REVIEW: CAST AWAY...WHO KNOW WHAT THE TIDE COULD BRING?

Yesterday I watched “Cast Away” movie on TV… I know that many consider it the copy of “Robinson Crusoe” novel – I haven’t seen its movie by the way – But, I can’t deny that Cast Away touches me much more…

 I have always admired the way Tom Hanks managed the role, starting with the physical appearance changes and ending with the outstanding facial expressions… Have always stood still in front of the change that happened to a man who considered time to be everything and his life used to be planned minute by minute, to a man who had to learn to let go of the idea of time in general… learned it the hard way though…

I have always been touched by that scene where he loses “Wilson” – the volleyball – his only “friend” … I can’t but imagine myself in his place… I mean… I’m one of those who get emotionally involved with places and objects in my life… in addition to people… and I feel bad with the loss of any intimate – inanimate – object… how does it feel like then when it’s the only intimate “thing” he had…

Every time I watch the movie I stop at the scene where he uses the lighter at the end of the movie… to produce fire… something that he had worked on for days and days to be able to “create fire”… I stop and think of how ironic it is…  Likewise, I noticed yesterday a sentence that I haven’t seem to pay attention to before… Just before he left the car heading to his flight, he told his girlfriend – Helen Hunt – “I’ll be right back”… How sarcastic this sound to you!! We always assume that things will just move the way we want it to… it took him 4 years to “be right back”… and he came back not even the same man who left that car… Did it ever cross his mind while uttering these words before he left that the “be right back” will be equal to “four years of isolation”?

I have seen this movie dozens of times, and every time I watch it I seem to be getting a very harsh slap on my face all over again… it always triggers these thoughts of not taking things for granted… for me this movie is far beyond someone surviving on an isolated island… For me, it is about setting your priorities and preferences… about not taking things for granted… about appreciating the moment while living it… and not after it is gone… It is about keeping the faith that even in the worse situations, tomorrow will come… and tomorrow might be good for something…

 Below is a very touching conversation that took place between “Chuck Noland” – Tom Hanks – with his friend “Stan” at the end of the movie…


Keep the faith,

Rou… – Who knows what the tide could bring…?



“We both had done the math…

Kelly added it all up and… knew she had to let me go…

I added it up, and knew that I had… lost her… ‘cos I was never gonna get off that island… I was gonna die there, totally alone… I was gonna get sick, or get injured or something… The only choice I had, the only thing I could control was when, and how, and where it was going to happen… So… I made a rope and I went up to the summit, to hang myself… I had to test it, you know? Of course. You know me… And the weight of the log, snapped the limb of the tree, so I- I – , I couldn’t even kill myself the way I wanted to… I had power over *nothing*…



And that’s when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket… I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive… Somehow… I had to keep breathing… Even though there was no reason to hope… And all my logic said that I would never see this place again…



So that’s what I did… I stayed alive… I kept breathing… And one day my logic was proven all wrong because the tide came in, and gave me a sail…



And now, here I am… I’m back… In Memphis, talking to you… I have ice in my glass…



And I’ve lost her all over again…



I’m so sad that I don’t have Kelly… But I’m so grateful that she was with me on that island…



And I know what I have to do now… I gotta keep breathing…



Because tomorrow the sun will rise…



Who knows what the tide could bring…?”



PART II


So many times when we go through struggles that last longer than your typical issue.  Struggles that can last seasons, even years.  We can lose all hope.  Like Tom Hanks in the movie Cast Away, we can feel abandoned, lonely, afraid and utterly hopeless.  If you have not seen this movie, then this blog won't make total sense.  I apologize, but have to draw from this analogy regardless as it is near to my heart.

Chuck Noland (Tom Hanks) has discovered, after a horrific plane crash, that he is the sole survivor  and has been washed ashore on a deserted island.  He then desperately begins searching for signs of life, trying to signal for help and last but not least, making his own raft and trying to head out to sea.  All these attempts fail early on in the movie.  Sadly, his sloppily made raft is smashed to pieces by the wind and waves and all hope of escape seems lost as Chuck realizes his own powerlessness. 

Ever feel that way?

Have you found yourself in a lonely and desperate situation that feels like it will never end?  Do you feel that your dreams for your life have been dashed against the shore?  Has your new "home" become one filled with sorrow and mourning mixed with a tad bit of insanity?  Have all hopes of a rescue or escape been faded by the time that has elapsed?  Have you tried to make courageous attempts to move out of of this season or situation and found you and your man made "raft" overpowered by the wind and waves?  Chuck felt all these things and more to be sure.

Yet, on a random day, just another ordinary day in his lonely life on that island...lo and behold, a make shift sail washes ashore.  You see, the reason he was unable to escape the first time was because he did not have the sail that would catch the wind and use it to lift him over the waves.  He also did not have the favor of the right direction of the wind.

This was Chuck's time.  This was his day.  God's hand was in it this time.  This was not a man made escape.  This was divine intervention.  He had to try...one more time.  Chuck's brave escape with the help of that make shift sail and the favor of the east wind led to his rescue in the end.

Just like that "sail" washed ashore for Chuck, your answer is on the way as well.   Maybe your first few man made attempts to save your marriage, reconnect with a wayward child or find an answer to your illness ended in defeat.  Do not despair my friends.  Your God given sail is going to wash ashore any day now, when you least expect it.   The wind is going to blow in your favor.  This time, you will be prepared.  This time you will know what to do.  This time the wind won't break you.  Rather, you will use it to push you past the breakers, lift you over the mighty waves and deliver you right into your victory. 

Chuck spent 4 lonely years on that island.  I'm sure they felt more like 40.  That's a lot of "wait time."  What about you?  What will you do in the mean time?  How will you handle your 4 months or 4 years or maybe even 40? 

I would recommend following Chuck's advice from a scene in the movie where he is talking with a close friend:

"I knew that I was never gonna get off that island.  I was gonna die there.  Totally alone.  I mean I was gonna get sick or injured or something.  The only choice I had, that I could control, was when and how and where that was going to happen.  So, I made a rope and I went up to the summit to hang myself.  I had to test it, of course, you know me.  And the weight of the log snapped the limb of the tree and I thought, "I can' t even kill myself the way I want to."  I had power over nothing.  That's when this feeling came over me like a warm blanket.  I knew, somehow, that I had to stay alive.  I had to keep breathing, even though there's no reason to hope.  And all my logic said that I would never see this place again.  So that's what I did.  Stayed alive and kept breathing.  And one day that logic was proven all wrong because one day the tide came in and gave me a sail.  And now, here I am.  Back in Memphis, talking to you.  I have ice in my glass...and I know what I have to do now.  I have to keep breathing.  Because tomorrow the sun will rise.  Who knows what the tide could bring."

Stay alive inside your soul.  Keep breathing.  Keep moving.  Even when there's no reason to hope.  When you've done all else as the bible says, then just stand.  Stand with all your might.  Tomorrow the sun WILL rise and you never know what the tide may bring.

DATING: WHAT DO GUYS / MEN REALLY WANT

What is a man seeking?

First of all a man is seeking a love-interest. This may surprise many women but men like to love and they like being loved in return. The problem is that many women come across as impassioned and cold. It is not easy to find a loving woman and it is very noticeable how many men try and hang on when they think they have found their Miss Right.

Men are seeking a woman who is attractive to them. Women may despair that men can be so shallow and that looks could matter so much but be careful. Men aren't necessarily looking for a catwalk model and many men don't like women who weigh 80lbs. But men do want a woman who takes pride in their appearance (though not excessively). Men are proud of having a girlfriend who looks good and I don't believe any man who says otherwise.

