like a bullet shot,can’t miss it, that inevitable destination of ours... but for some reason, it feels so elusive, slips the mind.

Traditionally, a man and a woman will go through a series of distinct stages in their courtship. There is a meeting stage, a getting-to-know-you stage, a story-telling stage, a comfort-building stage, a familiarity stage, a romance stage, an intimacy stage, a last minute- resistance stage, and whatever else. There is something good and familiar in this. It is the normal progression of a man and a woman, a kind of escalation, higher and higher together.

Except... not with me. There are no stages with me. If I like a woman, if I feel an attraction to her, then all of these traditional stages are conflated into the first few minutes. There is no need to convince her of anything. She is still talking to me because she knows exactly where this is heading and wants it too. Everything has already been presented, dealt with, and transcended. She knows it, I know it, and she knows I know it.

We might elect to travel along the traditional courtship trajectory because it’s fun. But everything is as clear to us as freshly cleaned glass. Pretenses and posturing simply fall away. Hesitation and games are swept aside like yesterday’s dust. I have already said everything I need to say to you with my eyes, my voice, and my words. You will look at me and smile and say, “You’re bad... you’re trouble.” And I will laugh and say, “Ah yes... and I see that you are still right here talking to me.”

I never go on a date with a girl I just met. Dinners, coffees,movies? Nope. I only go on those kind of dates with women I am already sleeping with. Sounds a little abrupt, perhaps, but it’s the truth. Let me explain. Most of us go on dates to test the waters, to see if we like each other, to see if we are compatible, to see how it goes. I already know all this. Her signals, her responsiveness, her unspoken invitations have already told me everything about her and the way it will be. Everything has already been shared and accepted between us.

I am not like other men. I am honest. I don’t play games. If I like you, I will tell you. If I want you in my bed,you will know it. If you give me your phone number, I won’t artificially wait three days. I will call you tomorrow. You know what I am all about. I am no mystery to you at all. Most guys will hide their natural impulses because they really like you and want to give you a good impression. The difference between me and them is that I don’t hide my desires. I can only promise you two things. One, I will never lie to you or play with your emotions. Two, I will take you higher up the slopes of passion than you have ever been.

Other men might be better at telling stories or getting phone numbers or entertaining you, but sit down across from me, my love, for an hour or so and I am without equal. In an hour I can explain your very soul to you. I can take you places in your mind you have never imagined. I can change the night into day and the day into night with my words. I can bring the stars to your feet. I can weave a net that catches us up together, breathless, a luscious wondrous net of words, cascading, tumbling, folding in upon us, a whisper of words to you and to the air all around us, a beautiful anticipation that is impossible for either of us to resist.

There are three things you need to know about me. Number one: I will never lie to you, never misrepresent. Look in my eyes… this is my clear promise to you. Yes, my invitation to you is a strong one, but it is also an honest one. Number two: I promise you will always be comfortable. And I promise you will get home safe. The choice, my dear, is yours. I only desire what you desire. I can only be excited if you’re excited. As for number three, I am absolutely discreet. What happens between you and me is only between you and me. Forever. No one will ever know about it. Unless, of course... you want them to know. In that case, tell the whole world. I am charming and nice, respectful and accommodating, but I am something more. I am a man and I desire you and I will do all kinds of bad things to you if given the time and place.

My intention is to meet someone and settle down and start a family.If that is what you want, we already have something in common to start our journey. I live in Long island and work in Long island.I will share more picture if I feel that we will meet.

In every single one of the long-term, loving relationships I have experienced (oh joyous remembrance!), we were intimate on the very first night. Every single one. And these were women who all said it is something they “would never do.” It is a postulate that men will not respect a woman who sleeps with them on the first night. For me, the opposite is true. In fact, when I have connected with a woman on such a profound level, with such an alignment of our hearts, minds, and bodies, I am mildly shocked (and amused) if it doesn’t occur on the first night. I chalk it up to logistics or circumstances and not to any supposed societal consideration on her part. That barrier between us was transcended long ago.I respect a woman more if she honors the closeness, the intimacy, the alignment we share, with the full knowledge that she can trust me and she shows it with her actions. It makes me respect her completely. It makes me like her immensely. It makes me realize that she, like me, believes in the beauty of life and the everlasting gifts it brings.

