You are the water I drink...
I see you in everything...
You are the air I breathe...
We will forever be...
I love you, whole body and soul...
I am cast in your spell, ever to hold...
You make my heart ever free...
My one true love you will be...
With your hand in mine is my life...
Together we'll make it through life's strife...
You are my love, my soul mate, dear...
I'll love you forever, have no fear...
2
Somewhere in the darkness
I heard you call my name
your voice rang through my heart
I'll never be the same.
I heard you say I love you
a million times before
but each time you hold me close
I feel it even more.
Do you know how much I care for you
or how much I love you?
Do you understand how deep my love is for you
and how I'd do anything for you?
My love for you is true and pure
no one can even compare
my love for you is honest
like all the times we share.
I'm sorry for the arguments
and the fights we had
I'm thankful for the good times
and I'm forgetting about the bad.
I never want to hurt you
and I'm sorry if I do
I just want to love you a
and do the best I can do.
Somewhere in the flashing lights
we held each other tight
and kissed our first kiss
under the starry night.
I felt my heart beating
hard and fast just the same
now I'm cherishing the day
when we'll share the same last name.
Our past is all behind us now
we'll forget it now and forever
the future is ahead of us
and we'll take it on together.
Friends and family interfere
and make things all a mess
leaving us crying
and full of hurtful distress.
We cry on each other's shoulder
and hold on for dear life
trying to forget and put away strife.
Somewhere in the darkness
someone told me a story
of a man and a women in holy matrimony.
A beautiful bride and a handsome groom
on a warm summer afternoon
I can only wish that'll be us soon.
Your black and white tuxedo
and my long white lacy dress
having a great big party
and making and unsightly mess.
Taking pictures and dancing around
having a lot of fun
eating cake and dancing some more
and watching the setting sun.
Getting in the limo and driving off and away
to finish off the rest of an unbelievable day.
We get to the hotel room
to start a whole new chapter
having a family and making a life
happily ever after.
We lie in bed and hold each other
then I saw as I look at you
" I'm glad somewhere in my darkness
I fell in love with you!!!"Somewhere in the darkness
I heard you call my name
your voice rang through my heart
I'll never be the same.
I heard you say I love you
a million times before
each time you hold me close
I feel it even more.
Do you know how much I care for you
or how much I love you?
Do you understand how deep my love is for you
and I'd do anything for you?
My love for you is true and pure
no one can ever compare
my love for you is honest
like all the times we share.
I'm sorry for the arguments
and the fights we had
I'm thankful for the good times
and I'm forgetting about the bad.
I never want to hurt you
and I'm sorry if I do
I just want to love you
and do the best I can do.
Somewhere in the flashing lights
we held each other tight
and kissed our first kiss
under the starry night.
I felt my heart beating
hard and fast just the same
now I'm cherishing the day
when we'll share the same last name.
Our past is all behind us
we'll forget it now and forever
the future is ahead of us
and we'll take it on together.
Friends and family interfere
and make things a mess
leaving us crying
and full of hurtful distress.
We cry on each other's shoulder
and hold on for dear life
trying to forget and put away strife.
Somewhere in the darkness
someone told me a story
of a man and women in holy matrimony.
A beautiful bride and handsome groom
on a warm summer afternoon
I can only wish that'll be us soon.
Your black and white tuxedo
and my long white, lacy dress
having a great, big party
and making an unsightly mess.
Taking pictures and dancing around
having a lot of fun
eating cake and dancing some more
and watching the setting sun.
Getting in the limo and driving off and away
to finish off the rest of an unbelievable day.
We get to the hotel room
to start a whole new chapter
having a family and making a life
happily ever after.
We lie in bed and hold each other
then I saw as I look at you
" I'm glad somewhere in my darkness
I fell in love with you!!!"
3
On a moonless night we were shadows
Watching stars, like diamonds on black velvet.
We pierced the dark pressing upon us,
Connecting Orion's features,
Then dreaming merrily you wonder loudly,
"We can be there"
Your thoughts inspired us to carve a place in heaven.
We started from a red giant,
Arguing sweetly as we traced our entwined frames.
With the design complete we saw what no one else could:
...Love, eternal as the stars.
4
No more does love caress my soul,
kiss the roses growing tall,
no more a smile to light my eyes,
or laughter's lilt to lift my heart.
No more the songs of birds to fly,
but broken wings; notes to die,
no more does love lift me to soar,
just whitened ash upon the smoke.
In faded embers passion lies,
from far off whisperings silence cries;
and gentle touchings in embrace,
feel only vacant, barren space
5
Every feeling that I have ever felt for you
Has been full of undying love;
And the ongoing dream
That you might hold me
And get lost in my eyes.
Every feeling that my heart had to feel
Has been felt for you.
Each and every one
Has ached inside of my soul
Awaiting the day
For you to set me at ease
By taking my hand
And taking that risk
That I would take at any moment
Because it's a risk
That is worth taking.
Every feeling that yearns for you
Has been golden and true...
Yearning for that everlasting moment
That you will kiss my lips
And say that you love me.
Each and every feeling is praying
That you will break down
And confess everything
To me, the one who has loved you
For oh so long.
And I tell you this,
These feelings are ready to be expressed
To you, the one who has changed everything
In my life, and how I feel.
Every feeling that is inside of me
Is waiting for your words
And your love.
6
The light in your eyes are so bright
It makes my dark days seems so light
They show me what I have been missing
Even when closed while we are kissing
The light in your eyes are so bright
It always lights up my nights
They show me tender love and care
Beyond anything I can compare
The light in your eyes are so bright
They make being with you so right
They make me feel so very warm
Even on a cold winter's morn'
7
Magic of a kiss,
no words to
describe.
Holding her
close, her soft
lips, touching
mine.
My heart feeling
warm, my mind
moving fast,
wishing our kiss
could last and last.
Magic of a kiss,
no words to
... describe.
8
When You're In Love
When you're in love you're in a state of constant bliss,
When you're in love nothing else seems to exist,
When you're in love you always carry a grin,
When you're in love you think of her over and over again,
When you're in love you get a feeling in your tummy,
When you're in love you don't care if you act as a dummy,
When you're in love you can't concentrate on any other subject,
When you're in love you see her as nothing less than perfect,
When you're in love you find beauty in the graceful seas,
When you're in love you'd do anything to keep her pleased,
When you're in love you put everything else on wait,
When you're in love you're in a totally different state,
When you're in love your every other emotion is forgot,
When you're in love you can care less about other's thoughts,
When you're in love you admire their everything small,
When you're in love you'd give her your all,
When you're in love there's nothing that you wouldn't do-
...I know all this because I'm in love with you
9
Is love a triumph
or just a war?
I see myself lying a pit
of insecurity wondering
where my lover's heart lies.
Is our love to die?
Our paths united, once upon a dream,
why my heart aches?
What could this possibly mean?
Feelings shift, I understand
But why am I dedicated
to this ONE woman...
What makes her tick
I seem to wonder.
Why at a touch does my heart flutter?
What could possibly make her so unique?
Why does ehe make me,
a man once in control, feel
so weak?