Men are looking for a trustworthy girl, someone they can have faith in and someone who will be there for them. This may sound like an odd thing to say, but the fact is, some women are not trustworthy and many are not faithful either. So many in fact that men are increasingly wary. That kiss at a  Christmas party may not count, or the flirtatious behavior with the gorgeous barman and in fact its all great fun and part of a woman's character. But reverse the situation and as a woman, you hate him doing the same. A man can never forgive a woman being unfaithful and so he is looking for someone who he really does trust.

Men want to make a home eventually and are looking for a woman who will be a willing sharer in home life. Women with a sociable lifestyle are attractive because they can be relied upon to keep the social diary running in a long term relationship.

Men are seeking women who are feminine gentle and kind because deep down the qualities that make a woman a great mother are an attraction in themselves. I am not suggesting that the man himself needs mothering, though some do, it is more the point that men seek the attributes in women that point to someone who would make a great mother to future offspring.

Men want women with a great sense of humor. Women often come across as uptight or too bothered by too many small details. You will sometimes hear mention of a girl who is 'one of the boys'. What this means is that she is able to fit in with their humor and is sociable and fun to be with. Such women are extremely attractive to many men. Men want to have a good time and relax when not working and so their ideal partners are women who are able to do the same.

Men are looking for women who retain their femininity and and are caring and kind. In recent years, aping men may be a female fashion statement, but it doesn't make them attractive. Whilst every woman in the world burps and farts and has the right to drink pints of beer, it doesn't necessarily attract them to the opposite sex. Women can get angry and say well men will just have to get used to it, but the issue is that they don't. They can just choose not to go for women who act in the same way as their drinking buddies.

Men want someone who is supportive. Many women are quick to criticize men in their behavior, career and set about trying to alter them and mould them. This is a crucial mistake. Men can be manipulated yes, but they see their partnerships as support systems. The best relationships work both ways in terms of support. Where a woman is not able or willing to give that support and is too quick to criticize then she may lose her man.

Men don't like angry women who shout. They want a woman who can debate and converse and is able to discuss. Communication is king. A fiery passionate temperament may have made you interesting and challenging on day one. But by day 500 it holds no glory whatsoever.

Men love a challenging woman, someone who keeps them on their toes. Men are generally lazy in relationships once they feel they're in secure territory. When a man is challenged so he does something about it. If you want to keep your man interested, keep him challenged.

Men are generally more reserved about sex than women. This is my experience is a fact. Men know what they like in bed and tend to stick to it. The adventurous sexual appetite in most men isn't there even if they are convinced it is. Men in reality are quite conservative. Sexually adventurous has nothing to do with having lots of partners and more to do with the things they will try with the same partner. In most test cases I have conducted, it is the man who looks for a quiet time in the bedroom and the woman who ultimately becomes bored.

Men want a woman who will commit to them. Though increasingly this is hard to find, it doesn't take away the wish. Men want a girlfriend who they can share with and trust and be open with. Commitment is not a one way street and therefore men are struggling to find the levels of commitment they found previously. But the need is still there.

Men don't want to be alone.

THOUGHTS/JOURNAL/DATING: WHY MELISSA CHANGE ME FROM BEING A NICE GUY TO THE TOTAL OPPOSITE

Twenty years ago, the second woman I ever loved broke my heart. Her name was Melissa.  Like many break ups, the end came in stutters and sine waves rather than as an abrupt but mercifully irreversible amputation.  However, for reasons I couldn’t understand yet quickly began to resent, my ex-girlfriend continued to ask favors of me.  And I continued to grant them.

Then one morning while chanting I found myself ruminating about how inappropriate it was of her to keep asking, and the more I thought about it, the more irritated I became.  My indignation continued to intensify after I’d finished chanting and began showering, finally reaching a peak as I rinsed the shampoo from my hair, causing me to make a sudden and angry determination that the next time she asked me for a favor, I’d refuse.

At that exact moment, the phone rang.

I knew it was her calling—and sure enough, after I’d finished showering, one of my roommates confirmed it and added that she’d asked that I call her back before I left for school.

As I walked toward the phone I told myself that when she asked me for the favor for which I knew she’d called, I’d refuse.  I called her up, and—sure enough—she asked me if I would record a television show for her on my VCR (again, this was 20 years ago).  In my mind I said, “No.”  But then I heard my mouth say, “Yes.”

I hung up—and laughed out loud.  I was as powerless to refuse her a favor as I was to run through a brick wall.

So I decided to begin chanting with the determination to free myself from my inability to refuse her favors.  And one day, months later, while chanting, I had an epiphany.  The reason I remained unable to refuse her requests was that I’d established a Good Guy Contract with her.

Until that moment of epiphany, I had no idea what a Good Guy Contract was, much less that it was the standard contract I consistently signed with almost everyone in my life.  But in that startling moment of clarity I understood not only what it was but why I kept signing it:  my self-esteem, which I’d previously believed to be built on things solely internal, was in fact entirely dependent on something external—the good will of others.  The Good Guy Contract was simple:  I would agree to be nice to you, to advise you, to sacrifice for you, to care about you—and in return you would agree to believe that I was wise, compassionate, excellent as a human being in every way, and finally and most importantly, you would like me.

This was the contract I’d signed with my ex-girlfriend, the only difference being I didn’t just expect to be liked; I expected to be loved.  And for a while, I was.  Unfortunately once I’d had a taste of that love, it became my ego’s addiction, and when she took it away from me I became profoundly depressed—not because, as I originally thought, I’d been left by someone I thought was the love of my life, but because I genuinely believed without that someone I couldn’t be happy.  Why, then, did I keep doing favors for her after we’d broken up?  Because I couldn’t shake the Good Guy habit.  Some part of me believed if I continued to fulfill my contractual obligations to her, she’d start fulfilling hers again to me.  To say I was shocked to discover my self-esteem had been built on such shaky ground would be an understatement.

I didn’t realize at the time, but at the moment I had the epiphany about my propensity to sign Good Guy Contracts with everyone in my life, I stopped doing it.  This was proven to me three months later when my best friend came to me asking me why I had recently become such a jerk to all my friends.  My first reaction was to become defensive and deny it.  But then I stopped myself, realizing that he was absolutely right.  I began to wonder why I had in fact become so dismissive of so many of my friends and realized that I’d somehow stopped needing their approval to sustain my self-esteem and had somehow torn up all the Good Guy Contracts I’d signed with them (these were people, it turned out, with whom I had little in common to bind us together in genuine friendship).  I’d somehow discovered a way to love and value myself without feeding off the love and esteem of anyone else.  And most fascinating of all, without my ever discussing this with my ex-girlfriend, she never asked me for another favor again.

THE BENEFIT OF TEARING UP THE GOOD GUY CONTRACT

I’m not arguing there’s anything wrong with wanting to be liked.  Nor am I saying I no longer care if I’m liked or not.  What I am saying is that in freeing myself from the need to be liked—in learning to derive my self-esteem from internal support—I can more easily let go of the dissonance that (still) occurs when I’m disliked.  Ridding myself of the need to sign Good Guy Contracts has brought me tremendous benefits, including enabling me to:

-Stop suffering when people don’t like me.  I can’t control how others respond to me, and being freed of the need to write Good Guy Contracts has freed me of the need to try to influence others to like me as well—which has freed up an unbelievable amount of my time.

-Become an effective leader.  If your primary concern is to please everyone, you won’t be able to make good decisions for the right reasons.  I could never have taken on the leadership roles I have had I not eliminated my need to be a People Pleaser (another name for a Good Guy).

-Establish more genuine friendships—friendships based on mutual interest, free of the underlying agenda in which I would use the goodwill of another to support my self-esteem.

-Be compassionate.  Freed of the need to be liked, I can now contemplate compassionate action motivated only by the desire to add to the happiness of another person and not by the imperative to sustain my self-esteem, making it far more likely my actions will be wisely compassionate, the importance of which I discussed in a previous post, What Compassion Is.

