Being intimate is to be close... to be sharing in a deep and meaningful understanding. Yet, how can one achieve this close... deep.... meaningful... understanding of another until they first have this understanding... and closeness... and tenderness... and lovingness... with themselves?
In your world it is often times spoke of as the giving of one's self to another. Yet how can one give... what one knows not? And if one knows not who they are, or what they are, could they truly give that to another... or share that with another... or even truly understand another... until they first achieve this with themselves?
The design... and division into male and female forms... was to make the access to these connections a most joyful experience. For in truth it is.
The act of connecting, and experiencing the connection with another is truly a most joyous and pleasurable experience. And yet, although this was the design... It is surrounded with much guilt... much shame... and oft times brings sorrow and pain instead of the joy it was meant to. Yet, if intimacy was truly understood, with the Self first, and then the sharing with another, this act could bring forth much joy and pleasure instead of guilt, shame, and pain. And in that joy of joining with another, can be reached the joining to All That Is. This then would be using the physical intimacy wisely on the spiritual path.
If sexual intimacy can help lead us home... if we have a partner... and we know Self... what if there is no partner, or no other? There are a lot of people who live alone today. The intimate experiencing of this connection was meant to be quite pleasurable and bring much joy when chose to be experienced in the physical. There are many, who for many different reasons, choose aloneness - as opposed to relationships. Intimacy is something that is inborn in us... for us to seek... and we seek it in many ways... and it can be done through sexual relationships, as well as, many other types of relationships... because intimacy covers a lot of territory. Isn't it like love then? We all seek love.
Very much so. Look to the newborn babe. There is the desire to be touched, to touch, to be close, to feel the warmth of another. This then is natural for the human being. Sex, as you look upon it, is only one way to express this desire for closeness, to touch, to be touched, to experience the warmth of another. But in many ways this particular area, which involve particular parts of the body, has been altered due to that which has been "added to".
"[When] sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing. Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection
Friday, August 10, 2012
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: YOU SLIP INTO MY DREAMS
Dear Future Love,
You make my head feel like a busy, New York City street the second your name lights up on my cell phone.
It doesn't happen often, and it hadn't happened for a year and a half until recently, but when it does i don't know how to feel.
You were my first love, and first loves are hard to forget. I truly believe that the first person you fall in love with will always have a piece of your heart. It's never whole again- no matter how much you move on, how many more people you fall in love with, or how much you give to the next person- there's something special about the first time you give your heart away. Or maybe it's because your first love usually ends up in your first real heartbreak and you never quite get all of the pieces back.
I don't know what kept me with you for all of those years. I was young, naive, and immature i guess. But i loved you. Oh man, did I love you. I think i would have fought to be with you until i couldn't go on. I would have been content being with you and only you forever and ever. But you didn't feel the same. And to fight any longer would be foolish. You gave up on me not once, but twice, and it broke me down more and more. You treated me terrible in those last few months, as if I were a stranger you never even cared about. You left me a ghost. You left me broken. You left me.
It took so long for me to get back on my own two feet and finally feel anything again. And as everyone would tell me, time did heal. But no one ever really listens to that phrase...time heals. But healing doesn't make it go away, it just makes it bearable. It's like a scar. There's the initial wound and it hurts like hell, almost to the point where you think you'd rather just be dead at this point, and then slowly but surely your cut closes up and then there is the scab. You pick at it a few times and it hurts all over again. And eventually you have a scar, and it fades and fades, but it's never gone. There's always something to remind you.
And then i met her, She showed me what it was like to truly be loved and she gave me everything you never even thought to give. Everything that hurt finally went away with a flash of her smile and with the touch of her hand I felt like I had found my real forever. A month into the relationship I could see myself with her fifty years down the road. I had never loved someone this way before, not even you. Months in though, little fights started poisoning our relationship but we worked at them. I still love her with my whole heart and i still fall asleep next to her but every now and then you slip into my dreams, out of nowhere, just like in real life and in my dreams I miss you.
You make my head feel like a busy, New York City street the second your name lights up on my cell phone.
It doesn't happen often, and it hadn't happened for a year and a half until recently, but when it does i don't know how to feel.
You were my first love, and first loves are hard to forget. I truly believe that the first person you fall in love with will always have a piece of your heart. It's never whole again- no matter how much you move on, how many more people you fall in love with, or how much you give to the next person- there's something special about the first time you give your heart away. Or maybe it's because your first love usually ends up in your first real heartbreak and you never quite get all of the pieces back.
I don't know what kept me with you for all of those years. I was young, naive, and immature i guess. But i loved you. Oh man, did I love you. I think i would have fought to be with you until i couldn't go on. I would have been content being with you and only you forever and ever. But you didn't feel the same. And to fight any longer would be foolish. You gave up on me not once, but twice, and it broke me down more and more. You treated me terrible in those last few months, as if I were a stranger you never even cared about. You left me a ghost. You left me broken. You left me.
It took so long for me to get back on my own two feet and finally feel anything again. And as everyone would tell me, time did heal. But no one ever really listens to that phrase...time heals. But healing doesn't make it go away, it just makes it bearable. It's like a scar. There's the initial wound and it hurts like hell, almost to the point where you think you'd rather just be dead at this point, and then slowly but surely your cut closes up and then there is the scab. You pick at it a few times and it hurts all over again. And eventually you have a scar, and it fades and fades, but it's never gone. There's always something to remind you.
And then i met her, She showed me what it was like to truly be loved and she gave me everything you never even thought to give. Everything that hurt finally went away with a flash of her smile and with the touch of her hand I felt like I had found my real forever. A month into the relationship I could see myself with her fifty years down the road. I had never loved someone this way before, not even you. Months in though, little fights started poisoning our relationship but we worked at them. I still love her with my whole heart and i still fall asleep next to her but every now and then you slip into my dreams, out of nowhere, just like in real life and in my dreams I miss you.
JOURNAL: MY EX- STRANGER
Have you ever met someone who can light up your whole day? Someone who suddenly appears out of nowhere but made you smile every time you see each other? Maybe you met that person in your town, at work, at the store or through a friend. But you find out that they’re not from here. They live far away, and in a few days they are going back home. The last day before leaving, you decide to meet up for a little while. But you missed one other, so you have to go back home with an empty heart and a question constantly ringing in your head. Will you ever meet again? You have not a name, a phone number or Facebook. What are the odds that you will ever meet again? Very very minimal.
So you can imagine my surprise when she appeared around the corner, just like she used to. With smiling lips and sparkling eyes. She said she couldn’t leave without knowing my name. That she had been driving for hours to find me. We said that we would see each other tomorrow again. She seemed happy about that, and I can’t wait. She is so beautiful. My ex-stranger.
So you can imagine my surprise when she appeared around the corner, just like she used to. With smiling lips and sparkling eyes. She said she couldn’t leave without knowing my name. That she had been driving for hours to find me. We said that we would see each other tomorrow again. She seemed happy about that, and I can’t wait. She is so beautiful. My ex-stranger.
THOUGHTS: TREAT LIKE YOUR TIME LIKE YOU'RE ON A DIET
As the 80/20 rule reminds us, our time is best spent on the few things that have the most impact on our lives.
At work, this might mean focusing on the tasks that you are best at and only you can handle, delegating the rest (you can prioritize your email according to your wheelhouse as well).
At home, embrace messy organization (e.g., forget about organizing the silverware drawer) in favor of more life-enhancing activities: cooking healthy meals, exercising, spending time with your family, etc.
Another example: reading or watching the news may be a waste of your time, unless your work requires it. But even then, you can make better use of your time by reading only the news relevant to you, e.g., by filtering your RSS feeds.
You can and should prioritize what you eat, read, watch, work on, etc. according to how positive an impact it has on your life. One way to prioritize is to treat your time like you're on a diet: Make a list of the five main goals you want to focus on for the year, and spend 95% of your time on tasks that contribute to them.
Quantity: To take this a step further, delegate your time according to how many ways you benefit from the activity or how many different areas of your life it affects. For example, scrubbing the floors gives you a cleaner floor and a healthier household perhaps, but it's not very enjoyable and there aren't that many other benefits you can reap from it. Let's say this task only has one reward.
Reading, on the other hand, has the potential to benefit you in several ways. One, it's enjoyable and relaxing. If you read a book that also stimulates your mind and teaches you something—as opposed to a book that just whiles away the time—that's another benefit. Even better, if what you learn from the book helps you make money in some way (e.g., enhances your profession) or save time and make you more productive, then it's a long-lasting benefit. That's three possible different ways one activity can reward you.
Another example might be taking cooking classes with a friend or your partner: You spend quality time with people you love, learn new skills, and probably end up saving money and eating healthier by cooking more at home.
Blogging is one last example I'll offer: If you enjoy writing, you're doing something you love. Writing about a topic regularly also increases your knowledge and expertise. Your blog could help you earn some spare change through advertising or affiliate links. And, finally, you can use your blog to build a valuable network, make new friends, and also possibly protect yourself against unemployment.
Spending more time where it matters most may seem painfully obvious, but it's easy to forget and fritter away your time on things like running errands or watching silly YouTube videos instead of on the activities that enhance multiple areas of your life.
At work, this might mean focusing on the tasks that you are best at and only you can handle, delegating the rest (you can prioritize your email according to your wheelhouse as well).
At home, embrace messy organization (e.g., forget about organizing the silverware drawer) in favor of more life-enhancing activities: cooking healthy meals, exercising, spending time with your family, etc.
Another example: reading or watching the news may be a waste of your time, unless your work requires it. But even then, you can make better use of your time by reading only the news relevant to you, e.g., by filtering your RSS feeds.
You can and should prioritize what you eat, read, watch, work on, etc. according to how positive an impact it has on your life. One way to prioritize is to treat your time like you're on a diet: Make a list of the five main goals you want to focus on for the year, and spend 95% of your time on tasks that contribute to them.
Quantity: To take this a step further, delegate your time according to how many ways you benefit from the activity or how many different areas of your life it affects. For example, scrubbing the floors gives you a cleaner floor and a healthier household perhaps, but it's not very enjoyable and there aren't that many other benefits you can reap from it. Let's say this task only has one reward.