I love it when I am in the presence of a woman who can see into my soul and who understands my nature completely. Women are a delight to me; every encounter is a brush with beauty and wonder.

There have been countless times when I am talking to a pretty girl and I know I can have her in my bed. I can see it in her eyes, in the way she touches her neck, in the way she plays with her hair. I can feel it in the air. All I have to say is one or two little words and she is mine, and yet... I just shake her hand and smile and tell her it was nice to meet her and I get the hell away.

Why do I turn away from her? I don’t know. Sometimes, I just can’t be bothered, I guess. I look into her eyes, and there is no mystery there. It’s like I’ve been there before, if you know what I mean... like I already know everything about her, the way she is, the way it will be with her. I know, just by looking into her eyes and observing the way she carries herself, exactly how she will feel in my hands, exactly how she will smell, exactly how she will taste... for I have been there before, I have smelled her before, I have tasted her before. I have heard her stories a thousand times on other lips. I have already touched her body in every conceivable way. I already know what positions she prefers. I already know if she will be animated in bed or if she will just lie there on her back and starfish. I look at her and... well, she is so sweet and she is so kind and I have nothing for her, nothing to give to her, no words to say to her. I can’t even take one step toward her. It’s like the restaurant is open and I am hungry and I have money but I just can’t be bothered to go inside.

Women have a sense of abundance when it comes to sex. A woman can walk into a bar or a lounge and be reasonably assured that someone there would agree to go home with her. Most men do not have this sense of sexual availability, this sense of abundance. They hope it might happen. This is why they call it “getting lucky,” because they are surprised most of the time when it happens. Because women can have sex whenever they want, because they can have that guy and that guy and that guy, they tend to look for something different, something beyond the crowd. They look for, and rarely find, a man of excellence, and an experience that is transcendent, connected, meaningful. What’s interesting is that the more sexual abundance a man has, the more he becomes like a woman. I have begins to view the world with the same weary, yearning eyes of a woman. A simple sexual experience is always an option, and because it is always an option, it is no longer an option.I sees women all around, and yet, like a woman, I am looks for something more.

If I am interested enough in a woman to want her in my bed, then I will want to see her again. I have no desire to become physical with a woman if I can’t experience her fully. I want to delight in her aspect, in her mind—not just her body. I don’t want or need “just sex.” I’ve been there many times before and the landscape can be, at times, bland and boring. Instead, I need to commit to her and the experience freely, entirely, without suppressing myself in any way—even if it is only for one night. Sex with a random woman I don’t really care about, well, isn’t that just glorified masturbation?

I have known the perfumed pillow of many a pretty girl, the kind of girl that men desire. Now I look for something more, something behind the eyes. The way she looks to me, the smell of her hair, and the curve of her body, are all part of the attraction, of course, but her spirit, her mind, her mystique... oh, that is another level completely. I need to desire her mind as much as her body... no, even more than her body. I need to desire her very essence.

There is a light that shines from within certain women, a nurturing light that washes over the hearts of men, cleansing them, baptizing them in a way. In her presence, all is forgiven. What calm radiance! What a gift of grace!

This is the only thing I desire from a woman, the only thing that makes me pause, the only thing that makes me look at her and wonder what is possible with her. It has nothing to do with her outward appearance and everything to do with her transcendent, iridescent, natural beauty. When I encounter a woman like this, I love her so much; I would do anything for her. Well... almost anything.

There are times when I am attracted to people who are not attracted to me. And the ones who want me are not the ones I want at all.Those who you are truly attracted to—on a heart level—are the ones who are attracted to you. The problem is that most of us cannot make a distinction between what we really want for our lives and our surface impulses.Our relationships do not last because our vision is obscured. Women see everything through an obscuring cloud of wishes and expectations and repeated patterns and men see everything through a cloud of sexual frustration. So we find ourselves attracted to anyone who bears a passing resemblance to what we think we want, trying everyone on for size..,,but not me.