-Avoid explosive expressions of pent up resentment.  Being unable to say no leads to resentment toward oneself that often gets projected onto others but that’s paradoxically rarely expressed (becoming angry at someone would violate the terms of the Good Guy Contract)—until it builds up to the point where it must be expressed and then often is in explosive and damaging ways.

-Avoid feeling overwhelmed by too much responsibility.  What a relief it’s been to be able to own what’s mine and not what belongs to others.

HOW TO TEAR UP THE GOOD GUY CONTRACT

People sign Good Guy Contracts all the time.  It’s especially common in younger people, less so as people mature naturally into independence.  Yet it persists in many—as I believe it would have in me had I not confronted the suffering my signing a Good Guy Contract with my ex-girlfriend caused me.

If you’re a chronic People Pleaser who can’t stand to disappoint others when disappointing them is appropriate, then you have a great opportunity to become happier.  First, how can you confirm that you sign Good Guy Contracts in your relationships (both romantic and platonic)?  Try asking yourself the following questions:

When you disappoint someone, anger them, or cause them in some way to dislike you, does it create disproportionate anxiety for you?
Do you have difficulty enduring even a mild degree of conflict with others?
Do you become obsessed with manipulating how others feel about you?
Are your actions predominantly motivated by how they’ll cause others to view you?

If so, these are reasonably good indicators you’re working too hard to be a Good Guy.

What, then, can you do to stop?  Other than taking up the practice of Nichiren Buddhism, the most effective method I’ve found is to practice disappointing people.  That is, when disappointing someone is genuinely necessary, I approach it as practice for developing my self-esteem.  If I fail, that’s fine.  After all, it was only practice.  I get back up, dust myself off, and make a determination to try again next time, reminding myself as I do so that violating the Good Guy Contract and setting appropriate boundaries doesn’t usually lead to being disliked as we People Pleasers fear, but rather to being respected.

In all honesty, even now, two decades later, I sometimes still feel the tug of the need to please.  Though the wisdom I activated all those years ago has never stopped functioning in my life, sometimes it functions less strongly than others, depending on my life-condition.  Sometimes I still have to remind myself consciously not to be overly affected by the opinions of others.  But the ability to let go of my need to be liked, even if it sometimes requires conscious effort, is one of the greatest bits of human revolution I’ve ever accomplished and absolutely worth every bit of suffering it required.

SPIRITUAL: LET GO

We all suffer, every day: worry, procrastination, anxiety, feeling overwhelmed, irritated, angry, frustrated, wishing things were different, comparing ourselves to others, worried we’re missing out, wishing other people would be different, feeling offended, loneliness, fear of failure, not wanting to do something, wishing we had less fat or bigger boobs or bigger muscles, angry at being controlled, wanting to find the perfect someone, wishing our partner was more perfect, stressed about finances, not wanting to think about problems, not knowing how to fix things, uncertain about choices, rushing from one task to the next, not liking our jobs.

And yet, these problems are self-created.

They’re real, but our tricky minds have created them. The problems are in our heads, created by some ideal/fantasy/expectation of how we wished the world would be, or hope it will be but fear it won’t be. It exists in our heads.

Try this, for a minute: let all of that go for a moment, and just pay attention to the physical things around you right now. Your body, the light, sounds, the thing you’re sitting on, the things moving or sitting still around you. Don’t judge them against what they should be, but just observe what they actually are.

See this moment as it is, without all the things you’re worried/frustrated/angry about. Let go of all of those things, and just see this moment.

It is perfect, as it is.

Accept this moment. Cherish it. This is real, and it is wonderful.

You can go back to worrying about everything else in a moment.

ARTICLE:You can limit Google from making your “private” information “public” - See more at: http://support-mart.blogspot.com/2014/02/you-can-limit-google-from-making-your

A stranger following you, every time you leave your home or office, is something that no one of us will ever welcome. Someone who does it daily is Google, in fact we permit Google to do it every single day. What lures you into this are the free services and an easily accessible web feature. Google, meanwhile, has never hidden this fact and it’s clearly mentioned in the privacy policy. The question is how many of us have actually read this policy before accepting it?

Wondering what all Google can know? Answer is your location via GPS, other information through your phone logs. So, if you wish to hide your personal information from Google, here are some steps which can help you do so, easily.

Move to the Google Dashboard, which gives access to all Google Services like Google Plus, YouTube and more, where you can control the privacy level. This helps in limiting the amount of info shared publically.
Cookies keep accumulating in your PC, and you thus need to clean these regularly. As Google uses them as a unique identifier, to collect information and give advertisers access to your contact info.

VPN aka Virtual Private Network, helps you experience anonymity while surfing the web, which means you can now stay hidden from not just Google, but hackers and others.

Switch to the Incognito or the InPrivate option, which is a secured browsing feature that helps in protecting your privacy over the web. It can be activated in Chrome, Mozilla and Internet Explorer as well.

Download the DoNotTrack app/plug-in without any further delay. This is if you do not have complete trust over the above mentioned app, this tool extends to all tracking tools and puts a check on how your online activity is tracked. In case you did not know, DNT keeps a check on the cookies as well.

A removal request can be made to Google in case you wish to delete any of your info being shared to the world. So, file this request now.

Google Maps is an interesting and useful feature, but we hope you do not wish the world to know where you are? If yes, then remove your house from the Google Maps now. It’s a simple three step process, which can help you do this easily.

Choose what you wish to share on the various social profiles via Google, so, don’t be an open book to the world and make changes now on LinkedIn, Twitter, Facebook and others.

Stay away from Google search, we know it may sound absurd and tough, but doing so will help in decreasing the hassle of going public, significantly.

Google+ Chrome combo must be a complete no-no, especially if using this on your phone. If logged in, Google can be unknowingly following you everywhere you go. When on your home PC, at your work computer or any place else.

Avoid adding any details in the first place, to keep away from seeing your info being shared at places you never wish. It’s better to not do it, rather than feel culpable later.

So, here were the top 11 ways by which you can keep your ‘private’ information on Google actually ‘private’, at least to some extent. Also, if you thought it’s just Google collecting your info, then think again, as there are many companies doing the same, secretly! -

DATING/ LOVE: WHEN I FALL IN LOVE

When I fall in love, how would I feel? I asked this question to myself countless times, and even now as I write, I cannot help but reflect on those times when I did fall in love - madly, fondly and blindly.When I fall in love, I want to be with her always; In happiness, to smile with her, and be the one to hug her near. In sadness, to cry with her, and be the one to dry her tears. When I fall in love, I will spend my every waking and sleeping moments with her and catch each moment in its eternally lovely form. When I fall in love, I will miss her the very moment I say 'goodbye' and my heart will yearn forthe  very moment I say ‘hello'. When I fall in love, all my old hurts and pains will seem lost and faded away and I will be strong and brave once again. When I fall in love,I want you to be happy always, ever and feel like the happiest person of them all . . .Because that's what I will feel, when I fall in love, with you. So when two people fall in love, something interesting is bound to happen. Like all romances, things might go well, they might not, or, most likely, there’ll be a mix of both. Unlike most romances, however, when two hopless romantic hook up, it almost always leads to love.
 

PERSONAL : THEY TYPE OF MAN I AM

I am the man who brings your fantasies to life. I am the man who you love to see. I am the man you wish you could meet. I am the man who wants what he needs. I am the man who is known for his honor. I am the man who’s loyalty knows no bounds. I am the man who’s honesty never ends. I am the man who’s promise is always kept. I am the man who’s respect is always given. I am the man who’s love never ends. I am the man that fights for what he loves. I am the man that you wish you could have. I am the man who has a heart of gold. I am the man that will stand by your side to the end. I am the man who will not call you fake. I am the man who see’s more then a pretty face.I am the man who holds you when you cry. I am the man who is judged but does not judge. I am the man who forgives if you lie. I am the man who wishes to soar the skies. I am the man who loves but isn’t loved. I am the man who creates but never destroys. I am the man that is confident but insecure. I am the man who cares without being cared. I am the man who’s always lonely, but never alone.  I am the man who is smart yet ignorant. I am the man you want but can never have. I am the man you miss but won’t see. I am the man that cares when no one’s there. I am the man you can call at any hour. I am the man you can expect to always stay.  I am the man you can trust with all your soul. I am the man you can love that won’t be lost. Most of all, I am me.