10
Are you the one that I should love?
The one that'll come running when I need a hug?
Are you the one I'm devoted to?
The one to which I'd say 'I do'?
Are you the one that'll always be there?
The one that'll come running when I'm in tears?
Are you the one that I'll always want?
Or are you the one that'll get with your boys and begin to front?
Are you the one that I can talk to about anything at anytime?
You must be the one 'cuz I can't get you off my mind.
I hope that you are the one for me
'Cuz I feel like I need you, like I'm the fish and you're the sea.
I hope that I'm the one for you
'Cuz I love you a lot, I really do
11
I'm sitting here, wondering if you think of me,
Wondering if you dream of me,
Wanting to be with you, to feel you, to hear you,
To be with you when you need me,
To show you my love,
Wanting to let you know that you own my
thoughts and my heart.
Wanting to show you my love,
Thinking about how I love you and how
you mean so much to me,
Wishing I'd be next to you.
As time passes by and the dark of night
shows no sign of light,
I pause for a while to think about the future.
How much I want to be with you every second.
I look at the moon and beautiful
memories come to my mind and a tear
falls from my eye.
A tear of happiness.
A smile is seen on my face.
How from something small, a simple Hi, sprung a word
full of happiness...
A word only true lovers can feel.
Love, that's the word.
Only people in love, like us, know that true meaning.
We know how Love feels and what it truly means
deep in our hearts.
We see it in our eyes.
I want you to know, these are words that
come straight from my heart .
I Love You.
12
Sometime in our lives,
we break down into tears.
Is it because we are scared,
and afraid of our fears?
Or is because we just lost,
an important person?
The one we loved and cared for,
with all reason.
We must fight through
the tradgedy that hit,
Then move on to another person
and recommit
It's not easy getting over,
an event like this,
Our minds begin to break down,
and fall into a deep abyss.
Our emotions are covered
in tears of sadness,
And our temper flares
in complete madness.
We feel God has left
and cheated us,
Little do we see through
the cloudy dust,
Our loved one is heading
to a better place,
Where they are dressed
in beautiful lace,
Their feet touch nothing
but gold roads,
All sin in life
just erodes.
They still care
and show love,
By watching over us
from heaven above,
Though they have gone
they'll still be a part,
Of our sweet, enduring,
devoted heart.
13
Listen closely with your heart,
can you feel the vibration?
There is music playing
a familiar love song.
I can hear it clearly.
The melody is emitting
from deep within your soul
14
Ever since the first time I saw you,
I have not been able to get a full night's rest.
My thoughts will forever remain on your irresistible beauty.
The way your hair ripples, shines and glistens with the wind
could make any man fall to his knees
and worship you as the goddess you are.
You're cute, exquisite, your smile and laugh
brings joy to others and compels my heart
to feel an inner sense of eternal peace.
My heart melts deeply when I stare into the twilight
of your irresistible, beautiful, sparkling eyes.
I know no man could ever posses you;
but if you gave me a chance,
I would love you and caress you
like the sweet, young, beautiful rose you are.
You are and will always be my sweet dove.
In the back of my mind,
I picture us happily together with one another.
Somehow, I get the feeling
that one day soon it will happen.
I constantly fall into pieces
when I am close to your presence.
Just talking to you makes me feel special and lucky.
When we talk, I feel we were meant to be together.
Only if you could see what I see;
you would see why I love you so much!
The things you do are just so right and perfect.
I am always thinking of you, no matter what I'm doing.
I can never get my mind off you.
My lack of courage makes me tend to shy away,
ruining my any chance of me claiming you as my love to be.
I wish I could claim you as my love to be.
Every glimpse I get of you
only allows me to cherish GOD'S greatest creation even more.
No other woman shall compare to you.
These past few days of us talking,
have been significant to me.
That is why I find myself questioning Cupid,
why he has struck me with his arrow of love.
Could it possibly be that destiny
has allowed me to go through this path?
Nevertheless, I always find myself wondering
if GOD has made this special person
that I could love, cherish, care and enjoy for a lifetime.
I think I've found this special person in you.
I love you alot!
I love you more than anything in this world!
You are the most precious thing in life itself.
I hope I've found this special person in you!
My intentions were not to bewilder you;
but I apologize from the bottom of my heart if they did!
My time is running short and this was the only way
I could interact and tell you
how much I love and want to care for you.
I want to guide you through life. I love you alot!
I wish you could see I really do love you.
I want to show you and have you experience
what real love is all about.
I want you to know that I can love you
in every possible way there is.
I really admire you for who you are.
I know that someday GOD will let us be together with one another.
I hope that day comes soon!!
All of this comes from the bottom of my heart
with eternal love for you!!
15
Vast morsels of love
from sun up to sun down.
Why? I don't know.
Why? Maybe spiritual.
There's a four leaf clover
juggling thoughts in my mind,
some landing on the pedals
on the stem the rest reside,
a few shine and sparkle
some are foggy, close to a cloud
though lasting be our love
from sun up to sun down.
16
Flamboyant eyes
Beautiful hair
Luring smell and
Enduring smile
It's like?
All the years of searching
The days of desiring
The nights of loneliness
And the need for real love
It's like?
So many feelings
Thought to be real
Realized to be conjured
And left to disintegrate
But then?
You
Your exciting presence
Your completing touch
Your fulfilling caress
And now?
What I?ve searched for
What I?ve longed to find
Has possibly found me
For you could be
My Long Lost Love
17
take my hand
let's walk a while
let's walk for a minute
or better yet, a mile.
you talk to me
i'll talk to you.
we'll conversate
the whoe mile through
i'll tell you how i love your eyes
and you can tell me
how you love mine
we can both give love... a try.
i can tell you how i almost melted away
when i first saw your handsome face
you can tell me you're finallly free
now that you've met someone like me
we can both give love
a try...
18
Long endless nights
turn to long endless days
scared of the moon light
scared of the sun's rays
desperately wanting a love of my own
Happy, exciting smiles
never being shown
Needing,
Pleading,
Crying,
I'm always the one who has to live
with the lying
How do I deal with so much pain?
When will I be happy
and the tears stop falling like the rain?
So in conclusion I'll go with a
broken heart
Hoping that God will forgive me with a brand
new start.
19
I love my Sweetheart,
I dream of her touch,
And her kisses to my heart,
Oh, how I love her so much.
If not so distant,
I would be with her,
Love so sweet and persistent,
Are the sparks in our hearts that occur.
The day we shall meet,
When we never part,
When she stands beside my feet,
The joining to make one heart.
Someday I shall take her lovely hand,
To slip on a golden wedding band.
20
I close my eyes,
And I still see you.
I close my mind,
And you are there.
I cannot close my heart,
For I no longer have it,
It is with you
21
She was just an older woman
Her legs were lovely and long,
Her eyes were as bright as diamonds
She was my heart's love song.
She knew how to love me
Oh! She was a beautiful sight,
Our first kiss lasted so long
It was a dark and stormy night.
Then the wind picked up
I set my sails in the breeze,
For loving her was like a hurricane
She could bring me to my knees.