Reading, on the other hand, has the potential to benefit you in several ways. One, it's enjoyable and relaxing. If you read a book that also stimulates your mind and teaches you something—as opposed to a book that just whiles away the time—that's another benefit. Even better, if what you learn from the book helps you make money in some way (e.g., enhances your profession) or save time and make you more productive, then it's a long-lasting benefit. That's three possible different ways one activity can reward you.
Another example might be taking cooking classes with a friend or your partner: You spend quality time with people you love, learn new skills, and probably end up saving money and eating healthier by cooking more at home.
Blogging is one last example I'll offer: If you enjoy writing, you're doing something you love. Writing about a topic regularly also increases your knowledge and expertise. Your blog could help you earn some spare change through advertising or affiliate links. And, finally, you can use your blog to build a valuable network, make new friends, and also possibly protect yourself against unemployment.
Spending more time where it matters most may seem painfully obvious, but it's easy to forget and fritter away your time on things like running errands or watching silly YouTube videos instead of on the activities that enhance multiple areas of your life.
LOVE/DATING: HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU FOUND THE ONE?
How does a man know would not meet someone else that he liked better than the woman he is with? quite simple:
GOD LED ME TO THIS WOMAN. THE SEARCH WAS OVER. A MAN COULD SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE. THIS IS WHERE FAITH AND FAITHFULNESS COME IN.
“When does one say o.k, o.k. – this one? They ask. Maturity is the acceptance of limitations. Every choice made in life rules out a thousand other possibilities.
LOVE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS, IS A CHOICE. YOU MARRY HER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. THEN, FROM THE WEDDING DAY FORWARD, YOU LEARN TO LOVE HER BECAUSE YOU MARRIED HER. CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT CHANGE THE OBLIGATION TO FULFILL THE SOLEMN VOW.
Imagine when you are choosing from a lot of food to eat, and at that time of choosing, you really don’t know what type of food you wanted to eat. You just know that you are hungry, and that you wanted to eat. You could choose anything just to satisfy your hunger. But later on when you had your fill, you realized that you did not really enjoy your food that much, except that it only fed your hunger. What if you waited on someone who knows you so well, and then that someone presented you the kind of food that totally satisfies your appetite? What a blissful and wonderful meal it would have been!
When you’re just fresh out of college, you’re so full of ambitions, and you just got this in you that you’ve got what it takes to succeed. The highest ideal that society would tell you is to become wealthy with what you do. Although you have this certain hint of what you really want to do, you’d exchange it with the hype of the moment. Everyone’s looking for that job that could give them the cash they need to buy their materialistic fantasies. Of course, the greatest necessity at this stage is money! Just imagining your fantasies with what money can do in your life gives you butterflies in the stomach. And you’d get your head stuffed with thoughts: ‘When I have the money I need, I buy this and that… I’d do this and that…’ It’s all about money and success.
And then you’d start searching for companies that would fit your standards. Of course you would hunt for those that can give you the highest pay possible. If you’re someone with high qualifications, stable and good-paying companies would come under the mercy of your preference. You’d get to enjoy the great opportunity of choosing. But if you’re someone in the average, you’d stick with whatever company that would accept your qualifications, as long as your need of money is satisfied. That would be fine.
When you’ve chosen the company to apply, you’d do everything to impress them. You’d sing songs of commitment you don’t intentionally want to keep. You’d over emphasize your strengths and try hard to hide your weaknesses. Just, the main aim is for them to accept you.
When they finally accept you, at first, you’d give them your best shot. You try hard not mess with them. You’d keep your commitment and do all that they need of you. You even try to perform well.
But then, as time goes by… you’d get edgy with how they handle you. At this stage, you grumble a lot. You watch every mistake they make. You cannot take it when you feel like they have profited more over your efforts than what you are getting from them. You count every effort you make against what they have given you in return. But then, you still stay a little while… since they’re still feeding you with what you need. For you, cheating is unforgivable. Once you find out they cheat on you, you’d call it quits when you can’t take it any longer. But you don’t mind if you cheat them. When you’re the one doing something to their detriment, it would not be a big deal. You may even think you are entitled to it. You are unmindful of doing things that may cause their damage. You don’t really care that much. All you care about is getting as much as they can give… Then you’d start imagining for other companies than can give you your perceived comfort and that may give you what your current company is not giving you. Since you are no longer satisfied, when another opportunity beckons at you… you’d not hesitate to end your contract with that company and leave. You’d do the same cycle again and again. And though there may be companies that you’d truly like, even if you’d stay longer with it, you’d still reach the same stage of resignation. There is just something that you are looking for and you haven’t found it yet… and then, you’re on your search again.
Translation:
When a guy is young and is on the hype of experiencing his manhood. His main need (forgive me for being frank and blunt on this) is sex. Although he has this certain hint in his mind about this ideal girl whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with, it gets in the back burner of his mind as he focuses on the hype of his raging hormones. He collects girls who can give him, his need of sex. If he is physically desirable, he may charm all the girls he likes. He has the advantage of choosing from pretty and classy girls. He’d court any prospect who could give him the experience he so fantasizes… if he isn’t so gifted physically and isn’t so well with his charms, any girl would do, as long they can give him what he needs. Just, what matters most is sex. His mind may most of the time be filled with fantasies of sex.
If he has chosen this certain girl, he’d do everything to impress her. He’d show her his best. And he’d try so hard not to let her see his weaknesses. He’d say all the things he doesn’t necessarily mean, just to get her trust and to make her say yes. He’d give her, his best shot. He would even try to make her feel he is so committed in a relationship. He’d say anything and everything to get what he wants.
During the first stages of their relationship, it would all seem so fine. He’d do all the things that are expected of him as a boyfriend: calls, gifts, visits, attention, surprises, etc.
But then, as time goes by, he would lag on the things he used to do. He’d call less, He visits less, his attention is somewhere else, etc. Problems would arise, and the girlfriend would demand things on their relationship. At this stage, it becomes a burden to him to even do a single act in the name of being a boyfriend. But he has to, because, he needs to get some sex. But he’d become so edgy, he’d notice all the girl’s faults. At this point, his mind would wander on fantasizing on other girls who can give him more than what his girlfriend is giving him or on girls who have what his girlfriend doesn’t have. A small thing leads to a big fight. He would start to grumble a lot. He demands all the things the girl is expected to give him, but he would get away with all his mess if he can. He cannot tolerate the thought that he is doing more in the relationship. As much as possible, he wants to spend lesser effort. But he doesn’t mind doing things that may disappoint or hurt the girl. Cheating is unforgivable to him, but its fine if he cheats.He may even think he is entitled to it. When he thinks that the relationship is already too much for him to bear and a new girl may come and give him a better offer, he will not hesitate to leave his girlfriend. This cycle repeats many times. Still, he is not satisfied.
There maybe girls that he would actually like and he may stay longer with them. But then, he would still reach this stage of breaking up. He’s just looking for something that he hasn’t found in those girls yet. And he’s on his hunt again.
WARNING: Girls, if you are with someone who is still immature, who doesn’t have a clear vision of what’s his life gonna turn out, and most especially… if that person doesn’t even have a clue of himself… consider yourself in a greatest potential of being used just to fill his needs. He may or may have not realized it, but you would end up just the same… being used. Best advice: stay out of this relationship.
THE STAGE OF BOREDOM
This is the stage when you have too much of your experiences of all the jobs and employers you’ve left. You have gotten tired of the cycle and you want to break away from it. You’re in the stage when you’re through with the excitement of what money can buy you. You’ve bought most of the things you’ve dreamed of… or maybe you’ve reached the point of realizing that some of the things you used to think of buying are no longer that important to buy. Then, you start searching for something deeper. This is point when you want some change. You want something totally new. And you’d look back all those times you’ve wasted with those jobs you never intended to keep, or the jobs you just lost along the way… then suddenly, it hits you… am I really just gonna waste my life over this pitiful cycle? Damn no! And then, you’d ask the hardest question: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
Translation:
This is the stage when the guy just had too much of all his fun and experiences with girls. This is the stage when he has gotten tired of the same old cycle of hunting and breaking up with girls. He had the fill of his sexual fantasies. And then he’d start seeking for something more valuable. This is the point when he wants to change… when he would want someone totally new… different from the girls he had left or had lost along the way.Then he’d ask the hardest question: WHO DO I REALLY WANT?
THE STAGE OF KNOWING
I’d take it from here, since I will be speaking of my personal experience in this stage of knowing.
Long before I had graduated, I had that concept of the kind of commitment I’d like to offer my skills and talents for. But then, I was caught in the common hype of thinking first of money, so that you can finally be free of doing what you really want. Even if I wasn’t the type who would pursue money for its sake, I was engrossed in amassing wealth to support my dreams. One thing leads to another. So I’ve patterned my life in asking the question: What would gain me more money?
What I was actually doing was: I abandoned my dreams a little while, as I went ahead pursuing money. ‘Wait there, I’d come back for you when I’m ready to pursue and claim you.’ I said. But then, I was caught in the same cycle of striving hard and giving up. Because I did not love the jobs I had, I had little patience for all the things thrown at me because of them. They had been a great burden to me. And all I focused on was: what I was getting. Yes, I could be committed for a while. But then, not long enough boredom catches on me, and my strength wears out on pursuing and on being dedicated to those jobs.
It occurred to me that the kind of relationship I had with my earlier jobs was: consented utilitarianism. I was using them, they were using me. I thought I was getting much from them. But wrong, they were the ones getting most out of me. They have stolen my time and dedication that are supposedly for what I love to do alone. They worn out my strength and detracted me from my focus and attention on my beloved soul-deep dreams. They almost dried me up. And because they had gotten so much of me, it brought me great confusion. I used to know what I really want to do with my life, but because, those jobs gotten pieces of me, I could hardly define myself anymore. And because I am confused of who I am becoming, it made me confused of what I really want. Even if I tried to change my focus from money, to noble things and better things… still, I landed on the land of confusion and dissatisfaction.
Then I pondered on the truth: YOU WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE. If one doesn’t know who he/she is, he/she may base his/her wanting on the plane of feelings or emotions, rather on his/her desired conscious carefully and willfully thought choices. And worst, he/she may borrow what others want, and own it like his/her own. This is true, because it happened to me, and I’m sure to lot others. At first, I may think I was fine. I could feel that I’m happy with what I was getting from them, but that happiness doesn’t seem to last. It fades soon enough. And I find myself wanting some more: ‘Maybe I just needed, more than this, better than this!’… I THOUGHT. I was lost into groping and reaching outside of myself, by clinging on those temporary things. But I realized that I was just like: CHASING THE WIND. I felt so empty.