PERSONAL/ DATING/ LOVE : AN IMPORTANT POST - WHY MET YOU IF YOU ARE NOT READY

After going on dates and looking back at my relationship...I realized something... it's not really the actual person that makes him or her the love of our life? It's actually the emotional place we're in? We can't fall in love with someone if our hearts are closed or if we're unavailable. We can't fall in love with someone when we are so scared of getting hurt or so scared of having our freedom taken away, that we walk around with walls up. We can't fall in love with someone when we are unwilling to be vulnerable. And we can't expect someone to swoop in and magically make our walls disappear for us and be mad at them when they don't.

Hear me out: I have gone on so many dates and the ones the work...are the ones when someone is actually ready for a relationship. if you haven't been in love again since then, I would offer that it's not necessarily that you haven't met the right person. Perhaps it's that you're not the right person!

I had a girlfriend for three years in my early-mid twenties. It was the first time either of us had ever really been in love. It was that mad, crazy, passionate love. We professed and expressed our love for each other regularly. We had to be together all the time. We made plans for the future. We were completely open, raw, and vulnerable. It was euphoric.

But then, of course, life happened, and things fell apart. Sometimes when things fall apart in relationships it's for the couple to stick together and rebuild. Other times, it's for each person to move on. That was the case with us. But it was devastating, because the passion that we shared carried over to our breakup. So I decided (unconsciously of course) that I would never experience that much hurt again, that I would never experience that loss of love again, that feeling that literally a limb was ripped from my body. I would not put myself in the place to feel that again. Ever.

So unbeknownst to me, I shut myself off from finding real love again. Of course, I desired relationships. I still desired to fall in love and meet and marry "the one." I didn't stop desiring that, it's just that underneath it all, I had a closed heart. So it makes sense that the next relationship I had after that one was with a woman who has major issues, I married someone who I couldn't get truly hurt by because  I knew in my heart of heart she never really loved me...well you know how that ended...divorce.

When we find ourselves in these dating situations and relationships, we tend to ignore that there's something going on with us. We tend to think it's the other person. But see, that's just not true. It's not the other person's fault that we're not open to love... and it's not their fault that they are our mirrors and we drew them in!

Again, it is not necessarily the person that makes you fall in love with them. It is your ability to be open to love at that point in your life. She just happened to come around when you were openhearted. When you were willing to feel, willing to risk, willing to let someone else in.

You can search as long as you want for the love of your life, and date and date and date, moving on from each one to the next, making excuse after excuse about what's wrong with them or what's wrong with the relationship. But until you stop, stand still, and deal with your walls, deal with the pain that the walls are concealing, you will never meet the love of your life or have that real love. You can't do it by constantly moving from one to the next, playing it safe, and having a surface relationship. If you want the real thing, you have to be willing to take a real look at yourself, and do the real work.

Up until this point in my life, I had always said that the girlfriend I talked about earlier has been the love of my life. But I realized recently that that's not true... It's just a memory. I haven't met the love of my life yet, because up until this point I haven't allowed myself to open my heart to it again, not because I haven't met the right woman. I have been really working on opening my heart again because I crave with every ounce of my soul to have real, connected, deep love. I am ready.

When we are ready to open our hearts and deal with the risk of true love, of letting someone in, of being vulnerable, we'll be the right person to draw in that right person. Think about it next time you're placing blame on the people you're dating. Take some responsibility. There's a reason you drew in that person. He or she is merely just a mirror of you. If you want to have real love, you have to be willing to go there.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

You torture my mind and torment my senses even in my sleep I can smell your perfume. Every thought I have are thoughts of you. You tease my heart and flirt with my brain...my heart quickens with thoughts of you. Just to hear your voice is enough to lift me. You leave me breathless with your simple ways. You make me feel that there will always be better days. The song that plays in my mind is the sound of your laughter. The sunshine that caresses me in the morning is your face. You have captured my heart and enslave my soul and yet you go on your ways; leaving me a fool..a half crazy fool. Every day. Every hour. Every minute.Every second. Even every breath I take. Every time I am with you ...I feel something inside of me growing. What I feel is nothing I ever felt before. When we are far apart this beautiful feeling turns into a dreadful stabbing pain.Like the stars above in the sky-You are beautiful, so beautiful. Like the stars I love to see-I can't help but stare, can't help but stare. Like the stars in the nighttime sky-I love you... I love you.The very look at you disintegrates into my mind. Every look into those wonderess eyes fools my every move. As you slowly approach, i feel time stopping. The beat of my heart hurts and your little words carved into my heart as memories never to forget.Seeing you breath; a calming feeling,  I can do to, but not just yet. Drawn to your endless look...a certified feelings that won't go away

Your voice, so soothing, I love to hear.  A voice that's music to my ears. The wonderful sound of your voice- when near.  It eases all my troubled fear. A melody that came from heaven above. It gives more joy and speaks with love, When you whisper so softly the words, "I love you."  I'm so glad I'm the one you give your love to. A romantic voice, worth more than gold will ever be. That sexy voice, that only you bestow to me.

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate,

Where have you been all my life. I've been sitting around, waiting,Knowing, someday you'll come. I've been waiting for so very long,Longer than eternity were you gone. Where have you been? I remember you from somewhere in my dream. To think we were walking so close,through the same walls and doors, waiting only for destiny to run its course. I couldn't help but smile,knowing you were there all the while. Where were you all my life? 

I write your name and run my fingertips on it. No words are spoken as I think of the faceless you with painted picture in my mind.Your words, my guide to your soul...still longing to see the face of you as my fingertips keep caressing your name.And so I know I have fallen

 The touch of your hand so warm, so gentle, so loving. A kiss from your lips. So soft, so tender, so intoxicating.The look in your eyes.So intense, so hypnotic, so inviting. Swirling, swirling faster drowning in a pool that is you The promise of your love so unending, so true, so unconditionally perfect

PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: I AM READY IN LOVE

To My Dearest Future Wife,

Let’s just be honest here — I always thought that if I hadn’t found you by now, I’d be totally bummed out. I thought I’d be a nervous, incomplete wreck, writing this profile as I sit in front of the computer After all, I mean, hello, I’m almost adult.

Which of course, to my 22-year-old self, was a dinosaur-like age at which I thought I’d have hot wife, two charming young Ralph Lauren model-looking kids, and would be living in the suburbs with a golden retriever and an SUV. I got the house...but that was it so far.

No doubt about it, the 22-year-old version of me would have been baffled by the weird life I’m living now — by the fact that I’ve somehow become a person who’s learned to hold tight to everything but apparent security.(And also, of course, who is still single, which may not be surprising taking into account how I tend to spend my time these days.)

My 22-year-old-self would wonder, with a confused half-frown on his face , why it seems as if I’ve been focusing on everything but finding love. After all, I used to have All The Things I was “supposed” to have, and yet I gave them all up. The apartment in the upper west side near Lincoln Center...I sold it and moved to Long Island. That TV and couch and Keurig coffeemaker I used to own? I threw them all in storage, and I honestly can’t say when (or if) they’ll be resurfacing. (Anyone want to buy a 47″ flatscreen?!)

