Dear Soulmate,
This heart of mine once suffered a loss of love so tender, rich and pure. Where else could love be found?Having sought for so long...I almost gave up. Then I heard you loud and clear calling on me through space and time.Your voice was delightful to hear, but should I love after the loss...? Oh, what joy lies behind the clouds? That I should give you my precious heart.Should the stars witness the light...?Of gladness I'm willing to share. Would there be calmness after the storm when I trust love I cannot bear to hold. Would the sun shine after the rain if I finally fall in love with you. I want to write to you the most beautiful words. The most adorable letters to you. I want to say things, meaningful things... and sweet things to you. But no word, no matter what is as beautiful as what my heart sings out. I want to speak to you in a charming voice and to say the right words to you. I want to express my feelings...in words my heart sings. I want to cry out loud with joy. I want to shout out what my heart sings but no word... no matter what, is especially bonded with that which my heart sings like. Nothing especially bonded with you and me but true love and all it's worth. It's your love...your way of being there with the smiles, sending kisses, and romanctic days of passion. It's your love that conquers all and not only conquers but, fills me with spirit and compassion. I think of you before my eyes slowly close upon the day.I savor this moment for, it is here, in my sleep induced dreams, that you are truly mine. I relive every memory we have made...every caress, every kiss shared, every word spoken and with these memories, I dream of you. The dream that one day I will awaken with you by my side to feel the heat of your body next to mine, to feel your breath upon my hair, to smell the scent that is uniquely you. And in this dream I will rise to gaze into your beautiful brown eyes to see love shining only for me and slowly, oh, so slowly, you let me take you into my arms and let me make sweet love to you. Let's make a love potion and skillfully, with magic touch. Paint our tender hearts blue and our spirit, soul, and body. Let's devote to this adventure,Until we accomplish the ultimate joy.As we search for the ingredients. Let's make the truth our guide, and trust, our armor of life.Let's apply as the only device and loving, sharing, caring, As we do away with foolish schemes and lies.Then let's rub our body with this potion and cleanse our soul from evil notions with tender, loving feelings of pride while keeping the recipe on our minds.Let's lay aside every bitterness and fright and rejoice in this peace we have found.Our hope, seasoned with hints of gladness. Let's place on eternal togetherness and our focus, decked with template of kindness.Let's remove from fruitless shyness and ignore every little drop of strife as we sip this love potion in drips.As I sit here and wonder where you came from. The thoughts of you begin to make my body numb.Your long hair and speaking eyes have drawn out all my sorrows and cries. It's like the dream I had the night before, you are everything and even more.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Wednesday, October 16, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE..BEFORE I KNEW YOU EXISTED
Dear Soulmate,
Before I knew you existed,I was just me, no more, no less. I only knew life from my point of view, the view of a single man.Before you, there were others who caught my eye, made me look twice, but never did they make my heart race,or feel this unending desire of love. You taught me how to live, love and cherish the simple things that bring joy. Before, there were empty spaces in my heart that are now filled with the reality of you, the peace, that love brings to a soul.Just the thought of you brings sunshine to a rain filled day, a smile to my face. I thank God in heaven, that you found me, and I pray every night you keep me close at heart and by your side, for your love sustains me and keeps me warm for now, and all eternity. I love the way you look at me when you think that I don't know. The way you smile when I walk in,drawing me to your side with a sigh. All the small things that add up to the perfect you. And perfect you are...for me.Your gentle ways- always wanting my happiness, putting me first when you can, but always before yourself. Makes me feel so loved special...wanted. My life was adrift 'til you threw out a life line. Drawing me back with warm kisses... consuming passion. Your voice makes me sigh with contentment and shiver with delight and want in a way hitherto unknown to me. I love the freedom you give me to love. Don't ever forget, that it's you I love. Only you were sent from above and now that I have you I can share my love.There is a place where sun, moon and heavenly stars are there for the asking, where scenery changes by thought,where the woman I meet is always you. If, but for a moment, I had closed my eyes it would all have been gone. such a place, I've come to realize, resides in the heart where soft candles glow, where to home I always go and where the door opens and all the possibilities are there- the wants and desires, the hopes and dreams the love for you between today and tomorrow... Our history, I trace and find love in your face. You I hold so dear who quells my every fear. When I watch you walk away, I say a prayer every day that I will see you walk back to me, that you are mine for all eternally
Before I knew you existed,I was just me, no more, no less. I only knew life from my point of view, the view of a single man.Before you, there were others who caught my eye, made me look twice, but never did they make my heart race,or feel this unending desire of love. You taught me how to live, love and cherish the simple things that bring joy. Before, there were empty spaces in my heart that are now filled with the reality of you, the peace, that love brings to a soul.Just the thought of you brings sunshine to a rain filled day, a smile to my face. I thank God in heaven, that you found me, and I pray every night you keep me close at heart and by your side, for your love sustains me and keeps me warm for now, and all eternity. I love the way you look at me when you think that I don't know. The way you smile when I walk in,drawing me to your side with a sigh. All the small things that add up to the perfect you. And perfect you are...for me.Your gentle ways- always wanting my happiness, putting me first when you can, but always before yourself. Makes me feel so loved special...wanted. My life was adrift 'til you threw out a life line. Drawing me back with warm kisses... consuming passion. Your voice makes me sigh with contentment and shiver with delight and want in a way hitherto unknown to me. I love the freedom you give me to love. Don't ever forget, that it's you I love. Only you were sent from above and now that I have you I can share my love.There is a place where sun, moon and heavenly stars are there for the asking, where scenery changes by thought,where the woman I meet is always you. If, but for a moment, I had closed my eyes it would all have been gone. such a place, I've come to realize, resides in the heart where soft candles glow, where to home I always go and where the door opens and all the possibilities are there- the wants and desires, the hopes and dreams the love for you between today and tomorrow... Our history, I trace and find love in your face. You I hold so dear who quells my every fear. When I watch you walk away, I say a prayer every day that I will see you walk back to me, that you are mine for all eternally
ARTICLE: MY LIFE WITH STEVE JOBS BY KATE STOREY
Chrisann Brennan first met Steve Jobs in 1972, while they were both students at Homestead HS in Cupertino, Calif. Over the next five years, they dated off and on throughout their teens and early 20s. The two were living together with their friend Daniel Kottke, a computer engineer and one of the earliest employees of Apple, in 1977, when the company took off.
The two finally ended their romantic relationship for good in late 1977, after Brennan became pregnant with their daughter, Lisa. Brennan worked as a waitress and collected welfare checks to support herself and their baby daughter.
Chrisann Brennan was Jobs’ first girlfriend.
Jobs publicly denied he was Lisa’s father for years, even though he took a paternity test in 1979 proving he was the dad. He was paying $500 a month in child support when he told Time magazine in 1983, “28 percent of the male population in the United States could be the father.”
Today, Brennan is a painter and graphic designer living in Monterey, Calif., and Lisa is a Harvard-educated journalist.
Here, in an exclusive excerpt from Brennan’s first-person tale, “The Bite in the Apple: A Memoir of My Life With Steve Jobs” (on sale Oct. 29), she describes her frustrating, difficult and passionate years with the business visionary…
Steve often said that he had a strong sense of having had a past life as a World War II pilot. He’d tell me how, when driving, he felt a strong impulse to pull the steering wheel back as if for takeoff. It was a curious thing for him to say, but he did have that sense of unadorned glamour from the forties. He loved the big band sound of Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and Count Basie. At the first Apple party he even danced like he was from the forties. So I could see the fit: Steve as a young man with all that American ingenuity from a less encumbered time, with that simple sense of right and wrong. But that’s not how I pictured him in 1977. Apple was taking off and Steve wasn’t in an airplane, he was in a rocket ship blasting out beyond the atmosphere of what anyone imagined possible. And he was changing.
It was around this time that Steve, Daniel, and I moved into a rental in Cupertino. It was a four-bedroom ranch style house on Presidio Drive, close to Apple’s first offices. Steve told me that he didn’t want to get a house with just the two of us because it felt insufficient to him.
Steve wanted his buddy Daniel to live with him because he believed it would break up the intensity of what wasn’t working between us. Our relationship was running hot and cold. We were completely crazy about each other and utterly bored in turns. I had suggested to Steve that we separate, but he told me that he just couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.
A new memoir by his ex-girlfriend sheds light on the cult of Steve Jobs.Photo: Albert Watson
I was glad to hear this but I was also, by this time, deferring to his ideas way too often. Steve also didn’t want us to share a room at the Presidio house. He said he didn’t want us to play assumed roles and that he wanted to choose when we would be together. I was hurt by this, but reasoned that he had a point, that we both needed a sense of space and choice. And so I went along with it.
Steve selected the bedroom in the front of the house. It was like him to want to position himself as the captain of the ship — in front. He was always vying for that superior position. I chose the master bedroom and settled in, knowing I had the best room. Daniel, who was sort of charmingly odd, slept in the living room on the floor next to his piano. But after a month Steve literally picked me up and moved everything I owned and took over the master bedroom. He’d finally realized that I had the better deal: a larger room with an en suite bath and the privacy of the backyard. Steve had paid the security deposit for the rental so was, in fact, entitled to the room he wanted. But he was so graceless that I felt humiliated and outraged.
Even after swapping rooms in this way, Steve and I still shared nights of lovemaking so profound that, astonishingly, some fifteen years later, he called me out of the blue to thank me for them. He was married at the time of his call and all I could think of was, Whoa . . . men . . . are . . . really . . . different. Imagine if I had called him to say such a thing.
We remembered different things. Mainly I recalled how awful he was becoming and how I was starting to flounder. But he was right: our lovemaking had been sublime. At the time of Steve’s phone call, I found that as I listened I was as awed by the memory as by his strange need to risk an expression of such intimacy. After I hung up I stood still and thought, Maybe Steve thinks that love has its own laws and imperative. But why call now?
Chrisann Brennan with daughter Lisa. She and Jobs broke up after she became pregnant in 1977.
His timing had always been so particular.
Living with Steve in Cupertino was not as I had expected it to be. We shared nice dinners and some beautiful evenings, but we could barely sustain a sense of emotional intimacy, much less build on it. It was like a game of Snakes and Ladders, with Steve as the game master. The ups were hopeful and the downs were extreme. I didn’t know how to hold my own with him because he didn’t play fair. He just played to win — and win at any cost. I knew that a solid relationship couldn’t be built on any one person winning, but I couldn’t understand why things kept slip-sliding away and breaking into pieces.
When we first moved into that house, I was by myself during the days when Steve and Daniel went off to Apple. I was deeply frustrated by my lack of creative focus. I had made the commitment to myself to be an artist but I had no idea how to do it. There was so much pain between me and my work that I didn’t know where to begin or how to direct myself. So when my friend Ellen offered to help me get a waitressing job at a restaurant in Palo Alto, I jumped at the chance. I wanted to be around others, to make money, and to wash Steve and Daniel out of my hair on a regular basis. I needed my own independent life and perspective away from that house. I wanted to be around other people so I could remember who I was and what interested me. I also thought that it would help Steve and me to get on a better footing or, if we couldn’t, for me to find my own feet to walk out of the relationship if that’s what I needed to do.
