LOVE/DATING: HOW DO YOU KNOW IF YOU FOUND THE ONE?

How does a man know would not meet someone else that he liked better than the woman he is with? quite simple:

GOD LED ME TO THIS WOMAN. THE SEARCH WAS OVER. A MAN COULD SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE LOOKING FOR SOMEONE BETTER THAN THE LAST ONE. THIS IS WHERE FAITH AND FAITHFULNESS COME IN.

“When does one say o.k, o.k. – this one? They ask. Maturity is the acceptance of limitations. Every choice made in life rules out a thousand other possibilities.

LOVE IN THE LAST ANALYSIS, IS A CHOICE. YOU MARRY HER BECAUSE YOU LOVE HER. THEN, FROM THE WEDDING DAY FORWARD, YOU LEARN TO LOVE HER BECAUSE YOU MARRIED HER. CIRCUMSTANCES DO NOT CHANGE THE OBLIGATION TO FULFILL THE SOLEMN VOW.

Imagine when you are choosing from a lot of food to eat, and at that time of choosing, you really don’t know what type of food you wanted to eat. You just know that you are hungry, and that you wanted to eat. You could choose anything just to satisfy your hunger. But later on when you had your fill, you realized that you did not really enjoy your food that much, except that it only fed your hunger. What if you waited on someone who knows you so well, and then that someone presented you the kind of food that totally satisfies your appetite? What a blissful and wonderful meal it would have been!


When you’re just fresh out of college, you’re so full of ambitions, and you just got this in you that you’ve got what it takes to succeed. The highest ideal that society would tell you is to become wealthy with what you do. Although you have this certain hint of what you really want to do, you’d exchange it with the hype of the moment. Everyone’s looking for that job that could give them the cash they need to buy their materialistic fantasies. Of course, the greatest necessity at this stage is money! Just imagining your fantasies with what money can do in your life gives you butterflies in the stomach. And you’d get your head stuffed with thoughts: ‘When I have the money I need, I buy this and that… I’d do this and that…’ It’s all about money and success.

And then you’d start searching for companies that would fit your standards. Of course you would hunt for those that can give you the highest pay possible. If you’re someone with high qualifications, stable and good-paying companies would come under the mercy of your preference. You’d get to enjoy the great opportunity of choosing. But if you’re someone in the average, you’d stick with whatever company that would accept your qualifications, as long as your need of money is satisfied. That would be fine.

When you’ve chosen the company to apply, you’d do everything to impress them. You’d sing songs of commitment you don’t intentionally want to keep. You’d over emphasize your strengths and try hard to hide your weaknesses. Just, the main aim is for them to accept you.

When they finally accept you, at first, you’d give them your best shot. You try hard not mess with them. You’d keep your commitment and do all that they need of you. You even try to perform well.

But then, as time goes by… you’d get edgy with how they handle you. At this stage, you grumble a lot. You watch every mistake they make. You cannot take it when you feel like they have profited more over your efforts than what you are getting from them. You count every effort you make against what they have given you in return. But then, you still stay a little while… since they’re still feeding you with what you need. For you, cheating is unforgivable. Once you find out they cheat on you, you’d call it quits when you can’t take it any longer. But you don’t mind if you cheat them. When you’re the one doing something to their detriment, it would not be a big deal. You may even think you are entitled to it. You are unmindful of doing things that may cause their damage. You don’t really care that much. All you care about is getting as much as they can give… Then you’d start imagining for other companies than can give you your perceived comfort and that may give you what your current company is not giving you. Since you are no longer satisfied, when another opportunity beckons at you… you’d not hesitate to end your contract with that company and leave. You’d do the same cycle again and again. And though there may be companies that you’d truly like, even if you’d stay longer with it, you’d still reach the same stage of resignation. There is just something that you are looking for and you haven’t found it yet… and then, you’re on your search again.