Time after time after time
I loved her with all my might,
But time has passed me by
Since that dark and stormy night.
Remembering is oh so easy
When your love has sailed away,
The memories are still painful
But the pain will be gone some day.
My nights are still dark and stormy
And there is a light that will shine,
For when I set my sails again
I know that love will be mine
22
What could you think to say about me
In one paragraph?
If I should die, what would you write
Within my epitaph?
Would you start with my accomplishments
And end with accolades?
Would you want to tell each mourner of
The plans that I had made?
Well, all those things sound wonderful
And I know you'd write them well.
But, if I should chance to write them down
Here's what I would tell:
It mattered not that I had wealth
Accolades or fame.
Most everyone who claimed to know me
Only knew my name.
They never knew what held me up,
What was my inspiration,
What gave me strength to carry on,
And reach my aspiration.
So, tell them I was sweet and kind
And how much you thought of me.
But, if they want to know what meant the most,
Just tell them that you loved me!
23
I have seen flowers blooming in spring
and children's laughter in summer...
I have seen leaves fallen in autumn
and snow drifts in winter...
I watched the sun rises and sets
and felt the lonesome wind through the night
Time passed us by so quick...
We can't even look back...
With every seconds gone by... I wonder why?
Why I love you so much? My heart can't even deny...
Lost in the thought of love... another day has left me behind
I look up into the sky... and say to myself
I'll be waiting for you...
Till the end of time
24
Put in this light
Your smile becomes my sunshine.
We've been so close,
Yet we're so far away.
All I need is one day
Spent with you.
If given the chance
WOuld you pick me?
Would I be the thought on your mind
As your hand lays still next to mine?
Will I be the sweet dream, you want to have?
Will you give in to me?
The look in your eyes
Says you want this to happen tonight.
The way your body moves
Is dragging me closer to you.
We lay so close,
Yet the wall is up
And we're far apart again.
Every call is so sweet.
Hearing your voice is a beautiful symphony,
You're the lyrics I love to sing.
You're the fantasy I wish to be real.
If only things wouldn't get in the way
I just wish you'd stay close to me
25
I'm tangled in your love
I cannot escape
I'm stuck in your web
You control my fate
Mo matter how hard I try
There's no way I could leave.
You're too irresistible
You're perfect to me
You have me wrapped around your finger
I do what.. You please
Your love is so strong
Yet, i'm so weak in the knees
There's nothing I can do
Your web is, just, to tough
I'm tangled in emotions
I'm tangled in your love
26
COME TO ME, MY DARLING, FOR THEE I WAIT,
NEEDING TO FEEL YOU NEXT TO ME-
PASSION'S FIRE, AS A THIRST, MUST BE QUENCHED
WITH SKIN OF SATIN, A TOUCH LIKE I'VE NEVER KNOWN.
COME TO ME, SILENT- AS A DREAM SLIPS INTO MY MIND,
TAKE MY SOUL, COVER ME WITH LOVE, AS NEW FALLEN SNOW.
HEAT FROM YOUR BODY STIRS ME FROM WITHIN;
TOUCH OF A HAND, BREATH ON MY SKIN...
COME TO ME, AND LOVE ME AGAIN
27
I tried so hard to give you up,
I said goodbye, I bid farewell,
My heart was cold and set in stone,
But it melted when your first tear fell.
I thought I could live without you girl,
That somehow God would be my strength, my shield,
I fooled myself that I could live,
But why even live if you can't feel?
I told myself that I hated what you did to me
The pain, the tears, my emotions forever bleeding,
I thought life would be so easy if I just ignored the way I feel
But alas, I realized there is no life without your meaning.
Meaning...well that is your precious gift to me,
You are the missing piece in the puzzle of my life
You complete me and make me whole,
An antidote to life's potent poisons, a panacea to all my strife
You heal my wounds with your gentle touch,
You lift my worries with a simple word,
You remind me that life is meant to be so beautiful,
You release my heart to soar like the proverbial bird.
"Foolish you!" my heart does cry,
To let her know how you're feeling,
Now she holds all the aces, all the trumps,
She'll break your heart, and send you reeling.
But who am I if I can't say,
"This is what you mean to me!!"
Who am I if I can't shout with exultation, "I love you!!"
I would be NO ONE, a lesser man-
From my emotions I no longer choose to flee.
So my best best friend, my soulmate in this frightening world,
I've put down my every sword and shield,
Declared this IS what you mean to me,
After today my soul harbours no more regrets, no more doubts
'Cause as you read this final line,
now only you control our destiny.
28
True love they say
waits, waits and waits
but for whom and for how long
i ask
For her to come back so that
we can all declare our faiths
For the oceans to dry
so that we can provide that
life saving drop of water
only we have
or for humanity to come
to its senses and stop
this non sense called
L o v e
29
A lonely heart desperately seeks
love in the wrong, hidden places,
Wishing that he could suddenly find
all that's missing in his life.
A loving heart cleverly keeps
love in the temple of his heart,
Praying that he never loses the sight
of love he's found for many years.
But what's love got to do with it?
promises broken over and over again.
What part does love play in it?
fears of losing what we've found.
There, in the corner of our hearts,
lain dormant love that could be shared.
Searching every nook and cranny of life
will only help deceive ourselves.
There, in the heart of every man,
resides love that can survive turbulent times.
Knowing that true love wipes away all fears,
we must trust the love we've finally found.
30
Everyday i think about you,
And every night i dream about you,
Without knowing who you are,
Something still tells me you are the one,
That will make me enjoy every second to come,
Now I will ask you with all my heart,
Will you be may special one.
31
I lay my heart before your feet, I cast my pride aside
for now I know how blessed I am to have you by my side.
Mere words can never tell you dear, just how I feel inside,
your love has touched this frozen heart I've tried
so hard to hide.
Eternally I'll love you, on bended knee I bow, my love
you'll never be without, my heart I give you now.
The loneliness has disappeared, the haunting pain no more,
and now it's clear that only love can open any door.
32
If I had only one wish
It would be for something so wonderful,
so sweet, and so beautiful
It wouldn't be for money, power or fame
Everyday i hope my wish will come true
My wish is to be with you
I want you to be my girlfriend
I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go
There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you
I think you are the perfect girl for me
You are everything I hoped you would be
I know this wish may never come true
but I wanted to let you know how very much
I want to be with you.
33
Hold me close to you
dream with me far...
Let me be your treasure
and shine like a star.
Stay with me in the moonlight,
lead me to the sky.
Breathe me the wind.
Sail with me on the stream.
Speak to me gently,
walk with me in the dark.
Sing with me softly
and forever, be my heart.
Touch me like an angel,
kiss me like my soul.
Love me a little,
just a little that you own..
34
All I can do is try, but it's driving me crazy,
It's all just a familiar fantasy...
What if you never knew,
Not once, but twice I fell for you?
We are just here with all distance between us;
In admiration for your every breath,
I wonder if you even see me.
I try to make time last,
But all attempts just crashed.
Though I yearn for you to know more than I say,
Each time together, it's just another game we play.
So what do I trust,
If only years rewind behind us?