Unfortunately I had to turn down that job because I didn’t have a car and so couldn’t get to Palo Alto. So I ended up working at Apple in Cupertino, driving in the mornings with Steve and Daniel and walking home in the evenings if we didn’t have plans together after work. Eventually I started to take art classes at De Anza, which was conveniently located between Apple and our home. At Apple I worked in the shipping department where, if I remember correctly, I soldered disconnected chips onto boards and also screwed those same boards into Apple II cases for final assembly. The work wasn’t interesting, but the banter and laughter with my cohorts, Richard Johnson and Bob Martinengo, kept me amused.
At that time Apple had about one thousand square feet to its name, divided into three rooms total: one for shipping, one as a kind of tech lab for R & D, and one larger office for all the executives and secretaries.
Jobs with daughter Lisa, dressed as Raggedy Ann, on Halloween 1986.
One day I remember a bunch of us standing around Steve’s desk when John Draper, aka Captain Crunch, called. (Draper is well known for his contribution to the blue box technology.) Steve put Draper on the speakerphone so that everyone could hear without Draper’s knowing we were all listening. Draper was full of anxiety, pleading with Steve to do something for him. I don’t remember what now, but I do know that people were quietly laughing at him. This is nothing in the annals of Steve Jobs stories, but I remember it because Steve’s lack of fair play seemed shameless to me. I didn’t care who he was making fun of. I just didn’t like it.
On the nights when Steve and I didn’t have something to do together — and there were more and more of these — he would often come home late and wake me up to talk and make love. On the nights he just wanted to talk, I knew he had been with Kobun [Japanese Zen master Kobun Chino Otogawa was a longtime spiritual adviser to Jobs]. I would wake up to find Steve gently ecstatic, speaking to me in symbolic language with the Zen master’s distinct speech pattern. A number of times he spoke to me about how he had been given “five brilliant flowers.” His demeanor would gleam when he said this, and I would listen to find out what the symbol meant to him. My best guess after months of these reveries was that the flowers were five different people whose enlightenment Steve would be involved in. These blooms apparently included me. In the beginning he talked about “one brilliant flower” and he would touch my nose when he said it, as if to say, “That’s you!” but then it rose to three and then five.
I’d wondered who the others were.
Steve was assuming the role of my spiritual master once again and I felt uneasy about it. What if I didn’t want to be one of his brilliant flowers. Beyond this, the general lack of transparency when it came to Steve and Kobun didn’t feel right, especially when it involved me. A few years earlier Steve had tried to get me to primal scream “Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy” when we had taken LSD because he thought he was fit to oversee that kind of opening up in me just from having read a book. The fact that he had never gone through primal therapy himself didn’t seem to concern him. It was that Pygmalion thing again.
Tech titan Jobs with the latest in personal computers, circa 1984.Photo: Michael L. Abramson/Getty Images
Now he and Kobun thought Steve should oversee my enlightenment? Also during this time Steve bragged about being lazy. He was working like a maniac but he’d throw his head back with his eyes unfocused and croon, “I am just the laziest man in the world.” After about the tenth refrain I quietly translated this to mean that he was only active in response to inspiration, and so in this way, action was effortless, thus, he was lazy. It smacked of the coded language between him and Kobun. Further, it felt self-aggrandizing. I was left out of the late-night conversations between master and student, but I got these trailers when I was half asleep. Some of it was beautiful and I was glad Steve wanted to share it with me, but some of it felt really skewed. Steve had a way of being spiritually advanced while also being emotionally underdeveloped, and I started to wonder why Kobun didn’t understand this. Why indeed.
I was wary because I didn’t think enlightened people bragged, and I sensed that these two were too infatuated with themselves. The touch on the nose was patronizing. Steve, who was my boyfriend, not my guru, had some confusion about me surrendering to his ego instead of to my own higher purpose and presence. In the end, I think he may have been jealous of me for having my own power and insight. He seemed to want either to own everything or diminish its value.
One evening, Steve and I had a party at the Presidio house. I don’t remember much about the party or who was there — likely, Bill Fernandez, Woz [Steve Wozniak], and Daniel, and their girlfriends. What I do remember is that the next morning there was a confusing moment when Steve, looking around and squinting, asked what we should do with “it.” I didn’t
The late Steve Jobs with his wife, Laurene Powell, at the 2010 Academy Awards.Photo: Alexandra Wyman/Getty Images
understand the question until I realized that he was asking if there was a service we could call in to take care of the dirty dishes. Doing the dishes ourselves was simply no longer an option for Steve. He had entered into an elite world where others took care of the lower-level functions so that he could operate with more efficiency, on his presumably higher plane. I not too happily cleaned them up by myself. This put me into the wrong kind of position with him, because in no world should I ever have been in a service role to Steve in this way. I just didn’t understand how to take care of myself in the face of his enlarged sense of self importance.
A few weeks after the party Steve started telling me that I had too many wrinkles on my forehead. I’m of Irish and French descent and have thin skin from the Irish side. In my early twenties, I had a wrinkle-free face, but when I raised my eyebrows, I had a bazillion tiny lines, like pages of a book. Steve would point this out and then, like a stage mother, literally reach over and smooth my forehead whenever I furrowed my brow. This was a new Steve. I have never liked this sort of thing in mothers, much less in boyfriends.
I am not the kind of woman who places high stakes in her appearance.
That’s not a natural outcome of who I am. But I was puzzled. Steve had always really liked the way I looked before, but now my very face was not okay? I fell to tears, rejected and burdened by it all.
I now understand that Steve was learning how to gain power by insinuating negative self-images onto others. He was starting to define me more by what I wasn’t, than by what I was. This was a whole new category of unkindness and it confused me. It was mean and I felt rejected, but I just didn’t have a comeback.
As Apple grew, so did Steve’s sense of self-entitlement; in parallel they both seemed to take on lives of their own. And his behaviors didn’t improve with success, they changed from adolescent and dopey to just plain vicious. For example, in the pre-Apple days whenever we’d go out for dinner (which wasn’t that often), Steve would often be sarcastic toward the restaurant staff. The host would say, “Two?” and Steve would reply, “No, fifteen!” driving for the implicit “DUH!” But after Apple started we ate out a lot more and Steve’s behavior toward service people changed into a different kind of disempowerment.
The cover of Chrisann Brennan’s new book, “The Bite in the Apple,” out October 29.
Steve would order the same meal night after night, yet he’d complain bitterly each evening about the little side sauces that were served with it, cutting the air with disdain for the waitstaff who would serve up such greasy-salty-tasteless-mock-fine cuisine. He seemed to assume that everyone at the restaurant should know better than to serve up such wallpaper paste — not only to him, but at all. Steve would run down the waitstaff like a demon, detailing the finer points of good service, which included the notion that “they should be seen only when he needed them.” Steve was uncontrollably critical. His reactions had a Tourette’s quality — as if he couldn’t stop himself.
Of course, it must have been sort of wild to have your genius recognized at the age of twenty-two, to be thrust into such a role of authority.
Steve had always been a brilliant misfit, but at this time — to be generous — he wasn’t managing his growing power very well. In fact, he was positively despotic. Excellence had always been a gorgeous thing in Steve, but now he was using it like a weapon. He’d look for excellence and when he didn’t find it, he’d behave badly and take it out on people.
As Steve’s first girlfriend I increasingly experienced what it felt like to have him turn against me. And so it was at this time that I began to perceive that awesome and awful could be but a hair’s breadth apart.
And where Steve’s fullness met mine with staggering beauty (there was a reason he called fifteen years later to acknowledge the importance of the nights we’d shared), he was also becoming so creatively unstable, so out of integrity with himself that everything could slip out of alignment in an instant. That’s when my heart would freeze over. That’s when I’d be left speechless and gasping. Though I would try to adapt to the change, it all soon outweighed his value to me.
From “The Bite in the Apple” by Chrisann Brennan
The two finally ended their romantic relationship for good in late 1977, after Brennan became pregnant with their daughter, Lisa. Brennan worked as a waitress and collected welfare checks to support herself and their baby daughter.
Chrisann Brennan was Jobs’ first girlfriend.
Jobs publicly denied he was Lisa’s father for years, even though he took a paternity test in 1979 proving he was the dad. He was paying $500 a month in child support when he told Time magazine in 1983, “28 percent of the male population in the United States could be the father.”
Today, Brennan is a painter and graphic designer living in Monterey, Calif., and Lisa is a Harvard-educated journalist.
Here, in an exclusive excerpt from Brennan’s first-person tale, “The Bite in the Apple: A Memoir of My Life With Steve Jobs” (on sale Oct. 29), she describes her frustrating, difficult and passionate years with the business visionary…
Steve often said that he had a strong sense of having had a past life as a World War II pilot. He’d tell me how, when driving, he felt a strong impulse to pull the steering wheel back as if for takeoff. It was a curious thing for him to say, but he did have that sense of unadorned glamour from the forties. He loved the big band sound of Tommy Dorsey, Benny Goodman, and Count Basie. At the first Apple party he even danced like he was from the forties. So I could see the fit: Steve as a young man with all that American ingenuity from a less encumbered time, with that simple sense of right and wrong. But that’s not how I pictured him in 1977. Apple was taking off and Steve wasn’t in an airplane, he was in a rocket ship blasting out beyond the atmosphere of what anyone imagined possible. And he was changing.
It was around this time that Steve, Daniel, and I moved into a rental in Cupertino. It was a four-bedroom ranch style house on Presidio Drive, close to Apple’s first offices. Steve told me that he didn’t want to get a house with just the two of us because it felt insufficient to him.
Steve wanted his buddy Daniel to live with him because he believed it would break up the intensity of what wasn’t working between us. Our relationship was running hot and cold. We were completely crazy about each other and utterly bored in turns. I had suggested to Steve that we separate, but he told me that he just couldn’t bring himself to say goodbye.
A new memoir by his ex-girlfriend sheds light on the cult of Steve Jobs.Photo: Albert Watson
I was glad to hear this but I was also, by this time, deferring to his ideas way too often. Steve also didn’t want us to share a room at the Presidio house. He said he didn’t want us to play assumed roles and that he wanted to choose when we would be together. I was hurt by this, but reasoned that he had a point, that we both needed a sense of space and choice. And so I went along with it.
Steve selected the bedroom in the front of the house. It was like him to want to position himself as the captain of the ship — in front. He was always vying for that superior position. I chose the master bedroom and settled in, knowing I had the best room. Daniel, who was sort of charmingly odd, slept in the living room on the floor next to his piano. But after a month Steve literally picked me up and moved everything I owned and took over the master bedroom. He’d finally realized that I had the better deal: a larger room with an en suite bath and the privacy of the backyard. Steve had paid the security deposit for the rental so was, in fact, entitled to the room he wanted. But he was so graceless that I felt humiliated and outraged.