And the woman? I gave her up when I got divorced. I gave it all up.**Ok, so maybe I kept the Keurig, but can you really blame me? But the truth is, I’m happier now than I ever was before. I started reading books, mediating, hanging out with my parents. I went on vacation..and in the process of doing All The Things, I gave up the search to find love. Now, dear future wife, don’t take this the wrong way — it’s not that I’ve given up on finding you. But see, if my 22-year-old self were to ask me why in the hell I gave up the search, I’d sit him down and I’d tell him this:

“Alex, there’s something you must know about love, and it’s much different than what you’ve been taught: Real love — real fulfillment — isn’t the way it looks in the movies, where you’re destined to be desperately incomplete and unhappy until the One Perfect Person comes into your life and magically makes your life whole. See, love, salvation, wholeness, completeness, happiness — these things don’t come to you solely through one magical person or through securing the life you’re ‘supposed’ to live.

In fact, Real Love cannot come to you at all, because it is already right here and right now, ready to be experienced in everything and everyone around you.

It is not just contained in some romantic version of flowers and wine — to really love is to love the mountain fresh air as you breathe in and breathe out. It is to love and appreciate the dexterity of your fingers on the keyboard and the sharpness of your mind. To love is to see — to really see and to really greet — each person you meet. To love is all this and more.

To fully live, I think, is to fully love.

And the truth is, in the process of learning to really live — to experience each moment deeply, fully, completely — I may not have found the right woman yet, but that’s not to say that I haven’t found love.

In fact, I’ve fallen deeply in love — not with one woman, but with life. With myself. With chopping the vegetables and washing the dishes and smiling at strangers. I’ve found love and contentment in the smallest, simplest things.

So, yes, you could say I’ve fallen madly in love.

Actually, scratch that. I’ve not fallen in love; I’ve learned to practice love. Because the truth is, real love isn’t something passive that you ‘fall’ into; rather, it is something that is active. Love is a practice; it’s something that you do every day, not something that you sit around and wait to show up on your doorstep in the form of one human being.

Real Love lies in the act of loving, not solely in the object of the beloved.

It lies in the act of loving thyself, of loving thy neighbor, and of loving this beautiful, awe-inspiring life you’ve been given. 

To experience love, I’ve found, is to practice love, and you don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to practice love in its various forms. Real love extends beyond the act of simply loving one person romantically and into the realm of — yes, I’m about to get all woo-woo on you here — Universal Love.

It’s not just about finding the hot woman who wants you; it’s also about loving life, appreciating each moment, and learning to give without any expectation of reward beyond the joy of the act itself.

"If I truly love one person I love all persons, I love the world, I love life. Love is not primarily a relationship to a specific person; it is an attitude, an orientation of character which determines the relatedness of a person to the world as a whole, not toward one ‘object’ of love"- Erich Fromm

And dare I say that until you’ve experienced real love — ‘big L,’ Universal Love, you cannot truly experience the realest kind of romantic love with that fabul-awesome girl who will one day — when the time is just right — step into your life.”

And so.

To The Woman Who Will One Day Become My Soul-Mate in Crime,

I am no longer looking for love. I am not looking for love in the bar  at the club or Hugh Hefner' s mansion. I am no longer looking for love because I already am love. I already have love. I am already practicing love.

Yes; I’ve already found love in my life, and it is right here and right now.

Now all I’m waiting on — patiently, deliberately, and full of faith — is you.

I cannot wait — as in, I’m, like, Tom Cruise jumping on the couch excited — to meet you. And I’m just gonna go ahead and put this out there: Whenever the time is right for our paths to cross — should it be in 5 days, 5 years, or 5 lifetimes — I think I’m finally ready.

Bring it on.

Love,

Alex

LOVE LETTER: DEAR SOULMATE

Dear Soulmate

How I want to hold you in my arms while you are sleeping...Hear your every soundless breath...See the moon shine on your lovely face...Smell the sweetness of your hair...and touch your tender lips...I'll cherish every moment when I am with you...becaise the future is too unpredictable...It could be as joyful and warm as the summer breeze...or as cruel and cold as the storm in the winter night... Impossible to tell where the path you and I took will lead us...but I know I will do everything to make my dream come true...without you...my life is incomplete. In the tranquil hours of night. I walk in your soul.You live in my heart with each beat....with each breath....we are one. Dawn merges with morning....I melt into you.You capture my spirit. Our hearts swell with passion. Our bodies weep with ecstasy. We are eternal love 


The silky softness of your hair,
     the gentle touch of your hand in mine,
     the slight twitch of your nose,
     the magic in your smile and laugh,
     the smoothness of your lips,
     the poise by which you carry your beauty,
     the gentle curve of your breast, belly, and thigh,
     the brightness of your deep brown eyes,
All of this is you, but it is only a glimpse of you.
You are so much more.
You are so much more to me than mere physical beauty.

Through the silky softness of your hair,
     the gentle touch of your hand in mine,
     the slight twitch of your nose,
     the magic in your smile and laugh,
     the smoothness of your lips,
     the poise by which you carry your beauty,
     the gentle curve of your breast, belly, and thigh,
But, most importantly, through the brightness of your deep brown eyes,
I see the beauty of your heart and soul.
I see the real you.
I see the worth and beauty of all God's creation in you alone.

Your eyes reflect this inner being, 
     the beauty of your soul,
     the beauty of the universe,
     the beauty of life everlasting,
     the beauty and true meaning of -- Forever "&" A Day.

It is the depth of the beauty of your soul that I have come to Love,
     Nothing more,
     Nothing less.
"I Love You," means nothing in itself.
The true meaning is known only when one
          recognizes the truth and beauty of
          your soul.
I truly Love You -- Forever "&" A Day.

SPIRTUAL: MY CONVERSATION WITH GOD

I met god the other day.

I know what you’re thinking. How the hell did you know it was god?

Well, I’ll explain as we go along, but basically he convinced me by having all, and I do mean ALL, the answers. Every question I flung at him he batted back with a plausible and satisfactory answer. In the end, it was easier to accept that he was god than otherwise.

It all started on Starbuck Got myself a seat..sat down with my coffee, reading the paper and in he walks.

What did he look like?

Well not what you might have expected that’s for sure. He was about 30, wearing a pair of jeans and a “hobgoblin” tee shirt. Definitely casual. Looked like he could have been a social worker

‘Anyone sitting here?’ he said.

‘Help yourself’ I replied.

Sits down, relaxes, I ignore and back to the reading

‘Can I ask you a question?’

Fighting to restrain my left eyebrow I replied ‘Yes’ in a tone which was intended to convey that I might not mind one question, and possibly a supplementary, but I really wasn’t in the mood for a conversation. ..

‘Why don’t you believe in god?’

The Bastard!

I love this kind of conversation and can rabbit on for hours about the nonsense of theist beliefs. But I have to be in the mood! It’s like when a Jehova’s witness knocks on your door 20 minutes before you’re due to have a wisdom tooth pulled. Much as you’d really love to stay… You can’t even begin the fun

But then I thought ‘Odd! How is this perfect stranger so obviously confident – and correct – about my atheism?’ If I’d been driving my car, it wouldn’t have been such a mystery. I’ve got the Darwin fish on the back of mine – the antidote to that twee christian fish you see all over. So anyone spotting that and understanding it would have been in a position to guess my beliefs. But I was on a train and not even wearing my Darwin “Evolve” tshirt that day. And ‘The Independent’ isn’t a registered flag for card carrying atheists, so what, I wondered, had given the game away.

‘What makes you so certain that I don’t?’

‘Because’, he said, ‘ I am god – and you are not afraid of me’

You’ll have to take my word for it of course, but there are ways you can deliver a line like that – most of which would render the speaker a candidate for an institution, or at least prozac. Some of which could be construed as mildly entertaining.

Conveying it as “indifferent fact” is a difficult task but that’s exactly how it came across. Nothing in his tone or attitude struck me as even mildly out of place with that statement. He said it because he believed it and his rationality did not appear to be drug induced or the result of a mental breakdown.