We are all starved for romance, for seduction, for passion. We want it so badly that it makes us cry. Oh, how we yearn for a romantic path through our days, for relevance in our lives, for our lives to have an impact. Our hearts ache to be caught up in something greater than ourselves, to be seduced, to seduce ourselves and others, to desire something—anything!—so much that we would die for it.

We have forgotten how to have fun. We unlearn fun. Every interaction with you should be infused with fun. This includes the way we meet, the way we date, the way we are together in bed, and the way we are together in relationship. I love life. I am fascinated and curious all day, every day, and if I ever find myself in the presence of a woman who persists in trying to sideswipe The women I am drawn to possess the same ridiculous love of life and bountiful enthusiasm as me. Oh sure, problems assault them from every angle, just like anyone, but they are resilient enough to bounce back, find their smile, count their blessings, and give thanks again for little things.


Men want sex. And a girl who is too quick to give that up to every man nearby is said to be too easy, too available—in short, what society labels a “slut.” So now let’s look at it from the other side. Women want a strong emotional connection. And a man who is too quick to give that up to every woman nearby is said to be too easy, too available—in short, an emotional slut. So there you go… a Nice Guy is a slut.

Women say they are tired of all the jerks. For once, they would love to meet a normal guy with a normal sense of humor who is nice to them..I read that all the time. Ah, I say to them, are you sure? Within a five-mile radius of where you are right now, there are volumes of nice and normal guys who would be extremely happy to be that man for you. They will shower you with flowers, gifts, and sweet nothings. They will pay attention to your every whim and desire. They will be so nice to you, your head will spin. But you don’t really want that, do you, my love? See? You laugh because you know it’s true.It's like the woman who do porn. They could have any guy they want to support them, yet they have sex with guys on film

What do women want? Let me attempt to answer the question. My answer is this: Every woman wants to be in a love story. Women want the same thing they have always wanted since they were little girls. To be noticed. To be adored. To be seen as lovely. To be celebrated. To be in a love story.

I have known  women —investment bankers, real-estate moguls, company presidents,
visionaries, women of success, women of authority, women who command respect, women who are efficient, knowledgeable, and independent. And yet, in quiet times, they cry. Why? Because they are sad and because they are lonely and because they are in love with love, that’s why. And in those quiet, crying times, do you know what those sophisticated, worldly women say to me? That they would give it all up for romance.Every woman wants to be in a love story. To be noticed, adored,desired… this is a vital element to the heart of a woman, as necessary as air and water. She can’t live without it. Nothing will ever supplant or replace that.

We’ve lost focus. Women and men simply don’t get invested as deeply today as they once did.Instead of mindful commitments, a switch is flipped on and we are in a relationship, and after a few weeks or months or years, the switch is inexplicably flipped off again and, just like that, it is done. We don’t give fully. No matter how sincere and happy and excited we are at the beginning. What usually happens when we enter into a relationship is that we tend to hold back just a little, because some part of us is still unsure. Are we really willing to give up all others forever? For her? For him? Yes, of course we are... but really? Forever? In all of our wanderings, in all of our longings, what we want is simple: to be loved, to be respected, to be adored. And we can’t understand why we are not loved, when we are so sincere, so kind, so accommodating. Oh, how many glad promises have we made to ourselves and to others?

PERSONAL:MY GAZE

I see you there across the room, through the crowd. My friend is saying something to me and other women flow by, but oh, let him talk, and oh, let them flow, for all is ignored. I only see you. These are the moments I live for. Snapshots of beauty, swatches of grace... A stare without staring. A smile and a nod to my friend. Slowly it dawns on him that I am not listening to him in the slightest, nor shall I. He stops talking and follows my gaze, to see what I see. And what I see is you, my lustrous-eyed lover... oh yes I do. Lover? But we haven’t even met! Yes well....And at this exact same moment in time, as if summoned,you glance in my direction, a dreamy wandering softness, a sweeping pass across the room and me, and then… a pause, and back to me. One one thousand, two one thousand, and now down and away. Yes, you see me too, my scintillating Titian goddess… and now you know.