Even after swapping rooms in this way, Steve and I still shared nights of lovemaking so profound that, astonishingly, some fifteen years later, he called me out of the blue to thank me for them. He was married at the time of his call and all I could think of was, Whoa . . . men . . . are . . . really . . . different. Imagine if I had called him to say such a thing.
We remembered different things. Mainly I recalled how awful he was becoming and how I was starting to flounder. But he was right: our lovemaking had been sublime. At the time of Steve’s phone call, I found that as I listened I was as awed by the memory as by his strange need to risk an expression of such intimacy. After I hung up I stood still and thought, Maybe Steve thinks that love has its own laws and imperative. But why call now?
Chrisann Brennan with daughter Lisa. She and Jobs broke up after she became pregnant in 1977.
His timing had always been so particular.
Living with Steve in Cupertino was not as I had expected it to be. We shared nice dinners and some beautiful evenings, but we could barely sustain a sense of emotional intimacy, much less build on it. It was like a game of Snakes and Ladders, with Steve as the game master. The ups were hopeful and the downs were extreme. I didn’t know how to hold my own with him because he didn’t play fair. He just played to win — and win at any cost. I knew that a solid relationship couldn’t be built on any one person winning, but I couldn’t understand why things kept slip-sliding away and breaking into pieces.
When we first moved into that house, I was by myself during the days when Steve and Daniel went off to Apple. I was deeply frustrated by my lack of creative focus. I had made the commitment to myself to be an artist but I had no idea how to do it. There was so much pain between me and my work that I didn’t know where to begin or how to direct myself. So when my friend Ellen offered to help me get a waitressing job at a restaurant in Palo Alto, I jumped at the chance. I wanted to be around others, to make money, and to wash Steve and Daniel out of my hair on a regular basis. I needed my own independent life and perspective away from that house. I wanted to be around other people so I could remember who I was and what interested me. I also thought that it would help Steve and me to get on a better footing or, if we couldn’t, for me to find my own feet to walk out of the relationship if that’s what I needed to do.
Unfortunately I had to turn down that job because I didn’t have a car and so couldn’t get to Palo Alto. So I ended up working at Apple in Cupertino, driving in the mornings with Steve and Daniel and walking home in the evenings if we didn’t have plans together after work. Eventually I started to take art classes at De Anza, which was conveniently located between Apple and our home. At Apple I worked in the shipping department where, if I remember correctly, I soldered disconnected chips onto boards and also screwed those same boards into Apple II cases for final assembly. The work wasn’t interesting, but the banter and laughter with my cohorts, Richard Johnson and Bob Martinengo, kept me amused.
At that time Apple had about one thousand square feet to its name, divided into three rooms total: one for shipping, one as a kind of tech lab for R & D, and one larger office for all the executives and secretaries.
Jobs with daughter Lisa, dressed as Raggedy Ann, on Halloween 1986.
One day I remember a bunch of us standing around Steve’s desk when John Draper, aka Captain Crunch, called. (Draper is well known for his contribution to the blue box technology.) Steve put Draper on the speakerphone so that everyone could hear without Draper’s knowing we were all listening. Draper was full of anxiety, pleading with Steve to do something for him. I don’t remember what now, but I do know that people were quietly laughing at him. This is nothing in the annals of Steve Jobs stories, but I remember it because Steve’s lack of fair play seemed shameless to me. I didn’t care who he was making fun of. I just didn’t like it.
On the nights when Steve and I didn’t have something to do together — and there were more and more of these — he would often come home late and wake me up to talk and make love. On the nights he just wanted to talk, I knew he had been with Kobun [Japanese Zen master Kobun Chino Otogawa was a longtime spiritual adviser to Jobs]. I would wake up to find Steve gently ecstatic, speaking to me in symbolic language with the Zen master’s distinct speech pattern. A number of times he spoke to me about how he had been given “five brilliant flowers.” His demeanor would gleam when he said this, and I would listen to find out what the symbol meant to him. My best guess after months of these reveries was that the flowers were five different people whose enlightenment Steve would be involved in. These blooms apparently included me. In the beginning he talked about “one brilliant flower” and he would touch my nose when he said it, as if to say, “That’s you!” but then it rose to three and then five.
I’d wondered who the others were.
Steve was assuming the role of my spiritual master once again and I felt uneasy about it. What if I didn’t want to be one of his brilliant flowers. Beyond this, the general lack of transparency when it came to Steve and Kobun didn’t feel right, especially when it involved me. A few years earlier Steve had tried to get me to primal scream “Mommy, Daddy, Mommy, Daddy” when we had taken LSD because he thought he was fit to oversee that kind of opening up in me just from having read a book. The fact that he had never gone through primal therapy himself didn’t seem to concern him. It was that Pygmalion thing again.
Tech titan Jobs with the latest in personal computers, circa 1984.Photo: Michael L. Abramson/Getty Images
Now he and Kobun thought Steve should oversee my enlightenment? Also during this time Steve bragged about being lazy. He was working like a maniac but he’d throw his head back with his eyes unfocused and croon, “I am just the laziest man in the world.” After about the tenth refrain I quietly translated this to mean that he was only active in response to inspiration, and so in this way, action was effortless, thus, he was lazy. It smacked of the coded language between him and Kobun. Further, it felt self-aggrandizing. I was left out of the late-night conversations between master and student, but I got these trailers when I was half asleep. Some of it was beautiful and I was glad Steve wanted to share it with me, but some of it felt really skewed. Steve had a way of being spiritually advanced while also being emotionally underdeveloped, and I started to wonder why Kobun didn’t understand this. Why indeed.
I was wary because I didn’t think enlightened people bragged, and I sensed that these two were too infatuated with themselves. The touch on the nose was patronizing. Steve, who was my boyfriend, not my guru, had some confusion about me surrendering to his ego instead of to my own higher purpose and presence. In the end, I think he may have been jealous of me for having my own power and insight. He seemed to want either to own everything or diminish its value.
One evening, Steve and I had a party at the Presidio house. I don’t remember much about the party or who was there — likely, Bill Fernandez, Woz [Steve Wozniak], and Daniel, and their girlfriends. What I do remember is that the next morning there was a confusing moment when Steve, looking around and squinting, asked what we should do with “it.” I didn’t
The late Steve Jobs with his wife, Laurene Powell, at the 2010 Academy Awards.Photo: Alexandra Wyman/Getty Images
understand the question until I realized that he was asking if there was a service we could call in to take care of the dirty dishes. Doing the dishes ourselves was simply no longer an option for Steve. He had entered into an elite world where others took care of the lower-level functions so that he could operate with more efficiency, on his presumably higher plane. I not too happily cleaned them up by myself. This put me into the wrong kind of position with him, because in no world should I ever have been in a service role to Steve in this way. I just didn’t understand how to take care of myself in the face of his enlarged sense of self importance.
A few weeks after the party Steve started telling me that I had too many wrinkles on my forehead. I’m of Irish and French descent and have thin skin from the Irish side. In my early twenties, I had a wrinkle-free face, but when I raised my eyebrows, I had a bazillion tiny lines, like pages of a book. Steve would point this out and then, like a stage mother, literally reach over and smooth my forehead whenever I furrowed my brow. This was a new Steve. I have never liked this sort of thing in mothers, much less in boyfriends.
I am not the kind of woman who places high stakes in her appearance.
That’s not a natural outcome of who I am. But I was puzzled. Steve had always really liked the way I looked before, but now my very face was not okay? I fell to tears, rejected and burdened by it all.
I now understand that Steve was learning how to gain power by insinuating negative self-images onto others. He was starting to define me more by what I wasn’t, than by what I was. This was a whole new category of unkindness and it confused me. It was mean and I felt rejected, but I just didn’t have a comeback.
As Apple grew, so did Steve’s sense of self-entitlement; in parallel they both seemed to take on lives of their own. And his behaviors didn’t improve with success, they changed from adolescent and dopey to just plain vicious. For example, in the pre-Apple days whenever we’d go out for dinner (which wasn’t that often), Steve would often be sarcastic toward the restaurant staff. The host would say, “Two?” and Steve would reply, “No, fifteen!” driving for the implicit “DUH!” But after Apple started we ate out a lot more and Steve’s behavior toward service people changed into a different kind of disempowerment.
The cover of Chrisann Brennan’s new book, “The Bite in the Apple,” out October 29.
Steve would order the same meal night after night, yet he’d complain bitterly each evening about the little side sauces that were served with it, cutting the air with disdain for the waitstaff who would serve up such greasy-salty-tasteless-mock-fine cuisine. He seemed to assume that everyone at the restaurant should know better than to serve up such wallpaper paste — not only to him, but at all. Steve would run down the waitstaff like a demon, detailing the finer points of good service, which included the notion that “they should be seen only when he needed them.” Steve was uncontrollably critical. His reactions had a Tourette’s quality — as if he couldn’t stop himself.
Of course, it must have been sort of wild to have your genius recognized at the age of twenty-two, to be thrust into such a role of authority.
Steve had always been a brilliant misfit, but at this time — to be generous — he wasn’t managing his growing power very well. In fact, he was positively despotic. Excellence had always been a gorgeous thing in Steve, but now he was using it like a weapon. He’d look for excellence and when he didn’t find it, he’d behave badly and take it out on people.
As Steve’s first girlfriend I increasingly experienced what it felt like to have him turn against me. And so it was at this time that I began to perceive that awesome and awful could be but a hair’s breadth apart.
And where Steve’s fullness met mine with staggering beauty (there was a reason he called fifteen years later to acknowledge the importance of the nights we’d shared), he was also becoming so creatively unstable, so out of integrity with himself that everything could slip out of alignment in an instant. That’s when my heart would freeze over. That’s when I’d be left speechless and gasping. Though I would try to adapt to the change, it all soon outweighed his value to me.
From “The Bite in the Apple” by Chrisann Brennan
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I sit here and wonder what if I would have never met you Would my life seem complete? Would my heart feel so much pain when you are not here? So in love.I can't tell why. Maybe it's the way you looks deep into my eyes. I see your beautiful eyes staring back at me and I know that I am your forever. I can kiss your lips and my hearts jumps. And I'll keep saying it again and again. When I think about what we have. all I can do is smile With every breath I take, with every heartbeat I have, you will always be the one I see I run to see your smile, that has me feeling for thee. With every bright sun and every blue sky, I will wish you were by my side. With every day that goes by, there is one more tear that falls from my eyes.that only proves to me I am nothing without you next to me. For the day will come that you and me will love one other .Your eyes are like the sun's rays, that dance upon the sea. They make me want to hold you, touch you, when they look at me. Your lips, so full and tender, I yearn for their gentle touch. I can't wait until ours reunite,as they dance to the rhythm of our love. I long for your arms to hold me, to make me feel so safe and secure. I could lay in your arms forever,and listen as my heart beats with yours. There are so many feelings, emotions,that I cannot express but maybe someday soon, they can be physically addressed. Come, my love, share a lifetime of bright stars and rainbows of happiness with me, for hopes that one day it will become true, and not a fantasy.