Oh, and knowing my one true love? It thrills me to the bone in looking forward to the great adventures that lie ahead as I start pursuing it. This is the cause that I would not mind giving so much of myself, even if I am not compensated, even if I don’t get anything the least… For it, I don’t mind going beyond normal working hours. I don’t mind giving too much of my effort. I don’t mind if it demands so much of me. I’d even try to surpass what I could give. For it, I’d only be concern if I had given enough… because I love it so much, I don’t mind the great deal of self-sacrifice I would have to make, just for it to be fulfilled. This is the great cry of my heart for my one true love. And there is nothing that can discourage me in pursuing it, because I have already realized its nature, and I have already decided to commit myself to it. In doing it, I’m being myself. And in just being myself, God blesses others.
Translation
(Going back with my analogy with guys hunting for their beloved mates)
As I reached this stage of analysis, and as I look back to those companies I have intentionally, or unintentionally used along the process of knowing what I really want, I have come to picture the same scenario with a guy who has intentionally or unintentionally used girls along the process of knowing who he really wants.
When a guy is in the stage of not knowing who he really is, he would have a vague picture of the woman whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with… for how can he know who he really wants if he doesn’t even know who he really is? In the same analogy, how can you know your missing piece, if you don’t even know what kind of piece are you?
And many guys are like this nowadays. They jump from one girl to another. And those who are really passionate can make you believe that they are so in love with you, only to find out that they have said the very words they told you to a lot of other women. And the sad thing is these guys don’t even mind, or are unaware of the great pain they’ve caused to other women. Their barometer is their feelings and their satisfaction. They focus on what their mates can give them, and not much on what they can give their mates.
But once a guy finds his one-true-love, he would offer his whole self just to have her. He wouldn’t mind sacrificing so much of himself for her. He wouldn’t mind giving so much, even if that girl isn’t giving as much. It would even be his pleasure if the girl depends on him.He’d sacrifice a great deal. And it would not be an issue, for he would want to satisfy the woman of his dreams. She is his one true love. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.He would even offer his own life. It’s like Adam finally finding his Eve. This is the cry of his heart for his one true love.
GOD LED ME TO THIS WOMAN. THE SEARCH WAS OVER. A MAN COULD SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE. THIS IS WHERE FAITH AND FAITHFULNESS COME IN.
“When does one say o.k, o.k. – this one? They ask. Maturity is the acceptance of limitations. Every choice made in life rules out a thousand other possibilities.
LOVE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS, IS A CHOICE. YOU MARRY HER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. THEN, FROM THE WEDDING DAY FORWARD, YOU LEARN TO LOVE HER BECAUSE YOU MARRIED HER. CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT CHANGE THE OBLIGATION TO FULFILL THE SOLEMN VOW.
Imagine when you are choosing from a lot of food to eat, and at that time of choosing, you really don’t know what type of food you wanted to eat. You just know that you are hungry, and that you wanted to eat. You could choose anything just to satisfy your hunger. But later on when you had your fill, you realized that you did not really enjoy your food that much, except that it only fed your hunger. What if you waited on someone who knows you so well, and then that someone presented you the kind of food that totally satisfies your appetite? What a blissful and wonderful meal it would have been!
When you’re just fresh out of college, you’re so full of ambitions, and you just got this in you that you’ve got what it takes to succeed. The highest ideal that society would tell you is to become wealthy with what you do. Although you have this certain hint of what you really want to do, you’d exchange it with the hype of the moment. Everyone’s looking for that job that could give them the cash they need to buy their materialistic fantasies. Of course, the greatest necessity at this stage is money! Just imagining your fantasies with what money can do in your life gives you butterflies in the stomach. And you’d get your head stuffed with thoughts: ‘When I have the money I need, I buy this and that… I’d do this and that…’ It’s all about money and success.
And then you’d start searching for companies that would fit your standards. Of course you would hunt for those that can give you the highest pay possible. If you’re someone with high qualifications, stable and good-paying companies would come under the mercy of your preference. You’d get to enjoy the great opportunity of choosing. But if you’re someone in the average, you’d stick with whatever company that would accept your qualifications, as long as your need of money is satisfied. That would be fine.
When you’ve chosen the company to apply, you’d do everything to impress them. You’d sing songs of commitment you don’t intentionally want to keep. You’d over emphasize your strengths and try hard to hide your weaknesses. Just, the main aim is for them to accept you.
When they finally accept you, at first, you’d give them your best shot. You try hard not mess with them. You’d keep your commitment and do all that they need of you. You even try to perform well.
But then, as time goes by… you’d get edgy with how they handle you. At this stage, you grumble a lot. You watch every mistake they make. You cannot take it when you feel like they have profited more over your efforts than what you are getting from them. You count every effort you make against what they have given you in return. But then, you still stay a little while… since they’re still feeding you with what you need. For you, cheating is unforgivable. Once you find out they cheat on you, you’d call it quits when you can’t take it any longer. But you don’t mind if you cheat them. When you’re the one doing something to their detriment, it would not be a big deal. You may even think you are entitled to it. You are unmindful of doing things that may cause their damage. You don’t really care that much. All you care about is getting as much as they can give… Then you’d start imagining for other companies than can give you your perceived comfort and that may give you what your current company is not giving you. Since you are no longer satisfied, when another opportunity beckons at you… you’d not hesitate to end your contract with that company and leave. You’d do the same cycle again and again. And though there may be companies that you’d truly like, even if you’d stay longer with it, you’d still reach the same stage of resignation. There is just something that you are looking for and you haven’t found it yet… and then, you’re on your search again.
Translation:
When a guy is young and is on the hype of experiencing his manhood. His main need (forgive me for being frank and blunt on this) is sex. Although he has this certain hint in his mind about this ideal girl whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with, it gets in the back burner of his mind as he focuses on the hype of his raging hormones. He collects girls who can give him, his need of sex. If he is physically desirable, he may charm all the girls he likes. He has the advantage of choosing from pretty and classy girls. He’d court any prospect who could give him the experience he so fantasizes… if he isn’t so gifted physically and isn’t so well with his charms, any girl would do, as long they can give him what he needs. Just, what matters most is sex. His mind may most of the time be filled with fantasies of sex.
If he has chosen this certain girl, he’d do everything to impress her. He’d show her his best. And he’d try so hard not to let her see his weaknesses. He’d say all the things he doesn’t necessarily mean, just to get her trust and to make her say yes. He’d give her, his best shot. He would even try to make her feel he is so committed in a relationship. He’d say anything and everything to get what he wants.
During the first stages of their relationship, it would all seem so fine. He’d do all the things that are expected of him as a boyfriend: calls, gifts, visits, attention, surprises, etc.
But then, as time goes by, he would lag on the things he used to do. He’d call less, He visits less, his attention is somewhere else, etc. Problems would arise, and the girlfriend would demand things on their relationship. At this stage, it becomes a burden to him to even do a single act in the name of being a boyfriend. But he has to, because, he needs to get some sex. But he’d become so edgy, he’d notice all the girl’s faults. At this point, his mind would wander on fantasizing on other girls who can give him more than what his girlfriend is giving him or on girls who have what his girlfriend doesn’t have. A small thing leads to a big fight. He would start to grumble a lot. He demands all the things the girl is expected to give him, but he would get away with all his mess if he can. He cannot tolerate the thought that he is doing more in the relationship. As much as possible, he wants to spend lesser effort. But he doesn’t mind doing things that may disappoint or hurt the girl. Cheating is unforgivable to him, but its fine if he cheats.He may even think he is entitled to it. When he thinks that the relationship is already too much for him to bear and a new girl may come and give him a better offer, he will not hesitate to leave his girlfriend. This cycle repeats many times. Still, he is not satisfied.
There maybe girls that he would actually like and he may stay longer with them. But then, he would still reach this stage of breaking up. He’s just looking for something that he hasn’t found in those girls yet. And he’s on his hunt again.
WARNING: Girls, if you are with someone who is still immature, who doesn’t have a clear vision of what’s his life gonna turn out, and most especially… if that person doesn’t even have a clue of himself… consider yourself in a greatest potential of being used just to fill his needs. He may or may have not realized it, but you would end up just the same… being used. Best advice: stay out of this relationship.
THE STAGE OF BOREDOM
This is the stage when you have too much of your experiences of all the jobs and employers you’ve left. You have gotten tired of the cycle and you want to break away from it. You’re in the stage when you’re through with the excitement of what money can buy you. You’ve bought most of the things you’ve dreamed of… or maybe you’ve reached the point of realizing that some of the things you used to think of buying are no longer that important to buy. Then, you start searching for something deeper. This is point when you want some change. You want something totally new. And you’d look back all those times you’ve wasted with those jobs you never intended to keep, or the jobs you just lost along the way… then suddenly, it hits you… am I really just gonna waste my life over this pitiful cycle? Damn no! And then, you’d ask the hardest question: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?
Translation:
This is the stage when the guy just had too much of all his fun and experiences with girls. This is the stage when he has gotten tired of the same old cycle of hunting and breaking up with girls. He had the fill of his sexual fantasies. And then he’d start seeking for something more valuable. This is the point when he wants to change… when he would want someone totally new… different from the girls he had left or had lost along the way.Then he’d ask the hardest question: WHO DO I REALLY WANT?
THE STAGE OF KNOWING
I’d take it from here, since I will be speaking of my personal experience in this stage of knowing.
Long before I had graduated, I had that concept of the kind of commitment I’d like to offer my skills and talents for. But then, I was caught in the common hype of thinking first of money, so that you can finally be free of doing what you really want. Even if I wasn’t the type who would pursue money for its sake, I was engrossed in amassing wealth to support my dreams. One thing leads to another. So I’ve patterned my life in asking the question: What would gain me more money?
What I was actually doing was: I abandoned my dreams a little while, as I went ahead pursuing money. ‘Wait there, I’d come back for you when I’m ready to pursue and claim you.’ I said. But then, I was caught in the same cycle of striving hard and giving up. Because I did not love the jobs I had, I had little patience for all the things thrown at me because of them. They had been a great burden to me. And all I focused on was: what I was getting. Yes, I could be committed for a while. But then, not long enough boredom catches on me, and my strength wears out on pursuing and on being dedicated to those jobs.