PERSONAL: LOOKING AT A WOMAN

My life has been a blur, a veritable forest of women... thousands even... the glistening body of Brynda Johannsdottir beside a Gjain waterfall in Iceland... a three-day roller coaster ride at the Dnipro Hotel in Kiev with Tatiana and Irina... a life-saving, hypothermia averting night in a sleeping bag with a Sherpa named Honey on the slopes of mountains.. I could go on and on.

Observe a woman  is one of the unsung wonders of the world. Watch the way she touches her hair, how she pushes it back from her face, curving it around the contour of her ear, a subconscious gesture when it gets in her way. And notice your delight when her hair falls right back down again as she leans forward. Some women have no idea the effect they have on men; it is beauty in repose, and it is wonderful

Here’s what I’ve learned in my life: to truly experience anything, to experience things in their entirety, all the senses must be engaged. A woman is like a fine wine of the rarest vintage. It is not enough to merely glance at the wine in the glass, then toss it back without a care or thought. Instead, one needs to take the time to let the wine relax and breathe, to observe its clarity and complexion, to admire its superb body, to draw in its exquisite bouquet with every breath, savoring it deeply, and then—and only then—should one take that first anticipatory sip, drinking it in slowly, mindfully, attuning the senses to all of its quixotic subtleties, its texture, its nuance… experiencing it... breathing it... living it... fading into it.

This is the secret to living and loving: everything must be experienced on all levels, everything must be explored, every invitation accepted, every experience fully immersed. When we travel to another city, why do we stay on the tourist track? How dreary to see the world this way! Far better to discover the rhythm of the place, to touch the city’s fabric with our hands, to absorb its culture through the pores of our skin. Who, after all, can say they’ve been to Paris when the only thing they remember is the Eiffel Tower?

It is the same with women and it is the same with wine.There are some women you encounter in your life that shake your foundations.Because of women,there are poets and artists in the world.Is not the curve of a woman the greatest creation of a benevolent God? Is not the smile of a woman the greatest source of inspiration on earth? How can one possibly resist the disarray of desire that beauty invokes? How can one devote his life to anything but a study of the poetics of women? It makes no sense to me to strive for anything else.

I love women. I don’t give a damn what others think of me. Let analysts analyze. Let psychologists murmur and suggest. and wring their hands. Let man-haters roar. I move through life without apology, without defense, without regret. I am wondrously in love with women, in love with the very idea of women, and if your heart is sincere, you will understand exactly what that means. This is what I live. This is what I love. This is what I believe. This is my religion, my saving grace. This is the air I breathe.

When I am gone and they are scattering my ashes to the wind, let them look up to the sky and say, “Yes, he was a scoundrel, a flaneur, inconsistent, ridiculous, excessive, but oh, he lived a life! A winged life! He loved freedom and beauty above all. His greatest fear was mediocrity. He was immensely curious, charmed, and enchanted, on an adventure, itinerant, having enormous fun in life, never needy, never attached to the outcome, never serious, but always sincere. He was in love with the voluptuousness of life and its immense potential. Above all, he was a lover of women. He loved women completely, from the sea to the sky. He was fascinated by the essence, the glory, and the magical omnipotence of women. He had no other hobbies. Women were his poetry, his music, his reading, his travel, his sport



What am I looking for?

There’s a difference between hot women and beautiful women. Hot women are everywhere; they abound. They are beautified, not beautiful. Beautiful women, on the other hand, are rare and a real mystery. Hotness speaks to our impulses. Beauty speaks to our imagination.Hot women get hit on. Beautiful ones rarely do. Why is this? It’s because men understand hot women; they are a known entity. Men know what to do with them, or more precisely, what they would like to do with them. Hot women have a front side and a back side. No mystery there whatsoever. Beautiful women, on the other hand, possess a complexity, a depth, a nuanced grace, that confuses most men. Men have no idea what to do with them..but I do.