I sit here and wonder what if I would have never met you Would my life seem complete? Would my heart feel so much pain when you are not here? So in love.I can't tell why. Maybe it's the way you looks deep into my eyes. I see your beautiful eyes staring back at me and I know that I am your forever. I can kiss your lips and my hearts jumps. And I'll keep saying it again and again. When I think about what we have. all I can do is smile With every breath I take, with every heartbeat I have, you will always be the one I see I run to see your smile, that has me feeling for thee. With every bright sun and every blue sky, I will wish you were by my side. With every day that goes by, there is one more tear that falls from my eyes.that only proves to me I am nothing without you next to me. For the day will come that you and me will love one other .Your eyes are like the sun's rays, that dance upon the sea. They make me want to hold you, touch you, when they look at me. Your lips, so full and tender, I yearn for their gentle touch. I can't wait until ours reunite,as they dance to the rhythm of our love. I long for your arms to hold me, to make me feel so safe and secure. I could lay in your arms forever,and listen as my heart beats with yours. There are so many feelings, emotions,that I cannot express but maybe someday soon, they can be physically addressed. Come, my love, share a lifetime of bright stars and rainbows of happiness with me, for hopes that one day it will become true, and not a fantasy.
PERSONAL/LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
I write this story about a love so true about a man and woman who could be me and you. They shared their nights of passions and days of pure delight. I watch as hand in hand they stroll so gently by. The smile upon his face is mine. The looks she gives are yours. The years of love have carried them along this loving path. And as I look upon this pair Its easy to realize that someday it will be you and I hand in hand gently strolling by. Before your touch,I dreamt of a silk hand resting over mine. I dreamt of a warmth I then thought only a fire could provide. I dreamt of a field of flowers where I could lay...But that was before your touch and before I found that being in your arms was better than any field. Before your kiss, I thought of chocolate as the only thing that could soothe my soul. Strawberries were the sweetest things to ever press against my lips; My lips which spoke words to other's ears. but that was before my lips spoke my most precious thoughts to your heart. Before you, I lay awake at night and prayed for love. I sat in my chair and pictured a face that would stare back into mine- Eyes that would hold me. and arms that would keep me safe, hold me dear. But that was before I found you and discovered that I could have more than just a dream- I could have you It's funny how we started.You were a stranger But one call from you led To something deeper. I was lost, you found me. You were not a dream.But you made me see Beyond a world so dim. It doesn't matter If I haven't seen you Just hear my heart shouting louder. Honey, believe me, I do, I love you with all my heart.
I write this story about a love so true about a man and woman who could be me and you. They shared their nights of passions and days of pure delight. I watch as hand in hand they stroll so gently by. The smile upon his face is mine. The looks she gives are yours. The years of love have carried them along this loving path. And as I look upon this pair Its easy to realize that someday it will be you and I hand in hand gently strolling by. Before your touch,I dreamt of a silk hand resting over mine. I dreamt of a warmth I then thought only a fire could provide. I dreamt of a field of flowers where I could lay...But that was before your touch and before I found that being in your arms was better than any field. Before your kiss, I thought of chocolate as the only thing that could soothe my soul. Strawberries were the sweetest things to ever press against my lips; My lips which spoke words to other's ears. but that was before my lips spoke my most precious thoughts to your heart. Before you, I lay awake at night and prayed for love. I sat in my chair and pictured a face that would stare back into mine- Eyes that would hold me. and arms that would keep me safe, hold me dear. But that was before I found you and discovered that I could have more than just a dream- I could have you It's funny how we started.You were a stranger But one call from you led To something deeper. I was lost, you found me. You were not a dream.But you made me see Beyond a world so dim. It doesn't matter If I haven't seen you Just hear my heart shouting louder. Honey, believe me, I do, I love you with all my heart.
Monday, October 14, 2013
FROM A FAN: ALPHA MAN BREEDING
I'm in my late-40s, . During a bad divorce I decided to "get out there" and explore the swinging lifestyle. So, last summer I made a profile on one of the popular Swinging dating sites. I meet up with a number couples and quickly came to a major realization, I prefer married ladies. Married women are sincere, pure and motivated as lovers they are not looking to settle down, or find financial security. For me, it is more than the physical, it is the mental high. Fucking the wife of someone else is a great taboo. It is wildly erotic. It is naughty. It is something we are not supposed to do. This is exactly why, when the opportunity presents itself, that we do it! There is a certain thrill, a sexual power in having her do things that should be reserved for her husband.
There is something so sexy about a woman who is a good wife and mother...who can become a slut for someone other than her husband. She doesn't want to marry me, doesn't want to love me but she NEEDS to have me. She submits to me and my advances because with me she isn't a wife or mother ...she is simply a woman who has sexual urges to be fulfilled and I satisfy her and those urges. She feels me inside her, taking her, filling her with my seed. She knows that this is what she was made for, that I can make her feel like a woman should. It's a great feeling that I can bring that much pleasure to a women, that her husband and others have never been able to do.
From the beginning of time we men have competed for women, responding with arousal whenever something occurs to stimulate that competition. To win the prize, the trophy, to prove our manhood and validation of ourselves through sexual conquest, seducing a woman for her sexual treasures. It is the male nature to compete, to score in games and other contests. Fucking a new woman gives us that same feeling as winning a game - and that relates back to filling our basic biological needs.
There is nothing else in a guy's "sexual resume" that will give him more prestige than for others to know that he has enjoyed the body of some other guy's wife! There is no greater symbol of power than a throbbing, cock pushing itself inside her pussy. A beautiful image, it represents sexual energy, dominance, and control. And there is no greater act of sacrifice than when a married woman surrenders her pride and self-respect submitting her body to another Man's primal desire to breed her. To see a married couple out in public and be able to say to yourself "I fucked his wife" is a feeling of power that is unpatrolled anywhere else.
I love seeing a woman's wedding ring while she is letting me inside her. It's just such a symbol of her being a whore, her infidelity, and the forbidden sexual act occurring between us. It is true that even the sight of a wedding ring on a woman's finger stimulates a guy to want to move in and see if he can have her. Nothing makes a woman more attractive and desirable than knowing she "belongs" to someone else. The thrill of watching the wife stroking her lover's cock with her wedding ringed hand, making him cum onto her left hand, the anointing of the wedding ring - with large amounts of her lovers semen! The symbolism is very exciting, a wife showing her wedding ring covered with sperm to renounce her wedding vows to her husband, the transfer of the husband's power and the acknowledgement of my power, of her willingness to give herself to me completely.
I do not take somebody's wife for good, I just borrow her. Get her horny and see what happens. My goal is to unleash the sexual tension and unfilled fantasizes that she has locked inside her. In some cases, these wives have never explored their own sexuality and the sexual needs. The task is to turn these wives into a full sexual being, so that she can fulfill her desires without remorse, shame or regret, to explore her sexual fantasies and meet her needs in ways she never could have imagined.
Women are made to be looked at. Women are built to be art. The female body is one of the most beautiful sites in nature. I think curvy is beautiful. I think confidence, poise, and grace are beautiful. I think expressive eyes are beautiful. Someone who is relaxed, composed and confident. What makes a women beautiful and sexy is her attitude about herself and her sensuality. True feminine beauty comes from a woman who embraces her womanhood, who makes no excuses, who knows what she wants, and who can express her love without holding anything back, who can give herself completely to a man.
A woman's body is made for sex. Made to please the entire male race. She enjoys the idea of being attractive to other men. She's looking for the right man who can take her further than her husband or any other man has ever done. She needs to reach new heights and experience new things. Women desire getting fucked and being controlled physically and emotionally. They secretly crave a "real men" to use them sexually. They are willing to be converted into a slut to experience the sexual bliss that their husband can never provide them.
I enjoy taking her out in public where I can show her off, where she's on display. The risk of being seen by her friends or whoever adds excitement for her and for me turned on by the naughtiness of it all. To know she is out with her lover and people wondering just what they are doing flaunting her relationship with her partner in public. Telling her that it makes me proud to have her on my arm while we walk down the street. To prove that she still possesses "traffic stopping" beauty and is always turning heads when she is out in public.
Being kissed in public is a special treat because it proves that the person you are with wants others to know that he or she cares about you. It is a possessive gesture, and sometimes we all want to be possessed. -- "she's mine". To help her to enjoy the added attention of other men and make her feel special, attractive, sexy, and wanted. Dispel any self-doubt she may have in her own desirability she may have and to prove to her she is beautiful. Beautiful enough and confident enough and sexy enough to wear revealing clothes in public and enjoy the thrill when other men look at her with lust in her heart, confident in her sensuality teasing, visual and verbal taunting to show her own worth as a women.
One of the things which turns me on is the act of seduction, watching the reluctant women being seduced by a determined lover. Watching her, how sexy she is, is very erotic. The flirting and seduction leading up to her complete surrender is incredibly hot. Sex is much more satisfying when there's a slow build-up to it. I get turned on when I know a woman wants to have sex with me, because she desires me, and I've made her hot and horny. My job is to be a man, to take charge and control, and make her feel like a woman. To be a man and to take her as often as he likes, anytime and anywhere he likes.
A real Man is the one that not only dominates a women's body but also her mind, and her desires. First you make love to a women's mind, and then you can make love to their bodies. A woman's mind is very powerful and very sexual and it is your passion for giving her pleasure that brings her sexuality to life. She surrenders to your voice and touch, totally lets go, melts into completeness, feels naked to you in every way, and her mind and body naturally slips into an orgasm. Some women learn to enjoy it, embracing it taking it to new levels finding a whole new world to explore. She wants a man to be in charge and to make her sexually submissive to his wishes, as long as he really wants to focus on her and nothing else. To do as he desires because this type of man is the kind of man who leaves her breathless and paralyzed with pleasure. He is a man she is proud to be with, to submit to and to do as he desires with her.
Open her mind and body and prove that you are a man who deserve her womanly gift and she will surrender herself to you, she will offer her pussy to you and the complete surrender of her body. By surrendering her body to me her entire body becomes an erogenous zone. To follow me no matter where I take her. This is a way to give herself wholly and completely to her partner, and for your partner to accept you that way as well. She wants a man who will take her deeper than she can take herself. She want a man she can trust, someone she can really surrender to, who will be the masculine center, that her feminine energy can flow around. She is married to her husband, but her body is not his. Her body belongs to the man inside her, inside her mind and her body.
I believe in the saying, "Treat a Whore like a Princess and A Princess like a Whore". When the "submissive" woman is forced, it frees her from the guilt as she was forced regardless of her desire to have wanted to do the act. The female act of submission is a way of turning the responsibility for her care over to the one whom she submits herself to. She is now able to ride the waves of intimate thrills this is a time full of intimate sharing, thoughts and fantasies, excitement and adventurous longing.