Translation:

When a guy is young and is on the hype of experiencing his manhood. His main need (forgive me for being frank and blunt on this) is sex. Although he has this certain hint in his mind about this ideal girl whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with, it gets in the back burner of his mind as he focuses on the hype of his raging hormones. He collects girls who can give him, his need of sex. If he is physically desirable, he may charm all the girls he likes. He has the advantage of choosing from pretty and classy girls. He’d court any prospect who could give him the experience he so fantasizes… if he isn’t so gifted physically and isn’t so well with his charms, any girl would do, as long they can give him what he needs. Just, what matters most is sex. His mind may most of the time be filled with fantasies of sex.

If he has chosen this certain girl, he’d do everything to impress her. He’d show her his best. And he’d try so hard not to let her see his weaknesses. He’d say all the things he doesn’t necessarily mean, just to get her trust and to make her say yes. He’d give her, his best shot. He would even try to make her feel he is so committed in a relationship. He’d say anything and everything to get what he wants.

During the first stages of their relationship, it would all seem so fine. He’d do all the things that are expected of him as a boyfriend: calls, gifts, visits, attention, surprises, etc.

But then, as time goes by, he would lag on the things he used to do. He’d call less, He visits less, his attention is somewhere else, etc. Problems would arise, and the girlfriend would demand things on their relationship. At this stage, it becomes a burden to him to even do a single act in the name of being a boyfriend. But he has to, because, he needs to get some sex. But he’d become so edgy, he’d notice all the girl’s faults. At this point, his mind would wander on fantasizing on other girls who can give him more than what his girlfriend is giving him or on girls who have what his girlfriend doesn’t have. A small thing leads to a big fight. He would start to grumble a lot. He demands all the things the girl is expected to give him, but he would get away with all his mess if he can. He cannot tolerate the thought that he is doing more in the relationship. As much as possible, he wants to spend lesser effort. But he doesn’t mind doing things that may disappoint or hurt the girl. Cheating is unforgivable to him, but its fine if he cheats.He may even think he is entitled to it. When he thinks that the relationship is already too much for him to bear and a new girl may come and give him a better offer, he will not hesitate to leave his girlfriend. This cycle repeats many times. Still, he is not satisfied.

There maybe girls that he would actually like and he may stay longer with them. But then, he would still reach this stage of breaking up. He’s just looking for something that he hasn’t found in those girls yet. And he’s on his hunt again.

WARNING: Girls, if you are with someone who is still immature, who doesn’t have a clear vision of what’s his life gonna turn out, and most especially… if that person doesn’t even have a clue of himself… consider yourself in a greatest potential of being used just to fill his needs. He may or may have not realized it, but you would end up just the same… being used. Best advice: stay out of this relationship.

THE STAGE OF BOREDOM

This is the stage when you have too much of your experiences of all the jobs and employers you’ve left. You have gotten tired of the cycle and you want to break away from it. You’re in the stage when you’re through with the excitement of what money can buy you. You’ve bought most of the things you’ve dreamed of… or maybe you’ve reached the point of realizing that some of the things you used to think of buying are no longer that important to buy. Then, you start searching for something deeper. This is point when you want some change. You want something totally new. And you’d look back all those times you’ve wasted with those jobs you never intended to keep, or the jobs you just lost along the way… then suddenly, it hits you… am I really just gonna waste my life over this pitiful cycle? Damn no! And then, you’d ask the hardest question: WHAT DO I REALLY WANT?

Translation:

This is the stage when the guy just had too much of all his fun and experiences with girls. This is the stage when he has gotten tired of the same old cycle of hunting and breaking up with girls. He had the fill of his sexual fantasies. And then he’d start seeking for something more valuable. This is the point when he wants to change… when he would want someone totally new… different from the girls he had left or had lost along the way.Then he’d ask the hardest question: WHO DO I REALLY WANT?

THE STAGE OF KNOWING

I’d take it from here, since I will be speaking of my personal experience in this stage of knowing.

Long before I had graduated, I had that concept of the kind of commitment I’d like to offer my skills and talents for. But then, I was caught in the common hype of thinking first of money, so that you can finally be free of doing what you really want. Even if I wasn’t the type who would pursue money for its sake, I was engrossed in amassing wealth to support my dreams. One thing leads to another. So I’ve patterned my life in asking the question: What would gain me more money?