It occurred to me that the kind of relationship I had with my earlier jobs was: consented utilitarianism. I was using them, they were using me. I thought I was getting much from them. But wrong, they were the ones getting most out of me. They have stolen my time and dedication that are supposedly for what I love to do alone. They worn out my strength and detracted me from my focus and attention on my beloved soul-deep dreams. They almost dried me up. And because they had gotten so much of me, it brought me great confusion. I used to know what I really want to do with my life, but because, those jobs gotten pieces of me, I could hardly define myself anymore. And because I am confused of who I am becoming, it made me confused of what I really want. Even if I tried to change my focus from money, to noble things and better things… still, I landed on the land of confusion and dissatisfaction.
Then I pondered on the truth: YOU WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE. If one doesn’t know who he/she is, he/she may base his/her wanting on the plane of feelings or emotions, rather on his/her desired conscious carefully and willfully thought choices. And worst, he/she may borrow what others want, and own it like his/her own. This is true, because it happened to me, and I’m sure to lot others. At first, I may think I was fine. I could feel that I’m happy with what I was getting from them, but that happiness doesn’t seem to last. It fades soon enough. And I find myself wanting some more: ‘Maybe I just needed, more than this, better than this!’… I THOUGHT. I was lost into groping and reaching outside of myself, by clinging on those temporary things. But I realized that I was just like: CHASING THE WIND. I felt so empty.
Oh, and knowing my one true love? It thrills me to the bone in looking forward to the great adventures that lie ahead as I start pursuing it. This is the cause that I would not mind giving so much of myself, even if I am not compensated, even if I don’t get anything the least… For it, I don’t mind going beyond normal working hours. I don’t mind giving too much of my effort. I don’t mind if it demands so much of me. I’d even try to surpass what I could give. For it, I’d only be concern if I had given enough… because I love it so much, I don’t mind the great deal of self-sacrifice I would have to make, just for it to be fulfilled. This is the great cry of my heart for my one true love. And there is nothing that can discourage me in pursuing it, because I have already realized its nature, and I have already decided to commit myself to it. In doing it, I’m being myself. And in just being myself, God blesses others.
Translation
(Going back with my analogy with guys hunting for their beloved mates)
As I reached this stage of analysis, and as I look back to those companies I have intentionally, or unintentionally used along the process of knowing what I really want, I have come to picture the same scenario with a guy who has intentionally or unintentionally used girls along the process of knowing who he really wants.
When a guy is in the stage of not knowing who he really is, he would have a vague picture of the woman whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with… for how can he know who he really wants if he doesn’t even know who he really is? In the same analogy, how can you know your missing piece, if you don’t even know what kind of piece are you?
And many guys are like this nowadays. They jump from one girl to another. And those who are really passionate can make you believe that they are so in love with you, only to find out that they have said the very words they told you to a lot of other women. And the sad thing is these guys don’t even mind, or are unaware of the great pain they’ve caused to other women. Their barometer is their feelings and their satisfaction. They focus on what their mates can give them, and not much on what they can give their mates.
But once a guy finds his one-true-love, he would offer his whole self just to have her. He wouldn’t mind sacrificing so much of himself for her. He wouldn’t mind giving so much, even if that girl isn’t giving as much. It would even be his pleasure if the girl depends on him.He’d sacrifice a great deal. And it would not be an issue, for he would want to satisfy the woman of his dreams. She is his one true love. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.He would even offer his own life. It’s like Adam finally finding his Eve. This is the cry of his heart for his one true love.
THOUGHTS: LIFE IS BUT A DREAM
"You dream that you are awake, you dream that you are asleep - and you do not realize you are dreaming because you are still in the dream! Indeed, when you do realize that this is all a dream, you will have already awakened."
We are all familiar with the basic characteristics of our sleeping dreams. Prior to the beginning of the dream, there is deep sleep with its absence of consciousness. The dream then bursts forth in full flower, with people, landscapes, buildings, airplanes; an entire world is created in an instant. During the course of the dream, which may last only a few seconds or minutes, people may appear and vanish or die, buildings may arise and crumble or burn, and oceans may form and reform or disappear. Dramas of every imaginable type may play out, including those with beauty, love, murder, hatred, terror, and lust. However, every dream invariably has one principal figure, that of some representation of the "I". The form of this representation may be different in every respect from the waking "I", but, on awakening, it is immediately clear which figure represented the "I" and which ones did not.
We are all familiar with the basic characteristics of our sleeping dreams. Prior to the beginning of the dream, there is deep sleep with its absence of consciousness. The dream then bursts forth in full flower, with people, landscapes, buildings, airplanes; an entire world is created in an instant. During the course of the dream, which may last only a few seconds or minutes, people may appear and vanish or die, buildings may arise and crumble or burn, and oceans may form and reform or disappear. Dramas of every imaginable type may play out, including those with beauty, love, murder, hatred, terror, and lust. However, every dream invariably has one principal figure, that of some representation of the "I". The form of this representation may be different in every respect from the waking "I", but, on awakening, it is immediately clear which figure represented the "I" and which ones did not.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: LOVE IS ALL AROUND......
The subatomic particles
love each other so much
they form an atom
which loves the other atoms
so much they get together
and form a molecule
which loves the other molecules
so much they bind together
and create matter
material reality
which is so attracted
to other matter
that it collaborates
and cooperates
and works together and creates
binding together
and life is born
and love amplifies
love animates
our very
existence
To not recognize
the overwhelming amount
of love present
in the world
around you
is to just be blind
Wake up
love each other so much
they form an atom
which loves the other atoms
so much they get together
and form a molecule
which loves the other molecules
so much they bind together
and create matter
material reality
which is so attracted
to other matter
that it collaborates
and cooperates
and works together and creates
binding together
and life is born
and love amplifies
love animates
our very
existence
To not recognize
the overwhelming amount
of love present
in the world
around you
is to just be blind
Wake up
POETRY: JUST THAT MOMENT
The lightning in your eyes flashing fire power-
halts the tracks of my time, our time.
The sound of the rocking chair motion beneath you
sounds out the tempo of creation and stills it;
even the smallest birth of a crocus in the yard ceases.
If a pin could drop it would be caught in this moment,
suspended in the air, you know this.
Your smile spreads a broad path across your face
exposing rows of fine white teeth clinched in pleasure.
You bask in inevitable triumph
tainted only by the whisper deep in timeless soul space
that no lightning sent from the eyes of anyone on this earth,
in this time, in this life will ever stop the movement of planets
or the power of gravity itself
as the least glint from my own fire power eyes giggle,
taste the lips of your forever, or fly
in the end .....it is all the same.
Part 2
Everytime you pass before me my heart skips a beat
And everytime your voice surrounds me I can feel the heat
Pulse races and body trembles- hoping we'll soon meet
I long for you.
Feelings scattered cross my mind like clouds upon the breeze
Thoughts and words fly everywhere, yet can't be formed with ease
What it is you mean to me; clear for one who sees
I long for you.
Drowning in a sea of dreams of what I hold most dear
Trapped within a cell I formed by wanting you so near
Companioned in the nights to come, shedding heart born tears
I long for you.
You could be my sun, my moon, my stars within the sky
I would give you all you need and never question why
We have only to join our hearts and venture forth to try
I long for you.
I would answer questions that you never knew to ask
I would gladly go and complete all your unfinished tasks
But most of all, I'll help tear down your self-protective mask
I long for you.
When you finally have the strength to let your heart go free
You'll find that her lost wanderings will end when she?s with me
I offer all it is I am and all I'll ever be
Long for me.
Part 3
Just one kiss
and my life was changed
How was I to know I'd find this?
-A love unrestrained
Just one touch
and my body was engulfed by flame
a desire I had not known much
until the likes of you came
Just those eyes
and I am frozen in time
when beside one another we lie
time passes as quickly as a child's rhyme
Just that moment
and nothing in my life was to be greater
so fast it went
but those moments have got better and better
Just one kiss
and look at us now
you, so much, I miss
and I wonder how-
How can I be so blessed
with something like this?
I received everything I've dreamed of...
In Just One Kiss
Part 4
Coursing. Endlessly searching for twists and turns.
Singing. Small ups and downs make forever melodies.
Following. Every moment trailing the mirrored image.
Carrying. Bearing life that successively gives life.
Man has not created a perpetual machine.
But one with one who's heart beats fast
can only see what doth can't be seen.
And all in all man has found a way,
That lets the sun rise through every day.
For man is not here to be heard or fought;
Thus, his heart is doth not connect to his misinterpret thoughts.
Love has no boundaries and sees all nothings.
Love doth not think on its own; yet it clutches to some things.
My love for you will always be visualized.
And as I walk amongst the winding frolic my love for you is realized
Part 5
The wind moves her hair.
The picture shines light on her face;
Her beauty
Part 6
Coffee shop is crowded
But empty without you
My judgement is clouded
I wonder what to do
You are so far away
When will I next see you
There're things I wanna say
And things I need to do
Can't focus on anything
You're never far from my mind
This thing we have; this little fling
Is something I thought I'd never find
I want to take you in my arms tonight
And hold you close to my heart
This feeling; I cannot fight
I've wanted you from the start
You make me smile
Even when we're apart
Thoughts of you go on for miles
You've awakened my dormant heart
Part 7
Like the boy who juggles all day,
Or that man who can't stop counting his first pay,
I look at you like you;re the only thing I see.
And, like a musician writing his very first piece,
I think of you night and day unable to cease.
And like the enslaved man would pray for freedom,
I pray that you may have wisdom.
And, just as a father would want to be with his new born baby,
I seek and pray that you would want to be with me.
And, as passionate as a lioness protects her young,
Or an eagle monitors her offspring,
I will always be here,
Dedicated and incontestably willing,
Never betraying your soul piercing stare,
For it's undeniably you who wears my Empress' crown.
Timeless and certified I will be in anticipation of your love,
But as one of the wiser men would declare,
If you love a dove,
Release it and wait for it to reappear.
halts the tracks of my time, our time.