Her overriding urge in loving is to use her sexual power to transcend beyond herself and to lose herself sexually in her partner in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a merging of the spirit as well as of flesh. She is thus capable of the greatest heights of sensuality and eroticism. The act of offering and opening her body to others, her celebration of her desire and lust, her need for companionship and intimacy with male-kind, her submissiveness towards male sexuality, exchanging her time and intimacy for the sexual fulfillment of her partner, her commitment to satisfying the sexual and emotional needs of others and her ability to feel her spiritual linkage with the universe. Enjoying the full sphere of her sexuality as a woman leaves her feeling true to herself and complete.
I love enticing her to her knees to suck my cock for the first time or seducing her into being a slave totally devoted to my pleasures. I love a women with this much adventure. The world is theirs to surrender to me. I let myself be pulled inside her body and into her whole being. It is a wonderful and hot experience for me and I am honored to have been brought into her bed and to have experienced a lovely woman. She is there for my pleasure, and in being so receives all the pleasure a man to give her.
The hottest part for me is that moment when she is put on her back and prepared for penetration. When she arches her back and presents her body and her whole being to me in this ultimate act of surrender. It is the look on her face that stirs me, watching her fuck bareback and take every ounce of my load deep inside of her womb. When I finally shoot my cum into her, I am intoxicated with the notion that she will return home to her husband with my cum deep inside of her! Like a dog, I have marked her as my property as my breeding whore! My cum inside her, confirms and validates the fact that she is a women of great value that other men want and desire her and are willing to pursue and take her at any cost.
The most erotic sex act for me is impregnating a woman. I have often fantasized about impregnating a woman. As a man, you know you were put on this earth to spread your seed and to give and receive pleasure through sex. I find it so erotic when I pumping my hot cum into another man's wife, especially when she is eager to be bred and to accept my seed into her womb and my baby in her belly.
The idea of a ritual impregnation ceremony is an especially erotic fantasy of mine. I think it would be the ultimate act of submission. I consider the body and the womb of other men's wives as my sacred property and it is my lifelong mission to claim it by ejaculating my wife-breeding sperm into as many wives as possible.
I enjoy being a strong, powerful and dominant male. I enjoy the feeling of having a wife freely given to me for my use. I especially like being able to fuck the unprotected pussies of these wives, knowing that there is a chance of making them pregnant. Knowing that she is taking my baby into her belly and making it part of her, is a big turn on for me and the ultimate confirmation of my existence and of my value and worth as a man.
While I am dominant, aggressive and assertive by nature, I am a complete gentleman by choice and am respectful of boundaries, feelings and desires and know that balancing her emotions and desires is a learned art. The art of love-making one of the great gifts of the gods and making love to another man's wife is my way of feeling like a God.
There is something so sexy about a woman who is a good wife and mother...who can become a slut for someone other than her husband. She doesn't want to marry me, doesn't want to love me but she NEEDS to have me. She submits to me and my advances because with me she isn't a wife or mother ...she is simply a woman who has sexual urges to be fulfilled and I satisfy her and those urges. She feels me inside her, taking her, filling her with my seed. She knows that this is what she was made for, that I can make her feel like a woman should. It's a great feeling that I can bring that much pleasure to a women, that her husband and others have never been able to do.
From the beginning of time we men have competed for women, responding with arousal whenever something occurs to stimulate that competition. To win the prize, the trophy, to prove our manhood and validation of ourselves through sexual conquest, seducing a woman for her sexual treasures. It is the male nature to compete, to score in games and other contests. Fucking a new woman gives us that same feeling as winning a game - and that relates back to filling our basic biological needs.
There is nothing else in a guy's "sexual resume" that will give him more prestige than for others to know that he has enjoyed the body of some other guy's wife! There is no greater symbol of power than a throbbing, cock pushing itself inside her pussy. A beautiful image, it represents sexual energy, dominance, and control. And there is no greater act of sacrifice than when a married woman surrenders her pride and self-respect submitting her body to another Man's primal desire to breed her. To see a married couple out in public and be able to say to yourself "I fucked his wife" is a feeling of power that is unpatrolled anywhere else.
I love seeing a woman's wedding ring while she is letting me inside her. It's just such a symbol of her being a whore, her infidelity, and the forbidden sexual act occurring between us. It is true that even the sight of a wedding ring on a woman's finger stimulates a guy to want to move in and see if he can have her. Nothing makes a woman more attractive and desirable than knowing she "belongs" to someone else. The thrill of watching the wife stroking her lover's cock with her wedding ringed hand, making him cum onto her left hand, the anointing of the wedding ring - with large amounts of her lovers semen! The symbolism is very exciting, a wife showing her wedding ring covered with sperm to renounce her wedding vows to her husband, the transfer of the husband's power and the acknowledgement of my power, of her willingness to give herself to me completely.
I do not take somebody's wife for good, I just borrow her. Get her horny and see what happens. My goal is to unleash the sexual tension and unfilled fantasizes that she has locked inside her. In some cases, these wives have never explored their own sexuality and the sexual needs. The task is to turn these wives into a full sexual being, so that she can fulfill her desires without remorse, shame or regret, to explore her sexual fantasies and meet her needs in ways she never could have imagined.
Women are made to be looked at. Women are built to be art. The female body is one of the most beautiful sites in nature. I think curvy is beautiful. I think confidence, poise, and grace are beautiful. I think expressive eyes are beautiful. Someone who is relaxed, composed and confident. What makes a women beautiful and sexy is her attitude about herself and her sensuality. True feminine beauty comes from a woman who embraces her womanhood, who makes no excuses, who knows what she wants, and who can express her love without holding anything back, who can give herself completely to a man.
A woman's body is made for sex. Made to please the entire male race. She enjoys the idea of being attractive to other men. She's looking for the right man who can take her further than her husband or any other man has ever done. She needs to reach new heights and experience new things. Women desire getting fucked and being controlled physically and emotionally. They secretly crave a "real men" to use them sexually. They are willing to be converted into a slut to experience the sexual bliss that their husband can never provide them.
I enjoy taking her out in public where I can show her off, where she's on display. The risk of being seen by her friends or whoever adds excitement for her and for me turned on by the naughtiness of it all. To know she is out with her lover and people wondering just what they are doing flaunting her relationship with her partner in public. Telling her that it makes me proud to have her on my arm while we walk down the street. To prove that she still possesses "traffic stopping" beauty and is always turning heads when she is out in public.
Being kissed in public is a special treat because it proves that the person you are with wants others to know that he or she cares about you. It is a possessive gesture, and sometimes we all want to be possessed. -- "she's mine". To help her to enjoy the added attention of other men and make her feel special, attractive, sexy, and wanted. Dispel any self-doubt she may have in her own desirability she may have and to prove to her she is beautiful. Beautiful enough and confident enough and sexy enough to wear revealing clothes in public and enjoy the thrill when other men look at her with lust in her heart, confident in her sensuality teasing, visual and verbal taunting to show her own worth as a women.
One of the things which turns me on is the act of seduction, watching the reluctant women being seduced by a determined lover. Watching her, how sexy she is, is very erotic. The flirting and seduction leading up to her complete surrender is incredibly hot. Sex is much more satisfying when there's a slow build-up to it. I get turned on when I know a woman wants to have sex with me, because she desires me, and I've made her hot and horny. My job is to be a man, to take charge and control, and make her feel like a woman. To be a man and to take her as often as he likes, anytime and anywhere he likes.
A real Man is the one that not only dominates a women's body but also her mind, and her desires. First you make love to a women's mind, and then you can make love to their bodies. A woman's mind is very powerful and very sexual and it is your passion for giving her pleasure that brings her sexuality to life. She surrenders to your voice and touch, totally lets go, melts into completeness, feels naked to you in every way, and her mind and body naturally slips into an orgasm. Some women learn to enjoy it, embracing it taking it to new levels finding a whole new world to explore. She wants a man to be in charge and to make her sexually submissive to his wishes, as long as he really wants to focus on her and nothing else. To do as he desires because this type of man is the kind of man who leaves her breathless and paralyzed with pleasure. He is a man she is proud to be with, to submit to and to do as he desires with her.
Open her mind and body and prove that you are a man who deserve her womanly gift and she will surrender herself to you, she will offer her pussy to you and the complete surrender of her body. By surrendering her body to me her entire body becomes an erogenous zone. To follow me no matter where I take her. This is a way to give herself wholly and completely to her partner, and for your partner to accept you that way as well. She wants a man who will take her deeper than she can take herself. She want a man she can trust, someone she can really surrender to, who will be the masculine center, that her feminine energy can flow around. She is married to her husband, but her body is not his. Her body belongs to the man inside her, inside her mind and her body.
I believe in the saying, "Treat a Whore like a Princess and A Princess like a Whore". When the "submissive" woman is forced, it frees her from the guilt as she was forced regardless of her desire to have wanted to do the act. The female act of submission is a way of turning the responsibility for her care over to the one whom she submits herself to. She is now able to ride the waves of intimate thrills this is a time full of intimate sharing, thoughts and fantasies, excitement and adventurous longing.
Her overriding urge in loving is to use her sexual power to transcend beyond herself and to lose herself sexually in her partner in an almost mystical ecstasy, thus discovering the meaning of that union which is greater than individuality, and is a merging of the spirit as well as of flesh. She is thus capable of the greatest heights of sensuality and eroticism. The act of offering and opening her body to others, her celebration of her desire and lust, her need for companionship and intimacy with male-kind, her submissiveness towards male sexuality, exchanging her time and intimacy for the sexual fulfillment of her partner, her commitment to satisfying the sexual and emotional needs of others and her ability to feel her spiritual linkage with the universe. Enjoying the full sphere of her sexuality as a woman leaves her feeling true to herself and complete.
I love enticing her to her knees to suck my cock for the first time or seducing her into being a slave totally devoted to my pleasures. I love a women with this much adventure. The world is theirs to surrender to me. I let myself be pulled inside her body and into her whole being. It is a wonderful and hot experience for me and I am honored to have been brought into her bed and to have experienced a lovely woman. She is there for my pleasure, and in being so receives all the pleasure a man to give her.
The hottest part for me is that moment when she is put on her back and prepared for penetration. When she arches her back and presents her body and her whole being to me in this ultimate act of surrender. It is the look on her face that stirs me, watching her fuck bareback and take every ounce of my load deep inside of her womb. When I finally shoot my cum into her, I am intoxicated with the notion that she will return home to her husband with my cum deep inside of her! Like a dog, I have marked her as my property as my breeding whore! My cum inside her, confirms and validates the fact that she is a women of great value that other men want and desire her and are willing to pursue and take her at any cost.
The most erotic sex act for me is impregnating a woman. I have often fantasized about impregnating a woman. As a man, you know you were put on this earth to spread your seed and to give and receive pleasure through sex. I find it so erotic when I pumping my hot cum into another man's wife, especially when she is eager to be bred and to accept my seed into her womb and my baby in her belly.