We will never be that true?
So, as I say goodbye, I remember you.
It's you and it's me,
It is all just a fantasy.
35
I barely met you today,
And I already want you to stay.
You're everything I have been looking for,
so...I'm hoping you're the one, so I don't have to look anymore.
You say I'm perfect in everything and more,
So I think to myself, What am I waiting for?
Of course I'm going to give it some time,
And maybe soon, You'll be mine.
But there is one major thing I forgot to mention,
I really don't want to get hurt again.
If you're the type that likes to play games,
Don't even talk to me, 'cause I'll put your game to shame.
'Cause I want someone real,
And who knows how I'll feel.
Only time can tell where this will end,
Even if it means we just remain friends.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Monday, August 5, 2013
Sunday, August 4, 2013
PERSONAL/LOVE: YOU ARE THE COMMON DENOMINATOR IN ALL YOUR RELATIONSHIPS
I’m taking a long hard look at myself at the moment in a really self indulgent, Grey’s Anatomy/Shonda Rhimes kind of way. The kind of self-analysis that sends you spiralling into monologue-mode at your friends.
Where is it all going wrong?
I don’t want to keep writing about how I feel let down by women. I’m equally anxious not to appear like a stuck-up, picky, well…moron. You’ve heard it said, “the common denominator in all of this is you…” Well, I’m looking at the man in the mirror and I’m asking him to change his ways. If that is the appropriate course of action, of course.
Reflections:
I seem to somehow choose/attract women who say one thing and do the opposite...when I feel like when I say something..i mean it.
I’m not alone in this experience. There’s never just one toxic relationship in our lives, and what they all have in common is us...yes I am repeating myself.. So, to an extent then, it means that it really isn’t them, and it really is us.
Now, before you shout at me, hear me out. I am not saying it was all your fault. But this is something that I know to be true about myself and my relationships
We get what we allow people to give. Some people do not like us and never will, and some people are of the opinion of “I like me, who do you like?”. The people who fall into these categories will either go out of their way to annoy and upset you, or will not care if their actions in their quest for world domination upset you. But the common denominator all the way through is you.
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
It seems to me that if your marriage, your job, and your religion weren’t making you happy, MAYBE the common denominator is YOU! Maybe there is still something resonating in YOU to make YOU unhappy with everything else. It’s a bit scary that you are encouraging others to make the same choices you did.
I am sure most of you are saying, “of course I’m the common denominator.”
There are the obvious common denominators. I accepted a job that I knew I wouldn’t enjoy very much. I chose to marry the woman I did. And it was I who was still trying to follow a religion long after I had stopped believing in it.
But let’s forget about those surface truths for a moment.
There are the less obvious common denominators that were also all “me” which are much more important.
Over the course of my career, I fell in love with money. I fell in love with things. I grew to believe that my income and my possessions somehow made me a better human being than others.Over the course of my life, I came to believe that looks were more important than the heart when it came to women.
If I had written the post in such a way that I didn’t mention the ultimate decisions to leave or start over, but instead focused only on the common denominators, how would it have gone down?
Had I repeated those exact paragraphs above (about the less obvious common denominators) and asked you all what I should do, what would your answers for me have been? If you didn’t know that I was miserable at work, in my marriage, or in my religion, but only knew what I wrote in those I’m serious… What would you tell me to do?
Call me crazy, but I’m guessing you’d tell me that those things are no way for anyone to live. You’d tell me it was obvious why I was struggling. You’d tell me to do what I needed to do to fix them. You’d encourage me to rip my life apart until I was shed of those demons. Those unhealthy ways of thinking and living.
I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m betting you’d probably tell me that I would never find true happiness until those things were all a part of my past.
Right?
Now, zoom out.
And what if the things I told you were what I shared in that first paragraph. Here they are again.
I accepted a job that I knew I wouldn’t enjoy very much. I chose to marry the woman I did who later became my ex wife.
Are you starting to see a little bit of the problem we all face every single day?
We live in a world where people judge others on the surface denominators. People tell each other what they should be doing and shouldn’t be doing based purely on those surface visuals. People think that everything is so right and wrong because they see only those definable and extrinsic parts of the lives of others.
People are almost always incapable of seeing what lies beneath. They’re almost always incapable of seeing what causes such things. They’re almost always incapable of seeing how anybody really got to where they are.
And it isn’t just the world.
We ourselves are almost always only capable of seeing and not seeing the same things in ourselves.
When I got to the point in my life where I couldn’t hold anything together anymore, and I couldn’t figure out why, do you honestly think I had any idea that those sub-surface denominators existed or were problems? Do you think I had any clue where to even look for the problems?
In case you’re not sure, the answer is no. I had no clue and I was doing nothing that would ever lead me to figure it all out.
And my answer was always… more. More money. More gifts for my ex wife. More. More. More. More. More. More. More.
Always more.
And everything in my life kept falling apart.
And that’s why, even when I’d pick up the pieces again, and again, and again, it would always fall back apart. It wouldn’t stay together. Because, you see, I would always put the pieces back exactly as they were before, certain that this time it just needed a little more glue or a little more this or a little more that.
Sigh.
Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
In one of my post, I wrote, “your life falling apart is precisely what you need to be able to pick up the pieces and stack them differently this time around.”
It’s certainly what I needed.
I couldn’t see my love for money and the destruction that a love for money was until I lost a lot of it and I lost it all. Repeatedly.
I couldn’t see how i kept attracting the wrong partner over and over again until I was able to see that I was a common denominator in my failed relationships. Love can only fall apart on a person so many times before they can’t keep blaming everyone else.
My life had to fall apart. Completely. There was no other way for me.
It wouldn’t work to fail in just one area because as a human being it is too easy to hurry and plug that hole up with something else. It’s too easy to shove something into it that seems solid. Something that keeps us from feeling like failures. Something that masks the fact that a hole ever existed.
But, on the other hand, when the pieces are scattered before you and are broken beyond repair… it forces you to evaluate some things. It forces you to be introspective. It forces you to break down. And cry. And find your place in all of it.
And guess what. That’s a good thing.
So having discussed all that, if we shoot back over to Who’s Life is it Anyway, :
You already intrinsically know where happiness lies for you. You know whether you’ve literally given everything you have or not. You know whether you’ve made a big mistake earlier in life or not. You know whether you will ever truly believe certain things or not. Deep down, you already know all of that.
And these:
If you know you have depleted yourself of all energy and skill, and you have sought help and education, and you have done everything you could and you just can’t be happy…
Then do what you have to do to get there before you do something drastic to escape.
I wonder if those words will mean something slightly different to you now.
For me, I knew intrinsically that happiness could only exist if I changed something. I knew it could only exist if I really fixed something. And, most importantly I eventually knew that the only way to figure out what that something was, was to lose almost everything.
I knew I had given everything I had to make things better and to make them work. I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know why. Counseling couldn’t get me there because I carried my own serious need to not be at fault into the sessions with me.
I knew I had made big mistakes earlier in life to get to the point I was at. What I didn’t understand was how they were constantly defining me.
I knew I would never believe certain things. What I didn’t know was any life outside of it. I didn’t know what I would or could believe instead.