The sound of the rocking chair motion beneath you
sounds out the tempo of creation and stills it;
even the smallest birth of a crocus in the yard ceases.
If a pin could drop it would be caught in this moment,
suspended in the air, you know this.
Your smile spreads a broad path across your face
exposing rows of fine white teeth clinched in pleasure.
You bask in inevitable triumph
tainted only by the whisper deep in timeless soul space
that no lightning sent from the eyes of anyone on this earth,
in this time, in this life will ever stop the movement of planets
or the power of gravity itself
as the least glint from my own fire power eyes giggle,
taste the lips of your forever, or fly
in the end .....it is all the same.
Part 2
Everytime you pass before me my heart skips a beat
And everytime your voice surrounds me I can feel the heat
Pulse races and body trembles- hoping we'll soon meet
I long for you.
Feelings scattered cross my mind like clouds upon the breeze
Thoughts and words fly everywhere, yet can't be formed with ease
What it is you mean to me; clear for one who sees
I long for you.
Drowning in a sea of dreams of what I hold most dear
Trapped within a cell I formed by wanting you so near
Companioned in the nights to come, shedding heart born tears
I long for you.
You could be my sun, my moon, my stars within the sky
I would give you all you need and never question why
We have only to join our hearts and venture forth to try
I long for you.
I would answer questions that you never knew to ask
I would gladly go and complete all your unfinished tasks
But most of all, I'll help tear down your self-protective mask
I long for you.
When you finally have the strength to let your heart go free
You'll find that her lost wanderings will end when she?s with me
I offer all it is I am and all I'll ever be
Long for me.
Part 3
Just one kiss
and my life was changed
How was I to know I'd find this?
-A love unrestrained
Just one touch
and my body was engulfed by flame
a desire I had not known much
until the likes of you came
Just those eyes
and I am frozen in time
when beside one another we lie
time passes as quickly as a child's rhyme
Just that moment
and nothing in my life was to be greater
so fast it went
but those moments have got better and better
Just one kiss
and look at us now
you, so much, I miss
and I wonder how-
How can I be so blessed
with something like this?
I received everything I've dreamed of...
In Just One Kiss
Part 4
Coursing. Endlessly searching for twists and turns.
Singing. Small ups and downs make forever melodies.
Following. Every moment trailing the mirrored image.
Carrying. Bearing life that successively gives life.
Man has not created a perpetual machine.
But one with one who's heart beats fast
can only see what doth can't be seen.
And all in all man has found a way,
That lets the sun rise through every day.
For man is not here to be heard or fought;
Thus, his heart is doth not connect to his misinterpret thoughts.
Love has no boundaries and sees all nothings.
Love doth not think on its own; yet it clutches to some things.
My love for you will always be visualized.
And as I walk amongst the winding frolic my love for you is realized
Part 5
The wind moves her hair.
The picture shines light on her face;
Her beauty
Part 6
Coffee shop is crowded
But empty without you
My judgement is clouded
I wonder what to do
You are so far away
When will I next see you
There're things I wanna say
And things I need to do
Can't focus on anything
You're never far from my mind
This thing we have; this little fling
Is something I thought I'd never find
I want to take you in my arms tonight
And hold you close to my heart
This feeling; I cannot fight
I've wanted you from the start
You make me smile
Even when we're apart
Thoughts of you go on for miles
You've awakened my dormant heart
Part 7
Like the boy who juggles all day,
Or that man who can't stop counting his first pay,
I look at you like you;re the only thing I see.
And, like a musician writing his very first piece,
I think of you night and day unable to cease.
And like the enslaved man would pray for freedom,
I pray that you may have wisdom.
And, just as a father would want to be with his new born baby,
I seek and pray that you would want to be with me.
And, as passionate as a lioness protects her young,
Or an eagle monitors her offspring,
I will always be here,
Dedicated and incontestably willing,
Never betraying your soul piercing stare,
For it's undeniably you who wears my Empress' crown.
Timeless and certified I will be in anticipation of your love,
But as one of the wiser men would declare,
If you love a dove,
Release it and wait for it to reappear.
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER:DURING THE NIGHT
Dear Future Love,
Sometimes, late at night I lay awake and watch you sleep. Through the sliver of moonlight that spills across your face and onto my sheets, I observe your peaceful slumber. I close my eyes and try and surrender myself to such a sleep. But I can’t. Instead I burrow my way into you. I wiggle myself back until I am resting comfortably in your warm, soft nook. As if by instinct your arms wrap around me and you let out a long, slow sigh. Your soft breath tickles my neck, and your feet shift to try and warm mine. Even while sleeping you are silently taking care of me. I listen to the nothingness that surrounds us. I am always amazed at the silence. Where has the city gone? Am I really the only one still awake?
My eyes have adjusted to the darkness. I scan the piles of clothes, the silent piano and the stacks of books that reside around my room. The green glow of the digital clock reminds me it is late. Like an angry mother it scolds me for being awake at such an hour, and so I try again to sleep. I listen to your deep, steady breaths and try to match them. First I’m too slow, then too fast. Finally we breathe together. In and out. In and out. I am suddenly aware of our hearts beating. if I think hard enough can I really feel your heart through mine. Can i convince our heats to beat together simultaneously? I relax and concentrate. Breath for breath, beat by beat; like a metronome keeping time with our bodies I wait until we’ve become one singular beating, breathing organism. Are you aware of this synchronization? You in dreamland, me in reality. I’m tempted to wake you up and ask about your dreams. Was I there? Could you feel me? As I roll over to look at your face it starts to rain. The drops ping and ting the air-conditioner that hangs precariously six stories high outside my window. You’ve rolled onto your back now and our breaths have varied. You let out a little snore, a mumble and your hand searches for me under the covers. You settle on my left thigh and give it a little pat before you relax back into your deep-breathing slumber.
My eyes are beginning to droop and the room is turning fuzzy. The winter wind roars outside the window, but I am unaware of its cold breath as I lay contently entangled in your legs, wrapped in your warmth, in the middle of this long, december night
Sometimes, late at night I lay awake and watch you sleep. Through the sliver of moonlight that spills across your face and onto my sheets, I observe your peaceful slumber. I close my eyes and try and surrender myself to such a sleep. But I can’t. Instead I burrow my way into you. I wiggle myself back until I am resting comfortably in your warm, soft nook. As if by instinct your arms wrap around me and you let out a long, slow sigh. Your soft breath tickles my neck, and your feet shift to try and warm mine. Even while sleeping you are silently taking care of me. I listen to the nothingness that surrounds us. I am always amazed at the silence. Where has the city gone? Am I really the only one still awake?
My eyes have adjusted to the darkness. I scan the piles of clothes, the silent piano and the stacks of books that reside around my room. The green glow of the digital clock reminds me it is late. Like an angry mother it scolds me for being awake at such an hour, and so I try again to sleep. I listen to your deep, steady breaths and try to match them. First I’m too slow, then too fast. Finally we breathe together. In and out. In and out. I am suddenly aware of our hearts beating. if I think hard enough can I really feel your heart through mine. Can i convince our heats to beat together simultaneously? I relax and concentrate. Breath for breath, beat by beat; like a metronome keeping time with our bodies I wait until we’ve become one singular beating, breathing organism. Are you aware of this synchronization? You in dreamland, me in reality. I’m tempted to wake you up and ask about your dreams. Was I there? Could you feel me? As I roll over to look at your face it starts to rain. The drops ping and ting the air-conditioner that hangs precariously six stories high outside my window. You’ve rolled onto your back now and our breaths have varied. You let out a little snore, a mumble and your hand searches for me under the covers. You settle on my left thigh and give it a little pat before you relax back into your deep-breathing slumber.
My eyes are beginning to droop and the room is turning fuzzy. The winter wind roars outside the window, but I am unaware of its cold breath as I lay contently entangled in your legs, wrapped in your warmth, in the middle of this long, december night
PERSONAL/ LOVE LETTER: YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL
Dear Future Love
You are so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Your beauty overwhelms me in the best way possible. Everyday I am amazed at who you are; who you have the possibility of becoming. I have never seen so much potential buzzing around in one person. I have never seen a person who is already so wonderful without that potential. You don’t have to do a thing and I will always see you as the most incredible person I know. I have always always believed in you. I have always loved you. Your face, your soul, your words. You consume me and I love it. I want to crawl up next to you and stay there forever. Once I find you, I don’t want to ever leave. I want to travel the world with you. I want to settle down with you. I want to experience everything life has to offer with you by my side. No one else. Only you. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are the cold to my hot, the hot to my cold, the ketchup to my jam. I want you to come across this site and find this. I can’t tell you all of this. I don’t know if you want to hear it or not. I’d rather you come across it. Find me, love.
You are so beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Your beauty overwhelms me in the best way possible. Everyday I am amazed at who you are; who you have the possibility of becoming. I have never seen so much potential buzzing around in one person. I have never seen a person who is already so wonderful without that potential. You don’t have to do a thing and I will always see you as the most incredible person I know. I have always always believed in you. I have always loved you. Your face, your soul, your words. You consume me and I love it. I want to crawl up next to you and stay there forever. Once I find you, I don’t want to ever leave. I want to travel the world with you. I want to settle down with you. I want to experience everything life has to offer with you by my side. No one else. Only you. I love you, I love you, I love you. You are the cold to my hot, the hot to my cold, the ketchup to my jam. I want you to come across this site and find this. I can’t tell you all of this. I don’t know if you want to hear it or not. I’d rather you come across it. Find me, love.
PERSONAL/LETTER: LOVE INCLUDES SO MANY THINGS
Dear love,
This love I have for you – it’s hard to describe, yet easy to feel. It’s difficult to convey save for the actions of every day life. I don’t know how to tell you that I love you without making you uncomfortable or scaring you away. I suppose saying it isn’t really necessary, since giving the condition a name doesn’t change its qualities…however, I can’t help but feel there’s something to say about the inability to say it at all. I understand that receiving love, and loving someone in return, is terrifying. You’re not the sort to make yourself vulnerable and neither am I. Love makes you weak in a way, I guess you could say…but more importantly, it makes you strong. This is just one of the reasons that I love love, and love loving you in particular.