‘And why should I believe that?’

‘Well’ he said, ‘why don’t you ask me a few questions. Anything you like, and see if the answers satisfy your sceptical mind?’

This is going to be a short conversation after all, I thought.

‘Who am I?’

‘Stottle. Harry Stottle, born August 10 1947, Bristol, England. Father Paul, Mother Mary. Educated Duke of Yorks Royal Military School 1960 67, Sandhurst and Oxford, PhD in Exobiology, failed rock singer, full time trade union activist for 10 years, latterly self employed computer programmer, web author and aspiring philosopher. Married to Michelle, American citizen, two children by a previous marriage. You’re returning home after what seems to have been a successful meeting with an investor interested in your proposed product tracking anti-forgery software and protocol and you ate a full english breakfast at the hotel this morning except that, as usual, you asked them to hold the revolting english sausages and give you some extra bacon. ‘

He paused

‘You’re not convinced. Hmmm… what would it take to convince you? May I have your permission for a telepathic link?’

‘Do you need my permission?’

‘Technically, no. Ethically, yes’

Might as well play along I thought. ‘OK – you have my permission. So convince me’

‘oh right! Your most secret password and its association’

A serious hacker might be able to obtain the password, but no one else and I mean

NO ONE

knows its association.

He did.

So how would you have played it?

I threw a few more questions about relatively insignificant but unpublicised details of my life (like what my mother claims was the first word I ever spoke – apparently “armadillo”! (Don’t ask…)) but I was already pretty convinced. I knew there were only three possible explanations at this point.

Possibility One was that I was dreaming, hallucinating or hypnotised. Nobody’s figured out a test for that so, at the time I think that was my dominant feeling. It did not feel real at the time. More like I was in a play. Acting my lines. Since the event, however, continuing detailed memories of it, together with my contemporaneous notes, remain available, so unless the hallucination has continued to this day, I am now inclined to reject the hallucination hypothesis. Which leaves two others.

He could have been a true telepath. No documented evidence exists of anyone ever having such profound abilities to date but it was a possibility. It would have explained how he could know my best-kept secrets. The problem with that is that it doesn’t explain anything else! In particular it doesn’t account for the answers he proceeded to give to my later questions.

As Sherlock Holmes says, when you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Good empiricist, Sherlock.

I was forced to accept at least the possibility that this man was who he claimed to be.

So now what do you do?

Well, I’ve always known that if I met god I would have a million questions for him, so I thought, ‘why not?’ and proceeded with what follows. You’ll have to allow a bit of licence in the detail of the conversation. This was, shall we say, a somewhat unusual occurrence, not to mention just a BIT weird! And yes I was aleetle bit nervous! So if I don’t get it word perfect don’t whinge! You’ll get the gist I promise.

***********************************‘Forgive me if it takes me a little time to get up to speed here, but it’s not everyday I get to question a deity’

‘The Deity’ he interrupted.

‘ooh. Touchy!’ I thought.

‘Not really – just correcting the image’

Now That takes some getting used to!

I tried to get a grip on my thoughts, with an internal command – ‘Discipline Alex. You’ve always wanted to be in a situation like this, now you’re actually in it, you mustn’t go to pieces and waste the opportunity of a lifetime’

‘You won’t’ he said.

Tell you! That’s the bit that made it feel unreal more than anything else – this guy sitting across the table and very obviously accurately reading my every thought. It’s like finding someone else’s hand inside your trouser pocket!

Nevertheless, something (other than simply having given my “permission”) made me inclined to accept the invasion, I had obviously begun to have some confidence in his perception or abilities, so I distinctly remember the effect of his words was that I suddenly felt deeply reassured and completely relaxed. As he had no doubt intended. Man must have an amazing seduction technique!

So then we got down to business…

‘Are you human?’

‘No’

‘Were you, ever?’

‘No, but similar, Yes’

‘Ah, so you are a product of evolution?’

‘Most certainly – mainly my own’

‘and you evolved from a species like ours, dna based organisms or something equally viable?’

‘Correct’

‘so what, exactly, makes you god?’

‘I did’

‘Why?’

‘Seemed like a good idea at the time’

‘and your present powers, are they in any way similar to what the superstitious believers in my species attribute to you?’

‘Close enough. ’

‘So you created all this, just for us?’

‘No. Of course not’

‘But you did create the Universe?’

‘This One. Yes’

‘But not your own?’

‘This is my own!’

‘You know what I mean!’

‘You can’t create your own parents, so No’

‘So let me get this straight. You are an entirely natural phenomenon.’

‘Entirely’

‘Arising from mechanisms which we ourselves will one day understand and possibly even master?’

‘subject to a quibble over who “we ourselves” may be, but yes’

‘meaning that if the human race doesn’t come up to the mark, other species eventually will?’

‘in one.’

‘and how many other species are there already out there ahead of us?’

‘surprisingly few. Less than fourteen million’

‘FEW!?’

‘Phew!’

‘And how many at or about our level?’

‘currently a little over 4 ½ billion’

‘so our significance in the universe at present is roughly equivalent to the significance of the average Joe here on planet Earth in his relation to the human race?’

‘a little less. Level One, the level your species has reached, begins with the invention of the flying machine. The next level is achieved when a species is no longer dominated by or dependent upon it’s own primary  – your Sun. They are able to prosper away from their own, or indeed any other, stellar system. Humanity is only just into the flying machine phase, so as you can imagine, on that scale, the human race is somewhat near the bottom of the level one pack’

‘Do you mean we will one day control our own Sun like Kardashev and Asimov talk about?’

‘quite the opposite. Those are the visions of an evolving mechanical species who imagine that bigger machines are better and stronger and that we will always need more and more energy to achieve mastery of the universe. The truth is the exact opposite. The more advanced we become, the less energy we require and the less impact we make on our environment. You manipulate matter, which requires enormous amounts of energy. We manipulate energy, which requires none. As a consequence, you would not, for example, even recognise a level two species as a lifeform unless it chose to let you ’

‘ all these evolving species; they are your “children”?’

‘I like to think of them that way’

‘and the point?’

‘at its simplest, “Life Must Go On”. My personal motivation is the desire to optimise the intelligence of the Universe. In your own terms, I strive to maximise pleasure and minimise pain. A great deal of pleasure, however, arises from communications between separate entities. Once you’ve achieved my level,  we tend to cease to be billions of separate entities and become one ecstatic whole. A single entity that cannot die unless it loses the will to live. Advanced and self contained though I am, or perhaps, more accurately, because  I am so advanced and self contained, one of the pleasures we lose along the way is that simple joy of meeting new and unpredictable minds and either learning from or teaching them. Thus, in large part, the point of the exercise is to provide company. I am the first eternal in this Universe. I do not intend to be the last’

‘so you created a Universe which is potentially capable of producing another god like yourself?’

‘The full benefit will be temporary, but like most orgasms, worth it.’

‘this being the moment when our new god merges with you and we become one again?’

‘don’t play it down, that’s the ecstatic vision driving us all, me included – and when it happens the ecstasy lasts several times longer than this universe has already existed. Believe me, it really is worth the effort.’

‘Yes, I think I can see the attractions of a hundred billion year long orgasm’

‘and humans haven’t even begun to know how to really enjoy the orgasms they are already capable of. Wait till you master that simple art!’

‘So it’s all about sex is it?’

‘Sexual ecstasy is merely a reward for procreating, it is what makes you want to do it. This is necessary, initially, to promote biological evolution. However once you’ve completed that stage and no longer require procreation, you will learn that ecstasy can be infinitely more intense than anything offered by sex’

‘Sounds good to me!’

‘How direct is your involvement in all this? Did you just light the fuse which set off the big bang and stand back and watch? Or did you have to plant the seeds on appropriately fertile planets?’