And a lot of you are experiencing it right now. A lot of you have already experienced the exact same things.
My life didn’t fall apart when I made the choices I made to end my marriage,
It had fallen apart (again) long before that. The world just didn’t know it because I hid it so well.
No, it was when I made all those choices, that I finally could start rebuilding a life I could be happy in. It was when I made all those choices, that I could finally begin down a path that was mine and only mine. It was when I made all those choices that I could finally feel alive. Those decisions were the beginning, not the end.
And as much as I was the common denominator, both on the surface and in the less apparent portions of my unhappiness, I was also the common denominator of what finally did bring me happiness.
I decided to end my marriage. I let go of my love for money. I ditched my attachment to things. I let go of the notion that affluence gave one man the ability to be better than another man.
I learned to find a balance between physical beauty and inner beauty with the women I date. Ilearned to love myself and my health. I finally have made the choice to get into shape and learn to dance and hopefully become the kind of man a good woman deserves.
I finally started living what I believe is right and wrong, no matter what others think.
So, yeah… I really am the common denominator.
And for the first time in my life, I actually understand that, and I am happy
PART 2
In mathematics, when the bottom number of a fraction is the same as the bottom number of another fraction it is called The Common Denominator. The fractions are different yet share this one equal counterpart. No matter what their value when divided and set as decimals, they will always have that one factor that connects them.
A common denominator also exits in relationships. If we look closely, it has always been there, penetrating each and every love affair, whether the romance was successful or not. We relive the same relationship over and over again. Every ex-significant other cheated or was emotionally unavailable or physically abusive. We settled for less. We sought to change our mates because we saw "potential." In the end, we repeat the same patterns. Different man and/or woman, same story. Different relationship, same cycle, and ultimately, same ending.
If an outside party has always lingered in your relationships or you're constantly in tears over a love, or whatever cycle you repeat, it is time to look within yourself. All the men and/or women you've dated have one thing in common: YOU. You are the thread that ties them together, no matter how many ways it's multiplied or divided. No matter how many times you try to blame and explain why the relationships have failed. The answer is always the same. You attract certain people into my life. You make the choice to let them love you…or not.
The Common Denominator is YOU.
So let us stop blaming others for our broken relationships and hearts and our unhealthy patterns. Instead, face yourself and your decision-making skills. Who we allow in our lives is a direct reflection of where we are at the time. If you work on you, The Common Denominator will morph into a positive number that is the sum of all our parts.
I honestly believe that you attract the energy that you put out.
Relationship patterns are glaringly obvious to outsiders but almost impossible to see when you’re in them. However, if you’ve experienced the “same situation, different face” syndrome for the past few relationships, it’s time to take a hard look at why these patterns exist.
And, what you can learn from them. Relationship patterns (really, any patterns) are marvelous gifts when you are able to identify the role of common denominator in all of the situations – you!
See if this story resonates with you:
Alex had several long-term relationships, both romantic and platonic, that had ended. For many years Alex believed that the relationships had ended simply because he and his partner had drifted apart (the same pattern happened in many of his friendships). He saw this as a sign that he was growing, and they were stagnating.
One day, though, Alex had an epiphany. He had been reading about the unconscious living out of childhood beliefs, and how a child’s story can live on throughout a person’s life. Somehow – he is not sure what caused this knowledge to enter his awareness – Alex realised that his childhood story was about liking to be alone; doing things alone; being the lone wolf, so to speak. He traced this childhood belief to being rejected by certain special playmates. His feelings of being excluded and unwanted caused him to build a protective shell around himself by declaring to others, “I like to be alone.”
Alex realised, with quite a shock, that he had been unconsciously living out the “I like to be alone” story in his relationships. HE was the one who unconsciously fell for unavailable women;Once he understood that he was acting out his childhood story, he began working on writing a new one. He made a conscious effort to be a better partner and a better friend by showing more interest in the other person, by making himself available, and by giving the love he desperately craved but unconsciously pushed away.
Alex realised, too, that he had unconsciously attracted the kinds of people who would help him keep his childhood story alive. Some of his friends were very demanding of his time, always inviting him to do things, and this would make him deeply uncomfortable to the point of withdrawing and making excuses why he couldn’t join in (after a while, the friends stopped inviting him).
One of the biggest challenges in breaking relationship patterns (aside from recognising them) is figuring out how to break them.
PART 3
Everyone is your mirror. This is the greatest of all relationships secrets and the only one you really need to understand to transform all your relationships. Here it is again - every single person in your life is your mirror. What this means is that others are simply reflecting parts of your own consciousness back to you, giving you an opportunity to really see yourself and ultimately to grow. The qualities you most admire in others are your own and the same goes for those qualities you dislike. To change anything in your relationships, be the change you want to see.
Mirror Mirror on the Wall..... Learn to recognise yourself in other people. Everything and everyone is your mirror. It is only when you understand what it truly means to see yourself reflected back at you, that there is no room for blame, there is no room for judgement and there is no room to feel like a victim of another person's actions or words. There is only room for real love based on understanding and gratitude. Compromise comes easy, forgiveness is a given and growth is inevitable. While this truth applies to all of your relationships, from your family, to your friends and colleagues, and even to those you deem your "enemy", it is your relationship with your significant other that enables you to take the closest, most accurate look at who you are.
It is certainly no secret that all your intimate relationships tend to be similar. Surely you have noticed how the fundamentals seem to remain the same while only the face changes. The repetition of the same problems, the same feelings and the same insecurities often leave you despondent and even reluctant to try again. You surrender yourself to the belief that relationships are difficult and require much compromise and that the only relationship secret out there is luck, timing or even Divine Will. You can't help but notice how what starts off with such hope often ends with no hope at all.
What you perhaps haven't noticed though, is that in all these repetitive relationships there has always only been one common denominator - YOU. Whoever the person is that you have next to you, no matter how many times you change him or her, the fundamentals of your relationship will remain unchanged because they are simply mirroring you. It can be no other way. This realisation may frustrate you at first and you may even reject the truth that everyone is your mirror. However, you will quickly come to see it as great news because it means that you too can enjoy those loving relationships that previously seemed out of reach. To do so, the only person you need to influence is yourself.
What are You Really Seeing in the Mirror....to internalise this truth, that everyone is your mirror, you must first understand it. Your relationships with others are your opportunity to experience yourself and grow. They are a perfect mirror of your inner relationship with yourself and the beliefs you have acquired about life and love. Everything you admire in another person belongs to you and the same goes for all that which you dislike. In order for you to recognise a certain quality in another, then it must be part of your consciousness. You could not see it otherwise. Essentially, the bottom-line cause of break-ups and divorce, is when one or both of the partners can no longer stand to see themselves in the other person.
Your Beliefs are Staring You in the Face: Your beliefs about relationships, about men, about women, about love and life in general are all there for you to see in your relationships. We have all acquired certain beliefs throughout our lifetime that cause us to react and act in certain habitual ways that either support us or don't. This is most notable in our relationships because in order to experience anything or anyone you must first relate to it. For instance, if you believe that men or women are not to be trusted (no matter how trustworthy you are), then by the Law of Attraction you will attract relationships in which a lack of trust is a major issue because that is where you have chosen to vibrate.