You seem to want a definition…yet I don’t have one. I will never have one. Love, at least to me, includes so many things that I don’t even know where or how to begin. Yet if you can’t just trust that you love someone – that you think of them more fondly than others in a peculiar way; admire them for the things that make them who they are and respect them for these very same attributes – then maybe you will never be able to love. Love is and will always be a leap of faith. Just like in life, there is no sure thing in love. You just have to trust. There is no answer – you just know. Yet there’s no way to ‘know’, especially if you pick it apart. Eventually love will be destroyed by all the prodding, analyzing and dissection.
If there is any way to ‘know’ love – any sort of way to describe or define it – this is highly subjective. Love, at least to me, is selfless yet completely selfish. I love you for who you are and would do most anything for you if you needed me to. This selfless love is something quite gradual that grows as I get to know you better and catch glimpses of your innate, immutable qualities – your kindness, your integrity, your character. While human beings are continuously mutating creatures, I do believe that there are things in us that are tested by life and time, yet do not change. This is the foundation of a human being, maybe it’s the soul, I don’t know – but these are the very things that I see in you every day. I can’t help but love this woman who exhibits many of the qualities that I admire, and also hope to possess. Selfless love leads to selfish love. I also love you for my own sake – for how you improve my life by driving me to be kinder and more understanding; changing the way I see myself and the world; making me question and even strengthen my beliefs and values. Yet it’s also just as simple as the fact that you make me feel wonderful and help me enjoy life just a little more than I would without you.
I want to know what you think about love. I admit, I don’t understand why you shy away from love the way you do. I can’t help but think that the more one stresses over ‘knowing’ what love is, the more likely he will be to let it slip by. There is no way to ‘know’ other than by the standards you, and you alone, create for yourself. As I’ve already said, it’s a scary thing, but it is so worth the risk. And if you think of love, and if you think of possibly loving me – I hope you realize that there isn’t much risk involved.
This love I have for you – it’s hard to describe, yet easy to feel. It’s difficult to convey save for the actions of every day life. I don’t know how to tell you that I love you without making you uncomfortable or scaring you away. I suppose saying it isn’t really necessary, since giving the condition a name doesn’t change its qualities…however, I can’t help but feel there’s something to say about the inability to say it at all. I understand that receiving love, and loving someone in return, is terrifying. You’re not the sort to make yourself vulnerable and neither am I. Love makes you weak in a way, I guess you could say…but more importantly, it makes you strong. This is just one of the reasons that I love love, and love loving you in particular.
You seem to want a definition…yet I don’t have one. I will never have one. Love, at least to me, includes so many things that I don’t even know where or how to begin. Yet if you can’t just trust that you love someone – that you think of them more fondly than others in a peculiar way; admire them for the things that make them who they are and respect them for these very same attributes – then maybe you will never be able to love. Love is and will always be a leap of faith. Just like in life, there is no sure thing in love. You just have to trust. There is no answer – you just know. Yet there’s no way to ‘know’, especially if you pick it apart. Eventually love will be destroyed by all the prodding, analyzing and dissection.
If there is any way to ‘know’ love – any sort of way to describe or define it – this is highly subjective. Love, at least to me, is selfless yet completely selfish. I love you for who you are and would do most anything for you if you needed me to. This selfless love is something quite gradual that grows as I get to know you better and catch glimpses of your innate, immutable qualities – your kindness, your integrity, your character. While human beings are continuously mutating creatures, I do believe that there are things in us that are tested by life and time, yet do not change. This is the foundation of a human being, maybe it’s the soul, I don’t know – but these are the very things that I see in you every day. I can’t help but love this woman who exhibits many of the qualities that I admire, and also hope to possess. Selfless love leads to selfish love. I also love you for my own sake – for how you improve my life by driving me to be kinder and more understanding; changing the way I see myself and the world; making me question and even strengthen my beliefs and values. Yet it’s also just as simple as the fact that you make me feel wonderful and help me enjoy life just a little more than I would without you.
I want to know what you think about love. I admit, I don’t understand why you shy away from love the way you do. I can’t help but think that the more one stresses over ‘knowing’ what love is, the more likely he will be to let it slip by. There is no way to ‘know’ other than by the standards you, and you alone, create for yourself. As I’ve already said, it’s a scary thing, but it is so worth the risk. And if you think of love, and if you think of possibly loving me – I hope you realize that there isn’t much risk involved.
POETRY: TWO SPIRIT SOULS IN A PERFECT HARMONY
PART 1
It was foretold
And came to be,
Two spirit souls
In perfect harmony;
A moment in time
Their lives entwined.
A passion indefinable
True and fair,
A tenderness unrivalled
Loveliness so rare,
A heart fulfilled
She is everything, everywhere.
Musing upon such beauty
All that which is about me,
Gazing at starlit heavens above
I readily confess-
To have no greater love
Than for my princess.
PART 2
Take a trip with me,
All the way to the stars,
Far beyond the sky,
Hold on tight,
And don't look back,
We'll graze the moon,
As we pass it by,
Heading further into nothing,
Not knowing where we're going,
Seeing only each other now,
Black surrounding us both,
Far away from problems,
And everything life brings,
Touch the stars,
For they are in our reach,
Anything you want,
You can have it,
Take a trip with me,
You will not regret it.
PART 3
Why must I feel this way? I am a man of many torments,some of wich I cannot describe. There are certain things missing, such as my love. Without her I am not who I am supposed to be. Every day I question, does she feel the same as I? Does she love me as much as I love her? And with every thought I die! I have died so many times, that I don't know if I die again, if that will be the final. Sometimes I feel as if that would be the best thing. I would miss everyone, but this pain I would not. Just as long as I may take the love I have. I would be in a better place. My heart stays with her, and she shall keep it. I no longer have any use for it. I love her! And my heart is a symbol
of that, so that she may never forget me, and forever know, I will always be with her!
PART 4
Love lasts forever~
It does not change with the passing of seasons~
Nor does it fall away like leaves of a tree before a long winter~
But stays rooted deeply within~
Love is intended to endure~solid as a rock~
It should not be shaken~
It should not exist for the soul purpose of gain~
But given freely from one heart in love with another~
Love, everlasting love~
Whose origin must come from heaven above~
A god sent reminder of what true caring is all about~
The gift of all gifts~
Priceless~
True love....
PART 5
Her eyes, yes, her eyes
As twilight shades beckoning serenity
And mystery
The complexity of her being, open for all to see
Her eyes, sparkling bastions of mischievous merriment
Yet, softly caressing nature's souls
She gazes skyward and a thought floats heavenward
A caring soul touches the ether
and joins with the other gentle souls
In a melting melding vapor of exhaustion
She sighs, the weight of caring, care-taking,
heavy in her heart
She joyously carries on, her smile blessing those around her
Her loveliness infusing the atmosphere
with the perfumed romance of her song
Innocuously she brushes her hair back from her laughing eyes
Tossing her head self-assuredly
Her strength showing...
In her eyes,
Yes!
Her lovely eyes.
PART 6
She gently walked up to me
Without my request or invitation
She swiftly placed her hand on me
Before I could even utter a word
She suddenly pulled out a candlestick
And melted every ice block under my feet
She looked very close at my fingernails
And removed all the thorns that's hidden for ages
She rubbed my face with vanishing cream
And massaged my chest with tears from her eyes
She soothes my pain with her magic touch
And all my memory suddenly faded away
She looked into my eyes, saw my diseases
And nodded her head, a sign of relief
Then she panel beat every broken bone in my body
Which finally made me become a perfect being
Who she's, is still unknown to me
She came in my dream and made me whole
Who she was no one could tell
Whether a stranger, a lover, or an angel
PART 7
The power of a dream
The memory of a moment
The warmth of a smile
The excitement of a love
A silent reverie can bring
About the softest of emotions,
Squeezing one's heart
In exactly the right place.
Sometimes when I dream
I think of my soul as so beautiful.
Sometimes when I speak,
I think of my thoughts as so powerful.
The warmth of a dream
The excitement of a moment
The memory of a smile
The power of a love...
when you love the person you have become.
PART 8
You look up at the star-filled night and wonder what it is that you're searching for. Your eye lids blink then close and lightning streaks across the black once more. A tear finds its way down your cheek as in your mind the rain begins to fall. Washing away your shield made of sand, forever drowning the sound of my call. Silent echoes whisper throughout the passing breeze,flirting ever so gently with your ear. These silent echoes fill the canyons of your heart but never loud enough for you to hear.
PART 9
O love invisible
In my heart I can see you
O love indescribable
In my soul I can feel you
O love indecipherable
Within me I seek the knowledge of you
O love unfathomable
I long the more to understand you
Amid cheerfulness and tranquility
You reaches the realm of inaccessible
Beyond all that physical senses could conceive
You dwell in life-delighting heaven
Imagining out of all sense and reason
You strike the mind with uncontrollable mystery
Inapprehensible you'll ever remain
And I'll ever be drawn close to you
PART 10
Look into a woman's eyes
tell me what you see.
Is it love, is it strength
or is it me?
Is it hunger or does it bleed?
True love follows your heart
you just have to lead.
When a woman smiles
do you quiver? Or do you shine?
Do you tie up in knots
or do you feel just fine?
When a woman's lips come close to yours
what is it that you see?
They touch, you feel
warmth, tingles
shame?
What is it that you see
behind your darkened eyes?
Do you love her or is it the thought of me?
Do you feel her touch reach for you at night?
Do you try to hold her tight?
Is it really the woman before you that you love?
Or is it a being to hold and touch and try to love?
Tell me, please, is it true love
for me or a fantasy for you?
It was foretold
And came to be,
Two spirit souls
In perfect harmony;
A moment in time
Their lives entwined.
A passion indefinable
True and fair,
A tenderness unrivalled
Loveliness so rare,
A heart fulfilled
She is everything, everywhere.
Musing upon such beauty
All that which is about me,
Gazing at starlit heavens above
I readily confess-
To have no greater love
Than for my princess.
PART 2
Take a trip with me,
All the way to the stars,
Far beyond the sky,
Hold on tight,
And don't look back,
We'll graze the moon,
As we pass it by,
Heading further into nothing,
Not knowing where we're going,
Seeing only each other now,
Black surrounding us both,
Far away from problems,
And everything life brings,
Touch the stars,
For they are in our reach,
Anything you want,
You can have it,
Take a trip with me,
You will not regret it.