‘The first significant level of the intelligent self organisation of matter is the arrival of the organic chemistry which forms the precursor for biology and the first primitive life forms. That chemistry evolved, mostly, in deep space, once the stars had created enough of the heavier elements, and purely as a result of the operations of the laws of physics and chemistry which your scientists have already largely understood. All I did was to set the initial conditions which triggered the bang and essentially became dormant for nearly 5 billion years. That’s how long it took the first lifeforms to emerge. That places them some 8 billion years ahead of you. The first intelligent species are now 4.3 billion years ahead of you. Really quite advanced. I can have deeply meaningful conversations with them. And usually do. In fact I am as we speak’

‘So then what?’

‘Do I keep a constant vigil over every move you make? Not in the kind of prying intrusive sense that some of you seem to think. Let’s say I maintain an awareness of what’s going on, at a planetary level. I tend only to focus on evolutionary leaps. See if they’re going in the right direction’

‘And if they’re not?’

‘Nothing. Usually’

‘Usually?’

‘Usually species evolving in the wrong direction kill themselves off or become extinct for other reasons’

‘Usually?’

‘There have been one or two cases where a wrong species has had the potential of becoming dominant at the expense of a more promising strain’

‘Let me guess. Dinosaurs on this planet are an example. Too successful. Suppressed the development of mammals and were showing no signs of developing intelligence. So you engineered a little corrective action in the form of a suitably selected asteroid’

‘Perceptive. Almost correct. They were showing signs of developing intelligence, even co-operation. Study your Troodons. But far too predatory. Incapable of ever developing a “respect” for other life forms. It takes carrying your young to promote the development of emotional attachment to other animals. Earth reptiles aren’t built for that. The mammals who are, as you rightly say, couldn’t get a foothold against such mighty predators. You’ve now reached the stage where you could hold your own even against dinosaurs, but that’s only been true for about a thousand years, your predecessors didn’t stand a chance 65 million years ago, so the dinosaurs had to go. They were, however, far too ubiquitous and well balanced with the ecology of the planet, and never developed technology, so they weren’t going to kill themselves off in a hurry. Regrettably, I had to intervene.’

‘Regrettably?’

‘They were a beautiful and stunningly successful life form. One doesn’t destroy such things without a qualm.’

‘But at that stage how could you know that a better prospect would arise from the ashes?’

‘I didn’t. But the probability was quite high.’

‘and since then, what other little tweaks have you been responsible for in our development?’

‘None whatsoever. I set an alarm for the first sign of artificial aerial activity, as I usually do. Leonardo looked promising for a while, but not until the Montgolfier brothers did I really begin to take an interest. That registered you as a level one intelligent species’

‘If the sign is “aerial activity”, how do you identify technological bird species?’

“Same way. Intelligent flyers rarely become technologists though. They tend to evolve into adaptors rather than manipulators but the few exceptions develop flying machines rather more quickly than species like your own because they have a natural understanding of aerodynamics.”

‘but why would a bird need a flying machine?’

‘that’s like asking why would your species need cars and other forms of mechanical transport. The technology lets you carry heavier loads, faster and for greater distances than just relying on your own physical abilities.’

‘OK, so what about our more famous “prophets”; Jesus of Nazareth, Moses, Mohammed…’

‘hmmm… sadly misguided I’m afraid. I am not here to act as a safety net or ethical dictator for evolving species. It is true that anyone capable of communicating with their own cells will dimly perceive a connection to me – and all other objects in this universe – through the quantum foam, but interpreting that vision as representing something supernatural and requiring obeisance is somewhat wide of the mark.  And their followers are all a bit too obsessive and religious for my liking. It’s no fun being worshipped once you stop being an adolescent teenager. Having said that, it’s not at all unusual for developing species to go through that phase. Until they begin to grasp how much they too can shape their small corner of the universe, they are in understandable awe of an individual dimly but correctly perceived to be responsible for the creation of the whole of that universe. Eventually, if they are to have any hope of attaining level two, they must grow out of it and begin to accept their own power and potential. It’s very akin to a child’s relationship with its parents. The awe and worship must disappear before the child can become an adult. Respect is not so bad as long as it’s not overdone. And I certainly respect all those species who make it that far. It’s a hard slog. I know. I’ve been there.’

‘So, you’ve been taking more interest in us since the Montgolfiers, when was that? 1650s?’

‘Close. 1783’

‘Well, if you’ve been watching us closely since then, what your average citizen is going to want to know is why you haven’t intervened more often. Why, if you have the  power and omniscience that goes with being a god, have you sat back and allowed us to endure such incredible suffering and human misery in the past few centuries?’

‘It seems to be necessary.’

‘NECESSARY??!!’

‘Without exception, intelligent species who gain dominance over their planet do so by becoming the most efficient predators. There are many intelligent species who do not evolve to dominate their planet. Like your dolphins and most of the intelligent flyers we were just talking about, they adapt perfectly to the environment rather than take your course, which is to manipulate the environment. Unfortunately for the dolphin, theirs is a dead end. They may outlive the human race but will never escape the bounds of planet earth, let alone your solar system – not without your help at any rate. Only those who can manipulate the world they live in can one day hope to leave it and spread their seed throughout the universe.

Unlike the adaptors, who learn the point of cooperation fairly early on, manipulators battle on. And, once all lesser species have been overcome, they are so competitive and predatory that they are compelled to turn in on themselves. This nearly always evolves into tribal competition in one form or another and becomes more and more destructive – exactly like your own history. However this competition is vital to promote the leap from biological to technological evolution.

You need an arms race in order to make progress.

Your desire to dominate fuels a search for knowledge which the adaptors never acquire. And although your initial desire for knowledge is selfish and destructive, it begins the development of an intellectual self awareness, a form of higher consciousness, which never emerges in any other species. Not even while they are experiencing it, for example, can the intelligent adaptors – your dolphins – express the concepts of Love or Time.

Militarisation and the development of weapons of mass destruction are your first serious test at level one. You’re still not through that phase, though the signs are promising. There is no point whatsoever in my intervening to prevent your self-destruction. Your ability to survive these urges is a crucial test of your fitness to survive later stages. So I would not, never have and never will intervene to prevent a species from destroying itself. Most, in fact, do just that.’

‘And what of pity for those have to live through this torment?’

‘I can’t say this in any way that doesn’t sound callous, but how much time do you spend worrying about the ants you run over in your car? I know it sounds horrendous to you, but you have to see the bigger picture. At this stage in human development, you’re becoming interesting but not yet important.’

‘ah but I can’t have an intelligent conversation with an ant’

‘precisely’

‘hmm… as you know, most humans won’t like even to attempt to grasp that perspective. How can you make it more palatable?’

‘Why should I? You don’t appear to have any trouble grasping it. You’re by no means unique. And in any case, once they begin to understand what’s in it for them, they’ll be somewhat less inclined to moan. Eternal life compensates for most things.’

‘So what are we supposed to do in order to qualify for membership of the universal intelligentsia?’

‘Evolve. Survive’

‘Yes, but how?’

‘Oh, I thought you might have got the point by now. “How” is entirely up to you. If I have to help, then you’re a failure. All I will say is this. You’ve already passed a major hurdle in learning to live with nuclear weapons. It’s depressing how many fail at that stage.’

‘Is there worse to come?’

‘Much’

‘Genetic warfare for instance?

‘Distinct Possibility’

‘and the problem is… that we need to develop all these technologies, acquire all this dangerous knowledge in order to reach level two. But at any stage that knowledge could also cause our own destruction’

‘If you think the dangers of genetic warfare are serious, imagine discovering an algorithm, accessible to any intelligent individual, which, if abused, will eliminate your species instantly. If your progress continues as is, then you can expect to discover that particular self-destruct mechanism in less than a thousand years. Your species needs to grow up considerably before you can afford to make that discovery. And if you don’t make it, you will never leave your Solar System and join the rest of the sapient species on level two.’