The idea of a ritual impregnation ceremony is an especially erotic fantasy of mine. I think it would be the ultimate act of submission. I consider the body and the womb of other men's wives as my sacred property and it is my lifelong mission to claim it by ejaculating my wife-breeding sperm into as many wives as possible.
I enjoy being a strong, powerful and dominant male. I enjoy the feeling of having a wife freely given to me for my use. I especially like being able to fuck the unprotected pussies of these wives, knowing that there is a chance of making them pregnant. Knowing that she is taking my baby into her belly and making it part of her, is a big turn on for me and the ultimate confirmation of my existence and of my value and worth as a man.
While I am dominant, aggressive and assertive by nature, I am a complete gentleman by choice and am respectful of boundaries, feelings and desires and know that balancing her emotions and desires is a learned art. The art of love-making one of the great gifts of the gods and making love to another man's wife is my way of feeling like a God.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR FUTURE WIFE
Dear Future Wife,
I found myself thinking about you today as I do everyday wondering where you are, what you’re thinking and what you’re doing. Not a day goes by that you do not cross my mind and I do not stop and say a prayer for you. I’m writing this letter to help you understand what I’ve been thinking and why. I know you’re out there somewhere because the very thought of you overwhelmed me with happiness as I anticipate your arrival into my life. I believe if I keep hoping, believing, and trusting God you will one day walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. It was because that place was reserved specifically for you and you alone.
I often wonder what life would be like being with you and I Imagine how exciting it will be when you and I will meet for the first time and discover that we were meant to be.I have come to the conclusion that searching for you my soul mate is like finding that perfect seashell along the shore, there are many beautiful ones to choose from, but there is only one universe has selected for me.
Lastly, regardless of however long it takes, I will not give up hope until I find you and when I do I will know, because you will be the one that catches my eye and will make my heart joyful. When we do meet for the first time, you will know that it’s me, because I will be the one standing there holding a red rose to hand to you as a token of my love for you. I do this because I want to see your eyes light up and a smile come across your lovely face, as this will be the happiest day of my life and the one I have prayed, dreamed, and waited for.
Love,
Your Future Husband
I found myself thinking about you today as I do everyday wondering where you are, what you’re thinking and what you’re doing. Not a day goes by that you do not cross my mind and I do not stop and say a prayer for you. I’m writing this letter to help you understand what I’ve been thinking and why. I know you’re out there somewhere because the very thought of you overwhelmed me with happiness as I anticipate your arrival into my life. I believe if I keep hoping, believing, and trusting God you will one day walk into my life and help me realize why it never worked out with anyone else. It was because that place was reserved specifically for you and you alone.
I often wonder what life would be like being with you and I Imagine how exciting it will be when you and I will meet for the first time and discover that we were meant to be.I have come to the conclusion that searching for you my soul mate is like finding that perfect seashell along the shore, there are many beautiful ones to choose from, but there is only one universe has selected for me.
Lastly, regardless of however long it takes, I will not give up hope until I find you and when I do I will know, because you will be the one that catches my eye and will make my heart joyful. When we do meet for the first time, you will know that it’s me, because I will be the one standing there holding a red rose to hand to you as a token of my love for you. I do this because I want to see your eyes light up and a smile come across your lovely face, as this will be the happiest day of my life and the one I have prayed, dreamed, and waited for.
Love,
Your Future Husband
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I used to beleive in you since I was a little boy, I wish you could of known me before I had high hopes for us, I would of done everything right for you. But I can´t seem to find you, and your name seems to be wearing out...I have to be sincere, I am starting to forget you. I don´t even think you exist, there is no such thing as unconditional love is there? You were just a fairy tale in which I was caught up in.
If you do exist could you prove me wrong? can you shred all my fears all my walls and make me understand my broken heart can be mended? That you can love me although I have flaws ? Can you understand me and listen to my day? Smile at me when you see I´m angry because you know that even if I get mad I´ll still be madly in love with you, because you know me. . Share with me all your secrets because you know that I know you and I´ll say the right thing, be by my side when I´m ill, and adore every single inch of my flaws?
Maybe you can´t find me either, but please try harder...I promise it will all be worth it...I promise
I used to beleive in you since I was a little boy, I wish you could of known me before I had high hopes for us, I would of done everything right for you. But I can´t seem to find you, and your name seems to be wearing out...I have to be sincere, I am starting to forget you. I don´t even think you exist, there is no such thing as unconditional love is there? You were just a fairy tale in which I was caught up in.
If you do exist could you prove me wrong? can you shred all my fears all my walls and make me understand my broken heart can be mended? That you can love me although I have flaws ? Can you understand me and listen to my day? Smile at me when you see I´m angry because you know that even if I get mad I´ll still be madly in love with you, because you know me. . Share with me all your secrets because you know that I know you and I´ll say the right thing, be by my side when I´m ill, and adore every single inch of my flaws?
Maybe you can´t find me either, but please try harder...I promise it will all be worth it...I promise
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
I have been alone for quite some time. In the past I have given my heart out on a silver platter to those whom I felt I could trust and love, but only to have it handed back to me postage due in a wrinkled brown paper bag. It has been praying to God to help me to meet my future bride and wife to be and fall in love, get married, and start a life together. I would like a woman who will stimulate my intellect and intrigue my heart. I would like a woman who’s down to earth and knows who she is and does not have to put on airs to be something she is not.
A woman who’s inner beauty overshadows what’s on the outside and who carries herself like a lady at all times. I am not seeking perfection, I desire a strong and confident woman not a similarity, but the real thing. For far too long I have been fooled into thinking that the ones I gave my heart too were the real thing, but in actuality they were only imitations of what I desired and in the process my heart was broken, and this is why my heart desperately seeks realness.
I am seeking a woman who will love me for me and not what I have or don’t have. To be there by my side through the good or the bad, depending upon what I am facing at the moment. I want to know that regardless of what I am going through she will always be there for me mentally, spiritually, and physically as I will be there for her. Just knowing this will means the world to me.
Lastly, a woman with these qualities, I will be proud and honored to call her my wife and have her by my side. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with that special someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. I am waiting patiently for you.
Love,
Your Future Husband
I have been alone for quite some time. In the past I have given my heart out on a silver platter to those whom I felt I could trust and love, but only to have it handed back to me postage due in a wrinkled brown paper bag. It has been praying to God to help me to meet my future bride and wife to be and fall in love, get married, and start a life together. I would like a woman who will stimulate my intellect and intrigue my heart. I would like a woman who’s down to earth and knows who she is and does not have to put on airs to be something she is not.
A woman who’s inner beauty overshadows what’s on the outside and who carries herself like a lady at all times. I am not seeking perfection, I desire a strong and confident woman not a similarity, but the real thing. For far too long I have been fooled into thinking that the ones I gave my heart too were the real thing, but in actuality they were only imitations of what I desired and in the process my heart was broken, and this is why my heart desperately seeks realness.
I am seeking a woman who will love me for me and not what I have or don’t have. To be there by my side through the good or the bad, depending upon what I am facing at the moment. I want to know that regardless of what I am going through she will always be there for me mentally, spiritually, and physically as I will be there for her. Just knowing this will means the world to me.
Lastly, a woman with these qualities, I will be proud and honored to call her my wife and have her by my side. When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with that special someone, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. I am waiting patiently for you.
Love,
Your Future Husband
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
In a hostile environment,abrasive to all sense and feel lives one creature of my true liking, who brings about a tender touch and soothing kiss, eyes a glassy pool of tenderness, looking on me in a peaceful stare,I live a thousand lifetimes with one minute-long glances into you, The touch, feel, and tenderness radiating from your skin filling me with the final pieces of my puzzle. This is my dream, my destiny, the one place I want to own, to run to, to feel the warming glow of love against my chaffed and sin-torn skin. Lead me home once again, again for the first time, into sacred ground, coveted territory, where angels rule and light prevails. Into your glassy pools of tenderness I dive to look for something eternal, something forever. I look and find one piece of you that you have kept hidden just for me, where we will live out everlasting days. I've found my forever, and it begins and ends with you. Two crystals glistening, oh, so bright,...they hypnotize, transfix, delight. Kismet blessed, my search applied, I dared to ask. You looked, replied. We wrote for hours as days went by.Our fondness grew, we knew not why.Love reached out where we could never guess.These feelings spread without duress. Fate, through strange coincidences,drew us near, broke down the fences.And when I saw your face at last, my fate was sealed, my life steadfast. With eyes to beguile and enchant,To look away I simply can't.A pair of diamonds on a perfect ring on a face of modest beauty cling. The joy that you brings trails sunlight in your wake, that my heart dances after, no choices can I make.I pray not to lose all, for now I so care, For I'll curse all the demons, the shadows of despair. The hint of wonder underneath a veil concealed ..such demure smile, in awe I yield. My life has changed since meeting you,with love unbridled begins anew, As by your side I'll always be, from this day forth for eternity. I'll be your Knight, Princess, forever,and make a home for us to live together. I promise that I'll hold you tight, from dawn till dusk and through the night. I'll never change just how I feel and before you now I solemnly kneel. Please take my hand, as you have my heart,and I promise, my darling, we'll never part.I cry because I can't always see you and all that does is leave me Wondering...what you're doing I miss you more and more Every time I hear your voice.I can't help but dream of you at night because I really have no choice. I wish that I could hold you each day and cuddle with you during the night.When I wake up in the morning.I wish I could give you a hug,and I really hope you understand, but all I want you to know is, It is YOU who I love.