PART 3
Why must I feel this way? I am a man of many torments,some of wich I cannot describe. There are certain things missing, such as my love. Without her I am not who I am supposed to be. Every day I question, does she feel the same as I? Does she love me as much as I love her? And with every thought I die! I have died so many times, that I don't know if I die again, if that will be the final. Sometimes I feel as if that would be the best thing. I would miss everyone, but this pain I would not. Just as long as I may take the love I have. I would be in a better place. My heart stays with her, and she shall keep it. I no longer have any use for it. I love her! And my heart is a symbol
of that, so that she may never forget me, and forever know, I will always be with her!
PART 4
Love lasts forever~
It does not change with the passing of seasons~
Nor does it fall away like leaves of a tree before a long winter~
But stays rooted deeply within~
Love is intended to endure~solid as a rock~
It should not be shaken~
It should not exist for the soul purpose of gain~
But given freely from one heart in love with another~
Love, everlasting love~
Whose origin must come from heaven above~
A god sent reminder of what true caring is all about~
The gift of all gifts~
Priceless~
True love....
PART 5
Her eyes, yes, her eyes
As twilight shades beckoning serenity
And mystery
The complexity of her being, open for all to see
Her eyes, sparkling bastions of mischievous merriment
Yet, softly caressing nature's souls
She gazes skyward and a thought floats heavenward
A caring soul touches the ether
and joins with the other gentle souls
In a melting melding vapor of exhaustion
She sighs, the weight of caring, care-taking,
heavy in her heart
She joyously carries on, her smile blessing those around her
Her loveliness infusing the atmosphere
with the perfumed romance of her song
Innocuously she brushes her hair back from her laughing eyes
Tossing her head self-assuredly
Her strength showing...
In her eyes,
Yes!
Her lovely eyes.
PART 6
She gently walked up to me
Without my request or invitation
She swiftly placed her hand on me
Before I could even utter a word
She suddenly pulled out a candlestick
And melted every ice block under my feet
She looked very close at my fingernails
And removed all the thorns that's hidden for ages
She rubbed my face with vanishing cream
And massaged my chest with tears from her eyes
She soothes my pain with her magic touch
And all my memory suddenly faded away
She looked into my eyes, saw my diseases
And nodded her head, a sign of relief
Then she panel beat every broken bone in my body
Which finally made me become a perfect being
Who she's, is still unknown to me
She came in my dream and made me whole
Who she was no one could tell
Whether a stranger, a lover, or an angel
PART 7
The power of a dream
The memory of a moment
The warmth of a smile
The excitement of a love
A silent reverie can bring
About the softest of emotions,
Squeezing one's heart
In exactly the right place.
Sometimes when I dream
I think of my soul as so beautiful.
Sometimes when I speak,
I think of my thoughts as so powerful.
The warmth of a dream
The excitement of a moment
The memory of a smile
The power of a love...
when you love the person you have become.
PART 8
You look up at the star-filled night and wonder what it is that you're searching for. Your eye lids blink then close and lightning streaks across the black once more. A tear finds its way down your cheek as in your mind the rain begins to fall. Washing away your shield made of sand, forever drowning the sound of my call. Silent echoes whisper throughout the passing breeze,flirting ever so gently with your ear. These silent echoes fill the canyons of your heart but never loud enough for you to hear.
PART 9
O love invisible
In my heart I can see you
O love indescribable
In my soul I can feel you
O love indecipherable
Within me I seek the knowledge of you
O love unfathomable
I long the more to understand you
Amid cheerfulness and tranquility
You reaches the realm of inaccessible
Beyond all that physical senses could conceive
You dwell in life-delighting heaven
Imagining out of all sense and reason
You strike the mind with uncontrollable mystery
Inapprehensible you'll ever remain
And I'll ever be drawn close to you
PART 10
Look into a woman's eyes
tell me what you see.
Is it love, is it strength
or is it me?
Is it hunger or does it bleed?
True love follows your heart
you just have to lead.
When a woman smiles
do you quiver? Or do you shine?
Do you tie up in knots
or do you feel just fine?
When a woman's lips come close to yours
what is it that you see?
They touch, you feel
warmth, tingles
shame?
What is it that you see
behind your darkened eyes?
Do you love her or is it the thought of me?
Do you feel her touch reach for you at night?
Do you try to hold her tight?
Is it really the woman before you that you love?
Or is it a being to hold and touch and try to love?
Tell me, please, is it true love
for me or a fantasy for you?
PERSONAL/LETTER: YOU ARE THE ONE
Dear future love,
We all want to fall in love. why? because that experience makes us feel completely alive, where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we’re flying into the heavens. it may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon, but that doesn’t diminish its value cause we’re left with memories that we’ll treasure for the rest of our live.The greatest feeling in the world is to be around someone who wants to hold you, wants to kiss your forehead, wants to be around you, wants to call you at night, wants to see you smile. But I think what’s better than that is finding someone who does it all because she wants to see you happy.It’s not the person you’re with but the person you become when you’re with that person. certain people bring out your best self. that’s who you need to find, a someone who brings out your best self.
When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self,any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.Love is standing on wet cement ..the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave and you can never let go without leaving your . f . o . o . t . p . r . i . n . t . s
Do you remember the night our lives changed? I remember. The way you looked, the way you smiled, the way you smelled, the way you laughed and the way your shy eyes couldn’t quite meet mine. That made my heart flutter. Did I ever tell you that?
The days went by, slowly at first. Every second I spent with you felt like an eternity because the world stopped when I was with you. Problems, worries, despair and frustration would melt away. The way your smile made your eyes blaze and my heart explode, I will never forget that.
Our days slid into weeks and months and as the time passed, my adoration for you only intensified. The way you snore when you sleep, stutter when you get excited telling a story, take me in your arms for no reason and kiss me in that spot that only you know. That’s why I love you.
Most of all, though, I love when you look at me. Your eyes, so kind, look past me. They look into me. You see me, who I am to myself and not the world. You see my faults, my failing, my frailty. But you see beyond it, too. You discover what the world neglects: my fire, my passion, myself.
So you see, you are the one. The only one. The true one.
Missing you, why, there’s nothing better in the world. Because, when I miss you, I think of you, and when I think of you, it makes my heart dream.
So always remember, you are mine and I am yours. We are us
We all want to fall in love. why? because that experience makes us feel completely alive, where every sense is heightened, every emotion is magnified, our everyday reality is shattered and we’re flying into the heavens. it may only last a moment, an hour, an afternoon, but that doesn’t diminish its value cause we’re left with memories that we’ll treasure for the rest of our live.The greatest feeling in the world is to be around someone who wants to hold you, wants to kiss your forehead, wants to be around you, wants to call you at night, wants to see you smile. But I think what’s better than that is finding someone who does it all because she wants to see you happy.It’s not the person you’re with but the person you become when you’re with that person. certain people bring out your best self. that’s who you need to find, a someone who brings out your best self.
When you start to know someone, all their physical characteristics start to disappear. You begin to dwell in their energy, recognize the scent of their skin. You see only the essence of the person, not the shell. That’s why you can’t fall in love with beauty. You can lust after it, be infatuated by it, want to own it. You can love it with your eyes and your body but not your heart. And that’s why, when you really connect with a person’s inner self,any physical imperfections disappear, become irrelevant.Love is standing on wet cement ..the longer you stay, the harder it is to leave and you can never let go without leaving your . f . o . o . t . p . r . i . n . t . s
Do you remember the night our lives changed? I remember. The way you looked, the way you smiled, the way you smelled, the way you laughed and the way your shy eyes couldn’t quite meet mine. That made my heart flutter. Did I ever tell you that?
The days went by, slowly at first. Every second I spent with you felt like an eternity because the world stopped when I was with you. Problems, worries, despair and frustration would melt away. The way your smile made your eyes blaze and my heart explode, I will never forget that.
Our days slid into weeks and months and as the time passed, my adoration for you only intensified. The way you snore when you sleep, stutter when you get excited telling a story, take me in your arms for no reason and kiss me in that spot that only you know. That’s why I love you.
Most of all, though, I love when you look at me. Your eyes, so kind, look past me. They look into me. You see me, who I am to myself and not the world. You see my faults, my failing, my frailty. But you see beyond it, too. You discover what the world neglects: my fire, my passion, myself.
So you see, you are the one. The only one. The true one.
Missing you, why, there’s nothing better in the world. Because, when I miss you, I think of you, and when I think of you, it makes my heart dream.
So always remember, you are mine and I am yours. We are us
POETRY: IN MAGICAL MOMENTS
Love, it defies my definition
Save it's my obsession
My desire for you
Why, I know not
You were my unfulfilled
fantasies
My most inner, deepest desires
That was the beginning
And then the
fantasies were
fulfilled
In magical moments
of delightful melodies
That was then . . .
And now, well it's
different
In fulfillment, you --
became my soul
And my soul was yours
Our minds fused in
a loving intermingling
Blood in blood,
warm and fresh
Our lives became real
And the fantasy
became life
I feel every breathe,
every gasp, even --
the slightest
reflection
of your mind
Such communion and
yet . . .
It seems improbable
Our places have been
apart ten thousand
years
Our lives so different
Yet . . .
We know each other
intimately
And in intimacy we
discovered what
we already knew
So if I ask:
Love, what is love?
I can say simply:
we are love
We all need it
deep down in our soul,
Someone to love
someone to hold.
A gentle touch,
a listening ear...
To let us know
that love is near.
Love is all
but just a word,
That lingers on
yet seldom heard.
Love cannot be
bought or sold...
A timeless treasure,
Love is gold.
A Man and a Woman;
both torn in between the cracks of compassion
Two Souls
combined in a universe of faltering emotions.
The Woman,
with no question, nor uncertainty of what she tastes.
The Man,
who builds up confusion as a wall, turns his head the other way.
The Woman,
brought into a world where her senses are consumed by love.
The Man,
who may never want to venture a good thing,
And fails to face
what the woman really wants and craves.
If he allows her to enter his world,
he allows her to love him unconditionally...
The woman,
in awe of his existence alone, but heart broken,
For she has already entered that world,
and cannot turn back.
Frustration soaks up inside of her,
only to bring disillusion.
Two Souls
combined in an eternally powerful relationship...
One, a Woman,
who gives her heart in despair, because she fears his loss,
Scared she will loose his spirit,
his heart, his insight, his totality
To something he is not sure of,
or does not crave as much as she does.