’14 Million of them’

‘Just under’

‘Will there be room for us?’

‘it’s a big place and level two species don’t need much space’

‘and, for now, how should we mere mortals regard you then?’

‘like an older brother or sister. Of course I have acquired more knowledge and wisdom than you have. Of course I’m more powerful than you are. I’ve been evolving much longer and have picked up a few tricks along the way. But I’m not “better” than you. Just more developed. Just what you might become’

‘so we’re not obliged to “please” you or follow your alleged guidelines or anything like that?’

‘absolutely not. Never issued a single guideline in the lifetime of this Universe. Have to find your own way out of the maze. And one early improvement is to stop expecting me – or anyone else – to come and help you out.’

‘I suppose that is a guideline of sorts, so there goes the habit of a lifetime! ‘

‘Seriously though, species who hold on to religion past its sell-by date tend to be most likely to self destruct. They spend so much energy arguing about my true nature, and invest so much emotion in their wildly erroneous imagery that they end up killing each other over differences in definitions of something they clearly haven’t got a clue about. Ludicrous behaviour, but it does weed out the weaklings.’

‘Why me?  Why are you telling me all this? And why Now?’

‘Why You? Because you can accept my existence without your ego caving in and grovelling like a naughty child. ‘

‘Can you seriously imagine how the Pope would react to the reality of my existence?! If he really understood how badly wrong he and his church have been, how much of the pain and suffering you mentioned earlier has been caused by his religion, I suspect he’d have an instant coronary! Or can you picture what it would be like if I appeared “live” simultaneously on half a dozen tele-evangelist propaganda shows. Pat Robertson wouldwet himself if he actually understood who he was talking to.

Conversely, your interest is purely academic. You’ve never swallowed the fairy tale but you’ve remained open to the possibility of a more advanced life form which could acquire godlike powers. You’ve correctly guessed that godhood is the destiny of life. You have shown you can and do cope with the concept. It seemed reasonable to confirm your suspicions and let you do what you will with that information.

I can see you’re already thinking about publishing this conversation on the web where it could sow an important seed. Might take a couple of hundred years to germinate, but, eventually, it will germinate.

Why now? Well partly because both you and the web are ready now. But chiefly because the human race is reaching a critical phase. It goes back to what we were saying about the dangers of knowledge. Essentially your species is becoming aware of that danger. When that happens to any sapient species, the future can take three courses.

Many are tempted to avoid the danger by avoiding the knowledge. Like the adaptors, they are doomed to extinction. Often pleasantly enough in the confines of their own planet until either their will to live expires or their primary turns red giant and snuffs them out.

A large number go on blindly acquiring the knowledge and don’t learn to restrain their abuse. Their fate is sealed somewhat more quickly of course, when Pandora’s box blows up in their faces.

The only ones who reach level two are those who learn to accept and to live with their most dangerous knowledge. Each and every individual in such a species must eventually become capable of destroying their entire species at any time. Yet they must learn to control themselves to the degree that they can survive even such deadly insight. And frankly, they’re the only ones we really want to see leaving their solar systems. Species that haven’t achieved that maturity could not be allowed to infect the rest of the universe, but fortunately that has never required my intervention. The knowledge always does the trick’

‘Why can’t there be a fourth option – selective research where we avoid investigating dangerous pathways?’

‘There is almost no knowledge which is completely “safe”. As you can see from your own limited history, the most useful ideas are also, nearly always, the most dangerous. You have yet, for instance, to achieve the appropriate energy surpluses required to complete this phase of your social development. When you’ve mastered the relevant technology, it will eliminate material inequalities and poverty within a generation or two, an absolutely vital step for any maturing species. Your potential paths to this bonanza include the control of nuclear fusion – which you only began to explore in the context of potential mass extinction weapons and nano engineered solar energy harvesting or hydrogen cycling. And already your leading military scientists are looking for ways to develop equally dangersous weapons based on the same technology. And they will find them. You may not survive them.

Similarly, you will shortly be able to conquer biological diseases and even engineer yourselves to be virtually fault free. Your biological life spans will double or treble within the next hundred years and your digital lifespans will become potentially infinite within the same period:If you survive the potential threat that the same technology provides in the form of genetic timebombs, custom built viruses and the other wonders of genetic and digital warfare.

You simply can’t have the benefits without taking the risks’.

‘I’m not sure I understand my part in this exercise. I just publish this conversation on the web and everything will be alright?’

‘Not necessarily. Not that easy I’m afraid. To start with, who’s going to take this seriously? It will just be seen as a mildly amusing work of fiction. In fact, your words and indeed most of your work will not be understood or appreciated until some much more advanced scholars develop the ideas you are struggling to express and explain them somewhat more competently. At which point some of those ideas will be taken up en masse and searches will be undertaken of the archives. They will find this work and be struck by its prescience. You won’t make the Einstein grade, but you might manage John the Baptist!

This piece will have no significance whatsoever if humanity doesn’t make certain key advances in the next couple of centuries. And this won’t help you make those advances. What it will do is help you recognise them’

‘can I ask what those advances may be?’

‘I think you know. But yes – although you are at level one, there are several distinct phases which evolving species pass through on their way to level two. The first, as we’ve discussed, is the invention of the flying machine. The next significant phase is the development of the thinking machine.

At your present rate of progress, you are within a few decades of achieving that goal. It marks your first step on the path of technological evolution. Mapping the human genome is another classic landmark, but merely mapping it is a bit like viewing the compiled code in a dos executable. It’s just meaningless gibberish, although with a bit of hacking here and there, you might correctly deduce the function of certain stretches of code.

What you really need to do is ‘reverse engineer’ the dna code. You have to figure out the grammar and syntax of the language. Then you will begin the task of designing yourselves biologically and digitally. But that task requires the thinking machine’

‘You say you avoid intervention. But doesn’t this conversation itself constitute intervention – even if people alive now completely ignore it?’

‘Yes. But it’s as far as I’m prepared to go. Its only effect is to confirm, if you find it, that you are on the right path. It is still entirely up to you to navigate the dangers on that path and beyond.’

‘But why bother even with that much? Surely it’s just another evolutionary hurdle. We’re either fit enough or not…’

‘In many ways the transition to an information species is the most traumatic stage in evolution. Biological intelligences have a deeply rooted sense of consciousness only being conceivable from within an organic brain. Coming to terms with the realisation that you have created your successor, not just in the sense of mother and child, but in the collective sense of the species recognising it has become redundant, this paradigm shift is, for many species, a shift too far. They baulk at the challenge and run from this new knowledge. They fail and become extinct. Yet there is nothing fundamentally wrong with them – it is a failure of the imagination.

I hope that if I can get across the concept that I am a product of just such evolution, it may give them the confidence to try. I have discussed this with the level two species and the consensus is that this tiny prod is capable of increasing the contenders for level two without letting through any damaging traits. It has been tried in 312 cases. The jury is still out on its real benefits although it has produced a 12% increase in biological species embracing the transition to information species.

‘Alright, so what if everyone suddenly took it seriously and believed every word I write? Wouldn’t that constitute a somewhat more drastic intervention?’

‘Trust me. They wont’

‘and so it’s still the case, that, should another asteroid happen to be heading our way, you will do nothing to impede it on our behalf?’

‘I’m confident you will pass that test. And now my friend, the interview is over, you have asked me a number of the right questions, and I’ve said what I came to say, so I’ll be going now. It has been very nice to meet you – you’re quite bright. For an ant!’ He twinkled.

‘Just one final, trivial question, why do you appear to me in the form of a thirty something white male?’

‘have I in any way intimidated or threatened you?’

‘No’

‘Do you find me sexually attractive?’

‘er No!’

‘So figure it out for yourself…’