Hot women are attracted to “shiny objects”: money clips, camera lenses, fancy watches. All you have to do is flash it better or more profusely than the next guy and you’re in.Beautiful women do not care about these things at all. They are attracted to only one thing in men: beauty. And what is the beauty in a man? A lifelong devotion to a personal passion, a passion larger than him, larger than her, larger than the whole wide world, a passion that radiates from his pores until the day he dies. This is the beauty of men. And this is why beautiful women are forever in love with starving artists, musicians, dreamers, iconoclasts like myself. They love these men because they, too, possess a certain, rare beauty. They, too, are set apart.A man who loves women is loved by women. This is a law of the universe.

A man who loves women treats all women the same, giving each of them his full attention, kissing their hands and winking all around. It doesn’t matter at all what he says. What matters is the way he says it. When he focuses on a woman, there is no one else in the world. He includes. He shares. He leans in to her, giving of himself, and inviting her to share of herself in return. He smiles with his eyes and his whole being. And he makes sure that every other woman sees the special attention he is lavishing on her,




Does she not sleep? Each time I awaken in the night she is still close to me, smiling at me, stroking my hair. She only smiles, saying nothing, saying everything, surrounding me in her aura of hidden things. She guards me in the night, watching over me, cradling me tight to her breasts, protecting me in my dreams. Her breath-hum is all around me, an unseen force with no beginning and no end, like the hot wind of this beautiful country that created her. I close my eyes and listen to her heartbeat.I can only think that if a man has never experienced a moment like this in his life.Only then has his life been lived, only then can he smile up to God and say, thank You, now I understand, now I have seen the majesty of Your works, I have touched my feet upon sacred ground, and now it is enough, I can kiss the sky and die

WHAT IF?

Some moments can change your life forever. Have you ever wondered, what if...? What if one small decision could change the rest of your life?

What if you had said yes to me ...?  What happens next will determine the rest of their lives. A life filled with love, or a life where you are still where you are now

ARTICLE: 'Star Trek' reveals an important truth about the robot takeover By Manu Saadia,

When discussing my upcoming book on the economics of "Star Trek" with people who have only a passing interest in the show, I have noticed that the issue of work keeps coming back.  More specifically, casual viewers, professional economists and members of the press alike seem to hone in on the (fictional) consequences of automation.

Arguably, "Star Trek" is the only sci-fi franchise that takes automation seriously.

In "Star Trek", the necessity to work to provide for oneself has vanished. "Star Trek" society, as depicted in the show, is perhaps the most popular example of what is called a ’post-scarcity' economy, for lack of a better term.

Blame the replicator. That machine can produce anything on demand and on the spot, from Captain Picard's tea, Earl Grey, hot to clothing, knickknacks and even medicine.

As described by art director Michael Okuda (in "Star Trek: The Next Generation Technical Manual" - yes! there is such a thing), the replicator draws from its tanks of shapeless molecular goo to form objects based on pre-existing designs, stored as data. The requested objects appear out of thin air on the replicator's plate, with the same tingling effect as a the illustrious "Star Trek" transporter of “beam me up, Scotty” fame.

Yet, how the replicator functions, its plumbing so to speak, is probably its least interesting aspect. Besides, you shouldn't take it too literally. This is science fiction, after all.  

What really matters is the replicator's economic powers.

First, the device separates design from fabrication.  Aside from the occasional maintenance, the only real work involved in operating a replicator is intellectual in nature.  It consists mainly in creating software models of objects that can then be stored and readily be produced according to the whims of the machine's users.  It should be noted that in "Star Trek", copyright protection and patents do not seem to exist.  Models stored in a replicator's data banks are DRM-free.



Which leads us to the replicator's second striking economic feature — its ability to turn each and every single thing it materializes into non-rival, non-excludable public goods.  Think of it as the air you breathe.  Your consumption of air does not limit its availability to anybody else, and no-one can restrict access to air through any ad-hoc mechanism.  