Every quality that you see in your partner, whether you admire it or not, is your mirror - it is showing you who you are. The more you dislike a certain quality, the more it is showing you a part of your consciousness that you are not acknowledging. For instance, if you dislike your partner's rigidity nature, you will find that you too are rigid perhaps not of him or her but of others. If your partner's negativity or insecurities get you down, you will find that you too have a negative nature and the same insecurities. The only reason that these qualities are annoying you is because they are also yours. As long as you do not acknowledge them as your own they will continue to frustrate you, while owning up to them provides you with the chance to grow.
When Positive Qualities Annoy You: Interestingly, you may find that even some positive qualities annoy you. For example, if your partner's overly kind and giving nature frustrates you, it is showing you that you too want to become more kind and giving but are resisting doing so. Alternatively, your partners' ability to forgive may make you uneasy. Instead of becoming frustrated, see it as an opportunity to learn forgiveness. This ties into why opposites appear to attract
When your partner acts in a particular way that upsets you, you will find that you too act in the same way, most likely not towards him or her but towards yourself and probably others. The more a particular action frustrates you, the more it reflects a part of you that you are not owning. If your partner treats you with disrespect, look within yourself and see who you treat with similar disrespect, whether it be a friend, a family member or yourself. If your partner criticises you, you will find that you are critical of yourself and most probably of others. If your partner ignores your needs, you will find that you too ignore your own needs or those of others. Ultimately, you teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself.
You may have heard that opposites attract and indeed this often appears to be the case. So how can relationships always be your mirror if opposites attract? The answer lies in the Law of Polarity that states that "everything is dual, everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree". In other words, qualities that appear to be opposites are in fact two extremes of the same quality. For instance hot and cold may appear to be opposite but are varying degrees of that which we call temperature. The same applies to all human qualities and emotions.
You may find that the quality you see in your partner appears to be the opposite of your own quality, but in fact it is the same quality expressed in a different way. It is still your mirror. For example, the introvert attracts the extrovert, the weak attracts the strong, the giving attracts the taking. Such seemingly opposite partners attract each other so that they can learn from each other and bring their own extreme quality into balance. In order to attract your opposite, you yourself have to be at the other end of the spectrum and so are unbalanced as far as that quality is concerned. Simply put, opposites attract in search of balance. When none of your qualities are at either extreme of the spectrum, then you can no longer attract its opposite.
PART 4
Are you responsible for the energy you bring?
Do you ever notice yourself saying things like:
“They” drain my energy
“They” are so toxic
“They” should stop doing x
“They” are always so negative
“They” should support me more
What “they” need to do is x
It can be easy to notice where others “should” make changes, or what they are or are not doing or to label them as “toxic”. It’s also quite disempowering, as you can’t control the behaviour of others. You can only control your own behaviour.
I believe the people in our lives are a mirror.
What is their behaviour showing you about you?
I believe that every person and relationship into your life has been attracted to you, and either reflects something back to you, or has been invited in by your soul to help you learn specific lessons
Remember, noone can actually drain your energy, unless you let them.
YOU are responsible for your energy.
The first place to look when you’re not happy with the way others are treating you is at yourself.
How are YOU treating you? It might be that others are reflecting that back to you.
And you can choose to spend less time in the energy of others, or even call them on specific behaviours without having to give them a negative label.
It’s all about matching energy
I’ve written about the fact that your emotions have a vibration.
For me, one of the greatest failures of human beings is that we always search for a way to define people, to categorize them and give them a label. And within these categories, there are of course, “good” and “bad”.
To not categorize people as either positive or negative when we call them “good” or “bad”, I instead try to visualise them as frequencies that are either compatible or incompatible with mine.
I have simply decided to grab on to the compatible ones, those that help me and nourish my spirit, and I try not to focus on whatever steals my peace or decelerates the growth of my soul.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Where is it all going wrong?
I don’t want to keep writing about how I feel let down by women. I’m equally anxious not to appear like a stuck-up, picky, well…moron. You’ve heard it said, “the common denominator in all of this is you…” Well, I’m looking at the man in the mirror and I’m asking him to change his ways. If that is the appropriate course of action, of course.
Reflections:
I seem to somehow choose/attract women who say one thing and do the opposite...when I feel like when I say something..i mean it.
I’m not alone in this experience. There’s never just one toxic relationship in our lives, and what they all have in common is us...yes I am repeating myself.. So, to an extent then, it means that it really isn’t them, and it really is us.
Now, before you shout at me, hear me out. I am not saying it was all your fault. But this is something that I know to be true about myself and my relationships
We get what we allow people to give. Some people do not like us and never will, and some people are of the opinion of “I like me, who do you like?”. The people who fall into these categories will either go out of their way to annoy and upset you, or will not care if their actions in their quest for world domination upset you. But the common denominator all the way through is you.
If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it.
It seems to me that if your marriage, your job, and your religion weren’t making you happy, MAYBE the common denominator is YOU! Maybe there is still something resonating in YOU to make YOU unhappy with everything else. It’s a bit scary that you are encouraging others to make the same choices you did.
I am sure most of you are saying, “of course I’m the common denominator.”
There are the obvious common denominators. I accepted a job that I knew I wouldn’t enjoy very much. I chose to marry the woman I did. And it was I who was still trying to follow a religion long after I had stopped believing in it.
But let’s forget about those surface truths for a moment.
There are the less obvious common denominators that were also all “me” which are much more important.
Over the course of my career, I fell in love with money. I fell in love with things. I grew to believe that my income and my possessions somehow made me a better human being than others.Over the course of my life, I came to believe that looks were more important than the heart when it came to women.
If I had written the post in such a way that I didn’t mention the ultimate decisions to leave or start over, but instead focused only on the common denominators, how would it have gone down?
Had I repeated those exact paragraphs above (about the less obvious common denominators) and asked you all what I should do, what would your answers for me have been? If you didn’t know that I was miserable at work, in my marriage, or in my religion, but only knew what I wrote in those I’m serious… What would you tell me to do?
Call me crazy, but I’m guessing you’d tell me that those things are no way for anyone to live. You’d tell me it was obvious why I was struggling. You’d tell me to do what I needed to do to fix them. You’d encourage me to rip my life apart until I was shed of those demons. Those unhealthy ways of thinking and living.
I’m going out on a limb here, but I’m betting you’d probably tell me that I would never find true happiness until those things were all a part of my past.
Right?
Now, zoom out.
And what if the things I told you were what I shared in that first paragraph. Here they are again.
I accepted a job that I knew I wouldn’t enjoy very much. I chose to marry the woman I did who later became my ex wife.
Are you starting to see a little bit of the problem we all face every single day?
We live in a world where people judge others on the surface denominators. People tell each other what they should be doing and shouldn’t be doing based purely on those surface visuals. People think that everything is so right and wrong because they see only those definable and extrinsic parts of the lives of others.