What I was actually doing was: I abandoned my dreams a little while, as I went ahead pursuing money. ‘Wait there, I’d come back for you when I’m ready to pursue and claim you.’ I said. But then, I was caught in the same cycle of striving hard and giving up. Because I did not love the jobs I had, I had little patience for all the things thrown at me because of them. They had been a great burden to me. And all I focused on was: what I was getting. Yes, I could be committed for a while. But then, not long enough boredom catches on me, and my strength wears out on pursuing and on being dedicated to those jobs.

It occurred to me that the kind of relationship I had with my earlier jobs was: consented utilitarianism. I was using them, they were using me. I thought I was getting much from them. But wrong, they were the ones getting most out of me. They have stolen my time and dedication that are supposedly for what I love to do alone. They worn out my strength and detracted me from my focus and attention on my beloved soul-deep dreams. They almost dried me up. And because they had gotten so much of me, it brought me great confusion. I used to know what I really want to do with my life, but because, those jobs gotten pieces of me, I could hardly define myself anymore. And because I am confused of who I am becoming, it made me confused of what I really want. Even if I tried to change my focus from money, to noble things and better things… still, I landed on the land of confusion and dissatisfaction.

Then I pondered on the truth: YOU WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT, IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHO YOU REALLY ARE. If one doesn’t know who he/she is, he/she may base his/her wanting on the plane of feelings or emotions, rather on his/her desired conscious carefully and willfully thought choices. And worst, he/she may borrow what others want, and own it like his/her own. This is true, because it happened to me, and I’m sure to lot others. At first, I may think I was fine. I could feel that I’m happy with what I was getting from them, but that happiness doesn’t seem to last. It fades soon enough. And I find myself wanting some more: ‘Maybe I just needed, more than this, better than this!’… I THOUGHT. I was lost into groping and reaching outside of myself, by clinging on those temporary things. But I realized that I was just like: CHASING THE WIND. I felt so empty.



Oh, and knowing my one true love? It thrills me to the bone in looking forward to the great adventures that lie ahead as I start pursuing it. This is the cause that I would not mind giving so much of myself, even if I am not compensated, even if I don’t get anything the least… For it, I don’t mind going beyond normal working hours. I don’t mind giving too much of my effort. I don’t mind if it demands so much of me. I’d even try to surpass what I could give. For it, I’d only be concern if I had given enough… because I love it so much, I don’t mind the great deal of self-sacrifice I would have to make, just for it to be fulfilled. This is the great cry of my heart for my one true love. And there is nothing that can discourage me in pursuing it, because I have already realized its nature, and I have already decided to commit myself to it. In doing it, I’m being myself. And in just being myself, God blesses others.

Translation

(Going back with my analogy with guys hunting for their beloved mates)

As I reached this stage of analysis, and as I look back to those companies I have intentionally, or unintentionally used along the process of knowing what I really want, I have come to picture the same scenario with a guy who has intentionally or unintentionally used girls along the process of knowing who he really wants.

When a guy is in the stage of not knowing who he really is, he would have a vague picture of the woman whom he would want to spend the rest of his life with… for how can he know who he really wants if he doesn’t even know who he really is? In the same analogy, how can you know your missing piece, if you don’t even know what kind of piece are you?

And many guys are like this nowadays. They jump from one girl to another. And those who are really passionate can make you believe that they are so in love with you, only to find out that they have said the very words they told you to a lot of other women. And the sad thing is these guys don’t even mind, or are unaware of the great pain they’ve caused to other women. Their barometer is their feelings and their satisfaction. They focus on what their mates can give them, and not much on what they can give their mates.

But once a guy finds his one-true-love, he would offer his whole self just to have her. He wouldn’t mind sacrificing so much of himself for her. He wouldn’t mind giving so much, even if that girl isn’t giving as much. It would even be his pleasure if the girl depends on him.He’d sacrifice a great deal. And it would not be an issue, for he would want to satisfy the woman of his dreams. She is his one true love. There’s nothing he wouldn’t do for her.He would even offer his own life. It’s like Adam finally finding his Eve. This is the cry of his heart for his one true love.