Another, a Man,
who might have given up on what could have been true love,
But has not given up
on what is and always will be a secure friendship.
Grateful to have met such a unique woman,
but blinded to what she desires.
And so, in the end...
Two Souls
are combined and tied in a sturdy, never-ending friendship...
But soon, passion is bound to creep out from it's hiding place,
and bound to find a way
Into the combined souls of the Man and the Woman,
never to disappear and always to remain a part of them.
Destiny has chosen them to meet,
but they must choose what path to take,
And that path will impact them both for eternity...
I have drifted about never knowing it's meaning,
As many others, I do suppose.
Countless centuries of attempted definitions,
And lifetimes of imagined impressions.
I have found it or it has found me,
This wondrous and fervent emotion.
Not tangible they say - I beg to differ,
I have embraced it and will not let it go.
It is within my heart and throughout my soul,
A warm blanket around me in a cold world.
My heart is dancing in heaven,
My feet struggle to reach for the earth.
More questions than answers it poses,
Yet the answers are the questions themselves.
Never will I forfeit this magnificent state,
For now that it has arrived, it is mine forevermore.
Not is it the words, nor is it the actions,
Nor is it the acquisition of another?s adoration.
It is merely the exhilarated confirmation to myself,
That I am capable of feeling such brilliance.
Save it's my obsession
My desire for you
Why, I know not
You were my unfulfilled
fantasies
My most inner, deepest desires
That was the beginning
And then the
fantasies were
fulfilled
In magical moments
of delightful melodies
That was then . . .
And now, well it's
different
In fulfillment, you --
became my soul
And my soul was yours
Our minds fused in
a loving intermingling
Blood in blood,
warm and fresh
Our lives became real
And the fantasy
became life
I feel every breathe,
every gasp, even --
the slightest
reflection
of your mind
Such communion and
yet . . .
It seems improbable
Our places have been
apart ten thousand
years
Our lives so different
Yet . . .
We know each other
intimately
And in intimacy we
discovered what
we already knew
So if I ask:
Love, what is love?
I can say simply:
we are love
We all need it
deep down in our soul,
Someone to love
someone to hold.
A gentle touch,
a listening ear...
To let us know
that love is near.
Love is all
but just a word,
That lingers on
yet seldom heard.
Love cannot be
bought or sold...
A timeless treasure,
Love is gold.
A Man and a Woman;
both torn in between the cracks of compassion
Two Souls
combined in a universe of faltering emotions.
The Woman,
with no question, nor uncertainty of what she tastes.
The Man,
who builds up confusion as a wall, turns his head the other way.
The Woman,
brought into a world where her senses are consumed by love.
The Man,
who may never want to venture a good thing,
And fails to face
what the woman really wants and craves.
If he allows her to enter his world,
he allows her to love him unconditionally...
The woman,
in awe of his existence alone, but heart broken,
For she has already entered that world,
and cannot turn back.
Frustration soaks up inside of her,
only to bring disillusion.
Two Souls
combined in an eternally powerful relationship...
One, a Woman,
who gives her heart in despair, because she fears his loss,
Scared she will loose his spirit,
his heart, his insight, his totality
To something he is not sure of,
or does not crave as much as she does.
Another, a Man,
who might have given up on what could have been true love,
But has not given up
on what is and always will be a secure friendship.
Grateful to have met such a unique woman,
but blinded to what she desires.
And so, in the end...
Two Souls
are combined and tied in a sturdy, never-ending friendship...
But soon, passion is bound to creep out from it's hiding place,
and bound to find a way
Into the combined souls of the Man and the Woman,
never to disappear and always to remain a part of them.
Destiny has chosen them to meet,
but they must choose what path to take,
And that path will impact them both for eternity...
I have drifted about never knowing it's meaning,
As many others, I do suppose.
Countless centuries of attempted definitions,
And lifetimes of imagined impressions.
I have found it or it has found me,
This wondrous and fervent emotion.
Not tangible they say - I beg to differ,
I have embraced it and will not let it go.
It is within my heart and throughout my soul,
A warm blanket around me in a cold world.
My heart is dancing in heaven,
My feet struggle to reach for the earth.
More questions than answers it poses,
Yet the answers are the questions themselves.
Never will I forfeit this magnificent state,
For now that it has arrived, it is mine forevermore.
Not is it the words, nor is it the actions,
Nor is it the acquisition of another?s adoration.
It is merely the exhilarated confirmation to myself,
That I am capable of feeling such brilliance.
THOUGHTS: SOMETIME I WANT TO QUIT BEING A DOCTOR
Do you ever want to quit? Do you ever wish you could just take your life and turn it upside down? Do something entirely different? Do you ever, dear doctors, fantasize about other jobs, other professions? Do you feel guilty when you have such decadent thoughts?
I think about it sometimes. Not because I hate medicine, or because I’m burnt-out, or because I’m impaired. I just think that maybe, life is too short and too wonderful to do only one thing for an entire lifetime. I’ve fantasized about all kinds of different careers. After a busy emergency department shift, when I’m asked about 10,000 questions for eight hours, I think I’d like to retire as the night security guard for a mall. Just walking and checking locks, sitting down when I want, exercising as much as I need by pacing the circumference of a large shopping center (on a carpeted floor, more cushioned than our hospital tile and concrete). I’m sure it’s harder than that, but it’s my fantasy!
I’ve imagined life running a bookstore, or working as a hunting guide; owning a gun-shop or being a firearms instructor. Of course, you know that I love to imagine myself as a writer, being paid for the words that come out of my head onto paper and computer screens.
Why do I do it? How many people fantasize about being physicians? I mean, I get to help the sick, save the occasional dying, do incredible procedures. I get paid very well to do it, to boot! Why change?
Why change? Maybe we all get a little bored. Let’s face it, even the best trauma surgeon in the busiest trauma center eventually says ‘well, I guess I’ve seen it all now!’ All of us have monotony built into our work lives. Chest pain, abdominal pain, headache, fracture, poisoning, gun-shot wound, all of these entities become part of a dance in the end. And it’s a dance we know so very well, having moved to the music thousands upon thousands of times for each of our most common diagnoses. EKG, Chest X-ray, enzymes, da,da,da; aspirin, nitro, oxygen, da, da, da. ‘The same as it ever was, the same as it ever was…’
This may be good, so long as we don’t fall into laziness. We become very good at things we do over and over again. The old martial arts maxim holds true: ‘The secret is, there is no secret. Repetition and practice are key.’ And yet, repetition, boredom, the same thing, all of these can get inside our brains and make us want to be, well, security guards or something!
It isn’t wrong, you know. To want to quit, or to quit! Just remember that no one else will understand; no one outside of medicine, that is. They’ll say, ‘oh, but you help so many people!’ Or ‘you’ll be wasting all of that education!’ Or this: ‘God gave you a gift! You can’t throw it away!’
Remember, if you want to change, that these people would have said to St. Peter: ‘Sure you could follow Jesus, but people need fish! Don’t quit yet! Give it a little while!’ And to young David, ‘King? Who wants the trouble? You’re an excellent shepherd. Don’t forget how much the sheep need you!’
We all have a path to follow. Sometimes, I believe, God takes us in very un-expected directions. And sometimes, a thing that seems wonderful to everyone else isn’t so wonderful anymore to us, as we trudge the halls of the world’s emergency rooms and hospitals, overwhelmed, tired and often quite traumatized by what we have seen.
If you need a break, do it. And don’t feel guilty. Maybe you’re needed somewhere else!
I think about it sometimes. Not because I hate medicine, or because I’m burnt-out, or because I’m impaired. I just think that maybe, life is too short and too wonderful to do only one thing for an entire lifetime. I’ve fantasized about all kinds of different careers. After a busy emergency department shift, when I’m asked about 10,000 questions for eight hours, I think I’d like to retire as the night security guard for a mall. Just walking and checking locks, sitting down when I want, exercising as much as I need by pacing the circumference of a large shopping center (on a carpeted floor, more cushioned than our hospital tile and concrete). I’m sure it’s harder than that, but it’s my fantasy!
I’ve imagined life running a bookstore, or working as a hunting guide; owning a gun-shop or being a firearms instructor. Of course, you know that I love to imagine myself as a writer, being paid for the words that come out of my head onto paper and computer screens.
Why do I do it? How many people fantasize about being physicians? I mean, I get to help the sick, save the occasional dying, do incredible procedures. I get paid very well to do it, to boot! Why change?
Why change? Maybe we all get a little bored. Let’s face it, even the best trauma surgeon in the busiest trauma center eventually says ‘well, I guess I’ve seen it all now!’ All of us have monotony built into our work lives. Chest pain, abdominal pain, headache, fracture, poisoning, gun-shot wound, all of these entities become part of a dance in the end. And it’s a dance we know so very well, having moved to the music thousands upon thousands of times for each of our most common diagnoses. EKG, Chest X-ray, enzymes, da,da,da; aspirin, nitro, oxygen, da, da, da. ‘The same as it ever was, the same as it ever was…’
This may be good, so long as we don’t fall into laziness. We become very good at things we do over and over again. The old martial arts maxim holds true: ‘The secret is, there is no secret. Repetition and practice are key.’ And yet, repetition, boredom, the same thing, all of these can get inside our brains and make us want to be, well, security guards or something!
It isn’t wrong, you know. To want to quit, or to quit! Just remember that no one else will understand; no one outside of medicine, that is. They’ll say, ‘oh, but you help so many people!’ Or ‘you’ll be wasting all of that education!’ Or this: ‘God gave you a gift! You can’t throw it away!’
Remember, if you want to change, that these people would have said to St. Peter: ‘Sure you could follow Jesus, but people need fish! Don’t quit yet! Give it a little while!’ And to young David, ‘King? Who wants the trouble? You’re an excellent shepherd. Don’t forget how much the sheep need you!’
We all have a path to follow. Sometimes, I believe, God takes us in very un-expected directions. And sometimes, a thing that seems wonderful to everyone else isn’t so wonderful anymore to us, as we trudge the halls of the world’s emergency rooms and hospitals, overwhelmed, tired and often quite traumatized by what we have seen.
If you need a break, do it. And don’t feel guilty. Maybe you’re needed somewhere else!
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