People are almost always incapable of seeing what lies beneath. They’re almost always incapable of seeing what causes such things. They’re almost always incapable of seeing how anybody really got to where they are.
And it isn’t just the world.
We ourselves are almost always only capable of seeing and not seeing the same things in ourselves.
When I got to the point in my life where I couldn’t hold anything together anymore, and I couldn’t figure out why, do you honestly think I had any idea that those sub-surface denominators existed or were problems? Do you think I had any clue where to even look for the problems?
In case you’re not sure, the answer is no. I had no clue and I was doing nothing that would ever lead me to figure it all out.
And my answer was always… more. More money. More gifts for my ex wife. More. More. More. More. More. More. More.
Always more.
And everything in my life kept falling apart.
And that’s why, even when I’d pick up the pieces again, and again, and again, it would always fall back apart. It wouldn’t stay together. Because, you see, I would always put the pieces back exactly as they were before, certain that this time it just needed a little more glue or a little more this or a little more that.
Sigh.
Einstein once said, “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”
In one of my post, I wrote, “your life falling apart is precisely what you need to be able to pick up the pieces and stack them differently this time around.”
It’s certainly what I needed.
I couldn’t see my love for money and the destruction that a love for money was until I lost a lot of it and I lost it all. Repeatedly.
I couldn’t see how i kept attracting the wrong partner over and over again until I was able to see that I was a common denominator in my failed relationships. Love can only fall apart on a person so many times before they can’t keep blaming everyone else.
My life had to fall apart. Completely. There was no other way for me.
It wouldn’t work to fail in just one area because as a human being it is too easy to hurry and plug that hole up with something else. It’s too easy to shove something into it that seems solid. Something that keeps us from feeling like failures. Something that masks the fact that a hole ever existed.
But, on the other hand, when the pieces are scattered before you and are broken beyond repair… it forces you to evaluate some things. It forces you to be introspective. It forces you to break down. And cry. And find your place in all of it.
And guess what. That’s a good thing.
So having discussed all that, if we shoot back over to Who’s Life is it Anyway, :
You already intrinsically know where happiness lies for you. You know whether you’ve literally given everything you have or not. You know whether you’ve made a big mistake earlier in life or not. You know whether you will ever truly believe certain things or not. Deep down, you already know all of that.
And these:
If you know you have depleted yourself of all energy and skill, and you have sought help and education, and you have done everything you could and you just can’t be happy…
Then do what you have to do to get there before you do something drastic to escape.
I wonder if those words will mean something slightly different to you now.
For me, I knew intrinsically that happiness could only exist if I changed something. I knew it could only exist if I really fixed something. And, most importantly I eventually knew that the only way to figure out what that something was, was to lose almost everything.
I knew I had given everything I had to make things better and to make them work. I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t know why. Counseling couldn’t get me there because I carried my own serious need to not be at fault into the sessions with me.
I knew I had made big mistakes earlier in life to get to the point I was at. What I didn’t understand was how they were constantly defining me.
I knew I would never believe certain things. What I didn’t know was any life outside of it. I didn’t know what I would or could believe instead.
And a lot of you are experiencing it right now. A lot of you have already experienced the exact same things.
My life didn’t fall apart when I made the choices I made to end my marriage,
It had fallen apart (again) long before that. The world just didn’t know it because I hid it so well.
No, it was when I made all those choices, that I finally could start rebuilding a life I could be happy in. It was when I made all those choices, that I could finally begin down a path that was mine and only mine. It was when I made all those choices that I could finally feel alive. Those decisions were the beginning, not the end.
And as much as I was the common denominator, both on the surface and in the less apparent portions of my unhappiness, I was also the common denominator of what finally did bring me happiness.
I decided to end my marriage. I let go of my love for money. I ditched my attachment to things. I let go of the notion that affluence gave one man the ability to be better than another man.
I learned to find a balance between physical beauty and inner beauty with the women I date. Ilearned to love myself and my health. I finally have made the choice to get into shape and learn to dance and hopefully become the kind of man a good woman deserves.
I finally started living what I believe is right and wrong, no matter what others think.
So, yeah… I really am the common denominator.
And for the first time in my life, I actually understand that, and I am happy
PART 2
In mathematics, when the bottom number of a fraction is the same as the bottom number of another fraction it is called The Common Denominator. The fractions are different yet share this one equal counterpart. No matter what their value when divided and set as decimals, they will always have that one factor that connects them.
A common denominator also exits in relationships. If we look closely, it has always been there, penetrating each and every love affair, whether the romance was successful or not. We relive the same relationship over and over again. Every ex-significant other cheated or was emotionally unavailable or physically abusive. We settled for less. We sought to change our mates because we saw "potential." In the end, we repeat the same patterns. Different man and/or woman, same story. Different relationship, same cycle, and ultimately, same ending.
If an outside party has always lingered in your relationships or you're constantly in tears over a love, or whatever cycle you repeat, it is time to look within yourself. All the men and/or women you've dated have one thing in common: YOU. You are the thread that ties them together, no matter how many ways it's multiplied or divided. No matter how many times you try to blame and explain why the relationships have failed. The answer is always the same. You attract certain people into my life. You make the choice to let them love you…or not.
The Common Denominator is YOU.
So let us stop blaming others for our broken relationships and hearts and our unhealthy patterns. Instead, face yourself and your decision-making skills. Who we allow in our lives is a direct reflection of where we are at the time. If you work on you, The Common Denominator will morph into a positive number that is the sum of all our parts.
I honestly believe that you attract the energy that you put out.
Relationship patterns are glaringly obvious to outsiders but almost impossible to see when you’re in them. However, if you’ve experienced the “same situation, different face” syndrome for the past few relationships, it’s time to take a hard look at why these patterns exist.
And, what you can learn from them. Relationship patterns (really, any patterns) are marvelous gifts when you are able to identify the role of common denominator in all of the situations – you!
See if this story resonates with you:
Alex had several long-term relationships, both romantic and platonic, that had ended. For many years Alex believed that the relationships had ended simply because he and his partner had drifted apart (the same pattern happened in many of his friendships). He saw this as a sign that he was growing, and they were stagnating.
One day, though, Alex had an epiphany. He had been reading about the unconscious living out of childhood beliefs, and how a child’s story can live on throughout a person’s life. Somehow – he is not sure what caused this knowledge to enter his awareness – Alex realised that his childhood story was about liking to be alone; doing things alone; being the lone wolf, so to speak. He traced this childhood belief to being rejected by certain special playmates. His feelings of being excluded and unwanted caused him to build a protective shell around himself by declaring to others, “I like to be alone.”
Alex realised, with quite a shock, that he had been unconsciously living out the “I like to be alone” story in his relationships. HE was the one who unconsciously fell for unavailable women;Once he understood that he was acting out his childhood story, he began working on writing a new one. He made a conscious effort to be a better partner and a better friend by showing more interest in the other person, by making himself available, and by giving the love he desperately craved but unconsciously pushed away.
Alex realised, too, that he had unconsciously attracted the kinds of people who would help him keep his childhood story alive. Some of his friends were very demanding of his time, always inviting him to do things, and this would make him deeply uncomfortable to the point of withdrawing and making excuses why he couldn’t join in (after a while, the friends stopped inviting him).