Obviously there are some limitations: lines may form in ship's mess hall at chow time, and from time to time an indelicate free-rider might drain the replicator's matter reservoirs by ordering too much stuff.

That being said, as it appears on the show, the replicator invariably delivers its products for free. Case in point: you never see Captain Picard put a coin in a slot on the side of his office machine.  The Enterprise as a whole bears the costs of operating and maintaining the Captain's replicator.  Those costs, matter, energy, and object design are mutualized.

This is clearly the result of a deliberate choice on the part of the United Federation of Planets.  Consider the Ferengis, one of the more colorful species in Star Trek's alien bestiary.  In the hands of Quark, the jocular and profit-obsessed bar owner of "Star Trek: Deep Space 9", the replicator becomes a license to print cash (or rather to press latinum into gold) and to fleece his patrons.



That in turn underlines the last, and perhaps most provocative aspect of the replicator.  The services it provides force profound behavioral changes upon its users.  When technology makes every necessity of life available to the consumer at no immediate cost, then all bets are off. The audience is thrown into a purely science-fictional world where most familiar motivations, greed, the accumulation of wealth and economic competition, no longer apply.

What is the point of conspicuous consumption and luxury for the Enterprise crew when everybody has equal access to all the good things life has to offer? What is the psychological effect on Federation citizens to never experience poverty or financial stress (it is well-known, for instance, that poverty has dreadful consequences on children's brain development)? What happens to people when satiation is the norm and the baseline, rather than a rare occurrence in a life otherwise devoted to struggling and hustling?

Well, for one, the characters on the show are notoriously unrelatable to us.  They never squabble amongst themselves and they rarely display envy, jealousy or acquisitiveness. In fact they all come across as 50 shades of Spock: stoic, rational, devoted to improving themselves and infinitely curious about the universe.

Furthermore, the abolition of the necessity to work has certainly not abolished work itself.  The Enterprise crew is always busy.  



Geordi LaForge, the chief engineer, is constantly hacking away at his warp engine to squeeze more power and efficiency from it.  Deanna Troi, the ship's counselor and therapist, holds regular sessions with her patients. Dr. Crusher and Nurse Ogawa are treating a stream of crew members who sustain injuries playing in the ship's holodeck.  

The Captain is called upon to exercise his talents for leadership and diplomacy. Furthermore, the wider Federation, or at least what we get to see of it, seems inordinately populated by experimental scientists all eagerly trying to invent new devices and to test new theories.  

"Star Trek" presents a world where freedom from material want, brought on by the replicator, compels people to be even more productive and creative.  Not so much for monetary gains as for reputation, glory and the recognition of one's peers.

This at least is not entirely incomprehensible to us 21st century humans.  There are in fact many hints of such incentives and behaviors in our own world, from free software such as Linux and TeX (which enables the sharing of scientific research), to Wikipedia and social networks.  

This does not mean that once the robots have arrived and become self-aware we will instantly live in Star Trek's merry world.  But it may indicate that perhaps the impact of automation will not be nearly as dire as some people predict.

ARTICLE: Sorry, ladies, there really is a man shortage By Reed Tucker BY NEW YORK POST

Sorry, ladies, there really is a man shortage

By Reed Tucker


It’s not your fault. It’s the ratio.

To all the young, college-educated women out there who feel like Donald Trump will probably become president before they find a decent, eligible man, take comfort.

According to author Jon Birger, you’re not imagining things. In “Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game,” out today, Birger, a former writer for Fortune and Money magazines, crunched demographic, census and other data to show that it really is historically rough out there for the ladies.


After noticing that his single gal pals were always complaining that “guys were ignoring them or were toying with them,” Birger decided to investigate. Based on his research, here are eight reasons why women can’t find a man — and strategies for increasing their odds.

You’re looking in Manhattan

The island is great for, say, watching a cheesy musical or spending $300 on a bottle of vodka. But for dating? Not so much.