In a hostile environment,abrasive to all sense and feel lives one creature of my true liking, who brings about a tender touch and soothing kiss, eyes a glassy pool of tenderness, looking on me in a peaceful stare,I live a thousand lifetimes with one minute-long glances into you, The touch, feel, and tenderness radiating from your skin filling me with the final pieces of my puzzle. This is my dream, my destiny, the one place I want to own, to run to, to feel the warming glow of love against my chaffed and sin-torn skin. Lead me home once again, again for the first time, into sacred ground, coveted territory, where angels rule and light prevails. Into your glassy pools of tenderness I dive to look for something eternal, something forever. I look and find one piece of you that you have kept hidden just for me, where we will live out everlasting days. I've found my forever, and it begins and ends with you. Two crystals glistening, oh, so bright,...they hypnotize, transfix, delight. Kismet blessed, my search applied, I dared to ask. You looked, replied. We wrote for hours as days went by.Our fondness grew, we knew not why.Love reached out where we could never guess.These feelings spread without duress. Fate, through strange coincidences,drew us near, broke down the fences.And when I saw your face at last, my fate was sealed, my life steadfast. With eyes to beguile and enchant,To look away I simply can't.A pair of diamonds on a perfect ring on a face of modest beauty cling. The joy that you brings trails sunlight in your wake, that my heart dances after, no choices can I make.I pray not to lose all, for now I so care, For I'll curse all the demons, the shadows of despair. The hint of wonder underneath a veil concealed ..such demure smile, in awe I yield. My life has changed since meeting you,with love unbridled begins anew, As by your side I'll always be, from this day forth for eternity. I'll be your Knight, Princess, forever,and make a home for us to live together. I promise that I'll hold you tight, from dawn till dusk and through the night. I'll never change just how I feel and before you now I solemnly kneel. Please take my hand, as you have my heart,and I promise, my darling, we'll never part.I cry because I can't always see you and all that does is leave me Wondering...what you're doing I miss you more and more Every time I hear your voice.I can't help but dream of you at night because I really have no choice. I wish that I could hold you each day and cuddle with you during the night.When I wake up in the morning.I wish I could give you a hug,and I really hope you understand, but all I want you to know is, It is YOU who I love.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate
Last night when we got off of the phone. It made me realize that what you make me feel inside makes me the luckiest guy alive, There was a soft wind, but the sky was clear,I heard the breeze whisper in my ear:"You have the greatest girl on this entire planet;The only thing you better not do is take this love for granted." I knew how I felt when my heart began to melt and my soul wanted to shout. but the words wouldn't come out. So I sat down and I looked to the sky. I prayed to the stars and I started to cry.Not tears of sorrow,but tears of joy to what you give, to what you say, to the feelings you give to the heart of this man. When I started to cry and the tears filled my eyes, I could have sworn that I saw an angel floating through the sky.As I watched her slowly disappear and I focused back above when I saw the stars spell out your name.I knew that was enough. I got back on the telephone and called you right before you were going to sleep. I told you I love you and how much you mean to me and then wished you a good night and the sweetest dreams. Then on the ground, outside last night.I soon fell asleep, you being on my mind. I work the next morning, from a kiss on my nose I grabbed the phone to call you, but it was a beautiful red rose
Last night when we got off of the phone. It made me realize that what you make me feel inside makes me the luckiest guy alive, There was a soft wind, but the sky was clear,I heard the breeze whisper in my ear:"You have the greatest girl on this entire planet;The only thing you better not do is take this love for granted." I knew how I felt when my heart began to melt and my soul wanted to shout. but the words wouldn't come out. So I sat down and I looked to the sky. I prayed to the stars and I started to cry.Not tears of sorrow,but tears of joy to what you give, to what you say, to the feelings you give to the heart of this man. When I started to cry and the tears filled my eyes, I could have sworn that I saw an angel floating through the sky.As I watched her slowly disappear and I focused back above when I saw the stars spell out your name.I knew that was enough. I got back on the telephone and called you right before you were going to sleep. I told you I love you and how much you mean to me and then wished you a good night and the sweetest dreams. Then on the ground, outside last night.I soon fell asleep, you being on my mind. I work the next morning, from a kiss on my nose I grabbed the phone to call you, but it was a beautiful red rose
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
Some walk through life Alone, Astray...wondering if there is somebody out there. Lonely Stranded as though their dream would never come true. Which is that someone coming about one who has a heart. One who knows what she wants and needs.A person who will care.Someone who will be open and honest. Someone who will always be there.One who is so special that no-one could ever replace them. Someone who is beautiful inside and out. Words cannot explain for me that someone is you. One look into your eyes, my heart feels whole just to see you happy, that's all that matters. To see you makes my heart complete to love you would make my life whole. I gaze into your beautiful eyes, my passion burning like a raging fire, igniting desires unknown to me, knowing your beauty had captured me. I am drawn to you by some magical force, somehow knowing, you felt the same. Introductions made, our romance begin,both unknowing, our passion would... turn to love.Until we met...I knew a rose was lovely, but i didn't know how sweet its' scent could be...I knew there was sunshine, but i didn't know how warm its' glow could be...I knew i needed someone, but i didn't know how much Until i met you..
Some walk through life Alone, Astray...wondering if there is somebody out there. Lonely Stranded as though their dream would never come true. Which is that someone coming about one who has a heart. One who knows what she wants and needs.A person who will care.Someone who will be open and honest. Someone who will always be there.One who is so special that no-one could ever replace them. Someone who is beautiful inside and out. Words cannot explain for me that someone is you. One look into your eyes, my heart feels whole just to see you happy, that's all that matters. To see you makes my heart complete to love you would make my life whole. I gaze into your beautiful eyes, my passion burning like a raging fire, igniting desires unknown to me, knowing your beauty had captured me. I am drawn to you by some magical force, somehow knowing, you felt the same. Introductions made, our romance begin,both unknowing, our passion would... turn to love.Until we met...I knew a rose was lovely, but i didn't know how sweet its' scent could be...I knew there was sunshine, but i didn't know how warm its' glow could be...I knew i needed someone, but i didn't know how much Until i met you..
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE: SOMEHWERE
Dear Soulmate
Somewhere, the sun rises, and in my mind I see you beside me. Somewhere, I cradle the phone,your voice lingers in my ears. Can you still hear me? Do you still see? You're all I am and will ever be. Somewhere, the rain starts to fall, and in my heart, I hold you close to me. Somewhere, I reach out my hand, your fingers entwine with mine. Can you still feel me? Do you still see? You're all I want and will ever need. Somewhere, the birds begin to sing, and in my soul I ache to have you near me. Somewhere, I breathe a soft lonely sigh, your whispers echo in my mind. Can you still touch me? Do you still see?You're all I dream that forever we'll be. Somewhere the clouds drift slowly by, and in my dreams I hear your laugh. Somewhere, I look shyly at the ground, your eyes meet with mine Can you still need me? Do you still see?You're all I care about and it'll always be. Somewhere, across thousands of miles, my heart looks to the stars and smiles. And in an instant...knew!.Somewhere within the core of my heart lie empty spaces, so near yet so far apart, wanting to be filled. In the depths of my soul a feeling immensly true, a powerful force which weakens my barriers- the love i portray for you. I reveal all of the truths and confessing the secrets of me letting the pain be at ease with you i am free. You are my other half fully completing my heart. We are eternally bound together though at times must be apart. My body and soul yearn for you.I am overcome by fate I've made the realization that you are my one soul mate. It has stirred up my emotions nothing left to do. The words linger on my lipsI am in love with you. Rain storms turned to fair weather. My failures into great successions. Doubts turned to assurance. Fright turned to anticipation and loneliness turned to gaiety and insanity turned to simplicity. That's when i heard your sweet angelic voice.That is the night my heart started jumping to rejoice or was it the day you stole my heart away, or was it the moment i really wanted you to stay? Doubtlessly, I swear to the moon and stars at night for i never knew such beauty, till upon thee i set my sight. If i am to be condemned for this, so let it be, i can not forever hide my feelings for thee.
Somewhere, the sun rises, and in my mind I see you beside me. Somewhere, I cradle the phone,your voice lingers in my ears. Can you still hear me? Do you still see? You're all I am and will ever be. Somewhere, the rain starts to fall, and in my heart, I hold you close to me. Somewhere, I reach out my hand, your fingers entwine with mine. Can you still feel me? Do you still see? You're all I want and will ever need. Somewhere, the birds begin to sing, and in my soul I ache to have you near me. Somewhere, I breathe a soft lonely sigh, your whispers echo in my mind. Can you still touch me? Do you still see?You're all I dream that forever we'll be. Somewhere the clouds drift slowly by, and in my dreams I hear your laugh. Somewhere, I look shyly at the ground, your eyes meet with mine Can you still need me? Do you still see?You're all I care about and it'll always be. Somewhere, across thousands of miles, my heart looks to the stars and smiles. And in an instant...knew!.Somewhere within the core of my heart lie empty spaces, so near yet so far apart, wanting to be filled. In the depths of my soul a feeling immensly true, a powerful force which weakens my barriers- the love i portray for you. I reveal all of the truths and confessing the secrets of me letting the pain be at ease with you i am free. You are my other half fully completing my heart. We are eternally bound together though at times must be apart. My body and soul yearn for you.I am overcome by fate I've made the realization that you are my one soul mate. It has stirred up my emotions nothing left to do. The words linger on my lipsI am in love with you. Rain storms turned to fair weather. My failures into great successions. Doubts turned to assurance. Fright turned to anticipation and loneliness turned to gaiety and insanity turned to simplicity. That's when i heard your sweet angelic voice.That is the night my heart started jumping to rejoice or was it the day you stole my heart away, or was it the moment i really wanted you to stay? Doubtlessly, I swear to the moon and stars at night for i never knew such beauty, till upon thee i set my sight. If i am to be condemned for this, so let it be, i can not forever hide my feelings for thee.
POETRY: I CAN ........
I can love you, I can hate you,
I can hold you till the end.
I can see you when you're not there,
I read letters you don't send.
I can open up my heart to you,
I can offer you my soul.
I can hold onto the feelings,
Be they warm or be they cold.
I reach toward an outstretched hand,
Or is it really there?
I reach out toward a loved one,
I know that you still care.
I can still smell the perfume
That you wore behind your ear.
I feel the dampness on my chest,
As from you comes a tear.
I wish you back in person,
Not only in my mind.
A love like yours is finest
When that love of yours is mine.
2
In my mind you are
a purple orchid
Exotic, tender, passionate
and wild
Untouchable, fragrant
bloom of dark desires
Evoking my deepest thoughts
Lost in the dreamy wonder
of an eastern forest
You are there among
the whispering glades
Of soft green bamboo
Delicately embracing the moist
warm air of night
A lover of another world
Of fantasies ethereal,
yet profoundly real
Earthy, yet ether's child
My chocolate sweetness
in distant lands
A darkened flower of
refined passion
My purple orchid
3
Thy words... a smile to my face, they bring
Thy voice... sweeter than the nightingales as they sing
Thy smile... shining brighter than the heavens eye
Thy kiss... softer than the clouds that roam the sky
Thy touch... more tender than the petal of a rose
Thy beauty... more radiant than the full moons glow
4
You know what they say about being there at the right time, at the right place.
That was so very true once I saw your face.
It wasn't love at first sight when it came to you,
but love came soon when I saw all you do.
The way you smile, the way you talk,
the twinkle in your eyes, and the way you walk,
how you never run out of things to say,
I wish that I could be with you every day.
You look at me as if I am the only person in this place,
then you give me that same loving, silly face.
I love the way you have your cute, little nic- pics,
they way every time I have a problem you fix it.
Everything about you is perfect, outside and in,
I just can't wait for our love to begin.
You mean the world to me, I just want to see...
what it is that you feel about me.
5
Unto you I give this heart of mine
For all you did, right from the start
In pain and in joy you never waver
In death and in life you stay with me
When I was blind you gave me sight
Disoriented from life, you gave me direction
Lost and lonely, you're my only companion
In the comfort of your arms you attend to me
Forever grateful for all you've done for me
In appreciation... I'm pouring my heart to you
Lead me on, my wife never let me fall
Till we reach the final destination of love
Lean on me, I'll never love another
Nor will I ever lead you astray
Forever in my heart you've come to stay
Only you I give this precious key to my heart
Till I die, I'll never let you down
No matter what the situation may be
All the time, you'll always win my trust
Only you I love, my darling wife
6
Eyes of twinkling beauty
Which define your very soul
Your beauty catches my eye
Each day, new and old
As my heart aches for your love
I'll dream of nothing but you
I yearn to kiss your tender lips
And stick to your heart like glue
Beauty can mean so many things
All of which you epitomize
I'll love you like nobody else
With no pain, deceit, or lies
7
As each day flutters into the timeless current of the past.