One of the biggest challenges in breaking relationship patterns (aside from recognising them) is figuring out how to break them.
PART 3
Everyone is your mirror. This is the greatest of all relationships secrets and the only one you really need to understand to transform all your relationships. Here it is again - every single person in your life is your mirror. What this means is that others are simply reflecting parts of your own consciousness back to you, giving you an opportunity to really see yourself and ultimately to grow. The qualities you most admire in others are your own and the same goes for those qualities you dislike. To change anything in your relationships, be the change you want to see.
Mirror Mirror on the Wall..... Learn to recognise yourself in other people. Everything and everyone is your mirror. It is only when you understand what it truly means to see yourself reflected back at you, that there is no room for blame, there is no room for judgement and there is no room to feel like a victim of another person's actions or words. There is only room for real love based on understanding and gratitude. Compromise comes easy, forgiveness is a given and growth is inevitable. While this truth applies to all of your relationships, from your family, to your friends and colleagues, and even to those you deem your "enemy", it is your relationship with your significant other that enables you to take the closest, most accurate look at who you are.
It is certainly no secret that all your intimate relationships tend to be similar. Surely you have noticed how the fundamentals seem to remain the same while only the face changes. The repetition of the same problems, the same feelings and the same insecurities often leave you despondent and even reluctant to try again. You surrender yourself to the belief that relationships are difficult and require much compromise and that the only relationship secret out there is luck, timing or even Divine Will. You can't help but notice how what starts off with such hope often ends with no hope at all.
What you perhaps haven't noticed though, is that in all these repetitive relationships there has always only been one common denominator - YOU. Whoever the person is that you have next to you, no matter how many times you change him or her, the fundamentals of your relationship will remain unchanged because they are simply mirroring you. It can be no other way. This realisation may frustrate you at first and you may even reject the truth that everyone is your mirror. However, you will quickly come to see it as great news because it means that you too can enjoy those loving relationships that previously seemed out of reach. To do so, the only person you need to influence is yourself.
What are You Really Seeing in the Mirror....to internalise this truth, that everyone is your mirror, you must first understand it. Your relationships with others are your opportunity to experience yourself and grow. They are a perfect mirror of your inner relationship with yourself and the beliefs you have acquired about life and love. Everything you admire in another person belongs to you and the same goes for all that which you dislike. In order for you to recognise a certain quality in another, then it must be part of your consciousness. You could not see it otherwise. Essentially, the bottom-line cause of break-ups and divorce, is when one or both of the partners can no longer stand to see themselves in the other person.
Your Beliefs are Staring You in the Face: Your beliefs about relationships, about men, about women, about love and life in general are all there for you to see in your relationships. We have all acquired certain beliefs throughout our lifetime that cause us to react and act in certain habitual ways that either support us or don't. This is most notable in our relationships because in order to experience anything or anyone you must first relate to it. For instance, if you believe that men or women are not to be trusted (no matter how trustworthy you are), then by the Law of Attraction you will attract relationships in which a lack of trust is a major issue because that is where you have chosen to vibrate.
Every quality that you see in your partner, whether you admire it or not, is your mirror - it is showing you who you are. The more you dislike a certain quality, the more it is showing you a part of your consciousness that you are not acknowledging. For instance, if you dislike your partner's rigidity nature, you will find that you too are rigid perhaps not of him or her but of others. If your partner's negativity or insecurities get you down, you will find that you too have a negative nature and the same insecurities. The only reason that these qualities are annoying you is because they are also yours. As long as you do not acknowledge them as your own they will continue to frustrate you, while owning up to them provides you with the chance to grow.
When Positive Qualities Annoy You: Interestingly, you may find that even some positive qualities annoy you. For example, if your partner's overly kind and giving nature frustrates you, it is showing you that you too want to become more kind and giving but are resisting doing so. Alternatively, your partners' ability to forgive may make you uneasy. Instead of becoming frustrated, see it as an opportunity to learn forgiveness. This ties into why opposites appear to attract
When your partner acts in a particular way that upsets you, you will find that you too act in the same way, most likely not towards him or her but towards yourself and probably others. The more a particular action frustrates you, the more it reflects a part of you that you are not owning. If your partner treats you with disrespect, look within yourself and see who you treat with similar disrespect, whether it be a friend, a family member or yourself. If your partner criticises you, you will find that you are critical of yourself and most probably of others. If your partner ignores your needs, you will find that you too ignore your own needs or those of others. Ultimately, you teach others how to treat you by how you treat yourself.
You may have heard that opposites attract and indeed this often appears to be the case. So how can relationships always be your mirror if opposites attract? The answer lies in the Law of Polarity that states that "everything is dual, everything has poles; everything has its pair of opposites; opposites are identical in nature, but different in degree". In other words, qualities that appear to be opposites are in fact two extremes of the same quality. For instance hot and cold may appear to be opposite but are varying degrees of that which we call temperature. The same applies to all human qualities and emotions.
You may find that the quality you see in your partner appears to be the opposite of your own quality, but in fact it is the same quality expressed in a different way. It is still your mirror. For example, the introvert attracts the extrovert, the weak attracts the strong, the giving attracts the taking. Such seemingly opposite partners attract each other so that they can learn from each other and bring their own extreme quality into balance. In order to attract your opposite, you yourself have to be at the other end of the spectrum and so are unbalanced as far as that quality is concerned. Simply put, opposites attract in search of balance. When none of your qualities are at either extreme of the spectrum, then you can no longer attract its opposite.
PART 4
Are you responsible for the energy you bring?
Do you ever notice yourself saying things like:
“They” drain my energy
“They” are so toxic
“They” should stop doing x
“They” are always so negative
“They” should support me more
What “they” need to do is x
It can be easy to notice where others “should” make changes, or what they are or are not doing or to label them as “toxic”. It’s also quite disempowering, as you can’t control the behaviour of others. You can only control your own behaviour.
I believe the people in our lives are a mirror.
What is their behaviour showing you about you?
I believe that every person and relationship into your life has been attracted to you, and either reflects something back to you, or has been invited in by your soul to help you learn specific lessons
Remember, noone can actually drain your energy, unless you let them.
YOU are responsible for your energy.
The first place to look when you’re not happy with the way others are treating you is at yourself.
How are YOU treating you? It might be that others are reflecting that back to you.
And you can choose to spend less time in the energy of others, or even call them on specific behaviours without having to give them a negative label.
It’s all about matching energy
I’ve written about the fact that your emotions have a vibration.
For me, one of the greatest failures of human beings is that we always search for a way to define people, to categorize them and give them a label. And within these categories, there are of course, “good” and “bad”.
To not categorize people as either positive or negative when we call them “good” or “bad”, I instead try to visualise them as frequencies that are either compatible or incompatible with mine.
I have simply decided to grab on to the compatible ones, those that help me and nourish my spirit, and I try not to focus on whatever steals my peace or decelerates the growth of my soul.
I am searching for my future wife/soulmate. Please stop by again.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)