“Because women have been graduating from college in 30-plus percent greater numbers than men for years, there are now four women for every three men nationally in the marriage-age, college-educated dating market,” Birger says.

In Manhattan, the numbers are even more dire, with 38 percent more young female college grads than male. Birger says the imbalance is also exacerbated by New York’s large population of gay males. Some 9 to 12 percent of men in Manhattan are gay, according to Gary Gates, a demographics expert at UCLA’s Williams Institute.

Other cities especially brutal for single women are Houston; Providence, RI; and Raleigh, NC. Better options include Silicon Valley, San Francisco, San Diego and Columbus, Ohio. The Bay Area, for example, attracts programmers, computer scientists and engineers — fields that are disproportionately male.

You went to the wrong college

The average gender ratio among US undergrads is now 57 percent women to 43 percent men. And some universities are even less of a sausage fest. At NYU it’s 61 to 39. At Boston University, 62 to 38.

“Facebook did a study a few years ago on how couples met, and it turned out that 25 percent met their significant others in college or grad school,” Birger says. “What was interesting is that the men who met their wives in college were not the ones who attended colleges that were disproportionately female. They attended colleges that were majority male.”

Want to increase your chances of getting hitched? Head to Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (72 percent male) or Georgia Tech (66 percent), two institutions with way more guys than girls.

The men are playing you

“There’s a lot of social science showing that men behave differently in different relationship markets,” Birger says.

When faced with an oversupply of women, guys are more likely to delay marriage and play the field. Or, in other words, to act like guys.



And as reported by numerous publications, dating is out with young people and hookup culture is in. No need to wine and dine a potential mate when you can just swipe right. With the gender imbalance on college campuses, men are having a field day, and they may see no need to end their winning streak by settling down.

For women, however, the longer a girl settles for casual sex as opposed to a long-term relationship, the more chance she has of ending up alone.

You’re not issuing an ultimatum

“Ultimatums work in business and politics,” Birger says. “This notion that the only area of life you shouldn’t issue an ultimatum in is romance doesn’t make sense.”

Researcher John Molloy interviewed 3,000 couples right after they got their marriage licenses and found that 60 percent of the women were prepared to walk away if their guy suddenly declared he wasn’t ready.



You’re not making the first move

The aggressive women are the ones more likely to get the guy.

“I was talking about this with my rabbi, and he does premarital counseling,” Birger says. “Of the nine couples he had in counseling, seven of them shared a similar story: The guys all had several options, but they married the women who pursued them the most.”

And ladies, don’t worry about turning off guys by being too pushy.

“It’s a myth that men enjoy the chase,” Birger says.

You’re working in the wrong job

Slaving away in p.r., education, nursing, event planning or other female-dominant fields? Time to get a new job.

“Stanford sociologist Michael Rosenfeld reports that 10 percent of Americans meet their future spouses at work,” Birger says.

Some careers to consider: mechanical engineering (93 percent male), computer network administration (83 percent) and financial advising (74 percent).

You’re too religious


Consider dating a nonbeliever, even if it makes your grandma cry into her meat sauce.

“People who leave organized religion are disproportionately male,” Birger says. “Atheists and agnostics are also disproportionately male. An atheist meet-up would be a really good place to meet men.”

You’re too picky

“For the women who wait [to settle down], the dating pool gets much, much worse,” Birger says.

He likens it to a game of musical chairs. In the first round, fresh into the dating market, nearly every woman gets a chair. By the final round, the chances of losing soar to 50 percent.

For example, some 20 years ago a recent college-grad female confronted a dating market that had 117 recent college-grad men for every 100 women. Today that same woman, now 40, if still unmarried, faces a market in which nearly two-thirds of those formerly single men are hitched, and there are just 33 eligible men for every 50 women — 52 percent more women than men.

“None of this would matter if we were open-minded about who we dated,” Birger says. “The problem is, Americans — both men and women — have become more rigid about dating across socioeconomic boundaries.”

To find a mate, college-educated women should consider dating working-class men.

“In the future, we’re going to see more of what I call ‘mixed collar’ marriages,” Birger says.