After I've said my significant prayer for our love to last.
I often sit alone, all snuggled in my lonesome bed.
While glimpses of your beauty race through my head.
I vision your magical qualities, that I hold so dear.
I contemplate all I'd give, just to have you near.
For, if I had all the worldly things my wealth could buy.
I would give every last article, for a gaze into your eyes.
I try to gather my thoughts and think of what to say.
So that the words of my love, may flow through the day.
Simply hope you may notice my love for you.
For, through my words, you may see my love is true.
As words come and go; in and out of my mind.
I still keep searching, for the 'perfect' words I may find.
Though none of the words can describe this bliss.
None of them seem to give our love it?s justice.
Then the perfect phrase is found, for the upcoming day.
It is just the simple fact, "I love you more than word can say".
8
Amidst darkened skies and storms of sorrow
She lingers within the shores of serenity
The waves lulling her into a dreamy daze
With father moon illuminating hope from above
She encloses her heart within trembling hands
Her mind full of dreams and uncertainty
Wishing, wondering, waiting
Could he hold the sacred key?
Silently he approaches, with his captivating gaze
His smile could melt even the coldest of hearts
Together they walk in a silence of contentment
Her hand within his, her heart close to his own
The heavenly bodies radiate blessings from above
As his lips meet hers in a tender first kiss
Their souls entwined by the fates of time
Forever they?ll share the sweet rapture of serenit
9
come near to me .
come near to me .
i can feel your presence far away from me .
lost in your thoughts ,craving your physical intimacy.
i need no other woman ,except you .
i have no other world , except you .
my life is ruined ,just come near me and heal me .
come near to me
come near to me
where ever you are ,fly through the skies ,
swim across the oceans ,vanish and reappear ,
do any sought of miracle , but ,
come near to me before i die in this pain of love ,
come near to me
come near to me
Things where never towards me ,
i took the blame for which i am innocent, and moved ,
i moved back and forth , and i took a deep breathe ,
and i believed you would come to me one day ,
come near to me
come near to me ,now,
they laughed , bullied ,and manipulated,
they took my freedom ,i am left with no words ,
every single thought was about your arrival
dreaming about your existence
now dont disappoint me my dear ,
come near to me
come near to me ,now .
i wish you were there ,
i wish you will come ,
i wish you heal me ,
i wish we meet soon ,
waiting for you .
Yours ,
I can hold you till the end.
I can see you when you're not there,
I read letters you don't send.
I can open up my heart to you,
I can offer you my soul.
I can hold onto the feelings,
Be they warm or be they cold.
I reach toward an outstretched hand,
Or is it really there?
I reach out toward a loved one,
I know that you still care.
I can still smell the perfume
That you wore behind your ear.
I feel the dampness on my chest,
As from you comes a tear.
I wish you back in person,
Not only in my mind.
A love like yours is finest
When that love of yours is mine.
2
In my mind you are
a purple orchid
Exotic, tender, passionate
and wild
Untouchable, fragrant
bloom of dark desires
Evoking my deepest thoughts
Lost in the dreamy wonder
of an eastern forest
You are there among
the whispering glades
Of soft green bamboo
Delicately embracing the moist
warm air of night
A lover of another world
Of fantasies ethereal,
yet profoundly real
Earthy, yet ether's child
My chocolate sweetness
in distant lands
A darkened flower of
refined passion
My purple orchid
3
Thy words... a smile to my face, they bring
Thy voice... sweeter than the nightingales as they sing
Thy smile... shining brighter than the heavens eye
Thy kiss... softer than the clouds that roam the sky
Thy touch... more tender than the petal of a rose
Thy beauty... more radiant than the full moons glow
4
You know what they say about being there at the right time, at the right place.
That was so very true once I saw your face.
It wasn't love at first sight when it came to you,
but love came soon when I saw all you do.
The way you smile, the way you talk,
the twinkle in your eyes, and the way you walk,
how you never run out of things to say,
I wish that I could be with you every day.
You look at me as if I am the only person in this place,
then you give me that same loving, silly face.
I love the way you have your cute, little nic- pics,
they way every time I have a problem you fix it.
Everything about you is perfect, outside and in,
I just can't wait for our love to begin.
You mean the world to me, I just want to see...
what it is that you feel about me.
5
Unto you I give this heart of mine
For all you did, right from the start
In pain and in joy you never waver
In death and in life you stay with me
When I was blind you gave me sight
Disoriented from life, you gave me direction
Lost and lonely, you're my only companion
In the comfort of your arms you attend to me
Forever grateful for all you've done for me
In appreciation... I'm pouring my heart to you
Lead me on, my wife never let me fall
Till we reach the final destination of love
Lean on me, I'll never love another
Nor will I ever lead you astray
Forever in my heart you've come to stay
Only you I give this precious key to my heart
Till I die, I'll never let you down
No matter what the situation may be
All the time, you'll always win my trust
Only you I love, my darling wife
6
Eyes of twinkling beauty
Which define your very soul
Your beauty catches my eye
Each day, new and old
As my heart aches for your love
I'll dream of nothing but you
I yearn to kiss your tender lips
And stick to your heart like glue
Beauty can mean so many things
All of which you epitomize
I'll love you like nobody else
With no pain, deceit, or lies
7
As each day flutters into the timeless current of the past.
After I've said my significant prayer for our love to last.
I often sit alone, all snuggled in my lonesome bed.
While glimpses of your beauty race through my head.
I vision your magical qualities, that I hold so dear.
I contemplate all I'd give, just to have you near.
For, if I had all the worldly things my wealth could buy.
I would give every last article, for a gaze into your eyes.
I try to gather my thoughts and think of what to say.
So that the words of my love, may flow through the day.
Simply hope you may notice my love for you.
For, through my words, you may see my love is true.
As words come and go; in and out of my mind.
I still keep searching, for the 'perfect' words I may find.
Though none of the words can describe this bliss.
None of them seem to give our love it?s justice.
Then the perfect phrase is found, for the upcoming day.
It is just the simple fact, "I love you more than word can say".
8
Amidst darkened skies and storms of sorrow
She lingers within the shores of serenity
The waves lulling her into a dreamy daze
With father moon illuminating hope from above
She encloses her heart within trembling hands
Her mind full of dreams and uncertainty
Wishing, wondering, waiting
Could he hold the sacred key?
Silently he approaches, with his captivating gaze
His smile could melt even the coldest of hearts
Together they walk in a silence of contentment
Her hand within his, her heart close to his own
The heavenly bodies radiate blessings from above
As his lips meet hers in a tender first kiss
Their souls entwined by the fates of time
Forever they?ll share the sweet rapture of serenit
9
come near to me .
come near to me .
i can feel your presence far away from me .
lost in your thoughts ,craving your physical intimacy.
i need no other woman ,except you .
i have no other world , except you .
my life is ruined ,just come near me and heal me .
come near to me
come near to me
where ever you are ,fly through the skies ,
swim across the oceans ,vanish and reappear ,
do any sought of miracle , but ,
come near to me before i die in this pain of love ,
come near to me
come near to me
Things where never towards me ,
i took the blame for which i am innocent, and moved ,
i moved back and forth , and i took a deep breathe ,
and i believed you would come to me one day ,
come near to me
come near to me ,now,
they laughed , bullied ,and manipulated,
they took my freedom ,i am left with no words ,
every single thought was about your arrival
dreaming about your existence
now dont disappoint me my dear ,
come near to me
come near to me ,now .
i wish you were there ,
i wish you will come ,
i wish you heal me ,
i wish we meet soon ,
waiting for you .
Yours ,
Sunday, October 13, 2013
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE
Dear Soulmate,
My love for you is like a crystal. It is a perfect love.Will you ever know it is me? I love you, and I always will. You are as hot as the sun. When you sleep beside me, Will be the day of my dreams.My love runs farther than the deepest ocean blue, Your smile is warm like the bright summer sun, In my life I want the heart of just one. For my world to be complete I need you in my arms, To kiss you, to love you, protect you from harm.Love is like staring at the sun: dangerous, blinding, painfully beautiful. I look in your eyes. Laying next to you, I realize whatever may come, you and I'll make it through. When hard times come, and all seems lost; I struggle and try to understand, to save our love at any cost. We may fight and argue, and I may not always understand. but when those difficult times come, I'm praying for God to lend us a hand. No one knows what tomorrow will bring,or if we'll have forever,but as long as I live, as long as I breath, I'll wish in my heart, you and I'll be together. As a friend, a lover, a mentor, teacher,You'll always be my touchstone. You've filled my heart with countless joy.You're my home. I'm sorry if I've caused you undue stress or pressure. I didn't mean to hurt you.but when you're close to the ones you love, Sometimes that's what you do. I can't imagine my life without you, Or your funny little grin. or the way you make me feel inside; The happpiness I'm in. My sweetheart, that's what you are; the love of my life. and someday if you'll let me, maybe I'll get the chance to be your wife. Until such a day, when the birds will sing, and unspoken joy will fill my heart. From my heart and soul, your love will never depart. When I dream, I dream of thee. Of love we made so vividly. In my mind, but a fantasy.You have become reality
My love for you is like a crystal. It is a perfect love.Will you ever know it is me? I love you, and I always will. You are as hot as the sun. When you sleep beside me, Will be the day of my dreams.My love runs farther than the deepest ocean blue, Your smile is warm like the bright summer sun, In my life I want the heart of just one. For my world to be complete I need you in my arms, To kiss you, to love you, protect you from harm.Love is like staring at the sun: dangerous, blinding, painfully beautiful. I look in your eyes. Laying next to you, I realize whatever may come, you and I'll make it through. When hard times come, and all seems lost; I struggle and try to understand, to save our love at any cost. We may fight and argue, and I may not always understand. but when those difficult times come, I'm praying for God to lend us a hand. No one knows what tomorrow will bring,or if we'll have forever,but as long as I live, as long as I breath, I'll wish in my heart, you and I'll be together. As a friend, a lover, a mentor, teacher,You'll always be my touchstone. You've filled my heart with countless joy.You're my home. I'm sorry if I've caused you undue stress or pressure. I didn't mean to hurt you.but when you're close to the ones you love, Sometimes that's what you do. I can't imagine my life without you, Or your funny little grin. or the way you make me feel inside; The happpiness I'm in. My sweetheart, that's what you are; the love of my life. and someday if you'll let me, maybe I'll get the chance to be your wife. Until such a day, when the birds will sing, and unspoken joy will fill my heart. From my heart and soul, your love will never depart. When I dream, I dream of thee. Of love we made so vividly. In my mind, but a fantasy.You have become reality
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